#im fine w my knowledge as is

[iaminatree]

the horrors may be everlasting but we keep slaying

#jonathan sims #the magnus archives #tma #tma fanart #yeah im prolly never finishing this but thats fine #got done w this piece at 1 am which is very fitting tbh #i hope yall like the design #the only thing i changed abt how i used to draw him in this is the dreadlocks #my reasoning was dreadlocks are easier to wash (to my knowledge) #and so i feel like jon would like that #bro likes finding cheat codes to being healthy (even if they arent really cheat codes) #anyways uhhh warnings #eye horror #trypophobia #(only a little but its still yucky)

[finn-shitposts]

I finally bit the bullet and quit my joooob !!! Now im gonna actually have time to rest and catch up on owed art and just fucjin sleep for 3 weeks

(And then scramble to find a job but thars for future me to worry abour)

#dw i still live w my parents and ill save my last paycheck for rent and testosterone ill be fine #but fuck im so relieved #like this job has been getting steadily worse over the past year. #it was meant to be a green/conservation based job but it ended up being 90% landscaping and garden clearances #and there was 0 communication and management and organization is fucking terrible like #its a wonder this company is still going #plus my terf coworker grinds my gears so bad i may have commited murder if i stayed any longer #the only good part of this job was my rly sweet supervisor who is also leavong at the end of the month skdjsj #hes so silly and kind and knowledgable and a bright spot in my life leo my best friend leo <3 he knows soo much about plants!! #anyway he reccomended some horticulture apprenticeships and my other supervisor mentioned an apprenticeship school type thing too #so thats what ill go for next year #so that i can actually work with plants someday. instead of hauling 2 tons of litter out of someones shed cos the owner cba #and the housing association/council refuses to do it cos its shit work #so they pass it off to us #anyway #finn.txt #im gomma be freeeee soon

[psychiclounge]

garrett being Just A Little Stitious in tdp >

#garrett thief #thief the dark project #im repeating myself from the post Just before this one but the watchman's grave one is always gonna get me so bad #considering how long this section of old quarter had been walled off i doubt that was even common knowledge #among thieves in the city at the time #but garrett not only still knew about it but was clearly Just superstitious enough to set some coins aside for it. Just In Case. #anyway i had to do So very much to get screenshots that weren't pitch black #my tma screenshots come out all fine but i had to go into windowed mode and mess w config files to get these #and oh my god its 1 am when did that happen #also i may have played the absolute worst thief of my life speedrunning these levels to each bit to take scs GLSKDJF #sorry basso you are Not getting out of there i'm here for urbex photos effectively #cutty's fine ig i never talked to him so he's in a perpetual state of near-death. which sounds worse actually RIP

[roboraindrop]

I went to the blog of someone I wanted to follow, checked out their f/o list and carrd to make sure they'd be cool w me following, got jumpscared bc they ship w the main character from the show that traumatized me as a kid dkshsksh Good for them tho, that character is so wholesome and deserves love (:

#i'm glad that the show is still around. it was my favorite as a kid before i ended up terrified of it for unknown reasons dksjsh #i used to have full on panic attacks upon seeing it in The Wild™. but now its gotten to the point where it just #feels like an electric shock or something? dksjskg #like I'm not actively terrified anymore but i see it and my body goes “!!!!!!!!!!!!!” in the worst possible way for like. five seconds dkdb #Its like that gif of the guy being compressed n then suddenly stops nbgoes 'im fine' #I dont pretend to understand! but it sure is a thing that happens to me huh #anyone w trauma knowledge wanna diagnose me #rain rambles

[ottitty]

Less of like. Pressure to move in and make plans and fuck and have lots of romance and have all things joint decisions and more like. I'd like to live my separate life w you in it but also kiss n cuddle n be there emotionally when needed sometimes.

#qpps #otter talks #is my fear of commitment/struggle with having fps making a big impact on how i experience and would like to experience relationships? #absolutely #but im ok with that and i'd rather Do That and define my own relationships w people #instead of being a really really shitty partner in a shitty relationship bc i feel the need to fit in with what society deems #'normal relationships' and an acceptable amnt of commitment #i once had someone tell me to my face they didnt trust and couldnt understand how i treat relationships #with the knowledge that it will likely end. with not looking for my 'forever person' and #also being ok with experiencing/acting on diff types of attraction w diff people (with consent ofc). #and thats fine! u dont have to get it! but im gonna do whats good for me instead of anxiously clinging to one person #. i really dont get how like. not going for 'relationship must last forever' or wanting to make huge life commitments #makes your relationship somehow less or you a shitty partner tho. so long as people both go at it with similar ideas in mind! #sorry. im tired n sick.

