#if we’ve been mutuals for a very long time then you may also know me as doddlepoddle lol

[saetoru]

this blog is now archived !! find my MASTERLIST here !!

hi guys, and here’s a long overdue post that i wanted to take the time to make after collecting as many screenshots as i can for a lot of rumors that i think need to be addressed. before i do that, i wanted to apologize to all of my mutuals who ended up wrongfully harassed in their inboxes for simply knowing me—the irony of this issue being about bullying all the while people on this app have been simultaneously being genuinely awful to other writers who have zero involvement has been ridiculous.

i would’ve made this post sooner, but december was very busy—as you all know, i’ve been working with two separate companies for my capstone projects, and i had final presentations with boards to worry about. and then a cruise which was fun, but i was offline. now that i’ve finally had time to enjoy my break and collect my thoughts, i’d like to voice my own side to the discourse i’m sure you’ve all seen posted by @/garoujo, who is now @/gojoath.

first and foremost, i’ve been on tumblr for almost 4 years now, and while i may not have the brightest moments on here (no one will be spot-free in that amount of time), i’d like to think that if i actually went out of my way to vicious or bully people, this would’ve come to people’s attention a lot sooner. i’ve had a relatively large following across all 6 of my blogs in my time here, and while i don’t like to get into the metrics of my blogs, the reason i point this out is because i have willingly started my blog over 6 times. 3 of these were sfw blogs under my nickname tee, another 2 of which were my previous nsfw blogs under a different alias, and saetoru which is the current one, where i finally decided to combine my sfw and nsfw writing into one space. i just wanted to bring that up because i had quite a habit of leaving and restarting blogs before this one, and had i been obsessed with outperforming other writers in terms of follower counts, i would not have left the previous ones as often as i did. 

that being said, i’ll also go through a timeline of events and how they’ve snowballed into an issue that is not as one-sided as most of you might think. i’ve been mutuals with emmie since my first blog, and i’d been mutuals with her through most of her blogs as well. we’ve never really had issues until her last blog @/garoujo, which she’d started after deactivating @/atsymu due to discourse regarding racism accusations. the reason why we had a falling out was because i felt that there were a series of odd coincidences that felt slightly purposeful, but i was still questioning whether or not i was looking too deeply into it to actually point any of it out.

admittedly, when i saw her first set of banners, i felt our layouts were a slight bit similar, but i really didn’t mind too much because i had been planning to change my banners anyway because i was bored of them. so i took that as an opportunity to do so. it just so happened that within a day or two of every time i changed my banners, hers would be changed too—i never said i owned the color gray, and i even fully acknowledge that the last two sets of banners, at first glance, wouldn’t be a red flag. because, like i said, i was more uncomfortable with the pattern of coincidences than the actual layouts. then i switched to my instagram theme, and not long after, i noticed her add instagram story visuals to her navi. again, no one ever said instagram was my original idea, and that no one else could use it, but it was an unsettling feeling having the same moot continuously make changes around the same time as you, and changes that are different enough that you can’t exactly point out an issue, but slightly similar enough that you can’t exactly ignore the slight oddness.

coincidentally, the same day, another blog (who i will not name bc they’re not very active anymore and are also not very relevant to this story) made the same theme as me and i was a bit peeved because this same blog is someone who has copied a few other things from me and a handful of other moots, so i made a subpost on my moots-only personal blog at the time. keep in mind, i made this post fully aware that emmie was on this blog because i didn’t intend for that post to seem like it was about her. but she reached out to me, and i explained to her the situation, and i even provided the relevant screenshots to show my points. i still considered her a decently good friend at the time, and even with the slightly off feelings, i was still adamant about brushing them off and considering them coincidences that perhaps i was being a bit too critical of.

it wasn’t until i woke up a few hours later after changing my theme and going to bed that i noticed she’d then fully switched to the insta theme. again, instagram is an app used by millions and, at one point, was a very popular theme used amongst most people on this app. i’m not entitled enough to believe i was the first person to do it, but like i said. there are just off vibes most of us will not help but feel when a series of coincidences continue to happen back to back to back by the same person.

there were, amongst these things, a number of other small touches that made me feel off. most of them i don’t remember by now or have screenshots of, so i won’t bother to go into all of them, but for reference, one example i’d also like to point out that i’d had the phrase “you’ve reached the hanmas” in my inbox when she was still on @/atsymu, and sometime after, her sfw blog @/loveatsu had the phrase “you’ve reached the miyas.” small things like this are not things i make an issue over and am more than capable of brushing aside, but like i have said and will continue to push firmly is that i felt there were multiple instances of emmie, in particular, making small tweaks to her blog shortly after me that made me feel were not all coincidentally similar. the issue was never themes or thinking i am the first or only person to do something a certain way, the issue has always been me countless times feeling that one particular individual is exhibiting a behavior that is persistent and uncomfortable no matter how minuscule the instances may be. maybe they were really just unfortunate coincidences that happened with poor timing, or maybe they weren’t. but i stand by the fact that anyone in my shoes would be valid to question the timing of each of these events over and over again.

i would also like to bring up kinktober (though this happened a while after the rest of what i will get into) because this was the first public discourse that emmie and i got into due to an anon’s claims of similarities between our posts. i had received an anon who told me “i think someone copied your kinktober masterlist” which i answered to ask if they could let me know who. they had come back to say it was garoujo, and i did not reply to the ask, instead, i made a post to vaguely tell the anon that i appreciate them letting me know, but i will just leave it be and continue on with my kinktober regardless of emmie’s mlist. i do think there were some vague similarities, but honestly not enough to really question it, so i figured a confrontation or issue was not necessary. a while later, several moots had messaged me to let me know they had received anonymous asks saying to “block @/garoujo she copied @/sakusins and she’ll copy you too” (or something along those lines, i don’t remember exactly.) i myself was very confused (and upset) by the situation because i did not, and still would not, want to be publicly name-dropped in other people’s inboxes over issues that do not involve them. unfortunately, it led to some not-very-kind asks to both of us, and while i am sorry she had to deal with that, it is not an apology from a sense of culpability. that situation was, and still is, entirely out of my control. i would not have seen the masterlist unless the anon had mentioned it, and i did not take part in having people send asks about her to other writers. especially not in a manner that was pretty much social suicide for me as well. 

(this is a poorly made collage i know lol but i hit the picture limit bear with me here.)

i would also like to point out that i am not the only individual who has had issues with emmie and feels she had copied them. although i cannot disclose urls (they have been blocked out for privacy reasons) here are a few conversations i have had with my own mutuals, and i would wager there are more people whom i haven’t talked to who also feel this way. they might be small enough instances that sparking issues over them was not worth it to all of these people, therefore she has never heard from people herself about this issue, but the point does still stand that this claim about emmie is not one i alone make, and is one that i have heard countless times before. her never being approached by these individuals for the sake of peace doesn’t erase that they have been, and are, upset by these events, and it’s a habit that she seems to continually partake in. i would also like to link this post where she has been called out by another writer while she was still atsymu, which was posted while we were still friends. i’ve actually had a discussion with emmie about that post, and at the time, i had quickly skimmed the post and felt it was perhaps a reach, but after my own experiences, i went back to reread the post and considered perhaps there was validity to it, and that this might not be a one time occurrence. plagiarism in manners such as this will always have conflicting opinions, and it is hard to sometimes tell if something is a coincidence, a popular and overused idea, or something that has actually been copied. my point is that a number of people have all felt that perhaps there is a good chance this was not an accident, and please consider that so many instances of people feeling this way might suggest that there is a certain degree of validity to the claim.

at the beginning of all of this, when the masterlist banners had first started bothering me, i was upset, and i chose to vent to an ex-moot of mine who most of you would recognize as munsonsins. abby has deactivated a long while ago, but she’s relevant to this because i had chosen to vent to her at the time, and this is more or less what later caused this situation to escalate. at the time of venting to her, i knew she wasn’t mutuals with emmie because, as you can see, she’d told me as such. 

one thing i would like to point out is that there were a handful of people i had vented to about my frustrations with emmie, but one thing i had always been mindful of was ensuring these were a) individuals who i considered close friends and not just random individuals, and b) were not friends or moots with emmie in the event that i accidentally made people who she cared about think lesser of her. had abby been mutuals with emmie, i would not have shared my feelings, and once again, i was not loose-lipped enough to just tell anyone because they’d listen. i told abby in particular because i had felt we were sufficiently close individuals who talked one-on-one and were able to vent to each other. a bit after i vented to her, though, she befriended emmie, which i had no such issues with because abby was/is her own person and is an adult who can interact freely and befriend whoever she wanted/wants to. 

not long after that, on the night before eid (this detail is relevant in the future) an ex moot of mine @/kazuwhora reached out to me. if you guys remember, there was a discourse last year that was all over dash about how writers on this app should be open to criticism. a lot of people (including me and kc) were upset by that sentiment—which is still valid. please don’t give constructive criticism to writers without their explicit permission !! but regardless, kc sent me a screenshot of a mutual of mine who had posted their opinion on this discourse, and their point was clearly that while constructive criticism is important in some aspects, writers do not have to be subject to receiving it should they not want to. unfortunately, i felt as if kc misunderstood what this individual was trying to say, and i was trying to explain it to her, but we got into a small argument over how we interpreted the post. i felt some of the things she was saying about this individual were inappropriate, and i had made it clear that i was very fond of this person, and it made me uncomfortable to be having this discussion. regardless of whether she saw my interpretation of the post or not, i wanted to drop the discussion, especially because it was the night before eid. eid is the one holiday i celebrate, and there are traditions i quite enjoy the night before, and i didn’t want them to be spoiled with a poor mood over a silly argument. unfortunately, she wasn’t very willing to drop the topic, and it ended up making me upset. so i posted this screenshot to my moots only personal from the conversation that consisted of my messages only and said, “tonight i had to explain what a debate is.” it was petty, perhaps, but very harmless, seeing as there was no context given and no names/pfps to indicate who the person was.

truthfully, i had vented separately to cat, eris, and abby about this argument because i was friends with the three of them at the time, but needless to say, venting to your friends about arguments is a universal action, and i believe it is something all of us have partaken in. 

eventually, i decided to softblock emmie because i felt it would be more comfortable for me on my blog to do so. after a bit, i was informed of a subpost that seemed like it couldn’t be about anyone other than me—to make things clear, emmie subposting me was not my concern. i did not hold it against her because she is more than entitled to have her own feelings and vents on her own blog, but the thing that did concern me was that it seemed slightly evident that she was aware of my feelings when i had never explicitly had a conversation with her. it made me question who would tell her, and as you may have guessed, the only person with whom i had shared my concerns who could also be in contact with emmie was abby. 

at the time, eris had also voiced concerns that they had trusted abby with the ending of the plot for the diluc series they were planning, and coincidentally, one of abby’s friends had posted a fic idea eerily similar to their concept, to which abby had been commenting and reblogging more brainstormed ideas under. all of these ideas were very close to the plans eris had for their series plot, and understandably, they felt that it was not a mere coincidence that their entire plot was being brainstormed on dash by a person who was fully aware of their outline. i’d voiced my concerns with believing that abby may have also been sharing things i trusted her with, and as a result we both had made a few vague subposts that we liked from each other—a petty behavior, i will admit, but not something that i think is very out of the norm for a lot of people on this app. sometimes, we all just want to vent out our frustrations, and because we all more or less use tumblr as an outlet, these can sometimes be vaguely taken to dash. it’s not something that is ideally recommended (i’ve learned the hard way) but it’s also ?? not exactly something that only i’m guilty of, or is even a rare behavior. i think to shoot down one person for this behavior is quite frankly hypocritical. again, subposting isn’t a habit i would like to push as mature but it’s something i’d like to point out is very normal in this community, and is not something only i take part in. beyond that, i take to ensuring that whenever i do, i’m not explicitly exposing who i’m talking about in order to keep them out of unnecessary issues. 

after this conversation with eris, it kind of solidified in my mind that i did not want to trust abby with any more personal vents, or information, and i had ultimately decided to soft block her too. i had also decided to take the opportunity to softblock kc as well because i figured i might as well just remove individuals who i felt made me uncomfortable. this is, again, my right to do so to curate my own space. not long after, cat, eris, and i had been softblocked/hardblocked by a number of moots, and we were a bit confused, until cat ended up having a conversation with kc. many accusations were made about all three of us, more specifically, about me to kc by abby because the two of them had been discussing that they’d both been softblocked by me recently.

the list of accusations we were told of is as follows:

me, cat, and eris have a “burn book” where we “blacklist people.” it’s important to note that every time this discourse resurfaces (this is now the fourth time), the “burn book” has fundamentally changed in its composition—it has changed from a discord server “burn book”, to a google doc “burn book”, to the current rumor that it was an entire blog that was used as a “burn book.” it is consistently changed to fit whatever narrative is trying to be pushed, and regardless, the rumor itself is entirely untrue and has been addressed multiple times. cat has had a tumblr theme, a collab theme, and a server theme all dedicated to the film mean girls. she simply had a channel that was to share the urls of minors to block for interacting with nsfw works, or people who were anti-dark content—this is something that i have seen in all servers i’ve been in during my time on tumblr, and is not a new concept for many of you either. it’s simply a precaution a lot of servers take to warn writers about potential minors to block, and potential anti-dark content harassers. the name of this channel happened to be “the burn book” because it was a mean girls themed server, so the name just fit. nowhere in this channel were other writers in the community “blacklisted” or spoken negatively of, and here are the screenshots of the channel. this was simply something abby had twisted in order to paint us negatively. here is the link to cat’s post addressing it for proof and explanation (i run out of pictures or i would include them myself.)

abby also claimed that i was using this channel to talk poorly about kc and a handful of other moots. this is also false bc this server had several strangers (as it was cat’s server and i didn’t know all her moots), but it also had several of kc’s mutuals/friends in this server as well. i’m not so dense as to talk poorly about other writers publicly in a server, let alone a server i know has people who are friends with kc

now, this next part, emmie has conveniently painted out to be about me, as i apparently harassed and blacklisted people for liking itto from genshin impact, but i have been playing genshin for over a year on this app, and quite a large number of you are my own followers who see my rambles and my writing and i don’t have to explain that i have never written for itto, nor explicitly expressed an interest in him apart from perhaps one or two posts from back when i did his story quest. i never had, and still to this day, have no interest in the character itto. i’ve skipped his banner, i plan to skip his upcoming banners should they come, and i have never written for him, nor do i plan to write for him. this issue with itto is between eris and another individual, and i do not have the details to this, as i was new friends with eris at the time, and i’m no longer friends with eris as of current time. quite frankly, even if i knew the details, i wouldn’t go out of my way to share them because it has nothing to do with me. plain and simple.

as you can see, there were a number of rumors spread here to kc by abby, and as you can see, all of which led me to seem quite vicious in character. i’ve provided, to the best of my ability, screenshots and receipts of why each of these is quite drastically out of context and far from true to what abby has claimed. 

i did in fact, after these events confront abby because i was genuinely appalled by the way she knowingly and purposely twisted things conveniently to villainize me. she expressed that she was upset and paranoid by the subposts that she figured were about her once i’d soft blocked her, so i apologized for the posts. she had conversations with both me and cat about the rumors she’d started, and she also apologized for them to both me and cat.

the rumors that emmie has claimed about me in her post, which she conveniently provided no evidence of, are all rumors that are more or less a result of my differences with abby and kc. unfortunately, despite cat trying her best to explain to kc the falseness of most of these rumors, she didn’t really believe them—which is her business. to each their own. i’m sure if i had been in kc’s shoes and in one night, someone i had considered a friend had been painted to do a series of nasty things behind my back, i also would not know what’s true and untrue, and she is entitled to piecing together what she believes is her truth. what’s not fair, however, is for emmie to have no involvement/understanding of these events apart from a twisted narrative she heard from one person and dog pile them into her claims of my behavior to further paint me as a villain. emmie is more than entitled to have her beliefs on my character based on her own experiences, which she has provided her own evidence of, but simply slapping an “and i heard she also….” does not necessarily make claims true, and is very manipulatively thrown into the post to add a list of things that make my character questionable to further validate her point. 

