#im fuckin breaking and i don't know what to do anymore

[this-broken-band-girl]

.

#i will preface this by saying that im working on it okay? #theres something to be said for not expecting to be alive past high school or college #like #i did not expect to be alive for as long i have been #by my own doing #and now it's not that im sad #but rather that im completely overwhelmed #and i would like a break please and thank you #because i never developed healthy coping mechanisms #so now when i feel overwhelmed #my brain wants to just fuckin 'nope!' the rest of me outta here #which #fair #that's all i ever thought i could do #but i guess that's not true anymore #and so i don't know what to do #andi rambles

[yawnderu]

reader morosely talking about how ‘we need a break, that it’s problem after problem and i feel like it’s just too much. i cant deal with it anymore and i know it’s affecting you as well. –and im just so…done’

and simon is frantically thinking of how to fix the situation and how to make everything alright, for reader to love him again, and to make promises of how he can do better —be better.

“so what do you think, si? hawaii or italy? i think we really need this break”

simon: ☠️😭

-🪷

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HJKBFEBHJEFHBJKEF this man would get a heart attack :(

''I'm sorry, Si. It's just... things have been difficult lately and I'm just tired. I think we need a break.'' You look out the window with a small frown on your lips, completely unaware of the way he's staring holes into your head.

What did I do wrong? Am I away too much? Am I too cold? Don't give up on me, please.

He bites the inside of his cheek, not sure on what to say and simply looking down at his cup of tea, hands tightening around the ceramic.

''That right?'' He asks softly, finally looking up at you with a calm expression despite the way his mind is running rampant with ways of being a better boyfriend for you. He doesn't want to lose the love of his life, his future wife.

''Yeah! How about... Italy? Maybe even Hawaii. We could use the time off.'' It takes him a few seconds to register what you meant, his heart finally calming down once he understands what you meant.

''Fuckin' hell, love.'' He sighs softly, putting down his cup of tea on the table before walking over to you, burly arms wrapping tightly around your waist and his face buried on the crook of your neck.

''Italy sounds good.''

#ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty #simon ghost x reader #ghost cod #cod mwii #simon riley x reader #cod mw2 #simon riley x you #mw2 simon riley #simon riley imagine #ghost simon riley #mw2 ghost #ghost call of duty #ghost x f!reader #ghost x you #ghost x female reader #ghost x reader #ghost x y/n #simon riley fluff #simon riley fanfic #ghost imagine #simon ghost fluff #ghost fanart #ghost fanfiction #stray answers

[mintmatcha]

Minty I’m living for baby daddy Touya omg. Im so curious tho. Like we can see that he’s trying so hard to do right by his daughter but obviously he still is deep into crime and everything. Why does reader let him see their daughter if they know what he does. Maybe they don’t know?

Your daughter is sleeping, so the fight is quiet. It bubbles, thick and volatile, just as emotionally draining as any screaming match. In fact, the hushed tones are almost worse because every word feels careful, planned and thoughtful.

"You're not keeping me away from my own damn kid." Touya spits, eyes narrowed in disgust. He's standing on the shredded legal papers you handed him, asking him to sign away parental rights. "She's my kid."

"She's our child." you shoot back, "And you're barely in her life."

"And who's fault is that?" he scoffs, then scoffs again, twisting his dirty heel into the paper once again and leaving a track mark upon them, "Because it's not mine. I'd be here every damn day if you would just-"

"You know why you can't be!"

"Holy shit," Touya runs his hands through his hair so hard that it pulls his forehead taut, "There's plenty of people beggin' their baby daddies to be more involved and yet you're pushing yours away! What is your fuckin' problem?"

"I'm trying to protect her."

"Protect her? Protect her? From what? Me?"

"Yes!" your voice cracks, so you turn in your heel to hide your expression. Touya's boot thud closer as you retreat, going no where and anywhere, "From you and the shit you do and the people you work with and the fucking consequences of everything-"

"Listen- listen!" Touya catches you by the wrist and jerks you back to him hard, slamming you back into his chest. When you squirm in his grasp, he holds on tighter, free arm slipping around your waist to keep you in place, visibly seething. "Fuckin' cool it for one goddamn second."

He waits until you stop fussing to continue, head dipped low enough your noses touch. The anger has drained from his face, replaced with an eerily calm expression.

"I love her," he whispers, "Fuck, I love her even more than I even love you, so if you think I would ever do anything to put her in harm's way- you're wrong."

Touya's bangs tickle against your forehead and his breath is soft against your lips. The down-turned lid of his eyes, heavy with sincerity. "She's our baby."

Your chest expands with every pant, ears ringing with the pressure of stress, thrumming through your head. "Tell me you're done."

"What?" He draws back slightly.

"Tell me you're done with breaking the law. Tell me you're not going to get involved in that shit anymore." Despite yourself, you cling to him. The shape of him under your palms is painfully familiar: a reminder that he was once yours without conditions, "Tell me you're going to behave like a good, normal dad, Touya."

It takes a moment before he responds. "Yeah. I'm done."

"Say it like you mean it." you plead, whisper breathless and fragile, "At least make me believe it when you lie."

"I'm done." Touya pulls you closer, "I'm done."

You don't believe him. Not fully. "You'd break her heart if anything ever happened to you."

"I know."

"Tell me one more time."

"I'm done. For her." His hands are warm on your hips, "For you. I'm done for good."

His words are sweet enough that you swallow them down without question. You know better-- you know him, but you let him fool you anyway. "Okay."

Touya folds over you, head in your shoulder as he sighs with relief, but his touch is still horribly tight. "Don't you ever pull that shit again. Don't ever threaten to take my babies away again."

"Babies?"

"Yeah," he grumbles into your skin, "You're my baby too. Don't forget it."

[tachimichishrine]

First of all I must say that... THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE VALUABLE CONTENT OF TACHIHARA, I NEED MORE OF THIS BEAUTY, I LOVE EACH OF YOUR WRITINGS AND... It's still going around in my head how the virgin Tachihara would react receiving his first oral, I need to see this guy cry 👏.

<oh my godddd yall need to stop making me meltdown with these compliments so i can elaborate on virgin tachi getting his brains fucked out so good he forgets his own name>

"first time"

⫭◦⨝◦⫬

virgin!tachihara michizou x fem! reader

▸◃▵pt 1 // pt 2 // pt 3▵▹◂

warnings: nsfw ; drug + alcohol use implied ; slight voyeurism/ public sex ; degradation ; masturbation (m) ; oral (giving) ; intended lowercase ; cursing ; pt 2 of ruining pre-hunting dogs tachi im making this a goddamn series and it's gonna have more episodes than one piece

the engine purred quietly when your grip on the wheel was loose and your toes dipped on the pedal. your windows were rolled down and the breeze was blowing through his ebony hair.

the scent of the damp night horizon mixed in quite nicely with the sensation of your fingers dancing up and down tachihara's leg. you were leaning back in the seat, a gentle laughter as you snuck glances at his expression.

