#im feeling all sorts of shit and i just

[craycraybluejay]

You said in tags once that pedophiles and child predators aren't the same, can you explain why? /GEN

For the same reason that people with any kind of attraction to anyone ever aren't all rapists/don't all pursue romantic/sexual feelings that could or definitely would hurt the other person. Because paraphilias are simply the morally neutral state of experiencing attraction and rape/grooming is Not That. Because people *choose* to hurt others, but not what they feel. Because a good majority of child sexual abusers aren't even pathologically/paraphilically attracted to children, they *just want to hurt them because they can.* Because they're dissatisfied with something in life, or want a punching bag, or want to feel powerful, etc etc.

It's not really different conceptually from physical abuse. Do people do it because they have icky feelings about liking blood or violence? No. They do it to feel powerful. Sexual abuse is not about sex but about power. Hope this answers your question. I've answered it a good million times on this blog but eh I'm in a generous mood.

#anon response #pro para #girl imagine if ppl blamed randomass sadists for me getting beat up as a kid #like. no. thats not how that works. if they got off on hurting me in a literal sense they mightve been a little nicer ab it. #honestly its just flat out offensive to equate thoughts and feelings with abuse #regardless of someone's pathology you can always choose to do good and always choose to do evil #what you do with that ability is up to you. but rather than focusing consequences on random 'freaks' maybe focus them on #'normal people' who decide to covertly abuse their kids. or the priest who got tired of being godly and did some fucked shit #it is not the freaks you should fear but those who put on a face of normalcy while treating others like garbage and hurting people #also mostly those that are self aware know how to Be Good so to speak and im saying this broadly ab all 'dangerous' thoughts #ppl who know they can get triggered into violence will usually avoid sais triggers. ppl who spiral out of control during an episode will #have someone watch over them or find some way to offset any possible damage #even for people in whom some sort of harm is an instinctive reaction and not a conscious decision #steps can be should be and are taken to minimize problems and recover from anything that needs it #i trust a big 3 paraphile easier than an unstable person in power with no self awareness #because ive met both and only one has ever seriously hurt me. guess.

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats #bc that's basically that moment for light i think #light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all #but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way #nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so #he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise #almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things #this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just #enemy feels for L you know #bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him?? #whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move #and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L #and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well #heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship #he will get #and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting #any complicated feels #like he otherwise probably would #because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L #both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself #would he call it a crush to himself yet #no probably not #i feel like that came later much later #he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho #essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels #and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #p

[camgirlkaminari]

i just caught up with the latest chapters and like. those dudes definitely made out right? like that's not even subtext? like horikoshi fully said one and two absolutely went hog wild upon each other like. in the text, right??????? I have other, more cool and normal thoughts, but what is really important to me right now is that. those dudes definitely canonically got nasty. right???????????????????

#other things to note: oh my god afo absolutely gave shigaraki his brothers hand. unbelievable #also: what happened with hawks? did he fully get absorbed into afo? why was he all the way in there like that. did i miss something #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #but really like what the fuck is this story about. all might starts off like yeah you gotta swallow my dna #NOT lets do some sort of. blood oath where we manfully exchange bodily fluids #thats soooo specific #like heroes rising? they touched bloody hands but this is NOT a syphilis situation this is a #katsuki had to have stuck his nasty little fingers in his mouth before they could start the fight. which is SO funny to imagine #and then im back to yoichi and how he must have given away his quirk the first time like #like. doesnt it sound like kudou was like i feel weird. better get a pregnancy test about it #right? right? am i insane here? #bruce says hm. youve got some weird little unformed thing in there #kudou replies: hm. its just as i expected. i knew ever since the time we made love under the moon something about me was different #right? #ugh a lifetime of trying not to read to much into shonen shit im truly like. grappling with this #they fucking. fucked. right?!!!????!!!

[orangechickenpillow]

I think regardless of whether or not this is a bad idea, or the fact that watcher needs funds to create these shows (which is real and valid), whether this works out for them or not, ultimately, this change is going to result in the loss of community.

