#if they ever come down unwillingly it's usually cherry who gets them down

[cripplingaddictions]

Hi there, I was wondering if you could do a Kuroo x reader (fluff) at his formal and he introduces you to all his team mates etc? Thanks so much.

Hi friend! This is my first request so I hope I did well!! I did this in the form of headcanons with a mini scenario if you don’t mind 💗💕💖 

Rating: SFW

Genre: Fluff

A/N: Yikes, this went way out of proportion too, but hey I love myself some Kuroo fluff and this was an excellent way to do it

Kuroo x Reader: Two Lives

First off, Kuroo is a massive dork and he likes to hide it

He asked you to formal/prom in the hallway of the school with a large poster, tbh probably teased you for the blush you got due to all the people watching

Nonetheless, of course you had to say yes, the way he had presented you flowers was the cherry on top of this already sweet cupcake

Your parents both love Kuroo and were so excited for you to be going with him

When the day of the formal finally came, you dressed up incredibly nicely and continued to touch up your appearance until Kuroo camee to pick you up like he said he would

The rhythmic knocks on the front door made your mother leap off her chair to answer it 

You could hear from the bathroom your mother’s greetings to your boyfriend and date, her cheekily stating how handsome he looked

Your mother called for you to come out and your heart stopped

Honestly it felt like you were about to present yourself to him in your wedding dress or something

Fixing your hair quickly, you hurried to the door 

Wow... Kuroo’s smirk at your sheepish smile made your heart melt 

Boy, was your mother right, he looked so good in his suit *chefs kiss*

Even his bed hair looked better than usual even though he didn’t do anything else to it 

This dork took you by the hand and kissed your knuckles in front of your damn mother

He’d whisper “you look beautiful” before whipping out his f/c corsage which you took while shooting him back a compliment

After gathering your things he led you back to his car

The whole ride to the venue was full of giggles, whispers and sneaky kisses

Kuroo would try to hide it but he was incredibly nervous for the formal as his entire team would be there

He tried to keep your life with him seperate from his life of volleyball, but you couldn’t help but be proud of him when you found out he was the captain for Nekoma’s team

Despite going to the same school as the team, Kuroo hid you very well and no one in the team knew he had a girlfriend, not that he was embarrassed of you but because he thought you’d be more interested in the other team members than him jealous baby be protective

Of course you knew Kenma already, but Kenma being Kenma, he didn’t really let it bother him

The two of you walked through the doors of the venue hand in hand and that was when the fun began

The dark room was illuminated by sudden flashing lights, the disco ball’s reflective sparkles dancing across the room. Music and chattering filled your ears, making it hard to even hear Kuroo next to you.

“Did you want to get a drink?” The music drowned him out, causing him to squeeze your hand to get your attention.

“Huh?”

“Drinks?” He asked again, this time snooping down to talk into your ear.

“Oh, yeah,” you nodded, “That sounds good.”

Kuroo took to standing behind you to guide you through the crowd by the hold his large hands had on your waist. The tables covered in platters of food was surrounded by students - some your friends that gave you either a wink or a wave. You knew the wink was in reference to your date, after all, Kuroo was the guy every girl in third year had a crush on.

However, if they actually knew him, all the more popular or pretty girls that want him for his bed hair and piercing cat-like eyes would be confused. His looks were deceiving, as nothing or no one could convince you your boyfriend wasn’t the biggest dork ever.

Spying the punch bowl, you nudged Kuroo and led him around the long table. When you reached it, Kuroo used his height to scoop a drink for the both of you over the heads of the a group of first year girls. 

They giggled at him, only for Kuroo to smirk and slyly comment, “Kids.”

You took a sip of the tangy fruit punch and let Kuroo walk you towards the other side of the room. It was remarkably more quiet, letting you catch your breath a little. 

“Not your scene, huh?” Kuroo pressed a kiss to your hairline as you took another sip from your plastic cup. 

“Well, it’s not that,” you shrugged, “I was just hoping I’d get to meet the team tonight like you promised ages ago.”

Kuroo sighed, making you hold your breath. You knew how observant he was and trusted him to realise you were being serious. You were kind of tired being a secret from his team - he was their captain. If they were all like Kenma, what’s the harm in that?

“Are you sure? They can be a bit much.”

“Of course I’m sure! They’re your teammates. You’re not ashamed of them, are you?”

Kuroo pursed his lips together; he looked as though he was deep in thought, “No... but they’re troublesome.”

The laugh you let out was hysterical enough on its own, causing Kuroo to grab your chin and tilt it upwards. 

“What's so funny?” He growled, rubbing his nose gently across yours.

“Why did you say that like you were an old man, or something?”

“Alright...” He couldn’t hold in his smile, shaking his head in amusement. “We’ll go see if I can find anyone.”

He unwillingly led you back into the crowd, keen eyes searching through the heads of dancing and talking partners or friend groups. 

The first teammate he spotted he couldn’t miss in a hundred miles. Platinum hair stood almost a full head over the crowd, seemingly arguing with someone lost in the crowd.

Kuroo tugged on your hand in the direction of his teammate. It didn’t take long to reach the tall boy, he having seen you two coming. His green eyes widened upon seeing his captain and he beamed a bright smile while waving.

“Lev! I’m not done with you!” A second voice cried up to who you now assumed was Lev.

“But Kuroo’s coming! And he has a girl with him!” 

“What.”

When you finally came to stand beside Kuroo and Lev, you saw the second boy. His was remarkably short for a volleyball player but you kept your mouth shut, already knowing that his temper must be as short as he is.

“Yaku, Lev, this is my girlfriend, y/n.” Kuroo placed a hand on the small of your back in comfort. “Yaku is a third year and Lev is a first year.”

“Hi... you’re really tall for a first year, Lev,” you could only comment with a sweet smile to sugar coat it. The last thing you wanted was to come across as rude.

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Lev rubbed the back of his neck with a smile, “You’re really pretty.”

“Oh, thank you,” the compliment made you curl into Kuroo.

Yaku grumbled, “Keep your beefy cat eyes off Kuroo’s girlfriend, you Tin-headed Titan.”

“That’s right,” Kuroo dug his nose into your neck, kissing it lightly.

You laughed at how it tickled, hiding your face in your hands. Lev and Yaku shielded their eyes, embarrassed by the PDA of their captain.

Yaku cleared his throat, “Kuroo, that’s enough. Are Kenma and Yamamoto here?”

“Of course Kenma isn’t here,” Lev nodded, “I guess Yamamoto is, though.”

