#im about to say something i never thought i would but i think i put too much garlic in the bolognes we had

[oceantornadoo]

hii! can you do what it would be like asking price to put pads on the shopping list?? and then when price goes shopping he has to call you to ask for what size ?? 😭😭 btw i love love your work, hope u had a good day💞.

im pretty sure you're referring to this post but i decided to make this price x reader so :) enjoy!

bsf marriage pact!price x reader, he's slightly creepy but he's sweet (this is actually a bit dubcon but its in good spirit)

you had had a shit day. actually, make that a shit week. emotional the whole time, feeling lonely, depressed, and with the weirdest cravings. right when you were about to call your best friend and rant about how terrible you felt, you had went to the bathroom and- oh.

that explains a lot.

and now here you were, sitting on the toilet for the past ten minutes, contemplating. you were completely out of all period products and your flow was so heavy there was no way you were making it to the store free bleeding or with toilet paper as a makeshift pad. of course, that's when john decided to call you (let's be real, who doesn't take their phone to the bathroom. don't judge.)

"evenin', duckie."

"ugh john, i told you not to call me that. its so annoying."

john grunted a chuckle into the phone, swiping a hand over his beard. "you love it." silence. he could practically hear your eye roll. "dinner tonight?" he was pacing his apartment, uncharacteristic for a man like him. calm, cool, collected. never when it came to you.

"can't, sorry. maybe in a few days." he grunted. "could order a takeaway?" you sighed in his ear, the sound a melody he craved to hear over and over again. on lazy saturdays and in-between small fights over laundry. baby steps, though.

"its just not in the cards tonight, john, i'm sorry." you were never like this, withholding information. even when you cancelled on him, it was with a long-winded explanation with the names of about seven people he didn't know and plans you didn't want to go to. "'s wrong, duck? got a hot date or somethin'?" he mentally crossed his fingers, not allowing a physical expression. he wasn't that whipped. not yet.

"no, im just sick. and tired." his muscles relaxed. he started putting on his boots and grabbed a fleece, something gaz insisted was not too tryhard for someone like him. "i'll run to the store and grab ya medicine, hm? what'dya need?" you sighed again, rubbing your fingers to your forehead. he obviously was not giving this up and you did really need pads...

"ill text you a list when you get there. thanks john."

"anythin' for you, duckie."

list: pads, advil, that one chocolate candy you know i like, something for dinner

shit. price had been with a woman or two, but had never had to buy her pads. of course, he'd never let it get to that stage, not when he had you to take care of. but now here he was, staring at playtex and always and what the fuck was a diva cup? he'd better call you.

"all ok, john?"

"ya didn't give me a color on your pads, duck." you giggled. of course he paid attention to the green versus orange pads.

"its pretty heavy so some of the overnight and extra daytime ones would work." silence.

"...there's numbers." your cheeks warmed. you couldn't believe you were talking about this with john of all people.

"god, john. this feels so embarrassing. so weird to talk about with you."

"why? gotta know this for the rest of my life, duckie." shit. he was referring to that night a couple weeks ago, when you confessed to him you thought you'd never find love. when he said he'd marry you in a heartbeat, just say the word. when you compromised by telling him if you were still single in two years, you'd go to the courthouse then and there. when you didn't see him turn and write the date in phone, just as a reminder.

"5, john. there should be a moon symbol or something. and then 3. should be green, i think?" he grunted an affirmation, putting the respective pads in his cart. he turned around, having said goodbye and ended the call, and was subsequently greeted by three women, staring. paused in their product selection, staring openmouthed at how nonchalant he was about buying pads.

30 minutes later he was at your place, groceries and takeaway in hand as he used his spare key to let himself in. "duck?" all quiet. he stalked through your place and noticed the light on in the bathroom. one, two, three quick knocks. "john?" "'s me. can i come in?" "no i- need you to get me something." he waited patiently. "can you go to my dresser and grab a pair of underwear. something ugly, lots of coverage." who was he to say no to a free invite to your underwear drawer?

john dropped the pads outside your bathroom door and headed to your bedroom. finding your dresser, he had to give himself a second. calm down, old man. they're all clean.

that didn't stop him from sniffing a few, reveling at the scent of your laundry detergent. he almost groaned at the scent, imagining you in them. even in the "unsexy" pairs, your curves clothed in cotton and elastic, wrapped up in a lovely package. all his.

john selected a pair with "lots of coverage", whatever that meant, and headed to your bathroom. he opened the door with ease, setting your pads down on the counter. you shrieked.

