#idk what to fucking do i wish i was dead i have nobody to talk to about this

[mgarmagedon]

How are you and your au co-maker friend doing? Any new ideas?

She is fine, for now she is really busy and has really hard time, so she wouldn't have time to even make anything with me. Wish her luck guys, because she is doing her best ❤️❤️❤️

And she isn't exactly co-maker, because she is from time to time making random content about transformers prime or rid15, I'm mainly creating content here, but thank to her Sideswipe is tampon now. :D

But i can tell off what we were talking about last time:

Like lately we chosen to add that after Starscream almost died in explosion, when he was still mainly into scientific stuff, not only making Megan angry (when war was still active conflict and 90% of the population weren't dead), he met that time KO (when he was still teenager) and without getting licences, because how he could get his licence while the war, when practically all schools were in ruins XD So they met that time, KO helped him in coming back to better shape. This is why KO came to Nemesis in TFP with his husband Breakdown, because Starscream saw him as a trustworthy doctor. I don't need to add that they fucked AS ADULTS ON NEMESIS, when Breakdown was still around, because he was fine that KO wants to life in open relationship. They were still happy together :DD

We talked about the fact that Bee couldn't look at Sideswipe optics at the beginning, because he has Smokescreens optics and after all this shit that happened, it was really painful for him. He drank himself into unconsciousness, Ofc Grimlock and Danny were trying to comfort him as much he could (at that time Drift wasn't around yet, he joined with his sons team after 8-9 months Bee, Strongarm and Sides came to earth). He felt terrible, because it wasn't Sides fault that he born or that his best friend, which he treated like his older brother and first love in his life, made children when both of them was drunk. He didn't won't to hurt him or take revenge on the poor teen, which also had hard childhood like Bee and slowly but surly start to get close with. Sometimes he even thought of if he didn't leave him that day they told him about the protoforms, he would be now Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's father and maybe even marry KO. But those are only his thoughts. I was thinking of making black and while comic of it, but in his bot form not human. XDDD

We also lately write A LOT about Ultra Magnus and Wheeljack. Mainly we was thinking what Magnus was doing after the war and becasue he was like this big badass judge, he could just become the guy how almost rule Cybertron. I mean by it, that Cybertron came back to the almost state after the war and that is not a good news XD. "And what about Ratchet?" nothing, he doesn't give a fuck about him. After all, he himself as a guy in new created council vote to send Ratchet on Earth as his retirement and still explain himself by saying " this is last wish of Optimus Prime". I just like the idea that right hand of Prime, makes Cybertron great again, causing fulling prisons by ex cons and not happy with his decisions war veterans. It would also explain WHY FUCKING CYCLONUS WAS IN THE FUCKING FINAL, because he would be rebeliant that wants freedom for his ppl. He also created slums :), idk I think it's cool idea that Ultra Magnus was a villain of the series And I think Arcee would see sense in that and after all those years and ptsd, also got mature, she would fine peace in new worlds order. But she would still take back her father and brother back on Cybetron... at least be too kick his fucking ass. XDD And practically nobody can do anything with, only Bulkhead is living his best life as a worker, it doesn't mean that he is now fighting, he is just tired and like Arcee wants some peace in his life. After they banned contacting with earth and he could talk with Miko, he needed finally some peace. The same with KO and Smoke. He is living now with Wheeljack AS A FRIENDS!!! But from time to time, Wheeljack is showing up at Magnus mantion to fuck him, say hey to his daughter and then disappear for next 9 months. I'm just seeing NeoCybertron as a Gotham City but as a planet XDDD

I can't write more words, so do you have any more question? XD

#tf #tf rid15 human au #fanart #au #human au #tf rid15 #human #maccadam #art #transformers #tfp #transformers prime #prime #optimus prime #optimus #ratchet #bulkhead #bulk #arcee #bumblebee #bee #strongarm #danny #grim #grimlock #steeljaw #steely #thunderhoof #steeljaw x thunderhoof #thunderhoof x steeljaw

[thevirgincherry]

trying again … idk why ur inbox wants me dead but like i need to get these thoughts out to someone i stg . glad i wrote this ask in my notes but others have been lost to the void :(