not only this, but she has made a point to openly admit that she and her friends have collectively mocked me for my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who they have apparently labeled as my “fake” boyfriend that i used to get attention on this app. quite plainly, i get enough attention on my blog that i don’t need a fake boyfriend to amp that up. but furthermore, i am a south asian, muslim individual. my parents are immigrants with very strict religious and cultural beliefs that i feel are very restricting at times, and though i love my family, i struggle with my identity quite a bit as i live in a very western culture that clashes quite a bit with my cultural norms. i do not get to freely explore my sexuality or even romantic life in general, unlike some of you. my parents have been kept in the dark about my relationship because them knowing about it is something that could quite literally create a rift between us, and i find it very insulting and almost suspicious that a white girl is making a mockery of my cultural struggles and my personal life. many of you are either desi or muslim or simply children of strict immigrant parents with quite stubborn traditional views. i’m sure plenty of you understand where i’m coming from when i say that i have to keep my relationship hidden from the majority of the people around me. tumblr is the one place i can anonymously share bits and pieces of my life without worrying about if it will literally cost me my relationship with my parents, so sometimes i may have overshared silly or pointless things, but that is because it’s my own way of being able to express myself and my relationship the way i have always wanted to. apart from that, dragging and making a joke out of someone’s personal life is quite unnecessary in this case. the issue is about tumblr discourse, and i find it very hypocritical that i am being labeled a bully when people, more specifically a white and privileged individual, is plain and simple mocking and poking fun at my personal life and situation that i have no control of. that is my piece on that. whether some of you believe i had a partner or not is not my business, nor do i have to go out of my way to show you evidence of my personal life. what i will say, however, is that there are a handful of close friends i have on this app who are involved in my personal life and have seen evidence of my love life through pictures and private stories on social media. quite frankly, these are the only individuals who i have to justify the validity of my personal life to, and it’s honestly quite violating for someone to stoop to dragging someone’s outside life into issues about tumblr. i extend a very genuine fuck you to every single one of you that have ridiculed my personal relationship and just know that you are extremely bold to consider yourselves above bullying when this is the type of behavior you admit to engaging in. individuals with complex familial relationships, and identity struggles between cultural norms, their ethnicities, and the western world are not your playground to make a joke out of. some of us have very real struggles, such as not being able to pursue careers in favor of arranged marriages, not being able to pursue actual relationships that mean something to us due to a lack of familial approval, being forced to bear children at young ages due to familial pressure, and so on. they are not laughing matters, and are a part of my reality. and before some of you get started—yes, it really is that serious. i have struggled my entire life with having white girls poke fun and tease at my cultural norms, and i refuse to allow another white and privileged individual who already has a record of racially related discourse walk away with once more poking fun at my personal struggles and not be called out for it. i hope you had a good, long, satisfying laugh emmie.

onto my next points based on claims @/anantaru has made about me. the main thing i’d like to really point out here is that anantaru and i have never, not even once, interacted to the extent of my knowledge. they claim that cat and i cannot stand it when people cross us in numbers and that we go through people’s likes in order to find minors and blank blogs to explain all the notes. a) i am very bad at checking for minors and blanks in my own notes, so this is not even a logical approach on my end, but b) this claim is made because cat made this post under the tags of a post going around last year that asked to hear unpopular ficblr opinions.

what cat means to articulate here is that sometimes, when she is scrolling on dash and interacting with moots and their shit/talk-posts, she peeks at profiles she sees in the notes and has happened to catch minors lurking. cat, firstly, has never followed anantaru, so they are not a “victim” to cat glancing at their likes, but secondly, this is not nearly as psychotic as it’s painted out to be. cat is not, and was not, jealous of other blog's notes. quite plainly, she’s not exactly a tiny blog either, and she’s only stumbled upon minors in the talks-posts of moots, including me. shit-posts/talks-posts are easy to notice minors lurking on, and while most people recognize that it’s quite impossible to catch every minor and ageless blog in writing posts with numerous notes, a simple shit-post on dash is more simple, and her unpopular opinion was simply that blogs that grow rapidly need to be better about catching those minors because they are susceptible to having more of them lurking. it’s a really harmless sentiment, and she’s gently reminded me as well on more than one occasion to be more responsible about my habit of being lazy when scouting for minors in my interactions. 

this is not out of jealousy, nor is it some sick and twisted habit she has to “explain” why people get more notes than she might get. it’s also out of a place of concern for her own content ?? i myself and plenty of other large blogs reblog from mutuals, and they are well within their right to be concerned that perhaps minors are lurking on our pages and interacting with works we reblog from our mutuals. cat has voiced this concern to me before, also out of goodwill and simple concern for my content, her content, and minors in general. there is simply no need to twist it into her viciously looking down upon large blogs and their notes counts and claiming they’re “only because they don’t block minors.” admittedly, though, i do need to be better about catching minors, and i have always appreciated her trying to keep me in the habit of being responsible about it. more importantly, it was a small passing comment under a post of unpopular opinions, a lot of them were hot takes, and this is hardly a serious one to get so heated over. 

i’d also like to point out that anantaru has claimed we blocked them for being a gatekeeper and because we’re jealous of their notes. 💀. a) i am very grateful and very happy with the level of interaction i get on my writing, as more people than i imagine leave me countless comments and reblogs. i have never had an issue with comparing my interaction with that of other writers because i have always been abundantly content with the interaction i get. i have no other comment on this other than cat and i blocked anantaru at the same time because we happened to see a post of theirs reblogged onto our dash that made a joke that we felt was a bit insensitive to/alluded to SA—i’m sure it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, but it made us uncomfortable regardless. while we are both dark content supporters, and i myself have read more than one fic that includes noncon in particular, it doesn’t mean we have to like/enjoy everything related to it and we simply decided to block them. i’m not going to bring this post up bc it’s simply not important. they are an adult who is more than entitled to make jokes on their blog and cat and i do not have to like them !! we simply did what we were well within our rights to do, and that’s blocking them.

there’s more they go on to say about receiving hate asks and that apparently it’s because of our “group of friends.” cat and i don’t have a group of friends. i don’t have any group chats with her besides the one with her boyfriend because i get along with him sometimes as well, and we used to play genshin together a lot when i was in low ar. not that i have to explain my friendships here, but i quite literally do not have a group of people to “send after” anantaru because people are well aware of my close friends, who i text with my personal phone number. i’ve posted silly screenshots of convos on my blog multiple times, and none of these friends overlap because i do not have a “group” of friends, just individual friends who i talk to one on one. cat is not friends with my other friends, and my other friends are not friends with her. there are no inner circles that conspire together to send anyone hate because i “tell them to.” and if there are screenshots of me explicitly encouraging someone to send hate on anon, i would love to see it. if i had sent my anons after anantaru, it would have to be a public post, and i’m sure if there were a post of such nature, it would have been brought to light by now. they have also claimed they were given multiple urls of mine to block. i only have ONE writing blog, @/saetoru, and the only other two that are still up are archived blogs @/hanmine and @/katsuphilia, which are side blogs attached to saetoru and have been inactive for several months. there are however, multiple individuals on this app who also go by the name “tee,” and perhaps we have unfortunately been mixed up as the same person, but the only blog i have is saetoru, so there is no other active blog they have blocked me from that belonged to me and was able to harass them.

not only that, but anantaru has claimed that one person off anon sent them hate with a kaeya url which they insinuate to be me. once again, you are all more than aware of my history of urls, and many of you have all been here to see them. i’ve never once had a kaeya url, nor have i ever been particularly interested in kaeya outside of a small number of posts on a rare occasion. my genshin favorites have always been characters from sumeru and, at one point diluc, and once again i don’t have to ?? explain my selfships to you all ?? but literally, i have nothing to do with a kaeya blog or kaeya account, and im unsure why it’s being thrown into my name. quite frankly, i’m not sure  what their moot has told them we have said about them, but the only conversations cat and i have ever had about anantaru was that one about the noncon joke, and that’s it. outside of that, there is literally no evidence of us speaking about this person because it simply doesn’t exist. 

i implore you all to, instead of starting public discourse over things you hear, confirm them first. had anantaru reached out to me or cat and expressed that they are upset that we are supposedly spreading false rumors about them gatekeeping, then whatever misunderstanding it might have been could have been cleared. i would like to also point out that it is not above bullying when you simply dump numerous accusations that you have heard through half whispers from moots and provide 0 evidence for them. i am perfectly aware of why emmie may consider herself to have issues with me, but i have never had an encounter with anantaru, and truthfully, i’ve never actually even read their writing before. my main (and pretty much only) experience with them is seeing the joke i saw reblogged onto my dash, and as i stated earlier, the only thing i did for that was block and move one.

and lastly, the other point i’d like to make is that numerous blogs who i have been objectively very kind to have come out to take the opportunity to stomp on my character and reputation. for example, tumblr user @/osaemu, who used to follow me and interact with me quite often. i have always been excited to interact with her because she was really supportive of my gojo writing, and at one point, i had a small area of concern with her using the same exact title as me for a gojo fic. below are screenshots of our conversation regarding the titles.

i am quite confident that this is a very polite interaction, and i was very clear that i didn’t think that her writing elements, including gojo’s parent dynamics and his dynamics with the reader, were copied or even something that i felt she needed to change. i pointed them out as a way of indicating that between these parallels and between the fact that i know she reads my rb! gojo series, i find it difficult to believe that our fic titles being exactly the same is a coincidence, and it made me uncomfortable—my concern was not how she wrote gojo’s parents or his dynamic with reader. i never accused her of stealing ideas that were mine alone to use, all i simply wanted to do was shed light on the fact that based on these parallels, i figured the names being the same was a touch difficult for me to brush aside as a chance similarity. i was very clear to outline that i know these dynamics and themes in writing are generic, and that people can pull inspo from them because i have done the same thing. my only concern was the title, which i politely asked her to change, and she agreed. case closed. i have been, again objectively, quite kind to osaemu, and i had no intentions of blocking her like a moot had suggested because i felt it was a very silly issue to block over since she was very lovely to me. 

i did, however, block her because she posted one-paragraph posts with multiple characters tagged. that’s not a crime on her end, and i’m certainly not here to police her posts in the tags, but as me and plenty of other people on this app have voiced multiple times, it is a bit irritating and feels like spam to see posts of these kinds in the tags so i blocked her. this is a very popular opinion and i refuse to be considered problematic for it. i am not here to police what constitutes an appropriate post to tag x reader tags on, and while i have made posts simply sharing my opinion on what i feel should and should not be tagged, osaemu is more than welcome to post whatever she feels she would like to into the tags. i do, however, block anyone who i come across who makes those kinds of posts because i simply don’t like them, and i don’t like seeing them. i don’t owe an explanation for why i block anyone, but seeing as i have been painted as some bitch for doing so, here is my reasoning. quite a lot of people agree on this sentiment, and to each their own, but i don’t enjoy seeing those posts. i did also unblock her at one point, as she mentioned. this is simply because a mutual of mine had voiced that they felt someone had copied the concept of their drabble, and i was helping them word a message to send, so i went back to this exact conversation to look back on what i said because it was a similar situation. as you know, blocking someone hides their dms from your dm list, so i had intended to temporarily unblock her just to see how i worded my message to help formulate a message for a mutual. there were no screenshots sent, i simply wanted to jog my memory of my points, that’s all. i did forget to block her again for a bit but eventually did, and that’s the extent of our interactions. i don’t recall posts telling people that i condone sending anons with death threats like she has claimed, and if she could point out the particular posts i have made where i encourage people to send anon death threats on my behalf, i would be more than happy to clear them up, or address them. 

i have admittedly, on a few occasions said in my responses to anon hate itself, the phrase “kys” out of frustration, and there are i’m sure conflicting opinions on that, but i do not regularly use this phrase in my vocabulary. i have been on the receiving end of graphic sexual and violent asks in my inbox regarding me, my teenage sister, and my mother, during my time on here, and sometimes out of frustration i have said less than dignified things, but this is not a constant behavior, and frankly, i think once people make graphic, violent, and inappropriate comments about my 16 year old sister, saying “kys” in response is not the greater of the two evils. it is a tad bit hypocritical to expect benevolence from me to an anonymous hate ask just because there is “another person” at the end of the screen when they have not extended the same sentiment to me.  

all of that being said, jumping on the trend to trample on someone while you have the opportunity to because you’re bitter they blocked you is also no better than bullying. apart from blocking osaemu, I have taken careful steps to always be respectful to her due to the very kind comments she’s left on my writing. leaving nice comments on my writing is deeply appreciated and welcome, but that doesn’t mean i have to subject myself to seeing posts i do not want to see on my dash on my phone. i pay for the phone bill, so i will cater my phone to show me what i want to see, and if that includes blocking a few people, i am allowed to do that !! i should not have to apologize for or be crucified for blocking someone and their feelings being hurt over it. 

not only this, but several of you have somehow started a rumor that i am 26 or even pushing 30. that’s nowhere close to the truth. i’m 21, soon to be 22, and i have stated multiple times i am an undergraduate college student. of course, there is no timeline to college, and people of all ages complete their undergrad degrees, but i have made it a point to vent about my concerns numerous times that i am very stressed about taking extra classes every semester to compensate for changing my major late because i want to graduate on time. my graduation year is 2024 (as would make sense seeing as i will be 22 years old), and if you don’t believe me, i have celebrated my bday on april 12th of every year this blog has been active. you’re more than welcome to check my archive to see if that’s true, and for further reference, here is a picture i have sent to mods of servers i am in to be accepted. (note that my url used to be hanmas before saetoru.)

although there is no shame in being 26 or pushing 30, the reason why i wanted to address this is that i wanted to point out that yet another rumor has been fiercely pushed on my name and has been believed to be the truth. no one has to walk away from reading this post assuming that i’m a saint and i have never done anything wrong or that i have been faultless in differences i’ve had with other people. but a lot, if not all, of these claims are exaggerated with 0 evidence, and people have just run with claiming them as true. i physically cannot deny a large majority of these rumors with evidence or screenshots because half of them are made by people i have never interacted with or talked to, and i cannot produce evidence for interactions that never happened. i have seen blank, burner blogs post stories of their experiences with me, one in particular that claims i dm’d them to tell them their hanma fic was breathtaking before i harassed them about their theme, boyfriend, and parents. a) i do not dm anyone to compliment their fics because i am simply too shy to do that. i would have only reblogged the fic with comments if i enjoyed it. b) again, there is no evidence on their part, and i cannot dispel this story with evidence of my own because evidence of conversations that never took place does not exist. and c) i would like to think i do not come across as dense enough to attack someone in their dm’s viciously about their boyfriend and parents openly with my account, where they could easily spread the proof around if it had actually happened. i am not responsible for people’s internet literacy, and if people believe every story that is shared with not even a small piece of proof that it took place, i cannot do anything besides simply urge you all to formulate your opinions based on what you see, not based on what you hear. 

i would also like to end things off with an apology to all of you—mainly because there was no reason for so many of you to be dragged into something that did not involve you and also because there are very disturbing and important issues going on right now in real-time in the world that are affecting a lot of people. i never want to be involved in something that takes attention off of important discussions such as genocide, and while many of you like to claim i am deflecting, i think it is quite telling that some people have posted nothing about something this important but have made multiple posts regarding discourse. i did not feel it was appropriate at that time to focus on discourse, and i still do not think so, but i wanted to leave off with my own statement.

i would also like to apologize if i have ever come across as unkind during an experience with me; it is never my intention to be that way purposely. i have a habit of being petty sometimes and can be a bit short-tempered, and it’s something i work on. with as large of a following as i have, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all than say it—however vaguely it might be. i hope some of you who also have larger followings keep that in mind so that you can avoid discourse erupting into something grand scale. please vent to people you trust and be wary of having a habit to subpost. but mainly, please remember that people trusting you with their feelings and troubles is not something you should take pride in spreading. there is nothing to be proud of about sharing people's private socials, urls, and conversations. while i am not always able to keep my temper under wraps, and while i have had my fair share of petty moments, i, to the best of my ability, have always made sure that i don’t come across as intentionally cruel or mean, nor have i purposely broken someone’s trust. sometimes i have retaliated back a bit fiercely, but i stand by the fact that i never purposely chased or drove anyone off, mocked or belittled them, or sent people over to dislike/hate them. i have at times vented to those who i believe are people i can trust, sure—but this is something we as people are all guilty of. there’s no way any of us can hold one person more accountable than others for partaking in closeted conversations that are never meant to get back to people and hurt them. 

i genuinely loved, and still love, writing very much, and i have always appreciated every ask, every reblog, and every comment. writing is a hobby i am greatly passionate about, and it’s always a hobby i was very excited to share with people on here because i don’t get to share it with people irl. i don’t willingly tell people irl that i enjoy making elaborate plots about anime characters, and i have always been very excited to share that hobby with you all, whether you are a reader or writer. i’ve read fanfiction for a very long time before i ever decided to try my hand at writing it, and i would never want to knock other people down simply because they “surpassed” me. i enjoy finding writers to read from, especially those who write better than me, because they are where i draw the most inspiration and motivation from. the moots i look up to most are moots who are in my opinion, far stronger writers than me, and moots who i always firmly believe deserve much more reach than i do on their stories because they’re far more fleshed out and in-depth than anything i can produce. and i am proud of them !! and even those of you who feel you are stuck not getting as much reach as you would hope, i am proud also of all of you for picking up a google doc or pen and writing and trying, whether you choose to share it or not. i will always strongly encourage you all to try your hand at writing if you have ever considered it because i have genuinely built such a better sense of self-esteem when being able to incorporate pieces of myself in my stories and express parts of who i am—i think some of you might really enjoy the catharsis that writing brings, and if you ever debate on trying it out, please do !! you might become really passionate about it. 

anyway, this post is abysmally long. none of it is to clear my name in hopes that i will be “un-canceled” (LOL) because i have decided saetoru is long overdue to be put to rest. i hope you can all, at the very least, allow other writers some peace and stop harassing them in their inboxes for knowing me (because that is also bullying and very ironic of you), and i hope you all got some sort of understanding of where i am coming from. if you think poorly of me, that’s okay. i have an opinion of myself, and the close people who surround me, that i am confident in, and while i may not have always handled things in the brightest of manners, i am well aware of what my intentions have always been. 

i’m deeply grateful to all 41k of you, and thank you for reading my works and allowing me to write for you !! thank you for all the very, very kind asks that i never got a chance to fully answer each one of, and thank you especially for all the supportive comments and love on the writing i’ve posted. they might be silly fics you read once and moved on from, but they’re all pieces of me, my life, and things that are important to me, and as cringe and cheesy as it sounds, it means quite literally everything to me when people read them and take away something from them. 

also, as a parting gift, i will be posting the nerd gojo, ex-convict geto, and a marriage rb! gojo fic to my ao3 (also saetoru) for those of you who have been patiently awaiting those wips to enjoy. please (a little more patiently) keep your eyes peeled for those <3 i will no longer be posting or active on saetoru, and in the event that i keep writing, it will be posted on my ao3, so you all will know where to find me !!

so for the last time, i love you my little runts !! wishing you all the best, and goodbye to my lil saetoru bestees. 

mwah !!

