this is gonna seem like the weirdest mental health psa ever and i added a thing about it both in my pinned post and in my rules but idk how often people actually check those. I’m balancing on a hair trigger and when it hits my mood is gonna go UP. which doesn’t seem bad but bipolar 1 more often than not for me usually presents itself in like a grandiose ego that sometimes borders on like .. psychosis levels of wtf. I was unmedicated for like my first and a half year on tumblr during some pretty damn extreme manic episodes and it really led to me having a reputation that my medicated self has been trying to make up for since - so I want to try and prepare anyone who follows me by explaining that anything that happens during that time is not me. It does not accurately reflect my self image or my opinion of others - no matter how many times I yell that I’m the king and on top of the world and better than everyone else (whether on the dash or in private DMs).
I can’t change it and I can’t stop it and honestly I doubt I’ll keep myself off of tumblr successfully even if I tried because you usually experience insane amounts of productivity in mania and my creativity usually spikes too. My point is - please remember the way I normally am and don’t think I’ve suddenly done a 180 and let true colors show. Besides that I can’t really offer any warning or anything other than this because it’s kind of like a light switch. - Amy recognizes it for what it is but in the moment I don’t. Anyways, I dont know what the heck I’m getting at but I’m stressed thinking I might lose new friendships or mutuals I love because people go ‘what the actual fuck taylor’. My longest phase lasted 5 months in 2015 but i was untreated so ?? I’m hoping that doesn’t happen. I do have some meds. Even if a second antipsychotic isn’t one of them. We’re just floundering our away along the shore here, mates.
there’s literally no point to this except to try and ease my anxiety about possibly giving people the wrong idea. I’m not even sure how to handle it honestly. We’ll see. I just wanted to post something because I often see things about ‘mood drops’ and impending depressive episodes and stuff but for me its the mania that is the most damaging to my personal relationships. So I just want to kind of .. do a preempted strike i guess i dont know.
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