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#if someone's not telling me every day that life doesn't and won't suck‚ coupled with personal anecdotes and statistics as proof‚ i want to
bunbeeplays · 8 days
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The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 60 - What Could Have Been
Ophelia hasn't left Xander's side since he got the news. She's tried her best to comfort him. She doesn't know what else to do other than keep saying "I'm so sorry" but what else can she do? She can't bring his parents back to life, as much as she wants to.
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Xander: They got their end-of-life notifications and they didn't even tell us. Why didn't they tell us?
Ophelia: Maybe they thought you'd be sad if they didn't make it back in time to see you again.
Xander: It'd be better than being blindsided.
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Xander: They were so excited to meet you. We wasted so much time being too dumb to realize we were dating, you could have met them if we hadn't-
Ophelia: Sweetie, we can't change the past, no matter how much it sucks. Don't worry about me. You mourn however you need to.
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Xander: I thought they'd at least be around until I got married. Now they're just… gone.
Ophelia: You had no way of knowing. They're in a better place now. They're not in pain, they're not doing that weird elder walk anymore. They wouldn't want you to beat yourself up.
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Xander: You know, the last text my dad sent me? He congratulated me on landing a new girlfriend. He and Mom were so happy I moved on and found someone good for me.
Ophelia: They sound like amazing people. How about when you bring their urns back, you can tell me more about them?
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Xander pulls Ophelia close, kissing her temple.
Xander: I don't know what I'd do without you.
Ophelia: You would get through this just as well, because your parents raised an incredible, strong man. I just wish I could have thanked them for making my dream guy.
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Xander and Hilary are taking her kids to their father's hometown for the funeral. Hector is staying behind to oversee the next wedding. As much as Ophelia wants to support Xander, he insisted she stay behind and sing.
It's time for him to go.
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Ophelia: Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? Hector can probably find another singer.
Xander: No, the couple specifically requested you. I don't want to piss them off and have them leave a bad review for Hector and Hilary. I'll be okay, I promise.
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Ophelia: Keep me posted, okay? Send my love to Hilary and the kids. I love you.
Xander: I will. Love you too.
Ophelia can't stand to see Xander so sad. She feels like a failure even though she knows nothing on Earth could cheer him up right now.
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Marshmallow sends her love too. It's not because she's in heat and The Watcher keeps forgetting to get her spayed.
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Ophelia's retraiting appointment gets off topic.
Ophelia: I don't know how to help him.
Omari: It's difficult to see loved ones grieve and not be able to do anything to take away the pain.
Ophelia: I think I feel shitty because if I was in his place… I'm not sure I'd be sad.
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Omari: You mean if your own parents died?
Ophelia: Yeah. My parents disowned me for pursuing music. It sucked, but I never had the best relationship with them anyways. Xander is heartbroken, but is it awful that someday… I might not feel the same way when it happens to me?
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Omari: I'm so sorry that happened to you. To answer your question, no. You're not awful for feeling how you feel. I don't know the specifics of your childhood, but Sims from neglectful and abusive homes don't owe those that neglected and abused them anything, not even sadness.
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Ophelia: It's not fair Xander's good parents died and my garbage parents, as far as I know, are still thriving. They had grandkids, a son that still wanted and needed them around. What kind of a Watcher would do something like this?
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Omari: From what you've told me, Xander's parents were quite a bit older than yours. Everybody has their time to leave this save file, even if it's sooner than we'd like. What matters is finding the Sims you love and making the most of every day with them.
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Omari: I'm probably about the same age Xander's mother was when I had my girls. I know I won't be around for them as long as I'd like, but if she was anything like me, she cherished every second with her children. And for what it's worth, your parents are missing out.
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Ophelia: Thanks, Omari. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you. Does their other parent-
Omari: Actually, I'm a single parent. Asha and Zuri are science babies.
Ophelia: Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed.
Omari: You're fine, it's a rather new feature.
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Omari: I know how hard it's been for you to open up about your family, and I appreciate you being vulnerable with me. Next time, I'd like to continue talking about your family, particularly your upbringing, to get to the root of your kleptomaniac trait.
Ophelia: Oh goody.
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redwinterroses · 2 years
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I'm gonna ramble a bit under the cut -- mainly just to get my own brain emptied out so I can go to bed. :) Have a good night, all.
I have really... messy, complicated emotions going on right now. Like, on the one hand: I've only in the last couple of weeks even regularly started watching Techno's vids/vods. Obviously I've been aware of him longer than that, and I've watched some old stuff, but I never watched a stream live, and most of my knowledge comes second or third hand. My biggest "ah yes, I like Techno" feelings come from fics. So like, not even the real guy. Just a fictional version of him.
So I feel... ya know, I feel as though I don't really have the right to grieve? Like... I almost feel guilty over it. Like walking into a room and going "Oh, I am not supposed to be here." And before anyone messages or replies: I know that's silly. I'm aware. Emotions are never logical. Knowing that it's a ridiculous guilt to have doesn't make it go away.
But on the other hand... Man. He's the same age as my baby sister. I can't... I can't imagine losing someone that young. Actually, no, that's a lie. I have a very good imagination. I can imagine it. And even just the imagining is nearly unbearable. What his family has to be going through, what his friends have to be going through... my heart hurts for them.
My heart hurts for his fans -- not me, but his real fans, the ones who are just reeling right now. So many of his fans are literally children, and this may be their first brush with death. There are so many hurting kids tonight, and I just want to bundle them all up in a blanket, hand them a tissue and wrap my arm around their shoulder and tell them, "It gets better. I swear. It feels like there's a hole in your gut right now, and maybe you're angry, or maybe you're crying, or maybe you're numb because your emotions don't know what to do so they're protecting you by doing nothing. Any and all of that is okay. But I promise that it won't hurt like this forever, and someday -- probably a lot sooner than you think -- memories and stories will give you more nostalgic joy than grief. It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to know that as big as this feels in the moment, you'll grow to contain it."
Grief never really gets smaller. But you grow around it. People that I've lost -- Mr Tony, who gave me peppermints from his pocket every Sunday, or Mr Hank, who had a beautiful singing voice and called me Sister, or Ms Becky, who had such a joy of teaching and introduced me to fried green beans... Them being gone still... I wouldn't say hurts. It itches, somewhere deep down. But I smiled just now when I was typing about them, because thinking of those memories is a happy thing.
I don't know how to process Techno's passing. I'll be honest. There's a big piece of me that just wants to despair about it. Cancer and the death of young people and death in general are such rotting and corrupted parts of our world. It sucks. It sucks that he was so young. It sucks that cancer exists. It sucks that thousands of kids are hurting and feeling lost tonight. It sucks that I don't know how to process my own emotions about this. It sucks that I'm probably not going to be able to sleep well tonight. It sucks that Techno's family and friends are going to be dealing with this hole in their lives for a long time. Just generally... it sucks.
And I'm a Christian. It's not something I talk about very often, but I don't make a secret about it either -- I believe there is hope and life after death. I believe that the world will one day be restored to a state that doesn't have cancer, that doesn't have death, that doesn't have people losing their sons and their friends. But even though I truly believe that with all my heart... that doesn't make the sadness or the bewildering emotions any easier to deal with in the moment.
I dunno, man. This whole thing hit me like a punch in the gut, and on some level I don't know how to process it. It's like I'm... intruding on something that's not mine to feel. I admire Techno. I think he was a kind guy with a wicked sense of humor and a fantastic voice. I think his fans have created some of the best mcyt fan-content I've seen. I think that if any of those fans need an inbox to talk to or a digital shoulder to cry on, I can try to be that for them. I think I'm going to have to go back and watch a bunch of old videos because I want to get to know Techno's legacy better.
And... I think that for tonight, that's going to have to be enough.
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mcalhenwrites · 10 months
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It took me far too long to realize that all the hard work had paid off and continued to do so, in regards to my writing. In the past, when I'd feel proud of a story or a scene, I'd immediately scramble back to, "Well, someone will read it, and they'll find the flaws, and they'll know I'm an imposter."
Every single person who writes - even those who've done it 50, 60 years - doesn't do it perfectly. That's impossible.
The definition of what makes "good" writing also varies per person. I personally love it when the writing style is a bit more poetic (you can see that influence slowly infiltrating my own work) and we hear details about the characters that give us more depth about their background and personality. Meanwhile, some people want that to be kept vague and for the story to cut to the chase.
I though my writing was too simple/basic, and I've been told my writing wasn't good enough for anyone to read in writing circles. I've been told my characters all fall into the same category. There's more history with this, but people read my fics and my original works and still liked them. I know these things weren't true then and they're especially not true now, but I was so insecure and afraid that I believed the negative commentary most.
I don't think being hard on myself was all that helpful, either. So none of that improved me. My methods of going about improvement did, but I might have done better at this stage in life if I hadn't let terrible people confirm my negative feelings.
(This isn't about criticism, either. I like concrit! But insulting someone's work or tearing it down in a public space for your friends to have a go just makes you a shitty person. It doesn't make you helpful whatsoever.)
I've also not been able to trust writing circles for years, which sucks. I have some friends who also write, but I'm typically pretty careful and don't do well integrating into new writing circles. Not really fair to the writers in them, so I've finally dipped out of trying to get involved in any until I figure out how to socialize without fearing that I'll end up the butt of all jokes.
And getting over that is hard, I tell you. Even now, I hesitate. "My writing might actually be all those things, and I'm defying reason by saying it's good." Only to then realize that if I wrote exactly like those people's favorite authors, but they knew it was me, it wouldn't matter how good it was. They were out to make fun. Maybe that stems from jealousy or just their own general insecurity that makes them need to drag down others with them. I'm sure some were not into whatever I was writing, but it's improtant to learn how to handle that without being cruel to the author and their work.
All I can really do about it is make sure that's the type of writer I never become. That's the best I can do: support writers by buying books, leaving genuine commentary on AO3, and enjoying my own writing journey.
I love writing. The joy of creating characters and worlds, of weaving them into words... I love that entire process so much. I told myself a year ago - when I took down all my writing from the public eye and locked my works in a private AO3 collection - that I wanted to focus on that for a while. It helped me so much to take a step back for about three months. I also don't mind that most of that stuff is still private.
I did leave up a couple of anon works, but only because I didn't want them to disappear at the same time that all my other writing did. (And those are still anon, and people don't know I've written them.)
These days, I still worry that even the writing I've set aside for publication will never take off, and that I won't have my writing career, but... that's never going to stop me from writing any of it. At this point, I don't think anything beyond a life-altering severe health issue or death is capable of stopping me.
