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#im dying please bring back the cool weather
kookaburra-laugh · 4 years
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It's over 100°F but my @hollow-head Good Vibes sweatshirt got here today so of course I had to try it on
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moonlit-imagines · 3 years
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Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child
Hope van Dyne x child!reader
Scott Lang x stepkid!reader
warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons
a/n:
prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”
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growing up as a lil smarty pants
grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much
once every few years
but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)
“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank
“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope
“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank
“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you
“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank
“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope
your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless
she wanted to be different from her dad
so she showed up to EVERYTHING
birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it
“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope
“mom, i think i’m dying” -you
“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead
life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work
“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren
“thank you!!!” -you
uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!
anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan
thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit
“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you
“why would i lie?” -hank
okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration
you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!
but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party
“hi!” -you, waking scott up
“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard
“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”
bullet ants were just crawlin around the place
“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott
“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly
“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”
mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰
and let you use scott as a punching bag
but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times
“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott
“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you
“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott
chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK
hank had to tell u to cut it out
“dont tell them what to do” -hope
“someone has to” -hank
“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope
“do they do this often?” -scott
“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you
“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott
ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots
scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit
“you alright, y/n?” -scott
“murder is okay, right?” -you
after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh
and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance
“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie
“hey, me too!” -you
you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott
and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨
one you insisted on being apart of
“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope
“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you
“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank
scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did
and just corny stepdad shit
but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited
“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)
“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy
shading him the whole time
“ach mein gott” -you
“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE” -scott
“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you
“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott
“WELL IT’S NOT” -you
“did you at least miss me?” -scott
“sicher habe ich” -you
“god dammit” -scott
surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)
as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles
scott acted like a proud dad
“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott
“halt die klappe” -you
“please stop” -scott, tearing up
finding out about ✨grandma✨
she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not
“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you
“okay” -hope
“what? really?” -you
“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope
scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it
“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”
okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????
“is my mom with you?” -you
“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott
you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him
“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott
“the world sucks, man” -you
“i can see that” -scott
he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared
“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott
“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”
“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott
you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her
busy ~saving the world~
and going to 2012 with scott
“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you
“‘might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony
“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott
next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u
“im gonna stab you!!” -you
“no!!!” -scott
the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧
okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines
“y/n????” -hope
“mom????” -you
“scott!!!!” -scott
“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”
the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn
“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope
“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you
“they grow up so fast...” -hope
i n s e c t f a m
insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after
that’s one solid family 😌💖
anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy
with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott
you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //
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creepyimagines · 4 years
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if ya wanna write somethin for my dumb lil idea im totally cool with that but! 's up to you! - Daynon
[[Oooh hell daynon I love you no homo -X]]
Alex Krailie-
Legit I have no idea how you got with this dude, but lemme just say he loves you.
The only person on set he treats well? Perhaps.
If you're one of the actors, he'll be absolutely stoked to practice lines with you or watch you on camera on the last tapes already recorded.
Does get jealous easily but only if you're around Tim at all. He tries not to interfere, knowing you both are in his film and might be discussing business pertaining to his movie, but he keeps an eye on you. It's not that he doesn't trust you! He really does. He just fuckin hates Tim.
If you have a dog...... Please don't bring them to any shoots.
Jk. If you have a dog, Alex will not complain one bit or feel agitated that you brought them. He loves your dog and even if they're indifferent towards Alex, he loves them because they're yours!
If you're behind the camera while another scene is being shot, KISS. HIM. TO. DISTRACT. HIM.
"Say B roll footage one more time, Alexander, I swear to fUCK."
Vibe sessions where you guys discuss the plot and script while he lets you actually voice your thoughts on it and takes most of it into consideration.
Jay Merrick-
You bringing Jay along to shoots and filmings? More likely than you think
Please bring him. He loves to see you on set, even if you're not even doing a scene that day.
In this scenario, you were probably the reason Alex met Jay. You were a friend of Alex's and auditioned for a part in his film. One thing after another, you bring your boyfriend often and he becomes regular around the set.
Even if there aren't any shoots during a certain day, you'll drag Jay out to a spot you guys used a few times and just enjoy the scenery. Jay actually enjoys it and likes to think of those days as mini dates!
Jay is a himbo, I am sorry, he's a goddam himbo. Please be his common sense. While you guys are giving before filming, he might see a mysterious figure in the woods or find a tree that looks perfect to climb even though it's absolutely not. Don't let him go running off.
Will throw hands if Alex gets snippy with you. Don't test him.
Not to get NSFW, but hold his hand and he will melt. He gets embarassed about being out in public holding your hand, especially around the rest of the cast, but soon realizes nobody gives two flying fucks. Soon enough you won't be able to wrench your hand out of his to act in a scene.
He'll be eager and happy to help you memorize and go over your lines if you're having trouble or just want to keep it fresh in your mind.
Tim Wright-
You can thank Day Anon for this because you two? Playing small pranks on Alex and making sly comments about the choppy script and all the plot holes? Never!
You guys co-parent an adopted dog together just to bring to shoots. Don't @ me on this one
Always (jokingly) shouting at each other to "mEmOrIzE yOuR LiNeS!" in weird voices when Alex isn't around.
When you're at shoots with Tim, he's less sour. Sure he's always a salty bitch, but if you're around him, he feels calmer and not exactly in the mood to fight with Alex like he normally is
You try to convince him to stop smoking for his own good but he just says he does it to stay in character. It's a work in progress.
Like Jay, he absolutely will not hesitate bitch. If Alex gets all up in your grill because of a small mistake or a joke he took too far, Tim is right there to back you up. You tell him you can handle yourself but Tim just worries.
If you do tell off Alex enough or get him to shut up and leave you alone for the time being, Tim will have the biggest shit eating grin on his face. "Hell yeah. That's my s/o mother fucker."
You always ask him if you can wear the yellow tie-dyed shirt. He thinks it's ugly as fuck but honestly the day he wore that, he fucking invented fashion and you cannot convince me otherwise.
If your character doesn't have a specific outfit, wear one of Tim's flannels. Just do it. He thinks you look amazing in them and he gets a bit flustered when you wear them while filming.
Brian Thomas-
You and him goofing off or distracting each other during filming or film meetings is a given.
Yes, this man does love to give you his jacket. You will have to tell him that No Brian, it's 80° out and you're not cold but you really do appreciate the gesture.
Consistently messes up his lines because he's paying attention to you behind the camera than his acting.
Is actually super fucking happy if you and Tim get along. Better yet if you're friends with Tim and Alex. He's stoked that his s/o gets along with his friends. Even if Tim and Alex aren't close, he's glad you guys are.
Because Brian is the only one in the production that Alex actually likes, he's the one who has meetings with Alex about the schedule and such. You always get brought along, though Alex doesn't seem to mind too much.
Hold. Him. While. Off. Camera.
Legit if you guys are just vibin, waiting for Alex to wrap up, Brian will love it if you hug him and not let go for a bit. Weather you're sitting on the ground or just standing around, please.
Also he really likes it when you kiss him on the cheek and he kisses your forehead in return it's cute
The ultimate, goofy gentleman. No I will not elaborate further, you know what I'm talking about.
You guys have inside jokes that no one else around you understands. You'll say some obscure word or phrase and Brian will be dying of laughter while everyone else just kinda stares questioningly or pretend it's not happening.
Brian and Seth are pretty good buds in my opinion and you three used to hang a lot but he never wanted to interfere and feel like a third wheel.
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ghostyprince · 5 years
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wrap me up, with your heart
word count: 3.537 rating: T fandom: BuzzF. Uns. relationship: Ryan B./Shane M. summary:  Ryan's a little shit with a weakness to the cold weather (and Shane's jacket) and Shane isn't as tough against it anymore as he'd like to think. author’s note: 3.5k of nothing but pure self-indulgent fluff that took too long to write and now i’m just happy i don’t have to look at it anymore tbh, but enjoy!
[READ ON AO3]
Or read more here
"I'm fucking cold," Ryan says, arms wrapped around himself, grasping at the sleeves of his thin sweater with icy fingers as they're walking back to their hotel after a long, long filming session in a supposedly haunted prison. It wasn't much warmer in there either, but Ryan was too on edge at the moment to care. But boy, did he care now, late at night, probably like one in the fucking morning in the middle of Pennsylvania in November as his ears and fingertips are about to fall off.
Shane immediately lifts his gaze off his phone to look at Ryan. He looks cozy, sporting a soft-looking beanie and his farmer jacket that he always seems to have around, and yeah, Ryan is a little bit jealous. But he knows it won't take long if he plays his cards just right. Shane's eyes narrow and he pockets his phone and yep, there it comes. "I told you, man. Told you to put on something warmer. But no," he drags out the last word while he pulls the hat off his head and straight onto Ryan's with a swift motion, maybe a bit more rough than the situations calls for. It does make Ryan yelp and wheeze out a laugh immediately after, though.
"You have to be the cool manly man who's never cold. When we all know that's a bunch of bullshit, little guy." He huffs, genuinely annoyed and Ryan has seen it many many times but it never fails to amuse him and also make his heart flutter.
Shane takes off his jacket too, pushing it into Ryan's hands who only hesitates for a moment before putting it on. Purely for show, like it wasn't what he was fucking playing at ever since they stepped out of their hotel rooms that evening.
"To be fair, it wasn't that cold when we started filming."
Ryan does up all the buttons, feeling warmer already. Shane's jacket fits him just right to be one of the most comfortable things in the world, just a tad too big, considering how much shorter he is than the big guy. Though, Ryan's opinion might be biased.
And then Ryan catches a whiff of Shane's cologne and something that's just so Shane. It clings to the jacket and it will cling to Ryan too for the rest of the night. Which was the goal all along. It was Ryan's idea to check out this fast food place, tell Shane he wants to walk, to see the city, and complain about being cold eventually so Shane would baby him like he always does. All part of his stupid plan that seems to work flawlessly every single time somehow.
"No, it wasn't. However, I don't know if you know this Ryan," Shane leans to whisper like he's sharing a secret as they're walking and Ryan is already losing it, giggling helplessly into the back of his hand, "But you can use your big detective brain to figure out that it will be cold later at night."
"Shut up, Shane. I thought I would be fine, okay?" Ryan grins, tugging the sleeves of Shane's jacket over his hands even more.
"You always do. I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose." Shane teases him, hands stuffed into his pockets. Ryan's heart jumps into his throat immediately. Maybe after about a year of intentionally leaving his jackets and warm clothes at the bottom of his suitcase or not packing any in the first place, Shane had finally caught on.
Despite the dread settling in Ryan's stomach he almost hopes he got caught. Just so he could get that push he desperately needed in the last year to finally confront his feelings, getting rejected or not. This awkward and albeit creepy flirting needed to stop, Ryan knew that much, but couldn't bring himself to actually end it yet. TJ and Devon knew too. They witnessed a handful of these scenarios and all it took was one glance at Ryan's shit-eating grin over Shane's scarf wrapped around his neck to figure out what's going. Shane's the only one who's so goddamn oblivious to it all.
"Are you telling me that you're not freezing to death in that flannel?" Ryan asks eventually, elegantly pushing the subject to another direction.
"Nope!" Shane answers cheerily. "It's pretty nice actually. You're just a wimp who got spoiled on the constant warmth of L.A."
"We all can't be weird cryptids who are immune to the cold, big guy." Shane laughs softly at that and bumps his shoulder to Ryan's. They're walking impossibly close now, and Ryan is tempted, he's so tempted to reach for Shane's hand. Blame it on the cold, wrap Shane's hand around his, let it warm him up from the inside out. Instead, he stuffs his hands deeper into the jacket. He's already seeing the entrance of their hotel, it doesn't matter now. It's not because he's a coward. It's not, it's just wasn't the right time. It's all not a big deal until Shane gets sick a day or two after they arrive back home in L.A. He doesn't show up to work in the usual time, so naturally, Ryan gets worried and shoots him a text when Shane is approximately an hour late, asking if everything is alright.
He gets a reply shortly, three lines sent in separate messages and he rolls his eyes at the dramatic nature of them, but then again, it's very Shane.
im so fuckin sick rxan i thing im dying take care of obi for me please
Shane has been complaining about his throat being sore and being a bit out of it. It's probably just a nasty cold, nothing to be worried about. At the same time, Ryan can't help but think he's at least partially to blame.
