#if you find this relatable at least we can suffer together I guess

[k-s-morgan]

Hi!

Ur sebaciel fic is such a good read, and there's relationship is explored in such detail.

When looking at their relationship, I think of how different yet similar they are and how they are learning from each other. If they had met each other previously I think they would be disgusting with one another. Ciel would be his innocent, naive self and Sebastian would be a regular terrible demon.

I think Sebastian still is evil and terrible, he is a demon ofc. However, we see Ciel is not put off by that as he found the plague incident funny. However, I think Ciels perception of Sebastian is still misconveived, just like many readers when we see him being a charming butler. I think if Ciel knew that he enjoyed watching him be tortured and assaulted, he wouldn't be able to look past that. Ofc sebastian doesn't enjoy it anymore as u mentioned, but I think that he still is an awful person, who could enjoy seeing a child violated and tortured? I think Ciel needs a reality check tbh.

I think if Ciel were to know the depths of Sebastians evilness, he would not be so trusting of him, and I think Sebastian is aware of this. I know Ciel has a dark side to him, but under no circumstances is it comparable to that of Sebastian, and he can only relate to him so much. However I think this is good character development for Sebastian since he will learn how to be less evil I guess, at least in front of Ciel.

Is there anything Sebastian won't do or lines he wont cross? Or is he just a immoral, evil, demon? I kind of like the latter more, it makes his progression more impactful.

Thank u if u read and respond 🥰 ik it's long rambling

Hello! Thank you so much, I'm glad you've been enjoying this twisted story!

Your question is very interesting. On the one hand, I think there are no lines Sebastian wouldn't cross as a demon. He has no morality, he thrives on darkness, pain and suffering as it's in his nature. On the other hand, he does seem to have some principles, which distinguishes him from other demons. For example, he's genuinely distraught when he fails at his duties. He is authentically respectful to Elizabeth and some other characters sometimes, and like he himself admitted in the anime, he grew tired of mindless destruction a while ago. If Sebastian has to torture and murder a child, he will do it without blinking, but he won't go out of his way to do it just for the sake of it. He finds the concept of pure evil boring, and this gives him depth.

In the context of his relationship with Ciel, I think Sebastian becomes even more interesting. Now it's not only about his instincts, it's also about meeting the needs of a person he cares about. I was recently discussing one of my favorite ships, Buffy/Spike, and what I said about them fully coincides with how I see Sebastian/Ciel: when it comes to love, Sebastian is a morality chameleon. He'll be as good or as evil as his beloved wants. If Ciel goes full-on villain who plots the destruction of the world, Sebastian will help him. If Ciel decides they'll be the saviors of every miserable person, Sebastian will follow him into this with no questions. Naturally, his own nature will shine through occasionally, but it'll be pretty tame, and most importantly, he won't mind. He'll be happy to do what Ciel wants (But Ciel will also never expect him to turn into the opposite version of himself - they are drawn together for a reason, after all).

Right now, Sebastian has an instinctive understanding of what Ciel finds acceptable, and his feelings have affected some of his perceptions of violence. The Sebastian who watched Ciel being tortured and violated with pleasure no longer exists: if he was in a similar situation now, watching some other child, he'd either feel indifferent or maybe even interfere because he'd immediately associate the victim with Ciel.

Regarding Ciel, I think he knows very well that Sebastian is a complete monster, but because of how Sebastian acts with him, Ciel's perception is indeed altered. The important thing is that he knows it - he even acknowledges it sometimes. He realizes that he's biased and that he's too used to Sebastian being his, which is one of the reasons why he usually doesn't want to know the details of his past life. Ciel would be shaken if he witnessed some of the grotesque acts of violence and pleasure Sebastian engaged in before, but it wouldn't change much in the long run. Ciel knows he shouldn't trust him, but his feelings are stronger - he's in too deep now.

I think Ciel and Sebastian could still grow interested in each other if they met earlier, at least in my story. The anime likely wanted to present the pre-fire Ciel as a totally innocent angelic boy: in this case, yes, he and Sebastian would be disgusted with each other. But I have a head-canon of Ciel always having some traces of darkness (hence the story of him almost getting Edward killed), and if Sebastian noticed him, he could be curious; he'd be intrigued by Ciel's potential, his cunning and his creative mind. Ciel would experience natural curiosity toward him, and who knows, they might have become some semblance of weird friends! Sebastian was an oddball even before they met, so this could be an interesting experience for him.

#my fics #sebaciel #black butler #kuroshitsuji #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive

[emeraldspiral]

Random unsorted thoughts on Godzilla x Kong:

Both this film and the last one felt like they had a story for Kong but were really struggling to come up with anything for Godzilla, so they just have him attacking random cities to kill time until they actually need him for the finale. This story in particular feels like they could've easily just cut Godzilla out all together and made it a solo Kong movie.

I'm glad Shimo didn't die, she's very pretty and she suffered a lot and deserved better.

When Ilene said to Bernie "We met in Hong Kong" I actually said out like "No you didn't". The two parties were never shown on screen together for the entire movie.

Mothra was underutilized once again but at least she's back now and didn't die, so hopefully she'll get her due in the next film. She really felt like a late addition though cause they didn't really do much set-up to explain why she was hibernating in the Hollow Earth already in moth form or why Jia was needed to awaken her.

Also, when they first introduced the Iwi leader before showing her face, I thought there was gonna be a plot twist where it turned out the Iwi didn't die in the storm, they escaped into the Hollow Earth and the leader would turn out to be Jia's twin sister. So the reason they needed Jia was because Mothra can only be awakened by a pair of twins with psychic powers. The fact that they didn't do this just kinda makes me a little angrier about the fact that they didn't bring back Ilene Chen or her sister when they were already set-up as the Monsterverse equivalent of Mothra's fairies.

It seems like they didn't get the music rights back for this movie because both Mothra and Godzilla's leitmotifs sound like generic knock-offs.

One thing this movie does that I really appreciate, and have actually been asking for, is extended sequences where we're just following the monsters with no humans around and no dialog. We get a lot of that in Kong's story, and I guess they felt like it was a safe enough choice because primates are very humanlike and can express themselves in ways that are very readable to humans. Plus the apes are supposed to be pretty intelligent, so they can put Kong into a story that could easily have been about a human character. I would like to see Godzilla get some of that treatment too, but I doubt they'll ever do it because it's harder to make him look and act human or put him into a humanly relatable plot. But like, I want that though. I want something almost like a nature documentary where it's just about animal survival in the wild, not a whole thing about finding a kingdom of primates enslaved by a cruel dictator using an ice dragon to keep everyone in line and fighting to liberate them from their oppressor.

Kong's arm brace was a deus ex machina if I ever saw one. Literally nothing hinted at its existence until it was needed to solve a very specific problem immediately after it was introduced. The entire thing plays out as one contrived coincidence after another. Like, "We had an idea for a thing, but they said it was a bad idea and shut it down. BUT ONLY AFTER WE ALREADY BUILT A WHOLE ENTIRE PROTOTYPE THAT WORKS PERFECTLY. Also, it just happens to be where we are right now. Also convenient that it was Kong's right arm instead of his left that got hurt, or one of his legs. Also, the explanation for it is that they wanted to give him an enhancement so he'd stand more of a chance against something like Godzilla in the future. It wasn't supposed to be a medical device, but it just happened to have a system for injecting Kong with meds built in, and also had those meds already loaded into the syringes ready to go at a moment's notice.

This is the third time a Titan being critically injured and needing human assistance before the final battle has been a plot point. When it happened in KOTM I feel like it worked because it was a very simple fix: Godzilla's hurt and needs radiation to regenerate, so we detonate a bomb to give him a lot of it at once so he can regenerate faster and kick Ghidorah's ass. Second time it happened it was like, "Isn't this already a discredited cliche by now? Like, that's not what defib paddles are for or how they work." In this movie, when they first introduced Trapper I was like, "Oh cool, a Titan veterinarian. That makes sense as a world building element and it gives the human characters a way to impact the story without it feeling forced." Like, the vet would be able to diagnose problems that the Titans are experiencing and figure out how to treat them, or make educated guesses about what an antagonistic Titan's weakness might be and how to exploit it based on his understanding of Titan biomedicine. But after pulling Kong's tooth, Trapper being a vet doesn't really affect the plot. Like, he didn't need that background just to know the arm brace existed and go get it and put it on him. They didn't even emphasize like, him having good beside manner to keep Kong calm because he knows how to work with animals.

I do appreciate that they introduced him as Ilene's ex so you think they're maybe going to get back together, but then for the rest of the movie it seems like it's actually Trapper and Bernie who've got the romance subplot going on.

I did not expect Kong being smart and resourceful and capable of making traps to end up being the set-up for some actually kinda hilarious moments like beaning a monkey with a rock and hitting Godzilla with pocket sand. Kong trying to drag Godzilla into the Hollow Earth by the tail was also funny. The whole reunion in general is kind of hilarious because they parted on good terms, Kong figures out that he needs help and goes to get Godzilla, but Godzilla's like "I thought I told you never to show your face here again!" so Kong just tries to straight-up kidnap him. Then Mothra shows up to make Godzilla understand why Kong is trying to make him deal with his problems.

Although, Godzilla was already juicing up like crazy because he was hearing the Iwi distress calls right? So he knew something was coming and he wanted to help, but he didn't want to hear it when Kong came to actually ask for help.

#godzilla #godzilla x kong #gxk #spoiler #spoilers #godzilla spoilers #gxk spoilers #godzilla x kong spoilers

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - May

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.05.2023

Here you can find my weekly roundup that goes into a bit more detail about each episode.

And a little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

This may contain spoilers!

1. Be My Favorite (1/10 on Youtube)

Well...It had some funny parts, but right now I can't imagine how Kawi and Pisaeng get together...I mean Kawi is so head over heels for the girl...But as I said, there are some really funny moments and I had a good laugh.

2. Bokura no Shokutaku aka Our Dining Table (8/10 on Gaga)

Hozumi Yutaka likes to cook and is good at it, but he can't eat infront of other people. Meeting Tane and his older brother Ueda Minoru his life seems to change and he may finally have found what his body and soul were longing for. A true comfort watch right now.

3. La Pluie (5/12 on iQiyi)

Saengtai goes deaf whenever it rains. The only voice he can hear in his head is his soulmate's one. But he refuses to answer it, because Tai doesn't believe in things like love or soulmates. That is until he meets his soulmate for the first time. It is surprisingly good and I am looking forward to this one.

4. My Story (7/10 on Youtube)

Every now and than I like to watch a pinoy-bl. The first episode was a mess and a bit boring, but I have a strong second-lead-syndrome! I love the secondary couple and they just slept together in one bed, but that was so cute! Looking forward to the next episodes!

5. Our Skyy 2 (12/16 on Youtube)

Can I be honest? This isn't my cup of tea...I still watch it, because I hope the next episodes are better, especially the ones I am hoping for (MSP + ATOTS). But most of the dialogues are cringy and cheesy and the stories are...weird or boring. MSP was really good though.

6. Sparks Camp (1/? on Youtube)

Philippines's first gay dating reality show! And it's giving you everything you're looking for! Well at least a bunch of cute and cringy moments! And I am sold!

7. Step by Step (6/10 on Gaga)

Employee meets boss without knowing who he has met and crushes hard on him, just tells him what everyone thinks about the new boss and is just adorably clumsy infront of him. I adore the friend group! I hope we get to see them support Pat a lot. The second episode...difficult for me.

8. The Day I Loved You (9/10 on Youtube)

Go watch this! It is such a good show! So great. I love it so much. I was hit by tthis series with a sledgehammer. Not just how good the production is or the acting, but the theme and plot. Damn! So good. And I can relate to this a little bit too much, but I still love it. Just watch it!