This doesn't mean I doubt my writing quality! I think that the book industry isn't particularly great to begin with, and self-publication is complicated when you have to be your own PR person. What I write is also not for everyone. It's a little weird to say it's niche, as if that makes it special, but I just mean that it might only ever appeal to a small group of people.
I have to keep writing what's in my heart. But after all this time, I'm glad I'm still here, that I have always and will always write what I need to, for myself.
And it's also okay if I want to monetize some of it and share some of it for free, if I want to post or publish it because I think it's good enough to share. Libraries and book stores exist because people do that. We now have the internet to share our writing, whether it be original or fic, and I think that's a beautiful thing. (Side note that fic is just as valuable as original, and I don't condone saying one is better than the other. That's needlessly cruel to people who work hard on their writing writing, regardless of what they write. The publishing industry has its messes, but fics/fandoms do too, and you just have to find the writers who deliver what you like. If you exclusively prefer fic to original or original to fic, that's fine, just don't make your personal tastes a reason to insult millions of writers whose works you've never read. As an author of both and as a fan of authors who write both... I have a wider pool of writing to enjoy!) Anyway, I suppose I'll always fight some imposter syndrome, but... it's nice to also recognize my own skill level. It's nice to have others recognize it, too. I do think that helps a little. We all need some support and encouragement. We shouldn't forget our roots, but it's not necessary to take the journey through writing alone unless that's what we prefer. :)
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belladonna-miranda · 2 years
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Since Jackass 4.5 comes out tomorrow, I have gathered up the crew as Asking Alexandria songs. Sorry if I still suck at blogging, though. I've only been on for a couple weeks. 🤔
Poopies: "A Prophecy" from Stand Up and Scream because the music video depicts someone submerged in water and he's a surfer, so I wanted to connect him to the ocean.
Lyrics that describe Poopies: I should've known the tides were getting higher/ We can still survive/They think we're drowning, but our heads are still above the waves
Rachel: "To the Stage" from Reckless and Relentless because Rachel is a stand-up comedienne and first main female Jackass member. Not even the scorpion Botox from Jackass Forever could turn me away from her attention!
Lyrics that describe Rachel: I know that I should walk away/But I can't bring myself to quit this game
Jasper: "Empire" (featuring Bingx) from Asking Alexandria because he, along with Eric Manaka, brings some racial diversity to the Jackass cast like Rachel joins the boys club. As a rapper-turned-movie star, the rap verses perfectly align with his Odd Future past even if he barely even collaborated on the songs.
Lyrics that describe Jasper: Yeah, and they tell me life is short/In the blink of an eye we come and die
And every day I gotta switch lanes/Fuck race, no pigment/I got thick skin, making big waves/Positive being positive is my legacy
Preston: "All Due Respect" from Like a House on Fire because of his underdog status, Preston deserves the same amount of kindness as his castmates, even during his worst stunts. The oldest of the cast at 52 years old, Preston Lacy doesn't let his age (or his size) slow him down despite knowing his limitations of several stunts.
Lyrics that describe Preston: I've been hearing lots of whispers/Stories sold by a shadow of a memory
Wee Man: "Moving On" from From Death to Destiny because the smallest Jackass member knows how to carry on with what he loves most despite castmate Ryan Dunn's death in 2011. Wee Man even has Dunn's face tattooed on the back of his leg in his honor, much like Preston has Dunn's name inside a heart on his shoulder.
Lyrics that describe Wee Man: His red eyes tearing up at the man he'd became/Slowly but surely on the fast track/To falling into his grave
Steve-O: "Final Episode (Let's Change the Channel)" from Stand Up and Scream because as the most rambunctious of the cast, Steve-O knows how to go from 0 to 100 within seconds of a stunt in all four Jackass films. Unfortunately, all those risks come with high medical bills due to countless injuries sustained during filming. The silver lining, though, is Steve-O's 14-year sobriety as of this writing, thanks to the help of the rest of the Jackass crew. Yeah dude!
Lyrics that describe Steve-O: Blood and ink stain the walls/Silently with bloody knuckles, I carry on/Hoping it's not too wrong
The tears that stain my cheek must make me look weak/I wear them proudly/I wear them proud
Knoxville: "The Death of Me" from From Death to Destiny because when I watched the Magic Trick from Jackass Forever, I knew something was wrong when the bull hit Knoxville, knocking him unconscious, breaking his ribs, wrist, and neck, and signaling the death knell for the Jackass leader's over-the-top stunts. Health and safety are everyone's top priorities. No wonder Forever could be Knoxville's last Jackass film besides 4.5.
Lyrics that describe Knoxville: I won't let you be the death of me/No, I refuse to let you bring me down
The tears have left a blur/That I can't explain/The pain has left a hole/In which my heart should've been
Pontius: "Take Some Time" by Like a House on Fire because as my second favorite Jackass besides Danger Ehren, Pontius gives the audience an eyeful one wiener at a time, especially in the third and fourth Jackass films. However, Pontiusaurus at the beginning of Jackass Forever knows that he can turn nearly everyone on every time he does a stunt. Party Boy and Bunny the Lifeguard take Pontius's overall sexiness up a notch as well since both alter-egos emphasize his somewhat toned build onscreen.
Lyrics that describe Pontius: Hot sweat, love drip, heart beat/Body's shaking I want it to last forever/Lip bite, all night, this might/ Be nirvana all I want is everything so
Dave: "Never Gonna Learn" from See What's on the Inside because the song describes the cast's mistakes they keep making -and the ones they've fixed- over the course of 22 years of Jackass. For example, Dave England takes a shit at least once in every Jackass film, especially the mini bathroom from Number Two, but he keeps slipping up on most other stunts he participates. The electric tap dance taught him a lesson that nobody perfects anything until they've done so countless times.
Lyrics that describe Dave: How many times do I have to learn my lesson/Before I learn my lesson, no/Somebody help me, please tell me that I'm dreaming
I'm trying to change or at least I keep on saying/I'm trying to turn the page on my bullshit
Ehren: "Alone Again" from See What's on the Inside because as my favorite Jackass veteran, Ehren has totally stepped up his game in Jackass Forever from Francis Ngannou punching him in the nuts to being locked alone in a room with a bear. Growing up in a mortuary, the lyrics to "Alone Again" sum up how nobody has that much time to live, so they have to achieve their goals before they die. "Alone in a Room" was my original choice for Ehren's song, but that just described the lie detector test, and I wanted an AA song that meant much more than that.
Lyrics that describe Ehren: I've changed and I'm changing/It's not over, there's still time left/It isn't much, so make the most, I'm getting tired of giving up
Zach: "Fame" from See What's on the Inside because being a newcomer to the Jackass cast means more than just stunts to film, but fans from around the world discover the cast as well. Zach Holmes, aka Zackass, got his start on the Jackass-inspired MTV show Too Stupid to Die, so I thought the second verse related to his pre-Jackass projects.
Lyrics that describe Zach: So you want fame?/Everybody in the world to know your name?/How far will you to outrun your pain?
Well, light me up and watch me fly/I might change my mind a thousand times
Eric: "Where Did It Go?" from Asking Alexandria because Eric Manaka is the only Jackass from outside the United States (he's British), and his only other acting credit is in Action Point along with Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius. As the youngest overall Jackass member, just two months older than me, he doesn't do that much in Jackass Forever other than the wall slam and horse race (with Poopies). Like the other three films, Forever may alienate a handful of die-hard Jackass fans with how safe the stunts are, but not Action Point-level boring, though due the pandemic affecting filming.
Lyrics that describe Eric: Just sit the fuck down, pay attention/There's too much noise for a second listen/Where did it go?/Where did it go so wrong?
But now there's this one, the 'I'm a king' one/The 'I don't care, I'm coming to do my thing' one/'Breaking every fucking rule in the book' one
If you're on Netflix, tune into Jackass 4.5 tomorrow (May 20, 2022) for what Jackass Forever cut from its final product!
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the-crying-king · 2 years
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If I'm going on this journey, I might as well make it an adventure
A lot of times I get stuck in this endless tunnel of hopelessness and trying to put my energy into the same stupid things over and over to try and make it work. I keep thinking "this time it will be different" "this job will actually work out" "maybe I'll be happy after I start this job". Endlessly waiting for things to work out. I realized I've been trying the same thing over and over and over again. And that is most certainly INSANITY by definition.
(no wonder I feel like I'm going insane)
I've come back to my senses and grounded myself and realized I'm in charge of this shit. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Do what will bring me joy. Sure life sucks with the regular stuff like bills, stress, relationships or mental health struggles.
I see so many people that get older and they get caught up in doing the societal norms and working consistently at a job for many years just to keep saying "one day this will all pay off and I'll be able to enjoy life then". Unfortunately, so many of those people don't ever see those benefits, they die before actually living the life they wanted. They did what everyone told them what was best for them.
They lost their dreams..
I'm moving 1,000 miles away in about a month. I kept telling myself I wouldn't, I won't like it, I can make things work here. I boiled the town down to a big soul crushing place. I've come to realize; it doesn't matter where I am, I can find beauty anywhere, I can choose to see things in different lights, and things really are what you make it. previously I was convinced that this will be the end of me, this move to somewhere foreign to my mind and out of my comfort zone would make me miserable.
I didn't think about what new things I could lay my eyes on that I hadn't seen before, people that could share their stories with me, things I can learn, things I can create. Even the crappiest motel can have charm to it. I guess it really is all about perspective.
I've decided that I won't be trapped in this endless cycle of "one day" that society confines us to. I get too caught up in the future or in the past that I forget about right now.
If you've read this far, a little advice maybe? - Someone important once told me that every day is like you're on a train, going along your path. It's moving so quickly that you forget what it's like to move slow and easy. As your train rushes, occasionally there's a spark on the track. Sinc you're so focused on an unknown destination, you don't notice those tiny sparks of light. In every moment of everyday, even the bad ones, you have to stay present, take in your surroundings.
Here's an example: I'm late to everything. EVERYTHING. And in turn it honestly affects my mood and my day, I don't feel great about it. Therefore, I'm running on anxiety and irritability while rushing to wherever I need to be. Do I really have time to "slow down and live in the moment"?? HELL NO. However, one day I was running late for work and of course stuck in traffic, while sitting in a dead stop on the highway I was STILL just focused on getting there and the anxiety taking over. (Like that's going to get me there any faster??) I stopped myself from spiraling, and decided "well, if I'm going to be stuck here for a moment, I might as well make the most of it". I took in my surroundings and ended up seeing a dog in a couple cars ahead which made me smile. I looked up and noticed the sun was blocked by massive clouds and made the sky look like a painting. The trees around me were turning colors for fall which I hadn't even noticed! By being present in the moment I made my drive to work go from hell and a foreseen panic attack later at work, to actually enjoyable. To my surprise it actually changed my attitude for the entire day, I started noticing little things that I would have missed otherwise.
