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#ill delete this later eat it up while u can
toonfinch · 20 days
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this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.
i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.
i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.
the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.
azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.
i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.
intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.
currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.
i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.
i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?
also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.
now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.
it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.
for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.
our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.
last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.
between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.
anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?
and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.
the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.
so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.
idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.
hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"
btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.
i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.
i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.
anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.
good fucking lord.
im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos
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blxetsi · 3 years
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modern hange zoe dating headcanons
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lowercase intended !
hange zoe x gn!reader
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- first, their love language is definitely a mix of physical touch and verbal affirmations
- idc idc theyre the best of both worlds 🤩
- you prefer verbal affirmations over physical touch (or vice versa) ? their immediately making a mental note and showing u love with whichever one u like more
- i think they'd be a scientist or researcher ?? maybe they'd study the human body or like global warming ?? idfk but would definitely go into the science field
- also i personally love the idea of moblit and them being together 😳🤚 idk i love the idea
- but since YOU are with miss hange id like to think they stayed friends after the breakup 😌✨ theyre both mature ppl (and hot)
- moblit is always third wheeling w you guys. you and hange could be making out and he'd sit there with his iced coffee like 😐
- hange i feel is a very forgetful person, so like, dates and stuff (things made on a sort of short notice) they tend to forget about, but things like birthdays and anniversaries are NEVER forgotten
- ofc they'll make it up to you after you call them from the restaurant youve been waiting in for over an hour
- but sometimes it does hurt that they value their work so much, you love that they find joy in what they do and are dedicated, but it just feels like they prioritize work over you
- and hange understands ! and they start trying to be on time for things like that. is also constantly reassuring you at random times that they love and care about you
- also loves to spoon you. will literally wrap around you like a koala in bed. doesnt matter if its too hot and youre both immediately sweating, will trap you with their insane amount of strength and never let you go until either they wake up or you wake up begging to use the restroom
- i feel like when theyre working from home (which is everyday in a pandemic 🙄 even tho these headcanons arent really structured around pandemic modern times) they forget to eat/drink when they get reeeaaaallllyyyy into what theyre researching
- could be on the verge of discovering a new genetic mutation (idk) while also being on the verge of passing out due to dehydration
- theyll come out for dinner and be like "yknow ive been having this weird headache all day"
- "probably because you havent drank any water today"
- will stare at you like "🤨" before replying "nah i dont think so 😹"
- you have to threaten letting them starve to get them to drink some water. and as soon as they do theyre chugging three cups
- five minutes later theyre like "babe ! it worked ! youre awesome"
- lots of pet names like babe/baby, my love, my darling (in a dramatic english accent), honey, and any others that youd prefer
- has a weird love for the cartoon archer (yknow that adult show with like 10 seaons ??)
- will literally no nothing about the plot or characters, and will only put the show on for background noise while theyre doing something, but will ALWAYS recommend archer to others and say its their favourite cartoon if asked
- also loves the amazing world of gumball (you got them into it) actually watches the show and loves it, yet never thinks of it when asked "what shows should i watch ?" or "what are some shows you like ?"
- if youre like, an artist or something like that, they genuinely LOVE anything you make
- you made them a little painting ? theyre hanging it up in their apartment. you created a clay vase or something ? buying flowers to put in it rn (doesnt even take care of the flowers but yk)
- if youre having a bad day theyre dropping everything for you (unless its super important then theyre saying "how about i move my work to the bed and we can cuddle ?")
- if you need to rant theyre actively listening while trying to work. will accidentally start typing what youre saying onto their word document. ends up having to delete three whole paragraphs about that bitch at work smh 🙄🤚
- loves taking showers/ baths w you (NEVER in a sexual way though) they genuinely find it fun to wash each other's hair and stuff. if you ask them to wash your back theyre shoving their hands in your armpits and tickling you like,, mf ill fall and take us both down 😐
- definitely an ass/thighs person. doesnt matter how big or small, loves it.
- also a dish collector in their room. their room and office are in the same space, so youll find them with cups and plates on their desk where their research is supposed to be like bae,,, i think youre growing a new kind of mold 😍🦠💥
- talks so passionately abt their work and coworkers to you. theres this new intern at their job and hes the sweetest and brightest kid they know. his names armin and they speak about him SO highly
- also has a really cold nose ?? u love to kiss it bc it makes them shiver bc of the temperature difference
- has weirdly soft hands. youd think theyd be kinda rough bc of all the weird shit they touch for "science" but no. the hands are perfect
- doesnt know how to take care of things around the house (like handy stuff) so they beg levi to come over.
- he reluctantly does bc hes their friend but will nod at you as soon as he walks in and says "i hope hange isnt being too annoying today"
- immediately youll defend them and say zoe hange could never annoy you bc hange is the love of ur life and all he'll do is say "youre lucky then. i envy you."
- you and hange both know hes using his dry humour, but as punishment hange follows him around the place and annoys him even further
- also tries to convince you to get a dog at the weirdest of times ???
- itll be three in the morning and theyll just whisper in your ear "we should get a dog"
- theyre allergic to cats so if you suggest that they say "no ill die if i go near one"
- if youre allergic to dogs theyll say "okay fine a baby then"
- "how will we get one ?"
- "we'll steal it. or go looking through a dumpster"
- what did they say 😳😳⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
- you shut down any ideas of a dog or baby for a long while after that
- loves squeezing your cheeks, and would love if you did it to them too
- will literally just sit in bed squishing them and request you do the same. so you both just sit facing each other criss crossed, squishing each others faces while giggling
- ive made this pretty long already so this is it ! but yes, they love u through and through
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a/n
second headcanon babyyy !!! hope u all enjoyed !! my asks r open if u wanna request something !! (also please request something 😭😭😭 )
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bratkook · 4 years
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clairvoyant. (m) part seven.
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masterlist.
pairing: taehyung x reader (briefly) jungkook x reader 
word count: 15k+ damn my bad
warnings: nsfw, spanking, dirty talk, unprotected sex (dont do this) but otherwise pretty tame at the end
authors note: i know i said this would go up monday but im clearly a liar i stayed up late last night writing this and it’s partially edited so if something looks fucked up dont come for me :( ill edit it later i just wanted to get it up lmfao im thinking another chapter left, maybe 2 anyways lmk what u think
Its Monday afternoon and you’re sat at your desk at work, your fingers mindlessly tapping on your mousepad as you retouch a portrait on your desktop. To be honest, you weren’t really paying it any attention, your mind kept drifting over to the text Jungkook had sent you the other night while he was drunk. Sure he had asked you to help him get his dick wet and a part of you knows he meant help as in_ help me find someone new_ but the perverted side of you hoped he meant help as in let me fuck you.
“Okay, unless you’re trying to make her skin look like plastic you need to ease off.”
Your hands jump at Yoongi’s voice and you realize the monstrosity you created on the models face, wincing as you delete the layer entirely to start over.
“Oops, thanks.” Yoongi just laughs, resting his arm on your shoulder and slouching over your seated frame as you resume editing with a slightly clearer head.
“Did you sleep okay last night?” He had been watching you during your entire shift together, today was an easier day, only slight organizing and retouching being the things on the to-do list but you had been very spacey. You were misnaming files and not being able to find them on the desktop, forgetting basic commands on photoshop that were second nature to you and you had mistakenly put coffee grounds instead of instant coffee in Yoongis morning cup and hadn’t realized.
Your hand came up to scratch your temple as you thought back to yesterday, waking up at three in the afternoon hungover as fuck in Jimin’s bedroom. Both of you had managed to go to sleep in the same exact clothes you went out in and your body was stiff which lead you to believe whatever sleeping position you chose had been very unfortunate.
Both of your phones had died in the middle of the night since the pair of you had been way to drunk to even think of plugging them in and when Jimin finally waltzed in from the bathroom, his hair damp from the shower, he suggested going out to eat so you let your phone remain dead in your pocket as you went about your day. You were blissfully unaware of Jungkook’s text sitting pretty in your inbox.
In turn Jungkook was sat in his own bed, a massive headache pounding so hard he swore his eyes were vibrating from the force. He remembered the text, hell he remembered jacking off in the shower before sending said text. So when he was finally able to sit up without wanting to vomit he was expecting his phone to have a notification from you, your typical response backed with a handful of suggestive emojis because you knew it made him blush.
But when there was nothing he felt his eyebrows furrow together, his finger locking his phone and tossing it beside him in bed as he lay back down. Had he crossed a line? His message was tame enough to leave it open to interpretation but Jungkook knew how he meant it when he sent it, he may have been high off his orgasm but he knew.
He continued to lay in bed for the majority of the day, only leaving to go to the cafeteria with Taehyung once he finally awoke, equally as hungover. He ate as much as he could stomach, not accustomed to hangovers that left his stomach feeling queasy. Unlike you who was currently stuffing as many breadsticks in your mouth as you could in the restaurant you and Jimin occupied, only leaving once your stomach was at capacity. You didn’t get a chance to see Jungkook’s text until eight o’clock that night and when you did see it your mind first went to sex. Jungkook was asking you for sex.
Sort of.
Slapping perverted thoughts from your head you responded with a simple of course i’ll help you. Leaving it at that, you knew he had sent you the first text while wasted so you were giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Those cursed perverted thoughts haunted your dreams though, images of you riding a shy Jungkook on your bed until he came noisily playing over and over and over you were surprised you hadn’t woken up with your underwear covered in remnants of an orgasm.
You hadn’t slept well at all.
You tell Yoongi this with a tight lipped smile and he nods sympathetically, “What are you doing after this?”
Looking at the clock you see there is twenty minutes left before the end of your shift, Taehyung had already messaged you earlier in the day asking to hang out and whether that meant actually hanging out or hanging out you weren’t sure but either way was fine with you. You needed a distraction to help you stop seeing the image of Jungkook cumming replaying in your mind.
“I’m seeing Tae.”
You don’t look up to see Yoongi’s reaction, not wanting to see any facial expression of judgment when you mention Taehyung’s name. Thankfully he only hums in response, watching you save your current file and start to shut down the computer and going to his own workstation to start doing the same.
When the time comes to leave you say your goodbyes, Yoongi getting into an uber to head to Jimin’s, telling you if you wanted to join them after you were done with Taehyung you were more than welcome. You hug him and tell him you’ll think about it before hopping onto the bus and heading back to campus.
The weather was getting colder in the day, its nearing the end of the first week of October and the fallen leaves decorating the sidewalks made that obvious. Once you hop off on campus you take note of the flyers plastered on bulletin boards, big posters taped on the sides of the buildings to announce the various Halloween themed events going on and you grin at all the activities that you love. This was always your favorite time of year.
As you trek your way into the boys dorm you greet Baekhyun at the front desk before entering the elevator with your phone in your hand. Your eyes are downcast as you scroll through your campus portal, skimming through the various assignments you had due this month and starting to feel the small tingles of stress creep up on you.
The elevator dings and you step out, your fingers tapping on an assignment due later tonight. Your eyes are glued to your device so you don’t notice Jungkook stood a few feet away, frozen in spot as he sees you. It’s not until you’re about to run into him that his shadow snaps you out of your daze, your eyes flicking up, “Oh, Jungkook!” You throw him a charming smile as you wrap your arms around him in greeting.
Jungkook relaxes when he feels your embrace, the nerves he’s felt since sending you that text vanish, his own arms wrapping around your body with a gentle squeeze. “Hey Y/N, what are you doing here?”
In retrospect he knows what you’re doing here but he needs to hear you say it. He needs to remind himself that you’re not here to see him to fulfill any sick desires he has.
You pull back still smiling, slipping your phone into your back pocket to give him your full attention. “Taehyung text me wanting to hang out so,” you spread your arms out widely, “here I am.”
He can only grin at that, of course you weren’t here to see him. You were here to see Taehyung. The man you fucked. Constantly. Not him.
You take note of his appearance, a giant black hoodie swallowing his frame and his school bag draped over his shoulder, “Are you heading out somewhere?” You speak again when he says nothing in response.
“Yeah, just to a study group at the library.” His eyes give you another once over, he wants to keep talking to you but it’s clear you have other things to get to, “I don’t want you to keep Tae waiting so I’ll be off.” He shoves his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie with a small smile and steps around you awkwardly.
You can only mutter out a small okay because he’s acting a little strange but thats typically how Jungkook acts. He’s relatively shy, only speaking when spoken to and whenever he has bouts of confidence where he jokes and laughs and says things you’d never imagine him saying it only lasts for a moment before he’s back to shy Jungkook.
You wave at him and continue walking down the hallway to Taehyung’s room. Jungkook manages to take two steps towards the elevator before stopping and turning back around, “Y/N!” He shouts, flinching a little at his own voice and cringing when he sees you jump for a second, turning around with a curious face. “Do you think we could hang out soon? Like…” he rummages in his brain as he thinks of something else to say, “maybe after all our classes tomorrow?”
You think for a moment, you have a few classes after the creative writing class you share with him and another work shift right after so that won’t work. “I can’t tomorrow but after classes on Friday I’m free.” Jungkook doesn’t even think about his schedule, shouting out that Friday works for him as well and now your beaming smile is back and Jungkook can feel his stupid heart skip a beat at the sight.
Now he can finally leave in peace, a small pep in his step as he enters the elevator but that doesn’t stop him from aggressively jabbing his finger against the close door button so he doesn’t have to see you walk into Tae’s room.
Luckily the week passes by quickly, Jungkook had nerves bubbling up in his stomach the entire time. It wasn’t like he had never hung out with you one on one, you guys usually hung out during the free period you had after your shared class but it was something that was sort of routine. This time he had explicitly asked to hang out, he wasn’t sure why that felt so different but it did so as his professor recites his final sentences Jungkook is totally zoned out, only coming back when he hears he’s dismissed. And then hes shooting up out of his seat, throwing his backpack over his shoulders and speed walking out of the building and onto the quad.
He passes the stupid cafe and ducks his head, walking even faster to avoid the possibility of Jisoo spotting him through the giant windows. When he feels he can no longer be spotted he lets out a breath, his shoulders relaxing and his pace slowing down. That gross feeling he had in his chest after Jisoo had slammed the door in his face hadn’t gone away, he still felt like he had done something horrible even though he knows he hadn’t but the small glares Jisoo would send him whenever she would spot him on campus just made that feeling linger.
He was counting down the days she would graduate, or at least until she’d set her eyes on someone else because he wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. She hadn’t resorted to shouting things at him or anything too out of pocket but it was clear to Jungkook that she was telling her circle of friends that he had done something despicable and they were telling their friends. The whispers and small huddling that would happen when he would pass them on campus or in the rare occurrence that they shared a class made that obvious. He hated it.
Once he finally makes it into the girl’s dorm Joy greets him with a smile and he tries his best to return it. Letting her simple question erase the worries in his mind, “Are you going to the bonfire tonight?”
He grabs his id back from her and looks up with a nod, that was actually what he was going to suggest the two of you do. He had seen the abundance of posters around campus advertising the event and it sounded like fun. “Yeah actually, I’ve never been.”
Joy smiles with a clap of her hands, knowing it’s his first year at this school, “It’s a good time, lots of snacks and someone always finds a way to sneak booze in. You guys will like it.” She refers to you when she says that, already knowing thats who Jungkook was here to see. Jungkook can feel someone behind him so he shuffles away to let the person sign in, waving at Joy as he makes his way up to your room.
The hallways of your floor are covered in fake spiderwebs, skeletons draped over some girl’s doors while others had plastered colored paper and drawn up their own version of spooky designs that reminded him of his years in elementary school. It was cute and honestly the boy’s dorms could take some notes because the only decoration they currently had was a skeleton sitting on one of the toilets in the bathroom.
As he stands in front of your door he takes note of the white board you and Wendy have hung up and he laughs softly when he sees whats written on it. In red marker it says *dracula voice* we want to suck your blood with some poorly drawn fangs underneath it and in the corner beside it the word dick is written with an obnoxious arrow coming up to point at the word blood to replace it.
His knuckles knock on your room door, hearing shuffling from behind it and some laughter before it’s thrown open and you’re greeting him with a smile, “Hey Jungkook.” Your lips shimmer back thanks to the clear lipgloss you’re currently wearing and his eyes zero in on them.
“Hey.” He mumbles out and you catch his eyes giving you a once over, finally making eye contact when you step to the side to let him in. He steps into the room and notices that you and your roommate must really love this holiday because you both have decked it out in halloween decorations. There’s a giant spiderweb rug in the center of the floor between your beds and a string of bat fairy lights hung behind your beds where you pinned more polaroids onto it. Theres a soft orange glow that fills the room and he notices you two have even gone as far as sticking led tape to the ceiling for the ambiance.
“Love the commitment.”
You chuckle, pointing over to your roommate with a smile, “She’s a slut for halloween and so am I so we had to. It’s not fully finished yet, we gotta grab some more stuff don’t we?”
When he looks over at Wendy’s side he spots her sat on her bed as she ties her shoes, “You bet your ass we do, I’m thinking we need different curtains or maybe a full on skeleton like Yeri has hung on her door.”
Jungkook can’t imagine how much more effort you two could put into your room but the determination set on Wendy’s face shows that she’s not joking. “Alright I’m off to go be a slave to the systems of education, pray I make it through this four hour lecture.” You laugh and clasp your hands in faux prayer, laughing harder when she rolls her eyes at you with a smile, telling you and Jungkook goodbye and dragging her feet like a child as she leaves.
“What did you wanna do today?” You ask him as you go back to your mirror to finish fixing your hair up. Jungkook sets his bag on the floor beside your bed, rolling his shoulders as he sits on it and shuffles backwards until he feels the cool of the wall against his back.
“There’s that rooftop bonfire happening later on, I was thinking maybe we could go to that?”
Your face perks up when he mentions that, immediately saying it was a good idea. That yearly bonfire was always the best, last year they had managed to bring up a giant blow up projector and played some classic halloween movies while everyone sat around the bonfire and made s’mores. Jin had snuck in a few flasks full of vodka so you and your group had been nice and drunk, bundled up in blankets while Hocus Pocus played.
“That actually sounds perfect, did you wanna head down to the store to grab some stuff?” Your attention was back on the mirror, your fingers coming to wipe at the corners of your mouth to fix any smudges of your gloss so Jungkook felt like he could stare at you and not get caught. You had your hair in messy waves, one side tucked behind your ear as you leaned forward and the cropped grey crewneck you had on wasn’t going to do much to protect you from the cold but it was obvious the outfit was for purely aesthetic purposes.
“Sure, lets go.”
The both of you head back out onto campus, two reusable bags in your hand to help you carry whatever you decide to buy. The bonfire usually had enough snacks for everyone but it was always good to go out and buy stuff you knew you liked as a safety net. The walk was nice, the sun had finally set, the last remaining hues of purple peeking away behind the buildings, allowing the floor lights to illuminate the path you were walking on.
Jungkook seemed to be out of his usual shy shell, his hands flailing around as he talked to you about the project he was working on in his intro to ceramics class. He swore he had no talent in it and was only taking it since he needed the units the class came with but you found it hard to believe since the photos he would post online said otherwise.
“You’re so full of shit.”
His mouth dropped open, his arms freezing in the position they were currently in as he tried to show you the motions of making a mug, “I swear. I’m gonna make you a mug and it’s gonna be the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen and you’re gonna have to love it because you doubted me.”
That just makes you laugh and he smiles down at you, “I’d love that, make it extra big too. Big enough so I can pour two cups of coffee in it and I’ll treasure it forever, no matter how ugly it is.”
