#if only someone could do that to me with my meds

[serialunaliver]

you could do a series where you raise funds to travel the world and visit different psychologists until you get diagnosed with every mental disorder. i would donate. each week could be a different one.

that's basically my life because every psych gives up on me eventually and refers me to someone else (I stopped seeing therapists a while ago though, only get meds now)

[daughterofsarenrae]

Do u ever have those days where u like. Look back at ur life and ur just like. U know im really happy with my character growth arc

#im that but like???? most days now???? #its really really wild what getting on the right medication can do #at least im like 90% sure this is my new med. my baseline is like...... sooooo much happier than it was before #ive only been on it for like... a month? so who knows what this looks like for me long term. but at least for now #wow #bel speaks #i could get really sappy in these notes but im not gonna lol #all i will say is that like. as someone who was super paranoid about being judged for their interests/nerdiness #it is so exhilarating to like. go to work and gush about my 4000 piece batman lego set. and everyone i told was like holy shit thats so cool #and none of these people really care about batman or legos. but i do! #and people think happiness and enthusiasm is exciting. and thell get excited with/for u #and like. holds little me's face in my hands. stop being afraid of people seeing ur excitement #me: im not gonna be sappy in the tags #me immediately after: gets sappy about legos #anyways #buy a cool lego set its good for u #and also find some meds to fix ur brain. really really good combo

[possiblytracker]

me (only sober one in the conversation but tired out of my mind and equally lacking a filter): i thibk my.friends are mad at me

one of the five absolutely shitfaced 15-17 year old cousins also sitting round the campfire at the family gathering, taking it in turns to drink straight out a huge bottle of costco margarita mix where the adults are pretending not to see at 11pm on a sunday night: bruhhh have you tried going into the woods and hitting things with a big stick til you feel better

another absolutely shitfaced 15-17 year old cousin: i wish someone would hit ME with a big stick til I feel better :(

#alcohol / #drinking / #ask to tag?? #weekend was eventful #like 30+ people turned up for this fucking party its the most relatives ive seen in one place since 2018 #there was no hitting people with big sticks but someone did get pushed off a trampoline into a nettle patch #which i was not present for i went to bed early(ish). but funny nonetheless #my brother is a BAD INFLUENCE he just kept handing out beers to the cousins his age and getting them absolutely sloshed #people who like. hardly ever drink or even never have before #so the late night campfire was an Interesting Time #very irresponsible he got in so much trouble over it bc hes only allowed to drink if hes responsible about it.. #which means not peer pressuring other 16 year olds. #several of which said later they dont remember anything after 11pm????? guys your LIVERS. thats NOT SAFE #im still on my anxiety bullshit tho i have a presentation to turn in Tomorrow Morning and i have no meds and am tired as fuck #and i DO kinda think people could possibly be mad at me but im just. not thinking abt that right now i have enough on my mind <3 ill die <3 #i miss my friends im a wet shaking animal but if i talk to anyone and turns out they ARE mad i will evaporate into a fine mist i am sorry

[quasieli]

I know meds sometimes take a while to kick in, like your body needs to get used to them and shit, but I'd really appreciate it if these new anxiety meds kicked in right about now. I'm vibrating and I really Don't Like It

#Eli Speaks #Med talk #ask to tag #i really want these meds to help #i need something that will help #cause i want to make my life better #but it's really hard to do when im frozen by anxiety #ive only been on them for 5 days #and was told it could take a few weeks to fully kick in #but im really close to my limit #i just wanna feel stable #cause then i can help myself feel good #but im not there yet #i have a drs appt tomorrow so im hoping she'll have something to say that can help #also i need to find a new therapist again #i started seeing someone new but im kinda :/ about him #he just isnt for me #esp cause like #i specifically started seeing him cause he said he practiced the same modality as my last therapist and it helped me out a lot #but then in our last session he said something that was entirely antithetical to that type of therapy #i was already a little meh about him but that just kinda sealed it for me #so #im trying #it's been really hard #but im not giving up #as tempting as it is #i want my life to be better #im just in a really shitty place rn #i hope things get better soon

[furshrimps]

Now that Sammy's been doing better for a while I've started thinking again that it would be a good time to see if I can find a better home for him.

