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secretbangtnn · 3 years

Text

Best Of Me | One

Pairings : →ot7 x reader, poly!BTS x reader

Genre : → vampireau, yandere!au, age gap, gore, obsessive behavior, ddlg/caregiver, poly, fantasy, supernaturals

summary : It’s quite unusual to find a little baby on your doorstep, especially that their area was not of the poorest - you could say that a vampire town was efficient with money and snobby creatures. However over time the first idea of just giving back the little girl seems more and more radical and those moody vampires slowly start perceiving deeper feelings to human they even wanted to kill.

notes ~

So im not really as happy as i wanted to be with this chapter, but its the first one that i needed to translate. Suprisingly Its easier for me to write the whole thing myslef than translating it from my native language. + Remember to leave something and im happy to say that we can start an ask game with the characters from my books

Surprisingly this day was awfully ugly for such a beautiful season. Heavy rain was falling on the ground creating the big sheets of wall with those millions droplets that practically covered the whole view outside of the freshly cleaned window.

Tired sigh pierced the quiet, as for the household members, house only causing the weird tension to increase that was there from the early morning. Dark hair of the boy moved with him, now facing the cold, wet window.

Hyung…” Groaned the boy crashing on the couch closing the eyes in the process a little frustrated. Walking just next to him, a little taller man with bright yellow hair, looked at the dark haired one with a tired stare.

“I don’t have time Jungkook, go torture Yoongi or something.” A snort came out of the older one after the not so innocent proposition, as he kept carrying the big basket full of clothes.

And again he was alone. The youngest of the brothers, being the one who never knew what to do with his free time, wandering in the halls and every couch he could spot in their cosy house. His dark chocolate hair falling on his face, a little too long for his liking, but he was too lazy to actually do something with them.

Again that not happy groan left his lips, and wriggling similar to a child that did not get a toy he wanted, in the end forcing him to sit on the couch with a big pout. It was not normal in this household, the whole quiet and calm act, especially considering the residents he shared the home with.

They are more similar to animals than gentelems that appreciate a quiet time. So the weird atmosphere was definitely an unsettling thing for the youngest.

Again looking at the dark view outside the window, he tried to see the cause of all of this. Completely as if something was meant to happen, like the quiet before the storm.

And let me tell you, Jungkooks 6th sense never fails. Just as he thought that maybe just maybe this time he was wrong, a ring echoed in the whole household.

“Someone is gonna open it?!” He shouted being too irritated to even do it himself, despite being the closest to the doors.

Of course, nobody answered. So angry he was at this moment he got up from a nice cozy couch and with heavy steps he came to the big chunk of the wood.

He opened the door not that gently, mumbling an annoyed “what?”

So how irritated he got when he saw nothing, a void, the same doorstep and gate that stood there everyday, now with a big wall of rain to spice up the view. He looked around, now a little confused, while thinking that maybe someone was in the mood for jokes. But how stupid the idea of that was when he remebered, that for his hundreds years of living in this world the first time that actually someone managed to make fun of him was today.

And oh god he started to get so pissed.

So imagine how shocked he was when just before he closed the door he heard a really unusual sound coming from his feets. Unhappy sobs rang in the quiet afternoon immediately attracting his attention.

The young vampire was more than shocked, looking at the child in the pille of pastel colored blankets. Small sobs now increased in a big crocodile's tears with disturbing sounds of the kids crying.

“”No, no, no, please be quiet, we don’t want to wake up the old, ugly, moody grandpa. do we?” He panicked, whispering the words to the child that now laid in his arms. He just prayed that the actual old vampire really didn't take up because of the cries.

As the kid started to calm down, he stared at it with an unreadable emotion. It was a weird feeling, holding the delicate creature in his arm, knowing that just one wrong move, and the child would never cry again.

So what was that feeling that stirred down his stomach as the little creature grabbed his finger with a big open mouth. The sick emotion only made him panic even more, while looking back inside the house.

He decidied,. Sneaking was nothing new for his ninja move, and he strongly believed in his skills of not getting caught with a surprise in his arms. In the end the spiderman socks were a good choice, as their soft material made nearly no sound on the floor.

His stress level went higher with each step that brought him closer to the room that he knew he could not miss. The sound of a knife and cutting rung in his ears is similar to the music in horror music he likes to watch, now making him understand a feeling of pure fear.

Eyes closed while praying that the blonde man won’t turn around catching him in his act. But how wrong he was to believe in such a miracle. Nothing and absolutely gets past Kim Seokjin.

“Jeon Jungkook…” He died, completely freezing in place. Not opening his eyes he waited thinking that maybe it was just his head messing with him, and the blonde boy never actually turned to him. “What have you done again. If I need to clean the mess once again from the ketchup, I'm not going to…”

And as Jungkook thought that nothing can go worse, the little chil laughed a happy giggle while making the grabby hands for his bracelet.

“Jungkook?...What exactly are you holding?” The question like a knife cutted the heavy atmosphere in half. The silence just after that louder than everything he has heard before. He was even sure that he felt his nonexisting heart stopping. “Did you fucking steall a child?! I can’t be…”

“No! It’s not like that I swear I found it on our doorstep.”

“Do you really think think I am that stupid? How even the child could just appear there hm? Rolled there or better flyed on its plush unicorn?”

“Hyung, please you are going to wake up others.” He didn’t even hesitate to beg, looking at the blonde with such terrified eyes. The child in his arms happily munching on his bracelet completely unaware of the tension.

“Why would I care about others! You brought a child Jungkook, how can i be calm!?”

Dark haired unconsciously looked around with gritted teeth, now just waiting for the rest to appear. And he did not need to wait long, as just after he looked back at the blonde, someone came from the other side of the kitchen door.

Tall man with peachy hair and raspy voice, trying to get rid of the rest of his sleep, now scratching his head with confused expressions. Who wouldn’t be confused in this place, seeing a literal child in a house full of old vampires.

“What is this mess all about? You know what hour it is?” Said the tallest one. Blondie one only snorted as if offended while crossing his arms. “What?”

“Nothing.” Oldest mumbled irritated. The tallest only raised his brow, and repeated the question once again. Jungkook being now forgotten with the child trying to catch his attention with little sounds. “You dare to remind me of the hour?! Do you know how many nights I didn’t sleep because of you! If I just could silence you for good, you would have long ago ended like the voldemort, yes i'm talking about that nose of yours”

The taller one immediately touched his nose gasping not believing in what he just heard, now trying to silently disappear from the harash stare of his older brother.

As the peach hired one hid behind a counter, the attention now came back to the snaking Jungkook. More pairs of footsteps rang in the quietness of the home, slowly showing other people.

“Jin-hyung is angry again? What happened I want to see.” Announced the newcomer, sliding on his perfectly white socks.

“Who is angry here?! You want to see how angry I can be you...you…”

“You silly goose?”

“No that's to lame.”

“Dipshit?”

“You dipshit! Thank you Namjoon.” He finished with a red face. The newcomer only rolled his eyes, while making the shortest of the brothers that came with him laugh.

“Since everyone is here…” The tallest started.

“Wait, where is Yoongi.” Asked the red haired one, while leaning on the counter with a mysteriously made coffee.

“Here.” All of them shouted, hearing the sudden voice, and seeing the new person that appeared with a lightning of thunder. “So what’s this mess about?”

Everyone in the room simultaneously looked at the dark haired boy that immediately stopped in his tracks hoping for some power that could help him disappear. All the eyes slowly drifted down his arms, now staring at a bundle of blankets that started to move as if it knew of the attention.

“What is that?” Asked the tallest looking straight at the irritated blonde.

“Don’t ask me, I’m not the one that gives such a stupid example, making those idiots steal children.”

The kitchen is now again quiet, all the eyes on the little creature in the arms of the youngest. Only sound now being the child starting to sob again, making everyone tense.

“Shut it up you morons.” Said second oldest, annoyed at the loud cries. The blonde didn’t waste time, knowing how bad noise is for the black haired. Small body now shuddering because of the sobbing making the oldest coo at the little child.

His arms soon hold the bundle of blanket, trying to calm the kid down with his baby voice. It wasn’t hard to get lost in its eyes, them being mysterious and full of innocence, drawing up the blonde one. His big hand now on its red cheek, trying to feel the texture of the soft skin under his fingers.

And as the cries never happened, the child started giggling again trying to grab Seokjin hands with such a beautiful smile. It was a really soft sight to see making them all calm and giddy inside. But as the child opened its mouth Seokjin's smiles disappeared.

“What the matter?” Asked Namjoon a little bit taken aback by the change of his hyungs mood. The oldest only looked back at the rest of them with a terrified expression.

“It's a human.”

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megalony · 4 years

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When she’s better

This is my first Harry Styles imagine that I hope everyone is going to like, any feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Masterlist

Summary: Harry and (Y/n) recall what happened during labour when their daughter was born and how it affected them and their daughter’s future and life.

Enjoy.

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"It isn't about the money, I have more money than they could offer, we're not here for a settlement. I don't want this to be swept this under the carpet, I want them to admit liability for what they've done to our daughter."

Harry never spoke like this.

It wasn't in the singer's nature to be abrasive or even to be straight to the point with people. When interviewers asked him questions that were rude or interfering or just plain rude he weaved around the question or gave a polite answer, Harry didn't know how to be mean or rude or cruel or subjective. He gave people the benefit of the doubt, he treated people with kindness and expected others to do the same.

But this was someone Harry couldn't be calm with and it was a subject that simply couldn't be talked about kindly. He felt cheated, he felt broken and hurt and fearful for his daughter's future and he didn't know how else to go about this when it was foreign territory to him.

"I understand that Mr Styles-"

"Then why offer us a settlement that discloses we can't go to court if we sign it?" Harry took law in college even if it wasn't something he had pursued or taken to university, he knew the basics. He read the contract that was pushed in front of him and waved in front of his face like a flag, it was there urging them to sign to make this all go away when that wasn't the point of them being here.

If Harry and (Y/n) signed the settlement in front of them all that would happen was a sum of money would be placed into their bank account for Lilah's future and that would be it. There would be no one taking responsibility for what they had done to her, no one would say sorry or be held accountable and if (Y/n) and Harry ever changed their minds, they couldn't go to court or take this any further because the settlement meant that was it. It was a contract to make everything go away for the hospital, not for them.

Harry would be blunt of that was what their solicitor in front of them wanted. Harry would tell her that the money the hospital were offering wouldn't make a dent on what he himself had made by the time he was nineteen with the band and it was nothing compared to what he had gotten over the years afterwards. He didn't want money, Harry had far too much of it for his own good, he didn't need any more money he was set for three lifetimes over.

He and (Y/n) hadn't come here today to try and get money for themselves or for Lilah because they could provide for her. They were here because their daughter deserved some kind of justice for the mistakes that had happened and Harry wasn't leaving without it.

"Because going to court can take months, even years and there is no guarantee that you will win the case, and that's if it gets to court. A settlement is easier for both parts and it is the first point of call. The medical board has already examined your case and is willing for a settlement because court is unlikely."

"We've got the rest of Lilah's life to take them to court for what they've done to her. Money can't change how they've ruined her life." (Y/n) felt Harry taking her hand in his when she spoke up for the first time since they entered the office. She wasn't in the mood to argue but it seemed to be the only way they were going to get through to the solicitor who was supposed to be on their side. They had hired her so she could help them get the hospital to admit liability for Lilah.

Lilah's birth two years ago hadn't been a smooth ride, it had been anything but and because of the midwife and doctor's negligence during her birth, Lilah hadn't been breathing for fourteen seconds. She suffered with her breathing when she finally managed to breathe and was stuck in ICU for two months and two months ago at Lilah's checkup, they found out she had cerebral palsy caused by the lack of breathing during her birth. It wasn't something that could be treated or cured, Lilah could only be helped and her life made easier but her condition was lifelong.

Harry and (Y/n) had more than enough money to care for Lilah and any medical expenses or treatment she would need, they weren't trying to sue the medical board for compensation. They wanted them to take responsibility for how they had ruined Lilah's life. Walking was going to be a struggle for her, if she could ever walk, she might have speech problems and development issues growing up. Her life was never going to be normal or easy but if her birth had been smoother her life would be normal.

"Mrs Styles, I can see why you're wanting to do this, but you must see that there is a very limited number of people who take these kind of cases to court when they're not after compensation for their child. The court would deem it pointless."

"It's pointless to want justice for your child? Lilah's whole life is ruined and money can't fix it, I want them to admit what they did and be reprimanded for it." (Y/n) knew this. She knew most parents didn't have the kind of money she or Harry did so when they went to court they wanted both justice and compensation which meant they would be able to look after their child and have their child cared for for life. But just because they had money didn't mean they had justice.