He rarely felt guilty for stealing Shane's warm clothes, because Shane kept bragging about how the cold doesn't affect him at all, that he's just peachy wearing only a thick jumper in the middle of a heavy snowfall. And well, Ryan believed him, took the offered jacket and scarf or gloves in spite of Shane making fun of his 'delicate skin'. He even thought Shane deserved to be cold, that asshole.
But now Shane has to miss work and feel like shit because he acted like a fucking child, instead of fessing up to his attraction and asking Shane on a date like a proper 28-year-old grown-ass man would.
Sure, it was Shane who offered his clothes all the time and without hesitation, however, Ryan was the one taking advantage of it. So he's going make up for his stupidity right now, it's decided. He doesn't have to worry about work, he can do the editing at home that day, it wouldn't be the first time.
Ryan's determination and confidence instantly disappeared into the void as he was standing in front of Shane's apartment, hesitant to knock or move or breathe. He has no idea what happened, he was doing so well up until this point. Sure, he spent like ten minutes in his car, frantically googling chicken soup recipes and being on the hunt for the best and easiest one to prepare.
He ended up going with an instant pack from the grocery store he stopped at on the way to Shane's apartment because he figured it's not the most convenient time to experiment in a kitchen that's not even his. He bought some popcorn too while he was there, the kind he knew Shane loved. It might not be the best choice of food when he's sick, but he can have it later.
He may or may not have gotten this ridiculous looking hot dog-shaped keychain for him also, sporting big googly eyes. That's how fucking guilty Ryan feels. He also thought it was absolutely disgusting, so naturally, he knew Shane would love it.
To be honest, Ryan never once stopped to think that maybe showing up to Shane's apartment out of the blue, when he's most likely feeling miserable and just wants to be left alone is overstepping a line. That maybe it's a little too much, even if they're as close as they are. Just a tad bit. He just went on his own little quest to do anything that would make Shane feel better and to ease the guilt that keeps twisting his stomach into knots without any regards at all to what Shane wants.
So he backs into the wall across Shane's door and fishes out his phone to send him a text, praying to every god he knows that he's not sleeping. To Ryan's absolute relief the little 'seen' pops up under his message shortly after it's been sent.
is it okay if i come over? bring you some soup and shit?
you don't have to
Ryan's heart sank into his fucking stomach and jumped back up to his throat with the same intensity as another message was sent.
but i could use some food. too sick to make anything.
well im kinda already here dude
gimme a minute
-
Shane scrambled to his feet, and apparently, it was the worst thing he could've done because everything went black for a few moments as he caught himself on the back on the couch with one hand. He has no time to worry about almost blacking out though because Ryan is waiting outside his car probably and Shane's apartment is as disgusting as he himself feels. He picks up most of the tissue paper that's scattered all across the couch and floor.
A small trail of them leads to the bedroom where Shane dragged himself out of earlier, a soft blanket wrapped around his shoulders like the world's most pathetic superhero just to watch some cooking show on Netflix because it requires the least amount of brain cells for him to use at the moment.
He attempts to make the couch look acceptable and runs a hand through his hair a few times, but it simply can't be helped. He does make his place look just a tiny bit more decent than it was five minutes ago at least. And that's when the knocks came from his door.
Ryan stands there, as Shane opened the door, hands stuffed into his jeans and paper bag hanging from one of his wrists. Shane would've taken note of his awkwardness if he wasn't so hyper-aware of the way his hair is standing in every direction and how he's wearing one of the less nice pajama pants he owns and an old worn t-shirt.
But then Ryan smiles at him, just like he always does like he's just happy to see Shane even when he's at his lowest and suddenly everything seems a little brighter.
"Hey, I thought you could use a little cheering up and something to make you feel better," says Ryan, almost sheepishly. He lifts the paper bag and giving it a shake. "Got you popcorn too, but you're not allowed to have any until you're better."
Shane frowns at him and honest to God pouts. It's the most hilarious, adorable thing Ryan has ever seen.
"Thought you came here to make me feel better, not kick a man when he's down, but come in, I suppose." He sighs, stepping aside and letting Ryan in who just barely catches the crinkle to his eyes and the mischievous smile Shane couldn't hold back anymore.
Ryan makes a beeline for the kitchen, immediately finding a pot so he can make Shane some soup and hoping it doesn't seem like he's doing this out of guilt. He's just helping his best friend out, not feeling horrible at all about how Ryan's shitty flirting technique got him sick in the first place. Nope.
Shane takes a seat at the dining table, chin propped up in his hand and watching Ryan bustle around in his kitchen. Reaching for a spoon without even having to look and standing on his tippy toes to grab a bowl from the top shelf, knowing exactly where they are. Like he's at home.
The sudden rush of fondness hits Shane like a sack of potatoes at the sight of it. The sheer domesticity of it nearly makes his heart melt.
Shane almost stands to help, but it's not needed, so he just huffs out a tiny laugh and wheezes a bit harder when he starts grumbling about "fucking Sasquatch putting everything on the top shelf on purpose". This is exactly one of the many reasons why Shane adores him so much.
And when Ryan still turns to grin at him, like he always does, even if he's being fake pissy, Shane physically has to stop himself from getting up and just kissing him silly right there. He distracts himself with getting the popcorn out of the bag and that's when he spots the little keychain. A big grin finds itself onto his face as he traces a thumb across the little charm. It's cheap-looking and fucking ridiculous but Shane couldn't give a single fuck, he is so in love.
"Really?" He asks voice strained from trying not to laugh. He holds up the keychain, hooking it on his middle finger and dangling it when Ryan turns to look. He immediately rolls his eyes and oh man, he's definitely blushing, it doesn't matter he's turning away, doing his best hide it, Shane still catches a glimpse of it spreading out on his cheeks and ears beautifully.
"Look, your stupid animated food series ruined my life and I know you have zero taste, so it's a perfect gift." Ryan wouldn't meet his eyes, but Shane can see part of his smile, hears the waver of his voice, despite Ryan being so defensive about the stupid keychain.
"Thank you, Ryan. I like it a lot."
The sincerity which he said that with even surprised Shane, not to mention Ryan, who almost spilled the hot noodles all over himself while attempting to pour them into a bowl.
-
"Why are you here? Not that I don't appreciate the food and treating me like a princess, I sure do, I'm just curious." Shane says, much later, when he's all wrapped up in his soft blanket, belly full of soup.
Which was mediocre at best, but Shane was starving, too sick and lazy to make himself anything earlier, so that damn soup tasted like the most delicious thing he ever had. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that Ryan made it for him.
Ryan turns his head towards him now, and Shane's a little taken aback by how close they are. Not even ten minutes earlier Ryan was sitting on the other end of the couch, and now they're practically pressed up against each other, from legs to shoulders, the only barrier between them being Shane's blanket. He must've migrated there while they were having a heated discussion about the contestants of the British Bake Off. (Ryan always picks the worst fucking people, goddammit.)
Shane can't believe he hadn't noticed the warmth of Ryan next to him earlier, or the whiff of that cologne Ryan always used lately Shane learned to love. Now that he's very much aware of it, the heat radiating off of Ryan is almost too much, combined with the blanket, so he shrugs it off. If anything, it's worse because Ryan's bare arm is now completely pressed against his and Shane's heart takes that as an excuse to pick up the pace.
"Because you're my friend? I just- I wanted to make sure you're okay. Wouldn't want you to die because of a little cold, what would happen to Unsolved?" Ryan jokes, playing it cool and casual. If Shane wouldn't know him extremely well, maybe he'd even buy what he's selling.
"Sure, that makes sense. Except, all those other times I've been sick you just gave me a 'gross, keep your germs away from me, please' or a half-hearted 'get better, dude'. You never showed up in my apartment and cooked for me. I didn't even know you knew how to work a stove!" Shane grins at him brightly. Seems like they can't have a normal conversation without insulting each other. "How do you explain that, Ry-guy?"
Shane doesn't expect Ryan to go quiet and stare at his hands, the TV, the ceiling. Anywhere but right at Shane. And he doesn't expect the guilt written all over Ryan's face when he does finally meet Shane's eyes.
"First of all, I don't sound like that. And second- I'm not proud of this, okay? Just don't be too mad." Shane's about to open his mouth and ask what the living hell Ryan is talking about, but he gets cut off.
"You're sick because of me. You kept giving me your jacket, remember?"
Shane does remember, but he has no idea what that has to do with him getting sick?
"Ryan, how is that your fault? I was the one giving you my jacket cause you're so goddamn cold all the time. You didn't force me. And here I thought I was the one who tends to overthink."  Shane says jokingly, and he immediately realizes they're having one of those rare Serious Conversations because Ryan doesn't laugh. If anything, he looks even more on edge,  his hand fisting into the blanket pooled around Shane's hips.
"I didn't force you," Ryan repeats, still not quite meeting Shane's eyes. "but I did leave my warm clothes at the hotel on purpose."
Ryan shuts his eyes as soon as the words leave his lips. If he can't see Shane, Shane can't see him, right? He almost looks relieved, finally putting it out there, lifting the weight of it off of his shoulders. And he can't stop there now, he has to push through while he's on a roll.
With a sudden surge of bravery Ryan doesn't know where he mustered up from he looks right into Shane's eyes, takes in his utterly confused expression and flat out ignores it for now, even when dread grips at his heart. It's worse than any haunted place they've been, but he's gonna say what he has to say right now, fear of rejection be damned.
"I wanted your clothes because I love- liked how it made me smell just like you." He says, voice cracking despite all the determination and courage he could muster up to say it. Ryan closes his eyes then, waiting for Shane's judgment. He braces himself for the outcome, for Shane to call him creepy, or even ask him to leave.
His heart would break, oh yeah, it sure fucking would but he could do it, he could walk out of his life if Shane would ask him to. There was very little Ryan wouldn't do for him.
It's dead silent around them for about a minute, thanks to one of them pausing the baking show while they were talking. Just as Ryan's about to open his eyes and face the situation, Shane's lips pressed against his in a split second.
It's a soft kiss in general, but it could be so much better, so much more if Ryan wouldn't be so damn difficult. As soon as Shane's mouth brushed against his, Ryan flinched back, even letting out a yelp, because he was just caught off guard, alright?
And Shane was looking at him now, embarrassed, like he did something wrong and oh God, Ryan can't have that, absolutely not. So he reaches out, not paying any mind to the uptick of his heart as he practically crashes their lips together.
Shane makes a surprised, muffled sound and shortly turning his head out of the kiss, fucking wheezing at him while Ryan's about to jump out of his skin. However, it soon turns into a coughing session and another pang of guilt hits Ryan's chest. At least Shane's smiling when he can finally speak again, eyes all crinkly. Ryan has the urge to kiss him again.
"Yeah, let's not do that unless you want me to choke." Shane's unfairly big hand comes up to cup his cheek and the way Ryan leans into the touch immediately says a lot about how gone he is for Shane. "Besides, wouldn't want you to get sick. I'm absolutely not dealing with your whiny ass."
"You're such a dick, Shane." Ryan barks out a laugh that maybe sounds a bit hysterical, but just as relieved. It's also not so much of an insult when it's said with all the fondness in the world.
We're okay, Ryan thinks, one leg draped over Shane's lap. They're basically pressed against each other as much as they can. Shane's arm fits perfectly around him as if it belongs there. Shane won't kick him out, they're more than okay.
And sure, Ryan moves to get up and move to the other end of the couch, or fucking leave every five minutes, refusing to put up with Shane's bullshit and terrible choices in bakers. But Shane grabs his wrist every single time, pulling him close and not letting go, even when his side hurts from laughing and Ryan wheezes into his neck.
