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#idk what the time period for my piece is but theyre not gonna be using a yacht
violentdevotion · 3 years
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I wish I knew stuff about boats :(
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cloveroctobers · 3 years
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ELLADINE SARABI
IG info/bio: @/ellasardineabi | 18.5k followers | Artist | i was born with glass bones and paper skin♡
25 years old
Born & raised in Cardiff, Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
Father was in the n*vy and moved his family around a few times until he and his wife came to a agreement that it would be best for the family to grow up in one solid place
whereas he would leave for months at a time living elsewhere
Which was hard on the family at times since he is viewed as the rock of the family
He eventually left the n*vy after serving 20 years & was so thankful to, he hated it and how it messed with him mentally
He’s also of Iranian heritage
Her mother is of German heritage
Has her own restaurant that serves authentic German food
Both of her parents instilled hard work, discipline, generosity, and how to be practical in their children
Elladine is the middle child
Has a brother that is ten years older than her and then a younger sister who is seven years behind her
Canon: there is currently a discussion going on if they are going to bring their (maternal) nan/mam-gu home since the nursing home isn’t providing the proper care their nan needs
Her mother has a rocky relationship with her mother that she doesn’t like to discuss with her children but her husband knows all about it
Her nan has Alzheimer's and is becoming violent
it has become difficult seeing her most days
Elladine came into glassblowing after being involved in many classes in secondary such as workshop class
which became her fav since she was able to manipulate many materials such as metal, wood, and glass
She also took a auto body class which was interesting but she wasn’t too thrilled about it. Got away with a B- but knew she could do better if she really wanted to but she didn’t need the class to graduate so allow it
Currently works in a glass studio where her work is displayed/sold and she’s one of the main ones that makes great profit
has bought her own space for her own studio and is slowly making it to her liking with her assistant, yes she’s got one!
Hopes to be in that space within the next 6 months...it would have been a little sooner if we weren’t dealing with a global p*ndemic!!! but ya know life f*cking sucks sometimes!!!1!!:) especially if people don’t gaf
Moved back in with her parents so that she could not only help with her nan but get her studio ready, her parents approved since she was working towards something and realized her talent
I definitely see elladine going through a grunge phase and it probably still slips out every now and then lol
Her childhood room is still in shades of raspberry, gray, and a deep purple
always been plus-sized/fuller than the rest but it’s literally hereditary since her mom is built the same way who got it from her dad
Her family never made her feel ashamed as they shouldn’t and none of her true friends made her feel different since they were all of different sizes!!! besides who’s really friends with someone because of their bodies? Ur really ugly if that’s how u roll js
Always a respectful student and not too afraid to spark up a convo with you but can be a little nervous if the person is more of a “I have to warm up to you first” since she’ll feel like she’s annoying you if she carries the convo at first
Takes her time in relationships because she’s scared of getting hurt, cause breakups are not fun! Especially if theyre your friend on top of that
Although Friendship breakups are much worse let’s be honest here!!!
Has noticed that a few of her exes like to bring up that she’s controlling or too bossy in relationships and that makes her a little insecure since she doesn’t view it that way??
She knows what she wants and likes things a certain way, and she can see how it can kinda come off that way based on how she approaches/says things and tries to be better at toning it down and not being offensive to her significant others
Always has a plan and likes to follow it, she definitely keeps to-do lists on a daily
Takes trips to see Nicky often and vice-versa, every moment they spend together feels like it’s meant to be, even when it’s them just simply chilling in each other’s spaces, he’s truly one of her best friends and he feels like the missing part of her life
He offered for her to move in with him but elladine didn’t accept it since she wanted to be there to help with her nan and in fact—she wanted to be the one to ask HIM to move in with her
but if they make it long enough, they’ll go house hunting together...maybe
I get Shawn/Angela relationship vibes from them (boy meets world for those who aren’t aware of this couple and I’m not just saying this because they’re interracial as well lol) did I say this already about someone else? Brain fart lol
everyone relationship has their flaws so when they hit a bump in the road...elladine immediately wants to fix it but it comes off as more critiquing, moodiness/blaming the other
while Nicky can be defensive/argumentive/a little condescending on his end
To get through it, they normally go on a walk together in complete silence until they’re ready to speak again or they take a break from each other
I think words of affirmation is her love language
Taurus sun + Virgo moon + Capricorn rising?
