#if he observes loki and begins to change his view of him realizing 'oh he's not that bad'

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.15

Stressed

01/16/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,747

Warnings: angst, jealousy, anxiety, talks of pregnancy, conception troubles

A/N: I’m sorry this came so late and that it’s taking me time to get these out. I’m writing very slowly right now and I only have my brain to blame. I’m finding it so hard to focus right now and I’m not sure why. I’ve gotten away from my usual habit of writing when I wake up and before I go to sleep. Hopefully, I’ll get back to normal soon. I hope y’all like (hate?) this chapter! Things will start to get tough from here on out. I hope y’all will stick with me through it. xoxo

“Well, I’ve got to get back to my girls. Some of them have taken to sneaking out at night in an attempt to earn their wings. If I catch them, I get to make them do whatever I want and I’m not going to lie, it’s the best part of my day.”

Hilde smiles at you, and you try to give her a returning social exchange with the same energy but your mind and eyes keep drifting back to the astronomer across the room currently chatting with Bruce and Tony animatedly about something scientific that you don’t understand.

“Are you seriously stressing about her?” Hilde asks, exasperated with you already.

“No,” you answer with your feathers obviously ruffled. “I’m not.”

Hilde clearly doesn’t believe you as she skews her lips and tilts her head.

“I’m not!”

You say it too loudly and the trio on the other side of the table turn to look at you.

“Not what?” Tony asks, brow furrowed a little with curiosity.

“She’s not tired,” Hilde covers. “How about a tour from Her Majesty?”

“Uh, yeah, I can give you all a tour of the palace. It’s really big.”

“No,” Tony shakes his head. “No tour for me. As fun as following you around while you brag about how much bigger your house is than mine sounds, I just spent weeks in the trenches and I’m going to try and get some sleep or Pepper will ground me and won’t let me come out and play. So, I think, good night?”

“Right. Of course, yeah. Estrid?” You call out to the two large open doors.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” Estrid hurries into view, giving you a quick curtsy before standing with her hands at her front.

“Can you show Mr. Stark-”

“Really?” he asks, incredulous.

“Sorry, habit,” you laugh nervously. “Can you show Tony to his room, please? And Bruce?”

“Uh, yeah. I’d love some sleep,” he nods, rubbing his chest with one hand in slow circles.

“And Bruce as well,” you nod to Estrid who gives you another curtsy.

They all begin to stand, shoving their chairs back in under the table and taking a last drink.

“And…” with odd trepidation, you look at your husband’s very recent former lover and try not to feel too overwhelmed. “Jane?”

“No, actually I was hoping I could speak with you?”

She takes a step towards you, hands pulled to her front as she fidgets with the tips of her fingers for a second then drops them at her sides.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Thank you, Estrid. When you’ve escorted the gentlemen to their rooms, come find me so that you can show Jane hers when she’s ready.”

“Very good, Your Majesty,” Estrid nods, another curtsy before she turns to Bruce and Tony who now look nervous too as they give you and then Jane inquisitive looks. “This way, gentlemen.”

As Estrid disappears into the hallway, Tony and Bruce follow slowly leaving you, Hilde, and Jane to stand awkwardly in the smaller of the two dining rooms in the palace.

“Should I stay?” Hilde wonders, inching a little closer to you and reaching out to grab your elbow.

“Hm? No. It’s okay. But if you’re going-?”

“Your Majesty,” Heimdall’s warm voice fills the space strangely washing over you with a soothing calm.

Something about Heimdall always makes you feel at ease and the night suddenly seems very bearable.

“Heimdall will be taking over your care until Thor returns, is that alright?” Hilde checks, sounding genuinely worried.

“Will I do, Your Majesty?” Heimdall asks, his voice a gentle teasing.

“Of course, Heimdall!” your huff of a laugh pulls from him a gentle chuckle and he moves around towards you to draw your hand up to his lips.

It’s a genuine sign of respect and it warms your heart.

“Alright, well, I’m off. I will see you tomorrow, Your Majesty. Jane.” Hilde gives her a nod and quickly slides from the room eager to catch her troops out of bed.

Heimdall makes his way towards Jane and as she turns to him, she smiles wide, “Heimdall, it’s so nice to see you again.”

“Jane Foster,” he says her name in full though it doesn’t sound as if he’s being formal.

In fact, they sound pretty close.

“It has been quite a while.” They hug and your heart gives a strange uncertain clench. “How are you?”

“I’m good, all things considered,” Jane says.

All things considered? What things considered?

“Yes, well…” Heimdall leaves his words hanging there, full of meaning that you don’t understand and suddenly the warmth his greeting had left you with is gone and in its place is a sense of intrusion.

Jane was the Queen they had all been expecting. Suddenly feeling dismal, you turn away from their reunion to fill up your fancy silver cup with wine and take a nice long drink.

Without turning back around to look at her because in the moment you can’t really bear it, you address her and hope that your voice doesn’t give you away.

“What was it that you wanted to speak to me about, Jane?”

Hopefully it has nothing to do with Thor or you might just lose your head a little. While a part of you would very much like to bury the hatchet and put everything that happened with her and Thor in the past behind you, in this moment, the last thing you want to do is talk about how she is or was the love of his life.

That you know, right?

This is all so fucked.

“I was actually just wondering if you had a space that I could set up my equipment? Somewhere with clear access to the sky is preferable, and lots of space? I’ll need to set up my equipment to show Thor--and yourself what I’ve been seeing the last few months.”

You can hear it in her voice that she added you as an afterthought. She came to show Thor. To see him?

You hate this sudden insecurity growing inside of you, this second guessing that didn’t even exist until she walked into your home tonight.

Are you thinking too much? Is this wrong of you? Thor is your husband. He loves you. He says it every day. Several times a day because he knows you need to hear it. He physically shows you, also several times a day if he can. Just today, in the hallway downstairs…

“Your Majesty?” Heimdall prompts, pulling you from your thoughts.

You dismiss his concern without acknowledging it because it’s in his all-seeing eyes. Instead, you focus on Jane.

“I have the perfect space. It’s a bit of a walk. I mean, it’s still on palace grounds, just a bit further up the hill behind us. But it’s an observation tower Loki was having built probably for this exact reason.”

“Perfect,” she smiles, then moves to her chair to pick up a large brown bag you hadn’t noticed she’d brought in here with her. “After you?”

Heimdall follows behind the two of you and Jane follows a step behind as you lead her out of the palace back entrance which is hidden behind a smaller room behind the throne room.

The night is chilly and you wrap your arms around yourself and regret the shorter choice of dress.

Jane also seems to shiver for a moment but her own clothes are more tailored to the weather outside than yours is. Her shiver passes.

“Do you enjoy living here?” she asks.

For a moment you don’t realize she’s talking to you, then when no one else answers, you start and quickly clear your throat.

“Yes, I do. I mean, it’s cold a lot. I’ll be glad when Summer’s here. Spring is also kind of on the chillier side.”

“Yeah,” she smiles, as if she’s been here often.

The silence after her affirmation grows tense and your heart begins to pound as your mind goes into a flurry of what she might have gotten up to here in New Asgard before you’d come into the picture.

Warmth suddenly envelops you and you turn to look at Heimdall as he places his dark cloak over your shoulders.

“Thank you, Heimdall,” you gasp, reaching up to pull the cloak around yourself more tightly.

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Heimdall nods, “It’s my honor.”

The terrain suddenly grows more rugged and Heimdall is quick to offer you his arm as you adjust your steps to accommodate the rockier path.

You make a mental note to have this pathway fixed. Smoothed out and maybe even given a railing as it gets steeper.

