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morganitering · 4 months

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Because I'm the Weakest II: The Women Who Never Won

Pairings/character dynamics: Satosugu, Shoko and reader, Nanami and reader, implied shoko x utahime

Contains and warnings: DARK FIC/DEAD DOVE fem!reader, Suicidal ideation, rape aftermath, referenced rape (not written out in this chap), depression, alcohol abuse, misogyny & sexism, internalized sexism, sexual harassment on minors done by minors, victim blaming (thoughts), self harm, angst, hurt & comfort, I call noncon with the official word for it

Word count: ~9,6k

Summary: There's certain desperation when you try to keep your head above water. You were drowning and all you wanted to do was to forget, the weight on your shoulders unbearable. Despite the cards you were dealt with you found yourself among allies as the web of untold memories started to unfold.

A/N: Hey! Yall waited long for this, sorry about that. I have no idea how to tag this but I'll just do it somehow, bc this is a tricky chapter. Here yall get to dive deeper in the stuff that has gone down before the events that took place in 1st chap and get a hug from Shoko. This is hopefully the last installment of this. Read the tags carefully as always and make informed decisions based on that and take care of yourself. Shit can get heavy, but I'm trying to do this in good taste.

Read on ao3 part I

Shoko Ieiri had worked a long time with people who suffered. She had seen it all, limbs cut off, even the toughest of sorcerers reduced to crying messes as they practically had their innards falling to the floor. There’s something utterly horrifying watching a patient, no – a friend scream in pain when even her skills were not enough. Funerals came and went, the white sheet thrown over the deceased on the operation table in the same routine way she’d change her linens. Nothing really shocked her.

That’s what she liked to think.

Your visits have been more frequent. It started with bruises and sprained ankles. Then it was broken bones that soon turned to puncture wounds, your clothes sticky with deep red and dirt. When she asked about it, you laughed it off saying it’s nothing, just a silly little mishap, “I was too reckless in the heat of the moment.” But your eyes were empty, your words hollow like a dead tree. Of course Shoko did her job, without asking too much. You’re an adult and you’ll speak about it if you want to, right? Her job was to keep you alive. Your job was to exorcise curses.

Shoko and you had been close too, hanging out with the two men, but at some point in high school she had withdrawn from the group. Gojo and Geto had tried to keep in touch with her in adulthood, inviting her as well to spend time together as the four of them, but she had always declined, smoothly changing their relationship to acquaintances at best. She heard enough of the despicable men from you. The only times she was in direct contact with Gojo and Geto was work related and god how she hoped that it would stay that way. She’ll play that pretend game almost happily.

Shoko closed the office door the day turning to evening, sundown coloring the city in hues of orange and yellow. She held onto her little black purse, thankfully it was friday. A man stood on the long corridor, standing upright as if he did not belong here. He looked indifferent, almost bored.

“Nanami.”

“Ieiri.”

They greeted each other with a curt nod.

“So what brings you here? You seem healthy enough,” Shoko asked as they walked to the open parking lot, only a few cars in sight. The warm summer sun caressed her cheeks, wind making her long hair flow in waves.

“I think she’s going through something,” Nanami stated as a matter of fact talking about you. He and you had gone on missions together, but something about you wasn’t right. He had seen the way you clutch your weapon, throw yourself at the enemy recklessly almost as if you had a death wish. It’s like you waited for your end.

“No shit.” Shoko chuckled amused. It was as clear as a day if you just had eyes on yourself. “Why do you care?”

“I’ve seen enough people spiral to know where it leads. You’re a healer, can’t you help?” His voice was thoughtful, not betraying a hint of emotions.

“I can’t help a person who doesn’t want it,” Shoko said. “But I’ll try to figure something out.”

“And that is enough. Thank you.”

***

You hated meetings and rarely took part in them if you could avoid them. You had not met Gojo or Geto after the unfortunate night. If there were some work related things where there was a possibility to meet either of the men, you requested to be part of them remotely or that someone would just forward the key points. But after doing this for a few months Yaga had sent you a passive-aggressive email writing that it is absolutely mandatory for you to show yourself at least once in a while. You didn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a polite see you there.

Honestly you were tired. Your whole body ached in overexertion. Sleep escaped from you, ran a marathon around the block never stopping at your house, and every time you seemed to catch a break, hazy images you rather forbid being real filled your vision. Your eyebags told a story of exhaustion, your body shrinking in every possible way away. You went to see a doctor, not Shoko, just some normal practitioner from the private sector that you ended up paying yourself sick for.

The doctor gave you pills to help you with sleep. He asked you if you were stressed or going through some sorts of crisis. You answered with a diligent no and explained that you’ve always had issues with sleep, but you were otherwise okay. He looked at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion, the glasses on his head hung on his nose by a thread. He decided to believe you as he wrote the prescription, but insisted you took home pamphlets about depression and crisis hotlines.

You tried the pills. You did fall asleep, but only after a panic attack wrecked through your body as the effect of the medication forced you into a deep slumber. The pills made you feel your pulse in your whole body. “It’s a quite strong product, previously used to treat psychosis, but nowadays it’s for patients with severe insomnia. Take it one hour before sleep. The effect might be really sudden.”

When you woke up you decided to throw them away. It’s better to not to sleep if it meant that you’d go free from the horrors of the night you had experienced.

The huge meeting table sprawled out horizontally and was able to sit around fifteen people in it. It had several small electric outlets for computers and tablets. Light poured in from the big windows, the blinds only halfway done. You stared at the weird scribbling on the white board that Principal Yaga was wiping furiously, muttering things about how students shouldn’t be let in this room under any circumstance since they can’t differentiate which markers are okay to use on it.

You exchanged pleasantries with him. The room was devoid of people since you were too early. You swung your leather bag on the back of the upholstered office chair and sat yourself down.

Shoko walked in and her face lit up a little bit when she saw you sitting there. It was subtle, you thought that you were maybe the only one who could differentiate that expression from her. She sat next to you, a faint hint of neroli wrapping you to its calming aroma.

Next came Meimei and then Utahime who came running to you two giving a happy hug to Shoko. They were so cute together, you thought to yourself as you fidgeted with your slightly too big shoes, constantly removing them and pushing them back to your feet. People don’t usually like small talk, but nonetheless the group chatted with each other. They had to, because it’s polite and you were coworkers. You thought that small talk was easy. The script of it was burnt to your brains for the rest of your life. You get to keep people at an arm's length and keep up appearances, so what’s there not to like?

A familiar blonde man stood in the doorway. You checked your phone for the time. Only five minutes before the official start. Yuki also appeared after Nanami.

“Hello,” he said and nodded at you as he sat himself next to you. Your whole body stiffened around him. It was hard to look him in the eyes and even harder to work missions with.

It was ten minutes past the official time when the meeting was supposed to start.

“Sorry we are late.” Two men marched in the room with confident strides and took their place in front of you facing you, that was sitting in between Nanami and Shoko, Utahime next to the doctor. Suguru sat down next to Yuki leaving a space for Satoru who had Meimei next to him.

Hearing Suguru’s voice made your skin crawl.

“It’s fine,” Yaga said and looked over his shoulder to look at the white screen he had pulled down earlier with only a blue screen reflecting on the fabric. “I can’t seem to get this work anyway,” he mumbled.

“Do you need help?” Suguru walked over to the man struggling over his laptop. “Have you checked the HDMI-cable?”

“Of course I have, I just don’t understand why it won't work. We have Ijichi remote today,” he muttered partially to himself.

“Let me.”

You sat fidgeting on your chair focusing on everything else than the two men and their presence that suffocated you. If you were a candle they’d be snuffing you out but not properly, no, that would be too kind. They’d always let enough air in so that you’d never be completely put out.

“Hello to you girls.. and Nanami,” Satoru flashed a playful grin at the four of you. Your head jerked involuntarily to look at the man. Thank god he has a habit of covering his eyes, but somehow that made him even worse.

“Hello. How are you?” Nanami nodded politely.

“I’m well. Hopefully the work isn’t stressing you out too much.” Satoru’s smile widened.

“Speaking of work, I’ve heard that you and her have started doing missions together,” Satoru nudged his head towards you as he spoke directly to Nanami. “I actually green lighted the idea of sorcerers working more together. It’s good to practice teamwork and I put in good words for the two of you, since you compliment each other with the techniques you have. ” Satoru moved his head to look your way as he drew out his words in a way that you’d be sure to catch the dual meaning.

The wall flashed a few times showing the computer screen and it’s default wallpaper for only a moment and after that went back to blue.

“An idea that I actually can get behind,” Nanami said agreeably.

Your eye twitched.

“Really? That was your doing?” You barely hid the anger of your voice. One more push and you’d pour your life savings on an amoral hitman, not that you’d believe that anyone could finish him off. It was a thought just for you so you could at least think about being mean in your own petty way.

“Not a fan of working in groups of two? How about in groups of three?”

“You fucking piece of-”

“Okay I think it’s working now,” Yaga put his hands together straightening himself properly. Suguru walked over to Satoru, slightly shaking his head before he sat down. You heard Utahime’s quiet “okayy..” whispered in the awkward silence.

“Unfortunately principal Gakuganji wasn’t able to make it today, he’s sick or something.”

You heard Gojo scoff audibly.

“Try to respect him.” Yaga shot a glare in the young teacher’s way.

“Ijichi and Nitta have gathered data about the hotspots of cursed activity,” he continued and opened up the window to teams only to be greeted by a tired looking black haired man in a suit. The background behind him was red, it looked like some type of wallpaper and small paintings covered the walls. You reckoned it was a hotel room. Or a motel, you really could not tell.

“Ijichi, do you hear me? Would you like to take over?” Yaga’s voice boomed louder as if he wasn’t already near his computer.

The grainy picture of the tired man smiling uncomfortably stayed still a little too long to be taken as a real time reaction to Yaga’s question.

“I hear you. Sorry, the connection here is a bit bad.” Ijichi’s voice echoed in the office room. The picture of a slideshow appeared on the wall, making Ijichi’s face smaller.

The map of Tokyo loomed on the wall as everyone stared at it intensely, more or less dozing off. Some parts of it had big red circles on them and Ijichi explained the way these places were having exceptionally heavy activity. He reckoned that partially the rise in activity tied to the sorcerers working more missions together leaving less people available. Ijichi also showed statistics comparing the effectiveness of sorcerers based in Tokyo and Kyoto.

You were about to lose your mind, your body still pumping adrenaline after the conversation with Gojo. Everyone else seemed to be bored, oblivious to your struggle. Satoru had yawned at least three times in the last ten minutes, Shoko and Utahime were both interested in their nails. Even Suguru looked tired and he was pretty good at hiding his thoughts. The only ones who did not look outwardly dead inside were Yaga and Nanami.

“Thank you Ijichi for your hard work,” Yaga said and Ijichi nodded smiling. The pop up of the slideshow vanished from the screen leaving Ijichi’s face in a huge resolution looming onto the wall.

