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#im doing something that requires me to do interviews with christians.
birgittesilverbae · 1 year
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I really enjoy your take on bea’s journey re: relationship to god and being queer in your fic. It is something i’ve been trying to come to terms with for abt ten years now (not exaggerating). Imo it’s hard to find sources on the topic whicj wouldnt require you to have a deep theological understanding and so im glad your fic exists as a kind of a summary. Anyway bea as a character is super relatable to me overall so im v glad someone decided to dig deep and explore the pre-canon era from this angle. As someone who crushed on girls from church while also being a girl (while also seeing that the church girl i crushed on was likely not straight and prolly in deep denial), the fic hits in a particular way, heartbreaking but also liberating. Youve done great with exploring this inner conflict
I'm really happy to hear this fic has felt liberating to you. my relationship to religion has never been particularly fraught, as my family is from a super liberal mainline Protestant denomination. (nor did I ever find it particularly compelling, and by age 10 my family had gone from weeklies to holiday Christians), but other aspects of Bea have really resonated with me, and so I wanted to do right by this major part of her story as well. I'm so thankful that I could give you some measure of comfort with this fic; nothing feels better than knowing I've moved someone in some way.
My central three resources for chapter 3 of tmtl and the fic in general, if you wanted to take a look (they're all fairly accessible; the time I spent with deeper theological cuts will remain between me and jstor)
Q Christian Fellowship is an excellent starting point: LGBTQ+ Theology 101
Queer Theology has a lot of good resources
Religious and Sexual Identities: A Multi-faith Exploration of Young Adults (by Andrew Kam-Tuck Yip and Sarah-Jane Page) is "an illuminating and nuanced analysis of young adults’ perceptions and negotiations of their religious, sexual, youth and gender identities." Pretty accessible look at identity in UK young adults and draws from both quantitative and qualitative research, including interviews and video diary narratives
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fagofgod · 3 years
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thinking about how absolutely wild the christianity that’s been taught to me is. like “no amount of good, no amount of sin can pull us away from heaven” is so weirddd. like.. i dunno.... not even murderers?? racists??
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ghoestys · 3 years
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and this is ruby! my 4th and final muse! been wanting to use gayoung’s pretty face since she was in tempted and now that shes in true beauty it made me want to use her even more! and the content she gave us while playing yeo hajin? iconic this is ruby <3
STATISTICS
full name: ruby odette im nickname(s): rue, rubes, ro, odette, od, odettie age: twenty two date of birth: october 8th, 1998 hometown: tba! gender: cis female pronouns: she/her/hers religion: christian (raised, non-practicing) sexuality: bisexual & biromantic hair colour: brunette eye colour: brown height: 5'9″ tattoos: dainty colored lavender on her left ankle facing outward (ex) piercings: standard & upper lobe (both), forward helix & industrial (right), daith (left)
PROMPT + BLACKMAIL
a legacy and member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-two and a sophomore undergrad student majoring in law. they are as positive as they are negative.
● was caught with a dui and almost got her license revoked because of it, but she flirted her way out of the ticket and convinced the police officer to kill the report by giving him tickets to a movie premiere where she held a small role.  background: this happened in new york after she was attempting to drive home from a party with her 3 model friends who were also all drunk. she was 20 at the time and should’ve also gotten in-trouble for underaged drinking along with driving under the influence, but she truly utilized her fame status and looks. luckily no one got hurt and the road was pretty empty so there wasn’t many cars, but it was still dangerous and irresponsible because if she wasn’t pulled over, then she would’ve hit busier traffic and something definitely would’ve happened. after being pulled over and saving her ass, ruby stopped driving and ordered a lyft to pick up her and her friends to drop them back to her apartment in new york. 
● was convinced her father was having an affair with a news anchor, so ruby convinced producers, news channels, and everyone in the business to blacklist them from ever working and essentially ruining and ending the new anchor’s career. unknown to ruby, though, is that the news anchor was never having an affair with her father and it was actually colette who was having an affair with her father at the time.  background: her relationship with her dad has always been rocky, but the minute she found out he was having an affair and cheating on her mom made ruby go batshit. she wasn’t sure who the person was exactly except for that her father was having an affair because she was overhearing flirty & secretive phone calls and was seeing bills for expensive gifts that her mother was never receiving. when ruby saw her dad meeting with a news anchor frequently, ruby automatically assumed that was the person her father was having an affair with and essentially ruined that new anchor’s career. the new anchor’s career ended very abruptly and ruby loved seeing it. she loved her mom and she wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her- not her father and not the news anchor. unknown to ruby, though, is that the news anchor was never having an affair with her father and it truly was just business. ruby framed the wrong person and ruined an innocent person’s career for no reason. 
ABOUT
family/upbringing/childhood
ruby’s family consisted of her father (randolph im), her mother (marissa im, nee byun), and her three younger siblings (edeline, brietta, and dominick)
her father, randolph im, is a top politician and was formerly a senator before being removed from officer and losing to his component- senator ahn. instead of being a senator, he’s apart of the house of representatives. other than being a politician, randolph also runs a loan business that’s not  known unless you’re also apart of the top 1-10%. since they have so much money, he doesn’t mind giving out loans to those in need, but he always expects something in return (like a vote or an endorsement) and he always expects being paid back in time with interest included. if he doesn’t get his money paid back in time, then he’s a loan shark who sends his henchmen to do all the dirty work for him.
her mother, marissa im, is a house wife who happily takes care of her kids. 
the family is as tight knit as it can be. it’s not hard for them to act loving and family-like infront of the media because that’s how they are everyday. they have their tense moments like every other family does, but they’re healthy for the most part. 
healthy until it involves ruby and her father. these two are constantly butting heads and always arguing over something. maybe it’s because she’s the eldest daughter or maybe it’s because she doesn’t support her father’s shady loan business. she just doesn’t like him and the only time you’ll catching her supporting her father’s political career is when it’s family involved and her presence is required. other than that, ruby is typically absent from whatever political campaign her father does. 
ever since ruby was a toddler, she loved the spotlight and performing. she loved acting and she loved when the cameras were on her whether it be for performing something or posing for something. since her mother noticed this, she was quick to put ruby in auditions for acting and modeling and since ruby was a natural, her acting and modeling career began at a very young age. she acted in children’s shows, movies as the younger version of a character and modeled for campaigns and spreads for brands like guess kids. 
due to her career being a success at such a young age, ruby never experienced “real school” and was homeschooled her entire life. when she was on set for tv shows where she had to act in a school setting was basically her only experience as a student in a “real school”. 
although her siblings would grow up differently (attending private schools instead of homeschool), ruby never minded this and never felt like she missed out on anything because she still learned how to socialize and got to act out wtvr she was possibly missing out on
career/college/the elites
luckily, as ruby got older and went from being a child to a pre/teen, her career didn’t stop and just kept growing. she filmed some tv shows and mostly focused on movies. when she turned 16/17, that was when her modeling career began to become more prominent because she was “old enough”, looked old enough, and was taller. she was having fun, living life, and traveling the world. 
since she was a politician’s daughter, she was getting tutored on information about law and politics by the time she was 13. she had interest in law especially so she could spite her dad by telling him what he was possibly doing wrong, but also so she could negotiate her own contracts and understand what’s being said during the meetings. as a minor, she can’t sign contracts without a guardian but she sat there at the meetings feeling lost and wanted to know what they were saying. 
although she loved spotlight when she was younger, by the time she was twenty she was starting to get over the fame. her career was successful, but she was starting to see and feel all the negatives that came with fame (especially in the modeling world where they criticized her looks often) and simply wanted out
when she turned 21, as a gift to herself she decided to take a break from her career/the spotlight so she could attend school and actually get a degree in law so she truly could negotiate her own contracts and understand all the legal terms being used during those meetings. she applied to yale and luckily she got accepted (mostly due to her career and philanthropy and because of yale being her father’s alma mater). 
her father was a member of the yale elites, which makes ruby a legacy so that made her entrance into the organization very easy. 
she still does modeling when she has the time, but her acting career is on hiatus until she finishes her bs in law. 
