#im just. unhappy about everything

[soldier-poet-king]

Stop borrowing grief from the future wednesday

#beating myself upside the head! stop! borrowing! future grief!!! #stop it!!! #im tired and everything is bad #and im worried about fading tattoos. which is silly. this is brand new #i can always get touch ups or have it faded and then do a darker cover up #but idk worry about artist relations and im kinda unhappy with my artist and idk if thats my fault or not #just. blegh #the art is fine. its not as dark or bold as i wanted but neither is it as delicate #i think part of me was pulling to each of these exyremes #extremes* #and now its a sort of middle ground neither feminine nor masculine style #(ignore the gendering of that im talking societal perception) #i think i wouldve liked to have gotten bolder line work done. just for aging purposes #and less intricate detailing bc again aging #but i will be careful with sunscreen and moisturizer. alas. #bolder lines hurt more. but i think id have been willing to try #again . commitment issues. multiple styles. etc.

[josephslittledeputy]

Tagged by @marivenah & @inafieldofdaisies to do the cutest picrew!

Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @the-silver-chronicles @nonfunctioning-queer @g0dspeeed @clicheantagonist @jillvalentinesday and anyone else who wants to do it! (No pressure though, obviously!)

Willa, spending one of many birthdays in the bunker || Sunny, hanging out with Willa's kiddos in New Eden & having a blast

Sidra, hanging out with Shadow || Sel & their pet snake, causing chaos probably

#willa had to fight one of the seeds for that cake (either john or jacob. maybe both... thats HER mf cake) #sunny doesnt really care for joseph (or john or jacob. faiths okay tho) but she loves willa's kiddos cause theyre so adorable #& they made her those bracelets :') also pretend she has a mullet T-T if anyones wondering who her wife is btw its thomas rush obvi <33 #flowers in her hair are also from the kiddos #btw sidra's wearing knee high boots.. but yeah shes chillin; horns out & everything #sid & sel have matching hair streaks <3 & sel is just really unhappy bc Sid is probs gone or smth. caused a scene about it (hence the blood #oc: willa rook #oc: sunny garcia #oc: sidra navros #oc: sel blackmore #jumped on this one immediately. havent made a picrew for sunny in soooo long i miss them so muchhh my little chaos demon #& i almost forgot what sel looked like... im bad oc mom

[im-still-a-robot]

M. It was impossible to make their name look good 😔

Notes:

- Main outfit based off the orginal skin for them (minus capelet). I might do a better design at a later point but I am out of outfit brain power atm

- They like nicer clothes (like sweaters and button ups) but are often annoyed by the lack of mobility

- Mask only comes off when alone or with people they trust. Their headscarf, on the other hand, is used to protect their hair, so they might take it off in public, but usually only briefly, to adjust it.

- The Moofia was important to them. Even after its effective dissolution, cows were very dear to them. Also cow axe :]

- Prone to annoyance and nervousness in equal measure. An asshole on bad days and tricky bastard on good ones.

Thats mostly it. I am going to be thinking about them for weeks to come <3

Diamond (the fox!) belongs to @twodragonsinatrenchcoat

I genuinely don't remember who the child was- feel free to tell me if you know :]

#crazy coconuts #my art #hbsmp #hbsmp!m #m #hb #unhappy with the composition but quite happy with how each drawing turned out #which is definitely the better of the two options #uhhhh. #yeah adding them to the list of characters that need a better outfit (calliope im sorry) #still. it fits them for now #also the delicate art of trying to make them compelling while also balancing hb (and not remembering half of it) #they are silly and animated. works good for the style and i like thinking of them as a bit of a trickster #i still want to draw them as a furry #uhh what else #idk honestly. in going through a bunch of recent stuff while making this i cannot believe how much of hb i missed #just in being so stuck in my head about everything. sorry guys. yall are all really cool #mostly ;) #but still. very happy to see a bit more love on hb. was always kinda sad to me that it got exploded immediately afterwards #i also really like how the main one came out. kinda want to post it by itself just because. again. hate the composition #idk idk. cheers. have fun. do whatever you want forever. i have tomatoes to go roast. o7

[m00ngbin]

Ohhhh I hate greys anatomy they're all SO. HORRIBLE.