"john! im half naked, you need to knock." obviously, the sight of your bare thighs and the top of your mound peaking out was most welcome, but he was more concerned about getting you off the toilet and putting food in your belly. "jus' me, duckie. come on, show me how to do it." he gestured at the pads. he couldn't be serious.

you slowly unboxed them, taking care to cover your naked body as much as possible. even while moving slowly, your shirt still shifted and he caught glimpses of your pretty pussy. an image for another day, when you weren't in pain. he focused on your fingers, deftly putting the pad on your underwear with years of practice. he memorized how you placed the pad, ensuring it stuck to your underwear before tearing the paper off the wings and tucking them on the other side. you looked up at him and he nodded, mission complete. "thank you, by the way." he kissed your forehead, so quick you could have missed it in a blink.

"turn around, i have to put it on." he sat back on his haunches, staring. "go'on. 've gotta learn somehow." you were too tired to care, ready to devour your dinner. you missed his hungry gaze as you revealed your cunt to him, wanting even though it was covered in blood. you missed his fingers twitching as you slowly pulled on your underwear, fabric caressing your skin like he yearned to. you got up, flushed, and washed your hands, missing how he tucked his fingers in belt loops and leaned back into the wall, a move he'd done many times in his tac vest.

"thank you, john. truly." he gave you a grin under the muttonchops, all satisfied. task finished, mission accomplished. you had asked him to do this, a husbandly duty. after you dried your hands, you made a move for the door, but he stopped you with a hand to the jaw. he brushed his beard against you, feeling the shiver in your bones. his mouth hovered near your ear, accent coming out low and sultry. "anythin' for my future wife, duckie."

--

ngl this got a bit weird but i like it??? had to struggle to not lean into my simon riley weirdness tendencies as im still learning john as a character.

#john price #price #cod price #captain john price #captain price x reader #price x reader #john price x reader #captain price #price imagine #price headcanons #price one shot #john price x you #captain johnathan price #john price x y/n #tornadothoughts

[mewcharm]

finished part 6. what the fuck. spoilers ahead lol.

I can’t stop thinking about how jotaro’s last words were his daughter’s name. I’m actually ill over this.

Jolyne was his world.

In that moment where everything stood still, all he could see was a reflection of his own experience - knives, aimed directly towards his daughter in frozen time. Pucci read that part of his disc. He had to have.

Our stoic, multi part protagonist who’s infamous for keeping his cool, screams. We’ve seen Jotaro scared before, sure, but to this degree? He was mortified.

Jotaro didn’t ask for this. He endured insane amounts of trauma, repeatedly put himself in harms way, his life revolved around relinquishing evil stand users even after defeating dio. He dedicated himself to this cause. he wasn’t vulnerable for a reason. Jotaro didn’t want to show weakness, even to his family. But somehow, his traumatic memories of fighting dio were exploited.

After Jotaro was repeatedly told by anasui that he had one shot - a single attempt to take out pucci - or they’d all be goners… He chose to save his own daughter. He loved her so much but we never hear him say it. He gives her a stand, subconsciously carves Jolene’s name into his arm, saves her from Pucci’s bullets and has protected her since she was born - but we never hear him say he loves her. Just that he cares, and in his last moments - her name.

He chose her over saving the universe, because without her, there would be no universe worth living in for him. im sure he would do so each and every time if faced with the choice across every universe.

That choice postponed Jolyne’s death by a few minutes - but that was enough time for her to act.

Jolyne had nothing left to lose. All her friends were wiped out instantaneously and her father was dead. Of course she was going to sacrifice herself to help Emporio escape. It was her fate.

Jotaro paid the ultimate price, and everyone else did as well, due to his decision. Anasui, Hermes, and potentially Emporio. None of them had any say in it. By definition, he acted selfishly - but proved to both jolyne and the audience that he truly loves his daughter.