ANYWAYS cherry :3 i hope ur doing well !! or at least better … like u deserve to fuck og4 leon in the most disgusting way possible !!

coming on here to talk about ddlg leon again bc he is all that i think about

was studying the other night and could not stop thinking about studying with mmmm maybe re6 or di leon … yeah re6/di leon with a little college gf. maybe she’s not in her little space when they’re going through flash cards but he’s definitely still treating her like she is. maybe she’ll get a little spank or slap when she gets an answer wrong … i think ddlg leon too nice for a slap but that’s beside the point !! BUT when she gets one right it’s sloppy kisses and too much praise. when she starts getting better with the material he would finger her as they go through them… maybe start by rubbing on her clit, and just giving her more and more as she answers things right. but if she gets one wrong then it all starts over… when she’s got most of the cards down u can trust that she’s getting fucked GOOD . they probably do more fucking than actual studying buuuut whatevs

maybeeee he would like lowkey pavlov dog her in a way :3 idk if that’s the right way to descibe it buuuut like would start asking her questions randomly and would give her a little treat if she got it right :3 his treats are so inconsistent tho … could be anything from a handful of her favorite candies, or maybe a kiss on the forehead to like the promise of getting eaten out later idk …

like i feel like when she first asked for help from him he did NOT want to. his ass has been out of school for so long and nobody wants to do schoolwork but he can’t say no to her :3 loves her too much !! but once he realizes that it gives him more opportunities to praise and fuck her … omg it’s over. he would see her studying by herself and be like helloooo :( like why didn’t she ask him for help ?? does she not want to suck his dick as a reward ??

anyways … failed the quiz i was studying for so maybe leon is plaguing my mind too much idk … i just need ddlg leon fr . he would cure us all :3

-💉

IDK WHY MY INBOX IS SUCH A FATTY LIKE OMG?? she just like me omg but im sorry ab it 😭

n omg.. thank u.. luv u hope ur doing well wish I could fuck that ken doll so bad..

i think once leon gets . into the daddy role he isn’t coming out of it. acts like you’re little all the time and you have to remind him like leon.. we’re in public rn. but he’s like head in the clouds. makes him look like an arrogant prick but trust he’s got good intentions. ugh… i think di leon would give a little slap (wishful thinking) esp if you ask him beforehand :3

and he probably has no idea what he’s doing LMFAOO like he went straight to police academy brother only knows the basic god forbid ur uni major is anything to do w like science you’re fucked.. but as long as there’s flashcards to get him through it’s fine :3

i think bc he’s older he drags out kissing for so long… like you’re literally begging for him but he just keeps kissing you and telling you to do one more question one more question then he’ll play with you one more question promise and it’s still just sloppy kisses like he’s such a freak omg

#inbox 💌 #💉 anon

[redditreceipts]

www.tumblr.com/crippled-peeper/729279617705345024/

Most calm, head-adjusted and critical tif when she's told that objective biology and statistics exist, and also is simply called "girly" 😶

(also not mfs in the notes straight up saying "buh pedos/zoos are just having though tho!! They aint hurting anyone yet!!)

nobody said that not committing crimes was an accomplishment. we only said that it speaks against men that so many of them are predators, not that it speaks for women that they are less likely to be predators??

"the world is a better place without you in it" - the instrumentalization of suicide is something that really baffles me and that I don't see in any other community. I mean, isn't their main argument that we should coddle and affirm anyone and everyone so they don't kill themselves? (saying this as someone who has received dozens of messages from people telling me to kill myself)

this fucking argument is the bane of my existence. "you say group x oppresses group y?? but didn't you know that there are individuals from group y who harm members of group x??" you basically say goodbye to any sociological analysis here. like, YES. female rapists exist. I have personally witnessed such cases. they are horrible. a woman who rapes a man or a boy or anyone should FUCKING ROT IN PRISON. but social analysis is about trends, tendencies, averages, etc. there are black people who attack white people. there are autistic people who bully neurotypical people. there are gay people who harass straight people, and there are women who assault men. but in the majority of cases, power structures influence the direction of the assault. I mean, why would you even do any social analysis at this point? when a couple of exceptions render the entire analysis meaningless?