“Nope,” Kuroo shook his head, “The guy got rejected by his date; he said he’s in misery and didn’t want to go.”

The giggles and comments the four of you made for the rest of the night warmed your heart. Both Lev and Yaku were lovely and friendly, but it was a shame neither Kenma or Yamamoto - whoever he was - couldn’t join you. Eventually, Kuroo led you away from them once he was sick of the others.

“I’m glad you got along with them.”

“Of course, they were really nice.”

“If you handled them, maybe you’re ready to meet Bokuto and Akaashi too.”

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyū!! #kuroo fluff #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo testsuro imagines #kuroo tetsuro xreader

[dancingalone21]

Sunny Disposition

Summary: Dean has a hard time believing that the reader is a hunter because of her sunny disposition.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,597

~

"What would you like to order, handsome?"

"Two slices of your finest pie, sweetheart. One apple and one cherry." Dean requests with a lick of his lips, handing over his menu to the voluptuous waitress.

"Between you and me...I won't tell if you make the pieces a little bigger than usual."

"It will be our little secret." She promises with a wink, before slinking away with a swivel in her hips.

"I don't want pie." Sam interrupts, making Dean unwillingly tear his eyes away from the waitress's plump ass.

"It's for Garth. The last time we worked together, he tried stealing a bite of my pie and I nearly shot him. The dork is getting his own this time." Dean declares with a huff, his grumpiness getting worse by the second.

"I see." Sam awkwardly shifts in his seat and it makes Dean squint his eyes suspiciously.

"Where the hell is he anyways?"

"Well..." Sam unsurely begins. "Garth is actually wrapped up in a shapeshifter case in Massachusetts."

"We're in Rhode Island, Sammy. Why would numbnuts agree to meet us here?"

"He didn't want you to yell at him." His younger brother stifles a laugh.

Dean roughly slams his palm down onto the diner table, "Something fishy is going on and I don't like friggin fish!"

"Dude..."

"Spill it, Sammy."

Sam breathes out a heavy sigh, not wanting to rile Dean up any more considering they are in a public place. His older brother has been on the verge of insanity for days now, the mark seared into his arm making him painfully sensitive to things. Things that would normally just get a laugh or an eye roll.

"Garth thought he'd be available by now but his case got more complicated. So he's sending another hunter in his place."

"Seriously." Dean slumps down on his side of the booth, wondering where the fuck his delicious pie is at. He's definitely not in the mood to interact with any new people right now. Especially a new hunter.

"Garth said that Y/N is awesome. They've worked together a bunch of times and it's always gone well." Sam elaborates before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Wait...he's sending a chick?" Dean pauses as if he's hearing things. Before he can continue on, an overly upbeat voice breaks his train of thought.

"Hi! You guys must be Sam and Dean."

The two undeniably attractive men in the corner of the diner turn around to face you. Luckily Garth prepared you on what to expect from them, he stressed that both hunters look like scruffy supermodels. And you're happy to find out that they do not disappoint.

"Hey. I'm Sam and this is my brother Dean. Nice to meet you, Y/N."

"You too!" You gracefully slide into the booth, Sam being the only one who scoots over making room for you.

"How ya doing." Dean doesn't wait for a response, his abrupt delivery making it clear that he's not actually interested in an answer.

You ignore his moodiness, another thing that Garth filled you in on as you start scanning a menu, “I could definitely eat.” You announce out loud to the boys.

"Oh thank god." Dean practically salivates when the waitress finally carries over the little slices of heaven to the table.

"Ohh those look so good. I think I'm gonna get one too." You decide instantly.

"No need." Sam replies sweetly, sliding the slice of apple pie right in front of you. "This is all you."

"Nice! We are officially best friends now, Sam. I love pie."

"Did you hear that, Dean?" Sam says gesturing to you. "Y/N loves pie too."

"Lucky me." Dean drawls monotoned, he suddenly has a strong desire for the apple pie instead of the cherry.

"Oh my god. This pie is fantastic.” You declare after chewing a big bite. “I just love the Fall! I can’t wait to carve pumpkins. And I’m definitely gonna go apple picking soon. Have you guys ever done that stuff?” You wonder pulling opposite reactions from each brother.

"I can't say that we have." Sam chuckles softly. “Sounds like fun though.”

“It’s so much fun!" You tell them with an infectious smile.

"A bunch of fucked up townspeople tied me up in an apple orchard once. Does that count?" Dean delivers dryly before shoving pie into his mouth.

“Considering your lack of experience in fall activities...yes we can count that, Dean.” You giggle earning yourself a confused head tilt from him.

Expecting a snide remark in return, Dean raises an eyebrow when you react pleasantly instead. How in the hell are you a hunter? You're acting way too cheerful and carefree, those are the traits that rarely stick around when in this life.

"Where are you staying, Y/N? We're at the motel down the road." Sam asks throwing some cash down to pay the check.

"Same here."

"I'm guessing Garth filled you in about what's been happening in this town. Let's all change into our FBI shit and then get this party started." Dean smoothly springs up from the booth, his bowlegs stomping fast out of the door and over to his Impala.

"He's such a charmer." You mention with a chuckle, following Sam out of the diner. He just nods with a smirk as Dean starts loudly revving the engine trying to move shit along.

The older Winchester puts pressure on the gas once Sam joins him in the car, he watches you in his rear view mirror while speeding away.

"Y/N's nice. She seems cool."

Dean lightly scoffs, "There's no way Little Miss Sunshine is a hunter. No way a girl that gorgeous and that...happy is involved in our kind of life. Garth must be screwing with us. It's the only thing that makes sense."

"You're being paranoid, Dean. She's definitely a hunter. Garth sent me a photo of her yesterday, I did some homework and made some calls to make sure she's legit."

"We can't be too careful nowadays, man."

"Right. You should definitely test her." Sam jokes as they pull into the motel's parking lot. He looks over at his brother, automatically knowing that he should've kept his mouth shut.

"Wonderful idea, Sammy. There's clearly something off, Y/N's just way too content."

"And that's a problem?" Sam rumbles from his chest, swinging the passenger side door open and walking to their room. He notices you unlocking your door a few rooms down and it's quickly decided that the boys will head over in about ten minutes.

You expertly change into your FBI garb in little to no time, the familiar action is something you have down pat by now. Slipping into your heels, you realize there's still time to run a flat iron through your hair. Of course the second you plug it in, there's a loud pounding at your door.

"Hey. I'll be ready in a couple of minutes." You promise the two men once you open the door. Twirling around to head back into the bathroom, you miss the confusion on their faces.

