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spaztronautwriter · 4 years

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Unexpecting: Part 3 (an Olicity fic)

A/N: This is the third and final part of the Unexpecting verse. Big thanks to @ham4arrow for reminding me it still needed an ending! I hope you enjoy it!

###

“Look at you two,” the obnoxiously cheerful, and equally obnoxiously skinny, Lamaze coach crooned as Oliver helped Felicity to her feet.

How dare she be so… so… energized when Felicity felt like she needed to take an eighteen hour nap? Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile, telling herself it wasn’t this bubbly brunette's fault that she felt exhausted whale all the time. It was just the miracle of birth.

And what a miracle it was. This baby had a habit of kicking her in the bladder until she peed herself.

“A power couple even in Lamaze class,” the coach finished with a brilliant smile.

She felt Oliver stiffen slightly where he was still holding her elbow for support, which caused her to open her big, stupid mouth.

“Oh, we’re not a couple. Nope, just friends. Friends and co-parents. Yup.”

Oliver twitched beside her, clearing his throat, and effectively ending her mini-babble.

The woman, Miss Jane as she’d asked to be called like she was teaching kindergarten instead of Lamaze, looked between them for a moment before smiling again, though it looked a little more awkward this time around. “Well, I’m sure you guys will be great at it. I hope you’ll bring Baby back to visit once they're born!”

Felicity gave her a polite, tight lipped smile. She was ready to go home, have something to eat, and relax on the couch for a while. She’d been on her feet at work all day and then this class… She was beyond ready to call it a day.

Of course Oliver, being Oliver, smiled brightly at the woman. “Of course! Can’t believe it’s almost time.”

Miss Jane smiled back at him, and the look in her eye made Felicity clench her jaw.

“From what I can tell,” Miss Jane said, reaching out to touch Oliver’s wrist, “you’re going to be a great father. And I can’t wait to meet this little guy.” She gestured to Felicity’s stomach without looking away from Oliver. “I bet he’s going to be just as handsome as his Daddy.”

“We haven’t actually found out the sex yet—“

“Oliver,” Felicity interrupted sharply, “I’m hungry.”

“Oh.” He turned to look at her and she graced him with a, hopefully, innocent smile. “Alright. Well, thank you,” he said, turning back to Miss Jane. “It was a great class.”

Without another word, Felicity looped her arm through Oliver’s and tugged him out of the classroom.

###

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing. She was just being nice.”

Felicity gaped at him as he opened the car door for her. “A big deal—Oliver, she was batting her eyes at you.”

“It was harmless flirting. Besides you’re the one who told her we weren’t together.”

“We aren’t together!”

“I know that, but we’re not not together.”

“That’s…” Felicity flailed her hands frustratedly by her sides. “I only said that because you got weird when she called us a power couple.”

“I didn’t get weird,” he argued.

“You froze!”

“Because I knew you were about to get weird. You always do whenever anybody brings up our relationship.”

“Well, it’s complicated! And no one’s business.”

Oliver softened, reaching out to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I know that. And I’m not interested in Miss Jane, just so you’re aware. I’m already very much in love with the beautiful, tech goddess who’s having my baby.”

“Oliver…”

He could be so sweet sometimes. It always made her want to forgive all the stupid things he’d done.

They’d discussed it, the mistakes he’d made—mistakes they’d both made—and she knew he hadn’t acted maliciously when he’d kept his son a secret from her. He’d explained, to the best of his ability, that he’d been scared. Scared of messing things up, scared he wouldn’t be a good father, that he didn’t deserve to be. Oliver believing he didn’t deserve good things wasn’t exactly news to Felicity, but it did go to show her that she’d been deluding herself these past months. It was just that he was so perfect most of the time and then he… wasn’t. It scared her for awhile, until she’d realized she may have been projecting some of her abandonment issues into him. Oliver wasn’t her father, and even though keeping secrets from her wasn’t ideal he only did it because he—foolishly—thought it was the right thing to do. They’d had a long talk about that and come to an agreement about what it all meant for their relationship.

It had gone better than she’d hoped it would.

Still, she wasn’t sure it was time to change their relationship status from it’s complicated to... something else. Not with this baby getting ready to pop out of her and her feeling over emotional all the time and exhausted. So, so exhausted. But soon. After the baby was—

A gush of water rushed down her legs, soaking her leggings.

“—we’re going to have to come to a decision about this sometime,” Oliver was saying as she glanced up at him in panic.

“Oliver.”

“I know, I know. I’m not rushing you—“

“Oliver!”

Finally, he looked at her, his eyes going wide as he noticed her look of pure panic. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I think my water just broke.”

###

It took Oliver maybe five minutes to drive her from their Lamaze class to the hospital. It took almost an hour after that before she was comfortably settled in a private room.

Well, maybe not comfortably…

“Just breathe, baby,” Oliver muttered from beside her bed.

As if it were that easy.

She could kill him. She really could.

“We are never having sex again!” she roared through a contraction.

The nurse, a grey haired woman, snorted from where she was writing something on Felicity’s chart. “Don’t worry. They all say that.” She glanced up and gave Felicity a warm smile. “Dr. Cochran is just cleaning up. She’ll be in in a few minutes to check on you.”

Felicity took a deep breath, trying to relax as the contraction passed. The nurse left, leaving her with a guilty looking Oliver.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly, and suddenly she felt awful.

“Yeah. It just sucks, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

Oliver reached out, brushing her sweaty hair off her forehead. “I’m sorry it hurts. I’d do anything to take the pain away. Are you sure you don’t want the drugs—“

“No.” She shook her head. “I can do it without them.”

He brushed a hand over her hair again, smiling sweetly. “I know you can. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Tears caught in her eyelashes and she sniffled. “I love you.”

It was the first time she’d said that in… awhile. She watched the words hit him like a ton of bricks before he shot her a watery smile.

“I love you, too.”

He leaned in to chastely brush his lips against hers, but she pulled him in, needing more than just a fleeting kiss. She needed all of him. Needed to know he was hers and that he always would be. He responded eagerly, as if he needed her just as much.

They only pulled away when another contraction hit her. He coached her through it, just like they’d learned in Lamaze class. He held her hand and she squeezed his back so tightly that he, the Green Arrow himself, actually winced at her vice-like grip.

“Oliver?” she panted as soon as the contraction ended. “Marry me?”

His mouth fell open and he gaped at her for a long moment, before a startled laugh ripped from his throat. “Yes,” he wheezed, grinning down at her. “Whenever you want.”

“How ‘bout right now?”

“Now… what?”

"Call me sentimental,” she said with a shrug, “but I just really want to be married to you before this baby is born."

“Felicity…”

And she knew what he was thinking. That she was letting her emotions get the best of her. That the pain was making her crazy. And maybe it was. But if she knew anything at all it was that she wanted to be married to this man for the rest of her life.

"This baby… It won't fix us. I know that. So we'll just have to do it ourselves. I mean, we already have been. And I know we'll have more problems, we'll fight, but… You're the best friend I've ever had, Oliver, and the love of my life and if I'm going to spend the rest of that life with anyone it’s going to be you. It's the only thing that makes sense. So will you marry me?"

“Yes.”

No doubt. No hesitation. Just a simple yes and a blinding smile that she was sure she’d remember for the rest of her life.

He leaned down to kiss her again, but before she could get lost in the feeling of his lips against hers, a familiar voice greeted them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I heard you two were about to have a baby.”

Felicity broke away from Oliver to see her OBGYN standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. Dr. Cochran was a lovely woman, only a few years older than her, but she had an incredibly calming effect on Felicity whenever they spoke. It was one of the reasons she’d gone with the young doctor in the first place.

Dr. Cochran quickly examined Felicity, making sure everything looked good, and announcing that it wouldn’t be much longer. That was both a relief—because her mother had never let an opportunity pass to remind her of how she’d been in labor for thirteen hours and in contrast an hour and a half labor seemed like a gift—and terrifying. Was she ready for this baby? Was she ready to be someone’s mother? And she’d just asked Oliver to marry her. They wouldn’t have enough time now…

“Does this place have, like, a rabbi or a priest or something?”

Dr. Cochran paused, clearly not expecting the question. “The hospital has a chaplain, yes.”

“Good, good. Can you get them up here, please?”

The doctor glanced between her and Oliver, nodding her head. “Of course.”

“Felicity?” Oliver asked as soon as they were alone again.

“Marry me,” she said again, causing Oliver to laugh, though it was more amused than startled this time.

“I think I already answered that question,” he teased.

“Is this crazy?” She was pretty sure it was nuts, but…

“Yes. But I’m in if you are.”

And that was all the answer she needed.

###

The chaplain, it turned out, was with another patient, and wasn’t able to get to them for another twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes of pure torture as her contractions came closer and closer together. Dr. Cochran had come back into the room wearing gloves and a face mask, like she was fully prepared to deliver the baby right then, but Felicity was holding out.

“Felicity,” the doctor said, “you need to start pushing.”

“No! Not yet. I’m not ready yet.”

Oliver held her hand, his thumb brushing gently over her knuckles. “Honey...”

“Felicity, this baby doesn’t care if you’re ready. It wants out.”

Just then there was a knock at the door and Felicity turned to see a young man with curly brown hair standing in the doorway. He wore a button down shirt and slacks, a white collar around his neck like you see on priests in movies.

“Someone called for a chaplain?” he asked, taking in the scene before him with wide eyes.

“Oh, thank god.” She sighed in relief. “Come in.”

Following her lead, Oliver turned to the priest. "Will you marry me and my... my fiancé? She's pregnant."

“I noticed that,” the man said, then shook his head. “Do you have a license? It won’t be legal if you don’t—“

“Doesn’t matter!” Felicity said through gritted teeth as she tried to breathe through another contraction.

“We’ll take care of that later,” Oliver assured him.

“Alright, guess we should make it quick then.” He started to say a prayer Felicity had never heard before, but was quickly interrupted by Dr. Cochran.

“Sorry, Father, but you’re going to have to be a little quicker than that.”

The chaplain looked flustered for a moment, but quickly regained his composure, turning toward Oliver. “Do you…?”

“Oliver!” Felicity supplied.

“Do you, Oliver, take…?”

Felicity was too busy trying to control her breathing to respond, so Oliver replied with a soft, “Felicity.”

“Do you take Felicity as your lawful wife to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

“I do.”

Tears streamed down Felicity’s face and only some of them were from the pain of childbirth.

“Felicity?” the chaplain started, cautiously. “Do you take Oliver as your—“

Another contraction hit her so hard that she had to start pushing. And it hurt. Dear god, it hurt. But Dr. Cochran was there, along with a few nurses, quietly and calmly cheering her on.

“Felicity,” Oliver breathed in amazement, brushing her hair out of her face.

“Yes! Yes!” She gritted out. “I do!”

“Come on, Felicity!” Dr. Cochran encouraged. “Another big push.”

She could barely concentrate enough to hear the chaplain pronounce them husband and wife, but she felt Oliver bury his face in her hair. She heard him whispering, “I love you,” over and over again.

She heard their baby cry as she finally came into the world.

#olicity fanfiction #olicity fanfic #olicity au #just something about you one shots

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avengerscompound · 5 years

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The Tower: Unexpected - 5

The Tower: Unexpected An Avengers Fanfic

Series Masterlist Previous //

Pairing: Avengers x ofc, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2364

Warnings: Angsty stuff, the boys are mostly still being asshats, pregnancy stuff.

Synopsis: A little over 2 years after moving into the Avengers Tower, Elly finds herself pregnant against the odds. While some are excited, others are terrified, and pregnancy that none expected to happen causes rifts through the group and threatens to end the relationship.

Author’s Note: Written with my muse @fanficwriter013

Chapter 5: The Most Fertile Person in the World

It was only a few days later that the OBGyn that Tony had arranged was set up in the Tower and I had my first appointment. Her name was Doctor Schroeder and apparently she was the best in the city and Tony was paying so that by the time of the babies due date, I would be her only patient.

“Mister Stark gave me a rundown on what's happened. So we might start by getting your birth control out. But first. Do you have any questions?” She said as Steve, Wanda, Natasha and I all sat in her exam room. I was sitting in one of those hospital gowns and nothing else. I still hadn’t seen the others. Steve had said Sam had gone to see his family. Natasha assured me Clint was reading because he needed to get his head around the idea he was going to be a parent. Hulk was still around which meant Bruce was not. Bucky was still isolating as was Tony. Except where Steve saw Bucky every day, no one had seen Tony at all.

“What are the odds of this happening?” Steve asked as Wanda gave my hand a squeeze.

“The birth control Doctor Cooper was on was 99% percent effective. They say for every 1000 women on it one gets pregnant every three years. On top of the fact that you men were all on a birth control developed by doctor Banner? Now I have no idea how effective it was because there was a lack of clinical trials but I would say you have a 1 in 2000 chance of this happening really. That baby apparently really really wanted to exist.” Doctor Schroeder explained. I didn’t know if I felt better or worse hearing that. Like if it was the most unlucky thing to happen or maybe I was really lucky.

“And it’s healthy?” Steve asked.

“We’ll need to take a look, but birth control like Doctor Coopers just stops ovulation, it happened anyway. I looked at the kind you are on, and it's similar but with sperm production.” She answered. “Basically you have the guys that are the absolute strongest competitors coming together. It won’t have affected their health.”

The problem was that wasn’t the only thing we had to worry about. I looked at Steve and took a breath. “What - Do you know what will happen if it's - if Steve or Bucky or Bruce are the parent?” I asked.

She sighed. “That I can't tell you. We will monitor things carefully. As you know we can narrow it down if you want, so we know if we have anything extra to be concerned about.”

“I'm here,” Steve said. “You can take a sample - a small sample - for comparisons.”