He nods in thought, his lips pursed together because he was definitely gonna do that now. He really wasn’t the worst at ceramics but now he was determined to make you a half decent mug to drink your morning coffee. “Deal, give me a week.” He pulled the door open for the store and let you slip in first, the bells dinging up ahead to notify the worker of your presence.
You went for the chips, stuffing two bags of spicy tteokbokki chips into your bag as your first choice. Jungkook roams over to the sweets, grabbing a few of the chocopie for himself, calling your name out as he holds one up and when you nod he grabs a few more for you as well. It takes you both a few minutes to raid the shelves, huddling in a corner with the bag pulled apart to inspect the damage, “Is this enough?”
Jungkook hums as his eyes scan the contents, spicy chips, seaweed crisps, chocopies, some sausages, two small containers of banana milk for himself and a few cans of sparkling soju crammed at the bottom for you two to conceal. This seemed like enough, and you kept saying there would be more options once you got there so he didn’t think you should load up on too much. “Yeah, I think we’re good.”
Satisfied, you pay for your goods and make your way back to your building where the event would take place. You hop into the elevator and click the very top floor, he could see your big smile in the reflection, your feet tapping excitedly and he feels a smile spreading on his own face, happy that he chose an activity that made you this giddy.
When the doors open to the roof you step out onto the hallway and walk up three steps through the doors that lead to roof access. Jungkook had no idea either of the dorm buildings even had roof access so he’s amazed at that fact alone. The entire perimeter is blocked up by a cement border to prevent anyone from falling off, a plethora of plants covering it up to make it look more pleasing to the eye. Right in the middle of it all was the bonfire, thin and long and already lit up with people sat on the surrounding couch.
Besides that were a handful of bean bags and comfy chairs in case there wasn’t enough seating on the couch and if that wasn’t enough either there was a giant space open up in front of the blow up projector for anyone to lay a comfy blanket down to chill.
The snack and beverage table was placed to the left which was where you were currently dragging Jungkook to. You pulled out a few of the treats you had bought to leave them for anyone to enjoy and Jungkook couldn’t resist grabbing a piece of chocolate that was meant for the s’mores, letting the candy melt in his mouth as his eyes roamed the place some more.
“Hey, isn’t that Jimin?” He spoke slowly, not wanting the melted candy to drool out of his mouth. You were munching on a cinnamon cracker, your head turning to where he was pointing and low and behold it was Jimin. He was currently sat on the grey couch in front of the fire right next to a girl you recognized as Chaeyoung, she was holding a marshmallow on top of the fire, laughing as Jimin surely teased her for burning it.
“Yeah it is.” You smiled to yourself, seeing your best friend behaving uncharacteristically flirty, accepting a bite of the slightly burnt marshmallow smushed between the chocolate and crackers in Chaeyoung’s hands, licking his lips and plucking the snack out of her grasp to feed her the rest of it.
Jungkook walked towards them, seeing a few empty spots to their left on the smaller couch by the fire, he noticed the metal basket by the couch containing blankets so he snagged one out before he took a seat, handing it to you when you sat beside him.
“Y/N, Jungkook!” Jimin notices you two the second you sit down, popping the tip of his finger into his mouth to lick away the sticky residue from it.
“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be here.” You tease him, setting your bag in front of you and Jungkook and draping the blanket over the both of your laps for some added warmth.
“I wasn’t going to but this one,” he drapes his arm over Chaeyoung and she blushes at his display of affection, covering up a side of her face, “convinced me to come. Something about them playing The Lost Boys.”
She looked up at him and smiled, “It’s my all time favorite movie, I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.” Jimin just shrugs, a teasing smirk on his face and you wanna scream at how cute hes acting but you really don’t want to embarrass him. Park Jimim was not one for dates or romantics so seeing him on what could arguably be described as a date blind sided you.
“Oh, I’m Chaeyoung by the way.” She leans out of his embrace and reaches over with an extended hand. You lean over Jungkook to reach it, a giggly handshake being exchanged between you two, “Y/N. You’re a third year right? Political science major?”
“Yes, I am! I saw your photography exhibit by the way, super amazing.” Your hands come up to cup your cheeks at her compliment, suddenly feeling like you two are drunk strangers at a bar ready to spit compliment after compliment at each other.
“And you’re Jungkook right?” She speaks again, sitting back in her seat as she stares at him with an unreadable expression and you can feel Jungkook tense up slightly at being recognized because how the fuck would a third year know who he was. He wasn’t a social butterfly at all, he only knew you and your group and his other small group of friends that he studied with.
“Oh, yeah I am.” Jungkook reaches his own hand out to greet her and she does the same. Pulling her hand back after a moment and crossing her leg over the other in thought, “Weren’t you just dating Jisoo?”
There it is. Of course thats how she would know who he was. And that only proved his suspicion that Jisoo was spreading his name around.
She had a defensive cast over her gaze, her eyes boring into Jungkook to analyze him. It clicked instantly that Chaeyoung and Jisoo were best friends so theres no doubt that right now Chaeyoung is ready to chew Jungkook out for being what she thinks is a dirtbag.
You can see how wide Jungkooks eyes get at her question, readjusting himself on the couch while his mind sorts through any possible answer he can give her. How could he clear his name without sounding like the jerk she thinks he currently is?
“Uhm,” his eyes drift over to her for a moment and when he sees her unwavering gaze he looks at Jimin instead, seeing him with his lips pressed in a firm line, “we just went to dinner and the art exhibit. We weren’t dating.”
Chaeyoung’s look softens at that, his answer being a stark contrast to what Jisoo had told her. She had said Jungkook had made her his girlfriend and went on this amazing date and when she didn’t put out he told her they weren’t dating.
Jungkook continues to ramble, thinking that answer doesn’t satisfy her, “Jisoo’s a sweet girl, don’t get me wrong. We just weren’t compatible so it was best if we…moved on?”
Your hand comes up to pat his thigh on top of the blanket, comforting him slightly because you can see how nervous he got. His own hand comes down on top of yours, fingers gently wrapping around it and giving it a squeeze.
“Totally fair,” Chaeyoung finally speaks, “just wanted to make sure you didn’t dump my friend and quickly moved on with Y/N.” Her eyes flicker over to your hands and then up to you with a smile. Jimin cleared his throat beside her, his own hands coming up to rub together to try to clear any awkward tension.
“Okay,” he starts, eyes coming down to look at the plastic bag set by your feet, “please tell me you brought any sort of alcohol.”
You lift your hand off Jungkook’s thigh, leaning forward to rummage through the bottom of your bag and pulling out colorful cans of soju. You wave two of them in your hands in offering, tossing them both to Jimin when he cheers obnoxiously, pulling out another two for you and Jungkook to enjoy.
The four of you crack open the cans, bringing them together in cheers to prepare to down the entire thing as fast as you could before anyone could possibly rat you out. You manage half of it before having to pull back, the carbonation in the drink burning your nose and throat more than the soju in it, “Fuck, why did you get these?” Jimin coughs, fingers coming up to rub at his nose.
“They look like soda cans, I was trying to be inconspicuous.” Jungkook laughs at your pained expression, setting his drink on the floor to get up and grab some of the snacks to make s’mores.
Chaeyoung raises her finished can in the air in victory, licking her lips with a slight grimace, “Done!” She crumples up the can for dramatic effect, you and Jimin staring at her in shock and then looking at each other to see who could finish the rest of their drink faster.
Jimin manages three more gulps until he pulls back again, “Nope,” he coughs, letting out a burp as he pounds onto his chest, “can’t do it.” You finish your own can, tossing it into the second reusable bag you brought thats not being occupied. Chaeyoung jokingly calls Jimin a baby, taking his own can to finish off herself.
When Jungkook returns with his snacks & two metal skewers they fall into their own conversation and Jungkook is thankful because even though Chaeyoung seems okay with him he still feels like if he says the wrong thing she’ll turn and call him a fuck boy or something of that nature.
You reach for a skewer, popping a fluffy marshmallow onto the top of it and leaning forward to reach the fire. He mimics your actions, the both of you giggling when he drops his hand too low and his marshmallow burns a little too hot for a moment.
“Do you like your marshmallows well done?” He asks you as he looks at your fluffy snack hovering over the fire way too low since you were focused on staring at his, a teasing grin on his face, “‘Cause that shit is charred.”
You gasp as you pull back your now black marshmallow, frantically blowing on it when you notice its now entirely burnt and Jungkook cant help but laugh at the frown on your face. He pulls his own perfectly toasted marshmallow up towards your face to mock you, only laughing harder when you bring your own burnt one up beside it to compare them.
“I can still salvage it.” You try to convince yourself, your fingers trying to scrape and pluck away the burnt edges but Jungkook knows as well as you do that it’s beyond repair. While you focus on your failed attempt Jungkook prepares his own s’more, putting two pieces of chocolate around the gooey marshmallow and sandwiching it between the cinnamon crackers.
When he brings it up to your face with a sweet smile the frown on your face deepens at the nice motion, you take a small bite of it and let out a sound of satisfaction when the sweetness hits your tongue, “So good!”
He motions for you to finish it but you just take it from him and force feed it back to him, your hand cupping his cheek to push his lips open and its not until he lets out another laugh that you’re able to pop the rest of the treat into his mouth with no resistance. His cheeks are puffed up and he has a bit of chocolate smeared around his lips, looking absolutely adorable and you really can’t stop yourself from cupping both of his cheeks like an annoying auntie and cooing at him which only makes his cheeks warm up, his mouth coming to life to munch away to get his cheeks to deflate again.
“Cute.”
The following week goes on like normal except for the fact that now you’re slammed with work and school, barely getting a moment to see any of your friends between the chaos of it all. Jungkook has a small moment where he thinks he did something wrong since you seemed to drop off the face of the earth after the bonfire. You had both had a great time, a small buzz coursing through you from the soju and you had convinced him to cram with you on the oversized bean bags to watch the movie playing but your lack of communication even after your shared class has him slightly worried.
He’s currently sat at his desk, fingers tapping on his laptops keyboard as he tried to finish the last 300 words needed for this essay. Taehyung is sat at his own desk and it’s not until he starts to groan and furiously key smash that Jungkook stops what he’s doing to turn around and check on his roommates mental health. “You okay?”
Taehyung groans with his cheek pressed against the buttons on his keyboard, a constant string of the letter f being typed onto his own essay, “Sorry.” He apologizes when he realizes how loud he’s being, “If this is way more information than you were looking for I don’t care, but I haven’t gotten laid in over a week so I’m dying.”
Jungkook just laughs at the vulgar behavior that just comes naturally to Taehyung, until he realizes that his roommates statement of recent celibacy means he hasn’t seen you either. Taehyung lifts his head up, his fingers coming up to scratch as his faded red hair, deciding he should get to work and stop distracting his roommate with information on his personal life.
The tapping continues and Jungkook slides his phone out to send you a text to see if you were doing okay since he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t seen you recently. He sets his phone down after pressing send, letting the screen stay lit up as he goes back to his work, his eyes constantly darting back to check for any sign of life on your end.
When it vibrates against the desk he peers over to read your response, saying that work and school were ending your social life along with a photo of your current view at work being a desktop lined up with photos you were sorting through, a few textbooks to the left of it to show you trying your best to multitask.
Yoongi looks up from his own spot, peering over his computer to watch you stop whatever it is you’re doing to grab your phone the second it vibrates, small giggles leaving your body as you banter back and forth with Jungkook for the remainder of your shift. Yoongi knows you’re a sucker, he’s just waiting for you to realize it too.
It’s not until nearly a week and a half later that you have a minute to spare, your time already being occupied by Taehyung since he had begged and pleaded for you to help him with his hair dilemma. He’s determined to be Kaneki from Tokyo Ghoul and desperately needs to bleach out the faded ass red form his hair while also tackling his roots.
You’re sat on his desk chair while he sits on the floor between your legs with a bowl of bleach being held in his hands. You have teeny tiny foils in his hair to focus on the red ends first, your hands coming down to dip the tint brush into the thick bleach to coat onto his hair and then securely fold up the foils. “I really hope this comes out.” You mumble out as you fold up the final piece of foil, placing the brush into the remaining bleach for later.
“Me too, that costume is the only thing holding my life together.”
He reaches over to set the bowl onto the desk beside the two of you, coming back to get comfortable again between your legs, “Whys that?”
He whips around dramatically, an exasperated look on his face, “Whys that?” He mocks, his fingers coming up to grip your thighs, “I haven’t fucked you in ages.” He whines out, fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs harder. The foils on his head crinkle as he drops his face onto your stomach and you just roll your eyes at how he’s acting because it’s only been two weeks.
“You have a hand Taehyung.”
“It’s not the same!”
“Wow,” you laugh out, your hand coming up to awkwardly pat his tinfoil head, “I’ve just been overwhelmed with my current work load.” You explain your current situation, how all your professors were assigning massive projects back to back combined with the extra work at your job, it was taking its toll on you. You enjoy your classes and love your new job but you haven’t been able to catch a break lately.
“Let me help you ease your stress.” He mumbles out against the fabric of your shirt, his hands trailing up from their spot on your thighs up towards your center.
“I’m not fucking you while you have that shit in your hair.”
And just like that he deflates, his arms dropping like deadweight as he crumbles back to the floor like a child. “Fine.”
He stays in that same position, letting you pat your hand on his head as you both scrolled through your phones, only standing up after you had applied the bleach to his roots and deemed it ready to wash.
You make your way to the boys restroom, Taehyung shoving his head underneath the weak stream of water coming from the sink as you help him rinse the bleach from his hair. He stays with his head bowed forward, his eyes squeezed shut as you applied the purple toner you had mixed.
When you step away to rinse your hands he stands back up to stare at his reflection in the mirror, the skin around his hairline is red from irritation thanks to the bleach and the toner had turned a very scary shade of purple but he trusts you so he doesn’t panic.
“Just fifteen minutes max and then you’re good to go baby.” His eyes move to stare at you from the reflection, seeing you staring at him with a smile, he looks so cute with his hair balled up on top of his head, his eyes wide and curious.
“Then we can fuck?” Yup, and that cute innocent look is gone, but that tiny smile spreading on his face makes you crack, “Yes Tae, then we can fuck.”
So when the timer goes off Taehyung rips off his clothes, surely staining his shirt with the dye on his head but thats a problem for a later date, the shirt laying forgotten on the floor in the corner as he approaches the showers with his hand wrapped around your arm. “In here?” You shout out, your voice bouncing off the tiled room. It’s currently not occupied but you’re not sure how long that’s gonna last for.
“Why not? I don’t wanna wait any longer.” He shrugs, throwing open the shower curtain and letting out a loud scream when he comes face to face with that cursed skeleton everyone on his floor keeps moving around. You burst into laughter and he joins in, his hand clutching his chest to try to slow his heart beat. “Okay, that one’s occupied.” He closes the curtain and moves to the very last one instead.
You pick up his shirt and ball it up to toss it on the bench in front of the shower stall he chose. Your eyes roam the room again, seeing the coast was clear as Taehyung fidgets with the water temperature. He peeks back out to slip out of his sweats and boxers, wiggling his eyebrows as he kicks them to lay beneath the same bench his shirt was on. Your mind was made up, your hands lifting your shirt up and off of you, sliding down the comfy lounging shorts you have on and Taehyung groans when he notices you don’t have any underwear on.
“You knew this was gonna happen didn’t you?”
You kick your clothing over to join his, “Wishful thinking?” You respond with a smirk, squealing loudly when his arm wraps around your waist to drag you into the awaiting stall.
“Wash that off first!” You warn him, pushing his face away from yours. He sighs and crouches down, tilting his head back so you can help him rinse the toner out of his hair. When he’s all clean you pat his cheek, letting him stand up properly and tower over you. He’s giving you that half smirk, his body backing you up against the shower wall, his back successfully blocking the stream of the shower from you because he knows you’re really not trying to get your hair wet.
“You know, you look kinda hot with silver hair.” His eyebrows raise up at your statement, his head tilting slightly, “Kinda like-” You gasp when his fingers make contact with your waist, starting to trail them down, that teasing smirk still on his face as he waits for you to finish your sentence, “like a real life anime character.”
He hums, “Oh? Does that turn you on?”
You just nod, your teeth chewing on your bottom lip as you stared up at him. When his fingers pass your hips and dip down to part your lips his mouth opens up in fake shock, “Messy baby, you weren’t lying. You’re so wet already.”
The groan you let out hardly gets muffled by the noise of the shower but thats the last of your worries right now, your mind too focused on the feeling of his fingers gathering up your arousal, trailing up and down your slit teasingly, “I can’t help it, it’s been too long.” And he knows this, stepping even closer to lock your lips in a heated kiss, it’s been way too long.
He starts to circle his fingers around your entrance but you shake your head, your lips pulling back from his with a small gasp, “No, just fuck me please.” He rests his forehead against yours, his cock throbbing at how desperate your voice sounds. Something about how eager and hungry you always were for sex fueled him, always kept him wanting more.
“Whatever you want baby.” He plants a small kiss on your forehead as he places his hands on your waist, twirling you around and pressing your chest against the cold tile. Then theres a loud wet smack echoing from his palm connecting against your ass, another squeal being heard as a giggly but hushed sound of his name leaves your lips.
And as Jungkook stands at the sink, washing his hands after using the bathroom, he feels his heart stop. He had walked in a minute or so ago, hearing the sounds of a couple talking with the shower running and he knew they were gonna fuck because thats honestly a common occurrence but he didn’t know it was you.
The tap keeps running, his hands still stuck under it as his neck cranes to look to the far left where the shower section was. He sees the ball of clothes you two must have kicked off to the side. The white shower curtain being short enough to see the two pairs of feet in the shower and the position they were currently in made it glaringly obvious that Taehyung was pounding into you from behind and as if he needed more confirmation, you just moaned out for him to fuck you harder.
It was when another loud smack echoed out, mixed in with a grunt from Taehyung that he decided he needed to get the fuck out of there. So he did, not bothering to wipe his hands dry as he scurried away, his cheeks burning up and a mysterious feeling in his chest that he could feel spreading to the rest of his body. He never let you guys know what he had witnessed, not even when you both walked back into the room with your clothes clinging on to your still damp body.
The next time you see Jungkook is a few days later as you’re about to enter the cafe. You don’t speak to him because you spot him a few feet away, walking out of the arts building and in the direction of the schools cafeteria. It takes you a moment to even realize it’s him because his hair is no longer black and you have an inkling that Taehyung is the one that helped him with this.
You decide you’ll find him after you get your coffee and enter the shop. Instantly you spot Jisoo stood behind the cash register and she looks flustered when you make eye contact. Regardless you walk up to her and order a caramel macchiato, adding an americano to the mix since you plan on seeing Jungkook right after this anyways.
Jisoo raises her eyebrows when you order the americano, no doubt knowing its for Jungkook since thats always been his drink of choice here. “Thank you by the way.” She speaks up after you finish telling her your order.
Her comment catches you off guard, “Thank you for what?”
She scribbles on the cups before handing them off to her coworker to get started on. The cafe doesn’t currently have anyone else waiting to order so she stays at the register to chat. “For helping Jungkook with our date.”
You’re about to play stupid but she raised her hand to stop you, “Look, I know you’re the one who suggested both dates to him so thanks.” You’re stunned to silence, not really sure how you should respond but she keeps talking, “It’s just a shame isn’t it?”
“What is?” Your arms are now crossed defensively across your chest.
“That all boys want to do is get in your pants, no one likes romance anymore. I thought Jungkook was nice, goes to show all men are pigs.”