Even the worst of days have a tiny spark of light.
End note I guess- Be creative and do what humans are meant to do, LIVE and EXPERIENCE life, not just survive it. Slow down and savor the moment, moments you might miss otherwise. Do what will fulfill YOUR life and soul. Stop holding yourself back from your own happiness.
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kahran042 · 7 months
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…and another gargantuan batch of incorrect JCGTL quotes!
Stephen and Deborah Bernhardt are renewing their marriage vows Stephen: I promise, when you start to sag, to subject you to risky elective surgery. Deborah: And I promise to be with you only if you make money and stay healthy. Stephen: Alzheimer's runs in my family. Deborah: You'll be dealing with that solo. (Source: American Dad!) (Stephen Bernhardt, Deborah Bernhardt)
Morgan: Oh, so suddenly you DON'T have a death wish? Connor: Morgan, I've never had a death wish. It's just that I don't believe that I personally even can die. (Source: Archer) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)
Adrian: Kiera is full of sunshine and sweets and hope, and every time I try to tell her the world is on fire, she just hands me a marshmallow to roast. (Source: Arrested Development) (Adrian Bernhardt)
Thom: I lose at everything. I even lost my glasses. Courtney: staring at the glasses on his head I’ll help you find them for five dollars! (Source: Arthur) (Thom Anderson, Courtney Anderson)
Jonas: I'm not jealous! I just get this weird burning feeling in my chest whenever I think about Kiera being with someone else! Brad: Yeah, that's jealousy. (Source: Austin and Ally) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)
Nick: Hey, cool glasses. Thom: Thanks, I need them to see. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Nick Murphy, Thom Anderson)
Adrian: We should make Mom a Mother's Day card. Kiera: Okay, I'll draw a picture of her on it. Adrian: Hmm…make her mouth bigger. She usually looks angrier than that. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)
Jonas: Another gorgeous, brisk fall day in New Hampshire. What a waste to be going to school on a day like this. Donna: What would you do if you could stay home today? Jonas: Sleep right through it. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)
Valerie: John, have you seen my glasses? I can't find them anywhere. John: I haven't seen them. Chloe enters, wearing her mother's glasses. John and Valerie look shocked Chloe (in Valerie's voice): Chloe, go do some stupid girly thing you hate! Being miserable builds character! (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Valerie Seaver, John Seaver, Chloe Seaver)
Samantha: What's this story you're going to read me, Dad? It doesn't have any violence in it, does it? Richard: Uh… Samantha: Edit it out if it does. I hate violent stories. Does it have any boring description in it? Richard: Well… Samantha: Skip it if you see any. I like my stories fast and gripping. It doesn't have a moral, does it? I hate being told how to live my life. Skip the moral, too, ok? Richard: Does her majesty prefer color pictures, or black and white? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Samantha Corbin, Richard Corbin)
Monica: I can't get a baby-sitter anywhere! What should we do? Richard: We won't be gone long. Couldn't Samantha be left for a couple of hours unsupervised? Richard and Monica: Ha ha ha ha! Ho ho ho hoo hoo har ha ho! Monica: wiping tears of laughter away Seriously, what should we do? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Monica Corbin, Richard Corbin)
Justin: Bad news on your campaign to stay dad, Dad. John: Oh? Justin: Yep. The latest poll of twelve-year-olds in this household shows that they don't care about issues this year. It's character that counts. John: So why the bad news? Justin: Who's the bimbo with you in this old picture? John: That "bimbo" is your MOTHER! Valerie: Who's a bimbo?! John: Pretty funky hairdo, Mom! (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Justin Seaver, John Seaver, Valerie Seaver)
Brad: Someone has to go to Nick and Jared and confront them. Chloe: I vote we all look at Jonas at the same time. (Source: Community) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)
Kiera: You're like the mom I never had… Valerie: You don't have a mom? Kiera: I mean, I do, but she sucks. (Source: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) (Kiera Bernhardt, Valerie Seaver)
Mark: You gloss over everything with a cynical joke and no one knows what you really believe in. Connor: A-ha. So my evil plan is working. (Source: Daria) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)
Chloe: We have some things in common. Mia: Breathing. (Source: Daria) (Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)
Samantha (after getting in trouble): I'm only five! (Source: Diary of a Wimpy Kid) (Samantha Corbin)
Jonas: Uh oh. I just had a bad thought. Nate: What? That you might grow old, never get married, and die alone? Jonas: No…but thank you for pointing out that possibility. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)
Morgan: Where have you been?! Connor: Emotional hell. (Source: Friends) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)
Chloe: I hate you with every inch of my being. Connor: That's not a lot of inches. (Source: Fullmetal Alchemist) (Chloe Seaver, Connor Urquhart)
Zoe: I’m back! Did you miss me? Nina: Yes, I did, Zoe. In fact, I wasn’t done missing you. Would you mind leaving again? (Source: Garfield) (Zoe Chapman, Nina Chapman)
Chloe: Hey! I was here first! Mark: On the planet? No? I win. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)
Chloe: Yes! We did it! hugs Jonas Jonas: is confused Chloe: quickly releases hug Um…can I pay you to pretend that never happened? (Source: Gravity Falls) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)
Connor: So, is this thing between Morgan and Lydia supposed to be a secret? Mark: Pfft…hardly. The only people who don't know Morgan and Lydia love each other are Morgan and Lydia. (Source: Grey's Anatomy) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)
Mark: What's with you and Connor? Chloe: Oh, don't. Mark: Do you have a thing for him? You know there's a thin line-- Chloe: No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate. (Source: House) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)
Kiera: Hi. Connor: Don't touch me. (Source: Jem) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)
Monica: Jonas, I think it would be nice if you took Samantha with you tomorrow. Jonas, narrating: I offered a convincing argument. Jonas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Source: Life with Loopy) (Monica Corbin, Jonas Corbin)
Brad: You’ve gotta be nice to people. Mia: N-nice? Brad: Yes, nice! It's not that hard. (Source: Miraculous Ladybug) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)
Tristan: Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Adrian: Um… female kangaroos have three vaginas. (Source: Musical Hell) (Tristan Markham, Adrian Bernhardt)
Connor (to Morgan): Those kids at school tease you because they’ve never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables! (Source: Mystery Science Theater 3000) (Connor Urquhart)
Jonas: You're like an angel with no wings. Kiera: So like a person. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)
Kiera (about Adrian and Karin): Wow, you guys are really cute together. Adrian: Kiera, I'm cute together with everybody. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)
Alicia: You're nice. I can see why Kiera likes you. Jonas: Wha -- When did she say … Likes me? (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin)
Mia: doing something nice for Brad They could throw me out of the little-sister union for this. (Source: Pelswick) (Mia Thompson)
Jonas (about Mark): It’s not what you think. We’re not enemies, we’re just bad friends. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Jonas Corbin)
Richard: Sometimes being an adult can really suck. That’s why we’re allowed to drink alcohol! (Source: Puella Magi Madoka Magica) (Richard Corbin)
Alicia: Sometimes it takes a more mature person to stop a fight than one who started it to begin with. Chloe: Right, Alicia. Why don't you go home and watch more of those Mister Rogers reruns? (Source: Rugrats) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)
Jonas (about Kiera): Oh my god, here she comes. Okay, this is easy, just compliment her. Tell her she has a square head. Wait, that’s not a compliment! What shape is a compliment? Triangle? Uh, pyramid? Circle! Circle head! Oh my god, you’re stuck on shapes and Square-Head’s almost here! (Source: Scrubs) (Jonas Corbin)
Robert: Aren't you too young to be bitter? Connor: No, you can be young and bitter. (Source: Seinfeld) (Robert Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)
Chloe: Can the young woman break the glass ceiling and prove once and for all that a female can be just as good an athlete as a male? Nick: You know, Chloe, anytime someone calls attention to the breaking of gender roles, it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying that this is an exception and not the status quo.” everybody stares at Nick Nick: What? Just because I’m a meathead doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist. (Source: Sonic Boom) (Chloe Seaver, Nick Murphy)
Lydia: Pass me a napkin, please. There really is no way to eat spaghetti in a dignified way. Kiera: eating one noodle at a time Not if you do it right! (Source: Spork of Creation) (Lydia Renfrew, Kiera Bernhardt)
Adrian: Look, I'm not really good at, actually I'm terrible at, expressing…I don't know what you'd call it-- Karin: Feelings? Adrian: Yeah, sure, okay, the point is I don't really have good, uh… Karin: Social skills? (Source: Stargate Atlantis) (Adrian Bernhardt, Karin Michaux)
Nick is about to beat Jonas up Nick: Do you have any last words, Jon-ass? Jonas: …You're a jerk. (Source: Suikoden II) (Nick Murphy, Jonas Corbin)
Jonas: What the fuck is wrong with you? Connor: Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically? (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)
Jasmine: Describe Jonas in one word. Mia: Mine. (Source: That's So Raven) (Jasmine Kessler, Mia Thompson)
Jonas: My love for Kiera burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. But I can’t tell her that. Donna: But I can, thanks to my parental battering ram! It’s the latest thing in tough love parenting. typing Burns with white hot intensity of a thousand suns, SEND. (Source: The Fairly Oddparents) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)
Mark: The only way to get rid of a bully is to stand up to them. Trust me, I’ve bullied a lot of people. (Source: The Office) (Mark Seaver)
Chloe (skiing): Okay, don't panic. Remember what Coach said. an image of the ski team coach appears in a thought bubble Coach: If you get in trouble, all you need to do is… an image of Kiera in her ski gear pushes aside the coach Kiera: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all… Chloe: Stupid sexy Kiera. (Source: The Simpsons) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)
Jonas: I’m not jealous, I’m envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. What I feel is envy. Nate: checking a dictionary Wow, he's right. (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)
Mia: Alright, Chloe. I don't like you and you don't like me. Chloe: I like you. Mia: Um, alright. You like me but I don't like you. Chloe: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me. (Source: The Simpsons) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)
Kiera: Dad? Stephen: Yes, son? Kiera: … Stephen: I mean…girl-son. (Source: The Simpsons) (Kiera Bernhardt, Stephen Bernhardt)
Nate: I have a life! Zach: chuckles (Source: The X-Files) (Nate Kellerman, Zach Kellerman)
Kiera: You've read this book forty-two times? Adrian: Yes. Kiera: Doesn’t that make you sad? (Source: The X-Files) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)
Connor: Why would I make them so uncomfortable? Morgan: Probably has to do with your reputation. Connor: I have a reputation? (Source: The X-Files) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)
Chloe: Studies have shown that putting on your best judgmental frown while checking out your crush means they are less likely to figure out you like them. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)
Jonas: I would take a bullet for cheese fries. Brad: …Who the hell would shoot a basket of cheese fries? (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)
