#im fucked up over that whole situation

[stainedglass-sketchbook]

CHILDREN OF BHAAL

I adore the vibe of redeemed durge your sister killed your mind and took your place - it was the greatest gift she ever gave you

#orin the red #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 orin #the dark urge #cant stop thinking about orin #myart #durge vaye #still deciding what kind of c section scar to give vaye #went with a vertical scar for this one #the lore for vaye is that he got pretty far into his life as baahls chosen as far as milestones are concerned #became unholy assassin almost finished those plans to take over the world had a kid for sacrifice/back up bhaalspawn purposes ect #& was daddy's perfect little murder baby <3 until the lobotomy ofc #then only with memory loss was there was enough distance for him to actually face how fucked the whole situation #btw Orin did Vaye's top surgery c-section and lobotomy <3 #thats his whole medical team right there #when you wake up with no memory all you have is your body for evidence so i really leaned into that for vaye's scars #I gave him vash the stampede level scars lol #he wakes up knows 4 things: that hes been through metaphorical hell and survived that someone did a choppy job on his top surgery #that at one point he decided face + eye tattoos would be his thing and that hes had a child #Im debating whether or not Orin would outright kill the kid or if shed keep the kid around until theyre old enough to face her in a duel #Leaning towards the second #that means while vaye is wondering around faerun that kid is having arts and crafts time with auntie orin! (oh no oh no oh no)

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[astranauticus]

ok i like rushed through the whole orv webtoon way too fast so now i have thoughts going in like 5 different directions but ep121-123 drive me so fucking insane actually. every time i think about those two conversations i have to sit down

#orv #orv liveblog #like i feel like depictions of childhood abuse in fiction tend to depiction the relationship as some version of #'the one evil violent parent and the one good parent trying their best (it wasnt good enough)' #see: the twins parents from lc s2 is the obvious one but also like #going back to my roots lol but enji and rei todoroki? or hell even fire lord ozai and ursa #yknow theres this idea of like theres the one who was trying! and the one who fucked it all up #well yeah rei's the one who scarred her sons face but thats so obviously framed as like a trauma response outside of her control #like its not something youre reeaally meant to blame her for yknow #the WHOLE idea with kim dokja's conversation with yoo sangah is whether he's supposed to blame/forgive lee sookyung #wait ok those conversations drive me so insane like im feeling the alevel literature urge to fuckin close read quotes #that one line where he thinks like this is the vilest form of violence he can use against sangah goes by SO fast but it hit me SO hard #the idea of asking her to put herself in this nightmare situation she has no frame of reference for understanding or empathising with #and then asking her as someone who she rly cares about! to be the judge in this situation she cannot possibly fully grasp #and all of that being framed as an act of violence towards her. like asking her to do this knowing she cant possibly do it #but also 'did you want me to seem pleased to see you' 'a little (lie)' and 'do you think of me as a mother' 'a little (lie)' #like the pretense of a normal relationship over the yeah we know our relationships fucked over the #unfortunately we still talk and think in the same way and we understand each other way too well #ok wait but circling back to the original point. i saw this fucking incredible fanart on twitter that sort of goes into the like #how do you?? handle?? not knowing if youre supposed to blame your parent for something that they did that hurt you #like its this little animation thing thats all in kdj's internal monologue except for one line where its him saying #'im terrible. i deserved what she did to me' #and its like. yeah that would be easier huh. like the self loathing is easier to handle than the confusion and cognitive dissonance #full disclosure i saw that fanart literally a year ago before i knew jack shit about orv and the sentiment hit me SO HARD i just #havent been able to stop thinking about it for a whole year. like as soon as i finished 123 i immediately went to look for it in my archive #i checked the artist has a tumblr but that art is not on it and it bugs me so much i want them to know that they somehow like #managed to make art so painful it defeated both my non-orv reading self and my lifelong severe memory problems #i mean in comparison that line (that also went by alarmingly fast) about how without twsa back then like kdj would not be here today #like not so much to dig into just. Yikes #and him telling ysa all of this with that fucking smile on his face like thats the part that really gets to me just his *fucking expression