"the night's still young," you murmured teasingly, thumb rubbing up on his inner thigh. "you sure you don't-"

"shut up." his voice was shaking a lot more than he cared to let on, the quiet sigh almost lost in the wind.

it was too easy. you could see the silhouette of the bulge in his pants from after you'd pulled him into an empty car and ruined him, and his face was doing a terrible job at concealing it. your eyes were trained on the street but every sense was honed in on his subtle squirming and the hitching of his breath.

"woah, someone's uptight. need some help letting loose?"

not a chance was given because your fingertips were getting way too close and he couldn't back his hips into the seat to shy away from your touch anymore. you swerved on the empty roads, running lights and accelerating brashly, partly because you wanted to instill in him the high pressure, blood-pumping adrenaline that your hazy mind was experiencing.

he let out a muffled whimper once you pushed down with the palm of your hand and rubbed along the length. you were high on the aftertaste of the blunt you'd been smoking and drunk on the control of having him come apart so easily when you increased the pressure and stole a husky groan from his chest. he was practically twitching in your grasp when you curled around him and handled him just a little harder.

"want me to pull over and take care of ya?" you asked, the words kind and considerate but the way you were almost jerking him off like you wanted him to break were anything but.

his ego wouldn't let him. "nah, I-I'm... mnnn I'm good."

you shrugged your shoulders with a coy smile. "if you say so."

the ride back was worse than he could've ever imagined. he figured you'd act like last time, when you wasted no time in sliding under layers of clothing and got straight to the point. maybe you were taking it easy before, and the fact that he was hard all over again just thinking about it was signal enough that you had the green light to do with him as you pleased yet you did nothing drastic.

he didn't know what to do with his hands. any action to shed a few garments resulted in you pulling off of him completely with a teasing 'tsk' like you weren't pleased he was trying to do something himself. it took begging - something he'd never thought he'd do - in the most lustful, pathetically needy pleads just to get you to go back to teasing him. the closest thing he got to relief was when you slid your hand up his shirt then down his pants to keep playing with him without ever making skin-to-skin contact.

tachihara let out a frustrated groan. "please, stop fuckin' with me, and just-"

"fuck you?" you completed the thought, giggling at yourself while he kept shifting himself on the seat to get you to be as close as possible. "you wait this long and suddenly you're so impatient, tachi. what ever happened to good things come to those who wait?"

his mind wanted to tell you to shut the hell up with your perky responses but it was busy being corroded by pulsating senses shooting up his body. he couldn't handle it anymore; you oscillated between a slower and a faster pace in order to give him the one he didn't want. if it wasn't for his need for you to do it for him, he would've pounded himself just for a temporary escape from the embarrassing situation of moaning in the stolen car in front of you. he tried to cover it up with more curses but every attempt was getting further and further away from fooling everyone.

it was a wonder how you hadn't gotten him to cum in his pants from the stimulation alone by the time you'd arrived back at the apartment. who knows whose it was, all you cared about was that your gang of misfits crashed there every night and right now the windows were flashing bright colours and you could basically hear the music from down where you were.

"so that's what those dickheads have been doin'," you remark as if nothing had been happening, climbing out of the vehicle you'd parked and taking a look upwards. "that's too bad, I'm sure you would've preferred privacy."

"I would've preferred...?"

his half-formulated question received a half-formulated answer when you pulled him by the wrist onto the side of the building, an alleyway that was dirty and grimy and dark and perfect for what you were about to do.

"mmnf~" he had a hard time resisting, let alone taking charge when you had his slammed against yet another hard surface with your hands all over him and your lips grinding up on him almost as roughly as your hips. if he wasn't already stimulated, bringing up your thigh to the side of his hip in order to hump yourself on him was the final straw.

"shit, don't make me ask again," tachihara tried to say forcefully but one roll of your clothed cunt got him nearly apologizing and begging you to be nice. there was no way you were going to let him brat tonight.

"better," you considered, your hand going back down to where it had previously ventured, but this time sliding under both pants and underwear in one fell swoop. there wasn't enough space, his pants taking the brunt of the aggression when you yanked your wrist back and the button popped off. he barely had time to register that you'd done away with his belt again when you were jerking him off so expertly he felt his body go weak and whole world blur.

maybe he was inexperienced, but maybe you were just too good: your command for him to spit in your hand brought another layer of red over his features, but goddamn was it worth it when you were lubing him up with his own saliva while pulling and pushing with talented fingers. you toyed with the end, which you could guess would be flushed a pretty pink if his cock wasn't veiled by the night. you drew circles around the pre-cum that was already pearling out the tip then smeared it all over the sensitive flesh. you paused the stroking for a moment to center it in your palm and rotate it softly and slowly, and for a second through his clenched eyelids he could've sworn he was being handled by a deity.

you didn't bother kissing him anymore, as the distance allowed you to look at him with his features illuminated by glowing neon and low yellow. your free hand pinched his face, his chin resting in the junction between index and thumb while you squeezed tightly and brought him at an angle to look at you.

"open 'em," you commanded, and he did after a bit of hesitation, or was it shame? the answer wasn't clear until you noticed water pooling over his lashes and struggling whimpers. "aww, am I takin' it too hard on ya?"

a rhetorical question; you slammed your hand back into his hips and his cock was having a difficult time not unraveling with every hard, borderline violent thrust. you checked in every once in a while, 'too much?', 'does this still feel good?', 'you want more, baby?' but every sultry sentence was just a ruse. the only confirmation you needed was the spasming of his muscles as he came all over your hand.

he was so glad the high had passed and the buildup was over, even though every second felt so fucking good it was also humiliating to hear the echo of his own moan in an alleyway right outside your apartment complex in the dead of the night.

except that you didn't stop.

you knew just how sensitive he would be after his orgasm washed over him, yet you were mercilessly watching the tears stream down his perfect little face while you fucked him roughly in the aftermath. it was only through whining and begging to slow down that you kissed him again to get him to shut up. his lips tasted so good, salty from the tears and you opened your mouth against his gasps to let your tongue dance along the back of his teeth and roll over on the roof of his mouth.

too much, it was too much: your hand pounding him harshly with fingertips groping at his balls to balance the pain with pleasure, your teeth wrapped around his bottom lip while sucking it into you, not to mention your free hand grabbing at and massaging his ass. he didn't know what to feel except aroused as the blood rushed back down into his cock and he was about to do it all over again.

