#im a fucking freak thats all ill ever fucking be!!!!!!!!!!! freak freak freak

[maretriarch]

all eugenia posts are bad but the worst are like "she was so beautiful here <//////3 why can't she go back to this. " and it's a photo of her just like slightly less anorexic but still. pretty anorexic.

#ill say it the only reason shes so notorious is bcs shes one of the like ''ugly'' skinny anorexics #actually the worst is people being like why isnt this freak dead yet like legitimately whats wrong with you #like you can fucking tell shes still super underweight in the like 2 pictures spresd around she just doesnt have ana face #concerned people on the internet like please stop being ugly tell me youll stop for me #its so like #its evil what people say to her honestly and the things she does r like way overblown people hate her bcs shes ugly thats it. thats it #everything else is desperately trying to find justification. nit-picking or misunderstanding anorexia symptoms as character flaws #its literally the same as like amberlynn ried shit not even in the opposite direction it all stems from the same place #tw #ed m #im not exaggerating on the word evil btw the fact she hasnt livstreamed some frantic act of mutilation bcs of the swarms of the worst most #triggering comments to ever exist she gets on a daily basis is legit a miracle

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[nomaishuttle]

i have to get a new phone case and screenprotector Guys its literally scaryyyy

#getting a new case scary... my current one is piterally like. well ill be honest i think it is more like shrapnel than a phone case #its like. a soft part and a hard part and well. the soft parts that arent under hard parts have been entirely torn off #so the entire bottom of my phone is sxposed as is the top half on both sides #and the hard part is also broken all alone the bottom And i lost a corner the other day #so yeah. #i should prolly get a new one.. ill probably just get another boring one bc i get scared if ppl know things abt me #vut also maybe i should get like a nice one so i can like. idk its a conversation starter.... #like if im at the library and somebody sees my phone case and its like idk van gogh or something they could be like I love van gogh and i #could be like Omg thats awesome hes one of my all time favorite painters .... hes also very interesting as a person and his letters with #his brother etc etc etc and the person would be like Wow this guy is so interesting and knows a lot about van gogh I should become friends #with them and introduce them to my friend group and we will all be friends. #<- thats basically what might happen. but also what if theres somebody who Would have talked to me #and then they see my theoretical van gogh phone case and theyre like Ugh i hate van gogh. fuck this guy... #not that id rly wanna be friends with that person anyway but like. yk. van gogh is a theoretical example #what if it was more of like a fandom thing or something Which id literally never get but theoretically. and theyre like ew this guy likes #... idk. outer wilds. and this imaginary person ive created thinks iuter wilds is rly problematic so they tell everybody else in the #library Hey this guys a freak and a weirdo and everybodys like wow this guys a freak and a weirdo and they throw books at me and then i #cant ever go to the library ever again. i know thats unrealistic but a lot of thjngs i never thought would happen to me have happened to me #recently so. i wouldnt even be surprised at this point its like im a little kitten in a wet cardboard box all alone and somebody poured #gasoline on me. and i was like Oh what the hell why did that person pour gasoline on me... and rhen im like Its ok i can deal with the #gasoline. ajd then as soon as im recovered ANOTHER person pours gasoline on me and im like dude why this. what the hell. #but km like Weird it happened twice.. but its ok and fhen ANOTHER THING OF GASOLINE and im like WHYY and b4 i even get s chance to recover #skmehody throws a match in. and its like man what the hell did i do. thats basically whats happening with me Nd god rn. he just keeps #pouring gasoline on me and brother its getting a bit tiring.

