#if you were wondering the x reader is 'captive' & the x oc is 'angelic'

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

𝑭𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑳 𝑾𝑶𝑴𝑨𝑵 ║ Chapter 5 - I Hold a Beast, an Angel, and a Madman in Me

| FERAL WOMAN | series masterlist | main masterlist | | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x fem!OC/reader

| RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT: 7.7k | CHAPTER WARNINGS: typical canon violence, mild self-harm

| CHAPTER SUMMARY: Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone doesn’t come without risk. Multiple incidents threaten to be a substantial setback in your hard-earned progress, and you rely on Joel to help you keep pushing forward.

║ＰＲＥＶＩＯＵＳ ║⋄── •✧• ──⋄║ ＮＥＸＴ ║

Please read with caution if you have difficulties with works concerning: SA, physical violence, torture, captivity, trauma, and similar topics as they are discussed throughout the series. All highly sensitive portions WILL BE MARKED with my sensitive material banner if you wish to skip the more challenging portions. The sensitive material banner looks like this:

“I ate a piece of jerky at 2:17 last night when I woke up to go pee,” you announced as soon as Joel answered the door.

His face pulled back for a moment, not expecting such a unique greeting, but he quickly recovered. “Wow, one whole piece? Got ourselves a daredevil in Jackson now, huh?” he deadpanned. 

You wheezed a nervous laugh when you realized how silly you must have sounded. You dug into your depleted reserves of self-confidence and pushed through the conversation.

“Y-Yeah, that’s right. It’s a– I had a whole piece. A whole entire piece. Maybe I’ll, um, maybe it will be TWO pieces next time,” you boasted. For good measure you popped your hands on your hips and gave a lopsided shrug.

Your spirited, clumsy attempt at bragging and trash-talking over eating a single piece of jerky elicited a genuine belly laugh from Joel. The stilted guffaw was a clear indication you had caught him off guard with your unique style of casual, playful banter. You grinned ear to ear, excited just to have made him react in such a way. It was your new favorite hobby, seeing if you could get Joel to smile or laugh with a bit of back and forth.

“Fuck’s sake, get in here,” he laughed, shaking his head.

He propped the door open wider for you to enter, and you scooted past him quickly. It was market day again. After your failure of a first attempt, Joel helped you lay a bit of groundwork so you weren’t doomed from the start. He worked with you to organize your list so that it was one continuous path with no circling back or crossing aisles. “In and out” as he had told you. It sounded easy enough when he was in charge.

You wanted to try navigating through the store on your own, and Joel obliged with the sole condition that he could step in if he felt it was necessary. So far, he had only had to intervene once. Kevin the store clerk tried to strike up a friendly, casual conversation with you, and all you could do was fumble over your ration slips and blabber incoherently. Small talk seemed to be a tipping point for you.

Still, you worked through your nerves and went twice a week with Joel and Ellie to the market. Maria was quite pleased that Joel had offered to help out with such a clear gesture of commitment, and you wondered why she had made it sound like it wasn’t something she would expect coming from him.

Around the one month mark, your boots had finally started to get broken in. You, too, had molded a bit to the demands of “normal life.”  The routine Susan had established for you proved to be crucial in your progress. Knowing what to expect and when to expect it gave you the comfort to build up a little more confidence each day. You had even discussed a sort of part time job with Maria - something to help you feel like you weren’t just a freeloader.

She considered it for a few days before returning with an offer. Patrol shift changes happened near the front gates, and there were a few tasks and odd jobs that would make the transition smoother for everyone. It would only be a few hours at a time here and there, you didn’t have to interact with people for very long, you’d be around some familiar faces, and it was enough work to make you feel useful. It also felt nice to have a bit of purpose other than keeping Susan company - not that you didn’t enjoy it.

Your new job wasn’t anything complicated. The assignments were pretty straightforward: keeping the supply closets straightened, setting up log books for shift change, opening up the handoff stations, keeping track of everyone’s recorded hours for Tommy to review, doing some light housekeeping like sweeping and wiping down surfaces. When you earned your first ration slip, Susan had insisted you keep it and put it in a small picture frame somewhere readily visible in your room. A reminder to yourself of how far you’ve come, she had said.

It was a bit ironic looking at the framed slip as it sat on your dresser in front of a covered mirror. You had draped a blanket across it, along with almost every other mirror in the house, just to avoid your own reflection. You couldn’t stand seeing yourself. It didn’t feel like it was you who was looking back. It felt like someone else. You much preferred just focusing on your internal workings and not worrying about the flat look in your eye every time you caught sight of yourself in a mirror.

When you had asked Susan if you could cover the mirrors, she was kind enough to not question why. In fact, she had offered to take some of the bigger ones off the wall entirely, but you insisted she not go through that sort of trouble. You didn’t want her to get hurt doing it, and there was something that felt so heartbreakingly final about removing them that you couldn’t condemn yourself to it.

You held onto the hope that one day you would be able to see you when you looked into a mirror. For now, you only had to avoid eye contact with the bathroom mirrors, which you had agreed to leave uncovered at Susan’s request. You had come far in your first month, but there was still so much further to go.

You finished up sweeping the hallways and busied yourself with small tasks as you waited for the patrol groups to switch over. Joel was scheduled today, and that meant you would wait for him to get back with the rest of the group so you could walk home together. You had come to look forward to your walks with just you and Joel. The addition of Ellie during your trips to the market were nice, too, but there was never the comfortable silence you craved when it was the three of you.

Joel wasn’t the most talkative person, you had come to learn. You had seen him several times speak barely a word to others around town or during patrol shift change. Even people he enjoyed the company of, like his brother Tommy, would only garner two or three word sentences from him at times. With you he seemed a bit more open, although you weren’t sure why. It was always pleasant whenever you had a conversation here and there, but really it was the way you could walk side by side in silence that had you eager.

It was the only time you could recall that there was quiet, both outside and inside your head. Your mind wasn’t closed off into that safe spot you had carved out for yourself. You had retreated to it so many times when you needed to disconnect from reality long enough for the bad things to pass. But you hadn’t gone there in weeks. Weeks!

When you walked with Joel, it was just stillness and calm. Your thoughts weren’t racing. You weren’t on high alert. You could just enjoy the much too short walk home, side by side with your silent companion.

Then the times that you did want to talk, Joel didn’t seem bothered by that either. He never made you feel like an idiot when you tripped over your words or struggled to figure out how to express yourself. You hadn’t done it in so long that you were relearning much of the skillset. He even let you practice small talk with him, even though both of you hated engaging in it. It was one of those necessary evils that you had to tolerate if you were going to be sociable with others in Jackson.

Three weeks into your part time work, and you were offering simple greetings to some of the more familiar faces. Most of the ones you were brave enough to interact with had been part of the original patrol group that discovered you. They knew exactly what sort of circumstances you had come from and as such gave you a wide berth whenever you interacted. They all seemed to be rooting for you and wordlessly cheering you on as you found it in yourself to branch out and feel more confident addressing people.

There were others that made you feel on edge, although it was your history to blame rather than anything on their end. Some of the men got too close for your comfort but mostly backed off if they sensed you were ill at ease. In general it was just a lot of people focused on getting ready to start patrol or intent on finishing up whatever they needed to in order to end their shift. You could stay in the fringes, unnoticed and unbothered by the majority of people coming and going.

You straightened the chairs against the wall for the third time in the handoff room when at last you heard the sound of doors and footsteps. A glance up to the clock confirmed it was finally time for shift change. A few of the oncoming members shuffled in wordlessly while others gave you a quick nod of acknowledgment.

You gave Jason a friendly wave when he came through the door, and he flashed a quick smile back at you. He was probably more privy to the extent of your connection with Joel than anyone else. He’d been there that day at the market, eyeing yours and Joel’s hands clasped together during your panic attack. He’d never brought up that day to you, for which you were incredibly grateful, and it was in line with his general disposition.

He was one of the few people you’d recognized as someone Joel respected and cared about what they had to say. At first you thought it was because Jason was a sort of boss or manager with patrol shifts and personnel, but you quickly realized it was because they held a mutual respect for one another.

Jason never sought out more interaction than was necessary. Never pried. Just focused on whatever task was at hand and minded his business. He was a bit of Tommy and Joel combined, when you considered him. Not overly friendly but had a warmth in his eyes and smile. When he would occasionally ask how you were doing, you knew he genuinely wanted to know and wasn’t just asking to be polite.

You gathered up your things as you readied for Joel’s arrival. You picked up Tommy’s coat to put over the more fitted one Maria had found for you.  Her balmy insistence at Tommy’s behest that you keep his jacket permanently still made you smile. You were looking over the jacket with fondness when a newer acquaintance appeared at your side.

“Hello, hello, and hello again,” Nathan purled. His toothy grin went right along with his loose, overly familiar communication style. 

“Hi, Nathan,” you greeted in a short snip.