[24-guy]

When the usual off licence I go to has misgendered me twice now so I have to figure out if I need to go to a different one (change in routine) or if I change everything about myself so they see I'm a guy (lots of effort and money)

#worst part about this whole situation is that I've literally been gendered right in the same outfits this happened in #like the only thing that has changed is my hair and i already feel dysphoric over how 'long' it is right now #i just don't have the money to get it cut so im waiting to go back up to family but that's not until the end of the month #im just fucking struggling and i would be crying right now if i wasnt in the kitchen alongside somebody else #but as soon as they leave? im bawling #j is talking again #vent #i guess

[rosykims]

i actually cannot believe triss didnt get that fucking kiss. i hope ava's whole engine falls out of her stupid car <3

#oc: triss #I MEAN I KNOW THE OPTION WAS THERE BUT LIKE #triss has been NEGLECTED her whole life !!!! the only intimacy she's every had has been exploitative or situational !!!!!! #she wants someone to STAY with her for once in her damn life !!!! #and be loved in a permanent non transactional way !!! ava hitting her with the 'i COULD kiss u but then its over jsyk' <3 is so fucked #honestly its such a rebecca move 🙄 and once again triss left feeling like she has to beg on her hands and knees for scraps of love #which she just cant do anymore ! and shouldnt have to do ! #so yeah. ive had some time to think after sleeping on the end of book 3 and it just made me madder <3 #im especially annoyed that the kiss was followed up by the (admittedly cute) party scene. like no girl my detective is HEARTBROKEN #and MAD #she doesnt want to hang out with that fucking blonde freak right now !!!!!!! #kiss-rejecting detectives better have the option to stay mad at du mortain at the start of book 4 bc ive had it up to here w the bullshit !

[coffee-bat]

i haven't been having the best time lately

#sorry vent incoming in tags. you dont have to read you really can skip this #/so the day before yesterday i had a major argument with mom. about something incredibly small but she got super mad at me (basically i #suggested she might have made a mistake while cleaning the oven bc when i turned it on i smelled and felt burning chemicals. like- #-teary eyes and sneezing i wasn't imagining it. and she got super mad and started yelling) #for the whole afternoon it was either silent treatment or yelling abt how what i said is 'unforgivable' #and ofc rejecting apologies and attempts to calm the situation down bc 'this isn't something you can just fix with an apology' #i literally just asked if she's sure everything went right with the oven cleaning. bc it was done in a rush. #so anyway at 10pm i HAD to get the situation to a manageable level bc i was starving and she was in the living room (we have an open kitchen #) so if i wanted to get sth to eat i'd have to confront her. so screaming match ensued again with me apologizing and explaining my point - #and her yelling over me. it went on for 40 minutes. finally after me apologizing like 70 times she calmed down but said that 'what i did is- #-unacceaptable and she does not give permission for it to happen again'. i went to sleep without getting anything to eat of course. #and this fucked me up. bc i really thought we were doing better. i really thought our relationship would only get better now esp after we - #-bonded on vacation. but turns out not. and shes still lowkey mad. #THEN yesterday im studying for a zoology exam and mention it on the phone with her #she goes 'who do you have zoology for'. i respond with the name of the teacher. confused. #'professor (x) died on friday.' #?????????? #'it's not published anywhere yet so yeah YOU have to tell your class' #i had a panic attack legit. i threw up from stress. i couldnt do it. first off bc of shock and secondly bc how am i supposed tojust jump #into group chat like 'oh hey btw professor died' #thankfully the info was posted officially by uni at 10pm. so i didnt have to do it. but mom kept pressing me to the whole day #i was nauseaous all of yesterday bc of it. i couldnt manage to study anymore after the shock. sure he was older but he was so energetic and #seemed healthy. i wouldnt have expected it it was just. a huge shock. im still not over it #like you cant know someone for half a year then not be shaken when they suddenly die yknow. and mom is lowkey making fun of me like #'what were you emotionally attached??? he wasnt anyone close' #no he wasnt but im still shaken. and being mocked is only making it worse. as is having to keep studying for his subject for the next few- #-days. #sorry ok vent over theres just. a lot happening for me and im struggling i needed to let it out ig. theres just too much at once #vent #death mention