“I thought you didn't want to know?” I said.

“If there is an issue with health, for the sake of your sanity. We should do it.” He said rubbing my leg. “But I do not want to know. That baby will be all of ours, no matter the parentage.”

“Okay. Well, how about this, I'll work out if the baby is genetically either yours, Sergeant Barnes, or Doctor Banner's when he returns, and then I'll know if there's something to keep an eye on, but I won't pass that along unless I have to?” She suggested.

Steve gave a curt nod. “I agree to these terms.”

“Alright. If there’s nothing else for the moment we’ll start by taking the birth control out. Then I’ll take some blood samples and then we can take a look. See who we’re dealing with in there.” She said.

“I’m good if you are,” Nat said to me. I got up on the examination chair and Wanda sat beside me holding my arm as Doctor Schroeder took blood samples, gave me a local anesthetic and took out the implant before sewing it up with paper stitches and putting gauze over it.

She then took a few vials of blood from Steve and explained that the earliest she could do paternity was eight weeks and that she would make a plan for that based on how far along I was now.

“Okay,” She said after she’d cleaned everything away and brought the ultrasound machine closer. “Are we ready to see the baby?” We all nodded in agreement. “Elly, I need you to lie back and spread your legs.” She said adjusting the chair back and lying a blanket over me. Wanda took my hand as Doctor Schroeder prepared the probe. “This is going to be a little uncomfortable.” She said and inserted the probe. I winced. For such a tiny thing, it pinched, that’s for sure. She shifted it around inside me at weird angles that were far from pleasant feeling. Wanda seemed to send a calming energy into me, though, and I felt her tell me she was right there, clear as if she said it out loud.

“You’re doing great, Elly. I know this isn’t fun. But look, can you see this funny little peanut shape. That’s your baby.” She said.

I looked up at the screen and saw what looked like two large black spaces in a sea of white static. To the bottom of each was a small kidney bean shaped thing with a little fluttering spot right in the middle of it. I felt the sudden urge to cry and I wasn’t even sure what I was looking at. “But there’s two,” I said.

“That’s because there are two of them. Can you see the flutter?” She said circling the spots in the middle of the kidney beans. “That’s their heartbeats. You are actually having twins.”

“Twins?” Wanda asked, her voice slightly shaky. I knew this was big for her, being a twin herself and losing her brother. “We're having twins?”

“You are,” She said moving the probe around a little. “It looks like they are fraternal too which has just blown your odds through the roof to astronomical levels. It also makes the paternity a little more complicated.”

I stared blankly at the screen. How could this be happening? I had to be the most fertile person in the world. If the other’s freaked out the way they had been about one, they were going to completely cut and run with two.

“Did you just say, that they could have two different dads?” Natasha asked, looking up at the screen.

“It’s certainly possible. It really depends on what happened here that made two different birth controls ineffective. Did one of you just forget to take it around the time her cycle rejected hers? Or do we have a case of two different lucky swimmers from two different people?” She said as she started taking measurements. “We’ll definitely have to keep a close eye on them until we figure this out. If you have one supersoldier and one baseline human their development rates could be drastically different or the super could steal the nutrients from the other. That isn’t uncommon with twins.”

“So, this is going to make things more difficult?” Steve asked. He looked a little like a deer in headlights. I recognized that look of guilt on his face. I could only imagine that he thought one of them was his and it was going to cause issues.

“Twins never make it easier.” She said jokingly. “We will work this out though. I promise. If the blood tests aren’t conclusive there are other options. We’ll monitor things closely either way.”

“Twins…” Wanda said, her hand going to my stomach.

Doctor Schroeder did a few more measurements and looked at me. “I would put them at seven weeks. Does that sound right?”

I nodded, of course, they were. “Right when Thor was here.”

She shook her head and let out a laugh. “So potential demigods too. You’re really making me earn my money here.” She said. “Would you like to hear their heartbeats?”

“Yes, we do,” Natasha said before any of the rest of us had a chance.

She flicked a switch and the room is filled with a loud swoosh swoosh sound. All four of our faces lit up at the sound. There was something about hearing it that made it very real and not just this abstract ‘scary thing’. “That’s their hearts. Going right in the zone we want them. They look very healthy.”

“We're gonna have twins, El,” Wanda said squeezing my hand.

“I know. Maybe it will be a boy and a girl like you and Pietro.” I said.

I didn’t think Wanda’s smile could get any bigger but it did right then. “Maybe.”

Doctor Schroeder moved the probe around a little more before removing it. “We’re done. Did you want a print out of the babies?”

“Yes. A couple please.” I say thinking about how the Hulk would want one.

Doctor Schroeder pushed a button on the machine and it began to whir as it printed out the pictures. “Keep that wound clean. I’ll need to take more blood in a couple of weeks for the DNA, and then we’ll have another appointment in say, 4 weeks to see how they’re developing. I’ll need to see Sgt Barnes for a blood test. I know Doctor Banner isn’t exactly here with us right now do you think the Hulk will let me take blood?”

“I think it'd be best if you let me try and do that,” Natasha said.

“Thank you. Given that Thor is a potential biological parent here if there is any way you can get a blood sample from him too. Otherwise, if it's not one of the three of you, I'll need to test everyone to rule him out.” She said as I began to dress in my regular clothes.

“We'll take care of it,” Nat assured her.

“Elly, here is a list of things you should be taking and avoiding. Plus some birthing options.” She said holding up a packet and giving it to Wanda. “Are there any other questions?” Wanda looked back at me and shook her head. “Well, it was nice to see you. I'm on call now, so if you need me for anything don't hesitate.”

I finished getting dressed and the four of us headed back out to the elevator. “Are you hungry, El?” Wanda asked.

“Yeah, a little,” I said not fully paying attention. “Twins…”

“I’ll make you something.” She said.

“Thanks. I guess… I guess I have more news to give people.” I said.

“I'm going to go get that sample from Hulk,” Natasha said. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. I will be. You should take one of the pictures to him,” I said tearing off one of the ultrasound pictures and giving it to her. “He wanted to see, so it might help keep him calm. Tell him it's twins and he can come talk to them after if he wants.”

“Okay,” Nat said taking it. “I'll do that.”

“Thank you, Tasha. Thanks for coming with me.”

She kissed my cheek as the elevator stopped on Bruce’s floor. “Of course, honey. I'm going to talk to Clint too. And then I'll be back up.”

She got off and the doors closed as we traveled up to the common floor. Almost as soon as the doors closed, I felt an overwhelming urge to cry. It had been bad enough telling everyone that it was one. Now I had to do it again and tell them there was going to be two. I turned to Steve and fell against him hiding my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair “It’s okay, El. I’ve got you.” He said, in his deep rich voice.

“Thank you. I can't believe it's twins. I feel like Loki is messing with us or something.” I said through a shaky voice. Only barely keeping the tears in.

“Well, we can ask Thor.” He said gently.

“Yeah. I guess so. Can Loki do that? Just mess with our birth control?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”

The elevator stopped and I pulled away from him taking out the paperwork from the packet to distract myself with as Wanda went to the kitchen. “There are a few things to get,” I said sitting down.

“I can handle that if you like.” He said.

I shrugged. “I’ll just add them to FRIDAY’s list. It can come in the next delivery.”

“Okay. That should work.” He said sitting down beside me.

I ran my hands over my stomach and looked down at it. “There are two people in there,” I said. “I have 3 times as many skeletons as most people.”

He shook his head and stifled a laugh. “You’re such a dork.” His hand went to my stomach and he linked his fingers with mine. “They’re going to be very loved and well cared for. You don’t have to worry.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna get really huge.”

“Is there a point to that, El?” He asked.

“Just ... I don't know. What if... And then after…”

He kissed my temple. “Use your words, sweetheart.”

“What if no one wants to be with me after this?”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

The tears came then. Fat drops running down my cheeks. “Well? I mean even taking out the fact I'm going to be massive, I apparently am the most fertile person in the planet.”

“Elly,” He said pulling me into his arms. “We're gonna deal with this. You've got us. Forever.”

“What if I'm not good at this? I didn't exactly have very good role models.”

“Neither did I,” He said. “Come on, honey. You need to just let yourself process this. I know it hasn’t exactly gone smoothly, but this is good news.”

“What are we going to tell the others?” I asked. “How am I going to tell them if they won’t even come near me?”

“They will. They love you, honey. Everyone loves you. They don’t mean to be hurting you like this.” He assured me. “When they’re ready to hear you can tell them.”

“How will I even know they’re ready?” I asked.

He kissed the top of my head. “They’ll come to you. Don’t worry.”

// NEXT

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meganwritesfanfics · 5 years

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Born in the U.S.A (Josh Lyman x Reader)

Part 2 of 3

Word Count: 2083

I know that my medical knowledge is not sound but its a fanfic so it doesn’t have to be logical

The office was frantic trying to figure out a way to get Y/N to a hospital without drawing the attention of the press, the last thing they needed was for someone to see an ambulance at the White House.

“We can’t have an ambulance show up at the White House, we will never be able to convince people of what actually happened.” Toby said as he paced back and forth.

“I agree with Toby, can we just use the car?” Y/N said breathlessly as another contaction hit her. “Sam,” She cried and the man who was in the corner on the phone.

“He won’t answer his phone.”

“It probably died.” Y/N said before she let out a scream due to another contraction.

Elsewhere on the hill Josh, unaware of the fact that his wife was in labor, was fighting.

“Listen, we are not talking about gun reform today Josh.” The man screamed at him as Josh laughed head in hands.

“No that is exactly what we need to talk about.” Josh exclaimed.

Suddenly a woman burst into the room.

“Josh Lyman you have a telephone call.”

“Who is it?” Josh sighed as he pulled out his cellphone noticing that it was dead. “Damn-it.”

“Sam Shepard, he says its urgent.”

“Will you excuse me,” Josh said as he quickly made his way after the secretary who looked positively terrified of him. “Sam what do you want.” Josh snapped slightly angry for being pulled out of his meeting but that anger was quickly replaced with fear when he heard the sound of a woman screaming more specifically, Y/N. “What is it what’s wrong Sam!.” Josh screamed tears in his eyes

“Y/N went into labor.” Sam said seriously.

Josh almost took off running until he remembered he wasn’t on his cell phone.

“Where is she what hospital did you take her to.” He said gripping the phone tightly.

“Um…” Sam started. “We didn’t.”

“What do you mean? Sam what is going on.”

“She’s in the Oval Office we are arguing over how we need to get her to the hospital.”

“You are what!” Josh said dropping the phone as he began to run back to his car. “Tell him I’m on my way!” He yelled back.

“Josh, Josh!” Sam called into the phone freaking out.

“What is it what’s wrong?” Y/N asked panicking. At this point Leo and CJ had made there way into the room, CJ was holding her hand.

“He’s on his way.” Sam insisted as he went over to Toby.

“We need to get her to a hospital,” Leo said as he stood by the president. “I don’t care how we can deal with that later.”

“That’s not going to be an option.” Abby quickly said.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s 7 centimeters dialated, she is having this baby now.”

The whole room went silent as the reality of the situation set in.

Within minutes the room was filled with as many doctors and nurses as they could find, Y/N was laying on the floor with Abby helping as best she could to comfort Y/N. Everyone else had been ushered into Leo’s office including the President.

“You know the last time there was a baby born in the White House it was Grover Cleavland.” Jed said trying to ease the very clear tension in the room.

“Where is Josh, he should have been here by now,” CJ insisted as she paced back and forth trying to ignore the screams coming from the next room.

“He might have hit traffic or gotten lost, who knows with Josh.” Toby sighed.

“Should I go after him, I feel like I should go look for him right, I’m going to go look for him.” Sam panicked as he started to leave but CJ grabbed him by his coat tails and pulled him back.

“Don’t worry he will be here.” Leo said. “He wouldn’t miss this for the world, let us not forget that this has been the only thing he has been talking about for months.”

In the other room, they had gathered a few doctors mostly men, but Y/N really only felt comfortable with Abby.

“Where is he Abby, I don’t want to do this without him.”

“Y/N sweetie he is on his way, but for right now this baby is coming and you are going to need to push.”

Y/N shook her head as she felt the pressure of a contraction once more and she let out a loud scream.

“Damn-it!” Josh screamed as he sat in traffic. Of course Y/N had to go into labor right during rush hour. “Move!” He slammed on the horn only to get the finger from the person in front of him. He looked at his watch once more even though he had been checking it every second. “Screw it.” He said as he quickly through the car into park, pew the car into park,yanked the keys out of the ignition and bolted out of the car heading in the direction of the White House.

“Sam!” A voice in the Oval Office screamed causing Sam to jump. Quickly he headed in that direction. “Where is he?” Y/N cried.

“I don’t know, he said he was on his way…” Sam started nervously when suddenly Josh burst into the office. “Oh thank god.”

“Josh,” Y/N breathed reaching her hand out for him.

“Hi baby.” He said as he rushed towards her. The minute he reached her she punched his arm. “Oww.”

“Where were you?” Y/N screamed.

“I’m sorry, I got stuck in traffic.” He said grabbing her hand. “Speaking of, Sam I left my car in the middle of traffic will you please go get it.”

“You did what!”

“I wasn’t going to miss this for the world.” He said kissing her forehead. “That being said why in the hell is my wife giving birth in the Oval Office and not a hospital.”

“We couldn’t have an ambulance come to the White House.” Toby said as everyone slowly crept their way into room.

“Joshua,” Bartlet said coming over to Josh placing his hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Let us not worry about what happened let’s focus on what is happening, you are going to be a father.”

“Jed, I need you to go back into Leo’s office ok, and Leo I need you to call that person you and I talked about.” Abby quickly said and instantly everyone knew that something was wrong. As everyone,who didn’t have a medical degree, hurriedly left the room Josh looked at Abby terrified.