"What...what are you wearing?" The gruffness in Dean's voice makes you stop and stare at him. God dammit, the man is a sexy pain in the ass.

"A new outfit. Cute huh?" You start bouncing on your heels, stealing a glance at Sam who made himself comfortable on your bed.

"Oh yeah. I'm jealous." Dean mocks you.

"I bet you are, big boy." You snicker at the impressive bitch face staring in your direction.

"You need to come off as an FBI agent, Y/N. That's too flashy. Go change into something black or grey."

"No."

"No..."

"I look adorable, Dean." You spin around slowly to emphasize your adorableness.

"That's besides the point." He snaps unable to stop his eyes from flickering over your body.

"It won't affect my job so relax. If anything I'll come off more approachable." You finish with a grin as you start dancing in place.

"Well aren't you just...full of pep." The words bitterly leave Dean's tongue as if they insulted him. "Sammy, a little help here."

"It could work." Sam immediately responds with a shrug.

"Unbelievable." "Dean huffs out. "Let's just forgo the rules so she can look adorable!"

"Don't be a silly goose, Dean." You giggle before stepping back into the bathroom to finish styling your hair.

"I don't even know how to respond to that!" Dean bellows feeling frustrated.

"Dude, I can see that vein on the side of your neck popping out. Chill." Sam adds with an amused smile.

"This girl, man. I’m losing my patience and I barely have any to begin with.”

"Listen...shit has been heavy lately for obvious reasons and I don't see it letting up any time soon. You need a little lightness in your life. We both do. So just give Y/N a break and embrace the positively."

"But I don't wanna." Dean all but whines as you stroll back into the room and on your way to the door.

"We ready, fellas?"

"Yeah." Sam speaks up. "I'm going to head to the morgue. You and Dean start interviewing the victims families. We can meet up in a couple of hours."

"Sweet! You're stuck with me, pretty boy." You playfully swat his arm before confidently sauntering away from him.

"I'm gonna kill you, Sammy." Dean growls under his breath stalking away from his younger brother.

"You two kids have fun!" Sam chuckles as he calls out, wisely bolting away from the impala.

~

#sweetemotionschallenge #sam winchester #sam winchester au #garth #sunny disposition #dean winchester #dean winchester au #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #supernatural #supernatural au #spn reader insert #SPN #Jensen Ackles #supernatural fanfic

[flatsuke]

half-finished, half-empty

Summary: Saizo spent his days wishing he could sleep without dreams. Reincarnation/Modern!AU  

Genre: Angst, Romance

Pairing: MC/Saizo

a/n: FINALLY, I write a fic for SLBP lmao. This is based on @yoolee‘s prompt list —specifically, the “Reincarnation – they meet again in the modern world“ AU and Saizo’s wedding event story. Now, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m an absolute sucker for happy reunions, so I just had to write this! I hope you guys like it! 

@amigoingbananas i finally wrote for this fandom lmao

He remembered when it all started.

When he was a boy, Saizo dreamt of a lonely village hidden in the trees. He could still remember the caws of the crows that flew all around, and he could almost smell the metallic stench of blood that never seemed to stop filling the air.

“That’s a silly dream, even for you,” Yuki had told him almost exasperatedly, running her fingers through Hotaru’s hair in his sleep. “You’ll get over it when you wake up tomorrow.”

He supposed she was right. Dreams never really made sense anyway. This one shouldn’t have been any different.

(Still, he didn’t miss the slight, almost unnoticeable twitch in her ever-present smile when he mentioned the word “village.”)

After shooting one last glance at his older sister, he went back to sleep that night.

This time he dreamt of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom, with its pink petals cascading all around him. Someone else was there too, and Saizo felt an indescribable urge to reach out for them. Their back was turned to him, and something in Saizo knew that he just had to see that person’s face if he wanted any respite—

But the moment he stretched his hand out, he woke up to the empty ceiling of his bedroom, all the petals from the cherry blossom tree gone, and a surging emptiness in him.

(He never told anyone about his dreams after that night.)

“I won’t deny your novels are fantastic, Mr. Kirigakure,” Saizo’s editor advised, leafing through the pages of his latest manuscript. “I just think they need a more…quixotic touch, you know? I mean, they’re sexy, for sure, but there’s just something so cynical about them.”

“Maybe that’s just my style.”

“True. But I think you should try branching out a bit more—maybe try expanding your genre a bit to something more romantic?”

(Saizo had to bite back the urge to scoff.)

His editor bade him goodbye not long after, leaving Saizo alone with his thoughts. He pored through his manuscript with a sigh.

It wasn’t like he never wrote anything romantic before. In fact, to no one’s knowledge, he had a half-finished manuscript of a tale he’d saved, hidden deep within the recesses of his files. No one would be able to open that story even if they destroyed his computer.

He had written that story before making his big debut as a novelist. In retrospect, it was relatively mushy compared to the risqué writing he did now, but he could never bring himself to finish it, much less publish it.

The story was a pathetic cliché, really—it was about a pair of star-crossed lovers who were destined never to be together, no matter how much they tried. Halfway through writing the damn thing, he couldn’t think of what to write after the climax—the part when the man promises his lady he’d always come back to her. Every scenario he came up with just ended up frustrating him even more. In the end, he never bothered touching the story again.

Despite them being his own creation, he thought the lovers were absolute fools, always trying to fight against the inevitable.

(And yet, he couldn’t shake off the strange, almost sad déjà vu he felt when he first wrote that manuscript.)

Saizo never wrote during rainy days. There was something about the rain he couldn’t bring himself to like.

Maybe it was the way it turned everything dreary and heavy, or maybe the way it tried to wash away everything, both the good and the bad. Either way, Saizo hated it.

He remembered having one of the worst nightmares on a rainy day in his childhood. He had been sleeping in his room, and the storm that raged outside was a particularly terrible one—so much so that the storm found its way into his dreams.

He wore the same black-clad clothing the shadows from the trees wore, and he was covered in blood. Blood that wasn’t his.

His hand held a blade that somehow found itself buried deep into a torso. Saizo tried to get a good look at who his hands had slain, but he was only met with that same, anonymous figure from before.

Slowly, they turned to face him. For the first time in all his dreams, they smiled at him.

The rain poured hard on them both and tried to wash away the blood on his hands, as if trying to erase his sins. But Saizo knew better.

(People’s sins didn’t go away that easily.)