The only thing you can hear is the sound of three pairs of feet trudging along shifting stone and dirt then a softer step as the hill evens out a bit more and becomes covered in grass.

When you don’t have to look down at where you’re stepping anymore, you look up at the tower that looms ahead.

The base is made of heavy stone, each placed with precision and reinforced with steel supports. Wooden beams line each of the corners, decorated with carved images of what you can only assume are Asgardian moments in history.

When you’d come to see its progress at the beginning of its creation, you’d recognized the images of Thor and Odin in battle just above the beam that lines the doorway.

The rest of the tower is a mix of wood, stone, and iron. The aesthetic is very much like the palace, Asgardian curves and shapes fit into more modern Norse lines.

The three of you stop as you reach it and Heimdall hurries forward to throw the large door open.

As you step through, you see that the inside of the tower has not changed much since the last time you came to inspect it.

The bottom floor is a large empty room with only a fireplace against the back wall, exposed rafters up above before the height is cut short by the ceiling.

“Wow,” Jane does sound impressed, “This is great. Is there a-?”

“Upstairs,” you point towards the staircase to the right that rises up around the side of the room. “There’s another room, smaller, but it has a lot of balcony space.”

“Great! Thanks,” she sighs with relief as if she really didn’t expect you to give her some space to work, then heads towards the staircase.

“Um, there’s no furniture in here yet. I’ll have someone bring you some tables and chairs, is there anything more specific that you need?”

Jane stops at the foot of the stairs then turns to look at you and then the space of the bottom floor.

“Would it be possible to get a bed in here? You’re right, and it is a long way from the palace. I’m gonna be in here probably all the time so…?”

You know that she isn’t asking for the impossible or anything out of the question, but suddenly the idea of making this tower her little space has a whole other life playing out in your head.

A life where you had married Thor and he had been unable to give up Jane. A life of her living here at the palace with you in her own space where Thor can come and be with her in private away from prying eyes while still giving the appearance of being with you, his Queen in name only.

“Your Majesty?” Heimdall prompts you quietly, reaching out to touch your elbow again and pull you from the pain and panic you’re trying to hide.

You force a smile, a small shake of your head, “Yes, of course. Sorry, I’ve had a busy day. I’ll have them bring you everything you need within the hour.”

“Thank you. Once I have everything set up I’ll make sure to show you what I’ve found and then Thor can um, plan for what might come?”

“Of course,” you agree, eager to get the hell out of here and back to your room where you can fall apart in private. “Now, I hope you’ll excuse my bad hosting skills, but I really am super tired and I think I’m going to turn in a little early.”

“Oh, yeah, sure! No problem at all,” Jane smiles, “Thank you for all your help. And dinner! Dinner was so good. Thanks.”

“My pleasure. I’ll let Cook know,” you nod, hoping that your smile isn’t too tense for the moment. “Good night.”

“Night!”

You’re almost grateful for the cold night air as it bites the skin of your cheeks. Anything is better than the stress you just felt in that tower.

You hear the heavy door of the tower close behind you, then Heimdall’s footsteps join your own though your heavy breathing is alone as he walks calmly beside you.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Heimdall wonders, gentle and honestly concerned.

“I’m fine,” You lie.

“Does having Jane Foster here bother you? There is no need for you to worry. I have seen Thor be with many women-”

“Oh, my God,” and you can’t help but huff a laugh. “Not helping, Heimdall.”

“-and I have never seen him be with anyone the way he is with you. It’s more than just love. It's a partnership. Companionship. It’s friendship. Trust. After their initial reconnection, Thor’s trust in Jane and their courtship dwindled and as you know, by the end, it was completely gone.”

“So, what you’re saying is he’s so sure that I love him that he has no reason to worry?”

Which is true, you do and he has no reason to worry about you not loving him or falling for someone else at this point. You can’t even imagine being with anyone the way you’ve been with Thor.

“He’s not afraid to lose me?” You hate giving into these thoughts.

Honestly though, talking about them to someone will help you sleep tonight. Maybe.

“Yes,” Heimdall agrees. “And no. Even now, this very moment, all he can think of is you.”

You stop walking, stunned by his words because you’ve never asked him to look for you. You’ve heard Thor ask him to see things before, to search, and Heimdall always has. It had never crossed your mind to do the same.

Then again, this is the first time you and Thor have been apart since before you were married.

“What-You can see him?” Heimdall looks down at your feet, focuses what must be his mental eyes, and then slowly nods.

“He’s distressed at leaving you here alone, he’s finding it hard to focus on what Fandral is telling him and Fandral is growing more and more upset.”

You smile, completely absorbed by this information.

“Did he ever ask you to look for her? For Jane?”

Your words are quiet, hesitant, though your heart feels slightly more at ease by Heimdall’s reassurance.

“In the very beginning of their courtship, just after he left Earth and the bifrost was destroyed. Their love was new then. It was short-lived. Then Thor came back to Earth and they were able to be together, for a time.

“But their compatibility has always had its trials. After some time together, Thor was called back to the Universe and Jane had her own work to do. Their responsibilities have always pulled them apart and if I’m honest, Thor is the more hopeless romantic between them.”

You think about all of the small things that Thor has done for you since you came back home. The flowers, the baths, surprise dinners, the small presents hidden under your pillow or in drawers he knows you’ll get into. He’s done a lot more to show you he’s thinking about you during the day than you have and you can understand what Heimdall is saying.

You’re not so much a gift giver in love it seems, and instead give him all of the affection he’d seemed so starved for in the beginning.

“Her being here will not damage your marriage. Trust me.” Heimdall finishes.

You lead the walk again, moving slower but calmer after Heimdall’s reassurance.

“Will you come back up and check that Jane gets everything she needs? We really should have had the tower set up a long time ago.”

“As soon as I am certain you are in your quarters safe, with a guard outside your door, yes. I can ensure that she has everything that she requires.”

For a few minutes you walk in silence, at ease. When you reach the back doors of the palace however and he holds the doors open for you, you turn to Heimdall and after a quick bite to your lip, “Is he still with Fandral?”

Heimdall smiles and nods, “Fandral is yelling at him for not paying attention.”

Both of you laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s so early when you wake. It’s still dark outside and you’re almost sure that sunrise is still a few hours away.

You’re exhausted. Eyes burning as you push yourself up and the night plays itself over.

So suddenly you’re anxious again, nerves making your fingertips tingle and your stomach do an uncomfortable flip as you turn over onto your back to look at Thor’s side of the bed.

It’s undisturbed. Both pillows are still in their made up position.

He said he’d be back very late at night, early morning at the latest. You’d been hoping for the former.

With a groan, you sit up, sliding slowly down to the end of the bed and the bench where Thor sits to put his boots on.

You’re so groggy. The night was restless and you’ve really only gotten about an hour of sleep. Two at the most.

It’s stuffy in the room, the fire still burning and leaving you a little sticky from being huddled underneath a heavy blanket because you’d missed the weight of Thor’s arms all night.

The large glass doors across from you rattle from the wintry breeze outside, beckoning you forward for relief from this heat.

As you step on the floor, your body is rocked with a shiver that pushes you up onto your toes. As fancy as this palace is, you’ll have to ask Thor if it’s possible to get some heated floors installed.

Moving as quickly as you can, you don’t stop until you’re at the doors and then thrust them open and absolutely inhale the frigid late night air.

You scan the distant ocean as it spreads into the horizon, the sky it touches still an inky black with a breathtaking scattering of stars.

You can hear the Valkyrie below in their barracks and training grounds already working hard to get into shape. Hilde must have really caught them sneaking out.