Jotaro could’ve died in morioh, away from his family, and they wouldn’t have known why he was there or the cause of his death. I’d like to think that during Kira and Koichi’s fight - he thought about Jolyne, and found the strength to stand. He had something to fight for, even outside everyone in that town. That act alone was him attempting to save her, and to continue to live on, so he may protect her.

Dio, Kira - all the stand users who posed a threat to him and his family’s safety. He wanted her to live a normal life, away from all this - and he dedicated himself to eradicating this evil.

I can’t help but wonder if Jotaro, in his dying moments, heard jolyne talk about how she can always count on him to save her… or if he was already dead. Maybe she knew he was gone, but just wanted to say the quiet part out loud. Like pucci - she knew what he had experienced through the disc - but didn’t want to use it against him. She wanted to thank him… for everything.

Maybe in another universe, he gets to save both her and the world, one last time.

#im insane sorry for this literal essay. i have so many thoughts and feelings man. #jojo #jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #jolyne cujoh #jotaro kujo #emporio armani #enrico pucci #narciso anasui #ermes costello #stone ocean #jjba part 6 #diamond is unbreakable #jjba part 4 #stone ocean spoilers #jjba jotaro #jjba jolyne #jjba ermes #jjba anasui #jjba emporio #jjba pucci #made in heaven #text post #anime #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #my art #jjba fanart

[kabutoden]

Classpect help!!

if there was a little guy. just a little dude. goldblood bugstuck. his name is Claudi. hes very psychically powered. hes like a child-emperor in a caste system venerating powerful goldbloods, and hes expected to give up his life to power a barrier to protect his whole planet system for a couple hundred years as his previous 2 ancestors chose to do before him. BUT he doesnt want to do that at all he cries and whines about it he wants to do Literally Anything Else then die young to save everyone and he has One Friend who is a Bad Girl Getting Up To Trouble Always. and hes like PLEASSEEE EPLEASE PLEASSE SAVE ME I DONT WANNA DIEEEE PAINFULLY NONONONO while his retainers and elders are like we love you cladui youre so awesome claudi and like, he doesnt want to let them down by telling them hes totally not down with this self sacrifice thing. but also he NEEDS you to get him out of this hellhole STAT bad girl PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (btw him and the bad girl are both like 13 and not quadranted to each other at all. she already has a moirail. shes just believes in sticking up for other kids.) QUESTION

1. what would his classpect be?? i dont want to repeat anything from the comics. right now i have him as thief of hope because thats hilarious. he steals hope from others to gain hope for his own life and future. bard of hope would work--by his inaction he destroys all hope ever. i think but i dont want to put him in that awful outfit. he doesnt deserve that. idk if i want him to be doom because thatd double up on a doom yellowblood, or for him to be life or something else.

2. would it be funnier for him to be: super talented with all kinds of other things and hiding it really poorly in a kind of insufferable way, like ohhh im so bad at this haha as he like does something effortlessly or ohh wow ive never done this before haha ummm wow this is trash >_< he says as he like effortlessly draws something incredibly OR:

clumsy and not talented at all. like hes so shit at everything. hes just totally ass and tripping over himself. pathetic. pathetic. he has a LOT of psychic power but thats pretty much it. outside of that hes so average. and he knows it. doesnt really care but he knows it.

any thoughts apperciated ^^

#bugstuck #questions #heelp meeehhh

[hecksupremechips]

God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like

Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault

On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself

IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked

#zero escape #akane kurashiki #the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure #but god both possibilities are so tasty #personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders #shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil #but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked #like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma #and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her #like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others #and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much #because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die #and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on #but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen #not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize #he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her #but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off #and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much #she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed #and its all just too much and she completely loses it #so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder #but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are #those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :( #as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good

[haikcuute]

[ID: fake discord screenshots between the tmnt boys. The chat reads as follows, with their discord nicknames in parentheses:

Mikey (Micheal with a B): If yall don't knock it off right now

Leo (That Bitch): I'd Love to go eat my cold soup in peace, if SOMEONE would stop attacking me for it!!

