#im capable of taking care of myself i hate asking others to do it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iheartcake123 · 2 years

Text

☁️babysit-eddie munson☁️

a/n: yoo i cringe whenever i read back my fics for some reason😭

warnings: contains some spoilers from S4 so do NOT read on if you haven’t watched every episode!!

Masterlist

summary: you don’t actually hate eddie munson

“so, you’re telling me to stay here and babysit eddie munson?” you looked at your friends in front of you.

“it’s just for now, until we find vecna, kill him and prove his innocence” dustin explained and you sighed.

“and why do i need to keep an eye on him? he’s grown like me and is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. if he was your age then understandable, i’d babysit but, he’s not”

“i know, you don’t like eddie but it’s just this once. i wouldn’t have called you to do this if it wasn’t important”

dustin looked at you with his puppy dog eyes and with a groan, you nodded your head.

“okay, i’ll do that for you. just make sure to keep me updated on what’s happening” you sent dustin a small smile to which he grinned at you.

“thank you!” dustin beamed “we’ve got to go now but have fun, you’re going to realise that eddie isn’t that bad”

“yeah yeah, see you later” you ushered him off before glumly walking into the out house where eddie was hiding.

“so munson, you’re stuck with me until your name is cleared” you announced before slamming the door shut and taking a seat on a random chair in the outhouse near the lake.

eddie was laying in the boat playing with the rings on his fingers.

“great” you heard eddie mutter under his breath sarcastically.

“im not happy about this either? i’d rather be out there helping find vecna instead of staying here and playing babysitter with your ass” you fired at him which caused him to roll your eyes.

“leave me here then! im actually a year older than you, im fully capable of taking care of myself” eddie sat up to look at you.

with a chuckle, you shook your head “no chance, the rest of the guys trusted me to keep an eye out for you so that’s what im going to do”

eddie loudly sighed before pulling the tarp over himself. you preferred him that way. quiet and with less to worry about.

as the hours past, you and eddie barely spoke a work to each other. the only time you both interacted was for discussing what he wanted to eat.

as he ate a box of cereal you couldn’t help but be irritated by the crunching noises of every time he chewed.

“can you maybe keep it down?” you snapped which caused him to react by rolling his eyes.

“im just trying to eat here” he said with a mouthful.

“well…then could you stop?”

with a raised eyebrow, eddie put the box of cereal down and payed his full attention to you.

“i don’t know why you hate me, i did nothing to you and you know i never killed chrissy..so why do you act like im a killer?” he asked in a serious tone.

with a sigh you shook your head.

“i don’t hate you munson..i just think that- i just-i don’t know what to think okay?” you looked down at your hands as you played with your fingers “look, you won’t understand but i lost someone close to me last year with all this type of stuff and i thought it had all gone away. and with it being back and with people dying..im just- forget it, you won’t understand”

eddie softens his eyes as he looked at you with a small smile.

“try me. trust me, i probably understand you a lot more than you think” he told you and you sighed.

“im just scared. scared of losing someone i care about and as much as you and i don’t get along, you mean a lot to dustin who’s like a little brother to me so i care about you too”

“oh i-”

“it’s sounds dumb. i know”

eddie stood up and moved closer to where you were sat.

“i don’t think it’s dumb, i think it’s understandable and explains why you’re so guarded” he placed a hand on your leg and you nodded your head.

“thanks” you sent him a small smile “and you’re not as bad as i thought you’d be”

“i know, such a softie i am. honestly, it ruins my look of being this totally cool guy” eddie made a rock sign with his hands as he said that and you laughed lightly shaking your head.

“don’t worry, i won’t let anyone know about your soft side. your secret is safe with me” you patted his hand with a grin.

“and your secret is safe with me” eddie removed his hand and sat up straight fixing his jacket.

“what secret?” you raised an eyebrow trying to think about what secret you could’ve possibly told him.

after sending eddie a confused look, he smirked before nudging your shoulder with his.

“the secret that you don’t actually hate eddie munson”

#stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #stranger things imagines #stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fic

500 notes · View notes

carlyraejepsans · 1 year

Note

Man, I love and hate your point on sans morals cuz in the end, I would not be as nice or even brave as he is? The other characters are engaging with frisk cuz they think they have a shot at beating this kid, any route. He knows whatever he dose dosnt matter in the end and that this kid could end the world. And he decides to try and befriend it? He actively engaged with it because he thinks theyre lonely and a friend asked him to? And if he fails? Most of the time he decides to do damage control. Despite knowing it’s going to reset at some point he still try’s to cheer up or help his friends or brother. Idk man but given what he knows, I sorta think he’s making the best possible choices for the situation. Look at jevil and Spamton . We don’t even know just how much they know but it’s around the same sans dose I think and they both lost it. I’d probably do the same as them if im completely honest with myself. Sans is something, mad respect for the little dude, he’s just a guy but he’s a really good guy.

yay! 'gratz buddo. you nailed the guy. though, while i do agree that his moral viewpoint and his nihilism are circumstantially/narratively justified (and i made a post covering his ass over it too, gkskfks), and respecting the guy for it is a fair stance to take, that shouldn't take away from the fact that it IS, still, a character flaw.

his couldn't care less/damage control attitude towards the future is admirable under some lenses and almost cowardly under others. and that same detachment can then turn into opportunism. lying by omission is still lying for a reason.

i sure hope it doesn't sound like I'm woobifying the guy when I try to see his actions from a more sympathetic angle, hahaha! i firmly believe that, deep down, sans is just A Good Guy Who Is There, but that grey streak in his morality is among the main details that make him one of the most interesting characters in the game. he is as capable of heart wrenching compassion as he is capable of cold hearted disinterest and opportunism... but uh, mostly he doesn't really do either. mostly he's too lazy.