“What is it, what’s wrong?” He said as Y/N gripped his hand tightly as another contraction hit.

“Josh I’m not an OBGYN, I can’t…”

“Abby,” Y/N cried as she looked at her pleading.

“I think the baby is in the wrong position.” Abby sighed.

“What does that mean?” Josh said worriedly. He was now behind Y/N so her back was against his chest. He was running his hands up and down her arms trying to comfort her.

“Josh again I’m not an OBGYN, I don’t want to…”

Y/N let out another scream as she gripped Josh’s hand harder. While Josh’s hand felt like it was being broken, it pained him more to hear Y/N in such pain.

Suddenly a man was rushed into the room.

“Dr. Carter, thank you so much for coming.” Abby quickly said and she quickly got up and went over to the man whispering.

“Josh,” Y/N cried as the panic began to kick in. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Y/N you are the strongest woman I know, just think about the fact that we are going to meet our baby soon.” Josh said kissing the top of her head.

“I’m going to tell C.J and Donna that you think I am the strongest woman you know.” Y/N teased.

“I love you,” Josh said as Y/N looked up at him. She was covered in sweat and had tears streaking down her face, but he thought she looked so beautiful.

“I love you too Lemon.” She said as she kissed him.

“Hello, Mrs. Lyman.” The man said coming over. “I am Dr. Carter, I’m going to help you meet your baby.”

Y/N smiled but the smile quickly faded as a contraction hit.

“Now Abby thinks your baby is being stubborn and not wanting to come out.”

“Josh Lyman’s baby is stubborn who would have guessed.” Y/N laughed trying to stay positive.

“Hey it’s your baby too.” Josh said as he squeezed her arms.

“Do we know what the sex of the baby is?”

“I do but Josh doesn’t want to know until the baby is born.” Y/N insisted.

“You can be really sweet sometimes Josh, you know that.” Abby said smiling as she brought a tray of very scary looking medical instruments to Dr. Carter.

“Alright well I’m going to take a look and see what’s going on. I’m going to need you to lie back.”

Josh quickly moved positioning himself so that Y/N’s head was laying in his lap.

“Now this is going to be very uncomfortable, maybe even painful.” The doctor said and Y/N nodded closing her eyes as she held onto Josh’s hands.

“You know I told Toby that I would go into labor today just to spite him.” Y/N said trying her best to talk through the pain.

“I’ll kill him,” Josh teased looking down at her lovingly.

“How was your meeting?”

“You really want to talk about my meeting?” Josh laughed.

“You know you should be grateful that I’m speaking to you nicely. My mother told me that when she had me, all she did was scream obscenities at my dad.” Y/N said gripping Josh’s hands tighter as a wave of pain hit.

“Oh I would imagine that part is still to come my love.” Josh said kissing her forehead.

Suddenly Dr. Carter looked up at Josh with a look that instantly made Josh nervous. Within in an instant Dr. Carter was up talking to Abby and the other doctors confirming.

“Josh what’s wrong?” Y/N said panicking

“Hey it’s ok just breathe.” Josh tried to calm her down even though he had now started to panic as well.

That panic only worsened when Abby slipped out of the room into the room where everyone was waiting.

“Josh.” Y/N said.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lyman, I’m afraid this birth may be more complicated that we first anticipated.” Dr. Carter said seriously.

“Will someone please tell us what in the hell is going on.” Josh snapped angry at all the secrecy.

“The baby is in the wrong position and it’s shoulder is stuck at Y/N’s pelvic bone.”

Y/N let out a noise that Josh wouldn’t even describe as human. He couldn’t tell if she was screaming because of the pain of another contraction or at what the doctor had just said.

“Ok what does that mean,” Josh said.

“Mr. Lyman, may I talk to you alone for a minute.”

“No, anything you have to say you can..”

“Josh go talk to the doctor,” a voice said and suddenly Abby came back into the room followed by C.J and Sam and Toby.

C.J quickly came over grabbing Y/N’s hand again.

Sam and Toby quickly helped Josh to his feet then they walked with him over to the doctor.

“In order to safely get your baby would be a c-section.”

“Ok then let’s do that.”

“We don’t believe that we can safely get Y/N to the hospital because the baby is in a space where any movement could be dangerous.”

“Well what is the other options.”

The doctor sighed. “The procedure would be me trying to manipulate the baby back into the right place. It will be extremely painful for Y/N and there is a high risk.”

“I don’t get what you are trying to tell me, both those ideas sound bad, what are the other options.”

The doctor was silent.

“There are no other options Josh.” Toby said.

“You need to prepare for the fact that we may lose the baby, and in a worse case scenario we may lose Y/N.”

Josh didn’t have any words, for the first time in his life Josh couldn’t find the words to express how he was feeling.

#west wing #josh lyman #x reader #donna moss #sam seaborn #cj cregg #toby ziegler #abby bartlet #president bartlet #leo mcgarry #jed bartlet #bartlet2020 #imagine

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voice-oftheempire--archived-blog · 6 years

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SEMI-HIATUS NOTICE

// It probably doesn’t come as any sort of great shocker to see that, given that I haven’t exactly been really active on here or @morvokk now for some time. This blog has been running on queue, in fact, due to just not having the energy and capability to actually do anything.

So let me get on that, explain what is going on, and we’ll sort of move on from there.

As any of you who have been with my blogs since they were started back in October know, my health hasn’t been in the greatest of dispositions for one reason or another. Given that I do have some new followers, I’ll retell some things, so a few bits will be old-news-moving-into-new for the veterans here, eheh. (If you want to skip to the new stuff, search for “***”)

As this story goes, I went in to the ER, primary care, and a handful of different specialists on numerous occasions and ended up basically grabbing a doctor in the ER by the lapels and screaming at him what he was going to do to my body to find out what was wrong that time.

This was how we found out I had biliary dyskinesia. Again, for those of you who have been around for a bit, you know that this was but for the new ones this is basically a huge dysfunction of the gallbladder where it produces all the same symptoms of gallbladder disease with gallstones. . .except you lack the ability to actually make stones. No stones means this can’t be picked up easily through blood tests (mine were always “good”) or through an ultrasound because there’s nothing to see. You must get something called a HIDA scan done that basically induces your gallbladder to do it’s job and measures if it does. It should perform at lowest 35%, but doctors prefer 40%. Mine was 20% when the test was done. And dropping.

Scheduled for surgery, but it was postponed numerous times while I was given a run-around by my surgeon who wanted my heart cleared because I had been having chest pains since November (mind, this was January now when I finally had this together). I had asked about that, but they had denied me, so I grumpily wore it for three days and now have five scars on my torso from the stickers, tachycardia when I have panic attacks and bradycardia when I take narcotic painkillers. Thanks, heart monitor. Gallbladder out on February 5th, have bad recovery.

***This is where the new stuff starts kicking in, for those of you who have been around here.

As I recovered from my gallbladder surgery, I noticed that it was taking me a lot longer to actually recover than what it was supposed to. Like. A lot longer. Weeks more. I was steps back from my peers. I had to order another round of painkillers because I was still in agony. I was still suffering chest pain. I was told, “It’s just built-up gasses -- you’re fine, you’re fine.” And then the images came back from my surgery and we found the cyst on my left ovary. Okay, cool, nothing huge to panic over. Made an appointment with my OBGYN and discussed it with him. Got scheduled for an ultrasound to see what kind of cyst we were dealing with and why it was pretty sizeable. Discussed and agreed to having an ablation treatment to my inner lining to hopefully fix a lot of those problems too. Schedule that after the ultrasound (because if we gotta do surgery for one, may as well do them at the same time, right? Right).

And then there were the pesky panic attacks that were keeping me up at night. Gasping, chest-crushing, sobbing, I-am-dying, screaming into pillows and begging for it to end attacks on end. Five, six, eleven times a day. All hours, always worse at night. I was staying awake instead of sleeping. My spouse was getting two hours on good nights where all he could do was try to keep me from hyperventilating and screaming. Most of the time I just sobbed and begged him to make it stop.

The muscle weakness came not long after. My arms went first, but we expected them to be a little off, especially since I had been on strict orders from my doctors to not lift beyond five pounds. But my legs? When it became almost impossible for me to stand up from sitting in a chair, or getting out of my car without help I knew something was wrong. It felt like sandbags weighed me down. Like I had done leg day for eons. Like a thousand leg presses. Whatever. It was wrong, and it got worse every day.

Then the brain bleed happened out of nowhere. That one was fun and scary. A simple trip to the ER for a headache that felt very wrong that I wasn’t willing to mess with (my aunt has a history of brain tumors, so nu-uh) revealed blood on my brain and wham I was laid up for two days in a much fancier hospital ICU. Three more CTs later, plus a cerebral angiogram I was released, and no one knew where the bleed had come from or if it would happen again.

And all the while my chest got worse and worse. And my entire body began hurting and aching. My headaches became worse, but no more bleeds (even after another ER trip to make sure). Many days I would wake up and barely be able to roll out of bed without wanting to scream. Some days I was up and okay but still not there. I was always dizzy, always a bit sick, always foggy in my brain. Given new drugs to help with the panic attacks (they did, for a bit, and then they came back).

My primary care doctor sat me down and gave me this: you will go see a gastroenterologist. The testing will ultimately probably come back clear, and when that does I can give you the referral to the best rheumatologist. You have an auto-immune disease or fibromyalgia. Maybe both at this point, but it’s not our specialty. It’s theirs.

Then: the nail. The insurance I was riding was literally riding -- I was coasting on the fumes of my old job’s insurance -- expired. When I showed up for my ultrasound appointment they told me they had tried to bill it the day prior and it bounced back as gone and asked if I had new insurance. Well, no, not yet.

Now, this isn’t to say I haven’t been working with Medicaid here since December because of chronic illnesses and various mental/physical disabilities keeping me from having a job to be able to PAY for insurance, but they had to collect paperwork from every doctor I had seen in six months time. That was over sixteen doctors. And some...were not sending. And not sending. And not sending. As of right now there are still some who have not sent from months ago and I am screaming because they are hindering my potential.

Anyway

$400 upfront for my ultrasound and who knew how much for the actual appointment? Sorry, no could do. Guess that cyst is there to stay for now, fellas. I had to cancel my GI appointment, which also means that all my progress is now halted. I’m a dead fish in the water with no insurance. My doctor has given my prescription strength NSAIDs to see if that will help relieve some of the issues in my chest, but so far nothing.

And, not to make this sound more Danny Downer? But each day I wake up and it’s worse. For the past two days I haven’t even gotten a whole five hours because I woke up to roll over and my heart started hammering in my chest, my entire chest cavity began hurting worse than ever, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and was dying all over again...and hours later it still feels like that? I was in the ER again last night for pain uncharacteristic for all of this and they couldn’t even diagnose it at this point. It’s just a, “You’re not having a heart attack, so you’re alright and that’s the best we have.”

The week before I was in the ER too. I’m getting very tired of hospitals.

My point here is: today, I’m doing really good to be sitting up and typing. I’m really proud I walked from my bed to my attached bathroom and back again before I started sobbing. I keep writing in my chronic illness journal and I keep waiting for something to happen with insurance. But I’m always exhausted and my creativity is absolutely gone. It’s just...zapped and gone.

For now, I’m having to take a step back, focus on just trying to get through each one of my days as I have them, and exist. Adding the responsibility of Tumblr to my life right now just isn’t quite possible. It’s too taxing right now, and I feel too much guilt looking at how many replies I owe or how many Asks I have in my box. And given that some days I can’t even sit up to type? Or even see the screen or keyboard? Maybe best not.

So, in the meantime, both Valoren (@voice-oftheempire) and Morvok (@morvokk) will be placed on a SEMI-HIATUS with an indefinite return date. I’ll be in and out as I can, when I can, and work as I can, but it will be extremely low-key, threads will be highly-selective, and I will ask for the upmost patience with my partners while I navigate good and bad days.

As always, I love each and every one of you, and please, please do not hesitate to hit me up on Discord just to chat or whatnot. Just remembering that someone else is out there is often enough to help someone through their day. I’ve actually lost irl friends because my health bothers them -- and I would hate for that to happen here as well simply because I wasn’t writing as frequently as before.

PS: There are certain drugs that if you take them will make your urinalysis come back positive for meth, cocaine, and cannabis. If you have been in and out of the hospital as much as I have, the nurses will ask in on your Drug Cartel. This legit happened last night. I had to end this on an amusing note. <3

#ooc #faust comments #{ I Spoke and you Listened [Announcement] }#cw: medical #also if any symbols are showing weirdly don't ask me why blame tumblr at this point

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hookedonapirate · 6 years

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Tangled Up In Blue

Enough is Enough (Chapter 27/?)

Summary: Fear for her unborn child, a bruised and broken Emma Swan is determined to escape an abusive marriage. After she drives a long way from home to a small town in Maine, she doesn’t think her life could get more complicated… that is until she ends up falling for her OBGYN, a blue-eyed British man who’s shielded his heart from love long ago. But he may be just what she needs to begin her healing process and start a new life for her child. If only nothing gets in the way.

Notes: Okay folks, this chapter is the freaking monster of all chapters. It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve written thus far, so I’m sorry if it’s a mess. There are still some questions that won’t be answered by the end of the chapter but I promise everything will make more sense in the next one.

I have to give the biggest shout out to my best friend, Lydia (@rouhn), who has helped me out so much throughout my struggles, with her ideas and endless support, and points out my stupid mistakes. According to her, it’s the best chapter of this story, so hopefully you will all agree.

All I can say is, you’re either going to love me or hate me by the end of the chapter, probably both.

Also, for those of you who are interested, I’ve posted a deleted scene of Killian’s thoughts during their first encounter. It’s scene 3 of my collection.

