#ill probably have to stay up tonight for an exam tomorrow because there's a lot to read for it :(

[peaceisadirtyword]

Fate (Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!🥰 As I said here’s the first fic I wrote about season 6B. I already loved Ivar but his evolution during this last season made me love him even more (I didn’t know that was possible). And I was dying to write for him (I even have a series planned, but I’ll wait until I’ve finished Move On and maybe Hate to post it. 

This one will only have 2 parts, next one will be posted maybe tomorrow! I really hope you like it, and that I have captured this “new Ivar” well enough! And, of course, this contains spoilers for season 6B!! so if you haven’t seen it yet don’t read it!😅 

I was going to post this one earlier this week but I had a pretty big exam today and I was exhausted. So next part will be posted maybe tomorrow or on Sunday!☺️

Also, thanks to @ivarhoegh for reading this before and telling me her opinion🥺🙏🏻 I hope y’all like it and enjoy the reading, thank you!

Warnings: mentions of sex, alcohol and violence, Ivar might be a bit out of character, my bad writing (?) not much! 

Words: 3459

gif belongs to @therealcalicali​

You knew he'd be back. The Ragnarssons would always go back to Kattegat. For some reason, you had the feeling he would be back soon and not with the Rus. 

A single boat, a Rus boat, which meant he didn't betray them or escaped from Kiev. Hvitserk came with him, of course, that made you smile softly. Hvitserk would always go back to him because he loved his little brother but didn't even know it. 

People booed, spat and yelled insults at them as you watched, silently, standing at the end of the crowd and rolling your eyes at the insults. You knew they'd be laughing and toasting while yelling their names very soon, as they always did with their father. 

Ivar had changed. He looked much more calmed, not so tense nor ready to attack to the first person that angered him. He had a huge scar on his angelic face, you frowned at it, angry at whoever dared to hurt his beautiful features. He had changed a lot. Of course, you had seen him at the battle against the Rus, but then you ran away from him, not even thinking about trying to fight him. 

You watched as Erik lead them to the Great Hall, where, you supposed, they'd meet King Harald. 

"Fucking traitors" someone spat next to you, making you raise an eyebrow and turn around to look at him "We should kill them and leave their bodies to the wolves" 

"Now that's no way to speak about the sons of Ragnar, is it, Einar?" You bit your lip to hold back a smile. 

"Their father would do it if he was here" he scoffed "They betrayed us all" 

Sighing, you started walking back to your little house, not far from the Great Hall. Seeing him again had been maybe too much, and you needed some time to yourself. 

Einar stopped you, though, taking your arm. 

"Will I see you tonight?" He licked his lips. You frowned softly, not really in the mood to see him. Some days ago, you'd said yes, opened the door to your house for him and then have sex until you passed out, but now Ivar was back and that changed everything. 

"I'm tired" you smiled apologetically at him "Maybe some other day" 

Einar sighed, but nodded. He was an asshole sometimes, but at least he respected you. 

Inside of your house, you started the fire on the fireplace to warm the house a bit as you took off your clothes. You had no intention of going back outside, so you'd eat something and get into bed. With some luck, you'd get some sleep. 

A part of you wanted to think you'd never see Ivar again. Even if it hurt, after seeing him every single day since you were both kids, it would have helped to forget him, but then again... Would you ever forget him? Not even so much time apart, since he left Kattegat when Björn took it until he came back to Norway with the rus army, had made you forget him. In fact, you'd swear your feelings were stronger than ever. 

But it was exhausting. To search for those ocean eyes, wishing and praying to have them look back at you even if it was for a second, to go to sleep thinking about him and wake up thinking his face was the first thing you wanted to see. You had always been there, looking at him when everyone else looked at his brothers, fighting alongside him to avenge his father, conquering York with him, and going back home with your king, he always was your king. 

Your parents were always worried about your unhealthy obsession with the youngest Ragnarsson. At first, they thought it was only a stupid crush, but as you kept growing and your feelings didn't disappear, they realized it was serious.

Then you heard that Ivar had sex with Margrethe, that pretty slave that had his older brothers pursuing her, and you were so devastated that you searched for comfort anywhere. And you found it on his brother Hvitserk's arms. 

You never regretted losing your virginity to Hvitserk, he was a good lover even if he didn't really remember your name the day after. 

Your parents left Kattegat when Lagertha was queen, disagreeing with the way she killed the former queen, Aslaug, Ivar's mother. You know how much he loved his mother, how close they were, and your heart ached for him as he lost both his parents at the same time. 

So you joined the army and sailed to England to avenge Ragnar. Always fighting by his side, always watching his surroundings, killing every single person that dared to get close to him. And learning that, like his brother, he'd never remember your name, because he was a prince, a son of Ragnar Lothbrok, fated to be a legend like half of his family was, and you were just a girl, the daughter of a seamstress and a warrior that learnt to fight for her prince knowing she would never become his princess. 

Then he became king, and took a queen. You still remembered how much it hurt to see him looking at her like that, how broken your heart was when he announced he'd marry her, and that they would have a child. You tried to hate Freydis, but you couldn't hate someone who made him that happy. You didn't want him suffering the same way you did for him. Ivar was special, and he deserved to be loved and happy. 

You could have left, escape Kattegat and never look back, but you couldn't. And it broke your heart when he did leave. 

Now he was back, and you were still the young girl in love that would fight an entire army of Christians for him. 

_______________________________________

King Harald was throwing a feast. It surprised you, as you didn't think the king would be so keen to throw a feast for Ivar the Boneless, former king and the source of most of his headaches. 

You wore a dark red dress your mother had sent to you, with your hair  barely braided and some kohl on your eyes. You never dressed for men, you couldn't care less about men's opinion about you, but you found yourself wondering if Ivar would notice you. It was like going back to being sixteen, trying to catch his attention without him knowing you were trying. 

It had been a long time since you stepped into the Great Hall for the first time. You didn't really attend the feasts when Björn was king, you were somewhat angry at him, at his family and his men. They were the reason Ivar left. 

And you probably wouldn't have attended this feast if you hadn't known for sure he would be there. 

He sat on king Harald's table, with Hvitserk sitting at the opposite side of him. The king, his wife and Erik sat facing the crowd. It was a weird feast, people didn't sit down and many chose to eat while standing. It was also awfully quiet, and everyone eyed the main table suspiciously, as if they were waiting for Ivar to stab king Harald at any second. It wouldn't have surprised you if he did. 