"hard again so soon?" you quipped. he didn't have the ability to respond since your hand had resized its grip again and he was losing his mind for a third time tonight. "you really are a fuckin' whore. fucked you in my cunt, fucked you on my hand... all that's left now..."

and you dropped to your knees.

he couldn't even look at you, his throat dry and rasping while he recovered from the sudden lack of touch for the instant where you positioned yourself with your face on his hips and somehow managed to tease him worse than before.

tachihara preferred it like this. at least this way you didn't have a direct view of his tears and sobs while you fluctuated once more from dreadful overstimulation to languid motions. it was still cold out, but his body felt so warm from everything pumping in his veins, particularly his cock once you'd had your fun edging him with your tongue and slowly shifted towards sucking him off.

"nng... fuck, fuck, fuck," he panted, voice breaking with every word. "d-don't... don't fuckin' st-ahhh~"

you had no intention of stopping until his knees were weak and he couldn't manage a single word. your tongue rolled over every part of him that got his body twitching and the strong muscle sucked down so hard he thought you'd just slurp his cum straight out of him like a goddamn sippy cup. his hands gripped onto the back of your skull to hold you, but he couldn't figure out whether he was trying to pull you off or push you on.

it didn't take long for him to snap once more and shoot hot liquid down your throat and face. he couldn't see you spitting it all out on the dirty pavement because the pleasure was just too much and he was trembling from all the sensations, porcelain cheeks adorned with streaks of his lust broken apart by your own. you dusted off the dirt from your knees and shot him a devilish smirk before kissing him, making him taste himself.

"shhh, it's ok," you murmured into his lips, hand caressing his face softly while you rubbed the tears with your thumb. "you did so good for me, baby. I wanted you to have a real taste of what I can do, so why don't we head in and you don't worry your pretty little head about this, yeah?"

his panting was loud, but he managed to cool down enough to sound coherent. "mmmn, yeah... yeah, let's do... that..."

"don't tell me you want more, you little slut." it was reflexive, at this point, to react this way when he was acting cute and oh so corruptible. your hand was loosely wrapped around his neck with the other trailed down his abdomen, all the while your entire body was trapping him against the brick wall again.

"'cause there are a whole lot of other ways I can fuck you, baby."

#ANON ANYTHING W TACHIHARA IN IT IS SUBLIME I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH ALL THAT I CAN TIS MY DUTY🫡 #the best people love tachi and the best of the best want to see him covered in tears i don't make the rules we're just superior #tachihara michizou #bsd tachihara #tachihara x reader #bungo stray dogs tachihara #tachihara smut #tachihara michizou x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd #tachihara x reader smut #down bad tm #tachi fics #im unwell for them

[samantha-rae-velcher]

"I'm sorry, honey."

Markiplier x youtuber!Fem!reader

Warnings: not really any warnings, Mark raises his voice, swearing.

Requested by: None

A/n: I'm just laying in bed watching Mark raging while playing Getting over it, I had to make this.

Summary: Mark is playing Getting over it, y/n steps in while he's in a moment and he raises his voice with her.....DUN DUN DUN! WAS IT A MISTAKE!? DOES HE NEED TO GET HIS ASS IN GEAR!? Im kidding I love Mark❤️

____________________________________

Y/n was downstairs editing one of her videos on the couch, when she heard her boyfriend, Mark, screaming upstairs.

"What the fuck? Is he okay?" She asked herself.

"Nooooo! You son of a bitch! AHHHHH! I FUCKIN HATE YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" He yelled.

Y/n looked up at the ceiling, she didn't have the slightest idea who he was saying that to, why he was so angry, and if she wanted to go upstairs to find out.

She closed her laptop, took a deep breath and headed up. As Y/n made her way up the stairs she could hear objects being thrown around in his office, she cringed when she heard a loud bang.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" He yelled once again.

Y/n gripped the knob and slowly opened the door, Mark was standing in the middle of the room out of breath with his hands in his hair. She looked around the room to see he had thrown his mouse and his chair.

"Mark?" She asked in a quiet tone.

"What the hell is it!?" He responded in a harsher one.

Once he saw her flinch and the look of fear and hurt in her face he immediately regretted it. Tears threatened to fall and she nodded.

"I can see your having a moment, I'll leave you to it. Just calm down and d-don't break anymore things."

He took notice to how her voice broke, he felt terrible but yet still so angry. He didn't mean to say it like that, his heart sank when she closed the door with a loud slam, and he heard quiet sobs moving away from his office.

Mark grabbed up his chair and set it in front of his desk, he took a seat and slammed his hand down on the wooden surface.

"Shit....fuckin shit, I messed up. Holy fuck, guys....I messed up. I'm gonna go apologize, this game is a fuckin nightmare." He cursed.

Mark stood and left his office, walking down the stairs he saw Y/n standing in the kitchen crying. He walked over hesitant to touch her, Mark slowly pulled her into a gentle hug.

"Shh shh shh, I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I didn't mean to raise my voice with you, the game just pissed me off and I wasn't thinking."

Y/n rested her head on his chest, Mark stroked her hair as he rubbed her back. He shushed her and kisses her head trying to calm her down.

"I'm sorry, honey. It'll be okay, I won't do it again."

Y/n wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into an even deeper hug.

"I know, your anger wasn't towards me it was towards the game." She said.

"Do you forgive me?" Mark asked.

"I might forgive you if you use some of that dominant energy up in the room."

He smiled and connected his lips with hers...

"Well then, little one. Fallow me."

THE END ❤️

#fyp #fanfic #foryou #foryoupage #x reader #markiplier youtube #markiplier x reader #markiplier fanfiction #markiplier #markiplier x female #Markiplier x #markiplier x fem reader #markiplier x you #markiplier x reader fluff #markiplier x y/n

[glasswingowl]

ep 7 spoilers under the cut

oooo snazzy new intro! love it

the fucking for rent banner lmao

OH

NORI MOMENT INCOMING

THE FUCKING SHADOW CLAWS SICK AS HELL

"get 048" awww friends :3

THEY KEEP THEM IN LOCKERS??

uh where did the sentinels go

oh you are so dead dude

OH THIS IS SO COOL

potential nori moment??? that's gotta be nori right??

hehehe crab

n instantly trying to go back for v ;-;

uzi ;-;

"robots like boxes, right?" tessa. bro. not cool.

oh SHIT

bonk

THAD AND LIZZY THAD AND LIZZY THAD AND LIZZY BELIEVERS WIN

v????