9. The Luminous Solution (1/6 on Gaga)

Every wish comes with a price...We meet Thana and Patis, a couple of over a decade. While Thana tries to holds closeness to his partner, Patis is working non stop at the hospital and doesn't see, that his partner is suffering. And now Thana lost his job and his mother is in depth. One evening he enters a very special café, which only shows itsself to people who are in deep need for a wish. But can you pay the price? As a second couple we meet Mai and Ryou, who become enemies on the first day of school and who will have some obstacles to overcome to be together. And there is Ryous best friend, I guess he has a huge crush on Ryou. How they will end up in the café? I don't know, but I am intrigued.

10. Zenra Meshi aka Naked Dining - Love, Life and Liberation (7/12 on Gaga)

Everybody has their own way to release stress. Ichijo Futa eats naked. When he goes to his dead grandmother's house, he meets Miki Mahiro, who finds out about his eating preference. I guess it is a series about understanding what is really important in life.

Finished in May

Series

Tin Tem Jai (on Gaga)

They say if you don't have anything nice to say, just keep your mouth shut…That's my motto about the series. I really didn't like it that much. 2 out of 10 for me

2. Happy Merry Ending (8/8 on Gaga)

As often with korean bls, this one was soooo short! Just 15 minutes per episode. But it was a good. We meet SeungJun and JaeHyun and when they meet there is not a question left that those two like each other. A wedding singer and a pianist. A wedding singer with social anxienty and trauma. I really enjoyed this drama. A good 9 out of 10 for me.

3. A Boss and A Babe (12/12 on Youtube)

I wasn't a big fan of ForceBook after watching Enchanté, but I think it works in this drama. Cher is getting an internship at a gaming company. In his free time he runs an ASMR channel and the boss is a big fan of his voice (a thing I can't understand) and they start talking in the evenings so Gun, the boss, can finally manage to fall asleep. And then they can start to fall for each other. Most of the times I liked this drama, but it has some flaws. So a solid 7,5 out of 10 for me.

4. My Esports Genius Brother (12/12 on Gaga)

Jiang YiFeng can't feel physical touch, emotions or anything else, he can't taste and he doesn't see colors, which makes him super focused and an exellent gamer. That is until he meets Lu Lin, an idol with too much of everything, especially the potential of becoming violent. YiFeng helps him to calm down and thanks to Lu Lin YiFeng can see colors, taste food and experience the whole palette of emotions. A romance blossoms between these two against all odds and even though it is a chinese censored drama with some almost kisses (the scenes were horrible cut) and a sweet confession scene, we can feel the attraction between these two. I really liked. Just wished it would be a little bit longer! 5 minutes per episode was just a little bit short. But nevertheless sweet. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

5. The Promise (10/10 on WeTV + Youtube)

Okay, I loved it in the beginning. I thought it was a really good drama. But after a while it got repetetive and boring. I wished Nan just got together with Party, because Phu just could get his head out of his own ass. I was really angry at him at times. And there was so much unnecessary drama, especially in the last two episodes. It was just too much. Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me in the end.

6. Watashi to Otto to Otto no Kareshi aka Me, My Husband And My Husband's Boyfriend (4/10 on gaga)

Misaki is married to Yuuki. She nows something is off, because he doesn't really have interest in getting sexual with her. On the day before their wedding anniversary she sees him kissing a man infront of their home. It is her former student Shyuuhei, who also has a crush on her. Now they have to find a way to deal with everything. And their solution...I don't really get in the end. It is kind of an open ending, which is totally fine, but the resolution with Misaki being okay with the situation was kind of rushed? Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me.

7. Love Mate (6/8 on Gaga and Viki)

I am in love with the grumpy-I-don't-believe-in-love-guy and the sunshine-I-fell-in-love-with-you-at-first-sight-guy. The butterflies went wild in my stomach and my heart got all fluffy. Over all a 10 out of 10 for me!

Short Film

At The Moment (on Gaga)

In a not so far away future people can freely choose, which gender they identify as. They have the chance to change their gender once in their lifetime, so they must make the right decision. Of course, there are programs and surveys which will support you on your journey to the right decision. But what is the right decision? What if you were born male and you identify as a male, but you like feminine things and fall in love with another young man, but everyone around you tells you to change into a woman, because it is the most logical next step? We accompany Yi An, on the edge of seventeen and in love with his classmate Zhou Yang Kai, on his way to find out what exactly he is. His best friend, identifying as male and in love with Yi An, wants to help him getting comfortable with the idea of being a girl. But Yi An questions everything around the idea of gender swap and his own sexuality and in the end it is about self-love and to accept the fact who you are and who you love. It is an interesting short movie about the question what attraction, sex and gender is and if it does have to do with gender preferences or sex. A 9 out of 10 for me.

2. Gaze in Silence (on Gaga)

This should be named Obsession. Everyone in this was obsessed. The first one with sex, another one with the thought of becoming the first person's boyfriend and the last one was just obsessed with the first one. A story about a very active young man who likes to have sex with different partners and who is not looking for a relationship. One of his sex-partners wants to become his boyfriend and the situation escalated. But lucky number one has a stalker who films him during his sex-sessions and who now rescues him from the hands of the evil wanna-b-boyfriend. And they have sex while the wanna-b is lying next to them...tied up. A very strange ending, but not bad. A very quiet short film with a lot to say in the end. I liked the way it was shot and that there were no real conversations. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

3. May you stay, forever young (on Gaga)

If you expect there to be much romance or love here, you are mistaken. This was a very depressing and hard to watch film. You could literally feel the emptiness in our main character. It oozed outward from his core. Only the family couldn't see it. First and foremost, the mother. Francis grows up sheltered and is supposed to concentrate on his lessons and especially his piano playing. At least that's what his parents want him to do. He, on the other hand, wants to spend time with his friend Tommy and even secretly starts working a part-time job in the restaurant where Tommy works. The relationship of the two is never clearly defined. What is certain is that Francis likes Tommy. Whether those feelings are reciprocated, I don't really know. And in the end, Francis breaks down and the parents stand helplessly around him, not knowing how to deal with him. And then the movie ends and you're about as helpless as the parents, because we don't know what's going to happen next in Francis' life. But that's what I really want to know! Over all a solid 8 out of 10 for me.

4. So refreshed (on Gaga)

Kim and Choi are two gay friends. Kim likes Choi, but Kim is not Choi's type. So Kim suffers in silence until one night Choi decides to book a middle-aged masseur with a light belly for company. While Kim is out to get the money, Choi has fun with the, in the end, really homophobic masseur. Kim and Choi fight and when Kim is home alone again, he watches the video of Choi and the masseur, he secretly took with his watch, and jerks of...so refreshed! It was really disturbing and disgusting to watch. A 5 out of 10 for me.

5. Old Narcissus (on Gaga)

A story about aging and the struggle with it. A story about beauty and its transience. A story about acceptance and the fact you should really not trust strangers, you don't know shit about! That was one stupid choice you made writer! The moth never would! Still a 7 out of 10 for me.

Movie

Dropped/On-Hold in May

House of Stars

Dropped at episode 3. I really don't like this one. I don't like the acting not the story. It is boring and confusing and just overall not good, in my opinion.

Looking forward to in May

House of Stars (May 1st on iQiyi)

Love Mate (May 4th on Gaga)

Star Struck (May 18th)

Be my favorite (May 26th on Youtube)

The Luminous Solution (May 27th on Youtube and Gaga)

Tie The Not (May 27th on Youtube)

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai (May 27th cinema release, no international release for now)

#currently watching #monthly overview #masterlist #a boss and a babe #our dining table #happy merry ending #my story the series #la pluie #our skyy 2 #step by step the series #the promise the series #tin tem jai #me my husband and my husband's boyfriend #naked dining #bl series #bl drama #josi watching bl #at the moment #love mate the series #Gaze in Silence #may you stay forever young #my esports genius brother #the day I loved you #the luminous solution

[ashtraythief]

This is kinda a weird question, but isn’t it strange that we all love fan fiction and reading romantic plot lines in them and smut and all of this but our favorite show is Supernatural, which is just this story about platonic love? I think that really drew me to the show, I’ve never seen a show that focused so heavily on platonic love, not romantic, and made that the same focus of the entire show. It’s so lovely to see. Did that draw you into the show too?

Ah, yeah. Fandom and their endless quest to make everyone bang and/or fall in love (which I say lovingly, because so do I). And I don't think it's a weird question at all.

Honestly, I started watching Supernatural for very shallow reasons. It was recommend in the “ridiculously attractive people” category of a streaming site :D The pilot was way too scary for me though and so I quit again. But then a while later, I was watching Leverage on TNT and that ep was followed by Playthings. We left the TV running and I just… got sucked into it. Obviously, I had no idea about the context, only remembered the pilot vaguely, but boy did I fall in love immediately. With them, their relationship, the humor, the love and I went right back to the beginning and forced myself to put on my big girl pants and suffer through the scary eps (yes, yes, I know, they’re not that scary, I’m a wuss) and I was so gone on them, it was ridiculous. So yeah, it was the abscence of romance i guess, because I did fall in love with their relationship. In which Playthings truly is a magnificent gem even among the riches of season two.

I think if Sam and Dean’s relationship were romantic (if they were an unrelated het couple because let’s be real, nothing else would have been on network TV seventeen years ago), I think I would have been almost as enamored. Though I don’t know how to build a relationship like that without their past. It would have needed to be grown up together in some kind of way. I think their relationship would be compelling either way, but it is definitely more compelling for not being romantic. For one I think because romance is the default setting for the all-encompassing, soulmate-type relationships, and also because it’s just so unusual? Like even for one of those fated soulmate romance stories, Sam and Dean are still weirdly intense. They’re just more. Unhealthy, codependent, whatever you want to call it, but it makes for good stories. And I think that’s beautiful.

As for why we make wincest…. Well, the shallow reason is that they’re both beautiful men and it’s fun to imagine them bang. And sometimes you gotta be shallow. But also it just seems…. logical. They want to share everything (they do almost share everything, I mean consider what they know about each other’s sex lives and how they enable each other, like Dean wanting Sam to get laid to cheer him up or Sam wanting to drag Dean to a strip club to cheer him up, like they know sexy times can make you feel better and since they can’t provide that themselves they try to find ways to at least facilitate the happy-making sexy times), they are incredibly intimate anyway, there are many instance where they are jealous of romantic partners/friends and there is an exclusive claim on the other that’s rarely relinquished. Honestly, sex is probably the only facette of an intimate interpersonal relationship that’s not covered due to the whole being related thing, but fandoms love to break taboos and explore all sorts of boundaries in transformative works, and wincest is truly the most low hanging fruit of them all. It’s right there. Dancing out of reach. The show itself plays with it, both as jokes when people mistake them as a gay couple or when Sam and Dean use couple-coded language for each other, like when Dean asks if Sam wants a divorce when they’re fighting. They also made actual wincest shippers canon. Like, I was an innocent brofan of the show when I saw The Monster at the End of the Book, and bam, wincest in my brain, like a lightbulb went off and it took up residence there because it just made so much sense. In more serious themes, other characters comment on how special or twisted their relationship is, both friends and villains alike, they sell their soul for each other (or at least try to in Sam’s case), they do or attempt to do unspeakable things to save each other, they are canon soulmates, they have an extensive repertoire of love language and love acts to show their love for and knowledge of each other, they have a whole you-are-the-most-important-thing-ever thing that goes down in a fucking church, I mean, the show makes it abundantly clear that Sam and Dean are it for each other. And so I think that it’s very natural that people go with the wincest. Even though we have to take the incest hurdle, but hey, fantasy is for the dark, transgressive stuff, right? 