Einar drank horn after horn of ale next to you. Sometimes, he'd stop laughing with his friends and mutter some insults to the Ragnarssons, but not too loud. Not even Einar was foolish enough to insult the Ragnarssons in public, especially Ivar. 

You hadn't said a word. It felt familiar to stay silent, drinking and eating quietly and sneaking glances to Ivar sometimes as you had done your whole life. He had changed a lot, you could see he wasn't as defensive as before, his eyes didn't scan the room expecting to find someone laughing at him. But even if he was surrounded by people that probably would love to cut his throat and throw his body into the sea, he looked relaxed, making small talk with the king sometimes, as if he had everything under control. 

Suddenly, everything went quiet. Ivar looked at the crowd for the first time, his hands rubbed his lips as everyone stared at him and his brother. He could feel the resentment on their eyes and, for a moment, his eyes fixed on you. 

His eyes widened softly when he recognized you, but you looked away before you could see it, directing your glance to King Harald, who stood on his feet looking sternly at his people. 

A fake smile curved Harald's lips as he walked closer to the crowd. You barely listened to him, even if you kept your eyes on him, almost afraid of letting them wander around to find Ivar again. 

"Ivar regrets the way he ruled here" Harald pointed at him. Ivar didn't even try to look ashamed, looking directly to his brother. Neither him nor Hvitserk seemed to understand Harald's game "He was young, the responsibilities were too great, and he forgot the lessons of his father" 

You raised an eyebrow. Ivar had lost his mind for a woman while ruling, something his father had done too. Men could pretend to be all powerful and great, but women had the true power, the power to make them do unimaginable things out of love and obsession. 

"And his brother, Hvitserk, he never meant to kill Lagertha" Harald continued "How could he ever mean to kill such a goddess?"

Hvitserk never meant to kill her, that was true. You had been the witness to his illness, you had lost the count of how many times you found him, all drunk, drugged and wandering around Kattegat. You gave him food, but he never accepted your help more than that. He wasn't himself when he killed Lagertha, but he never regretted it. 

"They are who they are" Harald kept talking "But they are also sons of Ragnar"

Ivar looked at the people again, this time with a defying glare on his face, nearly asking who would dare to try and kick him out of his own home.

"I don't trust them" Einar clenched his jaw, and you felt his grip on your waist. He was half drunk and that gave him a false feeling of courage. Ivar heard him, and he narrowed his eyes. 

Then someone stood up. A man, whom you had seen drinking maybe too much ale, was standing bravely, looking at Ivar. 

"So tell us, Ivar, is it true you are a God, like you told us?" 

You tensed up, and gasped when Ivar stood up. Everyone was silent, looking at him. He walked until he reached the middle of the room, and he threw his crutch to the floor. 

You closed your eyes, not wanting to see him collapse on the floor. You heard him fall. And suddenly everyone was laughing. You opened your eyes to see him laughing too. 

Just like that, he won their trust again. The music started playing, and the mood in the room shifted quickly. Ivar was still on the floor, looking proud of what he just did, and letting his eyes wander around the room. He found you again, and this time you held his gaze.

__________________________________________

It was hot inside. Einar had reached the point of groping you, trying to make you sit on his lap to lift your dress. You managed to wiggle out of his grip and made your way out of the Great Hall. It was overwhelming, especially after all the tension of knowing Ivar was back. You barely slept the night before, and you weren't feeling like celebrating, what exactly would you celebrate? That you would be back to being the stupid little girl obsessed with a prince that wouldn't look at her twice. 

There was a couple of drunk men yelling and laughing when you walked down the streets of Kattegat while trying to get home. Hail Ivar, they yelled, making you raise an eyebrow. They were Einar's friends, and they had been cursing the name of both brothers a few hours ago. Men. 

But as you continued walking, your head throbbing from all the ale you had drank, a voice startled you. 

"I know you" 

You froze. You knew that voice very well, but had never heard it directed to you. 

Ivar was half hidden inside one of the barns. There was a torch next to him, and the dim light made him look even more handsome. You raised an eyebrow, and it took all of your willpower not to start running. 

"You know me?" You cleared your throat. 

"Yes" he pressed his lips together "You're Y/N, aren't you? You're a shieldmaiden" 

He knew your name. The fucking Ivar Ragnarsson knew your name. 

"Yes" you walked closer to him, trying not to stare at him too much. His crutch was leant against the wall next to him, and he had a wooden stick on his hands, in which he carved patterns with one of his knives "And you're Ivar" 

He smirked at you. It made your knees weak. 

"We fought together, didn't we?" His soft voice was like velvet, it was like a gentle caress when you were about to fall asleep "In England, I remember seeing you fight in York" 

You nodded. He tilted his head curiously, his ocean eyes looking you up and down. Those eyes you had always dreamt of. 

"I saw you on the Great Hall and I was surprised, I barely know anyone here anymore" he frowned, looking around "It felt nice to see a familiar face" 

"What are you doing here?" You blurted out. You didn't want to be rude nor make him uncomfortable, and immediately you bit your tongue. 

Ivar smirked again. 

"You mean here in a barn or in Kattegat?" He chuckled. 

"Both" you frowned. 

"I was feeling a bit overwhelmed in there" he shrugged "I needed some air and I needed to be alone for a bit... And, to be honest, I don't know why I am in Kattegat, I just needed somewhere to go, but it doesn't feel like home anymore" he looked at you in the eyes. It was so intense that you had to look away after a few seconds. 

You nodded softly.

"I'm glad you're back" you muttered. Ivar tilted his head with curiosity. 

"Did I kill any member of your family? Should I be careful in case you're planning to stab me?" 

It was the first time you smiled in front of him. 

"No, if you had killed someone I loved, I would have stabbed you long ago" 

He sighed, nodding his head. 

"Fair enough" 

"You did break my heart, though" you whispered, approaching him to lean your back onto the wooden wall next to him. Ivar narrowed his eyes, confused, but didn't say anything. 

"I just remember you were a really good fighter" he shrugged "And that you slept with my brother once" 

That surprised you. You looked at him, flustered. 

"I..."

"I wasn't... I wasn't spying on you or anything" he chuckled "I just saw you sneaking out of Hvitserk's room, I was sitting on the throne" 

"So I made a great first impression, didn't I?" 

Ivar smiled. A genuine smile, not a smirk, a real smile. 