#this is my second watch of it #and let me just say that im noticing so much more the second time #mainly how awful burke and derek are #YOU MET A GIRL IN A BAR AND YOU TELL YOUR GRIEVING GIRLFRIEND THAT THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR WEEK?? GO FUCK YOURSELF #OFC SHES NOT PEPPY AND HAPPY SHE JUST LOST HER SECOND MOTHER FIGURE AND HER FATHER THAT SHE WAS JUST #STARTING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIP WITH BLAMES HER FOR SAID MOTHER FIGURES DEATH AND SLAPPED HER #AND THEN PROCEEDED TO COME TO HER JOB TO HARASS HER AND YELL ABOUT HOW SHES NOT ALLOWED AT THE FUNERAL #OFC SHES NOT HAPPY #WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS AT THE BAR? WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR WEEK??? SHE IS GRIEVING #SHE IS GRIEVING AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE ITS HER FAULT THAT YOURE UNHAPPY YOURE ACTING LIKE ITS HER FAULT SHES NOT HER USUAL SELF #YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF MAN #YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF PERSON #I HATE DEREK SHEPARD WITH A FUCKING PASSION #HES SUCH A GASLIGHTY ASSHOLE #and dont get me STARTED on Burke #YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO FORCE CHRISTINA TO CHANGE #YOU KNOW SHE DOESNT WANT THIS WEDDING BUT YOURE FORCING IT ON HER ANYWAYS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND BECAUSE YOU INSIST #THAT WHENEVER YOU FORCE THINGS ON HER SHE ENDS UP HAPPY EVENTUALLY #EVEN THOUGH THATS NOT TRUE AND YOURE JUST CONTROLLING AND HAVE NO RESPECT FOR HER #ALSO YOUR MOTHER IS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND ITS DISGUSTING #AND YOU BOTH WANT CHRISTINA TO GIVE UP BEING A SURGEON WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?? GO FUCK YOURSELVES #YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR HER #and dont get me started on thw way burke and all of christinas friends acted when that professor showed up #fake ass friends #HE LITERALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HER IN FRONT OF ALL OF YOU AND YOU DID NOTHING #YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY #IT WAS NOT #i think that christina should be allowed to kill everyone in seattle grace hospital #i could say so much more about it tbh #greys anatomy

[britneyshakespeare]

i hate that i've been complaining about everything in my life lately but if you're a frequent reader of my personal posts (side note, if you are: why. also i'm sorry) but if you remember earlier this week on tuesday i slipped outside and hurt my knee. i didn't end up seeing a doctor about that bc they literally had no openings when i talked to the secretary she was like i am so sorry sweetie. we can't take you for the rest of the week and i was like oh. and after a couple days it didn't hurt sooooo much although i think the limp ive been walking w has not been doing me any favors. but now today especially (? for some reason) BOTH of my legs were really hurting. i'm wondering if that might somehow be related to me getting my period today bc sometimes. you know how period pain can just end up wherever it wants. but then around 8 o'clock today i stubbed the SHIT out of one of my toes and i think i might have injured it (? i dont think it's broken but i cant stand on it and it's been hours). this is my left foot and the knee i hurt on tuesday was on my right leg. i am literally limping on both sides of my body now and i cant stand or walk.

#shout out to me being irritable with my family. sowwyyyyyy #EVERYTHING HURTS WHEN I TRY TO MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE #i dont know if i can handle seeing people tomorrow and it's Literally Christmas #i told kaily i wanted her to carry me to my bed earlier like im a little kid who fell asleep in the car and she said no :( #sisters are USELESS #tales from diana #menstruation cw #injury cw #maybe i shouldve gone to urgent care or the er about my knee earlier this week #i was starting to think i didnt seriously injure it but now im having doubts? or maybe i walked on it too much yesterday #i really was doing WAY too much walking yesterday but i kinda couldnt help it #my adhd body Wants To Move all the time even when i know i should be taking it easy #thats always been a problem w me whenever ive needed to limit my exertion. i just want to wander and fidget #i have a hard time staying still it makes me feel insanely unhappy #theres no better way to describe it #but i cant. move. now. sooooo #i dont know if i mightve broken my toe or not but its kinda swollen #how common is it to break a toe really? theyve got. theyve got a lot of little tiny bones #i dont know id think its more common to break a toe if you crushed it under something #i stubbed it. REALLY hard. like harder than even a normal really bad toe-stubbing. #i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. #can i have a wheelchair for christmas just for like a week at least #and get someone to carry me up and down the stairs?