[timehascomeagain]

Im sore and guilty and i want to be held until the feelings go away. <- 24/7 shouted chant in the back of my brain

#i feel so badd😭😭 i will always put myself ahead of what i owe other people but not in a good way in a deeply selfish unkind unpleasant #way. like girl no one cares u were overwhelmed with school and work get a fucking grip on yourself. #i dont know what it is i just find it all so difficult. i feel like ill always let people down by dropping out of touch so it's just better #not to try at all WHICH DOESNY EVEN MAKE SENSE.......... #but i feel so bad bc my mum so #unded so put out when she asked why i hadnt been texting her while she was away #and i didnt even have an answer #and i feel this visceral tug of grief every time i think of my grandma as if shses not still alive and also waiting to hear from me. it all #feels so frahile and temporary and like theres so much riding on it all and im so stressed and it's not good. anne Carson did you ever figu #re out where to put it down etc #im just so freaked out. i have to write 3 essays tomorrow ajd clean the house and avoid getting into any shit with my family. it's all #painfully real now ngl #i feel so alone but i cant bring myself to nurture the connections ive got. especially family. and it sucks. i wish it didnt feel like it #is all on me to keep everything together. #like i guess it's just a matter of really really trying to balance everything bc at the end of the day id rather have a late essay than kno #w i put an essay before my family. #but it's all just sooooooooòooooooiioooooiioioioiouououiyoririioo #Omfg i realized today that the intro of free in the knowledge uses the same chord progression asthat 1 bit of sweet song thats like #And ahhhhh it seems that we keep falling apart but i hope i see the good in you come back again. which i think is neat. #also i think someone is using the blundering #the blender* and i am not impressed. #oh my god im just so tired i think getting a job might have been a mistake. i think surviving birth was a mistake actually🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[autistickfigure]

it was a boober

#flowers arts #sorry for making things. ill stop one day #angelic imagery #WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS NAME ok i got it #likewise #ok i hope thats it or we all freak it #blood #boober #....hesitantly. incase you ever wanted to see boober again #me me me this is me btw. #sorr ywalks away.. i can say this isnt me though this is just a bob thing Im Memory #different walks away crawl hole

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

#ran rambles #radiostatic fic #radiostatic #fic rec #fanfic recommendation #hazbin hotel #honestly ive probably forgotten a few bangers but my brain is melted by now #if anyone wants to add their own recs feel free. these are just my personal likes #ive read stuff by arctic and addicted ofc but those ones are basically known by everyone afaik lmao. swm is known everywhere too #but thats a bit diff because it is part of an expanding series. so #anyway i didnt like some of the more popular fics like 666 or addicted but i know many people like those #and for good reason too because theyre wonderful! just not to my personal tastes and thats fine

[vanishingcherry]

KARMA IS MY BOYFRIEND

summary: in which charles's girlfriend is the biggest swiftie. (it wasnt showing up in the tags so i had to repost. tumblr can be a bitch sometimes)

masterlist

๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, lilymhe and 1,349,857 others

yourusername 1989 TAYLORS VERSION 1989 TAYLORS VERSION 1989 TAYLORS VERSION 1989 TAYLORS VERSION

view all 28,395 comments

lilymhe the only appropriate response

ferrarifan MOTHERS

charles_leclerc this is nothing. what you didn't see was the hour she spent running around the house calling everyone we knew

↳ yourusername you helped

↳ charles_leclerc we had agreed not to tell people that

↳ formula1fan goals.

scuderiaferrari 🎶 we never go out of style 🎶

liked by yourfriend, carmenmmundt and 1,820,057 others

yourusername guys guys, i might meet taylor swift this weekend im going to cry (i know i look cool, but im freaking out)

view all 14,057 comments

charles_leclerc am i not relevant anymore?

↳ yourusername not when taylor swift is in my vicinity

username NO WAY SHES SO LUCKY

taylorfan how is she going to meet taylor?

↳ charlesfan there are rumours that taylor will be at the f1 monza track! yn is charles' (ferrari driver) girlfriend, so she will be there too!

↳ taylorfan no way shes the luckiest girl in the world wtf

carmenmmundt the one weekend i cant make it 😭

↳ yourusername ill try facetiming you if i meet her

↳ lilymhe me too hello?