"i deserve this" n sweetie no!!!

oh not this again

AAAA-

THE FUCKING POSTERS-

????

OH. IT WAS THEM. THEY DESTROYED EARTH.

wait why didn't tessa mention this earlier? seems kind of important, no?

homegirls been taking flying lessons! good for her!

FUCKING NIGHTCORE????

oh here it comes. time to meet mama, uzi

:O

"you look familiar" uhhh. that's not a good thing

"I'm looking for a hunk named Khan" CONFIRMED NORI EVERYONE STAY CALM

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY DAUGHTER" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

oh it's just j. disappointing.

forgot how much i loved lizzy

Khan??

"MY WIFE"

"having interests beyond cannibalism and NIGHTCORE-"

i take back everything bad i ever said about khan he is the best

oh hey tessa's alive- what the fuck is she doing

SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ALIVE

wait wdym you don't know??

"not sure it needs you, buddy" what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

FNAF JUMPSCARE

YEVAAAAAAA

i'm choosing to believe that yeva is mute until proven otherwise

hand cutting again!! (is that meant to be a parallel to n and uzi? because if so...)

aww- o shit. well that explains that

I love nori. so much

poor doll.

y'know when everyone was coming up with predictions for nori's personality, i don't think anyone really guessed "AN EXACT COPY OF HER DAUGHTER" she even tells people to bite her!

i'm too lazy to copy the get a job stay away from her image just pretend it's here again

OH. OH HE JUST FKICING. well that's one way of picking a side

;-;- oh this is the hand scene wait no

SHIT

"your backups will forgive me" oh so he's just a plaything to her just like he was to tessa. man he just CANNOT catch a break can he

NORIIIIIII!

"you're frickin grounded" nori ma'am i love you

oh this is SICK AS HELL

slap

I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS TO DAY ABOUT THIS FIGHT SO IM JUST GONNA SCREAM AAAAAAA

THE CAMERA CIRCLING AROUND A CHARACTER DEFENDING THEMSELVES FROM PROJECTILES/ENEMIES IS ALWAYS COOL I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TIME I SEE IT

N-

N YOU FUCKIN DUMBASS

solvers hate her! free you daughter from possession by forcing her to confront her relationship with her sort-of boyfriend!

THE FUCKING DELIVERY ON THIS SCENE IM DYING

oh ;-;

wait. WAIT WHAT

OH GOD OH FUCK. YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.

Y'ALL AREN'T ALLOWED TO LAUGH AT ME FOR MIXING UP TESSA AND CYN THAT ONE TIME ANYMORE.

i can't tell if this is an effective compromise for the whole "wanting to see what tessa looks like vs no visible human characters" debate

still, sick as hell, and very on brand for liam vickers.

OH SHIT-

LMAOOOO-

WHAT THIS? BY GOD, IT'S KHAN, LIZZY AND THAD WITH THE STEEL CHAIRS!

"prior hazard" yeah you'd know wouldn't you

MYSTERY FLESH PIT

OH THIS. THIS FUCKING SCENE

uh.

OH. OH. THIS IS A HALLUCINATION RIGHT-

AND IT ENDS THERE????

#murder drones spoilers #glasswingtalks #murder drones #good fucking god. #i am #reeling #absolutely phenomenal work from the animation team on this one #AND WE FINALLY GET NORI #THE HEART OF THIS ENTIRE MYSTERY #ALIVE AND WELL #just. wow #hard to believe that there was a time when i thought heartbeat was the peak of this series

[iavenjqasdf]

🖨clones🔨

my fucking cloning machine is defective; it keeps making "me"s, and i fucking hate that guy.

i'll just be minding my own business, going about my day, when i hear a ZAP! from the other room, and i sigh, cause i know that means i have to drop everything im doing and go subdue another fully-grown newborn me. For some reason they're always born terrified and trying to kill themselves as quickly as possible, and i cant just let them go out into the world and make a mess and ruin my good name, so i developed a system; i knock it out with my favorite heavy shovel, and then i drag its sleepy body out of the closet it was born in and down to the basement while it's unconscious, listening to the thonk thonk thonk as it hits its head on each step on the way down, and i leave it down there in the dark, next to all its clone buddies.

(protip if you find yourself in a similar situation: invest in a good shovel as soon as you can. you don't want something flimsy that'll break in the middle of a pacification. i had to strangle one with my bare hands before i learned that lesson. not fun!)

i usually do a pretty good job keeping them contained where i don't have to think about them, but sometimes they start screaming or crying or whatever, loud enough that i can hear them even through the doors and hallways between us, so i have to turn on the gas down there, until eventually they quiet down and go to sleep. sometimes they die, but i just leave the corpses down there nowadays, cause sometimes they come back to life, and hauling a carcass up the basement steps and through the house and into the backyard is a whole thing and if it's gonna claw its way out of the ground again anyway i might as well save myself the trouble. the living ones cry about the smell sometimes but i don't let the haters get to me.

i don't know what they get up to down there; i only ever open the door when i have to toss another guy in there, and obviously i have to gas them first to make sure they don't try to mob up on me and escape, so i only ever see them unconscious. there's shit smeared on the walls and weird symbols that i guess they carve into each other using their grotesquely overgrown fingernails, but being a full time caretaker is enough of a hassle without also having to put in the effort to understand what the fuck they're trying to communicate.

i tried turning the machine off and on again, then just leaving it off permanently, then straight up unplugging it, but nothing really seems to work. i can leave it in the most pristine perfect unpowered condition and think im finally safe and then one day ZAP! it's made another guy, and i have to go through the whole fuckin routine all over. really takes a toll on a guy, having to bludgeon something with your own face and voice unconscious before you even finish your morning coffee.

i also tried breaking it, but that just made the clones start coming out broken, too. if you thought they were annoying in vanilla form, just wait till you get one with half its skull concave, or with limbs growing out of the wrong places. i don't get cognitohazard pay for having to see and subdue those abominations. so i don't fuck with the machine anymore, because with my luck, i'll just end up making things even worse if i try to fix them again.

mostly i just wish i had some help, but i haven't been able to find any so far. it's kinda hard to make friends or get second dates when you're constantly exhausted from pacifying a basement full of retarded suicidal clones of yourself. recruiting from within doesn't work, either; i can't bribe them, because the only thing they want is to die, and i can't threaten them, because they'll start just begging for whatever punishment i think of and that weirds me out.