#answered asks #undertale #sans

83 notes · View notes

tomholland1996simp · 2 years

Text

Your alive?! || Peter parker

Warning: Shouting, swearing, Fighting, Arguing, mentions of attempt of suicide.

Pairing: Peter parker x Stark reader

Summary: Your Tony Starks daughter. Peter and You have a big argument, which leads to you finding out you have powers. These powers you couldn't control in that moment, so Peter has to fight you to calm you down. But then Peter ends up getting hurt.

Hi, I'm Y/N Stark and I'm sixteen years old. Before you ask, yeah I'm Tony Starks daughter. No one knows that he has a daughter, well only the avengers know about me.

There's nothing really interesting about my life. I've mostly been kept away from the world because of my father. He thinks it's too dangerous and that I'm not capable to protect myself. However I think he's wrong, I can protect myself very well.

All the avengers are nice to me though, that's the only good thing. Maybe that's a little lie though as one of the avengers, Spiderman, isn't so nice. Peter Parker his name is. He's sweet, cute and kind to others but to me he's rude.

I don't know why he hates me so much or why he's such a dick but he's been like that from the start. I'm only rude to him because he does the same to me.

"y/n Stark you are staying here" my Dad argues back. All I asked was If I could join on the small mission today, or even just watch it.

"Please Dad! You never let me do anything. I'm sixteen! And you let Peter go on missions" I argue back.

"Peter is Spiderman. Y/N yours just-"

"I'm just what?....Yeah I'm just me. Just because he got bitten by a fucking spider doesn't mean he's any special to anyone else" I snap.

"Language" Steve shouted.

"Fine then. Peter will stay here with you" My father said.

"What!" me and Peter said at the same time.

"I'm not staying here with this fucking nerd" I shout.

"Y/N DONT BE SO RUDE! I have to go now, we will talk about this later. And your grounded so stay here" And then he ran out of the room.

Me and my father always argued about things like this. He just never let me try things on my own. I can look after myself and he clearly doesn't realise that.

I then heard the front door shut.

"Well your going to be here alone because Im going out" I go to walk out of the room.

But before I could even leave the room Peter spoke. "Your not allowed out. Mr Stark said your grounded" Peter grabbed my wrist.

"I don't fucking care what 'Mr Stark' thinks" I mimic the way he calls him 'Mr stark' and not Tony, yanking my wrist away from his grip.

"Your being childish y/n" Peter chuckles.

"I'm being Childish?! He's the one who never lets me do shit! IM STUCK IN THIS TOWER 24/7! AND IM FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYONES SHIT." he really pissed me off and so has everyone at this point.

"You need to calm down and stop being a bitch y/n. Your not going out end off because I'll just get Mr stark to come back"

"I actually hate you so much Peter. Fuck you! I'm going out" I tried to walk out the door still mad, however I felt Peters hand on my wrist yet again.

"Let go of me Peter, I'm warning you" I say.

"You can't do shit y/n. Remember I'm Spider man and your just you. Y/N Stark who is a nobody and the biggest bitch ever" He spits in my face, my blood now boiling. This just made me so angry so I punched him in the face.

How could he say that?!

He then groaned in pain, but I didn't care. I felt so angry and sad after what he said.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" Peter looks at me. He was looking at how flames were now flaming out of my body.

I had no time to react, I had no control over myself. Next thing I know, I was throwing fire at Peter and I couldn't stop. He luckily had his suit on but I was still hurting him.

"Y/N Calm down. I didn't mean it-"

"WHY PETER! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO RUDE TO ME" I shout at him, my anger taking control over my body.

"Y/N CALM DOWN" He webs my wrist but that makes my powers go off more. Fire came out of my hand and went across the floor.

When I realised what I was doing, I started to get worried. "I CANT STOP IT PETER" A tear rolled down my cheek.

"AH SHIT! Y/N THE TOWER IS ON FIRE" Peter kicked me onto the floor and I groan in pain.

"PETER GET OFF ME" I punch at him whilst he holds me on the floor and webs me up.

"Not until you can control-" he didn't finish his sentence as I somehow blasted him into the wall. He smacked his head against it and fell on the floor.

Reality then hit me, "Peter?" I look at him passed out on the floor, not moving. Finally my powers that no one knew I had calmed down. I wasn't on fire anymore and I just felt dizzy. "PETER! Wake up stop joking around" I shake him but it was no use.

"PARKER! WAKE UP. I'm sorry please. PETER IM SORRY! I'm begging you, I didn't mean to. GET UP. I'm sorry-" and that's when the door slammed open.

"Y/N STARK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!" My dad came over to me, whilst the other avengers helped put out the fire.

"It was an accident, I couldn't control it. I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD POWERS" I cry, going to stand up.

"Peter?!" He pushes me out the way.

"We need to take him to the lab!" Bruce shouts.

"He's gonna be okay though right?" I panic looking at his lifeless body.

"I don't know y/n! HE COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW!" My father shouted. My heart felt as If it had been stabbed lots of times.

This can’t be happening!

Did I kill Peter?

What have I done!

"What happened here kid" Nat asked.

"I-I think I should leave. I've done enough damage to the tower and now I might've k-killed P-peter" I run out of the tower.

Shouts were all I heard the others call after me, I just ignore it. To be honest, I didn't know where I was going, couldn't really care less. I just had to run away and be far away from everyone as possible.

Skip 6 days:

It's been six days now since everything had happened. I just can't deal with all the pain I've been experiencing right now. Im standing on top of a roof, preparing myself for what Im gonna do. I know I shouldn't but it's the best way to stop all this pain.