don’t really know where to put this, but her stage name is odette im (her middle name) and only those that actually know her like friends & family call her ruby. she prefers to be called ruby because it’s her actual name, but professionally and in the tabloids she’s known as odette. she will still respond if you call her odette in a non-professional setting and honestly if ur muse met her while she was working then they probs know her as odette 
personality
out of all my muses, i think ruby is the most genuinely nice one with no ugly intentions. silvia used to be like this, but silvia was also just willing to do shady things versus ruby who only does shady thing when shes truly hurt or angry or doing it for someone she loves (like ruining a person’s career to avenger her mom) 
like taking care of people because shes an eldest daughter but also loves being taken cared of much more. whenever she’s being babied or treated as the youngest she’s happy because she’s used to have to take care of other people instead of herself
is honestly tired of the constant spotlight because she experienced it for so long, so think she’s more lowkey now except for those moments when shes modeling and partying at extravagant places and cities 
believes honesty is key and the biggest way to lose her as a friends is to lie to her. she grew up away from the political setting, but it was still something she was apart of nonetheless and she knows how shady that area can b. knowing this, she tries to b as honest as possible and likes to hold people at a very honest level too like pls just be real with her and she’ll be real with u
doesnt mind talking about herself because thats what shes used to (her having to do interviews n shit all  the time makes it easy for her to talk about herself) 
basically an open book and even tho shes an award winning actress, shes terrible at hiding her real emotions infront of people who know her on a non-superficial level 
can be very superficial with others due to her job and having to present herself a the best possible version of herself, but shes usually genuine for the most part like. if ur her friend then ur her friend she wont treat u like a professional associate or wtvr like??? does that even make sense
probs actually enjoys philanthropy work so shes involved n shit 
can cook because she was the eldest daughter and also because she had to take care of herself while being in different cities by herself bc she couldnt eat out everyday 
cant bake for shit tho like.. that shit is just not her thing. cant even make box brownies
fiercely loyal to those she loves and will legit do anything to protect them. also loves spoiling her friends bc like. if she has the money for it y not 
WANTED CONNECTIONS IDEAS
someone that her father loaned money to! ruby is aware of her father’s business and is also aware of the clients because her dad doesn’t keep it a secret within the family. maybe your muse borrowed money and still hasn’t paid her father back for the loan so now the father found out information about ur muse and is holding it against them. ruby could be aware of this and attempt to help you-- if the muses get along tho :) 
someone she met thru work! whether it be thru acting or modeling but i think that’d be so fun!! could be a good experience where they became friends or maybe they’re rivals in their careers that the media loves to put against each other. maybe they were even costars who didn’t get along, but the media loves making them out to be bffs! 
bffs! friends! close friends! 
enemies! betrayals! negatives!
cousins! because why not! 
romance! ex flings! flirtationships! someone who leads her on! 
ruby isn’t the type to do fwb or non-attachment style relationships because she gets attached to people very easily. with her job shes constantly surrounded by people and while she loves traveling, it can get very lonely. if she fell in love with u then she fell in love with u genuinely and whole heartedly. i think of all my muses, she falls in love the easiest
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mikedonehey · 5 years
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When Pastors Walk Away (Don’t Freak Out)
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I was on a phone interview this past week, and I was posed with the question, “How would you respond to this movement of prominent figures leaving the faith?” My eyebrows raised. I took a slow sip of my coffee. “Movement?” I asked.
“Yes.” She laughed nervously. “There’s a real movement away from the faith right now, and we need to know how to contend with it.”
I didn’t answer. I took another sip of my coffee. The silence hung thick like the steam dancing in the sunlight rising from my cup. I let it linger.
“I’m pretty sure it’s just two guys,” I finally said. “I don’t mean any disrespect, but I don’t know if I’d call that a movement.”
But some would. When high profile pastors dramatically change what they believe about God, for some, it can feel like all the covers being ripped off. Cozy to shivering in one fell swoop. Betrayed. Disillusioned. It’s difficult to deal with the cold, when you feel like these were the same people who had just helped tucked you into your faith the night before.
So how do we respond? What do we say? Let me start with one of my all-time favorite over-looked Scriptures.
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,” 2 Timothy 2:24-25
Alright. Let’s break this down for a minute. If you’re going to speak up for God, if you “correct opponents,” Paul tells Timothy, you must not be doing so from a quarrelsome place. Ouch. Im going to need to sit with that for a moment. How much of my outspoken zeal for correction is really just my attempt to leverage a moment for my own personal influence?
I have to admit. Whenever something of controversy arises, I’ve had to make a practice of waiting a few days longer than I think I should to speak up. Too many times, I cared a lot more about jumping on an opportunity to gain followers who agree and enforce my position than I have about actually hearing from and loving the person I’m disagreeing with. The Scripture warns against this compulsion. We don’t correct just because we like the attention. We don’t speak up, because we like being right. We correct, because we deeply care about the person. Let’s go on.
You must be kind TO EVERYONE. Who do I need to be kind to? Oh right. Everyone.
Next? Be able to teach.
Whoof. I believe we teach best when we speak from what we deeply know. Teachers at university typically teach from their area of expertise. If you’re a biology professor you probably won’t be giving the Shakespeare exam. That’s worth noting. There are some arguments that are above my pay grade. If so, maybe I should let someone else handle it.
What else?
Patiently endure evil.
Ooookaaay.
In today’s knee jerk defamatory culture, that bit is laughable. Endure evil. And do it patiently. I’ll be the first to say I don’t like evil, I don’t like enduring it, and I especially don’t like doing it patiently.
Now here’s the last bit, and I believe it’s the kicker. When you correct someone, do so with GENTLESNESS. We could just camp out there. But it gets better. Then perhaps...PERHAPS! (I love that word there.) Perhaps God will change them.
Ok Let’s recap.
Not quarrelsome.
Kind to everyone.
Able to teach what I’m talking about.
Endure evil.
Be patient.
Correct gently.
Let God do it.
This past week, two well-known Christians spoke of changes in their personal beliefs. One made a public declaration. The other, a bit of a public Inquiry. One, an author and pastor, the other, a worship facilitator. I’ll call him a worship feeder. (I hesitate to use the word “leader.” Paul didn’t like it either. (See I Corinthians 3 & 4) They both seem to be walking away from their personal faith in Jesus, and the after math has been nothing short of incredible. “What’s wrong with today’s Christians?!?” Some bemoaned. “This is why liberals cannot be trusted!” Others lamented.
I’ve sat back pondering.
This much, that two men would come to a place in their faith where they question everything they believe in, should not come as a great shock. Believing in Jesus is hard. It’s really hard. Genocide, homicide, child slavery, sickness, famine, war, death, the list goes on. The evidence against the existence of a good God is at least reasonable if not justifiable. ( I think even Jesus Himself called faith in Him impossible with man. All things are possible with God, but with man, impossible. Right? As impossible as a camel through a needle) It’s no wonder Paul says “They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience,” in 1 Timothy 3:9.
Mystery.
Let’s not breeze over that word.
It’s also worth mentioning that in Romans 11 Paul speaks of God’s children being grafted in to “Israel.” Remember that Israel means “wrestles with God.” So to be in God’s kingdom, means, among other things, that you’ve been invited into a divine wrestling match with Him. Incredible. That’s how close He wants us. All our questions, all our doubts. All our fascination and fears. He isn’t after the regurgitation of dogma, He’s after our sweat and our tears. He wants us. And He wants the real us; even the struggling parts of us. Maybe especially those parts. He wants us close. He’s after intimacy with us, more than a perfect test score from us.
I suppose this is why Jesus tells the Pharisees in John chapter 5. “You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.”
John 5:39,40
Re-read those words if you need to.
Jesus’ warning is nothing short of astonishing. Here He is, Telling the Religious elite that having all the answers won’t get you where you need to be. They’re not enough. All those Scriptures they had memorized were not the end in and of themselves, but merely sign posts pointing to an encounter with Him. He is the end goal. He is so much more than a belief system.
The announcement though, sent shock waves through Christendom this past week. It seemed unthinkable to many that those who have tasted of the heavenly gifts and the sweetness of the Spirit, could walk away. I am certainly in that camp. But that’s it. I don’t think the internet went ablaze, because God’s people were aching for these guys to sense His sweetness. I think people lost their nerve, because they felt two of their starters were defecting to the other team. Be honest with yourself here. It’s a subtle but crucial distinction.