it's reached a sort of shitty equilibrium, where the machine spits em out at pretty much the perfect rate to maintain a stable population. whenever one of them dies, the others will eat the corpse, which is cool cause then i don't have to worry about that one coming back, but it also means the rest all get fed and continue living.

i know what you're thinking; yes, i've already tried forcing a conscious one to eat all the unconscious ones at gunpoint once. it just grabbed the gun out of my hand and shot itself through the skull, and then came back a week later anyway. ungrateful bastard.

it's starting to smell pretty bad all the time down there, too. all their waste products piling up, i bet. i wish i could just leave the gas on all the time so i wouldn't have to worry about it, but eventually it starts leaking through the cracks in the basement and filling my parts of the house, too. i guess i could just pack up, turn the gas on, and leave, but the bill will eventually come due, and if they shut it off then even bigger complications will emerge.

besides, a house this big, for this cheap, in this neighborhood? i can't afford to NOT be doing this. i just wish i had someone to share it with, besides myselves.

ao3

#📝 #guro #original fiction #standalone

[angeldiaries777]

i dont fuckin know

my entire fucking life and personality is based off of intense trauma

i just want a reset button so i can do my little tasks and go outside without feeling like the world is gonna end ive had countless meltdowns i don't know how much longer i can live like this. i'm so mentally fucked rn my heads just so empty and full at the same time.

i actually am so sick of myself like i don't wanna look at my stupid face anymore i'm very much over everything i'm putting myself through yet i can't stop. i am an insane person who very clearly needs help no more censors i just need a break from myself how do i get that? i'm not thinking clearly or like myself at all. there is some sort of cognitive dissonance. i'm living my life for other people lying to myself that its what i want. i'm stunting my own growth. and change seems impossible at this point.i can never just have a normal life till i fucking find out where this is all coming from. why i'm being so strange and dumb lately i don't wanna accept it or whats hapepned yet i have to. want to take an actual break from here because its just not healthy. i'm not healthy. even i think i'm just constantly in my own negative loop. i know i'm mentally ill to the core and i know whats making it worse but god guys its like being an addict and i fucking got addicted to pain and torturing myself. moral of the story don't be like me. if u relate to me im so sorry. if u read this you're probably dumb soo i wish u a good day and im gonna try to stay off of this hell hole app thats basically been my entire 2023. love u.

#angeldiaries777

[mollyhale]

i was tagged by @bl33ditout to do this ! thanks for the tag ♥️

rules: bold the ones that are true and tag 15 people to do the same

Appearance

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts (like, i have glasses but i don't need to wear them full time i mostly just use em for reading on my laptop) // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair (i have in the past but it's not dyed anymore that all grew out and got chopped off) // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look (depending on the day lol) // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards (only if im going ash ketchum mode)

Hobbies & Talents

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows (mostly if im seeing the movie in theaters) // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends (mostly anyway lol) // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand (only in a pool)

Relationships

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year (my whole life lol) // i have a crush (kinda??? it's complicated) // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend (i wish) // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship (no but im talking to someone long distance so we'll see how that fuckin goes) // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

Nature

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

Misc.

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love (or at least i wanna believe) // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed (i used to when i was younger and highkey i miss it) // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

tagging: @borntobewondering @seancamerons @mickeysjones @flippinfins @glasstown-resident @loveution @21-roses-a-day @2008music @fullheartss @dunster @coconutbabydoll and whomever else wants to!! no pressure as always :)

#thanks for tagging me friend <3 #tag game

[ink-flavored]

soft asks! 🥀🌾 im so torn between saying pride and justice (and) or feriha just cause i love hearing about her too hehe

thank you!! i will help your dilemma and do one of each! :3

🥀 How would your OC decorate a notebook or journal? What kind of things are written in there? Could you give an example of a nice entry?

I'll do Feriha for this one. I think she'd decorate it with physical things, like dried flowers or scraps of paper as keepsakes, bird feathers, etc. etc. She'd use it like a daily journal, cataloguing her day and the things that happened very matter-of-factly.

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them

This one is for the P&J fellas. Because they are in love <3 And I kinda wanna write this in their voices so here we go--

Pride, about Justice:

Oh, where do I fucking START? For a dude who flipped Heaven the bird, you'd think he'd have less of a stick up his ass. Can't go two minutes without getting a lecture about "manners" or "common sense" or "basic public decency." Yawn. Over it.

Like, I'm just saying. He's NOT in Heaven anymore, right? But he's still so fuckin' nervous about being a perfect little angel, can't go two steps without dropping everything to fix some random person's issues. Helping people is fine, whatever, but it's like he never gives himself a break. I want to shake him sometimes, you know? Lay off the personal responsibility for five minutes, you don't have Gabriel checking your quarterly reports this week, or whatever the fuck.

I don't know. Maybe him being nice to literally everyone isn't so bad. He's nice to me, even though he probably shouldn't be. It saved my life, so I guess I should thank him for it. He's also a huge nerd, which is hilarious. I can't believe he got fake glasses for fun, what a dork.

Justice... makes me feel like I suck. But in a good way? I want to... suck less, so I'm worth it for him. That's probably dumb. But I don't know what else to say. He makes me feel like it's possible for me to not suck one day.

Justice, about Pride:

Pride is... a handful. He's very loud, he can be inconsiderate, he can't ever admit he was wrong, and no matter how many times I tell him not to smoke in the house, he seemingly can't help himself from wearing his horns to bed and making everything in his room stink. Sometimes I wonder if he even listens to me.

He's been through so much pain, though. I try to remember that. No matter how annoyingly stubborn or impossible to talk to he can be, it's all because he thought for centuries he would always be alone. I can feel it all the time, this... constant guilt and rage in him. I can't hate him, I can't even try. It takes a lot of patience to understand him, but I don't regret a single second of it.

Because he's also fiercely protective of people he loves. He's passionate, he's encouraging, he does whatever he likes without thinking about what other people might tell him. All his choices are his own, for better or worse, and I admire him for that. He's slow to trust, but once he feels like he won't be hurt by you, Pride is a beautiful person. Someone worth abandoning Heaven for.