Mark: Only geniuses can say these words really quickly. Eye. Yam. Stew. Peed. Jared: Oh, come on, no ones’s falling for th- Nick: IAMSTUPID (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)
Mia (about Chloe): I really hate that girl. Jasmine: She didn't even do anything. Mia: She's here, she's breathing, that's enough. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Jasmine Kessler)
Jonas: Valentine’s day is just a time when greeting card companies and candy companies get a boost in sales and couples get all mushy and gross with each other. Kiera: I made you a card. Jonas: shoves everything off the shelf and gently places the card there I’m going to frame this and look at it every day! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)
Chloe: I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Connor: I’d take that more seriously if you didn’t put “feelings” in air quotes. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Connor Urquhart)
Jonas: Today is just such a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are- Brad: Kiera texted you "have a good day", didn't she? Jonas: With three heart emojis. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)
Mark: You know, you can solve your problems without violence. Nick: Okay, but consider: I'm really, really good at violence. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)
Jonas: My friend thinks you're cute. Kiera: Really? Which friend? Jonas: Me. I'm the friend. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)
Jonas: Yeah, you're my best friend, but I would fuck you if you asked. Brad: What? Jonas: What? Chloe (eating chips in the background): You said you would fuck him if he asked you! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)
Brad: Jonas, we need to talk to you! Come out! Jonas: I'm bisexual! Brad: Not what I meant but I still support you! (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)
Kiera: Adrian! I can fit the whole world in my hands! Adrian: That's impos- Kiera: cups Adrian's face Adrian: …Get the fuck off of me. I have a reputation. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)
Mark: When I was born, God said: “Too pure, much perfection.” Chloe: Wrong. When you were born, the devil said: “Ooh, competition!” (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)
Mark: How have you been coping with everything? Connor: With sarcasm, mostly. Mark: Has it been working? Connor (sarcastically): Yeah, it's been super great. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)
Alicia: You are not alone. There’s bugs. (Source: Twitter) (Alicia Ramsey)
Mia: I’m a cold-hearted bitch. Nothing gets to me. Jonas: Hey! How’s it going? Mia (internally): OH NO, HE'S CUTE. (Source: Twitter) (Mia Thompson, Jonas Corbin)
Connor: How am I sensitive and an asshole at the same time? (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)
Peter: Who are you? Nick: I'm you, but stronger. (Source: Twitter) (Peter Gardner, Nick Murphy)
Jonas: Sorry I’m late. I broke down on the way. Kiera: Oh, is your car OK? Jonas: What car? (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)
Jonas: Who ate all the cookies? Samantha: Ninjas. Jonas: I didn't see them. Samantha: No one ever does. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)
Jonas: Name a way to be nice to others. Mark: Don't kill them. Jonas: …Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)
Morgan: What am I going to do for Halloween? Colin: I'd love to go as your boyfriend! Morgan: Thanks, I'd rather be dead. (Source: Vine) (Morgan Urquhart, Colin Gardner)
Lauren: Mark's not really my type. Sarah: What is your type? Lauren: Girls, mostly. (Source: YouTube) (Lauren Reinholt, Sarah Reinholt)
Jonas: You wanna beat me up? Then do it. It's not gonna change things. Nick: It'll change your face. Jonas: Touché. (Source: Zoey 101) (Jonas Corbin, Nick Murphy)
Connor: I wear trench coats to look mysterious and scary and powerful and-- Morgan: You wear them to look like a prick. Connor: Did I ask for your sass? (Source: Unknown) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)
Adrian: Jonas, would you do me the honor of becoming my brother-in-law? Jonas: Did you just propose to her FOR ME? Adrian: Someone had to do it, Jonas! (Source: Unknown) (Adrian Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)
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themelancholyhill · 1 year
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I haven’t had the courage to send you an ask for a while. Part of it is because one of my mutuals-turned-irl friend told me someone sent her an ask on anon and the blog url actually came up for a moment as she posted her answer. It was most likely a glitch but still, i’d like to be anon to you for as long as possible, i think it’s better this way. Whenever i see your reblogs on my dash i always want to send you an ask just to see how you are.
So how are you really? Tell me.
I’m not doing well…i’ve hurt someone i care very much about very deeply. I had to cut her out of my life, in a way that i know will scar her for a long time. I knew where her vulnerability was and i used it, not to hurt her intentionally, but i didn’t see another way for us to continue our friendship. She is an online friend. I’ve had quite a bit of issues with people i’ve met over the internet that i don’t know if befriending someone in this way is the best thing for me mentally. It’s weird, coz i’ve met some wonderful people (like you❤️) and my mutual/irl friend but there are also things and people i’ve experienced online that i’d rather not remember. Have you had something similar like this happen to you online?
Or is this just life and i’ve just been too sheltered and safe all this time?
V✖️
Don't worry about wanting to remain anonymous. If you feel like it's the best option then I won't pressure you to reveal your username either here or on any other platform. Not that I was going to or it means that I don't care if you show it or not, but just go with whatever suits your fancy. We've been talking for this long like this and it's a sign that it's working, so keep it up since it's your best option.
I've met wonderful people (you included, of course, and you being anonymous sets you apart delightfully) and I've met some of them which is nice and all! They're a couple of online friends whom I wish I could meet irl, but despite living in the same country, we live in different areas so it's tricky to meet and hang out. Idk, I might organise something w one of them whom I know for more than 10 years!
However, I met a guy online a month ago and we'd decided to meet irl. Here's the thing, he's nice and all but he's got this tendency of noticing every detail and he'd shown jealous behavior despite us not going out at all. We met at my uni campus cause my mom doesn't want me to exceed this parameter and he was like: "that's not fair for me, I want us to go somewhere else!"
I told him that maybe I'd get to do that some day and he left me on seen—it's been a month now!
I'm not fazed by it at all, but coming from someone my age, it just disappoints me!
Apart from that, I'm doing well. I've seen Ray on couple of occasions. He came off of the same classroom I study in. He saw me and that was it. How weird is it to see someone you care so much about become a complete stranger?! I'm slowly coping with this situation, and it's tedious!
As for your situation, I solely believe that you did it because it was the best thing to do. Sometimes, harsh decisions have got to be made. I also believe that our online space should be safe for us to just breathe, and if someone is there to suck all the air, well then, it's best to cut tights w them!
I'm super glad to hear from you, I've been reblogging stuff that are rather random, but know for sure that you cross my mind very very often!
I hope that by the time you read this you'll be feeling much much better!
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letters-from-austin · 2 years
Text
Monday, May 16th, 2022
Hello there friend, you don't know me, but I am writing this blog letter to tell you about myself and how my life has been lately. I've been told it might be therapeutic. Maybe it will be?
I can tell you my real first name, I don't mind. Every other name I'll be replacing though. Anyways, My name is Austin. It's good to meet you.
I've just been having a very difficult past year. My father away one year ago from cancer at the age of 61, just one week shy of his 62nd birthday. I am still a fucking wreck. I've been trying so hard to keep my family together and relaxed between my little sister, Marie and my older sister, Elizabeth as well as my Mom. They'll get into arguments about stupid things or somebody will say something, usually Elizabeth, that is genuinely a really shitty thing to say to someone. But during those tough times I've had my best friend by my side, Sue.
I met Sue at a call center job 5 years ago and in the training class, I thought she was cute. Gorgeous blonde hair, ocean blue eyes you could get lost in, freckles and glasses. I wanted to talk to her, i worked up the courage and asked if she wanted to hang on her lunch. She Did! I left the company shortly after and she was dating somebody so we sorta drifted away until a few months later when she texted me out of the blue to get dinner. We got together at the local Buffalo Wild Wings and watching her walk through those doors, my heart sunk. Eventually Sue became my best friend, and of course, I developed feelings for my best friend.
I fell in love with my best friend of 5 years because she is my best friend. Everytime I see Sue, my heart sinks like I am seeing her for the first time and falling all over again. I'd be on cloud 9 but to make it short, I am in love with my best friend and now it is a curse.
2 months ago, Sue told me she was talking to somebody. My heart sank but not in the usual way. I broke down, i felt distant. She tried to reassure me that maybe dating still ins't her thing. One month ago, they officially started dating and she told me. I went home after we hung out and threw up and sat in my room all day, no music, no TV, no computer, just sitting there. Heartbroken. Maybe it won't be so bad? Well, one week later, I saw it on Facebook. And then the snapchat posts, the texts she sends me, everything.
Fuck man I'm not ready for this. What's worse, Sue has known I've had feelings for her for years. I've never said the words "I'm in love with her" but I'm afraid if I do, I'll lose my best friend forever, I already feel like I am. My anxiety is telling me to be distant but it's also telling me she is already distant. This sucks man.
I know I am spilling alot on you, all this drama you don't care about. But if you're still reading. Thanks.
When we first talked about that we had feelings for each other. She would tell me she wasn't ready for dating after being in a long relationship and that she doesn't want to ruin our friendship. Oh, for any neckbeards out there, fuck off. I believe that she means it. I do. But we were always touchy lovely kinda friends. It always felt like we were a couple just without the stuff that made us a couple. We would embracefully hug each other often, on occasion hold hands when one has had a rough day, eat dinner, meet each others families, rub our hands on the others back to calm them, whatever. But we would also tell each other, "I love you."
I don't think I should be telling Sue I love her anymore but I can't stop. I want to, I always want to tell Sue that I love her.
On my Dad's birthday last week, one year after he passed, we had a family party at a bar, when I arrived I found Sue there. I handed something to my Mom and walked back outside hoping Sue didn't see me.
She did, we walked for a while. I am still always happy to see her, when I saw her, my heart sunk again. For the same reasons as usual and a new reason this time. I NEED to respect her relationship. She loves this dude. I have to respect her feelings. She mentioned when she was there that she was curious as to why I wouldn't touch her, she said it's okay if I don't wanna see "I love you" after she said to me "I love you." I walked Sue to her car and she hugged me and held me tight and asked if it was because of what she told me two weeks, now what 3 weeks prior. I said "Yes," but she didn't deny my feelings. She refused to deny my feelings. She said she doesn't wanna be a bitch me to me and I said maybe you have to. Sue looked at me and told me that she could never be a bitch to me with that beautiful smile on her face. Fuck, man....