"I'm sorry but the court won't see admitting liability as a reason for taking things that far if you don't want compensation. I'm not saying it won't ever happen but the chances aren't great when you aren't asking for money, that's how the court and the hospital will see this."

"Fine, tell the medical board we'll take them to court for liability and for compensation that can be donated to a charity of our choice because of what they did. They can put a large chunk of money towards a charity helping kids with cerebral palsy because they caused it for Lilah. They ruined her life, all we're asking is for responsibility and we're getting it. Tell them anything, that we want that doctor fired for this, just... please, our daughter isn't a case they can throw money at to get her to go away. Her health can't be fixed with money, they should know that."

The way Harry spoke was almost admirable if it wasn't for the pained expression on his lips or the way that his rings punctured into his fingers and his palms when his hands clenched into tight fists. His legs were crossed causing his knee to push into the desk in front of him as his head was leaning on his right hand, pushing his ring into his jaw.

If they would only go to court for compensation reasons then he and (Y/n) would do that. They would take a large amount of the hospital's money and donate it to a charity to pay for what they did to Lilah, as long as it got the hospital to admit what they did and get some kind of repercussion for the doctor who let Lilah suffer in the way she did.

Her life was ruined just as it began, no money could fix the doctor's mistakes and no amount of money could make her better, if it could Harry would have paid it already. He wanted to be able to tell Lilah when she was older that this wouldn't happen to anyone else and they got justice for the life she had to live.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lilah-Rose Styles.

The name floated around in (Y/n)'s head like a mantra she couldn't stop thinking about until she could see the letters dancing in front of her when she opened her eyes. But what really made her head swim and her heart beat faster was when she heard the name from Harry's lips. The way he spoke so slowly and drawled out the name made it sound like it was the most precious thing in the world. Anything sounded better when Harry said it but that name sounded so unique when his accent and slow speech put a spin on it.

For this last month of the pregnancy (Y/n) had heard that name from his lips almost every day and it was heaven, it was as if she was already born and right here with them when he said it. The name made this so much more real, even more real than being in labour right now.

They practised saying the name and seeing how it rolled off the tongue, how it looked in writing and they imagined how she would look and if the name would suit her. But now they had their hearts set on the name, (Y/n) was worried she wouldn't look like a Lilah-Rose when she was born.

"I'm gonna get it tattooed somewhere, with a little rose in the corner and the letters spelled out in vines and petals." The way Harry whispered those words in her ear made (Y/n) smile sweetly despite the agony she felt and the sweat glistening on her skin or her hair that was matted in its bobble and hanging limply wherever it so pleased.

She could tell that Harry already had the design ready in his head as always, with an intricate tattoos he could picture the exact size it would be, where he wanted it, if it should be in colour or just dark navy blue ink. He could picture every little detail and describe it as if it was already inked onto his skin.

"W-where? You don't have much space left." (Y/n) mumbled quietly through gritted teeth, not wanting to speak much louder in case her voice broke but there was no annoyance or malice in her tone. The only free space Harry had left was his back, his neck and his legs. Having their daughter's name on his legs wouldn't seem right, having her name on his back meant Harry couldn't see it which was why he had no tattoos on his back and on his neck didn't seem right somehow.

"Just above the butterfly, gotta have it near my heart, right?"

(Y/n) could only nod her head in response before she tucked her chin into her chest giving Harry the exposure he needed to kiss the back of her neck which reminded her of butterfly wings delicately fluttering against her skin.

Both Harry's hands were curled around (Y/n)'s to the point her hands were engulfed and no longer visible but that was how she liked it. The only difference was that he didn't have his rings on, only his wedding ring was left and it was weird for both of them when he only took a few of them off when he went to sleep. But Harry didn't want all the rings on right now because he wanted to hold (Y/n)'s hands and the rings would only puncture into her skin and cause her more pain.

(Y/n) found herself staring at Harry's nails for a few seconds when it felt like her head was buzzing with static. She focused on the very light shades of pale pink and lime green coating his nails and she almost got lost in the simple colours until the pain came rushing back to her.

The water they were sat in was very calming and soothing to her torn and aching muscles but it wasn't medicine, it didn't mask the pain. But it did stop (Y/n)'s muscles from seizing up and stopped her from being stiff sitting on the bed like she had been for the past six hours.

"Okay, a big push for me and her head should be almost crowning."

That was music to (Y/n)'s ears, they were getting so close now that it was becoming scary, but it was almost over. Lilah was so close she was almost within their reach, they could have her in their arms soon, they could see what she looked like and how big she was and how delicate she looked and hear her cry for the first time and take her first breath.

(Y/n) felt the water lapping at her skin when she leaned back against Harry's chest and sunk down just a little bit more into the water, letting it envelope around her in a smothering hug.

It felt relaxing to have Harry's hands in hers and his arms pulling around her waist like he didn't want her to suddenly drift away in the water. But (Y/n)'s eyes soon opened and her head leaned back on his shoulder to look up at him when he shifted back in the water rather suddenly like something had spooked him or dawned on him. She didn't have the energy to speak so she just looked up at him quizzically.

"I- is that normal?" Harry looked over at the midwife who was across from them in the small pool they were sat in but his eyes showed only anxiety and confusion. He knew what to expect, he'd been to the birthing classes and to all the doctor's appointments with (Y/n) and they'd gone through the birthing plan they wanted. But when he looked down and saw that the water was turning a bright shade of red, it didn't look normal to him. Blood was normal in this case but the way the water looked like he was becoming dyed with food colouring made Harry nervous.

(Y/n) tightened her hands around Harry's when Jane reached forward to examine her stomach before pulling back.

"It's a small haemorrhage because baby seems to be breach. She seems a bit distressed so I'll call doctor but the best thing might be to get you out of the pool and onto the bed." The midwife they knew as Jane didn't look worried which settled one of the many nerves raging in Harry's stomach but he still didn't like this.

He could feel (Y/n) tightening her hands around his and he saw the pained expression on her face. The water had calmed her from the moment she sat down in the pool and it was making her more at ease and relaxed, getting back on the bed wasn't what she wanted, she wanted to have Lilah here in the pool.

"Harry I- I can't move." (Y/n) tucked her face into Harry's neck as she felt like crying in anger and annoyance. Her legs were immobile right now and her lower half was numb despite her not having any pain relief, standing up wasn't going to be a good option, let alone trying to walk over to the bed. (Y/n) wanted to stay here, she wanted to sit in the water and have Lilah here and have her properly as opposed to having her breach like this.

It dawned on Harry as odd that Jane didn't know sooner that Lilah was going to be breach but he suspected Lilah must have just wriggled around at the last minute and decided to change her position to keep them on their toes.

"S'alright love, we'll get you up and on the bed, you'll be fine."

They both turned their heads in the direction of the door when it opened and a doctor walked in. He looked to be middle forties with slightly grey hair and grey stubble but he wore a smile which was kind of calming. He spoke quietly with Jane for a few seconds before he examined (Y/n)'s stomach presumably to check Lilah was actually breach.

"Alright Mrs Styles, let's get you on the bed and check you both over, I don't think we'll be needing this pool any longer."

Harry could hear the small whimper that left (Y/n)'s lips at the news but they couldn't really do anything else. He got out first so he could help (Y/n) without the risk of slipping or falling himself but he could see the way she trembled and how her legs were buckling the moment she stood up. She was too numb and weak to be moving far at all. Her arms locked around Harry's neck and his hands were firm on her hips, slowly guiding (Y/n) out of the pool with Jane holding her arms for added precaution.

"Shh, shh it's okay, I've got you." Harry's voice was so quiet yet calming it sounded like he was singing in (Y/n)'s ear when a pained moan escaped her lips and her nails suddenly punctured into his upper back. Her head pushed into his chest and her back arched along with her knees but Harry managed to keep her upright, not wanting her to go down on her knees in case she hurt herself.

He made sure to be careful when they walked over to the bed since all three of them were dripping water from the pool but Harry couldn't help but wince when (Y/n) screamed the moment they tried to ease her onto the bed. She seemed to want to squat down or kneel on the floor but that wasn't really a choice right now.

Harry kneeled on the edge of the bed with (Y/n) sat in the middle, her legs hanging off the other side of the bed and her back leaning up against Harry, his arms cocooned around her waist to calm her down and secure her against him. He could almost feel the pain (Y/n) didn't seem to notice when the doctor injected her in her thigh with something to help clot her blood to make sure the bleeding would stop.

Jane placed a few monitoring stickers on (Y/n)'s stomach but the sudden noise the monitor made made both Harry and (Y/n) jump, it sounded like Lilah's heartbeat was slow but the monitor was panicking and getting louder to voice its panic.

"Baby is distressed and she's haemorrhaging... should I call for an emergency C-section?" Jane tried to be quiet when talking to the doctor but both parents heard and Harry felt (Y/n) shaking in his arms. That was a last resort, (Y/n) wanted to do this naturally but she didn't count on anything going wrong, she hoped for the best and didn't try and think about the worst.

"Is something wrong, that sounds bad." Harry had both his mother and his sister talk him through this so he would be ready and neither of them had had anything happen during their pregnancies. Everything had gone smoothly and Harry was only prepared for this to go smoothly too, he didn't know what to do if something went wrong or out of plan, he liked things scheduled and perfect. Things going wrong or out of time didn't settle well with him because he liked to have control of the situation so everything was okay.

"Don't worry we won't need a C-section, baby is just unsettled. I'm sure (Y/n) can start pushing again and the sooner we have baby here the better things will be. We don't have any reason to panic just yet."

The doctor seemed very certain and he was still smiling like he had control but it didn't feel right. (Y/n) wondered if a C-section might be easier because it would be swift, Lilah could be born quickly and helped instantly. But then again, if she was almost crowning now, it might be too late for a C-section if she was almost here.

"Let's start pushing." The way he spoke was almost forceful even though he was calm and still partly smiling. It was like he was in a hurry or had somewhere else he needed to be.

(Y/n) looked up at Harry who looked just as uncertain as she did because they both knew (Y/n) had been coached to push on contractions rather than as and when she was told by a professional. But as soon as the next contraction hit (Y/n) pushed like she was told, even though this time it felt like her lower half was beginning to burn.

Harry punctured his teeth into his lower lip to stop himself from screaming when (Y/n)'s shriek tore through to his soul as if she had been stabbed but it didn't phase the doctor at all.

"Just unhooking baby's legs (Y/n), keep pushing everything is fine."

She couldn't keep pushing, it was hurting more than it should and (Y/n) didn't like how this doctor was acting or speaking. He could have warned her that Lilah's legs were caught and he was going to pull them down to free them rather than hurt her and then tell her what he was doing. He could be more considerate and understanding that she was pushing a baby out and it wasn't going according to plan.

"I can't... H- Harry s-she isn't okay..." (Y/n)'s chest was vibrating and shuddering up and down as she was barely breathing, all of her air was bumping out through her lips but only small amounts of air were being inhaled to the point she wasn't really breathing at all. (Y/n) could see the monitor was becoming more frantic and Lilah wasn't even moving anymore, aside from (Y/n) forcing her out into the world. Something wasn't right, she didn't want to do this anymore she wanted to be at home safe and sound with Lilah and Harry, not here in pain and in danger of something going wrong.

"I know, I know but she's almost here now love. Just keep going at your pace, you're doing so well." Harry couldn't do anything or say anything to make it better. He could only hold (Y/n) and encourage her to carry on because Lilah was nearly born, they couldn't very well have a C-section now when she was half born, the only way to help her was to get labour over and done with, as bad as it may seem.

Harry's eyes darted around the room though he wasn't sure what he was searching for. He watched Jane getting towels and clamps and scissors ready to cut the cord and she set up the scales and got tubes in case Lilah couldn't breathe, she seemed to have given u and let the doctor take over fully. But he wasn't much help and when Harry leaned over he could see the steady flow of blood dripping onto the sheet on the bed and the one placed on the floor. The blood was trickling down Lilah's legs and smeared onto (Y/n)'s legs and it made him want to be sick.

"Baby's arms are stuck, I need you to push long and hard for me so we can free them."

Harry could feel the exact moment the doctor tried to free Lilah's arms because it sent waves of shock and pain through (Y/n) who vibrated in his arms. Her scream was ungodly and Harry could only imagine how the pain must have felt but as he hugged (Y/n) tighter and tried to calm her down by humming in her ear, he leaned forward to look down over her shoulder.

The blood was getting substantial but what scared the flesh from his bones was looking at Lilah. Only her head wasn't born yet but her chest was moving like she was convulsing and her arms were shaking and it made Harry wonder if she was trying to breathe. He'd heard of it, babies trying to breathe when born breach because it would be confusing to them but if she was doing that she could suffocate.