[send me a soft OC ask]

#annika talks #answered #ask game #writing the POVs made me tear up a little bit ngl #feriha #hhsh #pride #justice #pride & justice #P&J

[nitroish]

[ tone of voice that is definitely not hyroolie or anything ] you should tell us more abt the triforce heroes thing ur working on

hello dearest definitely not hyroolie or anything,

so. the triforce heroes thing im working on is so fucking good? it drives me insane every time i open the document in the best way possible. so after albw's end ravio leaves, and thus link ( legend ) is left alone in the house once more. he goes out to adventure, of course, to avoid being a shut-in and to simultaniously avoid the home that feels vageuly Not His in the wake of ravio's presence and lack of thereafter.

link goes to hytopia, and there he begins his sixth adventure: triforce heroes!

he meets Koba and Shar, who have also met the requirement for Hero Pickings(tm) by the king, and thus join link on the adventure as Blue and Green respectively. link is dubbed the red hero for the time being.

koba and shar and hytopia in general are amazing for link; both mentally and physically. mentally, they help him get over self worth/image issues, physically they make sure he's rested and takes breaks and eats rather than letting him brute force his way through the entire adventure as fast as possible. they curate a large Loop of effect: helping him with his physical health also helps his mental, which loops and helps his physical. etcetc.

hytopia itself and the people within also help him grow comfortable in his own skin, and he gets to meet new people !! people who dont know his status as Hylia's Chosen, dont know he's fought for the lives of a kingdom or two for years straight. where he's now just ... a normal guy, to them, albeit with some self worth issues. just Some Guy with two other Some Guys who are going against the silly fashion-hating witch. he feels very Normal in hytopia, very welcome as someone that doesn't have to exist as a saviour of everything anymore. the only threat here is a witch, and a girl trapped in a body suit.

it's not the end of the world anymore. shar and koba help him realize that, that he doesn't have to push himself to near-collapse. the world isn't ending if he doesn't finish this area of the drablands by the end of the week.

shar and koba are also ignorant to his status, though link tells them eventually, when he feels compelled to. it's probably late-adventure. they treat him no different when they do find out – they don't know what the triforce is. they dont follow hylia. none of that is important to them anyway.

theyre fucking Gay. they all are so gay. and poly. shar, koba, and link r so fucking gay. thats the main focus, alongside ^ all the above. this doc drives me insane. link gets a break, an adventure, two boyfriends, support, and the mental health fuckin Boost of a lifetime.

this all sets him up for being able to handle the linked universe adventure later down the line.

please as further questions, if you so please . im on my hands and knees.

#ask #anonymous #definitely not hyroolie . hello

[faggotmox]

I'm cheating at the enemies to lovers prompts: i want mox bridging the gap between Eddie and Bryan (or Claudio) where both Eddie and Bryan are pissed but Moxy just wants his boys all together: of course you do

meme i lost || @philosophyofhedonism

this is the closest thing to a madmox break up i will ever write. feel like this is set up a bit to make eddie the bad guy but i wanna be clear that’s def not what im trying to imply. this would be after many conversations, & shit. like this is the result of eddie continuing to hurt mox by being a bitch about bryan & claudio even though he pretty much knows he’s doing it. but eddie’s insecure & needed it pointed out. this ones got a little lost in the sauce & im not happy with the ending. here ya go lmao. this leads to the bridge being built.

#. Of course you do. [Mox/Eddie, Mox/Bryan/Claudio]

warnings: angst, so much angst, kind of a breakup fic, cursing, two people struggling lol

"I gotta problem with them! You know that!" Eddie growled, loud and over infused with anger. As always with this fight.

"Of course you do!" Mox was ready to rip his hair out, his hand anxiously running through his hair. "Of fucking course you do!"

"You know damn well anyone else wouldn'--"

"Shut the fuck up, Eddie!" Mox snapped. Finally fucking snapped. "Of fucking course you gotta problem with Bryan. He's a dick. He judges people. So do fuckin' you. You're a huge asshole, you judge everyone you see. And what happened with you and Claudio is so fuckin' old I don't even know if I was an adult when y'all had your falling out! He's changed. He's grown the fuck up and he regrets leaving you like that, man, but he can't fucking do shit about it because you're a fucking asshole. Of course you have a problem. Of course you do. You're made of god damn problems, Eddie! I love you. I love you more than I love anything else, Eddie, I swear to god. I swear on my mother, Eddie. But this bullshit...I can't keep doing it."

Eddie watched Mox pop off. Normally he would interject, stop Mox when he called him a dick or something. But there was a look on Mox's face that said if Eddie interrupted then it could be a heavier straw than either thought. Instead Eddie watched Mox frantically get the words out, like he couldn't breathe with them still in his chest. Like this was a long time coming and Eddie should have known, should have seen that he was suffocating Mox.

"You said--" Mox threw his hands up. "You said, Eddie. You agreed to this. When we got back together you were cool with me dating other people, having more relationships. But the second I'm with someone you have a distaste for I'm left-- I'm left--" Mox shakes his head, trying to get himself on track. "I love Bryan, man. I love the way he wrestles, the way he cooks dinner like he's building a fucking bomb, the way he holds me from behind and sticks his head under my arm. He fucking figured out some soap that doesn't give me dry skin. He listens to me when I can't put things into words. Eddie, I love him like I love you and that's why you fucking hate him." Mox finally stopped moving and was looking at Eddie with hard eyes. It wasn't normal for them to call each other on the deep bullshit. They had their walls and guards up for reasons. Mox understood that but he couldn't keep it up anymore. His walls came down and he had to break some of Eddie's too. "And you know how easy it is to fall for Claudio, huh? Don’t ya? So you're mad that I'm gonna love him too."

"Mox, look, I'm sorry I--" Eddie started to step forward but Mox stepped back quicker.

"Nah, man. You're scared, and you're being a bitch about it. You could just tell me, talk to me! You're insecure and you think I'm gonna leave you because Bryan and Claudio are something you're not." Mox growled. "I can't do it. If you don't want me dating them then we have to have to a serious fucking conversation about our boundaries, and I fucking hate you for making me have to talk like some fucking asshole. Boundaries." Mox scoffed at himself. "We've always been straight up with each other, man. That's what I expect from you. You just hide behind your fucking quips, and make snide remarks about a dude I love. That ain't fair to me, Eddie. You lied when you told me you were cool with this."

"...You're right."  Eddie nodded, his eyes on his boots as he stood with the weight of it on his shoulders. He fucked up. "You're fuckin' right."

"Hey." Mox was suddenly very close, his hand on Eddie's shoulder then sliding to rest on the back of Eddie's neck. "Need you to look at me, Bear." Mox whispered, his private nickname for Eddie never sounded so sad.

"Don't call me that right now, Moxie." Eddie looked up, meeting eyes with his partner to the harsh reality he knew was coming his way. "Not right now. Fuck."