Heimdall should be waiting close by. You really want to see if he has news about Thor’s schedule and if maybe he’s on his way home and just running late.

As you turn to walk back into the room, you freeze as your eyes scan the tower you’d set Jane up in.

From this angle you have a clear view of the balcony. She’s already set up her equipment. You didn’t know that you could see this well into the tower.

It’s all lit up like a beacon in the dark.

It’s an unpleasant reminder that she’s here and you make a mental note to keep the curtains drawn when you know she’s up there. Which you realize that unfortunately, will probably mean all the time.

Sighing, you move towards the door but then freeze again as Thor moves from the balcony doorway towards a large telescope attached to what looks like heavily modified computers.

He’s still in uniform, smiling. Behind him, Jane follows, arms wrapped around herself before she stops too close to Thor for your liking.

She rushes around him and looks through the eyepiece. You can see her talking away, mouth moving at the speed of light as she explains something to him, her hands flying around her as she talks, apparently the cold is forgotten.

She pulls away from the telescope as Thor chuckles then moves back inside out of sight as Thor sidles up to the eyepiece but doesn’t touch it yet.

The telescope moves, clearly Jane adjusting it from inside where she must have set up her computer equipment.

Thor takes a step back then the telescope stops and Jane flutters back out onto the balcony and gestures for Thor to look through.

He does, Jane moves in beside him, saying something that must be a whisper if she’s standing that close. He says something back.

The two of them having a pleasant conversation.

The clench in your chest feels choking.

Thor pulls back from the eyepiece and turns to look at her.

He’s too far away for you to see his expression, too small. But their faces are so close and he doesn’t pull away.

You sink back into your room, terrified to see something that will ruin the perfect bliss you’ve been in these first three months of your marriage.

Not that it isn’t already ruined. You’ve been a mess since Jane showed her face and now with what you just saw, how can you feel anything but lousy?

You don’t do what you want to do. You don’t slink back into bed and hide under the covers to wallow.

Instead you move to your closet and look for a dignified dress. Something that you can wear that will scream Queen of New Asgard but also be relaxed enough for you to work in.

You choose something with a simple cut. Long sleeves, a deep V in the front, with a loose flowing skirt but a tight bodice to match the equally tight sleeves. The color is an iridescent black that shimmers in teal and startling pink.

The color reminds you of the northern lights with a splash of the hazy pink in the orion nebula. It’s beautiful and otherworldly, and it screams Queen of Asgard in casual formal.

With the dress you move back into the room and hang it on the small stand in front of the full length mirror by your vanity before grabbing some new underwear and moving into the bath.

You ignore the large tub you and Thor have spent hours upon hours in and quickly shower instead. You emerge fresh and clean, though not exactly refreshed.

You’re stepping out of the shower when your bedroom doors open and you freeze, staring at them as they swing forward with your hands pressed to the top of your towel holding it shut.

Your heart drops when Estrid smiles prettily at you, turning around to close the doors as she greets you.

“Good morning, Your Majesty, did you sleep well?” She moves straight for your vanity to pull out the brush, pins, and makeup she usually uses on you in the morning.

She’s in here much earlier than normal and she can’t have gotten that much sleep herself. She’s so attuned to you now that you’re worried for her but also grateful.

“Good morning, Estrid,” you reply, refusing to answer her question because she’d only worry. “Did Ms. Foster get all of the things she needed in the tower?”

“Yes, m’am. Heimdall made sure that she had everything she would need for her research before he retired to stand guard at your door.”

You have an endless stream of questions about Thor in your head, things you want to ask Estrid but you bite your tongue as Estrid helps you on with your dress then sits you down at your vanity to dry your hair and work on today’s set of braids.

Time passes as she works. Time that feels like seconds to you as your mind works hard to try and reassure your heart that you have nothing to worry about, and yet, it still aches.

“You’re very quiet this morning, Your Majesty,” she observes.

“Yeah. I don’t really feel like talking unless I have to.”

“Very well, Your Majesty,” she accepts, but then after a few minutes of silence. “Are you not feeling well? Shall I send for the doctor?”

“No, Estrid. I’m not sick. I’m-shit, what’s the date today?”

Reaching around, you look for your phone to check the date.

“‘Tis the fifteenth, Your Majesty,” Estrid informs you.

“Did you forget about me already?” A deep smooth voice slides in from your doorway and you turn in search of the comfort the tone gives you.

“David!”

On your feet and across the room, David greets you with open arms. A small firm hug is what he gives you before kissing the side of your head and then pushing you back to look at you.

His eyes linger on your stomach for a moment before he frowns playfully.

“Nothing yet? I guess we’ll find out today if we’re to expect anything in the next month.”

“No pressure,” you reply sarcastically.

David chuckles, his fancy four piece navy suit a display of his busy nature. As much as he wants to visit, you know that he’s busier now with so many people wanting his services. The prestige of being the Queen of New Asgard’s lawyer has brought him a windfall.

Not that he needs it, but he appreciates the work.

“I did forget we had a testing today. Something happened yesterday.”

Your voice filters into a whisper at the end, though you’re not even aware of it.

David matches your energy, though he doesn’t whisper, he recognizes your stress and concern saturates his entire person.

“What’s happened?”

“I-” You look towards Estrid, and she’s so good that she’s cleaning your vanity, ignoring your conversation as best she can, but still. “Estrid, were you finished with my hair?”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” she turns to you and smiles. “Will you be needing anything else? Breakfast in the breakfast room?”

“Are you hungry, David?”

“No, I’m not. Thank you.”

“No breakfast, Estrid. Thank you. When the doctor arrives, can you show him in?”

Estrid curtsies, and without another word, she leaves you and David in the room.

“You look beautiful today, by the way,” David tells you as he moves towards the small table in the corner to sit but waits for you to reach your chair first to pull it out for you.

“Thanks, I chose it very carefully,” you admit. “Does it make me look like a real Queen?”

“You are a real Queen,” David assures you, then cocks his head as he registers your stress again. “What happened last night?”

You sigh heavily, using your nails to pick at the woodgrain of the table, shoulders slouched a little as you deflate.

“Jane showed up with Tony and Bruce,” you reveal, a shaky breath accompanying your desperate information.

“Oh? At Thor’s invitation?” David wonders, which honestly sobers you up a little from your depression.

“No. I don’t think so. I mean, Tony and Bruce were supposed to come to install a security system for the palace and I guess maybe she just tagged along?”

“And you are upset that your husband’s former lover has forced her way into your new home.”

It’s not a question. David has always been very observant and he sucks for it. Jerk.

“Well...yeah. But that’s not why-”

“Something else happened?”

David leans towards you and places his hand over yours, a soft knowing look on your surrogate father’s face.

With a quick little sigh you tell him about your stress over not getting pregnant and the pressures from the ambassadors to do that before more time goes by to secure the ties between the Asgardians to Earth. You tell him about your worries about Jane that have died down a little since you and Thor got married but have never truly gone away. Lastly, you tell him about what you saw this morning and how you’d been expecting Thor to come directly to you when he got back but clearly that’s not happening.

“Maybe I’m being too sensitive? But I mean, it’s been what? An hour and a half since you got here and he still hasn’t come to look for me?”

You reach over and rub your arm, the soft fabric of your dress pleasing but only in the back of your mind where you’re not thinking about Thor and Jane.

“If that is how you feel, then that is how you feel. The important part now is talking to Thor about it. Couples lose out when they feel about something the way that they do and then keep it to themselves. Even Gods are not mind readers.”

David tilts his head, eyes looking across the room for a moment before he looks right back at you.

“At least not to my knowledge.”

You almost smile, but the stress of talking to Thor about this is giving your anxiety a nice boost.