"I'm sorry Dad that Im the worst daughter ever. I just wanted to be more like you and Peter and everyone else. I'm s-sorry Peter. I loved you so much and you didn't even know. I lost control over myself. I didn't know I had powers and that's why I have to do this. I deserve it after all. I'm gonna jump now and I'll be with Peter" I say to myself and walked back.

As soon as I was about to Jump I heard a voice.

"I wouldn't do that If I was you" That made me turn around and I saw him. Standing in his suit with his mask in his hands and red puffy eyes.

"P-Peter?" I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"hey" he smiled.

"Your alive!" I run to him and hug him for dear life.

"This is nice" he hums whilst he hugs back.

"I-I'm so sorry Peter. I didn't mean to do that, I had no control. I t-thought I-I k-killed you" I sobbed into his chest.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry. It's not your fault, I'm alive see. I deserved it"

"NO! You didn't deserve what I did" I look up at him.

"I'm fine now though. Everyone's worried about you, you've been hiding really good. Did you mean what you said?" he stroked my cheek.

"Mean what?"

"That you love me" I just nodded.

"Well I love you too. And the only reason why I was so mean to you was because I've had a crush on you for so long now. Im really sorry about that. How about I make it up to you? A date?" he smiled.

"A date it is" I leaned up to kiss him on the lips, which he returned back.

#tom holland #fluff #peterparker #peter parker fluff #peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker imagine #spiderman nwh #tony stark #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #tom peter parker #spiderman imagine #like #angst to fluff

170 notes · View notes

twinkpeaked · 2 months

Text

my trans\genderfluid non-complete story as a young transmasc for all the other young transmascs out there

(Im jumping to to teenagehood immediately cuz childhood is just another paragraph)

The start of it (body image)

Idk if this is niche but figuring out im trans has second handedly cured my eating disorder. Let me elaborate. Ive always been skinny, not sickly skinny but overall just skinny. Then i turned 15. I just didn't feel right in my skin and there were a lots of posts about ana and all that stuff and i said yup. That must be it. I need to starve i need to be those idealised pics thats been going around to finally feel at peace in my own skin. But as time went on it just didn't feel right, i starved i was miserable i pushed everybody away (cuz thats illness like that does to you traps you in a little cocoon away from everyone you ever cared about, pitifully sitting feeling sorry for yourself) those posts never resonated with me, you know people glamorising their sickness, the body checking, and plainly bragging about how little they ate and how wonderfully the number on the scale went down. It never resonated. I didn’t care to be the smallest person in the room, i fucking loved food and the whole idea seemed rather silly to me. Immature. Fast-forward to me age 17, started recovery because again starving was not my answer to why i didn't feel comfortable in my body, and here where things started to change.

Realization

I started thinking why every time i envision myself i see a boy, why every fictional character that i wanted to be and resonated with was a boy. Ironically i was even using he\him pronounce on all of my social media, it just felt right. Yes i started recovery (and its so much worth it 100% no regrets at all) but i was still miserable and i think that summer i was at my lowest with my own identity.

Features

My hair was long. I hated my hair. I hated looking at it. I hated people complimenting it. I hate the way it felt on my shoulders. Same with my curves. I didn’t have a big chest per se but it still wasn’t as flat as i fantasised about (another thing that didn’t resonate with me, everybody on these ed filled spaces wanted to keep their chest and felt sad when they didn’t) and overall the hourglass figure. How deeply i despised it.

Taking action

Fast-forward uni started. And oh boy. Everybody was expressive with their identity, different hair colors different haircuts and styles and i was at my most miserable. Started cutting my hair. It was short, not boyish, still felt uncomfortable. Changed my entire wardrobe to whatever the guys on my Pinterest boards were wearing, finally we’re getting somewhere. Cut my hair shorter, boyishly, didn’t go to a solan because they never succeeded the first time. And let me tell you this, cutting my hair by myself was the most humiliating thing i’ve ever done and it is the most rewarding. To have your gender crisis in public is character building, and it showed me that i’m capable of doing anything if it meant having peace within myself. The hair was a mess. I showed up everyday with different hairstyle different hair length and my cutting wasn’t perfect i’m sure it looked horrendous from behind, but i didn’t care. Or i did but there’s nothing i can do about it it’s either that or loathing myself and i chose the former. Anyway. Then i got a binder. Things have turned 180 degrees (get yourself a binder!). I was my most confident. Hair like a boy’s, so was my chest.

Envy

I still get dysphoric. hell more than ever, voice dysphoria, body dysphoria, height dysphoria, even neck dysphoria. And i am very envious of men. Just daydreaming my time away if i was born cis. and even other trans ones. living in a place where its not safe to come out and there’s no treatment whatsoever i.e no testosterone shots, no top surgery and if i came out and asked for these i’d probably be put in a mental hospital with sever religious supervision.

Afterthoughts

So for anyone struggling out there with the injustice of the world i hear you. But don’t let it deprive you from who you actually are, seek any gender affirming act no matter how small it is. Just because the environment around you is trying to suppress you doesn’t mean you let it. And please please be compassionate with yourself. the world is cruel enough doesn’t mean you have to be too.

6 notes · View notes

askmadcomcrew · 7 months

Note

Dear Nevadeans! I wanted to ask you about your relationship with your families if you have one. Thank you in advance

Hank: Don't have one.

Sanford: Well of course I love my mother, and unfortunately I can't really remember my dad too well. I don't think he was around that much anyway, so it was really just me and Ma most of the time. She passed some years ago, but our relationship was always a positive one.

Deimos: My folks were...Alright. It's not that they was mean or somethin' they just...Didn't really care. Hell, I'd be gone for days and ask 'em if they knew where I was, and they'd just say they assumed I was at school or was in my room. Eventually one day I just took off and never came back.