"You know I love you right, Bear? I need to know that you know." Mox had water obscuring his blue eyes, threatening to become tears. "I love you."

"You love me, Jon. Of course you do." Eddie nodded. Their foreheads met and Eddie just knew the next words out of Mox's mouth would destroy his entire world and he would just have to accept it.

"I need a break from this, Bear." Mox finally said it and Eddie felt like he'd shatter. No one had that power over him but Mox. "I need a break from you."

"Of course you do..." Eddie nodded, and slowly started to untangle himself from Mox.

Mox tried to hold on but Eddie pushed until they parted. It stung more knowing Mox didn't want to let go. They both learned a long time ago about take care of themselves first, setting boundaries and walking away from the people that fucked them up the most. Eddie could still remember watching Mox chase after Rollins, the unhealthy obsession that Mox couldn't stop. Rollins was when Mox learned to step away, to pull himself back and make himself off limits to another person. Eddie had learned the same lesson from Claudio, but under different circumstances.

It all hit home when Mox's phone went off and Eddie could see the text from Bryan asking if Mox was okay. Why did Eddie hate Bryan so much? Why did he still hate Claudio? That was something he had to figure out because Mox couldn't take being the center of a war that wasn't even about him.  Eddie couldn't be an island anymore. It wasn't fair to Mox, and slowly as he gathered his bags he realized it wasn't fair to himself either. This had him twisted up, torturing himself like this wasn't it.

"We ain't breaking up." Mox's voice didn't sound as steady as he wanted it to sound. "I'd sooner lose everything else then lose you again, Bear."

"I know, sweetheart. We ain't breaking up." Eddie wanted to reassure Mox. "I'm not that easy to get rid of." Eddie winked and pretended he didn't feel a tear slip out.

"Of course you're not." Mox laughed harshly, shaking his head a little as Eddie was heading towards the door. There was something on Mox’s face, a fleeting look on his face that made Eddie smile a little.

“What?” Eddie stopped to watch Mox come a little closer. 

“Want a kiss before you go, Bear.” Mox admitted as they stepped a little closer to each other.

“Of course you do.” Eddie laughed a little as they got close enough.

They shared a soft kiss before Eddie had to peel himself away again. This time he got himself out before he could look at Mox again. It wasn’t their end, it couldn’t be, but Eddie was sore. He was hurt for the first time in a way that didn’t let him scorch the earth, even if it was his fault or not. Not only was this his own making but he had every tool to fix it. No drinking it away, no sleeping with whoever to get over Mox, no bullshit. Eddie had to figure his own shit out.

#we dont proof #i dont even know what i wrote tbh #jon moxley #Eddie Kingston #jon moxley x eddie kingston #jon moxley x bryan danielson #claudio castagnoli x jon moxley #wrestling fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #angst

[marshmallowprotection]

Unknown succeeds in kidnapping me bc instead of stalling or hiding and calling for help im just laughing at his fuckin boots 💀the entire car ride back to magenta he has to hear me talk shit

"Dude did you really have to deviate from the edgy bitch aesthetic with the cowboy boots? You couldnt even get black ones, or try to dye yours? Also why the hell didnt you tie your laces do you have any idea how dumb you would have looked breaking through that window only to fall flat on your face."

Anon is braver than the US Marines. I have no doubt in my mind that you're going to be going to a basement by the time you get there, but you are going to speak your truth no matter what, aren't you? He won't appreciate that you are trying to make fun of him. Do you know what happens to people that try to get into his head? Well, let's just say that we don't know where those people are anymore. I, for one, think they might be in the garden after Rika got done using them as test subjects for the many trials of the elixir.

Like, honestly, Unknown is just going to gag you at some point so he doesn't have to hear your nonsense anymore. He doesn't have anything to say to you about the subject. He got what he wanted and it doesn't matter if you're laughing at him. He's going to be the one laughing in the end because you're the one sitting in the middle of Magenta with wide, frightened eyes. Laugh at his preposterous boots all you want, but you're the one that's trapped.

I will say, though, I don't know if this man can tie shoes. I really do not know if that is something he was taught. Most of the shoes he wears throughout the game are slip-ons.

#ask #anon #mod kait #unknown #saeran choi #choi saeran

[nina-9900]

Hello! I don't know if you'd remember me (I went under a different username in an old account I deleted 2 yrs ago) but I just wanted to say that after returning to this hellsite after my long break I still think your art, general posts and blog as a whole is pretty fuckin neat 😌✨💖 and the kindness you showed me in giving me a drawing of Haru while I was having a rough time really left its mark and it's something I still think about to this day. Unfortunately for me I've lost the image but the memory of it isn't forgotten and heck as small of a gesture it may have been at the time it was a big deal for me and I still find comfort in it so thank you for that.

there's rlly no point to this ramble other than me just wanting to express my appreciation. i always love finding like minded people who love illumi as much as i do and the op behing this blog (aka u) seems to be a really nice person to boot so pat yourself on the back 🤝

- eccentric-deer (⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿⁠ゝ⁠◡⁠`⁠)💕

Hi, i do remember u, i always thought about u everytime i remembered that drawing and wondered how ur doing, im glad youre feeling better than before! I dont post often on tumblr anymore im going through what i would call artistic burnout cus its been way too long for it to be an art block, but im slowly starting to draw again, and i dont post abt illumi anymore, but i appreciate you liking my account, i did make it to make others feel better. I didnt expect a message from the account i drew haru for this morning, but its a very pleasant surprise. I still have the drawing here in case you want to have it again.