[theskywaslookingback]

I am always looking over my shoulder at my past self and thinking “they should have been kinder to you, it should have been easier.”

#anyway i was thinking about unhappy endings #i was OBSESSED with unhappy endings as a teenager #specifically within the realm of horror #i hated the conjuring when i first saw it #i thought it was cheap that the love a mother has for her child is so strong she wills herself out of possession #and now im older and i just… #i understand why i hated that now #i understand why i wanted everything to be sharp and painful #im sorry #they should have been kinder to you #i should have been kinder to you #be safe here with me now #be safe within me now #it’s okay that the mother saves herself #im sorry that it didn’t happen for you #but we’re okay now #we’re okay

[wiredsmile]

.

#( vent tw but god i need to get out of my parents house ... i dont think i can handle this shit much longer- ) #( being told i dont care about anyone when EVERYTHING I DO is for everyone else ) #( being called a judgemental bitch who only cares about ppl i dont even know & now. ) #( being told idk who i am outside of my relationship that must not be real or passionate just bc. ) #( my bf & i arent fighting or unhappy with each other CONSTANTLY .... ) #( i bend over BACKWARDS i do EVERYTHING I CAN & give up everything i have. ) #( yet im ungrateful ; i dont care ; i only care about myselr & nothint is EVER ENOUGH. ) #( im so .... so unhappy ) #( i cant even cry anymore ) #̗̀ ♡⃗ 𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯 | abi speaks ♡⃗.˳⁺⁎ #delete later #vent tw

[weirdlizard26]

grbrggbfrgbbffbrg

#wl26 #hrng #feeling cute might never talk to anyone ever again #why do i alllllways say the wrong thing #or idk #one moment i have this one image of the world #and i think doing things in a certain way is correct #then i learn that apparently its wrong and you should communicate if youre unhappy about something #ans so i apply that to my life onward #and then like im sorry this happened but maybe next time tell me youre not ok with this #only to then be told that i shouldve known #and i guess i should have #but i didnt #because assuming is also wrong #because not everything is about me #so is there no way of doing anything right or am i just an asshole and a loser with memory so bad i cant recall what happened last week #did happen? did i just think about doing or saying it so hard that my brain registered it as a real action? #who fucking knows man #im so tired #i dont know #is there something wrong with me or am i jusy a jerk #am i just faking the whole neurodivergent shit so that i can make excuses for myself when someone gets hurt #is that all it is

[arsonist-twink]

ever check up on ur ex and be like wow. youve fallen off without me

#like wtf happened 😭😭😭 #how tf do you just. instantly become boring the second we break up #also this man glowed the fuck down like #wearing knee length khaki cargo shorts when hes like 5'2 #you dont pull it off you look like an elementary schooler in his little uniform #babes i am so much hotter now what is this #dyed my hair bright red started dressing how i actually wanted to because you wouldnt call me cringe for it #i smile more now #and you still cant make your stupid fucking bowl cut look good. #l + ratio + you're a fucking creep now too who's dating men who don't respect your gender identity because they know you have low enough- #-self worth to date them without thinking twice about it while im still with the amazing man you left behind because you couldnt appreciate #-him giving you absolutely everything he had #i may have made a promise to stop 'spreading rumors' about you irl but no one on tumblr cares about you so #and either way warning people that you're a selfish unhappy bitch who will promise to be there for them and then leave when their fucking- #-mom dies is not spreading rumors. thats telling the truth to make sure you dont hurt anyone else #WOW #okay that was #a lot #SORRY TUMBLR FOLLOWERS YOU DONT NEED ALL THIS????? #THIS IS LITERALLY JUST CUZ I SAW HIS STATUS WAS 'now who want me' ..... #anyway #merry christmas if you celebrate have a good night if you dont im going to bed #kinda vent #vent tw #just in caseies

[heybobbygirl]

gender is so weird like who gave us the silly little brain thinkings about pronouns why do we have those why cant we just go apeshit

#bobble says shit on the internet again #this isnt attacking anyone btw this is mostly about my thought process #with gender and everything #because its just #i guess just meaningless to me #i really only say i use she/her because thats what im used to #i wouldnt give 2 shits if people started calling me a he #or a they #or anything #but at the same time im not unhappy with being a girl #i like being a girl #i would never say im anything else #yknow what i should stop talking lmao #this does not need to be delved into in front of everyone