Doc: My parents were nice enough people. My father was a hard man, and he pushed me just as hard, and sometimes I hated him for it. Now though, I see he was right about some things, wrong about others. They've both long since passed away now, but most of my memories with them are positive ones.

Tricky: MOM AND DAD WERE ALWAYS PUSHING POOR LITTLE HOFNARR AROUND!!! HE WASN'T EVEN SAD TO LEARN WHEN HIS DAD HAD DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT, I'M PRETTY SURE HE DIDN'T EVEN FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Jeb: My father was an abusive mess of a man, one of which I held little respect for. My mother died when I was young, so I never got the chance to know her. I left as soon as I had turned the correct age and began taking school more seriously, eventually earning my PhD and a job at the Nexus Core.

Crackpot: Oh, I've all but forgotten them! The simple answer is I didn't need them anymore, after I had gotten into the Core I got everything I wanted. I had no problem leaving those fools in the dust, they would have only slowed me down.

Sheriff: Well, y'see, I ran away from home when I was real little. Pa was a real sunnova bitch, n' Ma didn't care enough t' stand up to 'im. So I left, got caught up with...The wrong kinda people. Eventually I made sumthin' of myself, wasn't glamorous but it kept food in my gut. 'N well...Now I'm here.

Auditor: I suppose my fellow employers are the closest thing I have to a family, other than the Machine itself. I only desire to show them how capable we truly are, how desperate Nevada is for true Gods to lead it in the right direction. They do not take me seriously, but I will prove them wrong. It is the Machine's will.

Phobos: Being a Generation 1 Nevadean, I do not have any immediate family, which only makes sense. Only a divine, all knowing creator could have spawned a perfect creation such as me. However, they left this world to die long ago, and so it is up to me to take up the mantle in their place and be the superior deity that they never could be.

#everyone answers #questions #family

17 notes · View notes

xerospaced · 5 months

Text

So... maybe it's time to address the elephant in the room

My low self esteem.

My confidence was stripped away in every aspect and I have yet to regain it

Between my lack of productivity and nothing to show for myself

The requirements of others that I am so far from meeting

And my ma's consistent negative perception of me and energy toward me

I feel... completely worthless and devoid of value.

And ofc I tell myself otherwise and such.

And I do mantras and affirmations

And I look for the good in myself

But

I dunno

I cant see one shred of evidence to support the concept that I'm worth something

There is one exception. I'm useful.

I'm incredibly useful.

Call me and I'm there.

Make a request and I'll fulfil it.

Ask something of me. Even if I find it difficult. I'll see to it that it gets done.

For those I care about.

I am available. I am the person you turn to. I am the voice of reason. The source of sound advice. I am a positive energy. A calming presence. A bringer of peace. And the person who encourages you to honour yourself above all else.

I am very useful.

I am a tool.

Literally

But when it's just me. Not fulfilling some use just... existing

I'm taking up space.

A drain on resources.

A useless entity waiting to be put to use.

I don't see myself anymore.

I'm so familiar with depression and anxiety and self hate. And I've come so far from that.

I'd made it to joy and love and appreciation!

But so accustomed to the darkness that being in this space...

I didn't notice that it's actually... Not good.

I'd have the odd self criticising thought and then I would correct it and go about my day

And ive felt lacklustre. And I've had very little pride. And more and more I find myself wanting to avoid talking about me.

But im not depressed. And I don't hate myself and I AM correcting those thoughts. And my comments on myself do always end on a positive note.

A forced positive?

An empty one?

A shell of the thing I am telling myself. The thing I used to be but no longer am.

I do not feel good about myself.

And being that I'm not treating myself poorly. And that I'm am still approaching myself with kindness and patience. I've been ignorant to the fact that I don't feel good about myself. I don't see any significant good in myself.

By which I mean, yes, I see and acknowledge the good. But it's minimal. Its nothing compared to what I'm not. What I'm lacking. What I'm supposed to be. What I'm capable of.

I'm basically just a "nice" person. With some good words.

I have a kind heart sure sure

But what of it?

What makes me meaningful?

What am I really but a fleeting fancy? Enjoyment for the moment?

Because when I really look at me. When anyone looks at me. There's just not much to see.

I endured far more critical damage than I had realised

I've been impacted far more deeply than I'd considered up til now.

I knew I'd been wounded deeply but I thought I was in tact.

I'm not

I feel like a wound. Barely bandaged. Oozing. Never quite healing.

And completely unattended.

#mine #i think im gonna take a deep dive into my tumblr archives and find some of the words id uncovered in the very depths of me #the reasoning. the thinking. the healing #that got me to a point of genuine pride and self love #and i think i need to restrict the ways i communicate with people while i do it #i need the focus off of me #off what im doing #off where im at #off what is afflicting me #i need to stop being so conscious of being perceived #i need to be free to focus on WHO I am and not what ive got to show for myself #i need to be able to love myself without such regular indication that i am hard to love #i need to be able to exist without being a flaw #or a problem #or not enough #i need to be something more #something else #something outside of all the things about me that require such in depth consideration #that inspires such rumination as to whether im worth dealing with #or being around #i need to be able to like myself #without external indication that i shouldnt #because im not good enough #because im intolerable #because im something to be put up with #i need to be able to exist beyond doubt #im good #there is something in me #i deserve something #i mean something

5 notes · View notes

spandexbutterfly4lyfe · 1 year

Note

hey, i'm sorry, this is a pretty deep question, so please don't feel pressured to answer if you're not comfortable.

i'm a disabled teen with really bad internalized ableism and depression because i'll likely never be able to move out or get a job. i know everyone's experiences are different, but i just had to ask someone's experience: have you found it easier to accept your circumstances in adulthood? or is mourning what could have been just something disabled people learn to live alongside?

