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#ihatemyself
lilangelcamsgf · 1 year
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I'm tired of waiting for you to show me what I mean to you
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yourpsicodelicbitch · 10 months
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I’m feeling like a fucking egoist so I’ll roast myself
I’m the best at it😄🥰
aspects of my birth chart I blame -don’t do that-
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Picture from Pinterest
TW: it could turn deep
*basically aspects in my birth chart
Moon square Venus
I’m fucking rude. I always seem like Idgf. When I liked someone, unless I want them to know, in the past, they have told me that they haven’t had a clue I like them. It’s like I have a mask but really on the inside I’m sensitive and I’m scared of being hurt and not having the reaction I expect. Attachment issues. That’s the thing. I HAVE SUFFERED A LOT in past relationships, any type. Why? I’ve been too attached to the point I begged the other to stay or if don’t I…had a incomprensible fear OR I’ve been too cold and lost what could’ve been friends bc of my anxiety of being hurt/rejected/judge, etc. I HAVE SUCH A HUGE PROBLEM that’s not being able to show myself at the fullest or to struggle to be myself and i’ll adapt to what others would like. SCARED OF BEING JUDGE. I feel that I’m a burden, being me. Showing my real intentions and emotions to the ones I love the most. To be the cause of their problems. That’s my phobia -jk-.
Ascendant conjunction Neptune
As much as it costs me to mention it. Yes, neptune causes addiction or SPECIFICALLY and ORIGINALLY a necessity to escape, to avoid what’s in front of your eyes. The effect neptune gives is insane, the sensitivity someone with neptune energy is on another level. A level that make you wish to disappear or to go to another dimension. The need can’t be put in words. But oh darling, as much as you wish, you scream, you can’t go bc you’re sensitive and that makes you an emphatic. you feel what others feel: you can’t decide. How others would feel? So you hide it. You’re good at it or that’s what you think. “It’s for your own good and for the others, it’s the best”, that’s what you’d said.
Sun square Chiron
A truck hits you every time. Or -a example that’s more family friendly- when you start doing bars, at first you get blisters and it burns but you have to do the work anyways bc you’re not gonna wait an eternity so the blister can heal -another’s gonna appear in the process-: you kept going and finally your skin becomes indifferent to the rub between your hand and the bar. in other words, sun square chiron have passed and pass lessons that are really deep, specifically in the past by being invalidated for being them. They can feel insufficient and that you don’t have the right to be, to show your passions and expressive side (being creative and unique). They repressed you, they thought they had the right and you believed them. Honey, you become stronger each time. Your inner strength is incredible. Accepting yourself, being recognized by you is what matters and what’s going to make you reach your potential.
Lilith square Mars
AAAAAAAA THIS ASPECT. why do I have to have such a AAAAAA aspect? I HATE IT FUCK. You know how many times I’ve changed hobbies? How many times I’ve left a competition bc I was afraid of not winning? What if my full potential wasn’t what I expected? What if I wasn’t the best? If it was the case I preferred to leave, to die -how dramatic- instead of knowing I had competition and that I wasn’t the only one there that wanted to give her best. I changed hobbies every time bc I got bored: in reality I was afraid and stressed bc things didn’t go the way I wanted, I didn’t full my expectations and I was afraid of not doing it if I really tried. At the first try I expected to it to came out like I was an expert. I have to make a mistake, what I was most afraid of, to learn about it, to understand that I’m human. I HATE IT. That’s why I’m feeling like shit. The other day I exploded without of nowhere and a friend that I love obviously got offended and I tried to covered it by telling it was a joke -she still told me she didn’t like it- but then I apologized and cleared everything. Now, add those previous 3 aspects: I feel like fucking shit. -there are other things-.
incredibly, first time I don’t use emojis
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❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.
❀ English is not my first language.
❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.
Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋
Do not copy. Please give me credits.
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shitideas · 9 months
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the end | stu macher x reader
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summary: on the 30th anniversary of maureen prescott’s murder, stu comes back to kill one last time. what he doesn’t know is that his presumably dead girlfriend, and billy’s sister, will come back to end everything herself.
warnings: okayy, this one is a lot. so: murder, knives and guns, suicide, angst, swearing, lmk if there’s something i missed! it’s kinda shit tbh but i was thinking about this a lot bc i am a firm believer that stu’s alive!! also she/her pronouns used for reader.
it was september 28th, 2026. the 30 year anniversary of maureen prescott’s murder.