You don’t know why that irritates you as much as it does but you can’t stop yourself from snapping at her, “I’m sorry what exactly did Jungkook do to you that was so horrible?” That wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for, her eyes widening slightly at the sharp tone in your voice, “Because from what I know he took you on two very nice dates and you were the one that cornered him in your hallway, beyond ready to get into his pants without even speaking to him. Sounds like you’re the pig here Jisoo.”
Her face blanks, obviously not thinking you knew the details of the date. She was expecting to be able to spill whatever fake warning she had been telling all of her friends to stay away from Jungkook. “If he was truly as horrible as you’re making everyone believe he is he would’ve slept with you and left the second he got what he wanted.” At that moment her coworker came up with both drinks in hand and a grimace on his face at the interaction he had witnessed. You gripped them both and thanked him before walking out of there as fast as you could so you wouldn’t do something irrational.
Your face felt red, not from embarrassment but from holding in your anger. Jungkook didn’t deserve to have someone talk about him like this, he wasn’t a pig, he was the furthest from that. He was a very sweet gentleman who went out of his way to be as polite as he could. Jungkook was very much boyfriend material and it wasn’t fair that Jisoo could bad mouth him all she wanted because she was salty about being rejected.
You were marching down your campus, some of your drink was sloshing out of the opening in the lid, splashing onto your hand and burning the fuck out of it but it wasn’t processing in your mind as you entered the cafeteria and hoped Jungkook was still here.
You pause at the entryway to scan the room, it was full at this hour since most students came here after their 6pm class to catch a bite for dinner. Eyes roaming over each table you spot the new half blonde and half red hair that belongs to Jungkook, he’s sat next to two other boys all of them laughing and goofing off with their trays in front of them. And now you’re unsure if you should approach him, his back is towards you but one of his friends glances up and makes eye contact, offering you a weird smile. Jungkook notices and cranes around to see what the hell his friend is staring at, noticing you standing awkwardly with your two cups of coffee. You expect him to just give you a half assed greeting before he turns around but his smile gets bigger and he’s waving you over.
You shyly smile and make your way over, slipping between the occupied tables to sit in the spot beside Jungkook. “I uh, I saw you coming this way so I got you a coffee since you know.” You motion with your hands and he understands, he hadn’t had his favorite coffee in weeks because he had been avoiding the cafe like the plague.
“Thank you.” He accepts the cup and takes a gulp, exaggerating a moan to show how much he missed it. That makes his friends and you laugh as you mumble out a no problem, your hands cupping your own drink. At the thought of coffee he pauses, grabbing his bag and sorting through it to pull out the mug he promised you.
You gasp when he hands it over, its a slightly bumpy jumbo mug that he had glazed in black, the inside of the cup being glazed white with a small bat being put on the bottom. You flipped it over to analyze it some more, your thumb grazing over the engraving of his initials he put underneath it, “Oh my god, its perfect!”
Jungkooks friends see the way his ears redden the second he handed you the gift and they want to tease him but theyre scared of the beating they’ll get when you’re gone.
“It’s big enough for two cups.” It definitely is, it was deep and pretty wide. You would be putting it to use tomorrow when you needed a morning cup at work. Jungkook watches the way you stare at the mug like its your newest prized possession and he smiles, picking up his cup of coffee again to take a sip.
“Jisoos a bitch by the way.” You blurt out before you can help yourself and the entire table stays silent, your eyes wide in shock that you even said anything at all.
He holds the coffee cup by his lips, his eyebrows furrowed and the cutest pout on his lips, “What do you mean?”
You push your cup a little bit away from you, tugging your sweaters sleeves over your palms, “I mean she’s a bitch.” Point blank period. “When I ordered these she tried to take that opportunity to talk shit about you to me, called you a pig or something.” You fake disinterest, “So I went off on her.”
His friends holler at that, no doubt knowing what happened between him and Jisoo, one of them offers you a high five which you awkwardly accept. Jungkook just stares at you, in disbelief that Jisoo was trying to make him look bad to you of all people, but he was even more surprised that you had been so quick to defend him.
“You didn’t have to do that, but…I appreciate it.” You shrug, a small smile on your face which he reciprocates.
“Oh,” he puts the coffee down again and gestures towards his friends, “by the way, Y/N this is Mingyu and Eunwoo.” They greet you respectfully, Mingyu whispering something into Eunwoo’s ear before he nods and they both start snickering and then Jungkooks swiftly kicking one of their shins under the table, causing the cheap thing to shake.
You jump at the action and Jungkook glares at his friends before looking at you, “Sorry, weird spasm. Are you hungry?” He quickly changes the subject, desperately trying to get you away from his friends before they say some shit to embarrass him in front of you because he knows they will. They had been the ones subjected to the endless texts in the group chat where Jungkook went on mini rants that switched from trying to convince himself and his group that he did not have a crush on you to asking them for advice on how to best approach you.
At his question you realize you are in fact hungry so you get up with him and follow him to the food options, his now empty tray in hand, you grab a tray from the stack in the corner as you see what catches your eye. Jungkook reaches for the mozzarella sticks, plopping a good handful onto a plate and setting it on his tray with a smile. You copy his actions and grab another plate, putting a regular cheeseburger on it along with some fries. Since Jungkook had already had a burger before you got here he settles for a few chicken wings instead, grabbing a drink for himself and another for you when you motion that you want the same one.
“I like the hair by the way.” You finally speak when you’re both swiping your student cards.
He picks one hand up to ruffle his freshly dyed hair, the red and blonde strands falling slightly over his eyes, “Thanks, it’s for Halloween. I was just gonna spray paint it but Tae convinced me to dye it.”
Just as you figured, “Who are you going as, Todoroki?”
He nods quickly, his face showing his obvious excitement, “Yes! Thats exactly who I’m supposed to be. Have you thought of your costume yet?”
With both trays in hand you start the walk back to the table, “Yeah not as nerdy as yours and Tae’s but close enough.” You tease him, not aware of the stares Jungkooks friends were currently giving you two, “I’m dressing up as Raven from Teen Titans.”
He gulps at that, Raven’s costume wasn’t down right in your face sexy but something about you being in a tight black leotard with your legs bare and a cape covering you up has Jungkook’s weeb ass sweating.
And he didn’t have to wait long to see it since Halloween landed on the upcoming Saturday. All of you were gathered at Jimin’s apartment, all in full nerd gear with shot glasses in hand. The party was being held at one of his friends places which meant expensive booze and a nice house, a drastic change from the dirty parties at the delta fucking whatevers so needless to say you guys were all pumped.
It was currently 10:30 at night and you were about to order a few ubers to head over, your body was buzzing from the two shots you’ve taken, enough to loosen you up.
Jimin is currently dressed in full Joker attire, the new version, his blonde hair is temporarily dyed green with paste, slicked back off of his face and it kills you that hes able to rock any look. “You’re the bane of my existence.”
He has his hand wrapped around you with a smile, raising his eyebrows and making the painted red ones lift up too, “It’s not my fault I was blessed with beautiful genes.” You just roll your eyes, declining the third shot he hands you and he just shrugs and takes it instead, keeping his arm around you as he grimaces and slams the shot glass down on the counter in front of you two.
Jungkook is sat on the couch in the living room beside Yoongi who’s dressed liked Naruto and you finally realize what a giant bunch of losers you and your friends are. Namjoon is stood over by the record player that has music filling up the room, dressed up as Gudetama in a comfortable looking onesie, beside him is Jin and his girlfriend Arang who are dressed in matching pumpkin costumes looking adorable as ever. Hoseok is stood next to Taehyung by the liquor bottle a few feet away from you and Jimin, dressed like an inmate, a pair of handcuffs wrapped around one single wrist for show.
Your eyes move back to Jungkook, he’s decked out in full Todoroki gear, a blue tracksuit on with the white accents and belt, even similar boots and the damn burn on his face to finish it off. The way hes sat on the couch with his legs spread out is like an open invitation to be sat on, you always forget how buff Jungkook is but seeing his thick muscles pulling the fabric taut around his thighs is making your mouth water.
“I knew it.” Jimin whispers in your ear when he catches you staring at the younger boy.
“What are you talking about?”
“You are into him, Yoongi mentioned it to me and I noticed it a while back but I didn’t believe it.”
You trust Jimin, he’s undoubtedly your best friend but you’re not ready to admit to feelings you aren’t even sure you fully have yet so you shrug indifferently, “Honestly, I’m just admiring his juicy ass thighs.”
He peers over and stares at them as well, humming in appreciation, “Well you’re not wrong.”
Taehyung pours himself another shot, letting it overflow a bit as he watches you and Jimin staring at Jungkook. He has his Kaneki face mask partially tugged down to not interfere with his ability to get hammered so the weird grimace he sports is visible for anyone to see. He got it, Jungkook was attractive and muscular and Taehyung had offered to help dye his hair for his costume in hopes that it would land him a chick tonight so he’d back off of you but his plan seems to be backfiring on him.
Taehyung hates that he feels the jealousy blooming in him when he sees you walk over to Jungkook, offering him a shot with a grin, sitting down beside him and laughing at the way he crinkles his nose. He swears he doesn’t feel jealous because he likes you deeper than the current arrangement you both have, its just that stupid territorial mindset he never fully grew out of taking over. He was currently still sober enough which is why he was trying so hard to squish it down, thats all it was.
He knows if you turned around and decided to stop sleeping with him and moved on to Jungkook for that or even a relationship he wouldn’t fight you on it because you could do whatever you wanted but he was hoping what you two had would have lasted longer than a few months and you wouldn’t be setting your sights on his roommate of all people or at least had the decency to tell him. Its not until Hoseok swats his arm, giving him a weird glare, that he snaps him out of blatantly staring at you and Jungkook.
When the ubers finally come you all split up to make yourselves fit into them, Taehyung lucking out and getting stuck in the uber you, Jungkook, and Jimin were in, leaving you sandwiched between him and Jungkook in the back row while Jimin occupied the passengers seat. Taehyung is tense in his seat and you can feel it, his hands clenched and resting on his lap as he stares out the window, counting down the seconds until you all pull up in front of the giant house party.
“It’s my friend Taemin’s house, he’s honestly probably hammered already.” Jimin says once your whole group is gathered on the front lawn. He takes the lead and walks up the path laid out, opening the door to enter the booming house, loud house music being blasted from the giant speakers in the corners.
“Holy shit.” Namjoon speaks out, his eyes taking in how enormous the house was. The ceilings were stupid high, an expensive looking chandelier being the main focus in the current room but it was clear the home owner didn’t pay it much attention considering the shiny diamonds were currently covered in those fake cobwebs.
“How many people are even here?” Arang speaks up as you all make your way deeper into the house. The place is swarming with people, all in their own costumes and you don’t believe that Taemin even knows everyone here.
“Probably a few hundred people, a thousand if he’s fucking insane.” Jimin laughs, his hand coming up to point across the room as he finally spots Taemin in the second living room area he had. He was sat on the couch, looking pretty drunk but the second he spotted Jimin he sprung up and met him halfway in a clumsy hug.
“Thanks for coming out you guys.” He speaks up like he actually knows who you all are even though you’re all strangers, “Feel free to drink whatever you want, theres no rules just please don’t break my shit. Theres also a costume contest happening at midnight with some cash prizes.” When he finishes his little host speech he bows dramatically before someone else calls out for him and he’s gone.
You and your friends don’t need to be told twice, instantly gravitating towards the drinks to get as drunk as everyone else seemed to already be. The array of pricey liquor has you wanting to cry, you absolutely loved the rich for this reason only. The one thing you’re all good at is getting absolutely sauced so it doesn’t take long for you guys to catch up.
Little by little everyone slowly splitting up when the night progresses, there was too much going on in all the different areas of the house, along with who knows what happening in the backyard but you’re pretty sure theres a pool out there, something you would definitely be avoiding because it was freezing.
Hoseok and you end up together as you usually do, being designated party buddies. You’re stood at the back of a room thats currently having a very drunk karaoke concert going on, a very dramatic rendition of Dont Stop Believing being the song of choice and you’re both clapping your hands anc cheering along when the six foot tall Ash Ketchum goes out of his way to make his own adlibs.
You tell Hoseok you’ll be right back as you venture back out of the room to go grab another mixed drink. On your way there you spot Jungkook sat on the couch beside Namjoon, a very pretty girl stood beside him, trying her best to get his attention but he’s either not interested or completely oblivious to her advances because he brushes her off and starts a conversation with Namjoon instead. You’re pouring your drink into your cup when the girl walks away from him with a roll of her eyes, saying something to her waiting group of friends before they all make their way outside.
Just as you’re about to go over to him Taehyung pops up on your left, slinging his arm over you in the sloppy way that lets you know he’s been throwing back way more shots than you have. “Can I ask you something?” He slurs into your ear, choosing to stand in front of you, putting you between him and the counter behind you.
“Sure.” You say as you take a sip of your strong drink, your eyes looking up at him and seeing them glazed over, a hint of uncertainty in them.
He looks down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at you, the three tequila shots he just took minutes ago doing nothing to stop him from squishing down his emotions now, “Are you fucking Jungkook?”
You quickly swallow the liquid in your mouth so you don’t spit it out, your face showing how absurd you think his question is, “What? No?”
Taehyung narrows his eyes at you, not entirely believing you because of how you two have been acting recently, he sees the way Jungkook acts whenever you text him and he knew you two had started to hang out more on your own. And he would’ve thought it was a normal hang out until Jimin had uploaded a video of the bonfire and he had seen you two making cutesy eyes at each other as you fed him a s’more.
You can see the gears turning in his head but you speak up again before he has a chance to say some stupid shit, “How drunk are you?”
“Drunk enough!” He shouts back and thats confirmation enough for you to know that whatever conversation he thinks he wants to have right now will have to wait.
“Okay you weirdo, get a grip please and back off.” His current attitude was getting on your nerves only because it’s something you’re not used to dealing with when it came to him. Even though you’re half kidding at your statement there’s still some truth to it and he hears it loud and clear, stepping back like a toddler and giving you some space. He mumbles something out about going to find Jimin but you don’t pay it any mind, just nodding along as you drink more of your concoction and go back to join Hoseok in the karaoke room again.
Another hour passes, a few minutes shy of midnight so you know the costume contest will be taking place soon. You and Hoseok have drifted away from each other, him deciding to go join the dance floor at the front of the house where as you find yourself watching an intense game of guitar hero being played. The giant flat screen lets any onlooker clearly see the battle happening and you don’t notice Jungkook beside you until he’s nudging you with his hip, a goofy smile on his face when you stumble over slightly.
“You really suit this character.” He’s standing there with his arms crossed and for one of the first times since you’ve known him he has this very confident aura coming from him. Maybe it’s because he’s had too much to drink to care or maybe it’s because he feels like he’s in his element in this dorky costume but confidence looks good on him.
“Should I just live my entire life as Todoroki then?”
His eyes are glassy from the alcohol and his cheeks are pink but he can tell you’ve had a bit more to drink than him, your tongue becoming too loose to hold anything back, “I definitely wouldn’t mind it.” When he notices your eyes raking up his body and back down, stopping at his thighs once more before looking at his eyes again, he just blushes and chooses to uncross his arms to take a sip of his drink.
He’s been noticing your constant eyeing of his thighs, having caught you staring at them at Jimin’s place earlier tonight, and now that you were drunk you were doing a worse job at trying to play it off. “Has anyone ever told you that your thighs are beautiful?” You finally address it.
Jungkook raises both of his eyebrows, looking down at himself, shifting his weight between both legs and stretching one out. “Can’t say they have.”
“Just wanna bite em…” You mumble under your breath and he chuckles, catching your words but not speaking on it. The shots are definitely seeping further into your blood because your hands are coming up and out, grabbing the meaty skin of his right thigh and he’s yelping from the shock, jumping slightly before balancing out so his drink wouldn’t spill.
You’re grinning sweetly as you give his thigh another quick squeeze and retreat back. You only hum in thought, your mind wondering what they look like under the pants he’s currently wearing. Jungkook is still too caught off guard, any words he wants to say getting stuck in his throat as he observes the room to see if anyone saw that.
The reality of what you just did slowly sinks in and he catches the switch, your eyes sharpening up and you take a very small step back, “Are none of these girls good enough for you?”
“What?”
You nervously swallow more of your drink which probably isn’t wise because look at what you had already done with the alcohol already in your system, “I promised you I’d get you laid by the end of this month and i’ve seen like four girls come up to you and you blew them off.”
That was true, he had done that all night but it had been such an automatic response that he wasn’t sure why he had, something about sleeping with a complete stranger in another strangers home felt wrong. That and the fact that he wanted to sleep with you was also getting in the way, but his inner self currently had that thought in a headlock, a very loose and slowly weakening headlock but a headlock nonetheless, so he was ignoring it.
“They didn’t even know who I’m supposed to be.” He lies as an excuse and it makes you laugh, tipping your cup up and pouring the rest of its contents down your throat.
“Is that you’re only reason?”
He nods stubbornly, sticking with his horrible excuse until it turns around and bites him in the ass. “Well I know who you’re supposed to be, so what does that mean?”
He blanks at that, really not expecting the turn this would take. You watch him, his big doe eyes only getting bigger at your words. He rolls his lips together in thought, his mind sorting through all the appropriate responses he could say. During his distraction he doesn’t notice his inner self releasing the headlock grip he had on his feelings until it’s too late and they’re spilling out into the open.
“It means I wanna fuck you.”
Yeah. That wasn’t what he wanted to say, at all, but his filter had clearly been lost a few shots back and when you don’t immediately slap him he doesn’t think he fucked up entirely.
“You wanna fuck me?” You repeat slowly, stepping closer to him. You had a feeling he did based on that drunk text he had sent you but you had to make sure he really wanted to and this wasn’t just a nervous response. Jimin and Yoongi were right in their observations of both of you, you wanted to sleep with him, you have ever since that night in your room and the realistic dreams involving him haven’t stopped so maybe once you sleep with him everything will mellow out in your brain.
This isn’t a crush, you try to convince yourself, this is just your hormones talking. It’s not your fault that imaginary Jungkook would moan such sweet praises in your ear while you dreamed, thats why you were stuck wearing i’m horny for jungkook glasses, and once you slept with each other all would be fine.
His eyes look around, he could see Tae and Jimin stood near the kitchen, Tae doubling over in laughter at something being said and when you see who he’s looking up it only annoys you. Taehyung didn’t have this claim on you and you knew Jungkook was just worried because he didn’t fully believe no feelings were involved between you and Tae but you were sick of people thinking you belonged to him.
You raise your hand up to cup his cheek, bringing his attention back to you, “I asked you a question Jungkook.”
He looks back over to you, seeing your own eyes staring up at him and he finds himself nodding his head. Sure you both aren’t sober at all and will he be embarrassed about this once he is, probably, but he knows he’ll regret not being completely honest tomorrow morning if he says no.
At his confirmation you smile, you had spotted the staircase nearby, knowing there would be rooms you two could occupy but when you start to tug him in the direction of it he resists.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, I just don’t feel right using someone’s room to do this.” Jungkook wasn’t a virgin so you knew he wasn’t wanting this to be a certain way for his first time but he’d only ever been intimate with one person and it hadn’t gone the way he wanted at all so if he didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with you in this house it was fine by you.
“Do you want to go back to mine then?” The urgency that usually came with party hook ups was missing, you didn’t feel rushed to get in a room and tear his clothes off without speaking to each other, he wasn’t just a hook up.