Donnie (The Funny One): You're killing me you're killing your brother Leon cereal is Not A Soup how many times do we have to go over this

Leo changes his name to "Cold Soup Truther"

Leo (Cold Soup Truther): Mad because you dont have cold soup, arent you? ;]

Raph sends a screenshot from the sonic realtime fandub of Eggman saying "what are you two FUCKING talking about"

Mikey's name changes to "Doctor Delicate Touch"

Mikey (Doctor Delicate Touch): Alright that's it

Leo (Cold Soup Truther): Oops

Raph (Raph): Oh no

Donnie (The Funny One): Wait Mikey we can talk about this

End ID]

Laid awake for several hours thinking about wanting to make this joke the other day

Bonus: the aftermath

[ID: a simplistic drawing of the turtles. Mikey runs at high speed chasing Donnie and Leo, Raph lays behind him flat on the floor with x's for eyes. There are action lines emanating out from where Donnie and Leo are running to. End ID]

#rottmnt #never wrote this kind of id before but i did my best #anyway hi i love them #and the thought of mikey using dr delicate touch as a threat is very funny to me do Not mess with him #also another fun fact donnies discord pfp is a picture i took and edited of my high school AP calc shirt #its the maclaurin polynomial :] #i wanted to make raph and leos icons something funny too but i didnt have any ideas so its just pictures of them sorry guys #id spent too much time and brain power on this anyway #im putting this in my art tag since its something i made #tal.draws #and i mean technically i did draw that last picture even though its scribbly so it counts #also i have no stake in the cereal soup debate i just wanted to also make cold soup jokes #and I think donnie would be pedantic about it (i say this with love) and leo would antagonize him about it #<- a statement applica to many situations #if id had rhe energy i wouldve edited the time sent to be a funnier time of day but again i spent too long on this #okay im done talking in the tags mow promise

[snekdood]

Quite honestly, i think people just dont like to acknowledge how many times i have been victimized bc it doesnt work for their narrative of the Scary Bad Trans Guy With No Regard For Others And Likes To Kick Puppies And Doesnt Know Real Pain Or Trauma

#bc otherwise yall would have to feel bad about putting me through way more additional unnecessary trauma on here #and i swear its yall who believe everything my abuser says about me. you need to tell yourself its true that i did the shit they accuse me #of and theyre just this pure uwu innocent pewson who doews no wongg umu #yall dont wanna except ive been through hell bc then you gotta accept youve put me through additional unnecessary hell that only warped my #perception worse of a community i thought i was fuckin part of and accepted in but apparently tf not #like you only have yourselves to blame for that shit. for why i hate online queer spaces now. #man it would just suck so so hard for your narrative if i was actually abused as much as i say and my abusive x was actually lying about me #bc otherwise how will you pretend trans men never ever experience any issues ever? #like i dont need to look. ik im one of the main blogs yall like to target and put on blast for transandrophobia stuff bc im super fuckin #outspoken about my shit (nevermind that yall never directly confront me). i already know thats how it is bc theres ppl on here who have a #apparently deep interest in constantly hating me and trying to find reasons im wrong. so when i say something is bad they habe to act like #its good actually somehow. and ik it all roots back to my abuser. there is literally no other reason i can think of that would mame ppl #that invested in hating me unless they believe everything my ex says. so undoubtedly theres ppl in my exs spaces who believe #transandrophobia is fake men arent oppressed ever etc etc. i digress. but ik its yall who've propped this whole shit up #ik its yall who put me on blast for this first and triwled to spread it that i was one of the Big Bad Names in the transandrophobia spaces #so ik yall use me as an example. ik you tell people i lie about everything. ik you tell people i exaggerate. ik you tell people im crazy #ik you tell ppl they cant trust me or rely on me and spread all the bs my ex says about me and even spreads their abuse toward me further #by even doing that shit. yall NEED to keep believing that im the Big Bad Trans Guy that you think i am bc otherwise your whole worldview #falls tf apart. everything you've been standing on online about how trans mascs who believe in transandrophobia are bad would fall apart. #if i am really as fuckin abused and victimized as i say. suddenly you dont get to use me as the example for Bad Transandrophobia Believer #and I KNOW thats the only reason yall choose not to listen or believe us. its LITERALLY just because you're choosing a side in a personal #relationship situation. ik it has nothing to do with politics for plenty of you. you're taking a side and shitting out reasons for why you #did after the fact. #if you really care about politics n shit you should listen to ALL THE OTHER TRANS MEN TALKING ABOUT THIS #besides using one person as your example for why you shouldnt believe people who believe this is a thing. #i mean. even aside the fucking fact that its all bs. if yall dont wanna believe me. whatever. you can get traumatized by them if you want #idefc at this point. if you actually care about politics as much as you say you gotta engage w people in good faith and uh maybe try n #listen to the SWATHES of other trans guys who also talk about this shit and thinks its real.