his forearm tightened around tara’s neck, holding the old knife to her throat. her sister stood in front of them, hands in the air with his gun pointing right at her. sidney watched the scene from the ground, cluthing onto the deep stab wound in her stomach, trying to stop the bleeding. a tear slipped down her cheek, wishing a miracle would happen to finish all of this. by now, he had killed almost everyone in the building.
when he took the old, busted up mask off of his face, sidney almost fainted. she thought she was having a nightmare for a brief moment. moments later, his knife was deep in her stomach and he was looking directly into her eyes.
his goal was to have only two survivors, samantha carpenter and himself. i mean, he could never kill her, he would hate himself forever. the only thing that didn’t go to plan was the fact that he didn’t commit all of the murders, and he didn’t know who did. he couldn’t say he wasn’t freaked out by that, but he hadn’t given it much thought. he was focused on his goal, to finish what had started in 1995.
he was about to push the knife into the squirming girl’s skin when a gunshot was heard in the distance. he knew somebody would come barging in soon. so he proceeded with what he was about to do.
his knife cut her throat in one swift motion. he pushed her to the ground and watched as her life left her body, listening to the loud screams her sister and sidney let out.
he smiled to himself, “you’ve still got it, stu.”
sam tried to come to tara’s side, but he shot her in the leg before she could move. she screamed in agony. the whole building was echoing with cries of the young woman.
sidney was slowly losing consciousness, cursing herself for not hugging her kids tighter when she left.
but then, another gunshot was fired.
except this one was fired right into the wall next to his head.
he raised his gun at the new person in the room. they wore the same black coat he did, and had an equally beat up mask on their face.
“take the fucking mask off you piece of shit! you think you can come barging in here and ruin everything for me?!”, he yelled.
“stu, stu, stu…why so angry? i always thought billy was the hot-headed one…guess i was wrong”, the person spoke through a voice changer.
“i mean, there’s no need to insult me…i helped you kill those people after all.”
“so you’re the dick that jumped in on my shit. this was supposed to end with me you fuck! i don’t need some random kids ruining my plans!”
“i’m not just some random kid, stu. and it will end with you, don’t worry.”, they said before reaching up for their mask.
the mask fell to the ground, and stu macher’s face fell in shock. he lowered the gun and just stared at the person in front of him.
“have you missed me?”
the voice of y/n loomis echoed through the room. stu let a tear fall down his scarred face, quickly wiping it away.
sidney was out cold on the floor, leaving only sam. y/n’s eyes flickered to sidney, noticing she was breathing. she smiled, glad sidney was going to be alright.
“you’re samantha. it’s good to finally meet you.”
sam stared at her, barely processing what the hell is going on. didn’t y/n loomis die in 1996?
stu walked over to y/n, her gun pointing at him.
“put the gun down, y/n.”, he said in a soft voice. she missed his voice so much.
she looked at him through her eyelashes, slowly lowering the gun. he cupped her face with tears in his eyes and kissed her, rubbing his thumb on her chin. she kissed him back, placing her hand on his scarred cheek. she ran her fingertips over the old cuts, her mind taking her back to the night of horror he and her brother caused.
she pulled away and he pressed his forehead against her’s.
“i thought we killed you. i couldn’t forgive myself for thirty years.”, he spoke in a hoarse voice.
she gave him a small smile before pushing him away, leaving the man with a puzzled look on his face. she raised her gun again, pointing at him, and walked over to sam.
“sam, i am so sorry you’re a part of this messed up bloodline. and i hope you can find peace after all of this is over.”, she spoke softly, looking at her niece from above. she was holding her sister’s hand, sobbing quietly to herself. she watched her aunt with a dazed look, barely nodding at her words.
“y/n, what are you doing?”
“it’s about time this ended, don’t you think, stu?”, she turned to look at him, tears forming in her own eyes. they were glossed with fear, but at the same time certainty. she knew this had to be done.
“isn’t that why you joined in? i’m going to kill this bitch and then it’s over. you and i leave. together.”, he said pointing his knife at sidney.
y/n looked at the floor and smiled to herself weakly. he was always such a lapdog to her brother. always doing whatever billy wanted.
“you know, stu, billy’s dead. you no longer have to go along with everything he says and wants.”
“i’m doing this for myself. you killed people, y/n. i know you want to finish this off.”
“i do. but i only killed people who deserved it. and i am going to finish this off.”, she pointed the gun directly at his head, biting her lip to stop a sob from coming out of her.
his eyes widened with realisation. he moved towards her but stopped once he realised she was serious.
“y/n don’t be stupid..you can’t kill me. you won’t be able to live with yourself.”, he uttered in a broken voice.
“you’re right. i won’t be.”, she stuttered, finally letting the tears fall from her eyes.