— tee <3

ps. i also have turned off reblogs for this post and limited replies to people i follow only. a lot of you will jump to say that it’s simply because i am “hiding,” but it is solely because i have said my piece and i intend to move on. thank you and have a lovely day shawtee ✌🏽

#thanks to all my mutuals who have reached out !! i love you all #and i will miss you tons !!

[bengiyo]

We Must All Get Louder and Gayer About La Pluie Immediately

I understand that this show only airs on iQIYI and that most of us canceled that after KinnPorsche and/or Love in the Air, but I’m gonna need y’all to re-up those subscriptions and get on this train right now. This and Step By Step have been some of the most intriguing romance explorations we’ve had in the realm of Thai BL in a long time, and you are missing out on this incredibly breakdown of the soulmate and fast romance tropes that I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve seen some consternation about whether this show is honoring or defying conventions within romance and BL, and I don’t think that’s the most enjoyable way to engage with a piece of media in a mature genre. I think it’s more useful to ask questions like:

How is this show using those conventions?

What do these conventions fit?

What new things have we learned about ourselves or the genre as a result?

We’ve been unpacking the soulmate idea from the very beginning (@lurkingshan). The show upended our expectations about that from the opening scenes by showing us a romantic man who doubts in his own romantic destiny because his parents divorced. The show has then gone on to state quite plainly that it believes that the hearing loss connection is entirely coincidental, and that what people do in their relationships with other people is what matters the most.

We are sitting in the audience, and so we know that this is a romance. We fully understand that Tai and Patts will more than likely be together at the end of this story. What that knowledge and expectation allows the show to poke at the development of relationships in dramas. The characters are in a slow burn romance, but everyone in their lives doesn’t think they should be! That’s been incredibly fascinating because we so often see BL characters rushed into a relationship with each other that we are always surprised when they aren’t (Bad Buddy, My School President, Bed Friend). It’s been incredibly enjoyable for me to see a romance refuse to rush their characters into commitment with each other.

My good friend @lurkingshan wrote about this subversion of tropes and expectations this morning as they pertain to Lomfon. She makes the point that we expected Lomfon to be a bigger factor going into episode 7 than he was, and that’s also I think part of the point. He’s not a threat to the core romance, but he does have a role to play in this story. For me, I think he’s here to reinforce that skepticism and doubt are critical to making any sort of relationship or belief system function. Your ability to handle new challenges and things that confuse you are critical to being able to maintain a commitment. It doesn’t work if it’s forced.

As for misunderstandings, this show also continues to be intentional about this. As far back as episode 4, Dream chided Patts for not making things clear with Nara. Patts listened but hoped that his non-answer would be enough for Nara. Likewise, Bow has warned Tai twice about Lomfon’s clear desire for him, and how by not making things clear Tai may also face difficulties.

This comes to a head this week with Nara. I agree with @ginnymoonbeam that Nara’s return lets the narrative blow up Tai’s uncertainties he’s left bubbling since the beginning. I personally love Nara’s reintroduction here because Tai is romantic and because he genuinely seemed to like Nara. He liked that she still knew how to take care of her ex. He liked the determination she showed to travel all the way to Chiang Mai to pursue him. He was rooting for her! Even if he misunderstands the kiss, it’s not really about the kiss. It’s about the fact that someone he admires cares for Patts, and he likely worries that he’s the reason they didn’t work out. He’s also still questioning if the mutual attraction between himself and Patts can be trusted.

Moving on to the intimacy, I wrote last week about the way this show has made it clear that these are two men interested in each other. Following up on that this week, we entered an incredible liminal space in their relationship. Patts signaled earlier in the episode when they first got to their room that he is hoping to pick up where they left off with their last intimate moment. Both went into this bed fully aware of the sexual tension between them.

Tai is the one who opens the door this time by first offering the massage and then initiating the kiss. Things heat up between them, with Tai again on top to remain in control of the situation, something @shouldiusemyname points out here. Tai once again asks Patts to stop when he moves to escalate the encounter, but Tai shows Patts that he is interested in him. He offers to help him out by performing the act that Patts was most certainly going to do last week. This is incredibly fascinating for me, because I have always asserted that bottoms are the ones in most control of an encounter. I do not read Tai choosing to take care of Patts as him giving up control in any way. In fact, it’s a way for him to further maintain it. He reassures Patts that he is happy to be here and lets them release the tension of the moment.

Also, I just absolutely lose it over the lip flick.

gif by @pharawee​

Once again, I cannot overstate how radical it is for me to see a show saying that the one performing the act is the one in control of the encounter, and has the character who’s feeling unsure use that as a way to explore their own feelings. Tai needed to know that he likes making Patts happy. Please list the other BLs that have done this with sex in the notes. It’s not very often we get this!

Also, look at this man. This is not the face of a man who is being coerced. This is the afterglow of two people navigating their intimate relationship (@ginnymoonbeam).

He’s literally rubbing his hand because as they spoon because he’s so relieved.

I also just absolutely love Patts. I love that he keeps leaving notes for Saengtai to make sure he knows where they are.

Look at him walking around the next morning. He seems pleased...like a man can seem pleased.

We just never get this kind of stuff in genre. This is a classic romance of the Nora Roberts variety that’s allowing us to show two men navigating their romance and intimacy on their terms while also showing that even fated mates must be good partners to each other. This is a story that loves romance and loves the conventions of the drama. It is approaching each thread with clear-eyed conviction, and we as queer viewers deserve this.

So, I’m going to need you all to get louder, weirder, and gayer about this show. We gotta get more people on this one. We can’t let this show be forgotten because it’s not on YouTube.

Once again, thank you for coming to my post.

tagging @wen-kexing-apologist​ and @kyr-kun-chan​ for all the conversation we’ve had about this show.

#la pluie #la pluie the series #la pluie meta #thai bl #bl series #lgbtq+ #lgbt tv

[ladye-zelda]

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Tis the season. I want to thank everyone for this wonderful year, even if I only joined in May XD

Thank you people who have been following me; I know I haven’t been posted anything of what you wanted in a long while and I sincerely apologize; I hope to change that around in the new year

And to all my mutuals, you guys are so amazing! I almost feel not worthy to be your guys’s friend since you guys are all incredible people and it almost feels unreal that we are friends

(This is gonna be a bit long so it’s all under the cut XD)

@cal-the-duende I am so sorry we haven’t been talking a lot recently, but thank you thank you thank you so much for being one of my bestest friends during my time on Tumblr. You are the bestest cal I have ever met, and I hope you can still be your cal self for the new year!

@uniquevoidflowers akfjskjfkajfmskjfskjfa you are so so amazing!!!! I can’t believe we are even friends because you have an amazing talent and I hope everyone will be able to see it!

@strawberry-catcake-deactivated2 I know you have deactivated (so if anyone can contact her you can send this message to her) but I am so grateful to be your friend! You are so talented and I know you may not see it but everyone else knows it and you are also an amazing individual. Honestly, I am a little jealous of your talent and I hope I can be good enough in digital art to be able to get to your level of talent

@unexpectedstormy you are so kind and amazing; thank you so much for being my friend! You’re talented and funny; I am so grateful that we are friends! May the koroks give you lots of gifts and good tidings this holiday season!

@webhead3345 you are a very talented individual! I hope we get to talk more in the future; you are very kind as well!!

@adrift-in-thyme ahhhhh you’re so very talented and I have always been a fan of your writing (Time meeting the blood moon has given me the feels) and I am so happy we are friends!!

@smilesrobotlover AAASKFJKSJFKAJFHGS I always love when we talk about the craziest things; you’re so nice and respectful and you’re also someone who I aspire to be!

@silvercaptain24 there are really not a lot of words I can say to express how happy you make me. You are so amazing and I hope we can remain vods!!!

@endlessartpumpkin aakshfkajfkakfksjkfjakfjkajfksjfa you are SO TALENTED and I DONT KNOW HOW WE ARE EVEN FRIENDS and AAKSGKSJDKSJFDKFJDJJFKSJFEA /pos; it makes me happy when you’re on my dash and I am very grateful we’re friends!

@geminiskulleta you are also SO TALENTED and a GENIUS when it comes to all things loz; I hope we can talk more in the future because I wanna join all those conversations with you and Isa (just haven’t because social anxiety and often don’t know what to say lol; plus I didn’t want to disrupt y’all’s genius conversations)

@gemglyph I know we’ve only barely interacted, but I am happy when we did! I still use that version of Sky that you came up with and he is so adorable! Thank you so much for everything!

@hotcheetohatredwastaken I know we have also barely interacted, but it makes me happy when you appear on my dash!

@here4dragons dragon!!!! It makes me happy whenever we speak. I know it’s been a while, but I still consider you an amazing friend!

@isasan347 IIIIISSSSAAAAAAAA! Talking to you about Zelink (and ALTTP especially) always makes my day; so very happy that we are friends!!!

@karmaisdue I know we may not talk directly, but you’re probably the fastest mutual I have made solely on the fact that we once shared the same pfp 🤣

@kiwi-der-vogel AAAAAAA I love your art style!!! It is so unique and makes me happy and you’re an amazing person and AAAAAAAA

@kate-m-art Your art is so soft and cozy and you are also an amazing person and so kind! I hope to learn more about the legacy au and the cryptid au and all of your other aus because all of them are so amazing!!!

@link-or-sherlock I know we haven’t spoken in a long while but you are an amazing person who is also a really good friend of mine. I hope we get to talk more soon, because I miss when we get to infodump on each other or joked around like we did; but even if we don’t, you are still my friend

@mothielad Hi!! It’s been a while, I know, but I am happy to have known you!

@nancyheart11 Nancy!! You’re so kind and amazing; I am glad to be your friend!!! You’re also very talented in art, embroidery, and writing!!

@nocturnalfandomartist Hi! You’re so awesome and amazing and talented in art and writing I am still in awe on how we are friends. I will definitely try to be more active in trying to interact with you, because you definitely deserve everything because of the things you create!

@pallweople to all of the pall weople; thank you so much for letting me be a part of this!! You are all so fun and I hope I get to be a part of it more in the future!

@phoenix-arts7 Hi! Your art is amazing and I definitely cannot wait to see what’s in store for your au. I wish you many happy things in the future and may you be able to pet all the kitties you can!

@prince-of-red-lions I know we haven’t spoken in a long while but I am happy that we are friends! Thank you so much for being very kind and amazing!

@randomburstsofcreativity random!!!! You definitely helped me through a rough time, and I will always appreciate it. You are a nice, amazing person and I am happy we are friends!

@srah-the-violist I know we’ve barely interacted, but I consider you a friend! It makes me happy whenever you’re in my dash, and you are amazing!!!

@taruuu Taru!!! Thank you for helping me in Genshin; you are very amazing and I wish you many, many great things!!!

@uncleskyrule I remember reading your In Sickness and In Health story and I adore your writing style! You are very talented and I’m happy we are friends!

@whyoneartheven Evie!!! You are amazing!!! Thank you for being a good friend to me; you are so kind and i am happy we’re friends!

@wolfstorm888 Wolf!!! I’m sorry it has been a long time since we’ve spoken; thank you for joining me and Peggy in Triforce heroes and you are very amazing! You are very nice and I am happy we are friends!

@telemna-hyelle It is mindbloggling to me how we are friends. You were kind of the first tumblr user I have been following (before I got a tumblr account) and to be your friend has been such a high honor. Thank you so much!!

@skyward-floored It has been such an honor that I have been your friend. You are such a talented, amazing writer and I am so happy to be your friend! I wish I can say more, but I honestly don’t know the words I can say to express my gratitude on how much you’re an amazing person

@skyloftian-nutcase Thank you so much for helping me during a few hard times I went through. You are such a kind and selfless person and I hope to follow in your footsteps to become such an amazing person

@margindoodles2407 Margin!!! You are so amazing and talented and AJFSJFJSKGJKSFJKDGJKDHFJSHSWA we gotta talk more about stuff because AAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU’RE COOL

@theabyssfairy You’re so talented I have no words. Your art style is aesthetic and I always love the crossover ships you make and it always makes me happy XD

@anadorablekiwi Kiwi!!! You are amazing and wonderful and I have so many words to express my gratitude for you but I don’t know if they’re good enough to really say. Thank you for helping me during my rough times and you are so kind and amazing and I hope you can see how wonderful you are!

@silvrash-797 It has been such a pleasure to speak with you as well!!! You’re such a talented writer and are so kind and sweet!!!

@thepinklink I know we haven’t spoken a lot but I love your art and I think you’re amazing!!

I don’t know if I have missed anyone, but if I did I apologize. Thank you guys so much for the year, and have an amazing holiday and new year!!!!

[uniquevoidflowers]

Merry Christmas!!

For the moots I promised fics, I’m getting to those as soon as I can!

In the meanwhile I’m gonna say this:

THANK YOU FOR SUCH AN AWESOME YEAR!!!

I’ve only been here since like May, but I’ve been shown so much kindness and patience from those around me! To all my followers: Thank you so much for being here! Even if I don’t know you, it also brings a smile to my face when I see you like or reblog something :)

@whyoneartheven, you are so kind! I love your art a lot, and seeing you on my dash always makes me feel good.

@r0achezz, You are so fun to talk to!!! Your art style is amazing and ahhh I love your writing a lot!

@isasan347, I cannot express how much I adore your art! It’s so pleasing to look at! Also, you have amazing ideas!!! I like reading your ideas every once in a while :)

@ladye-zelda, Gosh you are so kind, and it makes me smile when I see you on my dash. Thank you for being here!

@akchimp75, YOU ARE SO COOL! Ahhh your art is just as cool as you! (Meaning really really cool) I’m grinning so much when I see you on my dash!!

@almost-an-artist, Your art. Is. So. Freakin. Awesome!!!! And you are really friendly!!!

@/a-random-somebody, AHHH YOU ARE AMAZING! I love you so much/p

@finleyforevermore, you are so kind and funny/pos, and brilliant! Thank you for making me laugh this year!

@frostedshadow, you are literally so cool?! I think we haven’t talked a lot, but the times we have talked have made me smile.

@here4dragons, 🫂🫂🫂, I love seeing you on my dash you wonderful person. 🫂🫂🫂

@kiwi-der-vogel-alt, Your art makes my day, just the colours and shapes! Also you are really funny/pos

@kommandantpinks, I haven’t known you for awhile but I have seen your art many times and I love it so much! You seem really cool and kind as well!

@cal-the-duende, You are so so so so cool! I love talking to you!

@vio-starzz, love your art style so much, it’s so cozy. You’re amazing.

@baileyboo2016, Your art?! Literally so cool. And your writing! I enjoy reading your fics!! You are so talented and creative, also your enthusiasm makes me smile.

@not-freyja, your writing makes me cry and smile, I love it so so much. You are very cool :)

@majorproblems77, This year has been super fun with you in it. I love love love talking to you, and your writing literally blows me away. Thank you so much for everything!

@margindoodles2407, you are so amazing?! I would frame your art, and read your writing any day. You are also really kind!!!

@luna-lovegreat, I swear, I smile every single time you message me, I see you on my dash, I just see your url. You are so incredibly kind, and I revisit your rants a lot, because you are so smart. Thank you for everything <3

@1000emotions, I know we haven’t talked a lot this year, but you are so amazing! I love you/p

@arsonisticscholar, You are so cool! I love love love seeing you on my dash even if we don’t talk a lot. Happy Holidays :)

@graves-doodles, I don’t think we’ve been mutual for long?? But that doesn’t matter. Your art is just so beautiful, and it always makes me feel something/pos

@prince-of-red-lions, WINDY YOH ARE SO FREAKING AMAZING AND askjbfjddkjs. I love talking to you, and I freakin love your art. I’m so glad I met you this year.

Sorry if I missed anyone!

THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE!

I appreciate you all. I appreciate all the artists, writers, and others, you have made my year. You are all so cool! Hoping for a good year next year ;)

#thank you for putting up with me :D #unique talks #getting to fics as soon as I can!!! #I love you all so much/p

[lemonarcade]

to everyone:

we did it! we made it to the end of 2023 :) thank you for being part of this roller coaster of a year that went by faster than my brain could comprehend, whether you’ve known me for quite a while, or we’ve just started getting to know each other.

our world has changed and is still changing very much, and i wish only the best for every single one of you that sees this. please stay safe, take care, and here’s to 2024!

some personal messages under the cut!

