#im fucking tired please help me

[marukane]

if anybody is still into bmc in this good year of 2024 please interact with this post in some way i need mutuals who share my hyperfixation of getting back into it

#be more chill #i remade my tumblr just for bmc content #hoping to post some art soon #anyway please interact and i will check you out #ill revive the fandom myself if i have to so fucking help me #i need more people to scream about it to because im pretty sure my gf is tired about me talking about it unprompted lmao #maru rambles

[iwontbeheremuchlonger]

How do I manage to keep getting worse? When can I finally put an end to it.

#tw depression #i wanna die #tw depressing stuff #tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #tw depressing thoughts #actually mentally ill #isolation #depressing shit #cry for help #sorry for being depressing #kinda depressing #depressing life #girlrotting #i cant do this #i want to sleep #im tired #k!ll me please #mentally exhausted #mentally fucked #what is wrong with me

[the-chaos-crew]

okay this is gonna be SUPER different than most of my posts but god ding diddly dang it I'm frustrated so hear me out

I had a bad childhood, like a really bad one, as far as I know since I was 6 but my dad and older brother think I probably was affected by the insane shit since 4yrs old. which if you don't know is pretty fucking young. and that traumatic childhood lasted until I was about 11. that's a pretty long fucking time for trauma to build up over time.

now because of this shit childhood, I developed the coping mechanism known as dissociation. I often feel like I'm in a dream or I'm watching someone else live my life and it's really really weird. now sometimes though, that dissociation is taken to an extreme. and extreme where I just suddenly BLIP lose several hours or more of time and I have no memory of it.

my IRL friends have told me that during these periods of time where I just black out, I act completely differently or my behavior shifts suddenly

I've tried denying that this is a thing and at one point I did consider Dissociative Identity Disorder. I snapped out of it of course cause I'm too young for that to start disrupting my life, right? yes my abuser is gone, she'll never return, I mean how could she when she is in an urn sitting on a shelf now. but, I'm a teen now, and in therapy, I should be fine and healthy now right?

I told my therapist about how these black outs in my memory freak me out and I just cannot keep ignoring it anymore, and my therapist told me to talk to my psychiatrist cause she might know a bit more and be able to help me

you wanna know. what my psychiatrist said? what she said about this very worrying and distressing thing that affects my life and relationships?

"you're fine, it isn't affecting you that significantly" (while I was there crying cause I am honestly scared about whatever is going on) "it sounds totally normal to me, everyone gets a bit more extreme in their emotions"

LIKE WHAT. LADY. AUGHHHFHFFHH

she completely waved off my concerns.

I don't try to get into discourse in stuff I'm not even a part of, but fuck man. this is what mental illness fakers are really doing. "erm endos aren't taking resources away erm uh" BRO. MY THERAPIST KNOWS OF DID, SHE KNOWS THE ABSOLUTE SHIT I WENT THROUGH AS A KID. and yet she isn't too sure about going anywhere in that realm of possibility other than me dealing with dissociation above the average for C-PTSD sufferers. why? because my therapist has dealt with one too many fakers trying to be fucking debilitated like I am, without the actual debilitation part!

my psychiatrist is waving my concerns and problems away because she knows that a lot of kids of my generation are just saying this shit for attention or clout or to validate their delusions

mental illness fakers are making it so no one believes the people who are actually struggling and it's making me pissed off. I DONT WANT TO LOSE HOURS OF MY LIFE TO SOME OTHER FACET IN MY BRAIN. I WANT TO GET HELP FOR THIS SHIT. BUT NO ONE WILL FUCKING BELIEVE OR LISTEN TO ME.

I WONDER. FUCKING. WHY.

okay. rant over. sorry. I'm just super fucking pissed and I just want help for whatever the fuck is going on with me dude

#ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ptsd #actually traumatized #did #actually did #dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #endo safe #pro endo #endogenic #<- putting these here so these sick fucks can see what they've fucking done #go ahead block me idc #but please fucking acknowledge you're making getting help a million times harder for those who actually fucking need it #im not gonna give any threats thats mean #but please.please. i emplore you. to acknowledge that you are doing so much bad than good #thank you and good night #im tired

[mister13eyond]

.

#also i love my friends but i'm so insanely fucking burned out right now that if my friend doesn't go home shortly after i get out of work i #i dont know what i'll do. go insane probably #in rapid succession: #we caught up with a friend we havent hung out with in a year + #helped another friend work on cosplay for 2 days straight #had a friend from baltimore come down for the first time in years #and had a friend from portland come down for the first time in years #and it's lovely but i'm fucking Tired. go Home. please. my routines are so fucked up #if i have to keep having engaging conversations and being On and Responsive i'm going to go fuckinng insane #im tired of talking. endure silence with me or die #ive run out of conversation topics. i am no longer capable of being responsive. i need to go nonverbal or i'll fucking explode

[piplupod]

why do counsellors think it's helpful to tell you "you shouldn't feel that way!" when you tell them something like "I am so stressed about spiders to the point where i have crying breakdowns thrice a week" or "I feel like I am somehow secretly a terrible person that needs to push everyone away to keep them safe from the rot that is inside of me"

like ... golly gee, thank you so much, that's soooo helpful, can't believe i never thought "wow! i shouldn't be feeling this way!" before, pretty crazy that you can just cure me with that one declaration!