“no…y/n. please don’t do this. i have to finish what we started.”, he pleaded.
“stu, this will only continue to happen if you’re alive. this should’ve stopped with you and billy dead in 1996. and as much as i would love to run off and spend my life with you…i know that that’s not how it’s supposed to be.”, she said, sobbing.
she loved stu. for all of these years she spent in hiding, a part of her wished that her brother’s knife had killed her that day. she always knew he intended for her to live, to escape, but when she realised that her brother and her boyfriend were behind the horrors of woodsboro, she wanted to be in the ground with them both. she hated herself for carrying the loomis name, and she hated herself for loving a macher.
stu’s baby blues found her’s with a sad look. he also knew this had to be done, deep inside of him. but he was crazy after all. he didn’t care what was right. the gun from his hand fell to the ground in defeat, and so did the knife from his other hand. he walked closer to y/n. he wanted to see her face. he wanted that to be the last face he saw before his death. she was the only person besides billy who ever made him happy, who gave him a purpose. and all of these years he was planning how he was going to end this and bury himself in his own sorrow and despair. he couldn’t live without her. but the world couldn’t live with him.
so he let a small smile creep onto his lips in defeat.
“i love you y/n. i’ll always love you.”
“i love you too stu.”, she muttered. her face was red and her eyes were puffy.
she screamed loudly before shooting. the cries that left her were like nothing you’ve ever heard. she fell to her knees and crawled to his lifeless body, cupping his cheek and burrowing her head into his neck, letting out loud sobs.
“i’m so sorry stu. i’m so sorry.”,she cried.
sam watched from behind, barely comprehending what she just saw. she didn’t know wether to feel sorry for y/n, or happy that she killed him. her hand was wrapped around tara’s, wishing that y/n would’ve came in the room minutes earlier.
y/n turned her head to look at sam.
“take sidney and leave.”, she whispered.
sam stared at her in disbelief, “i can’t just leave my sister here!”
y/n turned fully and pointed her gun at the girl.
“i said, take sidney and leave. now.”
sam shook her head with tears in her eyes and got up. the pain in her leg was sharp, but she managed to go to sidney and drag her up. she looked at her aunt one last time and nodded before leaving as fast as she could.
once sam was gone, y/n was left alone with stu. she hated herself for what she just did. but she knew that her niece would be safe now that he’s gone. but she wasn’t finished yet.
she placed a soft kiss on stu’s lips before hugging him one last time.
“see you in hell.”, she thought to herself before bringing the weapon up to her head and finishing what her brother had started.
everything was finally peaceful. and it will be peaceful for eternity.
//notes//
THIS IS SO BAD LMFAOO but i’ll get better i promise🙏🙏it was a good idea just shit execution…if you guys want like one shots or a story from when they were teens lmk i’d love to write that!! okay byeee thanks for reading this trash!!🫶🏻🪼
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alsoluis · 3 months
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Another sketch complete!
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They just keep getting worse
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becksquad · 4 months
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probable corny interpretation of Gideon
(yeah i drew blood for no reason)
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tiredstarryeyed · 5 months
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im a fat bitch 😍
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cerbermint · 6 months
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Cursed thought before
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sillyspykin · 7 months
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I hate myself
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jokine · 8 months
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tw.!! Sh thoughts
im so tired of my neg thoughts honestly, i keep hearing my mind tellling me how fucking worthless i am and how i deserve to cut myself because im disgusting. The only thing stopping me is the fear of my boyfriend finding out when he tries to touch my thighs (i cant cut on my arms its too obvious and i love tshirts too much)
Please just let it END .
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deprixpainsblog · 2 months
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Ich hasse mich weil aus mir eine ganz andere person geworden ist als die ich früher war
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luvorastory · 4 months
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WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO OCD TRIGGERING HOW DID I NOT SEE THE PRINCESS EPILOGUE 😭😭😭
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS THERE SOMEONE GIVE ME THE TLDR
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bettythin · 3 months
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i want to relapse
so
bad.
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x-mp4 · 6 months
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And...
I never knew how be a great person for you, but now I'm sure that I won't hurt anymore
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delusional-kat · 6 months
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GORETOBER Day 14: Hanging
why did i do this to myself?
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No BG - Sketch
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dvdjks · 2 years
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notdelusionalatall · 7 months
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I know this because when I was a teenage girl the girls I used to hang out with at school would make me take pictures of them together, but they never wanted to take a picture with me. Sorry sorry sorry, fucking sorry for being ugly, I will hate myself forever. SORRY!
Also being told that you are ugly all the time didn't help. Fuck this bullshit.
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