In my logical mind it seems the better choice for each of us, overall. For him, for me, even for Bats. I would sorely miss his incredible over-the-top goofiness and that he so easily is motivated to play with or without toys, and just his personal quirky flavor of endless love and affection, his abundant happiness. Knowing myself, I'll probably even miss the challenges in some way. A very bright light of love would be disappearing from my life, and just thinking about losing it makes me cry. The other thing I'm not looking forward to is that I probably should inform his breeder, and I probably could do without whatever she has to say about it. I'm imagining it wouldn't be something nice necessarily, based on my previous experiences with her (although I'd be happy to be proven wrong about that, it could very well be just my fear of rejection speaking). Still, I think she deserves to know IF I indeed find someone I'd trust him with.

On the other hand. To know him in good hands that can provide more training, more enrichment, better/ easier vet care as he gets even older. All things I do struggle with a lot since my health took a turn for the worse, and which I already did struggle with from the start, albeit much more low key. It would lift a huge responsibility from my shoulders, and maybe grant him the chance of a more fulfilled life in the years he has left. I knew from the start he's not the dog for me, that he requires more energy than I have to give, even though I tried my best to provide him with everything I could give him during our years together. And we definitely did give each other a large amount of great experiences that I wanna say we both don't want to have missed.

But I think I at least should try. I'm thinking of making it a requirement that any interested person will visit us a number of times to spend time with him and do things with him, so I can see if he starts opening up to them at all, and maybe see how they handle him in his not-so-good moments. Ultimately, I would leave that decision for Sammy himself, though, since animals tend to have a good idea about where they need to go themselves. I think he deserves to be given that chance. If it works, it works, and I'd be happy to let him go to a better life. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't, then he stays here for the rest of his life and we'll make it work somehow. However that is, but in some way we'll make it work if it comes to that.

#sam the papillon #for what it's worth I think he was meant to spend at least a few years with us #he gave those little signs when we picked him up #the only person he briefly made eye contact with was me #he's very good at ignoring people #and it was just this once on that day #(he already had met me once before when I visited him - and on that visit both I and the breeder decided he was not the dog for me) #(only for her to ask me if we can take him along after all the night we went back there to pick up Boo) #(the breeder felt he was not safe in that particular area and we live across the country so it was his best choice at the moment) #the other thing I took as a sign was that he immediately went with my request for him to get into his new carrier #when we had to start running to catch our train back home #he was overweight at the time and wouldn't have been able to keep up otherwise #I asked him to get into the carrier and he went #just like that #as if it was the most normal thing to do with an almost complete stranger #granted he never had an issue with carriers or anything #but it was the thing that decided if we could go back home that day or if we needed to stay at some hotel during the night #it was the last train that day and we caught it because Sammy just did what he was asked 😂 #idk #once he gets his final ok with the meds in 2-3 weeks I'll ask my trainer if she knows someone who would be a good fit #and either there is someone or there isn't #that's all I can do

[floral-hex]

I’m so over emotional right now. read that Jimmy Buffett died surrounded by his friends and family and started crying. not that he died. that everyone he loved, that loved him, was there with him in his final moments. and his dogs! his dogs were there, too! something about it is so beautiful and nice and fuck, I am bummed he died, but that he went out surrounded by his loved ones makes it seem okay. I’m glad he got that in the end. That knowing you’re loved and you’ll be remembered. I think that’s all we can really hope for in the end.