"It wasn't the first impression, I had seen you training more than once, and I saw you when you came with your mother to see mine, I remember she made her dresses" 

Your lips parted in surprise. So Ivar did see you. You always thought he never paid attention to you, that he didn't know of your existence. Knowing you were wrong made you feel a strange warmth on your chest. It was nice. 

"You've changed" you pointed out in a soft voice. He had changed a lot, the Ivar you knew was very different to the one standing next to you. But it was a nice change. You liked it.

"Everyone says that" he raised an eyebrow. 

"Maybe because it's true" 

He shrugged, and his eyes went back to the piece of wood on his hands. 

"Why didn't you stay with the Rus? Why risk everything coming here?" 

"Did Harald pay you to ask me all of this?" He laughed. 

"No" you bit your lip to hold back a smile "I'm just curious" 

He looked at you again, with the ghost of a smile on his lips. His eyes shone under the dim light of the torch, and you felt the need to lean in to kiss his pouty lips. 

"I learnt a lot in Kiev" he muttered "I understood many things, and I met people that marked me forever" his voice had so much emotion that you wondered if he was talking about a woman "But my destiny isn't there, and I had to move forward" 

"So where is it? Your destiny" your eyes lightened up with curiosity. 

"I don't have a clue" he raised an eyebrow, smiling at you softly "I figured I'd come back to where I started, trusting the Gods would tell me what should I do" 

"Have you heard from them yet?" You giggled. 

"No, not yet" he chuckled. 

"Give them time" you shrugged "You're a favorite of the Gods, Ivar Ragnarsson, they'll guide you" 

Ivar looked surprised, and turned his head to look at you a bit better. He remembered seeing you around Kattegat when he was young. Once, after you had been in the Great Hall to give Aslaug a new dress your mother had finished for her, he had told his brothers he thought you were pretty. They teased him for days. He felt a small tug on his heart remembering the playful banter and the teasing. 

He had seen you look at him. At first it annoyed him, thinking you stared at him because of his legs, but then he caught you staring at him more than once the same way the girls stared at his brothers. It helped with his self-esteem, more than he'd ever admit. 

"What about you?" He shook his head. Any feelings you might have had for him were in the past, he was sure, he'd seen you with a man in the Great Hall. 

"I'm afraid my life isn't as interesting as yours" you giggled "I haven't left Kattegat"

"I know very well that things can happen without leaving Kattegat" he raised an eyebrow. 

"I just keep training, and sometimes I go to raids" you shrugged "And I work around here... Not much"

Ivar's eyes flicked back to yours, interested. 

"No husband, no children?" 

You let out a laugh, shaking your head. 

"No one finds me interesting enough to marry me" you sighed "And children? I can barely take care of myself" 

"I find you interesting" he muttered, and for a moment you thought you hadn't heard him right "I mean" he cleared his throat, chuckling "I'm glad to see you're well"

"Thank you, I'm glad to see you're..." You frown, looking at the scars on his face, that seem rather new "Alive" 

Ivar hummed, nodding when he realized you looked at his scar. 

"Thank my dear brother for this" he scoffed. You smiled at him. 

"You probably deserved it" 

He looked at you, surprised, but nodded softly. 

"Yeah, I kind of deserved it" 

Ivar the Boneless admitting he had done something wrong? Wow, you didn't know what had happened while he was with the Rus, but that was a huge change. 

Ivar turned to look at you when he heard you giggling. He liked you, he felt at ease with you. He felt like he didn't need to impress you, as you knew him too well already, but also didn't seem to be angry or afraid at him like the rest of Kattegat. 

His eyes hypnotized you again, they were even more beautiful from up close. 

Without realizing it, you leant into him. Ivar's eyes twinkled as he understood your intentions, and you'd swear he leant into you too. 

"Y/N!" Einar's scream startled you. Ivar turned his head to glare at the drunk man that stumbled down the street, with eyes half closed and looking around "Where are you?" 

You leant back with a sigh. You had forgotten about Einar and how needy he was when drunk. Ivar raised an eyebrow at you, and you took a deep breath, visibly embarrassed. 

"He's... Einar" you groaned "I should go and make sure he gets home"

Ivar nodded slowly. 

"It was nice talking to you then" 

"Same" you gave him your widest smile. Your first conversation with Ivar Ragnarsson had been very different from what you had imagined, but also better. 

"Good night, Y/N" he smirked. 

"Good night, Ivar" 

_________________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi​ @alicedopey​ @lol-haha-joke​ @hallowed-heathen​ @naaladareia​ @tephi101​ @captstefanbrandt​ @love-hate-love​ @titty-teetee​ @readsalot73​ @moondustmemories​ @thevikingsheaux​ @therealcalicali​ @chimera4plums​ @blushingskywalker​ @awkwardfangirl02​ @gruffle1​ @justacripple​ @heartbeats-wildly​ @letsrunawaytotomorrow​ @inforapound​ @sallydelys​ @hellogabysblog​ @winchesterwife27​ @hecohansen31​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​ @eteramfools​ @tgrrose​ @flokidottirsstuff​ @lovessce​ @tootie-fruity​ @didiintheblog​ @alexhandersenx​ @belovedcherry​ @fantasydevil2002​ @xceafh​ @astrape-the-weatherwitch​ @destynelseclipsa​ @katarokkar11 @momowhoo​ 

Okay I hope I didn’t forget anyone :( Tumblr doesn't send me notifications and sometimes the asks don’t even appear on my inbox💔 so please if I didn’t add you to the taglist tell me!

#ivar the boneless #ivar imagine #ivar x reader #vikings #vikings imagine

[bbarican]

life updates • 02/02/2022

finally got some time to just sit down and pour my thoughts out on here and there is a lot on my mind right now so if you want to take a peak at what has been going on in my life since the start of the year until now, then feel free to read on

work:

our alabang project is done and im so so so happy with how it turned out! im super proud of myself too for basically overseeing the whole project for the majority of the time we were handling it and im just really glad my boss and senior are proud of and thankful for my help too!