↳ yourusername ofc darling

yourusername via stories

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 20,230,857 others

yourusername i died dead. rip me.

view all 1,290,357 comments

yourusername YALL SHE SHOWED UP

↳ charlesfan NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS REAL 😭

↳ ynfan i didnt know it was possible to be so happy and jealous of someone at the same time

lilymhe happiest day of my life

↳ carmenmmundt same. i love you taylor and i love you yn

↳ yourusername mwah ❤️

charles_leclerc taylor planned something with the girls and yn wont tell me what it is

↳ yourusername and you wonder why i didn't tell you

↳ alexalbon what is it

↳ georgerussell tell me

↳ carmenmundt no

↳ lilymhe go away

↳ alexalbon bullies

liked by taylorswift, selenagomez and 6,934,085 others

yourusername died dead. pt 2

view all 1,82,035 comments

taylorswift you're welcome any time!

↳ taylorfan is the space between "any" and "time" a reference to blank space?

↳ taylorfan2 NAW THATS TOO FAR NOW

↳ taylorfan3 the way it actually might be 💀

yourusername still crying over the fact that ive met and HUGGED the taylor swift

↳ charles_leclerc still crying over the fact that my girlfriend loves taylor more than me 💔

↳ formula1fan at least if his careers in driving and music fail, we know he can fall back to comedy

taylorfan3 I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS, BUT I WANT TO BE HER

formulataylor cries in broke

liked by lilymhe, pierregasly and 2,084,537 others

charles_leclerc ive officially been knighted as best boyfriend ever

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername i told you that in confidence

↳ charles_leclerc you were stupid to think i wouldnt brag

↳ pierregasly not like he can brag about anything else

↳ yourusername 😮

lilymhe my bestfriend is so pretty

↳ yourusername mine is even prettier <3

liked by alexalbon, charles_leclerc and 2,039,583 others

yourusername karma is my boyfriend

view all 59,605 comments

alexalbon @.lilymhe am i also karma?

↳ lilymhe no, you havn't earned it yet

↳ yourusername you gotta take her to see taylor first

ynfan2 the way he looks at her >>>

charlesfan the question is, does he deserve the title of karma?

↳ charles_leclerc yes i do.

↳ charlesfan2 im not so sure

↳ charles_leclerc @.yourusername

↳ yourusername guys, we have to be nice. he took me to the eras tour AND knew the lyrics to 50% of the songs

#formula 1 #vanishingcherry #f1 #charles leclerc #f1 x reader #formula one #leah writes ──⋆˚₊⋆ ๑ #formula one x reader #formula 1 x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc fluff #charles lecrelc #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x swiftie reader #charles leclerc x swiftie!reader

[turnstechgodhead]

ok to the anon thats talkin w me about mental eelness and bro and the "knight of time" line:

id post your entire ask but its Very Long and im struggling to answer all of it in a way that isnt fucking with my head and anxiety so im going to answer with only the character analysis stuff HERE on this post my apologies

for the record i dont even remotely know how to begin tagging this mess down here and i really think itd be better suited for my nsfw blog but yall aint asking about this on that blog which is fair take care of yourselves

JSYK it's stuff about brocal/intrusive thoughts about inc st and c s a SO kids please avert your eyes for my comfort thank YOU

i dont personally have ocd afaik but as someone who Has intrusive thoughts (actual horrifying ones that dirk, gabe and i have to beat back with a stick, not the ones kids think are intrusive thoughts today)

i definitely think that's how bro approaches raising dave; overcompensating for the accusations from his mind and cal[iborn] leading to total icing him out

okay same anon who was asking abt the “i was raising the knight of time” line. you saying “caliborn made [bro] believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.]” is fascinating. is this based off the fact that caliborn thinks even hugging or a kiss on the cheek is “filthy?” it makes me think about ocd/bipolar disorder/misc mental illnesses and intrusive thoughts. i have bipolar and im a huge softie for kids but my intrusive thoughts sometimes try to convince me that my affection is somehow sinister.