I just looked into this person's blog and they're talking about how they wished they died over the entire last week. idk i would post it here because of the raging hypocrisy of telling someone that they would be better off dead, and then whining about how hard your life is... but I guess they already have enough to deal with

yeah thats the energy... social analysis is totally useless because i personally have not experienced the same amount of female abuse that statistics would predict. do you know what an average is??

[dejwrld]

ok, if you guys aren’t in my server or talked to me personally, you would know that i am dealing with a quite “i’m a nice guy” co worker who makes me uncomfortable at work. when i start new jobs or anything, i’m such a nice person that tries to meet everyone and introduce myself to everyone. but like the way this one guy took my friendliness and literally idk. like i honestly think he mistaken my kindness as flirting. like he makes my anxiety spikes so much that when i do have down time from work, i would rather not be in the office especially if he’s there 😭. i have told him that on some days especially when i been in court all day, i that i do not be wanting to talk. just chill and listen to music or watch stuff on my ipad. his desk is right next to mine and i wish i can record the shit he says under his breath that he think i don’t hear what he saying cause i have my airpods in pretending i’m listening to music so he won’t talk to me. like he say aggressive shit like “i don’t fuck with nobody in this office” and like y’all when i say i get “but i’m a nice guy” vibes from him i’m being dead serious. my co worker who sits next to me, had to pull me aside and ask if i was okay.

#⊹ 𓈒 ۫ ﹙venting﹚ ۪ ֹ ♡ ︪ #like my manager already told me i can move desks as soon as another one become available though #but other than this situation i am loving my new job #still trying to juggle the amount i get on my checks saving wise cause i suck at saving 😭 #i grew up not being able to buy the shit i want so having a job like this…i impulse buy a lot

[mermaidsirennikita]

I've noticed the historical accuracy purists avoid talking about The Great, I suspect because the show is very anachronistic so it's silly to complain about the costumes not being accurate plus they're just fantastic costumes all around and are considered as such so complaining about them would not be popular. This isn't Little Women 2019 or Bridgerton.

Again, for me, I don't really care about historical accuracy in costumes at all. I've seen "accurate" costumes that look like dog shit because a) focus was put on accuracy, but care was not taken to ensure that the budget wasn't compromised by that pursuit b) they do not translate well onscreen c) honestly? Not all looks are good ones, and alterations are sometimes needed to make the transition from "thing people wore 700 years ago" to "thing this fictional character is wearing in a production".

Costumes are not meant to be functional pieces that people wear day to day as the characters in their story and setting would wear them. They are meant to communicate character always, and (sometimes) story. They should not distract from that story, either.

But yeah, I agree with you--the reason why The Great isn't complained about as much with costumes is because the show tells it like it is re: its intentions. And honestly, the costumes are great. People who talk about costumes and know shit about historical accuracy re: costumes? Often love The Great's costumes. Because it really is done with so much intentionality and thought, and they are truly so well-crafted. I think the decision to dress Nick Hoult the way they do was a huge part of grounding us in that character, and honestly, helped make people open their hearts to the character sooner. He looked HOT in those clothes, and while his acting and the writing did the heavy lifting for the redemption arc.... the pants helped.

I also think some of them learned from Reign that when a show is truly balls to the wall, nobody watching that show gives a fuck about whether or not the costumes are authentic. Like, I remember people screaming "WHAT ABOUT FRENCH HOODS" with that show and it's like, my guy, I just saw Francis talk to the ghost of his dead father while he possessed a busty governess, I think we're past that.

I think everyone should just give up the ghost and focus on what looks good and what fits the story. Personally, I think the costumes in Bton look kind of cheap and poorly fitted much of the time; they were marginally better in season 2, but honestly, not by a lot (and I think the men's costumes look *marginally* better than the women's on a consistency level, but they've never known how to dress Luke Newton in a way that flatters his skin tone or his body type--and that's not a dig, it's a comment on the costumes). I don't think they serve the idea of a lush historical romance, but then, Bton doesn't wanna be that. If you look at the styling of Roxanne in Cyrano, eras aside, that's what gives me historical romance heroine more than.... many things I've seen. Or, if you want to look at something a bit more buttoned up and accurate, the way they styled Dido in Belle.