This might be hard to understand with the amount of life experience you have so far (because it truly just takes a lot of time and gradual growth of confidence etc to develop it, and that’s normal) but the answer is actually both! Like im not gonna bullshit you just for the sake of encouragement, you’re going to be aware of the way you don’t fit in with the supposed standard human experience for a long time, maybe forever. But you’re also gonna find that there are plenty of ways to exist outside of that “normal” experience that are perfectly fine and capable of happiness.

What tv and movies depict as “normal” life almost never actually exists. If you measure yourself by that, you’ll be miserable forever. And that’s something you see more as you grow into adulthood, which is why it gets easier to accept. The truth is, most people are miserable stacked up to what we’re told is normal. I’m not saying everyone suffers as much as the more intensely disabled do, but you NEED to know that even people who seem to have it all together usually experience: 1) seeming to others like they have it all but feeling like there’s something missing because this can’t possibly be it 2) having gaps in their mental growth and maturity because maintaining an image of a normal life has left them refusing to acknowledge anything wrong that needs therapy etc to fix 3) severe social pressure to have this perfect normal life that results in a subconscious obsession with staying fitting in, blinding the person to escaping the social cult of “good, normal people act like x and care about y and put down z”.

Like, once you realize how fucking freeing it is to not fit into this idea of normal life, you’ll realize you’re capable of so much better than that. You’ll gradually internalize that earning a normal income isn’t that great and that most people are entirely miserable doing it, and that it doesn’t define your worth. And, I am so serious, you do not have a simply nonexistent chance of moving out and having a life. The key here is to find other disabled people!! There are tons of us who’ve managed to move out in unconventional circumstances, either with the help of each other or the help of accommodations. Or both! You can join support groups on Facebook, for an excellent starter. And there are actually some decent ways to still earn money depending on your specific situation.

I went through this exact issue myself for so many years, but it turns out convincing myself I was capable of nothing, no life at all, just because I was disabled and mentally ill did myself an enormous disservice. Just because my version of a happy life didn’t look like theirs didn’t mean it couldn’t be real.

The daunting thing here is that, yeah, this is gonna take work. And since it’s work different from the life expected of you, it’s not laid out for you to follow easily (i.e. college -> job -> marriage -> house -> kids) so you’ll have to figure out the path yourself. But you have years and years to find your path, you don’t have to predetermine it all at once in order to have begun!

All in all, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to have a grieving period for the life you thought you’d have. But accepting that that life won’t exist is actually so helpful because then you can stop hating yourself for not being able to make it happen. It’s not your fault, that part’s not in your control and you should cut yourself some slack for that. But while grieving, the most important thing you can do is decide to try. To take care of yourself even when it feels pointless, because I absolutely promise it’s not. To learn how to cope with it, to put in the work, to ask for help but know your worth so that if someone won’t help you, you don’t feel like that’s your fault!! You deserve a good life too and there WILL be people who care to help make that happen. Don’t let a few ableists destroy your self worth.

Decide to care about yourself and care for yourself and, although tiring at times, the rest will fall into place. Practice makes the trying easier over time, until one day you realize you’re even more adjusted and taking care of yourself better than people who’ve been told they have nothing wrong with them. Pick up some hobbies while you’re young, sculpt and paint and find what scratches your brain for yourself first and foremost. And feel your happiness wherever it crops up, not just in what you think life should’ve been.

#long post #disability stuff #ok to rb

10 notes · View notes

hatecantwin2 · 2 years

Text

@weepingwound i don't know if you have my location or if your just bluffing but i can't sleep for the thought of you showing up at my apartment and hurting my in my sleep. you win. im terrified and i know i shouldn't have clicked the link you sent. i don't know who you are or where your from or why you chose me to terrify but i just want you to know that im literally just a harmless 21 year old asexual woman and i don't mean you any harm and i couldn't hurt a fly let alone another human but after you blocked me on my other account and i couldn't message you back i felt horrified and please please please just accept that im sorry. im literally crying right now because im that pathetic hahaha. was it because of the ace stuff i said to that other Tumblr user? because while you can't make me like her or what she said or even lesbians at all 🤢 I will still try if that's what you want and if that's what will make you stop coming for me I know you haven't said anything to me since you messaged me but I saw your blog and the scary things you post and I know you have problems and I have problems too and it scares me to think someone like you out there has my irl and location and probably my name. but like I said im harmless and i didn't mean what I said to groantube I just hated how she was being acephobic because she's a man hating lesbian that doesn't care about the LGBTQIA+ community you should see the shit she said to me she told me to kill myself and to die alone because I'm ace and that my family doesn't love me and I can't prove it because she blocked me because I tried to have a discussion with her about aces and she blocked me because she couldn't argue with the facts I gave her. shes not worth hating me over is she? she's an awful person which is why I wanted to fight her but now you know i was bluffing and never could fight her or anyone else so please just message me and tell me you won't find me irl! then we can put this all behind us and i won't have to change the locks on my doors or call my 6'6" brother 200lbs to come protect me in case your dumb enough to try and come to me because he can turn you into ground beef. but I just want this to be peaceful ok. message me again and tell me you wont come for me so I can sleep tonight and i will leave groantube alone but if you don't care about her then I'll make a million accounts to target and harass her because she deserves it. but if you do care about her i will leave her alone if message me and tell me it's ok. But just know my brother was a military medal winning Sargeant and sniper and he can actually shoot through walls if I asked him and he can take you down with no problems and nobody will ever find you again I promise. but this can all go away if you just message me and tell me im safe. i don't know what shit you are capable of like spiritually or witchcraft but I'm protected from that too by the Lord Jesus Christ our only father and savior and he can destroy any false gods or idols you put in my way. so just remember all that.