[beeapocalypse]

saw a post a while ago talking abt the for fun idea of samarie being related to caligura in some way (post was specifically abt her being his niece i think ?) and i didnt rlly think abt it much then but now its haunting me. could you imagine

#one samarie would have connections to the mob which is rlly funny but the REAL thing is the implications of her family situation then #rn im operating off the idea that she was an orphan that got handpicked by the ninth circle to sit in a dark room and wither away for her-- #--entire short life but the idea that she has a family who GAVE her to that (and even more so if the family is the mob! then theres the-- #--whole consolidation of power and its abuse by the religious going on even more in the vatican city) is NAUSEATING. caligura wouldnt-- #--recognize her in this hypothetical bc shes been away her whole life + never rlly connected to any of his shit but could u imagine if he-- #--did. the fuck is my weird ass niece who is supposed to be locked up channeling magic or whatever doing here ??????? #devising the worst nonplayable team up possible. caligura samarie pavel and august. caligura constantly bristling under the other two mens-- #--clear authority over the situation pavel and august eyeing each other like wary cats bc they do not know WHY the other is looking for-- #--the kaiser and samarie sweating in the background like ummm. um. can we look for marina now. please .

[tomwambsmilk]

I am now realizing I don't think I've ever really explained my Succession-Inferno analogy but it is something near and dear to my heart so. Buckle up I guess!

The whole thing is premised on the idea that Logan holds a lot of characteristics traditionally ascribed to the devil in literature. He's an excellent liar (far better than anyone else on the show), he goes out of his way to destroy relationships between other people because he can't stand it when people love others more than they love him, he presents himself as "uncle fun" to outsiders, he actively revels in sowing discord and conflict and betrayal whereas everyone else merely tolerates it. At the same time everyone around him treats him like a god. He deserves all their love, he is The Father who has created all they see, reality is manifested by his will and is simply whatever he wants it to be, he is all-knowing and all-powerful. But because their god is actually. you know. evil. the fruit of his continued power (and their continued worship of him) is nothing but misery and lies.

In Dante's Inferno, Dante goes on a journey through Hell, guided by Virgil. Virgil represents two things: the knowledge of morality necessary to understand what's happening in Hell and avoid being taken in by it, and the moral support and courage necessary to complete the journey. Dante journeys through nine circles that are meant to represent sins of increasing moral degradation. The first is limbo, who's actually just people who weren't bad at all but were never baptized and so can't go to heaven. That's where the pagan moral philosophers - including Virgil - are. After that, it's Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Wrath, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, and finally, Treachery. The order is very intentional, and rooted the belief that the early sins (sins of the flesh) are the easiest ones to fall into and ultimately are not as serious as the others - but, they also serve as gateways to the more serious sins. Each circle has sinners being punished in ways that are metaphors for the impacts of their sins. The devil sits in the ninth circle of hell, Treachery, where everyone (including the devil himself) is frozen in ice. The devil has Brutus, Judas, and Cassius in his mouth, and he chews on them for all eternity. Everyone around him betrayed someone they had an obligation to; the worse the betrayal, the closer to the devil they are frozen. The furthest away are those who betrayed their families (Cain); then those who betrayed their countries (Antenor); those who betrayed their guests and those who sheltered in their homes (Ptolemy); and finally, those who betrayed their masters, lords, and benefactors, which includes the three in Satan's mouth.