YES very much

i need to describe to you my thoughts on brocal really quick bc i think that'll help put it in perspective and idk how else to talk about it;

heres the thing

cal is both bro's boyfriend and his fucking family okay

imagine you're a kid and you have this puppet friend that speaks to you using silly words and tells you that you should eat glass maybe :) or cut your fingers off or tear off your own head and hes the only thing thats taking care of you as a person even if hes mean

he tells you that people touching is inappropriate and vulgar and he cant believe theyre doing that in public (but its okay if we hug and cuddle you know?)

but also as you grow up this puppet starts calling you weird shit like stud or hunky or what the hell ever and maybe. youre going to kiss him

this puppet is the only thing you care about because hes the only thing that cares about you youve been with him for years and years and he talks to you and hes all that matters and now youre obsessed with him and you dont know when that happened but you have an obsessive personality anyway

youll do anything for him. (let me kill for you)

hes the only person you love because you dont love roxy this way (consuming, overwhelming, obligating to do what he wants, because he's all you have)

and well shit

if cals telling you that youre a freak for wanting to cuddle on the baby like you did that once (call it the knight it helps keep your distance) then i guess you're a fucking freak because its not even your right to treat it as family anyway; it's bigger than you. it's more than you will ever be and you need to make sure it doesn't fucking die and apparently that involves at least a little bit of affection cal please understand(what a disgusting species)

#mumbling #brocal #homestuck #bro strider #tsgzv #tsgw #gabe and dirk are my mind parasites btw #PLEASE dont call me a system #timaeus posting

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage #everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me #bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check #and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info #and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less #expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school #which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there #like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away #or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town #and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown #but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets #its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn #or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep #i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time #so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b #agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling #like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult #cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive #allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity #unrelated

[disappointing-my-kid]

Im sorry I think I heard someone say angel Luigi? Like oddly born with wings? Learns to hid them? Magic? Maybe some sort of creature that latched on to baby Mario’s cries as a child? Shifted to match him but has the wings? Maximum Ride vibes? Hmmmmm. Trigun vibes? Maybe a lil bit of both!

Ok hear me out. But I warn you this isnt my typical post. Im tired and cold so it’s a mess but maybe ill clean it up later. Who knows.

Mario’s family was super freaked out at first but accepted it cause of how much it helped Mario. Like maybe he was sickly as a baby but this odd creature who looks like him is helping. Doctors told him he was gonna die. Now it’s a miracle. So they just raise Luigi too. Well guarded family secret. Maybe thats why Mario is so protective of his brother. Their mother believes Luigi an angel sent to save her lil baby boy. Their father thinks him a demon who will one day eat their little boy. Why else would it be helping if not for it’s next meal he claims. Luigi has no idea why he was sent here. Never a good enough reason for their father. Maybe their mother and Mario are the only two who really accept Luigi, rest of family share the fathers pov.

Idk how to tie this into bowuigi but just let me think of the middle part for now think of the end game!

Bowser finds an injured winged Luigi. Slap that man in a bird cage. Oops thats Luigi’s biggest fear. (Did you papa traumatise you Luigi or was it just me) anyway mans having a horrible time at all the bird puns. Yoikes hes heard those before get creative Bowser smh. Oops did he say that outloud? Well now Bowser is pissed. Someone is lucky their so pretty up in that cage. Oops did he say that outloud? Well now Luigi is blushing. GET THIS MAN SOME SKIPPY CLOTHING AND A GOLDEN CAGE NOW! Well now Luigi is mortified and horrified. Hes just a decoration now. Or a pet! Awww maybe they can give him a little collar. Oh how humiliating. Whats he got left now? Probably no more tears at this point. Hey Bowsers new pet doesn’t look so good. Oops someone stopped eating. Maybe actually be nice idk man you killing Luigi from the inside. Look at those soulless eyes. You did that Bowser you happy?

Cut to Bowser trying to bring some life back to Luigi. Awww hes making sure hes ok. Getting him food. An actual bed? A room? Who said the beast doesn’t have a heart? This is how Luigi remembers the story. Though he doesn’t understand why Bowser had a change. Of course Bowser saw the soulless eyes of someone begging for death and realised he done fucked up. Of course he never thought he would have greenie over this long anyway. Wheres that red pain in his side. It’s been ages? (Oops Mario is injured and thats why Luigi had his wings out. From protecting his brother. Maybe ill put Mario in a coma for sillies)

Anyway ever so slowly Luigi gets some pep back in his step. Though hes clearly more reserved. The kids (yes plural) helped. But Bowser can see the longing in Luigi’s eyes. The way the man just looks to the sky like an old friend. They had just started really getting along too. But if you love something set it free right? So he does. And Luigi doesn’t even hesitate. The moment he is uncollared (yea baby thats last to go lmao) and outside. The moment Bowser tells him to go he just takes off. As fast has those beautiful wings can take him. Can I get an F in the chat for Bowser and his broken heart.