#GIRL IF I KNEW HOW TO STOP FEELING THIS WAY I WOULD BE FINE !!! I WOULDNT BE TALKIN ABOUT IT WITH YOU #like okay yes. that is a good STARTING statement. but can u give me... something actionable perhaps. please. #instead of essentially just shaming me for my feelings hsdgjkl #i KNOW these feelings and thoughts are ''wrong'' and unhelpful and unhealthy and hurting me. but like... what do i DO with them... #''i feel like a bad person'' ''well you arent so you shouldnt feel that way :)'' ''....okay great thanks so much see you next week'' ????? #such wise words from a trained professional! /sarcasm #idk man i think that my stories and characters have been far more helpful in therapizing me than actual trained professionals ever have #these ppl do not know what to do with me it seems like #i get so frustrated every time i hear ''you're so self aware!'' bc that seems to be therapist language for ''idk what to do for you'' #or ''i can't help you. you are beyond my capabilities as a trained mental health professional who went to school for years'' #im TIRED. im so tired !!! #anyways im just dreading my appt later today fdjgkl i like this lady more than the last one but she hasn't been very helpful so far #starting to resign myself to the fact that maybe i am just too fucked up to be helped fdsjkl like man. im just stuck this way i guess #unless i can figure out how to fix me on my own then i think im just fucked #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[shakybonesstuff]

I don’t know why I feel like this but I do, and it won’t stop.

The only thing I want is for it to stop.

Please.

#tw depressing stuff #depressive shit #tw depressing thoughts #depressing life #sorry for being depressing #alone with my thoughts #bed rotting #being alone #i wanna relapse so bad #i want to relapse #please help #send help #when does it get better #when does it end #will it ever end #will it ever get easier #mentally tired #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #leave me alone #mental illness #mental health #im sorry #always alone #feeling alone #feelings #fearful avoidant #disorganized attachment #pushing people away #sorry

[semiotomatics]

hahahaha i fucking hate my insurance company and i want them to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#i also hate the healthcare system!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and capitalism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and my entire fucking miserable life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #holy shit i understand now why people request maid for treatable conditions #i would literally rather die than have to continue going through this torture for years just to survive #like whats even the point? whats the fucking point? #clearly none of these people care if i live or die #so why dont i just get out of their hair!!!!! #oh my god im so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and tired and hopeless and sad and fucking!!!! mentally ill!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!! #i legitimately think they want me to make an attempt #i think thats the only way theyll fucking believe me #i need to be hospitalized or committed or whatever #fuck them!!! like seriously fuck them!!!! #and then if i do theyll be like “welp she shouldve sought help” LIKE #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #oh my god i am FURIOUS #BIRTH IS A CURSE AND EXISTENCE IS A FUCKING PRISON AND IM OVER IT #fuck #sorry to put this on main but i am SO FUCKING MAD and i want literally everyone to know it #what do i need to do!!! #please tell me!!! #do you want me to die!!!! #cause ive been trying desperately to avoid that all this time but it seems to be the only option rn!!!! #fuck!!!! #fuck im not in danger im safe nobody needs to worry i just #god #im so goddamn fucking exhausted of this

[preemptivelytired]

me during exam season

#please help #im dying #daily dracula #dracula daily #count dracula #dracula #exams #fucking #i hate exams #i will die a stressed out high schooler who panic forgets #i do also fall asleep whenever i get upset #remind me that i haven’t written my five essays yet and i will be out like a light in five minutes #im tired #would like to go to bed

[orcelito]

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week) #then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up. #and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those. #what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong. #but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick. #im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out. #havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it. #i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live. #im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired. #give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[gothiccat69]

Just tried some of this 'adult yogurt' stuff.

Idk man, it needs more real fruit. I see why ppl always be nutting in these things before yoga or coffee or whatevea

The yogurt by itself is just not tolerable with such a thick coat texture and strong unsweetened cream flavor. My autism will not take it and I will not let propaganda get me to actively like it.

I'm not anti yogurt, I'm anti basic ass overrated bitch substance in the grocery store.

#im so tired of pretending this isnt how i feel #let me rant #lmao #okay but seriously #i've been kicked out of my room by a fucking CENTIPEDE and since I have a PHBOIA about that i am struggling today. #leave me alooooone #wahhhh #please someone help #why must basements have vents that connect to the upstairs #this is unfair

[queerassdragon]

If you think irseal is justified in their actions, please unfollow me. I would say worse. Just leave.