Thanks for reading!

*TRIGGER WARNING* Mentions and depictions of physical and verbal abuse/domestic violence

Rated: M

Catch Up: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Check out deleted scenes: 1 2 3

Also available on: AO3 FF.N

The ticking of the wall clock was loud in the quiet room as he grabbed his bag, glancing around to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind before heading for the door. The four walls were painted in a cheerful yellow that made his stomach churn, and the furniture was old and worn out, but he tolerated it because it was free. Besides, he didn’t have anywhere else to go.

He was opening the door and walking out of his hotel room when he heard the familiar voices coming from the front desk.

“James, I’m gonna need the money you overcharged one of our guests back please.”

The man’s curiosity got the best of him as he quietly shut the door and made his way down the corridor.

Peering around the corner, he watched the interactions between the brothers from the short distance.

James certainly looked guilty as he pulled what appeared to be a bill from his wallet, handing it over to David. “I’m sorry, but you know it’s hard to break habits.”

David snatched the money from his hand, pointing a firm finger in James’ face, displeasure written all over his features. “I’m well aware, but you can at least make an effort. The reason why I gave you this job was so you could turn your life around, not continue your conniving ways. I thought I made that perfectly clear after you stole from Emma her first night here. You’re lucky I didn’t can your ass right then. ”

Sighing deeply in exasperation, James shook his head. “I already apologized to you both. What more do you want from me?”

With a long audible exhale, David planted his hands on his hips, glaring at his brother. “What I don’t want is another apology. You need to prove to me that I didn’t make a huge mistake by hiring an ex-con. Especially since Emma’s now living with my wife and I. She’s been through enough as it is and doesn’t need the harassment; she came to this town to get away from that.”

Narrowing his eyes, James furrowed his brows in confusion. “What do you mean? What exactly happened to her?”

Making his way around the desk, David opened the cash register, returning the money before shoving it closed. A heavy sigh fell past his lips as he turned to look at James again, crossing his arms. “Mary Margaret would kill me if I told you this, so you can’t say anything to anyone, you got it?”

James nodded. “Yeah, of course, what is it?”

The man had to listen even more intently to hear what David was saying as he spoke more quietly.

“Emma ran away from Tallahassee to escape an abusive husband.”

Well, this is an interesting development.

Guilt was flashing in James’ eyes that could easily be seen from down the corridor. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”

Ideas were unraveling in his mind as the man took in the information the brothers were unknowingly supplying him with. He wondered how much a heartbroken man would pay to have his wife returned to him, or how much he would pay to find out her whereabouts.

After David left the building, the man came from around the corner, stalking his way to the counter.

James noticed his presence, and warily approached from the other side, the palm of his hands bracing against the surface. “Look, I can’t let you stay here for free anymore. I’m already in enough trouble as it is.”

The man grinned, leaning on the counter and looking James in the eye. “You don’t have to work here, you know? You could always take another job. In fact I have one you might be interested in.”

~~~

Killian entered the Bed and Breakfast in haste, drawing in the warm air as he stomped his boots on the mat to shake off the snow, a weary sigh escaping his lips. As he approached the front desk, a look of desperation was wearing in his features as he ran his hand through his damp hair, brushing out some of the snowflakes that had fallen from the early winter morning sky during the brisk walk from his car.

James raised his brow in curiosity, his eyes flashing with concern as he studied Killian intently. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me, there’s trouble in paradise already.”

Quickly shaking his head, Killian braced his hands on the counter, thoughts of last night racing through his mind. He hadn’t slept at all; he was still shaken from what had transpired.

…

Killian stared at the note in his hand, swallowing the lump in his throat. He’d been in a state of panic since he’d found the bed empty, and Emma nowhere to be seen. He was surprised that she would just up and leave, even for a short time.

Swaying Ian gently in his arms, he set the note down and called her cellphone, but it went straight to her voicemail.

…

“I think Emma’s up to something,” Killian confessed, his voice wrecked as he thought of what she might be planning.

“Why do you say that?” James asked, the area between his brows wrinkling in confusion.

“Emma went to the grocery store last night.”

James appeared to be even more confused, and of course, Killian couldn’t blame him. In his frazzled state, he didn’t think he could make sense if he wanted to.

“She left me with Ian and went to get milk.“

The other man stared at him blankly for a few brief seconds before shaking his head. “I’m not following. What’s the big deal about Emma going to the store to get milk?”

“James, if you look in our refrigerator, you’d be able to see that we already had a gallon of it before she left.”

James didn’t seem any less perplexed. “She has an infant who can only have milk. Why is it a surprise that she needs extra milk?”

Killian started to get irritated, although it wasn’t really the Nolan’s fault. He wouldn’t expect James to know a thing about babies, but that really wasn’t Killian’s concern at the moment. Knowing that Neal would be loose on the streets soon was enough to make him insane with worry. He tried not to be, but this was his family. Ian and his Swan were his world, and he was afraid that if someone dared to take them away, Killian would not be able to control his actions. In fact he would probably end up getting killed because Neal knew how to fight, and he did not. He feared that he would lose again, like he did at the bar. Neal hadn’t been much better off, but then again, he’d not been the one to incur broken ribs. “Aye, I’m well aware what Ian needs, but newborns don’t consume cow’s milk - Ian is exclusively breastfeeding.”

James’ features started to smooth out, but Killian could tell he still wasn’t quite sure what Killian was getting at.

“And that’s not the only thing that worries me… Emma has not been apart from Ian since he was taken from the hospital. Normally she hates even the idea of being separated from him, and normally she would take the time to wait for him to wake up and strap him into his car seat for a five-minute drive to the grocery store.”

James nodded; he was finally beginning to understand why Killian would be worried. “So, where do you think she went off to?”

Killian shook his head, feeling a bit depleted. He’d tried wracking his brain all night for an answer to his question, but there was only one thing he could possibly think of, and he was desperately hoping he was incorrect. “I’m not sure, but I have my suspicions.” He didn’t want to question her about it though, for fear that she might think he was interrogating her or didn’t trust her. The last thing he ever wanted to do was have her think that he was trying to control her or disrespect her boundaries. He never wanted her to feel that way with him - not ever.

“And?” James asked, encouraging him to continue.

“And I need your assistance.” Killian couldn’t believe he was coming to James for his help again, but he was a desperate man.

Nolan crossed his arms, eyeing him skeptically. “You want me to assist you in breaking into someone’s shop again?”

Leaning closer, Killian gripped at the edge of the counter, his jaw tightening as he thought about what he needed to do. It wasn’t something that he wanted to easily admit, but the thought of a certain man he absolutely detested brought out the rage in him, and he wanted to be able to deliver that rage correctly, if need be. He would do anything to make sure that low-life piece of scum never laid a hand on Emma or Ian ever again.

“I need you to teach me how to fight.”

~~~

The incessant ringing of Emma’s phone came from her jacket pocket, drawing Mary Margaret’s and Ruby’s attention as they walked through the crowded mall. Emma was pushing Ian in his stroller, not intending to answer her phone, but Ruby dug into her pocket to retrieve it for her.

“Here you go, Em.” Ruby held it out for her, so Emma took it, wondering who it might be. Killian was performing surgery at the moment, so she knew it wasn’t him.

When she viewed the screen, her throat closed up, and she couldn’t breathe. Panic was coursing through her blood, her thumb hovering over the “decline” option on her phone as she gnawed on her bottom lip; it was a restricted number, but she had a feeling she knew exactly who it could be, and she really had no one else to blame except herself. She’s the one who decided to poke the sleeping giant.

“You alright, Em?” Mary Margaret asked out of concern.

Emma declined the call and glanced up from the screen, offering a smile. “Yeah, it’s an unknown number. If it’s important, they can leave a message. She tucked the phone into her pocket as her friends accepted her answer.

“I don’t blame you. I never pick up my phone unless I know who the person is,” Mary Margaret told them as they continued to another store.

“Have you decided what you’re going to get Killian for Christmas?” Ruby asked curiously, changing the subject.

Emma shrugged in distress. Restricted phone calls weren’t the only thing making her panic. Christmas was just around the corner and she still hadn’t bought her boyfriend a present yet. “Does it make me a terrible girlfriend that I waited this long and still have no idea what to get him?”

Both of her friends shook their head. “Please, chica, you’ve had a lot going on. You have no reason to feel guilty,” Ruby assured her.

“Exactly. And besides, you’ve only started dating a few months ago. I don’t think Killian would mind at all if you didn’t get him anything. To him, you and Ian are everything he would ever ask for,” Mary Margaret added with a warm grin.

“I want to get him something though. He’s been so amazing to me and Ian, and he’s done so much for us. And yet I know he’s still going to get me something extravagant for Christmas. He probably has it all wrapped up and hidden in the house somewhere.”

Both of the brunettes didn’t hesitate to agree with both a laugh and a nod.

“You’re probably right about that,” Ruby chirped, “but no worries, we’re going to help you find something.”

Emma looked at Ruby cautiously, seeing her wicked smile and the mischief in her eyes. “Okay, but please, nothing gynecologist-related and nothing kinky, got it?”

Ruby dropped her jaw in shock, pretending to be offended. “Well of course, what kind of person do you take me for?”

It was Emma’s turn to laugh with Mary Margaret. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she managed to find something that was both,” Mary Margaret joked quietly to Emma.

“Hey, I heard that,” Ruby shot back, spurring on more giggles.

Emma managed to get through the afternoon having a nice time with her friends and son and coming up with something to get Killian while trying not to think about the phone call she’d received.

However, when she looked at her phone again later on, she saw the notification on her screen, informing her that she had a message waiting for her.

With trembling fingers she called her voicemail.

The moment he started to speak, she lost a breath. "Hey babe, you probably heard the good news already - I’m out.”

~~~

“You’re doing great, Killian… for a beginner,” James taunted with a chuckle.

“Maybe so, but it’s not good enough.” Killian stayed focus, concentrating on his target as he held up his fists, bouncing from foot to foot while trying to maintain the form that James had constantly been hounding him about. “Now, come on, Nolan, give me your best shot.”

James approached him, but Killian lashed out first, hoping to catch him by surprise, his fist aiming for his face, but James blocked Killian’s attempts, barely flinching and keeping his stance.

“Come on, Jones, that’s the best you got?” Killian had made progress, but he didn’t think he was ready quite yet. Although, this time, he managed to block everything James threw at him. He was breathing hard after two minutes, but he wasn’t heaving like he had in the beginning.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” James had consistently reminded him. “Breathe out when you strike and breathe out when you get hit.”

They’d been meeting almost every day since Killian had asked for his help, and he was a quick learner, but there still wasn’t enough time. Neal had been freed from jail the day before, and Killian was now certain, more than ever, that Emma was planning something because of how secretive she was being. He just didn’t know exactly what it was, but he was determined to find out. At the same time, he didn’t want to hover over Emma and Ian; he wanted to give them their space and the freedom they needed without having him being too protective of them.

In the meantime, James had shown him how to do the most damage within the small amount of time they had; how to form a fist, where to hit, how to keep his fingers stiff to jab them into someone’s eyes, how to grapple and throw - all the things Killian would never dream of doing before because it wasn’t him. He had never wanted to hurt anyone, but there was one man who was now an exception.

It was one of the most frustrating things he’d ever done because whenever he was fighting James, even though it wasn’t actual fighting, he transformed into something else entirely; pretending James was Killian’s actual opponent. That was how much Neal had affected him.

Killian ducked, avoiding a punch from James, grabbing hold of his forearm and pivoting around to lift the Nolan brother and send him over his shoulder and onto the exercise mat with ease.

James was on the ground, winded and looking up him with a surprised, but gratified grin as Killian extended his hand to help him up.

“See? You’re getting it. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

In the beginning of Killian’s training, James had started him on a punching bag so he could work on the force and speed of his punch, and eventually moved him onto sparring. Before Killian had even started, he could already do most things, sort of; he had muscles and strength, he just lacked the finesse of actual fighting.

Killian helped James up and let out a pained sigh.

He could sense Nolan’s eyes on him as he strolled across the room and took a large drink from his water bottle. He swallowed it down, catching James as he watched and observing him with a concerned expression.

James came over to Killian, planting his hands on his hips and staring at Killian with weighty eyes. “This isn’t about how well you’re doing; you’re just worried about Emma, aren’t you?”

He wasn’t sure what gave it away, but James had a skill of reading body language, and apparently Killian wasn’t good at hiding his despair.

“What do you think?” There was a bit of harshness in his words; he wanted to combust, but James was not the person he wanted to take out his frustrations on. Killian looked at his feet; there was wreckage in his eyes as he spoke in a softer volume. “Emma’s been planning something and I have no idea what to do. I feel completely helpless.”

James offered an understanding nod. “I can imagine, but… there may be…” James paused and Killian lifted his eyes, waiting for him to finish. Nolan looked away, trying to decide if he should continue or not.

“There may be what?”

James shook his head. “Forget I said anything.” He turned around and started to walk away, but Killian grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Please tell me.”

With a heavy sigh, James turned around to look at him again. “There may be a way to find out what she’s planning, but you may not like the method.”

“James, if you want to talk to her, you should just do it. She’s lost a good friend, and as much as I hate to admit it, I think you’re probably the only person who could get her to confess.” Ever since James had been accused of being Neal’s spy, Emma was still weary around James, even after he helped his brother bring Ian and Kilian back to her, and Killian knew they weren’t as close as they used to be.

James gave him a cocky grin. “You know, you’re probably right about that, but… I have another idea.”

Arching a brow, Killian looked at him expectantly, urging him to continue. “I’m listening.”

“Like I said you’re not going to like it, but the best way to find out whether she’s actually hiding something is to give her the opportunity to go through with her plan.”

James was correct; Killian did not like where this was heading, but he decided not to refute, and instead allowed him to continue. “And how do you suppose I do that?”

“Okay, here’s what you need to do…”

~*~

“Emma, are you sure about this? I really don’t have to go if you don’t want me to.”

She was holding Ian in her arms, managing a feeble smile. She’d previously bundled the little guy in a onesie, a cotton seater and a thick blanket to protect him from the cold while she stood in her boyfriend’s driveway to say goodbye. “We’ll be fine. I told you, Mary Margaret and David will be stopping by to keep me company.” She could clearly see that her words didn’t do much to put Killian at ease, so she leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, her son stirring quietly between them.

He drew in an unsure breath, his eyes fluttering shut as he wrapped them both in his arms, relishing in the kiss for as long as he could.

After a moment, Killian tore his lips away with great reluctance, leaning his forehead against hers.

She cupped his jaw in the palm of her hand, her thumb brushing over the apple of his cheek. “I love you, Killian.”

He lifted his eyelids, revealing his crystal blues as he finally graced her with a small smile. “I love you too, Emma… and Ian. You have no idea how much,” he spoke in a gentle whisper.

Emma had to blink back the tears threatening her eyes. He wouldn’t be gone for long, only a few days out of town for a medical conference, but still, it was difficult to say goodbye. “I think I might.”

“You promise you’ll call me if something happens, no matter what?” he asked her, his eyes full of wreckage.

Removing her forehead from his, she gave him a nod. “I promise.”

Killian kissed her one last time, and she savored the feel of his lips against hers. “I’ll miss you both.”

She had been taken off guard when he’d told her he was leaving, especially after Neal was released from jail, but Killian said that he was asked to speak at an OBGYN convention. Emma didn’t want to keep him from his career; she wanted him to keep doing what made him happy. Plus, it was the perfect opportunity to set her plan in motion.

“We’ll miss you too.”

Killian took out Ian’s small hand and pressed a kiss to his fingers. “Bye little Prince; take care of your Mum while I’m gone.” He dropped a kiss to the top of Ian’s cap-covered head, and the newborn looked up at Killian with his big blue eyes, holding a big smile on his face. Killian looked between the two of them, as though he were trying to memorize every detail before he had to part. “Bye, my loves.”

“Bye, Killian. Please drive safe,” her voice was cracked as Killian pulled away, opening the car door.

“I will sweetness.”

She watched as he got into his car and backed out of the driveway, waving her goodbye. She waved back at him and held her baby closer, brushing her lips to Ian’s forehead.

When Killian’s car disappeared from her view, she took Ian inside the house and settled him into his Rock ‘N Play Sleeper on the kitchen table before retrieving her phone from the counter. Her hands were shaking as she dialed, her breathing uneven, but she needed to do this.

The phone rang three times before he answered.

“He just left for three days. Meet me at the park tomorrow night at seven o’clock.”