"I- it hurts... please..." (Y/n) didn't know what she was pleading for but whatever it was, she needed it to happen now. She was feeling like she was about to pass out from the pain that the doctor was only making worse and she could feel Harry's lips pressing to her cheek and the tears falling from his eyes because he was scared for both his girls.

She just wanted it to stop.

"Just the head now (Y/n), we need baby born now so she doesn't start breathing with her head suffocated like this." His words did nothing to calm the couple down because Harry knew. He could feel it in his gut that his girl was already suffocating but if he told the doctor or (Y/n) that it would only further hurt and panic his wife. Harry couldn't tell (Y/n) in case she hurt herself trying to get Lilah into the world.

"S-stop! Stop it!" (Y/n) wanted to kick her feet out and knock the doctor away from her until he was on his hands and knees and didn't dare come back near her but she couldn't move her legs an inch with how numb and broken they felt. The air was taken from her lungs when it felt like the doctor was butchering her.

(Y/n) had been prepared when they came to the hospital, she knew that when having Lilah the head would be the worst to give birth to but she thought that would be first and then it would be much easier to push. But having her come the wrong way round meant the worst bit was at the end and (Y/n) was out of energy to push any more but it was almost as if the doctor was pulling Lilah or moving her to try and get her head free and (Y/n) didn't like it one bit.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Harry looked over at the doctor with malice in his eyes, he was causing (Y/n) so much pain with such an air of confidence about him that he shouldn't have. He should be kind, sympathetic and be helping (Y/n) rather than trying to get this whole ordeal over with.

"Baby is born now." His words were overpowered by the mix of a scream and a wail that echoed around the walls and reverted back to Harry's ears that made him cringe.

Harry felt (Y/n) slump down against him like she had suddenly passed out or even died but when he looked at her he could see her half-lidded eyes were still conscious. His arms tightened around her despite not wanting to cause her pain, he wanted to comfort her as well as himself and holding her closer was the only way he could calm himself down right now.

He leaned over (Y/n)'s shoulder again, pressing his lips to the top of her head but his eyes focused on the doctor who had their girl resting on his knees. She wasn't moving anymore, not even a spasm of her arm or a little wriggle, her chest wasn't quaking and her lips were a pale shade of blue with her skin being pale grey instead of peach or bright pink.

She wasn't okay.

"Harry..."

He looked down at (Y/n), trying to hide the pain in his eyes so she wouldn't get scared but she was already afraid. She hadn't heard their girl cry, she hadn't managed to look down and see Lilah and the doctor wasn't saying anything either. She knew something had been wrong and she knew Lilah wasn't okay by the way Harry wasn't smiling or crying with joy or marvelling at their daughter.

"Shh... it's okay." He knew it wasn't but he didn't know what else to say.

Harry watched Jane mess around cutting the cord and delivering the placenta as the doctor stood up and moved a few feet away, not looking panicked as he tried to get Lilah to breathe. Harry couldn't help but count the seconds he watched the doctor try and force Lilah to take a proper breath and he got to roughly thirteen seconds before his eyes widened in their sockets. He heard (Y/n) moaning in absolute agony when they both watched Lilah take a breath but blood and a murky substance left her lips at the same time.

Jane rushed over to the doctor with a small tube which they placed down Lilah's throat to clear her lungs as she continued to cough and breathe very shallow, small breaths.

Neither couple knew who had called for another doctor who came rushing into the room but they were thankful for her. When Harry felt the way (Y/n) started to shake against him when the previous doctor who was no longer holding Lilah came over to them, he felt like screaming.

This man had hurt (Y/n) when there was no need, he hadn't treated her with any respect or kindness or like she was a mother in pain and he'd not cared or fussed over Lilah when she was in peril.

"Get out. Get out I want him out!" The words were repeated again and again with more rage until finally the new doctor came over to the couple.

"I'm Dr Hane, I'll take over your aftercare now. Dr Cole, can you leave the room please?" She clearly didn't understand the tension in the room but she was at least obliging to the couple's wishes and putting them first. She took a few seconds to check over Lilah who was in Jane's arms before she moved to kneel in front of (Y/n). "Jane, please take the little one down to ICU immediately, (Y/n), is it? We need you laying properly on the bed, let's sort you out honey."

"Baby... I w-want my baby..." (Y/n) reached a shaking hand out to Jane who was just about to rush out of the room with Lilah in her arms. But (Y/n) hadn't even gotten one glimpse of her yet, she wanted to see her and touch her and make sure she was alive before she was swept away anywhere else.

"You can't hold her just now but you can touch her and look at her for a few moments... she's inhaled fluids and some blood when trying to breathe in the womb so her lungs need to be cleared out."

Dr Hane nodded and Jane who moved and stood beside the couple, not really willing for them to hold her since Lilah was clearly unwell and needed special care right now but they could see her. Harry's hand enveloped over (Y/n)'s and reached out for Lilah, their fingers brushing over her cheek and pale chest. They were relieved that the blood wasn't due to a problem in Lilah's lungs but at the same time, inhaling fluids was still a very bad thing, she could get infections or pneumonia from that.

Harry kissed (Y/n)'s temple repeatedly when her breaths started to tremble before a round of sobs escaped her lips when Jane left with Lilah. (Y/n) felt like it was the last time they were going to see her, like they were stealing her away or she was dead and they couldn't even hold her.

"S'okay baby, shh, we'll hold her when she's better." Harry hoped to God that his words were true.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #dad! harry styles #imagine #one direction

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gingerwritess · 5 years

Note

"Person A is pregnant but finds out just before Person B has to gone on a six month long trip. When Person B returns Person A surprises them with their growing baby bump hilarity and confusion ensues" Maybe this one for Elliot and dad!Loki? have a great day sweetcheeks

combined with this request from @mylovelycrazyworld

summary: well…Elliot wanted a sibling. it’s about time he got one.

warnings: pregnancy stuff, a tiny hint of angst, missing Loki, fluff, and lots of Elliot silliness

a/n: FIRST OF ALL I AM SO PROUD OF THIS so i hope you e n j o y

sorry, second, i got waaay too carried away with this and suddenly its like a part of a wholeass story and yeah we’re gonna move this little storyline right along.

third i accidentally posted this before it was done a couple weeks ago so if you read it that time, i’m so sorry, this one is done and much better.

i’m also so sorry i’ve been gone lately. it’s been a crazy hectic last couple weeks so i haven’t had much time to sit down and finish writing anything! thanks for sticking around :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Of course Loki had to leave this week, of all weeks.

Elliot’s taking the separation fairly well; Loki had left for Asgard with a kiss on the forehead, a tight hug, and a pretty serious request.

“You’ll take care of your mother for me while I’m away, won’t you?”

The little boy had promised, naturally, trying to look as serious and grown-up as he could, and even offered his hand to Loki for a handshake when he went in for a hug goodbye. Loki’s jaw had dropped in shock; then he pushed Elliot’s hand out of the way and swooped him up laughing into his arms for a tight, chaotic, firm hug.

So now you have a protective five year old fussing over you all day long, which is honestly worse than having a protective 1000+ year old fussing over you. He tries to do everything he sees Loki doing, everything he’s supposed to do to “take care of his mother:” like holding your hand in every possible situation, running up behind you and hugging the back of your legs, he’s even kissed your forehead at one point.

Loki’s trained him well.

But morning four of Loki being gone brings an unexpected turn. Elliot has been sleeping in your bed with you, wanting to keep you company—but mostly just missing the clone that Loki normally lets Elliot cuddle up with every night. This Tuesday morning, he’s laying across your stomach, happily sucking a thumb and drooling onto your shirt—well, technically it’s Loki’s.

It would’ve been nice to wake up and see his chubby little face all squished up with sleep, but you’re brutally shaken from your rest by a lurching stomach—you’re going to throw up, right now. You try to push Elliot off you as gently as you can, already retching as you shove him one last time, a little harder than you meant to, and he groggily sits up.

“Whasgoin’on?” He rubs the sleep from his eyes, but you’re already sprawled on the tiles in the adjacent bathroom floor, emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet. “Mom! No, mom, what’s wrong?!”

“S-stay—stay back,” you cough and wave him away just as before another retch doubles you over, chest heaving when it finally simmers down. “Just give me a second, okay? You don’t want to see this, bud.”

“But are you okay? You got really sick!” He rushes up behind you and starts rubbing your back with a cool little hand. “Ew, you smell kinda funny.”

“Gee, thanks, kiddo.”

“I’m just sayin’!” He holds his nose with one hand, using the other to wrap around your waist and lean into your side. “What does dad do to help you when you’re sick?”

You pull yourself up and over to lean back against the wall, trying to catch your breath and running a hand through Elliot’s curls. “Uses his magic stuff to make me feel better…cuddles with me, just like you’re doing.” You smile weakly down at the little boy, and he quickly lays his little hands on your stomach. “No no no, don’t try it, it’s okay! I feel better!”

“Aw, man.” He sadly retracts his sparking hands—thank god—and nestles back into your side. “I’m getting gooder at my magic, ya know. Dad’s teachin’ me real good.”

“I don’t doubt it, Elliot,” you assure him with a light squeeze of a hug. “But you probably shouldn’t test out any of your magic on people, okay?”

He nods seriously, patting your stomach gently. “Good idea. I gotta be careful with your tummy now, too.”

“Don’t worry, buddy, this is just a bug. I’m already feeling better.”

Elliot shakes his head and crawls onto your lap, leaning down to put his ear to your stomach—what in the world? He listens for a moment and suddenly the wheels in your brain start turning: oh my god. This couldn’t mean…?

The little boy sits up again and feels your stomach one more time, focusing hard on something. “Nope, s’not a bug,” he smiles and gives your belly another gentle pat. “It’s just my baby tryna say hi.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Six pregnancy tests later, there’s no doubt about it. How Elliot figured it out before you even had a hunch, you have no idea, but the little piece of plastic drops from your hand when you flop face-first onto the bed, mind swirling.

This isn’t a surprise.

Elliot had asked. Loki and you had talked, agreed; this is what you want. But really, baby?

Now?

Loki doesn’t get back for another four months. Pregnancies are hard; you’re not going to pretend they aren’t, and to not have your husband here to help you through it…this is going to be much different than when you were pregnant with Elliot.

You glance once more at the last test: positive as ever.

Pregnant. Again.

Sighing audibly, you roll over on the bed and grab Loki’s pillow, hugging it to your chest and breathing deeply, eyes drifting shut.

“We’re gonna be fine,” you whisper, your voice serving more to soothe your own racing mind than anything, “we’re gonna have another baby, and we’re gonna be fine.”

You bury your face in the pillow, hugging it tighter. It smells like Loki—heavenly.

That’ll have to do for the next four months.

* * * *

“What does dad wanna name the baby?”

The plastic fork scrapes against Elliot’s plate in grating anticipation of your answer. He’s picking at his lunch; his appetite hasn’t been quite so bottomless with Loki having been gone for so long.

For yours, on the other hand, the exact opposite is true.

“Dad…doesn’t know yet.” You rip another chunk of bread from the entire baguette in your hand and dip it in butter. This baby seems to have an appetite for seven and a particular fondness for carbs.

Wonderful.

“That’s ok,” Elliot nods thoughtfully. “Names are hard to come up with. I think it should be…blueberry! Cause I love blueberries so much and I love my baby—”

“No, no, I meant…” you struggle to swallow your mouthful of bread and hold up a finger. “Dad doesn’t know that we’re having a baby yet.”

“Why not?”

…yeah, that’s a good question. You probably should’ve called Loki a good while ago, when you’d found out you’re expecting—I mean, it’s his kid too.

But telling Loki he’s going to have a second child just seems like something you don’t do over the phone.

“I don’t want to miss his reaction,” you answer honestly, shoving another chunk of baguette in your mouth. “I wanna sh-uprise ‘im when ‘e gets home.”

Translation: I’m terrified.

Elliot eagerly claps his hands together, the fork falling to the table with a clatter. “That’s a good idea!” He squeals, jumping up to run over and climb into your lap, laying his little hands on your belly. “Dad’s gonna be so excited to meet Blueberry, he’s gonna cry—”

“We are not naming this baby after a fruit. Sorry, kiddo.”

* * * *

An agonising two more months pass, lonely and chock-full of horrid cravings, mood swings, aches and pains and puking nearly every single morning…this baby already seems to hate you.

Elliot’s been a little trooper the past four months.