3 notes · View notes

sunflower-selkie · 1 year

Text

hey this is pretty personal and heavy account of recent mental health and some poor patterns of behavior.

trigger warning: disordered eating, depression, unhealthy coping, discussion of past child abuse (no retelling of specific events)

I'm past the height of the crisis and have finally started reaching out again. im not wanting to hurt myself and noone is hurting me to be clear

if you are a caregiver in your private life I highly recommend you take an honest look at your quality of life and how much you are really asking of yourself. you deserve life as much as your loved ones do. Learn about compassion fatigue and find ways to keep charging yourself up or you'll run out of help to give sooner than anyone expects and hurt yourself and everyone else in the process.

going through an emotional breakdown over this past week. i think I've started turning the corner, letting myself feel some things I could not admit to myself and starting to finally accept that believing it's my responsibility to prevent my responsibility to protect even my loved ones n matter what is just too much for a human. i can't push past my limit every chance I get at the drop of a hat because I have to live with those consequences. i have to accept I'm disabled and that means i have to establish firm boundarie to allow myself some time when I'm not waiting for the next crisis whether I like it or not or everything about my life will literally fall to pieces till i can't eat or speak or think without feeling like I'm going to make everyone shatter to pieces if i accidentally make a request and i just can't live like that.

Part of what is going wrong is food restriction, and i cannot stress strongly enough that having gone through this I don't think serious diets, even for medical reasons, are something one should attempt if you're not in a good mental health space, especially without any form of professional support. every choice you make feels like it's being judged and punished by your own body.... yes the physical pain and suffering is slightly less if you do everything right in my case, at least some days, but it's not worth agonizing over risking a tiny piece of food i haven't prepared myself from ingredients i havent checked and then feeling like i just punched a baby or something for eating a thin slice or two of avocado on accident.

But this is the biggie: i need to really believe that I'm worth loving and not just because of how useful I've made myself to those i love. it only makes my relationships worse and ends up leaving me with noone except those who most desperately need me that i feel like I can keep up communication with, because if i just cut out enjoying or taking care of myself as one of my real goals and turning it into something I do just to recover for my next foray against the horrors of the world for those who keep reaching out and asking…. it felt like that way i can meet someone's needs and meeting others needs is the only way I have to feel like I deserve to keep living and I'm trying really hard to break free of that.

caregiving is serious business and you need strategies and support networks to make sure you can keep giving healthily, recharging rather than putting yourself on a death marchvin the name of love. the people i care for really love me too, even when I'm letting a need go unmet in a moment because i just can't always be available. it hurts. it sucks. it makes me hate myself.... but if I just get it right this time, of i just don't give up and give everything they ask maybe when I die I'll deserve their love. that's what I'd basically been telling myself - that i was slowly dying for love.... and it kept me going to think that, because at least now I'm really living up to what I believe in. at least now people will forgive me for being less than psychic,less than a trained mental health professional, less capable as a housewife than any of the women who raised me.... not that I ever took the time to really learn from them. but I need to forgive myself for not being the daughter i feel i should have been to my mother with the situation she was in too. kids can't protect their parents and I never even realized that wasn't just normal and women weren't superhuman on some level because my dad sure never treated my mom like her feelings might have been more important than his convenience and I guess I just really learned that lesson all too well, and here we are with me living the consequences and hurting all my friendships and romances and my own body because of my fucking "daddy issues" and trying to br the only kind of daughter i could all those years ago if i wasn't going to be beat like he constantly threatened or like he did when my brother refused to back down and refused to pretend to be perfect for them.... not gonna lie I'm glad he's dead now, but I would have much rather he healed and unlearned some of the horrible lessons he himself was taught by life about what being a man or a woman means and what the consequences are if you don't comply.

in short I'm ready to forgive mysel and apologize to myself in his place now, i just need to figure out exactly what changed behavior that apology needs to entail, and do the work on my mental health he sadly never started until way too far down the road. And I'm ready to forgive men. they're just as much victims in all this even of they are the assigned enforcers of these horrible roles we're told to play to make sure real solidarity never happens. if we could just accept we're all equals even starting at home and in ourselves it'd be way too obvious how badly we're all being exploited by those who just happen to be on top of the current hierarchy insisting that it is only natural that some of us are less people than others and that it's okay actually that the people freezing on the streets will die, otherwise the rich might have to share.

i play at some of these very things in my kink amongst others in an attempt to process them and to give myself permission to say no, but I guess that might have been why I felt i had to give up that role - i couldn't let it just be a game anymore if my whole self worth really revolved around being Good.

#personal blog #please read the tw first

1 note · View note

daisys-reality · 2 years

Note

URGENT ⚠️⚠️uhhh hi do you like um take things 2 ask ur spirit guides because umm i need a question but its p existential and IDK where to find it but jfc why do trans people exist ? why would any god or diety subject their people to hate their bodies and genes and chromosomes every second they live in em and regret the happenstances of being damn born despite having a relatively moderate self esteem ?? I need the answer to this because i cant accept it if im gonna spend the entire rest of my life suffering through all this for damn nothing while barely anybody else has to please help ?? Is it possible for you to just ask what i did to deserve this pls + thank yoi SORRY if this is considered trauma dumping i dont know what that is lol im 13

TRANSGENDER/LGBTQ+ vs religious beliefs/spirituality/law of assumption

1. "hi do you (...) ask your spirit guides because (...) it's pretty existential and idk where to find it (an answer)?"