“We are going to take in account the effects of pairing up sorcerers. I’m not entirely in charge of how long this trial will take,” Yaga said. “Ieiri has this trial affected the health care aspect in any way?”

Shoko cleared her throat tapping open the ipad in front of her, her nails making a satisfying click click sound.

“The injuries have lessened,” she started. That’s good, you thought. “But the severity has increased,” she said with a serious face.

“Why is that?” Principal scrunched his eyebrows together.

“In my professional opinion it is due to people being more brazen when having a partner. This can be seen especially in lower grade sorcerers, who are prone to believing that they are invincible when someone backs them up.” Everyone had turned to look at the doctor who played with her hair idly as she spoke.

“And the second grade and up?”

“It happens less. But there are some, even first grade sorcerers, who are accident prone,” Shoko said and quickly looked at you, not long enough for others to pick up on that she was speaking about you.

Gojo’s phone rang in the middle of the conference. He left the room with an apology and never came back. Relief and anger ignited in you playing tug of war in your heart as your eyes followed him bitterly.

“I think this is all. I’ll send everyone the upcoming jobs, but if no one has anything to say, I think we can conclude this meeting here,” Yaga said, the choir of thank yous and goodbyes filling the room.

You stretched yourself, happy to be on your feet again.

“Hey, can we talk?” Nanami tried to get your attention.

You stood in the room that was quickly emptying out of people. Shoko awkwardly hung around in a small distance from you and Nanami, trying to pretend that she wasn’t listening to your conversation.

“I don’t entirely understand the conversation between you and Gojo, but if I have somehow disrespected you I offer my deepest apologies.” Nanami’s voice was soft. Your heart ached as you realized how bad your words must have appeared to him.

“I’m so sorry. It’s not about you. You’ve done nothing..” You trailed off as you saw the tall curse eating man walk outside with a sly smile on his lips.

“That’s a relief but if I may be so blunt, I have a hunch that there is something bothering you,” Nanami said.

You looked at him and chewed your lower lip nervously. This was all their fault. If they had not done what they did, you would not be in this position. The least they could have done is to keep the names of people you know out of their mouths.

“I’m sorry to leave you hanging like this, but can we finish this conversation later?” You hurried past him, only hearing Nanami mumble the word ‘sure’ like a kicked puppy and you said goodbye to Shoko agreeing on staying in touch with her.

The corridor was almost empty as you walked through the school building frantically searching for that bastard of a man. Your footsteps echoed on the wood as you arrived at a not so well known exit of the building. Geto stood in front of the dual doors, half heartedly pushing it open as he furiously wrote something on his phone.

You yelled out his name, but he did not bother to react to you. You closed in on the man that was still standing back towards you. Anger surged in you as adrenaline made you braver than what you normally would be. You were supposed to just grab the ends of his hair that were sprawled across his back, but in the heat of the moment your impulse control had another lapse as you kept on raising your hand. A fist closed around the bun that had been carefully crafted on his scalp and you dug your fingers around the hair tie and then yanked, hard.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He turned around stepping out of the doorway letting it close properly with a thump and he closed the distance between you for good. His eyes shot daggers at you.

“You did not pay attention to me.” You shook your hand out of the spare strands that were stuck on your palm and offered the small hair tie back to him.

“Well you got it now,” he hissed. “You can keep that as a souvenir. I don’t want anything that a filthy bitch like you has touched,” he said, the calm composure nowhere in sight.

A filthy bitch? Really? Then maybe you should break up with Satoru if this is your deal breaker.. That’s what you wanted to say, but you held back your tongue.

Geto took a deep breath, calming himself down, slipping on the mask that you were more used to seeing. He put his phone back in his pocket.

“What do you want?”

“You told me,” you started, tears threatening to flow over. “You told me that I can just leave and do whatever I want. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you let Gojo do what he does?” Your voice broke as you started crying openly. You hated it, it made you weak. No. You were weak.

“Firstly, I’m not his guardian. He can do what he wants.” He sounded like a smartass.

“Second of all, never. And I repeat. Never, lay a hand on me ever again, especially on my hair.” You rolled your eyes.

Of course it was the hair that ticked him off completely. It was his crown, the only thing he had ever been able to take care of besides Satoru. Suguru loved to flaunt himself as the calm one, the kind one, but the exterior had always had some cracks in it. No amount of paint was able to hide the rotten wall behind it.

“I can forgive your outburst at Satoru’s, but now that you’re in your right mind, you won’t get second chances.”

“I don’t want ‘second chances’. I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can do my job,” you yelled at him.

“Lower your voice. Or do you want to air out all the dirty laundry for everyone?” Geto hushed you.

“It’s not my ‘laundry’, it’s fucking yours!” You roared and tears fell down your cheeks blurring your vision. Your face felt hot as it got wrapped in the wrath of your words.

Geto did not answer you, instead he chose to stare you down, not moving at all as if he was a statue. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum when things did not go his way, his face contorting to a sneer that could challenge any rich spoiled brat. You panted and wiped your face with the rough backside of your palm.

“Move.”

“Ladies first,” he snickered childishly and kicked open the heavy door with his foot as he stepped slightly to the side. God this man hangs out too much with Gojo.

As you left the school grounds barely holding your breakdown away, there was one figure in the corridors hugging the wall near the exit, clutching onto her purse.

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, 2006

“Truth or dare?” Satoru asked, popping the pink bubblegum in the air, sucking the sticky material back in his mouth to chew on loudly.

“Truth,” Shoko said, placing another cigarette in her mouth. She smoked especially heavily when she was drinking.

Satoru had managed to bring a whole six pack of beer to the picnic whereas Suguru had found a travel size vodka bottle from his parents. Shoko had brought a package of different berries and salty crackers with her.

“If you could have any technique in the world, which one would you have?” Satoru asked. He looked at the clear blue sky and the way the summer breeze pushed on the white clouds.

Shoko played with the corner of the blanket as she thought deeply about his question. She stared at the shoes she had placed on the grass and the manicure on her toes that Utahime had insisted on putting on her.

“I think I’d keep this one,” she smiled wistfully.

“Really? You wouldn’t want my powers?” Satoru looked at her tilting his head to the side. He spat out the chewing gum and placed it on the plastic lid that belonged to the packaging of berries. He did not like it when things ran out of flavor, always searching for something more.

“No. I don’t envy you at all. I just want a happy life and that’s all” Shoko answered his gaze, with a gentle smile. “Besides, I like the way I am and I suppose I can help people like this,” she added.

Satoru hummed. He was clearly dissatisfied with the answer.

He did not exactly know why.

“Satoru, that's sad. You should ask something fun,” Suguru pointed out and took a sip from the beer can.

The three of them sat on a grassy hill that had a pretty decent view of the city and the park below it. Shoko leaned against the huge tree behind her back. The cicadas were performing their own concert with the hum of motorways working as their orchestra.

“You figure out better questions then,” Satoru pouted, but wasn’t actually hurt.

“Isn’t it my turn to ask though?”

Shoko looked in the distance watching closely how a woman jogged with her shiba inu, her ponytail swishing in the same rhythm as the chord of her headphones. Both men nodded slightly out of sync.

“Satoru truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who’s the hottest person you know?” Her eyes twinkled teasingly.

“Waka Inoue of course. She’s sexy as hell!” Satoru slapped his hand on his heart as if he was saluting.

“Really? You still have a crush on her?” Suguru questioned. It was his turn to pout. “Am I not enough?”

“Baby you’re plenty, but you can’t replace a huge rack,” Satoru’s voice was steady as if he was talking about the most important thing in the whole world.

“I can’t argue with that.” Suguru sighed defeatedly, his shoulders slumping down dramatically.

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have asked that. Both of you are so weird and gross about women,” Shoko grimaced regretting her decisions and lifted the cigarette to her mouth as if to cover the bad taste of Satoru’s words.

The man in sunglasses ignored the criticizing words. “Suguru. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to share this,” Satoru lifted up a huge strawberry. “Like in Lady and the Tramp with Shoko,” he referred to the scene where the two dogs shared a spaghetti meal, eventually kissing.

“That’s too small!” Shoko protested immediately, shaking her head. The idea of doing that with Suguru made her feel iffy.

“I’m game if she is,” Suguru said and offered his palm to Satoru who plopped the berry in his hands.

Shoko had a nervous giggle come out of her.

“C’mon, it’s just a game. You can always let go after like one bite. This is truth or dare afterall,” Satoru coaxed.

“Fine. But I won’t kiss you, not even a peck.” Shoko established her own rule and rolled her eyes. She put out the cigarette on the grass and left the butt there.

“We’ll see about that,” Suguru laughed and picked at the stem that got thrown over next to the chewed up gum.

He awkwardly came closer to the young female student and placed the bigger end between his lips. He looked silly, the red end peeking out of his mouth. Suguru attempted at mouthing the words ‘come closer’, but neither Satoru or Shoko understood his words but the context clue carried the point to Shoko.

She got on her knees sitting on top of her legs and straightened herself out. Suguru was way taller than her, even when he sat. Her face approached Suguru’s who had a pink tint on his cheeks from the alcohol he had drank.

She opened her mouth and barely bit down on the smaller end, her tongue touching the bumpy texture of the strawberry.

“Ready. Set. Go!” Satoru exclaimed, motioning finger guns happily. His gaze was completely glued on his two friends.

Suguru closed his eyes and he started to carefully nibble, closing dangerously on Shoko’s lips. She bit quickly, not really tasting anything and began to pull away in hopes of Suguru calling it quits too.

Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The last bits of strawberry fell down on Shoko’s lap when Suguru pressed his lips against hers, a faint red trail dripping on her chin. She didn’t move and her eyes widened in shock. Shoko didn’t know what to do so she just held her hands on her lap.

Suguru pet gently behind the girl’s head kissing her motionless lips. His hand trailed down to her neck and all the way to her shoulder. Shoko felt the sweet taste in her mouth mixing with the alcohol, stranger’s saliva and nicotine as Suguru dragged his hand to the mound of her breast. The warmth emanating from his palm was enough to bring her back to reality and Shoko pushed the bigger guy off of her.

“Why did you do that?” she snapped and crossed her arms.

“Oh don’t get angry now. Have a drink and chill out.” Satoru sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and placed the almost empty tote bag on his lap and grabbed a new beer can from there. Shoko narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but did not want to make room for any weird thoughts that would imply even weirder things. “It’s just a joke.”

“This is not the first time you take jokes too far.”

Shoko looked away from the two boys, disappointment turning into an ache in her heart and wiped her chin clean from the strawberry. She slipped on the ballerinas laying on the ground.

“Seriously? You’re leaving because of this?” Suguru tilted his head, his voice defensive.

Shoko threw her cigarettes and lighter in her own purse checking the blanket for other stuff she had.

“Yeah, I am. I’m not having fun anymore.” Her voice was cold as she was attempting to hide the nervous tremble in her body and almost jumped up throwing the bag on her shoulder. She turned around, once again crossing her hands against her chest as if to protect herself and started walking.