At the same time, it is refreshing that the show doesn’t center romance when almost all other shows do, and I think it’s one of the reasons people do enjoy it. And once you have the magic of Sam and Dean, whether you ship wincest or not, you don’t want them to mess with that so you want the non-romance thing to stay (unless you want a certain ship to go canon of course). In conclusion, wincest just makes sense, on every level really and we just creatively want to explore that in fun ways while keeping what’s great about canon in the show. The true art of shipping, I think.

#anon ask #wincest #the epic love story of sam and dean

[stardustdiiving]

From the ship ask! What's a pairing most people seem to like in Genshin that you don't?

(ship asks prompt)

MAN OKAY I honestly could answer this with a good third of popular Genshin ships…but none of these are really solid dislikes, it’s just me feeling specific about how I like to see it executed & finding the way the fandom handles it is either unsatisfying, or generates an environment that kinda stresses me out NJDNCNC

To narrow it down to one I feel matches the question best I think I’m gonna go with Kokomi/Sara. It’s not really an active dislike or anything I promise I’m genuinely chilling. *insane person voice* but see I am just very stressed out with the in universe geo-politics happening in the background of this Genshin impact ship

I MEAN THAT IN A VERY SILLY WAY. but also I do have a genuine elaboration on what i mean which is like…how do I say this.

I really like Watasumi Island and find their existence + circumstances as a nation really interesting, especially regarding their dynamic with the Shogunate—it’s like the one part of inazuman politics that really catches my interest. But see the way I took the way the Shogunate + Watasumi dynamic was being written was specifically that Watasumi is/was suffering from colonization/imperialism at the hands of the Shogunate. I don’t see them as equal enemies on opposing sides of a conflict I’m just kind of like. Oh my god the Shogunate tries to control their primary food sources + military and after the war u see like, Gorou helping smuggle medicine and food supplies to treat their wounded war veterans bc the Shogunate is imposing high taxes on them they can’t afford to pay. The Raiden Shogun slaughtered their deity who was kind of backed into a corner on trying to secure vital resources for his people and to this day his corpse is just sitting on her territory getting ravaged and mined for weapons !! That’s crazy! I like thinking Abt that!

While I think Inazuma suffered from the writers dropping the ball with a lot of things I am generally happy this dynamic is explored/acknowledged repeatedly and Watasumi at least to me doesn’t feel like it’s constantly written in a really meanspirited and shitty way you know. Like, in the medicine supply smuggling thing i mentioned — that’s a route in Heizhou’s hangout that ends in a conclusion that something may have severely hurt the vitality of Watasumi’s land and it’s ability to provide, but that doesn’t mean they won’t survive or all hope is lost, because theres people within Watasumi who care and embody that hope and vitality within themselves and are working hard to build stability and provide for everyone. Like idk that’s really cool and I genuinely found it a really nice narrative that really makes me root for Watasumi

But then we get to Sara & Kokomi and ppl just do not talk about this dynamic between both nations at all from what I see, despite it being really relevant to the characters and in theory the appeal of the ship? And I jusurjfucn I guess it confuses me a lot bc I remember, most recently for example on the TCG event, I was so confused seeing everyone post about their interactions for days about how it was cute they were engaging in card matches together and Sara wanted to be friends…and then I played the event myself and we get this scene where Kokomi is standing off starring out at sea alone, and she talks about how she doesn’t like how she can’t see Watasumi from here, and how that was especially agonizing to experience during the war, and then gets caught up in her memories of the war and talks about how a lot of her people are still recovering from the trauma of it, and how she’s participating in this event bc she’s anxious about wanting to build good relations between the Shogunate and Watasumi so her nation doesn’t suffer more in the future AND IM JUST…MAN

Like I do think I can see Sara & Kokomi being friends, Sara’s character feels like it’s the concept of “individual with genuinely good morals working in an oppressive system doesnt stop the damage the system causes” kind of deal BUT IDK…I get fandom experiences can very anecdotal and I’m sure there are shippers who handle this aspect of the ship but when at large it just feels like it’s filed down to a vague enemies to lovers + contrasting aesthetic girlfriends ship I guess it def leans more towards being one I’m not really into. I think it doesn’t help it strikes the specific fandom pet peeve I have where I sometimes feel ppl water down a lot of wlw ships down to just being surface level cute and I am a lesbian who likes very nuanced and complicated character dynamic exploration so I’m personally just like. Yeah idk I guess this seems rlly widely accepted fanon wise but I don’t rlly click with it at all djjcnfj while I could be interested in this dynamic being explored, just if I were doing my own take on it ik adding romantic tones wouldnt feel super necessary to make it feel more interesting to me personally yk x__x

I just feel very excitable about a lot of genshin things and Watasumi vs Shogunate related things hits that mark of interest for me…definitely not implying the shippers r doing something wrong by making silly lighthearted posts and being less interested in types of analysis I enjoy but I guess that’s the most popular ship I feel the least interested in I can think of?

#fern.txt #asks #ask game #I tried to pick a more specific ship to discuss vs smthng I feel is more standard or expected #in terms of ‘popular ship u habe unpopular opinion Abt’ for genshin #ppl rag on ships like xv and zc a lot in these kinds of contexts n while I get what ppl mean when #they gripe about mischaracterizations but that happens with every ship and I don’t get ppl being hostile Abt either pairings #bc there’s plenty of cases I feel they can be fun and am down/open to interpretations of it….everyone has their own take on their Guys you k #maybe that’s bc anyone ik who likes it on my feed is just rlly nice and chill n I like their posts Abt it #like I 110% know how polarizing fandom can be and how u can get sour Abt things if u run into the wrong ppl enough #but sometimes ppl r so mean #Abt the ppl who like popular Genshin ships in general when i think like all of them r generally fine n maybe it’s me being very #specific in how I think of fandom but all their popularities make sense even with the one I talked Abt here #this one is just the one I guess I would feel i get the least but that doesn’t mean I don’t get it st all JDJNCNC

[grokebaby]

WAIT HELLO LASSI'S DAD KILLED MOST OF THE PLAGUES ?? I wanna hear THAT story 👁👁 does Lassi himself know about that ? What does he think about his dad with that added context ?

(in response to this post)

[The Incident™ has been mentioned before in this. Also I drew a thing related to it]

(cracks my knuckles) alright buckle down kids time to hate on this shithead. Press like to explode him now press reblog to explode him now comment to explode him now

To get into the issue with the Plagues there's a few layers of lore to peel back. I prefer to be vague bc this involves some characters that are really close to my heart and I prefer to not talk about them too publicly.

Flashcards go! There's this deity who's the creator of this demon kind - which Lassi, Siru and everyone belongs to. Also the creator of a huge portion of the plagues (intentionally or not). We shall refer to this deity as The Mistress (hen/hens or she) but long story short: hen is the deity of the duality between life and death, deprivation and prosperity, and all that jazz. Big deal. Has two forms, and the death form is horrific and unstoppable (and extremely tortuous on the mistress henself btw). It can literally ruin lands from being fertile again bc it's in a constant state of desperate starvation and so will eat any living thing it comes across. I'm telling this to emphasize how serious shit can get if you summon the death form (which is understandably a major taboo, and obviously avoided at all costs).

- Also relevant: The Plagues are divided into "Courts" (fin: Piirit), based mostly on what their whole Deal is. There's a separate court for sicknesses, another for suffering (like, pain), one for pests (like Pesticinger and Margaretta) and so on. There is also a court associated with Plentiness and prosperity (often also called The Mistress' court, for reasons you can probably gleen?). They range from benevolent bringers of good fortune, to greedy entities capable of consuming endlessly. Often both.

Onto The Incident🕴️

The Mistress was throwing a huge feast in honor of spring. Lots of people were invited - notably, pretty much the entire court of Plentiness (and some pests bc there's alot of bugs who like to eat in there). Many demons were also invited, such as P, Mr Varpunen and Nan. Lassi and Siru were little babies at the time so they stayed home.

Since Mr. Varpunen has shitbrain manbaby disease (cannot shut up and let go when something doesn't go his way), he decided to cause a scene in the midst of the feast (not bc of the feast itself but as mentioned earlier on, he's mad bc his wives don't wanna go along with a huge decision he wants to make. For all of them.)

The Mistress of course publicly called out his behavior and scolded him in front of everybody (you stepped on this soap box, now lay in it). Manbaby storms off to sulk and perhaps find the nearest item that can substitute for a summoning device..

After some time he comes back and talks the absolute shit out of The Mistress, and to prove his superiority, forces hen to shift to the death form via amateur summoning. It wasn't graceful so the whole process was messy and not fun for anybody. Yes, people tried to stop him, which made it all the more messy. You can probably guess that all hell unfolded upon the feast after that.

We can at least be satisfied in knowing that when the perpetually starving (and mighty pissed off) death God emerged, Mr. Varpunen was the first to be gulped down. Unfortunately, P (Mrs. Varpunen) was very quickly after, since she was frozen in shock.

Soooo (pulls out a long scroll that keeps rolling a mile ahead of me) this ofc had lots of immediate and far reaching consequences. Here's a little overview on the overall damage list (not even mentioning the fact that the feast, which used alot of resources and effort to put together, was completely ruined):

- About 90% of the court of Plentiness were eaten, bc nothing more tasty than fortune bringers when you're a starving deity. There are only a handful of survivors, and most of them got away bc they ran as far as they could and didn't stop running until they no longer recognized the world around them. There is a certain Mx. Kuhilas who has lived in the human realm for the past 30yrs since..

- Most of the bug pests from the pest court also died. Did you know Margaretta was invited to this feast? Did you know the only reason she survived is bc she's a bit of a ditz and she was hours late?

- Damn near all demon villagers who were invited. Dead. Definitely every single one who was at the big table during the Incident. The village lost almost a whole generation to this.

- SO much livestock. So much food. Gone.

- Did you know the death form attracts plagues that are also related to all things destruction and taking away?

- This was a fucking nightmare. The whole rampage was only stopped bc the hassle caused a certain plague to be summoned, and this certain plague has the expertise of making people vomit. It wasn't enough to save any of the people already eaten (when eaten their souls literally disintegrate), but it did prevent anyone else from being eaten bc it caused the death deity to collapse from exhaustion and go comatose.

Now, believe it or not there was at least a little unselfish motivation behind Mr. V's actions. There were claims and tales that people who've managed to escape the death form are able to "cheat death", so to speak. Since evading this deity at all in the first place is kinda like cheating death, rumor has it that survivors could do it again. This isn't a very concrete claim however and it's a very flimsy excuse to fuck over everyone this badly. See, Mr. V thought since Lassi and Siru would obviously dodge the Wrath of the deity, they'd be granted this special fate. However, most people involved enough to know about this stuff, are aware that it's a false belief - often much like the warmth that hypothermia victims feel seconds before their death.

[Sad trumpet sfx]

No, Lassi is not aware of this whole incident. Siru is, bc Nan told her when she was old enough (which is unfortunately sometime around after Lassi moved away from home). Nan didn't talk about the Incident for YEARS after it happened since she was traumatized (unsurprisingly). Before she really talked about everything, the general consensus was "Mr and Mrs. Varpunen died bc of something horrible he did. Alot more people also died that same day."

Lassi and Siru did gleen some hints when they were young - ykno, from disdainful whispers and pitying looks their family received for a while. Also the momentary flinching terror that people had when they saw Lassi's eyes, or the almost expectant shame when seeing Siru's hair (the curse.. Manifests on both kids in some way).

Boy, if Lassi did find out.... Alot of pieces would fall into place let's say that. He'd understand why people were so weird about him looking alot like his dad. He'd understand why it was wrong of him to sell that silver bell for money all those years ago. Ykno the silver bell that the Mistress gave Nan as an apology, which is a protective artefact? Yeah. Oh jeez. He'd probably feel like an even shittier person than he is but also a victim bc. C'mon. He didn't know. He didn't deserve to be treated like the ghost of a monster when younger. Have everyone hover around him as if he could grow up to be capable of the same. He didn't know..