“It’s Nate, babe. C’mon, what’s it gonna take for you to call me Nate instead of being so formal?” he teased.

Nathan had been seeking you out more frequently with an exponential, energized interest each time. He was just an overenthusiastic nuisance at first, but his cocky youth had made him more brazen than usual this past week. It was never aggressive or hostile, but you didn’t enjoy the interactions. There was a clear shift in him around a week ago, and it was either an inability to recognize or a refusal to acknowledge on his part that his behavior was veering from plucky into pushy.

“Fine. Nate,” you quip.

“Atta girl,” he hooted. “Now how about you let me take you to the Tipsy Bison sometime? Get to know each other a little better, huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and your stomach started to tighten.

“No th-thank you,” you decline, cursing your stammer for ruining the firm delivery.

“Acting all shy, huh? You don’t have to keep playing so hard to get, sugar. It was sexy at first, sure, but I think we’re past that by now, don’t you?” His arrogant toying of the words dripped from his tongue like a rotten pour of molasses.

Your fingers tightened around Tommy’s jacket in your hands as you felt yourself freeze up at Nathan’s advances. A molten heat spread across your chest and cheeks, and you worked to get your tongue functional again so you could tell Nathan to leave you alone.

Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe.

Some of your fingers started to cramp and twitch with how tightly you were gripping the jacket. Nathan’s eyes swept lazily across your face in a way that had you wanting to bolt.

It’s okay there’s people around–you’re okay–just breathe breathe breathe–Joel will be here soon—

Nathan’s tongue drew across his bottom lip with a languid pass, and you felt like you might throw up.

It’s okay you’re okay it’s okay– Jason is at that table nearby–you’re okay— nothing’s going to happen– it’s okay

“Damn, you’re pretty when you blush,” he muttered, tilting his head in admiration and skimming his knuckles across your cheek. You made a noise of horror and rejection that you’d intended to come out as a “DON’T TOUCH ME,” but it got stuck in your throat.

“Leave her be, Campbell,” Jason cautioned from across the room.

“What? Can’t a gentlemen help a lady into her coat?” Nathan sneered at him. Without asking, he yanked Tommy’s coat from you and straightened it out with a jerk as if to assist you into it. You flinched at the abrupt motion after being frozen from his unwanted contact to your face.

Your breathing was picking up to an audible push and pull from your lungs. You were struggling to concentrate on breathing evenly with Nathan so close to you and being so insolent. You felt yourself become wholly petrified of what he was going to do next and if there was going to be anything you could do to stop him. “I-I don’t. No. No,” you stutter.

“You don’t know? You don’t know what?” Nathan questioned, again either willfully or ignorantly overlooking your meaning and visible distress.

“Campbell, goddammit,” Jason snapped, sounding a little closer than before.

You shrunk away from Nathan who had started to approach you with the jacket opened. You couldn’t discern if his enthusiasm was in bad faith or not. Your lip was trembling by the time you turned your face away from him and dropped your eyes to the ground. His steps were closing the gap between you quickly even though you had taken several steps backward, and your last ditch effort to make him stop was to put your hands up in a plea for him to stop.

Before Jason could round the table and intervene, Joel’s foot slammed into the back of Nathan’s knee and buckled him to the ground in a brutal drop. You jumped back at the unceremonious appearance but felt relief erupt in your gut.

“What the FUCK, man?!” Nathan bellowed. He grabbed at his leg in a crumpled heap, but Joel callously stepped over him and snatched Tommy’s jacket back. He lobbed it onto a nearby chair before meeting your eyes. He was zeroed onto you and rushed to cradle your face in his hands.

“This asshole hurt you?” Joel demanded with a stormy look. His eyes darted over you as though he was assessing the possibility himself before you could confirm or deny. You shook your head side to side in quick snaps, feeling jumpy with the rush of adrenaline coursing through you.

When Nathan made the novice mistake of trying to get up from the floor, Joel was quick to hand out a souvenir for your brash admirer’s serious lapse in judgment. Joel dropped his hands from your face and connected the sole of his boot squarely into Nathan’s chest with a hard drive, sending the recipient hurtling across the room. The panicked expression on Nathan’s face and his fruitless gasps for air indicated Joel had knocked the wind out of him.

“Turn around for a minute, honey, and close your ears, okay?” Joel requested softly. He cupped his hand around your shoulder and gave a small squeeze before sliding some of your more wily strands of hair behind your ear. It was a stark contrast to the crippling display of violence he had just exerted, but it was consistent with the rest of this whirlwind of a shitshow.

You yielded to Joel’s request and pivoted away from the scene with your fingers plugged into your ears. Your breaths were coming more steady now, and Joel’s reassuring rub between your shoulder blades brought you back to sanity. 

You waited quietly, focusing on the comforting heat from Joel’s hands on your body. It wasn’t more than 20 seconds when a chair slamming into the one just off to your side pulled you out of your dutiful obliviousness. You could hear Joel’s menacing growl before you even turned back around.

“–outta your fuckin’ mind. You’ll be shitting out teeth for the next week when I knock ‘em down your fuckin’ throat if ever you try that shit again.”

“Okay, man! Jesus, okay! I’m s-sorry, man! I didn’t know she was your girl!” Nathan’s puny groveling almost made you feel guilty. Almost.

He sounded terrified, and for good reason. Joel outsized him by leaps and bounds, and the anger fueling his dealings was nothing but bad news for Nathan. You tucked your head down at an angle as you turned to see the altercation.

Nathan’s upper half hovered over the floor, swaying only with the movement of Joel’s hand where it was firmly locked onto Nathan’s collar. Joel’s free hand was balled into a fist and ready to dole out as many souvenirs as Nathan needed to remember and comply with the expectations regarding his interactions with you. He coughed, still trying to catch his breath. His left eye was starting to swell, and the skin around it was reddening with damage. A few drips of blood were slithering down his chin, and upon second glance you could see his entire mouth was awash in blood.

“Alright, Joel, that’s enough. You’ve made your point,” Jason interrupted.

“Not done yet,” Joel bit out.

With that he turned towards you, something of a sheepish smirk on his face when he saw you were no longer in your bubble, and dragged Nathan across the floor before dropping him at your feet.

“Apologize,” Joel snapped down at him.

Jason was muttering something to himself behind Joel’s back and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Joel clearly wasn’t going to let this go until Nathan satisfied all the stipulations of his clemency.

Everyone had huddled to get a closer look, and not a single soul attempted to mediate the situation, other than Jason’s half-hearted attempt just now. It was then you realized this entire room full of people didn’t want to risk running afoul of Joel. There would be no hesitation on his part in allocating “souvenirs”for anyone interested in testing his patience when it came to your safety and comfort.

“Make it good, dumbass,” Joel growled, ramming the tip of his boot into Nathan’s thigh. Nathan yelled out again in pain and clutched the spot as he swiveled to look at you. You flinched again at Joel’s physical violence against Nathan and tried to stop shaking as you stared at all the blood.

“Fuck okay! Jesus christ, I am!” he relented. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry! I swear to god, I didn’t know that you and Joel were–”

Joel slapped the back of Nathan’s head impatiently. His tone was equal parts indignant and caustic when he spoke. “She’s entitled to some civility regardless of any attachment, you fuckwit. Goddamn, who the fuck agreed to let you stay in Jackson? You are about as useful to have around as a screen door on a submarine.”

You couldn’t help but sputter a laugh at Joel’s creative barb. You were so keyed up that the moment of levity was a welcomed reprieve, although fleeting. The muffled snickering around the room let you know you weren’t the only one amused by Joel and appreciative for the blip of eased tension. 

Joel caught your eye and shot you a questioning smile when you laughed. “You okay now, hon?” It was verbal whiplash, going between the hostile berating directed at Nathan and tender soothing words for you. You nodded and looked down at pitiful Nathan, who launched into an edited solicitation for your pardon.

“I’m– yes, of course. You deserve it. You deserve civility. You don’t have to be his girl for me to be polite. I understand. I get it, I swear. I swear to god I’m never gonna talk to her again. I swear I’m–” he rattled off, directing his pleading back to Joel to assess if it was adequate.

“What about my jacket?” you interrupt.

“Huh?!” Nathan gasped. His eyes snapped back to yours.

“You didn’t e-even ask. Didn’t even ask-ask about it. You just, you just took it from me without asking,” you challenged right back. “You-You can’t do that. To people. It’s not– It isn’t right. You c-can’t treat m-me like th-that.”

You were nervous to be this confrontational, but Tommy’s jacket meant a lot to you. As baffling as it might have been to anyone else, Nathan taking Tommy’s jacket from you without your permission was probably the most upsetting thing he had done to you today.

“I’m sorry! I’M SORRY! Please, I’m sorry!” he begged, watching Joel from the corner of his eye in anticipation of correction for this new grievance.