Hugs whenever you need them, plenty of crayon drawings of your family so you “don’t miss dad too much,” peace and quiet when you fall asleep at the table again, even a few attempted breakfasts in bed. He’s been so sweet and helpful when you know he misses his dad more than anything, so today you drag yourself out of bed, throw up once for good measure, and tell him to get ready for an ice cream trip.

Loki was supposed to be home a week ago, but you can’t let yourself think about that.

Driving with your little bump of a belly is starting to get really uncomfortable, but you make it alright to the little ice cream parlour that Elliot claims makes the best cotton candy ice cream of all time.

“I miss my dad,” Elliot pipes up while you’re sitting in silence, a faint bluish tint to his skin due to the coldness of the ice cream. “He shouldn’t hafta leave ever again.”

“Same here, kiddo, I’m sorry.” You lay a hand on your belly and try to give Elliot a reassuring smile. “This little monster misses him too, but they’re just glad that they have an awesome big brother to take care of them!”

That brings a halfhearted smile to the little boy’s face, and he goes back to licking his ice cream cone, watching you with reddish eyes deep in thought.

“Y’know, dad loves you, mom.” Elliot reaches over to take your hand in his tiny, sticky one, much to your surprise. “He loves you a whole lot, I know it, and he’s not gonna be angry that we’re havin’ another baby.”

Your jaw drops.

What the hell??

Your son, who is apparently getting some kind of crazy read on your thoughts right now, leans over the table and plants a sticky blue kiss to the back of your hand—just like he’s seen Loki do countless times. “Don’t be ‘fraid of him, he’s gonna be so super excited.”

Part of you kind of wants to run away screaming, but maybe mothers shouldn’t do that to their children, so you just gape like a dying fish at the strange little mini-Loki in front of you.

“I’m…I uh…” your mouth opens and closes a few times while your brain tries to catch up. “I’m not…I’m not scared of dad, Elliot, what makes you say that?”

You’re not…right?

Elliot licks his ice cream cone again, catching a drip down his arm. “Nah, you’re ‘voiding your ‘sponsibilities.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re scared to tell dad about Blueberry, right? I heard you in my dream, you told me dad was gonna be upset and get scared to have two kids.”

You swallow hard, trying to find the lie in his innocent statement. “But he—no, he won’t be upset, he wants another kid, he told me.”

This kid is ripping you to shreds, covered in blue and pink melted ice cream.

“S’what you told me,” Elliot shrugs. “Said dad’s gonna like one of us better.”

…you’ve got to pee again.

A blessed escape, cause if Elliot says one more word about Loki or this baby, you’re pretty sure your hormonal self is going to break down in tears.

“I’ll—I’ll be right back,” you choke, scooting your chair back with a loud scrape and pulling yourself to your feet. “Are you okay to stay here? I’ll only be a couple minutes right over there, no talking to strangers, you know the rules.”

Elliot nods, looking worried as you swipe at your eyes and set down your cup of ice cream with shaking hands. “You okay, mom?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll be right back,” You mutter and rush off to the bathroom.

You certainly didn’t look fine, but Elliot shrugs to himself and goes back to his ice cream, keeping a wary eye on the other people in the shop.

“Did your mother just leave you out here all alone?”

Elliot spins around in his chair at the voice, dropping his ice cream cone to the floor and bringing his hands up ready to fight whoever is approaching him—Loki’s taught him enough to fend for himself.

But when he whirls around, he immediately lowers his hands and jumps out of his chair—it’s Loki.

“DAD!” Elliot scrambles out of the chair and bolts into Loki’s waiting arms, knocking him over with the force of his hug. “Dad, dad, you’re home! You’re home!!”

“That I am,” Loki laughs, hugging the little boy tightly to his chest. “I missed you so much, Elliot, so much.”

“Hey!” Elliot points a little finger into Loki’s chest, suddenly serious. “Don’t you ever leave us again, ‘kay??”

“Of course, I’m so sorry I had to—”

“Pinky promise??” Elliot shoves his little finger in Loki’s face, and the god chuckles, extending his own to seal the promise.

“Pinky promise. Hopefully.”

Satisfied with the agreement, Elliot jumps off his dad and rushes back to the table, frowning at the sticky mess that’s left of his ice cream on the floor. “You owe me an ice cream, dad, look whatcha made me do.”

“My sincerest apologies, young man,” Loki chuckles, swooping the kid up in his arms for another squirming hug, trying to sneak a few tickling kisses somewhere on his face. “Where is your mother?”

You come out of the bathroom just in time to hear Elliot answer “hidin’ from you, I think,” and you stop dead in the middle of the shop when you see your husband smiling wide and holding Elliot in his arms.

“Elliot! No I’m not!” You shake yourself out of your shocked daze, running over to the two of them and nearly knocking them over when you throw your arms around Loki’s neck.

Immediately setting Elliot back on the ground, Loki breathes your name and draws you into the tightest embrace he can manage, his arms clutching you so close you have to plant your hands on his chest and gently push him away to keep him from hurting your belly.

He doesn’t seem to notice, but Elliot sure does.

Loki’s hands cradle your face as he pulls away and just stares at you for a moment, trying to decide if words could even begin to describe how happy he is to be with you again.

“I missed…oh, come here.”

He laughs with watering eyes and pulls you close, pressing his lips to yours over and over until neither of you can breathe, half laughing, half teary-eyed because he’s here, you’re all here, together finally.

“That was—mmph—too long,” you laugh around Loki’s relentless lips, keeping a hand to his chest to keep him from your baby bump.

Elliot bounces on the balls of his feet, glad to see his parents so happy again, but sticks a hand between you both to cover your belly. “Careful, dad, don’t hurt my b—”

“ELLIOT!” You cut him off with a nervous chuckle, shooting him a pointed look—shh!

The little boy claps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “Sorry.”

“What for?” Loki asks with a breathless laugh, his hand cradling the back of your head to keep you pressed against him.

“Nothing, nothing,” you assure him, kissing him again. “Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re home, Loki. Tell us everything!”

He holds you away from him for a moment with his hands on your shoulders, looking you up and down with a dopey grin on his face—you’re really glad you wore a too-big shirt today, it covers your beginning baby bump pretty well.

“You look incredible,” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief—he missed you. His eyes fall on your chest and linger for a half a second longer; your breasts seem…bigger than when he left.

Trust me, he would know.

But he shakes it away and pulls up a chair, and the three of you launch into a detailed retelling of everything you’ve missed over the past four months.

“Well, everything went wrong the moment I stepped foot in Asgard.” He leans forward, eager to tell his story. “There had been an attempt on the relics, and rumours of more to come, so we had to—what’s so funny?”

Elliot’s covering his mouth with a sticky hand, desperately trying to muffle the giggle-fit overcoming him as he looks at you: you’re clutching your stomach with an extremely pained grimace, trying to get comfortable in the little metal chair.

“Nothin’…” he snorts and quickly looks away from you when you glare at him. “What happened next, dad?”

“Okay…” Loki shoots you a confused glance and you quickly grin back, trying not to look like there’s a tiny human laying directly on your bladder right now.

How’s that working out for you?

“Are you alright, my love? You look like you’re in pain.”

“Just a stomachache!” Your gritted laughter is nervous but hopefully convincing enough.

“Are you sure? Just tell me, darling, I can disspell the sickness in less than a second—Elliot!” He whirls around in his chair to glare halfheartedly at the little boy giggling again. “Your mother is in pain, why are you smiling??”

“‘Cause I know something you don’t know,” Elliot sings, clapping his hands with glee and wiggling around in his seat. “Mhm, I’ve got a secret, ‘n I’m not tellin’—”

“Elliot. That’s enough.”

You reach over and pull the little guy into your lap, clamping both hands over his mouth and smiling sweetly at your husband—who just looks very confused. And a little worried.

He’s made it pretty clear that there would be no secrets in this little family of yours.

“Our son…has a secret?” Speaking to you, not Elliot, he raises an eyebrow and it’s not exactly amused. “Care to enlighten me, wife?”

“Don’t worry, Loki, it’s not a secret,” you sooth, tapping Elliot’s mouth twice before letting him go again. “It’s more of…a surprise, really.”

Elliot clasps his hand behind his back and rocks forward on his toes, excited eyes darting back and forth between you and Loki.

“I don’t like surprises.”

“But you’re really gonna like this one,” Elliot promises, sending an overly dramatic attempt of a wink your way.

Unbelievable.

Letting out a dismayed groan, you drop your forehead to your hand. “Elliot, please stop…”

Loki crosses his arms, already looking a little on the defensive side with lips tightly pressed together—this is exactly why you didn’t want to tell him. Way to go, kid.

“If you have something to tell me, tell me now.”

“I—can I tell you at home? Later?”

The god sighs, not able to help feeling as if the joy of your reunion had been let out faster than the air in a deflating balloon—now he’s worried, feeling excluded, almost offended.

Secrets. Never a good idea within a family.

“Don’t worry, snowflake,” you chirp with feigned nonchalance. “You’re gonna love this surprise.”

Your fingers cross under the table.

* * * *

Loki doesn’t bring it up the rest of the day.

You’d guessed he would mention it again at least during dinner, try to pry the information from you, but he smiled and listened to Elliot talk about his loose tooth, eating his food apparently unbothered.

Your knee hasn’t stopped nervously bouncing since you sat down.

Maybe he knows? If Elliot felt it, Loki certainly could. The kid’s voice is still echoing through your mind as you get Elliot ready for bed:

“You told me dad was gonna be upset and get scared to have two kids.”

Okay, maybe you’re a little worried that Loki’s past may hinder his enthusiasm for a second child, but you’ve never even admitted to yourself that he would be upset or scared. But the more you think about it, the more sense it makes: he would be terrified.

Favouring one child over another? That would be Loki’s worst nightmare, yet he hadn’t brought that up when Elliot first asked for a sibling. He’d happily agreed to have a second kid, kissing away your concerns…

Hugging your arms around yourself, you stare at his back from the doorway. His hair is lazy, pulled into a mindless knot on the top of his head; he looks relaxed, doing dishes. At peace with his life.

His life with his wife and his one son.

Did he lie to you?

Had he looked you in the eye, said “I want another baby,” and lied?

God of lies, you keep letting yourself forget.

Your mind goes berserk right there in the kitchen, convincing you that he lied to you, that this baby is unwanted, that he only said that he wanted another baby to keep you happy, that no, he didn’t ever want children, he just wanted to fuck you, that everything he’s ever said to you is a lie—

“Your thoughts are deafening, my love.”

You jump with a start as his voice interrupts your destructive train of thought. “Were you listening?” You immediately ask, voice venomous. “Loki, did you listen?”

He turns around and dries off his hands, leaning back against the counter with a sad smile. “Of course not, out of respect for your secret. I trust you to tell me.”

You stare at him, unmoving and unsure, and he pushes himself away from the counter to take a few tentative steps toward you. “Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs, sensing your troubled mind. “You need rest, then you can tell me this secret when you are ready.”

Nodding slowly, you let him take your hand and lead you to the bedroom, keeping your mouth firmly shut. He shuts the door behind you and you walk straight to the bed, laying down and turning your back on him to avoid this as long as possible.

“Don’t you want to change first?” Loki laughs, and the mattress dips as he climbs on next to you, laying right against your body and pulling you back into him. “Those pants can’t be comfortable, let me get them off of you.”

You shake your head—horny, lying bastard.

“…would you like me to draw you a bath?” He’s trying a gentler approach now, noticing your apprehension and holding you closer.

Another shake of the head.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Your hand subconsciously falls to your little baby bump, but Loki’s follows right after to cover your own hand with his.

You’re sick of this—just tell him.

You slip your hand out from under his, grab his wrist, and press it to your belly. His breath catches in his throat, you can hear it, and his cold hand gently runs across the swell of your stomach.

“What is this?”

Just say it.

“I’m pregnant.”

He sits straight up behind you and you screw your eyes shut—he’s going to leave now, right?

But he doesn’t leave; instead cold hands grip your waist and pull you onto your back, catching the hem of your shirt and promptly ripping it from your body.

“Loki!”

He looms over you, knees on either side of your body as he stares down at you. His eyes are wide and a distracted hand rubs over his mouth, trying to process this.

“How long have you known?” His voice is barely a breath.

“…four months.”

“You didn’t tell me?”

The hurt on his beautiful face is a sucker punch to the gut—you idiot, of course he wouldn’t be upset. This is Loki we’re talking about, your husband, the father of your child—children.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologise quietly, avoiding his gaze. “I didn’t…I thought you-you would be upset.”

He breathes a laugh and carefully runs his fingertips down your sides, trying to memorise the sight of you carrying his child…again.