💌: @by-moonflower

dearest kesya,

writing letters long asks back and forth has become one of my favourite pastimes.

i send you strength and resilience, hope and light. may you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

thank you for always indulging me in my ramblings; sharing our agony over inarizaki’s aggravating middle blocker, mr no.10 sunarin.

your works will forever hold a special place in my heart (i go back to them from time to time) and one day i might frame your beautiful prose and your use of language.

you’ve seen me through my many many reinventions of the (online) self, and each time you welcome me with open arms and a warm loaf of earl grey bread (don’t mind me, i’m just fondly thinking of the wonderful ask you once sent me). this humble one simply cannot express through words just how much this friendship means to me, but i hope that we can continue to watch each other grow and live through life, just as we do now.

sending my warmest wishes for your 2023 to end well, and for 2024 to welcome you just like i was.

tearfully,

caz

💌: @bflfism

yun!! the beefleaf mutual™ that wrote an amazing lqq fic that i was so intrigued by, despite not knowing much more about tgcf outside of the first season of the anime (i don’t think i’ve ever said this to you, so imagine me running to drop a comment as soon as i’ve posted this) i can’t believe i was lucky enough to have found you and stuck with you through your blog changes (as you did with me). what would life be like if i never met you- nevermind! i don’t want to even consider the possibility 😤

even if you don’t frequent tumblr as much anymore, i still enjoy the connection with have through the dash and asks! and :D i would like to say that you have my utmost support in your cosplaying journey ~ (please see my likes are like little thumbs up and encouraging smiles hehe)

💌: @minkibug

minki my beloved tuxedo cat mutual 😼 your silliness never fails to make me smile as i scroll through dash. you 🫵 will be the best dentist. i also wish that you’ll have an unlimited supply of matcha forever (only the best for my fellow matcha lover). it’s such a joy to see you on dash, whether that be study struggles (relatable) or new kpop fixation (good on you) or random tidbits, know that i look at your posts fondly.

💌: @harubirus

hihi fae! i hope you don’t mind the tag, but i wanted to use this opportunity to show my admiration and appreciation for you. your poetic and artistic reblogs never fail to open my eyes to the ways creativity can be expressed, and even more so from your own creations! although we haven’t truly interacted much, your presence on my dash is one i treasure and hope to continue seeing as the new year rolls by. wishing you all the best with life and hope it is treating you well 🧡

💌: @thelargefrye

🍟 my fry queen! i’m very happy we’ve managed to get to this point and remain mutuals (let’s not look at my multiple deletion and creation of blogs…)

smalls, i will always be a loyal fry of yours; even if our fandoms may have drifted apart, seeing your reblogs and posts on the dash reminds me of how i look up to you. your passion and support for ateez is still going strong to this day, and i really admire it as a fellow atiny.

may you enjoy the rest of 2023 and a good 2024 await you!

💌: @secnghwa

viviii it has been way too long since we’ve had a proper chat! whenever we do have a small one, i never seem to be able to ask how you’ve been doing, so here’s me hoping that 2023 has been good to you. ateez’s comeback brought us back together briefly and it was awesome :D the seongjoong unit song was FIRE 🔥 and your bias slayed every. single. rap. verse.

thank you for being part of my 2023 and i hope 2024 will kick off nicely for you!

💌: @barsformars

rinnie i was ecstatic to see your return! hope this year has been good for you, or else 2023 and i will need to have a talk *cracks knuckles*

i missed you a lot, and admittedly did go through your blog on more than one occasion… it was so delightful seeing you back on the dash :D i never did ask, but how did you find ateez’s comeback? they really outdid themselves in many ways, and this album showed quite a lot of the growth that they’ve done since their last full album.

you’ve always been and will always be a good friend of mine that i will think of, and i cherish the times in the past that we shared 🧡 do let me know if i can keep in touch on another platform!

2024 better watch it and be nice to rin 👊

💌: @yinyinggie

you are genuinely a fairy in disguise. let me squish your cheekies okay (please)

combining compliments from teyval and the christmas tree, i am here to present my end of year words of gratitude to the lovely fae.

yinggie, the moments i spend talking to you are never wasted, and most of the time i tuck some of the words into a pocket in my heart. you are like spring flowers blooming in the company of light breeze, and it would be my honour to be able to capture the essence of the gentleness you exude.

my liege, it is MY pleasure to know you and i hope to get to know you even better with this coming year, and perhaps many more to come (i reiterate my wish to someday meet in person)

i feel like you have inspired and helped me to work on myself in quite a few ways, whether it be directly or indirectly, so please have this token of gratitude 🌷

my parting words to you would be that my belief in you stands strong and you can do anything you put your mind to (taking wise words from someone i know)

hope you have a grand closing to end the year :D

💌: @dumbificat

dumbs! (please let me know if i can call you that) my dear darling, you are so so sweet and lovely, and i’m so glad i’ve gotten to know you this year. your willingness to help others and to put yourself out there deserves all the pats on the back and thumbs up (. you’re such a wonderful meowtual and i would definitely love to know you more in this upcoming year. thank you for being a constant witness to my valorant fails and wins. please do take care of yourself and i only wish the best for you 🧡 cheers to the new year!

💌: teyval

to my fellow server members, thank you for making this last half of 2023 such a blast! it's been amazing chatting with everyone and meeting so many lovely people in the span of these past few months, and i wouldn't have it any other way 🧡

to my jijis, your warm welcomes to us newbie mods really made my day. it's been incredible to work together to improve on teyval as a safe and positive space to everyone else, and the endearing ideas you guys have come up with to bring joy to the members is so heartwarming.

special mentions to mhie, zee, snob, ven, yukari, rosey, bell, nervo, meisha, star, henry, alu, cixi, mr cosmic (and ely) for being gold star souls that are part of the reason i continue to go on teyval regularly.

💌: @hereisleo

if leo ever sees this -> i got a kodak film camera!! i've brought it along with me on some trips and special occasions, and from the developed film it's quite clear i've got a lot to work on hehe

hope you've been healthy and well, and continue to be so as we step into a new year 🧡

#thank you 2023

[multiplicity-positivity]

may I ask what fusion looks like? we have headmates who want to fuse with others, but are scared ths will mean that they will cease to exist. they're also scared that fusing will make inner world interaction and imposition useless, like iw "physical" touch and intimacy. so I wanted to ask your experiences with it! absolutely no pressure to reply if you're uncomfortable of course, thank you for this blog 💛

Hey, we have had two successful fusions in our system as far as we know. We are happy to talk about our experience with this.

This post got really long, so we’re putting it under a cut. We’re not sure how to write a TLDR for this post in particular since it’s so complex, sorry.

First of all, in any system, fusion does not kill headmates or cause them to cease to exist. The parts who have fused in our system are still very much here. Also, fusion might look very different for other systems - we can only talk about what fusion has been like for us, but fusion for us might not look the same as fusion for someone else.

It’s kind of like mint chocolate chip ice cream. You can have mint ice cream on its own, and you can have chocolate chips on their own, but combined, they become something new. The ice cream and the chocolate chips don’t vanish or disappear, they’re still there. They just work together to become one cohesive thing.

We have had one unintentional fusion. I fused with an alter after that part’s role was no longer needed in our system. He’s still here. He is me, and I am him. After learning more and more about our system and each other, we blended together and haven’t separated since. It was so subtle and quick that it took a while for us to notice that a fusion had taken place. There was a time when we had two parts that looked similar and shared the same name. Now there’s just one, as we have permanently joined forces.

We’ve also had a purposeful fusion that took some planning and collaboration. My parts, Margo and Cecil, came together because they wanted to fuse. Our system is really prone to blending and cofronting. Often when we cofront, we’ll temporarily blend to become one for a while before splitting apart again. So for Margo and Cecil to fuse, it looked sort of like this:

Step one: Lots of communication between the two. Discussing what fusion might look like for them, what they hoped to gain out of fusion, how a fusion might affect our system and themselves, etc.

Step two: Sticking together. Always. They got our gatekeeper to help ensure that when one of them fronted, both of them did. Even inside the headspace they went everywhere together. This took some getting used to, as Margo was our work part which meant she sometimes had to front with Cecil outside of work, which was tough for her at first.

Step three: Settling on a new name, new pronouns, and thinking about themselves as a collective self. They asked us to start referring to them collectively as one part, even before they fused. They picked the name Coriander (nn Corrie) and decided they could be bigender with he/she pronouns.

Step four: Waiting it out. Once they settled on their collective identity, we all just kind of waited to see what would happen. Of course, they were in touch with our therapist a bunch during this time, and he really helped them to come together. At some point, they were able to remain blended even outside of the fronting space. And now, it’s like they’ve been blended nonstop for a few weeks now. They might still split apart later, but we’re of the opinion that they’ve successfully fused.

So for Corrie, it took lots of communication, a mutual understanding, sticking together constantly, forming a collective identity, and patience in order for that fusion to happen, along with lots of support from folks both inside and outside the system.

Now, it is true that they don’t interact with each other in the headspace/inner world in the same way that they used to. Inside, they look, act, and function as one. However, they might still be interacting in their own way in their own consciousness? From what we understand, people (even singlets) are multifaceted and can feel conflicted or have internal conversations. Also, we think inner worlds are imagined visualizations. So if they wanted, theoretically they could imagine themselves as separate again without necessarily splitting apart if that’s something they wanted. Like I could imagine myself as Parker and P2 and imagine interactions between them if I wanted. Personally, I don’t, really. But maybe this could happen? Honestly we don’t know what our headspace is going to look like as more and more of us fuse in the future. Sorry about this.

We’d like to include a graphic on fusion by @/clever-and-unique-name that’s helped us in the past.

This ^ is how we understand fusion, and how it’s felt for us so far. No one is gone, we’re just together. From what we understand it’s been an amazing and liberating experience for Corrie. And we truly hope we’ll be able to have more fusions in our system in the future. Many of us are actually hoping for final fusion as a recovery goal.

So there you have it. Many parts in our system have been scared of fusion in the past, but witnessing it happen with Corrie has been really beneficial for us. It gives us hope that one day we can all work, function, and collaborate together as one. Even after we’ve fused, I believe we’ll still be multifaceted with different parts. We’ll just have an easier time understanding each other and existing in the world without dissociative barriers breaking up our consciousness.

We hope this helps. Sorry it was so long, and our apologies if it doesn’t make much sense. This post was typed by me, Parker, but it was co-written by quite a few of us over the course of a couple weeks. Our system has really complex feelings about fusion and lots of parts wanted to share their thoughts.

💫 Parker, 🌷 Corrie, 🐢 Kip, 🦇 Alucard, and 🐺 Toby

#fusion #final fusion #integration

[piratesofthedarkwidesea]

So I’m just re-watching episode 3 and... I really love the scenes between Louis and Jonah and.. it just occurred to me how extremely human these scenes make Louis look? Like his accent getting all strong makes total sense in the context of him talking to someone from his youth, someone who is a Black man as well.

But it it also occurred to me this is the first (and only?!) time we really see Louis flirting? Like we’ve never seen him have this kind of confidence before? He was very much denying and fighting his homosexuality when he meets Lestat (you can see it quite explicitly in a couple of scenes, also him concluding this could never happen again after having sex with Lestat for the first time). But Jonah is somebody he is familiar with, someone he knows is also queer, plus it is already established there is some mutual attraction which is being rekindled. But it is Louis actively flirting with him. Asking if he remembers their shared youth [and their “early fumbles”], which is in part due to Lestat watching them, I guess, getting even with him in a way, calling him out on his “of course”. 

But but BUT what I really wanted to say (sorry for getting off track a bit there ahsdhoas) is... there is no vampire moves to it. There is no indication he’s reading his mind, influencing him in any way with his newly won powers (which he is also still rejecting to a degree at this point). Just some very human “do you remember” and “look at my cool car” (aiosdadhs Louis I can’t even 😂😂😂). It’s just so abusrdly cute and very deeply human in a way? 

And I do kinda see how Lestat is jealous here, because Louis has never been flirting with him like this. And he keeps telling Louis (and us) how much he wants Louis to explicitly say / show he loves him? 

I mean of course it is on the other hand very obvious how Louis wasn’t like that with Lestat when he met him. One part being him struggling a lot more with his sexuality and his shame about it there. But also Lestat is being very active in pursuing Louis. Louis describes it as being hunted (we’re gonna ignore the unreliable narrator level here bc I don’t wanna go this deep here - and also bc I do believe it in general terms, I guess). Like there are parts where we see Lestat taking it kinda slow, including Lilly there to ease Louis into it. But also then getting very insistent, basically jumping a distraught Louis who is in shock over the death of his brother (with he witnessed first hand, his mother blaming him for it etc.), not leaving him alone... But then here on the other hand also Louis isn’t being only passive here. I love how it is very clearly him initiating the kiss with Lestat after Lilly is out of the picture. All these nuances and complexities really are what makes their relationship so compelling I think!

And uh... I guess I also have some thoughts about Lestat courting Louis and Vampire Moves tbh (bc I introduced the absence of them in Louis flirting with Jonah) but this post is already so long 🙈 What it does probably boil down to though (not 100% sure bc I haven’t really thought this through yet). But, in my view, he isn’t even using his Vampire Moves much? Like yeah he is in Louis’ mind and showing some tricks but... more in a showing off way than in a manipulative way? Like whatever Louis is trying to tell us here, he is just really attracted to that French guy. He may also be repulsed by him in some ways (or maybe more by his visceral reaction(s) to him, hm, Louis?) but damn he wants to fuck that guy so bad it makes him look stupid. 

And yeah you might raise the argument that Lestat does use his Vampire Moves when he’s in Louis’ head, pestering him about how he is not gonna be ignored  right after Paul died. But he first walked up to him when the family were on their way to the cemetery and.. was pestering him in quite mundane ways there, you know? Like him being in his mind was driving it to a head a bit more quickly and dramatically maybe but... knowing Lestat he would probably also have been able to be an absolute pest, just showing up again and again, not taking no for an answer (and he basically does so in ep 6, doesn’t he?). So yeah Louis is talking about vampire bonds and mind gifts but... he attracted to him. Big time. I ain’t buying your angle here, Louis.

(Only that of course I kinda do, bc Lestat is a narcissistic manipulative shit in certain ways as well. And doesn’t take no for an answer. Neither in ep 1 nor in ep 6. But then ep 7... weeelll... layers and all 😅😂 But I hope you still get my point.) 

#interview with the vampire #musings #me watching stuff #whoa shit this got loooong #oopsies #lestat de lioncourt #louis du pointe du lac #jonah #louis #lestat #long post

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

I don't know why people are still trying to blame Joe soley for what went down? Ignoring things Taylor actually sang, probably about him. Is it only me and her who have had things fall apart for irrational and mutually at fault reasons?

blaming joe solely: Yeah I am with you on this one… she pretty clearly admits to treating him Badly at times, and gives a thorough explanation of how her life experiences led her to behave in those ways. We are all only doing our best with what we have available to us at any given time. It’s uncomfortable to sit with. Processing what she admits to, I think, means confronting that people who hurt you are not inherently evil, that we can hurt each other in unpredictable ways, and that you have also probably hurt people.

Because we all see ourselves so strongly in Taylor, it can be overwhelming to relate to some of the more unsavory things she openly admits to here so we pretend we do not see it. To me it is very admirable that she fleshed this out as much as she did, because it can be really hard to admit when we were the one who was acting abusively, especially if our identity is wrapped up in being “good.” That is also related to how we tend to equate “good” and “innocent/victim”. If you divorce those concepts, things get a lot murkier. She can still be good even if she was in the wrong a bunch of times! But with so many shallow takes out there (and the memories of 2016), it makes a lot of sense to me that swifties feel inclined to defend Taylor’s honor. But in so doing, it is sort of infantilizing. And it definitely feeds the narrative of her as a damsel in distress.

Often times, the ways we hurt other people reflect the ways we have been hurt. Taylor takes full responsibility for her shit on this record, as part of the artistic endeavor to show us all how monstrous we’ve made her. Who could stay? But when two people end up hurting each other instead of helping each other, that creates a really nasty cycle. The best outcome is usually to break up, because the alternatives are worse. In that way, I think the break up was pretty rational and mutual.

that said, my impression of their relationship overall (if that’s what you meant) is that she had the much much shorter stick in their arrangement. They might be mutually at fault for the actual end of the relationship, and for staying in it, and she may have hurt him too, but I don’t think she’s as Guilty as he is. Only one of them allowed the other to publicly take on all the fault in the relationship for 6 years. but I still feel muddled about the whole story she tells so I’ll leave it at that.

Whoops this ended up long, and I’m too sleepy to edit it down and write better transition sentences so I’m just posting but yeah sorry!

#Relationships #joever #c #Muse talk

[waywardfeathered]

Some relevant recent stuffs:

I am active again, and while it will very likely be low activity, I’m resuming looking at the dashboard more and interacting with people’s posts more. I am open for plotting and being sent memes. I will likely be posting an interactions call that people can like for plotting, reply for memes, etc. but you are free to approach me yourself as always. If we’ve plotted before and I never got back to you, I would appreciate if you gave me a nudge about that, but as that is not your responsibility, I will also try to go through both Discord and IMs to see if I have left any plotting messages unresponded (I will be slow about this because my social energy is very lacking; if you do message me please don’t think anything of it if I take a long time responding). Some light plotting is preferred, but starting with memes is also a lot of fun, so feel free to do either/both.