It'd be heavy to shoulder, considering everything he's went through in the big world. And one thing's for sure...

He'd be even more insistent that his underlings never call him Mr. Varpunen.

Ever.

#Ask #Lore #Mr Varpunen #P #Mrs Varpunen #Lassi #Siru #Nan #There is SO MUCH to this whole thing. So much. #I tried to shave off some not immediately necessary details #Please enjoy! #Sorry this might be soo messy. I rewrote so much. So many times. (holding your shoulders) do you understand. #Also SIRU IS AFFECTED BY THIS ALL THIS TOO THAT'S ALSO HER DAD BUT ALAS. The question was about The Mr and Lassi. #But oh. I might get into her more in the future #(deflates like a balloon) #This has some of my favorite wordings for what happened. Like ever #I popped off with the hypothermia comparison #Ummmm I think that's it? This post is done now? #I have so many feelings about this whole thing

[lokiinmediasideblog]

if you're still doing the character ask game: mcu loki - 2, 3, 7, 8? (i know that's a lot, but i feel like they go together. you can just pick one pair if you like)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

My love for Loki is because he is a schemer (I even love the pre-reincarnation evil old man comic book version). I just love sneaky, scheming characters that are disliked by those around them for either unfair or fair reasons. It's the trait I am drawn towards (see my love for SkekSil). I love how contradictory his traits are. His self-hatred and grandiosity. I love that he even loses when he wins. I also find him very projectable/relatable? Maybe because I also have difficulty maintaining relationships. I definitely think a part of me is so attached to the concept of Loki due to how Christianity demonized him, the most notable aspect in the MCU being Loki's horned helm that made my very Catholic mom scream at the fucking TV.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

This is hard because I feel like the flaws add onto him. My least favorite thing is his tendency to resign to shitty conditions. On relationships and plans. This can be shown by his sabotage of relationships (e.g. Sif). And his sabotage of plans that might prove too risky (e.g. trying to betray Thor in Sakaar so he won't leave to fight Hela and potentially die). Loki's a very pessimistic character, I'd say. While I am glad in the series he didn't become a Time cop, he still shows strong signs of that pessimistic streak by going at fixing the problem on his own without really talking things out.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

My favorite HC (by 100indecisions) is that he has mental scar tissue from the mind stone's influence that makes him difficult to enchant. I think I've claimed that I forgot it was a HC when S2 aired and people were wondering why he didn't just let Sylvie enchant him. I also like to see how people HC his magical abilities.

I love psychological analyses that don't denigrate mental illnesses. And I love analyses on motifs and symbolism, or interpretations of the character as metaphor for neurodivergence. I also love trauma HCs as the angsty bitch that I am.

Although I am a grimdark bitch, I enjoy GOTG + Asgard mashups where Loki didn't die in IW. He's a fun character to have interact with the GOTG, and there's the question of whether he'd know Gamora and Nebula.

And there's some cool TVA fics like pantiara's "Trapped in Time."

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I dislike HCs where he's this gentle bookish prince that has NEVER touched a blade nor killed anything before Thor (2011). Did you all not see him display combat skills in pretty much everything he's been on?

I loathe the way most people talk about Loki. Either he deserves eternal suffering, was evil from birth, "pretended" to kill himself, and has evil personality disorder, or he's "too good" to have the personality disorder and it's actually evil Odin that has the personality disorder.

And my least favorite kind of Loki fic is Frostiron where it's revealed Loki is actually as nice as freaking Jesus. Loki should be messy and not some waifish victim, especially if he comes from Asgard, land of "We don't talk about our feelings". And lol, I just don't like Tony.

I guess I also think ship wars are pointless and obnoxious.

Thanks for the ask!! ^_^

#mcu!loki #anon asks #ask meme

[tratserenoyreve]

on my list of genshin characters who i believe are likely to perish at one point in the plot, funnily kaeya is not one of them!

(musing and spoilers under the cut)

kaeya is more of like a walking chekhov's gun imo. one that we're pretty sure is gonna shoot eventually but i do think the game is purposefully trying to mislead people into double-guessing kaeya's motives so that he can pull a sick stunt later on and be like "ha ha i got you!" like a full fakeout where he acts like he's betrayed everyone but surprise he did that so he could get to the inner circle and sabotage things so everything's fine again.

kaeya ages like a regular human being and was able to grow up normally with his adoptive family from childhood. very unlike other khaenri'ahns suffering from the curse of immortality as dainsleif describes, a curse that also potentially is what has kept rhinedottir alive assuming she wasn't already some form of magical being. kaeya seems bogged down less by the weight of a curse and more by a family legacy, a grudge against the gods that destroyed their home. either he is a descendant of survivors from khaenri'ah or he was directly saved from the cataclysm by timey whimey shenanigans that plopped lil kiddo kaeya into the future. no matter which tho, he is very much faced with choosing to pursue revenge or living a life of ignorance in mondstadt with those who brought him in.

the themes of revenge and challenging decisions made by gods are recurring in genshin, so kaeya having to decide what he should fight for, if it's even fair for him to literally bear the sins of his father, fits snugly into that. i don't see him being in mortal peril. more just having to figure out where his loyalty lies and what he chooses to believe in.

my list of folks likely to die really isn't that surprising tho and probably in line with most others. from most to least likely i have:

1) albedo. he was made by rhinedottir, who also crafted durin the venomous skeletal dragon, the riftwolves, and probably other fun surprises we have yet to find. it's implied rhinedottir may have directed her creations to destroy things, and albedo's story quest has him musing on him eventually losing control and wondering if he can trust the traveler to stop him.

he also has a few profile snippets on feeling like there isn't enough time, which is odd coming from someone who has already lived for at least 400 years and been adopted by similarly extremely long-lived people. albedo mentions that he resonates with durin's remains, which is how he deduced that they're related. he also was able to piece together that rhinedottir tried several times to make a homunculus like himself, with more than one failing before him and consequently being discarded.

the reality of rhinedottir possibly being a big future main antagonist combined with albedo's storyline contemplating the fragility of life and the shadow of death looming over his history doesn't make it too big of a leap of logic to see him dying as a real potential.

2) venti. his entire image is built around martyrdom, that's why mondstadt has a church like it does. the death of the nameless bard in the uprising against decarabia put in motion a series of events where venti has already sacrificed a lot of himself. he may be the god of freedom, but he has next to none himself. his appearance is that of his deceased friend, he wishes for mondstadt to operate without him, and he has some concerning things to say about celestia.

"the water tastes foul" is a very concerning thing to hear about what is supposed to be the heavenly plane! there's also the fact that the abyss order's plans involve the use of an inverted stolen statue of barbatos. as one of the oldest remaining archons, venti has more insight into how the gods of teyvat have operated than anyone else the traveler has met yet. venti also seems aware of gods that pre-date celestia, naming some of the dragon lords in a webcomic. which were slain by phanes waaaayyyy before celestia touched down on teyvat.

venti knowing too much and being a bit too willing to guide the traveler towards shaking up the order of things on teyvat combined with his pre-disposition towards self-sacrifice lines him up for potentially being killed by either the abyss order or even celestia as the story goes on.

3) childe. dude's story quest is pretty much learning he's cutting his life short through use of a delusion. additional info from him goes on to discuss how he had been trapped in the abyss itself for a while and that violent experience really messed up his outlook on what life is. i don't have him on my team but his behavior screams "i am going to pick a fight with the wrong person one day and i will not regret it".

4) lisa. possibly. probably? she's been cursed and was confirmed by devs outside of the game as to having had her lifespan cut short for seeing something she shouldn't have. dunno if this means she'll pass away over the course of the story tho or if it'll be left as an impending inevitable eventuality.

there'll likely be more as the game releases more characters and info but for now these are ones with the most notable death flags i've seen.

#tratser talks about stuff #genshin impact #genshin impact spoilers #a lot of the game is pretty chipper and emphasizes hope for the future but then the shogun did fully immolate signora on screen so

[wooahaes]

sorry this is two parts w like. idk more nsfw-related stuff under a cut? i don’t write smut here (i’d consider it for another sideblog but eh, i def wouldn’t be as active there bc sometimes trauma shit hits hard when it comes to that sort of thing--literally just depends on the day), but yeah i consume it sometimes lmao

i... genuinely think i try to skip a fic every time it doesnt contain warnings at all. like you don’t have to have a setup like i do and like other writers do where we have a word count and a warnings thing + what the pairing is, that’s fine? but like. come on. at least put some warnings on your fic if you know there’s potentially something triggering there. not all triggers make sense and can be preemptively warned for, but the least you can do is warn for the bigger ones. that’s for both sfw works and for smut. like: a lot of writers do! a lot of writers do warn for shit, and i appreciate them a lot. but idk i guess some people want to just get straight into their writing and while i get it, i think that can be extremely harmful if you know your fic has something triggering in it.

i’ve seen people argue about trigger warnings before because of the whole “the real world won’t hold your hand” thing but that’s bullshit. p*r*site is one of my favorite movies and i watched it in a class for the first time and one of my friends went out of their way to tell me that there’s an uncomfortable sex scene in it bc they knew it could fuck me up depending on the day. people i know will go out of their way to give a heads up for things. i’ve suggested movies to people i don’t know well and said “oh, shit, btw, huge trigger warning for (x)” because it’s a triggering subject and i don’t want anyone to suffer as a result. websites exist to warn people about shit. and even offline, there’s those things vets put in their yards around fourth of july because the sound of fireworks can be triggering to them. anyone who says that the “real world won’t hold your hand” is a dick who just wants an excuse to not care for others imo.

anyway fat girl rant under the cut specifically (nsfw warning in general for the topic bc god its abt smut. sorry gamers. minors dni with that part or ur getting blocked if u say anything)

idk what to call them other than a bulge kink but if thats wrong then my b. idk they feel... a liiiil assuming that reader is skinny? that u can see a bulge from where a dick is inside someone? bc there’s nothing in front of it (i.e. fat)? idk man fucking warn for that shit because it automatically sends up the red flag of “ohhh readers skinny...” for me every time i stumble across it w/o any warning. like idk if any other chubby writers wanna weigh in on that, feel free to? i just tend to look at myself and see my chub and im like. yeah theres no way ur seeing ur dick bulge out unless ur super fucking hung and if u are then i am afraid for me.

also sorry these arent really put together lmao im literally just talking at this point. i used up the brain power w the “include warnings” part.

idk i think... a lot of smut just assumes reader is thin, moreso than sfw stuff. ik ive spoken w someone abt this (i wont @ her since idk if she wants that) but like. the whole “jump and ill carry you” thing feels like we’ve been conditioned to find it hot and all i can think about is the fact that i don’t think it’d ever work unless the person’s fucking ripped. do u think ming/hao from s//v//t can lift my ass? no. id break him like a fuckin twig probably. 

i dont have an actual ending for this bc admittedly im tired. sorry to ming//hao for saying the truth that id break u </3

#wooahaes.txt

[casspurrjoybell-24]

My Mate - Chapter 7 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

"This is Carmen, my girlfriend."

Calvin looked down at the female and then back to our parents.

"And she's pregnant... with my pup."

********

Stuffing Shrimp Alfredo in my mouth, my eyes jumped from mom to Calvin.

If I have to be honest, my older brother looks scared.

As he should... he's knocked up a female that's not his Mate and actually brought her home to meet our parents.

Did he not expect our Mom... who has always been a firm believer that every wolf should wait for their Mate... to not be upset?

This was the worst birthday dinner since I was a pup... at least the foods good.