“The girl on the motorcycle” is one of her fav films — no this is not metaphoric to her love life
Loves watching things with captions on since she always finds herself doing something else while watching anything (which irks Nicky a little bit but that’s just the way elladine is and he loves her so he deals with it)
Will rewind something if she missed it too
Canon: never had morning sex before
but can now say she has ;) & understands the pros people say about it and it outweighs the cons in her book
Will start the whole song over too if she missed her fav part in it
She also enjoys billiards since her brother used to work in a pool hall and when he had to watch her because she was “too young” in her words to stay home by herself he would take her there even tho technically she wasn’t supposed to be there but he was screwing his boss’s daughter so it was quite fine
her sister has a crush on Gary & ships elladine with him, which they joke about every now and then + he doesn’t follow her back, which is okay! Not a big deal but her sister keeps sliding in his dms (he’s now single)
She NEVER thought she would be on THE love island and wasn’t that confident that she’d find a real love that carried on outside of the show but Nicky has proven her wrong 🥲
She’s 5’5–5’6
Probably shops at Zara & top shop and has no issue picking pieces that flatter her “pear” figure, she loves all that is of her body: the pudge, love handles, cellulite and all (she’s very confident and won’t let anyone see her moments of doubt when it comes to her frame)
Loves mythology but will tell bill stfu if he comes near her trying to argue about anything in that subject
Very competitive and will rush through certain things, leaving one to think that she’ll fail somewhere but rarely does
If she’s not near or away from the mountains or the sea for long period of time she gets very moody!!! Guess that’s the Welsh in her huh?
Loves fireplaces, they’re super cozy and very romantic if you catch ella’s drift 😏
Probably smells like jasmine & pink pepper idk
Wants to travel to Iceland one day
Knows her way around a car but dreads having to get it fixed or fixing it herself?
Loves driving until her road rage kicks in? Oh you’re gonna go around her to get in front of her? Never that. She’ll always be in front of you and will break check you if you try her “Drewgi” she mutters
Early riser and goes to bed early too lol
She’s the crying drunk lmao
Automatically vieve has become one of her best friends from the villa but it deff didn’t feel forced like it normally would have just because their bfs have a podcast together, they talk about everything together. EVERYTHING! It feels like she’s the big sister she never had, yet they’re only a year apart lol
They have ft sleepovers and man is it fun!
Forgave lily but at the same time can’t fully see herself being friends with her like vieve tried to encourage before they went on the yacht...sorry everything can’t be Kumbaya over here sis
It sucks to say but it was easier? She doesn’t know if that’s the right term or not... for her to forgive rafi than it was lily and it’s fucked up but that’s the way it is. It’s not like she contacts him on seperate messages or anything like that! She’ll talk to him via group chat and that’s pretty much it. She knows it was all part of the show and production’s bs for ratings but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t hurt
Wishes him success on his shows/movies but doesn’t engage/watch them
What does she post? I feel like she posts maybe three times a month and a lot are outfit pics but tends to go live more so to chat with the people! She’ll also show all what glassblowing entails while chatting away! She loves that part and is pretty open about things but knows how to keep some things private
Personally wasn’t the biggest fan of season 1 but admits she wishes she had mc’s balls in terms of what she would have done if she was in elladine’s place when lily picked Nicky, “ugh! I wish I had her strength rising through my veins in that moment. Absolute riot. Adore her.”
‘“Licky” is a ugly ass ship name anyways so who’s really winning here?!’