“Okay. Th-Thank you,” you said. You looked up to Joel and cupped his elbow to get his full attention. “Help him up, Joel, okay?” Joel’s face softened, but you could tell he felt Nathan didn’t deserve to get off so easy.

Joel snatched Nathan up with both hands on his collar now and brought him nose to nose. Even if it was done with the intent to protect you, the verbal altercation and physical violence made your stomach turn.

“If I see you actin’ like a creep with any women around town, we will pick up right where we left off, you understand me?” he snarled.

Nathan garbled nonsense and nodded emphatically. Joel released his hold, much to Nathan’s relief, and offered one parting remark. “Now go tell Tommy he has to call up the standby to cover your patrol shift because you’re a fuckin’ dipshit.”

Nathan didn’t need to hear his assignment twice and bolted from the room.

“Point made, Joel,” Jason sighed. “You okay?” he turned to you and asked. 

“Yeah, I’m-I’m good,” you reply.

“Alright, good. Now get your attack dog outta here before he gets put on leave for interpersonal workplace violence,” Jason grumbled.

You scooped up your jacket and extended your hand to Joel, wiggling your fingers in an encouraging gesture for him to meet your grasp. His remorseless expression only strengthened as he reached out and took it. Once you made it outside and started your walk home, Joel appeared regretful for at least some of his actions. 

“I, uh, I know I shoulda corrected him when he said we were together, but I was so pissed off I wasn’t really thinkin’ straight,” he admitted.

“It’s okay, Joel. Really,” you assure him. You rubbed your thumb along his hand in a soothing motion.

“No, it’s just that… I don’t want you gettin’ the idea that you’re only safe so long as you, I dunno how to put it. So long as you’re attached to somebody, I guess,” he explained.

This was the first time you had ever seen Joel unsure of himself. 

“I really did try to hold back. Wanted to bash his damn head into the wall. Seein’ how afraid he made you,” he muttered. “Just, not exactly too proud of myself for actin’ like that in front of you. I know it bothers you, that kinda stuff.”

“It does…” you admit, “–but, I’m not upset you stepped in.”

“You sure?” he pressed.

“Yes. Very,” you reply.

Joel let out a deep sigh of relief and gave your hand a small squeeze. You looked up at him, but his eyes stayed focused on the walk ahead. “Just wanna be sure. You’ve dealt with enough shit. Don’t need me addin’ to it,” he said.

For the second time today, Joel garnered a surprised, sputtering laugh from you. He glanced down, curious at your reaction.

“Adding to it? Like, adding to my troubles?” you balk. “You serious?”

Joel shrugged your comment off. He didn’t find it as implausible as you did. You came to a halt and waited for him to look at you before speaking.

“If I could do that for you? What you did back there? I would,” you assert with as much conviction as you could muster. “Not that you need it. But, if you did. If you needed somebody to try and, and stick up for you? I would. I would try my best.”

The line of Joel’s mouth curved ever so slightly when you squeezed his hand for emphasis. “I know you would. I know you would,” he trailed off as the two of you started walking again.

“Know you’d give ‘em hell for me, honey,” he finished.

You hugged yourself around Joel’s arm, gripping his hand all the tighter, as you walked the rest of the way home in your usual comfortable silence. The clarity it afforded your mind only produced a single thought: Know you’d give ‘em hell for me, honey …  for Joel, you would.

Closing in on your second month in Jackson was the perfect time to host a celebration dinner. According to Susan, at least. “What better way to show Tommy and Maria all your progress?” she posed to you two weeks ago. In that time, she had worked you through her own little charm school curriculum and proclaimed you “ready to be co-host” to a nice meal.

It was your idea to invite Joel and Ellie, a suggestion that Susan readily gave her stamp of approval, and before you knew it you were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt in anxious wait for your guests to arrive.

You heard Joel’s leaden gait as he and Ellie walked up the front stairs, and you swung the door open before he could knock. “Wow. Host so good you don’t even hafta knock to be let in,” Joel teased.

“Hi. Welcome. Please come in,” you parrot from the dialogue you had practiced with Susan. 

“You sound weird,” Ellie heckled. She scrunched her nose in amusement at your stiff imitation of the mistress of ceremonies.

“Ugh. I know,” you mumble. “Just tell Susan I sounded good, okay?”

Ellie cackled but joined forces with your hostess farce without any begging necessary from you. Joel wore his usual amused grin for the evening. “Not sure you’re ready for this, but I have a feeling Susan’s got enough experience under her belt to keep up,” he said as he handed you a glass bottle of dark brown liquid. 

“Thank you for this gift. How kind.” Your wooden delivery wasn’t selling any of the warmth it was supposed to. Ellie started off down the hall, inspecting whatever doorways were open along the way, leaving you beside Joel.

“Please don’t tell me you’re gonna keep that up the whole night,” he groaned. You glared at him with put-on exacerbation as you shut the door.

“Shutup, Joel. Susan has been putting me through the, through the hanger or whatever, for the past two weeks,” you huff.

“Through the wringer,” Joel corrected with a barely contained smirk.

“Whatever. I really want to do a good job, okay?” you admit with a skittish bounce onto the balls of your feet.

“Alright, alright. We’ll play nice,” he chuckled. “And, since you’re such a gracious host ‘n all and asked what gift was delightfully bestowed upon you, that’s some of Seth’s older batch of whiskey. Good shit.”

Your cheeks warmed a bit at Joel’s apparent familiarity with hosting etiquette. You accepted his gentle attempt to steer you the right way. “Oh. Yes. Well. Thank you. I’m-I’m sure this will go with– pair well with the … with the, um–shit, I can’t remember what’s for dessert.”

Joel covered his howl of laughter with a strained cough, and you couldn’t help but giggle along with him as you scolded him. “Shutupppppp,” you groan.

“Why yes, I would love to be shown to the kitchen to greet the other guests that may have arrived and or to say hello to the other host for this evening,” Joel chortled.

You sighed and rubbed your forehead against the palm of your hand. This was going to be a complete disaster, and you can’t believe it was falling apart already after you’d put so much work into it.

“C’mon,” Joel encouraged with a quick arm around your shoulder and a gentle shake. You leaned your head against his middle before pushing off and heading down the hallway together.

Joel did his usual work of charming the pants off Susan on your behalf. You were lost on the reference he made to some television episode where the main character Lucy and her friend went to a charm school and failed miserably. Joel and Susan joked how you were leagues above Lucy and Ethel’s attempts, which didn’t make a whole lot of sense to you, but you took it as a compliment all the same.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen I Love Lucy,” Joel chastised.

“I’ve heard of it?” you offer. 

When Joel scoffed, you swiftly reminded him that it was before his time, too, if you were remembering correctly. Ellie as always chipped in with her helpful takes and said that if it was “just the grey TV before they got colors” then it was “definitely Joel’s time.” Joel grumbled something under his breath about “pain in my ass” and “talkin’ outta the side of her mouth” at Ellie’s remarks, and you and Susan could only giggle at their banter.

“How old were you when the outbreak happened, anyway?” Ellie wondered.

You were shocked it had taken her this long to ask you such a basic question that you had prepared yourself a little bit for it. “Eight.”

Joel choked on the single finger whiskey he had poured himself. You’d only ever told him you’d been a kid on outbreak day but never got into the exact details other than escaping to safety with your parents.

“Poor Bug. Just like my daughter, not even out of elementary school,” Susan murmured softly. You shot her a sympathetic look and squeezed her arm in consolation. “But at least I’ve got you now, Bug,” she added with a squeeze back to you.

Tommy and Maria arrived a little late, and Maria owned the blame entirely. “Baby Miller makes it summertime year round,” she quipped as she freed herself of her jacket when they arrived. Apparently she’d run her head under cold water for 10 minutes straight before she felt cool enough, and then had to change clothes so she wasn’t left in damp, sweaty fabric.

Susan sat at the head of the table, and you were opposite as the cohost. Maria sat next to Susan as the “guest of honor” with Tommy to her right and your left. Joel sat across from his brother and Ellie across from Maria. 

“What a quaint gathering,” you comment stiffly, hoping you remembered the line correctly. Joel choked on his water but straightened up when you shot him a look.

“Oh. Yes. Wow. Yes, quaint. Susan, you’ve been making an impression on her, I see,” Maria chuckled with a wide-eyed grin. 

“Bug has done so well. I’m so proud of her. And Joel can tell you all about how she’s doing, too. Can’t you, Joel?” Susan prompted. 

You couldn’t help the nervous face that met Joel’s gaze, but you really weren’t sure if he would give you a rave review. Not that it mattered. But still, it would feel nice to know he thought you were meeting some sort of unspoken expectations.

“Best company in Jackson, in my opinion,” he said softly, never tearing his eyes from you. Your watery smile made him grin in return, and you only looked away when Tommy cleared his throat. 