[mariemariemaria]

The new channel 4 documentary on the miners strike is fantastic. It covers different points of view, from the striking miners, to working miners, to the women in striking communities, to the police. It also shows how the Battle of Orgreave on 18th June 1984 was planned and initiated by the police, and how the media (BBC and ITV) covered this up and showed only the police's side, while positioning them as being the victims of miners' violence (which was very minimal to non existent in reality), who simply retaliated because the "restrained...traditional British policing way" (I have to laugh) didn't work.

I also didn't know until watching this that Gareth Peirce, who represented the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six, also defended mineworkers who were victims of police brutality at Orgreave. What a woman!

#british history #working class history #miners strike #acab #im so interested in this period of history + chose this topic specifically as part of a british history module last year #so im really glad that this docuseries was made for the 40th anniversary and i hope it is never forgotten #and i often think about how miscarriages of justice against working class british people are exactly the same as #british miscarriages of justice against irish people. i was thinking this when watching #at one point an interviewee even says something like 'obviously i'd seen this happen in northern ireland but i never expected it to #happen in england!' and the way the police acted obviously made me think of what they did in the north of ireland #and the gareth peirce connection just confirmed it. but how many people saw those connections? #how many of the miners who were beaten by police saw the same things happen to irish people but didnt care? or thought they deserved it? #this isnt to blame them..they were fed lies that the irish were terrorists...but it suggests to me that this oppression is connected #also similar is how RE the post office scandal a lot of people were shocked that british justice had failed #a man in the drama even said that it was britain and he was british and that british justice wouldnt let them down #and you just think like...do you not know what british 'justice' did to innocent irish people? do you think they deserved it? #did you think you were immune because you were british? in ireland we know there is no such thing as british justice. #but british people never seem to learn this history lesson #what a better world it would be if working class british (and irish) people could recognise our similarities and joint sufferings as a #result of the british state. its quite frustrating to watch british people constantly put faith in their gov/justice system #learn from your own history!! they dont care about you!!

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions

Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*

#i dont think i considered this might not be normal until just now #this might actually be why physically sitting down to fill out a math sheet is torture to my soul #but i also know math just fine. its just the anxiety about counting things wrong #its worse when theres physical things involved though like when im cooking because im convinced #that im gonna majorly fuck up #idk if this is normal or not but i straight up count to 5. normally and correctly. and then suspevt i was wrong #and have to redo it again and again until i get so frustrated that i have to convince myself whatever it fucks up cant be that bad #i think it would be a big problem if i was counting something important or anything at a higher number though #but thankfully the most important thing i count is cups of rice that go into my rice cooker lol #also still doubting wether i have ocd or not but goddamn. the word 'probably' has single handedly impacted my brain chemistry forever #i think... probably :') #god forbid i be sure of anything ever #lmao oof i just remembered some things. time for a small tags trauma rant i guess #so I remember never being sure of anything ever as a kid. for some reason i was so anxious and unsure #that the only thing i thought i knew to be true for sure was my faith in my religion #lol needless to say... i deconverted at 16-17 #now idk for real man. i was wrong about the only thing i was certain of #not sure how to recover from that #obviously im never going back to that religion. it was so incredibly harmful idk if i could even put it into words #but at the same time... im not sure why i doubt everything #or more accurately im not sure how everyone else DOESN'T #how can they be so self assured? how can they know anything? how are they #how is anyone so sure of something that theyre just at peace with never thinking about it or doubting it or questioning it #ive never had that i dont think

[dreamcast-official]

hm.