[silenthillbunni]

.

#idk how to even express this or put it into worlds but it is lying right under my skin and itching so i need to try #i dont feel safe in the world. anywhere. i dont wanna leave my home. i dont wanna be outside and interact w ppl #i want to minimize all interactions w ppl bc ppl are DANGEROUS and unsafe #everytime i find myself alone in a room w a man wheteher he's a doctor or physical therapist my entire body wants to flee. nd shut down #even if it's 1 in 1000 that smth will happen just then #and almost every single time it goes fine. im under so much anxiety and fear during that entire session #whenever im out for my late night walks in nature and i hear a sound im on edge the entire way home bc i can imagine a 1000 bad things that #could happen #so on so forth there are countless scenarios like these it'd take me too long to recount all of them #but also.. the knowledge that this is just how it is. this is the ways of the world. everyone knows it. nothing to be done abt it... #it's sould crushing to be aware of that. nothing to be done abt it.... nothing at all. it is what it is #it is ridiculed. enjoyed. fetishized. etc etc etc #it always ends w victims dont matter. not the feelings or trauma or opinions or voices. #all reduced to smth to get off to. merely an objects. and empty shell. that is the ways of the world. nothing to be done abt it #and nowhere is safe. ppl are either perpetrators themselves. or they are defenders of it. or contributers to the surrounding culture #no one at all in the world can be trusted. no one is safe. no one cares. no one will do anything other than #ridicule u. blame u. trigger u. defend the acts of abusers. that is the truth of humanity #the truth of the world. it's all built on this. there is no other reality nor truth #and other people are capable of accepting it so well. like they dont care. bc they dont care abt anything actually #but i just cant accept it. i'd rather die than live in this world. and why should i live when i'll always be alone because #no one. is. safe. no one can be trusted #they're all on the vicious cruel abusive side. they all are. nobody cares abt wrongdoings or abuse or pain inflicted. nobody does #nobody cares at all abt what happened to u. they'll keep upholding the abusive systems in place. #bc u dont matter. u never have and never will #i dont wanna go outside or be around ppl bc no one is safe. theyre all against your safety comfort and wellbeing. they all love suffering #i hate ppl bc they all contribute to abuse and rape and everything bad happening all the time. they do not care. no sympathy or compassion #nothing abt this world or humanity is good or kind. it is all cruel harmful venom.

[oatbugs]

the absolute audacity and gall i had taking 3rd yr neuroscience module (class?) as a 2nd yr philosophy+psychology student amongst all the medicine and biomed and neuroscience students . having not even done A level biology . anyway lol what if this was the last straw

#lol im actually going to burn down the world #ive done neuroscience modules b4 but not at this level (above my own yr) and not w the actual #life sciences (neuro/biomed/med etc) department #i dont. get it. #theyre assuming knowledge on molecular biology and im here understanding like 3 words per sentence 😁 #itll be fine !!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i wasnt expecting them to let me but now i have to face consequences to my own actions

[flovverworks]

about to close my folder and seeing these aauuuuuUURRRRUuuGGGHHHGGGGHHGGHGHG <-person with lots of thoughts on akira & the twins

#stardust speaking ! #the no1 ppl of akira forgetting but knowing but also not rly getting their actual age #the trust....the comfort.................the 'since ure the child in need of reassurance we will be the adults' jumpscare #everytime i rmbr their bday cards this year and how they look 5 i laUGH THE CARDS ARE SOOO CUTE BUT ITS SSOOOOOOOO FUNNY #how is akira supposed to react knowing they have sm knowledge while looking like they barely started school #them saying Anything about figaro n oz while sounding like granpas but its the yt loading circle over akiras head while they process (again #that snow n white are older than them #head in hands white in the snow and akira brushing the snow off him. aurgh. #IN MY MIND the twins n oz (n figaro sometimes) r the ppl akira will turn to first when it comes to this n that #after that its development specific #cain is also up there. cain n the twins especially have Rly good first impressions w akira #figaros mostly up there cuz the whole 'tell me whats wrong and i will tell u itll be fine' event + if its doctor stuff....the obvious..... #oz is oz #i actually have so many thougyts about this whenever im writing & somethings involved witht he wizards LOLLLLLL