“Proud’a you, sweetheart. Come from a hard place, no doubt about that. Made lotsa strides since you got here, and we can all see that,” Tommy said.

You really had to hold yourself back from getting emotional now. Tommy seemed to detect your precarious emotional state and rubbed your hand for encouragement. You gave him a double scrunch of your fingers against his hand in return, and he offered up his crinkly smile you loved so much.

“Really. It’s so great to see you out and about. And helping out with patrols, too,” Maria added.

Tommy shot Joel a devilish look when Maria brought up your patrol job. “Yeah, heard a lotta people talkin’ just the other day about your help up there. Makin’ quite the impression.”

Joel didn’t look up from his plate and opted to just roll his eyes at Tommy’s nettling. Oblivious to what Tommy was actually referencing, Susan clapped her hands together with an enthusiastic expression. “Bug, how wonderful!”

“Probably just being nice,” you mumble before staring off and taking a few sips of your water.

“No no, believe me, there was enough hullabaloo about’cha that I can guarantee you’ve carved out a little piece of Jackson for yourself that people aren’t soon’ta forget,” Tommy chuckled, never tearing his eyes away from his increasingly irritated brother. 

You chewed on your lip thinking about Joel’s run-in with Nathan. You wondered how many people knew about it now and what they thought of you and the role you played in it. You felt Joel’s foot make swift contact with Tommy’s shin underneath the table, who sat up straighter immediately and glanced your way. Apparently Joel had taken note of your dour mood and wasn’t keen on the effect Tommy’s words seemed to be having on you.

“Ah, really, though.” Tommy cleared his throat and flushed a little. “Might not feel like you’re doin’ a whole lot up there, but it does make a difference. Things been smoother since you started,” he said in earnest.

You thanked Tommy for the compliment but adjusted yourself in your seat awkwardly. All the built up nervous energy inside you was demanding to be channeled somewhere. Susan gave you an encouraging wink, mistaking your fidgeting as feeling bashful at all the good things everyone had to say about you.

“Can I get a thing, no– Can I get anyone anything?” you fumble, trying to shift back into co-host mode.

“I’d actually take some ice water if you don’t mind,” Maria said. She had peeled off her long-sleeved shirt and was down to the tanktop she’d worn underneath it. “Just another round of my own personal summertime.”

“Oh, of course. Let me just– I’ll be right back,” you announce, standing and heading to the kitchen. You were just glad the first real request of the night was so manageable. You emerged with a pitcher of ice water and a new glass for Maria that had extra ice in it. 

You felt bad that she had been dealing with these unpleasant bouts of heat for at least several weeks. At least as far back as when you’d overheard her and Tommy’s conversation through their kitchen window after you’d arrived. You sympathized with her recurrent discomfort and made a mental note to ask Susan later if that sort of thing would go away once she had the baby.

“Ugh, perfect. Thank you,” Maria said when you made your way back to the table.

“No problem.” You picked up her new glass and began filling it with ice cold water. The freezing bite against your fingers helped to steady your hand as you worked.  You were trying your best to not overthink this and get nervous, but you really wanted to do a good job for Susan.

“So what, you just get like internal lava from the baby or something?” Ellie wondered.

Maria and Susan both laughed at the description but didn’t deny its accuracy. “Something like that,” Maria agreed.

“Ugh gross. That sucks. At least this winter keeps dragging on, I guess. Somebody said the other day at school that it’s normally a little warmer by now. But that’s good for you, right? Even some snow still coming every now and then?” Ellie reasoned.

You felt a sprout of confidence blooming in your chest, and you took up on it immediately before it went away.

“Yeah, but that just means Maria has to talk Tommy out of filling the bathtub with snow to help her cool off. Can’t just hang out of your kitchen window every time.” You laugh a little at your tongue-in-cheek contribution as you go between Maria and Tommy to fill his glass with water next.

You feel them both still on either side of you, and you glance at Tommy in search of a reason. He had a confused, sad look that you couldn’t understand until you realized what you’d said. You sat the water pitcher on the table without filling Tommy’s glass and reflexively crossed your arms over your lower belly in subconscious effort to self-soothe.

“How do you know about that?” Maria asked behind you.

You took a big step back and removed yourself from between their chairs. “I-I …” you stammer. “Shit.”

“How much did you hear?” she quickly followed up. She knew. It was all over her face. Tommy’s, too. They knew you had eavesdropped on their conversation. Their private conversation about you and how bad off you were. Something you were never meant to hear and had no right listening in on.

“Something wrong?” Susan asked with a confused frown.

“Yeah, what the hell? Why’d everybody get so weird all the sudden?” Ellie chipped in, helpful as ever.

You opened your mouth a few times, but your tongue felt heavy and unwieldy. You didn’t know what to say, so instead you turned on your heel and abruptly exited the room, climbing the stairs two at a time until you made it to your room and locked the door.

“You fucking idiot,” you snap at yourself with a soft headbutt against the back of your door as you leaned into it. You bury your face in your hands and fall into your mattress. It was bad enough that your instigation of Joel and Nathan’s fight had been a topic of vague discussion over dinner, and now you had just outed yourself as an eavesdropper and a liar.

You could only imagine the conversation downstairs with Tommy and Maria letting everyone else know you had apparently spied on them and made yourself privy to their private conversations. Everyone would discover you couldn’t be trusted. Your mind was hurtling towards that ever present and endless expanse of panic that was apparently going to be rooted in you forever. 

You shuffled around your room in search of a rubber band and quickly dragged the first one you found over your wrist. You pulled the band taut and released it with a stinging snap against the softest part of your wrist. The faded scars from so many hours in restraints left little pale patches as the surrounding skin welted up around them with the repeated, calming snaps of the rubber band.

A hiss of satisfaction hummed from your throat at the grounding sensation it gave you. A soft knock on your door tore you from your self-soothing. “Uh, just a minute. I’m– I don’t think I’m coming back down Susan, I’m sorry,” you call out.

“Not Susan, but I’ll give you another guess,” Joel’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

You sighed and walked across your room but only stared at the doorknob after a few steps.

“Gimme two minutes, and I’ll leave you alone after that,” he bargained.

It was laughable that he’d think you didn’t want to see him. You wanted nothing more than for him to be right beside you. You were afraid of the possibility that he was going to look at you differently now after learning that you were a liar and a sneak. 

You reluctantly opened the door for him. You close and lock it after he stepped inside your bedroom. You kept your eyes downcast and settled back into your bed, curling up into yourself on your side without a word. You couldn’t take a look of disappointment or rejection from him right now. It would absolutely gut you.

Joel approached slowly before asking your permission to sit on the bed next to you. You gave a short sound of approval and felt the mattress beneath you sink down with Joel’s weight. You stared at the wall in front of you, hyper aware of Joel’s measured, calm breaths behind you.

“Your mirror’s covered,” he noted.

You let out a resigned sigh. Of course he’d notice. Susan had taken the coverings off all the mirrors downstairs in preparation for tonight’s dinner, but you hadn’t considered any of the upstairs ones.

“Yeah. Too bright. In the mornings. Lots of light,” you lie.

“You’re gonna have to pick between not lookin’ at me and not tellin’ me the truth, ‘cause I’m not gonna put up with both,” Joel said with firm candor.

You stirred at his provocation and rolled over. Joel sat facing forward, still taking in your decorative alterations. When he looked down at you, you instantly covered your face with your arms. It was too much.

“Quit it,” he urged gently, brushing his fingers across your lower arm. You dropped your safeguard and willed yourself to maintain eye contact.

“Are they going to kick me out?” you sniffle.

“You seriously think that?” Joel shot back. “You think even if that was the case me’n Ellie would just stand by? Or Susan?” Your lack of understanding at the extent of how much people cared for you had clearly struck a chord.

“No,” you mutter. You clear the lump in your throat with a few swallows.

“Exactly. So you can stay up here and take yourself outta the equation of your own life, or you can come back down with me and have a little liquid courage and enjoy the rest of this dinner,” he said.

When you didn’t answer after a few moments, Joel doubled down. “So what’s it gonna be? You gonna hole yourself up here? Or are you gonna pull yourself together and come back downstairs with me?”

He wasn’t being unkind, you knew that. It was the truth of your options, and he wasn’t going to let you skirt the issue by forming your own bastardized version of events where everyone hated you and you weren’t capable of doing hard things.

“I guess… I guess staying up here won’t do much. For showing how I’m doing better since I got to Jackson,” you reason. “And I’ll probably just drive myself crazy up here, alone with my th-thoughts.”

“Your call, honey,” Joel reminded you. He meant it. You knew if you really decided to just have a pity party for yourself upstairs, he wouldn’t stop you, and he wouldn’t chastise you over it either. 

You sat up and poked Joel’s thigh, prompting him to stand. When you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, you looked up to see Joel’s extended hand waiting for you. He smirked and wiggled his fingers, mimicking the gesture you gave him after his altercation with Nathan. You huffed a small laugh and knocked his hand away in feigned annoyance before quickly grabbing it back up.