“Hey! Don’t you want your blanket with you?” Satoru yelled after her. The two guys sat on the quilt completely bamboozled.

“Keep it! I don’t need it!”

She didn’t eat strawberries for the rest of the summer.

***

“Hey you really should sing this one!” Shoko laughed as she scrolled through the song list.

“Whaat? No that’s not even funny,” you laughed and slapped her arm gently.

“Is it really not? Or are you just a bore?” Shoko taunted getting ready to put the song on.

“Can we sing something from this?” You pointed at the category called 2000’s hits.

“I’ll pick something at random and you’re just going to deal with it,” Shoko laughed clearly tipsy too after the multiple drinks you both had drank.

The disco ball was spinning around the small room painting the walls in hues of blue, red and green. Nanami sat on the couch nursing his whiskey as he stared off into space. The upbeat music filled the room, bass shaking the ground underneath your feet.

It was the first time going out after the events at Gojo’s house. Shoko had basically begged you to come with her to get shit faced complaining that she really needed someone to rant with. You told her that Utahime was right there and would probably love to listen to her, but she claimed that the woman from Kyoto had other plans for the weekend.

After arriving at the karaoke bar you had been taken back after seeing the stoic blonde man at the venue. You weighed the option of immediately leaving in your head, but your conscience did not allow you to do so, after leaving him so rudely hanging in the meeting. When the three of you had gotten your own private room you decided to immediately order shots and drinks with the only goal of getting absolutely black out drunk tonight despite having Nanami there.

It was honestly rare to see him after work as he had preferred to keep his distance. He was wearing the same clothing he always wore, dress shirt ironed, necktie perfectly hanging against his chest as if he was on the clock. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to whip out a cursed tool onto the bar table.

You clutched onto the microphone singing unevenly as you danced to the beat, half of the syllables disappearing to you being out of breath. Shoko cackled, almost folding over as she kept slapping her thigh eyes watering. She had drunk a few drinks less than you and she had been exceptionally happy even before drinking. Truthfully Shoko was quite a heavy drinker and she definitely should not have been as wasted as what she appeared to be.

Nanami stared at the both of you, raising the whiskey glass to his lips after checking his wrist watch.

“Come here! Sing with us!” You yelled to the mic only getting a slightly alarmed expression out of him as he shook his head.

“I think I’m okay with watching you two perform,” he said.

You pouted but kept on singing, your concentration skills nonexistent. You did not notice the way Shoko glared at him, nudging her head towards you as she pointed the microphone in her hand towards him.

Nanami cleared his throat under the threatening gaze and clumsily got up.

“Oh my god! Nanamiii!” You screamed the noise so high pitched that even the speakers were unable to handle it and you could see how Nanami cringed at the sound.

Shoko squinted her eyes and mouthed the word sing to Nanami. Shoko was not going to deal with you alone.

The combination of the pop song and Nanami’s voice made you giggle as you hurrayed him happily. He was not a bad singer by any means, but his voice did not fit the song choice. You wondered to yourself, why had you not gotten shitfaced earlier when you had all the good reasons to.

Shoko decided to take a small break sitting on the spot where Nanami had been earlier and inspected the brown liquid swishing in the glass. She stole a sip from it when Nanami wasn’t watching, not really caring about the fact that it wasn’t her drink.

You grabbed your drink from the table and drank from it and you kept on singing happily, almost jumping around. Nanami looked at you with a terrified expression when you moved side to side with the drink spilling on your hand, but you did not notice the wetness of it.

“Hey, put that down before you drop the glass,” Nanami said and gently tried to take the glass from you.

“No, I want to keep this,” a pout formed on your face but you still did what he told and turned around swiftly to place the drink on the counter. Your vision was blurry, the lights slightly too bright and you lost your balance tipping over the glass that was already safely on the table. You felt yourself starting to fall but a strong arm snaked around your waist to stabilize you.

The world felt like it was stopping when the arm around you changed into a tight rope that pressed around your ribcage. The karaoke room changed inch by inch to a vast room with a wall made of windows with a night view of the streets of Tokyo. The shattered drink turned into a broken light bulb on the floor. You felt a hot breath on your skin, but your body had gotten cold. It was as if you had been dunked into ice water, all the earlier excitement completely vanished. The disco ball spun around casting blue lights on the white haired man’s face that ogled you like a piece of meat. The imagery was so vivid and real in your mind that you reacted on instinct, elbowing the man behind you.

The rope vanished around you as the windows melted to the concrete floor, the shadows of city lights turned back to the tacky illumination of the disco ball. You felt the remnants of cursed energy fizzing out like a soda can as your eyes landed on Nanami, who was slightly hunched over holding onto his side the pain making him grimace. You had no idea how much force you had actually used, but probably quite a lot judging by the way Nanami was reacting.

Shoko stood there completely still, eyes filled to the brim with worry and confusion. Her lips were ajar and she gulped down wanting to say something, but she did not know what.

“My apologies. I didn't mean to touch you inappropriately,” Nanami managed to say. The music track played in the background, but it felt empty without a drunken voice guiding it. He was lucky to have good reflexes, instinctually protecting himself from the blow, otherwise Shoko would have had a patient off the clock.

“Uh,” Your mouth gaped at him hopelessly. He had done nothing wrong.

“I’ll go for a cigarette,” you blurted out and left the room hurriedly. The long hallway stretched in front of your eyes as you looked at the numbers on karaoke booths, only muted colors flashing through the slightly translucent doors. You leaned on the wall as you dragged your feet forward arriving at the front desk that thanked you for your time, but you did not pay attention to them and turned to your left to stare at the steep stairway.

The steps were made out of wood with a black paint that had started to chip away and the walls were pure red, too bright and intense for your eyes. You focused on the door in front of you and barely saw the red walls around it as they got covered by a dark cloud, your way of seeing more animalistic than human.The only thing in your mind was the need to get some fresh air as emotions threw you around like a shipwreck at the sea.

You pushed the door open and walked over to a bicycle stand choosing an empty spot where you plopped yourself on. You rocked yourself back and forth as you cried and gripped onto your skin painfully hoping that at least the physical sensation would put an end to your suffering. You started to be more aware of the familiar banging against your skull.

The door of the karaoke bar opened as Shoko walked outside, her face now serious, resembling more the woman she was at work than the friend giggling at drunk people's jokes.

“Hey. You forgot this inside.” She handed you your bag.

You wanted to answer something but you could not as the words got stuck to your throat. Your world flashed back and forth between sensations that you weren’t supposed to feel in this moment. The guilt and sadness ate you alive, nipping away from your vitals the more you tried to push them down.

Shoko placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up and offered it to you. You took it gladly off her hands inhaling the sweet smoke, but you almost ended up suffocating on it as your nose was too stuffed to handle it. Even the menthol taste was unable to help you with this issue. Shoko opened the green box once more to get herself a smoke as well.

She took a drag out of it and watched your shuddering figure.

“I saw you in the hallway with Geto. Something happened at Gojo’s right?”

You lifted your head up mascara running on your cheeks. Had you not been in such a bad state her words would have shocked you.

“I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.” Shoko crouched down to your level. You stared at her face as she left out a puff of smoke that trailed around her face, the dark eye bags now more visible than ever.

You choked on your tears once more, now openly wailing on the pavement your fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. You dragged your nails across yourself leaving pink trails behind it, the soft tingle covering the areas you had just clawed at.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cried, your words hard to decipher as your breath hitched. “I can’t keep on doing this. It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid,” you screamed snot falling onto your shirt.

“So fucking stupid!” You impulsively pressed the cigarette butt against your thigh melting the cloth away the stinging pain shocking you as your skin shed its layers against the fire.

You had no shame in your breakdown, frankly you did not even recognize the others that looked in your way speaking with hushed voices around you, as they tightened the grip on their partners hands. “That girl really needs to lay off the drinks,” someone had said loudly. Shoko had wanted to immediately pounce, but she held herself together. She knew that you needed her more.

“Don’t hurt yourself, when you want to hurt someone else,” her voice was just a whisper. “Can I touch you?” She asked not wanting to trigger you further. You nodded.

Shoko pulled you into a tight hug and you buried your face on her chest, holding onto her like it was the last thing keeping you afloat. You seeked comfort in her presence.

“I want to die.” You gripped onto her tighter. “I’m so weak.”

Shoko stroked your hair, her own eyes watering as she listened to you wordlessly. She felt your pain almost just as viscerally as you were experiencing them now.

“No matter… no matter what I do. I can’t escape them. I just want to be gone. I want to-”

Shoko shushed you and slipped her free hand into her pocket, digging out her phone. Almost ten minutes had gone by. She awkwardly opened her chat with Nanami trying to inform the man who was probably still sitting in their booth waiting for the two of you to come back.

A male voice disturbed the two of you. “Is everything okay?”

Shoko pressed her hand on your shoulder pushing herself up from the ground, she whispered to you to stay put, not that you really were in any condition to go anywhere.

“Good that you’re here. I was just about to text you. Can you get us a taxi?”

“Of course,” he said and opened the app punching in your address that Shoko forwarded to him. He looked so much older and out of place in the busy street.

This was the kind hearted and lovely Nanami that had forgiven you immediately, after you had punched him in the gut because you were fucked up in the head. The kind hearted and lovely Nanami that you couldn’t look in the eyes, because of a certain man whose name you felt like acid on the tip of your tongue. The thoughts in your head brought fresh tears to your eyes. You dangerously sailed in the deep waters of suicidal ideation, your tired hands opening the forbidden door.

“It’s going to arrive in five minutes,” Nanami hummed.

“I think you should go. I’ll handle this,” Shoko said, her voice full of pity. “I’ll keep you posted.”

Nanami nodded in agreement.

“For what it’s worth, take care of yourself too.” Nanami’s words were carefully chosen, anticipating that you weren’t the only one who needed a hug.

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, YEAR 2006

The beach was filled with people who enjoyed the way the sun spoiled them with its warmth. Shoko was sitting on a towel next to Mei Mei who applied generous amounts of sunscreen on her hand. They sat underneath a parasol that had been propped in the sand, covering them both from the direct sun. The brown haired girl watched as Utahime excitedly threw herself to the water. She had given up on trying to get Shoko and Mei Mei in the water as well.

“Mei Mei, don’t you have a lot of experience with boys?” Shoko almost whispered and hugged her legs. Her beach shawl swayed when the breeze decided to start playing with the huge piece of cloth.

“Are you trying to imply something?” Her voice was low and melodic but not at all accusatory.

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something.” Shoko shook her head flustered. “Is it normal for a guy to kiss a girl without asking?”

Mei Mei burst into laughter. This was the question Shoko was getting all worked up for?

“Shoko,” Mei Mei’s eyes glimmered softly when she said the younger girl’s name with gentleness that reminded her of a mother tugging a child into bed. “I did not take you for being this innocent,” she teased.