Luigi is frantic to see how his brother is. Consumed with worry almost his whole stay in Bowsers castle. He could feel their link, their bond, and knew his brother needed him. Of course once he reaches Mario and grasps his hand Mario wakes up. Awww brotherly love (and nothing else ya goobers) is a magical sight. Literally Luigi is glowing and has wings. Neat says princess Peach.

Maybe once he is sure his brother is oi he can feel love sick about Bowser. And misses the kids. Now it’s Mario’s turn to see the longing look in Luigi’s eyes. Mario’s turn ti tell Luigi it’s ok to just go. Though he better tell his brother whats going on when he gets back. But maybe since im such a kind god ill make it painful for Luigi to show his wings. Like painful when they sprout. So he just walks to Bowsers castle. Who is probably smad. Lmao hes sad and mad. Though word filtered in of Mario being in a coma and he figured thats why Luigi needed to go. Anyway hes probably relieved to see Luigi back. So relieved he can feel mad about not even getting a goodbye. Oopsies. But they will make it. Im sure of it.

Ok I know this post is a mess but man I had to get this idea out of my head. I wanna draw it. And I just might.

#luigi #prompt post #winged au #Bowser #bowuigi #mario #angst #idk how to tag this one

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

#adhd stuff #undiagnosed adhd #living with adhd #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #add #its called add not adhd #you dumbasses #scientists are stupid sometimes #make that all the time

[thatbitchsimone]

i will never let my kids have unmonitered free access to the internet until they are like 14 and even then im gonna fucking limit their use of it idc if ppl think thats ”helicopter parenting” like id rather exhibit helicopter parent behavior and tendencies than have my future son getting exposed to and addicted to violent porn and groomed and brainwashed by freaks like andrew tate or my future daughter getting groomed by these sick men and manipulated into thinking she has split personalities and tourettes and every mental illness ever by tiktok psychos like ofc im gonna raise them right and have all the conversations with them and make sure they have good core values and strong moral compass to begin with but kids are kids and they need restrictions no matter how smart or well raised they are. ppl who let their prepubescent children get their brain destroyed by endless tiktok scrolling need to wake the fuck up i swear. and dont even get me started on the coco melon youtube kids shit ppl shove into their toddlers faces thats some sinister dystopian shit. im not giving my toddler a fucking ipad as a substitute babysitter id rather die than do that to my own childs brain development

[alpinezro]

hi... I HOPE THIS IS ALRIGHT TO ASK but ive admired how you render for a long time and you mentioned a while back in a post that you'd studied light particles n how they work and i have been. deathly curious as to how you went about doing that... drawing from reference and doing studies of course, but was there any particular way you went about it? i hope this finds you well. anyways . sorry ! thank you for your time

no need to apologize, and thank you so much for asking! not sure i can provide the best explanation, but most of what i learned was off of youtube and some blog-ish websites. this probably wont make any sense at all but ill try my best.

The Anatomy of Shadows

a big part of it was learning the anatomy of shadows, specifically the terminator and different varieties. heres a diagram,

terminators are just where the light and shadow meet. you always want to be able to tell where the terminator starts and ends!!! be CONFIDENT and BOLD with them!!!! they communicate so much information about structure

more on the different types of terminators/shadows. the ones i most use are cast and body.

a great example of these is the rembrandt triangle, composed of the shadow cast by the nose (cast shadow) and the shadow of the cheek (body shadow). body shadows are so so aewsome because they represents changes in planes. cast shadows r just kinda there. but i think they get softer the further away from the object they are since the light particles wiggle their way underneath and create reflection/ambient light

Ambient Occlusion and Light

SPEAKING OF WHICH!!! ambient light is basically just, the light particles that are bouncing around in a scene. imagine you're at the beach and its a really cloudy day, the shadows arent gonna be dramatic like they would if you were in a dark room with one light source.