“Oh, one more thing.”

You shot him a curious look. “What?”

“This?” he said, gingerly wrapping his hand around your wrist where you’d snapped the rubber band. “You’re not doin’ this anymore.”

Your cheeks burned. You’d already forgotten about it, too distracted to think about hiding it. “Joel, it’s not– I just do it to help me–”

“No.” He cut you off without hesitation. “You aren’t gonna do it anymore. You’re gonna find somethin’ else to help calm you down. You come to me in the meantime while we’re figurin’ out what you can do to replace that. Don’t care if it’s the middle of the night. You come see me. Is that understood?”

You gulped at the frankly enthralling way Joel commanded you to not mistreat your body, even if you only did it because it brought momentary calm. He raised his eyebrow in a persuasive, demanding motion, waiting for your acknowledgement.

“Okay,” you promise. You hug his arm for a moment and don’t pull away when he sweeps his knuckles down your back in a single, delicate pass.

“Let’s get goin’,” he says, and you think just maybe there was a hint of reluctance in his voice at the mention of ending the moment and going back downstairs with other people instead of staying up here alone. 

You made it to the bottom of the stairs and were sad to let go of your hold of his warm, comforting hand, but you really didn’t want to reemerge with such a pointed, suggestive display before you could even smooth things over from your last faux pas.

“Ready?” Joel murmured lowly so everyone in the next room over couldn’t hear.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” you whisper back.

And you were. You could do hard things. You could handle the awkward social situation you had created. No one was going to send you away. You weren’t going to have to fend for yourself. No one blamed you for Joel’s choices in dealing with Nathan. You weren’t somebody that stirred up trouble. You were just learning how to be yourself again, and it had been a long time since you were yourself.

The "WHAT TTTOOOWWWNNNNN?!" side of Joel makes my pussy bottom out, sorry not sorry. If only it wouldn't be too upsetting for Feral Woman® to witness Joel get more violent, we might have seen Nathan get all of the ass whooping he deserved. Oh well. We'll just have to settle for what we can get, I suppose.

Also, I just know Susan would give Joel a run for his money if anyone actually tried to kick Feral Woman® out of Jackson. Some true mama bear shit 100%.

As always, ty ty ty for reading and for commenting/sharing/reblogging my work!

Catch ya later,  ♥Puddles♥

#fic: feral woman #fw #joel miller #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #tlou fic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us

[lokigodofaces]

If any of you have asexual Loki fics, please reblog and link them/DM me them. Or if you've read some you think I'd like, I'll take those too. I want ace Loki, please. My own fanfiction isn't enough for me.

Frostmaster and Thorki are big no-no's to me as ships, but otherwise I don't really care what pairing. I do ship Infinoki, but I'm interested in Loki/Clint, Loki/Bucky, and Loki/Wanda, if anyone knows about anything like that where Loki is ace. But I honestly don't care if there is romance, I just want asexual Loki.

#loki laufeyson #asexual loki #ace loki #yes i have a couple fics where loki is ace! #one of them is an x reader b/c i was interested what it would be like to write in that format #another is a loki x oc #that one is fun b/c the oc (mandy) is bi but not at all comfortable about it #but one day loki mentioned something about his gender fluidity #and he was totally chill about it & said something abt not caring about sexuality #he hasnt said what his sexuality is yet in the fic but hes demibiromantic ace but doesnt know those terms #but yeah mandy is gonna come out to him & it'll be good for her b/c shes super worried about her sexuality rn #& also shes gonna get matching bi pride stuff for them b/c that is cute #& once they find out loki is demiro ace she is gonna buy him stuff for that too #& gender fluid stuff #itll be cute #if you were wondering the x reader is 'captive' & the x oc is 'angelic' #up on wattpad quotev & ao3 #not completed but am working on it #also some sites i've put up edited version & some i havent but i dont remember which? #i think wattpad has the most recent editions #but i'll work on getting them all up to speed

[yelenasdog]

visions (warren worthington iii x fem reader)

genre: angst

summary:  why must visions become reality?

words: 1.1k

warnings: ANGSTY PURR ✨🗣, x-men apocalypse spoilers, mentions of physical fighting and death, just some sad stuff. in terms of fluff, this is a decrescendo.

a/n: hi! reader is a mutant and has a strand of very very light hair that has a bluish tint and sparkles, as well as extremely light eyes and sharp canines! other than that there is no predetermined factor of appearance! also, y/n was not used so if u wanted to read this an x an oc or x another fem character, that should work well!

⚔⚔⚔

"Move over!"

"No way, your wings take up the whole bed anyway!"

"That's mutantphobic!"

A loud laugh sounded from the smaller girl resting in Warren's arms, her cheeks growing sore from all the smiling she had (and always was around him) been doing.

"I'm a mutant too, y'know, so I don't quite see how that could work."

He shuffled about for a moment, moving so that one of his beautiful wings would rest over her top half, bringing her an unprecedented level of calm.

She looked over from where she lay on her back, stretching one of her hands to lightly run her fingers over the sharpened tip of his wing.

Warren watched from his position on his stomach, a fond look coming across his angelic features, one that seemed to creep its way onto his face whenever he was in her presence.

Pale moonlight streamed in from the cracked window just above their heads, Illuminating the strand of her hair that appeared as a sparkling sliver of the Arctic Ocean. 

Warren would oftentimes find himself twirling it whenever he would snuggle up to the girl on nights like these, the contrast of the soft texture feeling pleasant on his calloused fingertips. It also shined light on her glorious eyes of the same color, that he could (and has) get lost in for hours, drowning.

A chilly breeze found its way through the glass panel as well, Warren's immediate response to pull her closer, which he did.

His wing that previously was on top of her suddenly curled under her to the best of its ability, pulling her close enough to him to where he could take grip of her with his own strong arms.

She smiled, her sharpened canines glistening faintly in the white hue of the moon's glow.

Then it was quiet for a bit, just some rock song playing softly in the back, accompanied by the howling of the wind. It lulled the pair into a serene state, an implacable emotion filling them up from their tippy toes to the tops of their heads.

And in that moment, with his golden curls all astray, and wings so ethereally spread, she wondered what she was experiencing?

It was love, she had decided. And she could only hope he felt it too.

She, for one, had felt it many times.

Like when she washed his wings for the first time, an incredibly intimate memory she held. She had softly washed away all the dirt and grime, and he had felt comforted to the fullest extent. He had never had someone to help him with that before, and the extra assistance had embarrassed him at first, but now it had become second nature to the pair.

Or perhaps the times that fights in the ring had become too personal for Warren's seemingly stone cold heart to handle alone. The gravity of those he had killed, and the guilt that came from surviving off of it would routinely threaten to crack his confident exterior. 

She would spend her time on those days (or more regularly, nights) allowing him to cry to her, to let his emotions break free.

She would never know how much it meant to him.

"Angel?"

He let out a grunt, his emerald eyes staying shut as he shook around his head on the pillow, trying to find a cold spot (as even with the open window, he never could seem to shake the burning sensation that dug deep through the fibers of his body down to his heart and soul).

"Don't ever let anyone touch your wings, alright?"

His eyes opened at that, curiosity getting the best of his sleepy brain that was begging him to just ask what she meant in the morning. But nonetheless he persisted.

"W'dya mean, sweet girl?"

She looked anywhere but his eyes, running fingers across the top of his left wing. He resisted the urge to giggle at the tickly feeling left behind, though she wouldn't have minded if he had let one of his musical laughs slip.

"I'm not quite sure, honestly."

He laughed, her heart fluttering at the sight of his smile.

"I guess," she took a pause, trying to better articulate what she had such a hard time putting into words.

"That mutants still aren't safe. And I don't want you to ever lose your wings. Y'know, have to hide them..." her voice wavered, and it was fairly obvious that not only what she said held more meaning, but that she still had more to say.

"And?" He asked, now fully awake with concern lacing his features. His head was tilted, eyes slanted, while hers was hung, looking to her fumbling hands.

"I just don't want you to get hurt, Warren."

At those words, his expression softened and his wings instinctively spread out to cover the both of them with a loud swoosh.

He pulled her to his bare chest, cradling her head in his arms.

"You have another vision?"

She nodded, her cries muffled, but her tears very much evident as they wet his ivory skin, leaving a shimmery sheen in their wake. “Warren, it was horrible," she cried, turmoil the only thing on her mind.

"Y-your wings were gone and replaced with, with some horrible metal."

"Well, did I at least look bad ass?" He smiles boyishly, and she only frowned and burrowed her head into his chest. His expression became neutral, an unreadable expression plastered on.

"Who did it?"

"I didn't get a name." She sniffles, sitting up and placing her hands on either side of herself. She closed her eyes and turned to the wall, beginning to recall all she could, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"There's 4 other people-"

"Are you one of them?"