~~~

Killian could see Storybrooke in his rearview mirror, cringing at the thought of lying to Emma. He didn’t want to, but he knew he had to. He knew that she was keeping something from him. She was afraid of telling him the truth, because whatever it was, he would not be happy about it. She was probably right.

Pulling into a hotel out of town, Killian was constantly keeping an eye on his surroundings. He didn’t want to risk being caught, so he had driven far enough to not be noticed by anyone who would grow suspicious, but still close enough to get to Emma in a short amount of time if and when he needed to.

He checked into his room and carried his luggage upstairs. His heart was aching from being apart from Emma and Ian, and the knots in his stomach were overwhelmingly tight; he couldn’t even think about eating. The thought of what Emma might be up to, made him physically ill.

He waited in his room, anxious and on high alert. He was constantly pacing the room and checking his phone unable to be still for one bloody second.

~~~

It was half past five o’clock as Emma finished knitting the tiny sweater she’d been working on. Ian was growing like a weed, and was quickly outgrowing his clothes, so she decided to put the knitting lessons that Cordelia had previously given her to good use. Besides, she needed something to distract her from thinking about the nerves in the pit of her stomach. She had done everything she could to keep herself occupied. The main rooms had already been adorned with Christmas decorations, there were three stockings hanging above the fireplace and there was a Christmas tree twinkling with soft blue lights that Killian had cut down himself and brought home for them to decorate together while drinking hot cocoa and cinnamon and munching on some of the cookies she had baked with Mary Margaret and Ruby. She could honestly say that she’d never been a huge fan of the holidays, but ever since she had people in her life, other than Neal, to celebrate with - her friends, her boyfriend, her son - this time of the year was beginning to grow on her. She even bought some gifts for everyone and wrapped them up, placing them underneath the tree. And now there was nothing left for her to do.

The entire house was absolutely spotless, and she’d made some apple pie for when Killian came home from his convention. So now she was left stewing in her thoughts, her mind frazzled; she had no idea how her plan would unravel.

Emma drew in a shaky breath as she set down the sweater and needle on the coffee table and grabbed her mug of hot cocoa as she stood from the couch, walking over to the large bay windows. Pulling back the curtain, she admired the soft snowflakes falling and covering the ground in a thick blanket of white. Her stomach was coiled in knots as she sipped the hot beverage, her eyes peering over the mug and soaking in the sight of the dark evening sky through the glass.

As she licked her lips to savor the comforting taste, she could see the Christmas lights and her son’s bassinet in the reflection of the window. She was missing Killian like crazy and she knew Ian was too. She loved their little family. Her two boys were honestly the best thing that ever happened to her. This is why she needed to do what was necessary; she needed to keep their family intact.

Emma was about to close the curtain when a dark figure appeared in the reflection of the window. When she recognized who it was, her stomach plummeted and the mug fell from her hand, falling to the floor, her drink spilling over an area of the carpet.

“Hello, Emma.”

~~~

Large snowflakes landed softly on the window as Killian drove through busy traffic, the windshield wipers working frantically to make the road in front of him visible. Killian’s heart was pounding erratically as he gritted his teeth, cursing under his breath. He should’ve left the hotel earlier.

The downtown streets of Storybrooke were always crowded and buzzing with excitement this time of year; everyone was out Christmas shopping and getting ready for the blessed holiday; not that he wasn’t a fan. It will be the wee lad’s first Christmas after all, and Killian will have the honor of spending it with him and his Swan. He was very much looking forward to it.

But, he currently had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and he would not be able to rest until he verified his suspicions. He and Emma had been talking quite frequently ever since he left the day before. She would send him adorable pictures of Ian that would melt his heart and they would send playful texts to one another, but apart from that morning, he hadn’t received any calls or texts, and she hadn’t answered a single one of his phone calls.

So when his phone started ringing, his stomach flipped, and he picked it up, hoping it was her. However, when his eyes flickered from road in front of him to his screen, paralyzing fear swept through him.

He swiped the screen to unlock it and raised the phone to his ear, unable to get in a word when he heard the panicked voice on the other end.

“Killian, where are you? You need to get home now.”

Killian froze, unable to speak.