Jesus told us His kingdom is not like the ones this world constructs. His kingdom is not a witch hunt. It’s not a club. It’s something more like an ever present invitation. “The Spirit and the Bride say “Come!” not, “Good riddance, we didn’t need you anyway.” So we needn’t obsess over who’s in and who’s out. We treat everyone like they’re in, until they finally believe they are. It’s a kingdom where we freely give ourselves away, not one where we lock the gates with a secret handshake required to get in. All that is required is Jesus, so may we never make it harder to get in than He did.
He also said the kingdom is like a farmer throwing some seeds around. Mustard seeds perhaps. The plants grow. They wither. Some get trampled on, some strangled. Some thrive to “impossible” heights. Some are eaten by the birds. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a bird swallowing up seeds off the fallow ground. I want to be a gardener, watering and whispering to the soil. However troublesome a plant looks, I want to be in the business of reviving. Let God do the pruning.
I read some articles and blog posts. I read some of the comments. I kind of wish I hadn’t. But as an author and a bit of a worship artist myself, the arguments felt pretty close to home. I read on. Some said they were ashamed. Others said they were headed straight to Hell. Some cheered their courage. While some said it’s fine to walk away from their faith, provided they don’t dare urge others to come with them. I would like to remark on that thought for a second. Let’s offer some grace here folks. I’m pretty sure these guys were on stage most of their adult life. Every week they were making a living getting people to agree with where they were coming from. They sang and talked about their faith like it was their job, because It was. It only makes sense then, that they would continue in that practice while going through a period of deconstruction. You can’t really fault a guy for taking people along his faith journey if that’s what he’s been doing for two decades and getting paid for it. Now look, I’m not making a case that it doesn’t matter what you believe. As Tozer said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” Jesus said the work of God is “To believe in the One He has sent.” God is definitely into reconstruction. I think what I’m arguing is for Christians to believe in God more.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps God will grant them repentance.
What Im arguing for is that we Christians would quit freaking out.
Quit. Freaking. Out.
Quit freaking out on believers who turn unbeliever. Quit freaking out on unbeliever turned believer in something else.
Paul says we have an insane advantage.
“God may perhaps grant them repentance.”
The best part of speaking on behalf of God is that God can take care of Himself. He isn’t rattled. He isn’t unsettled. He knows we are just dust. (Psalm 103) And the arguments? I think it’s safe to say He’s heard them all before. I get to speak up for a God who is already speaking to people’s hearts.
What about everyone else? What about the young impressionable minds who might be led astray? Well...I hope they don’t. I hope they aren’t. Led astray that is.
But there’s two sides to that.
I’m pretty sure we won’t win young believers to “our side” by crucifying our own in front of them. Yes, it’s my job and privilege to speak the truth, but it’s also my job to teach my daughters, for instance, how to bless people who don’t agree with them. I want my daughters to grow up embracing the truths I believe but also gently loving those who don’t embrace our truth as THE truth. If I’m scared my kids will be led astray to unbelief, should I also not be considering the dangers of winning my children over to Phariseeism? That’s not a real word but hopefully you get my drift. Again, I correct with GENTLENESS. I’m still convinced, after all my years on the planet, most people aren’t won to Jesus because of an impressive argument. And most don’t leave the church, because of a theory. More often than not, it’s the wounds from the insiders that cause them to run out the doors of the church and not look back.
I’ve heard it said over and over growing up that we (The Christian church) do not place our hope in religion alone, but in an actual living breathing relationship with God. Ok. Then tell me this.
If one of my wife’s friends and her have a falling out, does that mean I should question whether I’m still in relationship with my wife? Jesus does call us His bride after all, so I don’t think it’s a completely absurd comparison. No. I am so secure with what I have with my wife, I don’t freak out when others go through troubles connecting with her. I truly hope they work things out and will pray to that end. But I’m not going on Facebook to warn them of their disconnection. I trust God’s ability to right the relationship. I guess what I’m saying is, the more threatened you are when someone else is having a problem with God, maybe the less sure you are in your relationship with Him. If your relationship is solid, then the less worked up you’re going to get. It’s a crude analogy for sure but my point is this.
Don’t freak out.
Let people wrestle.
Speak gently.
Perhaps God.
Isaiah puts it so poignantly:
“a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.” Isaiah 42:3
My friend Gabby commented, “if your faith can’t bend it’ll break.”
Perfectly stated.
Let’s not break the bruised reeds among us. Let’s not make it our job to quench the flickering flames of faith against the harsh winds of life. God doesn’t either.
And though we may not applaud others’ belief system or the route they’re taking, we can at least applaud their attempt to be honest with themselves and others. The Jesus I’ve come to know, I’m sure of this much, none of us get closer to Him by wearing a mask. Removing the pretense is the first step toward Him. Even if we’re taking the long way around.
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identitycris1s · 5 years
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so this is the new year
im finally taking time to sit down and reflect on the past few months. the new year came and went and its been a bit of a whirlwind. i suppose i’ll just go by chronological order cos i dont really know how to start...also i dont think im an abstract thinker so really my life isnt ordered by “themes” or “lessons” or whatever but i sort of think of it in terms of events and the epiphanies or lessons that flow therefrom. this is probably just gonna be a stream of consciousness exposition cos im lazy to organise my thoughts and this is basically my journal so WHATEVER!
November
X told me he liked me and asked me out. i was shocked. but sort of saw it coming (what else could “r u free after lunch, i have some stuff to say” mean...LOL). i reacted awkwardly - distinctly remember saying “huh..what does that MEAN!!!” (LOL) i told him i would think about it but could probably only give him an answer after part b was over. 
tbh this was probably just me stalling for time. i think instinctively i knew that i didnt see him in that way, but he seemed to tick so many boxes in terms of who i was “supposed” to be with - that sounds dumb, but what i mean is he’s a steadfast christian, a good boy, similar values, similar tastes in music / movies / books, same bloody industry LOL...
also he seemed really serious about it - ermmm he brought up marriage on that first day :0 ok i suppose thats unfair and it sounds insane without context - he said it with reference to how dating is always with a view to marriage which i do agree with but yes it was a lot to absorb in one conversation. and then he cracked out this book about dating and marriage and i was like woah. so, given how much thought he seemed to have put into this (he also said he chatted with his CG leader about me yikes) i felt obliged to at least think it through properly and give myself some time to consider rather than immediately rejecting him. 
and so i mulled it over whilst studying for part b. he was overseas for a while towards the end of my studying period (ie when i was freaking out the most and generally being a headless chicken) and this probably contributed to me feeling like i liked him more than i really did hmm wonder what this says about me. i like to feel like someone’s out of my reach i suppose. so fucked up lol! and so during this period we were texting everyday and i would look forward to his replies and he was a real source of comfort during that stressful period and i never told him this and i probably never will. 
December
exams were over and i had to face D DAY!! so i went to meet him to give him my answer and honestly even on that day i didnt know what my answer was. we met at BTM and he literally had written down a list of things to talk about and i think in that moment i knew this probably wouldnt work out. hes so damn thoughtful about every little thing and he thinks everything through and even though he seems to think he “doesnt take things too seriously” I THINK HE DOES...and i really dont...so i felt that showed how incompatible we were. its not a bad thing to be thoughtful. its just that i felt so pressured by how seriously he was taking things...i thought “trying this out” would be casual and chill and we would just hang out as if we were friends but with this overarching agenda of potentially being together but no his conception of “trying things out” is much more intense and serious and thought out and in his words “intentional”. which i realised is some christian dating jargon haha.
dinner was normal until he cracked out that list i was talking about. then he started talking about what he wanted out of a relationship and asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. like it was a damn interview. you know what, im saying this in a really condescending tone and i wouldnt ever be this hurtful if i knew he was gonna read this - in fact i really do think this kind of approach would suit many people and perhaps a more emotionally well adjusted person would think this was normal but i felt so bombarded and i really didnt know what to say in response. so i blurted out some nonsense about wanting to be with someone who was God fearing and “kind and compassionate” and “ambitious” LMAO...what bullshit (that last one i mean). and he had clearly thought out his answers a lot more and he went on a whole spiel about wanting to be with someone who could stand on their own as a christian and who he didnt have to “drag along” on their walk with God and i was like ok cool but i think im not that...im not what youre looking for...but of course i didnt say this. idk why. maybe i enjoy being wanted and sought after and i didnt want to shatter his illusion that i was what he was looking for, even though i was kinda seeing that he wasnt what i was looking for.