Hey anon💛, yes I do and can ask my spirit guides certain things. And it's quite common to use tarot and stuff like that to find answers to things where there seems to be no answer in this reality we're living in. However, when doing a tarot reading there should always be a disclaimer. The message my spirit guides give might be 'true' but I can never 100% guarantee that I read the message the right way. So, don't expect too much from me and don't take my tarot readings too seriously. You should believe what you want to believe.

But for your question I don't think doing a reading on it is the right way and I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable doing it either, I don't think I'm capable enough to interpret the answer correctly to such a difficult question.

2. "Why do trans people exist? Why would any god and deity subject their people to hate their bodies and (...) ?"

Ok, this is really a "heavy" and sensitive topic and I don't think I can keep my answer short. I feel the need to explain my situation first so that you see where I'm coming from and for you to judge if I'm the right person to give you an appropriate answer. Ofc you can just skip this but I would feel more comfortable if you'd read it.... I don't want you to misunderstand me :/

First of all, I want to say that I'm not really that knowledgeable about all that lgbtq+ stuff, so I'm not really the best person probably to talk about this. It's not that I don't take the lgbtq topic seriously (I do!) but more so that I personally never felt the need to identify or label myself as "something" regarding gender or sexuality. I've always been a freedom loving person and putting labels on me always felt like putting myself in a cage that slowly suffocates me. I used to hate myself too and always used to ask myself 'who am I? why am I even here? Why do other people think so differently?' Iwas confused and I felt like I had no identity at least not like others seemed to have. I felt like a "fluid being" lol... I was just there and existed.

But everyone around me would "build up their identity" more and more and openly say what they like and dislike and it stressed me out - even questions like "what is your favourite colour?". As a child I already was like 'why does that even matter? why would someone even think about this??' but everyone around me seemed to be doing it so I started lying about it. I remember researching what common likes and dislikes were and started remembering them to have a prepared answer to those stupid questions😭💀 Everyone made it such an important topic and it overwhelmed me. I hated discussions about (for me) useless things and I just wanted to be left alone, experience the world on my own and enjoy life without any strict perspective. But people want things to have labels and to put them into boxes to judge them more easily.

While growing up I came to accept that my way of being just doesn't fit into societies way of thinking and I learned to be ok with it. I don't care anymore! All these struggles.. for what?

I personally don't need labels, I just want to experience life freely without any restrictions! If I start liking a girl tomorrow and date her, fine. If I'm a boy in one of my desired realities and come to like another boy, fine. I don't care! In my opinion I would just make important and precious experiences and memories. I love learning and I love having the freedom to learn without being judged. (So for me, reality shifting and law of assumption saved me and I'm so grateful that I got to know about it.) Anyways, I hope you get where I'm coming from (even if its a little bit).

But being transgender is a whole other topic. (pls correct me if I'm wrong) You were born as one of the biological genders but you (your essence/soul/mind) identify as the opposite or just another gender.

Now you're asking why anyone would even get someone into this tricky/confusing situation. But the thing is that this whole "gender" topic is HUMAN MADE and not god/deity made - if you know what I mean.

Over the years people have made up the assumption/rules that 'being male is like this' and 'being female is like this' and linked it to the biological gender! (honestly they probably didn't know better) Ofc some things are influenced by genetics but it's less than we think.

No god said that if you're the biological gender A you have to like dresses or like hunting whatsoever. No god ever judged you for who you are or for what you're doing!!! The humans did it !! Society did !! Maybe even yourself started doing it unconsciously too. But no other being did that. Other beings like gods/deities also just see your essence, they just see you as "a being".

Now, you used the expression "why would any god/deity subject their people to..." - I assume you're religious or grew up religious. I don't want to disregard your or any other religion but from my point of view we are not anyone's people. Ofc certain beings protect us but at the end of the day we decided to be on this earth ourselves (at least that's what I think). And honestly, from a god point of view this whole gender discussion of our society seems probably really stupid and unreasonable. We human beings are probably the only beings that limit themselves so much because we're so "intelligent" and "evolved" - like come on pls. We created these labels and now we start arguing about them and judge other people for them. Like what the hell even ...

I'd also like to go a step further and add a bit of Law of assumption (LOA) into this discussion.

As I already said in previous posts, getting into LOA and making use of it is like stepping into your innate power and acknowledging that you are an eternal, omnipotent, conscious, and intelligent being. You learn to release "human" limits and find freedom. And in my view, gender is kinda one of the "human limits" too. You are the creator of your reality. If you choose to end this suffering, then you will do it because you can.

3. "I can't accept it if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life suffering through all this for damn nothing while barely anybody else has to."

I understand your mindset right now and I can only imagine what you've been through. The suffering must have been pretty hard. I know that society or rather human beings in general can be extremely ruthless, reckless and really hurtful without even realising it and ofc willingly.

I want to tell you that you don't need to accept this suffering and you don't need to suffer like this through all of your life !! I want you to know that you're not powerless, okay? It doesn't matter what other people have told you! You're still pretty young so you have the best conditions to learn about yourself and about your power to manifest what you want and what you deserve!

It's not like I want to influence you into doing something... It just breaks my heart seeing other people suffer and as LOA (law of assumption) has helped me tremendously, I want to recommend it to you too.

4. "Is it possible to ask what I did to deserve this?"

This question itself is heartbreaking as well😭 I'm not gonna do a reading on this. Don't even think you deserved this pls. It happened, yes but don't dwell on it or try to find an answer! Instead maybe work on manifesting the world you would like to live in. I'm sorry that I can't give you a better or more advice on your struggles. :(

Just know that you can identify as whatever you want. You can like whatever you want. You can be whatever you want and you can do whatever you want. You CAN because you have the freedom and power to do so. You don't need anyone's approval or allowance. This is your life.