I've been in so much emotional pain and I can't tell her why. I wish it was me and her, I wish. I am in love with my best friend and my dream has always to be with my best friend. Isn't that what love is?
I've never been in a real relationship before either, I am a 25 year old male community college student. I am socially awkward and dont understand how people and the world work. Every girl I've had feelings for before, never told me the truth about how they felt back. They gave me hope and ripped it out of my heart because they never communicated with me.
Sue, has given me a key to her house a few years ago and it makes me so fucking guilty to have it now. Why do I have it? Why should I have it??? Before Sue left the party, she kept assuring me that my feelings are valid. She told me it is okay to have that little piece of hope but my heart has been broken and crushed so many times before, I am so scared to open up my heart again.
I downloaded dating apps and just nobody, not a single person on that app, sparks my interest. None of them are attractive to me, they are attractive people thought but not to me. None of them are my best friend.
What the hell is wrong with me?
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bredforloyalty · 3 years
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I only have a will to live and aspirations or goals or any hopes for the future at all when nothing bad is happening and I'm in a really good mood
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homieswithhades · 3 years
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why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong
disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.
first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.
let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.
in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.
next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.
in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.
im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:
steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.
ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.
theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.
mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.
now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:
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ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."
heres some more:
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and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)
bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.
in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.
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beomglocks · 3 years
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sk8ter boi ; c.bg
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summary : he was a boy, she was a girl. can i make it anymore obvious?
pairing : skaterboy!beomgyu x reader
warnings & other : reader already has a child with yeonjun ok, beomgyu still pining after all these years, based off queen avril lavigne’s sk8ter boi song, listen while reading if you want 
w/c : 2.1K (i may have gotten carried away)
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"where'd you get that note and roses from?" your friend maria asks you when you get into class. you wipe away your smile quickly, already knowing who the mystery person was. "i don't know."
yeah, of course you knew. how could you not when the boy oh so clumsily shoved them in your locker while you were literally turning the corner. he tried to act like he wasn't doing anything but he was clearly caught. he tried to play it off in the best way possible and smooth talk his way into a conversation with you but you shut him down due to the bell ringing.
"oh- oh ok sure...yeah," beomgyu stumbled over his words, nervousness eating away at him with you being here. "yo gyu you coming? i just finished fixing my drum kit," his friend, jeongin, calls him over, interrupting your already over conversation.
"you should go...but thanks for whatever you just threw in my locker," you laugh. he nods hesitantly, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. "dude," jeongin now stands in your vicinity. he looks at you and beomgyu before pulling away his best friend to where the spare band room was.
"well open the letter, we wanna know who your little secret admirer is," maria says, leaning onto your desk. your other friends agree, eager to know who was pining over you. you laugh nervously before opening it. you're not sure how they'll react to finding out that it's beomgyu.
you see, you wouldn't exactly call yourself the prettiest girl in the school but hell it sure was close. almost everyone would compliment you every day even if it was something minor like a change in your nail color. you kind of prided yourself in that, not to gas yourself up or anything.
someone like beomgyu...well. he wasn't exactly the ideal guy, to put it simply. he was a skater boy, he hung out with the "simple boys" who skated and did music and hung out around the skate parks after school. he wasn't the scholar type like soobin or the athlete type like yeonjun, he was simple.
you liked simple but your friends didn't. they had preferences for people like soobin and yeonjun, not people like beomgyu. you could probably guess they felt like beomgyu was the bottom of the barrel, like a roach on their foot not worthy of their time.
you pull the letter out of the envelope. for some reason without even trying, you could smell his cologne all over it. you want to smile at the obvious try hard gesture but your friends don't allow it. "what the fuck is that smell, it's so strong," maria gags. you roll your eyes at her dramatics. "it doesn't smell that bad."
"yes the fuck it does," she retorts. "just see what it says." you read over the letter, smiling at certain parts where you could tell he'd done his research on the things you liked. "it's from beomgyu," you say when you finish the letter. you already knew this anyway but maria's eyes go wide and she suddenly snatches the letter from your grasp. "hey!"
"CHOI beomgyu?" she asks while she reads the letter herself. "yeah?" you confirm.
your other friends mumble amongst themselves and you can hear some snicker. "y/n you could do so much better. beomgyu is like a street rat or something. don't do that to yourself," she laughs like it's the funniest thing she's ever said. you don't think beomgyu's that bad but you also don't stand up for him, simply biting your lip as she continues.
"he barely comes to school and when he does all he does is sleep. he skates with those other weirdos and thinks he's gonna make it big with his shitty guitar playing- i mean have you heard him?" she rolls her eyes, throwing the letter back on your desk. "you should go out with yeonjun, i think yall would be a cute couple. the prettiest girl with the coolest guy, your babies would be so damn cute."
"babies?!" you laugh at her ridiculousness. "yes! have you seen choi yeonjun?" she sighs in content. "anyways, don't pay beomgyu any mind because he's not gonna make it in life. go for someone like yeonjun and please for the love of god throw that letter away!"
you never did throw the letter away. you sigh as you think back to your high school years. you had just found it hidden behind one of the closet drawers while you were looking for valkyrie's binkie. she was crying so much since her father had gone out for the day and you were stuck taking care of her, as always.
you wonder how beomgyu was doing. you both talked after the fact but fell off during college since he had gone off to do his own thing. you didn't know what that thing was but you were proud of him nonetheless. you finished high school, went to college, got a good paying job, and were now married with a kid. all at the young age of 21. the typical life, you figure.
you're snapped out of your thoughts when you hear your child crying in the next room. "shit," you mumble to yourself. you leave the letter in your drawer and head back to the living room with the binkie. "valkyrie~" you sing song.
she continues crying, not giving a fuck about your efforts to calm her. she was usually a bit of a daddy's girl. "val please stop crying," you exasperate. "daddy's not coming home until late today. cut me some slack babygirl."
you slip the binkie into her mouth but her shrill cries go right through it. "let me go see if you need a diaper change," you mutter.
before you can even get up from the couch you hear your phone ring from somewhere in the couch. "shit where did i put my phone?" you put valkyrie down to look for your phone but it stops ringing before you can begin searching. you wait for it to ring again you find it between the cracks of the couch.
"oh hey mari," you say in confusion. after high school ended, you and maria kind of fell off along with all your other popular friends. you still had that clout all throughout college given who you were dating but you kind of strayed away from her. you guys were still on speaking terms though but this call was odd since it had been months since the last time she called.
"GIRL-" she pauses for a moment, still as dramatic as ever. "what it is mari? val won't stop crying she needs attention," you sigh, looking over at your daughter. her cries had gotten softer but she was still grumpy about not being with her father.
"girl turn on your tv to MTV right now- like right now before you miss it!" she says hurriedly. "this better be good you know i dont watch those shows," you say into the phone. you place the phone between your ear and shoulder so you can hold valkyrie while watching whatever it was that maria wanted you to watch.
then you see it. "is that-?" you begin. "CHOI beomgyu! yes girl!" maria finishes your sentence. she's right. there he is, the boy you were just thinking about was on your tv screen. "he's famous?" you ask.
maria sucks her teeth, "apparently after high school and like a year or two of college, he dropped out to pursue a music career and i guess it worked out for him." you nod even though she can't see you. "he signed with a label and now he's in like some super fucking famous band, look at him," she continues.
you stare at your tv screen in silence, watching beomgyu have the time of his life on the MTV stage. he really did get good on his guitar. the camera pans to the drummer and your eyes go wide when you see jeongin. wow, they really stayed together this whole time.
"he's fine as hell," you admit. you hear maria cackle on the other side, "you said it, he looks so attractive playing guitar like that, look at his fingers."
"ok alright maria, i have a child right next to me," you say. she laughs again, "anyways, i got tickets to their next show. you wanna come with?"
you're not sure how you managed to convince yeonjun to stay home with the baby while you went out with maria to this concert, but you did it. he was skeptical of letting you go out with what you were wearing which is why you both argued before you eventually stormed out to go anyways.
when you met up with maria outside the venue she looked up and down with a knowing smile. "i thought that pussy belonged to mr. choi yeonjun? what're you all dressed up for?"
"dressed up?" all you were wearing was a black and white bandana for a top and tight leather pants and comfortable shoes. "do the pants really have to hug your ass like that though?" she jokingly slaps your butt and you glare at her. "that's what yeonjun said," you mumble to yourself.
the concert goes smoothly and you're glad you actually got to see beomgyu in person and playing guitar. one thing about choi beomgyu is that he will play guitar like it's his last day on earth. he plays with so much intensity that you almost feel bad for the guitar.
you could almost feel how the crowd's energy in this packed room transferred to the members. if it was even possible, they started to play with more vigor.
at some point, beomgyu was full on immersed in his own playing. his once fluffy hair was now soaked with sweat and covering his forehead and eyes. he kept headbanging along to the beat while skillfully moving his fingers along the strings of the guitar.
during the middle of one of their songs, beomgyu took the center stage for his guitar solo. it was a fast paced riff that just seemed to give the song more life. his head is down so that it's solely focused on the guitar but once he finished the hardest part of the riff he looked up smugly. the crowd went absolutely mad when beomgyu bit his lip during the rest of his solo.
you had to admit the boy had stage presence, you practically almost re-fell in love with him.
after the show, you and maria went to get refreshments at the nearby bar. beomgyu seemed to already be there talking to one of his members so you took this opportunity to speak with him. you wonder if he'll remember you after all these years but you take your chances.
"beomgyu!" you shout over the music that's playing in the background. he whips his head around to the sound of his name being called and smiles lightly when he sees you. when you get to him, he subtly looks you up and down, taking in your body and attire. "y/n is that you?" he says, his voice laced with something teasing.
"you remember me?" you ask him with a smile. "how could i forget a face like yours," he smiles, leaning back. you laugh and he smiles. "i just saw you on stage, i never thought you'd become this huge! congrats!"
he nods, "yeah, i always wanted to make it big you know." he trails off, looking over you again like he's entranced somehow. "so how's life? you still with-"
"yeonjun...yeah we um- we have a kid...now," you finish nervously. did he really have to bring yeonjun up right now. "a kid?" he says, surprised. "let me see."
you show him a selfie of you and valkyrie that you took at a time when she wasn't completely hating your existence and wanting to cuddle her father instead of you. he laughs and leans back once again, "she's cute like you, she definitely got her mom's features."