“What if I don’t like what he says?”

“Then you don’t like it. You cannot avoid the confrontation because you might not hear what you want to hear. That is not how a marriage, or any relationship works. In big moments like these, honesty I think is the best policy.”

He’s right of course. You know he is. That doesn’t mean you have to like it.

You close your eyes and try to see Thor’s handsome face smiling sweetly at you, just as he had yesterday before he left. Instead you see him smiling down at Jane next to that stupid telescope, him chuckling at whatever she’s saying as she talks away about her work.

Two knocks to your door pull you from your stupid thoughts and drop your heart into the pit of your stomach, but Estrid peeks in to make sure that you’re okay to see her.

Suddenly, you’re dreading seeing Thor.

“Come in, Estrid.”

She moves in, behind her follows two doctors. One is a woman with a lovely heart shaped face and long full dark brown hair that compliments her olive skin. She’s wearing a sleek gray pantsuit, pink camisole underneath, and a thick black coat draped over her arm.

Her name is Amana Wilson and she has been your gynecologist since David gave you your inheritance and you were able to afford better healthcare.

The second doctor is an older man with a thick black beard streaked through with bits of gray. He glows an almost ethereal way. Clearly Asgardian. Your general caregiver since you moved to New Asgard, Doctor Alric Orvinson smiles eagerly, kindly, a pure excitement radiating off of him.

He’s always so eager to put everything he’s learning into practice.

Doctor Wilson curtsies and Doctor Alric bows before they both greet you in unison.

“Your Majesty,” they say.

David waits until you’re standing before he stands too, but then he moves towards the doors.

“I think I’ll go have some of that breakfast you offered me,” he tells you then makes his way towards the large doors. “Doctors, I know you will give Her Majesty the best care you can offer?”

“Of course,” Doctor Wilson assures him and he leaves you with a quick wink of his eye.

“Thank you, Estrid. Make sure David gets a proper meal? No pop tarts!”

“Party pooper!” David shouts back.

Estrid curtsies, “Right away, Your Majesty.”

She leaves you quickly with a chuckle in her throat at your exchange with David.

As the door closes, you take a step towards your doctors and slowly release a held breath.

“So, what will it be today? Should I go strip or…?”

“No. Not today. Since we did a physical on you last time, we won’t worry about that during this visit,” Doctor Wilson assures you.

“Today, Doctor Wilson will be watching me take some blood and perform a pregnancy test to see if you are expecting our heir!”

Our heir?

New Asgard sees the future prince or princess to come as their own. It’s not just your and Thor’s baby. This baby, if and when there is a baby, is an entire people’s baby.

You feel your anxiety rise again. Clenching your hands, you nod and force a smile as Doctor Alric moves towards you with a large metallic box that he places down and opens.

Inside comes a rush of cold air and what looks like medical equipment used to test blood. You don’t know what it’s called and it’s super high tech. Nothing that you’ve ever seen before.

Your two tests before had been sent to labs and then you’d received the results a few days later, if they’re testing the blood here, does that mean faster results?

“So, how long will I have to wait this time then? To know whether I’m doing my job or not?”

Doctor Alric looks up at you with slight surprise and worry.

There must be something in your voice since he seems to realize what he’s said is putting pressure on you because he stands up straight and fixes his own suit jacket before speaking.

“Your Majesty,” he begins, but Doctor Wilson moves to stand beside you and places her hand on your shoulder.

“Within the hour. This is Stark tech, so it’ll be quick and accurate. Have you been stressing about getting pregnant?” She’s so much softer than Doctor Alric, but not because she’s a woman.

She just knows you better.

“Kinda hard not to with an entire planet waiting for it,” you admit. “Do you think that if-if it’s negative, should Thor and I stop trying so hard? We’re trying daily. No breaks.”

“I think the stress more than the trying will probably make it harder but you’re both healthy. It will happen. If you are tired and you think the stress is too much, then take a break. It won’t do any harm if you lose a couple nights of sleeping with your husband.”

You feel a swell of relief for this human woman who knows just what to say. You give her a sly smirk.

“Have you seen my husband? It’ll hurt.”

She laughs a quick knowing chuckle, “Trust me, you don’t gotta tell me how fine he is, Your Majesty.”

Both of you laugh a few seconds then you take the seat that Doctor Alric sets beside you and while you roll up your sleeve, he and Doctor Wilson fly off into medical jargon that you don’t understand and consequently zone out into thoughts of Thor and why the fuck he still hasn’t come to see you.

#king!thor x reader #thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #a wife for thor #arranged marriage au #thor x reader fanfiction #thor x reader fanfic #thor x reader fic #thor x you #king!thor x reader fanfiction #king!thor x reader fanfic #king!thor x reader fic #king!thor x you #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #royal au #thor odinson x you

[kironimus-blog]

WARNING! SPOILER ALERT! LOKI EP4 + AGENT OF ASGARD COMICS!

About (Self)Love and Narration

So, a lot of things happened in Ep. 4 and it got me thinking about the topics of narration and (self) acceptance/love in this show. After a healthy amount of deliberation I‘ll even dare to theorize about how this season will progress. Just hear me out.

First of all I think we have to view the events of the sacred timeline as a literal narration. Loki as a character in this narration has a single (not so glorious, heh XD) purpose. He‘s a mere plot device, the villain, designed to move the plot forward and help build and develop others characters. Mobius, who takes on the role of the observer, says so himself in Ep. 1!

„You weren‘t born to be king Loki. You were born to cause pain, and suffering and death. That‘s how it was, that‘s how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best version of themselves.“-Mobius Ep.1

It‘s important that this comes from Mobius, someone who has not only studied the life of „our“ Loki but has seen the stories of many other Loki variants pan out. And the common denominator seems to be Loki‘s repeated failure which leads to him becoming the villain of the story.

And of course, once "our" Loki quite literally leaves the narration (as he escapes via Tesseract and is brought to the TVA, a place seperate from the normal flow of time) and becomes an observer of his own story (in the time theater, Episode 1), he begrudgingly realizes this as well. As the God of Mischief, he of all people, despises the idea of a single establishment (the TVA) holding so much power over the universe and his own path in life. But at the same time his views on choice and personal freedom at the beginning of Episode 1 aren‘t much different from the TVA‘s… in fact they're eerily similar.

„For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame, and uncertainty, and regret. Theres a fork in every road, yet the wrong path always taken.“-Loki, Ep.1

He even uses the same exact phrasing when criticizing the TVA‘s motives and later on explaining his own actions:

„It's an illusion. Ist a cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate attempt at control.“ -Loki, Ep.1

Fast forward to Episode 4, where we find out that the time keepers are nothing but an illusion. Another interesting parallel, don't you think? So now the big question is of course, who‘s the mastermind behind all this? That‘s where my theory comes into play.

I think the ‚big bad' is none other than Loki himself. And I mean not just any of the many variants we know exist, but a future, alternative version of „our“ Loki. The Loki who still holds onto the believes „our“ Loki exhibited in Ep.1. Someone who lost over and over again, which led him to believe that no matter what choice he made, he was destined to fail. So what did he do to break the vicious circle of choosing and failing in an attempt to regain control? Easy, he simply took away the choice and took the narration of the story into his own hands. And this carefully controlled story is the ‚sacred timeline'. He created the TVA and the time keepers as a guise, so he could remove every Loki variant that didn‘t act according to his script. (This may explain the flock of variant Lokis in the post credit scene of Ep 4)

Another reason why I believe this theory to be true are the parallels between this show and the ‚Agent of Asgard‘ Comics by Al Ewing. In fact Al Ewing and Lee Garbett are even mentioned in the Credits! (Caution! Spoilers for AoA incoming!) The storyline of the comic series is that of a future, „evil“ („“ because, as we know „no one bad is ever truly bad") version of Loki, who, frustrated by his lack of control over his own life, tries to manipulate his younger self into becoming this evil version of himself sooner (and isn't that ironic…and a bit hard to grasp as well). In the end Loki has to reinvent himself by letting go of past grudges in order to free himself from his destiny to turn into the villain of the story once more. By actively changing his present self and becoming the god of stories he is able to change his seemingly set path. In the end it is a story about self love and growth and the understanding that nobody has power over your future but your present self.