“Why would I ever be upset, my love? I can’t believe you’re this pregnant and you didn’t tell me—”

“Elliot said something,” you anxiously cut him off. “It was stupid, really, I’m stupid for believing it…” you take a breath and ramble on. “He said he had a dream you got upset about having two kids cause you might like one more than the other.”

Loki pauses his kissing down your torso, freezing with his hand splayed across your baby bump. “How did he…”

“I dunno. He was freaking me out, Loki, he started telling me things I wasn’t even thinking yet.”

“That’s my boy,” the god laughs, resting his forehead on your stomach as your brow knits in concern.

Carding your fingers through his hair, you nudge Loki’s head up to look at you. “This doesn’t worry you?”

“Our son turns blue when he touches something cold.” He presses his lips to your stomach again, eyes tightly shut. “I’m afraid your family isn’t exactly the epitome of human normalcy.”

“Yeah, but Loki, was he right?”

“That I’m scared?” He trails his lips up your baby bump, over your chest and coming to rest firmly over your mouth. “My love…I am terrified.”

“Oh.”

Your arms wind around his neck and pull him back down to your lips—maybe if you keep kissing him, he won’t be able to see the disappointment in your eyes.

It works for a little bit, and you nearly lose yourself completely when he starts gently nipping at your lips and moving to tend to your neck; he’s making you drunk on him with the flip of a switch.

It’s too easy for him.

“Loki.” Your hands curl tighter in his hair.

“Hmm.”

“Then why did you tell me you wanted another kid?”

The god pauses, moving from your collarbone back to your face to frown down at you. His fingers are cold along your jaw. “Because I do want another kid.”

“But you’re terrified.”

“And you’re not?”

That makes your mouth snap shut, eyes darting around the room to avoid his piercing gaze. Of course you’re nervous, it’s not like you have any better ideas of how to raise a child—and you’re the one carrying it, for god’s sake.

“I don’t think I need to say more.” Loki smiles, soft and edging closer to the sad end of the spectrum. “I’m always scared. Of you, of my son…and now my second child.”

You still can’t look at him. Shame, maybe.

“I’m terrified of you, did you know that?” He’s kissing you again, lazy lips soft along the outline of your own, up and down your jaw. “Terrified of you, our future, our children. I could lose you in seconds.”

“That’s optimistic.” You try for a cracked smile.

Cool lips meet yours, firm as his hand traces over your baby bump. “It’s realistic, actually. Keeps me honest with myself.”

“We’re not leaving you, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

“But I don’t deserve for you to stay.”

Here we go again.

“Why do you always do this??” You force a playful smile onto your face and sit up, a hand on Loki’s chest pushing him off of you onto the bed. “There you go hating yourself again, sheesh.”

Grateful for the change in subject, you roll over halfway on top of him and mold your lips to his—his, parted slightly in surprise. Your hands cradle his face, stroking through his hair and over his cheekbones as you pour every ounce of adoration you possess for him into the kiss.

Then it really clicks, just how much you missed him.

Maybe that’s why you feel this…disconnect.

Within seconds his shirt is off too, your hands scouring every inch of his skin you can reach, Loki’s breathing becoming shallower as he fumbles with belts and tries to hold your face to his at the same time.

“Missed you,” he whispers hoarsely, giving up on the belt and falling into you, shaking hands holding your neck and waist in a death grip. “My family, I missed you both, and this new one—”

His voice cracks and he moves down, littering every inch of you with kisses that come to rest on the swell of your stomach as his hands hold tight to your hips.

“I’m beyond excited.” It’s nothing more than a whisper. “Terrified, scared out of my mind, but I am so, so happy our family is growing.”

“You sure?” You tangle your fingers in his hair and tip his head up to smile down at him.

“Do I need to prove it?”

God, you missed him.

You grab hold of his face and pull him up, smashing your lips to his. “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

So he does.

At least, he tries, until a yell for dad echoes down the hall.

“Good to see nothing has changed,” Loki sighs, pressing one last kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Don’t you go anywhere, we’re not done here.”

You throw a pillow at him with a laugh as he winks and slips out the door.

Elliot is awake, as expected, sitting in his bed clutching the blankets to his chest, a strangely bright smile on his little face. “Hey dad!”

Loki raises an eyebrow. “Hey…”

“You awake?”

“I am now, clearly.” He sits on the edge of the bed and plants a kiss on the top of Elliot’s head. “Why did you call for me?”

The little boy shrugs. “Just wonderin’.”

“…if I was awake?”

“Yup.”

They stare at each other for a second—

—Loki confused and battling with the fact that he just had to leave you on the bed to come take care of this kid, and Elliot scrunching his nose up in the biggest grin at his dad, just happy to see him.

“I’m…going to go back to bed now.” Loki points at the door, giving his son a strange look. “Unless you have literally anything else to tell me? Redeem my coming in here?”

“Nope!” Elliot throws his arms out in a request for a hug.

…that Loki all too happily delivers.

“Oh! Did mom tell you the secret yet?” He whispers, squeezing Loki tighter with arms thrown around his neck.

“She did,” Loki chuckles. “Are you excited?”

“I can’t wait! We’re gonna be bestest friends and I’m naming it Blueberry cause I love blueberries and I love my baby so I’m gonna—”

“Blueberry??”

“Yeah!”

Loki shakes his head with a laugh. “Blueberry Lokason. A name for the ages, without a doubt.”

Elliot beams at his father’s approval and Loki ruffles a hand through his curly hair. “Come on, go to sleep. You shouldn’t be awake right now.”

“Well you guys woke me up…” he grumbles, flopping down on his pillow.

Not again. Loki freezes, face twisting in worry—you hadn’t even started. If that was too loud, then by the end of the night the whole neighbourhood is going to be awake. “Were we being too loud?”

“Nah.” A little smile spreads over the kid’s face. “Mom’s just happy, real happy, and it woke me up.”

“You…you can feel that?”

“Yup. Just like you.” He nuzzles deeper into his pillow. “Thought’ya might wanna know, dad, ‘case you forgot.”

With a face as precious as that, Loki doesn’t have the heart to tell him that’s not just like him…that’s not exactly how his access to the mind works, but the last thing Elliot needs is another reason to believe he’s unusual.

“In case I forgot what, Elliot?” He smiles and kisses the boy’s forehead, running a hand through his hair.

“How to tell when mom’s happy!” He opens his eyes and rolls onto his back, grinning up at Loki. “I almost forgotted too, she’s been sad so long. S’why I woke up!”

“Well.” Loki’s heart twists painfully in his chest. “Thank you. I think I remember now.”

“I gotcha covered, daddy.”

“Go to sleep, little giant.”

* * * * * * * *

The walk down the hall back to the room leaves Loki wondering.

He…felt it.

The kid could tell you were pregnant before you even knew, he could tell that you were nervous to tell Loki, he knew that Loki was scared before he’d admitted it to you…now he felt that you were happy? Strong enough to wake him up?

Apparently Elliot can do a lot more than just turn blue.

The thought of that is terrifying.

All Loki can think of as his hand rests hesitantly on the doorknob is what he’s done. What he’s passed on to this child, unwillingly taking another life down with his own curses.

Elliot’s life is going to be full of pain, if this is what he is capable of. It’s bad enough that he has no control over the shifting of his skin, no thanks to the fruitless attempts Loki has made to figure out how to help him, but now…

Loki starts when you open the door.

“What’d he need?”

You’re smiling—happy, Loki can tell this time. He silently thanks Elliot for the reminder.

“A hug.” He quickly smiles back. “Wanted to know if I was awake…the usual midnight Elliot inquiries.”

“Can I get one?”

You hold your arms out and grin, giddy and irresistibly bright, and Loki steps forward to sweep you into his arms.

“I’ll give you a bit extra, too,” he chuckles, peppering your neck with light kisses as he walks you backward towards the bed. Your knees hit the edge and you fall onto the mattress, grabbing him behind the neck to bring him down with you.

An arm by your head to keep him hovering over you, Loki pauses, just smiling down at you as a few lingering laughs leave your lips.

“Are you happy, my love?”

Cold fingers run down your cheek and he leans down, brushing his lips against yours.

“Of course I am,” you mumble, tangling your fingers in his hair to keep him close. “You’re home, I’ve got the best little kid sleeping down the hall, and we’ve got another one on the way.” Another peck on the lips. “I’m way past happy, snowflake.”

“Good,” he whispers, and decides that’s going to be enough for him.

That’ll be enough for all four of you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hope you enjoyed, feel free to send me ideas!

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettrosella @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @vast-ish @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @little-scintilla @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective

#loki x reader #loki reader insert #dad!loki #loki x pregnant!reader #loki x reader fluff #loki imagine #loki requests #loki drabbles #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki fluff #elliot lokason #elliot lokison

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hegglespeggles · 4 years

Text

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.

FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1. Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2. Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

3. Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

4. MATH THE SECOND

The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5. CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

6. Filling in the skeleton

I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a) You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

b) You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7. Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

8. Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

9. Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

10. Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps.

#mine #my stuff #studyblr #essaywriting #musicblr #game of thrones #study motivation #study #academic

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badwolfwrites-sometimes · 4 years

Text

Chapter 5

Happy Remembrance Day. Remember those who died thinking the world would be a better place. Remember to make the world a better place.

'Tonight was the night. Tonight she will see him. Her dear brother.

Excitement filled her up to the brim. She could barely keep herself seated calmly as Elizabeta braided her hair. Alice sat on a small stool, wearing the golden dress Otto bought her. In her lap sat flowers, from daisies to roses to lillies. If she had to admit, they went really well with the dress.

"Okay, now another daisy." Elizabeta asked and, like a cannon, Alice shot up her hand to give it to her.

Elizabeta giggled as she took the flower and placed it in one of the braids going around Alice's head, resembling a flower crown. She left out a chunk of hair hanging to look natural and childlike.

"Betty, do you think Romano will recognize me?" Alice asked, twinkling with joy.

Elizabeta smiled. "Not with how pretty you've got. And that golden dress matches your eyes so well, I doubt even Otto would recognize you."

At the mention of prince's name, Alice's smile turned into a frown, dimples that were there moments ago, disappeared like they never existed.

"Do you think... Do you think he'll stop liking me?" She asked, hiding her face from Elizabeta. She didn't want her to see the pitiful expression she was making.

"He-" Elizabeta paused, realizing that Alice might not be asking this out of fear of him not liking her, but rather the opposite. "I don't think he will. You're his first real friend. Or rather, you're his first and only friend who's the same age as him. I don't think he'll let you go just like that."

"I wish that was the case. He's only going to get hurt if he keeps doing things like this to me." Alice pointed to the golden dress she was wearing, both the flowers engraved on the dress as well as those in her lap turned dull.

Elizabeta sighed. This was unfair. This is unfair to everyone, but mostly to the child sitting in front of her. After all, that's exactly what Alice was. A child. A child who should be playing with kids and not working to pay a debt for her parents. A child who should be free to like and befriend whoever she chooses, not worrying about statuses. A child who should not be treated like she's an adult. A child whose childhood shouldn't be taken away like this.

Elizabeta stepped away from Alice's hair and walked in front of her. Alice looked up at her as Elizabeta kneeled and hugged her. Shocked by this small motherly act, Alice broke down crying and returned the hug. Elizabeta smiled. "This isn't your battle, yet they are making a warrior out of you. Disobey them, Alice. You have it in you. You don't have to keep playing their game of house. Play with Otto, be friends with him, fall in love with him one day if you want, just don't let them stop you from being happy. Promise me you won't let them get in your way."

Alice continued to cry, nodding wholeheartedly. She needed this hug. She needed to feel this motherly energy around her, with her own being too far away. Elizabeta's words, however, engraved themselves into her memory. She might not be ready to fully accept them now, but when her time comes, she'll listen. "I pro... I promise.. e..." She said.'

Feliciano paused his reading to wipe away the tears welling up in his eyes.

"That's right, these two are forbidden lovers, I knew that. I knew and yet I'm crying like a baby." He laughed at himself. "Whatever, I've always been a crybaby. Just stop watering, eyes. I need to continue. We'll cry lots later."

Unfortunately, his cheer up method didn't seem to work.

He got up and walked downstairs, curious to see what his brothers were up to. Romeo should be back from college by now. Feliciano could vent out his feelings about the book to his baby brother. He'll at least understand him, unlike Lovino.

That's not meant to imply Lovino is a bad brother. It's just that they have different points of view on the world. They can never understand each other. Lovino is more objective and Feliciano more subjective. Romeo balances them both out.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by something heavy hitting the floor, shaking their house a tiny bit. Logically, this could be either a school bag or a person, likely Romeo, however Feliciano's brain is anything but logical. It immediately turned on a there's-an-intruder-in-the-house mode and Feliciano's entire body froze before he dropped on the stairs in a ball position and cuddled up to the wall, hands covering his head. It wasn't until he heard a familiar groan that he snapped out of it.