anyway, being the shitty person i am, i told him it wasnt a no but it wasnt a straight out yes either i.e. i would be willing to try with a view to potentially saying yes. and we left it at that. but even as i said bye to him that night i kinda knew this wasnt gonna work...but i wanted it to! i wanted to like him! i want to be the kind of person who can accept love from a well adjusted person who’s not afraid to be real and to take things seriously...but i suppose i have some emotional growth to work on...or is it perfectly valid for me to not want to be with him? tbh i never found him attractive (physically or even personality wise oops) - he doesnt make me laugh, hes kinda too uptight, he doesnt get my jokes (i have to be like “JUST KIDDING” a lot of the time..ded) but somehow we worked as friends. but to be with someone requires something more than just working as friends doesnt it?? ack
so we met a few times in dec (i think we went on four or five “dates” in total...im so reluctant to call them dates cos throughout i just couldnt see him in that light, but thats what they were i think) and through the course of our interactions i started picking up on things that i didnt like about him / about our interactions. this sounds awfully petty and i dont wanna be mean about this cos im sure i have MANY MANY MANY flaws that one could nit pick but these were just some signs that we would not work (quite apart from my lack of physical attraction to him)
1. our conversations always end up argumentative. i think this probably stems from both of us being law students and so whenever we disagree on something we both cant seem to fucking let it go. i distinctly remember one stupid conversation, i shall put it here (not verbatim but this is the gist of it)
X: what are your new years resolutions?
S: i dont like making new years resolutions because they always end up in disappointment because i never stick to them. 
X: but disappointment isnt always a bad thing because you can learn from it and improve from there
S: yes but that doesnt mean disappointment isnt a bad thing - cos disappointment in itself is bad (like duh the feeling of disappointment is bad) but what comes after disappointment can be good or bad i.e. you can choose to work on yourself and improve or you can wallow in the disappointment.
-some more argument and confusion about what we are even talking about-
S: ok lets not argue on this its a semantic point. 
X: is it semantic? its not semantic.
S: it is semantic. we are disagreeing on what the word disappointment means. i think it is necessarily negative but you are saying that disappointment isnt always negative because of what can come after but i think thats sidestepping the point of disappointment being negative in itself.
do you see what i mean. what kind of petty argument is this? whats the damn point? of course im definitely not blameless in this at all. i perpetuate it. but what im saying is i feel like talking to him brings out this argumentative side of me that im not a fan of. also its fucking exhausting haha.
2. he is so. fucking. serious. every conversation involves some heavy thing like spirituality or self evaluation or Godliness etc. which i suppose is good but i just found it tiring...why cant things be light? why cant things be fun? why do we always have to talk about *important* or *weighty* things? tbh i think he sorta compartmentalises me as a friend whom he can talk about these *weighty* things with cos im also a christian and i get what hes saying when he talks about God but i dont want to only talk about that...
3. we dont have similar senses of humour. i dont think he thinks im funny...but i think im bloody funny ok haha also i dont think im deluded on this? my friends think im funny too? yeah i think its a major problem that we cant really laugh together...hes not someone that makes me laugh at all :( 
ok enough bashing X haha i really do think hes a great person we are just NOT compatible romantically.
ANYWAYS! sometime in dec i also met up w SM for the first time in aaaages. but things were like normal again. sounds stupid but i think ill always think of him as the one who got away LOL....emotionally unavailable and not interested in me?? IM DOWN! haha. ok hes not emotionally unavailable tbh i probably was more emotionally unavailable in the course of our friendship but he defo never really expressed any interest in me other than always hanging out one on one but that doesnt really count for anything does it. anyways! he told me about his BTO plans and im honestly v happy for him :) friends r growing up and moving on in life mang..
sad part was i dropped avo toast on my new everlane pants and that honestly ruined my day lol
January
NYE was spent w S and some of her friends plus R and A (who went home after dinner cos of family drama lmao angie is siao) - we went to AL’s fam friends party at fullerton for countdown and the fireworks were amaaaazing, lasted about an hour (which made us question the budget allocation on this tbh isnt it a bit of a waste?? fireworks are insanely expensive??) and we promptly went home after the clock struck 12 which was perfect haha i have no stamina to stay out late anymore. 
work started on 2 jan! its been fun tbh - back with the trainees and meeting some new people and using my brain again. i like feeling useful and being stuck in a routine...at least for now haha. check in on me in about 3 months and we’ll see. 
and....i finally mustered up the courage to tell X the truth ie i didnt see this going anywhere and we should just be friends. we had kind of an awkward dinner (i could feel myself being rude to him and being dismissive etc but i think it could partially be attributed to me being tired from work..but mostly cos i didnt wanna be with him!! as a romantic partner!! it felt wrong!) and so i told him after dinner otw to the mrt (funny, we always have these convos otw to the mrt haha). he said he understood and he sort of felt it coming. and i felt bad - he mustve picked up on my coldness and rudeness over text and in our meetings also...why am i like this. i shouldve been up front with him on the first day. but i didnt know!!! i didnt know for sure this is how i felt. ahhh well u live and u learn right. next time ill be better at this. hope theres a next time LOL God pls send me someone whos right for me
ok bye for now! this was a lengthy post haha
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mrsteveecook · 5 years
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some men in my office refuse to be alone with women
A reader writes:
I work for a mid-sized private company that, while not a religious organization, does have “Christian values” as one of its organizational tenets, and has many Christian employees (of which I consider myself one, but more on the liberal progressive side). Generally, they treat employees well, have flexible workplace policies, and overall strive to create a healthy work environment. For the most part, they succeed. However, one issue has come up repeatedly, and I’m wondering what (if anything) to do about it.
A few of the employees (and managers as well) adhere to a particularly strict brand of religious practice where they (men) do not spend time alone with members of the opposite sex who aren’t their wives or family members. While this doesn’t present itself as much of an issue in the day-to-day operation of the workplace, this has had impacts on performance reviews, work trips, and work-related outings (and, frankly, my morale). Some of my peers share these convictions, and while it’s irritating to me to be reduced to gender, I do respect their preferences. However, I feel like it leads to inequitable treatment when managers can have off-site 1:1 performance reviews (per the typical practice of the company) with their male employees and not with female employees, or could potentially be career-limiting if, say, they needed to choose someone to travel with them for a project and choose a male employee due to their beliefs.
I’ve discussed this with a few others here, and one coworker has raised it up the chain a bit (specifically, the performance review piece). She was told that going for an off-site lunch for a performance review is part of the company culture and that it wouldn’t change, and that the accommodation was to bring along another coworker or a spouse. To us, this seems awkward at best and paternalistic at worst.
So I guess the question is: is there a case for really pressing them on this issue? Does it leave them open to legal liability? Will it benefit women in my workplace? Or is it a smaller issue in the context of a generally supportive work environment?
This is disgusting and sexist, and it hurts women. Despite some high-profile instances of employers apparently tolerating this (Mike Pence), you cannot allow employees, and especially managers, to treat men and woman differently in substantive ways that have real impact on them. It’s illegal.
And this does have real impact. As you point out, it denies women the same sort of relationship-building and professional development opportunities that their male coworkers receive. If only male employees are having one-on-one meals with these managers, traveling with them, and getting picked for projects where they’ll work together closely, they’re getting professional advantages that are being denied to their female colleagues.  If those managers aren’t comfortable doing those things with women, they they need to stop doing them with anyone.
And it’s frankly offensive to require women to have a chaperone sit in on their performance evaluations if they want to have them in the same off-site, and presumably more relaxed, environment as their male colleagues get to do. (Also, that suggestion that the chaperone could be a spouse? That’s bizarre.)
Then there’s the law. I asked employment lawyer Donna Ballman, author of the excellent book Stand Up For Yourself Without Getting Fired to weigh in:
Refusing to be alone with one gender and not the other in the workplace is, in my opinion, a blatant violation of Title VII and probably most state anti-discrimination laws. If only one gender is singled out in a way that affects their ability to do their job, their promotion prospects, or other terms and conditions of employment, it’s sex discrimination, pure and simple.
That means anyone who decides, for whatever reason, not to be alone with a certain gender of employee must refuse to be alone with all. I’m guessing that will make working almost impossible in many jobs. Let’s look at how it would work if applied evenly among genders.