[latinokaeya-moving]

so funny to remember the range of my so called special interests is like. random starter character from anime gacha game to the historical changing perception of the farc during the colombian armed conflict. duality <3

#x #vibrates w the exact same kind of ethusiasm n barely contained excitement at the idea of rambling on and on about both but obviously one of #these is more palatable to talk abt in a fun fact way online LMAO #it’s fine my cousin and mum have been listening to me talk about it since it’s the topic of my dissertation and it works bc they obviously #would have knowledge / a specific view on that stuff that i naturally wouldnt as someone not born/raised in colombia #it’s really cute though earlier i was explaining to my mum what i wanted to discuss abt and she like perked up and was like OH u should talk #about this one guy who lead an offensive in bogotá it’ll be really good in ur dissertation im sure :-) and i was like :D !!!!!

[perenlop]

im only 4 episodes in and theres so many characters already wow

#hgh i dont wanna be harsh bc im early on and ik this is an adaptation and not the main thing #but man idk this is a bit of a red flag for me #madoka had 5 main characters but all of them felt memorable and likable #bc they werent all there at the same time and we got to bond w them before the drama really kicked in #here its like ‘’aw look at how cute rena and kaide are WAIT SHIT OH MY GOD THEYRE GETTI BC EACH OTHER KILLED oh no its fine’’ #like in the span of two episodes and its like. im struggling to get everyones name down bc it feels like theres so many characters #and a lot going on #echoed voice #and its overwhelming and i feel like im struggling to really like all these characters and get upset when something happens? #again we’re early on and ik this is based on a game where u unlock characters so i get the bigger cast #im just saying it may work better in the game bc as of now im just overwhelmed #magireco lb #like in pmmm episode 4 we’d already gotten a death yeah but its still paced slowly enough for u to process that #and i was like upset when she died and had like a strong reaction to sayaka making a wish with the knowledge we have

[possum-tooth]

happy wednesday i cannot wait until friday ~9p <3

#i get to see him again 🥰🥰🥰🥰 #i also took an edible a little bit ago so bear with me as i write my stream of consciousness <3 #anyway hi hello hi for the the llove of god Hello how are u i love you happy wet beast wednesday to those who celebrate. i hate not seeing #him now! whats WRONG with me!!!!!! wheres the cold hearted bitch i usually am.. theyre dead and i killed it >:) #anyway also very extremely dangerous knowledge that i can stay monday nights potentially too.. like girl what the fuck is going on #like i made it back w plenty of time.. pavloving myself methinks #maybe not pavlov idk man im high idk anything. anyway i cant wait for friday bc i get to See Him aagin + we're going to [redacted] #but i havent bought a ticket yet so im a leedle scared but. itll be fine. right. tell me itll be fine #Also in a dilemma. i have a concert coming up and other dude said he wanted to go but hasnt bought a ticket bc he doesnt #know if/when he'll get a job so he doesnt wana buy it then not be able to go but how do i ask in a nonannoying way. hey are u going or not. #i need an answer and soon bc im freaking out bc if i ask my bf if he wants to go and he Can then itll be weird maybe. idk maybe not?? #is it just me?? would it be weird to hang w ur bf and another person u met on a dating app?????? #apparently not tho i guess bc hes done it like twice w me so. maybe not?? idk and its driving me insane anyway #good god this edible is Hitting. its been like 20 min wtf #and this was cheap shit! like $8 for a 10 pk i think! and its knocking me on my ass tf!! #anyway. happy do you wear wigs wednesday i love you and hope your week is going well <3 if youve made it this far um. congrats ily #talk tag

[angeltrapz]

kinda tmi under the cut & in tags lol (pcos/menstruation talk)

found out my constant stomach pain might be ovarian cysts bursting and the doctor basically said "well that sucks lol :)"

#like yeah! it fucking does! i dont want to move! #but thanks for putting someone w pcos on a birth control that has the side effect of not getting periods! #with the knowledge that my body cant regulate them on its own! #im. im just so tired. of everything. #connor.vtxt #theres absolutely no reason she cldnt know abt my pcos. she had my file. did she just not read it?? #basically said 'yeah its fine that you dont have a period. oh but youre in constant pain & are deeply depressed? that sucks' #this is why i dont trust medical professionals sometimes