“You were right about Emma - she’s in danger.”

~~~

Emma swallowed roughly; her throat felt like sandpaper. She couldn’t move; her feet felt like they were glued to the floor as she stared back at her husband. His arms were crossed and he had a menacing smile on his face as the flames from the fireplace were flickering in his cold, expressionless eyes.

“Wh-what are you… what are you doing here?” she stammered out when she could finally gather both the strength and the words to do so.

Neal just studied her, his smile fading as a dark expression took over the rough features of his face. Emma gnawed on her bottom lip and tore her gaze from him for a second, her eyes glancing at the clock on the wall, then Ian’s bassinet, which was luckily across the room from him. She slowly moved over and stood in front of it, her hand gripping onto the edge behind her, seeking some sort of stability.

“What, I don’t get a hello?”

Emma found it difficult to think straight, the fear of him being there was more crippling than she’d ever thought was possible, no matter how many times she had envisioned having to see him again. “Only visitors are welcomed with a ‘hello’. You broke into my home,” she replied, her voice cracked with fear.

Neal laughed shortly. “Ah, you mean your Doctor’s home?” He started pacing to the other side of the room, still maintaining his distance from her as he looked around, observing the photos on Killian’s mantle. He picked up one, studying it intently - it was one of Emma pregnant and sitting in Killian’s lap, both of them gazing at one another with big smiles on their faces as he rested his hand on her belly. “Such a nice place he’s built here. No wonder why you didn’t want to leave.” He suddenly let the photo frame fall from his hands, and Emma gasped as the glass cracked when the frame made contact with the hard floor in front of the fireplace. “Did you really think I was going to fall for your tricks, Emma? Did you really think I was going to meet you at the park so you could make a scene and get me in trouble?” He tore his gaze away from the other pictures and looked at her again, tilting his head to the side. “I’m not that stupid.”

If Emma weren’t scared for her life, she probably would’ve laughed, but instead she was more worried about maintaining some semblance in her features and her breathing. “How did you even get in here?” she demanded, attempting to keep her voice even.

Again, her husband mocked Emma with a laugh that sent an unsettling shiver down her spine. “You don’t look so happy to see me. I take it you didn’t expect me to show up here?”

Emma drew in a long breath, trying to keep her voice from wobbling. “You didn’t answer my question. How did you get in here?” she asked again.

Neal chuckled. “It was easy. You know I’ve always been good at breaking locks.” He grabbed another photo, and this time, it was the one Ruby had taken in the hospital of her, Killian and Ian. He looked at Emma, holding up the picture frame. “Now I believe you and I had a deal.” Neal stepped forward, making her wince. “You and our son come with me and the doctor doesn’t get hurt.”

Emma shook her head. “That wasn’t the deal. You have to tell me how you found me first.”

“Emma, I already told you.”

“You told me it was James that called you up in Tallahassee. Is that true?”

“What, you can’t trust your own husband?” he asked, clearly offended.

She scoffed, her heart pounding sporadically in her chest. “You tell me.”

Neal’s eyes were flashing with impatience, and glazed over with drunkenness. “I can prove it.”

Swallowing thickly, Emma gave a nod, encouraging him to do so. At the same time, she was praying that Neal was bluffing.

Then he took out his phone and tossed the photo aside, letting it land on the carpet. “I still have the voice message he left the first time he tried to get in touch with me.”

“Go ahead, play it then.”

He fiddled with the phone for a moment until Emma heard a man’s voice over the speakerphone.

The message was spoken with a flat even tone, “My name is James Nolan. I found your wife, Emma Cassidy, who now goes by the name Emma Swan. If you’re interested, I’ll accept a cash reward for her whereabouts. Or if you wish, I will bring her to you myself for double the price.”

“There, is that enough proof for you?” Neal asked when the recorded message had ended.

Emma nodded, maintaining a blank expression. “Yeah, it is.”

“Now, enough messing around; get the kid and let’s go,” he commanded firmly, taking another few steps forward, causing Emma to flinch.

She wasn’t going to back down so easily though. Instead, she shook her head, standing her ground. “Not so fast. Why did you kidnap my son?”

“He’s our son!” Neal barked angrily, making every hair on the back of Emma’s neck stand on its end. “He’s not your precious doctor’s! He’s mine,” he growled, “and I wasn’t about to let someone else steal my wife and son away from me!”

The sudden volume and harshness in his voice had startled her, but Emma did her best to remain calm. “So, you hit Killian over the head, and had your goons lock him up and take Ian from the hospital?”

Neal let out an exasperated sigh, clenching his fists. “Of course I did. I have your friend wrapped around my finger. After he told me you were at the restaurant, and you got away from me, I knew you would call the Sheriff and I knew he would be on the lookout for me. I showed up at the hospital, knowing I would get arrested if I tried to take you away. It was the perfect opportunity to fake a kidnapping and make it look like Dr. Jones did it.” Neal laughed wickedly, thoroughly amused. “You wouldn’t believe how gullible the people in this town are. All James had to do was wait until your brunette friend left the room to distract the nurse at her station while Gold slipped in to take Ian, covering him in a pink blanket and cap to pass off as Collette. No one would question the respected shop owner.” Emma could see the anger flashing in his eyes again. “The whole plan was flawless up until that bastard betrayed me and let Killian escape before the Sheriff and Deputy arrived,” Neal spat, gritting his teeth.

Emma had to hold back the satisfied grin threatening her lips. “So, Gold was in on it too?”

“Of course he was. He helped James track me down. Who do you think kept me hidden all this time?”

She nodded, not surprised at all. “So, tell me, Neal… have you ever met James, besides at the hospital when you were being arrested?”

He shook his head. “Nope; didn’t need to. Our business was done over the phone, and he was always more than willing to do my dirty work for a little money.

“Hmm,” Emma hummed with a nod. “And my yellow bug? Why did you buy it from Liam?”

Neal sighed impatiently at that point. “Because I needed to ditch mine - you know me; always finding ways to survive. I robbed a few banks on the way here. How do you think I had the money to pay James?” He exhaled a depleted sigh, his eyes never leaving hers. “Without you, I had nothing Em,” his voice was softer, a little wrecked in fact. She wanted to be sick. “I wanted to come get you myself, baby. You know I don’t like other men touching you. That’s why it hurt so bad to find out that not only you came here to forget about me, but you found someone else,” he said gritting his teeth, his tone growing harsher. “To top it off, you went and pawned off your engagement ring. Do you know how upset that made me?”

She took a few deep breaths and a few cautious steps forward, trying to keep her fingers from shaking. The only thing that was keeping her sane was the sound of Ian’s cries from the bassinet. “I know… but you… you hurt me Neal,” she choked out quietly. “You could’ve hurt our baby.”

“I never meant to. You know I love you both.” He walked up to her, slowly closing the distance as he pulled something out of his pocket. “You know I’ll take care of you and our boy. I always take care of you don’t I?” He was holding her engagement ring, and she cringed looking at it.

Praying for a miracle, she turned her head to look at the wall. Time seemed to be standing still, and she started to get unbearably anxious. She glanced back at Neal, managing a small smile as she held out her hand in front of him. “Of course you do.”

“I want us to start over, Em. Just the three of us, what do you say?”

Emma nodded, forcing her smile to widen. “I want that too. I want the three of us to be a happy family.” She wanted it to be as believable as possible, so she allowed Neal to slip the ring on her finger before she lifted her hand to cup his cheek; he took it in his own, and her whole body shivered. She was hoping it wasn’t noticeable.

“Me too, Em. Now, let’s get our boy and go home?” he offered, moving closer to kiss her lips.

Emma thought she was going to vomit as she allowed him to press his mouth to hers. She could smell the wretched stench of alcohol on his breath, and suddenly the memories of having to put up with his behavior every night - the memories she had been able to suppress for a short period of time - came rushing back to her.

She tried to push them away as she pulled away from him, speaking in a pinched tone. “Let me grab our son’s bag and you can hold him, how does that sound?”

Neal’s eyes lit up and he grinned as she moved away from the bassinet. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.” He stepped forward, and Emma stood back, watching him as he looked down and reached into the bassinet. He started shuffling around blankets, calmly at first, and then frantically throwing everything from the crib before pulling out a small device that was playing Ian’s prerecorded cries. That’s when she hit panic button by the door, triggering a silent alarm.

“Who’s gullible now, you asshole?” Emma asked sharply, trying to hide the fear from her voice. She could see the anger spiraling through him as he turned around.

His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched. “You stupid whore.”

Emma gulped, seeing the murderous look in his eyes.

She instinctively started to run, heading for the front door, but she was still weak and not as quick as she thought she would be.

He took off after her and caught up, grabbing her hair with a hard yank. She whimpered as he pulled her back and shut the door to the hallway, pressing her firmly against it. She tried to look away from his menacing gaze but he grabbed her chin, pressing his thumb rough underneath her lip, forcing her to look at him. His mouth was inches from hers, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath, making her want to vomit as he breathed in her face. “Where do you think you’re going, Emma, huh? Did you really think your plan would work? Did you really think I would let you get away? For the last goddamn time, you’re coming home with me, whether you fucking like it or not! Now tell me where the fuck our son is?!” Neal’s shouting rang in her ear, ice cold fear rippling through her blood in a mad rush; she felt the air escaping her body.

“Answer me!” he snapped, lifting his hand and slapping her in the face. Her head whipped to the side and she cried out, holding her cheek, trying to sooth the sharp sting. “Why can’t you just be an obedient wife and listen to your husband after everything I’ve done for you?! I gave you a home when you were just a poor fucking orphan! I gave you everything and this is how you repay me!“

Before she could even attempt to speak, he wrapped his hands around her neck, tightening his grip. Emma grabbed his hands, trying to pull him away, but he was too strong. The air was growing thin and she couldn’t breathe. “You’re such a whore. I’ll bet it was some other fucking bastard who knocked you up, but you know what?” Neal’s words grew quiet as he stepped closer, her face turning beat red. “I don’t give a fuck, because you’re both mine!”

Emma shook her head, panic swarming through her and drowning her; the room was spinning, making her dizzy. Neal’s fingers were pressed into her throat, and the terror was building inside of her, she could feel her legs giving out.

He finally released her, not waiting for her to catch her breath before slapping her so hard that she fell to the floor. She lay there choking, holding her neck as though she were still suffocating, and she sucked in as much air back into her lungs as she could. Through her blurred vision, she looked up towards the ceiling seeing Neal standing over her. She had never been more afraid of him than she was in that moment.

Before she could even attempt to move, Neal kicked her in the shin, and she howled out in pain. She wanted to curl up into a ball, but she couldn’t. Then suddenly, he took a fistful of her hair and dragged her to the sofa, throwing her onto it. Emma landed with a thud; her body was numb, and she couldn’t move as Neal got on top of her, pinning her arms down.

She tried to scream, but her voice gave out on her.

“Tell me where our son is!”

Emma was still struggling to breathe and she was weak, but somehow she summoned every ounce of energy within her to speak. “He’s- he’s not yours! You will never go near him!”

She could see the rage inside of him bubble to the surface, and he pulled his fist back, about to punch her in the face when suddenly he was being lifted off of her.

Emma caught a breath, her whole body sighing in relief.

“Get your filthy hands off of her, you fucking bastard!”

She was in a daze as she looked over, seeing Killian punch Neal in the face, complete rage in his eyes. “Killian…”

Emma struggled to sit up, and she became afraid for different reasons, hearing them struggle and throw punches at one another. She had never seen this side of Killian before. He was tossing Neal against the wall as though he were a bag of potatoes.

“Please, stop!” she pleaded, although neither of them were listening. She didn’t want Killian to get hurt.

Neal went down again at the hands of her lover. And for the first time in what seemed like ages, she saw fear in Neal’s eyes as he looked up, Killian towering over him. Everything was hurting as she tried to collect her bearings, but somehow she summoned the strength to remove herself from the couch. She started wobbling over to Killian. Neal struggled to get away, and if it weren’t for her urging hands and pleading words, Killian probably would’ve murdered him. Instead Neal got up and ran for the living room door, but was stopped by James as he stood in the doorway.

Neal panicked, surrounded and trapped as he reached into the waist of his pants and pulled out a gun. They immediately stiffened up and gasped as Neal grabbed Emma’s arm, pulling her to him and holding the barrel to her temple. “Stay back or I swear to god, I’ll shoot her.”

“Neal, please…” James begged him, holding up his hands in surrender. “Just let her go.”

Neal removed the gun from her head and aimed it at James. “Shut up! You betrayed me!”

James narrowed his eyes, confusion falling over his features. “What are you talking about?”

Neal tried to chuckle, but the fear was resonating through him, Emma could easily see it in his eyes. “Don’t play dumb. I played the voicemail you left me when you contacted me down in Tallahassee.” Neal never tore the pistol away from her friend, and the panic she felt grew more intense; it was crippling.

“Neal, it wasn’t him. It wasn’t his voice,” she choked out.

Neal stiffened and then moved the gun, this time aiming it at Killian. Emma’s breath caught in her throat and she almost cried out as she locked eyes with him. She could see the pain in his eyes, and could almost hear his shallow breathing, but she knew it wasn’t because Neal could shoot him any second. She knew it was because he didn’t want anything to happen to her.

“Then who the hell was it?” Neal demanded.

“I’m not sure, but it wasn’t James,” Emma replied.

James’ eyes widened in realization from where he stood. “I think I know who.”

…

James stood straighter; his jaw firmly set as he crossed his arms and shook his head. “I don’t think so. I already told you I’m not interested in being your spy anymore. I have to prove to my brother that he didn’t make a mistake by helping me out.”

The man frowned, his features full of disappointment. “I haven’t even told you what the job is yet.”

Again he shook his head. The offer was tempting, but he didn’t want to go down that path again. He didn’t know why, but from the moment he met Emma, he was drawn to her. He decided he wanted to be a better man. He hated disappointing his brother, and he thought maybe he could earn Emma’s trust like David and Mary Margaret did. He hated being the bad guy who nobody wanted to be around. So he stood his ground. “Don’t care. Now leave before I start charging you for all the times I let you stay here.”

Anger spiraled through him. He couldn’t believe James was choosing to play ‘good guy’ after everything he’s done for him “Suit yourself,” the man flashed a dark smile as he headed for the door. “But mark my words, Nolan, you’ll regret turning down a job from me.”

…

Just then, the sound of a siren went off, the house flooding with red and blue lights. The air of the room shifted; Neal went stiff and the other three sighed in relief.

“Don’t move!” Neal started to panic, waving the gun around as he pulled on Emma’s arm and quickly forced her to move, dragging her toward the door. He picked up the pace and she almost tripped as they went through the door.

But it was too late.

“Lay down your weapon and remain where you are.” The sound of August’s forceful call from behind her made Neal stop in his tracks, but he didn’t release the tight grip he had on her.

“Sir, I need you to slowly lay down your weapon.”

She could feel Neal’s body tremble with fear as he turned her around so they were both facing the Sheriff.

Neal threatened to shoot her, forcing August to put his gun down before he started shuffling backwards down the hall, heading towards the backdoor. He released Emma and turned around, running. But he was stopped by Graham.

August assisted his deputy as Emma limped back to the living room, assuring Killian and James that Neal was being arrested. She flew into both of their arms, the three of them sighing in relief. Killian observed her face and neck with anger in his eyes; she knew there were bruises but she wasn’t the least bit worried about them right now. She knew, however, that Killian wished he could have killed Neal when he had the chance.

“Please tell me Ian’s okay?” he asked, his voice completely wrecked.

Emma nodded. “He’s safe. Mary Margaret and David are watching him.

Killian sighed in deep relief and drew her in for another hug, being careful not to hold her too tightly.

Just when they thought the night was over with, there was a gun fired.

The three of them panicked and hurried through the door, although it was more difficult for Emma because her leg was still throbbing.

August was on the floor, groaning in pain, his leg bleeding through the hole in his pant leg as Graham tackled Neal to the floor, putting him in handcuffs with the assistance of another officer. The doctor in Killian took over and he tended to August as James retrieved a first aid kit so Killian could stop the bleeding.

The officers started taking Neal away when she approached and stood in front of him, looking him directly in his empty, dark eyes. Her features were hard - as icy as the evening air outside.

The officers held him still, and she could tell he had no interest in talking to her, but she mustered up the courage and spoke anyway, pulling off the engagement ring from her finger. “Neal… I want a divorce,” she said flatly. “I don’t love you anymore. In fact, I absolutely detest you, and I never want you around me or my child ever again.”

Emma felt a lot lighter from getting those things off of her chest as she threw the ring at him, letting it hit him in the chest before it fell to the ground. She expected him to be enraged, but instead he just looked back at her coldly, not saying a word as the officers forced him out of the house.

Neal was being dragged away to the police cruiser as Graham approached her on his way to the front door, asking her if she was alright. Of course she wasn’t. She was still in shock, and her entire body was in pain. But at least, she had accomplished what she needed to. At least now Neal will be locked up for good, and she felt much safer having that kind of satisfaction.

“Not really, but I have everything on video.”

He looked at her in surprise.

“The entire house is under surveillance,” she explained to him.

“It’s true.” The sound of Killian’s voice was comforting to her as he came up from behind him. “Video and sound.”

“And I have proof that Gold helped kidnap my baby. I got Neal to confess everything,” she added weakly.

Graham nodded, clearly impressed. “Good work, Emma.”

“And I know who tracked down Neal?” James chipped in.

Emma and Killian raised a brow, eyeing him in surprise.

“Hades Underbrooke. I believe that’s the voice that left Neal that message on his phone.”

“I will check out the evidence, and I’ll need the three of you to come in for questioning.”

Emma nodded softly as Killian put his arm around her, and she used him for balance, her body pressing into his. Killian pressed a kiss through her disheveled hair, and Graham was surprised by the affection he showed her; she could tell he was mentally putting the pieces together, but of course there were more pressing matters. He offered a small smile, informing them that an ambulance was on its way before he headed out the front door.

James went to fetch Emma a blanket, as she sought comfort from Killian’s arms. They sat on the steps in the foyer, waiting for the ambulance to arrive as Killian had a look at her leg; there was a dark bruise, but it wasn’t broken.

Killian looked at her, a mixture of pain and relief lingering in his eyes as he gently cupped her cheeks in his hands.

“I’m proud of you, Emma,” he whispered gently.

Emma gazed at him, perplexed. “You are?” She was expecting a lecture from him for baiting Neal into his home, she was expecting him to be a bit pissed at her even, but she wasn’t expecting that.

“Aye. Of course I don’t agree with your methods… you had me worried sick, but you confronted Neal after everything… and when you threw that ring at him-”

“Killian, I can explain- he got it back from Gold and-.”

“Emma, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything right now. I just… I just wanted to say… when you told him you wanted a divorce, I was grinning proudly.” Killian flashed a small smile as he continued. “That bravery I saw in your eyes is one of the many reasons why I fell in love with you.”

Emma’s breath caught in her throat, her heart skipping a beat at his words as she stared back at him. “I didn’t feel very brave… but I did it for you and Ian,” she managed, a small smile curving her lips. “I did it so we can be a family.”

Killian’s eyes lit up and his smile grew wider. “I know you did, love.” He kissed her lips ever so delicately and she sighed softly against him, letting herself become more relaxed.

James came back and wrapped Emma in a blanket; she laid her head on Killian’s shoulder as he leaned his head on hers, rubbing gentle circles over her back. There was so much to be said, but for now, Emma just closed her eyes, trying to process everything. For the first time all night, the adrenaline had completely subsided, she stopped trembling and everything seemed to be still as she got lost in Killian’s warm embrace.

@resident-of-storybrooke @followbatb @weplaydumbb @strawberrycupcakeprincess @shady-swan-jones @kmomof4 @ultraluckycatnd @phoenixsxul @eala-captian @teamhook @i-love-books2014 @andiirivera @piratesbooty63fan @missclois86 @fallensites @harrietmjones @winterbaby89 @wordsmith-storyweaver @andiirivera @slimacwrites @jennjenn615 @its-about-bloody-time-cs @liloproductions @followbatb @klar425 @hey-it-is-jess @ascolinwishes

#cs ff #cs ff au #cs fanfics #captain swan #abuse #violence #cs parents #tangled up in blue #my fic

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thorne93 · 7 years

Text

What Are We Gonna Do? (Part 7)

Prompt: Imagine that you’re Spencer Reid’s wife, and you get the news of his arrest in Mexico. But you’ve been keeping something from him and the team. How will it affect Spencer?

Word Count: 2329

Warnings: Language, violence, anger, drama, angst

Notes: This picks up right at the beginning of Season 12, episode 13. Spoilers from here till then. Thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

Tags: @ultrarebelheart @cocosierra94 @marvel-imagines-yes-please @demongodess

~~~~~~~~

The following morning, everyone was gathered around Spence’s desk, talking about him and the situation. You had walked in and no one seemed to notice it.