I’ve redone Castiel’s about page, including verses. I narrowed down my list of verses from one per season to two per the entire series (post and pre season nine) canon-ish large verses, and separate verses for canon-ish versions of him such as endverse, season nine graceless, etc. and kept my AU verses. A Mass Effect verse has been added officially as well. When I say "canon", by the way, I don’t really care about following detailed canon plot points for interactions unless plotted; canon mostly applies for big plot points relevant to Castiel as a character, and my canon verses absolutely encompass anything canon divergent.

I’ve added a navigation page. I have pretty extensive navigation on the about page and a small one on the rules page as well, so a lot of may be reduntant, but I wanted all the things in one place for ease of access for both myself and people writing with me.

My rules page has remained basically the same for a long while now, but if you’ve been here since years ago and haven’t looked at it since following, I’d give it a read. I redid it I think the beginning of last year, entirely, and I have added to it and tweaked it since, but the main points remain similar.

I love my muse as much as I’ve loved him since making this blog five years ago this month, but I also run three other roleplay blogs. If you’re interested (I am basically open to following anyone I am mutuals with on all of my blogs so please feel free to follow; I have anxiety about following first sometimes because I don’t want to make people feel like they have to write with all my muses if they write with one), I run

a multimuse with OCs as well as muses from fandoms such as Mass Effect, Our Flag Means Death, Doctor Who, Hannibal, Supernatural, Lost, Reign, etc. @smokedanced (rules are the same as here in general but please note that you have to fill out my interest tracker on the multi if you want me to interact with you there, or at least send me things first so I know at least one muse you have interest in writing with),

the Doctor (Thirteen) @dochaes (rules are the same as here, but please note that she is canon divergent; this is also a low activity blog) and

the player character of the Mass Effect trilogy, Shepard, @dutyworn (again, rules are the same in general, but please note that while she is crossover friendly, the only manner I will cross her over and away from the trilogy universe is through wrong universe kind of a crossover; I will very happily place her in any fandom, but she will always have her personal history as a soldier from 22nd century Earth/Milky Way; I can drop her into your fandom and make it make sense in how it happens for her and her canon’s timeline; this is probably my highest activity blog at the moment).

Please do feel free to interact, whether we have written together before or not! :)

#; outofgrace

[joe-moi]

I feel like I overhyped my theory so sorry if it’s lame… Okay so my theory is basically my two cents but this is solely based of my experiences from irl relationships and analyzing celebs for fun. So I was also the anon that suggested that Joe assimilated into her life but she hasn’t to his. And I know we go back and forth with how deep they’re in this. But since she didn’t show up yesterday I wanna go back and say maybe this isn’t as serious for him and it is for her. Okay so when ppl get in rs you only start introducing them to important ppl in your like after you know it’s serious right? Unless you met through mutual friends of course, but it’s still kinda sus to me that he’s been hanging out with her circle and kind of going along what she says but hasn’t really reciprocated, even with the pap pics. It makes me think this is how he protects his peace and basically his heart, he allows himself to be involved with his gf’s life but doesn’t let her do the same for him because he doesn’t want his romance seeping into his private personal life just yet. Like the fact that he went to the Burberry event but she wasn’t at the Fargo premiere, the fact that we got a sighting with her friends but nothing with nat and Charlie. Maybe over time we’ll see a change like if she visits on set during filming but as of right now he’s keeping the two aspects of his life heavily separated. I don’t think he’s ready for that kind of seriousness that she’s putting forth. Which may also be why he didn’t reciprocate in the pap pics. I’m sure they probably had a talk afterwards and thought DM was a happy medium but also DM isn’t a public tabloid yk? So his business isn’t completely “aired” out. I feel like he might have trauma from his past rs or maybe he knows the MO and duration of chase’s previous rs and doesn’t want to get super involved when it’ll end in a few months. I also think like others have said he simply doesn’t wanna be alone. It’s daunting to go from living with someone to living by yourself and after his breakup he was working a lot so he was rarely in NY and the few weeks/days he was here he probably filled it up by hanging out with friends and family. But this is the biggest stretch he’s been home alone and he probably misses someone or as ppl dub cuffing season 🕵️‍♀️ 

Ohh I love this!

I think you’re definitely on to something. Because something is up. We’ve only seen them or had big sightings of them on what is seemingly her terms? Meeting her friends, the Burberry event, the pap pics and from what we can tell she wasn’t at the whiskey thing or the Fargo event. So maybe you’re right, he’s protecting himself.

but my question is, what is he protecting himself from? If he’s doing that. I would think it’s he assumes that this might not last past filming? Or he’s just very timid because of what’s happened to him in the past. He doesn’t mind going and doing stuff with her people and doing stuff with her and for her, but when it comes to him, he seems to be a little bit more reserved.

I think a lot of people thought that she would show up at the Fargo thing, and I was very 50-50 on that. I felt like maybe it was so soon that she couldn’t go, or he just felt like he was gonna be too busy and didn’t invite her. Or they just were essentially taking this little break from each other to get some shit done before they can hang out again .

either way, I think that they are cute together, I still just don’t think it’s going to last for very long

#anonymous asks #🛼answers #jk

[faithwounded]

disclaimer

this is a multimuse blog with predominantly mythology/lore and literature based or inspired muses. most muses would be classified as oc’s as they are interpretation and headcanon based. there may be the occasional canon muse.

i have no affiliations with any of the face claims used on this blog, or the media they are sourced from. however there is plenty of my own headcanons and creations on here that are not to be distributed elsewhere.

general

this blog is mutuals only and selective. meaning i will only respond in character to people i follow and who follow me. out of character depends on the context and content of the communication.

personal blogs may send out of character questions or messages, but are not to interact with any posts. this is to keep my notifications manageable. doing so will result in a block.

 underage muns will be blocked on sight. if you do not have an age range listed, i simply won’t interact. i myself am well over 21.

at minimum for me to follow, you must have a rules page and an about for oc’s. in progress pages are fine, just something for me to work with. posts must also be cut, and content tagged.

nsfw is something i quite enjoy writing, but only with muns over 21. i don’t use readmores, but it is always tagged. my nsfw tag is “nsfw   (( lover to lover ))”. so far that hasn’t been caught by the filter. if it changes i’ll make a post.

due to the content of this blog there will be triggers present. i tag all the main things under “tw:______” if you need anything else tagged please let me know. i will not tag dogs because i use my dog as my mun faceclaim.

as to my triggers: if you have images of clowns or needles on your blog, please do not follow. i’m not super comfortable with horror source material either, so i’ll be more comfortable if you have tags for me to blacklist

just don’t be a dick, basically. don’t police my blog and i won’t police yours. but also, i will not tolerate out of character racism, homophobia, sexism etc. however, i’m adult enough to understand that muses aren’t perfect. in character has different standards.

when rebabbling asks, i would prefer you please do it from the source, unless you’ve sent one in. i’ve been used as a resource blog before, kinda hate it.

writing

i tend to skew a little shorter on writing 1-3 paragraph type of thing, only because novellas take me a long ass time to reply to. i’m open to doing them with established mutuals, but please be aware they will take me a while.

you don’t have to match my length, just give me something to work with.

if you want to start writing with me, the best way to do so is via an ask. there’s no time limits on my asks, send them whenever the hell you want. i just ask that you yeet it into a new post if you want to continue. also completely adore being tagged in random starters.

please specify a muse, or at least narrow it down to 2-3 options. if we’ve been writing for a while and chatting ooc, i don’t mind as much. if you approach me with a plot however, i’m happy to pick a muse i think would work best for that plot.

i am a totally hopeless romantic, but not all the muses are. means i am 100% okay with shipping, and okay to go into an interaction looking for that - even if it’s a first interaction - just please let me know that’s what we’re looking for. some muses will do the romance thing, some will need to be discussed. also very much of the opinion that sex doesn’t need love, and a few of the muses agree, so we can do that too.

muses come and go at times, and replies get done according to that. does mean that sometimes there will be a long wait. i will try and let you know if im losing muse. also means i am 3000% okay with multiple threads both with the same muse and with others

i use small font, and some formatting when i can be bothered. i ask you please do not use small + sub/sup as i cannot fucking read it, and it gives me a migraine just trying. like literal migraine, in bed in severe pain for hours. my icons/gifs are various styles and sizes. some are made by me, most are sourced elsewhere and used according to those rules

the mun

my name is rhi, ari or lili depending on how you know me she/her. i’m a 21+ australian.

this is my catch all blog for any muses that take my fancy. save me opening and closing new blogs every few weeks. i am notorious for abandoning blogs every 6-12 months and then coming back to them. so if i do randomly disappear one day, i will probably be back lmao.

my writing schedule is pretty irregular because ..... well i don't really have an excuse. life i guess. 

i’m really quite shy, and struggle with the first approach. doesn’t mean i don’t want to write - just shy. one of those people who’s eternally worried i’m being a bother. will panic if i think i’ve sent a meme too long after you’ve posted it. i just ask for a bit of gentleness please.

thanks for reading and i cant wait to write with you !!! <3

#rules #ooc (( the voices died with me ))

[bcneheaded]

Hello, my name is Emory! I’m 25+, Canadian, use they/he, & have been RPing on tumblr since est. 2012.  This is a highly selective, low-activity rp blog for my original character, Artemis, the humble skeletal owner of a shop that sells rare & magical items, mainly to the supernatural or magically inclined (ft. a couple side muses). He is a fallen God (Eros). Dark themes will be present. Please read the info and rules page before following!

HELPFUL LINKS: ✦ Muse Info ✦ Memes ✦ Opens ✦ Interest Tracker

OTHER BLOGS YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM ✧ @aeipcthy / @polyphagist / @boarish / [sideblogs to bcneheaded↓] ~ @ccnfessional / @hjemve / @flowerbull / @smitcr

✧ blog rules under the cut! ✧

➤   Well hey! My name is Emory; I’m 28 (they or he please!). Thanks for coming to read this! I’ll try to keep it as brief as I can. This is a highly selective, low-activity multi-muse blog for a couple OC’s of mine. Completely created, developed and loved by me! :) ➤   When sending memes/asks/liking for a starter, please try to specify a muse that you want to interact with. If you don’t specify when asked to, it’s fine but please know that I will automatically use Artemis as a default as he is the primary muse!

➤   I work a full-time job, and often struggle with my mental health, as well as deal with chronic pain – I may take a long time to respond both ooc and ic because of this; I apologize in advance. It’s not because I don’t want to write or talk with you, I promise! I’m also quite forgetful, so don’t be afraid to nudge me if I haven’t gotten back to you in a few days time; but on the same breath, please don’t hound me for responses.

➤ This blog is generally Mutuals-Only. Plotting and dms are reserved for mutuals only, but ask memes and open starters (unless tagged “mutuals only”) are open to anyone. Mutuals will be prioritized though.

➤   Artemis (formerly Eros) is absolutely NOT on good terms with the Greek gods, nor does he have any interest in interacting with them (we will uwu but he’ll be unhappy about it). It’s very likely he will become hostile towards them if they somehow find his shop (as they are directly responsible for everything bad that happened to him). He won’t attack them, and he won't ask them to leave, but he will ask them never to return afterwards and likely be very curt with them. He plays this off as though he simply dislikes deities, which isn’t too unlikely given he’s a demon! *If your muse is a Greek (or Roman) deity, they will not recognize him, as he has been twisted beyond recognition and taken on an entirely new identity. ➤   I’m not follow for follow, so that means I only follow those that I’m interested in writing with! I also read everyone’s rules and character information before following/interacting, and expect the same from others. I won’t follow those without a rules page or a finished (or mostly at least) character info page; I like to know who I’m writing with!

➤   I ask you to please do not repeatedly unfollow and refollow me (or likewise like/unlike things) to get my attention; this behavior will result in a hardblock. Please communicate with me if you need or want something. ➤  If I follow you first and you don’t follow back within a month or two, or similarly, if we’ve been mutuals for a long time and we’ve never interacted and I don’t see it happening, I’ll likely unfollow just to keep my dash clean. I may also soft those who are inactive for 6 months or more (or those who post mostly only ooc) but if you come back into the fray and want to write together, you are always free to refollow and reach out!

➤   I'm not comfortable with interacting with H.ogwarts L.egacy // HP blogs (on any of mine), so it's highly unlikely I'll be RPing with anyone who runs one + probably won't follow via @.bcneheaded. I'll probably softblock you if you follow this blog or any of my sideblogs, but will hardblock if you keep refollowing. ➤ Triggers will be tagged as trigger tw. Things I need you to tag for me are ped*philia, and emetophobia (irrational fear of v*mit** For me, in example… Saying you threw up is OK, but do not discuss or describe it any further than that please. Thank you.] ) If you deliberately ignore or frequently forget this rule, you will be blocked and anything we have will be dropped.

➤  Quality over quantity! But of course, please don’t give me a sentence in return for a couple paragraphs. On a similar note, I have the tendency to ramble. So please don’t feel the need to match my length if I’ve gone off and made the thread quite long. I’ll be happy with just about anything you give in return!

➤   Ships will be based on chemistry, and are possible here. Though given the nature of the muse(s), it may be a very long game, or a difficult thing to do. Discussion for pre-established relationships of any sort are super welcome and encouraged.

➤   I love continuing ask memes as threads and I definitely encourage you to do so if you’d like to (though it’s not necessary!) as it’s a great way to break the ice and start something in general. I'll usually put it on a new text post with a banner on it (ie. "answered"), so feel free to reblog that directly if you want, or make a new one. I’ll like the post to let you know I’ve seen it, so if I don’t, don’t be afraid to ask to see if I have or not; we all know tumblr’s a little (a lot) funky, so I may have missed it!

➤ I don’t do drama, so please don’t involve me in it. Any passive aggressive or hateful asks or messages will be ignored and whoever it is sending it will be blocked. The anonymous feature is a privilege, please don’t abuse it.

➤ On the topic of drama, I generally don’t support callout culture, nor will I participate it in. You can certainly do what you want on your blog, but I do ask that you please tag any callouts and/or drama. If you won’t or frequently don’t, then that’s alright, but please do know that I likely won’t be interacting with you or your blog and will probably unfollow– no hard feelings. I just don’t want it on my dash.

➤  NSFW content of sexual nature is very unlikely to appear on this blog as I don’t often participate in those kinds of threads. But if I do for some reason, it will be put under a read more and tagged as “ ( nsft ) ” and will only be done with people I’m close with or have discussed it with beforehand. NSFW themes may be more likely to appear in terms of DARK themes, as these muses are all horror related. (torture, existentialism, death, demonic imagery, etc.) But these will be tagged as such. The catchall tag will be “ ( horror tw ) ”       

~  These rules subject to change over time, but if/when they do I’ll be sure to make a post about it to let ya know! Thank you for your time; it’s appreciated!

x credit to @/rpiconsgalore for the banners I use in my posts!

#( pinned post ) #( ooc ) #**Muse info is not mobile friendly in the browser that tumblr opens it in! Open 'er straight in google drive and it should look fine #Or just open it in the tumblr app and it should also be okay!

[children-of-trifarian]

Quick Rules and Mun info for Mobile

Mun

Name: Elini    Age: 21+     Gender Female (she/they)

Banner Art Done by MangakaNekoChan

Other Blogs: Main Meme Blog

Hello I am the meme queen, I am here to post dumb shit that makes me happy. I’ve been lurking around a few League of Legends rp blogs for a bit and decided to make my own. I’ve written for an rp blog once before but my main background in rping is with tabletop rpgs (Warhammer Fantasy RPG, Shadowrun, and Call of Cthulhu RPG to be specific). Please know it may take me a while to respond, so feel free to pester me occasionally. I’m just here to have fun, so if you want to chat let me know I’m very chill.

Rules

I will not write any smut or anything outwardly sexual for involving these characters. I consider that both of these characters are too young to be written in those situations and I am also personally uncomfortable with writing smut. That being said, both of my muses are still adults and still understand things of a sexual nature. Jokes and innuendos are fine, as they might make those jokes themselves which I will tag appropriately, but do not inappropriately touch or expose your muse to my characters. I will warn you once if you write anything that I am uncomfortable with but if you continue I will block you.

For shipping; I will only write romantic relationships for these characters with muses who are 18-25 years old. Anyone older than 25 I consider to be too old to be in a romantic ship with my muses, for those I will only write platonic relationships. I also want to plot and develop romantic relationships so even if I suggest it, please don’t write anything unless it’s been established. For established romantic ships with Megaera I’m okay with saying that our muses have had sex if we’ve talk about it or its been established. For Caitiff however she is asexual and I will only write her in purely romantic ships.

As said before; these muses are still adults and may write about them drinking alcohol. They are both old enough to drink responsibly, this will be tagged appropriately.

No God Mode or Instant Death, if you do send me anything like this out of context I’ll just write it as a shitpost. I would like to write combat with these muses but it should either be plotted out or we should agree on a system of dice rolling to make it seem fair.