He woke up to his sister shaking him hard. There was an uncharacteristic look of worry on her normally smug face, and he could see little Hotaru beside her, nervously fiddling with his scarf. Apparently, Hotaru had called Yuki because he heard his older brother thrashing violently in his sleep.

“It’s the village dream again, isn’t it?” Yuki asked Saizo, gripping his shoulders tightly.

Saizo said nothing to his older sister, choosing to stare at the wall behind her. Then, as if possessed by a ghost, he spoke.

“…Dango. I want dango.”

Neither Yuki nor Hotaru, for the life of them, could figure out what made their brother request for something so arbitrary and out-of-place at that point in time, but they obliged him anyway. Saizo rarely asked for anything, after all.

Since then, rainy days at the Kirigakure household were spent with dango.

“You look like a dead fish, Saizo,” Yukimura commented, pouring more sake into their glasses.

“Thank you for the appreciated, and very much unsolicited comment, dear.”

Saizo had been dragged—unwillingly, if he might add—by his lifelong friend to go out and take a breather from writing. In true Yukimura fashion, the younger man was getting redder and redder by the moment while Saizo barely took a sip from his glass.

“I’m being serious here! You seem so down in the dumps lately.” If someone normally so slow on the uptake like Yukimura could notice it, then something was definitely wrong.

“My face is always like this,” said Saizo, trying very hard to ignore his friend’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m sure as hell you don’t wanna talk about it, but at least try to let yourself be a little happy, you know?”

That hit him hard.

Yukimura had backed Saizo into a corner of momentary speechlessness, and the dummy didn’t even realize it.

“What, did you steal that line from one of my books?” Saizo asked his friend teasingly, trying to cover up his sentimentality.

“N—no! Of course not!”

Saizo bit back a chuckle. It was always fun to tease Yukimura, and as strange as it sounded, seeing him so flustered felt so natural—like it ran in Saizo’s blood to mess with the younger man. He’d never admit it to anyone for as long as he lived, but Saizo saw their banter as one of the few things that made him feel at home somehow.

“Well, I’d best be off,” Saizo announced, placing some money on the bar counter.

“You’re leaving early again?”

“Duty calls and all that. By the way, red looks good on you, little lord.” Saizo gestured to his friend’s jacket.

Thankfully for him, Yukimura wasn’t completely sober, so Saizo gave him an expression akin to fondness. Hopefully, he wouldn’t remember any of this by tomorrow.

“Little…lord?”

For a moment, Yukimura was confused, but before Saizo could even see Yukimura’s expression change to recognition, Saizo was already out of the bar, a big smile on his usual poker face.

He sometimes woke up at the middle of the night, the phantom pains of his nightmares still lingering on his skin.

He’d dream of dying by the hands of the black-clad shadows that crept in the trees. Some nights, he saw the moon look down on him in pity as he fell off cliffs and rooftops. Other nights, it’d be poisoned arrows on his back, coming from the bow of a man with an equally poisoned smile.

And yet, every one of them ended with that same, mystery figure from his childhood dreams crying. Crying for him.

No one ever cried for him, and he didn’t think anyone ever would. Half of him wanted to tell them to stop wasting their tears on him—that he wasn’t worthy of their tears and he never would be. The other half, however, wanted to wipe them away and take on all their pain for himself.

“Dear, oh dear,” he’d say. “You’d be silly to waste those on me.” But he felt a wistful sort of happiness nonetheless.

In the mornings, he’d wake up, cheeks wet with the tears he could never shed for himself.

Yukimura had invited him to come all the way to Kyoto to watch one of his one judo competitions. Pretending he had nothing better to do, Saizo accepted the invitation with feigned apathy. The little lord would probably be all smiles if he saw Saizo waving at him from the audience—not that Saizo minded, of course. He needed the change of pace.

Hell, maybe Kyoto would give him the inspiration he needed.

The competition wasn’t going to be till the next day, so Saizo decided to kill time and take in the scenery for a bit. Somehow, he found himself wandering all the way to Maruyama Park. What possessed him to come to such a crowded place at the beginning of spring, he didn’t know. At the very least, the cherry blossoms looked immaculately beautiful.

He made his way through the crowd to the enormous weeping cherry tree that lay at the center of the park. The tree brought back flashes of a nostalgic something at the back of his mind, and all of a sudden, the tree from his dreams and the tree before him didn’t seem so different anymore.

He was so mesmerized by the tree that he almost didn’t notice someone about to trip in front him. Much to his own surprise, he found himself moving to catch them before thinking. He never even realized he could move as quickly as he did, and he could feel a strange muscle memory taking over his senses, screaming at him as if he were made to do this.

The stranger who had nearly fallen—a woman—looked up at her savior.

He was sure he’d never seen her before, but something about her was tugging at the back of his mind. Maybe it was her overall candid demeanor. Or the way she nervously bit her lip, anticipating a retort. Or the way her eyes seemed to shine with a sincerity he could never hope to have. Or maybe it was her sheepish expression (which, for some reason, he felt so tempted to tease).

“Sorry about that. Guess I didn’t notice where I was going.”

“Don’t worry, you’re fine.” His poker face was back on as quickly as it disappeared.

“That’s good,” she sighed. “Well, uh, could you…maybe let me go now?”

It didn’t even occur to him that she was still nestled in his arms, snuggled against his chest. He had to inwardly berate himself because holding her—a stranger he swore he never met—felt…right.

“This tree’s really one-of-a-kind, huh?” she commented, catching one of the falling petals.

“…Is that right?” Small talk wasn’t exactly his forte, but he found himself indulging her anyway.

“Yeah…there’s something about it that seems so nostalgic somehow.”

Saizo turned to look at her. There was an unspeakable sadness in her eyes that seemed to resonate within him.  

“I feel like I’m supposed to be here, but I don’t know why. I just—“

A teardrop fell, then another, until her vision was completely blurred with tears.

“Oh, listen to me,” she chuckled bitterly, “Babbling on to someone I just met, and about some nonsense, too—“

“I feel the same way, little lady.”

The words slipped past his mouth without him even realizing it, but something deep in his blood, in his being, knew it wasn’t the first time he had uttered those words.

She whipped her head to face him, her confusion slowly morphing into teary-eyed enlightenment. The world around them slowed down to a pause, and all he could see was her; he saw the little lady he left behind long ago, and he saw the little lady he would always come back to, no matter what.

“You—you’re here…” she breathed. He gently wiped the tears down her cheeks—tears he knew she must have shed waiting for him over the centuries.

“I’m home, little lady.”

She smiled at him, and for the first time in a long, long time, everything was as it should be. Maybe this time, he’d finally be able to complete the half-finished story he’d kept hidden for so long.