For example, let’s say the company has an open-door policy, where any employee can go to anyone in management with complaints or concerns. The advantage of such a policy is that employees can feel free to express any issues in private with a trusted member of management. If there is something going on that’s illegal, like sexual harassment, discrimination, or other illegal activity, it’s in the company’s best interest to find out sooner rather than later. The person who requires a witness for such meetings is making the open-door policy a joke. With a witness, employees will feel less free to express concerns. The illegal activity will continue because nobody reported it. The company could well suffer as well as employees.
If the company has a sexual harassment policy stating they should report sexual harassment to specified individuals, the person who refuses to meet with them unless there’s a witness present again makes the policy a joke. Making the policy a joke could well knock out any defense the employer had regarding having an effective policy.
Employee performance reviews are usually one-on-one. With a witness, everyone knows everyone else’s business. That can cut both ways for employees, since they will know who the poor performers are. When it comes to discrimination, if they can show someone else was performing more poorly than them but was not fired, they may be able to prove discrimination. On the other hand, most employees don’t want their business spread among coworkers, so having a witness could adversely affect morale.
When interviewing for promotions, all employees would have a witness present for their interviews. Maybe that’s not a bad thing, but depending on the witness it probably affects their ability to perform well in interviews, and it probably affects the interviewer’s demeanor and questions.
Now let’s look at the single-gender effects of the situations above. Men but not women would be allowed to utilize the open door policy, so men could have a friendly chat but women would be making a formal complaint. Men but not women would be able to report sexual harassment in a confidential way, making it more difficult for women to report. Men would know which women were poor performers but women would not have the same information. Only women would have a witness present in promotion interviews, so men could have a good-old-boy friendly chat and women would have a formal interview with no such camaraderie.
Anyone who can’t see why this would be a problem needs an HR 101 seminar, speedy quick.
As for what to do … ideally you and other women in your company would push back on this as a group. Point out that it’s a violation of Title VII (and check to see if it violates anti-discrimination laws in your state as well), and that your company is illegally denying women opportunities that men there receive. Use language like, “We certainly respect our colleagues’ religious beliefs, but they need to be applied evenly across the board without singling out anyone by gender.”
If your company isn’t receptive to that, I’d seriously considering getting a lawyer involved. It’s worth pushing this.
You may also like:
I don’t want to eat or travel alone with people of the opposite sex
interviewing a job candidate who won’t shake hands with women
my husband doesn’t want me to go on a business trip to Vegas
some men in my office refuse to be alone with women was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
from Ask a Manager http://bit.ly/2ImZjQF
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thisdaynews · 6 years
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It’s unjust to say I’m silent on killings by herdsmen – Buhari
New Post has been published on https://www.thisdaynews.net/2018/06/27/its-unjust-to-say-im-silent-on-killings-by-herdsmen-buhari/
It’s unjust to say I’m silent on killings by herdsmen – Buhari
It’s unjust to say I’m silent on killings by herdsmen – Buhari
President Muhammadu Buhari on Tuesday faulted those who accused him of being silent on killings being carried out by suspected herdsmen in parts of the country.
He said there was injustice in such aspersions.
According to a statement by his Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, Garba Shehu, the President spoke during an interactive session with stakeholders in Jos, Plateau State, over the recent attacks that left scores of people dead.
Buhari said people were blaming him for not talking to the herdsmen probably because he looked like them.
He appealed to Nigerians to avoid inflammatory utterances that could endanger peace or promote conflicts.
The President said, “Whatever is being given to the media, we have to be very responsible about it.
‘‘Take for instance the situation in Benue. The Benue subsistence farmer knows that the Nigerian cattle herder that he knows doesn’t carry nothing more than a stick, occasionally sometimes something to cut grass to feed his cattle.
‘‘But the present herder, I am told, carries AK47 and people are even blaming me for not talking to them because maybe (they say) I look like one of them.
‘‘There is some injustice in these aspersions.”
Buhari directed security chiefs in the country to remain vigilant and ensure the protection of lives and property.
He also urged traditional and community leaders to complement government efforts by persuading their constituencies to tolerate one another for peace and unity in the country.
The President added, “I will continue to pressurise members of the law enforcement agencies directly under me by the constitution as the Commander-in Chief.
“About eight days ago, we had five hours security meeting of the service chiefs and the Inspector-General of Police.
‘‘What happened here in Jos is very bad. The question of leadership, from your household to whatever you are, is justice. The bottom line is justice.
‘‘That is why wherever I go, I will always appeal to the leadership of the communities and the law enforcement agencies, to always have control over their constituencies.”
Buhari, who was accompanied to the meeting by Governor Simon Lalong of Plateau State and his counterparts from Kebbi and Niger, condoled with the affected families, the government and people of the state, and wished those injured a speedy recovery.
Others in his entourage were the ministers of Defence, Mansur Dan-Ali; Interior, Abdulrahman Danbazzau; and Information and Culture, Lai Muhammed.
Also with Buhari was the Chief of the Air Staff, Air Marshall Sadiq Abubakar and the Inspector-General of Police, Ibrahim Idris.
The major stakeholders in attendance were senior government officials, National and State House of Assembly members, traditional rulers, leadership of the Christian Association of Nigeria and the Ja’amatu Nasril Islam in Plateau State.
The President’s visit came less than 24 hours after a similar visit by Vice-President Yemi Osinbajo (SAN) who met with the stakeholders.
Earlier in his remarks, Lalong blamed parties in the conflict in the state for reneging on their agreement to maintain peace, leading to the recent upsurge in violence, after nearly three years of calm and normalcy in the state.
“We are concerned as a state that the sophisticated weapons used in these attacks, from the evidence on the ground and the narrations of victims, are not those conventional to our environment for self-defence but reflective of a terrorist invasion.
‘‘It, therefore, demands a justified response like that which was undertaken to address the Boko Haram insurgency,” he said.
The governor also requested that given the number of villages completely ravaged in the violence, the Federal Government should establish an Emergency Special Intervention Fund to help reconstruct the destroyed communities.
Killings, senseless, barbaric, says NLC
Meanwhile, the killings attracted more condemnations on Tuesday with the Nigeria Labour Congress saying that the government must design a framework for peace to end the bloodshed.
The congress said it was disturbed by the range of targets, the duration of the attacks and the scope of casualties and destruction.
The NLC President, Ayuba Wabba, said in a statement in Abuja that the statistics were numbing, describing the incident as senseless and barbaric.
He added that it threatened to shatter once and for all the bonds of brotherhood and peaceful co-existence.
According to him, the security agencies, though stretched, must be seen to do more to restore the confidence of the civil populace.
“If the emerging allegations are true that the attacks went on unchecked for hours, then something needs to be done about the reaction time of our internal security operations in the state.
“Beyond this, the Federal Government and Plateau State Government in consultation with the parties to this bloody conflict should design a framework for an enduring peace,” Wabba insisted.
He called on the governments to quickly move to rebuild the devastated communities and restore shattered lives while admonishing the victims against reprisals, stressing that it could not bring the much needed peace in the state.
Speaking in the same vein, the Nigerian Baptist Convention, FCT chapter, and the Christian Association of Nigeria, North-Central geopolitical zone, condemned in strong terms, the killings.
FG has failed, says CDHR
The Committee for the Defence of Human Rights said the killing was a sign that the Federal Government had failed.
The CDHR in a statement by its National Publicity Secretary, Henry Ekine, decried the state of insecurity in the country.
According to him, the right to life is guaranteed under Section 33 of Chapter IV of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, as amendment, as well as under the African Charter on Human and Peoples Rights (Article 4); the International Convention on Civil and Political Rights (6) and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (Articles 3).
The CDHR said, “The state has the primary responsibility to ensure the security and welfare of the people, as provided under section 14 (2) (b) of Chapter II of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, as amendment.
“Such mass killing was apparently akin to genocide and indicative of a failing state. The government has indeed failed in its core responsibility to protect lives and property of citizens at all times and in all parts of the country.”
Atiku condemns killings
Also a former Vice-President, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, and a former Minister of Special Duties, Alhaji Tanimu Turaki, condemned the killings.
The two chieftains of the Peoples Democratic Party made the condemnation in separate interviews with journalists after their interaction with the Forum of  PDP Former State House of Assemblies Presiding Officials in Abuja on Tuesday.
Atiku, a PDP presidential aspirant, who described the killings as unfortunate, stressed the need to adopt measures including community dialogue to address the lingering crisis.
He said, “I just listened to a former deputy speaker, a lady for that matter, and she made two points; hard and soft powers in resolving the crisis. I like that idea.