Turns out that the logical option was, logically, correct because once he got himself down to the living room, he was met with a school bag on the floor and Romeo sprawled out like an octopus on the couch, typing on his phone like a madman. Upon noticing Feliciano, Romeo smiled and waved.

"I take that as a don't-ask-me-about-college." Feliciano said as he made his way down the stairs and sat on the sofa next to the couch. He pulled his legs up and made himself comfortable in the upside down position. The mute television that was on was showing some movie, neither cared at all about.

"Well, yes and no. I made a new friend today. She's a mathematician." Romeo smiled, not removing his eyes from his phone.

"What's her name? Are you texting her right now? Tell her I said hi." Feliciano asked. It wasn't unusual for Romeo to befriend girls. He was a really approachable kid and made friends easily, unlike Lovino who had trouble approaching people. Feliciano believed Lovino was socially anxious, but Lovino denied it. He thought it would make him look weak, no matter how much Feliciano tried to convince him otherwise. As for Feliciano himself, his friends were his brother's friends. Especially now that his own best friend Feliks left for UK for work.

"Anne Marie. She's a real cutie. Look." Romeo said and handed Feliciano his phone which was opened to a Whatsapp profile picture of a serious blonde girl. Her hair was tied in a side braid, few strands falling out of it gracefully. She appeared to be sitting in some sort of cafe, looking in the distance. She was trully cute.

"Good job befriending her. She looks like a friend material." Feliciano said as he handed Romeo his phone back.

"I know. I met her in the library while I was whining about not knowing math and she called me an idiot and then showed me how to solve the problem. We're off to a great friendship."

"You're incredibly weird, Romeo. Never change."

"So, what have you two been up to while I was gone suffering?"

"Oh, I bought this amazing book and Lovi's the usual."

"Book?"

"Yeah. Silence in Venice by a German author. I'm only around halfway through, but it's amazing."

"You and your Germans. You've always been in love with them." Romeo giggled and turned off his phone, facing Feliciano. "What's it about?"

"It's about these two people who meet and fall in love, but one is a prince and the other is his maid and everyone's been telling them they shouldn't be together except for this one lady who's a total badass." Feliciano babbled out as much as he could im one sentance.

Romeo stared at his brother, his expression a mixture of confusion and intrigue. "So, like, your type of books? Did you cry yet?"

"Only once and yesIloveittoomuch!"

"What?"

"I. Love. It. Too. Much."

"Oh. You talk too fast, Feli."

"We're Italian, Romeo."

"Yeah, yeah. It's still too fast."

A pause. Feliciano was trying his best to roll his eyes, but all he managed was to close them and Romeo stared at him, trying not to burst out laughing. After a short while, Feliciano decided it wasn't worth it.

"Anyway, I just came to see what you were up to. I'm gonna go continue it now." Feliciano got up and went back to his room, grabbing a Corny snack that was sitting on the table.

"Have fun and you're welcome for the Corny!" Romeo yelled out as Feliciano was climbing the stairs.

He flopped on his bed as soon as he saw it, book slightly jumping. Feliciano stared at it.

"I like how you write, Ludwig Beilschmidt." He said, picking up the book and continuing where he left off.

'Such a moving moment was interrupted by the prince himself. Otto walked into the room dressed in one of his finest clothes, black and red pants, tight red shirt completed with a black cape. Said cape seemingly annoying him as he kept showing it off his arms. He walked in the room with a smile, but the look on his beloved's face changed his expression.

"Alice..." he whispered softly.

As soon as she noticed Otto, Alice wiped away her tears and smiled politely, bowing her head. Elizabeta turned around to look at the prince as well, admitting he looked handsome, she nodded and stepped away from Alice.

Otto walked closer to the two ladies. "Is everything alright? Do you not like the dress?" He asked Alice, worried expression painted on his face.

"No, I... I quite like it. I just miss my family a lot. Yeah, that's all." She answered. It was a partly true answer, she did miss her family, but the person she missed the most was standing right in front of her.

Otto sighed. "If I could bring them all to you, I would, but for now just your brother will have to do."

"That's enough for me. That's more than enough for me. You're already generous towards me, I shouldn't be complaining." She said, lowering her head.

"If there's anything bothering you or you don't like something, tell me. I'm here for you." He said as he lifted her head up, making her look at him. He didn't even realize what he was doing, but once he did, he quickly turned his head away, blushing.

Elizabeta giggled at the two of them. "Not to be rude, Prince Otto, but you haven't commented on Alice's look so far. Sure it isn't finished, but it's done enough for a little compliment."

Elizabeta's comment only managed to make Otto blush even redder. "I... well... you... pretty..." He babbled out, not even sure himself what he wanted to say.

It worked the magic. Alice was back to smiling and laughing again. Everything went back to how it's supposed to be. Otto was blushing and Alice was smiling.

"I think we should leave soon. Are you finished?" Otto asked.

Elizabeta went white. That's right the ball! And Alice still wasn't ready! "Oh, we gotta finish your hair! Quick!"

Alice was handing out flowers like a machine and Elizabeta made sure every single one of them fit in so well there's no way for Alice to lose any all night.

Otto, meanwhile, watched this mess with confusion and a bit of entertainment. For some reason, it always interested him how women get ready. And now he was wittnessing exactly that.

But his fun didn't last long as they were quickly finished. Elizabeta gathered some of the remaining roses and splashed them in water. Alice came running as soon as she did that and dipped her face into it. She gave her cheeks a few rubs and quickly pulled her head out.

"I'm ready!" She yelled out.

Otto stood in an even bigger confusion. "That was quick."

"Well, now you've seen how girls get ready. Or rather, young girls. For me it takes way longer." Elizabeta interjected.

"Yes, it was interesting. Shall we go now? I have to greet the guests. Would you like to accompany me?" Otto asked Alice.

Alice nodded wholeheartedly. "Yes! Yes! I want to greet my brother!"

Otto smiled. "Okay. Let's go then." He offered Alice his hand and lead her out of the room, leaving a giggling Elizabeta behind them.

...

The hall was crowded with people. Most of them were around the tables, picking out food and chatting with each other, others were standing on the sides, either by themselves or with other people. Alice's mouth fell open when she saw all of them. Sure, she attended balls before as a young girl, but they were never this big. They never felt this lively.

Otto let go of Alice's hand. "I have to do the greeting, you should stay here. When your brother comes, I'll signal you to come out. Is that alright?"

Alice nodded and, just as Otto was about to leave, she grabbed his coat. He stopped and turned back to her smiling face. "Good luck!" She said, drawing closer. Once close enough, she got on the tip of her toes and planted a small kiss on Otto's cheek. The same spot turned red as she stepped away, but in her defence, so did the rest of Otto's face.

His hand went up to the spot, his shocked expression remaining. He allowed his fingers to touch the warm spot where she kissed him. If only she could do that to his entire face. Make it warm like that little spot. How he would love that.

Alice smiled and went back to her position, waving at Otto. He regained his sense of reality and waved back at her before letting the curtain fall so she could remain hidden. At the same time, he wanted to hide her from everyone but himself, but on the other hand, he wanted to show her to everyone. He wanted her to remain a mystery, but he also wanted everyone to know who she is.

"Why are you here and not greeting the guests?" His thoughts were interrupted by the one person who could ruin his dreams of being with Alice, his mother.

"Hello, Mother. I just got here, I'll go right away." He bowed and run away as fast as he could.

Many guests came to be greeted by the prince himself. Some were even coming twice or more. After some time, he lost count, waiting for one specific family and their servant boy. Finally, they came. He noticed a young boy, older by a few years than him, his darker red hair reminded Otto of Alice instantly. They were indeed similar. He was standing next to a much older, dark skinned boy. The Prince of Spain.

"Prince Otto, may I say how happy we are that you're greeting us? We look foward to your eventual rule of the Holy Roman Empire. You will make a great emperor." The Queen of Spain spoke. Or was it the King. Otto wasn't sure. He wasn't listening anyway, just keeping his eyes on the young servant boy.

"Yes, thank you very much. Please enjoy the ball. May I just request a word with the Prince?" Otto said, momentary tearing his eyes away from the boy.

The royal pair nodded as well as the Prince himself. "Of course, Prince Otto." This time he was sure the Queen said it. Or it was indeed the King. They sound too similar. Like they are siblings.'

Feliciano took a moment to laugh. This Ludwig. This Habsburg family joke was too terribly funny to him.

'As soon as they left, Otto spoke. "I heard you got the boy from the Venetian family. May I borrow him for a moment? His sister is here." The moment he said that, the boy's eyes shot up.

He looked at his owner, the Prince of Spain, with such hopeful eyes. It was obvious to everyone that he wanted to see her more than anything. The Prince just sighed and nodded. "I guess that's alright."

The boy smiled delightedly and Otto lead him to where he parted from Alice, showing the curtain away.

As soon as she saw him, Alice squeeled. "It's you! Romano! It's really you!" She screamed, hugging the life out of her brother.

"I'm glad to see you too, but please let me breathe." Romano said, gasping for air, but hugging her tightly.

She loosened up, still smiling as wide as her face allowed it. This was the best thing to ever happen to her. To see her brother again. And looking at him, it was obvious he felt the same.

"Romano, how are you? How have you been? How are they treating you?" Alice asked.

"How long do we have?" Romano asked, turning to Otto, hopeful that the prince would allow them to stay longer together.

Otto smiled at Alice. "Take as long as you wish, but be mindful of the dance. It would be nice to show off your new dress."

Alice returned the smile. "We'll be there. Thank you!" And she took Romano by the hand, leading him to the garden.

Otto left with a smile on his face to greet and meet more guests. His heart now finally in place knowing Alice was happy. Her happiness was enough for him.

...

It was time for the dance to begin. And she was nowhere to be found. Otto looked around the garden, around the halls, he searched the entire castle for her, but she wasn't there. At one point he even considered her to be gone forever. Possibly running away with her brother. He knew this wasn't the case, she was his friend. She would never leave him. But the possibility still lingered on.

Elizabeta spotted him as he walked through the halls with his head lower than the ground itself. "Are you alright, Prince Otto?" She asked, drawing closer to him.

"It's time for the dance and I can't find Alice." He sighed. "I let her leave with her brother, but I told her she should be back before the dance. She wasn't where I left her. I'm just worried something might have happened to her."

"I doubt that's the case, she's clumsy, but she has been more careful since she's been with us. Did you check the ballroom? Maybe she's looking for you as well." Elizabeta said.

Otto looked up at her sadly. "Why would she, Betty? She's with her brother, she doesn't need me."

Elizabeta sighed. These children. "You are her friend. She puts too much trust in you. She knows getting hurt would worry you so she avoids it. Alice doesn't want you to worry. And right now, she's probably worried herself. Do you want her to worry about you?"

"No! Never! I-" he lingered on desparately. "I don't want that..."

"Then let's go look for her together. She probably searched the entire ballroom for you." With that, Elizabeta offered her hand for Otto to hold and the two walked towards the ballroom together.

"I can't find him anywhere!" Frustrated, Alice sat on the nearest bench.

"Why are you so obsessed with him? He'll find you. You said he always does." Romano said, sitting down next to his baby sister.

"Yes, but there were never this many people. How is he supposed to find us with this crowd?"

Romano let out a sigh. "It's not 'us' he's looking for, it's you. Besides, this is his castle, he's the prince, it's not like something can happen to him."

Alice's eyes stretched as wide as they could. What if...? She stood up as quickly as she sat down. "What if something did happen to him? Romano, we have to help! I can't just sit here doing nothing if he's hurt!" She pulled at her brother, desparate to get him to stand.

"Calm down. He's not hurt. If he was, this entire ball would be cancelled." Romano said, finally standing up.

"What if he's hurt and there's no one around to help him and no one around to spread the news and there's blood and-"

"You just want him to ask you for a dance."

Alice paused. "What?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice? The look in your eyes as you speak of him. You fell in love, didn't you Alice?" Romano asked, his stance and voice as firm as a brick. He wasn't letting his sister go without answers.

"No! I..." Alice mumbled. "I didn't... I... never wanted... to feel this way..."

"So you did. Alice, do you realize what you're doing? Easy for him, he'll go without punishment like they always do, but you... Do you really believe the Queen will have mercy on you for even looking at her son? You and your first sight love. You didn't think this through!" Romano almost yelled, but he was careful enough to not get them into any more trouble.