And I think what we learn in Episode 4 about self acceptance and self love is massively important in order to predict and understand what comes next in the series. At the beginning of the episode we see Sylvie and Loki on Lamentis, sharing a moment of mutual admiration in the face of seemingly certain death. Three things about this scene I find very interesting.

1. The composition of the scene with Loki and Sylvie sitting next to each other in a mirrored position. This emphasizes that while they may be variants, they still are reflections of one another.

2. The fact that this shared moment creates a massive branch in the sacred timeline. Why does this happen? I think it‘s because Loki shows actual love/ acceptance towards himself (even though it may be through his variant). And that‘s not „supposed to happen“, because the key ingredient for „our“ Loki to turn into the „evil narrator Loki", is a whole lot of self-loathing.

3. Loki‘s quote about surviving no matter how bad the loss. Which is an important bit of character development in itself but it’s what he said next („But we don‘t die“) that got me thinking. And I consider this to be one of the most important clues regarding my speculation. Loki has „died“ dozens of times during MCU history but he never stayed dead. Why is that, if he‘s merely a plot device, you ask? Well, I think it‘s because „evil Narrator Loki“, while not allowing „our" Loki to make his own choices, still doesn‘t want to kill himself off. So he simply deus ex machinas his escapes from death time and time again.

Considering all these details from Episode 4 I‘d like to theorize a little bit further about the ending of the show. I think the ‚big bad‘ they will face is future, „evil“ Loki himself. But by then our Loki will have learned to be at ease with himself with the help of the support system he built during the last episodes (Mobius and Sylvie). He no longer needs to keep up the illusion in order to trick himself and others in a desperate struggle for control. Because now he truly values himself enough to have confidence in himself and his choices. Because of this advancement in character his „future“ version will simply cease to exist because the foundation of self-loathing and perceived helplessness are no more. (Yeah it sounds a bit cheesy. I will admit. But it's a nice ending, OK?)

That‘s it. Hope this made any sense at all and if not…oh well 😂

#marvel loki #loki #loki episode 4 #loki spoilers #loki theories #loki tv series #loki tv show #loki tv spoilers #fan theories

[lokidrabbles]

Both Sides of the Coin (Lady Loki x fem!Reader)

A/N: I’ve always wanted to write some cute fluff with genderfluid/Lady Loki and so, here it be!

Warnings: Suggested Smut

Reader has a desire to braid Loki’s long beautiful hair, leading to an unexpected encounter with his alternate form.

Whether he noticed it or not, you had a knack for being observant over Loki and whatever small changes he would make with his appearance and attire. It was a privileged to witness Loki’s transition from regal Asgardian wear to, Midgard business casual, and then to true casual, often sporting a comfy combo of a dark hoodie and a pair of sinfully tight jeans you noted as his favorite. The black suit was indeed one of your preferred choices but you had grown very fond of his casual attire, greedily taking in whatever sight you caught of his thick thighs and buttocks.

Throughout this transition, Loki’s dark locks began to grown long and thick, beginning to surpass his shoulders. His current hair, finally meeting the exceptional standard hair quality for Asgardian men, presented another devilish opportunity for you to engage in. Good ol’ fashioned hair braiding.

Your twitching fingers and interest took you into conducting small research on Nordic/Viking hairstyles, shock full of intricate braids, symbolizing specific and special milestones warriors were to meet. When the opportunity presented itself, you made the suggestion to Loki, claiming it to be a way for humans to bond closer together through the use of soft, intimate touch. You were pleasantly surprised when he agreed to the ruse.

He sat in between your legs dangling from the couch, sitting upright to ensure you had a good view of the back of his head. You almost delivered a childish squeal in anticipation, prepping up combs, brushes and an assortment of hair bands and bobby pins. “I must say, there’s something absurd about someone taking this much interest in something as trifling as my hair.” He commented, feeling your fingers begin to separate his hair into sections. A wave of tingles traveled from his scalp all the way down to his spine, releasing a pleasant, relaxed hum from him.

“Your hair is so lovely Loki.” You mentioned, letting his dark locks slips through your fingers, gently falling back onto his back. You took a wide tooth comb and gently began to tease out any knots or tangles he might have had.

There was an assumption his hair would be a bit difficult to tame. While it wasn’t completely out of control, his wavy looks would at times spiral and intertwine with themselves suggested otherwise. To your astonishment, his hair was soft and easy to manage and manipulate.

“I’d kill for hair like this. It’s thick and full of life. Mine unfortunately as become a bit brittle with all the product I use.” You mentioned, continuing to comb accordingly.

“I don’t think your hair is brittle. I like your hair.” He replied softly, sending a wave of butterflies in your chest.

“Thanks, but women can only dream of having hair like this.”

His ears perked a bit. “Women, hmm?” There was a noted mischief hinted in his voice, one you had trained yourself to catch onto early on. “Should we have a sneak peek at how it would look?”

You chuckled. “I can’t really stop you once you got something up your sleeve like that.”

You set the comb to the side briefly and began to use your fingers to massage his scalp, combing out any tangles and knots to ensure the braiding process would not be difficult. Your focused heavily on your digits, ensuring the motion to begin braiding was correct while also continuing to provide a sense of relaxation for Loki. You hear a playful hum come from him, a sound affirming his pleasure at your fingertips. Your heart thumped, and an uncontrollable smiled formed upon your fame.

Loki glowed in a flash, the same golden flash you had come to recognize when he would project clones of himself or when he would transform into someone else. Your eyes darted around the room to catch any glimpse of projections, but were still met with an empty living room.

“Loki? What did you do?”

He didn’t answer, however, you began to notice the texture of his hair slightly changed. It was still pitch black, only now it had become straighter, much more softer, and a pleasant floral smell began to fill your nostrils. Loki’s back, once broad and large, had now appeared smaller, slimmer.

“Loki?”

You heard a playful chuckle coming from him. But this time it didn’t sound like him. In fact, it didn’t sound like a him at all. This voice was much more high pitched, smoother and a tad more flirty than before. Your mouth slightly became agape once Loki turned around to have a good peek at your reaction.

“Well? It’s been a while since I’ve been like this. I admit, it’s a bit fun to use since it causes everyone to choke.”

Her lips were full and pouty, contrasting in pink against her pale skin. Her eyelashes were to die for, full and fluttering naturally, hypnotizing emerald eyes behind them. Her skin, while still Loki’s skin, was much more flushed and clearer, almost porcelain to the touch. You were speechless, blinking in utter confusion. “Darling, it’s still me, you know this right?” She pondered, turning and adjusting her body to face you. “Did I startle you?“ You felt an uncomfortable heat rise up into your face, cheeks unavoidably red now. You figured Loki turned into a woman now, but you were unprepared to face the workmanship that was Lady Loki. She was stunningly beautiful, in contrast to his equally handsome and beautiful profile. The God, er, Goddess of Mischief and Chaos presented herself to you, not as a force to reckon with but as a masterpiece of unobtainable other worldly beauty.