[soldier-poet-king]

MADE MYSELF SAD BY ACCIDENT WEEKEND RUINED ALREADY

#the duality of fran #yes i called in to work. i genuine stressed myself out so much i gave myself insane stomach issues #ah well #so played bg3 all day. grinding thru the last bits of act3 in my durge run #so i can get the epilogues before im separated from my gaming pc for the holidays #I CANT SEE THE EPILOGUES RN. BC. MT FUCKIN TAV FILES. ARE GONE #had some computer and steam cloud issues and anyway. my first playthru saves are gonsies so i gotta finish this run #TO GET THE EPILOGUES #anyway i did all of wyll and karlachs act 3 stuff and i think that made me extra sad #plus not eating properly bc stomach badness #and also just. probably shouls not have done nearly 10 hrs of video games straight #but alas #anyway im now extremely sad and anxious #about simultaneously everything and nothing #tattoos? my health? my family bullshit? the ultimate fate of the universe? every single problem in the world rn? #the fact that I'll never look like im supposed to? and part of me was using tattoos as a bandaid solution to fix that #and it did. not work #im not unhappy w them just not how i imagined it. but nothing ever is #and also winter. yknow. that awful time #more family drama lately. i rlly should clean my room. or de clutter my desk at least #IDK. IM JUST. SAD #and being sad is ok when i feel like i habe a purpose/duty to fulfill #but now i just kinda feel like. well im wasting air and space and resources and im not serving any function #self as a tool. yknow. i know thats bad. but. idk. idk

[timegears-moved]

.

#dl #upset at my mom kinda day #still thinking about what happened yesterday #it's not even that she's unhappy with my relationship that bothers me so much (though it does play a part) because i know she knows that #she'll just have to put up with it and accept it #it's the fact that she refuses to treat me like an adult that can make my own decisions #i have to constantly fight her on this #my godmothers and other friends agree that she needs to dial it back but she doesn't and my stepdad only enables her #i know i complained about him recently but im honestly glad that my dad doesn't get that involved with my life and lets me breathe #and for my mom i think it's like a mixture of autistic infantilization (which i have called her out on before) and a reaction to trauma #the latter of which i get why she's doing it but it's not fair for her to take her issues and insecurities out on me #honestly i do feel fine living here but everytime this stupid shit comes up between us i wanna move far away because she makes me #feel claustrophobic with my entire life #i cant get another cat unless she says so even if my landlord approves. i can't use my money in ways she disapproves of. #i can't live at this place or do this thing or wear these clothes without her judgement #i was scared to get my tattoo last month not because of the tattooing process but because of what she would say #i have no fucking agency and she wonders why i never tell her shit #it's because i need to do everything behind her back to be happy and even then i feel guilty about it #idk how many times i have to argue with her on this before she fucking gets it

[doctorwhoisadhd]

i didnt used to understand what was so appealing about tragedy but im finally in a real situation where i'm like, what if it could have been different, and i think i get it now

#ari opinion hour #tl;dr my applied faculty member completely sucks for a multitude of reasons but has tenure #and im in the techniques class (class where music ed majors learn instruments) that has my instrument in it (sax/clarinet/flute) #and one of the other applied professors is everything my main professor is not #(shows up to class every single day with a lesson plan‚ is actually professional‚ very CLEARLY understands how to teach in a way that is #catered to the students aka pays attention to make sure students are actually. yk. UNDERSTANDING THE MATERIAL‚ has an ed degree and #therefore understands where we're coming from and knows things about OTHER instruments‚ isnt unhappy when ppl in his studio play other #instruments more than the bare minimum required for the degree‚ rephrases if someone isnt getting it rather than just Saying It Again‚ is #also like one of the most qualified applied faculty tbh) #so im like. What could have been different. How could i change everything.