When he nods his head you don’t think twice to pull him in the direction towards the front door, a loud tapping noise stopping you both in your tracks. Everyone stops talking, turning towards the source of the noise and seeing Taemin stood on top of his coffee table with a microphone in hand, his finger tapping the top of it to check it.
“Okay, fuck it works dude!” Jimin shouted out, everyones hands coming up to cover their ears when Taemin just laughs loudly into the mic.
It was time for the costume contest and as much as you wouldn’t mind seeing who won or even potentially winning the cash prize yourself, the thought of finally getting to sleep with Jungkook wins. You look back at him, your eyes asking him if he wants to wait but he shakes his head, his fingers giving your palm another squeeze. You choose not to notify your friends that you were leaving, they were all drunk enough and were already planning on sleeping at Jimin’s after this anyways so you had a few hours before they even noticed you had both disappeared.
Jungkook feels oddly calm, the nerves that had overtaken him when he was in this position the very first time not coming up, even the small sense of uncertainty he felt when it came to Jisoo was gone and he likes it. He likes the feel of your hand in his as you wait for the uber. He likes how you rest your clasped hands on your thigh, your thumb rubbing the back of his palm soothingly and when you finally manage to sneak into your building he likes the way you push him against the elevator wall, your lips slotting between his in the first sign of urgency.
When you lick your way into his mouth he tastes the strong tang of tequila that he’s sure you can taste from him as well but he doesn’t mind it. His hands coming up to wrap around your waist, the thin material of your leotard letting you feel his touch as his fingers dig into your waist to pull you closer to him. You’re on your tip toes and he’s leaning over to match your height, the sound of the elevator ding making you both pull apart with heavy sighs.
You twirl back around, your head peaking out of the elevator to make sure the coast was clear since you technically weren’t allowed to have Jungkook over at this time. Once you saw the hallway was clear you wrapped your hand over his wrist, tugging him to your door in a haste to get out of the open. You make it a few feet when the sound of the bathroom door opening makes you both freeze, Jungkook has his eyes screwed shut as he waits for someone to start to scold you both. You’re waiting for it too, especially when you turn around and spot Jihyo, your RA, standing in the middle of the hallway right in front of the bathroom door.
She’s currently rubbing her eyes, tipsy and in a revealing Sailor Mars costume. When she spots you and Jungkook looking just as tipsy and your lips swollen she just sighs, throwing her head back dramatically, “Go, hurry up and get in your room. I didn’t see anything.” You throw her a thankful look and she just shields her eyes as she makes her way back into her room, you don’t waste anymore time as you slide your key card out of your bra and unlock your room.
“Wait, your roommate.” Jungkook whispers, just now realizing that she existed. He’s stood right on the door’s threshold, refusing to come in until you literally force him, your hand tugging him in. His hands grasp your shoulders to not knock you over from the force of your pull, he finally gets a chance to look around when you flick your light on and he notices Wendy is no where to be found.
“She’s went out of town for Halloween, we’re fine, now please kiss me.” The door shuts behind Jungkook, that answer satisfies him, his hands moving off your shoulders to cup your face and bring you in for another kiss. Your mind feels like its floating as he starts to walk, leading you backwards towards your bed.
Your hands slide up his chest as you make your way to your bed, your fingers clasping the zipper of his costume and tugging it down, revealing his bare skin. He had decided not to wear anything underneath his tracksuit, he always got hot and sweaty when he was drunk so he didn’t want to add more layers than necessary, and luckily it worked in his favor.
Your fingertips leave a hot trail on his skin as you work on getting this article of clothing off of him, his hands coming away from your face as you push the sleeves down his arms, the material falling onto the floor in a heap. His lips never part from yours, his actions getting more confident, his kisses getting more urgent because he can’t seem to get enough of you.
His hands trail up to unclasp the cape around your shoulders, letting the crushed velvet garment join his top on the floor, and then its a race of getting the rest of your clothing off. You pull back from him your lips smacking together one final time when you step back, your eyes finally getting to see him shirtless for the first time.
Is he for real? Was he sculpted by the fucking gods themselves because this wasn’t fair. You always knew Jungkook worked out like a madman but you never expected him to look like this. His chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath, the muscles in his arms rippling as he fidgeted with the stupid belt he had on and when he finally got it off and was able to slide out of his boots and pants your wishes were granted in the form of his thighs.
You had forgotten about sliding out of your leotard and belt, your boots were kicked off to the side but when his thick thighs were exposed you dropped to the floor in front of him. Jungkook wasn’t expecting that, part of him thought you might of passed out or something from how suddenly you collapsed but when your hand come up to trail his thighs he knows you’re fine.
“Are you joking?” You mumble out, your mind acting on it’s own accord, you press open mouth kisses on his thighs, your fingers giving them small squeeze as you kiss your way up to the band of his briefs.
Jungkook had fantasized about this so many times put now that you were sitting right in front of him on your knees, your mouth kissing his dick over the fabric of his briefs, he wasn’t sure he could stop himself from blowing his load the second you put it in your mouth.
“Have you ever had a blowjob Kookie?” The nickname is new but he likes it, especially when he sees how you look at him when you say it, your eyes widening slightly when he shakes his head. No he’s never had a blowjob and as much as he wants to experience his first one from you he won’t ever let himself live it down if he cums before he gets a chance to fuck you.
“Can I be honest?” He mumbles out as your fingers slip underneath the band of his briefs, beginning to tug it down slowly, his legs stepping out of the material as it bunches around his ankles.
His cock springs out without the restraint of his briefs and your mouth salivates at the sight of it. Of course Jeon Jungkook would have a beautiful big dick, its veiny with a slight upward curve, the girth of it making you bite your lip in anticipation of it stretching you open. Your eyes move back up to him and you smile gently, “Yeah of course.”
He moves his own hands to cover your smaller ones, his fingers wrapping around your fingertips to lift them off his skin. “Can we…do that next time,” it slips out before he can catch it, indication of this happening again and you take note of it, the lust clouding your mind not being against that happening, “I just really wanna fuck you.” He confesses, his body bending over, his arms hooking under your arms to scoop you up from the floor with ease.
“Yeah,” you breathe out as he stands you up, his hands cupping your cheeks with care, his thumb tracing your skin as he stares down at you, “we can do that next time.”
You reach out and let your hands touch his waist, the feel of his bare skin making you realize he’s the only one naked right now. You turn him around so his back is facing your bed, your hands gently pushing him back onto it.
He catches himself with his palms, sliding back onto your bed until he’s laying against the pillows you have set up. He watches as you reach back to unclasp the ruby belt you have, letting it fall with a clank as you move on to unbutton the top of your leotard, slipping the skin tight fabric off of your body.
Jungkook can feel his dick twitch against his abs at the sight of you, you crawl onto the bed, your fingers trailing up his thighs as you straddle him in a similar way that brings back memories of a few weeks ago. The feeling of you sat on top of him with no barrier is something he never thought he’d experience and when he feels the slick glide of you grinding down on his cock his stomach caves in, a groan leaving his lips. His fingers come up to grip your hips, your own hands wrapping around his neck as you smile down on him.
“Feel good?” You ask him, a tiny gasp escaping you when you repeat your actions and his cock nudges your clit.
His eyes move down to stare at the spot where you connect, seeing how shiny you’re leaving him as your arousal mixes with his precum makes his mouth drop open in awe. “Yeah, feels good.” He whispers out, his hands gripping your skin tighter to make you rut on him faster.
You can see the desperation growing on him, the shy Jungkook you were so accustomed to nowhere to be found as he rolled his hips up to meet your motions, his head dropping back into the pillows with a moan. With his neck wide open you lean forward, kissing and licking your way up to his jaw, your teeth gently nipping at his skin, making his hips stutter.
Blame mistake number one on you wanting to see Jungkook fully fall apart underneath you but you’re not thinking too much when you reach down and grasp his cock, letting the tip of it nudge your entrance. You know you’re clean and on birth control and unless he’s been lying to you, you assume he should be clean as well.
His head snaps up at the new sensation, and Jungkook may be inexperienced but he’s not stupid, “Wait–“ You think he’s stopping you because you haven’t pulled out a condom so you pause, giving him a curious look but his mind is too full of want that he doesn’t even process the fact that there isn’t a condom “it’s gonna hurt you.” He wants to finger you, stretch you open and let his fingers explore your body until you falling apart.
“It’s okay, I like that.” You admit, giggling when you see his cheeks flush. You go back to nudging the tip of him into you, the feeling of it breaching your entrance has you moaning and Jungkook drops one hand off your hip to clutch your comforter instead, his fingers clenching around the fabric as your walls wrap around the tip of him.
“Fuck,” you groan out, he was big but the feeling of him stretching you out had another gush of arousal slip out of you, only aiding in letting you slide down another inch or so. Your hands come forward to rest on his stomach as you wait a moment, Jungkook can feel you clenching around the first few inches of him, his eyebrows furrowed together tightly at the feeling of your warmth enveloping him all around.
You relax your muscles, letting the rest of him slide into you, the tip of him just shy of nudging your cervix when you’re fully sat on him. You give him a moment to adjust, waiting until his eyes open up again, “Please move.” He croaks out, his hand coming back up to your hips to get you to do anything because the feeling of you just clenching around him was killing him.
His desperation turns you on and you start to move instantly, grinding on him to let yourself get used to the size of him before you start to lift yourself up, slamming back down, the slap of your skin connecting filling up the dorm room.
As you stare down at him you have to pinch yourself because the visual of him whimpering underneath you is an exact replica of the dreams you’ve been having. A needy Jungkook kneading the flesh of your hips, rutting his own hips up to meet you, his big eyes blown out with lust and adoration in the same damn way you’ve been dreaming about and you know you’re done for.
Jungkook can say the same, the countless times he’s dreamt of you doing this to him has him thinking he’s stuck in a dream, ready to wake up to his roommate tossing a pillow at him but it never comes because you’re actually here. You’re here on top of him, riding him like it’s something you’ve always wanted. His hand trails up from your hip to grasp your bouncing boob, giving it an experimental squeeze, his thumb and index finger tweaking your nipple and enjoying the way you moan from it.
He can feel your arousal dripping down his length every time you lift up, the remnants of it pooling around the base of his cock, he can see it as his eyes are glued to the way your lips part to take his length in. He can feel you start to get tired from the constant motion, your movements slowing down slightly so he takes it upon himself to wrap his arms around you and bring you closer to his chest, successfully flipping you over underneath him.
Your hair fans out around you and you stare up at him in shock, never thinking he’d do something like that but it only lasts a minute before hes sliding back into you. His hands are by your face, caging your body underneath his as he pounds into you.
His jaw is clenched tightly when he feels you wrap your arms around his shoulders, your fingers trying to cling onto his back from the force of his thrusts. “Do you want it harder?” He grunts out, looking down at you to see you nodding frantically, your legs wrapping around his waist to push him deeper into you.
“Please ple–“ you gasp when he slides out before rearing back into you, starting a brutal pace that you didn’t think he was capable of. “Just like that. God Jungkook.” You cry out and he feels his chest fill with pride. You were moaning out his name, he was the one making you feel this way.
You can feel him graze your bundle of nerves every time he thrusts forward, a high pitched moan leaving you and he does another experimental thrust to find the exact spot, angling his hips until you’re gasping and then he’s grinding right into it every time. Determined to get you to cum before him he keeps it up, he can feel his climax creeping in on him, you’re squeezing him so tight its almost impossible to thrust into you but he can tell you’re close when your hand comes down to rub your clit and he almost cums from that sight alone.
Seeing you squirming underneath him as your fingers worked to push yourself over the edge just made him thrust harder into you, a deep groan leaving his mouth when you gasped out, your walls clamping around him even tighter than before as you threw your head back. You had enough sense to clasp a hand over your mouth before you moaned out at as your body twitched from your orgasm, the feeling of Jungkook continuing to pound into you only making more muffled whimpers leave you from the overstimulation.
“Fuck you feel so good.” He mumbles out, his head dropping forward to rest between your neck and shoulder as he starts to rut faster into you. Your toes are curling from the after shocks of your climax, the tingles all over your body being the cause of mistake number two, “Cum inside me Jungkook, please.”
His face lifts back up at your statement, checking to make sure you mean it and when you nod and press your lips against his for another heated kiss he doesn’t hold back. His hips rolling into yours with new found energy, your body being jostled up at his action but you don’t care when all you taste is him, your kisses swallowing the desperate whine that leave him as he nears his end. His thrusts get sloppier until he’s groaning out deeply, his hips stuttering as his cock paints your walls white. You moan again at the feeling of his warm cum inside of you, letting him roll his hips a few more times as you kiss him gently to bring him back down.
His arms fail him, his body flopping on top of you in a heap, his muscles absolutely crushing you but the way he wraps your arms underneath your waist and nuzzles into you makes you forget about your inability to breath. His face is pressed against your neck under your chin, his soft dick is still inside you and he really doesn’t want to pull it out, he’d be perfectly content with going to sleep and waking up in this position.
You keep your legs wrapped around his waist, your fingers gently playing with his damp hair, “I miss your black hair.” You mumble out, breaking the silence that fell over the room.
He hums against your neck, kissing your skin gently in content when you scratch his scalp, “I’ll dye it back for you.”
You don’t know why that statement makes your heart swell but it does, your lips coming down to kiss his hair before laying back down. The both of you catch your breaths like this, Jungkook having his cheek pressed against your skin and you gently massaging his head.
He can feel the sweat on your skin start to get sticky so he decides nows a good time to pull apart, his skin peeling off of you and you’re both grimacing when he finally slides out of you, a small gush of his cum dripping out of your entrance and you squeeze your thighs shut at the feeling.
Jungkook wants to sit there and stare at his cum staining your skin but he can tell you feel icky from your face so he stands up from the bed and looks around your room, spotting your towel by your desk. He picks it up and comes back to you. His fingers gently pry open your thighs as he starts to clean you up, tossing the towel aside and motioning for you to move so you can get comfy in bed.
You shuffle around until you slide your comforter down, letting him adjust himself so you both fit comfortably. The small feelings of being tipsy are gone, your muscles completely relaxed and sleep starts to overtake you as you feel him move behind you, his arm lazily draping over you as you both start to slowly fall asleep.
“You know,” he gently speaks up, “you promised me you’d get me laid by the end of October.”
You hum in acknowledgment, and he’s smirking into your hair, “It’s technically November though so.”
You giggle softly at this, turning around in his grasp to face him, your leg slipping in between his as you get closer, “Oh how could I ever make it up to you for breaking my promise.” He lets out a fake gasp as your sarcastic response, his fingers wasting no time coming up to playfully jab at your sides, succeeded in making you squirm and laugh until his lips are kissing you again, the urgency and heat from before missing but he likes this way better.
He likes the small laughs in between kisses, the shy licks of your tongue and sighs you let out and in that moment Jungkook feels content.
Jungkook doesn’t think of whats going to happen tomorrow morning when you both wake up and the initial lust is gone. He doesn’t think of the conversation that’s gonna have to happen once the sun comes up. No he lets himself enjoy this, lets you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him even closer. He’ll worry about that when it comes.
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kinktae · 4 years
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[!] ❤️
writing this is really hard. someone once said something to me that made that ill part in my brain feel like my hardships were burdenous and that talking to u guys about my struggles with mental health was evil. it’s not their fault that I think the way I do, but it has taken me a long time to recover from that. I want to be honest with you guys in this post. I’ve tagged the correct warning but I’m going to go ahead and write them out too!
TW // DEPRESSION, LOW SELF ESTEEM, ANXIETY, AGORAPHOBIA, ACADEMIC STRUGGLES
I haven’t felt like myself for a while. In fact, I really really dislike myself, which hurts to say but it’s true. I hate how I keep everything inside and never ask for help and how I sink and sink and that it takes hitting rock bottom for me to make a change for the better.
A friend sent me this during my shift a couple of hours ago (marked out is the name I go by with irl friends):
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And I burst into tears, not because I was touched but because I felt like a fraud. I don’t feel like an inspiration. I haven’t been to school in a month. I’m horribly agoraphobic once again and haven’t seen my friends in so long. I’m in the same hole I was last year. And I’m so, so disappointed in myself.
I don’t know if it’s too late to turn things around school wise but I’m sick of hating myself and treating myself like shit. My head doesn’t agree but my heart knows I deserve to love myself!! I deserve the mf world!!! And I want to fight for the life I want!!! I’m so fucking sick of waking up every morning shaking with anxiety, lying in bed for hours hating myself as I count down the hours until my shift so finally I don’t have to be alone. My animals and my job are the only reason I wake up and leave bed. I’m not living for myself and as I sit here in my car post work, crying as I angrily eat my croissant, I realize how unfair that is and how much I need to actually do something about it.
I made this decision before I posted bitchin 6 and now it finally feels like the right time. So yeah! I’m going on hiatus. For at least until the end of 2019. Probably even longer... However long it takes for me to love myself again. This is very much a real life thing and not a tumblr thing. I still love it here but my head and living situation are a mess. My mom no longer lives with me and is engaged to a man I hardly know. I got a new dog but feel guilty about it and think about my previous one. I’m moving towns in a week and am being forced to leave my job. It’s just... all too much right now all at once. And I need to sort it out. I owe it to myself.
But I will be back. I will still write every chance I get on this break. Who knows, maybe I’ll even pop in every once and while to post a fic and then dip... i don’t know but the idea of making this post and deleting the app for a while so I can fix myself just make me feel lighter, so I know it’s the right thing to do. Thank you to my wonderful friends/readers who have been so so kind to me. Seriously, more than usual you guys have been gentle and patient with me and I’m eternally grateful. I hope you guys can wait for me and will still be here when I finally come back, whenever that is.
This isn’t a goodbye, but a see you later, I promise. I hope you guys understand. thank you. ❤️
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macklives · 4 years
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hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.
so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.
1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.
2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.
3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.
4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.
5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 
6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.
7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.
8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.
9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.
10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.
11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.
12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.
13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.
14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?
15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.
16. i dont remember anything else actually
17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.
18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.
19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.
20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.
cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.
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tessabltheorist · 4 years
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The POV of the characters at the end of Season 6
Season 6 starts a little after season 5 ends. Liz and Jennifer are working together, Red is doing tai chi, eating steamed spinach, losing 5 pounds and looking for Dr. Koehler, a doctor associated with Katarina. Maybe he wants to look good for her, when he finds her? (kidding, but only barely)
While looking for Koehler, Red accidentally discovers a conspiracy within the US Government that becomes the basis for his new immunity agreement. I doubt the plot of the conspiracy, not the superficial one with Diaz wanting to silence his wife who wanted him to come forward for a hit and run from before he was elected in season 3/4, is really finished. The Townsend Directive (somewhat tied to the Princip Initiative), seems to be tied to a larger conspiracy, and I suspect this will lead us right back to the cabal, and that upper echelon of it we have never seen and only heard about it once, the "friends in Bonn".
In terms of the introduction of mythology characters, in S1 we met Red, Liz, Fitch, Cooper and Kate (5) plus the task force; in S2, we met The Director and Naomi AKA Carla Reddington (2); in S3 we met Dom, Scottie, Kirk, and Katarina as a hallucination (4); in S4 no new characters were introduced; in S5 Garvey and Jennifer (2); and this season Ilya Koslov and Katarina's mother in the Rassvet tale, the stranger on the beach bench, and a woman Red meets in Paris and calls Katarina (4).
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RED
Red's plans have not gone smoothly. Although I believe there were more reasons for Red's surrender to the FBI than worries about Tom and Berlin hounding him, finding his unknown nemesis led to Fitch's death, which propped the Director to advance his plan and attempted to kill Red, which prompted Red to release the fulcrum, but ended up with Liz on the run, for Connolly's murder and things she was framed for.