Alice clenched her fists together, breaking away from her brother. Normally, any kind of violence would frighten her, but this. This made her stronger. He made her stronger. "It wasn't love at first sight. I was scared of him. He's the next emperor of the bloody Holy Roman Empire! You know, the ones we fought with! Or did you forget grandpa's stories? And I've spent this whole time crying myself to sleep because I felt I wasn't worthy of even being his friend! I think this through every single damn night! But I'm not going to stop. I refuse to stop, Romano."

Romano stood in shock. He never saw his sister act like this. She was a calm and collected girl when they were all together, living here changed her. And he knew exactly what that trigger of change was. "You're going to get yourself killed like this."

She eased herself down. "So be it."

In that moment, Elizabeta came running towards them. Otto right behind her, face as red as a tomato from all the running.

"There you are! See, Prince Otto, I told you she would be here." Elizabeta said to the young prince as soon as he made his way towards Alice and her brother. He was resisting the urge to hug her as soon as he saw her, but he knew his mother would be watching him in one way or another.

Alice, however, didn't feel any fear from the queen and what she could do to her. She decided that whatever happens will happen anyway. There was no point in worrying over this anymore. So she hugged Otto as close as she could.

If he wasn't too preoccupied by being hugged by the love of his life, Otto would have noticed the look of despise in Romano's eyes. 'He's going to get my sister killed for no reason.' Yet Romano wasn't doing anything about it. This was Alice's choice and not his.

Elizabeta, meanwhile, was shooting death glares with a smile to anyone choosing to look down at the young pair. Nothing should ruin this little moment for them. Not the queen. Not Otto's brothers. Not Rod. Not even Romano was spared from a glare of hers. She gave Otto a little nudge to remind him where he was.

Shooting up like a cannon, Otto blurted out. "Do you want to dance with me?"

That took Alice, Romano and even Otto himself by surprise. However, the positive reaction of Alice eased everyone. The pair finally letting go of each other only for Otto to grab Alice's hand, fingers softly brushing against one another. He led her away from the staring crowd to the dancing circle that was forming in the middle of the ballroom, soft but playful music playing in the background.

Otto pulled Alice closer to himself, trying his hardest not to blush at her soft small giggles. Putting his free hand on her waist, he spun her. Both finally giving themselves to music and letting it guide them in their little dance. Soon, however, they couldn't hear anything. The music. The comments. Everything stopped for them. Now it was just each other. It was all that mattered anyway.'

Quick reminder to read @juliussneezerfics ‘s new story: Blood Red Lilies and Baby Blue Cornflowers because it’s the bomb!

#GerIta #APH Germany #Germany x Italy #hetalia GerIta #aph gerita #hws gerita #hws germany #hws italy #hws hungary #APH Italy #APH Holy Roman Empire #APH Chibitalia #aph hungary #APH #hws #hetalia #hetalia axis powers #hetalia world stars #drawn together story

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princecharmingmendes · 2 years

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Hiii no worries my life crazy too I’m still way behind in all my classes now (3 in total) hopefully I make some progress this weekend🤞🏻. What have you been up to if you want to share. Hope you had great day!! I miss talking to you but I just never get the time to 😢 Bye for now I’m gonna head to bed early today. Love ya! 💕

oh no, i'm also drowning on work this weekend, but i was able to get a good chunk done today! miss talking to you too, but i totally get it, darling

i've been basically working and trying to write in between my shifts, since im an intern now im basically an attending and barely have any classes left, i think its only once a month, and once a week i have a random case discussion alongside other 5 of my colleagues. don't know if i made much sense, im still trying to figure it out lol

hope you had a great day, love you too! 💘

#asks #💕 anon #bad boy anon

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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mgr-processjournal540 · 4 years

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Creative Interview 2/3: Cory O’Brien

Cory O'Brien is a fantastically talented and skilled writer I went to college with. He writes for many forms of media including video games and online. He develops board games. He's one of the most creative people I've met so I was really excited he agreed to chat with me.

Me: Hi.

Cory: Hi.

Me: The meeting is recording itself just heads up, so I don't have to do it manually. And hopefully it will also provide an audio transcript.

Cory: Great.

Me: So okay, so I'll ask you the first question. Thanks for talking to me, by the way.

Cory: No problem.

Me: First question is how do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you? What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea and how do you overcome those obstacles?)

Cory: One of the best theories that I have heard about how to get ideas and generating ideas which I do subscribe to is there's a writer named Warren Ellis, who is extremely prolific he does about a lot of comic books and stuff and his thing is that the way that you generate ideas is by just consuming things all the time and just creating this big compost keep in the back of your brain and then that compost heap will sort of ferment and generate ideas so that that tends to be how it is for me, like, I read, I watch TV or I games I consume information in a bunch of different ways. And then every once in a while, a couple of those pieces will connect with each other and that will be an idea for me. The other way that I sometimes get an idea, actually often, is it if someone presents me with a specific problem. Or even if I discover a specific problem, then its very easy for me to generate ideas. If I have like, you know, a particular goal in mind because its very easy to check like "did that solve the problem or that solve the problem?" And then you can iterate really quickly in that kind of situation because its very easy to tell what ideas don't work so that is also very helpful for me to have a specific goal in mind. How many of the things that I answer there?

Me: I guess the obstacle thing is the only thing that you didn't really speak to.

Cory: So for me, certainly a couple of obstacles for coming up with new ideas - One is a lack of urgency, like I don't feel like I need to come up with an idea, even though I'm a freelancer so I should always be coming up with ideas. Sometimes if I don't feel urgency, or some sort of existential threat, it is hard for me to generate ideas. It's very easy to just sort of like wander away and not do something. Also a poor understanding of a problem or situation makes it really difficult to solve a problem or generate an idea because if there are no constraints for an idea, then it could be anything. I'm very susceptible to decision paralysis. If I have too many options, then I have a hard time coming up with an idea. I have to restrict it somehow.

Me: Okay. Second question. What processes do you use to solve problems? (Describe the steps of your problem-solving process. Explain your journey from inspiration to implementation.)

Cory: Well, like I was saying before, the most important thing is to understand what the problem actually is, understand the bounds of the problem. Without that nothing else is possible and it's a little bit ridiculous to try solving a problem that you don't understand. So if I'm working on like a piece of writing or something. Sometimes what I will do, because a lot of times you know there are problems in in like a novel, for example, where there are story problems that I need to solve. It's very easy for me to get caught up in trying to just sit silently and in my head, work out exactly how to solve that problem and have it all figured out before I start writing any words. Instead, I found that it's easier if I just try and get myself closer and closer to the point where the problem actually exists, rather than the point where I become aware of the problem. So like if I know that in chapter two of my story, there's some kind of plot point that I don't understand, like, I don't know how to solve. Rather than trying to figure that out before I start chapter one, I will write chapter one and then I'll even like start chapter two until I get to the point where I actually can't continue because the problem is physically right there. Then, I will figure out a way to solve the problem. By then I have more information about what the problem is and what other resources I've generated in that time while working on other things that I do know how to solve. So yeah, that is a big part of my problem solving process is just like doing everything that is not the problem. Sort of like putting together a puzzle like certain puzzle pieces are really hard to figure out where they go because it's like a piece of the sky or something. But if you put in all the other puzzle pieces, then you can just look for what's missing.

Me: Cool. What does your journey from inspiration to implementation look like?

Cory: So generally, if I have an idea, the next thing that I want to do is flesh out the idea. I'll do some free writing exercises, write in a notebook, make lists, that kind of thing to get a clear idea of what it would mean to actually work on the idea and to see if its even actually interesting and worth pursuing. Then I start to try and figure out how much investment it would take to actually complete this idea. That's really how I decide if something is worth it is like how much investment compared to how much passion I feel for this idea. So, if I decided to go with it, then I need to know what things can I do myself, what things will I need help doing and start reaching out to people for help with the things that I can't do myself at the point where I need help with them. A lot of my stuff is writing, It's either writing or like game stuff and game stuff you have to build a team. So then building a team, iterating through -- with writing or games you iterate through a lot of versions of something, like try and create a shitty version of it and get it in front of people, so that you can get feedback and then

fix it based on the feedback. But that's when it's also important to have done a really good job of figuring out the bounds of what you're trying to do at the beginning because at the point where you're getting feedback, it's really important to know what you're trying to do so that you don't end up just like making some other random thing that other people wish that you had made.

Me: That's a good point. I spoke to an animator yesterday. They were also talking a lot about problem definition. I think that's cool, that's a big theme that I'm seeing. They had a self described problem with perfectionism and they were describing it as a number range or like chipping away at a block of marble, chipping away at chunks and then smaller chunks and smaller chunks to get exactly what they wanted. How much do you try to do that type of bi-section search process versus getting loosely into the area and then iterate.

Cory: For me it's mostly the second one because, for me, how writing works -- and writing is mostly what I do -- I also use the metaphor of chipping away at Marvel, but I have to get the marble first. I have to make a block of marble, which basically just means writing like a really garbage draft. Just like an almost deliberately bad version of it so that I have something to iterate on. That's how I avoid the trap that I was describing before where its like, oh, well, I'm gonna have a problem in 50 pages, so I need to figure that out now. In order to actually solve individual problems I need to have created some kind of concrete material that's outside of my own head, that I can tinker with.

Me: Well, that's all the questions. I have a couple observations. If you want to hear them.

Cory: Sure.

Me: it's really similar, what you and the animator said in terms of having to refine the problem area and also putting out something initially if you ever get stuck. I see a lot of similarities so far in creative process. I think it might be more concrete than people realize.

Cory: Yeah, I mean, I think that I think everybody has neuroses and part of a creative process is figuring out how to undermine your own neuroses for the sake of creating something. I definitely also have a problem with perfectionism, like the other person you talked to and so because of that I've had to create systems that counteracts perfectionism.

Me: Interesting. Okay. My one last thing I want to point out is the lack of urgency, I thought that was interesting. My best work will generally come when there's no urgency. For instance a random idea will come to me right when I'm about to sleep. Do you also experience that?

Cory: Well, there's two kinds of urgency, I guess for me. There's I guess what you might call local urgency and then and then like systemic urgency. So like local urgency is I need to have an idea in the next 15 minutes because like I'm working and my boss is going to fire me or whatever, if I don't have an idea today right now. Then systemic urgency is like, I have a project that that someone has asked me for, I have a project Im working on that's very important to me that I would like to finish within a reasonable time frame OR, you know, I have a deadline that's like six months out or something like that. That's more of a systemic urgency, where there is an external or at least a strong internal reason why this needs to be done before I die. That helps me direct more energy towards it. I think that part of the thing for me is that I can start a mental process and then go do other stuff and then have that mental process develop. That can seem like it's sort of for free, but that comes at the expense of whatever else I would be thinking about during that time. A lot of times if I get stuck on something, I'll just go take a really long shower with the intention of thinking about this specific thing. Like if I'm ever trying to write a rap and I get stuck, I almost always take a shower in the middle of writing a rap. Because it helps me come up with like a few lines. Showers are good because you're locked in a small hot room and it's very calming, but you can't actually actively work on something, but you can noodle around.

Me: So you have local and systemic urgency, do both of these help you?

Cory: local agency is less helpful than system urgency, a local urgency can kind of, I think, counteract creativity. Systemic urgency is good for creating a reason to devote energy to a specific idea.

Me: Do you think that sometimes you can be stuck in too much randomness?

Cory: Yeah. Well, that's why I'm such a big fan of constraints is because constraints automatically expedite that bisecting search thing you were talking about by saying, Okay, well, here's a bunch of sections that aren't going to be involved in a search, which is, I think, really freeing.

Me: Very cool. Thank you, I'll consolidate this and I'll send you this and the other interviews if you're interested.

Cory: Yeah, I'm very much interested.

Me: Okay, great. Have a good morning!

Cory: You too, talk to you soon.