And Little Women 2019 fit that aesthetic, too; and that movie wasn't even trying to be about history, lmao, so I never got why people were upset. It was about the sisterly bond. It was about the emotionality. Change a few details and you could have transported the core narrative Gerwig was concerned with into so many other eras. And you had so many characters, and more narrative focus on Meg and Amy than other adaptations have granted, and as such it was so important that the sisters have different stylistic vibes. Meg's fresh youthfulness contrasted to her weariness post-marriage; Amy going from girlish to elegantly dignified refinement; Jo always being *very purposefully not of her time*, lmao.

Idk, I just wish people would focus on story and quality with costumes, versus accuracy. Everyone is creaming themselves over Alicia Vikander having a chin strap with her French hood in Firebrand, and while those costumes (from what I've seen) definitely look cool and high quality, I guarantee that much of the general audience will either a) not notice or b) think it's weird. But that's not me saying it's a bad move--it's me saying that these small details mean a lot to those of us who know, but the entire picture is much more important to everyone else.

[cactuseri]

ok. thoughts on tua s3 that nobody asked for or cared about

• mediocre

• idk i felt like it dragged?? and a lot of it kinda came outta nowhere? it felt all over the place in a way that the other seasons didn’t

• viktor was aleady a fave of mine before but god i loved him this season especially. someone else already said this but his body language changed and he seemed so much more comfortable w himself and i love that. i know his transition was more of a last-minute addition bc the script was written before elliot came out, but i rlly like how everything turned out

• are they???? gonna talk about the SA scene?????? that was so uncomfortable i had to skip it

• i miss short haired goth klaus with eyeliner can we please get that back please im begging. generally i just rlly liked the darker tone of s1

• i know there’d be issues with screen time and tone but damn. the siblings rlly watch each another sibling die and are just like “oh no! anyway” like ???? hello?????

• had no fucking idea what was going on . like im sure thats largely thanks to my ADD, i often zone out when they’re talking about the logistics of the time travel bullshit, but… come on

• the setting of the hotel & the fact that it didn’t change kinda bored me too idk. maybe that contributed to my sense that the plot kinda dragged

• did. did sparrow ben and klaus fuck on that pool table? i have so many questions

• possible pseudo-incest aside, though, they were adorable. that ben was looking for klaus the second he woke up, them cuddling on the wedding night — that’s a dynamic i wish they’d spent more time on

• sloane and luther were cute enough i guess (i wouldnt know, i skipped most of their scenes bc i could not stand them) but im not sure if introducing a bunch of new characters when u already have very many is a good idea? i know it was kinda necessary for the plot and all but. still. like i said i’d rather have seen existing dynamics expanded on, instead of giving us this forced romance plot and expecting us to give a shit. can’t they work with what they have??

• oh five founded the commission? like i said in the tags in another post that was somehow 100% illogical but also predictable

• i wanted diego to do some cool shit like in the end of s2 but. thats too much to ask i guess. i was looking forward to other possible power-ups among the other siblings but aside from allison (sorta) and klaus (sorta — like, the audience already kinda knew he could come back from the dead) that just,, didnt happen. cool. can they at least tell us how ben died. give me Something

• yeah idk i just kinda felt like the writers weren’t even trying anymore

thanks for coming to my TED talk. will probably delete this when i’m sober, good night

#was gonna delete this from my drafts and never let it see the light of day but it’s 4 am and i’m drunk so. post time #tua #tua spoilers #seri.txt

[petersthree]

I posted 9,446 times in 2022

312 posts created (3%)

9,134 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-maidofmischief

@capinejghafa

@ginnxtonic

@alexisrosemullens

@wyvanvck

I tagged 9,444 of my posts in 2022

#y yo a queue - 5,470 posts

#911 fox - 1,001 posts

#tagged 💜 - 619 posts

#tv: moon knight - 584 posts

#stranger things - 580 posts

#succession - 436 posts

#flashing gif tw - 329 posts

#the umbrella academy - 293 posts

#shadow and bone - 270 posts

#wwdits - 231 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#(and we never saw chris’s crush so there’s no confirmation there’s no statement and that’s just! idk i don’t have the words but i like it bc

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Someone: Hey, you okay? 

