#if you end up seeing this kae know I love you and would literally die for you I can’t even describe to express how much you mean to me

[visumper]

Endline snippets but its Kaemory and im crying also Pretty Face by PUBLIC is literally the kaemory song ever,,, UE UE UE… also kae pov

I’m holding her hand. Oh. That’s kind of embarrassing. I can feel my face start to heat up when I realize and try to pull my hand away. It’s weird, because I can’t feel anything. My limbs— they’re all numb. When I try to move my hand, I can’t tell if it even moves or not. I try looking around, but all I see is a bunch of stupidly bright red and Em’s pretty face. Ugh. Why can’t I open them more? It feels like my eyes are only half open. Maybe they are. My vision’s blurry too, but I can still see her clearly. She’s the only clear thing I see, as if she’s the only person my eyes focus on.

She’s crying. There’s other people too, I think. I can’t hear them well since my hearing feels all muffled too. I can’t tell who they are, since they’re nothing but colored blobs. Haha. This kind of feels like I got Sporis bombed by Mari. This is a little different though. Ah… I don’t think this is just a mushroom this time.

Where’s Aza? I feel like I’m drunk and high at the same time. I hate Aza’s stupid medicines because they taste like shit like Mari’s cooking, but they work pretty damn well. I force myself to focus, because Em’s definitely crying. I should probably comfort her, right? That’s what girls like, right? In the end I end up asking about Aza. Were he and Rowan still dealing with Aid? I still need to beat Rowan at table tennis. I still need to beat Aza at darts.

It’s hard not to be jealous of those two. Haha. They’re so talented. They remind me a lot of my siblings…

“Wh…” I manage to get out. Em’s grasp on my hand gets tighter. My hand is the only thing I can feel on my body. It’s almost like my brain shut off everything else. Kinda like “hey, make sure to only focus on Em totally holding your hand! You love-drunk hot hunk!”

… why am I thinking about this, anyways? I’m not hot nor a hunk.

“Aza?” I gasp out. Why is it so hard to talk? This is bad. This reminds me of when I couldn’t speak at all. Couldn’t defend myself from being accused of that stupid fucking…

Em starts sobbing even harder. Did I do that? It’s like the cries get louder and louder, as if the other unknown blobby people are crying to. Why? What happened? Did something happen to Aza? Where is he? If the blob people are crying, then they must be from Score, too, right? Rowan maybe… Mari? Lucius? No. Lucius is missing, probably dead. Verdict got to him… Rowan or Mari, then? Are they all here? Where’s Aza?

Em is wailing still, and I don’t know why. Somehow I get my fingers to clasp onto hers a little more. I can’t tell if I’m in pain or not. Everything’s numb and I can’t feel anything, but this situation’s just way too weird. Why can I barely move? Why can’t I talk? I have so many questions. My eyes involuntary start to close even more, and I yell at them in my head because I want to look at Em longer. I want my hand to move, to cup her cheek and my mouth to comfort her. But my body won’t move at all. It’s like my legs are nonexistent, too.

And then I start to think.

Am I dying?

“Em?” I croak. My voice sounds all wrong. It’s all broken up and quiet. Lucius would’ve made fun of me for it. You know, he was a scheming slimy bastard, but I do kind of miss him. Just kind of. Only kind of.

“Lo…ve… you,” I say, without thinking at all. Because what if I really am dying? I don’t even realize I’ve just confessed to the absolute love of my life. This could just be some weird circumstance, right? A minor injury I’m being overdramatic about, right? Even still, everything about this feels wrong.

I’d rather die a hundred Verdict executions before I die before confessing to her. Any execution but the Wall, of course. Because then Em and Mari and Rowan and Aza and Lucius would die too. Also Lucius is probably dead. So maybe he doesn’t count.

When I was accused, I couldn’t speak at all. After that, I became afraid of being quiet. But then I found Mari and Score. And through Score I found Em and the others. So to hell with the accusations, to hell with the rumors. To fucking hell with the life I had before, because this is better.

I like this. I like these people.

I like you. A lot. I love you.

Her pretty eyes widen at around the same time I realize what I’ve said. I laugh like a goofy man, the laugh coming out sounding like a dying run-over hedgehog on drugs and steroids with mega bass boost.

Weird simile, Mari would probably say.

Rowan taught me that one, I’d like to reply.

And then she smiles. Her eyes are still sad and teary, but she’s smiling and her hand is so warm.

I don’t know what’s happening at all, but I really do hope I wake up again. I hope I’m not dying, because I still need to beat the twins at their respective games. I hope I’m not dying, because I mainly want to be able to hug Em and confess again and again.

I can’t see her anymore, but I can hear her.

“I love you, Kae.”

That’s enough for me.

#endlien