“Welcome home, Saizo.”

#spade writes #voltage inc #slbp #samurai love ballad party #kirigakure saizo #slbp saizo #kirigakure yuki #slbp yuki #sanada yukimura #slbp yukimura #kirigakure hotaru #slbp hotaru #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #voltage fanfiction #fanfic? did you mean incoherent connection of drabbles lmaO???? #i've never written saizo before so this was kinda difficult for me lol #i hope i didn't fuck this one up :')))) #ANYWAY i hope you guys like this #i say as i scream into the void

[ongsniel]

[request] wherever i am (i am yours)

AUTHOR: ongniels (ali) TITLE: FANDOM: WANNA ONE/Produce 101 RATING: PG-13 PAIRING: Ong Seongwoo/Kang Daniel WORD COUNT: 1,4k WARNING: cursing, implications of sex SUMMARY:  “I’m staying the night, whether you want to or not,” he informs him. “I know you’ve been sulking because I didn’t dance with you during the concert and probably because we haven’t been spending that much time together, so I want to make up for it. I hadn’t noticed how… we began to drift apart.”

Seongwoo knows it’s petty, so utterly petty it is too much, even for him. He still feels jealous and disappointed – and maybe even a little bit angry, because hey, he just wanted to have a little bit of fun.

He had seen Daniel and Sungwoon dancing Taehyun’s “Shape of You” dance and Seongwoo had wanted to join in, so he had run towards them, jumping as he searched for a way to dance with the both of them but just as he had appeared, Daniel immediately stopped and went to play with the next person. Sungwoon had noticed him and tried to make it up by playing with him, but the damage had already had been done.

If Seongwoo is honest, he knows that that was just the cherry on top of Daniel ignoring him. Since they had moved into the dorm, Daniel seemed to be hanging out with everyone else but him. He still isn’t sure if Daniel has been avoiding him deliberately or not.

***

“Daniel, your boyfriend is sulking!” Jaehwan yells once he sees the younger boy come into the car.

That earns him a slap from Seongwoo and raised eyebrows from Daniel, who goes to sit down right behind them. He puts his duffle bag under his seat before squishing his face between the seats. The sight is weirdly endearing to Seongwoo.

“Seongwoo is sulking? Why?” Daniel asks curiously.

“I’m not sulking,” he defends himself, legs going up so that he can wrap his arms around his knees and rest his chin on them. “Jaehwan is just an asshole.”

Daniel pats his head then, nodding understandingly and leaning back in his seat. Seongwoo just puffs his cheeks and tries to find a comfortable position. He is not sulking, he is just not in the best of moods, that’s all.

***

When they finally arrive at the dorms, Seongwoo is the first one out of the car and also the first one to go to his room. The door slams shut more loudly than he thought it would. He doesn’t even turn on the lights. He forgoes his usual showering and washing up routine, instead jumping fully clothed and face first onto his bed.

Seongwoo sighs.

Never had he thought that something so small would make him feel so deflated, so… hurt. He knows it’s mostly because he likes Daniel more than he should – in a way that he knows he shouldn’t. Seongwoo is also hyper aware that no matter how much the younger boy plays along to the other members’ jokes about them being boyfriends, he is not really interested in him, or a relationship with him.

He figures that that’s also probably the reason he feels so strongly about the small actions, like not sitting together in the car, rooming together or even hanging out together on their free days.

His thoughts stop mid-track as someone opens the door and turns on the light. Seongwoo lifts up his face off his pillow only to be greeted by an awkwardly smiling Daniel.

“Jesus, it was like a cave in here, why didn’t you turn on the lights?” the Busan boy asks.

“I was planning on sleeping,” Seongwoo mumbles quietly.

“Fully clothed? That doesn’t seem like you,” Daniel points out. “Even more so because you haven’t even washed off your make-up. I’ll wash it off for you. I know you’re probably tired.”

“I can do it myself, thanks,” Seongwoo smiles, it’s obvious that his smile is supposed to be fake.

With that, he unwillingly stands up, takes his toiletries bag and starts to walk out of the room. Daniel, however, seems to have different plans since he catches a hold of Seongwoo’s wrist and stops him from leaving.

“It wasn’t an offer. I also wasn’t asking if I can do it or not. I know you can do it yourself,” Daniel says, voice husky. “It was me informing you of what I’m going to do, which is washing your make-up off.”

Seongwoo doesn’t know to reply to that so he lets himself be guided to the bathroom.

Daniel, admittedly, doesn’t do that bad of a job. He gets most of the make-up off and applies all the products in Seongwoo’s preferred order. Although the atmosphere is a bit awkward, thanks to him not saying a single word, the fact that Daniel is doing this for him makes Seongwoo feel pretty relaxed.

“Finished,” Daniel announces, proudly patting the older boy’s shoulder. “You look good.”

“Thanks,” Seongwoo replies.

They awkwardly stay standing in front of the mirror before Seongwoo decides to walk out first and head to his room. What he hadn’t expected though is for Daniel to follow him again.

“What are you doing?” Seongwoo inquires, not really annoyed, but kind of.

“Oh,” Daniel only now seems to be noticing where he is. “I’m so used to us rooming together with you that I automatically thought your room was mine.”

“Ah,” Seongwoo nods, positioning himself on his bed. “Then, good night. Turn off the lights when you leave”

Daniel does indeed turn the lights off, but he doesn’t leave the room. He just shuts the door and goes back to where he was standing before. Then, after a few seconds of hesitation, slips into Seongwoo’s bed, carefully positioning himself next to the older boy.

“Daniel?” Seongwoo says, confused.

“I’m staying the night, whether you want to or not,” he informs him. “I know you’ve been sulking because I didn’t dance with you during the concert and probably because we haven’t been spending that much time together, so I want to make up for it. I hadn’t noticed how… we began to drift apart.”

“I was not sulking,” Seongwoo blurts out. “How did you even know I was feeling down because of that? Did Jaehwan tell you? That jerk.”

“Don’t worry, you look cute when you sulk,” Daniel giggles, Seongwoo can imagine his bunny teeth peeking out cutely in that exact moment. “Jaehwan might have given me a hint about that. But in the end it’s for the better right? We get to make up and be friends again.”

Seongwoo feels a bullet go straight through his heart. He sighs, almost inaudibly, and sinks a bit more into the bed, bracing himself for what he is about to do.

“What if I don’t want to be friends again?” Seongwoo bursts out.