If Logan is Succession's Satan, then two things follow. First, Waystar becomes a metaphorical Inferno, where climbing the ranks to get closer to Logan requires climbing through the circles of hell and participating in greater and greater moral degradation. I think the character this most applies to, because we actually get to see his corruption arc over the course of the show, is Tom. And his arc, I think, arguably fits with that journey into hell. Season 1 gives us Gluttony and Greed, especially in 1.06 when he takes Greg to the restaurant and gives his spiel about how great it is to be rich. We also get his general obsession with nice things and with stuff, something which the Roys don't have, and something that seems to fade in Tom as his arc progresses. Season two gives us Wrath and Violence (Safe Room etc.), and Fraud (the cruise line scandal coming out). And then finally, at the end of season 3, we get Treachery. And I find it very very interesting that immediately before committing the act of Treachery, Tom asks Greg if he wants to make a deal with devil - something which turns out to mean both a deal with Logan, but also the act of betraying Shiv. Up until this point, you could argue that Greg had been riding along on Tom's coattails on this journey-through-hell - but the line "What am I going to do with a soul anyways?" means that, for the first time, he's actively consenting to what's happening. Sure, he doesn't know what's going on - but the line itself implies that it simply does not matter to him.

The second thing that follows, though, is that while Tom and Greg and the old guard have journeyed down to where Logan is, his children have been there all along. They grew up in a world characterized by Treachery, Fraud, Violence, Wrath, Greed, and Lust. Their arcs aren't about them becoming corrupted; their arcs are about whether they can escape the corruption they've always lived in. Everyone is frozen in that same ice together, but the ways they got here were very different.

Finally, the Virgil character is very important, because he doesn't have a corollary in the Succession half of this analogy, and that highlights what none of these characters have. None of them have a strong moral compass, and even if they did, none of them have the kind of support and moral courage to resist the allure of temptation. This is far more devastating for the Roy kids, though, because they've never had the opportunity to encounter a Virgil, whereas everyone else had to pass through Limbo - where Virgil is - before they could start going through hell. Or, in other words, with Tom et al. at some point there was an active choice to reject the moral compass and reject the moral support, which the Roy kids never had. But once you reject your moral compass it's hard to get it back again, hence why the further you get from Limbo the harder it is to find your way back.

#succession #didnt include this in the main post bc I didnt want it to be too long BUT #I also think there's an interesting tomshiv angle here #where. if shiv has been immersed in this world of corruption and moral degradation her whole life (ie frozen in that ninth circle) #is there really a world where they can be together and tom doesn't end up in that same corruption? #shiv isnt the one who corrupted him. not at all. but her whole world is corrupt and so entering into it is the only way to get close to her #its not her fault he entered into it in the first place bc he clearly did before he met her #but once he marries her he ends up even more committed and its even harder to get out #I also think there's an interesting angle re: dante journeying through hell to get to beatrice #who represents true pure selfless love #BUT he can make it through hell bc he has Virgil. so he DOESNT get sucked into the corruption and he DOESNT get stuck in the ninth circle #and HE gets to pass through the other side of hell and head towards heaven #I have a creative writing piece I started forever ago where tom has to take a dante class in college and over the course of the show begins #rationalizing his choices as part of a journey through hell where on the other side is beatrice ie: love #bc he's so invested in being in this world and his marriage is part of the world #and then finally realizing oh fuck actually im in the ninth circle and there is no beatrice on the other side #there is no redeeming quality here and I dont think my marriage can be saved #and that leads into to the choice to betray shiv #because you're already in the devil's domain and you have no virgil to help you out. what else can you do #not that the situation justifies his actions. but it creates the moral apathy required to go through with it #bc genuinely I do not think he would have betrayed shiv like that in season 1 or season 2 #so the question is what about him changed #and I think the progression of his corruption arc is a big part of the answer to that question #not the whole answer but it is important #maybe I'll finish it one of these days lmao

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[zemnarihah]

i think one of the worst feelings in the world is having uncertainty about your living situation it is literally so stressful and there's like... not much i can do right now...