“It is not every security breach you can you use hard power on. You need to establish dialogue between the leadership of various communities that lived together over the years.”
On his part, Turaki, another PDP presidential aspirant condemned the killings saying every single life that was lost had the potential to do a lot for Nigeria.
He attributed the killings to the failure of the APC-led Federal Government and failure among various security agencies.
“If you recall, few months ago the National Security Agency had appeared before the Senate and disclosed that the greatest problem that the Nigeria security agencies have today is that the agencies work at cross purposes. There is no cooperation, there is no synergy.
“If critical security agencies are not sharing information or working together then how do you expect them to come up with tight security architecture that will safeguard the lives and property of Nigeria? And that is what is happening.’’
He commiserated with the people and government of Plateau over the loss of lives.
Buhari not doing enough to end killings – Reps
Also, the House of Representatives said President Buhari must take immediate steps to halt the killings by herdsmen in the country.
It noted that the country could not afford to continue to lose its citizens as if human lives no longer matter.
The Leader of the House, Mr. Femi Gbajabiamila, told The PUNCH in Abuja that to contain the killings, the President and the government should think harder about the appropriate measures to bringing a lasting solution.
Gbajabiamila added, “The President and the government will continue to do all they can to arrest these killings and surely more needs to be done.
“It is absolutely difficult to understand why human life should be so cheap.
“Christians are being killed; Muslims are being killed. What is important is that they are human beings and the killings must stop.
“This is a strange phenomenon in Nigeria. Perhaps, it requires government to think outside the box and do something extra-ordinary.
“It requires an urgent and surgical fix.”
PFN tells Buhari to stop killings, warns against reprisal
On its part, the Pentecostal Fellowship of Nigeria commiserated with the families of the bereaved and urged Nigerians to refrain from reprisals to enable the government to perform its constitutional responsibilities.
The National President of the PFN, Rev. Felix Omobude, in a statement on Tuesday, lamented that the lives of Nigerians had been cheapened by mindless criminals who swooped on unsuspecting residents and killed them without restrictions.
He, therefore, called on President Muhammadu Buhari to live up to his responsibility of ensuring the safety of lives and property, adding that “any government that cannot protect its people does not deserve to remain in office.”
The cleric stated, “President Muhammadu Buhari should immediately bring the mindless killings going on in the country to a halt because Nigerian lives, whether Christians or Moslems, are very important.  The perpetrators of these dastardly acts must be fished out and punished appropriately.”
Omobude added, “Never in the history of Nigeria have the lives of Nigerians been so cheap. Today, people in any guise can kill with impunity and get away with it.
“Hundreds of people are being slaughtered at regular intervals and the criminal elements seem not to be brought to justice. There is the need for our government and security forces to be proactive instead of reactionary.
The President had after a closed-door meeting with government officials, security agencies and traditional leaders in Plateau State said he was committed to the protection of lives and property and would not run away from the responsibilities for which he was elected in 2015.
The President appealed to the people to bury their differences and work together for the peace of the state.
IG removes Plateau CP
However, Idris has removed the Plateau State Commissioner of Police, Undie Adie.
The removal of Adie followed the killing of more than 100 people by herdsmen in three local government areas of the state on Sunday.
The spokesperson for the Plateau State Police Command, Matthias Tyopev, a Deputy Superintendent of Police, in a statement on Tuesday, stated that a Deputy Commissioner of Police, Bala Ciroma, had replaced Adie.
Tyopev stated, “Today, 26th June, 2018, a new commissioner of police, Bala Ciroma, has assumed duty as the Commissioner of Police, Plateau State command.”
He also said the IGP had directed Adie to report to the force headquarters in Abuja.
The new commissioner, who is from Yobe State, was previously a deputy commissioner of police, criminal investigation and intelligence department, at the force headquarters in Abuja.
Osinbajo confirms arrests of suspects
Also on Tuesday, Osinbajo confirmed that some persons had been arrested in connection with the killings.
According to a statement by his Senior Special Assistant on Media and Publicity, Mr. Laolu Akande,  the Vice-President disclosed this during a meeting he had in the state on Monday with the leaders and representatives of communities related to the conflicts.
Osinbajo did not however disclose the number of the suspects arrested.
APC govs to visit Plateau on Friday
The Imo State Governor and Chairman, Progressives Governors’ Forum, Rochas Okorocha, has indicated that the APC governors will visit Plateau State on Friday.
The governor disclosed this on Tuesday at the Sam Mbakwe International Cargo Airport on arrival from Abuja after the national convention of the party.
According to him, while on the visit, the governors will assess the situation and interact with the governor of the state.
He said, “I, with the rest of the governors of APC, condemn in its entirety these unwarranted killings of innocent souls, and shedding of blood. We have called them insurgents. We’ve called them Boko Haram, we have called them all kinds of baptismal names and because the situation is not properly defined, most people hide under the cloak of religion of Christianity or Islam to create harm.”
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Reduced Carbohydrate Winning In Sweden.
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losewtrevs · 6 years
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Sally Phillips: Do we really require a world without Down’s syndrome?
A brand-new prenatal research could eradicate Downs syndrome. Actress Sally Phillips, who has a child with the condition, explains why that would stimulate the world a poorer place
Sally Phillips and her husband, Andrew, didnt was discovered that their first child, Olly, 12, had Downs syndrome until he was 10 days old-time. Nobody discovered on the day he was born. I had a caesarean because he was breech, says Phillips. I acted badly to the anaesthetic so everyone was focused on me. Olly scored highly on all the tests and no one noticed there was anything different about him. I discovered. And I asked them to look at him. There was something about his eyes that was disturbing me. It was as if his cheek were really big and not countenancing his eyes to open. I said, Does he look like that because I eat a lot of cake when I was pregnant? They said, Yes, probably.
Best-known for her characters in the Bridget Jones cinemas( as Bridgets best friend, Shazza) and Miranda( where she plays Mirandas old school friend, Tilly ), she has a knack of establishing comedy out of life, including her own. And she is not afraid of “re making fun of” herself or her family. Surely, is demonstrating that you can have a normal family life( because what is that regardless ?) with a child with Downs syndrome is one of the main points of a documentary Phillips has stimulated for BBC2, A World Without Downs Syndrome ?
Her first documentary, it inspects whether the new , non-invasive screening exams that can be found will ultimately eradicate Downs syndrome. Phillips notices the prospect chilling.
She didnt know that Olly would have Downs syndrome. Babies with Downs syndrome quite often have poor muscle feeling and find it hard to feed. We would stay up all night trying to feed him and by 10 periods after his delivery, he had gone down from 8lb to 3lb. Everyone was still saying, Youre a first-time mum and youre worry. Children always lose weight.
She had all the usual prenatal research but they all came out as indicating an average danger. She declares she find strange during the course of its pregnancy but introduced it down to being a first-time baby. Im not one of these people who thinks they are mystic. But I merely didnt feel better during the maternity. I was all swollen up. It was like Id been stung by a monstrous hornet. But everyone deterred saying, Youre a first-time mum, its all fine. Now, being political correctness, I wouldnt say that I felt that something was incorrect but I knew that it was different.
Phillips instinct was privilege. But she is evidently resilient and resolved to be open-minded about parenting a child with Downs syndrome.
She has been agreeably stunned. There were lots of moments during Ollys babyhood where I would think to myself, Wait a minute, I am not suffering this as a disaster. But you are so bought into the narrative. All the pregnancy books refer to Downs syndrome as a imperfection. All you get is this information that says High incidence of leukaemia, high-pitched incidence of deafness Its totally overwhelming and unhelpful.
Her family life, as investigated on the documentary, is the counter-narrative: sea opposes, paint pushes, an infatuation with Barcelona football club and a lot of dancing. Olly, it turned out, was completely different to the tragedy she was reading about. Olly smiled his first smile at four weeks, like any child, and it was this massive great big-hearted smile. I remember I had this one moment when I was going into township on the bus and there were these two mums with their perfect newborns and the latter are complaining and whingeing about everything. I concluded, oh. Im supposed to be having a abominable time? Im certainly not.
Sally Phillips in a scene from the documentary, A World Without Downs Syndrome? Picture: Brian J Ritchie
At that detail I was swinging Olly around the house in a towel, trying to teach him to crawl. That is something you would not have to teach a ordinary child. But “were in” learning to crawl together and our bail was incredibly strong. We would titter like psychopaths for large portions of the day.