Let's be so real: people are going to record their new stuff and post it on youtube, or other piracy sites. That's just a fact. People do it with netflix, they do it with hulu and apple tv and movies, etc. etc. People are going to find ways to watch watcher's shows without paying for them. But, if I were to go and watch the next season of ghost files on a piracy site (cannot believe I just made that sentence, btw), the thing is, I'm not going to come and post about it here on tumblr. When the previous seasons dropped, I was making posts while I was watching, just of my thoughts and stuff -- and I was liking other people's posts they were making while they were watching. And it was a great time of us all reacting to the episode. But now, if people are able to find the content for free, there's not going to be any of that. We'll watch it, and maybe we'll be able to enjoy it despite all of this, but even if we post about it, it's not going to feel like a community anymore because so many people will be out of the loop. So many people won't know what's going on, or what we're talking about, because they weren't able to watch it. Even if you take out the piracy aspect, that's what you're going to have. The fandom (or, unfortunately, what's left of it, if we're being real) will turn into People Who Have The Subscription and People Who Don't.

This is so long and dramatic, and I've got things to do today that don't revolve around internet shows, but even so: I feel like we have the right to vent our feelings and then move on however we see fit, so that's what I'm gonna do. Last thing I'll say (for now at least lol) is that I understand why watcher is doing this, I understand that raising enough funds to do what you want is hard, I understand that above all they are a company that wants to do ambitious things and will need the money to do so. That being said, this has created a shitty situation for a lot of people who have been watching their content for 9 plus years (because really, the watcher shows were an extension of their buzzfeed shows) for free and are now being faced with a "pay or don't watch at all" ultimatum. So, I get why they did it, and I get why people are upset.

#tw discourse #tw drama #just in case because holy shit this all feels so dramatic and I have NEVER seen any sort of discourse happen in the bfu or watcher fandoms #Im sure stuff has happened but I personally have not seen it #this is all so new and unreal #anyway like I said im done for now #just thought id get out my final thoughts #might delete later - this is all so weird #watcher entertainment #watcher #tw long post #tw rant #vent post

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I'm in such a drastoria mood right now and I feel even more starved than I do with scorbus oh my god

#why do i keep latching on to such niche ships #why couldnt i be into dramione or smin theres all sorts of dramione shit #except i actually hate dramione with a passion so sorry #i feel like im in the trenches #ive just opted to listening to love songs and applying them to it bye #i keep trying to figure out which taylor swift album they are and ive decided theyre uh every single one #but i think mostly 1989 #but i am very persuadable to literally any of them #theyre literally my parents did you know #give these underrated angels more content i stfg #and when i try to look up fanfiction half the ones tagged with drastoria are actually dramione 😐 #let me live plz #drastoria #scorbus #draco malfoy #astoria greengrass

[toytulini]

Okay i have yet to see a post about this that isnt filled with ppl being Annoying as Fuck on it, but,

theyve found wreckage of the submersible, it imploded (thank god, thats better than a drawn out suffocation over the course of several days, implosion means it was pretty much instantaneous) and the us navy have revealed they heard a weird sound on sunday from about where communication with the sub was lost, that was probably the sound of the implosion, [implied that they didnt say anything cos they didnt want to jump to conclusions without evidence of a wreckage, if there was a chance they were still alive.] no idea what the banging sounds were.

I do hope rescue efforts are extended to the migrants off the coast of greece, and am angry and horrified at their mistreatment, and that the media clearly cares less for their fates than that of the billionaires on the sub.

also, while i have you here,

The difference between a submersible and a submarine is not that one is safer. The titan was a submersible that was unsafe, but that is not because it was a submersible.

A submarine (or sub) is a watercraft capable of independent operation underwater.

A submersible is a watercraft designed to operate underwater, usually supported by a nearby surface vessel, platform, shore team or sometimes a larger submarine.

submarines generally dont go as deep as our deepest submersibles, but some can be down there for months at a time bc it is like. a self sufficient Ship. not all submersibles can go crazy deep, but to my knowledge, the only crewed vessels that can go that deep, are submersibles. (Alvin, deepsea challenger, limiting factor, trieste, fendouzhe or "striver").