Themes violence and war will be prevalent throughout this blog, I do not share my muses beliefs, views or actions when it comes to violence or war. This blog is for purely fictional writing purposes and I do not endorse violence, war or imperialism.

Please be specific when sending asks or starters which muse or muses you want to interact with. I’m okay with rping with both at the same time as long as it would make sense for them to be in the same location, but if you just want to interact with one of them specifically please make it clear.

I have trouble with grammar and spelling as much as I try to correct it myself. If you have problems with grammar and spelling errors you may not want to interact with me. Also please message privately if you find any of these errors before you reblog any of my posts so I can correct them.

These characters are not my own and were originally created by Riot for Legends of Runeterra, everything I write here is my own interpretation of them.

If I do anything you find offensive on my blog please politely let me know. I will try to tag what I can but feel free to message me or ask me on anon to tag something. Even if your not a mutual or an rp blogger yourself I want you to feel safe on my blog. I will not tolerate any hate and/or sexually offensive comments towards me, or guilt and toxic behavior. You will be blocked if you are excessively rude to the Mun.

#RULES #MUN

[bzedan]

Last Year's Flash Fiction: Person makes appointment with old enemies

Storytelling Collective does a yearly challenge for flash fic, with prompts and a nice community format. Every year I complete a run I pick my ten favourites and collect them into what is basically a zine. I've got 2024's up, so now it's time to share some faves from 2023.

[ID: An image rendered in faux-photocopy style of two daggers, each pointing in opposite directions horizontally over the pages of a book mid-turn. A circular vignette frames them. End ID.]

An Appointment With Old Enemies

Of course, you’ll fall for your nemesis. If there was a handbook that would be the third chapter after “An Introduction to Healthy Obsession” and “Branding: The Balance Between Recognisability and Rigidity.” It doesn’t matter what side you’re on or if you are some flavour of grey that rejects sides, if you have a nemesis, you will fall for them.

In that imaginary chapter, you’ll be told its fine, it’s normal. When two people hate each other very much then a lot of complicated feelings get folded into their relationship. Imagine a baklava, which is a discrete object. It’s a delicious pastry and I recognize that picturing it is a little distracting, but soldier on. A baklava is a discrete object the way being a nemesis is. But, within that object are delicate layers that can’t be teased apart without destroying the very thing they are. There is also a dreamy filling and a sweet drizzle and a satisfying crunch and this imaginary chapter in this imaginary textbook would find a metaphor for all of it. There would be a diagram, probably. You’d read the chapter right before nemesis class, instead of earlier in the week like you should have, and you’d spend the entire nemesis lecture thinking about baklava.

The point is, it is normal and good to fall for your nemesis and it is also very complicated. Because what is the next step? If you fall for them romantically then are you looking at years of pining or will it be a quick romance? And after, will you spend your time together giving your beloved a kiss before clocking in on opposite sides? Or will you fall out of love, adding a new, aching layer of feeling?

Remember, you may not fall for your nemesis romantically. That’s a misconception many beginners make. You can fall for your nemesis in friendship, and the person with whom you have vowed mutual destruction is also the person who knows you best and who you can call when your cat dies. You can fall into hate, which is far messier than falling in love, because hate can make for incredibly poor decisions. And if, fuelled by that hate you actually destroy your nemesis, what do you do then?

If there were a follow-up manual to the imaginary nemesis manual it would be about living after you’ve vanquished your nemesis. It would have chapters like “Filling Your Time with Feuds” or “Angling for An Arch-Enemy” and would list the contact information for recovery groups in the back.

You will fall for your nemesis. The challenge is not in avoiding that fall, it is ensuring that in your passion, those delicate layers of feeling, you do not destroy them. They must take the same care toward you. It is as easy to destroy the thing you love as it is to destroy the thing you hate, so if you fall romantically for your nemesis don’t think that means you’re in the clear.

It is surprising, actually, that these handbooks don’t exist. Even a series of lectures that you could watch on your own schedule would be helpful. We’ve been doing this long enough, there have been ample historical examples of what to expect. And yet we keep plunging ahead as though we’ve only just invented everything and have to learn the rules as we go. If I’d had a handbook maybe, this wouldn’t have happened. Some passage in a chapter titled “Handling Hubris” would have stuck with me through the years because of a very stupid pie chart. If I’d had a handbook maybe, something to summarise all those things we should already know, you would still be here.

#meche writes #flash fiction february #writblr #writers on tumblr #imagine your otp

[hawthorneheightsunofficial]

Hawthorne Heights interview from AbsolutePunk.net

From Nov 18, 2005. (x)

This interview was conducted with Matt, Eron, and JT of Hawthorne Heights on November 18th, 2005 in Atlanta, GA at the band’s show at the Masquerade with Aiden, Bayside, and Silverstein.

Also, please make sure you go to the show and give your support to Anthony and Jack of Bayside. I know they appreciate every fan that comes up to them and gives them a hug; it really does mean a lot.

Thank you guys so much for doing this interview; I realize you’re a very big band with a very busy schedule, and it means a lot to AP for you to sit down with us.

Matt: Oh, no problem, you’re welcome.

How’s the tour been so far?

Matt: Really, really good.

Eron: Aside from the accident, it’s been amazing.

I can only imagine how tough it’s been for you guys, as I know Bayside are some of your best friends; how’ve you been able to cope?

Eron: We took a couple days off from touring for everybody to gather themselves back together and so we could go pay our respects to John and his family. It was kind of weird coming back and not having Bayside play. They’re really close friends of ours and we’ve toured with them more than any other band, so to not have them out there with us was kind of hard. And then two days ago, Anthony and Jack came back, and that was pretty tough watching them the first night, just playing acoustic without the rest of the band.

How long did you know Beatz?

Matt: Right when he joined the band, that’s when we toured with them, like the first or second tour, so we’ve only known that Bayside.

Eron: Well we did play our first show as Hawthorne Heights with Bayside

Matt: And Glasseater, but with a different lineup. But yeah, basically the only thing we could do is use this tour to help them out in whatever way we could. So that’s been a good way to deal with it, and just talking to them on the phone and stuff, and we play their music in between bands every night.just like little things like that.

Eron: We try to make other people, the fans, aware of it, the ones who may not read the websites or AbsolutePunk, and try to raise money for John’s family, and his wife, and everything.

Matt: And try to get people to listen to Bayside.

I think I speak for most of the music community when I say what you guys have been doing to help Bayside out has been really something special and touching for music fans to see; you sold their merchandise for them while they weren’t on the tour, you’ve collected donations, you’ve donated money yourselves. That’s really, really cool of you guys.

Matt: It’s the least we could do for them. We’re best friends with them.

What would you like people to remember about Beatz?

Eron: He’s just the most positive person you’ve ever met, and just super excited to be playing in a touring band–

Matt: He’s the only person I’ve ever met in any band that watches every band every night. Cause most of us will hang out until we play or whatever, but he was out there.we were in England a month ago, and if something went wrong with Eron’s drum set, he’d run up and drum tech.

Eron: He would always watch me play, and I would always go watch him play, and we just sort of had a mutual respect for each other’s playing and everything, and it just kind of stinks.

I can’t even imagine what it’d be like.

So you guys just finished up recording the new CD; what was the writing/recording process for that like? I know you guys have sold around 600,000 CDs now, so did you feel the pressure when you were writing the album to come up with something that you knew millions of people would be listening to, or did it just come naturally?

Eron: I didn’t feel too much pressure, but I think there was pressure in the back of our minds; we just tried to focus on writing.

Matt: The only pressure really was time.

Eron: We were definitely on a time-crunch. We were touring so extensively this year that in between tours, when we’d get a couple weeks we had off, we’d have to be practicing and writing new material. Even though we tried to write while on tour, that never really happened.

Yeah, I was going to ask if you had to do any writing on the road.

Eron: I think a little tiny bit, maybe. Matt may have come up with a couple ideas.

Matt: Yeah, like, “Here’s an idea,” but it never was a song. It was always like “Here’s a riff” or “Here’s a chorus.”

Eron: So the writing process took place over the last year in between tours, so there was kind of a rush to get everything done. Then we got back from Warped Tour, we had like three or four days off, and we started pre-production right away. And it was ridiculously hectic.we had to write a couple songs still, at that point, right before our producer flew out to Ohio to meet up with us, so we wrote a few songs at the last minute. And then while our producer was there, we had to fly off and play the Jimmy Kimmel show, and then we had to go up to Chicago, so our pre-production was choppy and we had to make the most of our time.

Matt: Recording was just five weeks, sitting in a room, staring at each other.

So you guys worked with David Bendeth; what was that like working with him? How did he help out?

Eron: I thought he was really good at helping song arrangements and structures and saying like, “All right guys, I like that riff, but you only play it once during the song, so why don’t we just cut it out or add it again at the end?” We specifically told him when we went in there that we didn’t want him to write any parts, we just wanted him to help with our arrangements and basically take what we had and make it stronger. So that’s what he did.

Matt: We went with him because he doesn’t really do our type of band at all. So he brought different things to the table that we never would have thought of.

Yeah, I was looking at his discography, and he’s got like Vertical Horizon

Eron: Candiria.

Haha yeah, and SR-71.

Matt: Yeah, the Crash Test Dummies and stuff

So how much did where he’s coming from influence his input?

Matt: I think it did in terms of effects and stuff.

Eron: We definitely had to tell him, like sometimes he’d come up with an idea and we’d be like, “That’s way too nu-metal.”

Matt: For every one time we said, “That sucks,” we’d also say, “Wow, I never would have thought of that,” so it’s kind of like a give and take. But I mean, everyone in our band listens to totally different stuff, so it’s kind of good to go with somebody like that, because we’re so used to it with writing.

Do you guys have any cool or horror stories from the studio?

Matt: Casey put his dick on my shoulder one time.

Eron: We’ve got it on camera, it’s pretty funny.

Hahaha, for real?

Matt: Haha yeah, he put it on my shoulder and went, “Hey Matt” and I turned around, and it was right there!

Eron: But the best part is that we had a camera set up on the console, and you just see Casey, out of nowhere, just get up out of his seat.

Matt: Doesn’t say a word.

Eron: Doesn’t say a word, and just walks over to Matt, unzips his pants, and plops it on his shoulder.

Hahaha, that’ll make for some interesting talk on AP.

Eron: We had that one day where we had a bunch of fans come in and do gang vocals and stuff–

Matt: That was tight

Eron: And the whole process of asking for people to come in was pretty funny too, because people would send us emails and say “Hey, I’m a classically trained singer here,” not having any clue what we were talking about. Like, “We just need you to shout, it’s not that hard.”

Matt: That was usually how we weeded out people: “I took vocal lessons for three weeks!”

Eron: CUT!

Matt: Yeah, probably not gonna make it.

Haha. So was there any pressure when you were recording. I don’t know what kind of environment David created, but was it ever just like “Oh shit, we’re running out of time, and a ton of people are going to hear this, I better nail this take?”

Eron: We had a little bit of a time crunch at the end, so we started doubling up on things. We had one engineer in a different booth while they were doing guitars, so they’d do all the guitars in a separate part of the studio, and they were doing vocals at the same time, so if you were listening in the big room, you might just hear half of a song, and they might say “I’m done with the guitar track,” and they’d come and bring it in, and the song would sound completely different. So we definitely did run into a little bit of a time crunch, but other than that, it wasn’t anything too bad.

Matt: I mean, we weren’t like, “Man, how many people are gonna buy this? Who’s gonna buy this? Let’s write for them.” We just wrote a CD like the way we did last time, and said, “If people like it, sweet, if people don’t, sweet.” Hopefully people do, but.

Eron: We want to like what we play, because we’re the ones that are going to be out here playing these songs for two years.

Matt: Two years, every day.

Eron: We might as well be happy with them.

So are you guys going to be playing any new ones tonight?

Matt: Yeah, we’re playing like three. And the second new one we play, we played for the first time last night.

How’d that go?

Matt: It went pretty good, I guess.

So what can people expect from the new CD versus The Silence in Black and White?

Matt: No names of states in the songs. But yeah, I just think that there’s breakdowns, and there’s quiet parts, but the breakdowns are heavier than the last one, they’re not as stupid, and the quiet parts are quieter; we have a choir song…

Eron: We tried to take the stuff that we liked about our first CD and just expand on that, and then take the parts that we didn’t like on the last CD and either make them better, or cut them out completely. There’s a little bit less screaming on this record.

Matt: I think there’s quite a bit less.

Eron: Yeah, there is quite a bit less. I mean, the last record, our producer really wasn’t a producer and he never really said, “Hey, that doesn’t sound right there,” so what you heard is what we actually just performed.

Matt: We just sat there and were like, “Hey, do you want to scream over that part?” “Uhh, I guess.” “OK, go do it.” And that’s what it is.

Eron: So even though there were definitely instances on the last CD where I was like, “I don’t know if we should have screaming there, because it sounds a little excessive,” there was never anybody else to say, “Yeah, that doesn’t sound right there,” on the last CD, so it all just stayed. So on this CD, during the parts that don’t require screaming, there’s no screaming, but like on a breakdown or something, there’s screaming.

Matt: And on some songs, there’s no screaming at all. Because I think last time we tried to squeeze it in, like “Oh, let’s do a scream!”

Eron: There are definitely parts on our old CD where I’m like, “Man, that sounds so forced.” And it’s funny, because Casey doesn’t even scream most of those parts anyways live.

Do you know what the first single from the new album will be?

Eron: It’s going to be the first song on the album actually, “This Is Who We Are.” It’s a little heavier song, kind of has a bit of a “Niki FM” vibe to it.

Matt: It’s got a breakdown in it.

Eron: Yeah, it’s got a breakdown in it.

Matt: Which I’m sure radio will like … psyche!

Eron: Yeah, I’m guessing they’ll edit it out or something.

Haha. So do you think the new CD will convert any of the haters on the message boards and stuff like that?

Eron: I don’t know. I think it’d be hilarious if it did, but I’m not holding my breath or anything.

Matt: I’ve read that stuff, and they’re like, “your songs don’t flow well,” and all that stuff, and I’m with that, that’s fine. I agree with that to a point, but I think the songs on the new record flow really well. There’s no like “useless screaming” or whatever they say.

Speaking of going online, how does it feel to go online and read so many hateful comments about your band?

Matt: Haha, what website are you talking about?

I don’t know!

Do you guys take those comments personally?

Eron: At first I think we were kind of bummed out because most people hadn’t heard us and they were already talking shit on us, but now it’s hilarious to go on there and read the ridiculous things people say. Like one song on our new album was actually named after a post that we saw on AbsolutePunk: it was the dumbest thing I’ve EVER read! And I was like, “Matt, you gotta check this out!”

Matt: He called me one day and was like, “Dude, you HAVE to read this!”

Hahaha, “Where Can I Stab Myself in the Ears,” right?

Eron: “Where Can I Stab Myself in the Ears?” and the next reply was, “In the ears?” Like, the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. So it was just like, yeah, we gotta make that a song title. So whoever that was, thank you.

Matt: So we got a little bit of AbsolutePunk on our record; we got a shout out for you.

Hahaha, right on.

Have you been able to filter out any of the negativity in the criticism and use that as a stepping stone to become a better band, be it musically, lyrically, vocally, just in general? Do you take it to heart?

Eron: No, no. A lot of the things people were saying were already things we knew we had to get better at anyways. It wasn’t like these people were telling us something completely revolutionary.

Matt: It’s like telling R. Kelly that his “Trapped in the Closet” is ridiculous and him saying, “No it’s not, it’s changing the world!” Like, we’re not like that. I don’t think we’re changing the world by any means, and I don’t think we think that. We take criticism as its supposed to be taken I guess.

Eron: It’s funny when people criticize JT’s lyrics and stuff, because on that first album, he literally wrote those while he was in the vocal booth, because it was such a rush job. I mean, he knew they weren’t his best lyrics.

Matt: We got signed, and then we were in the studio in three weeks, quit our jobs to write, and we had no money, we were trying to practice 8 hours a day, and we don’t know what the fuck we sound like.

Eron: Yeah, we had five songs when we got signed.

Matt: So we were trying to create a sound on the fly, and then we got to the studio and half the songs weren’t even close. “Ohio Is For Lovers” is one of the songs he wrote the lyrics for in the studio.

Eron: We didn’t even think that song was going to be a single originally.

Going back to song titles, some readers were wondering what some of them mean. I think around the end, there’s a track called “We’re So Last Year”; people were just wondering if there were any interesting song titles you wanted to talk about?

Matt: Well, “We’re So Last Year” is kind of satirical.

Eron: You see a lot of bands, and you listen to them one year, and they’re gone the next.

Matt: Well, one week even.

Eron: You never know. This industry is so fickle, and a band that might be the hot band at the moment today, next week, nobody gives a shit about em, or when their new album comes out, it totally flops. So who knows, our next album, even though we sold 600,000 copies of this one, our next album could be a total flop and we could just be “so last year.”

Matt: Also, just wondering, where did you get that tracklisting?

Umm, it was posted on AP a couple days ago I think.

Matt: Because we just called. And gave a tracklisting today.