Me: Noir had his face and his voice stolen from Soldier Boy both metaphorically with the movie deals and literally with their fight. Soldier Boy not only put him down at every turn, but Noir went from Earving, a clearly outspoken man who wanted to visibly be a Black hero to a masked silent supe who is now labeled as Homelander as “representing all races” because nobody cares enough to know who’s under the mask. Noir dedicated his entire life to Vought out of principle and then because he had to, and partly because of Homelander, only for him to find out it was all a lie. He imagines feeling comforted like he felt comforted as a child, probably one of his last few safe spaces he remembers. The mascots are his way of having friends because nobody actually cares to know him as a person, Homelander is content with having a brick wall to project his emotions onto with no thought on Noir’s emotions, and Noir is just scared and sad and lonely and wants comfort, and he just needs a friend, a real genuine friend. 

Me: Haha nothing hbu :) 

4,439 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

#4

Arthur: Hey bro, what do you want to eat?

Khonshu: KILL HIM

Steven: A bagel

Khonshu: NO! CRUSH HIS WINDPIPE!

Steven: Two bagels

5,799 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#3

Absolutely love the thought that Marc spent two days LITERALLY killing people and then went back to Steven’s apartment to find Gus the fish dead and presumably went “oh fuck” and started running around town trying to find a goldfish that only has one fin for Steven. I know that man was wishing he could just murder someone instead because it would be easier.

6,141 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

I see our “Colin is draining Laszlo to make him more boring” theories and I see them respect them understand them but counterpoint: Laszlo has always been deeply boring, we’re just realizing it more now as he hangs out with Colin.

He has the horrible band with Nadja that nobody likes, he’s the one with actual human friends where they do? Normal behavior? He runs off and lives a regular human life, Nadja watches his porn and thinks it’s painfully boring, he stops an orgy and ruins the mood by talking about how much he loves her.

Love Laszlo. Dude has been boring since season 1.

8,439 notes - Posted July 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ben when his Sparrow siblings who he’s known for his entire life get horrifically murdered: Oh no. Anyway -

Ben when his deranged Umbrella siblings who he’s berated and known for like two days don’t invite him to the bachelor party:

12,272 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[iman2]

???

Uhh…

You’re not divine.

I don’t care about these things. What’s the problem?

You’re the fake me. That’s what they’re saying.

Two completely different stories. 2009 so, you’re r1hanna. Nice.

Even in death he wants to be with you?

It’s cuz he never got the chance. Nor did I. He’s dead.

I’m the real black princess.

I’m biracial.

I’m the twin. Trust me.

No. Maybe you have the better movie, according to some. It suits you, you are a frog for real. Frog-bat. You’re eying the re-release?

Yup! 🪄🪄✨✨✨ and nanam1. It’ll be crazy.

I don’t think so. It’s not about that. I don’t care to talk to you, so why are you here?

I love the film. Cuz it makes me look better than you.

Yeahh… but maybe, wish will eat the frog movie! Tiana is boring and I’m fun and cute. 💕💕 hold on.

Who are you?

You can’t do me shit. You think that was fucking funny? You think that shit was funny?

Yes. LMAO. SCHIZO. Your delusional fans tried fighting with me too. Made me some of them cry. What do you want?

Everybody thinks I’m the dragon.

Literally NOBODY thinks that. C-error would’ve gotten away with it.

It’s the Persephone part.

You’re Chris now. Hold on…

Take it down.

Leave it up! :)

You’re crazy. I’m the twin. I made the subliminal. I’m real amm1ka. No one is going to know you.

You’re afraid of future. Them’s your problems. This is a Christopher story.

You’re writing a fanfic. The twin is me.

Are you dumb? He’s on the blog?

But I WON.

What is up with alyuh today? I didn’t say a damn thing about you.

Subliminal. Subliminal. Subliminal. I’m cool! I’m cool! I’m funny! 🪄🪄🪄✨✨

And then I’ll go and it’s 15 views and y’all are crying. Someone doesn’t think you’re me. Big whoop…you have the biggest Persephone piece. So if I get rid of you, I’ll get the whole part.

You’re fucking DONE.

Girl, I didn’t even mention you.

Me and him are cut from the same cloth. We are one.