0 notes

buffalowingsfortwo · 5 years

Text

11/18/19 3:30 am

ash to faith

i slept in until like 12:45 today, which made me late to my math class, but i didn’t care. even though i was in a wheelchair for most of it, yesterday broke me. i would’ve slept a lot longer if i could’ve.

when i woke up, i was met by a large set of texts from my mom and shawn because apparently last night brandi got her cone off and ripped open her stitches and i needed to take her to the vet. but i was asleep. like, hard asleep. so shawn took her and the vets said it could heal on its own as long as she didn’t touch it again. she’s a really stupid dog but i felt bad so i bought her a new bag of treats today anyways.

i went to math and didn’t get much done. after, i went to sit with diana and we didn’t talk much because i was really angry about the situation with the other diana, as it was somehow still going on even though i checked out of it. after our break, i went to psych and spent a big chunk of the class period writing out my post for yesterday, but we just went over the exam we took last wednesday. i got a 90% which is cool because i can’t really remember any point where i’ve paid attention or done any work in that class. she let us out 20 minutes early and i went home.

i got home and after a bit, shawn came to the house with his girlfriend because the adults were at the lakehouse with the kids. the three of us went to target (not shelby because she’s sick and wanted to sleep) to try to find a birthday present for toby. we got him legos and a hot wheels car and i took out a little toy skeleton for shelby and a peppa pig figurine because i thought it was funny and jada took out a little blue basketball because she thought it was funny. shawn didn’t think either of us were funny for that. after target, we went to vons and got a cake for toby and went back home because it was already around 8.

when we got back, we wrapped and set up toby’s gifts and i ate eggs while shawn and jada danced around me. they aren’t good together and he isn’t that happy in the relationship and i think she’s mostly just in love with the idea of him. but sometimes they ignore those things and do dumb shit to make each other laugh. i don’t think it’s anything too real for them, but it keeps them entertained. it makes me think a lot about my own life and relationships. i wish it didn’t. but these are probably things i need to be honest with myself about anyways.

shawn took jada home and a bit after, the adults got back with the kids. toby opened his presents and paul and toby and no one else ate cake. birthdays are another thing that make me think too much. i might just be sleep deprived though.

i did a psych assignment that wasn’t due until tomorrow before class and i got 3/7 questions right. im trying to ignore that. we have an exam coming up in a week and im just gonna try to study a lot for that. i’ll keep tell myself it’s gonna go well until it does.

when i finished the assignment, i started working out. but im really tired so i’ve been doing that for like 3 hours. i took a break at one point to clean my room a little bit more. i can’t stop doing that. i kind of just want it entirely empty. i think a lot about how i suck at trashing things because im so sentimental, and i love having little toys or pictures or books all over the place, but i also want to only own a few things, so at any given point, i could just get up and grab it all and go anywhere else. im trying to find a middle ground but i don’t think it’s going that well.

i’ll probably go to bed soon. im exhausted and my head hurts and i kind of have plans for tomorrow.

p.s. - i meant to put this in earlier (as in, earlier in the post and earlier on this account) and forgot but in the past week i have driven past the same man three times. he walks up and down m-8 and 60th i guess, and he’s only so memorable because he’s always walking with a giant green parrot that he’s holding on a giant branch. i’ve seen him a few times in the past, too. i think he’s cool. you’d like him.

“there’s something wretched about this, something so precious about this, where to begin?”

- from eden by hozier

0 notes

sassyhottubstrawberry-blog · 6 years

Text

Detroit Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48216

"Detroit Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48216

Detroit Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48216

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Whats a good and reliable website where I can look up health insurance packages and quotes

Car Insurance Rates (Speeding Ticket) (California Colorado insurance)?

Ok, so I got a speeding ticket. I'm 19, am a Californian resident but got ticketed for doing 96 in a 65 zone on the highway. I took a drivers education class immediately the week after, but I have a court date next week on Monday, the violation is a 6 point traffic offense as per the ticket. This is my first offense of any type. I am a good student, I ended up speeding because it was the end of the first week of school and I felt good, that was very stupid. Now, the car is registered under my dads name, he hasn't gotten a ticket for about 15 years, besides a talking on cellphone will driving citation in California a few years ago. My question is, how much will this hike my dads insurance premium? I haven't told them my parents I got a speeding ticket, but I will as soon as I get done with court... Yea, and how does a ticket in Colorado get transferred to the insurance agency in California? How long does it take? I really hope the judge marks the ticket down at least a point or two if I plea bargain. Thanks, I know I screwed up big time, but I don't need any comments scolding me, it's been in my mind for 2 months and its killing me thinking what might what will happen at court. I also drive a Volvo, if that means anything insurance wise haha.""

Honda CBR125R Insurance rates or recommended agencies? 16 Year old male Ontario?

I have an 80% average in school and my parents have auto and home insurance with statefarm. Only 125cc 130km/h tops. first vehicle. Thanks

What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?

How much would insurance be?

I'm going to insure it when I'm 18. I'm 17 now. I have 2001 jeep grand cherokee limited edition with a v8 4.7L how much will insurance cost?

Insurance?

hi i need advice i need insurance im female 27 yrs old have been driving since 2000. no claims, or any accidents. but ive only been insured for a year as i have driven my mum and dads car and i dont think that counts if your 3rd party on their insurance does it? so really i dont have 7 years claim free insurance as ive only been insured on my own for a year? where should i go for cheap car insurance ? should i do it by internet or phone? and will it be expensive? and how soon willi get it? what will i have to pay now?""

Has anyone else sought to find out how much health care insurance is for an 18 year old?

I did an on line search. Using a male 18 nonsmoker, working non-student living in New Jersey. I got back 21 policies prices starting at $169 per month. I compared that to an unlimited minutes calling plan with messaging from Verizon and that is $149 per month. I did a third for car insurance on a financed 2006 Toyota Corolla and that started at $700 per month. It does not look to me like there is a health insurance crisis for young people, but rather a car insurance crisis for young people. Why scrap the current health care insurance system that can deliver an EPO plan with $30 office deductible for pretty much the same price as a common cell phone plan? Esurance used to search.""

Is Mercedes expensive to maintain?

im 18 just got myself first car 05 c320 4matic. my parents are paying for gas and insurance which is 350$ a month but i will pay for the car payments with a part time job and maybe repairs do you think it will be too much for me?

Detroit Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48216

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

Homeowners insurance that lets you have a trampoline!?

I want a trampoline and i also need homeowners insurance.This is when you tell me a company that lets you have a trampoline.

Car recommendations for a college student?

I'll be getting my first car in the spring of 2012. I'm staying in an apartment near the campus, and I'll have a bike for that. The majority of my driving will be errands around town, and driving the 117 miles back home occasionally to visit family. Low insurance, high gas mileage, and safety are top priorities. I've got about $15,000 to spend on the car. I will have a part time job to pay insurance/gas/etc. So far the only car that appeals to me is the 2010+ Mazda3 because it has a nice exterior, and I love the interior and features compared to other small cars. Gas mileage is decent, but not the best. Also, if I go for the hatchback, will that raise my insurance costs? Do you have any other recommendations? The Mazda3 has the best interior that I've seen so far, that's the basic factor that's keeping me from other cars.""

Which car = Cheap insurance for young female driver?

I'm female, 20 and live in England. I've been on moneysupermarket, comparethemarket and confused.com but all I seem to get is quotes over 4,000 on car insurance for a KA 1.2!! I haven't bought the car yet, as I think it's wise to check out insurance quotes. I'm not really bothered about the car, aslong as it runs fine.. So which car is best to get insured when your a 20 year old female, newly qualified driver?? thanks p.s. other notes if you need them: I will be driving roughly 5,000 - 6,000 miles a year. The car will be parked on a public road or public car park. I don't really want to spend more than 1,000 on my first car. Only using for social/pleasure""

Auto Insurance agents in Tennessee... Does my 17 year old with a permit?

need to be listed on my policy? I have heard several different answers to this. Also, I've heard he has to be listed but the insurance company cannot rate him until he gets his license, therefore, they cannot charge me more for him. Any help is greatly appreciated.""

How much would my insurance be?

If I am 17/18 years old. The car is used from about year 2000 or 2003, costs me around $4,000. This is in NY CITY. If it's a Nissan Altima. Thank you.""

What kind of health insurance should I get?

I'm 20 I live with my parents we have U visas I know I don't qualify for Medicaid but I know we have to get insurance or pay the fine. What are my best options? Something affordable. Any advice would help because I know nothing about this! Thank y'all

How do i transfer my brother's car to my name in california?

its a 1974 vw bus. i want it as my car. how much is it to change it to my name? and im 17 how much wud the cheapest insurance be? and the tags are a few months outdated.. wat am i getting into?

How much roughly will my car insurance cost?

im 16 and about to be 17 and start my driving lessons and i come from the UK and i am also female i was wondering how much my car insurance would roughly cost and ive got a 1996 VOLVO 440 TURBO DIESEL RED ?

Is There Any Way(s) Of Lowering Your Insurance Rate?

So I Have Two Tickets For Speeding Offenses, But I Don't Want The Insurance Company To Charge Higher Rates. I Hear The ONLY Way To Lower Insurance IsTime, About 3 Years! Some Help Or Suggestions Would Be Greatly Appreciated""

Good morning! Can anyone suggest a good dental insurance plan?

We had blue cross and blue shield and were not happy with it! We live in a semi small area and the only dentist office that accepted our plan never called us back after 15 voice mails and NEVEr answered their phones so we never were able to make an appointment! So I cancelled the policy. We need some dental insurance. I need to take my son in to get his teeth looked at and my husbands. We live in FL and there just doesn't seem to be a lot that I'm finding. Anyone have a suggestion?

Beware this Scam on Car Insurance.!!?

A friend of mine was telling me about how his son was Scammed by a fake online Insurance Company. They are advertising car Insurance 50% cheaper, which of course is attracting young drivers. He paid 620 by his visa card for full cover, and was sent His Insurance documents. However, he was stoppd by the Police late at night for a Routine check, a few Months later, as It had come up on the NPR that he was driving without Insurance cover. He showed the Police his Documents and he was told that this company does not exist, and he is the 20th driver they have stopped and found that they have fake documents. However, the police did not press charges in this instance, but told him they have been trying to track these scammers for a whilr, but all they know is they are operating from Nigeria, and Latvia, but keep moving around. They advised the Lad in future to use a well known Insurance company or visit a good insurere in person to get Insurance. So God knows how many other drivers are on the road with useless Insurance cover.""

Insurance on a Hummer H1?

how much would that cost?

Why were the republicans threatening to collapse the country just to save the insurance companies?

If the costly disagreement was all about obamacare and the effect that its having or going to have on the insurance companies(not the citizens), it seems to me that the insurance ...show more""

""Young drivers (in your early 20), how much are you paying for car insurance?""

Young drivers (in your early 20), how much are you paying for car insurance?""

Insurance prices for 17 year old male?

I would like to buy a car after just passing my test. Which would be cheaper for insurance? A ford ka, fiesta. a vw lupo or a nissan micra? All second hand of course. Or any other suggestions are welcome""

Why is my car insurance so high at 18? How can I get it down?

I've just passed my test and learnt in a 1.4 diesel and I have a peugeot 206 1.4 hdi, I had insurance quote for 1800 a month ago and now they are saying its 3700 I don't understand what's changed in a month what's the best way to get it down, I'm going on my Nans policy as a named driver and registering the car in her name and its still 3700! Any ideas? Thanks in advance""

How much is insurance for a teenager?

hey i wanna buy a car, and im about to get my license. i just wanna know what the average price is for my age. im turning 17, and i want a 2002 firehawk trans am..yes i know i shouldnt get it, i should get a honda civic lol. but ive saved up and i want it. i just want to know the average price. my mother has geico and im a guy. if you could give me a estimate for every month or every couple of months it will cost for a trans am also how much cheaper it will be if i got the cheaper car. much thanks!! i also live in new jersey if that helps.""

How much will 4 points cost me in auto insurance in New Jersey?

I have State Farm Insurance, Comp and Collision, New Vehicle in New Jersey""

Cars that are cheap to insure?

My parents have agreed to get me a car for my birthday, i need to find a car that is cheap to buy but isnt too expensive to insure, i will be 17 and will be learning how to drive.""

How much will insurance cost me on a 1.6 Ford capri?

A year from now I hope to pass my driving test (hopefully with a pass pluss), in which case I will be 17 years of age and it would be my first car.""

Bike insurance vs car insurance?

im 18 years old currently going after my A2 restricted licence and drivers licence, what i dont get is why a 27 year old 1.6L car will cost me 5,500 a year to insure while a 1.6L cruiser bike will only cost me 512 a year

Does any insurance company offer insurance for a classic/antique car that is not parked in a garage?

I'm looking to insure an old Ford pickup that I just restored. I don't plan on parking it in the garage every night and therefor wanted to find a classic car insurance policy that doesn't require a locked garage storage. The truck will only be used one or twice a week for pleasure so I don't want to get a typical insurance policy if I can get a classic policy for much less. I tried Hagerty and JC Taylor but have had no luck. Thanks

How much does motorcycle ensurance cost?

I am planning on getting a bike. used,street bike probably a 04-07 dont know what kind yet but i was curious if a) is insurance on a motorcycle absolutely needed? b)how much if im 18, but father as a co signer with GREAT credit score c)on a $5,000 bike how much would it be a month overall, insurance and payments.""

Whats the best dental insurance to cover for braces? AmeriPlan?

braces for adults in general...? and what exactly is AmeriPlan... if they are not insurance...what are they? and are they dependable?

Detroit Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48216

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