still adjusting a bit to the fact na ako lang talaga naghahandle ng 2 residential projects na iniwan sakin ng senior ko now kasi sobrang busy ng boss ko; i know for a fact na i can handle it naman, i just really need to get my shit together and organize everything para im not so lost sometimes

i need to clean and organize my desktop tomorrow; kalat kalat kasi files from last month

i also need to start making to do lists more often and writing on my planner more often as well para naman mas organized yung thoughts and tasks ko per day also para hindi sayang planner ko

medyo hindi ko na ulit nagawa yung sa design ng condo ng tita ko only because hindi naman rushed yung project kasi nga nag spike yung cases so hindi naman niya priority ang construction now pero since its been a while plus the cases are starting to decrease na ulit, i have to speed things up in terms of my progress of that unit design

personal:

its official - magrereview na ulit ako for the board exam this july and nasabihan ko na din boss ko this morning about it; might take up part time from march to april depende if kakayanin but if not sabihan ko lang naman daw boss ko if gusto ko na mag full leave

im really excited to start studying again and hopefully even squeeze in a good work out routine either before or after review classes; here's to finally losing weight hopefully!

i also want to have a side line during my review season kasi i still want to earn kahit na nagrereview ako so ill probably think of a side hustle along the way

cooking and cleaning really is the best stress relievers for me; i made dinner tonight and it was amazing plus it made me feel so calm and seeing my family genuinely enjoy the food just makes me feel so happy too

im just really excited to have a new routine once mag start yung review classes

im also almost done with people we meet on vacation by emily henry and i will defo post a review about it soon! tapusin ko lang yung book tonight kasi super konti nalang naman natitirang chapters/pages

goal ko talaga this year is to save money and learn how to spend it wisely

but at the same time, im so excited to buy new notebooks kasi lahat ng notebook ko na gamit ko back it 2020 halos puno na eh

family:

thankfully we're all safe at home and when we get the chance to, we all go out for quick trips out of town for brunch and stuff like that pero ofcourse we still stay safe no matter what

im excited for holy week kasi we usually go to the beach to spend the holiday there and i can just see myself now - just sitting by the beach and reading till the sun is already setting infront of me

im also excited kasi baka may plans yung parents ko for an out of town trip for their 26th wedding anniversary so fingers crossed na hindi na hassle umalis by then

i miss my kuya a lot; i like how he really calls me up just to annoy me, makes me feel like he's just in the other room, bored out of his mind, when he's actually at the other side of the world

im just eternally grateful to be this close to my family

but at the same time, im always working on myself and trying to be a better daughter and sister everyday

friends:

i miss chie and jed and noel; si chevy okay lang kasi nag sama naman kami ng matagal sa la union but either way i miss all of them so much

noel is sick AGAIN and its worrying me and chevy pero hopefully he recovers kaagad kasi syempre and hassle since hindi naman siya gaano kaclose sa family niya

i miss going out with my friends and just having coffee and talking about whatever we can come up with and laughing at how stupid we actually are

i also want to meet new people! if youre reading this and we dont talk at all or we dont talk often, please send me a message! i would love to get to know you more!

yung anon na ka pair ko sa note it, he or she is really cute and super ma effort, talagang nagiiwan siya ng notes everytime

food:

super random topic but my current obsession right now? cheesy broccoli YUP YOU READ THAT RIGHT i love broccoli and when you put salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese on it? CHEFS FUCKING KISS

im craving for pizza so bad you guys as in i want a really cheesy pizza; pepperoni sound really good too

ngayon lang ulit ako nakapag-tim hortons and their stuff is always going to be good in my opinions

im super happy i gave food panda a shot back when i was in quarantine kasi may times ang weird ng grab so food panda is definitely one of my favorite apps as of the moment

lasang taho yung soy milk na ininom ko kanina

pero surprisingly it doesnt make me feel like i have to go to the bathroom right away so ibig sabihin super helpful nga if i do cut down on the dairy

love:

valentines is coming up soon and a part of me is okay with the fact na im just going to be having my annual ritual of cooking myself some food and watching a movie and drinking wine but a bigger part of me really wishes valentines day was different already; flowers lang naman oh lord

super nalungkot ako the other day kasi yung kausap ko sa note it, asked me "why the rush?" in regards to looking for love so parang it made me feel like im desperate eh in the back of my mind, i just really want to be loved genuinely already; is that so wrong?

especially with the fact na my friends are going on relationships that have lasted for years, tapos my other friend got married this week like what the fuck, why cant i have my own story diba?

also when i do attract men naman, sobrang palpak? i matched with this guy i ghosted back then tapos i decided to give him a fucking chance and it was going well for a bit pero tangina sobrang daming red flags: 1. he got upset when i didnt reply right away (only because i was in a car and i get car sick) and 2. he said i love you both on a video call and on chat after a day of talking LIKE GIVE ME A BREAK LORD

this guy naman ive been talking to and i can clearly say na ive fallen for already, its been okay, again we've been on 2 dates already, the convos between us are either meh or super great, tapos when we videocall, ang sweet niya and talagang he knows how to make me feel kilig pero wala eh, ang lungkot kasi hindi pa siya over sa ex niya and i obviously dont want to be a rebound pero god it would be the best thing ever (next to me passing the board exam) if we do work out and try and date more seriously

im gonna buy myself and my mom flowers for valentines day

so yeah, thats it for my life updates!

i hope you guys are doing okay; if youre reading this part of the post, please know na you can message me any time for anything and i will reply as soon as i can

thank you for reading everything! i hope you guys are okay and i hope february treat you well!

#bbarican #prsnl #thoughts #writings #life #love #work #list #recently #updates

[featherfeelingss]

✨Hello guys, so here’s what I’m up to✨

I’ve reached my “goal weight” of 45kg (the first), but I can’t really tell, yesterday after weighting myself I saw the difference in the mirror, but in the evening I couldn’t see the changes again

I really doubt that I’m at 45kg, so I assume that I’m at 46kg which is still my lowest weight

I have planned my intake for the next two weeks to get to my goal weight of 43kg

I woke up feeling very down and anxious, I have spent the last few weeks “relapsing” and only thinking about food and acting on losing weight

Which is what I want, but I’ve done nothing else, I have work to catch up, an important exam to prepare and just lots of work to do in general

I’ve put all my insecurities and anxiety in my disordered eating instead of trying to solve shit out

I want to do things I genuinly enjoy, and that makes me feel good like reading, doing researches on topics that I love, playing games etc... and not staying on YouTube watching weight loss vids all day

So

Ive decided to take a break mentally this weekend, I’ll eat healthy and between 1200/1500 for those two days, practice mindful eating and see if I gain weight or maintain

It’s still scares me, I’m scared it will make me lose control, but I think that with the right mindset, it will just be a little challenge or experience

I’ll be back on my shit on Monday tho ;)

I’m supposed to maintain my weight with this amount, one of the reasons why I’m doing this is because I’m so scared of slowing down my metabolism I’m obssessed with this thought

And I need a break mentally, ill dedicate this weekend to slef reflect, do things that I love, and plan the next few weeks (diet, workout, work, goals etc...)