“I’m not innocent,” the brown haired girl huffed with the unexpected blush decorating her cheeks.

“Did someone do that to you?” Mei Mei tilted her head curiously and offered the sunscreen bottle to Shoko who happily took it to her hands.

“If I tell you, will you promise that you won’t tell anyone?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t think I care enough to tattle. You got me curious now. Tell me,” she hummed as a smile curled on her lips.

“Well uh.. Suguru kind of kissed me when we were playing truth or dare with Satoru,” Shoko explained . She ran her hand between the warm sand, the grainy texture giving her something else to think about. “It was a stupid dare on Satoru’s part. Dunno why I accepted it.”

Shoko added that she did not want to kiss him under any circumstances but the boy had managed to go over her boundary with ease.

“That’s it?” Mei Mei asked, raising her eyebrow. She was almost bewildered at how tame the story was.

“Yeah.”

The blue haired woman scoffed.

“Guys think that girls like it when they take control and in a certain sense they are right. Maybe they got their eyes on you? Although, I did think that Suguru and Satoru were..” Mei Mei’s voice trailed off as she thought. “It doesn’t matter.” She concluded.

“If I were you. I’d go along with it.” Mei Mei suggested.

“No way. I don’t like them like that. Besides that’s not what I asked for your opinion on.”

“And?” Mei Mei turned her gaze on Shoko, her eyes hardening as she intensely stared at the younger girl. “Those two men are our generation’s strongest and you’re going to complain that one of them gave you a little kiss?”

Mei Mei’s melodic voice dropped lower as she showed her true feelings of distaste towards Shoko’s views.

“If I were you,” she started again, her voice tough and bitter. “I’d be securing my spot by their side and not planning to bring forth meaningless accusations over a game of truth or dare.”

Shoko was at loss with the things that were being said to her. Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to speak with Mei Mei.

“I did not say I was going to tell anyone,” her voice was squeaky like a little girl’s.

“But you thought about that right?” Shoko did not deny nor confirm the accusation.

Mei Mei’s face softened. “Shoko, you’re a smart girl. You should know better than to get shaken by two boys, especially when you so eagerly lead them on.“

“..I don’t lead them on.”

“Then stop meeting them in your spare time. If you do that, guys will think that you’re willing. You’re not a kid anymore, they do notice that you’re a woman now.”

She stayed quiet, Mei Mei’s words burning on her skin worse than the summer heat. She did not want guys thinking about her that way. She simply wanted to be their friend and the idea of boys and girls being unable to do that because of bodily differences made Shoko shudder.

“You want to help your friends, right?” Mei Mei asked when Utahime got out of the water.

Shoko nodded.

“Then become a doctor. That’s the best you can do to others with the technique you have.” Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they made Shoko’s heart sink to the bottom of the ocean.

“Shookoo!” Utahime ran towards the two girls sitting on the beach towels.

“Are you willing to swim now?” Sand and water droplets clung onto her radiant skin that the younger girl admired silently. Shoko felt her heart skip a few times in her chest when Utahime offered her hand to her.

“Sure.” The shy smile stretched on Shoko’s lips.

“I’ll stay here. But you guys have fun.” Mei Mei announced as she opened the book next to her the pages slightly crumpled up.

Shoko did not really register Mei Mei’s voice anymore. She grabbed Utahime’s hand and the world slowly faded away around them.

****

Shoko went through the bathroom nimbly avoiding piles of clothing or takeout bags as she looked through your bathroom cupboard. She found a bag of half used cotton pads and a micelar water from the mess.

The taxi drive had felt like eternity. Your tears had dried before settling in the car and numbness had taken over. Shoko helped you to your bed and said that she’d come back soon, closing the door behind her giving you some space to change into something more comfortable.

The door opened. Shoko looked at you and sat on the bed. You were using a pillow as a support for your back. The night lamp’s warm color casted shadows around your puffy face. The woman shook the bottle in her hand and poured liquid on the white cotton pad and tilted your face towards hers.

She pressed the pad on your eyelid carefully letting the mixture soak through the heaps of makeup on your face. You sniffled sadly before speaking.

“I can do this on my own too.”

“I want to do this,” her voice was soft as she spoke the makeup remover leaving your skin slightly cold. You simply nodded and admired the way her hair framed her face.

“You know I’ve had my own bad experiences too,” Shoko said, her face turning to a slight frown. Her mind was sailing in memories that she had given up on trying to understand.

You were at a loss of words. You wanted to pry, but it felt invasive.

“With them? Really?” You heard yourself asking as you danced on the line of impropriety.

“Yeah,” Shoko hummed, “but we shouldn’t have this conversation yet. Maybe in the morning, but not now,” she tried to make her voice sound brighter, feel brighter as if it would fix everything.

“Okay,” you said. Maybe she’s right about this. Shoko discarded the dirty cotton pad, simply placing it on the bedside table. It was at its limits the whole thing turned into the color of your foundation with the small black streaks of your mascara on it, or what was left from it.

She held onto your face gently for a moment too long even after she was done. You opened your eyes to really look at her. She looked so sad and.. young? Yes young was the right word. She looked like a woman robbed out of something sacred. She had been so happy, so easy to excite in her youth, but now all she seemed to carry was baggage.

Your drunken mind wanted to close the distance, but something held you back. Maybe it was all the answers that were still being withheld by her, maybe it was the understanding that it’s not the right time yet.

“Can you stay the night?” you whispered. Shoko breathed in and opened her mouth to say something, but you were faster. “Please? Th-there’s some clothes you can borrow in my closet.”

She stayed quiet and you waited patiently.

“I’ll stay.”

You smiled weakly at her and muttered a gentle thank you. She shuffled up from the bed and walked over the closet you had pointed for her. You turned your back to her when you heard the rustling of clothing that she ended up piling up neatly on one of the spare chairs in your bedroom.

You fluffed up the pillow next to you and lifted up the blanket when she climbed in. You turned your back to her as you lay down on your side. Your hand searched the light switch and then the room was pitch black.

Shoko awkwardly came closer to you till your back was against hers and she played with your hair idly in the silence. The touch was friendly, your body slumping in relaxation almost immediately. It was nice to have someone there. You had gotten so used to being afraid of the nights.

“Good night,” she said, her voice hoarse.

“Night.”

***

You woke up alone with no trace of the woman in your room. She had gotten up earlier than you and dressed up back to the clothes she had in the bar. You hugged your plush blanket, almost burying your whole face underneath it, not ready to face the day.

Your head hurt and you felt nauseous. How is Shoko even able to do things? You wondered to yourself.

The faint knock on the bedroom door disrupted your thoughts as the door opened slightly.

“I made a sandwich for you and found some painkillers, if you want any,” she said and you heard her steps further away again.

You groaned and threw the blanket away from your body, the cold greeting you roughly.

Your kitchen had gotten miraculously cleaner, the multiple empty beer cans piled in a bag and the dishwasher hummed quietly. You stared at the brown table in front of you that had two sandwiches and glasses of water on it, hunger long gone from your body.

“You really should drink less.” Shoko picked up another empty can from the counter just to place it in the bag.

“Like you’re the one to talk.” You sat on the chair with its legs squeaking against the floor with your rough treatment.

You grabbed the pill bottle and rattled out two tablets that you threw in your mouth and drank barely enough water to chase them down.

“What do you remember?” Shoko asked and sat in front of you. She wasn’t feeling very hungry either.

“I remember punching Nanami and the talk we had before we fell asleep,” you mumbled, playing with the edges of the slightly crusty lettuce between your sandwich. You had meant to use it on a salad a few days ago, but you were too tired to cook for yourself. Even the simple things were hard. “What did I tell you?”

“Nothing. You were just crying.”

Oh. So it was like that.

“They assaulted me.” Your face was stern, emotions hidden behind a wall. The words felt weird. It was the first time you had actually said it out loud.

Shoko’s face widened from shock.

“They what?”

“Don’t make me repeat it,” you hissed.

“Sorry, I won’t.”

The silence felt unbearable and you stuffed your face full of bread just to do something.

“They did something similar when we were still in school.” Shoko ripped the hangnail painfully from her skin and pressed on the miniscule wound with one of her fingers.

You chewed the sandwich aggressively without tasting anything, the texture turning to mush in your mouth.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Your words were way more accusatory than what you wanted.

Shoko turned her head to the side looking hurt by your sudden outburst. Her eyebrows scrunched together in pain as she looked for the perfect words, but there were none.

“You admired them. I didn’t want to take that away from you, and when I realized that I probably should have said..”

“Bullshit, Shoko. It’s been ten years. I deserved to know, you could have-”

“Stop blaming me for their shit!” she yelled. Shoko never yells.

You fell quiet. You reined in your anger, its hands still attempting to reach out to anything it could latch on. She was right. It’s not her burden to bear, but you still couldn’t help but feel powerless, when there could have theoretically been someone who could have told you to not go there.

“Sorry,” you simply said just to drop the topic. Shoko sighed defeatedly and pushed her head briefly against her hands. She understood the anger, she really did.

“They drugged me and then raped me together. I don’t remember a lot from it. I fought back – well attempted to,” your voice shook as you spoke.

The brown haired woman simply looked at you with silent empathy.

“Did you at least get one good punch in?”

Your lips curled into a downhearted smile. The memory of your feeble fight playing in your mind, the weakness and despair of it all, a futile attempt of a prey to preserve their life just one moment longer.

“Not a single one,” you laughed hollowly as one tear rolled on your cheek and your lips trembled. “But I did rip some hair out of Geto at the school,” you tried to brighten your voice and be brave.

Shoko’s eyes watered and she answered your smile with her own.

“Good.”

The almost happy expression faded from your face. Everything hurt, never had you ever thought to be in a situation like this where you were exchanging devastation with your friend like gifts on christmas.

“Why did you stay? Even Nanami left for a while, you could have done the same.” Your question was gentler this time.

Shoko pondered for a minute, not sure of her answer either.

“Because this is the only way I could help. I had you and Utahime and I didn’t want to leave you two behind. Besides what else was I supposed to do? I’ve been given a technique that can save many if I choose right. Had I left a lot more could have died because I wasn’t here — all because of what two men did,” she tried to put her thoughts together.

“There’s a reason why Utahime doesn’t like Gojo,” Shoko blurted out and played with her hair.

You took a careful sip of water as if you were trying to carefully dissect the different flavors of Shoko’s words.

“What do you mean? Did they do something to her as well?”

“No. I just mean that women know, you know? I think it’s in our blood to recognize danger. That’s one of the reasons she despises him. But this is just my thought, not an universal truth,” Shoko wondered out loud.

She breathed in once again as if the words she was about to speak were too painful.

“I think sometimes us women have to carry the atrocities of men. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do certain things. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I never went through what you did, but I can’t say that I’m surprised,” she mused. “I’m sorry though. What you went through. It’s not right.”

Her brown eyes stared at you expectantly. You chewed on your lip nervously and tapped the empty plate with your nail, the small tinkle sound working as a metronome.