#hi I am in emotional crisis #I can’t say I was a HUGE Buffett fan buuut… #I do have at least one of his books (ironically?) and who can’t get down on some of his music? #but also my dad is a big Jimmy Buffett fan and so it feels like a part of his has died now #I love my dad but in a distant diety way. the kind you prayed to as a child but now you only really know in memory #I never talk to him but I love him and whenever one of the few things I know he enjoys dies it’s like I lose another little connection #he loved Anthony Bourdain. He loved Jimmy Buffett. god please someone watch over Chris Isaak for me! #I’m a mess #my emotions are everywhere tonight. #I was angry and disconnected for hours and now I’m just sad and lonely and anything could make me cry #I need a hug #I don’t want pity but I do want love #blegh #anyway… my brain is slowly coming back online. I can read a bit better now. #just needed to take meds and eat and whatnot #going to take a shower and I went and got some snacks to treat myself #but whatever. I love you stranger #or I don’t but pretend I do. I’ll pretend too. I want you to feel good. #you can ignore this #hug your pets please #hug me too if your arms can reach #text

[boomerang109]

no because i get so stuck on how endless everything feels, how life is so long and these horrible habits i have now are part of my life story forever but

life is so long. every little good choice i make will add up. i don’t have to fix everything today, it can take time

#idk if it’s the capitalism or the time blindness or what but there’s very much an innate must be doing must be fixing must be winning #and like. it doesn’t work for me. it doesn’t help me #i just need to take my steps slowly and let progress come with me #the big picture doesn’t have to be so scary #this is literally just cause I went ‘i keep being so overwhelmed by how many relatives I want to call and calling no one. if I just break it #down and call one person a day (a) that’s better but (b) I’ll actually get to everybody eventually rather than not talking to anyone #i really want to just become someone who talks to people #like. the glue in my family if you will #like I want to just be like. hi aunt so and so. yes it is weird I’m calling you. but we haven’t talked in forever and I wanted to know how #you are. okay great ten minute conversation im gonna call you again in two weeks #and then whenever I’m with family and they’re like ‘what’s so and so up to’ I’ll actually know #cause I’ll talk to people. that’s the kind of person I want to be #and the only thing stopping me from being that person is me #yes my family doesn’t do that and it will be weird and awkward and. painful at first #but if I kept at it. think of all the lovely relationships I could build #also need to dedicate more time to my friendships!!! #responding to texts!!! #but like it’s hard #i need my adhd meds for any of these things to be more than just plans #but I have a doctors appointment in two days #and I won’t even be out of other meds yet 😎

[cyber444angel]

hey yea so i realized that i should rlly try to stop w/bingeing & purging bc damn today was so awful :)

#tw // ed #tw // bulimia #literally thought i was gonna die + i almost wasnt able 2 purge so i had a minor panic attack there #+ someone probably heard me at this point so i could easily get suspected again #so i shouldn’t do this so i cant be accused of something if there is nothing 2 expose me for hA #anyways lets hope i don’t get fucking thrown out of the house or something hahahahahahah #or i could legit just say it’s bc of my meds… which is real like i sometimes get nauseous bc of the side effects sooo…. #then again my dad is the only one home & he’s sleeping #& my brother sometimes blasts techno music right next to him & he’s completely unbothered #so maybe it’s cool :’)))))))