Also, I’m taking molly tonight along with weed (I’ll write shit tone to self reflect probably on here to so stay tuned), so I don’t want to be anxious as hell because I’m so weak, + I know I’ll be in come down tomorrow and I need some energy and to try and relax about food and weight

✨So if you’re bored tonight hit me up because I’ll be vibing hard af in my room yay ✨

I hope this isn’t too messy, but I really think it can be beneficial for me, and to actually start glowing up not only on the outside but on the inside too

Self care is something I’ve completely forgot for too long now, and taking two full days to really reflect will do me good

Hope y’all find this interesting, and maybe consider to take a little break to try to get to know yourself better and be nicer to yourself

(Don’t do drugs tho kids)

Take care ❤️

#anamia #anarexx #ed thoughts #edtips #not pro just using tags #ana #restricting #calories

[miafic]

Four weeks into his freshman year of college, Lucas stumbles up the big hill to the free student health clinic that sits on campus. The whole time he’s walking there, he’s feeling a little short of breath and a lot overwhelmed by his emotions, but he keeps moving forward regardless.

He walks in the door and is hit with a wave of ice-cold air conditioning. Following the signs, he travels around a corner and to a desk, where a young man and woman dressed in scrubs are sitting and chatting.

“Hey,” the guy says with a smile as he notices Lucas. “How can we help?” 

“I, um,” Lucas starts, but he realizes that he has no idea what the fuck he’s supposed to say. I’m so homesick that I would do anything to leave?

“Are you feeling ill?” the woman asks kindly.

Lucas shakes his head. Tears well in his eyes.

I haven’t gone to class in two days because I’m so upset. I missed my second Spanish quiz. I’m going to fail, and I’m not even that smart to begin with, so what’s the point of me even being here? I should just drop out now, right? Yeah? Okay, thanks. I’m out of here.

“Are you in pain?” she asks, concern clear on her face.

My best friend is dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, and I’m never going to see his face or hear his voice ever again.

Lucas doesn’t answer that one, but he does try to speak. “I can’t do this a-” is as far as he gets before a rough sob that he wasn’t ready for explodes out of him. He covers his face with his hands and stands still, crying hopelessly right in front of two complete strangers. 

“Dude, oh no,” the guy says sadly, and immediately, he’s out of his chair. He’s a little taller than Lucas, but Lucas doesn’t know that until this guy is around the desk and hugging him. 

Lucas reaches up and hugs him back. He has no close friends here, no one to talk to, and things have been more than a little tense at home between Chance’s death and Mom and Dad breathing down Lucas’ neck all the time. He knows he was a little snappy, but so were they. It dawns on Lucas right at that moment that they were probably terrified that Lucas was going to do the same thing that his best friend did.

Lucas cries harder. “I can’t do this anymore,” he manages sadly.

“It’s okay,” the guy soothes, completely calm and collected. “Hey, man, it’s okay. We got you. What’s your name?” 

“L-Lucas.” 

“Lucas, it’s nice to meet you, man. How old are you?”

“Eighteen...”

“You a freshman?”

“Uh-huh.” 

The guy lets go of him but keeps a hand on Lucas’ shoulder. “Come on back. Let’s talk a little about what’s going on, yeah?” 

Lucas wipes at his nose but nods and follows him back to an exam room. 

They talk for a little bit, everything Lucas has been holding back for the last few months spilling out at once. He thinks that maybe Chance’s mom was right - maybe he really should have been going to therapy all this time instead of jumping into college right away, but it’s too late for that now; they already paid his tuition, and he’s a quarter of the way through the semester.

When the stream of Lucas’ grief and fear and confusion trickles to its end, the male nurse, who has been nothing but kind and empathetic, presses a button on the wall and says into a small intercom Lucas hadn’t even noticed, “Can I get a doctor to room four, please? I can’t leave right now.” 

Thank god it’s Friday, because Lucas winds up napping in a cot in the clinic with the lights off, that same kind male nurse sitting beside him, keeping watch over him until his parents make the two hour journey to the university to pick him up. 

He goes home for the weekend, and when he spends all of Saturday lying on Chance’s bed and crying and whispering everything he wishes he could say to his friend into an empty bedroom, it’s Chance’s parents who are there to hug him when he finally comes downstairs. It’s Chance’s parents who make him lunch and kiss his temple and make sure he’s okay. It’s Chance’s parents who tell him that they missed him. 

On Sunday, Lucas’ sister comes home, the one who laid with him on the floor, and she sits beside him while he watches TV on the couch. They go out for milkshakes at eleven AM, just the two of them, at the Sonic where all of the employees use roller skates. It usually makes Lucas smile. It doesn’t today. But he thanks his sister anyway and tells her that it means a lot that she came all the way home for him, because it does. 

She says, “I love you. I’m worried about you.” 

He hangs his head and just replies, “I love you, too.” 

There’s a yelling match that night between his sister and his mother, and headphones don’t help. That’s probably because Lucas doesn’t turn any music on. He has the right to know what’s being said about him, doesn’t he?

Mom, if you send him back there, I will never see him again!

You’re being ridiculous.

No, I am not! Chance just killed himself. Do you get that?! He’s DEAD. And Lucas is only eighteen, Mom! He could do it, too! 

He won’t.

Yeah? And what if he does? He barely talks to you! You don’t know anything about him! 

I know he’s not stupid like that.

Do you hear yourself?! You just had to drive up to school - two days ago - because they wouldn’t let him stay on campus. They advised you to take him to a hospital. And what did you do? You brought him home and dumped him back in his bedroom. Alone. Do you even know where he was yesterday? Does anyone know where he was yesterday?! Was he at the fucking graveyard all day?

Do NOT use that language with me, young lady.

I’m twenty-six, Mom. And you know what? Maybe he should come stay with me for a little while, since you obviously don’t care about him.

I do care! He is my SON!

Then act like it!

Lucas, who is entirely numb, stands up with his phone in his hand, crosses the hallway, and goes to knock on his parents’ bedroom door. 

The yelling ceases immediately. 

It’s his sister who answers the door. “Hey. Sorry. I was just-”

He looks past her and to his mom. “Uh, I’m ready to go.”