"yeah and she's got her dad's attitude," you say, mostly to yourself but beomgyu catches it. "oh yeah! i wanted to say, i really like that one song you played, uh- fairy?"
"fairy of shampoo? yeah we added our own little rock twist to it," he says. "you know the lyrics are actually about y-" your phone cuts him off and you apologize, turning away to answer it. "what is it yeonjun"
beomgyu sighs in frustration when he hears you say that. when you finish talking you turn back to him and he has his eyebrow raised in question. "looks like my fun is over," you laugh dryly. he nods in understanding, "before you go though, let me get your number so we can catch up sometime."
you agree, not wanting to pass up the chance to reconnect with your now famous friend.
"maybe we'll see each other around gyu," you smile, beginning to walk away.
he smiles at the old nickname, waving you off, "i sure hope so."
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straydawg-writing · 3 years
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𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞'𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦.
- 𝓚. 𝙯𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙮𝙘𝙠
• hunter x hunter series
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Chapter 2–
You knew that if anyone outside of this car saw you right now, you might just pass away. To put it simply: You were sitting on Killua's lap.
All because Kite's truck only fit seven people.
The way this predicament came about would have been comical if it weren't for your burning embarrassment. Unfortunately, you could remember very clearly how it all unfolded:
"Hmm, it seems that there aren't enough seats for all eight of us, so one person will have to squish in," Kite said, opening the car door to check the seats.
"Who's the smallest one here?" Gon asked. All seven pairs of eyes turned to look at you.
Great. The benefits of never having had your growth spurt.
Killua was the one to open his mouth, snickering, "Obviously it's Y/N. She's like a midget!"
"Killua, you are literally an entire 2 ½ feet shorter than Kite over there," you defended yourself.
From a distance, you had guessed Kite was around 6'3. Once you got a closer look at him, you discovered that he towered over you like a skyscraper. Your curiosity got the best of you and naturally, you had asked him what his height was. The man was a whopping 7 foot 10.
"It's okay Y/N, you can squish with me," Gon offered.
Killua shook his head. "No way. Squishing will just make everyone uncomfortable. It's better if only one person suffers. Y/N, you can sit on my lap."
He had left no room for argument. Sighing, you knew that even if you tried, you had no say in this anymore. You would just have to suck it up for the next 4 hours.
Now you were here, sitting on him, worrying about whether you were cutting the circulation off to his legs or not. Or perhaps you were too bony and it was hurting him.
You could feel his warm breath on your neck, and it sent goosebumps across your entire body. This was beyond awkward.
"Stop it," Killua muttered, right in your ear.
Oh, you'd done it now, hadn't you? Killua was gonna push you off onto Gon instead.
"Stop what?"
"You're so stiff, just...relax," he paused, "I don't mind sitting this way."
Hearing his voice so close to you sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach.
Maybe this was okay.
You untensed, trying to adjust yourself to a more comfortable position, but the bumpy car ride wasn't making it very easy. Kite ran over a rock, and without a seatbelt it sent you jerking upwards. Thanks to his fast reflexes, Killua gripped your waist, holding you tightly to his body.
"The seatbelt won't reach over the both of us, but this'll keep you from flying."
"Heh, thanks Killua. I think we should reach the beach in a bit..." you said, hoping that the thought of it being over soon might offer him some relief.
It doesn't matter who it is, being this close to someone could send anyone into a frenzy. You were hyper-aware of every one of his fingers grasping onto your waist. He wasn't lying. He was keeping you right there.
You'd just have to stop thinking about it, you told yourself. Or else you'd go crazy.
Trying to relax back into Killua like he had asked, you let your mind wander to the reason you were driving in the first place. The day before, the three of you had decided to stick with Kite and help him investigate the Chimera ants. The beach you were headed to now is supposed to have a clue about where the ant queen is located, so you could bring an end to the destruction before it starts. During the car ride, you had learned they were a truly deadly species. One bite of an innocent passerby, and they had the means to bring the entire human race to extinction.
You felt like something was starting. And your intuition was rarely wrong.
Gazing at Gon who had been talking with Kite for a while now, you noticed how his eyes crinkle into little smiles whenever he talks. You knew that having Kite around, his father's best friend, surely excited him to the bone. Gon was just oozing with optimism, without even trying. You could tell that just by being himself, he was keeping the spirits up of all eight in the group, not allowing any room for doubt or fear to creep into anyone's minds.
At that moment, you swore that whatever happened, you would be there to protect Gon and Killua. Even if it costs you everything.
Hopefully, this wasn't one of your friends' last few moments of tranquility. But if it was, you were determined to spend it well.
Resting your head against Killua, you hoped that he wouldn't mind if you indulged in this for just a moment. You were tired, having not gotten much rest since completing Greed Island and meeting Kite.
It didn't take much time for you to fall asleep to the rise and fall of Killua's steady breathing and his sweet vanilla scent. If you'd been awake, you might have even heard his heartbeat racing beneath you.
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You had finally reached the beach.
Killua had nudged you awake once you'd gotten there. You remembered how his blue eyes stared back at you as he poked your face, calling you an idiot for falling asleep, and you chuckled.
There was one thing you were clueless about; Killua had made sure not to move even once the whole rest of the car ride. He was nervous that he might disturb your peacefully sleeping form.
You were still pretty groggy as you looked out at the sea, the bright sun reflecting on the ocean's surface. You wanted to wiggle your toes in the sand, but you were there for a reason. To find anything that might lead to the Queen.
You searched in bushes, behind rocks, under seashells, and even used your nen to sift through as much sand as you could. So far, the group had ruled out the forest and deemed it difficult to know if the ant even ended up on the same island. That's when they decided to release the hellhound. Well- it wasn't a hellhound. It was the little dog you played with yesterday. Along with Gon.
Gon was following behind the dog on all floors, sniffing the ground as he went.
"He can do that?" You asked no one in particular.
"His nose is as sharp as a dog's," Killua responded, watching Gon with an amused look in his eye.
A couple minutes went by with no luck. The only thing the dog had found was a tree to pee on. It looked like the ant wasn't going to be on this island, though Kite had an idea.
"It may have washed ashore somewhere else. Which direction do the currents flow here?" Kite asked the two that had brought us down to the beach. One was short with brown skin and grey hair that sprouted up like hay, while the other had large glasses and two front teeth poking out from his mouth.
"The direction is reversed between day and night. And it also changes with the seasons. I've even heard it's different on certain days. So it'll be tough to pinpoint a location..." said Chipmunk Teeth. That's what you'd call him, since you hadn't gotten his name.
So basically, no one had any idea on how to find the Chimera Ant Queen.
"Continuing to search blindly is pointless. We should return to YorkNew and see if we can find any new leads there."
You heard the group around you agreeing with Kite. He and his friends began walking back to the truck already, but you stayed put. You would catch up to them later.
The ocean reminded you of your home. You thought you should say goodbye to it first.
Ripples of water lapped gently at your feet. You always had a connection with nature. Having lived in a small village located in the middle of a jungle most of your life, the earth had become your dearest friend. One of your earliest memories was from exploring the coves back at home. You stretched out your arm across the water, and watched the liquid softly rise to your hand as you called it.
That's why you chose this nen ability. It tied you to the elements. When you fought with it, together you were one body.
"Y/N, come on! Kite's threatening to leave without you," Gon waved you over. Taking one last look at the sea, you turned away.
The sun was already setting by the time you left for the city.
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Going back to YorkNew was the right decision. Now you all knew where to look.
Kite had discovered that the possibilities of the Chimera Ant landing in NGL were the highest. Apparently, NGL was a country populated with people who wanted to get away from machine civilization and live in nature.
You loved nature too, but you thought that was a little extreme. There was a reason you had to leave your beloved jungle behind.
"There may very well be a giant swarm of Chimera Ants already hunting humans down. If that's the case, my top priority will be saving them. You must be able to protect yourselves," Kite warned us.
"And if I am the one in trouble, you should escape without me."
At that, Gon and Killua looked unsettled. But backing down now was not an option.
"Got it," you said, breaking the silence and offering a kind nod to Kite, "and until the very last moment, the three of us will have your back."
"Yeah!" The other two boys concurred.
Now, you sat with Gon and Killua on an airship to NGL. The three of you were sitting on a bench, looking out of a window that framed velvet-peach clouds displaying brilliant silver linings.
Gon was reflecting on their last conversation with Kite.
"You said that Ging had a reason for bringing me and Kite together," he rested his arms and head on the window-frame.
Killua broke his sight from the clouds and looked at Gon.
"Yeah, I did."
"You're probably right. I don't know the reason, but I can't give up halfway, no matter what's going on. Otherwise, I'll disappoint Ging... And I'd never be able to forgive myself either. So I won't run away," Gon continued, resolved with his decision.
There was a moment of silence as the three of you let his words sink in.
You admired Gon's determination, but you hated that Ging had a son risking his life just to avoid disappointing a dad he's never met.
"Man, you had this totally serious expression, so I was expecting something big. But it's just business as usual," Killua smiled.
"Huh?" Gon's mouth hung open. "I thought about this a lot, I even ran a bunch of mental simulations! And I liked what Y/N said earlier, about having Kite's back until the very end."
"Think all you want, but you'll still be Gon. If someone said to abandon them, you'd never do it," You lightly punched his shoulder.
He pouted, cradling where you hit him, and you rolled your eyes.
"Drama queen."
Gon chose to ignore that and turned back to Killua. "Then what would you do?'"
"I'm a spontaneous guy, so I'd think about it once the time comes."
"So, you'd run away?" Gon questioned.
"Depends. I can't say until it actually happens."
"Say for instance..."
Killua threw his hands up, beat, "I can't tell you what I'd do in a hypothetical situation!"
"Then, what about you Y/N?"
"Gon!" You whined.
Truth be told, you hadn't thought about what you would do. It depended like Killua said. But you did know one thing...
"I would never leave you two behind. Even if that meant I'd have to die."