Celeb crushes? Iwan Rheon, Henry Zaga, Anthony Welsh, jason derulo, & LaRoyce Hawkins
Listens to: soleima, Marisa Maino, Ava Max, poppy, Caroline polachek, Donny Hathaway, Phil Good, & SAINt JHN
Anthem — M.I.A. “Bad Girls”
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callingallcars · 4 years
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strauss-howe generational theory???
strauss-howe generational theory!!!!!! This is my favourite sociological theory, and actually one of my ongoing hyperfixations which means this is gonna be a hella long answer.
it asserts that there are four main generations each lasting about 20 years (but can be around 22 if the global sociopolitical/economic field permits) as a part of a larger scale of one average human life span of 80ish years. Each generation has its own archetype and its based off the sociopolitical/ economic climate that is occurring, which tends to be the same roughly every 80-90 years, or 4 generations, or roughly one generational cycle. its how we know millennials are defined as those who were born between 1980 and 1999, how gen x is 1960-1979, and boomers are the baby boom that occurred after-ish WWII from 1940-1959, hence why theyre called boomers. Gen X has no defining name for some reason, because technically every generation has a lettered association, millennials are gen Y, “zoomers” are actually called Generation Z etc.
The four archetypes are the Hero (civic); The Artist (adaptive); The Prophet (idealist); and The Nomad (reactive).
The theory itself states that every 80ish years, or “full saecula” there is a crisis, followed by a recovery, where communal values amongst generations are strong enough that the sentiments shared amongst the succeeding generational archetypes boils over into a fight for individualism, attacking state systems, and eventually topples the institutions, which ultimately creates another really awful political climate that, you guessed it, ends in a crisis!
(a fun way to look at it is boomers are responsible for the political climate that lead to the 2008 financial crises, which is technically the Actual crisis that defines the zoomers generation).
Now, while crises and global historical political events are inherently important to the definition of these archetypes, the other big thing thats been super important since the industrial revolution is the evolution of technology!!!!! Boomers had sliced bread and the polio vaccine (same year go figure) and the microwave, Gen X actually had a pretty big uptick in musical technology (rock n roll, anyone?) (also the punk and hip hop fanbase, MTV, the invention of portable music players like tape decks, the eventual grunge scene, etc). Millennials are the ones who actually have claim to the internet since it took on the first internety form in 1990, which allowed millennials to grow up with the technology, and since we know children are more adaptable to new technology than adults because they can include it in their developmental processes, we can just pretty much give the internet to mid millennials.
But this is where it gets interesting, and a bit muddled, and where my own research and extended research beyond strauss and howe comes in.
There are a few important things to consider:
Between each generation, since time and development and the global climate is not split evenly since thats not how the world works, there’s usually some overlap in those born within the 5 ish year gap between generations.
Another thing that defines generations is their upbringing, and until about the late Gen x/ early millennial generations with a few exceptions (my parents included because they were older than average when my sister and i were born) have defined the new generations every 20 yrs bc well, that’s typically when it was the social norm to have kids in the cishet nuclear family “norm”.
Another thing is that children tend to be the opposite archetype from their parents (think of how the artist archetype comes immediately after the hero archetype) but thats more of a fun fact that just gets sprinkled into every discussion
So, if we know that there’s always some generational overlap, and technology and political crises play equally important roles in defining a generation, and we know that tech blew tf up around 2008 All Of A Sudden (faster than it ever really had, seriously the exponential growth of tech after apple and amazon cornered the market is nuts) and we know millennials have claim to the early internet, and Zoomers have claim to smart technology after the tech boom, and are defined as usually being born post-9/11 and their defining crises is the 2008 financial crisis, then where does that leave the overlapping kids in the middle, born too late to really have claim to the early internet (1997/8) but born before/during/Just After 9/11 making That their defining crisis (because even if u were only 4, u had enough time to develop and be raised by ur parents both in a pre And post 9/11 world) That my friends is what people often refer to as “the lost generation” “Xennials” “dark millennials” etc. There’s examples of it all over the internet. “if you were born between 1995 and 2000 youre the maroon 5 generation” (personal fave) “music/ technology/ stores/ toys etc only dark millennials will remember” (and itll be a photo or list of something so very 2004-2010 that only someone born during that time would have ever experienced, since tech didnt last that long in this time period re the smart tech boom) (music and music tech is also actually super important to generations, because it defines whole cultures, and you can just Tell when music is from, and all those dumb born in the wrong generation things often focus heavily on music and music-influenced scenes)
All this is to say that if you were born ill say at the earliest 1995 and latest beginning of 2002 and you feel like you dont have a claim to a generation, if u relate to those “dark millennials” posts, if you remember going from overhead projectors to smartboards instead of one or the other, if your first social media was late myspace or facebook instead of AOL or snapchat, if you spent your childhood playing outside but then vividly remember when everyone became smartphone obsessed and when that became The Thing to do (idk about u but like it was Cool in middle school to bring ur iphone 3G or 4 to class or parties and let people use it) then its because there really is a weird middle “lost” generation that doesn’t belong to either side, where the generational overlap is more significant than any before due to the swift development of tech during this period, and where the people inside of it often have traits and interests from both sides, but also their own defining pieces of middle-ness (like marianas trench, or taio cruz, or all those weird ytv/nick/disney shows that only ever lasted 2 seasons like danny phantom).