“Then I’d be really fucking sad. Why are you even asking such a thing? Why wouldn’t we be friends?” Daniel sits up.

Seongwoo can see the way he is frowning and is now tense all over the place. He actually looks worried, as if Seongwoo could ever resist him or do anything that would hurt him.

“I don’t mean it like that,” he clarifies, Daniel visibly relaxes. “I mean, what if I don’t want to be only friends? What if I want to be more than that?”

The younger boy stays silent for a few seconds.

“Are you talking about being boyfriends?” Daniel questions, small smile on his face.

“Yeah, boyfriends,” Seongwoo agrees, sitting up so that he is facing Daniel.

He doesn’t expect what comes next. Daniel leans in and kisses him. Seongwoo is, obviously, flustered the first seconds but then readily responds to the kiss, his hands wrapping around Daniel’s neck.

They kiss long enough for the both of them to run out of breath before they actually pull apart, foreheads touching each other as they silently rejoice the moment.

“Fuck,” Daniel mutters suddenly. “I think you caused a little problem down there.”

Seongwoo can’t help but burst out laughing right then and there. But his laughter quickly stops as Daniel repositions himself. The Busan boy moves so that both of his legs cage in Seongwoo’s and he is propping his left arm on the pillow. With his right hand, he takes a hold of Seongwoo’s back and easily slides him down to lay comfortably on the bed, so that he now also has Seongwoo’s head between his two arms.

“You shouldn’t be laughing,” Daniel whispers right into his ear, making shivers run down his spine. “Because you’re the one who has to solve it now.”

Seongwoo just smirks, hand teasingly travelling down Daniel’s over sized shirt and trailing down the younger boy’s stomach, near his happy trail, caressing his skin softly. He leans in to give Daniel a kiss, deepening it by softly biting Daniel’s lower lip.  

He pecks Daniel one last time before he moves up with his mouth, leaving open mouthed kisses along Daniel’s neck and then stopping at the side of it, slowly licking and biting the nape of the neck.

“I think I might actually have the perfect solution,” he mumbles.

Daniel seems more than content with his “solution”.

#ongniel #ong seongwoo #sungwoo #seongwoo #daniel #kang daniel #wanna one #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #fanfic #kpop fic #request #prompts #unbeta'd #send me requests pls! #petty!seongwoo

[riddlebot]

holly just sent me an ask meme i didnt even reblog and told me to do all of them for dremis and since she’s the dm i have to listen to her so here we go

1. What is one word to shut them up? If you say just his name in a certain tone he’ll immediately shut his mouth.

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about? He feels guilty every time he argues with a close friend honestly.

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced? *whistles* Well I guess you’d have to tell me, DM, now wouldn’t you? What comes to mind for me is like. Graphic and sexual so I’d rather not share it here lmao.

4. Describe their worst nightmare. Not being powerful enough to protect himself probably, like being overpowered unwillingly. 

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear. He’s scared of thunder, his repressed fear is that he’ll die alone probably, and the deep dark fear is that he’s a bad person and he deserved everything that happened to him.

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick? He doesn’t do well on boats. And on an emotional note, thoughts about things that happened to him when he was younger.

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves? God this is a hard one because I made him so utterly confident. OH WAIT - He hates the one scar he has.

8. Do they have anything that triggers them? *blows air through teeth* Uhhhhhhhhhhhh probably some words or pet names you shouldn’t ever call him. Especially if it’s a comment about him being doll like.

9. What is their greatest physical weakness? He’s tiny and only 40 lbs so uh *gestures to all of him*

10. What is their greatest mental weakness? It’s also a strength but how deep his emotions run.

11. Do they have any vices? Sex.

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it? Prostitution (in our world they have Red Light Districts but for a long time he operated outside of that I think.)

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them? Lust. (He’s Gowther!!)

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )? Extreme emotion yes, not always negative, he’s usually a pretty excited or happy individual.

15. Who do they hate the most? High up people who punch down.

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior? Not so much anymore. He’s gained a lot of confidence in recent years and it’s hard to make him feel lesser.

17. What sound always gives them a headache? Blades being sharpened.

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them? He hates cherries. 

19. Do they consider themselves ugly? God no.

20. Do they consider themselves unloveable? Deep deep deep down, yes.

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety? Not being able to find a solution to a problem quickly.

22. Do they have any mental illnesses? He probably has.... some slight PTSD.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped? Yes.

24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped? Not anymore.

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Yes.

26. Have they ever been seriously injured? Yes, I think.

27. How many times have they been in the hospital? Not many I mean this is DnD so he’s probably seen a healer if it’s dire but mostly he takes care of small injuries with potions or whatever.

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them? A very specific type of person that for some reason he has met a handful of.

29. Does what they cannot see scare them? No.

30. Have they ever been bullied? No I don’t think so.

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues? Only with self worth.

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents? No...

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well? Yes.

34. Have they ever self harmed? No, at least, not in a physical way. But he’s probably put himself in situations or taken abuse intentionally because he thinks it’s all he deserves. He’s better now though.

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? I think that he would say he’d want to be taller.

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them? It depends on the situations but it’s probably usually the latter.

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away? Yes.

38. Have they ever been imprisoned? I don’t think so, not in the traditional sense anyways.

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do? Probably many times.

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems? On occasion.

41. Do they get sick often? No he’s a healthy boy.

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life? Right now he’s pretty content.

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts? Oh yes.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t? My immediate reaction was to write “fuck” but honestly he probably wishes to like climb a tree or something.

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience? Happiness.

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide? No.

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide? No.

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill? Yes.

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through. I don’t think he’d ever choose death over any other option.

#p #dremis #ocs

[bughead-is-riverdale]

Riverdale Imagine: Don’t Give Up (Archie x Cheryl)

Requested by anonymous: Hey, can you make a Archie × Cheryl with Cheryl not being a b*tch when she's around Archie and he helps her being a better person, they both really fall in love with each other? That would be great, thanks anyways :)

Summary: Every Thursday Cheryl goes to Pop’s alone, and every Thursday Archie buys her a milkshake which she rejects. However, one day she finally accepts his offer and finds someone that she can finally open up to.

Warning: it gets a bit raunchy...

Approx. 1180 words

He watched her from the other side of the diner. He loved the way her strawberry-blonde hair curled as it fell over her shoulders and rested at her waist, the way she smiled when she thought no-one was looking, the way her cherry-red lips left crescent-shaped prints on the white coffee cup as she sipped the steaming liquid. He loved these stolen moments because they were the rare times when Cheryl’s façade slipped and he could see the innocent girl beneath, the one who didn’t want to push anyone away, the one he had never spoken to. He was the only person who knew why she came to Pop’s every Thursday at precisely 5:30pm, she used to come here at that time with her twin brother Jason after his football practice and they used to share a milkshake, but that was before Jason was shot.