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abloomingperiod · 4 years
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junmyeon as a bf
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the softest of the softies
kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy
and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t
i mean in the sense of love
like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture
like
he dates for a reason
unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future
being a leader makes you like that
but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life
yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit
well.......not exactly your case
he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands
except you didn’t smile at him
you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”
he got so flustered w your reaction like
this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”
he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha
you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT
he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right
so yeah ofc prince suho showed up
the next day he entered the place and saw you
you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback
a cute one
cmon he’s cringey give him a chance
you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol
which for him
was nice
not a big deal, but nice
after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?
and then you started talking for a while
you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!
okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it
he just thought of this as such a COOL dream
writing for a living
now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet
i know
lame
but he’s adorable so who cares tbh
he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader
you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it
after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule
but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom
when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”
no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino
you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-
you turn the cup and there it is:
“for y/n
i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number
and that’s how you started seeing each other
jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more
it would b like
you guys would hang out sometimes
and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes
like you’re at a coffe shop
you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖
and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine
so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen
like straight up he APOLOGIZED
FOR LIKING U
you were like goshkjsjksj so cute
and decided to play w him a little
“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”
he combusted
so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened
so caring literally sO CARING
calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations
he’s such a husband material fuck me
keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates
talking abt dates
fancy
i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy
such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad
jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips
“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”
on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you
simple my ass
keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it
on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family
and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”
fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone
loves cooking with you
like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you
probably because he gets to hug you a lot
like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking
“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”
once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before
you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries
long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan
“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”
so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers
he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖
you were like ,,,what
he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”
that’s right
you fucked
not fucked in a Fucked way
yall made love
kim junmyeon is all about luv
i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-
that person ruined it for me
i hate yall
i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person
takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve
on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work
HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH
jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing
that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly
he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”
but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out
so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips
he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not really a vocal guy
heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon
very into dirty talk
but a fancy one
“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”
we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed
he’s a gentlemen fuck it
once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”
he got 😳 for a sec but got your point
not a rough lover but once you get in a fight
bitch
you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious
will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin
slaps your butt?
absolutely
a fucking lot
“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”
makes you strip for him
has a thing for watching where your bodies connect
call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun
like a little grin with puffy cheeks
and he’s back with the restless pounding
bathtub aftercare is a must
massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him
if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two
loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg
“oh god- just please- jun, faster”
likes it when you rub his back after
get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex
lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”
you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life
once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there
he just poured a whole “marry me”
like dude.
“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”
he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder
“of course i’ll marry you a few years”
his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”
he actually got emotional
“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v
“yes really”
and there was a teardrop
you felt like dying
i mean I feel like dying rn
doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday
and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that
his parents? ofc they know you
exo? absolutely sure they know you
“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”
really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious
and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose
which is probably normal since he’s a leader
but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried
once he actually CRIED out of stress
and you ofc were there
you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”
you didn’t stop worrying
you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”
he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while
his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck
he once said the sound of your breath calmed him
so that’s what you did
you calmed him
and that’s everything he ever wanted
someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone
he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears
he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him
after all those years of hardship and responsability
you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis
he deadass thinks abt your marriage
like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open
his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
his arms goes to your sleeping body
& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”
idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind
i honestly love him sm
such a nice boy
he deserves so much more
give lota of love to him he’s perfect
that’s it i’m done
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distfae · 4 years
Text
HnK Roleswap AU because I fucking CAN HAHA
Courtesy of the discord servers im on and inspired by @ask-antarcphos
starts off with antarc, the hero of our story
Antarc does winter duty alone usually. they never necessarily had a problem with lunarians until other gems started tagging along. 
one year either the lunarians dropped a gigantic slug over the school and antarc got absorbed or antarc found a dying slug on the beach and took it back to the school but either way they make a slug friend
With some difficult communication, antarc takes the slug back to its home. 
Unknowingly the slug transforms back into ?? one of the admirabilis (probably acu) and attacks antarc, seizing their legs
They get taken up to the sunspot and ventri/aculea ask for their sibling to be brought down
so they bring them down and the negotiation goes wrong n shit so they just totally destroy the sunspot instead
antarc passes out and washes up on the shoreline. Cinnabar? or adamant finds them with two pieces of shell and ocean jasper which he takes back to the school and rutile makes legs out of them before they go back to hibernation
Antarc now has two legs made of jasper, hardness 7. Now they can run like hella.
one time the amethyst twins were trying to show off to them their cool fighting skills but almost got taken away in the process
Since then Antarc never permitted anyone to do winter duty with them until they were certain they could take down a whole sunspot on their own
The next year, baby phos tags along. Antarc considers them a total nuisance but from word of sensei lets them help
One day Phos accidentally dropped their sword between the ice floes on a particularly weathered day. somehow antarc happens to lose their arms too but because of lack of mobility they choose not to go back for it. Phos offers to help but Antarc didn’t want to risk it
The next day they go out to the shore of nascency to find replacement inclusions with the help of phos. 
some unformed anatase falls out of the cliff
They didn’t happen to find anything but silver on the ground, so they made do with that they had. Phos helped put the inclusions on but immediately something just wasn’t going right with the silver, and phos was panicking.
The silver forms to turn into what looks like a cluster of stibnite around antarc. The lunarians arrive and phos has no way of defending themself, and antarc watches in horror as they’re shattered to pieces right in front of them
“I’m sorry. It was all my fault. Please... don’t blame yourself.”
Antarc finally gains control of the silver and fucking runs for the sunspot but is too late
They fall crashing back into the sand with tears of silver streaming down their face.
STAY TUNED FOR MORE HAHA
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zoeygreensimblr · 4 years
Text
Holy Ground (Episode 9)
I didn't speak to either Don or my mother when we arrived home on Thursday evening, I just put Don's credit card on the kitchen bench and headed down to my room to do my homework, I was not going to let them think I was distracted in any way. I fell asleep that night still extremely angry and I carried that angry with me into Friday morning. Tess and I were eating breakfast when Don walked into the dinning room.
"Thank you for returning my card Zoey, I hope you found a beautiful dress to wear tonight" He said, trying to sound as upbeat as he can, as if the day before's conversation had never taken place.
"I did, thank you" I replied, curtly, I may be angry but I am still polite to my parents, it's a fight and I know we will eventually move past it and be good again.
"Zoey, Your mother and I are very sorry about yesterday, we never wanted to upset you or make you think that Angus isn't good enough, like Tess pointed out, we need to trust you more" He explains, "This is all new ground for us too and we're kinda learning as we are going along" He continues.
I can't stay mad at them, they were concerned and worried and I've just got to show them they have nothing to worry about.
"Im sorry too Don, I love you and Mum too and I'm sorry I yelled. I just want you both to know though that I won't let anything distract me, not even Angus, I know what my goals are for this year and I'm going to achieve them, trust me" I can feel that I'm getting worked up again, pleading with Don to see that I can do this, distraction free
"I know you can sweetie, we know you can and we trust you. We talked it over after you left yesterday and agree that it's ok if you stay at Angus' apartment but it comes with conditions and this now goes for you both" He informs us, Don is often sent in alone to set the rules for us, Mum is way too soft for that and knows that we would bulldoze her power...well Tess would anyway
"What new laws has sheriff Lothario come up with this time" Tess groans
"Nothing too big, we know you girls are growing up, soon you'll be young adults, out in the world and we don't want to be the big bad parents coming down on you and making life hard but we also don't want you to fail your final year of school and either need to repeat it or be working at Chez Llama forever so we've come up with a social plan, not just for boyfriends but for friends too, until the end of the school year social activities can only be done on Friday and Saturday nights, this includes staying at Angus or Declan's house" He explains to us
"What about the gym?" I ask nervously, please don't stop us from going to the gym.
"You can still attend the gym because it's a great stress reliever and you can still go to Cassie's house to study but no week day parties or dates, do you think we can work with that girls" He asks with trepidation, as if he's about to run on top of a landmine
Tess and I exchange looks and nod
"Yes Don" Tess says, then adds "And Mum who is no doubt hiding in the kitchen"
Mum comes running into the dining room and kisses us both on the head.
"Thank you Donnie and girls, you know I hate confrontation" she exclaims
My mother and I have that in common.
"Now come along girls,  I'll drop you to school on my way to work" Don offers
"What about my dress? It will get crushed if I take it in my bag and even if I leave it at Chez Llama all day it will then get crushed on the train to the gym" I only just realised Im going to have to bring my dress with me, as well as an overnight bag and my gym clothes. It's way too much to carry around school and on the train.
"Ok, quick detour, we drop your dress and overnight bag with Angus and then onto school" Don exclaims
I call Angus to warn him we are doing a drop off, in case he was still in bed.
"I just got back from my run" He tells me when he answers
"it's 7am and freezing outside, how can you run in this weather? At this hour?" I ask
"Ah I'm a personal trainer, it's the only time I do get to run and the sun rise was beautiful this morning" he claims
"I saw it from our dinning room table as I ate my eggs" I exclaim proudly
We drop the dress and bag off and head to school.
The day is moving so slowly, Mr Landraab gives his "this is your most important year" 3 more times today and he even threw in this his other line "every moment counts". If every moment counts then why was he wasting our time with these endless speeches of how we need to study hard, how every day counts. Just let us get through the next five months without the pressure of telling us how "this is the year that will decide your futures" I swear that man never gets tired of hearing himself speak.
Cassie has her town car drive us to the gym that afternoon and even our session drags on, full of squats and weights and now he throws in the step work. It just seems endless. Finally it's down to our last 5 minutes and we have cool down time and then we are done. Cassie, Tess and I run off to the showers where we wash the sweat off and they go about making me pretty for my date. Make up is Cassie's department, she has a way of making it look like you were born with chiseled cheek bones and smokey eyes and Tess comes in with the hair styling and making the dress sit "just right" as she calls it. My dress is a red, satin strapless masterpiece. Tess and Cassie tell me it fit perfectly "in all the right place" whatever that means. We exit the shower block and Angus is waiting for me, his eyes gowned when he takes in what I'm wearing, "you look amazing" he say, absolutely flawed
I say goodbye to Cassie, Declan and hug Tess, who whispers in my ear "you look beautiful sis, just remember if you don't want to do anything then that's ok"
On our way out the door I hear Annabelle call me back to her "Zoey you look gorgeous, are you going out tonight" she asks
"I am, my boyfriend is taking me out tonight" I tell her
"Well he's a lucky guy, is he picking you up?" She asks suspiciously as she is watching Angus hover by the door, smiling to himself
"He lives near here so I'm just going to walk to his apartment" I explain, it's not a lie either.
"Oh no, you can't walk alone" She exclaims "Angus, be a good man and walk Zoey to her boyfriend's apartment, I believe you're going in that direction anyway" She winks at me and Angus comes up behind me and whispers in my ear "Zoey, she knows, she has known from the day you first arrived here"
"But I thought we couldn't tell anyone here?" Im so confused, he laid out the rule but he broke it himself
"Annabelle is one of my best friends, we've known each other since the 2nd grade, I tell her everything" He explains
"We just don't share that information with the others who work her" Annabelle assures me "but I am happy for you Zoey and you too Gus" She smiles at us and we leave.
Angus and I walk to his apartment where he showers and washes away the day. He comes out looking mighty fine and there's a small part of me that doesn't want to go out, I want just stay in, with him and enjoy the privacy but I know we can't do that, we have to venture out into the world together.  
Angus takes me to one of the finest dining place I've ever experienced, I have a lamb rack that just melts in my mouth and Angus have a grilled chicken great with veggies. Over dinner he tells me how his sister is plans to return in the next few weeks and how excited he is to introduce us but how he fears she will "steal me away from him" because of our love for Grey's Anatomy and how re-watch season is upon us, I promise him that no one could steal me away from him and he beams.
"Why do some people call you Gus? I know it's short for Angus but do you prefer it? Do you want me to call you Gus too?" I ask him after our table has been cleared
"I'd rather you didn't actually" he says with a smile and then further explains himself "My Father's name was also Angus and as I was named after him I got called Gus growing up and I secretly hate it, Immie calls me Gus because thats who I am to her, her much younger brother Gus and Annabelle is the only friend I'd ever be comfortable with calling me Gus because she's my oldest friend and that was how she knew me when we were 7 year olds"
"Have you and Annabelle ever...um..." I know what I want to ask but the words won't come out.
"Have we ever dated? Is that your question" He pushes me, I nod my head, "No, Annabelle has always been like a sister to me, my parents died when I was 12, their car was hit by a drunk driver and they both died on impact. Imogen raised me from that point on and Annabelle just became like a rock to me, she's seen me through some pretty dark times, she was always there but there has never been a moment when either of our had feelings for the other" He assures me.
"Im sorry" I apologise
"For what" he ask, a confused look on his face.
"I feel silly for even asking it and now I've made you bring up the painful memories of your parents dying and I feel awful" I explain. He reaches his hand across the table and takes mine.