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#god i’m so unhappy and i just really don’t know what to do #i tried to look at job listings today and everything i saw sounded absolutely abysmal #i feel so pathetic i just wish i could work and have a normal job and not be a fucking freak about everything #i just wanna be able to take care of myself i hate being dependent on others so fucking much #but all i have the energy to do is lay around and feel miserable and everyone keeps telling me i need to do something! anything! #and i try i really fucking do but just nothing happens bc i just have no energy for anything #i want to go to school or have a job or SOMETHING believe me i don’t want to just lay around and not do anything and have no money #it SUCKS and makes me feel awful about myself and it’s straining my relationships bc i can tell everyon: #*everyone’s tired of me acting like this and i’m tired of it too but i just genuinely don’t know how to get out of it #im so tired and depressed and i’m trying so hard not to be like i’m taking my meds and doing my basic tasks and hygiene #but beyond that i have no motivation or energy for anything else and people are concerned about me wasting my potential #and i just feel like i’m disappointing everyone and i’m just a time/money/effort suck for everyone around me #i don’t even know what would make me feel better at this point #maybe just being someone else entirely. someone who’s not a fuckup who wastes everyone’s time like me #just nothing brings me joy anymore and i’m so agitated and pessimistic about everything and i wish that i wasn’t #the only thing i know to do is to cover it up with an inflated self esteem about how hot i am and how people desire me #but that desire is always so superficial and empty and feels amazing in the moment and progressively more awful as time goes on #idk i’m just ranting at this point but just know i’m in my electra heart era and not necessarily happy about it #personal

[biteapple]

i do also feel like The Pale Beyond holds your hand TOO much in some aspects but not enough in others

#there are parts in the story where literally a popup appears telling you why one of your traits made a character say something to you #and thats something i would MUCH rather like. interpret or figure out on my own. in a story-based game #and also makes like ... makes me feel like i can SEE behind the curtain of the game. that should be secret to me. #let ME think about why someone said something or did or didnt do something. dont TELL me why in a convenient popup #and in some parts of the game doing certain actions seemingly arbitrarily ends the day or is final when i really wish the game was like #just a small sentence telling me what actions are progression-based and what aren't. SOME of them are color-coded but not all #there was one point where the game was like ''you can choose one of these'' and then prompted me to assign someone to something #so i thought *I* could choose one and assign a person to another because a prior event had me do that #and me assigning the person WAS my one action. just wish it was clearer in some aspects in wording its finality. #espectially when it mirrors what the game has taught me prior and then does the opposite of what the expected outcome is #there are certain mechanics that feel unfair where (potential spoilers ahead) you can assign people to the med bay to rest but... #if there's open beds and you forgot to assign someone else into the bay you're out of luck and cant pull up the menu again #like. why cant i? the engineering panel allows me to pull it up again. as does the cooking pot. as does every other panel. why not this one #that specifically just feels like an oversight. that among OTHER things #like special items not proccing twice when they should #there's one item that when warming up freezing crewmates #the engineers will warm 2 instead of 1. but. if you assign two engineers to the task the same time #then they'll only heal 3 people total because the code accounts for the action preformed not the amount of engineers assigned to the action #and if you assign them in succession they'll do it successfully. which is annoying to have to remember and a huge oversight

[dagasinfilo]

how am i even supposed to deal with understimulation without some kind of external/medical aid. i honestly sincerely dont get it. being understimulated makes it almost impossible for me to find an activity appealing enough to get stimulated back up (understimulation->lack of focus->struggle to get engaged in activity->more understimulation-> death and destruction forever) most of all if im left to my own devices (having people around sometimes provides some stimulation, or rather it always provides some, sometimes provides the right kind of stimulation). i used to be able to sort of brush the feeling off/bite the bullet and just keep going trying to occupy my mind with whatever at least minimally appealing but im just less and less able to do that as time goes. like im aware this is just not working for me and i cant get it out of my mind. which ends up worsening the understimulation something fierce

#and IM AWARE i could 'hack my brain' or whatever all these instagram adhd pseudoexpert influencers suggest is THE thing that WILL CURE adhd #for everyone no exceptions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or whatever. #i know im aware ive seen them ive read about them #ive done my own research and tried training-based approach. cbt. herbal supplements. several other quack and non quack-approved supplements #non-med approach. med non-stimulant approach. i gained awareness of my struggles progressively starting about 20 years ago and ive never #stopped trying whatever was at my reach to try to Want To Do Stuff And Be Actually Able To Do Them #you know what i have not been allowed to try? #adhd meds. #someone explain to my psychiatrist that being able to Do Stuff for two hours a day is still infinitely better than. 0 hours a day #i just wanna be able to be Engaged in Things without having to spend stupid amounts of money in weed that will inevitably only last me a fe #days and leave me emptier and more brain foggy than before