“Lucas, no,” his sister whispers, and he can see that tears have flooded her eyes. “Do you - I mean, do you want to come stay with me? Have a little break from school?” 

“No, thanks,” are the words that come out of his mouth, even though he desperately wants to say yes, yes, yes. 

She breaks down and throws her arms around Lucas, pulling him close. This feels just like when he was a kid and she was newly a teenager and everything she experienced was either the best thing ever or the end of the world. 

This really just might be the end of the world, though. 

“The couch folds out, and we can order Pizza Hut tonight if you want. I know that’s your favorite. And we-”

“He said no,” Mom says coldly. 

Lucas gently pushes his sister off, and she lets go, looking at him with the saddest eyes he thinks he’s ever seen. He has to avert his gaze so that he doesn’t burst into tears for the third day in a row. “I’m fine,” he mumbles. 

“No, you’re not,” she says quickly, following him out of the room and through the hall. “Lucas, you’re not. And there’s nothing wrong with that, okay?”

“I have class tomorrow,” he whispers, and that’s that. 

She follows them down the stairs, still wiping water off of her cheeks. She hugs him and kisses his head before she lets him climb into the passenger seat. “I love you so much,” she tells him again, reaching through the open door to hold his hand for a second. “You know that, don’t you? I love you.” 

He doesn’t reply.

When they’re on the road and his cell phone buzzes a few minutes later, it’s a message from her. It says, “Call me if you need anything. I will pick you up any time, I swear to god.” 

It’s a Razr, so it takes several clicks, but he deletes the message and spends the next few weeks trying to forget that she ever sent it. Eventually, it works. 

#lucas #chance #</3 #sorry had to get this out #extras

[fivescuddles-blog]

northsider (pt. three) | sweet pea

a/n: here's the next part! sorry it took so long to get up, I've had exams and I've also been really ill haha. really hope you guys enjoy this! feedback is really appreciated, please tell me if you want another part!

requested: yep

characters: sweet pea x reader, toni topaz

word count: 1,850

summary: will sweet pea fall for the sweet northside girl?

warnings: pretty sure there's swearing like once

part one, part two, part four, part five

~

Was it the best idea to go over your crush's house at night? Probably not.

Would you end up doing something stupid? Probably.

Were you still gonna go? Yep.

Sighing, you looked through your wardrobe for the third time, trying to find something that didn't scream "I've been stressing about this for days and I wanna impress you" but also still showed that you tried to make an effort.

You'd been looking for hours, as soon as you got home from school being cooped up in your room trying clothes on from even the very back of your closet.

Eventually, you simply called Toni for help. As soon as you called, she was over in around 10 minutes, you hearing her motorcycle as she pulled up outside. You ran down the stairs and opened the door for her before inviting her in, going back upstiars.

"I'm not judging Y/N/N, but uh, why does it look like a bomb went off in here?"

You groaned and glared at her. "Toni, you know that I suck at getting ready for things like this," you ran a stressed hand through your hair. "Hell, I don't even know why I'm getting so stressed about it. It's not like it's a date-"

"Honey, it's definitely a date," Toni scoffed, rummaging through the piles of clothes you had spread over the floor.

You rolled your eyes at her. "If it was a date then he would have told me it was a date! We're just hanging out, Toni." You obviously didn't want to believe that, but it was true. He hadn't explicitly asked you out, and he was always a very straightforward and blunt person when it came to asking people out.

She didn't argue, knowing that you'd already made your mind up. When you made your mind up about something, there was no use in trying to change it. You were just way too stubborn.

"Fine. Believe that. But from my point of view, a boy doesn't just ask a girl around to his place to watch a movie if they're 'just friends'," she said, airquoting. "Well, unless he's gay, I guess,"

You shoved her after that comment, causing the both of you to giggle. Eventually, she was able to find something in your closet that wasn't totally hideous and may actually look quite good. All of this only 20 minutes before you were meant to be at his.

"I would do your makeup as well, but we both know he prefers you without," she teased, perfecting the last curl in your hair. "Now, I'll drive you, mkay?" You nodded gratefully at her, and proceeded to go outside and adjust yourself on her bike, making sure your hair doesn't get completely ruined by the night wind with a helmet.

Throughout the ride, your mind was swimming neck deep in thought. You'd only known Sweets for what? A couple of months. And yet you were much more enamored with him than you'd ever been with anyome else. It didn't really make sense to you. Even if he did like you, which was an impossible feat in itself, the controversy it would bring would be crazy.

A Serpent and a Northsider. Of course, there was the case of Betty and Jughead and it wasn't like they got much opposition on their side. But, at least Jug had always gone to Riverdale High until recently. People knew him. Sweet Pea was new; different. You knew how people felt about him, how intimidating people found him when actually he was honestly a teddy bear. Around you at least.

You felt the wind whip around your body as you got closer and closer to Sunnyside Trailer Park.

Meanwhile, Sweet Pea was in quite the predicament. The love of his life was on her way and he was barely ready. Groaning, he quickly jumped out of the shower and pulled on some clothes that were less crumpled than the rest onto his body. Walking past the mirror, his eyes widened at his shower hair, quickly grabbing a hairdryer and gel to tackle it.

He was worried to say the least. Nervous was probably a better word. When he first met you, he had never in a million years thought that he would gain a crush on you; a Northsider. It was unheard of. But unfortunately, it happened. And now, he had no clue how to deal with it.

He just couldn't be his usual smooth self around you. You were different. Just looking into your eyes would make his heart flip around three times, and a single touch would make his stomach fill with butterflies. It was a new feeling that he hadn't come across before, and he didn't know if he liked it.

He sighed and checked his phone, noticing a message from you.

From: Y/N/N ✨

Yo, I'll be there in ten, mkay?

Sent around ten minutes ago. Oh god. He heard a bike pull up outside and assumed it was Toni, knowing that she was giving you a lift tonight. He took a deep breath and went to open the door. Pulling it open, he looked up and caught sight of you hitching your leg back over the bike to get off, the helmet still on your head. You then proceeded to pull the helmet off. It felt like slow motion for Sweet Pea, your hair falling out in a flurry and swirling sround your face, the curls bouncy. He felt his heart skip a beat as he took you in, all of you.

Noticing himself staring, he quickly averted his eyes and waved. You smiled at him and waved back before handing Toni her helmet back. You leant in for a hug as she whispered in your ear "good luck, girl," and went on her way.