As i said i dont post that often but when i do post its on my other account @babillumi ,this one is abandoned ig, in case u wanna see more art or posts, anyways, thank you for contacting again, im happy youre happy

[localvoidcat]

entire fantasy au plot so far

i dont know what im doing with my life anymore but here's the story under the cut

so we've got mark. he's a guard/ranger that protects his town, he lives with his adopted sister sarah (doesn't know his family. yet :]) and he just makes sure everything is fine. he's friends with cesar who's some vampire guy living in an abandoned castle mark hangs out over there it's nice

anyways mark gets sent out to find these two bandits that have been causing trouble in the area, but their base is in a treehouse with a ladder. which is definitely because mark is a centaur and can't climb. so he enlists the help of cesar, who manages to talk to the bandits, but they refuse to come down (until threatened. at which point they do)

these bandits, adam and jonah, are thrown in jail but adam, who's this fuckin fish guy is like heyyy. let us out of here and we'll help you with your curse thing. for context mark's constantly being tormented by demons. like thats just always been a thing for him and he doesnt tell people. but he decides that he doesnt have many other options if he wants to get rid of it, so he breaks adam and jonah out of the jail and they strike up a deal that he wont turn them in if they help him break his curse thing.

well the only problem is that they have no clue how to. they're both bandits that don't know anything about magic so they just keep having to pretend that they do. constantly taking the other members of the crime quintet (mark, cesar, sarah, adam, and jonah) to random places, getting in trouble with high wizards, you know how it is. they realize that they have to actually find a way to fix things otherwise mark's gonna catch onto them.

meanwhile, over in mandelidon kingdom (the counties are different kingdoms in this au. bc they can be) we've got the mandelidon kingdom guard service (mkgs) and they're just this au's version of the mcpd. thatcher, dave, ruth, and evelin all work as guards.

one night thatcher gets sent out to investigate some missing persons in the woods, and when he goes out there she ends up getting attacked by a werewolf. it leaves but ae ended up getting bitten, so he manages to get back to the town and just collapses. doesn't tell anyone about the attack, mostly because he knows that something is absolutely wrong. and there IS something wrong because a couple days later she turns into a werewolf and ends up killing a couple townspeople in the process. people dont know that ae did it, and he isnt about to tell people that it was aer, so she keeps it a secret.

which is difficult because. you physically change in appearance after becoming a werewolf but she attempts to hide it. anyways he is constantly in this cycle of killing townspeople and then having to investigate the murders. while pretending to be a completely normal guard. he gets some relief from this when reports of a group of bandits in the town come in, and she goes to hunt them down, with ruth coming along

this group is the crime quintet, and they're like oh shit the guards are onto us. mark REALLY doesnt want to be reported so he's especially worried about this. thatcher ends up finding them but. oops he still doesnt have that werewolf thing under control. so she ends up attacking them and ruth has to intervene. but ruth and thatcher are tied in power so they just end up fighting until they both just collapse

uhhh the plot after this point is uncertain but what i DO know is that

thatcher has to run from mandelidon kingdom after the murders are found out (the werewolf thing is fine but the murders. are not), he ends up joining the crime quintet and ruth and dave go to find her. only to find out that hes working with criminals. just another day on the job

this is how mark and dave reunite though and we get some story there!!!

ill update this once i get more ideas but yeah take this for now

#tmc fantasy au

[king-of-knives]

Ghost of you

I know this isn't supposed to be mine,

I know I don't get to cry like you broke my heart,

When I was the one who did all the breaking,

Then why does it hurt so much.

I don't even know wtf is love,

But goddammit it hurts so much,

It wasn't supposed to be like this,

I thought the tearful nights would end after it.

Look at me weeping to the ghost of you,

Holding onto your collar,

My head pressed to your chest,

I don't who else to ask,

Why does it hurt so much.

Trust me I believe every word you said,

From the start to the end every single one,

You said you'll leave me,

So I did all I could,

To prevent that.

You said you'd never leave me aside,

And I never let you go,

Never kept things from you,

You told me I'm naive,

I believe that too.

You kept things from me,

And that's okay too,

You asked me to choose,

And i was ready to choose you over anything,

But you wouldn't even listen to me.

Push me away,

Then tell me everything is fine,

I told you I hated these things,

And I apologized for just speaking my mind,

Everytime.

You knew everything about me,

Things I fear,

My insecurities,

My demons,

And my flaws.

My worst nightmares,

All poured out to you,

My weaknesses,

Given to you on a silver platter,

And I know I took time,

But was taking some hours really a lot of time.

And I know I don't deserve this,

I don't get to cry like you broke my heart,

But you told me stripping bare for you,

Was mistake of mine,

But you told me you don't recognize me,

I'm not the one you fell for at that night,

You told me I'm doing this,

Cuz I got bored and just want a new muse.

And it's been three months,

You come back to me from time to time,

I can forgive everything I swear,

All the things I say that you did,

I'll take it all back,

I'll even take all the blame.

But your words stabbed me,

Like a million fucking times,

You knew exactly where it hurt,

How am I supposed to believe you,

When the knives are exactly there.

I never hide things from you,

Even the things that would hurt,

You're the only I ever gave everything to,

Tell me who I ask what to do,

If not you.

So it's 3 am again,

And Im weeping to the ghost of you,

The parts of you I can't unlove,

Crying in your arms,

Asking what to do,

Cuz no matter how hard I try,

Or how much it hurts,

You're the only one I'll ever believe in.

I can't go back to real you,

Cuz I don't want to,

You taught me that I can be loved,

Then why did you punish me to love myself,

Cuz God fuckin dammit,

Weren't you listening when I was shouting,

I BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SAY,

Even the hurtful things you say.

Do you really think it matters now,

When you say you didn't mean it,

Cuz the moment you uttered those words,

They were carved over my stone self,

That I'm naive,

That I overthink a lot,

That it was my fault,

I was acting delusional,

That I'm the bad guy,

Who will get bored and leave you one day,

That I'm not person you fell in love with.

So I ask to the ghost of you,

Baby what am I supposed to do,

Baby who am I supposed to trust,

When the only one I trusted with everything was you,

When I only ever felt to strip myself bare,

Was to you.

I told you I don't have much to give away as my heart,

Weren't you listening then cuz I mean everything I say,

Cuz darling you unknowingly broke me apart,

And I know it isn't all your fault,

But there isn't left in me to go back to you,

Or to try with someone else.

I've too many ghosts hovering over me,

Too less graves to bury them all,

So I guess I'll carry them with me till I die,

But I swear I can't add more ghosts to that,

Before I fell into the grave myself.

I can't tell apart the real and ghosts anymore,

And I know I don't deserve this,

I don't get to cry like you broke my heart,

But I still don't know who to cry to,

When it comes to the dark parts of me,

Except to the ghost of you.

Numb October nights,

Without you,

Cold November nights,

Fighting you,

Lonely December nights,

Left with the ghost of you.

How everything went down,

Seems like the heartbreak was bound,

But in all of the mess we created,

I just have one question to ask you,

I apologized like a million times didn't I?

Holding on to the ghost of you,

Tears streaming down my face,

Can't feel your presence anymore,

Baby how is it that you never said sorry?

And still I try to hold on to the ghost of you,

Cuz darling it's the only thing that makes me feel,

Except the numbness that has been with me forever engraved.

-s.b.

#ruru ki bakwaas kavita #poem #poetry #poesia #new poets society #poets corner #poets on tumblr #spilled poetry #original poem