#toy txt post #titan submersible #if ppl start being annoying on this post. ill turn off reblogs and block all of you. make your own post. #reblog the other ones where people are already being annoying #yes i hate billionaires. but im glad it was a quick death. it was a horrific situation. hope those migrants are given support and help. #i hope oceangate is fined to hell and back and bankrupted and never gets to put anyone in any sort of vehicle ever again #especially not in the ocean. im a little glad that ceo is dead in his own stupid sub im just frustrated he was able to take other ppl with #him. the fact that he was able to operate that unregulated non safety standard meeting ass vehicle and charge people money to ride in it is #fucking insane and unconcioable however you spell that #and now i need to go shower real quick and try to get like. a little over 3hrs of sleep. which will suck but i did accidentally nap for #like? 2 hrs already so it doesnt suck as bad as it could. goodnight please dont be stupid on this post please please please #if you have a hot take on the situation im begging you to hot take it Some Where Else! thank you! good bye #im not gonna bother linking shit feel free to fact check just fuckin. google titan submersible. James Cameron is tossing his 2 cents in now #saw 2 separate articles on that already. thats fine i guess he has been down there in safer vehicles so i guess he can shit talk how unsafe #it is. anyway. saw someone in the comments of a post say it was a submersible bc it was too unsafe to be a submarine and i wanted to start #screaming. thats not what those fucking words mean! at all! god! #irl death #idk what else to tag #behave. bye

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

brainstormin'

#i am sorting out Ideas #i feel like for him while the hair like. Is tied to the transition its also like a. mental health thing #its not just cutting this is going to ease the dysphoria its this shit is long and greasy and it makes me feel bad yk #plus shorter hair is easier to wash! therefore you shower more therefore you feel better #i think the fact his hair is grown out by dark era is just a sign of Spiraling #had he been able to bother about it he wouldn't have let it get to there in the first place #i think beast dazai should have longer hair than dark era #he feels a lot like that post thats like im probably trans but i dont have time for that rn #probably puts his hair up in a bun or smth #does this all make sense #anyway also wheres that post where its like dazai would do his own top surgery while he was in hiding because im subscribed to that #that is what happened #my art :d

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[oozeandgoo-art]

stupid asshole who lives in my brain

#haven #oc #traditional media #monochrome #lineart #sketch #horrible beast who i am finally closing in on a narrative for #im so glad honestly i hate having characters just float around disconnected from any kind of actual story with no point #kind of fitting that he was stuck being a tool without a purpose for a while honestly lmao #in terms of a character i have he was very much a purpose-built tool for specific situations #and then i stopped doing oc erp so he stopped being useful #as a *character* he was also about being a tool purpose-built for specific situations (managing really complicated operations #and doing extreme violence to lots of people at once) and now his narrative is about him doing his best to get rid of the situations #and then discovering he doesn't have a purpose and going completely off the rails about it #unfortunately (fortunately? makes him fun to write) he is also an overdramatic entitled pissbaby of a man without the good sense god gave a #rock so he does all sorts of dumb stupid shit all the fucking time if he feels even a little bit bad so he does nothing normal about this #when its done ill share it #ah shit i forgot about . alt text hang on #this one's really only for archival purposes anyway i cant imagine anyone's reblogging this man to their dash #he's so annoying. #ok fixed the alt text

[jorvikzelda]

I started reading Lord of the Rings (bought Fellowship of the Ring like… last spring but never got around to starting) and I’d just like to say. Holy fuck what a slow book. You mean to tell me I’m over a hundred pages in and this man is only just leaving the Shire? Sign me up for MORE I love this shit. Tolkien said “I will take exactly as much time as I want to describe things and you will like it”. AND I DO