"Zoey don't feel bad, these are just normal 'getting to know you' questions that people on dates ask, you have every right to know if I ever had a relationship with Annabelle and as for my parents, it's ok, I'm ok talking about it now, I will admit that it did screw me up a bit in my teenage years but I want to share everything with you, the good and the bad and I want you to feel you can do the same with me" He squeezes my hand "You can ask me anything"
"Your ex girlfriend...?" I ask nervously
"Steph?" He offers up her name
"You and Steph? How long were you together? Was it serious?" I know he said I could 'ask anything' but this might be pushing it.
"I met Steph in high School, she and Annabelle were really good friends, still are actually. We started dating when we were 16, we were together for 4 years, After we graduated high school she went to university and I went to a trade school, I wanted to be a carpenter. We moved in together, to a small apartment in San Myshuno and we adopted a dog together, Nortica, Steph still has her too but she'd be getting old now, we found her as an adult, she was a stray". He stops talking and smiles to himself but then continues "I was different back then, I was chubby and would drink a lot, I wasn't a good boyfriend to Steph, I didn't cheat but I was really insecure and I pretty much pushed Steph and Brian together" There's sadness in his voice.
"How did you go from being insecure to becoming so confident?" I ask because I can't imagine Angus ever being insecure.
"I joined the Skye Gym two years ago, not long after the break up and I started working out with my trainer, Justin and he did not go easy on me at all but he taught me how to build my confidence. I stopped drinking for a while and now only have the occasional lite beer, like when I'm trying to hit on that girl at the Stargazer last Friday night" He explains
"How did work out for you with that girl?" I ask coyly
"She came back to my apartment...and then passed out on my couch so I carried her to my sister's bed, put the blanket around her and kissed her on the forehead. She looks beautiful when she sleeps but she also talks in her sleep when she's drunk" He laughs
"Oh no, what did I say?" I ask, embarrassed
"It was mostly just mumbled nonsense but you did say my name and mention that I was hot" He tells me and I go bright red, "Don't worry baby, I tell myself in my sleep how hot I am every night" He jokes
"Yeah, you're not insecure at all" I laugh
The restaurant starts to become empty by 8pm but I know I'm not ready for this night to end yet and I'm hoping he doesn't either.
"Do you wanna go to the karaoke bar near my place? We can dance there" He asks as if he's reading my mind.
"I'm not that good at dancing" I inform him
"It's all good baby, I'll lead, you'll be all good with me" He promises
"I know I will be" I reply and we both know Im not just talking about dancing.
We drive back to his apartment, park the car in the under ground garage and walk to the karaoke bar. It's packed with people who want to get drunk on a Friday night and belt out their favourite song....some better than others but still everyone is just there to have fun and the room feels electric.
"Drink?" Angus shouts over the singer butchering "Summer of '69", I nod my head and go to offer him money but he won't have it, "You're my girl, I got this", he orders me a vodka soda and a coke for himself.
"You're not having the lite beer tonight" I ask
"Nah, I'm good" he replies and we take our seats at the bar. I'm surprised to see so many people dancing and it makes me a little bit nervous too that he's going to drag me out there, in front of all these skilled dancers and I'm just so clumsy.
"They won't even notice you, I promise baby" He assures me, reading my mind again.
"How do you always know what I'm thinking?" I ask him, curiously.
"I read the expression on your face, it tells me what you're thinking most of the time. Remember I'm a former insecure kid myself, I can relate" He informs me.
"What if I'm bad? What if I fall?" My mind is ticking over with all the things that could go wrong
"Then no-one will care. You think all these people started out so good?" He laughs as he takes my hand and leads me on to the dance floor, just as a new singer takes the mike and starts singing "Rolling in the Deep". He pulls me in close to him, takes me by the waist and we start dancing slowly.
"Dancing is a lot like sex" He informs me and I feel myself start to blush
"Well I have little experience with one of those activities and none at the other so maybe you'll need to explain that too me" I tell him
"Well both sex and dancing can be performed in different styles. Like us now, slow, steady, taking our time, savouring every moment" He moves his hand further down my waist, "It can be passionate, fiery,  it can go for hours" He arches me into a dip and pulls me back up to meet his eyes and continues "It can also be fast, hot and sweaty, over before it began. It can get complicated, adding in too many moves and it can be angry, fierce"
He spins me out, never letting go of my hand and I come back to him with ease. My heart is beating so fast, surely he can feel it through the thin material of my satin dress.
"You can do it alone, in the comfort of your own home" I add to his analogy and he smiles widely and adds "Or with multiple partners". I wrap my arms around his neck and he spins me slowly, lifting me from the ground and as he lowers back down we kiss passionately.
Later that night, on our walk back to his apartment I feel like I want him more about his past dancing experience but I don't want to come off as jealous or insecure.
"Just ask it." He prompts me after a few minutes of silence
"How many women have you danced with?" I blurt out
"Dance with? Or...because I've danced with so many, started young too, remember they used to make you do those stupid barn dances in school? I had my fair share of dancing in PE and lets not forget actual school dances, the formal, I danced with so many...well I guess you wouldn't really call them women, more like girls" He laughs and I feel a little silly because he knows thats not what I was asking but he's going to make me say it.
"I'll reword it then mister literal, how many women have you..." I'm too shy to say the word and I can feel my cheeks are burning up.
"Zoey if you can't say the word then I can't answer your question" He is in hysterics, great, I'm glad he finds my innocence so amusing.
"How many women have you had sex with?" I shout at him with far more force than I intended, now I'm the crazy girl who shouts at her boyfriend in the streets of San Myshuno and he stops walking, turns around to face me and replies with complete seriousness "3 Zoey, there's been 3"
I wasn't expecting there to be 3, I knew Steph would be one of the 3 but in what order on that list does she even appear, like was she the last of the 3 or the first or was there a girl before Steph that he dated.
"I've only ever dated Steph and ofcouse now You Zo" He offers up
"The other two were...?" I ask
"After Steph, with in the weeks after out break up, I was in a bad place and Caleb thought it would help if tried to hook up with girls, the first one was just casual sex for the both of us but the second one got too attached and I had to going to The Stargazer...for a while" He explains
"Oh" I shouldn't ask questions when I'm not ready for the answers.
"I loved Steph and that love doesn't just go away once it's over, I felt, at the time, that I needed an outlet to pour that love into, even if I didn't love the person receiving it, I was messed up Zoey and it was a long time ago and it's the reason I don't do the casual sex thing, it gets too messed up and you're looking at me like I've any chance with you now" I cancer the desperation in his voice.
"You haven't lost me, I ask a question and you gave me a completely honest answer and I respect that Angus. Your past is just that, your past, I didn't know you then so I'm in no position to judge" I assure him
"Thank you Zoey" He sounds relieved
"I liked dancing with you" I tell him, "You're very skilled"
"Wait until I show you my other moves baby" He teases.
Once back inside the apartment I realise how late it actually is.
"Angus it's 3am, we've been out all night and I'm guessing you're getting up in a few hours to go for a run?" I ask him
"I'm skipping my run, just this once" He tells me, as I begin to unpin my hair, "Do you need to shower before bed?" he asks
"Umm yeah, is that ok?"
"Yes Zoey, it's all good, you can use my shower, I put a shower gel in there for you, the girl at the store said it's the best and it smells like strawberries too" he tells me
"Thanks that's so sweet. You're not showering?" I ask.
"I will after you're done baby" he replies
silence falls between us for a moment, I'm engulfed by nerves.
"Zoey, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for" He assures me but I think I am ready to take a smell step
"I'm not ready to have sex with you, not yet, don't get me wrong, I want to Angus but I also want to the moment to be special when we do take that step and I know that sounds sappy but I know I want to share that with you but we are not there yet, please don't get angry, I know you've put in all this effort tonight and I know nights like tonight would usually end in sex but I'm just not ready to take that step yet" I can feel myself getting worked up but I had to say it.
"Oh Zo no, please don't think that I just did all that tonight to get you into bed, I know you're not ready yet and I promise that when you are we will plan it together, I'll make it special for you baby" He assures me
"I'm not ready to have sex tonight but..." Just take the leap Zoey, ask him
"But?" he repeats, curious.
"But will you join me in the shower?" I ask, my heart is in my throat
"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured at all" He asks sweetly and I know I'm sure, I can trust him completely
"Yes please"
He stands behind me, slowly unzips my dress and lets it slink to the ground, sweeps my hair to one side and kisses my neck softly, moves his mouth to my ear and whispers "You looked gorgeous baby"
"Thank you" I whisper back, I swear my heart is going to escape my chest and he lets his fingers sweep down my arm until they meet my hands, his hands sit on top of mine and guiding our arms to wrap around me and for a moment it creates a warm, comforting blanket around me.
"Zoey I'm going to remove your underwear, is that ok" He whispers and I nod, unable to speak. His arms leave my own and the feathery touch of his fingers run down my waist, sliding into the sides of my underwear and pushing it down to the floor.
"Step forward" He orders and I obey.
He pushes my clothing aside with his foot, grans my hand and spins me around, I've never been naked in front of a man before and every insecurity starts to play out in my mind. My initial reaction is to cover up but he stops me.
"Zoey you're beautiful, don't be ashamed" He reassures me and I kiss his lips tenderly
"Are you showering in clothes tonight" I ask, giggling
"I wasn't going to but you may need to help me out" he suggests, smirking, taking off his vest. I unbutton his shirt with trembling hands, reaching the last one and I push the shirt down his arms and it floats to the floor. I run my palm down his torso, smiling to myself.
"You're not done yet miss green" He reminds me
"I savouring the moment" I inform him and he laughs
"Fuck you're cute" He says as he leans down to kiss me, "Bu you've gotta keep going"
Pants Zoey, he is hinting for you to remove his pants.
I unbuckle his belt, pull is swiftly through the loops and throw it on the floor all the while maintaining eye contact with his sea blue eyes.
Unbutton his pants and pull the zip down, one push and they hit the floor. The thin red silk of his boxers is all that remains between us now.
"It's ok if you want to stop Zoey" He assures me but I've come this far.
"Im going to touch your arse as I remove your boxers" I warn him, "So if you feel the need to flex to impress me then that would be the time"
He laughs but I feel his but tighten as roll my hands around his cheeks and shimmy him out of his boxers.
There we stand in front of each other, naked, nothing left to hide. I take his hand and lead him into the bathroom, we step inside the shower and he turns the water on, the heat tingles on my bare skin.
"Is the temp ok" He asks concerned, I nod
"It's perfect, you're perfect" I reply, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Zoey, I'm far from perfect, I just didn't want to tell you that you smelt" he laughs and I look at him with a mock surprised look
"So, you only asked me out because I have poor hygiene that you aim to improve?" I ask
"Yeah, it's really bad, it's why I kept staring at you that first day you walked into my gym, I was thinking "Where is that smell coming from" and it was you" He jokes
"You were staring at me that first day?" This time genuinely surprised
"Umm yeah, you were just this beautiful, shy enigma that caught my attention and then that second day, when you said Tess wasn't coming, I'll admit, I thought you just wouldn't talk to me at all"
"I wasn't going to talk to you" I tell him
"Why did you then" he asks curiously
"Because you wouldn't shut up, you just kept asking me questions and I kept watching the time and trying to stay silent, my plan was if I didn't talk then you wouldn't talk to me" I inform him
"I love a challenge baby and your plan was never going to work, I was always going to make you mine" He smiles and spanks me on my behind. We both stand there for a moment, taking in what just happened, the smile is removed from his face and replaced with a look of shock.
"I didn't mean to do that, I got carried away, I'm so sorry" he apologises and I can feel his heart beating faster, he's nervous, I've made Angus nervous!
"I enjoyed it" I reassure him smiling and I'm not lying, it was exciting. I kiss him and he relaxes again
"Let's get you washed Zoey" he says, squeezing strawberry body wash onto a loofa and begins making circles with the loofa, massaging my skin all over until he reaches me breasts, he stops.
"It's ok" I tell him, giving him permission to them. He cups my left one as he cleans it with great attention to detail, soaping up my nipple and giving it a little squeeze, I feel the electric bolt go through me and he follows up the routine on the right side, finishing with the same nipple squeeze, same electric bolt racing through me
"You're gorgeous Zoey" He tells me
"Gorgeous and smelly right" I joke
"No, just gorgeous" He corrects me and I smile.
After our shower we towel off and get dressed in pyjamas, well in my case PJs, he just throws on a fresh pair of boxers.