Exposure as Masha Rostova brought Constantin Rostov to her door, and got Agnes kidnapped. Kate's ill conceived plan to fake Liz's death resulted in Red shooting her, but she survived, emerging as a dark, relentless, formidable enemy, who ruined and poisoned him (with unknown health consequences), and decimated his ranks. She also dug a bag of bones in a move that surprised Red. The search for it got Tom killed, and left Liz in a coma. She went into her personal darkness hunting for revenge, until Red finally gets his bones back and burns them in a trash barrel at Dom's.
In the process he came across the fact that Liz had found Jennifer through Garvey, and learned of Jennifer's mother's death in 2017. Jennifer seems to hate him, blaming him for Garvey's and her mother's deaths, and forher ruined life, and requests he never attempts to see her again.
For all of season 5, Red believes that Liz thinks he is her father. DNA labs, unless they can confirm for themselves who the DNA belongs to, do not list names. They list sample numbers, and use the words, 'alleged father". If this holds in show-verse, then for all Red knows, Liz did what she did off camera in 1.02.
In his POV, Red had no knowledge of the source of the sample. We never saw Red berate Cooper for getting the sample or meddling in something that was none of his business. He does not seem surprised Dr. Fulton knew who he was to Liz, and Brimley talks about children disappointing a parent, but firing Dembe, so he is talking about Liz. From all ranks, everyone in his world seem to accept who he is to Liz. Dom deferred to him. Dumb protected Liz, Brimley talks about disappointing offsprings, and Dr. Fulton wanted to talk to Liz's father.
If he is not RR, then his chasing the bones is pointless if Jennifer and Liz can prove he is not RR, via DNA. That said, he had openly told Dembe that he was someone else before. Just what "before" means?
When season 6 opens he is doing tai chi, losing weight and eating a healthy, if tasteless diet of steamed spinach. He is drinking green juices (like spinach), and he ends the season by telling Liz he is what he is, Popeye the sailor man. Make whatever connections you want. He is also looking for Dr. Koehler.
Koehler is a doctor tied to a "Katarina", who arranged a surgery for someone ,supposedly in October of 1991, if what Butch found was correct. At the end of the episode Liz forces him to admit he deleted a file, and assumes that the surgery was on him. Red lets her believe so, but in truth he never answered in the positive. He also tells her that the before was not a pretty sight.
in his POV, Red assumes that since Liz knows he is her father, that she did shot him but did not kill him, and since she knows he was in the fire, the father that she had remembered in 2.10 was left to die, that the surgery, the "before" were the burns he received that night. So from his perspective, he allowed Liz to think Koehler is the surgeon who repaired the burns. What he is concealing is the connection between Katarina and Koehler, but he does have a secret, his real identity.
If Red believed that Liz does not believe him to be her father, would he be that surprised to learn it was her? The difference between Red wanting to excommunicate her, and somewhat forgiving her is that he realized when Liz confronted him in Hong Kong telling him he is Ilya Koslov, that Liz did not betray her father, but an impostor she had believed had muddied her father's name, ( she learned the truth of it in Minister D). He understood then that Liz does not believe him to be the Raymond Reddington who is her father. He tells her that he is what he is, Popeye the sailor man, when she ask why did he stay Reddington.
In retrospect, it made her telling him she loved him a lot more meaningful. She loved who he is, not who he is to her. In 4.22 and through season 5A she had accepted him as her father, now she had accepted him for who he is.
What is important is that when he is minutes from dying, and knowing she wants to talk about who he was before, he talks about his father disowning him and his understanding mother. He tells Liz that he should have thought her to think like his mother. He is taking to Liz about her grandparents, he just will not say their name.
Later, he is talking about excommunicating her and Dembe. Like his father did to him. He cannot forgive, nor trust nor kill. He asks the stranger to find this woman, possibly as u/AwkwardBackground suggested, using the file from Koehler. And meets her, alone.
Why did he tell Liz it was safe to bing Agnes home, because her mother could not hurt her. However this woman looks capable of hurting puppies, kittens and babies.
During his time on trial, he directed the task force to find an exculpating tape proving it was Fitch and Katarina Rostova who had framed RR, creating a narrative. He also visited a psychiatrist who told him he was masquerading as a bad guy, but that was not who he was. He suffered a very big blow in Liz's betrayal, was strangely unconcerned Jennifer played into it, and was devastated by Dembe's keeping her secrets. He got Cooper fully on his side in a show of friendship he had never seen, and experienced Ressler's batting for him as well, and keeping secrets, something Liz is not good at. Aram was mad at him, and he shared some very important insight with him. And he got to smother to death traitor Levi in a move that seemed deeply personal.
LIZ KEEN
Liz's life has been a rollercoaster. Between the lies she has been told, and the secrets she keeps her world is a cocktail shaker. She suspected Red of being her father, then was told he had died, then remembered she had shot him, then met a man who says is her father, then is shown proof he is, only to find out he is not, and then is given proof RR is, only to believe Red is not RR. She had come from fearing Red was her father, to accepting he was, to hating him for taking the place of her father, to understanding she loves him for himself, and end up believing he is one Ilya Koslov. Her journey with her mother is no less eventful.
Liz is framed because of who her mother was, wanting to know more about her, to learning she framed her father, and not wanting anything to do with her. She met her sister, her grandfather, her nanny, her step father, as well as who would have been her step mother, Naomi. Discovered her husband was a spy, shot him, interrogated him, then rekindle the relationship, had a child, married again, and lost him. Her nanny was willing to send her jail, her step father was threatening with jumping from a roof with Agnes, her grandfather lied to her, and if I am correct in that Jennifer was using her to destroy Red, met a very shifty sister.
And she is quite capable of lying, cheating and hurting people she cares for, as we saw when she faked her death, consequences be dammed. She has a curious habit of trusting blindly some people: Red, Jennifer, Tom and Scottie.
When the season opens she had been shown a report by Jennifer that tells her that Red is a supplanter, because her father was log dead AKA the bones. Having remembered shooting him, it made sense to her. As with anything that smacks of family, she jumped on Jennifer's suggestion to sideline Red by having him arrested. Having done that, she continues to lie to the Task Force, uses them, and sees Red once again save them by pleading guilty to spare the task force. Harold Cooper saves Red, even though at the beginning Liz was trying to stop him from acknowledging the immunity agreement.
During the season's first case, she thinks Red is trying to find and silence the doctor who made him into Reddington, fitting her POV that Red is a recent supplanter, because she believes she killed her father in a fire in 1990/early 1991. To her surprise, the trial showed her a facet of her mother she had not anticipated, framing her father, while the investigation ends up showing that a Katarina arranged a surgery. During this time she roped Ressler into her investigation, and then tried to tell him to leave it alone. Liz is now poised to blame her mother for everything, even though Red tells her she was not as bad as Liz thinks she was.
She prefers to go the penitentiary for the execution, not really to be there for Red when he is about to be executed, but to ask him who he was. But when she gets there she is faced by Red who tells her about his moralistic father who disowned him, and his understanding mother, who would have known Liz is ok. And she ends up telling him that she loves him.
When Ressler's investigation leads her to realize Dom is her grandfather, she heads over there where she told the Rassvet tale. She is leading the story, but she does not realize it. The story paints Katarina as conflicted and in deep despair, Red as Ilya the savior, her grandmother as a devoted mother, and himself as a forgiving father, a story she may feel is not exactly true, but in broad strokes fits the bill. She then tells Red that she is going to bring Agnes home, assured by Red that her mother is not a threat.
So, at the end of the season, Liz believes Red is Ilya Koslov, a KGB agent who was at the fire with Katarina, and who helped her get the money from the banks, and then remained as Reddington for reasons he will not explain, as she does not believe being the sailor man is an answer.
Liz however has got very good at creating charades, using her skills to undertand how people would act.
JENNIFER REDDINGTON
If any season was a sleigh of hand, this one is the one. It took me a rewatch focused on understanding Jennifer's reactions and trust that the directors, writers and actress had it together to see it. Kudos. Once seen it cannot be unseen, and one more mirror snaps into place, making the picture clearer.
Jennifer Reddington has a very interesting trajectory. She seems to have been born in 1984 and until December of 1990, her life was perfect. In 1990 she was in her pink room, in her pink pajamas waiting for Santa and when she woke up her father had left and her world was upside down. (I do want to remind people that in parts of Liz's fire memories, the ones before 2.10, there was a pink room and she remembered two toy rabbits). Later Jennifer learned her father was a traitor. She and her mother were put first in Protective Custody (1990), and later in WITSEC. Ian Garvey was the US Marshall assigned to them, and he took an interest in little Jennifer, becoming a surrogate father. Since I imagine that is not only above and beyond the call of duty, but likely to be against regulations, I suspect the interest had another aspect to it, likely tied to Jennifer's beautiful mother, playing scared woman. Jennifer grew up terrified of her father, likely ashamed of anyone learning who she was.
In 2007, when Jennifer (23) was in college, according to what she tells Red, when her mother told her she had to leave her because she was terrified of her father finding her mother and forcing her to tell him where Jennifer was. Ian Garvey gave her a new identity, and moved her. It is unlikely Jennifer was able to work in her chosen field of study. Naomi stayed where the US Marshals could find her in Philadelphia, and likely married Frank Hyland.
In 2015 she had to have seen in the news that her father was on the run with a federal agent who had shot the Attorney General. It is unclear if Jennifer remembered Liz as her sister, but when they went to the beach house, she remarked that Liz remembered the "20 steps to the sand". Certainly her mother seemed to recognize Masha under the name Elizabeth Keen, making it possible that Liz did spend time in her father's house, so Jennifer might have remembered Liz or having a little sister.
Liz was outed as Masha Rostova, daughter of a famous Russian spy and is on the run with Reddington. It is likely that for Jennifer it does not take a huge leap to make a connection how come her father ended up a traitor: by cavorting with a Russian spy. Note that Jennifer does not ask many questions of Liz when she met her, and offers that she is Reddington's daughter rather easily for someone hiding from RR. She may not have any idea if her father raised Liz. For all she knows her father abandoned her to raise Liz. Even if she does not remember Liz, she has to be jealous of a young woman who has her father's attention. In 2014 Liz admitted being jealous of Red looking for Jennifer (so she thought). I think in 2015 Jennifer was jealous of Liz spending time with her father.
In 2017, without telling her why, Garvey moved her again. It is unclear if the identity Lillian May Roth dates from 2017 or from 2007. By the time we meet her she had been working in a bar, Pete's Tavern, for 2 years. What Jennifer did not know is that the reason Garvey moved her was because he had come into possession of a bag of bones that he thought would give him leverage over Raymond Reddington. She would not learn of it until just before Garvey's death.
In 2018, Jennifer was found by Frank (I suspect through Garvey) and told that in 2014 her mother had been abducted by an enemy of her father, suffered a finger amputation and was rescued by Red, who gave them new identities. Also that in 2017 Naomi had been killed by 2 bullets coming out of her apartment.
Jennifer blames Reddington for her mother's death, for abandoning them, for losing all they had, their home, and friends. She fears him, and she knows he has contact with Liz Keen, and if she remembers Liz, she is likely jealous of the attention their father gives to her sister. When Liz kills Garvey she blames both Reddington and Liz for it. Between them they have destroyed her entire life and left her completely alone.
By 2019, when we meet her, Jennifer is living what seems a pretty miserable life: her only link to any family is Ian Garvey, whom she sees once a week. She works at a bar, even though she has a college education. She seems downtrodden and unhappy. Until one night Liz appears in her bar, apparently not being honest, or not remembering her, and telling her that Garvey killed her husband. So Jennifer tells Liz that she is Reddington's daughter, and asks her if she would arrest Reddington if she knew where he was (Which she then would push to do in season 6).
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She accuses Liz of being dishonest, and tells her that she dreamed of having a sister with whom she could be honest with, because she too would be honest. To me it means Jennifer had secrets she could not discuss with anyone. At least being Jennifer Reddington.
After Garvey's death Sutton Ross gives her the duffel bag Liz has been asking about, and in it is a DNA CODIS report. We are meant to think she learns that Red is not RR. But did she? The match could not be to a direct sample from RR, because we know such is not on file, the reason Red was identified through fingerprints and not by DNA in 1.01 and the reason Red got away with the Devry charade in 3.11. It is likely that the match was made to her, likely of a mother (missing since 2014) or to a father (missing from 1990 to 1995).
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If the bones were of RR, and Red is an impostor, then Jennifer is in a lot of danger, because she is a living proof he is not who he says he is. But when Frank came back and told them Naomi was dead, and she had met Red and was not scared of him at all, and he had protected her, and her husband, it does make the reasons they were hiding NOT be about being scared of this man, whoever he is. So Jennifer already knew she had been hiding from something that was not as it seemed, because Naomi was not scared of her father. And that works if her father is dead, or if Red is RR. But Jennifer thinks her mother is dead, and she had nowhere else to go for answers but Red.
She meets with Red, and asks why was she abandoned. He tells her he was framed, and when she thinks he is not being honest, when she tells that she was not abandoned but protected, something she did not believe. What he tells her is that while someone was being hunted by the KGB and the CIA, Jennifer assumes it is him, but Red does not answer her. Tells her that to protect her, her father abandoned her. She takes Red to the cemetery.
Jennifer has to be angry and jealous at Liz, because Liz is gallivanting with Red, and for all she knows Red raised her or was in contact with her. Liz killed Garvey, the only family Jennifer had left; had a family and a successful career, something Jennifer, moving every few years, never had a chance to do; and finally Liz and Red exposed Garvey as being a criminal, effectively leaving her with nothing.
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Then she reappears. But this time, she is very different: she is confident and quite mad. Consider that Ross wanted revenge on RR and was willing to take it on Red, I would say Ross knew that Red is the RR that gave him defective blueprints. Jennifer shows Liz a report that says Red is an impostor because the bones belongs to their father, Raymond Reddington, and Red stole his identity. Likely made him a traitor.
This is what I think happened: Maybe she changed the report, or maybe took something out. She used the same strategy Howard Hargrave used to convince Tom to continue to spy on his mother: told him she was a double, not his mother. I think Jennifer convinced Liz Red was not their father but some double. This removed the affection and filial duty, ready for getting Red arrested and possibly getting the death penalty, what she wanted done when she met Liz, and uses Liz as a weapon against Red. If the bones are of her biological father or mother, she also gets revenge for them.
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What she did not know is that it was Liz who shot their father and she was very surprised when she learned Red was looking for a surgeon. Now she has to be confused. If she knows Red is the father she remembers, who had that surgery and why? She continues to look for anyone who has information about that surgery with true desperation, and tells Liz that like family is not family.
Even if her plan to kill Red fails, the relationship between Red and Liz is quite damaged.
When she leaves, after getting a beating by Jankowics, she tells Liz she wants peace and quiet and is going to Long Island. I think she realized something she did not share with Liz.
The above is still a theory, not proven. But the acting fits, and the logic fits.
DEMBE
His world began to be seriously off kilter in season 4B. He has been telling Red to tell Liz the truth since season 2, but when Red shot Kate Dembe was shaken, and then Kate frames him. In season 3 his granddaughter was used as a pawn to find Red, he had to send them away. He pushed Red to end the war with Kate and spoke of "work" that was not done. Season 5 presented a brief respite in the Kilgannon Corp., but he began to be more and more troubled about the extents Red went to keep his secrets. He told Red he was till lying to Liz and Tom. Asked why could he not be honest, told him Liz was calling him dishonest, told Red they should have backup. Dembe was also mortified that Red, after seemingly seem to agree not to contact Jennifer, exemplifies RedSpeak by going straight to her. He continued to be concern about Red's moral compass, and in season 6, with Liz's betrayal, things will come to a head. He feels the work is no longer about protecting innocents and without Liz, Red's moral compass, nobody is safe.
He leaves, to find his own path, but where he goes is to Cairo, and meets the friend in Miami who tells him the Townsend Directive is still in play. So, Dembe left, but he continued on the "work", perhaps feeling Red was more interested in the betrayal and the immediate, than the work at hand. He comes back to Red, and saves his life and the task force's but did not accompanied Red in his Paris meeting with the woman he calls Katarina.
DOM WILKINSON
Dom's life has been a bit upsetting since we learned of his existence in 3.20 (2016). He thought his granddaughter was dead, and does not learn she is alive until almost a year later, when Red shows up to dig the ultimate escape plan in 4.22 (2017). In season 5, which spans 2 years, from 2017 to 2019 Dom receives the visit of his granddaughter, who has no idea who is he to her, as she looks for Oleander. He spins a few lies for her then, but tells Liz that there are people who would do anything to keep what happened to Katarina a secret. He omits that he is one of them. In 5.22 (2019) Red shows up with the bag of bones to burn them in a trash can, and he admonished Red that Liz may not know what the secret was, but she knows he had one, and will not stop.
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In mid February 2019 he picked a letter from Katarina's mother, which we are meant to think was for Katarina, but really have no idea if it was for him. Likely, a letter saying goodbye (to either one). We still do not know what was his relationship with Lena Volkova. Were they married? Was she a covert agent? She seemed to be Russian and unable to disguise it. Was she a seductress as well? (we learned this in season 6, but it happened in season 5). This happened about the same time Red was captured and sentenced to death.
Season 6 gave us 2 episodes with him, the Rassvet story and the previous one in which Red goes there to think. Lot of things have happened in his life.
We still have no idea what Dom's real last name is, or what was his real occupation. The whole CIA investigated him as Oleander seems a little off, because Ressler describes him as a ghost. His face is not in any database for facial recognition and his prints are not in the system, which would be if he was granted asylum. He also had an accident about the same time he picked up the letter, which might be coincidence, or might be he was upset about it.
Dom accuses Red of being the architect of the charade that cost him his daughter, of making a "colossal mess of things", making decisions for Katarina, and not staying away from Liz. He gives Liz a tale that paints everyone in a good light, and Katarina as a tragic figure, and Red told the stranger he did it to help her move on.
THE STRANGER
this character shows up for the first time in 6.22. We do not know who he is, and what his relationship is to Red, but he knows Liz as Masha, and knows of Dom. He located this woman in Paris, and knows Red since childhood.
SUSAN SCOTT HARGRAVE
We have Scottie raising Agnes during the entire season 6, and part of 5. She sends Agnes back to Liz in the last episode of season 6.
KATARINA ROSTOVA, LIZ'S MOTHER
Katarina has been hiding since 1991, and she has never resurfaced. Not when Red surrendered, not when Liz was on the run, not when she was reported dead in 3.05, or in 3.17. Not when her granddaughter was missing, or when her daughter was in a coma. Or when Red was on trial, or sentenced to death.
THE WOMAN IN PARIS
We are meant to think that the woman the stranger locates, and who Red called Katarina in Paris, is her. She is ready for him with a large syringe apparently for a charade to get information. Is this woman Liz's mother? Was she the only one using the name Katarina Rostova? Her being described as an amalgamation of several female soviet seductress would seem to indicate that is possible.
HAROLD COOPER
While Cooper was pretty upset with Red and the secrets he has in season 5, and seemed none to happy to have the bones chase, in season 6 he becomes Red's more powerful ally. We see a very humorous side of him with Anna McMahon, as he seems to understand the real power he has. He alone saves Red by threatening the President, and then having the pleasure of seeing him resign. He reminds Liz that family is not just the blood related family but the family we choose.