#so k is still planning on moving and may be leaving the 16th of may. but doesn't know for sure. but apparently the apartment she wants says #she has to notify our apartment now that she will be leaving which means we both have to sign something that says she's leaving and i'm #taking responsibility for the lease.... and she doesn't know that she has it yet so she doesn't have someone to move in and take her spot. #i'm trying to get my friends to move in but idk if they will probably not. regardless if k leaves and we don't have anyone then i like #legally have to pay the full rent. i don't think she would leave me hanging like that but also i feel so uncomfortable betting my whole #financial situation on that because i would LITERALLY get evicted. like i cannot afford that under any circumstances. sooo. #and on top of that i'm still so scared that i'll end up with a roommate i don't like. ik that's like not even that big of an issue like i've #had that before and i'll survive but i don't want to have to deal with that like ik im being a baby but i just feel so scared about the #whole thing #like i kind of want to say no to signing the thing but that would screw kate over and definitely blow up our friendship but i really don't #feel like our friendship is in a place where i feel like i can trust her with like. my whole entire bank account and credit score. bc like. #that's what's at risk. #idk i'm gonna talk to her about it and just make sure that there's no other way and make sure that she promises to pay her part of the rent #until someone takes it over. and also probably talk to my parents and see if they're willing to bail me out if she DOES fuck me over... i'm #99.99999% sure she won't but. idkkkk my brain is just nagging me abt that one little chance...

[simptasia]

at this point i actually need my endless celeb crushes and my junk food to make me not turn to drugs

#i've suffered a lot in my life. and there have been times where im like #yeah... yeah i understand why drug addicts exist... #it would be nice to just be able to. force the happiness or contentment #now it being emotional suffering rather than physical it's become even more tempting #god give me the strength to not go down that path. because it'll fuck up my precious organs #the crushes induce serotonin. and they're not dangerous. the worst thing i'll get is second hand embarrassment #...the overeating so much junk food is more of a problem but i'll. i'll handle that. shut up. don't judge me #i gotta make myself not ruin my life. i have the rest of my life ahead of me and it can be really great #and mum wants me to have the life i deserve. where i have novels and the love of my life and my babies #it'll take time to heal but you can do it sapphire #this whole situation is so bad that at times i've even considered... therapy [gags] #but i'll fight that urge too. those fuckers won't get me

[timeisacephalopod]

Those like... Weird gun people I see mostly from the US who are utterly obsessed with owning a gun for "self defense" always going on and on about how they'll shoot anyone who basically even looks at them funny should just admit they don't care about self defense, what these people really want is to be able to shoot and kill someone and take pride in it while being revered as a hero for "defending" themselves or their family because yeah they obviously really, really want to kill people but since they know Murder is Bad they've invented a whole persona to justify their bizarre and disturbing murder fantasies that leaves them respected and heroic for killing someone.

Idk man those people freak me the hell out and are the last kind of person who should own guns in my opinion. Anyone that gung ho to kill people and see themselves as the "good guy" about it should not have access to weapons.

#winters ramblings #and they always cite killing someone over dumb shit like bding in their YARD. sure IS a good reason to KILL SOMEBODY #you think “”“”“”trespassing“”“”“ is a reason for MURDER??!? like im sorry but one of these crimes shouldnt even BE a crime and the other #is FUCKING MURDER WHY IN THE WORLD DO WE ACCEP THIS AS RATIONAL IT'S NOT ITS FUCKING DISTURBING #and its ALWAYS gun nuts that say this shit. like sorry but you REALLY want to kill people and be considered a hero about it #thats not normal OR healthy you dont need a gun you need to do SOMETHING about your disturbing fantasies #of killing people and being held up as a beacon of HEROISM AND MORALITY. the fact that someone would INVENT #several scenarios in which they KILL SOMEONE and THEY end uo the morally superior one is so fucked #those people SHOULD NOT HAVE GUNS i cannot believe theres a whole country who thinks this is a debate #because HALF OF THEM ARE FANTASIZING ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE AND BEING CALLED A MORALLY GREAT HERO ABOUT IT #like bruh your WHOLE attitude alone is a reason for gun control it is NOT normal to want to kill people this bad #and be the GOOD GUY in the scenario where you KILLED SOMEONE #this isnt to say self defense is bad either its just that wanting to kill people SO BAD you construct elaborate scenarios #where youre allegedly firced to kill someone just so YOU can be a hero is real fucked and i dont think the average person #who engages in self defense has this attitude. they just end up in a shit situation they arent FANTASIZING about being robbed #JUST so they can shoot and kill someone and praise themselves for it thats a whole different beast