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barneyodell · 2 years
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when the sun went down on the love of my life it turned out the light that I don't think can ever be turned back on Dennis light was put out nine months ago two days from now on the 7th and my heart was bound in sadness the air sucked from my lungs I kmow I will live no matter how much I wish at times I wouldn't they lock you up for such thoughts no phone no shoes a two inch tiny tooth brush and you learn to say what they want you to so you can go home but the wish and the pray stay deep in the back of your mind you know one day it will get better that's life.Well life sucks So if you have that special someone love them like hell just because you've grown old doesn't mean you can love like you were sixteen so hold them kiss them tell them you love them over and over because when they are gone all you have if your like me is an urn with asses where they onece slept.While I was locked up a couple weeks ago yep me locked up like a sad old man I am I had a roommste who snored like Dennis exactly like him I would lay awake and listen to that guy snore thinking it was Dennis we never really spoke he didn't like fags or queers or any of the other names they refer to me while there just th e old faggot who tried to kill himself cause his husband died well I didn't try to kill my self I thought about but I didn't but you know whats funny that last night I was going home I lay and listened to him snore because he sound like my Dennis and they said are you glad to go home I said no I would stay forever if that guy can stay to just so I could here him snore. To make it short take in ever smell every little thing you can because when they are gone you start to forget what they smelt like what they sounded like and to me that's to me what hurts the worst so now this crazy old man will shut up and lay back and probable cry a bit so just love like there is no tomorrow because one day there won't be Good Night god bless
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aestheticsuwu · 3 years
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Crush Culture AU
Today was the worst day for a guy like him . Where love is in the air and it seems he's allergic because nobody wants to take an interest in a boy that is nerdy and never seems to know when to shut up . And it didn't help his sad love life when today is spent giving chocolates , stuffed animals , and cheesy cards .
Have you guys guess what day it is ?
Ding !! Ding !! ... Valentine's Day !
He dread every second of the day as he walked down the school hallway . Every turn he was faced with hormonal teenagers kissing their S.O. He picks up his pace to head to his friends hangout . Which consisted of Sam , Miguel , Robby , Chris , Aisha ,Tory , Mitch , and Eli and himself .
It was an unusual group , Sam and Tory  didn't get along but both were friends with Aisha . Miguel and Robby would bicker and clash with the whole history of love triangle with Sam but they both tried to get along .
Miguel and Robby tried not to fight that often , After all they were being raised by Mr.Lawrence Along side with Mr. Larusso .
Somehow the the dynamic worked . Pulling out his phone as he receives a message from Sam reminding him of the gift for Robby . They all had decided to give something to the blonde , Robby had a rough year . With his mom going to rehab , Sam dating Miguel , and thinking his dad loves Miguel more . He sends her quick telling her he didn't forget .
Robby was gifted cards , candy , stuffed animals , their goal was achevied when the blond had a bashful smile carrying his gifts to each class including Miguels .
....... .......... .....
It was in his 3rd period , was when he had enough . Thats why once the teacher left he started speaking his distaste.
" Its not fair , why do people like me have to suffer while the rest live high off love . I will never find love , I'm gonna be stuck all alone and watch people live a happy life . I hate this day , i hate valentines day .
Whats wrong with me , Am i ugly ,nerdy  or Am i unlikable ?  "
" Demetri don't say that ! You won't end up alone . " Sam had quickly came to his defense putting a halt to her love gaze with Miguel. Robby and Miguel nodding their heads agreeing with Sam.
" Easy for you to say you have Miguel , everyone in our group has a love life . I bet right now Eli's with Moon trying to woo her so that leaves me to nothing . "
Looking at Sam, giving him a sad smile and Miguel giving him a sympathy smile as well.
He went back to sulking until a candy bar was in his eyesight .
" Here , Happy Valentine's  " Robby says with a smile . Probably from the big pile of Cards and Candy that he had received .
" Great a pity gift "
" Its not a pity gift , it's mine now it's yours . Hey ! if you want I can kiss you to make you feel better . Or ...." Robby turns to Sam and Miguel with a mischievous look in his eyes . All three of them get up hug him and shouting , embarrasing him as other students start watching .
" Omg , no stop please ,  I take it back . I surrender !! "
" We love you Demetri ! " " Your the best ! "
" We wouldn't trade you for anything in the world ! " " We Love you !! "
...... ....... ...... ....... ....
Lunch was almost over and he was still ranting his hate about Valentine's and he didn't feel bad he was ruining the mood of everyone with their girlfriends and boyfriends.  They had someone , and once he realised Eli was no where to be seen it only made him feel worse . It sucked having feelings for your best friend.
Vibration coming from his phone interuppted his train of thought and speech . A message from Eli ,
Meet me at the computer lab . Asap !!!!!
Arriving , Eli isn't in the room . Maybe the text wasn't for him . Right as he's about to leave he spots a teddy bear as the size of the computers . It hold a heart that said Will You Be Mine .
" So Will You Be Mine " Jumping from hearing Eli , he turns around to face him . He had a raised eyebrow with a smirk waiting for his answer .
" haha , is this for moon ? , let me just say it's cute . she'll probably be happy . "
Looking confused at Demetri,  he thought his feeling was pretty clear for the latter . He took the teasing up a notch , he even told him last week , " he would hit that" when Dem  was going on and on that was going to die a virgin . He loved the blush that appeared on the pale skin . Damn he was simping , If Sensei Lawrence was allowed to simp for Mr . Larusso, he can too .
"   -ou , it's only fair . Guess I am the only one . And I mean who wouldn't want to date moon . She's perfect and pretty , I hope everything turns out well . You and Moon will make a great couple , I guess . I mean I wouldn't  kno- "
Guess He had to Strike First, so that's what Hawk did , he pinned his friend and kissed those lips so  he can shut up .
" I like you Dem,   Only you and i really hope you feel the same because I have bunch of other cliche gifts for you today . So what do you say , Will You Be Mine ? "
" If I say yes , Will you manhandle me and kiss me like that again ? Cause the answer is a Yes . "
Laughing at his best frie- well now boyfriend , He kisses Demetri.
..... .... ....
Once school finish as the group of friends wait for the two missing boys to arrive . They quickly spot Demetri and Hawk holding hands and kissing each other while holding a teddy bear that somehow had a Mohawk.
" Guess he doesn't hate Valentines Day anymore ! "
Sidenote : @bdaviss I saved and used your icons ❤ Hope you don't mind . Guys I had this in my notes for awhile , I was waiting for Valentine's to come . Also Robby must be protected at all cost , hes my smol Angry bean . Sam is Demetris sister and no one can tell me otherwise . Crush Culture because why not , music video inspo for this . Also I love Canon Gray , might do a Heather Moodboard . Mentioned Lawrusso because in this world no one can live with out karate husbands . We know Johnny be simping for those Bambi eyes , shit i am too.
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genshin-obsessed · 2 years
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I dread everything about school, sure, I got some friends. But that doesn't help ease the pain of having a mental breakdown the night before school starts.
I've given up trying to ask my mom or dad if I could get a day off, my mom wouldn't allow me since my dad won't let me. My dad has said he only cares about my education, so I don't see the point in trying anymore.
I envy people who have a mental break day where they can skip school/work. Even in the weekend I can't get rest without thinking about tomorrow. I had a breakdown last week and ended up being yelled at by my dad. Now I really don't think he cares about me besides getting an education.
I already plan on getting an actual job, started a business, how much longer do I have to suffer before I can just get a day off? Or when will I ever be good enough for him?? I'm trying to do things that make me useable enough for society, even though my grades are fucking failing and I can't stop lashing out on things.
These things don't matter anyway, he'll just end up telling me again "and I don't want to go to work" then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT JOB?? fucking peice of shit, he doesn't care about my mental health unless it makes me unable to be a working citizen and get an education.
I'm so fucking tired, I'm trying to keep everything in, but I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that something will happen that I can't control. I don't want to hurt someone again, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in.
I just have to suck it all up, going to school like nothing happened, again. My suicidal thoughts have started to come back, my anxiety has been worse and worse, and I feel like relapsing again.
The only reason I don't self-harm anymore is so I don't get put into a mental hospital again. But if I end up not keeping all these urges and thoughts away then I'll just end up in the mental hospital or worse, an actual prison. The mental hospital felt like a prison anyway, which is why I'm scared to tell any teacher or adult at my school.
It's also 1am, and I shouldn't be bothering anyone with this. I can't bother my sister, she has to get enough sleep to go to work, and with how much little time I get with her now, it's just like when she was in college and i had nobody. My parents are useless in this situation, because my mom would just get yelled at by my dad for suggesting me staying home. And talking to her feels so.. uncomfortable. My dad is just a no. There is no talk about my mental health, if I'm feeling sad, I'll just have to deal with it.
I'm stuck, I don't know how much longer this will last, but probably for a couple more years.
I wish I could easily take my life away, there is hardly anything I want in life anymore.
Just a note before I start: I made a new tag for anyone to block because I’m gonna allow more serious topics with it. I’ll go with the regular tw tags as well, but this one is just one big tag: 🐚— vent
Right, onto you anon. I wanna start by saying I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. I understand, my mother was extremely hard on me in school. She rarely let me take breaks off of school and kept his idea that I had to attend almost every day to be a good student and to have a good education.
Even in college, both of my parents are pretty hard on me to take “good classes” and not “waste” my time. I don’t think many parents understand the stresses of school and it makes it hard for them to understand how terrible those days can be.
The school system is all messed up. Learning subjects that most of us won’t use- unless you’re choose a job in that particular field- teachers pile on too much homework, everything is just memorization at this point, and it gives us little time to relax. The way some teachers even assign homework makes it hard for us to even relax on weekends, which is why we have them. You really only have summer and even then, some parents force their children into extra activities then.
You feelings are valid. 100%. You’re allowed to feel exhausted, especially when you’re not getting any breaks. Getting through high school is the probably the only thing that’s really required for most jobs. But having a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll be rolling in money. It just means you can have a more secure job but by no means guarantees success. Parents don’t realize that.
For you, especially, it’s all building up. I’m sure you already know this to. Holding it in 100% won’t help. The stress also seems to be affecting your school work and it’s making it harder to pass classes which just leads your parents to lash out. It’s a vicious cycle that just doesn’t stop. And the only way to really stop such a thing is to take a step back, but you’re not even allowed to do that.
I think the attempt to please your dad’s ideals is also adding stress. You want to be good enough, and that’s understandable, but sometimes parents project what they couldn’t do onto us. Sometimes, it’s never enough because at the end of the day, they’re not the ones who could accomplish that. I’m sorry to say that and I hope it doesn’t upset you further, but maybe you should try doing this for yourself and not him. Some parents will never be happy- as sad as it is to say that.
I’m glad you don’t self harm, and I’m really proud of you for breaking away from that. Yes, it may just be to stay away from the mental hospital, but I’m still happy you’re staying away from it. Although, I would recommend talking to someone about this, other than me of course, because I can’t do much for you, unfortunately. I can only listen and offer a bit of advice.