Haha, really? That’s kind of weird.

Eron: The tracklisting on there is totally not accurate.

Matt: The song titles are good.

Eron: The song titles are right, but the tracklisting is totally off. “December” is totally not going to be the 2nd song, because it’s an acoustic song. We got a kick out of it, because we were looking at it.

Matt: And we were like, “WE haven’t even decided the tracklisting yet!”

Eron: As we were talking to our producer about what order to put things in, it was like, “Wait, what the fuck?”

So I’m guessing you guys read all the drama about JT and his guitar pick [which read “JT Hates AP.net”]. People kinda want to know about all that. I personally think it’s really funny.

Matt: Hahaha, yeah yeah. He was just being funny. We were all trying to figure out what to do with our picks, because its fun to have a specialized pick. Like, I have “Waz up?” on the back of mine just because it’s stupid. So he was just trying to be funny, kind of on a limb. No harm, no foul.

Haha, cool.

Has being successfuly changed the way you think about the industry or just anything in general?

Matt: I now think the music industry is fucking ridiculous.

Eron: Once you learn more about the industry, you definitely learn how seedy and two-face people can be.

Matt: Like, you can be the best band. EVER. I Am the Avalanche. I’ll drop that, and not sell many records, and your guarantee’s gonna be $40 bucks, but if you’re the WORST band ever–I’m not going to name any names–but if you sell a bunch of CDs, then your guarantee is sooo high. It has nothing to do with how many kids you draw, has nothing to do with anything.just that number. I’ll definitely say I Am the Avalanche is way better than they’re getting credit for.

I’m guessing you guys get recognized pretty easily now; how does that feel?

Matt: If we’re in a group, with our laminates, like, walking into Hot Topic, then somebody will say something, but if we’re at home, just doing nothing, or at Chipotle or something, then nobody cares. So it’s not bad at all, and even if it were, then that’s cool, we’d deal with it.

So after being so successful on Victory, would you guys ever see the need to move to a major?

Eron: It’s pointless, really, for a band in this genre to move to a major if they’re on a label like Victory. Because Victory knows exactly how to promote bands of this genre.

Matt: They have the same distribution as a major label.

Eron: So your record is going to be everywhere, Victory knows exactly how to promote.they’re very aggressive with their promotions, obviously, and the money they spend on their promotions is far less than what any major would spend.

So does that mean you don’t have to recoup as many costs?

Eron: We won’t have to recoup as many costs as you would if you were on a major. Story of the Year’s still probably recouping from their first CD, and they’ve probably sold 900,000 copies of that one.

Matt: And also I know that one of my friends back home before I was even in this band, they signed to a major, and their album came out in December, and their marketing date was set in April. And they got dropped in February. So it’s like, “OK, you didn’t market us at all, you expect us to sell CDs?”

I guess Victory proves that you don’t need to be on a major to have your videos all over TV and stuff.

Matt: Yeah, you really don’t. I mean, if people want to hear it, and they can find it, that’s pretty much all we need.

How does it feel to see yourselves on TV and hear your songs on the radio and stuff?

Eron: It’s kind of weird. It was weirder at first, but it’s still weird just to think that you’re on TV, or if I look in a magazine and I see a picture of me in an ad for Pro-Mark sticks or something, it’s weird to think that my picture there is helping this company sell sticks.

Matt: It’s not as weird on tour, but when I’m sitting at home with my cat, I’m like, “What the fuck?!”

This is a funny one, but a lot of people were wondering about the lyrics in the chorus of “Ohio Is For Lovers” (“Cut my wrists and black my eyes”), and how you might reconcile that with being on the Take Action tour, an anti-suicide tour.

Matt: Hahahahaha

Eron: So people actually think that it’s pro-suicide? Do you think Romeo and Juliet is pro-suicide? I’m not comparing JT’s lyrics to Shakespeare or anything, but Romeo and Juliet.nobody ever says, “Oh that book is pro-suicide.”

Matt: I think it’s a metaphor for something.I mean, it’d be a question to ask him, but I think it’s a metaphor for something.

Eron: You know, the way you feel in a relationship if things are going bad, I guess.

Matt: The song’s about being away from home, obviously it’s Ohio, it’s just like starting out this new career and we had no idea where it was going to go at all, and just like, we all had girlfriends, and we’re like, “OK we’re going to leave and not make money for a really long time. Have fun sitting by yourself sitting at home, and … sorry.”

Yeah, a lot of people were just curious about that, so I felt the need to ask it.

Matt: Yeah, I’m sure it was just a metaphor for feeling like shit when you’re gone, not making any money, not having anything to show.like, our first tour, we played to 30 people in 3 weeks, total.

Yeah, I saw some interview with you guys where you said you’d only play to like 15 people on your first tours.

Matt: Without a doubt. We’d drive 12 hours to play for 5 people.

Eron: Actually, it was pretty funny because we booked our own first tour once we got out of the studio, and every night there were like 100 people there, and then the next tour we did was the first tour we were on that a booking agent played for us, and there were literally like five people there.

Matt: They paid, in Birmingham, Alabama, they paid someone $5 to come to our show, and they were the only person there. So we’re just like, “OK, lets fucking practice for this dude!” We’ll try to do our best.

I saw Days Like These a few days ago, and there were like 5 people there, and I felt awful for the band.

Matt: Yeah, it’s awful, but you just gotta suck it up and put on a show.

It’s just a shitty feeling to see a band drive so far and play in front of so few people.

Eron: There was definitely one show on that tour where we drove 11 hours up to Alston at the ICC church, and there were seriously five people there. And the promoter’s like, “Well, the show yesterday was completely sold out!”

Matt: He was like, “You guys might not want even want to play. I would suggest you not even going down there.” And were like, “Not play? We just drove 12 hours! We don’t care if nobody’s there, we’re playing.” So yeah, I just think it’s a metaphor for feeling like shit because we knew that’s gonna happen.

JT enters the room

Matt: Tell him what “Cut my wrists and black my eyes” means. I said it was a metaphor for feeling like shit when you’re gone.

JT: Exactly, there you go. It’s not a metaphor for really cutting your wrists and blacking your eyes, like a lot of people like to think.

Yeah, a lot of people were asking about that, just because of being on the Take Action tour.

JT: I would definitely understand somebody asking that question if, like, I don’t know, when you read stuff like that, it’s like, “Name me one pro-suicide band ever.” Name me one band that’s like, “Oh what kind of music are you guys?” “Oh we’re like a screamo/emo band” “How about you guys?” “Suicide-core.”

Haha, yeah, I mean I don’t agree with those people, a lot of people were just asking.

Someone said that MTV censored out “cut my wrists and black my eyes”.

Matt: Not when I sing the echo of it though! Haha

Haha, how do you guys feel about it being censored out?

JT: It’s like it doesn’t matter; they kind of pick and choose what they want to do. They’ve got consultants that just tell them what to do. The week our video aired was also the week that Britney Spears’ video where she’s actually cutting her wrists and laying in a bathtub full of blood aired. Like, ours is a metaphor, but she’s showing 14 year old girls that her life is so hard that she’s cutting her wrists. It’s no different than saying “bitch” or something like that.

Did they ask about it before they censored it out?

JT: No they told us, they were like, “We’re probably going to have to do an edit on that,” and were like, “OK.”

Cool, so you guys are going on tour with Fall Out Boy and the All-American Rejects; how’d that happen?

Eron: Fall Out Boy wanted to tour with us for a while.

JT: Yeah, like, we’re pretty good friends with those guys. They’re great guys. Out of all the bands you see huge success happening to, no other band deserves it more than them.

Matt: Them and My Chem[ical Romance]

JT: Because they’ve all been doing this longer than we have, like 2 years longer than we have. One of our first shows right before we became Hawthorne Heights was with Fall Out Boy in a comic book store. So a lot of people think it’s overnight success, but we’ve all been busting our butt to no people before this.

They seem like really humble, really nice guys from what I’ve seen about them online.

JT: They’ve never had anything bad to say about anybody when we’ve been around them.

Matt: They’ve definitely worked their ass off to be on the cover of SPIN this month. They’ve done their shit.

JT: They’re really humble.

Eron: Especially Andy.

JT: They’re not like changing music, but who is? Like, you don’t have to change music to sell a lot of CDs and have people like listening to what you play.

There was a recent post on AP about Coheed & Cambria’s rider, and someone was wondering if you had any crazy or fun things on your rider?

JT: Oreos.

Matt: I definitely saw it on there, and nothing was really crazy on it I thought.

Eron: We’ve got peanut butter Oreos, we’ve got mint Oreos, and regular Oreos on our rider.

Matt: Vitamin water.no alcohol.

JT: We’ll never take full advantage of what we could get on a rider, or anything.

Matt: Chips, salsa.

JT: If we have a lot of Oreos left over–because we really like Oreos–we’ll tell our tour manager “We have enough Oreos today, you can cut the Oreos off.”

Matt: Like, we’ve got enough Red Bull for a long time, so we’ve cut it. It’s gone.

Eron: Yeah, we’re not asking for an alligator or something stupid like that.

So what do you guys do in between towns, like on the bus and once you’re in town?

Eron: Not much. We’ll have a couple hours to walk around and get some food or something.

JT: Like today, for example, like when you go to a town you’ve been to a couple times, or the same venue, today we knew there was a Chipotle right over there, we knew there was a Borders, we got a smoothie, and that’s pretty much it. Like, we always have the local places we’re going to go every time.

Eron: Every place you go, you know exactly what’s around it.

JT: We’re pretty boring, we do the same thing every time. We watch movies when the bus is moving, or make fun of each other, or give each other ass-hats, haha.

Could you take the readers through the typical day of a Hawthorne Heights member?

Matt: Do you want a day in New York or LA, or a regular day?

How about one normal day, and then one NY/LA day.

Eron: Well we got here, and we hung out for a little while, a couple of us went to go eat and walk around for a little bit, came back, soundchecked, after soundcheck we had a photo shoot to do, so we did that, came on here [the bus] and everybody probably just went and did whatever.played football, or watched The Warriors, and you came and we’re doing an interview, and then we’ll do some more of just nothing, and then play.

JT: We pretty much just hang out with each other or one of our friends in the crew. We’ll just say, “Hey, where do you want to go?”

Eron: We do about five pounds of coke every day.

JT: Minimum.

Eron: Minimum.

What do you do on a busy day in like LA?

Eron: It’s like interview after interview after interview, photoshoot, soundcheck, interview, show.

JT: If we’re in New York or LA, Eron will go with one group of PR people, I will go with the other group of other PR people, and–

Matt: And the rest of us do shit

Eron: Like when we were in London, we did like 2 interviews and a photoshoot, and then a soundcheck, and then had 3 other photoshoots.

Matt: It was like a workstation.we went here and did an interview, walked over here and did an interview.

JT: It was like a job fair, haha.

Matt: It was hilarious.

Eron: It was like 7 o’clock at night before I even got a chance to eat, because we were that busy during the day that there wasn’t enough time in the day to just stop and get something.

Matt: JT and I ran to a McDonald’s really quick and got something to eat and just ran to the venue.

JT: Those days you never have a second to just sit and do something, or if you’re sick, it’s real bad because the second you think you’re going to be able to take a nap or just lay down, and it’s like “Alright, well you gotta go do this now.” You look like crap, and you feel like crap…

Do you get sick of that, or do you enjoy doing that because it’ll help the band?

Eron: We don’t have that too frequently, it’s really only the bigger cities.

Matt: Yeah, it’s only 2 or 3 days on the tour.

JT: We always think about it like, you have to appreciate your surroundings, and I would rather have 15 people talk to me a day than nobody talk to me. So you just have to take everything in stride, you can’t be too worried about things.

Eron: It’s not like a bad problem to have. Really, it’s only New York, LA, and Chicago where you’re super busy.

JT: And you know what’s gonna happen, it’s not sprung on you. It’s like, “New York’s next, clear the day.”

Eron: Forget it, I’m not going to have any time to see anything, because we’re going to be busy.I don’t know what yet, but we’re going to have something.

What’s it like in Ohio? What’s the scene like there? Any favorite bands?

Matt: Hit the Lights.

Eron: Hit the Lights.

Yeah, I can’t stop listening to their EP.

JT: That’s one thing that’s weird about AbsolutePunk.we’ve helped em out a lot. People will be like “Oh, Hit the Lights, we partied with them last night, they’re reinventing the wheel.” But for some reason, our band has the worst lyrics, the worst parts, the worst.everybody definitely picks their favorite bands, and we understand that and everything, but when we’re friends with all the bands that they’re choosing over us, and all these bands actually like us and they’ll be on record and say they like us, it’s a little weird.

I think a little bit of it has to do with the size of bands.Hit the Lights is a really small band right now, so I think people think they’ve got a connection to them, but I can guarantee you that if Hit the Lights gets half as popular as Simple Plan is, people will be jumping on the hate bandwagon. I’m not gonna hate them for it, but I know other people will.

Matt: I used to do that.when Blink 182 signed to a major, I was like, “Fuck that band!” I listened to Enema of the State three days ago, it’s so good. It’s ridiculous. That punk rock mentality is going to be in like everybody’s heads for the rest of our lives.

Eron: I was a freshman in high school, and I went to my first hardcore show, and after that, I literally went home, grabbed all my Nirvana and Pearl Jam CDs, and went to the local record store and sold them because they were on a major label.

Yeah, I mean, you guys are really successful, so I think that has a lot to do with some of the comments you get on AP. Like, everyone was digging Fall Out Boy two years ago when Take This To Your Grave came out, and they were still underground, but now people hate them because they’re popular.

Matt: And that’s the thing.their new album is retarded good. There’s no way anybody can be like, “It sucks! They suck now!” It’s just really good Fall Out Boy.

Eron: I think they found their sound finally. Their last album to me sounded a lot like Saves the Day, and this new one sounds like Fall Out Boy.

JT: The only post that will frustrate us, like, we don’t ever get mad if someone says our band sucks, like “OK, they don’t like our band.” I don’t like a lot of bands. I like a lot of bands. But, posts like, “Man, I was on Fall Out Boy’s fan club’s site, and they’re selling their shirts for $20.” These people just don’t realize why they’re $20. Like, when your manager gets 15%, your agent gets 15%, your merch store gets 15%, they’re selling them.

Eron: They’re making a buck.

JT: They’re selling them for $20 to get it to regular show price, you know like with shipping and everything. It’s frustrating when people are uneducated on the industry, and like, we were totally too. I’m not faulting them for not knowing friends in bands that are in that position.

Eron: I think it’s fucked up when people wish harm on you. They don’t like your music, so they’re like, “I wish they’d fucking die.” Especially given current circumstances. I just think it’s totally fucked up. There was definitely a picture from our first tour with Silverstein, Micah hit his head with his own guitar, and there was just blood dripping off his face, and somebody posted it and was like, “I wish he bled to death.”

Matt: It’s your fault!

Haha, I don’t approve.

Matt: I’m joking, haha.

JT: It seems like it’s always the same 10 people saying the same thing. For the most part, the people on that site have great opinions and they have fine things to say whether it’s about our band or any band. They really do. “I like this band for this reason…” or “I don’t like this band for this reason…”

Eron: When there’s a post about us, you can guarantee that the same 30 people will be posting in that thread.

It’s always the most negative people who are the most vocal.

Matt: Yeah, it’s like that with anything.

Jason ran a search in people’s profiles for people who had you listed in favorite bands, and there was a damn good amount.

Eron: They’re gonna lose a lot of scene points.

Haha, we actually got rid of those.

Eron: Yeah, I saw that.

It was just a total joke.

Eron: I thought it was hilarious.

People were scared of saying things in fear of having their scene points taking away.

Matt: Hahahahaha

What do you guys think you’d be doing if you weren’t musicians?

Eron: I’d be working some desk job. I was working at Time Warner cable before I did this.

JT: Given their present situation though, you’d’ve been be canned.

Eron: Well yeah, I definitely would’ve. Funny story, we got signed, and then I found out, since I’m down with my boss, that I was going to get laid off a month or two after anyways. So I was like, “Awesome, I’m going to have my severance pay while I’m out there making no money.” Our guitar tech right now, his dad works at Time Warner, and he’s like a VP, and our guitar tech told his dad that we got signed, and that I was planning on quitting, so his dad told the president, so they just let me quit, so I wasn’t gonna get any money.

Aw, I’m sorry.

JT: I would have finished my degree in education. Casey would’ve probably hopefully had finished his degree. Matt probably would’ve dropped in and out of college ten times since then, back in and out of each semester.

Eron: Micah might be engineering or something.

JT: Yeah, he’d probably be doing something in a studio some place. But yeah, we’d probably all be doing some form of music. Obviously, we’re older, so we’ve been doing this a long time anyway.

Eron: My whole goal in working with Time Warner was to work my way into their music group, cause I’ve been playing in bands since I was 13 and started playing drums, and music has always been a huge part of my life. So I graduated college and I kind of gave up on being in a band, so I thought I’d maybe just work in the industry or something. And that was my plan too after, in case I ever made it in a band.

Oh yeah, JT, since we’ve got you here, I gotta ask about the guitar pick thing.