DONALD RESSLER
The prior seasons had featured a transformation of agent Ressler. He started as the more rigid of them, a tight rubber band who seemed ready to explode. He claimed to do things by the book, but that was not always the case. Donald was also a very angry man. He stretched until he snapped back to his more rigid self, and then out again. Over and over.
He is forced to work with Red, forced to trust Red, forced to face the people he trusted may be untrustworthy and the bad people may be good, or do good. He ended up killing Hitchens, and then covering it up, which lands him a dirty cop for 2 years. His passage has made him now the rightful heir to Cooper's seat when the time comes.
In season 6 he has no major character developments, but he is the one doing real investigative work on the mystery of who is Red. He also keeps secrets, something Liz seems unable to, unless is something she needs or wants. He reminds Liz that Red is a man who loves her very much.
ARAM MOJTABAI
Aram is put through the wringer in this season. He saves Samar in Season 5 and they are heading for a happy relationship, only to find out Samar's mind is deteriorating due to the oxygen deprivation of the almost drowning. She has to leave, pursued by the OUC and Aram looses her. Aram has now become the third task force member to have lost the person they loved: Liz lost husband Tom, Ressler lost fiancee Audrey, and now Aram has lost Samar, even though she is alive. Aram devices a plan to force Red to take him to Samar, but finally understood that was not the best choice, and at the end respected what she did. He is now a deeply wounded person, his innocence gone, and has emerged a darker, more focused character. He will never again trust blindly.
Aram trusted the wrong person, and in doing so, placed Samar in great danger and lost her forever. It must be said that had Samar trusted Aram fully it would likely not had happened. Secrets put people in harm's way.
SAMAR NAVABI (GONE IN 6.14)
Season 6 marks the end of Samar's tenure at the Post Office and then she has to exit, hiding forever, pursued by the Osterman Umbrella Company because she cannot be trusted to keep secrets as she developed vascular dementia. Red hides her.
While the move was prompted by the actress wanting to explore other opportunities, the way they took the character out was quite interesting, by creating another parallel this time to another agent who had a token dropped: Katarina Rostova.
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The Bones
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cute-aggression-9 · 5 years
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I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying "well what makes you so different?". because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples' own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. ... They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might "think" they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it's the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask "why?" eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this "because! Just shut up!" people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don't buy that shit like "oh hes my son though!" so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say "But he is worth the time, he is human too" no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. -- 4/10/98   as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else. I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. Ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (I.E. parents, cops, God, teachers) telling me what to [arrow points to do, think, say, act, and everything else] just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anymore in the fucking welt in terms of universal Intelligence and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just "ßUCK DICH" and saugen mein Hund! Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free, I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. BTW, "sorry" is just a word. it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. put them in a doom world. no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what "cation" means, you die! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [Censored by J.C.Sheriff Office] who rely on others or on sympathy or $ to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world. no one is worthy of this planet only me and who ever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I saw should be left behind. 4/12/98 ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for these who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of turning all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause "thats what its like". well god damit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts. so why don't we?  people go on day by day. rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the "real world is like" well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual "real world". its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans. if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont. I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. "man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness" - Based on Lem's quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK, and people say things like, "oh it was so tragic," or "oh he is crazy!" or "It was bloody!" I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well god damit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt "right" or "morally accepted" NO, NO, NO GOD FUCKING DAMIT NO!I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and i fyou pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me. like [Censored by J.C. Sheriff Office] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered  -- 4/21/98 The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs, and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. they waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. the human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless discraceful TV shows on (scratched out) and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre "supposed to" so that drains or filters out a little bit of human nature. but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass. society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school, laws, jobs, and parents do If they realize it or not and them, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and goverments are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking "hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other goverments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world" and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I'm to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all -- 5/6/98   It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn't worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like "dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight" you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit [illegible] wear. its funny, people say "you shouldn't be so different." to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn't be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be "original-copycats", I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; "normal" or "civilized" - see tempest and Caliban.  allyou degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90's society. "what? you AREN'T going to college, are you are crazy!" holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I'll get lucky and you'll step back to far like Nick in Elm3. w/ the same concequence.  -- 5/9/98  wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for exellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things. anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed "unusual" or weird or crazy. people want to be a part of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out = they had fault = they failed = their ideas didnt work. humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quicker/easier. people always say we shouldnt be racist. why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays....well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed.  mit keine fragen. lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn't think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. -- 5/20/98   If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a "final solution" to the Jewish problem... kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, "K I L L  M A N K I N D" no one should survive. we all live in lies. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws.   you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of the shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they'll say "ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won." you see! it's fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if onlu some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless. fuck mercy fuck justic fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws... DIE manmade words...people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math. deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then... you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! - 6/12/98- KEIN MITLEID "when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy" - Fly 9/2/98 wait mercy doesnt exist....   heres something to chew on....: today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think "damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass." for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation.... then I realized, "hey, this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control. but me, I see all... you can only blind me for so long. but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even [censored]. If can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote "civilized, developed, and known-of" places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, I'll think about that. eh. done for tonight -REB- 6/13/98   As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think.  Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choice. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn't expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk. one could think it was a "miracle" that she wasnt hit. you see, anything and everything that happens in our world is just that, a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer, but yet we try to have a "universal law" or "code" of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn't be allowed to do that. we arent GODS. just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be "judges" of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can "think" and "believe" you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. "morale" is just another word. and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off, and since humans have the ability to choose... and I'm human... I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to so take that. fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only Nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up! -REB- 7/29/98     someones bound to say "what were they thinking?" when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. "I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It's either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings." keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weaponry, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the AlIENS books, I aint going out without a fight. Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair... not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel, too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks.... oh man that would be beautiful. -- 10/23/98   you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie a lot. almost constant. and to everybody, just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way (side note) I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told; "yeah I stopped smoking," "for doing it not for getting caught," "no I'm havent been making more bombs," "no I wouldn't do that," and of course, countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else. because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are probly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die, but hey, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98   heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and one and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnopps, puckers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM. got up at 10, went to safeway got some donouts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of Tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I'll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too! 11/8/98   Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I'll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I'm some person who would go on a shooting spree.... fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn't have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me... constantly... therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I'll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms! 11/12/98   HATE! I'm full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats good for em. yes I hate and I guess I want others to know it, yes I'm racist and I don't mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened before, and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis too... by the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn't have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yeah something. its all DOOMed god damnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I'm showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it'll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable... but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I'll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn't have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did... so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right... true... correct... perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe that'll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh... weisses fleisch! dein weisses fleisch emegt mich soo... Ich bin dech nur ein gigilo! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh... the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair; jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist... BJ ist mir egal. I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on. I couldnt stop staring. and others like [censored] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to overpower and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now... the salty sweat, the animalistic movement... Iccchhh... lieeebe...... fleisccchhhh. who can I trick into my room first? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then "fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside" as Reznor said. oh... thats something else... that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell... actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and yank the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping, ahh... so much to do and so little chances. -- 11/17/98 "weisses fleisch" - perfect - song - for - me   Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga. shotgun, a pump action 12ga. shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4 - 10 round clips for the carbine. we....... have.... GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHA! neener! Booga Booga. heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll there till tomorrow... after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad. we would done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but, alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my "flask". that really disappoints me. [censored] I know you thought it was good for me... in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? god damn flask, that just fucked me over big time. now you all will be on my ass even more than before about being on track. I'll get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone then thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for, THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door because of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike. I have confidence in my ability to dese(cei)ve people. hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ug, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, I'll continue tomorrow. 11/22/98   yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy, and hopefully I'll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun "Arlene" after Arlene Sanders from the DOOM books. She always did love the shotgun. Vodka's DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn't my thing, but It felt good to just have around. that argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember "what the hell am I gonna do now man?! what am I gonna do!?" thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too. and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine, It would have given me a reason to do good. and I would never drink and drive, either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading.... hell yeah! We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 200$ real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too. 12/3/98   Woohoo, I'll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I'll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I'm gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave then there to go off, without any fucking Jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin. 12/17/98   heh, get this. KMFDM's new album is entitled  "Adios" and it's release date is in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final "Adios" tribute to Reb and Vodka. thanks KMFDM... I ripped the hell outa the system 12/20/98  jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank god I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WOOHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I'll have enough. now I just need to get Vodka another gun. 12/29/98   Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I'm trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I'm nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don't fucking say, "well thats your fault" because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo. 4/3/99
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jackofftao · 6 years
Text
Jeno Boyfriend AU !
It’s been a while since I’ve done this so excuse the rust that clouds my writing. It shall clean with time. (lmao that made no sense) 
anyway 
lets get to it !
OKay so we gonna do a like getting together story because I’m a lonely roll
School ! no one loves it 
except for that one weird kid in the back of your class
you ride the bus alone 
and you meet your friends when you get to school, suffer for a bit, eat lunch, suffer a bit more, cry, -lmao you get the point
then you ride the bus home again
alone 
someone bout to change that
Jeno hardly goes to school because of schedules 
and crazy fangirls lmao 
promotions had just ended tho 
so now he’s stuck in this hell hole with everyone else
he rides the bus with Renjun and loud ass  Chenle
also Jisung but he has to stand up because that boy too tall 
Renjun is usually drawing, Chenle is doing last minute hm, and Jisung is trying to figure out how to kill himself with that hand strap thing if he has to stand up while riding this god forsaken bus one more time lmao 
tHATS WHEN 
he notices that theres a girl who goes to their school (and doesn’t chase them down like a maniac) and always sits alone in the back of the bus 
so he gets his nerves out of the way and asks if he can sit next to you because he hates doesn’t want to stand 
and ofc ur like “Ya sure my dude” 
Things are honestly v quiet and weird to start off with 
and he always is looking at you with his mouth opening and closing like a dam fish 
so you start up convo 
“whats ur name ?”
“Jisung”
“Nice, I’m y/n”
Jisung is honestly relieved because obviously you don’t know who they are if you asked for his name. 
“What are you listening to?”
you hand him one of your ear buds and thats how u two become friends 
You two listen to EXO all the time on the way to and back from school 
The group™ asks where he’s been and Jisung is just like “I made a new friend” 
The group™ watch you two like all the time lmao
especially Jeno
soon enough you are talking about classes and such 
“Hey! You have the same classes as my friend Jeno!”
jeno ???
Jisung never really talked about his friends tbh 
you figured he didn’t have any since he was standing all alone 
LMAO RIP JISUNG
anyway so you ask to meet his other friends and he’s like suRE
He told you that they ride the same bus 
u were dumbfounded 
you agreed to meet them after school at an ice cream shop 
The ride to the ice cream shop that day was like playing where is Waldo
“Is that them?”
“no”
“Them??” “still no”
“The bus driver ???”
“What- nO”
“well I’ve guessed everyone on this bus so i just figured-”
“Oh my god you’re the worst” 
When you finally got to the ice cream shop you were kinda annoyed because you had guessed them but he said no 
“You owe me ice cream now”
“for what”
“,,,,,ummm,,,,emotional distress” 
“You’re so dramatic lmao”
he still didn’t buy you ice cream 
When you all sat down it was really quiet and weird 
You and Jisung sat next to each other on one side of the table sharing earbuds and everyone else was on the other side 
“are u 2 dating or what” - Chenle
“No oh my god they’re ugly” - Both u and Jisung 
everyone ended up laughing 
“My name is y/n, nice to finally meet you all. Tbh I didn’t even know you guys existed till this morning.” 
Chenle gasped and held his chest and pretended to have a heart attack or something but it just looked like a dolphin out of water
then Renjun body slammed Chenle into the ground while Jisung cheered Renjun on by yelling “WORLD STAR WORLD STAR WORLD STAR” 
thats when you knew these were a fine™ group of boys 
while the younger ones are off trying to keep Chenle from jumping all over the place
you strike up convo with Jeno 
“Hey ur in my grade right” 
turns out you have the same first period and 5th 
you two hit it off nicely and get really involved in convo 
you two don’t even notice chenle, renjun and jisung leave 
until you look at your phone to check the time and see a text 
From: Jising sang sung
Have fun on your date lmao
Que you laughing but also planning his murder
Jeno walks you home because you live close 
what a gentleman 
the next day at school you sit next to Jeno in first period 
for the next month you two get close 
group projects, free time, ext 
you even start sitting with him at lunch 
he even replaced Jisung on the bus 
bye bye Jisung
Until one day 
Jeno isn’t there 
neither are the boys™
SO your dumb ass finally put 2 + 2 together 
Jeno was an Idol 
so you did some Research™ 
If found my new punch line its ™
and BOOM 
The boys™ are actually NCT Dream
so you start watching some of their MV’s 
and like wow 
Jeno is a visual ?
And he can Dance?
And hes super sweet 
Thump thump is that a crush growing ?
i think so 
You decide to keep it a secret that you know
and wait till he tells you 
after a week you text him 
To: jeNO Bub where you at :(((((   Still Sick ?  To: jeNO I miss you and  >:’0 GET BETTER SOON HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME
He didn’t reply till like 3 am lmao 
and it was just “Oof ya its a real uh nasty cold,,,,be back soon !!!”
and ur like laughing because you know that he has a comeback soon but he out here pretending to be sick lmao 
what a dork 
After a month you start becoming really impatient 
and he still hasn’t replied to your 50 unread messages 
after the second month you stop texting 
on the third month you stop saving his seat 
on the fourth month you move back to your old seat 
you check your messages one last time and you see that your 125 unread messages remain unread 
a couple of weeks later you hear a roar of girls in the halls
and they are comping your way 
and u don’t know why tbh and ur terrified 
but they just run right pass you????
escaped death
but you just continue to the lunch room to sit with your friends
but someone grabs your shirt sleeve panting 
“y- y-y/n” 
“Jeno ??????”
And ur like happy but also pissed 
“You mug where were you ??? Why didn’t you answer my texts!! Ive been worried you know that! I checked my messages every day for 2 months ! Two months Jeno ISTG u better explain urself rn or I’m deleting your number” 
“I know I know Just its- I don’t know how to say this but uh okay follow me and I’ll explain everything”
So he takes you to the fountain our front and explains that he’s an idol and everything and he got really busy with comebacks and felt bad for lying to you about being sick and he didn’t want to keep that up for four months because he would have to have some real bad illness for it to last four months and he didn’t want to have to pretend to be in the hospital and everything just because he had promotions but didn’t wanna tell you because he was afraid you would look at him differently and- 
tbh u were like shut up you mug I already knew you were an idol but it still hurt :( 
and he was so sorry this poor kicked puppy 
“How can I make it up to you?”
“A date would be nice”
“A-a date?”
“yea I think the ice cream shop would do, you’re paying btw”
“Wait you like me??”
“,,,well ya ? I wouldn’t have asked you on a date otherwise”
“Oh okay good. I like you too!”
“Can I call you my boyfriend now or???”
“I’d like that, Girlfriend” 
“Stop oh my god you’re greasy”
and he just laughs with his eyes like crescent moons
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warmau · 6 years
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tbh your writing makes me really happy esp your mermaid aus and I'm not even kidding when I say I'd sell my soul for you to write a mermaid yoongi bless you and your writing
thank goodness i save my mermaid!yoongi that i had to delete, here it is!!find others: hoseok | namjoon | taehyung | jimin 
a freshwater mermaid,,,,,he lives in a lake and doesn’t come up to the surface as much as the other mermaids do
his tail is a slightly murky brownish green to blend in with the grass underwater and the different brush that surrounds the lakes edge
keeps getting little figs tangled in his hair when he comes up to land,,,,and claims THATS the reason he doesn’t do it often,,,,,but the other mermaids think it’s just because he doesn’t wanna hang out with them LOL
has a catfish that follows him around,,,,,,and for a while yoongi kept trying to get rid of it,,,,,,but now he likes it,,,,,,and if any of the other mermaids try to eat it he gets pissed at them
because he lives in a lake,,,,,,his fingers are webbed and then thin skin between them helps him swim faster
even though most of the time he goes at a lazy like ,, glide through water,,,,,,
but also yoongi always hides his hands because he’s heard that ocean mermaids don’t have the webbing,,,,,,,,and that they make fun of it,,,,
favorite place is this patch of lake that’s a little more swampy and has lily pads floating in pretty bunches,,,and every now and then the flowers bloom and yoongi will come above to see them
that also happens to be YOUR favorite part of the lake,,,,,,especially when you’re having bad days,,,you sit at the edge of the water and stare at the pretty lily pads,,,the frogs that sit on them,,,the way they move slowly through the water
and on one evening,,,as you’re sitting there you notice,,,, something that doesn’t look like a log or a brush,,,,,,it looks like someone’s hair
and slowly,,,rising from the water,, is someones pretty, narrow shoulders
which shocks you because,,,,,,most people don’t swim in this part of the lake,,,,,people call it the ‘marsh’ but you’re 100% that’s a person
so you go “hey,,,,,,who are you?”
but as soon as you make a sound they dunk back into the water,,,,,,,,and don’t come up,,,,,,,,,
after ten minutes ur pretty sure any human would have drowned,,,so you rub your eyes and mumble that you’re just seeing things
but,,,,,,,you know what you saw
so you come back the next evening,,,,,,and the next,,,,,,,,and the next,,,,,and you never see the person but you sit there,,,,,and one night you decide to leave a note on a lilypad
and when you come back,,,,,it’s gone
so you write another one and scribble ‘whats your name?’ and when u come back it’s gone,,,,,but there’s no??? answer???
so either the notes are just being blown away into the water or whoever u saw isn’t much of a talker
which makes you said,,,because all you managed to see was the back of their head,,,but their shoulders looked so pretty,,,,,rather small,,,,,,but still
and maybe a good month later as you’re there,,,putting another note on the lilypad a hand bursts out of the water and wraps around your wrist and you scREAM because oh GOD THE SWAMP DEMON U SAW IS GONNA KILL yoU
but slowly the rest of the person rises out of the water and you see,,,,,,,,a handsome boy,,,,,wet hair plastered to his face,,,something that looks like seaweed wrapped around his arms and his hand on your wrist feels a little slimy,,but
you get caught in the dark eyes that look into yours and he goes “what do you want?”
and you swallow and you’re like ???? are you the person i saw?? have u been reading my notes??? whats ur name???
and the boy is silent for a moment but he goes “yoongi” and ur like ??? yoongi,,,,,,do you live in the lake??
and it takes you a moment but when he lets go of your wrist you can see the webbing between his fingers and the gills that are apparent on his neck,,highlighted by brown coloration on his pale skin
and he sinks a bit down,,,pulling his hands into the water and you’re like “,,,,,,,,a mermaid! you’re a mermaid??” and he seems to look @ you blankly,,,like duh im a mermaid
and u get a little shy and u sit back down on the edge of the lake and ur like “,,,,,,,,why didn’t you answer my notes?” and yoongi tilts his head and goes “mermaids can’t write,,,,,,we don’t use paper,,,,,” and ur like OH WOW IM DUMB OF COURSe
and you’re like,,,,,next time ill leave u a pen and paper too and yoongi just shakes his head and is like “why,,,,,,,do you keep coming back here?”
and ur like oh,,,,,,,,,this part of the lake is my favorite, no one is here,,,,,it’s calm and
you reach over and touch one of the blooming lily’s on the lily pad and ur like ,,,,,,,,i like these so much,,,,,
and yoongi watches carefully as you smile,,,a frog one of the pads jumps over and you giggle
making yoongi startle a bit,,,,,but also,,,,,,no one else aside him likes this part of the lake,,,,,,the other mermaids think the lily pads get in the way and that the waters seems more messy
but here you are,,,,enjoying this little part of nature as much as him
and yoogi asks suddenly,,,quietly,,,if you’re going to come back tomorrow
and you’re like “do you want me to?” and he jerks back a bit in the water and looks around,,,,saying that he doesn’t much mind
but ur like,,,,u know ive been coming here almost everyday for the last month isn’t that true,,,,,,,and yoongi chews on his bottom lip,,,,bringing up his hand to cover his face
and you lean forward and you’re like “how cute,,,your fingers are webbed,,,!!!!!”
and yoongi feels his face redden even more because cute??? that,,,,that isn’t the word he’d use,,,,,
but your eyes are sparkling and your reaching out almost as if to ask to hold his hand and cautiously yoongi offers it
and you look at it closely,,,,your fingers running over the thin skin which makes yoongi shiver
and you smile at him and go “so,,,,,,,,do you want me to come?”
and yoongi pulls his hand back,,,but he can feel his catfish buddy circling his tail under the water,,,and he’s like,,,,,,,,, “,,,,yes”
and you grin and get up and ur like i wont leave a note this time!! we’ll talk tomorrow and you can tell me more ??? yes????
and yoongi sinks into the water till the point that you can only see his eyes and his hair is resting on the water surrounded by lily pads and brush
but you swear you see him nod hehe
884 notes · View notes
notthetoothfairy · 7 years
Text
He’s Got You High
For @a-simple-rainbow. ♥♥♥
She wanted something based on this post: Kurt sends an email to his TA while high on pain meds after a wisdom teeth extraction.
read on AO3
Blaine is in the middle of his theatre history class when his phone signals a new email in his inbox. Discreetly hiding the phone from his instructor’s view by keeping his hands behind a stack of textbooks on his desk, he goes to his email folder and checks the sender.