“No, it’s not,” you huffed. But it feels like it’s my fault. If I had not gone there, if I had not idolized them – loved them even. This wouldn’t have ended this way. It was easier to leave those words in your head.

“So what now?” You looked at Shoko, your eyes pleading, asking for answers, guidance, anything she would be able to provide to you. You knew there was nothing clear cut Shoko could say, but god how you wished that someone would know what to do.

Shoko shook her head in defeat as if telling you that she wasn’t able to point you on the right track like that.

“Whatever you want. You can stay or go, but you don’t have to carry it alone,” Shoko said, her face gentle. You could still draw out the remnants of the young girl from the year two thousand and six on her features. The lines were almost faded but they were still there.

You found kinship in her even if neither of you had shared the full story of what had happened. You weren’t there yet and you weren’t ready. Instead the two of you skirted around words unspoken finding solace of at least having someone who could understand. It was up to the both of you what to make out of the confessions of the past.

#tw: noncon #shoko ieiri x reader #ieiri shoko x reader #yandere gojo satoru #yandere geto suguru

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yoongsisbae · 2 years

Note

Hi… uh… I’m rarely on Tumblr and when I do, I rarely read fanfiction so idk how to do this but yeah, i just want to say that one day one of your writings just came through my suggestion like it’s fated and i absolutely love the way you write. I exceptionally love how you write the takeover and bon voyage and have been regularly checking if they’re updated. I won’t ask about any update schedule, though. I just want to say that to make a muggle like myself enjoying them this much, you’re definitely an amazing writer. I just want to know if you had fun writing? Cause for giving me such pleasure in life, I hope you do. Please have a good day! :)

I'm so happy you love the takeover!!!! That story gets the least amount of love so I haven't thought about it as much, but I'll work through some scenes with your sweet comment in mind. 💗💗

Do I have fun writing? Short answer, yes lol. Long answer...

Most of my stories start with me fixating over a dream or particular idea until I feel like I'm going crazy, like the story is just clawing at my brain to be released...recognized...heard. Some of those dreams are good ones, exciting, really fun to write stories (Like Bon Voyage!). Some are devastating, painful to write, but do I still have fun writing them? Yes, because it's like a release, even if I'm bawling my eyes out, it's still fun. If you laughed at a line, I probably laughed at it for five minutes straight and then again when I edited it, if you cried over a scene, I probably sobbed over it for an hour, if you yelled at a character I probably imagined a hundred different ways to get payback on them lol. I'm having a lot of fun, but a month or so ago when my follower count doubled out of nowhere I was having a lot of trouble because I felt like all these new followers expected something of me and I felt guilty about writing anything else, so I would force myself to keep editing a story when I really wanted to work on something else and I could barely write and it became this awful cycle and then I realized, why am I doing this? Me writing what makes me happy is how stories like RRR came to be and yep Bon Voyage and also Yoongi is a Rock and so many others. So writing has become this like tug of war, where I try to make readers happy but also myself 😅 I'm okay with this situation, I've seen it happen to lots of writers I just never expected it for me, I used to imagine I was in a room with all my readers, now it scares me too much to do that lmao. AHHHHH I've been holding that in, now yall know.

Thank you again for going out of your way to reach out to me lovely reader, it means so much. I hope you are having a great day!! Eat some good food and have fun today! 💗 Because you did this for me, I'll do this for you: here is a sneak peek of the takeover for you! 🥰

---

Yoongi’s voice begins to break up in your earpiece until only static remains.

Green light floods the laboratory with only the backup generators now working. You, Jimin, and Jungkook move as a unit, slow paced and alert for any movement in the dark corridors. The doors are all open except one. One with light coming from its small transparent glass window.

“How are we going to get in?”

You hold out a key card. “Swiped it,” you whisper. You hold the metal card to the blank keypad and the locks start moving, “Well, look at that.”

“Stay behind me!” Jungkook hisses, pointing the rifle at the enlarging gap into the next room. The frightening green light casting over his features slowly becomes overtaken by serene blue fluorescents, until finally you're all in the light, able to see the truly horrifying scene in front of you.

“What?”

“What is that?”

“Is that?”

“N-No...”

“W-What do we do?”

“Get them out!”

#I hope these sneak peeks convey to everyone that no i haven't abandoned any story and i'm still always writing 💕#asks #sweet readers 💗💗#t h e t a k e o v e r #sneaky peeky

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5csbin · 3 years

Text

HAUNTED HOUSE !

HALLOWEEN TXT EDITION!

txt x neutral reader !

WARNING !: cursing! knifes! haunted house! JYP AND 6IX9INE!

a very crack and dumb one shot i made.

“MANE IF YALL DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP!” taehyun shouted as they were walking up to the line since everyone began to nag.

"this is why i wanted to go trick or treating instead." beomgyu pouted and folded his arms as he and the rest of the group waited in line to go inside of the haunted house.

well it was more like a haunted barn, where they would all get on a hayride and be driven throughout the barn and be spooked supposedly. "trick or treating?? how old are you again?" kai mocked him,

"no offense but i'm starting to think you were right when you said beomgyu was still mentally 9 years old because.. this is starting to get worrying. what 19 year old is trying go trick or treating?" yeonjun added in agreement, while taehyun shot him a dirty look for throwing shade at his best friend.

beomgyu’s first instinct was to scoot closer to (y/n), but he then fired off a clapback of his own. "the only thing that's worrying is that wig you're wearing, who the fuck are you even supposed to be? lord farquad on crack?" gyu fired back at yeonjun, who was now touching the short black bob on top of his head.

soobin couldn't help but laugh, even though it was his own boyfr- bestfriend getting flamed and soon, everybody else in the group let out laughter at gyu’s clapback. even taehyun, who couldn't stand beomgyu, was practically crying laughing at what was said.

"actually, i'm supposed to be dora," yeonjun replied, gesturing to his pink t shirt and bright orange jeans. "and soobin is.. well diego." he pulled soobin closer to him after saying that and kissed his forehead, before ruffling his blueberry curls a little.

"wait.. ain't dora and diego supposed to be cousins?" taehyun asked, his mouth curling in disgust, "i don't think that's positive..." kai added.

“cousin lovers.” (y/n) said making yeonjun smack their arm.

it was a wonder how they didn't annoy the others waiting in line for their ride, since they would fight every second. meanwhile as the group turn drew closer and closer, beomgyu found himself regretting agreeing to come here.

it was weird.. he loved horror movies, but he despised haunted houses because even though both were fake events, being in a haunted house was just so up close and personal you know?

if it wasn't for it being (y/n)'s birthday (lets just pretend ur birthday was on halloween.) beomgyu wouldn't have came, and he would have probably just stayed at home and took pictures of his costume for instagram before going over to hyunjin’s to watch scary movies.

(y/n) noticed that beomgyu looked uncomfortable amongst all of the roasts and jokes flying amongst the group and they decided to ask what was wrong.

"gyu, why do you look so sad? being sad is my job," (y/n) asked as the group continued to move up in the line. "i'm not sad," beomgyu answered. "i'm just nervous, i don't like haunted houses.. i had a really bad panic attack the last time i went to one, and i don't wanna have one and ruin your birthday or anything.. i probably should have just stayed my ass home."

"nah, you not going to ruin my birthday, you're my friend and i care about you... it won't be that scary, it's literally a haunted barn. you know what barns have? cows and chickens. now who's scared of cows and chickens? nobody. except blades of grass."

the little pep talk made gyu feel slightly calmer. "thanks," he replied, fumbling with the thick leather choker around his neck. "your costume is really cute by the way. i like the face paint."

"thanks, it was kai’s idea actually," they responded with a chipper edge to their voice. (y/n)' costume consisted of a sweatshirt and sweatpants with a skeleton printed on the front, and his face was made up to look like a skull.

after beomgyu was calm, he found himself overhearing a conversation between hueningkai, taehyun, and his knives.

"no tae, you can't bring your knives in here with you," hyuka shook his head as taehyun kept asking if he could run back to the car real quick and grab his knives "cmon kai, just in case a demon wanna try some shit"

"well.. can i get my ouija board?" tyun asked, his lips twisting into a devious smile. "i just wanna talk to the demons, it's halloween, and if it's any day i should be allowed to do this, it's today."

"ain't there no demons.. this is a barn. you wanna talk to demonic horses and shit?" yeonjun pokes in the conversation and raised an eyebrow.

"yes? of course i do, the fuck do you think i am?" taehyun whined, pointing to the devil horns on top of his head as the group finally made it to the front of the line and were waiting for the tractor to come back so that they could get on the hayride.

finally, after they all stood around and handed in their tickets to the clerk in front of the line, their tractor was ready, pulling along the hay covered cart as it came to a stop in front of the barn entrance, waiting for the group to board it.

"wait, hay? y'all ain't say there was going to be hay..." soobin complained, his skin already itching just by looking at all that hay. "y'all do know i'm allergic to hay right?"

"bitchhh, we been said it was a hayride involved," hueningkai snapped, "what you done caught the (y/n) disease where you forget everything every minutes or what?"

"aye i don't forget everything, i just be high," (y/n) cut in as they handed in their tickets to the clerk. "and i'm allergic to hay!" soobin cried out, scratching his forearm.

soobin actually is allergic to hay, but it wasn't something severe, he just got irritated by it and it caused his skin to rash up, not like his skin didn't already look as if it was full of rashes.

(that not true btw)

"oh well," hueningkai replied in a deadpan tone, shrugging. "guess you'll just die then."

after they've all handed in their tickets, everyone began to board the hay filled cart, with everyone obviously choosing to be closest to their besties.

when they got onto the cart. soobin was snuggled up to yeonjun, playing with his diego the explore backpack trying to ignore the itchy feeling the hay gave him.taehyun was resting his head on (y/n)’s shoulder, whining about his knifes, beomgyu was clinging onto kai for dear life, because he was still scared after all.

"i better not hear none of y'all screaming like no pussies after we get in here," yeonjun started after the tractor began to start up and drive them into the dark, cool barn. "how y'all gon be scared of demons when i'm taehyun a whole demon. y'all scared of him now?"

"actually, yes, i'm scared of him just a little bit," beomgyu answered, his tone groggy.

"considering he tried to kill me on multiple occasions and almost succeeded, yes yeonjun, i'm scared of taehyun and he make me fear for my life." soobin added on, slightly flinching at just saying the word taehyun.

"that was before i became positive," taehyun suddenly flashed soobin and beomgyu a toothy smile, "just like i'm positive that none of these demons or zombies or whatever the fuck is in this barn is gon' do shit to us."