"I put fresh sheets on Immie's bed" He tells me and I look at him confused
"I thought I'd be sleeping in your bed?" I say
"I had hoped you would too but I didn't want you to feel pressured to"
"I want to, I mean if you're ok with it?" I ask
"Get into the bed Zoey" He smiles
He turns the lights off and climbs in next to me, wrapping me up in his arms, our bodies curving into each other and I feel myself drift off to sleep
"Zoey?" He whispers
"Hmm?" I murmur back
"You're feet are freezing"
"No, I put them between your legs to warm them up, they're warm now"
"No, they're freezing" He laughs
"Shh sleep"
Silence fills the air and again I begin to drift off
"Zoey?" He Whispers
"Hmm?" I murmur back
"I love you"
1 note · View note
staticscreenwriting · 5 years
Text
thinking only autumn thoughts - Billy Hargrove
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Synopsis: Autumn is magic. Billy is soft. 
A/N: I don’t even know what this is I just liked writing it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks :)
“October Country . . . that country where it is always turning late in the year. That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and mid-nights stay [...]
That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts. Whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain. . . . “
Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.
But there’s a certain time of year, just a few days almost over by the time you realize it, where things change. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten.
It’s when all is painted in the last hues of reds and orange but fall knows it’s time to go and let winter take over. The air is cold a crips and nips at your nose and blushes your cheeks but it’s still warm enough to take walks along the fields.
That’s when he met her. He was new in town and angry. Always angry. And sad. And she was — alive. Even now, years later, he’s not sure what he ever did right for things to fall into place the way they did that night.
He was hanging out at yet another party of yet another classmate he didn’t give a shit about. And he was miserable and bored and filled with teenage angst and repressed emotions. And there she was, in the middle of a crowd, ripped jeans and a madonna shirt and bright pink lipstick. Her hair was permed to the max and she wore the ugliest hoop earrings he’d ever seen. It wasn’t like he fell in love with her then, but there was something about her that intrigued him. She looked like a downright mess. Like she was the physical embodiment of how he felt inside. Hell, she was drinking one of those disgusting wine coolers. If that doesn’t scream misery to you, what does ?
He saw her again, a few days later. Sitting on the front porch of her house, just a few down from his. She looked sad again. Still beautiful. And when she caught his eye, she started to smile. Her hair was flowing in the wind and her cheeks were flushed and the tip of her nose was red from the cold and Billy, for the first time in his life, thought that maybe he was falling in love.
Things changed that day, when they started talking. About the weather and school and Hawkins and their shared hatred of the town and how all they wanted was to get out.
They spent that night together, at the playground behind their houses. Just talking. About the misery of a lost childhood and a fuck up youth. About their families and how messed up they were. About mother and the absence of those. About heartbreak and life. And love.
And since that night things were never the same again.
Every year for all the years he’s spent in Hawkins Indiana that was his favorite time. Because she seemed to come alive then. With her hair flowing in the wind and Halloween gone and forgotten and Christmas still a month away she was — almost weightless.
And every Thanksgiving, when the nuclear families stepped up a notch in pretending to be perfect, they’d suffer through a fake display of familiar love and comfort waiting for the right moment to slip away and meet up.
The diner was almost deserted that night, obviously. Families had better things to do than have their Thanksgiving meal at the local diner with the soggy fries and the burned burger patties. But to them it was good. It was everything.
He told her he loved her there. With the pink neon lights lighting up her face like she was a character in the Blade Runner movie.
And she told him she loved him back.
It was a good time in Hawkins, the bridge between fall and winter. Where things are cold but they felt so warm inside.
Only winter inevitably came. And it came with cold and fury and heartbreak.
It’s years later that he gets to witness another Thanksgiving in Hawkins. Another magical moment between fall and winter. Only it doesn’t seem to magical when he arrives.
The occasion isn’t a happy one to begin with. It’s not the long awaited bonding of his patchwork family. No. He’s not being welcomed with open arms.
He’s welcomed by a frail looking Neil in a hospital bed hooked to machines, connected by tubes.
His dad is dying. That’s the inevitable truth of it all and Billy has no idea how to feel about this. This situation is so strangely familiar but so very different.
When it was his mom, he was a kid and he didn’t know shit about life and death and mortality. He just knew that his mom was there one day and the next she was in the hospital and then she was dead and he was sad and angry.
This time he knows so much more but his head is still kind of empty. As is his heart. His mother’s passing hit him deeply. She was this wonderful woman who held nothing but kindness and love in her heart. Neil is an abusive asshole.
But he’s still his dad and no matter how much Billy tries to deny it, he’s still just a broken boy asking for a sign of approval, a hint of pride, a tiny sliver of love from his dad.
All he gets is a snarky remark about his new haircut and a snort when he tells Neil about his job at a center for troubled youth.
So he bids Max and Susann goodbye and goes to the one place that holds good memories for him.
Only when he enters the diner it’s not a good feeling that washes over him. There’s the nostalgia of what this place holds sure, but it all feels less magical and way more sad when he has to face it alone.
He asks for a piece of pumpkin pie, which he doesn’t even particularly like but (Y/N) always loved it and some stupid ass part of his brain thinks that maybe that can bring them closer even if she’s not here.
“ You look like you could use some company “ Clarice, the waitress says but Billy declines. Not because he doesn’t like her, in fact she’s always treated him nicely when im and (Y/N) came around, no he’s just really shit at small talk. And that’s what she’s gonna expect from him.
So she walks off and for a moment he’s left alone with his soggy fries and a U2 song playing over the stereo.
Then the clicking of heels catches his attention and it’s just ridiculous how fast his heart starts to beat when he looks up and is greeted by (Y/N) walking towards him. Like it hasn’t been years since they have last seen each other. Like they haven’t broken up a long time ago. Like their last meeting wasn’t yelling and tears and heartbreak and throwing clothes out of windows.
But it all feels like a lifetimes ago. Like it happened to two completely different people. And all that’s there right now is this immense warmth spreading through his body and consuming him.
“ Hi “ she says and smiles and suddenly the diner isn’t so sad anymore.
She looks so different. Her hair isn’t permed anymore and the lipstick is now red instead of hot pink and she’s wearing gold studs instead of pink hopps but there’s still that shimmer of wonder and passion in her eyes and she’s still smiling like the girl she used to be. She’s a different person now but she’s still everything good in the world. At least to Billy.
“ Hi “
“ Can I sit down ? “
What a question.
“ Of course “
They’re quiet for a moment but there’s a tension building. Like the air before a thunderstorm. Electric.
“ I like the haircut. It suits you, I always told you. “
She had. But the mullet was his thing. The physical rebellion against his dad’s stupid rules and restrictions. Also he looked fucking cool and anyone who says differently is clearly wrong.
“ Thanks. You look — “ Billy knows he’s biased.This girl is part of all his happy memories of the last few years. She could be wearing a paper bag and shave her head and dye her eyebrows green and he’d still think she is gorgeous.
“ — good “
That’s fucking lame, honestly. But his heart is beating way too fast to come up with a proper answer.
“ Clarice called me, thought you looked sad. Like you could use some company “
They just fall back into conversation, like nothing has happened. Like they’re old friends who don’t have a shit ton of baggage. Who don’t have a backstory. Who didn’t love too fast, too hard, too much.
“ … and he’s dying. We know it. He knows it. I just — I feel like I should be sad, you know ? Like I should feel something. But I don’t. I don’t even feel relieved I just feel indifferent “
By the time they get to his father’s condition they’ve shared 3 milkshakes and (Y/N) has finished his piece of pumpkin pie.
“ Does that make me a bad person ? A bad son ? “
When she places her hand on his in comfort, Billy thinks he might die of a heart attack. Also he thinks he’s being fucking ridiculous. What is this ? A stupid John Hughes movie ? Fuck no.
“ Absolutely not ! This man has been making your life a living hell, Billy. You don’t have to be sad about him dying. I mean I get why you’re not happy, he’s still your dad. But you don’t owe him sadness. You don’t “
He hasn’t realized until now but she’s right, he felt like he might be owing Neil a certain kind of reaction. Sadness or pity or a hint of gratitude for — well for what exactly ?
“ He might be your father but he never stepped up to actually do his job as a dad. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel about it. “
Life gets overwhelming for Billy a lot of times. It moves too fast and sometimes he feels like it’s all spinning out of control. Like the world is turning and he’s gonna fall off. And then his breathing gets fast and his heart starts beating and his palms get clammy.
A girl from the youth center, Emma, she feels like that too, she told him. She’s 7 and she’s smart and she’s dealing with a family so much like his own, it breaks his heart. “ But then I think of my sister and my friends and my favorite song and the feeling in my tummy when I ride the teacup ride at the carnival and things don’t seem so bad no more “.
Billy looks up at (Y/N) and thinks of what they’ve been through and kissing her for the first time and them dancing to time after time at the prom he didn’t even want to go to but did anyway and had a good time and about the feeling of holding her in his arms during those magical fall nights. And then things don’t seem so bad no more, indeed.
“ Why did we break up ? “
If he’s being quite honest with himself, he knows why. It’s not one specific reason but an amalgamation of so many things. They just seem so pointless and trivial in the grand scheme of things now that he looks at it all as an adult.
“ Because we sucked “
“ We didn’t “
“ Yeah we kinda did. Billy we were both so caught in our own teenage angst and felt so miserable all the time. We were toxic for each other “.
“ What are you talking about ? You were the only thing in my life that wasn’t toxic. You were the only good thing ! “
“ See ? That’s the problem. We were so dependent on each other. I was waiting for you to fix me and trying to fix you at the same time. That’s not healthy, Billy. “
It’s the truth now that he thinks about it. While they were together, Billy hasn’t really made a move on bettering himself, not really. Yeah he’d calmed down considerably but none of those positive changes he’d ever given himself credit for. It was her that changed him and her he changed for.
And maybe his love wasn’t what made her life better either. Maybe that was all her doing. Maybe it was just growing up.
“ Do you really think we were that bad ? “ he asks and he’s scared of the answer. He doesn’t for one minute think about her regretting their time together.
“ If you’re asking me if I would do it all again, knowing what I know now. Then yes. Because I loved you Billy and when we were good we were spectacular. “
A silence settles upon them again as Billy ponders about their relationship. He’s glad she doesn’t regret giving him a chance. He doesn’t think he could live another day knowing the one person that showed him love in the last decade regrets just that.
“ So I told you why I’m back, why are you back ? “
If there’s one person that hates Hawkins just as much as he doesn, it’s (Y/N). Seeing her back here all grown up and mature, really surprises him.
“ I felt homesick. I know my family isn’t perfect but ya know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit. “
He might’ve not seen her in years but Billy can still tell she’s lying. Some things never change.
“ That’s bullshit. You hated Hawkins, what changed ? “
(Y/N) cracks a grin because of course he could tell that she wasn’t honest. It’s Billy.
“ I don’t think I hated Hawkins as much as I hated myself in it. It was just easy to blame everything on the town and the people except of taking a look at myself, you know ? “
“ Sure, doesn’t answer the question though “
“ Well, remember after prom when we sat by the quarry and you asked me what I wanted to do after school and I told you I wanted to write a book and you told me you wanted to help kids who are going through what you went through ? “
“ I do “
It was the first night Billy ever told anyone about his plans for the future. He wasn’t really one to spill his guts to people, still isn’t. So this meant a great deal. Especially since he didn’t really believe his plan was ever going to come true anyway. But she had been so honest and vulnerable with him then, it only felt fair to give something back.
“ I have been trying to write this stupid book for years and I just feel blank whenever I start a new idea. So I really started thinking about what it is that I want to write about, what makes me feel. Sad, angry, happy — just anything, really. And it all came back to Hawkins. Hawkins and you “.
Billy doesn’t think he’s the kind of guy people write books about. He’s not special or intriguing or even particularly funny. But this is (Y/N) and she’s always seen him differently.
“ So I came back here, for Thanksgiving. For the red leaves and the cold wind and that short time a year where things seem — lighter”
So it isn’t just his nostalgia clouded imagination that makes that time of year look magical to him, if she feels it to it must mean something. Anything.
“ You were always happier that time of the year and I could never figure out what it was “
“ It’s when I met you “
It’s like a thunderstorm rolling through his body. Lighting strike to the heart. He’s played this scenario over in his head for so many times but never has he thought he was the reason for her happiness. That he made such a difference.
