#idk. i was deeply traumatized by fandom ama i guess lmao

[pechebeche]

yknow. i think the worst thing abt having been harassed out of fandom was how much it poisoned the entire experience of the show beforehand. that was, bar none, the happiest year of my entire life. i was productive, i wasn't suicidal for the first time ever, i actively sought out new experiences and made plans for the future. and i can't think of ANY of it now, a whole year later, without needing to talk myself down from a spiral. im going to spend the rest of my life unable to separate the greatest joy ive ever felt from the crushing isolation that followed it. that sucks. that sucks so bad

#personally #vent post #sorry yall i...Think (and it is mostly just a guess since the records no longer exist) that its been abt a year since the suicide attempt #and my isnomnia has been a nightmare this week on top of a lot of memories coming around #and im just. venting. im just thinking out loud #i dont know. im gonna carry this shit with me the rest of my life. there is never again going to be a version of me l #that can think abt things i loved and made without feeling sick. parts of me are gone forever #idk. i was deeply traumatized by fandom ama i guess lmao #anyway. back to regularly scheduled nonsense soon i just havent been able to see my therapist in months and i needed to dump this Somewhere