#eli.txt #i think the reason i feel so shit over The Whole Deal is like. god. i just miss talking to them. #sometimes it felt like they were the only person who cared about what i had to say. they were the easiest person to talk to in my life. #and like. basically overnight. they were so distant for what i thought was no reason. and they did not care about me anymore. #i know they were justified in acting that way and its not like they suddenly hate me and dont care about me but god. #thats what it feels like. thats what it fucking feels like!!!! #i didnt just lose my boyfriend i lost one of my best friends and it fucking sucks. it feels like no one is going to put up with me anymore. #idk i dont feel nearly as comfortable talking to Anyone anymore. because when am i gonna know i made a mistake. #how am i gonna know i made a mistake and they suddenly think i hate them and it leads to something like this. how am i gonna know. #and like!! it looks To Me like their life got so much better without me being an active part of it. and i feel like i have just gotten worse #AND THEY WONT FUCKING TALK TO ME! I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE CONVERSATION AND THEY DONT TALK TO ME! AND LIKE. #I KNOW I FUCKED UP BUT IM FUCKING TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LET ME TRY. TALK TO ME. I MISS YOU. #I LOVE YOU. NOT IN THAT SENSE ANYMORE BUT I STILL CARE FOR YOU. YOURE MY FRIEND. FUCKING TALK TO ME. #I KNOW NO AMOUNT OF SAYING IM SORRY CAN FIX IT BUT IM TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT. PLEASE JUST DONT IGNORE ME LIKE THAT. #god i just feel like maybe i meant nothing. maybe theyve just already moved on entirely and i was never anything. #maybe im the only one who still hurts. yknow. i dont think they care about me anymore. #which i could fucking deal with if they just said that instead of flat out ignoring me. #god i just feel like shit. what if i keep fucking up the same way what if i lose everyone the same way and in the end im alone. #i would probably deserve it. if i keep messing up this bad maybe i deserve to be alone. #i know thats not true. but i feel really bad right now. im not thinking. #no one is going to put up with me the way they did. they already dont. #god. im so tired. i wish they would fucking talk to me.

[bluewinnerangel]

I like your mfasr / Halloween video idea but I think harry doesn’t like halloween enough to do that. But then again who knows with this man 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was just thinking if i had a previous very elaborate story about befriending a fish.. and then go on to write a song about a sushi restaurant.. and it's the end of october.. yk im feeling that

#i have a pen i have an apple - UH! #im getting ahead of myself now because its really just >my< thought.. but i think it would also be playing with #absurdity. like the absurdity of our society.. in which the way we treat animals is one for sure. although i doubt hes one to focus on it. #in his daily life. but i mean that playing with absurdity is absolutely something up his alley #i am lacking a better description of it. #so for that reason i see him do this.. perhaps also leaning hard into halloween like some kinda selfmocking like hes fallen into some yearl #harryween obligation he never really actively pushed or whatever. im not basing this on much except him never really being vocal about this #being his thing or whatever... like.. hes.. always making fun of shit tht goes over peoples heads #and i think making people uncomfortable in a way in a subtle way that you cant put your finger on it is part of his work as well #so .. it fits within my idea of him i guess i m trying to say #these are absolutelyhalf a dead braincell rambles like i amnot thinking rn i am asleep so excuse this entire thing #its really just a hypothetical possibility what if thought

[snixx]

how much would you fight for the person you love before giving up on them?

#I've been thinking about this a lot #I think it's why it's so hard to leave a toxic or abusive relationship #because giving up feels so wrong. it's surrendering that you can never make a promise with full certainty #i used to be someone who used to say no deal breakers. nothing. would stop me from loving the people i love #what would it take the person you love more than anything else in the world to do for you to give up on them #i hate that's it's a question I've had to consider after last year #because i like to think im someone who never gives up on people. especially the people i love #except i...had to #especially as someone who cant trust my brain who has experience with it betraying me #because that would mean im capable of doing something that would make everyone i thought id love forever give up on me #if i couldn't be enough. how much ever i tried. or i was too much #because i have depression i could always fall off the wagon and spiral and not be enough #i think for me there isn't one set dealbreaker though #it takes months and months of apathy and cruelty and taking zero accountability #if you stop trying for long enough #if you blame me for everything put in zero effort don't even acknowledge or show a tiny bit of wanting to try #and i know id never do that i know my friends would never #however bad it gets even when we spiral #we can come back and apologize and at least TRY take some accountability #even if it's fucking hard and so much effort #i think that's why heartbreak high hit so much #it's just such a shitty situation and i hate everything it made me question #but well. im glad i have my faith back #there are people who have the capability to try for me people who think I'm worth it #people for whom my love isn't too much who don't make me feel bad for loving too much #and i don't care how many times you guys fuck up as long as i can see you trying i will never leave you #you don't recover from some heartbreaks there are no positives #but well. it happened and im not gonna let it take all of me #x am rambles

[tklpilled]

i think i like dazai. slightly less after today!