“ I still love you “
That’s the fundamental truth of it all, really. He loves her and he’s never stopped. Not saying it out loud seems like a disservice to both of them.
He’s not become a better man for her, he did that for himself. But the better man he is now, he’s deserving of her love. He’s someone that’s good enough for the woman she is now.
“ Do you think we still stand a chance ? “
She softly takes his hand in hers again, her hands still so much smaller than his and way softer, way warmer.
“ The kids we used to be ? Absolutely not. We can’t go back to that. But the people were are now ? I don’t see why not. I like who you are now. I like that you went out and did what you always wanted to do. That you’re so soft on the inside and loving and that you put so much effort into helping kids. I like that you still show up here when your dad is sick even if you have every reason not to. I could love you now. “
Really that’s enough for him.
“ Can I kiss you “
She nods and leans towards him. And she feels warm and tastes like pie and cigarettes and her.
And suddenly the magic was back, full force. And no winter and no cold and no frost would take it from him this time.
It’s another late fall a year or two later when they sit on a swing set much like the one behind their houses when they were younger and more bitter.
Her hair is still flowing in the wind the way it always did and he cheeks have not lost the subtle blush brought on by the cold.
One gloved hand holds on to the chain of the swing while the other grabs tightly to the book she’s reading from. Aloud and with so much passion and love in her voice, it makes Billy’s heart grow 3 sizes at least.
It’s a special time of the year for a different reason now. All of the year is magic now that they’re together again with no underlying anger no repressed sadness, no misery. Just them.
It’s special now for it’s when she holds the finished product of many sleepless night in her hands. Of tears and frustration and more love and passion and longing that she could ever properly describe.
And Billy, he holds the other special thing in his arms. The one that graced them just a few weeks earlier when the air was still warm. She’s tiny and perfect and she’s all Billy and (Y/N) ever wanted in life. It’s her first fall, her first time on a swing, softly rocking in her father’s arms. Her first spark of magic.
“ … and as they sit on the porch, coated in the golden glow of a setting october sun, all is well and warm in their hearts. For maybe obstacles had to be overcome and mountains had to be climbed in order to end up here. Sometimes people meet at the wrong time in life when things are cold and bitter and filled with a sadness that is too much for two people to contain. But sometimes, and they both know how rare these are, sometimes there’s a right time. A second chance. For people who are meant to be together. They were granted such a chance and so they took it, reaching out and grabbing it and never letting go, ever.
So that october evening, with the red sun setting upon the horizon they were both so very aware that with all odds against them, they still managed to come out just fine in the end. Like boats against the current they managed to reach the shore, not unharmed but alive. Maybe more alive than ever before.
And with the waves it washed away the hurt and the bitterness and all that was left was them and love and magic. “
When she finishes reading she looks up at him with a shy glance. She’s nervous. This is the most vulnerable she’s ever felt. This is years of work and dreams she’s been harboring for a lifetime.
“ Do you like it ? “
“ You wrote a book about us “ Billy says and smiles.
“ No “ (Y/N) replies “ I wrote a book about love, we just happen to have a lot of that in our lives. “
Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.
But there’s people here that can change things, that make it worth it. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten. It’s the smile on her face when she looks at Billy and the sound of his daughter’s heartbeat and the love that surrounds them. Always. He knows it sounds cheesy but there’s no denying that it’s all a little magical.
138 notes · View notes
paradoxidolatry · 5 years
Text
Brotherly Love
@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit
TG: hey TG: sup
TT: Hey. TT: Not much.  Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?
TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho
TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?
TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild
TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured.  Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.
TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones
TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?
TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it
TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.
TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips
TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?
TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all
> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.
TG: oh? any reason or
[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image
TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.
[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]
TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG:  i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude
TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well.  I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for.  I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.
TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard
TT: Sisters, huh?  Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice.  How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean.  I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.
TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho
TT: God.  You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?
TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess
TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you?  I can meet you, if you wanna.
TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription
TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.
TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.
> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in  your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.
> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.
> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah.  That's how hugs happen.
> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.
> Aww shit here it comes and here he is.  All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you?  This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)
> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."
> Aww, shit goddamn.  He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider.  You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me?  Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."
> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.
> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front.  You can pick the place."
"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.
> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.
> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."
> You snort a laugh.  It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it?  It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)
> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.
> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.
> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats.  Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers.  Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."
> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.
> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly.  Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"
> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.
"Alright.  We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too.  This really is a strange Strider day.
> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.
> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.
> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.
> A big one. >:3
> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.
> Goddamnit, Dave.
> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)
"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.
> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud.  Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.
"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.
> Yeah.  Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh.  You remember that place?"
"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.
> [Clover: nya face]
"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"
"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?
> [Dave] Oh no.
> There's this shift in your face.  It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"
> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.
> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not.  Desperate times and all that, right?"
"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.
> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no.  Not gonna hurt him.  It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills.  Your brother and the Felt... "Really.  Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."
> [Dave] GUESS WHY.
" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.
> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this.  Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys.  If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off.  Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that.  So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"
> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah.  Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."
"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop.  So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."
"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.
"Yeah, yeah.  Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back.  Dealt to all the line cooks."
" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..
> Okay.  You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine.  Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea.  Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"
> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"
> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now.  Wow, fuckin fire me now."
"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.
> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude.  I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."
"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.
"Jesus christ.  Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them?  Like what the fuck."
"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."
"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet.  Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.
"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.
"Nah, nah, nothing like that.  Too messy.  Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."
"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"
"Of course.  Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."
"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.
> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one.  You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"
"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"
> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."
"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.
> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright.  I'd like that."
"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.
> Don't you worry, Sock.  Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.
> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:
> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.
> That's a good start.
> Fuck yeah.  Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right?  You need a jacket?"
"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.
"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."
> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.
"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over.  You ready to go?
"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.
> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"
> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.
> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright.  Don't get into any trouble, alright?  Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"
"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.
> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."
> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.
> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.
> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.
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guillemelgat · 6 years
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11+11=22 Questions
I got tagged in two of the 11 questions ask games by @elnas-studies and @hardlyfluent (thank you both so much!!), so I combined them both in a really long hell post which I’m putting under a cut because otherwise this will be horrifying
RULES: Answer the 11 questions. Make 11 of your own and tag 11 people.
1. how old were you when you started learning other languages besides your native one(s)?
Unless you count my early attempts to learn Malayalam, which arguably started at the age of about two, then I’d say I really started learning another language when I had to take Spanish in sixth grade, which was a struggle at first but eventually I fell in love with it
2. have you ever dated one of your crushes before?
dating???? crushes????? im donot know what youre talking about
3. what is your strengths and weaknesses as a language learner?
My strength is probably my refusal to think things are “weird” or “difficult” and just kind of accepting them as a fact, and also the fact that I adore grammar. My weakness is definitely that I loathe learning vocabulary, and also the fact that I tend to just skim stuff to learn all the cool grammar and never actually practice anything :,))
4. why are you studying the languages you are studying?
oh boy get ready this is going to be a long ride
Spanish - I had to take it in school but the reason I currently speak it to any degree is probably thanks to my obsession with Latin pop during the dark years of my life (we don’t talk about that here)
Catalan - because it’s perfect and also because I love literally every aspect of Catalan culture, did you honestly expect me to say something else??
Welsh - originally because I read a series called The Dark is Rising when I was in fourth grade and it had Welsh in it and I was like I want to learn this and so I (sort of) did
Basque - not gonna lie, this one was for Xabi Solano (if I try to pretend like it’s not y’all will find me out eventually because everything is on this blog)
Turkish - good question, why am I learning Turkish?? jk, I think Turkey is a fascinating country with a really interesting history, also it appreciates cats so that’s a win
Western Abenaki - this is an indigenous language from around where I’m from so I feel like the least I could do would be to learn it considering I’m occupying their land, also I grew up listening to an Abenaki storyteller named Joseph Bruchac so it’s close to my heart
Romani - this was also a language I wanted to learn in fourth grade because we had an album of Romani music and it was one of my favorite things in the world and I wanted to be able to learn all the words to the songs, I guess not much has changed since then
Malayalam - me?? learning languages for actual reasons??? it’s more likely than you think (this is my heritage language, my dad’s family is Malayali)
Arabic - originally I had good reasons for learning this, now I’m just doing it for Mashrou’ Leila
Tamahaq - in case you’re not seeing a pattern here hopefully this will help, I’m learning this for Tinariwen so I can understand their songs
5. where in the world would u move to if u could?
Either the rural Pyrenees somewhere (La Garrotxa or Ripollès probably), somewhere in the New England woods, or Minneapolis (sorry I just really fell in love with that city it’s not my fault that it’s so good)
6. what is your favourite food in ur target language(s)?
pasta, I think it’s the same in probably all of them except Turkish, which is makarna
7. what is your favourite genre of books and/or movies?
I used to be a big sci-fi and fantasy person (and still am to some degree), but now I also really like historical fiction (although still with a dose of fantasy if it’s done well), plus literally anything gay
8. do you like poetry? if so, who is your favourite poet?
I’ve never really been into poetry but I absolutely adore Vicent Andrés Estellés
9. have you ever studied abroad?
Not with school, although I did study Spanish at a language school in Oaxaca for a week one summer, but I’m hoping to go to Senegal to do my Official College Study Abroad™ and learn some Wolof :))))
10. what is ur biggest fear?
I have a lot of these, do you really want to get into that (probably either dying or the depths of the ocean)
11. what is the one thing u can’t live without?
Probably my computer because I’m Trash™
1. If you could change your name, would you? and to what?
I actually am seriously considering changing my name irl, but I do also really like my birth name so I’m not sure, this is a difficult question
2. Do you have a favourite artistic movement? 
I’m not a cultured person who is capable of having that sort of opinion, although I’m a big fan of art romànic in Catalunya, which is sort of a weird thing to be a fan of but that’s how it be sometimes
3. If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you go?
moving temporarily?? either somewhere in Catalunya or my family’s house in Kerala because it’s going to get sold soon probably since no one lives there anymore but it’s really important in my family’s history and I want to experience it before it’s gone; or, on a less serious note, a sheep farm would also be very nice
4. Do you collect anything? If so, what?
This is going to sound weird especially because I did this as a nine-year-old, but I used to collect business cards?? Now I just collect plants. Lots of plants. Too many plants, really, but who’s to stop me?
5. What is one piece of media that you think everyone should watch/read?
idk if this counts but please watch the video for “Roman” by Mashrou’ Leila, it’s amazing (I could rec books and stuff but I don’t have the same taste as people and also a lot of the stuff I watch/read is either trash or too mainstream to bother putting here)
6. What was your first favourite band/singer?
Hmm…let’s play it safe and say the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields because I was a cultured 4-year-old who listened exclusively to classical music (what happened to me, we will never know), outside of that I’m honestly not sure because I’ve had favorite bands my whole life and so it’s hard to say who was the first
7. What is your favourite season?
Autumn, but honestly my favorite season is whatever season comes next, I’m always ready for the change when it (finally) happens - that’s why I can’t live in places where it’s warm/temperate all year round, I’d go crazy
8. What’s your favourite song from your home country?
Oh wow this is difficult because (1) there’s a lot of music from the US and (2) I listen to almost none of it so... I’m going to pass on this for now
9. Is there any fashion style from the past that you would like to bring back?
I’m the wrong person to ask about fashion, I have the fashion sense of one of those guys on Queer Eye who Tan has to save because they wear jeans and a t-shirt to everything
10. What song do you currently listen to the most?
I’ve been listening to “Imm El Jacket” a lot recently because it’s the best, also “Entre poetas y presos” by La Raíz
Here are my questions:
1. What was your favorite childhood book/series?
2. What’s your favorite song in each of the languages you’re learning?
3. Do you prefer living in warm weather (above 25ºC/75ºF) or cold weather (below 0ºC/32ºF)?
4. Do you have pets? What kind/what are their names? If not, would you like a pet?
5. What is piece of advice you would give to your younger self if you could?
6. Who is one famous person that you really like/look up to?
7. What is one thing that you like to do that no one would expect of you? (as in something surprising/something that doesn’t fit with your personality or other interests)