#i can already tell this is the sort of thing that’s going to be so good I’ll never recover from it #I’ve watched the movies like casually-in-the-background a couple times so I know the approximate plot #(they often run on TV somewhere around Christmas and New Year’s in Sweden so they’ve been on more than twice) #but there’s so much detail here that’s just… missed out on… in the films #Or I forgot about it lmfao #Either way loving the book detail #And also reading a book for the first time in months i told my mom id been reading today and she was like YOURE READING?! #It’s part of my social media healing process. Forcing me to like… sit down and take shit in #Used to DEVOUR books when I was younger #Just Kinda Stopped at some point (much like every other former gifted kid) #But it’s a well missed moment of escapism and calm and centering myself. meditative almost #I find lotr to be good also because it’s like… a little heavy. You can read a chapter and then sit with it for a little while #Im not quite reaching the heavy cliffhangers yet either #Each chapter feels pretty concluded #It’s a healthier reading method I feel than the ‘devour in one night then don’t read for 6 months’ thing I did in high school #the few times i DID sit down to read a book #God damn those are some long tags #z talks #not horse game #I feel so late to the party because I always see all these people enjoying lotr ;-; its so established and here am i…. #but alas

[waluigisgaybf]

Lineart turned out well!!!!! and I added colour to his eyes for a nice lil pop of red 😩👌

BUT GOD, Im legit so happy with this

#there’s obviously parts Im not fully happy with or sure about- #but thats just how it be so like- #BUT IM STILL JUST FEELING REALLY GOOD AFTER GETTING THIS SKETCH OUT BECAUSE IVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO DRAW FOR FUCKING WEEKS #I push WAY to hard with my pencil- still to this day- #so shit like his teeth got all sorts of fucked up by the end of ahdjdjdk but they still look nice!!! #Astarion Acunin #Astarion #BG3 #waluigisgaybf #waluigisgaybf art #my art #sketch #Astarion sketch #bg3 Astarion #Astarion art #character sketch #Baldurs Gate 3 #Baldurs Gate 3 Astarion #fangs #red eyes #bg3 sketch #vampire #eternallyodd #eternallyodd art #idk thats my other handle I used to use so- #idk ????

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️ #personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

watching space station videos for fic research and this astronaut is explaining how they sleep and that they dont really lie down because it always feels like shes still standing up anyway. she says "i dont have any sensation in my head that tells me im upside down so it doesnt matter"

i think thats what time sense is like. this thing in your brain that makes you able to orient yourself like in relation to, like, gravity? humans float in time like astronauts float in the space station. theyve got nothing in their brain telling them whats up and down.

and i dont know physics but like gravity distorts time along with space right? thats what they told me in world enough and time right? magic space hole, dont call the lift, cybermen problem

anyway i think thats what it's like. just like feeling gravitys effects on time? and then when it disappears or gets broken, which i hc happens with the master a bit after the timelords take away the drums and then relatively soon after that they regenerate very close to a black hole TWICE. TWICE AT ONCE. i think those things together mustve really fucked with their time sense i dont think the master can orient themself very well anymore, cant tell whats up and down anymore, just always floating

#theyre showing oUT THE WINDOW TO EARTH NOW AND SEEING THE VOID OF SPACE AROUND THE EARTH IS FREAKING ME OUT HOLY SHIT #THERES NOTHING THERE #ITS JUST NIGHT #anyway i think about the masters time sense a lot #bc i think when they HAVE it. like all their life. it's already fucked #i think the drums fuck it up #or like thats a manifestation of its fucked upness #anyway i wrote that whole vault fic abt it so you know but like #i think when they have their time sense it's sort of like. a stripped screw? #or like. something that doesnt stop when it should #im trying to think how you could say that with the gravity analogy but im not sure #but i think when they have it it's like that. like kinda in overdrive? and then when they loseit #or most of it. it must be such an adjustment #like first time is so insistent and relentless and constant that it Hurts and then all of a sudden it's so hard to feel #you feel like youre floating all the time #first youre dizzy one way for all of your life and then youre finally used to it and they take it away so now youre dizzy ANOTHER way #the master on earth in their first years after regenerating not only manually transing their gender but also #trying to adjust to this new disability #and then finding hte doctor and not only are they now sudddenly this super special person in your eyes #but also they seem to be doing FINE #you got fucked up like three times over in your attempt to be friends with them and they just MOVED ON