[coffee-bat]

i think tf2 could really use a "behind you" command

#like in the past week ive had at LEAST 5 situations where i wished i could give a quick. that #mostly concerning spies #like sure 'spy!' is a command but 1) its so overused that almost noone reacts to it 2) its not specific. ok but spy WHERE #it comes up a lot in mvm #like the time i was running from respawn and my team was fighting the tank as a group. i was still far but i suddenly saw myself behind them #i yelled 'spy' while running to them but it wasn't enough and 2 got fucking killed. bc yknow. ok spy but where #or the time i was up on the roof with a medic that for some reason decided im worth healing the whole round (that's rare). we heard- #-the spy alert and i turned my attention away from sniping to watch out for the spy. medic didn't. he was standing a few ft behind me #i see a 'scout' running up towards medic out the corner of my eye. hes not seeing it. #i ran and miraculously managed to kill the spy with a pan RIGHT as he was starting the backstab #and like ok that made me feel good about myself and like i repayed the medic at least partially. but yknow. still way too close for comfot #(for context my turning isn't very good bc i'm using touchpad instead of mouse for looking around. so thats part of the reason i wish i - #-could warn people about danger that im unlikely to get to fast enough yknow) #anyway. ramble over sorry. im having game thoughts #ramble #tf2

[lesbianuhaulindustrialcomplex]

I did something recently that hurt my mom's feelings and the world has come to a fucking halt about it. Everyone keeps reaching out to me to be like "hey you hurt your mom's feelings idk if you know" even though she and I have extensively talked about it and I've given multiple genuine apologies because she keeps going to everyone who will still talk to her in our family (not very many people) and complaining about me and I'm just like. Genuinely I am very remorseful that I hurt my mother but like. Where the fuck was all this energy when she was hurting her fucking children for 30+ years?

#i technically uninvited her to something #the situation is that i planned a whole birthday party for myself and then BECAUSE MY MOM PICKED A HUGE FIGHT WITH ALL OF HER SIBLINGS #like 75% of the people i invited (my aunts and uncles and cousins) canceled on me #so i canceled my birthday party but asked my brother sister and my brothers wife to still come over that night #they were only coming to see my apartment for the first time. our plan was to get kind of drunk and loud and do karaoke on my couch #my mom has seen my apartment dozens of times #ive invited my parents over for multiple casual dinners. they HATE driving to my area bc its too busy #my mom HATES loud chitchat and music and bad singing and staying up late. #all things we did that night! #and if i were confident i could extend a polite invitation that would have been turned down for inclusion's sake then i would have done that #but i fucking didnt invite her! because she would have said yes! and then she would have been policing the event and my behavior all night! #BECAUSE SHE IS A DIAGNOSED NARCISSIST WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE SKILLS TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR #and i know she can't really help it. i know her life was so fucking hard. but she made MY life hard. she STILL makes my life hard. #i just wanted one fucking night to have fun with people that love me. just one fucking night! and she tried her VERY best to ruin that #even without an invite #and tbh in some ways she really succeeded in ruining it. half the fucking time was spent talking about her and how to handle this situation #and if this is a precursor to her gettting fucking worse again and going back to inpatient #im just fucking tired of it man