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graffitibible · 4 years
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Do you have any advice for writing or creating regularly? That’s hard for me and I’d like to get better at it.
it boils down to what works best for you personally tbh. i’ve got a system to write semi-regularly (or i did......restricted movement hours have kinda forced me to restructure that lol) and it works for me but that’s just how my brainyot works. i’m a routine-based creature so working writing into my routine was how i got myself to write semi-regularly. 
ive also had significant Brain Junk for most of my life and was gradually able to navigate how best to create in spite of that but im also like, medicated for it and the like so self-care was a factor. i couldnt create shit while i was too busy lying in a pool of my own filth having fits of paranoia about the nature of reality so i was hardly about to make myself try and create stuff when that wasnt even on my radar. 
i can share some of the things i do to keep myself writing though! like again this isn’t something that’s for sure gonna work for everybody cause everybodys wired differently but i hope some of it helps!
1. daily wordcount - i’ve mentioned this before but i have a daily wordcount that i do for my original fiction. i don’t apply the same standard to fic-writing because that risks making it an arbitrary barrier that puts too many numbers on my internal list. that being said, it’s very small. i make myself do 200 words per day. if that gets me going and writing more than that, awesome. if not, i still got a little bit done. 200 words is small, and it’s not overwhelming to catch up on if i miss a day. no matter how shitty im feeling i try to get in 200 words.
2. routine - since i’m a routine-based person by nature i basically found ways to finagle creative processes into all that. it’s not hard and fast because that kind of rigid structure makes me balk and i’m not that disciplined lol, but it’s usually something like “i have an hour-long lunch break at work and literally nothing else to do during it so i’ll write in that time period” or “i have thirty minutes of sitting by the stove making dinner so i’ll write until it’s ready”
3. momentum - or what my housemate fondly calls “The Juice.” if i have The Juice of inspiration i keep that going for as long as i can. if something’s not working for me i don’t scrap it or toss it right away. if i’m having trouble with a scene i make a note to myself and move on to a different one. example of this from my latest wip, which is part iv of mayhem
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i hadnt worked out what was gonna go there and nothing was coming to me easy in the moment so i stuck the note there and kept going. my works are full of this shit. if i can’t think of a name or if there’s a statistic or a character i haven’t worked out yet i don’t wanna break my focus and momentum so i slap a note in the first draft and keep going. at a first draft stage the important thing is getting the words Out so it doesnt matter if theyre perfect. ill go back and fix them later, revise all i need to. first drafts dont need to be good, they just need to be there so i can spruce them up later.