[thefunniestguy]

OUGH

#vent #vent in tags #i genuinely wish so badly that i could go back just . 2 years w the knowledge i have now #current living situations are bad and im not being dramatic when i say that ONE decision made everything the way it is today (not good) #i dont care if id have to go through any of the bad days again - i would relive every single one of the bad days from these 2 years #if it meant i could change that ONE thing . im not even sure i could convince my family not to do it but id do anything to just TRY #ough deja vu doesnt help wh #anyway YEAH looking back at old pictures i donot care about any 'good' that came from it bc the bad is so much worse #i dont even care if i learn a lesson from this. i HAVE but its a lesson i already knew and didnt need to 'learn the hard way' #its stupid but . at this point my little brain is practically wishing on stars and wish fountains /hj #i just wanna . start over . start this point of my life over . rewrite this certain chapter yk #theres a lot i wouldnt do different but . those little things that had a negative domino effect yk ? #i know theres no going back seeing as my life isnt a movie so . i know i just have to move on and do what i can but #the frustrating part is theres so little that i can do . no matter how hard i try nothing i do to try and help this is even worthwhile #GRRRR and if i said the reason then it would sound ridiculous and dumb so im not gonna say but its genuinely not ridiculous and dumb to me #ive got one year until i can attempt to put this behind me but hhhhh ill feel bad bc im also leaving the people i actually care for behind #imean my friends are fine off- this doesnt affect them- but ive spent all my life trying to protect my mom and sister anddd #i wont be there to protect them #HHHHHHHHHHhhhh

[spohkh]

i love being able to explain absolutely anything i do these days with "listen... im almost 30." bc like. brother im almost 30. so fuckng who cares and also leave me alone

#my boss asked me how my exam went yday and i was like probably fine but honestly i dont care that much either way what grade i get #what matters is do i feel comfortable w the content for the most part and the answer to that is yes #so if i get a B or a C on a test who fucking cares genuinely. #im almost 30 years of age im so beyond letter grades meaning anything to me #what matters is if i get it back and see i was making consistent mistakes in a certain area then okay lets revisit and understand #a test is not there to measure my self worth its there to show me where my gaps in knowledge are so i can fix it #god bless🫶🏼 #grad schoolin

[butch-errant]

.

#i get such massive crushes on ppl #and like it is possible to remind myself that they aint feel that way back and either kill off those feelings #or at least not engage with those feelings lessun im alone #and like it makes me feel alive an i aint really got another outlet for romantic love? at least rn #but it also makes me end up feeling inordinately sad when ive been by myself thinking about that #daydreaming about people and what our lives could be like together #but im not. dating material. romance material. worth it. what ppl are looking for. #take your pick. all it means is that i cant conceptualize an interaction with someone where they arent holding me at arms length #and its a self-fulfilling prophecy because i accept that thats what i deserve #im gonna be fine after ive cried myself to sleep and this is not out of an actual expectation that these people would feel any type of way #because theyre all ppl with their own lives and im just a bit part in it or some fun or smth. and im legitimately good w playing that role #im just glad to be in these ppls lives to the extents they want me to be #i think my sadness mostly comes from the knowledge that whatever place i hold in their lives is impermanent

[whomturgled]

feelin pretty normal

#regular and average. #actually at this point a little numb and genuinely normal as a result. so. this is. kinda true. #LIKE nothings wrong but also everythings wrong. but we keep going. #like im being so fr that im actually fine like nothing in particular is AAAHH urgently screaming #just a little overwhelmed with life n all the things i wanna do and be and experience and how little progress #i have achieved so far and how close yet far out of reach everything feels #while ignoring my inner traumatized child who is like oo aa scawed of potential change so prob lowkey sabotaging myself w/o realizing yet yk #teehee ^___^ #oh and the state of the world and society and knowledge it sure is not built for ppl like me or a lot of ppl tbfh #and inevitable end of world and the horrors etc etc #but also wow humanity live laugh love #XDDDD yknow??? big things lil things everything and depending on which thing i think abt and if i think abt it too long #but overall like. fine. just a lil congested n depressed akfnfbsije