Though you don’t want to stress out your sister, it seems like she may be the only one you can kind of trust. Maybe if you’re of age, you could try talking to a therapist or meeting with a school counselor/therapist. They may be able to actively help you, maybe even working with some of your teachers to lessen the workload. Either way, they’ll be more helpful than me.
I want you to know you’re doing an amazing job though. You’re still going after all of this and I know it seems bad, but I know it’ll get better. I know this isn’t much, but I’m very proud of your resilience.
If anything, when you’re on your own and in college, you can 100% take a break and you’ll definitely deserve it. But I do want you to try and talk to somebody you find you can trust. Or try to reach out for help, because something like this can’t be done alone.
There is one thing I think you want and that’s to be free from all of this. School, your parents, the exhaustion, the stress, and so that can be your goal. Though these days will show up often, maybe the idea of being free from all of this while still being able to live a happy life can be that push you need. I’m not sure if you’re able to move away for college, but I would recommend you do that. It’s a little difficult to be on your own, but you’ll get to choose how you live.
I know my response was kinda all over the place, but I really hope it helped anon💖💖 you’re always welcome to come here and talk to me if you’d like. Maybe about school, homework, just to vent, or chat! I would like to hear how you’re doing too 🥺💖
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goldenmaybank · 4 years
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no strings ~ scout’s writing challenge
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pairing: jj maybank x reader
summary: jj and y/n have had a no strings attached agreement for years, but that statement couldn’t be farther from the truth.
warnings: swearing, cheating, implied sex, and slight fluff 
word count: 2.2k
this is my entry for @ptersparkers​ writing challenge! hope you all enjoy :)
no strings attached. that was the agreement we made back in freshman year. it's now junior year and that agreement still stands. no feelings involved, just pure fun, but how do you not fall for his big blue eyes and bright smile. it was only meant to be for one night, but one night soon turned into two then three and now i've lost count how many nights we've spent together. almost every night for this past year he’s slept in my bed under my silk sheets with our bodies intertwined with one another. i constantly convince myself it's nothing more than having fun but every time i hear his name i get butterflies and whenever he's near me my heart starts to beat a million times faster. i try to convince myself it's not love, but after being with someone in that way for three years it's impossible for it not to turn into that. but clearly it's possible for him at least. that's why i don't say anything and continue to hide my true feelings because i know he doesn't feel the same way as me and probably never will. i stay up every night with him on my mind and thoughts of what we could be consumes my every thought.
freshman year was the hardest of them all mainly because jj had a girlfriend at the time. i know what i did was wrong but the taste of his lips and the way he touched me that first night was so captivating. i knew from that moment i would never be able to let him go. i tried not to get sucked into him and his player ways, but soon the second night happened and from then it was history. we would meet every thursday night at my place at midnight. he was never late and it made me wonder if he craved my touch as bad as i craved his. we would walk past each other in the streets like we barely knew each other when in reality he knew every curve and mark on my body.
sophomore year was easier than the last since he no longer was with his girlfriend, but also harder because that's when i started catching feelings for him. now since he was single, we could actually be seen together, but still had to be cautious since i was a kook. i never understood the rivalry between the kooks and pogues, but i knew if any of the kooks found out i was with jj all hell would break loose. me and sarah were known as the kook princesses, and since she was dating topper, everyone expected me to date a kook too. before i met jj, i went on a few dates with rafe since thats who my parents wanted me to be with, but after realizing all kook guys are self absorbed assholes, i knew i could never be with any of them. the only kook i can tolerate is sarah, and at times she can even be blinded by the things topper tells her. a couple months into freshman year, i already started to get suffocated at the kook academy and went to the beach to escape, which is where i met kie. the moment i met her we instantly clicked and she invited me to the kegger that they were having that night. thats when i met the rest of the pogues, including jj. we spent the whole night attached at the hip drinking and laughing together. soon enough the guest room at the cheateu was filled with nothing but the sound of our moans. that was the first of many nights we spent there together. 
almost every single day i would meet jj by the beach to spend time with him. whether we were surfing, hanging out on the hms pogue with the others, or eating at the wreck, i just loved being around him. although we weren't together people acted like we were. kie would always say we were unofficially official. soon enough our every thursday night meet-ups became every thursday and friday meet-ups and eventually every night meet-ups. we spent every night together at my place until my parents found out and we needed a new place, so we started hanging out at the chateau.
junior year has been the best one so far. jj and i hung out more in public not caring what anyone else would think and gone on what he calls "non-dates" even though it's exactly what dates are. he's met my younger sister and she absolutely adores him, which now makes me wish we never got our families involved in this since i know he doesn't reciprocate my feelings. i've spent so much time with him that i feel almost empty not being in his arms at night. he knows everything about me and i know everything about him. we've shared all of our secrets and deepest thoughts with each other. i've seen his vulnerable side so much that it's almost impossible for me not to fall in love with him. he's opened up to me and let me in more than anyone else in his life even his best friends. every night is something new with him and i never want it to stop even though i know inevitably it will.
"you remember the second night you stayed at my place and you got scared of my dog" i said laughing as we laid next to each other on my bed talking about our favorite memories together.
"look in my defense, your dog is huge and she woke me up out of my sleep." jj said chuckling slightly.
"she was just being friendly and you wouldn't stop screaming. almost woke up my damn parents."
"don't act like you haven't almost woken up john b before with your clumsy ass. you almost knocked over his whole desk trying to get into the room."
"i'm sorry i'm not an expert at climbing through windows like you."
"well when you've had a lot of practice you know how to." he said cockily.
"oh shut up." he laughed as i tiredly punched his arm, "you know damn well i was the first window you came through." i said sassily.
"you're right. you were."
"wait really? so jj maybank has never snuck into another girl's house before? i'm surprised."
"why?" he asked as he turns his body towards me and moves me so i face him.
"i don't know i guess with your reputation i thought you would've been with a bunch of girls before me."
"you wanna know the truth? you're the first girl i've ever slept with."
"wait what?" i sat up against the headboard looking at him confusingly, "what about your ex or all those tourons you would flirt with?"
"all we would do is flirt and make out a little, but it never went any further. either i was always drunk or they were and i never wanted that to be my first time, you know? and with my ex we were only fourteen and dated for a few months. i told you before i never really felt anything for her. it was all just so i could know what it felt like to be a boyfriend.”
“but we were only fourteen, when we..”
“i know, but it was different with you. you are different.”
"so, that means you were a virgin when we first-"
"yup." he said admittedly.
"wow. well i couldn't tell." i joked.
jj looked at me and chuckled slightly, but i could tell something was off with him. his eyes didn't have the same brightness as usual.
"what's wrong?"
"what do you mean? nothings wrong."
"jj, you can't lie to me. i've known you for way too long and i know when somethings wrong, so what's up."
"i don't know. i-" he sighs deeply as he looks at up at me, "it's just- is that what you think of me? that i'm just some player who fucks any girl that throws herself at me."
"what? no. of course not. i just assumed-"
"because that's not who i ever wanted to be." he said cutting me off, "i never wanted to be like- like my dad, you know?” he says as he looks down at his hands, fiddling with them, “as much as he claims he loved her, he treated my mom like shit. he would get drunk and mess around with a bunch of women because he could never commit. i never wanted to be like that. i never wanted to make a girl feel the way my mom felt. she was so heartbroken when he would come back home smelling of perfume and lie to her face. eventually, she had enough of it and just got up and left. kinda wish she took me with her. but i told myself i would never be like that and then i realized i was. back in freshman year when i cheated on my ex-"
"with me" i looked at him sympathetically understanding why what i said bothered him so much, "look, j you're nothing like your dad. i know i've never met him but from what you told me about him you two are completely different people. you’re nothing like that cheating, abusive asshole, okay? you're such a sweet, kindhearted person who always puts others before yourself, especially when it comes to your friends. i've never seen someone care so much about others than you. you have such a pure, kind soul and nothing will ever change that. i know you cheated on her with me and it probably wasn't the right choice, but it sure as hell wasn't a mistake and i won't call it that. being with you was never a mistake for me and i hope you feel the same about it but this" i say as i motion between us, "will never be something that i regret. i know i've said this before but i believe that this was meant to be and we were meant to find each other. the circumstance might not have been the best, but i found you and that's all that matters. you're nothing like him and never will be."
we both laid in silence looking up at the ceiling while raindrops hit the window softly. i started to wonder if maybe i said something wrong or said too much. i feel so deeply for him and whenever he tries to put himself down it breaks my heart. in my eyes he's the perfect guy despite all his faults. sometimes i think one day i'll tell him how i feel and scare him off which is the last thing i want to do. i want to be able to have these moments with him for as long as i can.
"you know, i want to get married before i have kids." jj said breaking the silence.
"that's random, but alright." i said giggling.
"i was just thinking about my parents and they had me before they even thought of marriage. i think that's where they could've went wrong. maybe if they would've taken the time to actually bound their love together before having a kid, they could've lasted longer. after they had me he could never commit fully because of all the responsibility, so maybe if they already took that step to "finalize" their love he would've stayed." he said shrugging.
"well i always wanted to have kids before i get married because i want my kids to be apart of my wedding."
"i guess we could just have two weddings then."
"huh?" i said confusingly finally looking at him.
he looks back at me and sighs, "yeah, i mean since you want one before and i want one after, we can just have two. we have the real one before and then we can renew our vows and have a second wedding with our kids so they can experience it with us."
"so, we're gonna get married and have kids?" i said smirking at him.
"i-i mean i guess. obviously only if you want to." jj said blushing as he started to look anywhere but at me.
i grab his face so he's looking at me, "i would love to, jj."
we both smile at each other as he pulls me closer to him connecting our lips. when we pull apart, i cuddle up into his chest as we continue to lie in silence. i feel my heart flutter as i feel his hands rub my back soothing me. being in his arms felt like home and i only hope he feels the same. as i start to think about how it would be if we were actually dating, the same words he would always say when we started this repeat in my mind "this is only for fun. no strings attached. no feelings. just pure fun." maybe that's all this will truly ever be, just fun, and that's the thought i have before falling asleep in his arms.
×
when i know she's asleep, i just stay awake and admire how she looks in the moment. even sleeping she has a slight smile on her face, which makes me wonder what she's dreaming about. sometimes i wish it was me she's dreaming about even though i know it's not. "just for fun" i remind myself of the words i said but that couldn't have been more of a lie, especially now more than ever. of course what we had was fun, but it was way more than that.
"i love you" i say as i kiss her forehead and wrap my arms tighter around her soon falling asleep as well.
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