5. "Sorry if this is considered trauma dumping (...)"

I don't consider it trauma dumping, so it's ok, don't worry. I don't really know what the real definition of it is either, we don't have that in my native language so yeah😂 I guess its kinda just talking to someone about your trauma and I'm pretty ok with that🥸

Anon, I don't know how helpful this answer will be to you but I want you to know that I wish you the best in life and send you lots of love. You are enough. You matter and you only deserve the best!! I believe in your ability to manifest the life you deserve! (Yes I took the time to color it😂)

The same goes for my other followers.

I'm no expert but you can always ask for help or for advice or just share you're struggles with me. I will try to help you as best as I can.

- daisy🌼

#🌼 talking #anon ask #t.asks #t.advice #t.personal #t.tarot #t.loa

5 notes · View notes

flovverworks · 1 month

Text

hold on im rereading (skimming thro) owens affection story and the way cain first went 'whats up do u wanna grab a meal?' and then akira (who has been watching) approaches owen like 'hello how have u been do u want to eat together..' LOOOOOLLL

also i know this gets brought up early pt2 alrdy when akira speaks to vincent, but akira calling all of the wizards by name (and heathcliff heath etc) but using miss for canary. lord. also the way akira starts thinking everyones handsome nonstop and brings in a billion 'this person is so pretty' adjectives in every other sentence LIKE U RLY DONT HAVE TOOOOOO <-person who thinks its hilarious. i sometimes go 'please understand' when i have akira think someones handsome Once. i need to upgrade it to ten times

Akira: I’m taking notes on everyone here in case I suddenly have to return to my world. That includes you too, Owen.... Could you tell me more about yourself? Owen: I was killed by you. Akira: Eh...!? Owen’s delicate lips twist at my exclamation. Owen: What would you do if that was the case? What if your memories from your other world were all false? What if you were a criminal in this world? Alternatively, what if your lover was someone you happened to hate? What if I was your lover?

completely normal conversation. but also owen who only seems pleased if akiras annoyed when owen says he hates them,,

Owen: What are you trying to accomplish? Owen’s irritation catches on to me, and I begin to feel irritated and sad. Akira: Then fine. I don’t care anymore. If you’re not going to talk about yourself, I’ll never understand you. And next time Mithra is about to find out about your injury, I won’t know what to do, so. I’ll leave you alone. Bye.

THIS IS THE PART IM OBSESSED WITHHHHHHHH GUY WHOS BEEN TRYING NONSTOP TO BEFRIEND SOMEONE LETS THE BAD MOOD AFFECT THEM the second part wording is ssooooo bad too LOLLLL theyre so annoyed i love it sm. but also this being the time when owen accepts talking to them,,,despite also being rly annoyed,,

but also akira like Just having owen agree to their request, immediately saying 'ya i thought ur room would be strange' and trying his bed is so funny. 'i finally realize why i cant bring myself to hate owen' oughhh but also both akira & owen sitting there confused while owens trying to talk abuot himself LOL i like them so much. i think theyre rly neat

reading mithras too, and the way oz is like 'why would i do that' but then akira asks and hes like '...i guess since the sage is asking..' LOOOL

Akira: Ah... Mithra, it looks like you have a visitor. Mithra: You get the door. You’re capable of that much, right? Akira: (He’s just non-stop snark right now....) Ye~s, who is it?

this fkng interaction skull emoji (laughed) 'mithra u should say thank u too' like a mother....

anyway the way mithra talks about tiretta,,,,,,'only just said goodbye to her 10 or so years ago' T_^ (also thinks its funny/endearing how he says the twins said she was like his mother while mithra says she was more of a master/comrade/little sister<-especially the last one makes me laugh. i lov tiretta

My lips curve upwards, and I can’t help but stroke Mithra’s hair. Mithra doesn’t resist. Akira: I can sort of understand why people want to pat you on the head, Mithra. Mithra: Okay..... Is that so. Akira: It’s like when you’re next to a wild beast that you usually don’t see around. It makes you want to touch him while you can..... Mithra: You’re treating me like a rare animal...... Mithra rolls onto his other side. In the next moment, Mithra leaps up, pins me down, and bites my shoulder. Akira: Gya....ah! Mithra: Ahaha. I scream, and Mithra laughs. Apparently he only pretended to bite me. But I had prepared myself for death, so my heart won’t stop pounding. Akira: (What the heck goes on in his mind..... Was he playing around with me because I called him a beast? I thought I was going to die.....)

THIS PAAAARRTTTTTTT IM ALSO OBSEESED WITH 'i had prepared myself for death' JKADBKAD I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME. guy who doesnt act like both owen & mithra could easily kill them

also what da hell was the next part about. when akira can wish that mithra wouldnt do things thatd make ppl misunderstand & dislike him. also oz giving tips to akira on how to make mithra sleep but its just ways to make kids sleep,,,,,the dad,,,

#stardust speaking !#i need to reread more of these. cuz i rmbrd arthurs and his 'yes sometimes i edit books because theyre wrong about oz:]'#and akira sitting there like. person who has heard multiple ppl say oz went for world domination w/ figaro trying to find a way to tell his #son that his gentle sweet dad kind of Did do that actually #LIKE I RMBR READING IT AND BOTH ME AND AKIRA GOING O_O LIKE WHAT A THING TO THROW ON THE READER #also i forgot owen even brings up that 'what if' scenario. theres surely more ive forgotten in these #god akira getting annoyed with owen is truly everything to me 'ok whatever i wont help u next time since i wont know what to do bye'#MY GUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

1 note · View note