I grabbed another piece of garlic bread and scooped some noodles onto it.

"Um... so how far along are you?" I asked the female, Carmen.

She's been silent the whole time, staring down at her plate of food.

She was probably scared Mom poisoned it... I wouldn't be too surprised if she did.

She looked up at me, her olive skin paler than it was when she first came in.

Her lip raised a little in distaste, not very pleased with me talking to her... I shrunk away some, averting my eyes.

Silverware clashed and I jumped, looking at Mom to see her glaring at the female.

"He asked a good question, how far along are you? Better yet, how do we know for sure it's my son's?" Mom said.

"Females like you usually have more than one partner."

My mouth popped open as I looked from one female to the other. 

"I don't know what kind of female you assume I am, Mrs. Frey but your son is the only male I've had any sexual relations with."

My nose wrinkled like I smelled something bad.

I really didn't want to hear about my brother's sex life over dinner or ever, really.

Mom scoffed, taking a sip of her wine.

"Is that what you tell them?"

"It's my pup, Mom," Calvin butted in before Mom could say anything else.

"We've been together for a year now."

Everyone let this new information sink in... I didn't know what to think.

If the pup is Calvin's, I'll have a niece of nephew... I can buy them all kinds of cute outfits and toys. 

If their mom lets me, Carmen doesn't seem to like me.

"I feel sorry for your Mate, Calvin and I hope they'll be able to forgive you," Mom said, standing abruptly and leaving with her glass of wine.

Dad sighed and ran a large hand over his stubbled face.

He hadn't said anything since Calvin got home and he'd just been eating like everything was fine.

"We'll talk later, alone," Dad said to Calvin before getting up to go find Mom.

I grabbed another piece of garlic bread.

"I told you we shouldn't have told them," Carmen hissed at Calvin.

"It was the right thing to do," Calvin sighed.

I watched them silently while eating... this was the effect humans had on us.

If Werewolves still waited for their mates, this would never be happening.

I guess we should be thankful that he didn't knock a human up.

It's against the law to expose ourselves to humans that aren't family or mates... that would have been bad.

********

Jasper didn't show up to school today.

Why would the Moon Goddess make me suffer for so long?

Eight long hours of obsessively thinking about finding my Mate.. it was torture.

Although I was a little happy that no one else in the school turned out to be my Mate.

I don't like any of them... see, it's Fate.

He's telling me Jasper is my one True Mate and we'll live a long and happy life together.

It's going to be great... I just know it.

Fidgeting with my backpack straps, I thought of what his reaction will be.

Maybe a smile... hopefully a kiss.

Sadly, my first had been stolen by a big stupid Alpha male I'd rather not think about.

What gave him the right to do such a thing?

I don't care who he is.

He could be one of the gods for all I care and that still wouldn't have given him the right to attack me in such a way.

It didn't matter how much I enjoyed the feel of his slightly chapped lips moving roughly against mine.

No, it didn't matter at all.

Maybe I was still drunk from all the alcohol I had consumed the night before.

Yeah, that's what I'm going with because there's no way I would actually enjoy kissing him.

My thoughts are getting sidetracked.

Jasper... that's who I want to think about.

Him and his pretty smile and perfect hair.

Not his older brother who had the audacity to steal from me my first kiss.

I had plans for it and he ruined it.

I wanted gentle and sweet and he forced his nasty tongue in my mouth.

I growled in anger despite my face warming at the memory.

He wasn't supposed to taste good.

Or smell good.

"By the Moon Goddess," I shouted out loud, wanting desperately to stop thinking about him.

[tammyhybrid21]

Seen the meme going around so, OH BOY. Throwing my hat into the ring, some of these are SUPER OBVIOUS.

Like Inv getting a lot of negatives on the Slugcat version, other's it's well... I feel like I should explain a few things, but I'll leave those under the read more, for folks who don't care about it.

Favourite Characters: Of the iterators it’s Five Pebbles, to nobody’s surprise. I mean if I could say any character dragged me into Rain World backwards it was our traumatised, bad decision boy himself. On the Slugcat side, MONK. I just, I feel very strongly about them and have no real way to explain it in depth. What you see is kind of what you get with me liking Monk. They’re just, so important to me, especially as a mirror and contrast character to Pebbles.

Liked By Everyone But Me: Suns, just Seven Red Suns is the OBVIOUS choice here. If you don’t know why, just wait for me to get myself together and post the iterator ref sheets I’ve been working on. But short answer, good lord this enby has bad skills at reading the room. Bad decisions, sure Pebbles has them but maaan Suns... Meanwhile, I don’t... particularly have any slugcat I don’t really like, so freespace I guess.

Didn’t Like At First: Inno was knee-jerk because the surface is shallow and I got caught in the whole. “This character doesn’t like the character I really like so they’re auto bad” trap initially. But I definitely like her more now, because hooo boy. Choo-choo the complicated train! And meanwhile Spearmaster, mostly because I struggled to figure them out, and also their campaign and it’s goalposts made me CRY, a lot.

Would Like to Know More About: Obvious answers are obvious. Chasing/Grey Wind and Unparalleled Innocence for the Iterators and Nightcat/The Watcher for Slugcats... Just I want to knoooow.

Least Favourite Character: Sorry Suns, I just... don’t like you much. And Inv, Good lord Inv. Do I need to even explain why I’m not fond of Inv or do we all already know why?

Like the Design Dislike Character: Sorry Wind, it’s not that I don’t like them but more like-- the minute I stop thinking about Wind I kind of just... forget they exist. Wind you’re just the average-person so much. Rest in the wind. And then Saint... Oh boy Saint... I have so many complicated feelings about them, but ultimately it comes down to, I really like everything that Saint represents, everything they could be and are, but ultimately, I also really, really dislike them and kind of want to just throw my controller or pencil and give up.

Like the Character Dislike Design: Sorry Sliver, but you just feel, absent. I know she haunts the narrative and all, her presence is so FELT. But when it comes to actually designing her, I waffle between feeling too plain or too decorated and it sucks. Something here is not working and I need to find a better inspiration for her... Meanwhile, sorry Survivor you suffer from design feels too bland... and Spearmaster. Oh this is a twist one. I love the character, but man their design, the core of it, kind of sucks. More on the actual biological working as a creature side. Like Suns, you’re so BAD at creating living beings.

Similar RELATABLE Personality: I have been Moon in the past and I definitely have been Five Pebbles. If you go digging you can even find a rant of mine about those two. As for slugcats... Oh who of us isn’t just trying to survive and adapt these days?

Favourite Ship: Yes, I am a Ragequit Shipper. I just, look. I have reasons. I HAVE REASONS. I have even ranted about them, if in brief the first real time I drew Sig and some headcanon moments. There is nuance in the canon mess, Sig doesn’t hate Pebbles, it’s more than that, complicated and messy and I will sink with this ship if it comes to that. As for the slugcat side... I just think Monk crushing on Hunter is cute so sue me.

Least Favourite Ship: There are exactly two worse ships than both of these but I didn’t dare to go there. I just.... don’t understand Milkshake as a ship. It feels very ships that pass in the night style of shipping and I just no. These two might be fun as friends, messy and complicated, getting along fine one moment to screaming at each other about something random the next, but shipping NO? If Inno has a crush on either of the siblings it’s a crush on Moon... as for Fishsticks... I just can’t vibe with the ship. Sorry, maybe it’s from the opposite ends of the timeline thing, but more they just... don’t have the vibes. Sorry.

Would Befriend IRL: Ironically Suns should be here to, because I have proven to fall for those kinds of people’s presentation of themselves... I feel like I could DEFINITELY get along with NSH, And Moon... well she reminds me so much of my own big sister so... I do think she’d be someone I could more than get along with. We can just spend the time... and the Slugcat siblings. I would so love to befriend them, do think we could get along. Could have included Gourm but well, forgo--

Would Never Befriend IRL: Sliver is probably just dead still and Pebbles. HAHA, The irony is that would be a situation of “We are too much alike with our flaws and it would be on SIGHT”. I SHOULD’VE PUT ARTIFICER HERE noooo! Inv, no explaination needed.

#Rain World #THybrid Art #THybrid Iterates #Fandom Opinions Meme

[octoberlaylow]

Look, I haven’t been able to properly write in months.

Perhaps it’s just the thing that’s like, well, I’d rather read than write anyway, and I really have been reading more fanfic than writing it lately. Everything I’ve written was related to my introspective personal thoughts. A modern Pete Wentz, one might say. I think this was mostly because of the fact that I’m usually surrounded by people, and i feel strange writing fic with people who are so ABLE to just look over my shoulder and see what I’m doing. It’s a little scary, I’ll be honest. They’ll be like what are you doing? And I’ll be like torturing my favorite characters uwu, and then they’ll probably be like wow, you’re a freak and a nerd or something demoralizing like that. 

And we’ve got the writers on tumblr. I mean, I follow inkskinned, I’ve seen their free form poetry, and it’s really good. So I was like well, maybe I could get away with just writing freeform and posting it here, because the thing is, I just can’t write about others anymore. But the other thing is, I don’t want to directly be copying the ideas of someone, and I know sometimes I do that subconsciously. Really, truly, I can’t do anything in life without following a roadmap. I think that I have been SO consumed with media my entire life that I feel as though I have to have my life look like a story or I might just go insane. This might be because I need the guarantee of a happy ending, or at least a hopeful one; the girl gets the girl, the girl goes to the college she wants to, the girl lives a good happy life and against all odds, beats the chances. But I’m not on the same paths as those characters, and I’m not on the same paths as my idols, either. So that leaves me in this weird space where I don’t really know what to do with my life because the circumstances just don’t match up, and I have no guidance.

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got therapy. My therapist, Ms A, told me to stop thinking of my life as a movie. You can’t keep pretending your life is a story, Toby, is more along the lines of what she said. If you know me in real life, you know how much I listen to music. It’s almost a lifestyle at this point. You can take the girl out of the music but you can’t take the music out of the girl. I want to be a singer, like Hayley Williams or Alex Gaskarth. The thing is, though, they got their starts so early, and can play instruments, and overall they lived in an era where I just DON’T. The circumstances will NEVER LINE UP. So I try to follow roadmaps. I try to find a person with experiences close enough to mine that I can follow the traits of.  

In the music industry, there are two flips of the same coin. It basically goes like this: you either sing about love and sex, or you sing about depression. And I can’t really sing about either.

I’m not going to deny it. I’m privileged. My parents are together and supportive of most things and their relationship is fine. We have a good house. My grades are on the decent side. I’m definitely not at my peak (I would hope my peak isn’t in high school) but I’m definitely not at my lowest low, either. We have enough money for food and necessities, plus occasional trips. You could categorize us as middle class. 

And I guess I haven’t really suffered enough emotionally or physically to call myself depressed. You know? Because when you think about it, there’s really nothing wrong with me. I’m not ADHD or autistic (my brother is both), although I’ve been told I’m just in denial by several sources. My home life is… fine, most of the time. Like, what do I have to complain about? I’m so ungrateful because I’m fortunate and yet I’m discontent. It would almost make the average person feel like there is something wrong with them. Why don’t I feel content? Why do I always want more? There is no forging my own path. There is only following these previously carved roads somewhere I think is home. 

When I have panic attacks (which sounds concerning, but I only get them like, twice a year, it’s fine) I put in the absolute loudest, noisiest music I can stand. Like, ‘I Am My Own Muse’ or ‘Famous Last Words’ or ‘Death Of An Executioner’. And then I close my eyes and get up on that mental stage. Just picture it. There are phone flashlights waving back and forth. Stadium packed up to the gate. They’re all there to see me. They cheer when I walk on, because they care. A million people care who I am and I don’t even know who they are. I’m playing that song that’s not mine but singing it like it is, and I am universally loved. 