But then you looked down at her chest and you attitude became much less eager. There, in plain sight, the world’s most perkiest and roundest breasts you had ever witnessed, ones only mortal women could ever dream of having.

You hesitantly brought your hands to your own smaller breasts, looking down and then back up at Loki’s own,  groaning at the apparent size difference.

“Are you serious? Even as a woman, your tits need to be bigger than mine?” You commented with indignation. “Oh?” There was a dumbfounded look on her face which upset you even further. “I didn’t realize this was considered large among human women.” She then pushed herself to stand upwards, cupped both breast in her hands, pondering and weighting them in each to attest whether they were too big or not. “I always aimed for the average size, honest.” “Please stop.” You intervened immediately.

She chuckled, reaching down to hold your hands securely in hers. Her gaze was unavoidable, looking deep into your own eyes, she inched in close to your ear, sending a trail of goosebumps at the back of your neck. “I like your breasts just the way they are, they are absolutely delicious.”

There was no doubt about it, Loki remained inside of her, and whether it was a she or a he, they would always find a way to absolutely seduce you in all shapes and forms.

“We should go out together more often while you look like this.” You mentioned softly, a playful smile on your face. “I think we’d have a kick at your brother’s and Tony’s reactions.”

Loki took advantage of the moment, plopping down next you on the couch, sliding a slim arm around your waist. You pulled yourself closer to her, resting your legs upon her thighs. She smiled, landing an endearing kiss upon your temple.

“Would you be comfortable with me in this form?” She asked, continuing to trail her kisses down to your cheek. You sighed with much content, scooting even closer to her.

“Of course, it’s still you. It’s always you.”

She grinned. “I’m rather curious. Which do you prefer more?”

“W-well,” You began, stuttering. It was quite the unexpected question, but what else would you expect from Loki. “I mean I like both, I can’t really chose.”

“Don’t be shy.” She jested, squeezing your side. “I won’t be bothered by whatever you chose.”

“I mean, I’ve spent more time with guy Loki than anything, but I don’t really have a basis of comparison, I didn’t even know you could change genders like this.”

“Very true. Then I should probably even out the playing field, don’t you agree?” And there again, was the indisputable glint of mischief in Loki’s eye. You knew exactly what that look meant.

“Wait, does that mean even, like, in the bed...” Your voice trailed off and the risk of sounding stupid and lewd. 

A rather suggestive smirk appeared on her face. “Don’t try to hide the fact that you haven’t thought about it since the moment I changed.”

You gulped, and accepted the fact you wouldn’t be engaging in any hair braiding for the remainder of the evening.

---

#loki #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki imagine #loki x female reader #lady loki #lady loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki of asgard #loki odinson #mcu imagines #mcu loki

[levi-inthesun]

No Matter What

Summary: sharing quiet sunrises begins to turn into something much, much more

Loki x Reader

It was nearing dawn and Loki had woken up just in time to view the sunrise. It had become a routine of sorts and allowed him to feel peaceful, at least for a moment, where he could pretend Asgard still existed, somewhere out there. A time when he didn't have to deal with how some of the Avengers still looked at him- not that he cared.

He quietly walked through the compound and stopped himself mid-step, right before he was to walk past the kitchen. In the glow of the almost rising sun, you sat there on the countertop, a small, sharp kitchen knife in one hand, and some Midgardian fruit in the other. He observed you as you cut up your fruit and used the knife to eat it.

It was the first time he noticed how delicate your fingers were compared to the sharp knife. The way the sun rising behind you made you practically glow- a true goddess if he'd ever seen one. Your soft lips, careful movements. The way you hummed as you ate. He found himself completely enamored.

"Goodmorning, Loki."

Your voice woke him up from his little dream. Without knowing it, he had walked into the kitchen fully showing himself while he was lost in thought. He startled himself- normally, lost in thought or not, he had full control.

"Good morning, Y/N. What brings you here this early in the morning?" He replied, with as much grace as ever.

"I was hungry and remembered we got nectarines the other day,"

Ah, Loki thought, that is the fruit gracing her lips.

"And I knew if I wanted to even get a chance at one, it would have to be now. Plus I enjoy being awake for the sun rising. It helps me feel," you paused, trying to come up with the right word.

"At home. Peaceful?" Loki suggested as that was how it made him feel.

The way your mouth stretched into the biggest, most genuine smile he'd ever seen made him want to never leave your side. For you to look at him that way, always.

"Yes!" You exclaimed. "That is exactly how it makes me feel."

Loki decided to bridge the space between you and hopped up on the counter next to you.

"It's the same for me, as well. I miss Asgard terribly, and the sun rising helps me feel like I may be there again."

He looked back up at you and again saw nothing but genuine emotion. Oh to be able to not wear a mask.

"I am so sorry, Loki," you said placing a hand gently on his. "I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose your home." You paused and Loki could swear it was like you were trying to decide if your next question was a good idea.

"Would- I mean, only if you like, but would you tell me what it was like? Asgard?"

He saw a vulnerability he hadn't seen in ages. But he couldn’t, not today.

“I will one day, I promise,” he replied.

“Well, alright,” you sounded disappointed. Loki was going to hold himself to the promise, and one day he would show you. 

Watching the sunrise together became a tradition for both of you. Loki would get up early and cut up whatever fruit was in the fridge along with some cheese and make coffee. You would get up just in the nick of time and scramble to the balcony where you knew Loki was waiting for you with breakfast. 

As Loki heard you approaching, he turned to tease you about almost missing it but stopped himself. You looked like you had just had your heartbroken. Tears streaked your face with mascara, however, Loki thought you still looked as much a goddess as ever. 

“My darling, what-”

“Please, Loki, I just want to watch the sunrise.” Your voice sounded hoarse and broken.

“Alright, love.”

You opted to sit on the balcony today, and Loki followed suit. When he heard sniffling, he placed a gentle hand on yours. You eventually nibbled at the food, but only because you knew it meant a lot to Loki. 

You made your exit early. 

The next two days you didn’t show, and Loki was beginning to worry. So on the third day, after preparing the normal breakfast, he came to your room.

You heard a knock at your door and groaned. You just wanted to be left alone. Your long-term boyfriend Brock had just dumped you, only after informing you he’d been cheating on you. 

The knocking at the door continued, and you forced yourself out of your bed. 

You slowly cracked the door open to see Loki, brows turned in with worry.

Loki watched as the door creaked open, only so far to where he could see you. You were wearing the same pajama set from the other day, your hair had become knotty, you makeup finally cried off, and eyes puffy and red.

You allowed Loki in, and as soon as he could set the tray of food down he wrapped you in his arms.

"My love, I don't know who hurt you so, or how they could bear to hurt someone like you, but you don't deserve it."

Loki's words broke your determination and sobs broke through your body as you practically collapsed into him.

Once you were done crying, Loki got you to get into the shower, after which you changed into a new pajama set. Loki then brushed and braided your hair while you picked at the food he had brought.

"Loki, where did you learn to braid?" You asked quietly.

Swallowing his gladness at hearing you speak again, he began to tell you about his childhood in Asgard. How it was traditional for all to wear different braids in their hair.

"I had always loved looking at the intricate details and eventually convinced my maid to teach me. I have always had an insatiable hunger for knowledge and knowing how to create such delicate work made me feel empowered. One day, my mother? Frigga caught me braiding my maid's hair and asked if I would braid hers, even though it had already been done for the day."

As he continued the story, Loki's eyes and voice became watery, especially as he spoke of his mother.

"It sounds like she cares for you deeply," you said after he finished.

"Yes," Loki agreed, "She really did."