“Do you think Reid should’ve taken the plea deal?” Luke asked.

“Absolutely not,” JJ emphatically responded.

“Now that it’s off the table he's looking at 25 years to life,” Tara said.

“So, you think he should've?” JJ accused.

“No. I’m just saying 25 years is a long time,” Tara said.

“You’re telling me,” you interrupted.

Everyone spun to face you with guilty looks.

“Hey, how’re you doing?” JJ asked when she hugged you.

“Not good. I can’t sleep or eat. I also have something I need to tell you all.”

Every pair of eyes narrowed on you with a furrowed brow as you stood there, feeling exposed. Garcia just entered and you decided you would tell Rossi in a little bit.

“Uh, there’s a reason I’ve been so emotional about all of this. I’m sure my behavior has been less than ideal, I understand that, but the thing is….I don’t want to raise a baby on my own,” you said as you breathed out and closed your eyes while Garcia patted your back.

“Baby? Y/N, you’re pregnant?” JJ almost cheered. “Congratulations!”

You shook your head. “This should be good news, right? But I can’t help but think that this is a tragedy. Spence won’t get to see the first trimester due to just being in jail waiting for trial. He won't get to see the first ultrasound --” You couldn’t talk any more as you started to cry and everyone came forward and hugged you.

“Does Spencer know?” Tara asked.

You nodded. You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Yeah, he found out when he got the first plea deal. I was waiting to tell him when he got home but….and I wanted to see if this would get dropped, but when he was charged and Fiona started talking about plea bargains, I knew he had to know just what he was dealing with here on the outside.”

“We’re going to do everything humanly possible to get Reid out to see his baby. Right, guys?” Garcia vowed.

“Absolutely,” Walker said.

“Thank you all, so much. I didn’t want to announce this seeing as it’s not exactly a great time but…”

“So what are you going to do about work? It can’t be easy working, thinking of cases, Reid, and the baby,” JJ said.

“I’m not going into the field. I’ll be here with Garcia and doing paperwork mainly, so office stuff and if and when I need to leave, I can.”

“So what are we gonna do?” Luke asked.

“I’ve got that covered,” Garcia answered. “We’re going to send him letters every day, we’re gonna put money in his commissary account, we’re going to give Y/N and the little one tons of healthy food, snacks, and surveillance. If we aren’t with Reid, we’re helpin Y/N. She’ll need meals, help with Diana and the house. For Reid, we are going to send him puzzles, magazines, books, whatever we can think of to make sure those gorgeous gears inside that boy wonder brain are lubed up and in perfect working order to keep us on track. I took the liberty of making a chart.”

“Oh, that’s so pretty,” JJ said.

“You must’ve done that while I was asleep,” you noted with a small laugh.

“What else can we do for you, Y/N?” JJ asked.

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never been pregnant. I guess I need a doctor, but I don’t want to make the first trip without Spencer…”

“We could take you, and record it and show it to him?” she offered.

You shrugged. You really wanted Spence to actually be there, but if he wasn’t even going to trial in three months, you’d be well into your second trimester by then.

“Let me get you set up with my doctor and we’ll go,” JJ said. You nodded, starting to become numb.

Rossi and Emily came out and started talking about Garcia’s chart, thankfully. You weren’t sure you could stand any more attention or any more talk of babies.

“You need a new mailing address,” Rossi said.

“What’s going on?” Walker questioned.

“Reid was moved from the police precinct to the Millburn Correctional facility.”

“Oh, God,” you gasped as more tears broke free. Luke and Walker helped you into the office chair.

Prison. He was in prison. Not jail. No. Full blown, shanking, gangs, violence, prison. You were weeping so hard you put your head down on the desk.

“Is she gonna be alright?” Rossi asked.

“Y/N here is gonna have Spence’s first baby,” JJ informed Rossi and you pulled your head back up.

“Oh, no, kid,” he sighed as he shook his head.

--------------------

Two days later, you went to see Spence for the first time since he’d been sent to prison. They finally opened visitation. It had been hell for you. You were terrified of what he was going through and his mom was getting worse. She was fighting you and Cassie.

You saw him come out to the visitation room and your heart floated, then sank like the Titanic. Seeing him felt like air, but toxic air. How could you absolutely love the sight of someone but hate it at the same time? Of course you loved seeing him, but seeing him in prison clothing, it made your blood cold.

He came up to you and you stood to hug and the guard shouted, “No Touching!” You wanted to go up and punch him in the fucking face and ask him how he liked that for touching, but you swallowed your anger.

“It’s so good to see you,” you said with a smile. You would do your best not to cry around Spence, because he didn’t need anything else clouding his mind right now.

“I know. I’ve missed you so much. How’s everything at home? How’s the little one?” he asked with a sparkle in his eye as he glanced down to your stomach.

You sighed a little. “Your mom is having some trouble. The little one is fine. I--uh--I’m actually going to the OBGYN with JJ and Garcia soon for my first appointment.” Your lower lip quivered and you bit down hard to stop your emotions.

“Oh, well...that...that’ll be good,” he answered.You knew this was killing him just as much as it was killing you.

“We’re going to record the whole thing so you can hear everything the doctor says,” you promised, happiness in your tone.

“Oh, good,” he said and his mood darkened.

“Are you okay? How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” he answered with a choke.

“Are you sure? I...I know this can’t be easy, but you can’t shut me out, okay? We have a child on the way and we can’t fall apart now. You and I both have to keep strong, alright?”

“I know, I know.”

Some lewd comments were starting to be murmured about you and you noticeably saw Spencer’s demeanor change. He went from broken and sad, to stiff and on edge.

“Don’t pay them any attention,” you said.

“But you’re my wife, and you’re carrying my child. How am I not supposed to react?” he asked.

“By not reacting,” you answered sternly. “While you are in here, Spencer Reid, you will do everything you can to keep your head down and out of trouble, am I making myself clear?” you demanded. You never spoke to Spence this way but he was already in a dangerous situation and his protectiveness over you didn’t need to get him hurt or worse.

“Yes..I just don’t want them looking at you, I’m sorry.”

You shrugged. “Sweetheart, it’s a small price to pay to see your handsome face.” You grinned at him, a tender moment occurring between you. The moment started to fizzle as you both came back down to reality though. “I--uh--I need to tell you something else.”

“Okay, what is it?” he asked with concern as his brows knitted.

How were you going to tell him this? Hell, you got sick yourself when you heard it. Relaying it to him now was harder than you thought.

“Everyone thought it would be best if you heard it from me. We got the tox panel back...Scopolamine came back negative,” you said softly, avoiding his eyes.

“What? That’s what we were using to prove Scratch did this! How are we going to do that now? He’s going to win,” he said with angering defeat.

“No,” you countered in a defiant tone. “He will not win. He is not smarter than all of us. Okay?”

“He’s going to get away with this, Y/N, can’t you see that?”

“No, all I can see is my husband giving up too god damn quickly. You have got to hold onto hope for me? Please?” you begged. “I can’t do all of this alone. I can’t fight Scratch and figure out how to raise a baby and work with the team. I can’t do it all, okay? I need your help too.”

You stared at him a second, trying to get your message through. He nodded while swallowing. You knew this was tough on him too, but you couldn’t let him give up.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just so angry because I’m in here and I can’t do anything and I know you’re handling everything. How did I deserve someone like you?” he asked.

“You were you. Your amazing, cute, handsome self. That’s how.”

“Visiting hours are over,” the guard announced and your heart dropped. “Inmates line up.”

You wanted nothing more than to hug him, kiss him, tell him it would all be okay but you couldn’t. You weren’t allowed, and that killed you. You blew him a kiss.

“I love you,” you said as he stood up.

“I love you too,” he said quietly. You stayed until you could no longer see him and you stood and walked out of the prison, you got to your car and started to break down. You were slowly learning how to keep your tears in, so that when you were alone you could break down. Otherwise, your friends and family would think you were some hysterical woman who couldn’t keep it together.

You decided to go home for lunch to check on Diana.

“Hey, Diana,” you greeted as you came in the door and dropped your things off.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m so glad you’re here. Tell that girl to leave!” she instructed as she pointed at Cassie.

“Why? What’s wrong?” you asked gently.

“She’s stealing our things and she’s saying I need medicine. Hah, not likely!”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You loved your mother-in-law, of course you did, but right now, you did not need one of her episodes. Not now. Not today.

“Diana, please, this is Cassie. She’s your live-in nurse. She takes care of you while Spencer is away for work and vacation?”

“Why aren’t you with him?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Uh, not enough vacation time. Spencer has several years on me and hardly ever took vacation so…” You shrugged and held your arms out then hit them against your legs.

“Well I don’t want this girl looking after me.”

“Alright, Diana, why don’t you sit on the couch while I get you some nice hot tea, and I’ll have a talk with her.”

“You need to check her bag,” Diana insisted. You turned to Cassie and gestured that she leave the room while you get her tea. You crushed one of her pills and put it in her tea. You felt awful for lying to her but you had to get one of them down her or you wouldn’t have a peaceful night.

You gave her the cup then stepped into the master room and closed the door.

“Cassie, I’m so sorry. I know she can be trying. I hate to ask, but do you mind if I check your bag?”

The brunette nurse looked shocked at first but then handed you her bag.

“Thank you. I just...precaution, you know?” You looked through the bag and found nothing. “Just as I suspected. Is she suspicious of everything?” you asked as you sat on the bed.

Cassie shrugged slightly. “She has good days and bad. Sometimes she’s completely aware, others she thinks I’ve broken in and come to hurt her.”

You sighed. “Okay. Just...try to get her to take her medicine. I put some in the tea so, that’ll cover us until around 9.”

“How was Dr. Reid?”

“He uh...He is okay,” you answered.

“And the little bean?” she asked. You had ended up telling Cassie and Diana because they needed to know the vital information but you didn’t go into extensive detail about why Spence was being wrongly held in prison.

“I’m not sure. I can’t even be excited about it. I just keep thinking of Spence.”

She came over and hugged your shoulders.

“It’ll all work out. Your team is amazing. You’ll figure this out.”

“Thank you, Cassie. I’m going to make some lunch then I’m heading back into the office. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, we just finished lunch ourselves.”

You made a sandwich and grabbed some potato chips and watched a random sitcom, finding none of the material funny. When you were done, you headed back into the office and worked on paperwork. The team was away for a case. You let yourself get lost in paper work, thankful for the distraction, and cleaning up your desk as well as Spencer’s. Before you knew it, it was 6:30 and everyone was filing into the office.

“Hey, how’d it go?” JJ asked as she came up.

“Okay,” you said meekly with a shrug.

Everyone nodded, knowing there’s not much more to say in that situation.

#what are we gonna do #reid #reid fic #reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #criminal minds fic

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queenviolist-blog · 7 years

Text

Adeline’s Story

Life is like a crazy amusement park ride. It has its ups and downs. The joys, sorrows, and everything in between. With every decision, or lack of, your life changes. There is a quote I once read, it said You are always one decision away from a totally different life. The thing is.. With Adeline, I never had a choice.

I had always wanted to have three kids. When we played “House” at school and even at home, I gathered three baby dolls and said I would be a mommy to three babies. I don’t know why, but three just seemed like a good number. As I got older, I ended up having two of the three kids I wanted. But not who I wanted them with. The guy I married was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I was glad to have that part of my life behind me. When I first found out I was pregnant, I called the baby “Lil Seed” cuz it was my little love seed, and was about the size of a seed at the time. Then the Hatchimal craze started. My kids were crazy about those things. After being exposed to that term on a daily basis, trying to acquire one, I decided to call the baby Hatchimal because after all, it was a creature that had not yet hatched lol. I had a “regular” pregnancy and besides the extended morning sickness (until the eighteenth week), I felt like everything was fine. Up until my anatomy scan, everything was fine. I was good, and baby was good. I didn’t find out the gender of my first two until they were born, so at the anatomy scan I initially declined to know, but later asked the ultrasound technician to put it in an envelope in case I wanted to do anything later. This is the first time I felt like something was “off” The tech was very concerned with the placenta and the umbilical cord. She left the room to go talk to the doctor. After the doctor came in, I was informed that I had what was called a Velamentous Cord Insertion. This is basically where the cord does not attach to the placenta as it should (in the middle), but mine had attached on the side and had a portion of blood vessels exposed. I was explained that it wasn’t a big deal, but that it may lead to a growth restricted baby in some cases. Otherwise, it didn’t present a danger until delivery, where the cord may be prone to rupture during childbirth and the baby may bleed out. Of course, they didn’t tell me all that. I read most of that info online. I couldn’t stop thinking about that. I felt like as if a death warrant was issued with my daughter’s name. The next few prenatal visits were uneventful. I discussed my dropping iron levels. Wondered how Anemic I would get. It was nothing new, I was anemic on and off. I always worried about the umbilical cord. That thought was in the back of my mind. But time and time again, I was assured I was fine. I learned that Hatchimal was in the 25th percentile for her weight. Normally, babies should be in the 50th percentile. Not too big, not too small. I was told that since I was petite, my baby was small too. This is why I hardly showed. I tested slightly higher than normal for my one hour glucose test. I blamed it on the cereal and milk I had the morning of the test. I had forgotten to fast, so I ate a small bowl of cereal. I was scheduled to take the three-hour glucose test in late March just to assure that I didn’t have gestational diabetes. I can’t remember at what point, but curiosity got the best of me one day and I opened the envelope and saw the ultrasound pics. At the end, I read “It’s a Girl!” on a pink sticky note. I was ecstatic. I wanted a girl soo bad. I had two already and a third one would fit right in. I don’t know why but the thought of having a boy made me shiver. I couldn’t see myself as a “boy mom.”