"tae if you don't shut your ass up, there’s no demons in here, nor is there any zombies, they are paid actors. you wish you was in a horror movie so bad," hueningkai cut in, once again ruining tyun’s fun.

as of right now, nothing scary was going on. just the typical music playing throughout the barn, random screams, and plastic skeletons appearing out of nowhere. shit that made little kids be scared of, but anyone else wouldn't be phased. not even beomgyu was phased by what was going on, and he was the main one who was scared to come along.

but then.. things started to get more spooky. the people who were sitting on the edge would start to get grabbed and poked without warning, and people would come up on side of the cart out of nowhere and scream or otherwise bring attention to themselves, which would catch them off guard obviously, but shit like that was to be expected at a haunted house.. or in this case a haunted barn.

but soon though, things began to get downright creepy.

as they were sitting in the cart, slightly startled and caught off guard by the jumpscares, but not too shaken up, not even beomgyu was that scared, as he made sure to sit in the middle of the cart to avoid being randomly grabbed or touched by these strangers in costume, and it was just amusing to people like taehyun or (y/n), they weren't prepared for what started to happen next.

soon the music that sounded as if it was from a demonic nursery cut out mid note, and it was replaced by an old, gravely sounding voice that began to sing happy birthday very terribly and off key.

and they thought this was creepy, considering it was gus' birthday, but they considered it was a coincidence. "damn (n/n), they singing happy birthday to you, that's wild," yeonjun noticed, laughing at the 'coincidence'.

"see, i told y'all they’re really a skeleton, how else would they know that we're here for their birthday, hmm?" beomgyu added matter of factly causing the others to let out laughter.

so even though it was somewhat unsettling, it didn't become horrifying until the voice replaced "happy birthday to you," with "happy birthday (y/n)."

the place then became a chorus of "did yall hear that shit?" and "yeo what the fuck?!" after they noticed that, with (y/n) in particular being especially shook that there seemed to be a demon singing specifically to them, and their eyes went wide as the voice continued to serenade them, albeit poorly.

"see, this ain't it no more." soobin announced and hueningkai nodded in agreement. "h-how do they know it's (n/n)' birthday? much less who (y/n) is?" beomgyu asked as he held onto (y/n) even tighter than he was before. "i'm scared now."

"that's what we all want to know," yeonjun answered before reaching up to adjust his wig, before feeling nothing but his real hair tied back. he knew his wig didn't fall off or get snatched off, he had it secured with bobby pins, because it was one of his mother's wigs and he didn't want to lose it, but it had just completely disappeared.

"uh...my wig is gone," yeonjun announced and soobin just nodded. "same."

"no i mean it's for real gone... my dora or lord farquaad or whatever the fuck wig i was wearing earlier just.. disappeared into thin air." yeonjun continued to explain as he continued to search the surrounding area for it, just in case it fell out of his head but it was actually gone.

"see, i told y'all asses there were demons in here, but y'all didn’t wanna listen now y'all getting your shit taken, and demons are singing happy birthday to (y/n) and shit, and now y'all shocked," taehyun added with a huff.

"tyun, ain't no demons in here. if there were demons in here, they would do a lot worse than steal hats and wigs and sing happy birthday, believe that. they'd be torturing us psychologically, and- wait, where the fuck is my sheep hat?" hueningkai touched the top of his head, where his costume top was missing from, and now he was heated.

"yeah, we gotta get outta here."

more shit like that continued to happen with the voice continuing to reference them by name, and reference stuff that only people that know them would know, like soobin almost running someone over once, or yeonjun’s furry suit,and then, near the end of the ride, it all came together in the worst possible way.

a single echoing voice with a thick new york accent screaming "SCUUUUM GANGGGG!" followed by a laugh in the distance that sounded a lot like jyp’s laugh.

and in that moment, all of them literally hopped off of the cart and ran towards the exit.

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daydreamer-bby · 3 years

Text

Good grief... RANT

I can't believe how screwed up my sleep schedule is again. I was totally fine for like almost three weeks and then boom, s t r e s s . Things are changing for me again and I feel exhausted from wrestling with my mind all day and night. I resigned from my officer position at the bank to focus on my health and go back to school. I know I have it in me to do great things and learn at my own pace but man I am just drowning in the mess I've created.

Debt wasn't really a thing for me until this past year when I got shmacked with hella medical bills after a suicide attempt and stay at a rehab facility. Which, by the way, was a wholly traumatic experience and only served to put me in debt and give me more cringey-want-to-kill-myself experiences. I can't find the beginning or end of the tangled up threads that have netted my life. It's all a mess and I feel sorry for my new therapist for having to deal with my pathetic ass lol.

I'd do anything to go back to 2019. I want so badly to get back to a functioning level but I feel like I'm slowly losing an uphill battle against myself. The one short-term/student friendly opportunity I have a chance at actually being able to manage is barely in reach because I can't fucking drive and it's a job that would require a very long commute even for a good driver. Plus, it's at my best friends place of employment so like what if I embarrass her or just can't cut it long enough to even work part-time.

If I think too much, which I cannot help but do, I am frozen. I feel like all the work I put in to my job means nothing now and I feel so foolish for having wanted to plan the rest of my life around it. I used to think I'd come so far and deserve more opportunity to grow in my career but I guess I really was just kidding myself lol. I got all my family members to momentarily eat their words about me basically being a total idiot and failure but here I am again, failing everything good I had going on.

Like this burnout and whatever else I could call it is so much worse than the other times???? Yet I feel reasonably calm through the panicked mental replays of impending financial catastrophes.

What else can I rant about...

Oh so it might be interesting to share why I don't drive.

I'll start this section by saying I have had some good driving experiences. But the majority of time I've spent behind the wheel was horrifying. Because of my personal issues I can't really control where my eyes go. That sounds stupid but it's true. I can't make myself look where I need to, see what I need to, or consistently comprehend what exactly is in my field of vision. My husband has been driving for like 15 years or something and he checks his mirrors constantly and has great awareness. For me, and not even in a generic dissociative way, I can't get my body to cooperate with my mind. It's terrifying. Picture being in a car but having no control over your body or focus. This predisposition to completely checking out from one moment to another is ruining my life. It's been ruining my life. I can't help but panic when I consider how the hell I'm supposed to manage having kids or keeping them safe. And aside from the mind/eye chaos I get so overwhelmed by sensory issues there's just no hope of me being a safe driver. IT ONCE TOOK ME OVER 30 MINUTES TO MOVE MY SISTER'S CAR WHILE SHE SAT NEXT TO ME EATING SPAGHETTI AND LAUGHING AT MY PANIC ATTACK. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET MY MOM AT THE STORE ACROSS THE STREET BUT BEFORE WE COULD SHE WALKED THERE, SHOPPED, THEN WALKED BACK INTO OUR APARTMENT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE PARKING LOT. MY LIFE IS A GOD DAMNED JOKE YALL.

UGHHHHHHHHH there's so much I've never been able to process.

I hate that I cannot control myself the ways I did for so long. I take a little comfort in reminding myself that I'm doing better than I have been and that I need to be patient and kind to myself but GOOD GOD do I wish I could beat my own ass. I keep asking my husband if we can go kayaking and for what?!?!? I've never been kayaking, I don't have a clue how to kayak. I never thought of it until a few months ago when I saw one in a movie. I hate that I can't stop thinking about kayaking.

I used to be so smart and mentally nimble and kind and innocent and naïve and now I'm just an anxious mess lmao. I can't call it a philosophical choice... I am not voluntarily nihilistic or kind I am literally just THAT stupid and ineffectual.

Mental illness and disabilities own me and I don't even understand them. They were this big, scary, sneaky things for most of my life and then boom I became an adult who can't seem to just get it the fuck together.

I actually just realized in a moment of clarity that I am beginning to spiral so I should take some of the gabapentin my psychiatrist recently prescribed for anxiety.

I've just taken it with lots of ice water so hopefully I can calm tf down LOL.

I can't remember the last time I SH'd frfr, but I know the progress I've made in not mutilating myself isn't that impressive when I do other dumb shit like relapse into bingeing or stay up for days at a time. It's like I can claim some success in not being monstrous to my skin but I find alternative ways of harming myself. And I was sincere about stopping using cannabis but two days in and P U F F F F F .

I just want to be my old self but I guess she's gone and now I have to reinvent my fat ass AGAIN. It's going to take so much more out of me this time but I guess that's for the best since there's so much more chaos in me at this time in my life. Maybe I'll shower now so I can sleep for a little while and be clean to workout tomorrow morning.

Anyway, if you're struggling like me I wish you the best, you sad little bitch.

#mental heath awareness #mental illness #positive mental attitude #LOL #adhd #autism #depression #anxiety #unemployed #student #looking for mutuals #say hi or something #tw eating mention #tw sh #tw #insomnia #life #sad girl

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liljungie · 4 years

Text

Pawn To Rescue | 1

Science Student Jungkook

Word count: 1.7k

*Italic is jungkook's thoughts*

Summery: Jungkook discovers a secret that the town's lab is hiding...or will he?

A/N: Idk I wasn't going to post this but I Highkey like it and I'm like eef it imma post it so tell me whatcha think of this...part 2 is almost done so I just want to see if yall like it or I'll scrap everything.

Masterlist

Jungkook throws his head back letting out a frustrated sigh. It's taking him a while to finish his assignment which was a rare occurrence. Since he's the top of his class. Straight A's. Perfect assignments. Never late. It frustrated him that human anatomy is taking effort of him to search and write about. Stepping away from his crammed desk he decides it's better that he takes a break or else he'll miss it up.

'It's a mess already' he thinks to himself as he takes a water bottle from his fridge making his way to the couch plopping down on it before turning on the TV. Breaking news was all over the channel. Jungkook with furrowed eyebrows changes the satiation only to find the one he changed to also has breaking news flash on the screen. He flipped through the stations only to be met with the same luck as the last. he leans back into the couch turning the volume up. 'Let's hear what's going on'

'Attention citizens...umbrella laboratory reported a breakdown early this morning causing patients to have ran away. Mark burnett the CEO of umbrella cooperation warns that if you encounter any patients that you turn them in without question. For your safety. That is all.'

Great. Just what this morning needed. Psychopaths running loose. Jungkook snorted. he glances outside to see people running inside. Hiding. He shakes his head before closing the curtains. His classmates sure are weird as hell. This is a college ground no one would break in. the building was gated all around it's impossible to walk through without ID.

They love to be dramatic. Without thinking much of it jungkook laid down on his double bed. Feeling restless. He drifted off to sleep.

A few hours passed and the sun had set. Jungkook was done with his assignment and now he was looking at the night sky. The stars were twinkling. It was so quiet that if a pin dropped you could hear it. A few minutes passed then he heard what sounded like twigs being broken in half. He didn't think much of it. Probably stray cats. But he heard it again so he stood up and looked outside then saw the Bush that is facing his window move again. His eyebrows furrow questionly. The wheels in his head were turning trying to make logic out of this. As the figure that was moving in the Bush size's is bigger than a cat but smaller than a bear...could it be a human?...no no..it can't be..