Loki finished the braid and when he did you stood up and twirled around.

"And how do I look?" You teased.

"Absolutely breathtaking," Loki responded immediately.

And you knew he meant it.

All too soon, the sun began to set into hues of pink and orange.

"My dear, I promised you not too long ago that I would tell you about Asgard. Well, I'm going to make good of that promise," he said as he bowed a little and held out his hand.

You giggled slightly at the gesture and took his hand. He leads you to the large window showcasing the setting sun.

"Close your eyes", Loki said gently, your hand still in his. After a moment his voice seemed to tickle your ears as if he was leaning in close. "You may open your eyes now, darling."

When you did it was as if the long destroyed Agard was all around you. You gawked at the beauty, the smell of the air, everything. The Asgardians leisurely walking through the gardens, including a man who looked like Loki, walking with a beautiful woman who exuded a tenderness for the man.

That's when you realized Loki had invited you into a memory- not an illusion.

You quickly looked back to the god who was still holding your hand and felt tears well up in your own eyes as you could freely see and feel the emotion attached.

Loki gave you a soft smile, "That is my mother, Frigga," He said quietly. "It was the last time I saw her alive."

You looked back at the pair and it was like Queen Frigga knew it was the last time she'd see her son.

You squeezed Loki's hand and turned to him, fully.

"You promised to tell me about it, and while I'm so grateful, why are you showing me?" You asked.

"To truly let you know what Asgard really is, I had to show you. This is what Asgard is, this feeling, as much as the place itself. And I am sharing this with you because out of anyone I've ever met, you have shown me the most genuine expression of emotion I have seen since my mother."

Loki took your other hand in his and placed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"My Darling Y/N, I want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you. And while I love you with all my being, I know that you might not return those feelings and even if that's the case, still, I am here."

You then wrapped your arms around the man, known for his mischief, yet had only shown you tenderness.

And you knew you'd be alright.

#loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x y/n #loki x you #marvel

[bunny-wan-kenobi]

Thor Thoughts Pt 2: Golden Boy Comes Down to Earth

Part II of my series of Thor reflections since I love the muscled teddy-bear badass way too much…

Part I: Why I Love Thor 

Golden Boy Comes Down to Earth 

Upon watching Thor Ragnarok, many viewers have labeled the Thor movies as a “coming of age story.” I agree but would add another layer: it’s also a story examining privilege.

Maybe the movies did not necessarily intend to tackle this theme, but I’m firmly of the belief that there is more depth to these movies than people give them credit for. Yup they’re fun, but there’s a lot to mull over beneath the surface. So let’s talk Thor, epitome of Privilege (on soooo many levels).

We first meet Thor when he is most young and brash and reckless. Thor is used to being the Golden Boy–he’s tall, handsome, popular, and proud. Not only that, but within the social context of our world, he’s basically a rich able-bodied white guy positioned on the highest tier of his society. Now put a hammer in his hand that only responds to his call (talk about exclusivity at the top) and you’ve got one powerful man–and a potentially dangerous one. 

Thor’s sheer concentration of privilege is dangerous because he was raised not to question it. His society is founded on the subjugation of other realms, and despite Odin’s call to honor and responsibility (oh Odin), he has this attitude that he and other Asgardians are inherently superior to everyone from the savage monsters outside their borders (the Jotun) and the petty subjects under their rule (humans). And Thor’s not the only one who thinks this way—it’s a symptom of his greater society.  

This is the view of conquerors, the ones who have the power to re-work the collective narrative in their favor so history remembers them as benevolent rulers bringing order to a world at war rather than colonizers forcibly bringing other peoples under their control (Ragnarok did a good job touching on this). So we end up with Thor the spoiled Norse jock with a bludgeoning tool–and Daddy’s a despot (less bloody post-Hela edition). 

King Laufey: Your father is a murderer and a thief! And why have YOU come, to talk of peace? You long for battle, you crave it! You’re nothing more than a boy trying to prove himself a man!

Thor: Be warned, this boy grows tired of your mockery!

Thor (2011)

Let’s be real here: Asgard as portrayed by these movies is an imperialist realm. How do we know this? Look at Loki. Why try to destroy Jotunheim (his birthland)? Why try to take over Midgard? Okay, there are a WHOLE lot of reasons underlying Loki’s motivations, but one thing he tells Odin in TDW is:

I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent God, just like you 

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

He says something a long these lines to Thor in Avengers–this is what their people do, they conquer people, keep them in line, and rule them, so what’s the big fuss? That is the way things are in Asgard, that’s what people believe keeps the order and peace. That’s what they want to believe at least…

And the thing is, Thor might’ve agreed with Loki once–before coming to Earth. Remember the Thor who basically reignited war with the Frost Giants because his pride was hurt? The guy went off to Jotun and killed a bunch of them and told his dad that they should destroy them together! (Asgardians have weird ideas of father-son bonding). I wonder where he got the idea that stomping into another realm to teach them a lesson and make them submit under brutal force was a perfectly acceptable way to approach inter-species relations… *coughOdingetyolifetogethercough*

Odin: What action would you take?

Thor: March into Jotunheim as you once did! Teach them a lesson! Break their spirits, so they would never dare try to cross our borders again!

Thor (2011)

Just to hammer in the point (see what I did there?), we see that Odin essentially has a whole MUSEUM vaultful of relics stolen from other realms, tokens of his conquests. Hmmmm that sounds familiar…

So we have a prince raised in the dominant culture, raised with an internalized sense of supremacy and raised not to challenge the status quo because it benefits him. And why would he? He’s used to being on top and throwing his weight around to get what he wants because this is how Asgard itself has stayed on top of all the Nine Realms for centuries. Thor’s point of view is myopic, too narrow to consider the wide-reaching consequences of his actions. It also prevents him from engaging struggles outside of his own, especially those of people without his advantages–a flaw that contributes to the splinters in his relationship with his brother (He calls Loki’s problems “imagined slights.” Yeaaah…not getting any Brother-of-the-Year Awards here Thor). 

Thor has tremendous influence in his position–he’s a prince, a future ruler, but we see him in movie 1 so fixated on his own glory, his own sense of rightness that he ends up trampling people right and left. Thor is like the thunder he commands, loud, powerful, and abrupt. He doesn’t linger for the aftermath but leaves a large echo.   

So what happens then when Thor is stripped of his hammer, his armor, his land, and his godhood status? Thor is literally stripped of his previous (mostly unearned) privileges and banished to Earth. And like anyone facing this kind of loss for the first time, Thor is angry. He’s defensive, desperate to get back to his hammer and restore a sense of normalcy to his life. He’s now stuck in a foreign world that no longer bends to his rules.

But this is why Thor’s time on Earth matters so much. For the first time, Thor’s worldview is exposed for its gaping holes, and he has to respond to the breaking down of tales he’s heard all his life about his people’s superiority. There’s a loss of innocence with that, but it’s replaced with a growing maturity. It’s also important to acknowledge that Thor comes to these realizations by developing relationships with beings different from himself. 

Thor: You know, I had it all backwards. I had it all wrong.

Erik Selvig: It’s not a bad thing finding out that you don’t have all the answers. You start asking the right questions.

Thor: For the first time in my life, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.

Erik Selvig: Anyone who’s ever going to find his way in this world, has to start by admitting he doesn’t know…

Thor (2011)

In forming friendships with humans like Jane and Selvig, in living in a human town-even for a little while-Thor’s eyes are opened to the experiences of beings outside of Asgard, and instead of dismissing them for perceived deficiencies, he learns to value them in their complexity. He comes to appreciate humans for their intelligence, their capacity for kindness, their desire to understand the unknown. He observes their ignorance of so many things (he has traveled the cosmos after all and has a magic hammer), and yet…there’s things they can teach him too, maybe precisely because as a race they’re always learning and their lives are short. He may have been born to rule them, but now he is actually seeing them for the first time, and it changes him. 