It reads, Kurt Hummel.
He has to bite his tongue to stop the smile forming on his lips. Kurt is a sophomore, only a year behind Blaine, and takes improv and stage combat class with Blaine. He’s also a student in one of Mme Tibideaux’s more advanced voice studio classes that Blaine miraculously got to be the TA for this year.
To say that Kurt is Blaine’s favorite student would be an understatement – in fact, hopelessly crushing on him is probably more accurate.
It’s not like Blaine is planning to do anything about it, at least not while he’s Kurt’s TA. It would be inappropriate, unprofessional, and probably also really awkward, especially if Kurt isn’t interested.
So, he’s not fooling himself into thinking that Kurt’s email will be anything out of the ordinary. Probably a note of absence or questions about the final exam… though, as Blaine notices with a frown, the subject reads “Paper Eggstension”. Autocorrect maybe? There’s no way Kurt’s spelling is that bad, Blaine has read and graded most of his MUS105 papers.
Glancing at the teacher to ensure he’s still unobserved, Blaine opens the email, intrigued and a bit concerned now. He scans the first few lines and – oh, wow.
Everyone at NYADA knows Kurt is full of surprises and he’s certainly made an impression on Blaine more than once but this…? This has Blaine blushing, giggling under his breath, shaking his head fondly and wanting to check up on Kurt all at once.
To: Blaine Anderson
From: Kurt Hummel
Subject: Paper Eggstension
---
Dear Mr. Blaine,
sry, I forgot your last name because Rachel calls you Mr. Dreamboat! And y would I use your last name anyway? You told us to call you Blaine. Thats a nice name. Blaiiiine.
You said other stuff too. Like that we could send you our MUS105 paper before we send it to Mme Tibidibideaux (I wish she let us call her Blaine too) but only if we dont miss the deadline. Now I gotta tell you: No can-do. But I have an excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you don’t believe. But you should. Cuz Blaine, u see – I got my teeth removed. The smarty ones. The wisdom teat. Anyway. I got them out. It was brutality. So much pain, worse than when I watched you unfairly lose Midmight Madnesssss against that senior douche, whatever the fuck his name is again. You should have won Blaine. You were better. I think Rachel bribe the judge bc she went out with senior douche… what is hid name? Bobby? Barney?
But PLEASE could I get a few more days, could you ask Mme T.…??? I really wanna do well bc… you see, Mme T., she scares the hell out of me. Ha that rhymes, triple! Cuz I’m awesome. Yes, I am. You can just accept that as fact or you can also go out wih me and see how awesome I am for yourself, your choice (but pick the latter!). But anyway please please pls pls pls can I hand it the paper a bit later? I really cant submit something bad -- and Im afraid they pulled out my brain with the teeth!!!!!!!! I can’t write a well paper without a brain!
My doctor says Ill regret writing emails while Im hai (thats German for shark, funny fact) so I’m gonna stop and hope that you will say yes! Please bro? Oh! Brody. Brodouche. Midnight Madman. Destroy him next time! (He broke up with Rach, he deserves it.)
Thank you, Mr. Blaineboat. I really like you.
Kurt xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Blaine reads the email three times before deciding that he should wait until after class to type out a response. In the state he’s in right now, he’ll probably do something stupid and just write back, Yes to all.
He wants to, of course. He’d give Kurt an extension on his paper and say yes to a date with him in a heartbeat but… he knows he’ll have to convince Mme Tibideaux, sort out his personal TA-student dating policy (and maybe ask around if NYADA has an official take on it) and make sure Kurt really meant to type this and didn’t just do so in the spur of the painkiller-induced moment.
The class can’t end fast enough but as soon as it’s over and Blaine finds a quiet corner in the library to think of what to respond, he blanks, drafting several replies but ending up deleting all of them.
“Goddammit,” he mutters to himself. “Just write something.”
In the end, “something” doesn’t really compare to Shakespeare but Blaine figures that at least he won’t risk his job over it, either.
And maybe, just maybe, Kurt will catch the ambiguity in his words.
-
“What are you working on?” Rachel asks when she comes back to the loft, arms full of grocery bags that Kurt hopes are filled with veggies for him to make soup with. He seriously craves eating something that isn’t liquid but mushy veggies drowning in hot water really is the maximum of cheating when it comes to his pained cheeks. He knew it was a bad idea to get both upper wisdom teeth out the same day. But it’s too late to complain. At least he has a best friend who brings him soup.
Kurt sighs at the laptop in front of him.
“My paper for Mme Tibideaux,” he responds. “You know I love Sondheim but interpreting his work while physically injured makes me want to kill him.”
“He’s in his mid-eighties, Kurt,” Rachel tells him. “Let an old man be.”
“Ugh.” Kurt rubs his eyes. “The meds are making me tired, though.”
“Why do you even bother writing the paper when you got an extension from Mr. Dreamboat?”
Kurt frowns at Rachel. “Extension? When would I have gotten that?”
“In your email?” Rachel frowns back. “Come on, don’t tell me you chickened out just because you’re in love with him. He’s still our TA, he could probably do something about that deadline, so-”
“I don’t remember writing an email.” Kurt goes to student email and punches in his username and password. “Or getting one back, for that matter. Like, wouldn’t I rem-” He blinks in surprise, catching Blaine’s name in his inbox – twice, even. How high was he, exactly? “Wait, what did I…?” Clicking on the email, bits and pieces come back to him, and he suddenly grabs the couch cushion next to him, holding onto it for dear life. “Oh my god, no.”
“What?”
“Rachel.” Kurt feels the blood draining from his face. “Oh, Jesus, please tell me I didn’t write that…”
He scrolls through the quoted email below Blaine’s short responses (Dear Kurt, thank you for telling me! And yes, of course! I’ll talk to Mme Tibideaux, and get back to you once I know more. Get well soon! All the best, Blaine, and the more recent Dear Kurt, I got a yes from Mme Tibideaux, you’re getting one more week! Best, Blaine) and cringes when he reads the first line.
“I did. Fuuuuuck. Oh god, now I wish Sondheim could kill me.”
“Again, the guy’s, like, 85…” Rachel says slowly. “And why would you- whoa, is that your email to Blaine?”
Kurt doesn’t answer, instead opting to hide his face in his hands.
“You did not tell him we call him Mr. Dreamboat.”
Kurt whimpers.
“You did not ask him out!” Rachel squeals.
Kurt lets out a miserable whine.
“Oh my god, Kurt, you did not tell him you like him and signed the email with a dozen kissing faces!!!”
“WHAT?!” Kurt’s hands fly back to his laptop. He didn’t re-read that part. “Oh my god! I ju- Rachel, I can never go back to that school. I’m such a failure at life, Jesus Christ.”
“You’re very religious all of a sudden.”
“Don’t just sit there mocking me,” Kurt begs. “Tell me it was all just a bad dream.”
Rachel gives him a look of deep, genuine pity. “I really wish I could but I doubt my eyes can never unsee that email. Also, I know you wrote that while you were high on pain meds but I am a bit upset you never told me you didn’t like Brody. Might have saved me some trouble.”
Kurt rolls his eyes at her. “You honestly believe I never brought it up? What do you think we were we having that flea-market chair argument for? And don’t even pretend like you would have called it off with him just because I said something.” Rachel opens her mouth to speak but Kurt shakes his head violently. “It doesn’t matter, anyway – what am I going to do about this?!”
Rachel shrugs. “Kurt, it’s out there. All you can do now is roll with it.”
“In my grave, you mean?”
“In class. To which we’re going tomorrow since you’re so much better already,” Rachel tells him sternly. “Judging by Mr. Dreamb-”
“We can’t call him that anymore,” Kurt says quickly.
“Fine.” She sighs. “Judging by Blaine’s reply, he’s not bothered by it. Who knows, maybe he’s flattered. Or happy about it. It’s not every day you get an email from a cute guy confessing he’s crushing on you.”
“Yeah, right,” Kurt mumbles into the sleeve of his sweater. “As if I stand a chance with him.”
“No time like the present to find out,” Rachel says with finality. “Now, I’m making you soup, and you’re going to put on some Sondheim so you can work on your paper with some fresh insights and maximum concentration.”
It’s a nice thought – but Kurt doesn’t get anything done that night.
-
Blaine carefully keeps his eyes on his notebook when Rachel and Kurt walk into his class.
He was expecting Kurt to come back today (and no, he did not google how long it takes for people to recover from wisdom teeth extraction – he just asked Sam, who had gotten it done right before moving to New York), and he might have put a little extra effort into looking good today. He never got a response from Kurt, so he figures the guy has either silently acknowledged the paper extension, avoided Blaine for a number of possible reasons or forgotten about the exchange entirely.
Whatever the motivation behind it, Blaine will not despair over it. He’s Kurt’s TA, and as such won’t try anything anyway. NYADA doesn’t seem to have any policy against TAs dating students but nevertheless, he doesn’t want to put either them in an awkward position.
Which doesn’t even take into account the fact that he still doesn’t know whether Kurt remembers asking him out, whether he actually meant it, or whether he intends to ask again.
He might want to wait until Blaine’s no longer his TA as well. That’s alright with Blaine. After all, there’s a month left to this semester, so he can wait. He totally can.
He looks up from his notebook with a smile.
“Hi everyone,” he greets the class. “How are you doing? So, the deadline for your papers is Friday so I hope you’ve all sent me your drafts in case you want me to read them.” He can’t help but let his eyes wander to where Kurt is sitting. “Unless there were any reasons to hand them in late.”
Kurt blinks really quickly at the sudden eye contact, and lets out a nervous laugh.
And Blaine realizes he really totally cannot wait a whole month to get answers to his questions.
Before he can stop himself, he adds, “Everyone with extensions on their papers, please come see me after class.”
Of course, that’s just Kurt, but the class won’t know. Okay, Rachel might know, seeing as she elbows Kurt so hard it almost sends him flying off his seat. Kurt almost doesn’t seem to notice it as he’s busy staring at Blaine with a bit of a twitch in his eye.
Blaine suppresses a groan. This isn’t the plan. What is he doing?
-
“Blaine, I am so sorry!” Kurt exclaims in misery when the rest of the students slip away after class is over.
He’s beyond glad that Blaine didn’t make him sing any of his pieces today because apart from already being nervous whenever Blaine does ask him to do that, today his anxiety probably would have been the final straw. He might have run off or broken out into tears in front of everyone.
Blaine looks at him with a small smile. “You’ve got nothing to apologize.”
“Uh, yes, I do,” Kurt says stubbornly. He’s beyond mortified; the least Blaine can do is let him apologize properly. “I really didn’t mean to-”
“Oh.” Blaine looks down on the pile of sheet music he was stacking. “Yeah, right. Uhm, seriously though, I know how bad pain killers can be, I don’t blame you for-”
“Oh thank god, you know it was the pain meds,” Kurt breathes out in relief. “I was afraid you’d think-”
“No worries,” Blaine cuts him off. “It’s alright if you didn’t mean any of it.”
Kurt hesitates for a second, and gulps as he takes in Blaine’s slightly shaky hand movement as he stuffs the sheet music into his messenger bag.
“If…?” he asks quietly.
“I mean that,” Blaine says, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Sorry, that, of course.”
Kurt’s at a loss. He’s getting mixed signals, and just judging by the last bit of the exchange – if that was the only thing that had happened, his stupid email and the fact that Blaine is his freaking TA forgotten – he might even be encouraged to inquire further.
But he can’t just admit to meaning all of it, right?
He settles for the safer topic. “So you wanted to speak to me about my paper?” he asks.
“Uh, yes.” Blaine smiles, though he still looks distracted. “I just wanted to ask you whether you had any questions about the material since you couldn’t join us for the last two sessions.”
“I…” Kurt shakes his head. “No, I think I’ve got it covered. Rachel caught me up.”
“Alright. Well, if you have any questions, you can send me an email.”
“Or not,” Kurt says quickly. “I think I’m swearing off emails for a while.”
Blaine laughs, the sound warm and pleasant in Kurt’s ear.
“Right,” he says. “I know this is a bit awkward but… it could have been worse. You could have written that to Mme Tibideaux or Miss July.”
Kurt is so relieved that Blaine is able to joke about it that he replies with a mindless, “Yeah, except I wouldn’t have told them I liked them, so…”
Blaine gapes at him, and Kurt realizes a second to late what he’s implying yet again.
“Oh,” Blaine says. “I, uh-”
“I’ve got to go,” Kurt cuts in, ears burning. “Can I go?”
“Uh, uhm, well, yeah, of course,” Blaine stutters.
As Kurt turns around and gathers his stuff, he can hear Blaine mutter something to himself. Kurt’s almost out the door, when Blaine calls out, “Kurt?”
Kurt turns around gingerly. “Yeah?”
“I really didn’t mind.”
“Okay...”
“Like, really really.”
Kurt wants to scream, But what does that mean?! Instead, he takes a deep breath, collects his thoughts, and says, “Okay… see you in improv, I guess?”
Blaine nods quickly. “Yeah. Later, Kurt.”
“Later, Blaine.”
-
Blaine is early to improv class, even though it’s all the way across campus. But he didn’t stop for his usual coffee, grabbed a salad to-go instead of lunch with his friends from his dorm, and also maybe, possibly hurried to get to class because Kurt is usually early to everything.
Blaine is the first to arrive, though, so he grabs his usual seat and gets out his salad. He’s about to slice the egg when he hears Kurt’s voice from outside the classroom.
“Talk to you later, Rachel.”
“Okay. And, Kurt, remember to ask-”
“Bye now!”
As soon as Kurt’s through the door, his eyes land on Blaine and he freezes.
“Uh, hi,” he says. His cheeks are slightly red, probably from the cold weather outside. “You’re – uhm, early.”
“Yeah.” Blaine looks down briefly, willing himself to just go for it this time. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Again?” Kurt bites his lip. “I thought-”
“Kurt, when I said yes in the email, I meant yes to both.”
“Both?” Kurt frowns. “I don’t-”
“Both questions. Or requests, I guess.”
Kurt’s eyes widen. “You mean…”
“Yeah, I mean,” Blaine says with as much conviction as possible. “At first, I didn’t want to say anything because, you know, TA and all, but… seeing you in class, knowing, or well, hoping that you meant it, and… I don’t know, I couldn’t wait those four weeks until the semester is over. So I asked you to stay after class but then that felt super shady, too, so… I don’t even really know what I’m doing right now.”
“Do you know what you’re saying, though?” Kurt asks breathlessly.
“Well…” Blaine can’t suppress a grin. “Unlike some people, I’m not on pain meds right now, so, yeah, I’m pretty sure I have full control over my words.”
Kurt glares at him but it’s mostly façade, especially considering he’s still looking like Christmas came a bit early this year, and Blaine… well, Blaine is floored at the thought of being the one to actually make him look like that.
“Well, apparently those pain meds at least made me confess something neither of us could admit to sober, so…”
“Hey, for the record,” Blaine says, getting up to stand in front of Kurt, “I fully intended to ask you out once the semester was over.”
Kurt’s eyes are locked on Blaine with sheer intensity, and Blaine isn’t proud to admit it makes his knees a bit weak.
“Really?” Kurt asks, clearly intrigued, then sighs. “So my email was completely unnecessary.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Blaine says. “I got so many laughs out of it.”
“Oh god, shut up.”
“No, I mean, it – eggstension?” Blaine chuckles. “Wisdom teat? There were some good ones there.”
“What part of shut up-”
Waiting really isn’t Blaine’s strong suit, he realizes, as he leans in to kiss Kurt, four weeks too early to be completely professional, yet about half a year too late considering how long he’s had his eye on him.
Kurt’s protest is muffled against Blaine’s lips, and dies down completely once they press closer together to get better access. They part for air briefly, and Kurt whispers, “When I got up this morning, I would have sworn this would be the last thing I’d ever say, but I’m pretty proud of myself for writing that email now.”
Blaine licks his bottom lip, chasing the faint taste of Kurt there. “I’m glad you wrote it, too.” This whole thing between them has lasted about a minute but he wants more so badly he feels like he’s physically incapable from drawing Kurt back in and kissing him again.
They keep at it until other students start to trickle into the room, and even then they share meaningful glances and press their ankles together between their chairs.
Between all the talking and kissing, Blaine didn’t get to eat his salad, so about halfway through the lecture, his stomach starts growling.
Kurt turns to him with a grin. “Forgot to eat?”
“I guess I was distracted.”
“Hm, by what, I wonder?” Kurt asks cheekily.
Blaine eyes his untouched salad in amusement. “I guess I got pretty egg-sited over this boy I like.”
It’s totally worth all the frustrated elbowing he gets in response.
447 notes · View notes
maginpui · 7 years
Note
van brows x tein (17 or 11) WINNIE THE POOH X KOMAEDA (8 or 42) aaaand leon magnus x teon (18 or 29) [the more sinful it is the better
so teon in all honesty i wrote three fics today and all got deleted. i know this prompt is back in november bUT IM SO SAD. JUST WHEN I WAS GONNA POST IT UGGGH.  IM SO FRUSTRATED I CLOSED THIS TUMBLR TAB AND UGH and thus i wont write it- IVE BEEN DOING IT SINCE LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF IMAGINE IT GETTING DELETED U NO!?? ITS FRUSTRATING. no more tumblr writing. ill do it on word next time.  Ill give u how the prompts were gonna go in summary tho if u want down below.
its all based on this prompt in nov
If interested in a new promptish check this.
Van brows x tein- i went with 17 (“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”) Where i tell that to van. b listen thats the brows name now. and idk how this brows can speak but he starts to go all pessimistic ass we are locked in this room and i get tired and tell him HE WONT DIE IF HE DOESNT EAT and he interrupts me saying- but he is caring about ME. And we fall into silence- u later find us and go get us a key- since someone locked us in. I later turn to van b. who tries to break the silence and thank him. He doesnt understand where this weird emotions came from but he is happy to see a smile from my smile. i cant believe i did this. u bring up the brows love.