#no one is supporting the terrorist group but you cant agure against the genocide because omg ther r bad scary peepo ther!! #id rather support scared oppressed people than a fucking fascist army raised to dehumanise these people from birth going to rape and murder #it twists my bones and makes me want to kill myself #like it hurts to see people TREATED LITERALLY JUST LIKE THE JEWISH PEOPLE JUST LESS ROUNDING UP AND MORE BURNING THEM IN THEIR OWN HOMES #im done with “ohh its antisemiic!!!” i hate the israel and their people #no jewish people as a whole #most of them arent even religious they just know they need the fucking excuse #please i neeeed someone to help me cope with this i dont know how to help im too tired too busy and too poor

[possumkingluca]

finished the indigo disk, didn't make me cry, forced me to be friends with kieran, and ed sheeran is playing again 4/10

#ok i'm joking but also what the fuck was that #i had a lot of fun my rating is higher then that #uh i don't like kieran #he pissed me off #i think he's a pretty good character but i have personal beef with him #and i think i should be allowed to express that #i can recognize a good character but i can also be petty and not like them #i do prefer the base game's story but also i prefer the characters so #i like when my friends act like my friends and don't give me nightmares #haven't done mochi mayhem yet i'm finishing stuff up #anyway yipppeee #someone with violet help me with my pokedex :( #im tired #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon the indigo disk #possum rambles #please don't remove the context of the first two tags dear god i can envision the problems that's gonna cause already

[rubiesintherough]

.

#(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #i know ive been bitching about this a lot lately but just let a girl vent pls #husband just got home and said 'you look tired you should go lie down ' #and i told him i cant. i have too much housework to do. 'well lay down after that ' #cant. because then i have more housework after that. #and he got all huffy at me like i was being dramatic #and he said 'how am i supposed to snuggle up with you if you arent laying down? c #and i shot back ' who's going to do the housework if i dont ' #and he rolled his eyes. straight up rolled his eyes. #this is the man that is constantly telling me to just ask him for more help. just make a list #yelled at me and stormed out of the house whej i told him to pls just use his eyes #bc i dont have time to make him a list of chores #and also the man who if i do ask him to do smth it doesnt get done #examples just from today. he was heading into town and i asked him to please bring the recycling with him. he didnt. #he yells at me for doing the cat litter bc its bad for my asthma. but then leaves it until its bad enough i have to do it #bc its unfair to the cats to expect them to use a litter box that bad. and then he gets mad at me for not just asking him to do it #like. its in the bathroom. right next to the toilet. he has to look at it when hes taking a shit every day. and youre telling me #he doesnt notice it? i have to remind him??? #and then i get yelled at and reprimanded for just doing it myself #' ASK FOR HELP DAMMIT! ' #i do. i do all the fucking time. i ask you to empty the garbage bc bending over makes my back scream. but you dont #and i have to power through and do it. #i ask you to bring the recycling into town to drop off. and as soon as you leave i find out you didnt even gather it up. #i ask you to please clear out the bathtub drain. for two weeks. and you brush it off until the day i decide to #do it myself and you get so passive aggressive about it and ' no ILL DO IT. the tool is back in my mom's room #guess I'll just go WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP so i can grab it since you need it done! ' #im so tired of asking and then just being disappointed anyway. #if im gonna get yelled at anyway id rather just do it all myself so at least its done. and not sit there and beg for help and do it anyway

[sshonuu]

Why watching my friend's telegram channel where she's laughing and hanging up with her friends feels like being stabbed in the heart?

#sad night #night #night thoughts #nighttime #friendship #friendless #lonelly #loneliest #lonelihood #sad thoughts #sad notes #sadnnes #mentally fucked #lonely nights #stabby stab #heartache #sorry for being depressing #im unwell #im tired #i'm tired #hate myself #hug me #touch me #please help #please please please #please hug me #please hug me im tired and lonely asf

[asummersday]

when will my writing motivation return from the war 😭

#please i just wanna post the next chapter #or at the very least start a oneshot or do literally anything #ive been more tired than usual and i dont like that #im ALWAYS so so tired #sometimes YEAH its because im up til 3 or even 4 #but ive also slept 9 hours. 12 hours. and yet ill STILL feel so tired #im too tired to do the things i want to do #and then i feel like ive just wasted my whole day :((( #how many times these past few weeks have i said im gonna get this chapter done huh? and it is NOT done #i love creating and writing but it takes so much energy sometimes :((( and i just dont have it :((( #i feel bad/down -> writing would help me feel better -> too tired/unmotivated to write -> doesnt write -> keeps feeling bad #rinse and repeat lmao #sometimes being nice to urself and waiting for the motivation doesnt work #sometimes u gotta sit at ur desk with a massive mug of coffee and say ''i will WRITE if its the last thing i fucking do'' #screw quality its time to write WORDS #anyway. im making myself coffee rn. i will get through this dammit #summer post

[starsteemer]

okay fr though where are people watching Miraculous Ladybug season 5 (the finale episodes) because its for dang sure not on youtube

#please. im so tired #i just wanna see gabriel agreste fucking die thats all im asking #ive looked on like watchcartoonsonline and kimcartoon but like thats all i really got in terms of pirating websites #and soap2day died rip in peace #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug season 5 #ml s5 #miraculous ladybug spoilers #for tyhe love of gosd pls help me im so tired. im so tired. #i am contemplating murdering the friend who got me into the show in the first place. for ruining my fucking life #where are the secret episode files. i know you guys have them #someone always has the episode files