8. Would you rather live in the woods or in the city?
9. What’s one thing in your daily routine that always goes wrong or always irritates you?
10. Do you still have your favorite childhood toy/stuffed animal? What is it?
11. What’s one thing that motivates you or keeps you going when you’re having a hard time?
I’m going to tag @incelphobiia, @reyneclaw, @euryalus, @chatwiththeclouds, @elphaba-masala, @bouzhi, @deepsearuin, but don’t feel obligated to do this at all, it’s totally fine if you don’t want to ^^
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jamesmcf88 · 3 years
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pt 2 - james mcfarlane
NEW — weird song (2016) the reaper, put the beat on hold, bones dug up just like the sunflowers in the snow, now deeper into the river of sight, if you go in that cave dont turn out the light, white light shines bright, no stars tonight, behind the vox stack, their singin heart is black, subwayswhislting over my head, thank god i climbed aboard instead, reap what you sew 4x (coda) Heart is black ive been had (ive been had) ive gone mad (ive gone mad) ths is war, (this is war) i told you all this before i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, heart is black face the facts, art is black, oohicant stay, (ooh icant stay) cant go your way, (cant go your way) i felt you sweet smack, Your smoke is black (smoke is black) i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, Beautiful face she thinks shes alright, butshes out of sight, swim in for a bite, underneath the white light, thining of fashons, and still looking smashing appealing to fools, out of all kinds of schools, lo frequency base, mixed with the acid taste, no it couldnt compare, to your beautiful face. you left a hole in my chest, a better shot than the rest, do you have five minutes, for a warhol screen test, at dawn i see a star burning not lie the rest, cant help but sit and wonder where its going next 4x cant help but sit and wonder where shes going next 4x Blue Haired BelleBlue Haired Belle, hangs around the gates of hellMorning stars get lost, in the flow of your blue sky locksDon’t despair, you’ve been on a track please take care, Come fly with me, its your blue sky that’s pure dont you see. Its alright You, me , everybody,we, see, only moonbeams,comets not so high,eathquakes in the sky,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright, You light the way, through tunnels, try not the scrape, the gunnels,on the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timeon the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timelalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalalalaooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaoooooo Main Street When you called me up hereIdidnt feel like walkin, Now your sayin to me,youdidnt feel like talkinwhy are we so clumsy,so clumsy with our breadnow you tell me honey, how you keep your stomach fed, always lending yourself out, to the freaks that dot our lives,honey when you gunna shout, at those drones in out beehive,take a walk uptown, to the bucket where they drown,gunna tell them when they get out,to get theiur handouts downtown MorningAt the dawn of a new age,Sun comes up, smell the burning sage,take a step foreward, turn the pagesay goodbye to all those dark dark days, MAking a brew I stare a the fire,stir the pot, and then connect the wires,turn on the amp, the music inspires,got to free my mind from all the cheats and all the liars. Morningdrone You, you know what I mean, when isay,that nothings gunna happen today,and you, you know what imean,wheni tell you it’s just not my scene, you, yeees you, what the hell are we gunnado?and you, the only one you listen to, is a man, by the name of, Lou. We, yeees us three, could make it at a defferentpace,I, know that, it’s a discrace, Lord, take us to another place, So grab your stuff, your record albums,you take the wine, and ill take the guns, and into the ocean, we will go, cause you know, were headed, for the coast,so raise up your glasses, for a toast,ha, which one of us can drink the most,the father, theson, or the holy ghost,and you say that this car can race,but can it take us to that other place, a different side of mother natures face. take me to another place. Nothing drones honey comes from lots of work, sticky feet moving berserkpatterns form in crude beauty, drones fulfill a pointless duty, honey drips, from the hive, golden jkelly feeds their wife, pretty flowers messy home, nothing drones on like the cone, back and forth, in and out, dancing like we use our mouths,the pay is small and so are you, results of that sweetens my tooth, the task is never ending, constantly descending, dripping in the mouths of those not worth defending. Oppenheimer park Rolling down the open road, to the end of the line,end of the world, end of the illusion of time,I go down to the water, and feel the cool surf,hear music in the air and take it for what it’s worth, cant understand why people, could live on so little,when so much goes through them, and through the needle, so hasty, with the selling of their saved souls,the western downtown is bright, blunt, and bold. Walk up and down throughout the day, out of your mind,think of your home nevermore, till the end of timethe loop drones on and on like a broken clock,don’t need to climb the montain, cause your at the top Hastngs is not coming for you, your coming for it,like hell it bewccons like the incline of a pit,the east side, sits a nd people come from near and far,to sit, and sink, into the grass, in oppenheimer park oracle so your torched,your hanging by a thread,don’t scorch, your pretty little head,wishing through your lips that it worntpass,feels like your turning from a liquid to a gas, take a trip right to the edge of your mind, consciousness poured out and left behind,take a break from all the flats and all the sharpd,ride a cloud of nothing, and numb your broken heart To thew edge of your mind, distortion blurrs the line bettweenwhats out there and whats inside, deep in the cave, breath in the cold air,see shadows on the wall,… stare bring news just like homing pigeon,come down, and start a new religion, leave now, and speak out, littereally or metephorical,the knowledge you posess will make you the oracle. Pipe Dream A science experiment gone totally wronga weather balloon with some kind of evil about it,all the kids at school could see it above the horizon,my friends and i knew we’d be better off without it, king kong, walked along high street, where the freaks and thugs call home,if he could reach this floating disaster on time,he knew he would never have to die alone,hethough about it and realised the people wouldntunderstandhe knew their alien nation would turn this ape into a man, darkened minds turn on a dime, revolve in time along thin white linesyin and yang drip from a wolfs fang, one pulls the trigger the other goes band why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Darkened fool has lots of toolsd, dead at the deep end of the pool, boring times and pouring rhyme, the question, is this really mine? why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Psych em out Psychem out like rabid vermin, make em shout a phony sermon,see right through their simple game,right to their core their thoughts of shame, watchem blow upon the fire, rocks explode right on the liar, social change brings end to war, housewife trembles on the floor,backwardsforewards, up and downvoisc encircle all aorund, observeprecieve hear see know learn mirror be, identify possible flaws, of the menace with no causethe time is now, so try to learn how to bend the rules they use to keep you down. Rabbit hole Salvage you mind while it is illuminated, a fire out of control,a cabbage in ttime, right now it is fumigated, wired and housing a soul,badhabbits in line, schedualed to be terminated, inspire you out of your hole, A rabbit , redefined and underrated but higher than ever before, drink up while the tea is hot and bright blue, the flesh of the gods makes it so,3 caps and some stems is all i can do, to see shooting stars upon the snow, think sweetly of me, with emotions so true as yu stand and look through the window,think of thinkgs to do when im gone for good now, waving at the bus watching it go, Im down in the southland, with deep curving valleys and bridges all rusty and crumbling, with grasses all dying and rivers of green and subways whistling under me. a spot on the corner , a 30 dollar gutar, a case and a cigarette too, is all that i need to get usedd to my home and bring my mind closer to you. The last of this song, is all out of place, but the pace rings true to the rule, of the verses before i shut tight the door on the patterns lost and misconstrewen,becauseits all backwards and forewards like this, its in shambles but its not a ruin,the end of this 4 verse song has arrived, to the point you might not clue in. Sea of lights Rockj and rave, through the night,on speed in a sea of lights,jump spin contort thrust,black white pain lust,spent a week there last might, maybe more,steal yourself a holy death crouching by the door cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Standing there all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the whilestanding all in black behind the vox stack, from behind sunglasses, we inspire the masses, cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Walk and talk it through the park,whiplashgirlchild in the darkrun run run, take a drag shoot your speed while you brag i’ve been orchestrating behind sunglasses,immitatingprodogy, and writer, man, tomboy and a throusand fans zeppelin spotlights on my brain exploding plastic in my veinhypnotyic tones as the propellers drone,mind bending sounds, resonate undreground, dak circles never weed, new york 1963, Chcmysic, velvet freak desensitize alter tweak, no money car moon or sun, sell your blood for heroin,if she ever comes now now, moe beat on that drum now now,pink perfume, mantra neumes silk screen factory tunes superstar test only the best wine coffee speed heroin rest,darkcircl;es never weep, new yourk 1963,theyve been up for weeks, in the white light the tweak, in 63 Skeleton Here we are again, moneys all been spent, you don’t know where hesbeen,hes trying to fend off things that dwell within, hes a skeleton. at the end of days hes been here before he says, narrow in mannyways,hes a skeleton,andidont know where hesgoin, or why he thinks itssnowin, he can see the wind thatsblowin, hes a skeleton, Spotlight Reap what you sew,snakes and poppys in her hair,sun flowers in the snow,make you look like your not so old,it had been so long i could not recall her face,she came outside to meet me though iwas’t her case,nowi sit and wonder if I’m out of place,the memories i had of her, are in outer space Standing all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the while,on the odd days I could talk to her,harmony and dissonence, a modern venus in furs,up and down that hallway, rotating the earth,waiting there for hours and hours, for her the quench my thirst. Sweet grass summertime,see the star shine, and i don’t mind revisiting those times,although my mind is blown, i play the drone,saying goodbye while you’re getting stoned. Vicious lips oooooo what to do,iwanna see you too,i think imgoin mad, ooooim not that sad noooi wonder sometimes where you are,what moon what planet under what star,id like to think your not that far, but we both know that trip was hard your vicious lips, eard on the airwaves, waking the dead, from their graves,your sweet, but your toxic, been three weeks since you dropped itI found it in my pocket, your trains comin I cant stop it You Made Me the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me, Come Back Around JAMES MCFARLANE·FRIDAY, MAY 13, 201610 Reads The process as a whole is always a learning experience like no other. Ultimately, like the brain has a recognition and physical atribute that corresponds with most chemicals in nature (possibly even synthetic chemicals) the psychological functions that a person can aquire are almostordaned and recieved in a timely fashion by the organ and im assuming the subconscious effortlessly and for evolutionary purpose. So I will assume everyones own, (however existential), growth experience is interesting. Having the atribute of spiking and deminishing of at least two of the brains most important chemicals related to experience, and behavior… and the awareness of the (most obvious to you) potential for not only chemical related occurances and their ripple effect, but the behavioral methods that the acute brain, manic brain, almost has a natural function to excercise and use usually either for a better survival or further expansion into astonishing existential and soon to be investigated parapsychological, social behaviors that tend to stick as long as they serve in a new type evolutionary (ie “Counter intuative”, productive and humanistic beavior that the mind eagerly draws in like an antennae recieving and storing up valueable energy. Setting this agenda and also surviving the early episodes, of bipolar, (which are usually the most drastic) are two hurdles to get over, let alone the crude, almost sickening archetectural features in our community hospitals, thats purpose cannot be desguised as heathcare to the human eye. A grossly overused assortment of bondage equipment and isolation chambers (not to mention your absence of any dignifying articles of clothing( also to be moved and set in place on occasion) nowadays plate glass walls, a whole dungeon setup designed by those people involved no less, who really probably care wheather the colour they chose or how their design would function better than the decaying sweat soaked ultimately in our home towns case, my favorite case, dried blood stained, apparenty approved for use by some dr, a single hallway, to alk up and down seemingly endlessly, untill not suprisedby the inevitable dread code white, that is the delight for the predominantly, …listen t me… dominated, by your average practicing as ferociously as they can with as little effort as possible, sociopath and more importantly to re ognise, violent violators psychopaths, who pretymch have the real pl working there stressin over what could possibly be these ppls capabilities, and are alienated inside by this evil thay cannot risk their ,,, virtully anything valuable, like a job or who knows, omg… thats why she left,,,,, so, yaa, these ppl rise like cream, annnnnd they have a really good time eeeehm, .. now nurse practitioners or legends, thir former dominator look like theyve aged, well lets say i was convinced they had beeen using prolongued use on heavy stimulents, like crack. iloldrewaout a blueprint with symboldsfr the patient advocate, neaysi mostly wantd to write and its alot of shit thats gone no doubt as home with ,,,lets say u know like fat cat. what, i was 15, and he was fat then, now hes the last one standing up there that i know of. oh yea… so i would say if u want out, and as of late i thing the design is perfect for the right ppl, socios included, fuckers, but, the dr, they are jst as careless as the security guards who cant hide haw stupid the really are and the odd couple who are revealing that their ok, still, idicovered, ,, maybe not in north bay, but in a proper community, like the city, ………..lost my train,,,, i think that i was getting at how just to be fair and …eyea 50 percent of the staff endowd with the ability to weildstrapps, and are encouraged by their no doubt under educated superiors, to always have the wrist ready to be broken if, now this brings me back,,,, they chokeyou, than comes the bondage that betty page would think is very unatractive, idk,,, the thing is,,, ya the drs, oh waut,, ok…. 