[botopsy]

top ten nahualli moments

"i will kill you all... then make NEW FRIENDS!"

him using the fake out hurt leg takedown on me

#jabbers.txt #saints row spoilers #this man must be in his 40s AT LEAST and he is crying about being better off alone... sir #i put the thrustbuster on him and he didnt go flying im very unhappy #oh he is such a poor little meow meow (derogatory) #(literally derogatory not ironically) #god i need to know everything about him im obsessed #i can't not hear that epic highs and lows of high school football in his voice he just has that energy #i love that he is the johnny gat of this universe but betrays the boss instead of becomes their right hand man #it's an interesting story beat but unexamined though to be fair idk how you would #i hope they add zombie homies again he would be my fave #teehee calls him up on a bright future venture and exposes him to unsafe levels of radiation ♥️ shipping with the boss #saints row

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#god i’m so unhappy and i just really don’t know what to do #i tried to look at job listings today and everything i saw sounded absolutely abysmal #i feel so pathetic i just wish i could work and have a normal job and not be a fucking freak about everything #i just wanna be able to take care of myself i hate being dependent on others so fucking much #but all i have the energy to do is lay around and feel miserable and everyone keeps telling me i need to do something! anything! #and i try i really fucking do but just nothing happens bc i just have no energy for anything #i want to go to school or have a job or SOMETHING believe me i don’t want to just lay around and not do anything and have no money #it SUCKS and makes me feel awful about myself and it’s straining my relationships bc i can tell everyon: #*everyone’s tired of me acting like this and i’m tired of it too but i just genuinely don’t know how to get out of it #im so tired and depressed and i’m trying so hard not to be like i’m taking my meds and doing my basic tasks and hygiene #but beyond that i have no motivation or energy for anything else and people are concerned about me wasting my potential #and i just feel like i’m disappointing everyone and i’m just a time/money/effort suck for everyone around me #i don’t even know what would make me feel better at this point #maybe just being someone else entirely. someone who’s not a fuckup who wastes everyone’s time like me #just nothing brings me joy anymore and i’m so agitated and pessimistic about everything and i wish that i wasn’t #the only thing i know to do is to cover it up with an inflated self esteem about how hot i am and how people desire me #but that desire is always so superficial and empty and feels amazing in the moment and progressively more awful as time goes on #idk i’m just ranting at this point but just know i’m in my electra heart era and not necessarily happy about it #personal

[be-good-to-bugs]

yeah ok having my pronouns respectfully feels pretty fuckin good

#the bin #ive been really fed up with everyone i know using exclusively she/her so i changed my nametag to say just say he/him insteds of he/she #i usually dont even wear my nametag bc it always getd wet and it just smudges but im supposed to so im just gonna redraw it everytime before #i leave for my next shift. it doesnt bother me from my coworkers bc like. they dont know. but everyone else in my life never used he him for #me. today was the first day i wore a he/him nametag and both my coworkers i was working with like. apologized to me if they offended me by #calling me girl and stuff and. idk. its just nice that they noticed and cared. i wasnt expecting anybody to notice at all really #and i told them that they can still use she/her f9r me but i prefer for people to use both. idk. i hate being seen as JUST a girl. #im a boy too. its not about what im not. its not about what pronouns make me unhappy. its about what i am and what does make me happy #i knew the one coworker wpuld be chill abt it bc she has a trans kid who shes supportive of but the other one i wasnt sure #i heard her make some comment abt they them pronous referring to a specific person but it was cleatly petsonal business so like #it seemed kinda transphobic but i dont have any of the context snd she seemed really chill before that so i figured it just sounded bad #out of context and i was right so thats reassuring. #i dont have gender dysphoria but it still fuckibg hurts when people refuse to respect who i am. i wanna tell people im a boy and a girl and #they respect and believe me when i say it. i do have some people in my life who do but they always default to girl me #and like. i know i look super feminine and i dress super feminine. plus i am still a girl. but the boy part of me is just as important #most of the time im actually presenting the boy side of myself. the boy inside me oikes to wear frilly clothes and the girl inside me wants #to become a shadow. but people look at me and ofc think girl. #idk. its beens hard to get the people i know to actually care and respect my gender and everything bc i havent like changed my name #and i dont present any differently and i still use she her in addition to he him. so they think the additons im asking them to respect arent #important. if some of the time its exactly the same as before then thats fine. but literally never ever referring to me as a boy and with #he him pronouns is bad. just bc she her and being a girl dont make me feel bad abt myslef doesnt mean you dont have to also acknowledge #the he him boy parts of me. like. dont a deserve that basic respect? idk. #i mostly changed my nametag to jsut make myslef feel a bit better. like at least something refers to me that way. something sees me as a boy #even if its just my nametag i wrote myself #but it was definitely worth it