Until his eyes met the figure's eyes, it's eyes widen in fear and shock tgeir pupils dilated. then it moved further inside trying to hide itself from jungkook's eyes. His curiosity got the best of him he quickly jogged towards the nearest shoes he slid them on and opened the door and ran outside. Once he reached the Bush he stopped running and walked towards it slowly. The Bush branches moved suddenly which made jungkook's heart stop for a second. He glanced around but to his luck everyone was inside. No students were wandering around like the usual. Probably because of the news. He took a deep breath and approached the Bush again. his steps were hesitant but he needed to know what was hiding in the Bush.

He sqauted down glencing around again before he cleared his throat. He felt ridiculous but it wouldn't hurt to try. "You can come out...I won't hurt you" he softly spoke to the figure. their eyes stared at his. Then they looked at his hands. Jungkook raised them up quickly. Way to quickly which made the figure flinch and move further back inside. "Hey hey... look! I have nothing in my hands" he raise them up but moved them closer to the Bush so the figure can see them. "See..." he softly says the figure moved a little bit towards him but not enough. He still couldn't see them.

Anyone would be terrified if they were in jungkook's place but for some reason he didn't feel that way. The figure was far more afraid than he was. Obviously. They're hiding in a Bush if all places. Besides jungkook won a championship for being the fastest runner if anything he'd run away if the figure tried to lung themselves at him. "It's okay...I won't hurt you" he says again 'unless you try to hurt me' but the figure only stares at him. He sighs. This is so dreadful.

Was it even understanding him? By the looks of it..probably not. He knew he was being ridiculous but why not go all the way? he decides to ask a few questions to see if it understood him. "Blink if you can understand me.." the figure stared for what felt like a minute then it blinked. Jungkook let out a hearty laugh feeling relieved but soon that feeling went away. Humans need to blink! He felt so stupid. "That's not going to work..." he sighs. He needs more than a blink to know for sure if it understood him. Then his brain sparked with an idea. He smiles "Okay let's try again...shake the branches twice if you can understand me" the figure continues to stare at him but then the Bush started to shake twice.

At that he started laughing. Feeling like he accomplished something huge. "So you can understand me?" The bush shakes twice again and jungkook smiles with relief "I'm going to ask you a few questions if the answer is yes shake the Bush twice if no shake it once...got it?" The bush shakes twice. "are you afraid?" He asked. He wanted to facepalm himself of course they're scared. The Bush shakes twice once again. "I'm not going to hurt you..so..can you come out?" The Bush shaked once. His head fell with disappointment. He wanted to know what was hiding behind the Bush so bad. Or did he lose his mind and now he's imagining all of this? Frustrated he rubbed his face. "Aren't you hungry?" The bush shakes twice. The hope ignited within jungkook. "I have food...look...that window is my room" the figure's eyes moved to where jungkook pointed "...if you come out I'll give you lots of food wouldn't you like that?" It was silent for awhile. Seems like the figure was thinking it through. Jungkook stayed put afraid of scaring it away again. The Bush shakes twice again and jungkook smiles. "I'm gonna step away so you can come out yeah?" He stood up and took a few steps back before he crouched down again. Waiting."you can come out now...see I'm far away from you..I can't hurt you.." he reassures. He hears the figure let out a sigh before they started to crawl out of the Bush. Then Jungkook's eyes widen with shock.

The figure is a girl. She looks younger than him but only by a few years. She had a small cut under her left eye. It looked fresh so he figured it was from the Bush branches. Because the same cut was all over her arms and legs.What made jungkook's blood pressure go down was seeing the torn apart gown. It was the lab's gown and he knew that because Umbrella's logo was on the collar of it. She is one of the runaway patients.

Jungkook fell backwards at the realization. He was speechless he only stared at her as she sniffled and stared back at him. She sat on her knees not knowing what to do. She started to look around her and up at the dormitory building. She looked lost and so..out of place. Seems like she never saw anything because she had this look in her eyes. She was very amused by all of this.

"Holy shit" was the only words that came out of his lips. "You're umbrella's patient" her eyes snapped towards him when he mentioned the lab. she stepped back into the Bush. Not caring that the branches were cutting her skin again. jungkook moved towards her holding her by her arms to stop her from moving further. His fingers were digging in her skin "no no...don't be scared!" She tried to shake his hands off but he was much stronger. He pulled her back out. Panicking he said "we can't stay here we have to go inside...I'm not going to hurt you I promise!" He tells her. Praying to whoever was listening that she complies.

Jungkook hated doing this. But the only way she would comply is if he scares her into going inside. "If we stay here umbrella is going to catch you! or one of the students are going to turn you in...you have to come with me" jungkook tells the poor girl who only stared at him with a horrified expression. "You can't stay here the Bush makes too much noise you'll get caught...come with me it's safer inside" he tells her again. His heart was beating uncontrollably. What he was doing is extremely dangerous. But he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass him by.

What kind of understudy scientist would let this slip?! Jungkook needed this for his application. He can't get caught. If he kept her. to study her. and figured out why umbrella hid her and many others and demands for them back so desperately they must possess something strong. Where they have to keep them in a laboratory he could be one of Umbrellas scientists. Which was his dream. His life goal. And Umbrella would do anything to keep the information Jungkook is going to find out hidden.

The poor girl stands up hestaily. Jungkook smiles and takes off his jacket helping her put it on then zipping it up for her. She stares at him questionly. She is his golden ticket to work with umbrella the least he could do is give her some answers. "You can't be seen like this, you're wearing a hospital gown they'll take you away" he tells her she looks down at herself then looks up at him. He can see and sense the fear in her eyes. But he vowed not to give her up. Not yet. Not until he was done with her.

"You'll be okay" he tells her placing his arm around her guiding her towards his dorm room.

He crossed his fingers that no one catches him. And just hopes that hiding this stray human being in his dorm is worth it.

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iamknicole · 3 years

Text

Familiar Face (2)

SVU Fic

Olivia sat at her desk responding to a text she'd gotten from Elliot. Over the past two weeks the two had begun catching up when work didn't interfere. It felt like old times but so much better than eleven years ago.

"Knock, knock."

Looking up from her phone, Olivia pulled her glasses off and squinted as she got up. "I'm sorry. Can I help you?"

"Sorry for just walking in, I had been knocking for a few minutes and you didn't answer. I'm Bianca Barnes but everyone calls me Peach."

At a loss for words, Olivia stared at the woman looking back at her. "Okay and you're here because?"

"Deputy Chief Garland didn't tell you I was coming? I'm your new detective."

Olivia offered her a smile, "No, he didn't but I'm glad you're here. We've been short a detective. Where did you transfer from, Bianca?"

"Please call me Peach. My mama is the only one who calls me by my first name. But I just came from homicide and before that vice. Now I'm here."

"Are you sure special victims is where you want to be? Sounds like you might be more comfortable in violent crimes. The captain and I are friends, I can get you over there." Olivia suggested.

Peach shook her head smiling. "Nope, this is where I wanna be. One of my old partners is actually over in violent crimes, he just transferred there last week."

Olivia nodded blowing out some air. "Well then welcome to special victims. Let's go introduce you to everybody." Peach followed her out of the office to the squad room still smiling. She waited for Olivia to gather their attention. "Alright so we're no longer down a detective. This is Detective Bianca Parks."

"Hey, yall. Yall can just call me Peach. Everybody does."

"Sorry, I forgot," Olivia chuckled, "Peach, this is Detective Rollins and Officer Tamin but everyone calls her Kat. And that's Sargeant Fin Tuttuola but we just call him Fin."

Peach waved, "I know Kat already. But nice to meet you all."

Olivia looked between the women. "How do you two know each other?"

Kat spoke up smiling, "She moved up here when we were in high school I was her first friend. We lived in the same building."

"Yeah and we were in vice together for a little while," Peach added.

"Okay then well you have a familiar face and you won't mind being partners," Olivia said with a small smile, "Fin, it's your lucky day. You get your partner back."

Fin smiled proudly, "I like you already, Peach."

When Olivia went back to her office, Kat showed her friend to her desk and sat on the edge of it. The two of them talked until Rollins cleared her throat.

"What's up, Amanda?" Kat asked laughing.

"You're hogging the newbie, maybe me and Fin wanna get to know her too."

Kat put her hands up still laughing. "My bad, go head. Ask away."

"Why the name Peach?" Fin asked when Amanda didn't say anything. "Where'd that come from?"

"I moved up here from Georgia when I was teenager, had much more of an accent than I do now so everybody stated calling me that," she shrugged.

"That and she can put anybody on their ass within five seconds if they mess with her," Kat added ignoring her friend's playfully stare.

Amanda chuckled, "As little and cute as you are, you don't look like you'd hurt a fly, newbie."

Peach shrugged, "Yeah a lot of people think that until they put their hands on me. Just because I'm little don't undestimate me."

"Always the little ones you gotta look out for," Fin joked, "What part of Georgia are you from? Rollins is from Georgia too."

"Oh that's the accent I hear," she laughed, "I knew it was southern but I didn't think it was Georgia. I'm from Savannah. What part are you from, Amanda?"

"Cummings. A lot of people don't know where it is so it's just easier to say Atlanta."

Peach gave her a friendly smile, "I know exactly where that is. Might as well say it's Atlanta, it's like thirty minutes from it."

While they continued to talk and get to know their new detective, Olivia sat on the phone with Elliot. He called her discuss dinner plans, trying to figure out what Noah would like so he could make reservations.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you but did you get a new detective last week?" Olivia asked holding the phone to her ear and looking out her window at her detectives.

"I did. How'd you know?"

"Well I got a new detective today, I offered to get her in with you cause I thought she'd be a better fit there and she declined. She mentioned that an old partner transferred there."

Elliott chuckled. "And you wanna know who it is or you wanna know what I think about them? Is that it?"

"You know me so well. Both."

"His name is Amaro, Nick Amaro. He's a good guy, got a bit of a temper from what I glanced at in his jacket," Elliot explained with a hint of laughter, "But I like em. Reminds me of myself. Smart too."

"Amaro?"

"Yeah, Amaro. What's wrong?"

"This is how I know you didn't read his jacket," she laughed, "He was here a year or so ago. He was my partner after you."

"Did you like him?"

"Yeah, he's good at his job. He just let's his temper get ahead of him sometimes."

"I'll keep that in mind. So Italian tonight?"

Olivia started to answer but there was a knock at the door followed by Rollins poking her head in the door. "Yeah, Amanda?"

"Got a call from Mercy, they need us. Me and Fin can take it."

"Hold on, El," Olivia said into the phone, "Ummm, no. Let Kat and Peach take this one. You need to finish that paperwork, remember?"

Rollins nodded bowing out of the office going back to the desks, sitting back down at hers. "Alright newbie, you're up. Cap said for you and Kat to take this one."

"No problem with me. Let's go, Kat," Peach said enthusiastically getting up and putting her peacoat on, "Oh and Amanda?"

"Yeah?"

"Its Peach, not newbie." She corrected with a smile then followed Kat out.

The partners rode and talked on their way to the hospital. When they got inside, to the correct floor they went up to the nurses station. Both flashed their badges.

"Got a call. You guys need svu?" Kat asked politely.