#/j because He Wasnt Serious He Cant Be Right #wait okay spoilers im gonna talk about this as someone who has never read the manga except for that scene today #my knowledge is limited! #but #dazai is genuinely nice to chuuya?? #yes he left chuuya alone after the lovecraft fight but tbf he folded up his clothes for him /lh #‘ive thought of many ways to kill chuuya’ as if you havent saved his life? multiple times? willingly? #dazai could literally just leave him if he wanted him dead. there would be nothing else keeping him alive #and being dazai i dont think he’d have a problem with killing someone he hates or leaving them to die #so clearly he doesn’t hate chuuya. and chuuya canonically doesnt hate him either but thats beside the point #when chuuya is using corruption are the most obvious times #but also in dead apple where he says something like ‘i’d rather not help you fight your ability’ while protecting him from the fog #no one said you had to help him! you could just get up and leave! #so i doubt he’s actually leaving chuuya to die this time when he had the chance many other times #not only that but he was totally lying when he said they never had any connection #because immediately before that it showed the moments where they clearly Did #and i dont think dazai is oblivious enough to not realise that #or maybe he is. i dont know #but i don’t think so. how could he go through whatever tf happened in dead apple and not realise they have Something /lh #theyre literally willing to put their lives in the others hands without hesitation #kaz speaks

[scattered-winter]

hoo boy today was a Bad Day huh :]

#im so fucking tired #apparently i cant fucking be a good sibling to my brother like. at all #because apparently he thinks i HATE him?!?!?!? im just. really really upset about that rn #because my siblings are the only people on this planet who i KNOW i would jump in front of a bullet for #i fucking. i cant even form words on how much i love them #and the thought that one of them thinks i hate him genuinely distresses me so much ive been crying for the past half hour #hhh and now i feel like im just being Dramatic #i want to stop feeling emotions <3<3 #i need to talk to my brother and work this out but like. #talking about emotions is something my family Doesn't Do. we never have and never will #there's a reason why i relate to the batfam btw. like. a legitimate reason. #but yeah i need to figure out how to Not lock everything im feeling down and have a chat w my brother #and somehow put into words that he (and my other siblings) are the only people i love more than anything else #like. i love my friends and mutuals ofc #but for my siblings it's...Different #i love them with everything in my fucking soul #and i cant SAY that because i dont know HOW when nobody in my family has ever talked abt emotions to each other #my dad told me he was proud of me today and i legit almost started crying #thats the first time i can remember where he's said that #my family is just like the batfam fr [derogatory] #anywayyyyyyyy #gonna cry myself to sleep and then completely shut down everything emotion-based in the morning like always ✨✨✨ #winter speaks

[mothheart]

Tw for venting under the cut and in tags about abusive/codependent relationships and trauma bonding.

I already knew but I don't think I acknowledge enough that my relationship with my ex was codependent and I trauma bonded with him.