We are talking in a large area overlooking the plot at her house in south-west London. Every two seconds we are interrupted by her two younger sons, Tom, four, and Luke, nine, showing off and being random. Their father-god, Andrew, a shipping industry administration, levitates nearby. She chases the sons out but they keep coming back. Eventually Olly walks in with his iPad, go looking for peace and quiet.
Turn the sound off if youre coming in here, Olly, says Phillips.
It is off, he looks at us, witheringly, suddenly choosing against sharing opening with two tolerating age-old parties, But bye bye-bye. Its standard 12 -year-old behaviour.
Olly listens a mainstream institution and has refuted a lot of beliefs Phillips was told about when he was born. I was told he would never travel a bicycle. He extends for a bike go every day. I was told he would never be able to clamber anything. Then we started having this difficulty where he would scale the back barricade of the garden because he wanted to make friends with their neighbors children. Nothing of the rest of us could scale that fence. The happen is , none is well aware Downs syndrome children can achieve.
It took years for her to decide that she was ready to front a documentary about Downs syndrome. For a long time she had been hoping that someone else would make one and evidence the truth about how living with small children with Downs syndrome is not depressing and life-ruining in fact, the opposite. Eventually she realised that this wouldnt happen and she would have to make it herself.
The tip-off part? The brand-new prenatal testing that should soon be available on the NHS NIPT( non-invasive prenatal testing ). This is a blood test that is done from week 10 of maternity and detects Downs syndrome with 99% accuracy. In countries such as Iceland( which Phillips sees in the film ), the introduction of the test has meant that 100% of Downs syndrome maternities are terminated.
Phillips wants to pose the question: Do “weve been” want to eliminate this community of parties 40,000 strong in the UK?
We have the most expensive state-of-the-art Downs syndrome observation research and the ability to terminate right up until birth. But no allow is cleared for the point of view of the other side. The families of people with Downs syndrome are not consulted. Beings with Downs syndrome are not consulted. There has never been an ethical conversation about it.
Phillips didnt especially is intended to be the one to start this debate, but thats how it has set out. Her status as an apologetic and reluctant activist is what realise the film request, funny and easy to watch. Although she has obliged no secret of the fact that she is a Christian and a lot of her fascination with moralities is clearly informed by her religion, she is keen to emphasise that she is pro-choice. Plus, she has a fierce curiosity about the views of those she disagrees with.
The film indicates her struggling with her feelings as she interviews a woman who decided to abort a Downs syndrome child. Phillips shows the woman a video of a Downs syndrome lady emulating at a gymnastics challenger. The lady is impassive and unimpressed. As the mother of a Downs syndrome child, Phillips is clearly enraged. But you are eligible to see that she is empathetic, trying to understand. Shes a good person to put across two sides of the story.
There are, of course, two sides to her own narration given this context: life before and after Downs syndrome. I didnt to be informed about Downs syndrome at all, she says. I didnt even know anyone with a disabled children. In reality, I dont reckon I knew anyone who was disabled.
Her point is that we are sleepwalking into a world-wide where we could omit Downs syndrome. Is that what we really miss? There is a question she has faced all their own lives as a mother that has always riled her. I get asked, Did you know? But what I dislike is that I also get asked, Didnt you know? The consequence owing to the fact that if she had known, surely she would have terminated the pregnancy.
And thats what worries me.
She would not have terminated the pregnancy. And with what she knows now, she wants to acquire more people aware of the fact that a Downs syndrome child does not need to be in the defect category. Quite the contrary, she would argue.
She contributes: In a system where everybody screens and where you know at 10 or 12 weeks with 99% certainty whether your unborn babe has Downs syndrome, it becomes your fault if you choose to have the babe. We have imperceptibly flip-flop into different situations where the woman is under societal influence to have that dismissal. Where does it produce? If you choose to have that child, should the government help you? After all, it was your option. Why should anyone else are contributing to?
We are really close to such an attitude already. There is already a brand-new kind of injurious discrimination towards disabled population, the relevant recommendations because this is scroungers. Why should be used plagiarize my taxes? Who, then, would want to have that child?
A World Without Downs Syndrome? will be shown on BBC2 on 5 October
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No Clue
From birth, I had no clue about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always had hobbies and interests that kept me occupied for more than a brief moment, but what became of those hobbies and interests? Fast forward 29 years and some remain just that “interests.” Where exactly does that place me in life today? Possibly at a dinner party talking to a couple about about how I am ready for retirement due to my abilities in golf, tennis, and shuffleboard. What is the level below a Renaissance Man? Mildly Interesting? 
     Sure, I am able to do common adult tasks without help, but what else can I do or even qualified to do? I’ve had jobs in the past. I recently graduate with a Master’s Degree in History, but how common is it to get a job in a field where people can just google a subject instead of learn a subject in a school setting? Pretty uncommon. Over the last decade many people have asked me what I want to do with History...lawyer? teacher? And now that I have $50,000 worth of college credit, I have no clue what I want to do or even want to have happen in terms of employment. 
   At 20, I thought I was going to be in a semi-successful touring band, but before that baby came to term, the dream quickly ended. I’ve always liked music and over time, attempted to play several instruments. At the behest of my grandmother, I chose not to sing because I sound “horrible.” I decided to go back to school for the third time. Yes you read that correctly. It seemed like the comprehensible thing to do. Between 2006 and 2010 I changed my major three times before obtaining my AA degree in 2012. So obviously my mind has a difficult time making itself up. I didn’t apply to University in order to continue on to my BA until the night before the deadline. And i only applied to one school, so that wouldve been bad if I hadn’t been accepted. The reason for going into the History program stemmed from my lack of mathematical skills and because I did well in the subject prior to college. I also got good grades in just about every other subject so why didn’t I go with one of those? No Clue. 
    At the University level, I chose the teaching track because I felt like that was still an option, but then I realized it would have taken at least another quarter to complete, and i was on a very specific timeline of completion. So, I changed tracks to the Graduate one. I really just wanted to get my degree and head out into the workforce, but a BA for me is basically a HS diploma plus one year experience, which prompted me to seek out Grad programs and eventually applied to two Universities that didn;t require a GRE score. I finished my BA in 2014 and it was off to Grad School. 
    I got involved in several areas of the department, worked on campus, got teaching experience as a paid and unpaid intern. Things seemed to lining up on my Curriculum Vitae. I presented original research at Conferences, finished my thesis and here I am sitting on my couch with no clue once again. Its like I was in the educational honeymoon phase. 
    I can look back, reflect, think about what I couldve improved on in different aspects from childhood until now. But, when you are living without a clue, it is difficult to know where to improve, how to take the next step without a clear vision. I definitely am envious of those who woke up on day 1 and knew their path in life. I am a behind the scenes type of person. I am analytical and intuitive. In interviews for jobs that I had no intention of accepting or hoped to acquire, the interviewer asked what my dream job was. If I could do something right now and be happy forever what would it be? As a kid, this kind of thought process is normally known as “daydreaming.” As someone who turns 30 next year, its...pretty much the same thing. We’ve come this far, might as well give you the answer. [I want to travel the world with my girlfriend, eating pizza, while documenting my journey through photography and detailed writings.] Who is going to give me this opportunity? I just got a rejection letter today for a part time position at a golf course. 
   I lowered my job standards significantly because I need to make money. Compared to my dream job, I even lowered that standard for the time being to [publishing a children’s book series featuring my cat as the main character] And no, I have no previous experience with that stuff, I can’t draw, and I have no idea how to fast track this process. I already have two stories completed. Hey Penguin Books! Anyway, I knew from a young age that I didn’t want to be in school forever, which is why I dropped out 3 times. Ive worked in 5 different food type jobs, an office, drove for Uber, and that all has led back to square one. I went to Catholic and Christian schools, stayed away from drugs and I can say that my level of optimism has dwindled. 
  Im a fairly simple person with less vices than Home Depot, but what can I offer an office staffed with disgruntled workers in cubicles? Some people do it well. A lot of have found their place or at least able to handle the task at hand. I can offer daydreaming...mental wandering. My head isnt always on planet earth. Knowing what is next is basically impossible. I can only hope things work out for the best, and I am not stopping until something amazing happens. Because at this point. 
I still have no clue. 