You walked up to Sweets, a light blush on your cheeks as you looked at him, wondering how he could look so good in just a pair of grey sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Hey, sorry if I'm early," you apologised, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear as you looked up at him.

He waved your apology away. "Nah, don't worry about it. It's fine," he said. Looking at the floor he timidly continued. "You look, uh, really good today Y/N/N,"

You fought back the blush that had began to settle itself on your cheeks and looked away bashfully. "Thanks, Sweets. Don't look too bad yourself," you replied, trying your best not too seem incredibly awkward.

He invited you inside, you and him sinking down onto the sofa in front of a small TV. "Now, what do you want to watch, m'ilady?" He asked flicking though programmes and movies with the remote.

You thought for a second. "Hmm, maybe The Exorcist?" You asked, wanting to look more brave than you actually were. Maybe it'd impress him?

"Wow, sure you can handle that, Y/N/N?" He teased, flicking to The Exorcist. You rolled your eyes at him.

"Bet I can handle it more than you, dork," you challenged. He raised an eyebrow at you.

"I'll take you up on that challenge,"

Halfway into the movie, to say that you were fucking terrified would be an understatement. Sweets seemed unaffected which was, for one, kind of annoying, yet secondly, kinda hot. After another jumpscare, you finally relented in grabbing Sweet Pea's arm and holding on for dear life. God, if only you could see the smirk on his face, but you simply couldn't let your eyes leave the television.

As you cuddled into his arm, it only just occurred to you how fit he actually was. Wow. The muscles. You shook you head internally, mentally telling yourself to get it together.

While you were having this inner conflict, Sweet Pea was having one lf his own. He didn't want to exactly look needy, but my god did he want to put his arm around you. He'd been holding back for forty whole minutes, just not having the guts to make that small move. But when you grabbed onto his arm, he found the courage. Slowly but surely, he slipped his arm around your back and gently pulled you into his side, bracing himself for you to pull away.

But you didn't.

In fact, you melted into him, allowing him to hug you into his side, adjusting yourself to get comfy. You blushed when you realized what had happened, not even thinking about it when you let it happen. And now, there you were. Basically cuddling with the boy you'd had a crush on for months, so close you could hear his heart beating faster than normal.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, but not because of the movie.

You stayed like that for the rest of the movie, in comfortable silence. As the credits rolled on, you moved to stretch your body out, feeling the cramp in your leg. Sweet Pea grunted as he too stretched, before going quiet.

You could feel him boring into the back of your head, turning around to meet his intense eyes. He was gazing intently at you, an innocence on his face that you'd never seen before. When he realized you were looking back at him, he quickly averted his eyes.

"Pea? You okay?" You asked, furrowing your eyebrows.

What was going on with him?

Sweet Pea opened his mouth to say something, before closing it again. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then spoke. "Yeah... yeah, I'm fine," he replied, running a hand through his hair and looking back at you, his eyes now back to normal and less intense than before. "Soo, uh, when you off? It's getting late, I really don't want you walking around the Southside at this time..."

"Oh. Uh, I'll probably get going now then, although I can handle myself Pea,"

He laughed. "You could barely handle the film!"

You rolled your eyes and pushed him jokingly. "Could too! Anyway, I'll uh, see you tomorrow, Sweets." You picked up your bag and walked towards the door, hearing him get off the sofa to follow you.

"Wait, Y/N." You heard him say. You turned around before after opening the door, looking at him expectantly. "I, um, I had a lot of fun tonight," he continued, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

You smiled up at him. "Me too, Sweets... me too. We should do it again sometime," you replied, before turning around and beginning to walk away. "See ya tomorrow, Sweets!" You called behind you.

He grinned to himself, watching you walk off. "Yeah, see you..."

He closed the door behind him as he went back inside the caravan, collapsing onto his bed after stripping off. Hearing a ping from his phone, he quickly unlocked it, seeing a text from Fangs.

From: Fangs 👊🏻

Did you tell her?

He sighed and replied, locking his phone again and putting it on his bedside table before falling back to sleep.

To: Fangs 👊🏻

Nah dude, maybe next time...

~

Northsider tag list: @the-fifth-marauders-paws @oabf45 @peterhollandd @whatevergea @evansleftboobgrablaugh @yourwonderbelle @theatregeek217 @i-like-it-like-that-262 @soda610 @skeletalwolfcat @yourfanficbiish @chipster-21 (wouldn't let me tag some of you sorry)

#riverdale #sweet pea #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea smut #jughead jones #jughead jones imagine #jughead jone x reader #jughead jone smut #riverdale imagine #toni topaz #toni topaz imagine #toni topaz x reader #my post

[canaryatlaw]