And, yeah. That’s the dream. I’m famous and the media’s darling and I get to do my thing up there in front of a crowd begging on their knees to hear my words. 

But it’s not going to happen. I mean, how would it? I can’t live out this dream because I haven’t followed the right path, haven’t traced the road through the line between fanfiction and real life. I hate the idea of creating a new road. I hate the idea of drawing a new way, even though that is exactly what the people I admire have done. I’m this pathetic mess of conscious thought and feeling. 

Look, I could type my insecurities on a doc for ages. It could end up a memoir. Toby’s Lament, it would read. Tales from the girl who didn’t know what to do with herself, so she just did nothing. If Joe Trohman can write a memoir, I sure as hell can. This all reads as petty, self pitying bitching, I’m sure. Honestly, looking back on this, I seem like a privileged asshole. But hey. I just wrote two pages worth of words in google docs. So I think, if it gets me writing again, it might just be worth it for that. 

#I don’t have anything good in the notebook today so this takes its place of the daily #long post #writeblr

[sagemoderocklee]

B C I K S T X

Friday April ancient

15, 20, 41

Ended up being a lot of questions 😬 please just answer the ones you want to.

anon this is fantastic and i love you. i have managed to make lunch, which exhausted me and i had to lay down immediately after, and take a shower, which i just finished and also exhausted me, so i once again am laying down with nothing to do. so this is perfect and i appreciate it so much. <3

i am gonna put everything under a cut though because as you said, this is a lot of questions and i, unsurprisingly, rambled a lot

--

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

I think in some ways there's true-to-life experiences in all my fics, but nothing is like verbatim my own experience. Lee in Absolution is definitely a reflection of myself after my mom died; if wanting were enough i'd take you by the hand was a reflection of my own struggles with mental health; to an extent, some of what Gaara struggles with in 13S is a reflection of my own struggles with romance.

that being said, this question made me think of a meet-cute wherein Gaara or Lee goes to the butter museum in Cork City, Co Cork, Ireland and gets asked out to lunch by the other because that would actually make a cute fic. :p

C: What member do you identify with most?

Rock Lee. Def the most relatable to me, though I find as an adult I also relate a lot to Gaara--like his idealism and desire to change the world (even if I think he goes about it the wrong way ya know becoming part of the system yada yada). But overall, Rock Lee.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Not really. I guess if there was something it would be if I ever decided to finish the GaaLee Hogwarts AU I've got. I don't like leaving a fic unfinished, but I mean... it's kinda impossible to engage with HP publicly and financially because JKR is what she is--a racist, antisemetic, terf. doesn't mean i don't miss reading and writing HP fic but... mhm i just don't know if i can bring myself to ever publish anything HP again.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

I def think We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips. I mean, it's Hanahaki so kind of par for the course, or at least, I think so. Fill in the [ ] is also probably gonna be pretty damn angsty since it's got some similar sort of tropes in play. I could also say that "if wanting were enough i'd take you by the hand" fits into this, but i don't actually like calling it angsty per say. that feels like it's not what that is, but it definitely is a painful story.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I don't think so? I'm more invested in political dramas to begin with so I don't know if there's anything within that realm that really.... fits like common fandom tropes?

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

i have def talked about this plenty but fucking Soulmate AUs. I hate them and i hate everyone's various and sundry stupid ideas for them, quite frankly. I don't care about some so-called love you just can't avoid because some higher power decided it. i want a love you have to choose; a love you keep on choosing even when everything is against you. what's the point of "well they were always gonna be together"? where is the romance in that? that's not love. that's just being stuck with someone whether you like it or not. soulmate aus as a general rule are lazy and unimaginative, and i think all those "what if your soulmates name was on your body" "what if the first thing your soulmate said to you was on your body" are utterly and completely stupid and set us back quite a bit.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

I don't view suffering as something I enjoy, but if a story necessitates a character's suffering I'll write what is needed. Literary suffering is a powerful tool for connecting humanity, and I do think it's necessary and brings catharsis, but I wouldn't call it enjoyment. I enjoy writing the stories themselves, but I'm not like reveling in suffering.

friday: most self-indulgent fic you have ever posted?

Definitely Thirteen Strokes. Hands down the most self-indulgent work I've ever created. That fic is just me being me about my worldbuilding and diving headfirst into a romance without worrying as much about political intrigue. Like I love a political drama, and those are self-indulgent in their own right, but this is less about being a plot-heavy story and more about the romance--the romance of Suna, of Wind, and the romance between Gaara and Lee. It's a love story for both the world I envision and the couple.

april: have you ever written and/or posted a crackfic?

yes, actually. back in the day (2010), I wrote a handful of crack!fics that centered around dreams. so it was like the dream was the vehicle to make a completely weird story. i wrote one for GaaLee and one for Albus Severus/Scorpius back in my HP days. Both of them are on my old ff LJ and I'm pretty sure both are now privated lmao

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

oh boy so back in 2003/04 I lived in this HP message board website called snitchseeker.com i lived on this site. i had my lil alias "Aria" that ppl knew me as. i was popular on this site. i had friends who i added on fb. i eventually became a moderator. i checked it a few years back and it's just crazy to look back on that time but yeah i was very active on SS dot com from about 2003 to 2008 (14 years old to 18 years old, i think i stopped using the site early on before turning 19). once i got really heavy into Harry/Draco, plus being older and at the time figuring out my sexuality, being on a website that actively did not allow gay content was simply not working out for me. there was another gay person on that site i became friends with and we made SO MANY jokes on message boards that went completely under the radar, but anyways i digress.

so back in 2003/2004 i wrote a fanfic called Serendipity that was just my lil mary-sue self-insert who was gonna fall in love with Harry James Potter because that was my big fictional crush as a youth. I was shipping Harry/Luna at the time, but like i was also a fourteen year old girl who'd just lost their mom and had their whole life uprooted, and well, why wouldn't i write a self-indulgent mary-sue fic? like come on.

anyways, i had two stories planned. Serendipity was in fact that OCs name and she was Sirius Black's daughter. her mom was this mermaid goddess, making Serendipity a demi-god. Serendipity had pitch black hair past her ass with silver streaks and heterochromia--i went into INTENSE detail about the minutiae of her eye colors oh my god. this was also back when Charmed was on tv and didn't suck just yet, so i took the 'orbing' ability from that show and gave it to Serendipity lmao

she was like living in an orphanage and dreaming about harry's life and so she ran away and found him and ended up going to hogwarts lmao it was INSANE like the most absurd story but god i was determined to live out that lil HP fantasy. the end of the first fic she was supposed to die but then the second fic she like comes back and her hair is all silver with black streaks instead XD

anyways i never finished the fic or the sequel, and all remnants of that fic are gone. i don't even think i have the floppy disk--yes floppy disk--that it was saved on anymore.

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?

Keep writing. That's really the best thing you can do. Rereading your work is helpful, too, and I do that often as well. I look back at old comments (my 3 page hoard of particularly nice comments). But the best thing to do is to keep writing.

If I'm feeling really stuck I also like to read books and kind of take in a professional's writing for inspiration and like uplifting me.

20. Any advice for young writers/advice you wish someone would have given you early on?

Writing is a craft. It's not easy, it's not something you just do.

I get that it's like nice to just be like 'yeah anyone can do X! have fun!' but for some reason with writing, there's a lack of respect for it as a craft and the majority of fandom culture has dug its heels in, taking a stand against good faith feedback. Sure, anyone with a keyboard can write, but that doesn't make you a good writer. I think this idea that 'anyone can write' is actually really insulting to people who put a lot of work into honing the actual craft of writing.

imo, and this may be mean but it's the truth, not everyone can write. not everyone can draw. not everyone can sew or sing or dance. these are skills. some people have better coordination naturally, but that doesn't mean they don't need to practice the skill. writing is a craft which requires a set of skills, and if you aren't dedicated to writing as such then like whatever, but don't act like your lil ao3 fic is actually transformative or better than published works

like im all for having fun and having hobbies that you aren't like trying to turn into careers and shit, but i mean you should still respect the craft you've decided to undertake, not to mention i dunno take fucking pride in your work?

At the end of the day, writing is about technique and skill. There are rules to writing, there are techniques, there is a study to the craft. If you don't understand basic plot structure, how are you gonna write? If you don't understand how to create a character arc, what is compelling me to read? If you don't know what a theme is or how to convey theme, what exactly are you saying?

Fanfiction is fun and I love it, but I think that fandom as a general rule lost a lot when we moved away from people being able to take good faith critique of their written works. Sorry but just because you made something doesn't mean it's good. I've written some horrible fics because I was learning how to write, and that's okay! If I didn't have people giving me feedback and helping me to get better, I would not be the writer I am today. And if I thought that I didn't have anything else to learn, then I'll never be the writer I wanna be--the writer I'll be in a year or two years or ten isn't going to be the same writer I am today because of growth and practice and technique.

people act as though feedback is a moral judgment or a personal attack, instead of just... a helpful tool. it's absurd to me that someone can say "hey this thing you did needs work" and someone will turn around and act like they've been attacked. 'don't like don't read' fine sure but like do you actually wanna get better? or are you just sharing things within the bubble of people who will praise you uncritically for the sake of your own ego? if that's why you're writing like whatever do you, but that ain't a healthy outlet or expression of creativity tbh.

if you wanna get better then you need to listen to what other people have to say. Some people are wrong--a lot of ppl are, actually, because amazingly yes there are ppl who give critique because they wanna feel important and because they got big egos. but you shouldn't discount a person who genuinely approaches your work with honest critique just because you wanna believe your work is perfect or you think writing is easy. It's not easy. it's hard. it's work. it's a skill, and you disrespect writing as a craft and writers as a whole when you act like it's just something you do on a whim.

41. Are there any books you feel have shaped you as a writer?

The unavoidable truth is that Harry Potter shaped me a great deal.

It's a hard thing to reconcile--loving something and having found such magic in it, knowing it helped you through the darkest periods of your life only to discover that the person behind it is an irredeemable human being. HP still holds a place in my heart, but that place is shattered by the truth of who JKR is. And it's not just one thing about her. It's many things--the racism, the antisemitism, the homophobia, the transmisogyny. she's a vile person and i hope she gets hit by a car and dragged for blocks.

I think that the actual series itself holds many problems, but at its core was a good and powerful series, but that doesn't mean the magic hasn't been lost because of the author.

#ask game answers

[chaos-in-bright-pink-hair-dye]

I just love how I always come up with some fandom ispired stuff that I can't get out of my head for two weeks like 'I want to make a 3D model of a raygun from danger days' or 'I could get a zip up hoodie and modify it so it looks like Party Poison's jacket' and actually get quite far with it to the level that I make a templete and find where I can get EVA foam and shit and then I just don't? Like yeah I've been thinking about this every waking hour for past fourteen days so much it made my body hurt but whatever I don't care now. Just pleasure to be alive

#I would say don't reblog but first of all why would anyone do it and second of all I don't care I guess #if you find this relatable at least we can suffer together I guess #and like I will probably delete it later anyway #not danger days stuff #<or like yeah I mentioned it but it's just me rambling about shit #but to the hoodie #have you seen Wandavision cause that's what cursed me with this idea and I can't stop thinking about it #because Wanda's sweatshirt from the last episode or two really reminds me of Party's jacket just colour switched #like yeah it just has few stripes on the sleeves but the resemblance is there and I just can't unsee it #ugh I hate my brain sometimes yk #well thanks for reading I guess byyeee

[blogevaawrites]

Keeping to the schedule

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, marriage, divorce, smut

Summary: After seven years of being married, two daughters and a difficult divorce, they try to understand what went wrong and why they let that happen.