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vernicle · 7 years
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careers Questions & Answers
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--|-- Occupation warning. --|-- All support appreciated, maybe Psychology/Criminology and/or Law enforcement guidelines make sure you? I would like to go and do a scope in Psychology prehaps with criminology or politics mixed, and afterwards sign up for the police. I wondered if any one experienced any organizing or activities in any of this, as I'm a little bit bewildered how to get right here. I have also been advised I am 'wasting' my intelligence. I am intelligent (not to nouns boastful right here.) and I wondered if subsequent this occupation path will bore me? I desperately do not want to commit my purely natural life to learning, and I want to do a little something that will test me, be benificial to society, and will entail operating with populace, as I am quite significantly a folks social gathering. If any one has any concepts or proposal it would be significantly appreciated.
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losewtrevs · 6 years
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Sally Phillips: Do we really require a world without Down’s syndrome?
A brand-new prenatal research could eradicate Downs syndrome. Actress Sally Phillips, who has a child with the condition, explains why that would stimulate the world a poorer place
Sally Phillips and her husband, Andrew, didnt was discovered that their first child, Olly, 12, had Downs syndrome until he was 10 days old-time. Nobody discovered on the day he was born. I had a caesarean because he was breech, says Phillips. I acted badly to the anaesthetic so everyone was focused on me. Olly scored highly on all the tests and no one noticed there was anything different about him. I discovered. And I asked them to look at him. There was something about his eyes that was disturbing me. It was as if his cheek were really big and not countenancing his eyes to open. I said, Does he look like that because I eat a lot of cake when I was pregnant? They said, Yes, probably.
Best-known for her characters in the Bridget Jones cinemas( as Bridgets best friend, Shazza) and Miranda( where she plays Mirandas old school friend, Tilly ), she has a knack of establishing comedy out of life, including her own. And she is not afraid of “re making fun of” herself or her family. Surely, is demonstrating that you can have a normal family life( because what is that regardless ?) with a child with Downs syndrome is one of the main points of a documentary Phillips has stimulated for BBC2, A World Without Downs Syndrome ?
Her first documentary, it inspects whether the new , non-invasive screening exams that can be found will ultimately eradicate Downs syndrome. Phillips notices the prospect chilling.
She didnt know that Olly would have Downs syndrome. Babies with Downs syndrome quite often have poor muscle feeling and find it hard to feed. We would stay up all night trying to feed him and by 10 periods after his delivery, he had gone down from 8lb to 3lb. Everyone was still saying, Youre a first-time mum and youre worry. Children always lose weight.
She had all the usual prenatal research but they all came out as indicating an average danger. She declares she find strange during the course of its pregnancy but introduced it down to being a first-time baby. Im not one of these people who thinks they are mystic. But I merely didnt feel better during the maternity. I was all swollen up. It was like Id been stung by a monstrous hornet. But everyone deterred saying, Youre a first-time mum, its all fine. Now, being political correctness, I wouldnt say that I felt that something was incorrect but I knew that it was different.
Phillips instinct was privilege. But she is evidently resilient and resolved to be open-minded about parenting a child with Downs syndrome.
She has been agreeably stunned. There were lots of moments during Ollys babyhood where I would think to myself, Wait a minute, I am not suffering this as a disaster. But you are so bought into the narrative. All the pregnancy books refer to Downs syndrome as a imperfection. All you get is this information that says High incidence of leukaemia, high-pitched incidence of deafness Its totally overwhelming and unhelpful.
Her family life, as investigated on the documentary, is the counter-narrative: sea opposes, paint pushes, an infatuation with Barcelona football club and a lot of dancing. Olly, it turned out, was completely different to the tragedy she was reading about. Olly smiled his first smile at four weeks, like any child, and it was this massive great big-hearted smile. I remember I had this one moment when I was going into township on the bus and there were these two mums with their perfect newborns and the latter are complaining and whingeing about everything. I concluded, oh. Im supposed to be having a abominable time? Im certainly not.
Sally Phillips in a scene from the documentary, A World Without Downs Syndrome? Picture: Brian J Ritchie
At that detail I was swinging Olly around the house in a towel, trying to teach him to crawl. That is something you would not have to teach a ordinary child. But “were in” learning to crawl together and our bail was incredibly strong. We would titter like psychopaths for large portions of the day.
We are talking in a large area overlooking the plot at her house in south-west London. Every two seconds we are interrupted by her two younger sons, Tom, four, and Luke, nine, showing off and being random. Their father-god, Andrew, a shipping industry administration, levitates nearby. She chases the sons out but they keep coming back. Eventually Olly walks in with his iPad, go looking for peace and quiet.
Turn the sound off if youre coming in here, Olly, says Phillips.
It is off, he looks at us, witheringly, suddenly choosing against sharing opening with two tolerating age-old parties, But bye bye-bye. Its standard 12 -year-old behaviour.
Olly listens a mainstream institution and has refuted a lot of beliefs Phillips was told about when he was born. I was told he would never travel a bicycle. He extends for a bike go every day. I was told he would never be able to clamber anything. Then we started having this difficulty where he would scale the back barricade of the garden because he wanted to make friends with their neighbors children. Nothing of the rest of us could scale that fence. The happen is , none is well aware Downs syndrome children can achieve.
It took years for her to decide that she was ready to front a documentary about Downs syndrome. For a long time she had been hoping that someone else would make one and evidence the truth about how living with small children with Downs syndrome is not depressing and life-ruining in fact, the opposite. Eventually she realised that this wouldnt happen and she would have to make it herself.
The tip-off part? The brand-new prenatal testing that should soon be available on the NHS NIPT( non-invasive prenatal testing ). This is a blood test that is done from week 10 of maternity and detects Downs syndrome with 99% accuracy. In countries such as Iceland( which Phillips sees in the film ), the introduction of the test has meant that 100% of Downs syndrome maternities are terminated.
Phillips wants to pose the question: Do “weve been” want to eliminate this community of parties 40,000 strong in the UK?
We have the most expensive state-of-the-art Downs syndrome observation research and the ability to terminate right up until birth. But no allow is cleared for the point of view of the other side. The families of people with Downs syndrome are not consulted. Beings with Downs syndrome are not consulted. There has never been an ethical conversation about it.
Phillips didnt especially is intended to be the one to start this debate, but thats how it has set out. Her status as an apologetic and reluctant activist is what realise the film request, funny and easy to watch. Although she has obliged no secret of the fact that she is a Christian and a lot of her fascination with moralities is clearly informed by her religion, she is keen to emphasise that she is pro-choice. Plus, she has a fierce curiosity about the views of those she disagrees with.
The film indicates her struggling with her feelings as she interviews a woman who decided to abort a Downs syndrome child. Phillips shows the woman a video of a Downs syndrome lady emulating at a gymnastics challenger. The lady is impassive and unimpressed. As the mother of a Downs syndrome child, Phillips is clearly enraged. But you are eligible to see that she is empathetic, trying to understand. Shes a good person to put across two sides of the story.
There are, of course, two sides to her own narration given this context: life before and after Downs syndrome. I didnt to be informed about Downs syndrome at all, she says. I didnt even know anyone with a disabled children. In reality, I dont reckon I knew anyone who was disabled.
Her point is that we are sleepwalking into a world-wide where we could omit Downs syndrome. Is that what we really miss? There is a question she has faced all their own lives as a mother that has always riled her. I get asked, Did you know? But what I dislike is that I also get asked, Didnt you know? The consequence owing to the fact that if she had known, surely she would have terminated the pregnancy.
And thats what worries me.
She would not have terminated the pregnancy. And with what she knows now, she wants to acquire more people aware of the fact that a Downs syndrome child does not need to be in the defect category. Quite the contrary, she would argue.
She contributes: In a system where everybody screens and where you know at 10 or 12 weeks with 99% certainty whether your unborn babe has Downs syndrome, it becomes your fault if you choose to have the babe. We have imperceptibly flip-flop into different situations where the woman is under societal influence to have that dismissal. Where does it produce? If you choose to have that child, should the government help you? After all, it was your option. Why should anyone else are contributing to?
We are really close to such an attitude already. There is already a brand-new kind of injurious discrimination towards disabled population, the relevant recommendations because this is scroungers. Why should be used plagiarize my taxes? Who, then, would want to have that child?
A World Without Downs Syndrome? will be shown on BBC2 on 5 October
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