The nurse nodded then came around the desk. "Some girls came in here with their friend a little while ago, said the girl passed out after complaining about abdominal pain."

"You suspect abuse?"

The nurse flagged the doctor down that was passing by, "She can explain it to you."

The doctor came over shaking their hands. "Dr. Barnes. I did an exam on her, her name is Alexandra James, she's 14. I found scarring, some old some new. And she was almost 12 weeks pregnant. The pain she was having was a miscarriage. There were traces of misoprostol in her blood. I talked to her friends, they're 14 and act like they have no idea what's going on. But they did say she hadn't taken any medicine at all."

"But you think otherwise? Isn't that a miscarriage drug?" Peach asked writing in her small notepad.

"Yes, it is. They're off. She should be awake now if you wanna talk to her," Dr. Barnes suggested, "Her friends are in with her. Waiting on her parents.

The detectives followed the doctor to the girl's room. The friends were huddled around her bed talking in hushed voices.

Dr. Barnes cleared her throat, "Girls, there are some detectives that want to speak with you."

"Girls, I'm Kat from special victims, why don't you three come with me to waiting room so we can talk? Give your friend some privacy."

Once they left the room, Peach pulled a chair up to the side of her bed a warm smile on her face. "Your name is Alexandra, right?"

The young girl nodded.

"My name is Peach, I'm a detective from special victims. I want you to tell me what you remember leading up to walking up here."

She said quietly before recounting her leaving her friend's house to go to the park, getting ice cream, walking back to her friends house but that was it.

"Did you eat anything else today? Something that might have tasted funny?"

She shrugged, "Nothing tasted funny. We had some pizza earlier, that was it besides breakfast at home this morning."

Peach nodded giving her full attention to the young girl. "And where did the pizza come from?"

"My friend, Whitney, her older brother, Stevie, works at a pizza place and he brought it for us."

"Okay. Did you know you were pregnant, Alexandria?"

She looked horrified, "No...I wasn't."

"You were almost 12 weeks, that's where the pain you were having came from. You had a miscarriage, if you didn't take it then someone have you drugs to bring it on. They found it on your lab work." Peach paused to search her face for a reaction. "When the doctor examined you, she said there was some scarring. So whoever the father was, has been around for a little while."

Alexandra turned away from her in the hospital bed. "I don't wanna talk about this. I want you to leave."

"I'm here to help you, sweetheart. To get whoever it is that's doing this to you to stop and put them in jail."

"Please just go," she cried.

Peach stood from her chair and slid one of Kat's cards onto the stand beside her hospital bed after she wrote her number on the back. "Listen, I'm gonna go but I left my number beside your bed. If you wanna talk, you call me. Doesn't matter what you wanna talk about or the time. Call me."

She waited a few minutes before leaving the room in search of her partner. She stopped Kat talking to, who she assumed to be the parents, and went to stand beside her, listening to them. Kat gave them her card before they walked away.

"Get anywhere with Alexandra?" Kat asked softly.

"Whoever it is, she knows them and she's terrified of them. What about you?"

"The doctor was right, something isn't right about the friends. I don't know what but they're hiding something."

"And the parents?"

Kat whistled, "Pissed is an understatement. Especially the dad. They wanted to know who but of course, we don't have that. Have their address so we could come talk to her again when she gets out."

"Well while we wait, let's go do some digging."

"Where to?"

"The pizza place the friend's brother works at."

-------

Olivia left the office early leaving Fin in charge so she could pick Noah up and meet Elliot for dinner. When they got to the restaurant, Elliot was already at the table waiting for them. He stood to get them.

"Hey, Liv. Noah," he smiled, "Thought you two stood me up."

"Mom had to go back home and change her shoes." Noah explained hugging the older man.

Elliot chuckled a little and helped Olivia into her seat before sitting back down. "Well I'm just glad you're here. How was your day, Liv?"

"It wasn't as hectic as its been since we're not short handed anymore. Yours," she asked looking over the menu.

"It was alright. We're all still getting used to each other but no fighting or yelling so I'm happy."

Olivia glanced up at him briefly a smile on her face, "And Amaro?"

"Pretty good. I can tell he's spent time with you in interrogation."

"He stealing my moves? Is that what you're saying?" She laughed.

Elliot laughed nodding his head. "That's exactly what I'm saying. But it's not a bad thing. He got the confession. How's your new detective?"

"Good to hear. Peach is good. She's probably the shortest detective I've ever seen and so bubbly. I wasn't sure how she'd fit so I called her previous commanding officers."

"And? What'd they say?"

"Gave her nothing but praise. Apparently she's very good at her job."

"Well that's a good thing then, you don't have anything to worry about." Elliot assured her. "See something that looks good, Noah?"

Noah nodded, "Yeah, I wanna get spaghetti with meatballs."

"Sounds good. Think I'm gonna get a ribye with some fettuccine alfredo on the side."

Noah nodded and turned to his mom, "What are you gonna get?"

"Hmmm...I am gonna get," she paused hearing her phone ring, "Looks like I'm getting my phone. One second, promise it won't take long." Getting her phone from her pocket, she saw it was Carisi and answered. "Yes, Carisi?"

"Sorry to bother you, Captain but Rollins never brought the paperwork and I need it for arraignment in the morning. I can't get ahold of her."

"Just go by the squad. She's probably still working on it and turned off her phone."

"Alright, headed there now."

"Okay and call me back if she's not there, Carisi." After hanging up her phone and putting it into her purse, she looked up to find both males staring at her. "I put it away. No more interruptions."

"Promise?" Noah asked.

"Promise, buddy."

Elliot smiled watching them. "Hey, why don't you go see if you can find us a waitress, buddy. I think we're ready."

Noah made sure it was okay with his mom then got up from the table in search of a waitress. Elliot stared intently at Olivia, a small smile on her face making her laugh nervously.

"Why are you staring at me, El?"

"How old did you say he was again?"

"He's ten."

"And adopted is it?"

Olivia nodded slowly, "Yeah, I've told you the story."

Elliot glanced to see Noah still looking around. "You told me the wrong story, you told me the story you told everyone else."

Olivia frowned, "I don't understand what you're getting at."

"He's coming now but you know what I'm talking about and we'll talk about it later."

Sitting back in her seat, Olivia's mind wondered through many thoughts and all the scenarios she had run in her head over the years. She wasn't sure if she was ready to bring that all out.

-----

Carisi walked into the precinct frowning and looking around. "Rollins, where is she?"

Peach looked up from her computer and got up smiling. She walked around her desk to approach him. "She's not here. Tell me what you need and maybe I can help you."

Carisi stared down at the little woman in front of him, "Uuuh ... you are?"

Peach held out her hand, "Detective Barnes but call me Peach. You?"

Carisi shook her hand managing a small smile through his frustration. "The new detective I take it, nice to meet you. Dominic Carisi, ADA. Call me Sonny."

"Okay so what do you need, Sonny?"

"I need the paperwork Rollins was supposed to finish but she's not here so," he explained throwing his hands up.

Peach went over to Rollins' desks and opened a few drawers, "Umm she mentioned leaving it in one of these drawers before she rushed out. Just gotta find the right one."

Carisi nodded going to lean against Fin's empty desk watching her. "Where's Fin and Kat?"

"Fin is gone for the day, he got bored. And Kat has a date so I volunteered to stay till 8." Peach explained still bent over looking in the drawers.

"Sounds like Fin. You close to getting outta here then?"

"Yep, I am," Peach stood up straight with the file in her hand, "Found it! Here you go."

Carisi met her halfway, letting out a sigh of relief. "I could kiss you, thank you. You just saved my ass in court."

Peach laughed, "Nicest new yorker I've ever met. I think a hug would suffice."

Carisi laughed looking down at her. "I take that as a compliment. How are you getting home?"

"Subway then I'm gonna walk the rest of the way. I didn't drive today, didn't expect to be out this late."

"Well since you helped me out, I'll help you out," Carisi smiled, "Come on, I'll take you home."

Peach shook her head going back to her desk. "You don't have to do that, I'm fine with the subway and walking."

"I can't in good conscience let you do that, it's late and dark. I don't mind. Come on."

"Really, Sonny, you don't have to. I'm fine."

Carisi stared at her smiling. "You're not gonna win this, I argue for a living. Grab your stuff and come on."

Laughing softly, Peach pulled her peacoat on then grabbed her purse and hat from her desk drawer. "Fine, fine, I'll let you take me home but before you do, I have a question."

"Okay, shoot."

"Its not cause I'm short and you think I can't protect myself. Right?"

"Right. It wouldn't matter if you were 6 feet tall, you're still a woman. I couldn't sleep knowing I let you go out there by yourself when I could've taken you home. That's it."

Nodding, Peach followed him out and they made small talk and she told him where she lived. As they were riding in his SUV, his phone rung and Rollins name popped up on his radio screen.

"Now she calls," he complained answering the phone, "Yeah, Rollins?"

"Hey, sorry I missed your call. What's up?"

"What's up?" He repeated sarcastically, "Did you forget about the paperwork i needed from you?"

"Oh shoot, Carisi. I'm sorry. But I did finish it, it's in my desk, I'll bring it in the morning."

"No need, Rollins. I've got it."

Rollins let out a sigh of relief, "Oh thank God. I'm sorry you had to go all the way to the precinct and then go through my junk drawers."

"No need for that, I didn't look for it. Peach got it for me."

"Oh well good then. You got plans tonight?"

Carisi looked over at Peach, who smiled at him, then back to the road. "Kinda yeah. What do you need?"

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to come over and make dinner for the girls."

"Nah, not tonight, Amanda. It would be close to ten by the time I got there."

She hummed in response. "What are you doing?"

"Giving Peach a ride home then I don't know but either way it would still be too late."

"Oh ... okay then. Get newbie home safe and call me out something when you get home, Carisi."

Hurrying to hang the phone up, he glanced over at Peach again. "You're not smiling anymore."

"Nope, I'm not."

"Why's that?"

"I told her earlier to stop calling me newbie and she's still doing it. Are you and her together? She didn't sound too happy about you taking me home."

He shook his head a small frown on his face. "No, never. She can't cook and she doesn't like to be there alone."

Peach nodded, "From the south and can't cook, that's a shame. What are your plans for tonight anyway?"

"Go through some paperwork, have some dinner and a beer. That's about it. You?'

"Depends on how Kat's date goes. If it goes good then catch up on my shows over dinner, if it goes bad then dinner and annoy her."

Thirty minutes later, Carisi pulled up to her building then killed his engine and took his seat belt off.

"Where you going?" She asked laughing.

"I'm walking you up. Come on."

"You don't have to do that, Sonny. This was enough."

"Aren't you southerners all about hospitality? Let me do this."

Peach laughed, "Fine. Since you're being hospitable come on and open my door."

"Yes ma'am," he chuckled getting out going to her side, open her door and helped her out, "After you."

#law and order svu fic #svu fic #Stabler & Olivia

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