Hmmm…so talk about you tomorrow?

I’m the TRUTH. I ONLY TELL THE TRUTH.🪄🪄✨✨✨

Idk what to do. I’ll just wait for him to read this. It’s weird…something feels delicate. Like I’ll press the wrong button.

#… #???

[nocountryforcismen]

I feel so lonely. I do have friends but either they live far away or they work all the time and never want to go out or do the things I want to do. I feel like rarely do my friends even think about me much less wanna do things that I do. I’m always going to things alone which really sucks and then on top of that I never make new friends at those place. I’m like, if I wanna make friends that have similar interests as me then I should make friends at events that interest me but either I’m too awkward and shy (I hate being so tall I feel like a fucking hulking giant I’m so huge and fat that I feel so self conscious) or nobody there even wants to talk to me. It feels like theres a barrier between me and everyone else and despite my desperation like I really wanna make friends, there’s nothing I can do about it. When I turn 21 I’ll probably become such an insane alcoholic cuz nobody cares about me I feel so isolated and lonely like there’s a version of me that I want to be and it’s so close like I just need to have more energy and then I become more outgoing and friendly and fun to be around but I’m like some weird lousy tired shadow of that person and idk what to do to fix that. I try to wear cool outfits but that just makes me self conscious. Even the people in my classes who I seem to get along with never want to hang out with me outside of class idk I feel like I missed the Making Friends 101 that everyone else attended and now there’s no way to catch up I’m just a fucking freak. I don’t think anyone would miss me if I was gone. There’s a guy that I have a crush on but we barely talk and I don’t think his friends like me (idk why) but I guess I’m just so ugly and weird that no one will ever like me cuz it seems like he would be just as happy if I dropped dead and we never spoke again. I keep thinking that if I put more effort into enjoying life it will become enjoyable but so far it’s still shit and I actually feel worse cuz I’ve put in more effort just for the same fucking results I wish I was dead before it gets any worse. I can’t imagine the rest of my life feeling like this I just feel so empty and lonely and like even if I try to get better it never works and everyone still hates me. Sometimes I wish I had sibling just to have someone who might understand even a little bit or at least to have someone to talk to. I guess it never gets better no matter how hard you try. I’ll keep going until my birthday at least but if it doesn’t get better soon after that then idk

#depression. #don't reblog. #journal entry.

[ratlastheseus]

I dont do rant posts like ever but. Idk i cant get it out of my head so im gonna ramble here. I know talking to my grandma about it wont change her mind so I wont bother wasting her time or mine, but if you’re like me and you have deep and personal beef with the american conservative brand of “christianity” then feel free to read on.

I went on a road trip with my grandma this past weekend to visit some family 5 hours away in ar-kansas. It was a really nice time! But at one point when we were pulling out of a gas station there were a couple homeless folks holding signs at the intersection. My grandma makes a point of reading out loud everything they had written on those signs and then says to me: “Makes you wonder how many of these people are Actually homeless. They could all just be pretending, to get your money. You gotta work for your money. Can’t expect handouts.” And I mean FUCK DUDE!!!!! What an absolutely monstrous way to think about your fellow human beings! My blood was litcherally boiling but its taken me until now to actually sort out what I wish I’d said while we were still there. If I’d been in the drivers seat just then, I would have made a point of pulling over and giving those people all the cash I had while looking her dead in the eyes. My grandma is a very sweet and caring woman and I HATE that she’s been so poisoned by the republican media because sometimes the most VILE shit comes out of her mouth with zero warning.

“There’s an atheist and a christian in this car,” I wish I had said, “And if somebody asked us ‘should you help the homeless’ only the ATHEIST would respond ‘yes, always!’”

Homeless people aren’t your fucking enemy, they’re not trying to take advantage of you, they just want to fucking live. Do I wonder how many people are pretending to be beggars? No! I don’t! Because the answer is ZERO! Nobody goes out on the streets in the freezing fucking cold like that unless they have no other options! It’s humiliating, it’s degrading, and 90% of the people who pass by will look at you like you’re trash! And it’s dangerous!