I remember the day of March 28th. It started like any other. I took the girls to school and then came home looking for energy. I picked up the girls from school and decided to take them to the pool after school. They swam around happily. I reluctantly got in because the water was really cold. I hate being cold. I noticed that Hatchimal was more sluggish than usual. Normally, this baby would kick me HARD when she was hungry. I wasn’t even hungry yet and she would be moving in there. I would feel her knees and elbows. As soon as I ate, she would calm down. She showed me who’s boss. But on this day, I figured she was sleepy. After washing her baby clothes in Dreft, and sorting them by size and putting them away, I laid down in bed. It was 1030pm when Delilah came and jumped into bed with me to tell me goodnight. I scolded her for being up an hour and a half after her bedtime but still hugged her and rubbed her head. She asked me if she was gonna be a good sister, and I said she was. She told me she would help feed her and give her the green soothie paci and love her so much. At that point, I felt Hatchimal move. I asked if Delilah wanted to feel and she agreed. She put her had on where Hatchimal had moved and Delilah’s face lit up. I sent her to bed. As she left I got an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It came out of nowhere. It kind of freaked me out. I rubbed my stomach and told her to go to sleep too. I feel asleep about thirty minutes later.

I woke up on March 29th to go use the restroom. I noticed I had really bad back pain. I got myself ready because I had the extended glucose tolerance test. Yuck. I hauled ass on Bloomingdale and made it there 6 mins late. Lovely. I hate Bloomingdale traffic. I was poked before taking the sugary drink. I thought “Ok. One of four pokes done” I took the drink, and sat down. They alternated the arms for the blood draws. Four in total. The last test I winced when the needle went in. I remember an ultrasound pic where Hatchimal was wincing. I wondered if I looked as cute as her wincing. I laughed, but thought “I will get pricked however many times I need to as long as you’re healthy Hatchimal” I went to eat at a smoothie place. Ate a sandwich and a smoothie. It was then that I realized I hadn’t felt her move at all that day. I googled it and it said that glucose tests have different effects on babies. I thought it was odd bc I figured that all that sugar would of made her hyper and not sluggish. It wasn’t until 3pm that day that I was laying in my couch that I thought, Have I felt her move? I called my OBGYN and they advised me to go to L&D. I decided to wait because I was soo tired from the testing and didn’t want to take the drive to TGH. I laid there thinking she was asleep anyway, and I think I dozed off too. About 9pm, I decided to go to L&D. I had Braxton Hicks contractions but it was normal due to me being a few days shy of 8 months. I sat in her closet and played with a clear marble that I found on the carpet. I pretended like it was a fortune telling ball. I finally gathered my purse and keys and left. I got there and they recognized my because I had been there four days prior due to feeling “shitty” I wanted a blood transfusion but they said my levels weren’t low enough. I changed into a gown and waited for the nurse. She came in and put the blue strap on and located my heartbeat right away. She then grabbed the pink strap and put it on my stomach. Nothing. She moved it around and nothing. She said that it was maybe bc of how the baby was sitting. She put more gel and moved it around. Nothing. Silence. I felt my face get hot and my heartbeat thump in my neck. Loudly. She left saying that she wanted to get an ultrasound machine to get a better look. She came in with the ultrasound tech. They put more gel, and started the machine. At this point, I have tears welding up in my eyes. To say I was terrified was an understatement. They put the wand over my belly and I saw her. Right away I knew she was gone. I saw her chest and no flickering of her lil heart. They moved the wand around. More people came in. I looked at the Tech’s face. She was biting her inner cheek. I could tell. Her eyelids flickered. Unlike my daughter’s heart. She bit her lips. Pressed them. Then someone else took over. They told me to turn to my side. Then back to my back. By now I have tears running down my face. Finally, after what seemed forever, and after a room full of specialists, the older woman said. “Im sorry. There is no heartbeat” Just like that. No heartbeat. I was stunned. It took a second to scream “Noooooo..My baby” and they all said they were sorry for my loss. I yelled “My baby CANT be gone” I lost it. I cried so hard I had eve liner and mascara all over my face and gown. I told them this was the fourth baby that I lost, and a nurse started crying. They all left one by one until the original nurse asked me what I wanted to do. I could go home and sleep and then come back in the morning after I was rested and ready. Can you believe that? First of all, I wouldn’t of been able to sleep at home knowing my sweet baby was gone. Second, I would of never been “ready” to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to someone you have never said Hello to? I said I had to go home and get a few things and I would be back within the hour. I left. When I got home, I realized that all along, I had had premonitions and feelings like something had been off. That was maybe why I wanted to get my hospital bag ready with such urgency. Why I felt like I was running out of time, even though I knew that I had eight more weeks. I sat in Hatchimal’s walk in closet. I grabbed the marble that was still on the floor. I looked at all the boxes of diapers she had. The bathtub. Her soaps and lotions. Bottles. Her clothes. I didn’t even know what to take to the hospital. Should I pack clothes? A pacifier? She was gone but what if I wanted to take a picture with a pacifier in her mouth. Then I wondered what she would look like. She was gone. Would she look different than a live baby? I had never seen a dead baby before. I gathered what I thought I would need and left back to the hospital. It seemed so surreal. Going past downtown. Knowing that it was a one-way trip for her. Once I got back to the hospital I grabbed all my stuff. My photography equipment. My purse. Robe. And a makeshift diaper bag with her stuff. I was moved to the Labor and Delivery rooms instead of their L&D triage. They started an IV and put me on Cervadil, which is a labor inducing drug. I tried to get some sleep because besides the Braxton hicks contractions. My body wasn’t ready to let her go.

It was March 30th now. I tossed and turned. Couldn’t sleep. Got 30 mins of sleep. I felt the contractions but they were mild. I spent the whole day waiting. Waiting for the medicine to do its job, and make me contract. Waiting to meet my sleeping angel. I labored and waited.

March 31st made its arrival. It was 9am and the four doses of Cervadil had no effect on me. Was it possible my subconscious was telling my body to fight it off? I wanted to stay pregnant forever. To have my baby with me. I was still in denial. I was placed on Pitocin since they wanted to speed things along. They gave me the strongest dose they could give. It brought my contractions to 2-3 minutes apart. I was starting to finally feel them. Savages. Just like that, I went from having no pain to moderate pain. I wanted to be as alert and awake as I could be for when my baby got here. I declined an epidural. I never had one, and I figured I never will. Around 1030am I started feeling unbearable pain. I inquired about pain relief that didn’t involve an epidural. They suggested nitrous oxide. It was quick. Easy and the drowsiness wore off a minute or two after I took the mask off. I agreed. It didn’t get rid of the pain but “took the edge off” so I was content. I was checked and was barely at 3cm dilated. The pain quickly came in waves. I looked at my phone and saw that I had 5 seconds of where the pain would build up. 30 seconds of sheer excruciating pain. 5 seconds of the paid going away and 20 seconds of relief. I looked forward to those 20 seconds. I wondered why this was more painful than what I remembered. The only difference was that it was an induced birth, and induced births hurt more bc of the synthetic drugs. Also, she was breech. She was butt down and her head was up. Basically, sitting on my cervix. Her feet in her face like always. At around 11am, I was screaming in pain. The laughing gas did its job for 30 mins but was no longer effective. I was barely 3cm so the nurse suggested something in the IV to put me to sleep since I had to reach until 10cm. I did say yes or no just kept crying. I wanted the pain to stop. At 11:10 she came in with the drug and put it in the IV. I was barely feeling the effects of the coldness coming in through the IV. I was still in pain. I lifted my head and I felt a pop and my water break. (I had never had my water break with the other two; they broke it for me minutes before their birth). I felt a gush of warm fluid come out as well as immediate relief. She was half out. Within my next contraction a few seconds later, she was out. I saw the shock in the nurse’s face. She said, “But you were 3cm dilated!!” She called a code and suddenly the room was filled with specialists. The room was so silent. No cries. No gasps for air. It was a reverent moment. She was finally here. Born at 11:15am. I tried to keep my eyes open but I was very disoriented. I was dizzy and tired. I immediately regretted taking the IV drugs. But who knew that five minutes later I would have her? The things with drugs are, that not just because the baby is born do they stop working. I remember a nurse coming over and saying about something about the umbilical cord. I heard the word “knot”, and “base of her belly” I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was handed her by the nurse with such care. I was still very drowsy and disoriented. I took her carefully. She was perfect. I didn’t cry. I just stared at her. Looking at ever feature. Her eyelashes. Her nose. Her long fingers. Long arms and legs. Tiny toes. I smiled because her beauty blew me away. She had curly hair!! (Mine and the girls are straight hair) I kissed her and just looked at her. The nurse took pictures. They asked me her name. Adeline. Her name was Adeline Yesenia. We had picked the name that same morning. She was no longer Hatchimal. She was now Adeline Yesenia born on March 31st, 2017 at 11:15am weighing 3lbs and 2oz and 17” in length. I was proud.

That day went by fast. I slept most of that afternoon. I was still drugged. Exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I hated that part of my decision. Nurses were in and out checking my temperature and blood pressure. I had extensive bloodwork done. I wondered how much blood they had taken. I felt weak. My friend Gloria came to visit me. I love her. My mom and sister came as well. Even Monsignor Diez came to see me. I will never forget the uplifting conversation we had. I had my baby Baptized. Her baptism was beautiful. I recorded it. I felt like my duties as her mother were satisfied. She was the newest member of the catholic faith. My mom and sister were her Godmothers. I took lots of photos with my own equipment. I also requested a photographer to come in. She was inexperienced, was only there for two months. Nonetheless, I wanted as many pics as I could because I would never see the chance to see her grow up, and photographer as much as I would have liked. I chose a package. I went to sleep for the night.

April 1st, I wanted as much time with my baby as possible. I spend the day changing her outfits and photographing her. I It wasn’t until 8pm that they were ready to discharge me. I had already made preliminary plans for funeral arrangements. I did not want to leave. I wanted to leave with her in my arms. I wanted what every mother wants when they give birth. I wanted my baby home with me. As the time was approaching, I grew more emotional. I was dreading it. I laid with her, Looked at her. Tried to remember her. I didn’t want to forget her. I looked at her curly hair again. Oh, that hair. I kissed her cold little hands. She smelled like Baby Magic. The original one. I looked at her tiny fingerprints. She made a huge impression on me. She left her print in this world. I finally wrapped her in her blanket and put her in the bassinet. Then I was taken by wheelchair out. Leaving behind a piece of my heart. A part of me. I remember the ride home. I felt so empty. There was a truck in front of us with baby feet and angel wings. That baby had passed away at 2 months. How horrible. I got home and I was greeted by my neighbor and mom. They stayed with me for a bit, then they left. I started shaking uncontrollably. I think I was moaning or grunting. I couldn’t stop. It was like spasms or chills. I don’t know. I went to bed and kept hallucinating. I thought I saw demons amongst the shadows. At one point, I gasped. I fell asleep quickly. I woke up to cold chills, then night sweats. That lasted about a week. I had nightmares. When I was awake, I was too sick to get out of bed. The thing with the body is that it doesn’t know that your baby died. My breast got engorged fast. That was painful. I was so sore. I decided to pump. I had two pumps that were waiting to be used. So, I used them. I felt a lil better. I pumped for about a week. It helped me feel better. I refused to go back to the ER for my fevers. My daughter was at the morgue in the same hospital. Plus, going back would bring too many memories of days prior. I spend the first few days planning Adeline’s funeral.

I ended up having her funeral services on April 7th. Ironically, that was the day I had made an appointment to go back to Meet A Baby to see her “one last time” before she came into this world. I did see her “one last time” but at the funeral home. Not what I was expecting. During the viewing, I took her out of her casket. I wanted to hold her and kiss her one last time. I stayed up there talking to both priests Father Eugene and Father Diez. We had her funeral service and then went out to bury her. I think I was in so much shock that I couldn’t cry. When it was over, I got home and just reflected on her short life. Eight months. From the time, she was created (Yay. Happy Birthday to me!) to when I laid her to rest, it felt like it was too short. My due date was Memorial Day. May 29th, 2017. She never made it. The next few weeks were a blur. Fighting for my benefits I was entitled to. Darn insurance companies. All those years paying my premium. I learned that (Pending the Autopsy Report) Adeline passed away due to an umbilical cord accident by “Hyper-coiled Umbilical Cord” causing fetal hypoxia. Basically, she spun around in there so many times that the umbilical cord couldn’t withstand the torsion and she passed away due to asphyxiation because her blood and oxygen supply were compromised. The Velamenous Cord Insertion did restrict her growth and she had more room to move around in there. Who knew that the cord that were supposed to extend life from me to my child is what failed her. That lifeline, and bond is what ended her life. Have you’ve ever wondered how fragile life really is? It’s extremely fragile. Adeline taught me to appreciate life. Never take it for granted. To laugh until you cry, and cry until you can no longer. She taught me to love unconditionally. She taught me to trust God more than I ever knew. And to look forward to the next day. Because another day gone, is another day closer I am to seeing her again. So, no.. I had no choice to see her go. If it were up to me, I would have wanted her here. I would have given my last breath in exchange to see her take her first. I had no choice to feel this heartbreak, but the choice I did have was to look at the bright side in life. Because, I believe, that is what she would have wanted. I love you Adeline. Thank you for everything.

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