When Thor sacrifices himself for the town in the first movie, it’s a climatic moment that signifies just how far he’s come in his journey of understanding his own privilege. He not only apologizes to Loki for how he has wronged him, but he also demonstrates his willingness to lay down his life for people that just a few days earlier, he might’ve waved off as inferior. And with that understanding comes not only a restoration of his previous power, but also a new commitment to defend these people with that power.  

This is an interesting development because then Thor returns to Asgard and later admits to Odin that he still has “much to learn.” Humility has begun to reshape Thor’s motivations so he acknowledges his flaws and seeks to learn from his mistakes rather than placating his own pride. He begins to understand that the power he wields and the position he holds can be used to serve others rather than simply dominate them. 

Fast forward and we see Thor protecting humanity in Avengers, and we get this fascinating and underrated exchange with Loki when he confronts him:

Thor: So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No, the Earth is under MY protection, Loki! Loki: [laughs] And you’re doing a marvelous job with that! The humans slaughter each other in droves, while you ideally threat. I mean to rule them. And why should I not? Thor: You think yourself above them? Loki: Well, yes. Thor: Then you miss the truth of ruling, brother. A throne would suit you ill.

Avengers (2012)

I really don’t think people give enough credit to Thor’s insight here. He’s basically telling Loki that ruling can’t be reduced to an exercise of privilege where one sees themselves as inherently better than the people they seek to lead. When that happens, a ruler becomes a tyrant and no longer contributes to the welfare of their people–which in Thor’s estimation is what a true leader should do. The boot-and-ant analogy Loki champions falls short of Thor’s re-envisioning of what the throne really means. 

Loki takes the side of the imperialist: they’re better, more advanced than humans, so the humans should serve them and be grateful for it. But Thor introduces a new paradigm counter-cultural to what he has been taught: ruling as a means of stewardship. Not domination, not assimilation, but the recognition of responsibility towards the people directly impacted by your actions. A bloody history may have resulted in Asgard’s rule over Earth, but Thor realizes this does not give his people license to exploit humans’ resources and devalue them. Instead, they should be helping them, contributing to their flourishing and, ultimately, respecting their agency. 

The fruit of Thor’s time on Earth can be seen in TDW where the situation with the Dark Elves forces him to confront the reality of Odin’s past war crimes (and this is BEFORE Ragnarok). He questions Odin’s stance of isolationism and the wisdom of just staying put to destroy your enemy while getting destroyed yourself. There is a cyclical nature to these political conflicts, a generational ill that is poisoning everyone involved, and Thor no longer wants any part of it. 

Odin: Malekith is sure to return, we have what we wants. And when he does, we will defeat him.

Thor: We can not fight an enemy we can not locate! Malekith could be right over us now, and we’d never know! How many Asgardian lives must we sacrifice?

Odin: AS MANY AS IS NEEDED! Till the last Asgardian falls, till the last drop of blood is shed!

Thor: What makes you so different from Malekith, then?

Odin: [mirthless laugh] The difference, my son, is that I will WIN.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Remember this: Thor gives up the throne. Not just to be with Jane, and not because he wants to go off and vacation on Midgard like an overgrown fratboy, but because he fears he doesn’t have the ruthlessness to rule in a way that will maintain Asgard’s power like his father has done for centuries. He’s afraid of how that kind of pressure will change him, make him the manifestation of the worst parts of Odin. He’s afraid of how that privilege could consume him and harm countless others. By the end of TDW, Thor lays down the power of kingship given him by birthright because he believes he can do more good as a free agent ensuring the welfare of Midgard and the other realms. 

Odin: You once said there would never be a wiser King than me. You were wrong. The alignment has brought all the realms together. Every one of them saw you offer your life to save them. What can Asgard offer its new King in return? Thor: My life. Father, I cannot be King of Asgard. I will protect Asgard and all the realms with my last and every breath, but I cannot do so from that chair. Loki for all his grave imbalance understood rule as I know I never will. The brutality, the sacrifice, it changes you. I’d rather be a good man than a great King. 

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

By this point, Thor has matured past Odin, past Loki, past the reigning paradigms of his culture. They’ve all remained stagnant, caught in the same patterns of war and conquest and revenge. Once you’ve known privilege, it’s hard to conceive of life without that power–or the labor to preserve it. The cost of losing your advantage seems too painful because it’s woven into the normalization of your day-to-day existence. 

Others in Asgard may not want to consider what the alternatives may be, but Thor has come to realize the damage this attitude has wreaked upon not only the peoples of the Nine Realms, but also the very people who benefit most from the hierarchy as is. He sees the blind spots among his people, in “Humans-are-fleeting-their-lives-are-nothing” Odin, but he cannot force them to see differently if they are not willing to. If he cannot do good from the throne, then he cannot in good conscience sit in it. 

With that choice to loosen his grip on his privilege and recognize the responsibility tied to his positioning in the world, Thor finally emerges as someone worthy to be king. Loki had a point, he would have been a terrible ruler before the changes he’s undergone–he was arrogant and guilty of the same narrow-minded thinking passed down from the generation before. That Thor needed a crash-course to Earth to finally be open to unlearning what he learned and to develop empathy for others once considered lesser than him. 

So what we see in Ragnarok is the culmination of all this development, all these shifts in attitude. Yes, Thor is still bumbling and proud and powerful, but he is also wiser. He doesn’t believe he could be a better king than Odin, but his choices have already proved the opposite. I love that moment when Odin reveals to him that his power was never in Mjonir; instead, the hammer was there to train him to channel his power well. And isn’t that the summation of Thor’s whole journey? 

Thor: Life is about growth and change. But you, my dear god of mischief brother, just want to stay the same.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Throughout 3 movies, Thor has been learning how to wield power wisely, to steward what he has been given to serve others. A hammer is cold and can only press other things down under it, but hands, eyes, feet involve skin-contact, the intimacy and intentionality of one’s body–and these are now the primary extensions of Thor’s power. 

Thor loses his hammer but takes full ownership of his identity, his embodied and social position within his community–and his power. There’s something beautiful in that idea because it’s Thor’s relationships-his experiences in drawing close to people and collaborating with them- that have contributed to his growth. He will not be the ruthless conqueror Odin was. He will be something entirely different that has yet to be seen. 

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the movie that fully exposes the sins of Asgard and Odin’s bloody history is the same one that ends with Thor on the throne after everything he has learned and experienced. Asgard was built on a corrupt foundation, and so maybe in this case the whole structure needed to fall apart so something good and lasting could be built in its place. In the same way, privilege, whether racial, gendered, embodied etc., needs to be challenged and deconstructed if all peoples are to thrive together as true equals. Hela is framed as a relic of the old order; Thor is the burnished symbol of the new. 

Thor: I love what you’ve done with the place. Redecorated and everything.

Hela: It would seem our father’s solution to every problem was to cover it up.

Thor: Or cast it out. I would love for someone else to rule but it can’t be you. You’re just… the worst.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Though he still doesn’t desire the throne, Thor steps up into the role of king because his people need a leader. Not a paternalistic Allfather, but a leader who can support and steer them into the unknown that awaits them after the destruction of Asgard. Thor knows what it’s like to have security, privilege, comfort stripped away, and so he understands how painful and difficult their next steps will be. Like he did years ago, they’re coming down to Earth, and Asgard may be better for it. 

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