Second prompt I chose both 8 and 42 (“Wanna bet?” and “I swear it was an accident.”) Where komaeda asks wanna bet to pooh telling him that he (komaeda) can eat 40 pots of honey- pooh the defensive one tells him ull get an upset tummy and refuses it. Komaeda despises poohs overprotective attitude and pooh hates komaeda careless attitude and the spark he gets from ‘dangers’ and pooh leaves komaeda to turn things around komaeda eats honey to prove that ITS NOT A DANGEROUS IDEA AND HE ISNT A KID. Pooh comes home later to find komaeda on the floor full from 25 pots of honey. hE GETS MAD only to give in- KOMAEDA EXPLAINS IT AS “I swear it was an accident.” oc pooh doesnt buy it. he gets sick of getting mad and decides this
“Hey komaeda… We could share you know…”
“There is plenty to share- why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
and they spend the evening eating honey- and komaeda enjoys pooh happiness as he eats it. And despite what they hate of each other they come to the conclusion that they love each other despite their ‘bad points’
FINALLY THE LAST ONE. Rie and leon meet up. rie i went with 29 and u say “I thought you were dead.” He says he bought some time to meet you and wants u to do him a favor. u collapse and go like he cant leave u again- idk some dramaticness ya no- and he apologizes and says- that he cant play against fate any longer and asks you if you could help everyone… And watch over them for him and you agree. its kinda all a dream but u still wake up crying from it. 
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gojosgf · 7 years
Text
the lil things that happened to me, bc im tired of just kind of lying about it. i will never reblog this but ill never delete it.
tbh me having struggled in my life are quite still fresh on me, considering i lived with not knowing i had dyspraxia until late highschool years n it was like.. oh uve been pushed into this dilemma sorry we got to it so late n cant do much but u might not graduate like the rest! n at first i was mad,, but it was my parents fault because they were probably the biggest factor in my esteem and idea of myself and being extremely religious they were conservative within themselves so like me saying i may so have a disorder on top of another  disorder that i refused to tell them bc they already ruled out that people with disabilities were possessed n unless i wasnt in a chair n had a speech impediment i didnt fit the bill of having a disability. but whenever i brought it up they shunned it. 
i feel like i didnt get that much support back when i was younger, however no one approached me enough to actually have proof on that so it was always me against the rest. also being dejected to racial bullying which also considered anti-blackness against me in the private school i used to go to i felt like a wreck i never was in a good state there, and i was always labelled as the weird one my grades were bad all along with my delusions on other things to where it was the first time i a first grader was sexually harrassed and then later in the year i reinvented the expireince in my head and blamed a kid for touching my leg even tho im sure he didnt i got my lesson tho bc i was threatened by the principal
i feel like it was i moved to a public school that things just didn't work for me along with being abused and of other things but i was also socially aware by then on me being the pastors child meant for me that i was always treated diff than others and even with church kids i was always a diff air there was hostility between me and them. thus i can admit i really never had any friends at all, just people to talk to but i feel like in random times it really showed i had no friends like when i use to eat in the bathroom but all the while my appreance ruined and i felt horrible about myself
tbh it was about freshman year that i realized that i was always not letting mysekf have that break have that allowance to just be me after being told so many times that it wasnt “ valid “ by parents by social things n by school n i feel like i wilted. i wilted whenever i acted like my parents abuse physically and mentally didnt hurt me, what i hated the most was how i always felt like id learn a lesson from this and grow strong n i did but not when it came to me?
thats why i always seeked to help other people out other than my own problems? i was so used to letting myself be a refugee camp for other peoples wars but never myself i was so okay with embracing other peoples pains but stepped over mines? truthfully it was bc of this aunt who embraced me when i young and vulnerable and treated me like the mom i never had, but when she left me i just felt so inhumane. what was worst that there’s never a way to not forget her, because an expirience with her left a mark on me. when i was six i fell and cracked open my toe and scared my eyebrow and she was there healing me and promising me empty things that i gulped down like a flower in need of light. and a little hope in me thot maybe someone like that could come again but they didnt and in fact when one did they took advantage of me in a car 
i dont know why but i hate how embrace it with open arms, and try not to let it get to me on nights alone. i think its bc when it happened n i came like a mess to my parents who screamed at me and made me feel like i was the one at fault i just automatically fell into that agreement. which is why i never harmed myself back then just allowed cries on cries.
i kind of looked at people who did harm themselves better in a stupid way, like wow there really going thru something and in crying about something stupid i shouldnt think like that i should stop crying and improve myself
but i never did
and i just let myself rot in that form of forgiving cruelty and a thorned idea of apathy when i was wreck of just wanting to be accepted in anything. the validation of just being youre okay theres nothing wrong with it but whenever i posted a thing about my life i chickened out and deleted it too worried about people thinking i wanted some attention
theres been so many times ive come on this website a complete wreck and acting like i just came out having a fresh good day whered id be in chats giggling along but close to overdosing myself in the bathroom it was also another notion of people who actually needed me to like my friend vex who had been taken advantage of by a prick n im rarely there for them now bc of predicaments im in now it made me scared the idea of leaving them for my selfish thinkings
tbh i still think this way thats why me posting this is a big deal to me because i never do this and never come out. 
i dont want any comforting words or asks about it i just want it to be here acknowledged or not i want to have this small peace with myself.
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View r/LateStageCapitalism in the app because you deserve the best. CONTINUE or go to the mobile site Log in / Register r/LateStageCapitalismyoutu.be👢 Bootstraps PURE IDEOLOGY: 15 Things Poor People Do That The Rich Don’t u/ExpediteTheSearch 37 Comments79 Best Write a comment ExpediteTheSearch • 65d Poor people watch a lot of TV Poor people eat fast food Poor people buy clothes or products that are on sale Poor people wake up later than rich people in their early years Poor people are really into sports Poor people don't shower as often as rich people do Poor people blame others for their misfortunes Poor people have no money saved Poor people use credit cards or take out loans for useless things Poor people tend to have more kids and earlier in their life Poor people do not do regular checks with their medic Poor people spend money before they get it Poor people surround themselves with other poor people Poor people never follow through on their ideals or potential Poor people believe that others should help them reach the top 32 Arbitraryandunique • 65d Poor people believe what rich people say 34 drtmstr • 65d I honestly lost it at #8. I can't even. 19 gluedtothefloor • 65d It would be hilarious if it were any bit self aware. 11 drtmstr • 65d I think the word here would be "Tragicomic" 5 gluedtothefloor • 65d Yep, that seems about right. 6 DrippingYellowMadnes • 65d Poor people have no money saved Do you know what the word "poor" means? 12 Sitiak_ • 65d The reason the poor are poor is because they don't have money I now understand why the word tautology was created. 6 okmkzProportionately Representative Cheese Segment • 65d The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club 9 minivergur • 65d I hate this. 6 [deleted] • 65d [removed] 1 AutoModeratorFULLY AUTOMATED • 65d Your post was removed because it contained a slur. If you wish to have your post reinstated, please edit it to remove the slur, and then report this comment (it will not be automatically approved when changed). If you want to know why you can't use slurs on LSC, please read this. If you don't know which word was a slur, you should have a message from me in your inbox with the word contained. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. 1 ruaidhri • 65d This is some bullshit. Most of their "points" can be boiled down to one central theme, that is, Poor People are personally responsible for being poor. It follows from this that they believe poor people deserve to be poor. Of course this is the central ideology in the religion of modern western individualistic capitalism. This is the successor to Protestant predetermination as a means of seeing who is worthy. Obviously most people in this sub will know this is bullshit. A significant amount of modern wealth is inherited wealth. Another significant amount of wealth arises from systemic and structural inequalities in the world- someone born in the global south will have a much lower chance of being wealthy relative to someone born in the US or Western Europe. And of course, let's not forget wealth that is extracted from the labour of others. Also the site that produces this video is incredibly weird. www.Alux.com is the largest community of Luxury & Fine Living enthusiasts in the World. Alux a world-wide recognized Authority when it comes to ranking the most expensive things in the world It's a wealth fetish site. It just lists "the most expensive " as if something being expensive makes something worthwhile in its own right. I can guarantee you that no one who is actually wealthy looks to them for their advice. Burn it to the ground and salt the earth after it. No good can grow on this ground again. 42 Aeriku • 65d Man this video is a shitstorm of half truths. I could poke holes into any number of points. 15 omfgforealz • 65d Not watching the video but the thumbnail is from that comic that actually doesn't blame poor people from being poor and does a good job of creating a narrative around the privilege of wealth 16 ruaidhri • 65d It's the exact opposite message of the video. You were right to avoid it. 5 Corporal_SaltJohn Brown did nothing wrong • 65d If poor people want to stop being poor then they need to stop hanging around with other poor people! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 28 JuliaB2016 • 65d bc money is transferred from person to person through osmosis. LOL 17 CheatcodekEnviromental Socialist • 65d That's what they mean by liquidizing assets, right? 7 okmkzProportionately Representative Cheese Segment • 65d wealth is a communicable disease 6 mutley89 • 64d The thing is, they are basically admitting here that their stuff about society rewarding "the best" and "hard work" is bollocks. The people you know and live amongst makes a massive difference to the opportunities you have in life. 3 AbortusLuciferumAnti-capitalist, Anti-fascist • 65d Poor people are born out of other poor people. Rich people usually have rich parents. We thought this was false, but looking into it we found out it's in fact true. The uncomfortable truth is that it is much easier to be rich when you have rich parents, due to things like inheritance and property inheritance. Poor people usually don't go after these benefits, you'd be amazed how little money and property poor people pass on to the next generation. Thank you for watching Aluxers! And remember, your dreams are yours to take! 13 ShawnManX • 65d This video was very helpful, and helped me come up with some solutions to these problems that I feel could ultimately help everyone escape poverty. Let's make poverty a thing of the past! Encourage people to install an add blocker and go outside more, going outside is expensive so I think this could be an argument for a basic income. Sounds like poor people don't have enough time to cook for themselves, probably because many of them are working 2-3 jobs. Again a basic income would empower poeple to drop one of their side jobs, and use that time to cook their own meals. Bonus, there are now more jobs available so unemployment goes down! Again, a basic income would help the poor buy new clothes, rather than those on sale. I'm starting to think this whole video is a propaganda piece for basic income. This is part of a cycle caused by stress, where financial insecurity causes stress, which leads to poor sleep, and a disrupted sleep cycle makes sleeping at regular times more difficult. Can also make people more unacceptable to illness. Another argument for a basic income, as well as public healthcare. Sports are expensive to go out and do, so while poor it makes sense if you're into a sport to stay home and watch it. With a basic income people could more readily go out and do the sports they love. This stems from disrupted sleep cycles, and working too many jobs. Basic income. Blaming others is fair when you have been dis-empowered. This is terrible advice because for lots of poor people the only solution they have control over anymore is suicide. Basic income gives people an out other than running into traffic/jumping off a bridge. Basic income Basic income Access to birth-control and safe abortions. Public healthcare Basic income Well duh, the rich people don't want to hang out with the poor people. Basic income so they can pull themselves out and make some rich friends. Or at least the friends they already have won't be so poor. This is mostly due to a lack of resources, basic income. Well how can you expect them to help themselves, give them a tool to help them and watch what they achieve. I think they're hinting at basic income again. 10 DrippingYellowMadnes • 65d Poor people never follow through on their ideals or potential Woman who invented the fidget spinner isn’t getting anything 7 minivergur • 65d Donald Trump is wealthy and watches a ton of TV 3 neubs • 65d That's his job now though. How much TV do you think he watched in the 70's and 80's? 1 minivergur • 65d I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic but idk, maybe more, maybe less? 4 93re2 • 65d It's noteworthy that the image the video has before you start playing it was taken from a webcomic that made the point that a person's level of wealth is to a large extent due to a complex web of circumstances far outside their sphere of control. You can see the original here. http://thewireless.co.nz/articles/the-pencilsword-on-a-plate 5 frugalgardeners • 65d You all should Google Tom Corley and his research on "poverty habits". He literally makes a living discussing how poor people are to blame for their misfortune. 4 zwirlo • 65d Sure, that's what poor people do, but if "rich" people were raised in poor households, they would form the same habits. Early life environment and education dominates how successful one will be in life, and how their life will turn out. It's one reason why people with rich parents have kids that end up rich, in addition to the financial support to get a good education. 5 romjpnEmployment is part-time slavery • 64d Their website is pure trash with headlines like this : This Summer Dress Made of Straw Hats is The New Trend Because Hats for Your Head are so Last Season Michael Jordan’s Converse Shoes He wore at the ’84 Olympics Sold for $190k at Auction It's just a product from their marketing department to go viral (negatively or positively). Pure BS. 3 minivergur • 65d I'm really sad that they use this comic for the caption of the video because it's actually a really good explanation of privilege 3 GravitySkies • 65d So the thumbnail image they have is from a comic illustrating the differences between rich and poor, and how poor families often don't have the resources to help their children grow up to become successful. Don't usually comment on this sub but jesus fucking christ. 3 BugsHaveProtein • 65d I didn't think a video could make me so angry. I feel like I'm about to be pitched a pyramid scheme. And the fact that they use such an amazing comic strip as their thumbnail makes it even worse. 3 geniusaurus • 64d Aw man I thought this was going to be sarcastic, but nope pretty sure there are some hideous monsters that believe this shit. 😧 3 Tristanmalo666 • 65d A couple of the points are valid but then they come out with the "They buy clothes on sale" 4 minivergur • 65d Which points in particlar did you agree with? 7
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yungxyari · 7 years
Text
3am thoughts....
I wanna write how I feel because its eating me up inside and when I try to express myself I get stuck First is first I messed up I wasn’t in the wrong from the beginning my birthday was great and for once I was absolutely happy not a care in the world first time in a long time. With happiness came a funny feeling for me those are never ever good when I say never I mean never bowling didn’t sound so right not after he expressed how tired he was something was off. Tuesday night is a night I’m done reliving I kinda just wished it never happened but since it did my next step is literally acting like it didn’t. Just to let it go After that night I shouldve blocked him but I didn’t I fucking didn’t block him I wanted to talk I wanted to work shit out when you love someone unconditionally shit like this tends to happen.. you just kinda sorta feel sick to your stomach giving up And this is the part where everyone gives in their opinion Why care about him if he doesn’t care about you his actions should show how he feels They probably are right but when you get to know someone you get to know them. And him I knew better then I know myself. Moving on I flipped my anxiety sucks I can’t control it it basically controls me and thats me upmost scariest feeling I have ever felt. I loose all sense of everything and im really going to try to get medication for that it fucking sucks and it basically dragged me to where I’m at the moment. Friday was hard after asking for nothing but the truth he wanted to still protect me and he lied I left work looking for nothing I shouldve went home I shouldve showered I shouldve laid down and once again BLOCKED HIM but I didn’t once again I let the anxiety the anger get the better of me. I really don’t have a valid explanation for any of my actions I swear I don’t and I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish by showing up at publix making a scene for what to drive him away even more. That isn’t the point he tried to check on me but it was already to late I was less then 500 feet from him with my heart beating almost out my chest not knowing my next move.. publix happened shit I’m not proud of another reason to apologize to C since his thing is he wants me to take responsibility.. he did me wrong asf me out of everyone he knows how I am and how I was with him and he took advantage of me of my heart and of my love and he abused it. Here everyone goes saying how can you feel that way at such a young age but me and the kid shared everything it was more of a friendship with the amount of unconditional love I believed we was throwing around… where do I continue Friday was Friday I ended up at my cousins party Lord help me that was a movie hen ciroc and beer pong how did I wake up the next day ask the devil because I don’t know I called him that night very mad at each other he answered on the first ring and I noticed I call he answers first ring second no more after that night. We talked for 21 minutes if I remember right the conversation I can’t tell you what was said but my drunken thoughts and sober words said anything and everything you can imagine. He was a dear the him I knew but better but caring but loving but supprortive things I havent seen in a while it felt good I felt good the call ended when G called me back in and 2 more shots later a bathroom converstaion occurred s/o to my girl A the first person to tell me something that makes sense not the default message I was getting from everyone because fuck him you deserve better really gets played tf out !!!!! that was over the party continued blasé blase “I’m finally in bed” text became a “good morning its work time “ text nothing too deep happened Saturday just the usual mix of emotions and feeling “I wish you were here right now” that broke my heart to pieces was the least of my worries. Saturday wasn’t bad and Sunday either I got an “I miss you” which made me feel great because fuckkkk finally I can confirm he feels the same Side note saturday I asked to b his first kiss of the year might not count for anything but it was important to me Sunday is where it began to fall not going into detail the day was good afternoon was good 7-9 was good I was out at first ignoring him but the kid just has a damn way of hoping back into my system. Spoke about fucking donuts which I was going to get delivered to him we left it at he’s taking a nap and that was it Till I got the feeling The feeling that fucks me over and shuts the reasonable part of my brain off. After this the outcome I lost my best friend I lost my keys I lost my self respect I lost my faith and hope and gained a charge Sunday Night was an eye opener well I thought it was Monday I woke up different it was good then sucked then sucked again it was great and at the end sucked even more at the end of this I stressed my mom out more then she is  and lost his trust and everything Tuesday nothing really to say and Wednesday which is today but it isn’t considering its 3 am was a lot.
It went a little of both good and bad. More bad then good ofc “your picture is on my mirror but I’m going to have to take it off soon” As young as I may b I know, I know the feeling you get when you just know and I just know its kid having someone say they saw a future with u even at 17 maybe not now Mayb in 5 years maybe in 55 but that means a lot I lost him but I didn’t. And thats all ill say about it it ended sad and I could hear in his voice I’m not the only one hurting he just sucks at even showing this emotion do u love me….the reply was given basically then I love you it hasn’t sounded that way in never and click. The little details are out but this is basically what I can think of now it was about 30 minutes it was a lot.. The Instagram pictures are gone. And d is posted. I’m not even sure if giving an opinion on this is ok but b basically It feels empty I deleted the February picture and kept it moving… I started this at 2:58 am and its 3:40 and I’m still sitting here with a million and one things on my mind. School is in 4 days and I still need a week tomorrow I’m asking my mom I really need it. I need anxiety help and I need weight help just the month of December I lost 4 pounds shit is real its no longer a joke
Idk if I want help or I wanna give up, cutting ur self is super middle school, and pills are a game… tonight I’m feeling like I’m tired I’m tired of it all I don’t wanna deal with anything going on anymore and I say this with my eyes getting teary eyed I’m fucking tired honest to the god I don’t even know if belive In I’m fucking tired I wanna die I’m making my moms life harder and she already has her own shit I’m not happy I’m not motivated ion wanna do this shit anymore I’m fucking tired still havent blocked him yo sitting here thinking of what to do. Will writing it then reading it make it better?? Pills an option but the what ifs still sit. If I try it and nothing happens I’m forcing myself to keep it pushing but if anything at all happens then it was the right thing I’m sad I’m not alone but it feels like it I gotta work on things so many damn things I mean here goes nothing I think I got 2 benadryls Advil and other shit ill see what I pull out the bag for the record it was nobody fault but mine I’m just fucking tired drained and ready to give up I love u all so much always checking making sure I’m staright. I gone make this future happen if I don’t make this happen. And I dont know how u end this.. goodnight xo 54 minutes of pure feellings and my head is still going on at it.
update I woke up the next morning with a huge headache and disappointed 
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