Nervously, Archie approached her booth and shuffled in opposite her, pushing a chocolate milkshake towards her with a sheepish smile. He knew he would probably be rejected and he was prepared for that, but that wouldn’t stop him the following week. No matter how long it took, he planned to coax Cheryl out of her protective shell of maliciousness and cruelty and prove to her that she wasn’t alone.

“What do you want, Andrews” she sneered as her head shot up from her book, her eyes regarding him suspiciously.

“I thought you might want a milkshake” Archie said simply, casually shrugging his shoulders. He noticed her eyes widen slightly as she stared at the chocolate milkshake in front of her – it was piled high with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles – and for a second he thought she might accept it, but her expression quickly hardened.

“If I wanted a milkshake I would buy it myself” she snapped, glaring at the red-haired boy in front of her. To her surprise however, Archie just smiled and shrugged his shoulders again before lifting the straw – that was wedged in the whipped cream – to his own lips before walking away.

The following week he did the same thing, and she sent him away again. Week after week Archie would offer Cheryl a milkshake, convinced that eventually she would accept, and after what felt like months, she finally did. Archie pushed the cool glass towards her – he had chosen a strawberry milkshake this time – and he watched as her eyes regarded it with a mild interest. He felt his heart leap when her delicate snow-white hands reached out across the table and timidly encircled around the glass as she hesitantly pulled it towards her.  

“Why?” Archie asked, his surprise evident, “I’ve been doing this for months, why today?” Slowly, she lifted her gaze to his and her expression was full of sorrow, her lip quivering slightly.

“It’s my birthday” she whispered, “and nobody remembered.”

Ever since that day, Thursday became almost a tradition between them. After Archie’s football practice, the two of them would always hang out. Whether they went to Pop’s, or the Drive-In, or even just stayed at Archie’s house and played video games, they spent the whole evening together. Eventually, Cheryl began opening up to him as she let down her façade and allowed him to see how broken she really was. She told him about how losing Jason meant also losing a part of herself, how she was scared that she would never be whole again, how her mother would go weeks without saying even a single word to her. Thornhill, she said, was like an inescapable prison. She told Archie how she felt as though she was being directly punished for Jason’s death, because living with her family without him to protect her was like living in hell. She expressed how angry she was that Jason had died, but how could she be angry and grieve at the same time? She told Archie that she had never had a friend before.

It was during one of these moments that Cheryl realised her feelings for Archie. They were sitting on the riverbank of Sweetwater River – Cheryl felt closer to Jason that way – and Archie was absent-mindedly strumming on his guitar, occasionally recording a few notes in his leather-bound notebook. Cheryl lifted her gaze from the book that she was reading and found herself staring at Archie. She realised that she liked the way his red-hair lightened in the sun, the way the tiny crease in the middle of his brow deepened when he was concentrating, and how his long fingers brushed over his guitar strings. She longed to reach out and entwine her hand with his, but she tightened her grip on her book instead, resisting the urge for the physical contact. At that moment, Archie looked up and saw her staring at him. He grinned at her in his usually goofy manner.

“Like what you see?” he joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up Arch!” Cheryl snorted. Archie laughed infectiously at her denial, making her smile unwillingly.

He put his guitar down on the grass and scooted over so he was next to Cheryl, their thighs almost touching. Cheryl watched as he lay down on the grass, his arms behind his head and his muscles rippling slightly. She blushed when she saw how his shirt had risen up over his navel to reveal the hardened muscle underneath. She lay down next to him, her auburn hair fanning out like a halo on the ground around her. Archie hesitantly curled a lock around one of his long fingers, watching as it slipped through his grasp. Slowly, Archie rolled onto his side so that he was facing Cheryl, and almost like his mirror image, she did the same. She caught her breath as he ran his hand over her hip so it rested in the small of her back, pulling her towards him slightly so their noses were nearly touching, she could feel his warm breath tickling her cheeks. Cautiously he leaned in towards her, closing the gap between them as his lips met hers, softly at first. When he felt her kissing him back however, he kissed her harder, roughly slipping his tongue into her mouth and pressing his body into her. He moaned as she bit his bottom lip and, as some kind of passionate need rose inside him, he pulled her on top of him, watching in awe as her white skirt exposed her perfect thighs. She smirked at his expression and, grabbing his wrists, she guided his hands over her thighs and under her skirt. As her skirt hitched above her waist, his mouth watered at the sight of her black lace panties and the sound of her sighing at the feeling of his soft fingers against her skin. He sat up, her straddling his lap, and pressed his lips to her collarbone, inhaling her natural vanilla-scent. She placed both her hands on the side of his face and forced him to look up at her.

“Thank you” Cheryl whispered.

“For what?” Archie replied.

“For not giving up on me”

TAGLIST: @kelly27crickett @cjhorseback @rory-is-in-ravenclaw@littlefearsdoodles @happyyjensen @dr-tardis-who

#riverdale imagines #archie x cheryl #cheryl x archie #archie andrews #archeryl #cheryl blossom #riverdale fanfiction #archie x #cheryl x

[earthbison]

I’ve had a lot of realizations over the past year and a half. They just keep coming I guess.

Of course, one of the most crucial realizations has been how selfish I’ve been throughout my life. In both conscious and unconscious behaviour, selfishness usually born from a multitude of dark personality traits. Traits like cowardice, insecurity, jealousy, and desire have all manifested my actions into many self serving actions.

The interesting thing though, is that these haven’t been obvious selfish actions. In fact at surface level, they have looked even selfless.

One of the things I’ve known about myself for a long time is that I’ve been a needy person. However, when this need was satisfied again and again it only evolved into desiring more. In the past I had a greedy bottomless pit that I compulsively needed to fill with love and affection.

This manifested into a constant need for reassurance, as well as putting myself through many altruistic acts in order to be given more love and affection. The strange thing about my past self is... I would do a lot of nice things for other people, selfless things even, but ultimately it was for my own benefit- so that I would receive love. It was in its rawest form- an act of selfishness. 

Now this has actually put me through an emotional existential crisis for a period of a few months. I’ve been worrying about if I actually ever wanted to do nice things for others for the sake of seeing them be happy- without me benefitting from it in any way.