#theres so many things #in all 2 and a half years i only unflinchingly stood up for myself once. and that was brought on by him abusing my best friend #i let him walk all over me and degrade me constantly but. i guess the final straw was him bringing my best friend into it #and that scared him enough when he realized he was going to lose me that he promised to 'change' #he did not. he acted like it but it really did not take long for him to let up on that act. #and after that i truly just let it happen #took it all. sometimes made weak attempts at defending myself but it always ended with my tail between my legs and apologizing to him for #expressing my hurt #i had to downplay and bury my feelings and put All Of My Energy into placating him #he was unpredictable. through and through. i tried every day to avoid things that made him blow up in the past but it never was enough. #it was inevitable that i would end up doing something Wrong and he would tear me to shreds for it #i slowly but surely gave up on telling people about the abuse. put on my own act. we were that perfect happy couple. his friends loved us. #they loved me. they treated me better than he did and it was a small comfort. #it would have continued indefinitely i think. unless he was the one to end it. and he did. #i had expressed my discomfort with the thought of ever having kids; esp biological kids; very early on in the relationship #he would constantly go from promosing he felt the same and tell me kids werent a defining factor in the long run to deciding no kids was a #dealbreaker. i never really changed my mind. it just caused a lot more arguments. and im not saying its wrong to struggle making up your #mind on something so big but the way he went about it just. felt cruel #what made him end the relationship was partially him 'finally' deciding he wanted kids no matter what but also me not having a job was part #then me questioning my gender was another reason. which is fine. at the time he identified as straight. #but every one of those things changed again. he once again told me not long after breaking it off he actually was cool with not having kids #which like. sure. okay. and also he realized he was bi not long after and came out. he had been questioning when i was questioning my #gender but he didnt want to stay with me because he has homophobic family. which i get. but again. everything else #i dont know. is it wrong to feel hurt that he changed his mind about kids /again/ so soon after? and told me for some reason? and came out #so soon after #i dont really know what the endpoint to this is supposed to be #for some reason this has been stinging again lately #so here i am #i know what he did was wrong on so many levels but i still feel guilty for the things i feel #and hes just yk. living his best life. cool i guess

[burning-sol]

Edit: I have no clue if anyone is going to see this but oh well. Just wanted to say that the horrors were left vague on purpose so you could insert whatever symptoms you don't like as a part of it. Basically, all this question is is if you wanna be bleeding once a month.

Some people are asking, "why would you want periods?" and I'm very much in the minority but idk I just think it's cool. You could fake a murder for fun, you can do some weird n fucked up painting.. I like the enrichment of thinking I'm a werewolf or some other form of beast for a week, since it's about the same amount of time for the lunar cycle to complete. Some people have said they like having the free pass of "oh no its my period i guess i have to stay at home" like, yeah, periods are the prime time for exploitation. It's free blood you guys, you can easily think of things to use it for if you're creative enough.

Also, in case u are like me and never thought of the idea before, you can put down towels or some other form of dedicated sheet onto your bed before you sleep and bleed through onto that. You can put something down before you sit too. PLEASE have stuff dedicated to ur periods, it'll (mostly) save your sheets and other things from getting dirty, and it can help keep cleaning more manageable.

#📚 my posts #📌 thoughts

[unendingphantasm]

me when i discover having a specific vision for something helps you be less aimless

#learning to make art is about. discovering a helpful tool/technique/idea -> see how it applies #-> learn new ideas -> forget about old idea -> encounter a problem -> find out new specific application of old idea -> #older idea gets added onto it -> repeat with every new thing you learn #im not sure saying 'forgetting' is the closest way to describe it #its more like having an old idea you used for an older problem and discovering ways it mag apply to a newer problem #may apply* #anyways. i like putting my thoughts into words #it makes me feel like i'll remember it more :] #ive been thinking about how i think of an 'aim' when i draw and what and when i consider something i make to be 'finished'/'complete' #and i've discovered that it is the biggest factor in whether or not i end up liking something i make #i think i've never really thought about it in such a way that was i guess. more straightforward #i never viewed it beyond *i guess its art block* #for example #if i wanted a pose that was energetic and dynamic i wouldn't draw a person standing #but if i wanted a pose that was still and stable i wouldn't draw someone jumping #now if i were to unintentionally do exactly what i wouldn't do in those situations #and tried to assess why i disliked what i made #i would attribute the problem to things unrelated to the main problem #'mayhe the proportions are off' 'maybe the shapes are too sharp' 'maybe the lines just have bad vibes' #but never 'it's not what i want right now' #not that those things don't play a factor bc ultimately it all comes together in a drawing #but some problems are bigger #having a vision really helps avoid that #if i am conscious of what i want out of something i make i can tell #much quicker when it deviates from it #also. i think that this act of misattribution will always return #when i focus on learning something like. drawing hands or getting clean lines. it can feel like the most important aspect of something #and i become very nitpicky when it comes to that aspect #and i lose sight of how everything comes together. which is another reason why i find having a vision. my vision may have specific parts #planned out in specific ways. but i see it not as its own part. but contribuiting to a greater goal within my vision. yeah. 30 tags...