Part I   Part II

I tried to process the whole information he was sharing and for the first time I believed I made a mistake. I saw it then, why he has been incredibly mad at me.

Sure, at first our separation was hard, but now he was looking happy, at least that’s what he shows me. I also was well, I still loved him but deep in my heart I thought it was the best for both of us. Now everything seems so wrong.

“There was another way. You could have told me everything, we could have dealt with all of that. You let this happen to us.” I said, full of resentment. His face was different then, he came here full of concern and then all what I was seeing was frustration.  

“What are you talking about? You filed for divorce. You decided unilaterally when we were done. You ran away from our marriage at first obstacle. This is not my fucking blame.” His words were like a knife in my skin. I never took it like that. All what I could see was his unhappiness and coldness, in my heart I was doing the right thing.

Tears fell down through my cheeks uncontrollably, our seven years together seemed thrown away. I could feel him moving around the room, he was trying to calm down himself.

“I thought you were being distant because you blamed me for the infection, and then when anything seemed to change, I thought you weren’t happy and that you didn’t know how to leave me.” I said after I got my shit together. I saw him shaking his head, I wasn't sure if he wasn’t satisfied with my words or if he was answering the accusation.

He didn’t response right away, he took a few minutes to breathe loudly.

“I felt ashamed of being the one who needed help after what you went through.” He said without looking at me, he was staring the wall behind me. “I could have never ever blamed you for something like that.” He finished. His hand went to caress my face before pulling me to his embrace.

“I’m sorry” I babbled between tears.

I let myself cry my eyes out in his arms. I felt like I threw out our life because I couldn’t put aside my anger to talk our problems out , like I put my daughters through all of that because I got mad at my husband. I knew he wasn't innocent at all but guiltiness took over my whole body and couldn’t shake it off.

His hands ran all over my back and the back of my neck; the feeling of security invaded my body and the need of get out of my own thoughts grew.

He was so close to me that I couldn’t help kissing him.

His hands didn’t take long before holding my face closer to him, in the perfect position to let our tongues connect with each other.

Needing for air we broke the kiss but not for long, he kissed me again letting his hand go to hold me up from my butt. I just could follow his actions; I didn’t want to do anything else. He took me to our bedroom quickly, he sat at the edge of the bed making me straddle him.

Without leaving my mouth, he moved the strips of my shirt away from my shoulders, leaving my breast on full display for him. His hands played with my nipples before taking them in his mouth. I just could moan, moving my hips to find some friction against his bulge. He showed me his excitement pushing my hips even closer to him.

“I love you so much” he mumbled against my collarbone. His words made my noxious thoughts hunt my mind, I knew he loves me, I loved him too; it wasn’t the first time he said it after our divorce, but it was wrong now. I stood up quickly, he looked at me confused while I tried to put my shirt on again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked extending his arm to reach me.

“Who am I now? Your sidechick. Isn’t works in the other way? From a sidechick to a wife?” I said with a sardonic laugh, rubbing my eyes, trying to concentrate again.

He laughed, laying down on the bed. I looked at him completely horrified by his reaction. He took his phone from his jeans and scrolled around it for a few seconds before handing it to me.

It was a kind of a contract, an agreement to release seven pictures along with a misleading and suggestive headline.

“Meghan asked me because her team want her to be related to a certain kind of people.” He explained, I knew that this is part of his job, and he was used to it before we got together.

“It’s a pap walk.” I said understanding what he meant, I wasn’t familiar to it because he hadn’t done one since we met.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. That’s what I wanted to tell you when I came the last time.” He took my hand to bring me closer to him while he continued explaining “I shouldn’t have agreed to it, but I realized of it too late and I wanted to talk to you before the pictures got release. I didn’t want you to feel disappointed or mad and don’t worry! I already asked her and Meghan to shut down any rumor.” He guided my legs to straddle him again. “I tried to bail out of it after what happened between us, but I just couldn’t.”

“Okay.” I felt relieved. I wasn’t ready to see him with someone else, and thank God, he said he wasn’t ready to date again.

“Let’s just put you to sleep, okay?” He said caressing my head and taking my hair away from my face. He saw my face and quickly he explained to me his change of mind.

“The girls are with Scott, but he has a flight to catch in a couple hours. I need to pick them up. Okay?” he said forcing me to look at him. “Hey! Listen to me I will call you as soon as they fall sleep, will that be okay?” he asked again.  

I nodded, getting up. I thought he was going to leave right away but he did not. He uncovered the bed for me to get in and laid next to me for a few minutes.

“You will always be the one. I promise.” He slurred against my temple, after kissing it.

He left the room without waiting for an answer, he must have thought I was sleeping because he tried not to make many noises.

After a few hours, my phone rang, and I didn’t wait a second to respond.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to be up.” he said. I could hear him closing a door. I haven’t been in his new house, but I know his style very well, enough at least, to imagine it.

“I’m a light sleeper.”

“I know.” He let go a sad laugh. “I wanted to call you early, but Anna was interrogating my ass about my quick trip of tonight.” he said cooling off the environment.  

“Oh! Yeah! She can be very tough, it’s probably a phase.” I said with a smile, remembering the last time I had a quick conversation with our neighbor, and she thought I was dating him.

“Yeah! I guess, but I think we should check on her, maybe she’s experiencing anxiety because of the changes or something like that. I’ve been reading about kids with divorced parents can suffers these kinds of things.” I knew he was just worried about them; I was too, but right then I felt guilty, I felt like I did this to them.

“Okay” I murmured.

I was excited about his call, I wanted to figure it out what we could do to save this, but maybe it was too late. We held on everything for so long, and now it’s probably just too late.

“What do you want to do?” he asked calmly, completely away from my thoughts.

“I don’t know.”

“Tomorrow my sister is going to the lake house. She wanted me to take the girls, but I could let them go with her and we could hang out. I don’t know, we could have a kind of a date and talk, we could try to sort this out.”  

“Okay.”

“Is everything alright?” I knew he was asking because of my monosyllabic answers.

“Yes, I’m just kind of sleepy.” I didn’t want to talk anymore.

“Okay.” his voice sounded disappointed now. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

“I love you” he said after a few seconds quiet.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, I loved him, but it felt like I was accepting everything, it felt like I was saying “yes, I broke us, our family”.

“Me too”  

I couldn’t say much else. I said bye and hung up.

He picked me up at 7:00 p.m, he told he wanted to spend the day with the girls because they wanted to spend the night over there with their cousins. We decided to just have a dinner at his house in order to have more privacy and also, we could be in a kind of neutral environment since he doesn’t feel it like home, and I don’t even know the house.

“You want a tour?” he asked as soon as we got in the house. I nodded and followed him through the house. I wasn’t wrong about this style, the house it was almost a copy of ours, and it felt weird.

“It’s very similar to ours, isn’t?” I said softly, I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it.

“Yeah, I know, Scott said the same thing, but I don’t know, I’m living here, and this has to be home now.” He said and all at once I felt the guiltiness coming back to my body, it was like I kicked him out of his home.

“We have your favorite for dinner” he said completely unaware of my harmful thoughts.

“Great.” I didn’t want to spoil any possible progress.

He took my hand guiding me to the dinning room. We had a nice dinner, just talking about our past, when we met, when I got pregnant with Anna, when we took her to Disney for the first time… we had a happy life.

We talked about everything, but we didn’t talk about why we let this happened to us. It was like we weren’t seeing the big fat elephant in the room. After the dinner he took me outside to have the dessert in front the fireplace.

“Are you okay?” he asked worried, I wasn’t being very talkative, and he knows me well enough to let it pass.

“Yes.” I said taking a spoon of mousse.

He took my dessert from my hands.

“You sure?” he asked, forcing me to look at him by my chin. I just could nod; I didn’t know what else to do.

He took my chin to his head, kissing me deeply. He got his body closer to mine and his hand went to hip and the other one didn’t leave the back of my neck. I kept to his leading until I felt his hand get under my dress, touching my naked thigh. I pushed him away from me softly. I stood up and rubbed my face trying to find the right words.

“This is not my fault.” I dopped. He smiled in confusion.

“Well, I guess it’s not, I started to kiss you, but…” he started to say.

“I didn’t break us. I may have been the one who made it official, but you decided not to tell me what was going on.” As I said that his eyes went dark. I knew he was ready to fight back, I have seen those eyes too many times.

“It wasn’t exactly an easy journey, I couldn’t…” he was accepting that he blamed me. His voice also changed; it wasn’t the same voice he used to used when we were married. This one was ironic, rough, and mean, the one he use since we were divorced.

“Mine wasn’t easy either! It wasn’t just a rough patch for me, Chris. I felt you were abandoning me, and you knew what I was feeling.”  My eyes were getting wet, and I tried to do everything not to cry.

“How I could have known that?” he sounded irritated, not just because he was talking louder but he also because his head was resting in his hands.

“Because I told you, Chris! I asked you to come back home million of times, and you rather take our daughters to the other side of the world than come back home with your wife.” I said, recalling the last time I asked him when he was going to be back. He didn’t answer, instead of that he set a whole plan. He made Scott flight to Boston to pick up the girls and then take them to Japan where he was filming his fifth film of the year.  

“I was working…” He said with a different voice.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” The air got cooler; we weren’t yelling anymore. He wasn’t looking at me when I started to walk out.

“I don’t think we can do this.” I said, ready to leave.

“We have to try it.” He caught my attention.

“Emma and Anna will be alright; they are fine now.” I’ve always thought that keeping kids in a unhappy marriage it’s way more dangerous that have a civilized divorce. I knew he was worried about them, but it wasn’t right.  

“Not because of them, because I love you and I know you love me too.” He was right.

“Maybe it’s not enough anymore.”

“Yes, it is! It has to be! I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life and if it’s not with you I will be, don’t you see it? It’s been almost a year and I still thinking of you as my wife.” He stood up to get closer to me.

It broke my heart that he was right. I can’t imagine myself with another man, and it could be just a matter of time, but I honestly didn’t think so.

“How could this work? We’re going to end hating each other.” I said verbalizing one of my biggest fears.

“We won’t. I promise.” He said pulling my body to his arms.

 @moonlacebeam @denisemarieangelina @lovebittenbyevans @popteest @aubageddon91 @hey-diddly-ho-neighborino @impala1967666 @firoozehmoon

#Chris Evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chris evans imagine #chris evans smut #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x wife!reader #Smut #chris evans fluff #fluff #CHRIS EVANS ANGST #angst

[attllhak]

@technicallya1manband so, I just remembered that while I was camping I wrote another thing for the Gerudo Twilight AU. Specifically, I have a lot of fun with ‘The Unreliable Narrator That Is History’ (putting this like that, because I basically use it as a trope at this point), and I got bored one afternoon while hiding from the sun because it is HOT out, especially where I was. And then I thought I should probably have Twilight appear, so it kinda ended up ‘Expectation vs Reality’ by the end. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, I’m off to bed now

-------------

“You look upset,”

Zelda startled, twisting to see Urbosa standing in the doorway behind her. The Champions had only just been dubbed as such, and Zelda had wanted to get away from the celebrations.

“I’m not,” she lied, turning back to face the sky.

Urbosa sighed, and after a moment she settled down next to Zelda.

“Little bird, you do not have to lie to me,”

“I know,” she sighed, not bothering to defend herself. “I just, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. My power won’t awaken, no matter what I do, and I just, I can’t live up to the expectations everyone has set for me. My mother unlocked her power so easily, and my grandmother did too. Why is it just me that can’t do this?”

“Zelda,” Urbosa wound an arm around her shoulders and pulled the younger girl to her side. “You need to stop comparing yourself to them. You aren’t them, and your power will awaken for you when you are ready,”

“But I’ve been ready!” Zelda threw out her hands. “And it’s not that easy to just, not compare! I know you wouldn’t understand that, but I just,” she put her head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do,”

“Wouldn’t understand, eh?”