1/3 of all of them are,,,, exculding the drs, and the janitors, who if ihaventdiscosedya are always there to pile up on a code white, and i know,, listen to me, no janitor ive met would grab my ass so hard on such a numerous a pile up, i have eyes in theback f my head,,,,,,, italalot,,,,,,, ppl that work so hard tp climb so not that far up the ladder in society, yes, sum of them are costume rocking witchcrftprodiges, who, will, 1 take the whole bunch of guys .. it may have been the forensic unit,,, this little thing is known by ,ppl, ive talked to about the psych who are inderectyl told by their others who work it, and ave stories about the oddity of us. iduno,, alot went down, but,, boring s yea she walks me throught e bysantine conduit iup to the floor, and the police have to walk somewhere behind to uncuff me and ta da, , y o iwanna bring up corporeal action when the best times,,, due to the conditios of bondage uuuuuuuuuuh were strictly through plate glass,,,,, ie. rare appearenced that are pretty much the only way. i really was bloody fucking thirsty 8percent and i mea ya,, when i was younngti chewed up braaaaan and drank my watttaaeer, and drew peace sighnsandd 7 days laterrrrr, after she sumhow managed to get an earbud into my head screaming for any colour you like by pink floyd, and playd the fungsonhggg, badassss. straight jacket. prolly day 4,,,,, i still think cough syrop is good for teenagerswhatver,,m took me to the top. ok… to get offf, the ward do as such; by Ultimately drawin on to no apparent end in crayons complete with nicotine gum (smokes,, the only freedom, not yet a right, that is so hard to get,,,,, and i learned to smoke in side the scarborough general hospitol,,, that room soon became the chamber, i would be locked in, for manny weeks, at different times,, thats where alot also hapened, is where the nude bondage asianfemaldr, ..whati mean i s theatwwhatwuldlou reed say… they never forgave us for nagasaki.,,, newaysive never spent more time in a i also a what appears to be and have bben told by assdocter of the north bay pstychwhi took to court at the hospitol and he got yelled at by a panel while my dad defended him and i ate cookies cus ii was really manic,,,, i also was 15 1/2… he later let me try and commit suicide,, thats a story of a different colour,, sounds like sprockets, idk,, idontwafe war with very real religiossympomatic shat, iuuuuuhm , so,,,, hereswahat krb8tujvcklwelbutrin.,,, ya, it istaken orally it shoul get right to work in three ad a half weeks, if suicidal,,,,, pray, oooir if u cant get dxedrine,, or sum speed beane drink a bottle of childrensgeapecoughsyrup once a day,,,, this acts as a seritonin reuptake inhibitor of a differrentcolour. 2 to 4 hours,,,iu get the mental stimulation,, it reall is a mellow buzz butttttyupppidecare fuck cough syrop…… dexedrineisnt out there and i know it couould really bbe used and they aslso do,, ie. jfk, addisons disease, dexedrine/anphetamine. so,, it will make y0ur 90 year old great aunt we all frogot about over in blind river get up from the abyss of alzheimers and dementia and sing thins is the day that the lord hath made,, ,but with real and concious interaction,,, without memory of course. however,,, she does that,,, did that anyway , but,,, im sure every month not every day,, at least one trial of … iuffingadhd adults can take it,,, why cant she. smeared into the grate of every window and the classy bubble rooom which actually was made with enough pride according to the regionnsid say, to have an even more, almost funny, and certainly battered scratched and spat on bubble for the head psychiatrist t poke his head into every few days. Lets not froget how that scene ended. like my father and grandfather before me who conditioned and alterred the correctiona institutions for fifty fife years now a conmfortablevacatin for psychopaths and whoever, not even the hole could stand up to point blank restraints naked, with your flimsy gown around your chest. at least in the bubble room there was lots of privacy, u know, to each institution their own, glass , bubble blood stained, probably 60 years of ppl that somehow said something that attracted the attention of their nurse, who no doubt vollynteered after printing your file which is most likely epic thick, there is no room for any of their creative stylings in that no, i did just smash the wall into pieces and ya all the insulatin is everywhere, high five and respect from my cute transference mistress, (and a couple others.)
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katzirra · 7 years
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You know... I just don’t understand some of the actions being taken by Cheeto in Chief and his administration tbh. Like... The EPA thing. Why. Why do you feel the need to get rid of that?
Like why are we targeting some things, that are blatantly in place for a reason. I don’t understand the appearance of just...?? Setting our country back?
Like hur dur the race stance I get because fucking white people and white men specifically are just fucking -long drawn out shitting noise-  but like....??
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS NEED TO ALSO FUCK OVER THE ENVIRONMENT AND THE WORLD IN WAYS LIKE THIS?? That’s such a fucking STRANGE thing to go after?? Like... cutting corners on government funding to fill his own pockets or something?? But I’m just?? I...????
Like I’m so tired from this presidency already?? I’m so tired of hearing people try and tell me he’s going to make my life easier because he wants to do things for ME, the lower middle class~ but it’s like... where. Where do you see this. I’m so tired of reading “he won, get over it” like okay, you voted for him. Why. Explain to me in a civilized manner why you voted for him, that isn’t racist. Because nothing he’s doing is benefiting me. Nothing he’s doing is benefiting any of the majority of America and it’s honestly draining the life out of me.
I don’t like how my own family keeps telling me what he’s supposedly going to do for me and I’m seeing more hostile actions towards me, and even WORSE towards minorities that we don’t need to be stirring more shit into their lives.
But I don’t fucking UNDERSTAND.... why.... he is trying to get rid of the fucking EPA...?????? LIKE.... THAT KEEPS US SAFE?? HOW ARE THESE THINGS CROSSING DESKS AND NO ONE IS LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE’S A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH.
HOW COME WE HAD A SCANDAL AND WE WERE LIKE “FUCKING GET NIXON/CLINTON OUT.” and yet?? AND YET??? IT’S BEEN A MONTH AND THE COUINTRY IS GOING TO BE ON FIRE SOON WITH HOW TIRED PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET.
Like holy shit this fucking generation I’m a part of is so mentally and emotionally FUCKED UP from the generation that raised us to set our bar so high, only to never live up to their end of the bargain - but want to call us slackers and shit talk raising the living wage and just -RUBS MY FACE-
LIKE I’m 26 and living at home still. I can’t move out unless I have a job that pays upwards of $15/hour to live okay... I can’t move out unless I had a bigger income or a room mate. My dad brags how he got a shitty little house when he was 18 all by himself.
This country doesn’t live to benefit ANYONE but people already lying and cheating and benefiting from the loops in the system and it’s killing me slowly.
I’m tired every fucking day I come home. And all I can think is how tiring it is applying for jobs too, because requirements and -yells so much into the void-
We’re such a fucked generation, and yet we’re lazy?? We work multiple jobs because we have to, not because we want to and we’re lazy??
I’ve taken to snapping at fucking people who try and make small talk with me about poor service. Standing in line at the store? If someone my age or older says something about the service? I tell them “Yeah well, if you knew anything about running a store you’d know you can only have so many people on the floor with payroll and sales.” because I get so fucking tired of people making it sound like THERE SHOULD BE MORE PEOPLE HERE TO SERVICE MEEEEEE.
I work at a store where we have maybe 4 people in the morning until close. You have a manager, maybe a framer??? a cashier or two and if you’re lucky, someone on the floor besides that backup cashier and the manager - who MIGHT be our framer too~!!
If the line gets backed up? Too bad, we can only do so much. We can only SCHEDULE so much. If we get bad weather or something? Payroll is affected because sales tanked, so we have to cut hours.
THAT’S HOW BUSINESS WORKS. AND IF YOU WORK RETAIL YOU GET THAT. IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PEOPLE DOING THEIR DAMN JOBS.
Im sure you could do better, if you had to do the same menial job every day, every week, month to month. I’m sure you’d not be tired some days. I’m soooo sure you’re sooooo good at it.
People who say that shit to me in line for small talk make me snap back to my Gamestop manager persona of laughing and looking them up and down and making snide comments about the world not revolving around their every fucking need. The fuck you with a smile attitude. I just mm.
This country more and more bitches about people who are working shitty jobs, who are trying to gt by, and yet doesn’thelp us better ourselves. Do you want us all to jsut kill ourselves? Then who will mak your shitty coffee in the morning for you? Gosh.
I just don’t fucking understand how I’m told I’m going to benefit from this stain on humanity.
Why he’s tearing our country down, and making it worse than it already was?
Like, America is by no means perfect or wonderful for a plethora of reasons? But there are things I appreciate about it? And I wish Obama got to do the shit he wanted because he really... cared. Like it’s heart breaking at times just how much resistance he got when he actually cared about trying to make something of this shit show of a country.
But our current Mini Mitten’d Chief is just really into dropping trou’ and shitting on it some more.
I am so tired of my sister telling me he’s not doing things he’s doing. That he’s not trying to do the shit he’s trying to. Telling me I’m wrong. That he doesn’t hate people. That the LGBT or ANY POC or differing religion from American brand Christianity, aren’t being threatened.
Someone reblogged something the other day about... Christianity vs Americanized Christianity? And it’s an intersting point I never thought too much on tbh. You get people quoting the bible to tell you everything that’s wrong. All the ways you wont’ get into heaven. America has weaponized the Bible. Made it rules. Threats. Light up your life with Jesus and only him or you’re going to hell.
I read the bible 3 times through in my life. The only thing the bible tells you really is to respect your fellow man and don’t be a fucking twat. Mind your business, and don’t fuck with other people and their god damn SHIT. THAT’S WHAT IT’S TELLING YOU.
RESPECT EACHOTHER AND TREAT EACHOTHER KINDLY AND BE PATIENT AND KIND WHEN PEOPLE NEED IT AND YOU’RE PRETTY SOLID.
Everything I hear used WEAPONIZED is out of context, and is also really misinterpreted over the years to the point I fell out of my slight religious backing I use to have. The fine print America puts in is... -nauseated noises-
The post in question was about some sermon directly reading from the bible in relation to current events and people WALKED OUT. and it really drove home the point - there’s a VERY different Christianity in America.
But then again, as a whole, it’s pretty altered and corrupt so what does it matter :))
I am losing more and more faith in the world and maybe that’s why I treat things so finalistic anymore. Something bad happened? Cool. Get over it and move on because life is long as fuck but it’s also short if you waste your fucking time sweating shit that doesn’t matter.
Someone was a fuck to you? Cool. Drop them and move the fuck on. They don’t care about you, and they’re a selfish pig so you shouldn’t waste your energy.
I’m.... mm. I’m so burnt the fuck out on the world and being alive. I just want to lay on the floor and die.
Like humanity is a fucking blight on the world anymore.
I just...
I got into a post because  don’t understand getting rid of the EPA for anything more than?? MONEY?? I GUESS?? Bitches about job market, and says he’s gonna bring jobs back to america - YET OUTSOURCES TO VARIOUS COUNTRIES TO MAKE MERCHANDISE FOR HIS SHITTY BRAND NAME...?? AND?? THOSE JOBS?? COULD?? BE HERE?? BUT YOU DON’T WANNA PAY??
HOW ARE YOU PRACTICING WHAT YOU PREACH. HOW DOES ANYONE TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY??? HOW DID PEOPLE VOTE FOR YOU?? HOW FUCKING STUPID IS AMERICA???
I’M FUCKING DYING. I WANT TO DIE. LIKE FUCK, WAS BUSH NOT ENOUGH? WAS REAGAN NOT ENOUGH??? WHY DO WE NOT QUESTION THESE FUCKING CHOICES.
FUCK.
AND THE KICKER TO ME IS STILL THAT HE DID THE SAME SHIT WE ALL SAW PEOPLE BITCH ABOUT HILARY DOING WITH A PRIVATE EMAIL SERVER??? BUT HE’S JUST HIT ON THE WRIST.
WHERES HIS WITCH HUNT.
WHERES THE FIRE.
WHERES THE COMPLAINING NOW?
Oh, right. He’s a white man. I forgot for a moment.
I’m so sick of this country. I use to not mind it and use to find things good about us, but man. I fucking hate it.
If you hate it, get out then.
Okay. Please buy me a ticket to leave, because I can barely afford life. So, please.
Americans are exhausting as fuck, tbh. The people who voted fro our currnt train wreck ...mm. Especially.
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