[inkskinned]

i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but as a content creator on this site, there's a part of me that's like. they absolutely just stole my work.

i'm not, like, unaware that tumblr has been shuffling downhill for years now. sometimes i play with the idea of switching platforms, turning myself into the shark. i often get tens of thousands of notes - i could be "doing numbers" on a platform that actually pays me to do so. i could have statistics that i could use to sell myself, i could rebrand and make content pay-to-play and make brand deals. i could have the other life, i mean.

but i don't want to. i like the quiet nature of tumblr. i like that it still feels like i'm writing poetry, not like i'm fulfilling ad spots. i like the community, and that i can sometimes still take someone by surprise and write something that really speaks to them. i like the tags and reading things like oh of course it's fucking inkskinned i love you inkskinned you gay mess. my girlfriend recently told me that people tag things "inkskinned" because they assume it is similar to tagging "creative writing". that's wild. i made this word up when i was 19, and have always assumed people tag me in things so i read it (and i often do). i have nothing but love and gratitude for you all, for this tiny scoop of family.

and i haven't made any money off it. i had opportunities, and i turned them down. i could have sold this thing like a thousand times. i thought about moving my work elsewhere - over and over and over i thought about it. i weighed each option specifically. but my tumblr felt like ... it's for you guys, only. if you're still here and reading this, you deserve to do it for free.

tumblr has now, most likely, skimmed my work (and yours) in order to make money. i will never see a single cent for that violation. something about landlords, i guess - my work pays their rent.

i just lost my job on valentine's day, and am working on scrambling for solutions. i am writing this to a blog that they will probably scrape with AI. and like, what number to do you think it was? do you think it was only a couple hundred thousand? no way it was close to a million, right? my time, effort, energy - it belongs to someone else now. how many silver pieces for them to completely sell out their user base.

and it's kind of like - funny? when it isn't very-sad. because i personally don't know what to do, ya know? i might as well move to a different platform, where my efforts are ai-scraped but could eventually pay me. where i know my privacy is the cost - but it could result in actual money. anyway. i need to figure out how i'm paying for meds. i need to email like six people about COBRA benefits.

my work is powering someone else's AI. it will be a beautiful fabricated poem, made from words i've already said.

[milo-is-rambling]

The vibes are immaculate

#gonna go to the car if the sprinklers aren’t on and I’ll bring more squishmallows inside #I was also so so smart bc for the price of one miserable no hoodie day I could wash my hoodie and then have it not smell #sooooo I did that. I washed my hoodie. hashtag brag much. sorry shutting up. anyways yes hoodie warm out of the drier sitting in front of my #ac my window sil looks good everything is so good only having mild flashbacks to my middle school self just the regular amounts #anyone else who’s dealt with psychosis : do you also get weirdly paranoid and or think you’re hearing/feeling shit after you watch a show #with a character who has psychosis like I struggled to watch Hannibal the first time I watched it bc it made me so fucking paranoid and #made me think about all that shit and work myself up to thinking I was hearing or seeing shit #also I smoke a lot of weed so that isn’t really good for psychosis history but whatever!!! ignoring it !!!! #anyways yeah finished Barry it was so good but now it’s like I have a headache and I feel like someone’s constantly behind me but like hey a #good scary show should do that to you but also like. is my brain saying you just saw a scary guy behind someone so you’re thinking about it #or is my brain actually making a scary guy will I see someone when I turn around I want to throw up #blah blah blah need to go back on my meds again blah blah blah #fuck. #I can last about a week without meds before I succumb to the madness #update : changed my mind about going out to the car and I actually took two squishmallows off my bed

[wishful-seeker]

Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

For example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

For example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

#cripple punk #ablism #physical disability #disability