youd think that we're kinda like. enveloped in light by default but no, we're pretty much always in shadow. shadows are the normal part. light is a strange freak that broke into your house and fucked everything up.

more about ambient occlusion. ambient occlusion just occurs when objects get close together and light cant wiggle its way in, as stated earlier. heres a shitty example. AO is key to realism.

this guy explains it better than i ever could

Lighting Focus or Whatever the Fawk its Called I Forgot But There's Definitely a Scientific/Cinematic Term For This

another thing. level of detail in shadows is gonna be way different than in light and vice versa. u know when u spend a bunch of time outside and u go inside and its just solid black for a few seconds? its a similar idea here, ur eyes are so focused on the lit area they dont even give a shit abt the shadows.

because of this, i try to keep shaded areas blurred. a lot of detail is implied, just let the viewers mind fill in the blanks.

last but not least,

Subsurface Scattering (on the skin, at least)

can i be so honest with you for a second??? i dont actually know what this means, like in depth. im sure this has something to do with light penetrating through semi-transparent skincells and illuminating blood,, but i cant be sure. thats just an educated guess. past oakley is always smarter than present oakley for some reason.

i usually combine it with reflected light to create a more cohesive look. burt like... yeah... theres plenty of people who can explain this better than me

ok thast all i hope this helped at least a little!!!!! LOTS of youtube videos. lots of visualizing silly little particles bouncing around. i probably forgot some stuff.

this video is realy good

#art tips

[kylejsugarman]

happy birthday to the babyest baby that every babyed!! how do they celebrate baby’s first birthday together as a family? how does present-day baby feel about being 20? how does au squared fam celebrate baby’s third birthday once theyre disappeared to alaska? how does present-day au squared baby feel about being 16?

anon hitting ALL of the possible universes and scenarios in one question like beating me with clubs and sticks 😭 thank u for the questions and saving me from having to write an annoying, unprovoked post!! ill try to keep these brief so im not putting a gd novelization on everyone's dashes

their first birthday as a "family" is baby's seventh, where jesse's only known demi for like 5 months and doesnt know what the rules are for something like this, but hes saved from any awkward questions by demi calling him like (royal advisor going door to door to every person in the kingdom to invite them to the ball) "baby would like to see u if then if that's ok." of course its ok, but now he's gotta get her a present!! hes still getting the hang of carving and woodworking in a more professional, advanced sense and decides to practice his new skills by carving her a little dolphin that looks like the stuffed one she's always carrying around. theres no birthday party like the kind he remembers from childhood ("baby's not very. Into that kind of thing," demi says charitably later when he asks her about it. which Is true), just him and demi and mason having dinner at ihop before going back home for some gifts and a "the spongebob movie" viewing party. baby doesnt make much of a fuss but shes Very excited to open her presents and when she opens jesse's gift, she gets more excited and animated than hes ever seen her before as she describes each of the dolphin's fins to him and then (following a gentle "what do u say?" from demi) thanks him with a little hug of his arm. because of her joyful reaction, he carves her a sea creature for every birthday going forward and is now giving her a tiny wood barracuda for her collection as he and demi make the long drive up to fairbanks to visit baby at school for her twentieth birthday!! they're going to spend the weekend with her :) and though they dont say anything significant about it, they're both really happy that when they go back to their hotel this evening, baby is going to be spending time with some of her new college friends to celebrate :') shes kind of ambivalent as always about "turning" twenty and still doesnt really feel like an adult or anything close, but she does feel more comfortable and content about moving forward this birthday more so than any other beforehand. twenty feels like a big number and shes not as scared or lonely or anxious as she thought she'd be