on the flip side do not be like me and commit to this momentum so bad that you forget that you are a human being who needs to eat and consume liquids. i do that sometimes because of who i am as a person and it is a serious flaw of mine, do not be like this. sometimes getting some food in you is what you need to get The Juice flowing again and that sounds kinda gross and i am sorry
4. planning and hangups - this ones dependent on how you create. i forget where this analogy came from, but i’ve heard it said that some writers are architects who need a blueprint of where they’re going before they end up there and some writers are gardeners, who don’t need a set plan so much as they need to keep going. i’m definitely an architect - a lot of my works start out as bulletpoints of what scenes i wanna cover, what topics i wanna explore, etc. - though i have on occasion simply Written without any set destination, usually to force myself out of a creative slump. me being a big planner used to be one of the biggest barriers for me creatively because i’d spend hours agonizing over minute universe details and never start the dang story. this still happens from time to time. like heres what my organizational folder looks like wrt “pray for disaster”
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that is not even all the files in there. why do i have two dictionaries. jesus. like i make these giant ass fuckin....tomes of stuff i like to keep track of, which i like to call “bibles” lol. except i could tell that getting too organized was gonna be an uphill battle with very little payoff so by the end i just made a “MISCELLANEOUS BULLSHIT” doc and for now i throw everything in there if it doesn’t fit into something like a dictionary or timeline
shit like this is why i like to just sit down and write without a clear destination in mind if i’m having writer’s block. that’s one of those things that goes hand in hand with the way i take advantage of my own momentum - if i reach a certain point where i’m just picking at details and not doing any writing i just go “ok motherfucker sit down and write shit. we will work out the details later.”
5. motivation - the ways i tend to motivate myself are weird so idk how true this is for anybody else but i’ve been writing for a pretty large part of my life. i went to college for english/creative writing and got a whole dang degree cause i still wanna make this my vocation somehow. one thing i cannot ever turn off is the writer part of my brain that’s going “oooh huh that’s not how i would’ve written that” in literally every piece of art i consume - tv, movies, books, songs, etc. sometimes that’s enough to inspire me into doing something on my own time. most of the time though if i’m feeling stumped i tend to crack open some of my personal favorite works, like books or fics that have really resonated with me, to fall in love with the art all over again. seeing the way different authors and artists do their craft helps me get in the zone of wanting to write more cause i get this nice feeling of “damn, these people really did those things with those words.....that’s fuckin amazing.....i wanna do that.” 
you do risk falling into the trap of “ugh i can’t write like them though” but that’s the beauty of writing. nobody can write the way anybody else does. ofc i can’t write like terry pratchett, only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett, and if i compare myself to terry pratchett i’m only gonna get sad and mopey. but i can write in a way thats totally unique to me so i should not try to write like terry pratchett because that’s just impeding my own creative energy in the interest of trying to cookie-cut myself into someone else’s zone. only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett but only i can write like zero graffitibible.
i hope that was helpful? like this is all stuff that works for me so no guarantee it’ll work for everyone else.
oh right and idk how many of yall are minors because let it be known that i do not condone underage drinking; i am an adult who occasionally will get crunk because i like to write drunk and edit sober. if you too are an adult who can legally consume alcohol feel free to write while buzzed because that is a nice way to write with zero fuckin inhibitions. i dont get blackout drunk or nothing just a little buzzed and sometimes what i write makes no sense but i am at times at my most productive at 2am while mildly buzzed. its a thing.
like again i’m not really an authority on this by any means - this is just what works for me. but if it works for you too, great!! find your zone and all that
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lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years
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just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo
im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 
like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 
and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”
and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 
and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 
or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 
and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 
and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 
and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!
i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Have a hodge podge of questions cuz I couldn't pick just one haha (but you don't have to answer all of them!): What's your favorite taz balance moment? Amnesty moment? Top 5 ships (from anything!). If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?
Giving you five moments from the Balance arc bc I’m cry I love it so much (they’re not even top 5 they’re just ones I’m thinking about right now I HAVE NO FAVORITES I LOVE IT ALL)
BIG SPOILERS Y’ALL FOR TAZ, VERONICA MARS, A BUNCH O SHIT IDK
5. Barry Returns
STURDY. DENIM. BLUE. FUCK ME RUNNING.
No really tho the first time I heard that I was running on the treadmill and all of my surpressed weird girl energy from when I was 10 and didn’t want to get bullied JUMPED out and I screamed. I also turned up my speed very high.
4. The Lunar Interlude Music
I know it’s not a specific moment but every time it comes on I feel instantly at peace.