A beat passed, tensions in the cool air began to rise.

"No."

Then there was a sigh from Warren, and he wasn't sure if it was of relief or of a despicable anguish.

"That's him."

Her eyes flew open, her pupils dilating. He said her name, taking hold of both of her hands tightly as if his life depended on it. Which in all honesty, it felt like it did.

"Who is he?"

A single tear slipped down her cheek for her lover, for the world.

She was frozen, fear had infiltrated her completely, every cell, every vein, every muscle. 

And thereupon, even Warren's wings couldn't make her feel safe from what was to soon come rain havoc on their lives.

Her voice was only a frightful whisper as she spoke, the usual captivating power it held totally absent. Despite that, there was no room for mistaking what she said, the word remaining completely clear as it fell past her lips.

"Apocalypse."

⚔⚔⚔

ok miss girl! i see u! i did that! i hope u enjoyed that v short angstyness lol. ok now go take an electronics break and drink some water and eat some protein!!!

luv u bye!! xx hj 

#warren worthington the third #warren worthington iii #warren worthington x reader #warren worthington x you #warren worthington imagine #warren worthington fanfic #warren worthington angst #warren worthington iii x reader #x men #x men fanfiction #x men x reader #x men apocalypse #angel x reader xmen #ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x y/n #ben hardy x you #ben hardy x female reader #ben jones #ben hardy angst #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #borhap #borhap fanfic #6 underground #6 underground 4 x reader #6 underground fanfic #6 underground fanfiction

[youbloodymadgenius]

But not today (Modern!Ivar x woman - not a reader, not an OC, you’ll see...)

A/N: “You’re so nice, Youbloodymadgenius” That’s what many of you often tell me. Not sure you’ll say it after reading this. 

You may not like it, but please don’t hate me. And sorry about that.

@inforapound​ - I know you had a hard time editing this OS. A huuuuge thank you for doing it 💖 And sorry. 

And once again, thank you all for giving so much love to “Slave!”

Warnings: Oral sex (male receiver), my wicked mind. 

Words: 2140

"Yes?"

The woman is clicking her perfectly manicured nails on the shiny surface of the gigantic mahogany desk.

"He's coming.” A man's voice answers.

"Where exactly is he?”

"Just passing the third security check point. “

Hanging up, she puts a distracted hand through her blonde mane and slips on her twelve centimetre Louboutin’s.

Rotating her calfskin leather chair, she looks out the large bay window, offering breathtaking views of Kattegat. Night life, streetlights, car headlights, neon signs, electrify the city. Her city.

Rising from her chair, she adjusts her Chanel dress, which hugs her curves perfectly. Hearing the elevator doors open, she pinches her lips, feeling prepared, and turns around.

**

Thanking the armed guard with a quick nod, the man pushes through the double doors into the most guarded wing of the ultra-secure building. His face is dark with a heavy frown. The five security checks imposed on anyone wanting to reach her annoys him. He does not like to be touched.

Entering the elevator, his fingers hit the wall keyboard inputting a complex code. The doors close and the elevator rises to the only floor it serves: the top floor.

Tightening his left hand on his crutch, the doors open, his right hand instinctively reaches for his chest. Wincing, as he feels naked without his holster. He sniffs almost furiously and takes a step forward.

**

"I was expecting you earlier.” The woman, with a stern look, places her hands on the desk in front of her.  

He hates it when she talks to him like she's preaching to a child. So furious to be held to account, his nostrils quiver. He closes his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry about that.”

The woman is aware of his lie.

"You know I never disappoint you,” he continues, his mouth sketching a half smile. More like a grin. His eyes, fixed on her, do not blink.

He's proud. Cocky, she thinks. The gods know how much she would like to put him in his place. Make that snotty look disappear from his face.  But he does not lie. He does not show off pointlessly. Never disappoints her. He’s her most efficient executor. He’s the best. Better than her own son. The thought filling her mind with bitterness.

The man has not moved; his back almost glued to the closed doors of the elevator. She knows he will stand in place until invited forward. With her palm open, she stretches out her right arm.

"Please, Ivar, come close.”

He blinks and nods. Even before he has taken a step, his jaw contracts almost violently.

She watches him walk toward her. More slowly than usual, leaning heavily on his crutch, while on some days it only serves to steady him. Knowing he does not like to be observed, she looks away. Opening a drawer, she takes out a medicine pack, dropping two pills in her left hand before sliding a silver tray at one end of her desk closer to her. Choosing the bottle of sparkling water, she fills a glass, finally, walking around the desk.

He cannot help but admire the perfection of her curves as she approaches him. It's something that also annoys him - how can he find her attractive? - but he cannot fight it. She is gorgeous. As if time had no hold on her.

Stopping in front of her, he looks at the content of her hand.

"Ibuprofen?” she offers.

Thanking her with a nod he grabs the tablets, swallowing them, with a large sip of water. His gaze does not leave her throughout and the woman remains impassive. The fact that he cannot see anything in her eyes soothes him - it's so uncommon - as much as it upsets him.

Why her??? Why is she the only one? Why does it have to be her?

For his father, he had never been anything but a failure. With Sigurd, a target of mockery. Bjorn, who placed body worship at the top of the pyramid of personal values, had never taken him seriously. His mother, his beloved mother, had never been able to hide the pity she felt. The same was true for Ubbe. Hvitserk managed to be more subtle, but Ivar knew that he had never considered him an equal.

But this woman… This woman whom he hates, this woman, who he is certain, was no stranger to his mother's death, never took pity on him. Never laughed at him. Her! Out of them all. The irony repulses him, making him want to scream. He hates her, but he's grateful to her regardless. He hates her, but she arouses him. Awakes the unthinkable. Makes the impossible possible.

Swallowing, he clenches his teeth. One day, he willll kill her.

But not today.

Taking the empty glass from his hand, she puts it on the desk and crosses her arms over her chest. He is unable to stop his eyes from settling on her cleavage.

"Has objective 7 been neutralized?”

Ivar refrains from rolling his eyes. In his father's day, things were easier.

"Ælle, the motherfucker is done harming. We got Borg, that fucking son of a bitch.”

But she does not want any of that. She is the head of the largest crime syndicate in Northern Europe, with connections in England and France. She wants, needs, to keep up appearances. Dead people are neutralized objectives. Punitive expeditions for recovery missions.

He despises her for it. She won’t take responsibility. He despises her for a thousand other reasons too. Hates her. But hate does not prevent attraction.

"Objective 7 has been neutralized,” his voice is monotonous. Barely repressing a half-smile.

The woman cannot escape it. Leaning her head to one side, she frowns. She knows he is not finished.

"As well as objectives 11 and 15."

She’s surprised and unable to hide it. A part of her thoroughly annoyed. She would like him to be less successful. Perhaps, less efficient, but he’s the best. Better than her own son. She chases away the thought as it makes her nauseous.

Ivar is her best hitman. Her best killer. Clean. Precise. Fast. No traces left behind. No collateral damage. He is fearsome and no one can escape him.

Women always feel weak to his angel features. Surrendered, utterly captivated by the infinite blue of his intense eyes. He kills them the exact moment they spread their legs. The instant they offer themselves. He cannot stop himself. He needs to. This outlet for his endless frustration.

Men do not fear him, they underestimate him. Because of his legs. They think he’s slow. Weak. While it is from the pain that tortures his bones day after day, night after night, that he draws his strength. His perpetual fury. His absolute anger. And he enjoys torturing them. To punish them for being whole. To make them pay for not considering him enough.

The woman wonders if he would be as effective without his disability. She doubts it.

Smiling at him, impressed, despite herself.

"11 and 15 as well? “ Her right eyebrow spikes in question.

"The wait was worth it, wasn't it?” He puffs his chest, putting his free hand through his hair. "I never disappoint you." The tone is almost condescending. Disdainful. Smug.

The gods know how much she would like to be able to do without him. But it would impossible. He is the best. Smart. Creative. His capacity for anticipation unsurpassed. She will never tell him, but she admires him for it. She was excellent. Still is, despite her age. But he’s much better than she has ever been. She does not want to admire him, but she has always been attracted to sheer talent. He's like his father. But even more determined. And more ruthless.

She should get him killed. Or kill him herself. She thinks she would be successful. But she cannot bring herself to do it. Because of her admiration for him. And because when she looks at his blue eyes, she sees Ragnar. Yet she should, and she is aware of it. She's no fool. He most certainly knows that she was involved in his mother's death. She sees it in his eyes. He hates her. She knows that. As she knows that one day, he will kill her. And he won't hesitate.

One day, he will kill her.

But not today.

"No, indeed, Ivar, you never disappoint me." Coming closer to him, her fingers graze his wrist.

Shuddering and pinching his lips, he does not try to hide his disgust. But his eyes, for an instant, shout something else. This stealthy, almost imperceptible gleam. His desire. Animal. Primitive.