god, au squared fam.....Au Squared Fam. this is literally the first time jesse's able to actually physically be there with baby on her birthday other than like. the Day of her birth. after missing the first two due to rehab and Being A Slave. he almost doesnt know what to do because its really just the three of them, they've made some tentative acquaintances here in alaska since arriving, but neither of them have families anymore and baby's fully three and thus doesnt Know anyone, so its almost like. what do u do?? he rarely lets baby out of his sight anyway, how's her birthday going to be any different?? demi convinces him to throw a little party in their kitchen to at least set the Tone and even though its just some streamers and balloons and a little grocery store bakery cake with some questionably accurate sesame street characters piped onto it, it really does make the occasion feel festive. they both feel like things might be ok :) baby doesnt really comprehend the Significance and freaks the fuck out when they light the "3" shaped candle (thats fire!! in the house!!), but she has a good time and is stoked to see elmo on a cake and plays "bap the air-filled balloon around the living room" with her parents for a solid 2 hours. its all so beautifully mundane, so normal and safe and quiet. jesse knows that baby doesnt really understand what birthdays mean and that he wasnt there for her first two (only that he Wasnt There in general for a while), but he can't help feeling periodically guilty and overwhelmed and just holding onto her so nothing can ever separate them again. and present day au squared baby is having a sweet sixteen!! just a tiny one (and no car, the dyspraxia still reigns in this universe) in their backyard, which is decorated, and baby and her friends are all dressed up so they can take fun pictures. demi sets out tons of flowers and jesse gets a baby shower cake that says "congratulations on the baby!" for the Bit, which baby honestly loves. she knows why hes so All In about her birthday and being a good dad in general, so she takes a second to tell him that she loves him and always will no matter what :')

#anonymous #ask #syd squeaks #'ill try to keep this brief' (composes a manuscript) #im SO fucking sorry. im a birthday boy at heart im so so sorry #baby ayuluk #jesse pinkman #demi ayuluk #mason ayuluk #au squared

[toasterrrr]

shubble is actually so brave for coming out this especially to so many people like its not like its just a few friends this is the whole fucking intertnet like the whole world knows now yknow its increably hard for victims to make statements and shit and to do thsi is actually so fucking shout out to her

but the amount of people ive seen defending wilbur soot is fucking mental. use ur brain and fuck ur parasocial relationship off,, hes committed a CRIME a FULL CRIME “oh but my wilby would never 🥺🥺” YEAH WELL HE FUCKING DID DIDNT HE hes addmitted it its all be confirmed dont even bother at this point these arent “allegations” this is real life plus the tosser made the worlds second worst apology ever actually maybe idve rathered he pull out a fucking uke

“im sorry you feel that way but i dont” is the whole plot summary sorry i dont wanna support that actual bullshit fuck how can that man sit there and type out how much of a “changed man” he is in his “apology” are you thick??? say ur sorry first up ?!?! nah noone even wants ur apology say thag to shelby and all ur other mates who uve manipulated and abused not some 13 year olds on twitter who will fall to their knees no mayter what u fo

also this is coming from someone who actually really looked up to this guy, one of the only ccs i genuinely liked and he was actually a fucking big role model to me,,. hes fucked up what he did was genuinely disgusting and disturbing and i hope he gets the worst payment ever i hope all his mods quit lovejoy disbands everyone unfollows he loses all his friends. money and fame truely get to people and this is such a real and clear example of this shit

i will NOT be supporting anything he does form this momet on. ive unsubsrubied unfollowed i wont be listening to lovejoy and if i do ill probably piarte it ngl thats a thing we can do ill burn a cd or some shit idk but i wont be giving anymore money than the cunt needs you can live with out it “it saved my life HE saved my life” i can not express this enough but and fully no offense if u say that but he reallt didnt u just liked his stiff and it gave u something to live for again he did NOTHING hes just some british guy in a screen who plays some video game and sings some song hes noone he doesnt know u u dont know him

hes a fucking freak and if you think thats okay that what hes done is okay and can actually be defended your just as much of a freak and fucked in the head as he is and u need be grow the fuck up and realise how this shit is mental behaviour

to conclude:

‼️‼️‼️ FUCK WILBUR SOOT ‼️‼️‼️

#tw// abuse #when i tell u i watched shelbys video and wanted to THROW UP in disgust #hes a freak #support shelby go follow her and stuff #also go listen to james marriott healthy alternative to the other scumbag #fuck white men #fuck the british #but most important #FUCK ! WILBUR ! #wilbur situation #shelby shubble #believe and support victims