JT: It was totally an inside joke, like tongue-in-cheek funny. It was totally like, “Hey, you know what would be funny?” and they were giving us free picks, so I just did it. And I think at that point they said something personally, I can’t remember what it was, but it was like, “This band sucks, they can’t play their instruments” blah blah blah, and it was like, alright, well if I’m vocal about me not liking the site, let’s see what happens. All hell breaks loose. So apparently if I’m vocal about not liking the site.

Nah, we don’t care. We thought it was funny, haha.

JT: Yeah, it’s funny.

Eron: I thought it was hilarious when you guys first posted it and someone was like, “Oh you mean this pick?” and it they posted a picture of a pick from eBay that just had a bunch of people’s signatures, and people were like, “What’s so offensive about those signatures?”

Matt: By the way, this is totally off-subject, but I was in the room when Eron recorded his drums for our first CD, and I’ve seen people on their say, “He didn’t record them! Sean O’Keefe recorded them!” I watched him play them.

Eron: The best was when they said Caleb, our old manger, played the drums on them.

Matt: And Casey’s scream is definitely real, that’s how he screams. I don’t know how a computer can scream.

Eron: I can understand how people can sometimes think.like, because everything was so Pro-Tooled on our first record.Sean took everything and lined up guitars, drums, bass, everything, and even vocals, he’d make sure JT was saying words exactly on time, and if you listen to it, it doesn’t sound natural, it sounds so mechanical. And our new producer, he didn’t quantize my drums at all. If I had one bass drum hit out of beat, he’d slide it over just a little bit, and everything’s way more natural.

JT: That was our first recording experience, so you can imagine, let’s say, if you’re favorite band is the Foo Fighters or something, you can imagine in a huge studio what they do to make them sound like gold. But with like a $15,000 budget, there’s not much you can do.

I was just thinking.people probably know you read the site sometimes.

JT: Oh, I do every day.

And maybe they say things just to piss you off.

JT: Probably.

Eron: Most of the time it’s funny.

JT: Honest to god, we are laughing the whole time, just like you probably are.

Eron: I shit my pants when somebody was like, “Caleb played drums on the album.” We were like, what are they reaching for right now?

JT: He wears sandals with socks on!

Eron: And we haven’t mentioned his name in a year and a half.

JT: I would go on there right now.I don’t even know how to navigate the internet very well, like I don’t know how to sign up to be an AbsolutePunk member or anything like that.I could probably figure it out.but I definitely go on there, read, figure out what’s going on with my band at the time.

Yeah, we figured out your tracklisting for you.

JT: Not that it would matter, but that couldn’t be more opposite than what our actual tracklisting is. I mean, obviously they haven’t heard the songs, and just know the names of the songs, but the one that was #2, was the acoustic song, and that’s the one that would be dead ass last.

Matt: It’s a good way to keep up.I’ll read something about some band, and be like “What the.Hopesfall! What happened?” and I’ll call Josh and be like, “What happened? Your gear got stolen!” I find shit out on there all the time.

JT: Out of the information sites, it’s one of the better ones. Like all the information, except for the silly stuff, I think it’s very good for the most part. I don’t ever believe anybody breaking up or things like that, but announced tours and things like that.

Matt: Cartel’s good!

Cartel is good.

Matt: Cartel is really good, I’ll tell you that.

JT: We’ve definitely found some good bands from that site. Some of our friend’s bands that we’ve known for 15 years are on that site. And one of the funny things is that it is young readers, and we get asked the same questions too.it’s like, “Man, Cartel, how come you don’t ever see them on TRL?” Just because you love a band doesn’t mean that everybody loves a band. It doesn’t mean the band’s not good.

Matt: It could have something not to do with the band at all.the record label not having good distribution, or something.

Plus, the thing about Cartel, is that they sound like they’re a huge band, and I think that sometimes confuses people.

JT: I agree. That band is getting screwed right now. They could be like, I wouldn’t say as big as Fall Out Boy, because Fall Out Boy is having something special happening right now, but they could be like a gold record band, or a 250,000 band.

Eron: Once they get through The Militia Group, I think they’ll be good to go.

Matt: The thing kids don’t see, is that Cartel, if they do that, and they have the same amazing songs, like really catchy and are really good, but say the label doesn’t promote them very good. That could fuck them just as much.

JT: Say they don’t get on the right tours.

Matt: It could have absolutely nothing to do with the band, and they’d still get fucked. I’d say its 10% what the band sounds like.

JT: Case in point, Bayside. Like, we’re all really partial to Bayside because they’re our friends, but I really do think they’re a great band, and they’re around that same level and should be higher. They’re on the same label as we’re on, you know?

It just doesn’t make sense how some bands get huge and others don’t.

JT: It’s one of those things.like, for some reason, everyone grabbed a hold of My Chemical Romance at that time, or Fall Out Boy at this time, and like, The Killers.my mom probably still buys 5 Killers CDs a week or something. They’re still selling like 35,000 a week somehow.

Green Day is still selling like 40,000 a week. It’s amazing.

Matt: It’s like, who the fuck’s still buying it?

JT: I think that they’re buying em. Because in rock n roll, there’s not that many people who can keep buying it.

Like, how did 40,000 people just wake up this week and say, “Oh! I’m gonna go buy the new Green Day!”

JT: It’s like, “Oh, fuck, what’s that fucking band called? Green Day! What’s their new CD sound like?”

Matt: Fall Out Boy.42,000. Who’s buying that that hasn’t already bought it?

JT: The good thing about them is that they’re out of the scene, they’re on MTV, and that’s who’s buying their CD. All of us that like Fall Out Boy from previous efforts still have it, still like it, but now they’re going to people who like Ashlee Simpson, and are like “Oh man, these guys are cute and write good songs.” They’ve always been cute and always written good songs, but now they have that special thing happening.

What do you guys listen to for fun and inspiration?

JT: For fun, our merch guy has a shit ton of ska records, like Goldfinger and stuff like that, stuff you listened to when you were in 8th grade and stuff. It’s fun to bring back those memories, like the first time you went to shows and stuff like that.

Matt: I’ve got 12 NOFX albums on my iPod.

JT: We all listen to some of the most stereotypical, punk rock, emo, screamo, indie rock, hardcore, but we also listen to.

[Casey enters]

Eron: Did you get the sneetches tattoo?

Casey: I got the sneetches.

Eron: Oh my god.

Matt: Casey just got a Dr. Seuss tattoo!

Casey: There’s a few sad ones, and there are the ones that are happy.

Eron: You were asking what we do in our time between playing and stuff? Casey gets bored and goes and gets tattoos.

Casey: I’m done after this. I knew that the sneetches would be the final piece to the puzzle.

[Casey leaves]

Matt: But yeah, I made a “get pumped” playlist last night, and Samiam’s on it, Rock From the Crypt’s on it. I listen to a lot of quiet stuff. Eisley’s really good.

Eron: For fun, I’ll go back and listen to all the old-school hardcore shit I grew up listening to, because I think it’s hilarious, going back and listening to it now. You’re just like, “Wow, why was I so into this?”

JT: It meant something special to you at the time.

Did any of those CDs you inspire you when you were writing the new CD?

JT: For the most part, when I’m writing lyrics and stuff like that, I try to listen to nothing, so that way you don’t rip anything off. Because when you get stuff in your head, you don’t know that you’re doing that. We had some stuff in mind, like, “Let’s make some parts heavier,” or something like that, but we try to not to listen to stuff in our scene, and try to think outside the box to other stuff that we listen to.

Matt: At the same time, our band is so diverse in terms of what people listen to.say I come up with something that sounds exactly like an Underoath song, dead on, I’ll bring it to practice and it’ll get twisted and screwed around with so much that it’ll come out sounding nothing like anything, so I don’t think it matters that much anyways.

Eron: There have definitely been times when Casey brought a riff in where we were like, “Dude, that’s an Underoath song,” and then we’d start messing with it and changing it around and it doesn’t sound anything like that.

Matt: Even if I went and learned a part from a band like us, and brought it to practice, it’d get twisted so many ways it wouldn’t sound anything like us.

JT: As far as melody, I’ll always start listening to The Beatles or Elliott Smith or The Beach Boys or something like that, because those people will show you how shitty you sing. Cause they’re not using anything.just one mic in front of them and they’re singing, and they wrote some of the best melodies that have ever been written in pop music, so you just listen to them and you’re like, “Why can’t I write like that?” but you try your best.

Any albums of the year?

JT: I really like the new Death Cab for Cutie album. As far as pop rock albums, Fall Out Boy’s new album’s gotta be up there, for sure.

Matt: The Go Team.

What one Hawthorne Heights song would you want people to hear.is there any song that represents you best?

Matt: Well we have one song called “This Is Who We Are,” haha.

JT: That’s one of our newer songs, and that’s kind of why we had that title. It’s got a lot of the heavy stuff we like, it’s got a lot of the soft stuff, it’s got a little bit of screaming.it represents a really good roundness of our band. It’s not one of the poppier songs, it’s not one of the heavier songs, it’s right in the middle of the road.

What advice do you have for younger bands that are trying to make it?

Eron: Learn as much as you can about the music industry, because you can use that to your advantage in how you promote yourself, and you’ll find that you’ll get way farther if you know how to promote yourself.

Matt: And also, if you’re making a press kit to send out to labels, and you have the best song ever written in the history of human beings, but it’s in a yellow envelope and a blank CD with your name written on it, they’re probably not going to listen to it.

Eron: Yeah, they’re probably not going to listen to it. GetSigned.com is like the best resource ever for a band starting off, because I went on there, read how to make a press kit, and.

Matt: If you make something flashy, and not ordinary, the odds of getting listened to are way better.

JT: When you’re writing a song, or when you’re in practice and are like, “We have something really special,” you need to make something really special to carry that in.

Matt: Yeah, as stupid as that sounds.

JT: Yeah, it does matter.

Eron: If your goal is to be in a band on a label and play music for your life, then you have to know how to sell yourself to a label. You have to prove to the label that you can sell records, because that’s all they really care about. You need to present all sorts of different things, your website hits, your MP3 downloads, the shows you’ve played, and all this stuff that you’ve done on your own, so that they know when they start putting money behind you, what you’ve done on your own will just grow exponentially.

Matt: Work as hard as your label.

JT: You have to let them know, that, “If you sign us, that’s great, but if not, we’re gonna keep doing this because we believe in it.”

Eron: And once you sign, that doesn’t mean you can stop working. It means you have to work harder.

JT: A lot of bands are like, “Alright, we’re signed, we’ll let them do all the work.” And they don’t get any bigger. When we got signed, we all quit our jobs, and we all lived off like $10 a week, and we busted our ass. We were always calling people, we were always emailing people, like, “Hey, this our band, we just signed to this, how can we help you out, how can you help us out?” Just making as many contacts as we can.

Eron: And try to write the best songs you possibly can too. Because if you have all this marketing behind you, it doesn’t do you any good if you don’t have songs. You also have to try to tour as much as you can on your own.

JT: It’s really no rush. We found that we wrote the best songs when we just decided, “Let’s not play any shows, let’s sit in our basement, let’s all write together, and let’s all do exactly what we want to do” instead of, “We want to hurry up and play our first show, so let’s write, we gotta have 6 or 7 songs.” We had 2 or 3 songs for the first 4 months of our band or something, and all we did was come and practice them, and we kept recording them and recording them because we have a rig in Micah’s basement, and just got them to sound better and better, and just got better at what we did. You really do have to define what it is that you all want to do, what your band wants to sounds like. If somebody wants to sound like Green Day, and somebody Danzig, then you gotta figure out a way to make it work together.

How many MySpace friend add requests do you get per day?

Eron: It’s probably at least 1,000 people a day. We have I think over 220,000 friends, it may be more. I haven’t been on there in a while. We have a friend who helps to just add people for us.

Matt: We don’t have internet access sometimes at clubs, so it’ll all stack up and we’ll have.

Eron: Yeah, sometimes we’ll go in there and there’s like 600 pages of friends to add.

JT: Yeah, it’s really overwhelming, but it’s overwhelming in a good way, because it’s like, “Man, this many people sought out Hawthorne Heights” and want to know what’s going on with us.

Eron: We still post everything that comes out of there, like all the messages and stuff.

Matt: And like the Bayside thing, we just typed something up, hit send, and it goes to 300,000 people.

Eron: I can’t tell you how many people responded to that on our MySpace page.

Matt: And it’s easier than posting it on your website and hoping people find it.

JT: A lot of people are so fanatical about MySpace, they go in there like 5-10 times a day to see if they have new messages, and when a tragedy like that happens, it’s such a good way to help out.

So, any crazy tour stories? Craziest fan you’ve had?

Eron: In Nashville, we had some wacky fans. When we were on the Take Action tour, they parked their car in front of the bus so the bus couldn’t move, and we literally signed 20 things for this girl. You’d sign something, and then she’d ask if you’d signed all these different items, and she’d pull them out, and you’re like, “Yeah, I signed that right there.” “Are you sure? Are you sure?” “Yes, you have everybody, trust me.” “Are you sure?” And then five minutes later she’d come back and ask you to sign stuff again, and you’re like “Hmm.”

JT: Very creepy. Most people are like really cool, and since we’re normal looking people, we don’t draw a ‘kooky’ crowd or anything. Some people will bring us cookies or draw pictures or things. But yeah, there was this one other fan. We walk out to Warped Tour in the morning one day, it was 11 o’clock or something like that, and the doors had just opened, so we were walking around just seeing what’s going on, and some girl has all my tattoos drawn all over her arm. Like, a pretty good, accurate drawing too, which is weird, because we hadn’t been around the area, and no one had ever said, “Hey, can I take a picture of all the tattoos on your arm?” And this girl definitely had some way of seeing all my tattoos and drawing them with pastels or something.

Oh, gotcha, so she didn’t actually get the tattoos.

JT: No no no, I’d probably be in my bunk forever if that were true.

Well that about wraps it up. Thank you guys for spending your valuable time with us. I know you guys are a big band and don’t have to talk to small people such as myself.

JT: That’s the point. We’re small people in a band that is semi-successful.

Well I really do appreciate it. You could be dicks very easily, but you’re not.

JT: The thing is, the people that are dicks in bands are dicks anyways. If their band gets huge or if their band’s small, they’re just not cool, nice people. For the most part, if people start to see a little bit of success, it doesn’t change the person, they were just always mean and appreciative. We try to do everything we can for anybody. If we can help someone out, we want to help them out. We might not write the absolute best songs in the world, or the most groundbreaking material, but we at least try to be regular dudes.

Eron: Oh you can tell people about this. This is one of my cymbals I broke, and we had Silverstein sign it, we signed it, Underoath was in town one day and they signed it, and we’re gonna auction it off and give it to John.

Anything you’d like to say to the readers, whom you love so much, haha, at AbsolutePunk?

JT: Hopefully this interview answers questions people wanted to hear.

Matt: To answer why we suck so bad.

Hahaha

Eron: It’s all the drugs, man.

JT: I don’t know, I don’t think you can answer a question on how you suck so bad, because really, it’s all opinion. How is my opinion right and how is your opinion wrong? To clear up any rumors, we don’t hate AbsolutePunk.

Matt: We read it every day.

JT: And we read it every day, and if anybody has any questions, we will obviously answer anything they have to say.

Awesome, well thank you so much, and best of luck with the rest of the tour and the new record.

#hawthorne heights #interviews #year: 2005 #jt woodruff #matt ridenour #eron bucciarelli #ft a quick appearance by casey #buddy's favs

[shellxrls]

that hit so god damn hard holy fuck (i was in a very similar almost identical situation recently)

I don’t think this is advice but it may help? What I found helped was to just find some sort of good terms to leave on, so all of the reminders aren’t as painful

For me it wasn’t verbal but just an unspoken agreement to not be on edge all of the time

i think that’s sort of the problem i have 😭?? our relationship ended on the basis that we were both too stubborn to confront a discrepancy caused by a mutual friend, and so we ghosted each other for a bit. eventually one of us attempted to apologise and then it spiralled into a cycle of just pointing blame at each other and neither of us apologising, and so eventually we both ended up blocking and ghosting each other. neither of us have broken no-contact yet and atp i’m both scared but also think even if i take the first step it’ll be a bit futile. i sort of feel like we’re at different stages of our life now, and the physical distance between us was something that both of us were unable to cope with and hence it put a huge (unaddressed!!) strain on our relationship. maybe i’m being petty but idk, im finally feeling rlly stable (mentally, emotionally & physically) going into 2024 and i genuinely don’t know if i have it in me to pursue/mend our relationship anymore, especially if i now no longer have any certainty in how she’d react (as i did before bcuz i tried to apologise on the basis she wld accept it and not be petty since we’ve been friends for so long).

obv there’s a lot more to it, but that’s the breakdown. thank you sm for your advice though, in an ideal scenario i wld hope she chooses to reach out to me - as in my mind she never apologised for her wrongs even though i did for mine - but i doubt that it’s going to happen.

i hope we both end up feeling better about our scenarios in the future, and i also think it’s a lesson that life changes yk, nothing is ever a guarantee and just for the sake of familiarity, you shouldn’t settle for less than what you deserve 🩷.

#asks.ᐟ ⋆｡˚𖦹 #;anon #;misc