It’s time for the reward. She won't get any pleasure from it - and it does not matter. She does not need to.

"Come on.”  

Smiling softly, she directs him to the corner sofa, quickly unfastens his belt. Following with his buttons, she slides his jeans under his bottom. Squeezing his shoulder, she makes him sit.

He does not take his eyes off her as she kneels in front him. Spreading his legs, she gets closer, making him stiffens. He does not want her to touch them. But he’s too distracted. His last reward was several weeks ago, and he is no longer able to think.

His heartbeat is accelerating and his cock is already painful. He would like to restrain himself. His fists clench, struggling to hide how eager he’s. How much he wants what she's about to give. Showing her his desire would be like giving her some form of pleasure. That is not an option.

As always, he tries to reason with himself. He wants to fight. Do not give in. Part of himself protests. He is weak. It can't be. It must not be.

And yet it is.

Closing his eyes briefly... How is that possible? Why her?  Among all the others? Why is she the only one? A terrible unfairness, but also a blessing. Without her, he would not know anything about that pleasure. The woman's hand slips into his boxer briefs, freeing his erect cock. He bites his tongue so as not to moan.

Giving him one last glance, the woman takes him in her mouth. Her tongue skillfully plays against his tip before closing her lips around him. When the woman's hand touches his balls, he gives a big hip thrust - he would have liked to contain it - and finds himself entirely in the moisture of her mouth.

The woman is working fast and cleverly. She wants to get it over with quickly, and so does he. The only thing he wants is release. The pleasure. The pleasure that only she can provide.

He pants when she takes him even deeper, feeling that he has reached the bottom of her throat. She increases the pace, ruthless and in a hurry to get it done. If he could still think coherently, he would be grateful.

The next minute, a deep and hoarse grunt fills the room as he explodes in her mouth. His breathing is short, fireworks are dancing in his eyes.

Swallowing the last drop of his seed, the woman then slowly licks his cock clean.

Trying to come to his senses, he pushes the woman's head back. Keeping his face stubbornly turned away to the wall, the woman stands without giving him the slightest glance.

Turning her back on him, she walks away and hears him growl when he starts to get up.

"Do you need help?" She asks without looking back.

"No," rushes.

The woman, not surprised, says nothing.

She walks around her desk and sits in her chair. Bending down, she removes the first heel, then the second, letting out a sigh of relief.

Watching the man slowly walk away, she notices that his movements are even more strained than before.

"Next mission starts in two days, Ivar. Rest until then.”

Leaning on his crutch, he turns to her, expressionless face. But he still nods. Tilting his head to the side, he seems to hesitate for a moment. His eyes are narrowing and his whole body stiffens.

"One day, I will kill you.” His voice is soft. Smooth.

The woman does not blink. Yet, she knows he's not lying. His threat is serious. His promise will be kept. But she remains in control of the game.

"But not today, Ivar."

Fury is not far away, but he too controls himself. She's right. She’s the one holding the cards. She's the only one.

He silently curses his disability. His weak legs. And above all, he curses his defective cock which offers this woman a ticket to staying alive.

He curses the gods. He curses Loki.

Taking a deep breath, he turns away when the elevator doors open behind him.

"No. Not today, Lagertha."

🛡⚔️🛡

@saldelys​ @waiting4inspiration​ @lisinfleur​ @honestsycrets​ @gearhead66​

#ivar #ivar ragnarsson #modern ivar #modern!ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar x lagertha

[pxjiminsi]

Walk of Shame

Chapter 3 from the Series: Before you go

Pairing: Jimin x reader, Taehyung x reader, Jin x OC, OT5 x reader platonic love

Fic Type: Slice of life au

Genre: slice of life, fluff, mild smut, and a healthy amount of angst

Warning: few cuss words, slight humping, love bites

Word count: 2.8k

A/n: Hi! Leave a message if you liked this chapter! I’m just happy to get my first likes on the first chapters! Enjoy!

It’s been 2 weeks since you’ve landed in L.A, and so far it’s been great. You explored the city with Soo Yun and her family, specifically loving the Architectural tours as Soo Yun’s father is an Architect himself. Visiting the Getty Center and Museum was your peak. Its view overlooking the whole of Los Angeles relieved some of your burdens, relieving your guilt in leaving your life in Korea. You also visited the LACMA, The Broad, and the Hollywood Bowl, such Architectural porn that you haven’t seen before. 

Sleepovers were also your and Soo Yun’s thing back then and you’re doing it all now again. Watching horror movies in bed while wearing matching pajamas with hot popcorn, ice cream, and cola between your legs. You both particularly liked slasher films over anything else and you think that the Final Destination series are *chef’s kiss*. 

In the middle of Final Destination 3, Soo Yun casually slid if you'll ever meet with Jimin again. Though you highly doubt it’s you and Jimin she’s thinking about. She kind of developed a crush on Jin, I couldn’t blame her of course. You were as captivated just by hearing his voice on the phone, but seeing him was entirely different. From his height to his broad shoulders Soo Yun fell deep. He’s just not your type though. 

After your last encounter, you told her everything. From having no real friends ever since she left, that issue you had in school which forced you to quit and leave Korea, your uncertain relationship with Jae, and your falling apart with your parents to that wonderful time with Jimin at the plane and to the bag mix-up. And these 2 weeks were nothing but great because of your friend’s support, you got one by your side and that’s enough for you. 

“Did you know about their upcoming showcase? I heard they’re free.” She asked while chomping on popcorn not leaving her eyes on the screen. “How did you even know about that?” surprised that she’s more updated than you. Though you have no obligation to keep up with their schedule. “I have a friend at school who knows them. I even bragged about meeting 3 of their members” her grin almost reaching her ears for being so pleased with herself. “I’m surprised at Jimin for not getting your phone number from Jin, some guys will go for it even if you told them not too, you know?” she paused the movie to get more popcorn downstairs. 

But some other guys are not Jimin, you thought as you leaned back to your pillow to stare at the ceiling. And duh what he did is nothing to be proud of, it's like the threshold for basic manners. But what do I know, I have been in a relationship for a year now and I don’t even know if this is what relationships should look and feel like. I know that I shouldn't base and compare my relationship to movies or any Nicholas Sparks’ books, but why do I feel like it’s much closer to Stephen King’s works.

“Jae would like to video chat with you” your phone vibrates. Speaking of the devil. You answer and immediately see him with eyes focused on the screen probably playing Diablo or God of War. “Hi babe, what’s up, where are you?” he said. 

Where are you? What the fuck, you’ve been in L.A for 2 weeks and he asks where are you?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? 

“Babe, I'm in L.A remember. Soo Yun and I are watching movies. And it’s like 3 pm there, why aren’t you in school?” you calmly said clenching your jaw, checking the time on your phone. 10:23 pm. “Uh, okay mom. I didn’t feel like going, I feel like I might follow your step and quit school this time.” he snickers. He knows you don’t enjoy bringing up that topic, but what did you expect? “Kidding babe, lighten up. I called because I miss you, I miss your cooking, I miss cuddling, and I miss you between my --" you stop him as Soo Yun enters the room again.

"Hey, it's Soo Yun, Soo Yun's here Jae, say hi!" Panicky facing your phone in front of her. "Hi Jae, still a dick to y/n?" she said without even looking at your phone. You look at her not believing she said that rolling her eyes at you in return. "Hi Soo Yun, and no, if there's an award for best boyfriend, I’m winning that effortlessly."

"Babe we're going to finish the movie and head out early tomorrow for a tour, I’ll call you tomorrow. I love -- " ignoring Soo Yun's death stare at you to hang up the phone now.  "Mmkay, bye" he overlapped then hung up.

"Romantic." Soo Yun sarcastically said, rolling her eyes then clicks play on the remote. You sink in your place sighing, placing a pillow on your face.

10 a.m and you're ready for the last stop of your tour before starting to look for work. You admire yourself in the mirror, liking what Soo Yun picked for you to wear today. A yellow sundress to go with your white air force 1's, accessorizing it with your gold necklace with your initials, small gold hoops, and sunglasses. You wear your mid-length hair down, but you have a scrunchy in your wrist if it starts to bother you.

Your last stop for today is the Hollywood sign and the Walk of fame before heading to lunch then movies afterward. You hopped in the car and set-up the GPS to the Hollywood Sign while waiting for Soo Yun and his dad to drop you two off. Feeling giddy as road trips were always your stress reliever. 

As you reach your destination, you close your eyes feeling the warmth of the sun wrapping around your skin, the sun shining brightly. Being the city girl that you were, you don’t mind the busy street, the hustle of people rushing off for work or running errands, people on the phone strutting while handling coffee carefully, these things puts you at ease. You smiled subconsciously at the busy scene, it makes you feel like you’re not alone. No dark clouds hanging over your head. After you took pictures in the Hollywood sign, Soo Yun appealed to go to your next destination. Of course, she wasn’t as excited as you. She’s been seeing all this for years now. 