(This doesn’t even tap into the cesspit of trying to find a job in the US right now, and I’m to tired to open that can of worms, but thats a huge issue too.) I’m just. I’m so fucking mad. I’m so tired of the absolute hypocrisy that comes from combining american ultra-conservative capitalism with christian values. I’m tired of christianity in general bc this kind of shit is what it usually turns into in this country. It’s inescapable. It’s draining. It’s vile. I just want people to stay fucking ALIVE, I dont care if some of them are MAYBE faking, I’d rather be taken advantage of 1% of the time than drive away 100% of the time without doing anything to help people who actually do need it. Love your neighbor, yall. It’s cold out there.

#personal #tw christianity #religion #rant #politics

[cheguevaraismydaddy666]

seeing my old friend group that abandoned me when i became addicted use the same drugs now just.....idek anymore.....like, i was a dirty junkie, but NOW it's cool if they do it? WHY????? the same people that shamed me and distanced themselves from me when i was using, post stuff glorifying doing lines etc now. when i do it, i'm too much, weird.......but when they do it, it's just fun! they're just partying! it actually makes me sick. i used to end up in the hospital from using all the time. i could very well be dead right now. and they all knew. and nobody cared. nobody even asked if i was fine. also, nobody texted me when they knew i was in rehab. not even when my fucking girlfriend died. nothing. addiction, everything that comes with it like sex work, death, homelessness etc is gross and weird and worth leaving someone over, someone you considered a 'friend' during the hardest and most traumatizing part of their life, but they can use hard drugs! haha, christiane f uwu....(*gag*) my friend, one of the only people that i consider my friend, used to call my other friend and me junks. was disgusted by how broken our life and bodies and minds were because of drugs. now she does the same drugs. posts about it. NOW it's fine? didn't even tried to reach me when i was battling drug induced psychosis. was homeless. had no one but my mom and my 'junk' friend. fuck this shit. like that heartbreaking tik tok sound that goes like "why is being japanese special on her and bad on me?WHY?" ...yeah idk, that's how i feel lol. it hurts. why am i always worse than everyone else....i struggled to survive and everybody left. i was closer to death than to life. i now suffer from ptsd from my sex work, and when they do it it's cool. i honestly can't believe it. well, i can. my ex tried to force himself on me (in my underwear). i told our friend group. nobody really cared that much. told me to talk to him about it. done. few months later he does the exact same thing to someone else from our friend group. the exact same thing. suddenly he was kicked out. called an abuser. well, he sucks so i'm glad he got what he deserved, but WHY TF wasn't it abuse when he did it to me? why did everyone stay friends with him when it happened to me? WHY? my 'friends' didn't care if i was abused. if i was traumatized. if i was DYING. just seeing it confirmed that it's really just.....me. i am the reason they didn't care about things that would've mattered the WORLD if it happened to ANYBODY else. ouch. seriously ouch. i wanna die. i wanna kill myself. i wanna kill THEM. i wanna make them pay for seeing me as worthless. entirely worthless. god, my old school shooter fantasy goes BRRRRRR. i wish i was dead. i can't even talk to anyone about this. i have no one backing me up anymore. well, i guess 'anymore' is the wrong word here. they never fucking did. good thing i'm starving, otherwise i'd have to completly butcher my entire body. the pain of knowing that i am never good enough. not even good enough to not get abused. i don't know why i'm surprised.... i was HOMELESS and nobody took me in. nobody even asked if i was fine. but i saw THEIR big, happy sleepovers on their stories. ouch. big fucking ouch. oh god kill me. please i wanna leave my existence behind. it's too pathetic and humiliating....i can't take it anymore. god, i'm so lonely. and hurt. and rejected. i feel like my heart is gonna burst, in a bad way. 2023 there's gonna be assisted suicide in canada for patients suffering from bpd. honestly i'm gonna go for that lol. i'm serious. and if i have to live there for months or years before i can do that. idk, maybe you need to be a canadian citizen. i'll do whatever i have to do. my anti depressants,which i was originally wanted to kill myself with,apparently make you hallucinate,panic when you overdose on them. also pain. and it just MIGHT work. so fuck this shit. fuck it. heroin+benzos. just a lot. make me pass out, then stop breathing. that's similar to how my gf died. well, then i can finally be with her again. i can't stand being alive any longer.