I think at this point in my life I can confidently say that yes, I will still do nice things for others, even if I don’t benefit from it in any way- but, I had to get there. By losing friends, familiarity, and having things really be pushed back in my face. It’s brought me somewhere more humble. It’s shoved me into a room full of mirrors where all I can do is gaze upon the flawed being that is myself. When you have nothing in your present, you look back upon your past extensively.

I believe my younger self was very wrapped up in herself. What makes that so obvious is, how I was always in my own little world (daydreaming), being disrespectful to strangers, my environment, being reckless and careless with my friends but then- upon realizing their upset- backpedalling to ensure I would still be loved and cared for. It’s as if she (my younger self) didn’t see a need to help the world unless she got something back from it too. Apologies appeared sincere when really they were for security- sometimes, anyways.

Really analyzing this... its, honestly quite sickening. I could excuse it with a multitude of things like my upbringing and abusive childhood- but why bother? I think I really need to own my past actions for what they have been. Selfish and insincere. Actions made for my own stability and niche in social groups

Have I truly been void of empathy for most of my years? Of course not, I’m not a sociopath. The people who loved me, I also loved in return, and seeing them suffer was always hard- I’ve always wanted my loved ones to be happy. I think my issue in the past was that I didn’t see ENOUGH of what my friends or family were going through because my own needs and emotions clouded my vision. I shared in my friends problems and pain, but unfortunately always thought about how those things related back to me. I wasn’t a considerate or thoughtful person because I was always worrying about my own emotions and needs first. It was only after ensuring those needs were taken care of- was I ever able to step outside of myself for others. (this relates a lot to a toxic INFP/Fi-introverted feeling-type stuff, but I won’t go into that here)

It’s an old fine line, between my selfless sincere actions, and my selfish insincere actions of my past. Ultimately it boils down to the fact that I was more likely to help others if I too got something in return. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve become aware of this and the more I’ve been trying to stay away from it.

So that’s a sum of my selfish realizations.

What’s brand new is an awareness of, well, how self righteous I have been? 

This is something I’m still analyzing in the back of my head currently, but overall I think I’ve also been a very smug person. Again, and interestingly enough- in an unconscious way.

Because of course, no one ever has an outright thought of “I’m better than all of you!” without feeling like a dick.

This has been one of those behaviours that’s flared in and out of my personality throughout my life. The sadder I’ve felt? the more humble I’ve become. With a rise of happiness? A strange confidence that triggers some very “preachy” comments and thoughts from me.

Being an idealistic person, I do live in a world of fantasy. In this fantasy world, I’m usually trying to think of what’s best for everyone and society as a whole. Unfortunately this gets bounced off of people I know. I can lecture, sound like a big bushed hippie, be generally preachy, and probably sound like a total knob. At it’s core however, I’m always on an inner quest for peace for others, myself, and humanity as a whole. (that sounds even more hippie but uh.. I mean.. it is what it is?)

This has been one of my traits from birth that’s morphed and evolved again and again. At 11 I was boasting about growing up to be a philosopher and teaching my friend about the constellations and animals. At about 14 I was rejecting gender roles, society as a whole, jobs, men, obviously unintellectual cliche “groups” (ie: jocks, girly girls, etc). My father and I have had this talk again and again, “Why is the world the way it is?” “Why must we fill the roles we were unwillingly given from birth?” “Why are humans the way they are?”

My dad, and my old best friend- we boiled it down to human nature being a crapshoot. 

So I’ve grown, constantly thinking about human psychology, analyzing people, relationships, society. I’m almost 24 now- ten years later, and my thought process about all this has further developed. I still reject gender roles, but instead of calling myself a “mowen” (my kid self being a man+woman) obviously I’ve come to realize that all genders are equal, fluid, same with sexualities. Femininity shouldn’t be seen as a weakness, and therefore dressing and appearing feminine shouldn’t be shameful for men or women (I never wanted to do so as a tomboy child) and of course the cherry on top is that human nature cannot handle an artificial ecosystem such as free enterprise, but the reverse being that they’re also too faulty to handle complete socialism. 

When I was younger, I didn’t believe in humanity, after getting older and thinking and learning- I wanted to believe in it again. So, what happened? how did this lead to me becoming preachy and self righteous?

In a sense, my beliefs and selfish traits melded into something pretty toxic. I started questioning things such as Justice vs Mercy, and after playing Undertale- my mind just fucking ran with it.

What is loyalty? Can you be loyal and still help the evil become good? I wanted to believe in that. My friend had her own rebuttal, saying if you helped those who hurt your loved ones, you weren’t really loyal, and if you weren’t loyal you didn’t care. I thought about this concept a lot. It ended up turning me into a Jesus Christ wannabe ‘turn the other cheek’ douchenozzle. 

The problem with trying to see the good in everyone, including those that harm your friends and family, is that you have to in a sense let go of your empathy, anger, and overall sense of justice for those who have harmed your loved ones. In a sense, if you want to be kind to everyone, you cannot be truly loyal.

“A friend to all is a friend to none.”                                         - Aristotle

The point is really, that you just can’t be human.

I did fight for this concept for a long time though. I thought many problems could be solved by this equation of thinking:     violence comes from anger, anger comes from hurt, hurt comes from an unfulfilled need> an unfulfilled need therefore should be the solution. Communication should be the solution.

But my friend was right, it isn’t that simple and some people just cannot change. I didn’t agree with her for a long time, maybe out of personality differences, or maybe out of realistic vs idealistic psyches- regardless in the end I did reach the same conclusion as her.

Help the people that want to change, fight back/reject those who won’t or can’t.

Sadly, that’s just what human nature is right now, and cannot be altered.

So, even all that ^ is preachy, right? But I’m not making this post to “spread my wisdom” like I have in the past. I don’t believe everyone needs to think this way or should either. Unlike my past self, I don’t believe I’m a better person for having these beliefs. If anything, diverse concepts of problem solving are the better way to go.

Bringing this whole thing back to my earlier point however, I did preach all of this nonsense out before, in a very self righteous, “all knowing” sort of way. 

I know now though, that we’re all the same. I’m definitely not some all knowing perfect plum of kindness either. My circumstances speak for themselves... I’ve actually been very cold, and very unkind.

And I may have my beliefs, but I know that these beliefs will probably continue to change and evolve over time. It’s stupid to shove them down everyone elses throats. They aren’t better than anyone else’s, and I’m definitely not better than anyone else, far from it, really.

Anyhow, self analytical rant over.

#personal #more self analysis crap #long post is long #don't worry about it