You went inside the car humming, excited as you're a sucker for street performances, which are very well known in L.A. Nearing the Walk of Fame, traffic became apparent, so you Soo Yun’s dad decided to drop you both off. Soo Yun left you to meet some friends, but it was okay because you’re looking for some alone time too. 

You were like a child whose first time visiting Disneyland, meandering eyes everywhere, tasting every street food available, from pretzels to hotdogs to falafels. Once full, you started taking photos of everything in sight, and when I tell you everything, it’s EVERYTHING. From street performers to passing cars, to the fucking stars of each artist you knew. You especially love Cate Blanchett’s The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Classic actresses like Marilyn Monroe, Aubrey Hepburn, your romance movie idols. You take pictures of your favorite singers this time until THWACK you stupidly slammed yourself and fall on the floor butt first, putting your bare thighs on display and your dress through your midsection exposing your white lace panties for all tourists, street performers, and Californians to see. 

Thankfully and Instantly, someone threw their jacket over your thighs and handed their hand with their head turned around. “Jimin?” you asked hazily. You don’t know if you bumped your head too much and you’re hallucinating Jimin now. “Ow!!!!! That fucking hurt” you squinted on your side and see Taehyung bent over his knees holding his forehead with both hands. You don’t know which is more embarrassing, Californians and tourists seeing your undergarment, creating a commotion to hundreds of people, or Jimin seeing your panties. 

Why are you even alive, contemplating, you quickly used Jimin’s hand to lift yourself, brushed the dust off of your dress, and rushed to see Taehyung. “Tae, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Ready to cuss with his tiny fists raised and widened eyes, he looked at his attacker, “Yah!” he then quickly realizes it’s you, and his facial features immediately softened, still teary-eyed from the pain. “Y/n?” he exclaimed, eyes wide open. ”Hi Tae, nice bumping into you” you try, that's okay. You offered your hand to help him. ”Ha, funny.” he said with a straight face while taking your hand lifting him.

”What are you both doing here anyway?” you asked the both of them taking a peek at Jimin whose ears are still red and not giving you a chance to see his whole flustered face as he still has his back turned away from you giving flyers to passersby.

You don't want to see him too anyway, admit it or not, you missed him. Also in this past week, images of him and you pop at unconventional times of the day. When watching romantic films, taking a bath, especially when you're horny as fuck. Imagining his arms pinning you down while he glides his body on you, his eyes deep within yours, kissing every part of you starting from your lips, to your neck, to your breasts. Him sucking your nipples with those thick luscious lips while his free hand playing the other makes your pussy wet so much that you usually use the showerhead to relieve yourself. You hate yourself most times because of these dirty thoughts, so no, you don't want to see him.

”We're handing out flyers for our concert in 3 days, Tae over here, killing it especially with the ladies.” Jimin finally faced without giving you eye-contact. ”You look pretty, by the way,” he said in a soft voice, almost not wanting you to hear his words, while handing out more flyers to Tae to distribute. ”Thanks, you're both not too bad” You smiled at the both of them eyeing Jimin's perfectly brushed black hair, as usual, plain white tee and grey sweatpants. Taehyung's brown hair was perfectly swept with his red snapback, white tee, and black shorts.

”I'm very irresistible, I know that.” there he goes flashing his smile. You didn't doubt it though, he has this cute innocent face that is very alluring, notably his boxy smile that you would give him anything if he asked. He can easily approach people and get something from them, yet he has this audacity proclaiming he's shy all the time. The three of you laugh as if you know each other for a while now, forgetting the embarrassment you all had earlier.

”Y/n, you're bleeding!” his smile disappeared within seconds when his eyes accidentally roamed through your knees. You probably grazed them when you fell. You see the sudden concern in Jimin's face, but before you can do anything about it or say anything, he suddenly shoved the remaining flyers to Taehyung's chest and in a flash, your arms were wrapped around his neck as he lifted you from your place. You were too stunned to speak as his feet started to scurry. Leaving a shocked Taehyung in the streets. ”Wh-what? Where are we going??” he doesn't answer you, but he looked at you with that pretty smile that you missed so much and said,” I got you, I missed you, y/n.”

”What the hell, Jimin, your job was to hand flyers to women, not kidnap one!” this guy with skin white as snow and very cute squinty eyes exclaimed as he opened the door of their van for you and Jimin. ”This is y/n, we bumped into her earlier, literally. Y/n this is Yoongi, one of our members and the one who most annoys me recently.” he uttered as he plopped you in the seat behind the drivers and scampered the van for the first aid kit. ”Hi, I'm y/n, sorry for the intrusion” you can see he’s not paying attention to you because his face has confusion written all across his face. He scrunches his eyebrows as if he's remembering something.

Jimin started to tender on your bruise, initially taken aback as he needs to touch your bare legs, you notice that his ears are starting to blush again. Seeing how Jimin is flustered while attending to your leg, laughter bursts in Yoongi's mouth, exposing his cute gummy smile which you first thought was unexpected of his personality. ”You're y/n, the one who broke our Jimin's heart, he won't stop talking about you since last week!” he can't stop laughing as he continues to smack his hand at Jimin's back.

What? Broke his heart? 

You can't help but widen your eyes to Yoongi's sudden announcement. Jimin’s mouth dropped as he shoved Yoongi out of the van and closed the door, leaving the two of you in awkward silence. ”Hey!! I'll be going to Taehyung to help him, don't leave the van, okay? Have fun love birds” as he taps at the window goodbye. The car is so quiet you can hear Yoongi strut away. 

He started to dab disinfectant to your wound, as soon as he felt your sudden twitch because of the sting, lightly and carefully as possible, he blew on your wound. You stare at him, heart pounding. Thinking about what Yoongi said. Was everything true? That he missed you? Because you want to say you missed him too, that he hasn't left your mind too since then, that you're sorry for leading him on, that you also want to get to know him better, that you don't want anything at all at this moment but to be held and kissed by him. You feel your heart ready to burst out from this overwhelming noise in all this quietness. He slowly lifts his head meeting your gaze. It's as if he heard everything that your heart wanted to tell him. He slowly begins to lean in on you, closer, closer, your eyes admire every aspect of his face as he comes close to yours. His slightly widened eyes, to his flushed cheeks, and his lips. You try to control yourself, but seeing him made you stop thinking and over-analyzing. 

You finally close the gap between your lips. He cupped your face, allowing him to slide his tongue to your mouth, as your head automatically tilted to the other side of his face, moaning slightly in his. Your hands slowly wrapped itself to his neck pulling his kiss deeper into you. He slowly roamed his hands from your legs to your thighs, his innocently flushed face looked at you, looking for approval, you closed your eyes and nodded. He began to trail kisses from your cheeks, then your ear, to your neck. Jimin couldn’t stop the moan coming from your lips as he started to pull the strap of your dress away from your shoulder with his teeth then proceeded to kiss your shoulders, using his hands to tug your dress away from your upper body, exposing your black brasserie. You also quickly pulled off his white shirt, leaving you completely blown away by his amazing abs. He laughed at your reaction, placing kisses on your thighs. You felt in your leg that he's already so hard in those pants. As he began to pull your lace panties down, your phone began to ring. You try to ignore it completely as you're too indulged in this moment, but you realize Soo Yun is going to panic if she doesn't reach you. ”Sorry, I have to get this.” he nods, sitting behind you as he sweeps your hair off of your shoulders and gently leaving love bites on it. 

”Where are you? I've been looking for you everywhere. I'm with Jeongguk, Jin, and Namjoon right now. I bumped into them while looking for you. They invited me for dinner so we're heading back to their car right now.” Your eyes both widened as the both of you scrambled to get dressed and fix your appearances. ”Uh I'm actually with Jimin, I bumped into him and Tae earlier..” You breathlessly exclaim as you both exit the van roaming your eyes to Jimin's group and Soo Yun. ”Oh okay, we're almost there, we can see you two now!” she hung up the phone. Leaving you two, again, in awkward silence.

”I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, y/n ” head looking down. You can see his frustration in his face as he kicks rocks to vent. You felt guilty. You're the one that's sorry. You cheated on Jae and you let Jimin feel bad again. ”No, I'm sorry. As much as it was confusing, I don't regret kissing you. Let’s talk about this later” tugging the end of his shirt and quickly letting go, ending your complicated encounter as Jimin's friends and Soo Yun approached the car.

#Kim Namjoon #Kim Seokjin #Min Yoongi #Jung Hoseok #Park Jimin #Kim Taehyung #Jeon Jungkook #BTS #BTS imagines #Jimin Smut #Jimin Angst #Jimin Fluff #Before you go #Namjoon #Seokjin #Yoongi #Suga #Hobi #Jimin #Taehyung #V #Jungkook #fan fic #bts fic