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#ignore the bold text. Someone else is trying to talk. They're not important :)
mimicmew · 3 years
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Ok time for me to ramble about Nil, more specifically about their power to enter memories.
Nil’s always been good at understanding people. Whether its a side effect of their power or just their personality, Nil’s a natural at breaking down other people’s thoughts. Sometimes they emphasise a bit too much with others, though, often at the expense of themself. Its what comes with caring too much.
Nil’s always been aware that they can enter memories, but doesn’t really like to at first. It’s very disorienting and uncomfortable to do. Usually whoever’s they’re trying to enter needs to be unconscious or at least in a weaker state, and they can be forced out of someone’s mind, which causes them to feel very, very sick. However, sometimes they just... know. They have to. It’s what they were made to do. They need to fix it.
While entering someone’s mind, it renders both Nil and them into a trance. Time passes normally while this happens. Nil can pull other people into someone’s mind, but it’s dangerous and takes a lot out of them. It can be helpful, and sometimes necessary, though. Just... not always. Be careful with this, not everyone wants to enter another's mind.
A person’s mind is a surreal mix of their memories, dreams and thoughts. It often reflects someone’s home, views and actions. For example, the Hunter’s mind is a forest, littered with shattered TV’s and bodies, The Teacher’s mind is a school in the midst of a massive fight where the entire place is out of control and the Janitor’s mind is like the halls of the maw, but uncomfortably long and with doors and holes that lead to nowhere. One thing they all have in common is the eyes. There’s always eyes everywhere. So many eyes. Nil... dislikes eye contact. And eyes in general. They aren’t supposed to be there. Disgusting things.
When they enter someone’s mind, they can find the persons ‘soul’ for lack of a better word. Maybe consciousness would be a better one. Because so many people have had their minds and bodies twisted by the tower, their souls are often buried deep, deep down. Nil’s main goal is to guide their souls out of the depths of their minds and back into their bodies. Its not an easy process, and often means unpacking alot of built-up traumas and regrets. If this process is successful, they’ll both remember what happened. Exactly. What. Happened. :) Its unfortunate, but necessary. I’m sorry I didn’t fix it sooner.
any more questions about Nil, how their powers work, their relationships with other characters or really anything would be great! I wanna develop them more, since they’re vital to this AU
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peggyrose19 · 2 years
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(tw: eating disorders) feel free to ignore this if it will trigger you or if you just don't feel like responding! I think I might have an ed (probably something restrictive) but I'm not sure if what's going on would qualify and I'm terrified to tell anyone about it because tbh I'm not sure if a ready for others help yet. But also I know that it's not healthy and I should reach out before things get worse. Do you have any advice on how to reach out or how to help yourself in this? Thank you!
hey there! first off, i'm so glad you felt you could ask me about this, and i'm so super proud of you for reaching out and knowing you need some help. secondly, i could talk about this probably for hours, so i will try to keep this concise as i can, however i make no promises. if you have any more questions, i am always happy to answer as best i can!
cw eating disorder talk under the cut (not in the tags because fuck apple)
(my adhd brain doesn't do blocks of text so i'm gonna bold the important shit)
the first thing i would recommend is to do a little research. my eating disorder, arfid, is a bit of an umbrella term for any sort of restrictive eating that isn't anorexia or bulimia. the best place to find information on it is going to be the MGH program; so far, they're the only place i know of doing research and treatment specifically for arfid. they have a bunch of info online that you can find, as well as a really awesome book. it also has a workbook and may have some helpful information on how you can begin to treat it.
one thing to know: even if you do not meet all the requirements for an official diagnosis, you are still struggling. don't let that discourage you. technically, i don't have an anxiety diagnosis because i "don't struggle enough" because i'm on medication. the dsm-5, how they diagnosis this stuff, is kind of bullshit. so don't let that impact how you feel and don't let it discredit how you feel. you know you best, always remember that.
you should definitely reach out before it gets worse. it's going to be so much harder to fight if you let it get worse, and take this from someone who's had this eating disorder for 8 years now. it wasn't understood when i was first diagnosed, even by the professionals. if you're not quite ready yet to get help, that's okay. it's a hard thing to accept you're struggling. but even if it's just telling your friends, an adult you trust, your therapist if you have one, i encourage you to tell someone. it's so important to have people on your side. if they're aware of how you're struggling, they can help you fight it.
for actually telling people, it can be hard, believe me i know. find a time and place you're comfortable. be as honest as you feel you can be. be clear with what it is you're struggling with. i'm not gonna lie, it's probably going to be hard for them to hear. that is not your fault. and you are not responsible for their feelings. if you want, have some research ready for them to look at. if they truly care about you as a human being, they will want to know how they can help.
it can be hard to know what others can do that will help. it may take a lot of trial and error. even now, i'm still not always sure. and these things may change. sometimes i need people there to encourage me to eat; other times i will cry if there are people near me when i try to eat. it's hard. however you are feeling is okay. but please, let people help you. you're not a burden to them, certainly not if they're offering help. they love you, they want you to do well.
i think i may have gotten a little off-topic here, but i did warn you lol. if nothing else, know that you're not alone and know that help is available when you're ready. know that i am always here; even if it takes a little while for me to respond, i always will. i sincerely hope some of this helps. and i hope, when you're ready, you can get the help you need. cause you deserve it <3
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