alright. it’s 9 pm here. I’m obviously trying to get to bed early since I have to wake up at 5:30 am and go take the fucking bar exam. Predictably, I’m a ball of nerves right now. But I’ll be fine, I always am. I’m good at tests, it’s easy for me to recall information, and though essays always give me anxiety initially once I get there and start writing them I actually like them, and tomorrow is all essays. 10 of them total. 1 where they give you a whole packet including law in the jurisdiction and write your analysis totally from that, which will probably be the best one for me. Then there are 3 Illinois specific essays and 6 multistate essays. it’s a lot. but anyway, today. I did get up when my alarm went off at 10 because I didn’t want to sleep in too long and not be able to fall asleep tonight. I had decided I would skip showering this morning and shower tonight so I wouldn’t have to shower tomorrow morning, but upon waking up I found I really wanted to shower, so I did, and now it’s night and I really want to shower again lol but I won’t and I’ll do it after I get back tomorrow. So, woke up, showered, made oatmeal which only resulted in one kitchen disaster (I was trying to get the brown sugar to go into the pot a little at a time but then it shifted and all of my brown sugar was now liquified in my pot, so that was fun) and was looking on my computer for stuff when I saw an email from the health insurance company that does our prescriptions, upon which I remembered oh fuck, I need to call my doctors office like today and get this figured out. Basically, I was at the doctor like two weeks ago, and they gave me the prescriptions, which I mailed onto the health insurance company I referenced above, but they haven’t sent me the meds yet, and I’m running out of one of them, and I was set to run out Wednesday afternoon, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about that until like, Wednesday evening, so I needed to call my doctor’s office and ask them to call in an emergency supply for like two days, and like, I love my psychiatrist so much he’s great and I wouldn’t trade him for the world, but god I have his receptionist staff so much. Whenever I call for anything it turns into such a production, at least this time they didn’t tell me he can’t call in prescriptions to Illinois like he does every time I call, but they had me call the insurance company to find out when the meds would get to me so they could then give me enough of the meds, and the insurance company people said it’s set to come on Wednesday in the mail but like if that didn’t happen I would’ve been screwed so they called in like 2 days emergency supply of it but I don’t actually take it at the dosage he prescribes so I have more than 2 days worth lol but I don’t expect to need to use them, I’m just glad I’m covered. but yeah, I did other things around the house and started getting ready for a bit, then took an uber to target that was somehow like $2 because of some promotion they were running, and grabbed the prescription plus some candy because I needed candy to bring with me here. I have pretzels and potato chips, various candies, granola bars, and these microwave muffin things that has the dry mix in a little cup and you add water and microwave it and it’s like this awesome chocolate muffin, which are super good except you have to be really careful to get all of the mix wet or at the bottom it gets grainy and really gross but otherwise it’s good lol. I also have some of the Starbucks via refresher packs that I’m gonna add to a water bottle tonight and stick it in the fridge so it’ll be good to go in the morning because that’s my method of getting caffeine, which will obviously be much needed. I ubered back from target but it took forever to get to me which was obnoxious, but oh well. I continued getting ready and eventually didn’t have much else to do, so I just kinda hung out for a bit. The school bar people told us not to study today because we wouldn’t remember anything anyway, but like, I know that’s not true for me lol so I did a little. The hotel didn’t have check in till 4 so I was basically just killing time at this point. When we eventually got there I got yet another uber, but I put it on pool and nobody ended up joining so I only paid $10 for the same ride I would’ve had to pay $24 for (#winning). The hotel is kinda small, but it’s nice, the bigger hotel that’s actually at one of the test sites (not the one I got assigned to regardless) but all their rooms were booked because I had to book late since we didn’t know which bar I was taking for like, fucking ever. But yeah, I checked in, easy enough, came upstairs and settled in a bit, figured out how to get the wifi to work and turned on the tv then subsequently broke the tv and had to figure out how to make it work again. I ordered pizza from the same chain place I normally get it from except this was different and I didn’t really like it very much, idk what the difference was but it just wasn’t doing it for me, plus my tongue was being really obnoxiously sensitive so I really couldn’t eat anything other than like, the crust, so that was also irritating. But I sat here on my computer and looked over the mini-outline book (and by mini I mean some of them are like 70 pages). It’s funny to look over the secured transactions material, because at the end of the semester I already had the bar books and used them to study because they had a comprehensive summary of everything I needed to learn, I actually printed one and brought it with me to the test (which was open book, obviously) and it was very helpful and I somehow got an A- in that class that I had no idea what was going on in for a solid 5/6ths of the semester, and when I listened to that lecture yesterday I retained a good amount of it, so I was happy about that. But I went through the ancillary subject outlines that were generally more like 20 pages, so much more manageable, and made sure I had all my mnemonics down, including the one for the hearsay exceptions which is like, 20 letters long lol. I then did go over the Illinois distinction section for the main subjects, because if I get an essay on one of those in the Illinois part I obviously have to answer under Illinois law. I watched the office on comedy central while doing all of this because I couldn’t find the channel guide and the office is always a solid choice. It’s funny to see Ellie Kemper as Erin because she looks so little there as compared to how she is on Kimmy Schmidt now. but those were very entertaining. So I got to the end of the outlines, turned off the tv, took my pills so there would be a little time for the more sleep causing ones to kick in, then started writing this, and now here we are. I have a lot of mixed feelings about everything going on tomorrow. I know I’m smart, that’s never been in question, I’m just worried I didn’t spend enough time preparing and I feel ill-equipped, because it’s just so much information....like you could get a question on the lesson from one day of class, for all of your classes, for three years. it’s a massive amount of information. I’ve also been acutely aware of just how alone I am. My brother never moved out, so he was with my parents every step of the way through this, but I chose to stay out here and do it myself because that’s always been who I am, the independent one who can’t wait to get out into the world. And I’m here, but it gets lonely some times, especially being that I’m super-extroverted so not being around people for this whole studying period was not doing well for me (one of many reasons I was all to eager to get ice cream whenever Jess wanted to). Even now, it’s just me here. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a hotel room completely by myself before, except for that awful night when I got stranded overnight in Philadelphia and had to go to that awful creepy hotel where I didn’t sleep a wink, just stayed up reading, because I did not feel safe at all (and I was only 19) but obviously this is a very different situation. And I mean, I am more or less a proper adult now, I’m 26, which feels like ages older than 25, because now I’m in my late 20s, and I don’t know how I feel about all of that. I mean, these are all choices I made, and they’re not ones I regret, not at this point at least. It would’ve been nice to have someone here with me, but I made the decision to leave those people in New York and come out here and do it myself, and I am doing it. I want my legal career to be about the things I did, the prestige I brought to my name, not following in the shadows of my dad and brother, I want that name to be known for me and what I’ve done, what I will do. And I know I can do it. Got all the way through law school, this is just one more hurdle I gotta jump over before I can actually be a full blown lawyer. I don’t know if my parents are gonna come for the swearing in, it hasn’t come up yet, I mean it would be nice to have them there just because I would feel very, very lonely if I was all by myself surrounded by people who had their families there with them.....because they didn’t move halfway across the country from their families. Sigh, I know I’m rambling at this point. Just a lot on my mind. But tomorrow I’m going to wake up confident and ready to crush this test, because I know I can do it, I KNOW I can, and I will, and I’m going to be a total kickass lawyer who is instrumental in instituting reforms in the child welfare system that will increase adoptions, decrease foster kids getting bounced between homes, better prevent kids from being brought into foster care when it is preventable by providing parents with the right resources, better support to keep foster teens in high school and bridge them into college (the college rate for foster care kids is something dismal like 2%, not even exaggerating), decrease the number of children in residential facilities who do not really need to be there, increase the number of foster homes nationwide, provide resources for the teenage mothers in the system so they don’t end up having their child taken from them and continue perpetuating the cycle, and so many more, I could go on all day about all the things I’m going to change. And I’m going to do it. I know I can, so I will. 

Just you wait. 

Goodnight babes. If you want to send prayers/good vibes/whatever my way for tomorrow, it’d be much appreciated. Thank you. ❤️

#daily journal #July 2018 #Rachel's lawyer adventures