Zelda peeked up through her fingers as Urbosa leaned back on her hands. 

“Would you let me tell you a story, little bird?”

“A, story?”

“It has a moral,” Urbosa promised. “And I think you’ll like it,”

“Okay,” Zelda folded her hands in her lap. “Tell me a story,”

“This is an old story, very, very old. Almost, but not quite, as old as the gerudo ourselves. Back when Ganon took the form of a gerudo voe,”

“Seriously?” Zelda twisted to face Urbosa, eyes wide. “That is old,”

“Indeed,” Urbosa smiled. “The man that would become the monster Ganon had been king for only a few years when the Hero of that era defeated him. I won’t go into the details, as they get confusing, and this story is not about them. After he was defeated, Ganon was sentenced to death. He was not successfully killed, but that is also a tale for another time. What I wish to speak of is the aftermath,”

“Why start with Ganon when you’re talking about something after him?” Zelda huffed.

“Because, little bird, Ganon’s defeat left the gerudo without a king. I know it may not seem this way now, with how long it’s been since the gerudo had a king last, but this was the first time we were without so much as a prince. Not to mention the hatred we faced for our King’s actions,” Urbosa frowned, looking off into the distance. “The hylian crown was not kind to my people in the aftermath of Ganon’s defeat. We were chased even further out into the desert, and we struggled there for a long, long time. For almost a hundred years, we were without a king, and so we elected the first chief, to rule until a new king was born,”

“I’m so sorry,” Zelda frowned, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Do not apologize, little bird. It happened so long ago, and things have changed so much,” Urbosa pulled her in again. “Besides, the hylians also gave us our next king,”

“What?”

Both women turned to see the other Champions hovering in the doorway, though thankfully it seemed Zelda’s new knight was not among them.

“Sorry about that, highnesses,” Daruk mumbled, giving Revali a sharp look. “The King asked us to come find you, but we were kinda invested in the story,”

“I don’t mind telling you as well,” Urbosa turned to Zelda. “How about it? Can they join us?”

“Hm? Oh, yes, of course!” Zelda floundered, waving them out. “Please, take a seat,”

They filed in and sat around the two, and everyone turned back to Urbosa.

“Right, where was I?”

“A hylian king,” Revali said, looked a bit affronted on the gerudo’s behalf.

“He wasn’t hylian,” she corrected. “Well, I suppose that isn’t totally true. He definitely looked hylian, but he was gerudo. One of the girls who was alive when Ganon ruled had seen the writing on the wall and hid her daughter with the girl’s hylian father. This girl later married a hylian man herself and her daughter, it is said, moved very far away. Out into the middle of nowhere. She had a daughter herself, and this daughter had a son,”

“The King,” Zelda guessed.

“Yes, the King,” Urbosa smiled. “He didn’t know that though. His mother died when he was very young, and he did not return to the desert until he was already mostly grown. But, he did eventually return to us. I’m not sure how we knew he was our king, but there was no doubt at all by the time he was crowned. Of course, he was not in an easy spot. We were still suffering from the aftermath of Ganon’s rule, and he had very little time to prepare for his new role,” she paused to smile. “Which makes his achievements all that much more impressive,”

“You put an incompetent king on a throne vacated by the monster we’re getting ready to fight, and you expect us to believe he did well?” Revali huffed.

“No,” Urbosa said. “I expect you to believe we have never had a better ruler, either king or chief, after him,”

“What did he do?” Zelda asked while the others convinced Revali to stop squawking.

“Firstly, he repaired relations with the rest of Hyrule. Hylian - gerudo relations have only ever been better when your own mother was queen. Apparently he already knew the Queen at the time, and the two spent several days coming to an agreement that ended with all of the desert, and the highlands, being gerudo territory, so long as we remained a vassal state under Hyrule. After that, he is noted as having brought our people back to prosperity,”

“One king did all that?” Mipha asked.

“Yes,” Urbosa smiled. “At the time of Ganon’s rule, the gerudo were thieves. It was his gentle pushing that caused the change into a people of merchants. It is said that the first gerudo jeweller began her trade at the encouragement of the King. She was not the only one to have been encouraged by the King, of course. You know, the reason all gerudo chiefs have our own sand seals is because of him,”

“Really?” Zelda asked, thinking of Urbosa's own sand seal back in Gerudo Town.

“Oh yes, he loved animals,” she laughed. “It is said his pride and joy was a horse he’d raised from a foal that he never travelled outside of the desert without, and he even brought a goat with him into the desert,”

“A goat?” Zelda blanched.

“A goat,” Urbosa nodded. “One of the vai had an idea, to use the sand seals native to the desert as transportation. She decided to prove the worth of this idea, as it was still relatively unheard of for gerudo to be anything but warriors, by catching and taming one first. Once she had, she brought the animal to the King and offered it as a gift,” Urbosa smiled, shaking her head. “The King adored this idea, and loved his newest pet. He was very personally involved in the beginnings of the project, and encouraged the vai who had the idea when she suggested renting them out for people to use to cross the desert. The stories say that if the King was in gerudo town and couldn’t be found in the palace, then he’d be found with the seals,”

Zelda couldn’t help but giggle at that.

“My sword and shield are based on his, you know,”

“What?”

“Gerudo kings, before him, all fought with a pair of twin swords. However, when he arrived he already had a decent grasp of swordplay. Only he fought with a single sword and a shield. He was gifted a set at his coronation, and ever since then the leader of the gerudo fought with a sword and shield. I had mine made to look like the pictures we have of his,”

“That’s actually kind of sweet, in a way,” Zelda mused.

“What do you call him?”

“Hm?” Urbosa turned at Revali’s question.

“Don’t you gerudo give your kings fancy titles?” Revali elaborated. “What do you call this king?”

“Probably the Seal King,” Daruk suggested.

“Please!” Revali rolled his eyes.

“What do you think he’s called then?” Zelda asked.

“Well, I would have called him the Hero King,”

“What about the Merchant King?” Mipha suggested.

“Little bird?” Urbosa prompted. “Do you have a guess?”

“Um,” Zelda thought on that. “Perhaps, the Healing King? Since, he’s the one who got you back to a good point,”

“All very good guesses,” Urbosa smiled. “All wrong. We call him the Wolf King,”

“Wolf King?” More than a few of them echoed back.

“Yes,” Urbosa nodded. “Fierce and feral like a beast to enemies, but to allies, there is none more loyal or dedicated,” she sighed, looking wistfully at the now setting sun. “If given the chance to meet any individual from Hyrule’s history, I would want to meet him. To ask for his advice on matters, to let him see what he’s done for our people. I just hope that I will be able to be even half the leader he was,”

“You already are,” Zelda said softly.

Urbosa turned to her, and smiled. “Little bird, that means more to me than you know,”

(---)

“Princess?”

Zelda turned to see Chief Riju approach her where she stood on the balcony overlooking Gerudo Town.

“Oh, Chief Riju, my apologies,” Zelda dipped her head, an embarrassed pink making its way up her neck and onto her cheeks. “I didn’t, if I’m in the way,”

“You aren’t,” Chief Riju shook her head. “And please, just Riju,”

Zelda nodded, still a bit embarrassed, and the two looked out over the town together in silence for a moment.

“Rupee for your thoughts?” Riju asked.

“Just, thinking about Urbosa’s legacy,” Zelda admitted.

“Oh?”

“She told me a story once, about an old gerudo king. The Wolf King. She said she had wanted to be even half as good as he was,”

“She succeeded,” Riju told her. “At least, in my opinion,”

“No, you’re right,” Zelda shook her head, smiling. “I just hope she knows that, is all. Knows that she was able to leave a big enough positive impact that she succeeded in her goal,”

Riju set a hand on Zelda’s arm. “I do too,”

Neither girl said another word.

(---)

Zelda felt a bit like screaming, if she was completely honest.

Link, Wild, whatever he was calling himself, had gotten sucked away on some magic time travelling quest with other Heroes, and now he was introducing her to his mentor, the Hero of Twilight.

A Hero, who it turns out was also the Wolf King.

He was shorter than Zelda had pictured him, and you would never know he was the gerudo king by his appearance. He definitely looked the part of a wolf, though.

But here he was, holding out the original sword and shield that Urbosa’s were based on. There were differences, obviously, but the smith who made the Scimitar of the Seven and Daybreaker had done a very good job replicating them.

“Are we done now, Cub?” The King, Twilight, sighed.

He didn’t seem to be very invested in his role as king, which contrasted Urbosa’s description of him as ‘dedicated’. In fact, it seemed like he wanted to stop talking about it as quickly as possible.

“Almost,” Link nodded. He turned to Zelda and waved his hands at Twilight. “See? I told you I got to meet him!”

“What?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, uh, pardon us, Your Highness,” Zelda gave him a half bow, and noted the way his face scrunched up. “It’s just, my good friend Urbosa had told me about you a long time ago. She looked up to you and your legacy, and so I’ve also, sort of, admired you. I, I never thought I’d actually get to meet you,”

Oh, Urbosa should be here, Zelda thought. She had wanted to meet him,

“Right,” he said slowly, tucking the sword and shield back in his bag. “Uh, thanks?”

“You, don’t seem very invested in your kingship,” Zelda noted.

“May I be completely honest with you, Your Highness?”

“Of course,” she firmly tamped down the excitement in her chest.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,”

“What?”

That definitely didn’t sound like the king Urbosa told her about.

“I grew up on a ranch,” he explained. “I herd goats. I barely knew what I was doing when I became the Hero. And now I find out I’m supposed to be a king? My village had a mayor, and he taught me how to wrestle gorons. Because he used to wrestle gorons. I don’t know how many kings can wrestle gorons,”

“At least one,” Link offered.

“Not helping,” Twilight shot him a halfhearted glare. He turned back to her and sighed. “Look, I’m sure there’s some reason you and Urbosa admired me, but I have no idea what that could possibly be. I’m impressed I haven’t screwed anything up too badly yet. So, it’s not that I’m not invested, I’m stuck in the position so I may as well actually try and do well, it’s just, I’m sort of riding blind here. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’d really rather not talk about it,”

“Oh,” Zelda blinked. “I, suppose that makes sense. My apologies, I’ll try to refrain from bringing it up. I hadn’t intended to make you uncomfortable,”

“You didn’t,” he sighed, and Zelda felt a bit relieved. “And, thanks. It’s just, a whole headache for me,”

“I believe I understand the feeling, Your Majesty,”

“No, stop,”

“Stop?”

“No ‘Your Majesty’. No ‘King Link’, no royal titles at all. I am Link Ordon, the goat herd,” he frowned deeply. “I will accept ‘Hero’ if you must, but I,” he sighed in what seemed like defeat. “Please, just call me Twilight,”

“Of course, Twilight,”

“Thank you,”

Zelda wasn’t sure if the fact that Urbosa’s idol had no clue what he was doing would have made her friend feel any better, but it did boost Zelda’s confidence about the monumental task in front of her.

It was just a pity she wouldn’t be able to get any tips from him.

Although, apparently Hyrule’s first king was also among Links’s travelling companions. Maybe she could ask him for advice...

#linked universe #lu #gerudo twilight #lu twilight #lu flora #urbosa #lu wild #riju #daruk #mipha #revali #i'll probably reblog this tomorrow at a reasonable time #but for now #have this hastily edited fic #fun fact: google docs has no spell check when you are working offline #even when you have offline editing enabled #the more you know #now if you'll excuse me #i was up till 3am last night and my father is an asshole who wake up at 8 no matter how late he was up #*wakes #whatever #also the joke at the end is that sky has even less advice than twi #so he's not helpful either