3. Taako and Kravitz’s pottery class at the ole Chug and Squeeze
Okay first of all Justin said “Chug and Squeeze” and I nearly pissed myself but like. That. Taako making a vase bc he could give a shit what they want him to make bc HE WILL NOT CHAIN HIS MUSE. The spell charging out of the umbrastaff (MY LOVELY GAL). These two fucking idiots falling in love with each other after like 20 minutes of knowing each other and all of us being like FUCK YEAH THEYRE IN LOVE
2. Barry and Lup’s duet
Their love. The way it builds over a half century. How in tune with each other they are, how much they understand each other and trust each other and challenge each other. And how they stay so PASSIONATELY in love after about fifty years. They are what I hope for some day.
1. Magnus and the Chalice/ Magnus’ Death
Magnus sees Julia after her death twice. The first time, with the chalice, is gut wrenching. This person that our sweet goofy and loveable Magnus loved with more of himself than should have been possible stands before him, just out of reach, and the opportunity to save her presents itself to him. And he doesn’t take it. Because even though his life has been hard without her, she wouldn’t want him to bring her back. And that’s why his ending is so beautiful. Major character deaths are often used to motivate a living character, to take something dear from them, or to cheaply tie up things because a writer doesn’t want to take the time to give the proper ending (ahem VMARS). But Magnus’ death is filled with love and happiness from a long and full life that he never expected to live out. There was a period of time where a lot of his risky behaviors could be called suicidal, and the fact that he not only lives but lives happily is so good. And he passes happily, too. And he’s taken to the love of his life, she’s the first person he sees. And I was crying throughout the whole scene, but as soon as Reeder’s waltz for “Julia” began to play, I was inconsolable. I cried about it on and off for days. I had never had the pleasure of such a beautiful ending for anyone in anything I had ever read, seen, or heard before.
NOTE: in all seriousness the balance arc is one of the most beautiful, gut wrenching, cathartic, and satisfying pieces I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. Remembering my first listen through feels like a fond memory with an old friend. Those boys don’t know what they did for me, but Balance helped me when I was in a really bad spot in my life, worse than right now. Maybe Balance is what I could use again. I don’t know.
AMNESTY
3. “I love you all dearly, very much, as my family. I would bury a bowie knife in any of your chests to eat French Onion soup this exact second.” FUCKEN SAME JUSTIN
2. Duck the Mundane
DUCK BECOMJGN THE MUNDANE AND JUST HAVING ONE MULTIMONTH PANIC ATTACK WAS SUCH A BIG FUCKEN MOOD FUCK ME
1. Ned’s secret
The fact that his secret that he kept from Aubrey destroyed him and redeemed him. That’s such a testament to how Clint played Ned’s character. It’s such a nuanced situation. Ned wants Aubrey’s trust so badly. He realizes he has it. And then he realizes how quickly he’s losing it because it’s all build on the faulty foundation of a massive secret about what happened to Aubrey’s mother. And that when Aubrey tells him to leave, he only stays a little longer to save everyone else. And he has his moment of redemption in the heroism of his biggest sacrifice. And he sees the stars...and they’re beautiful. And he’s at peace in some way.
That’s why his death felt meaningful.
5. Veronica and Logan, Veronica Mars
I am sad and angry right now and am pretending season 4 ended 5 minutes before it actually did
4. Elizabeth and Darcy, Pride & Prejudice
I know it’s a ship from a book that is hundreds of years old do you THINK I CARE no they’re everything
3. Natasha Rostova And Pierre Bezukhov, War & Peace
Again I KNOW OLD BOOK DONT YELL AT ME they’re just VERY GOOD TOGETHER
2. Juliet Ashton and Dawsey Adams, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Two lonely people who have been through some SHIT quietly find love and a home in each other? Hell YEAH (also the book is a billion times better than the movie)
1. Barry and Lup
Gonna probs restate some shit from earlier BUT
Goodness me the quiet but palpable build of their love. How they respect each other. How they make each other laugh. How they understand each other. How they trust each other. How they CHALLENGE each other. And then with all of that they remain desperately in love, no matter how much time has passed. Their story is everything I dream of. I love them.
If I could have a dream job, I’m sure it sounds silly and cliche but I’ve just so badly, and for so long wanted to be a musical theatre actress. But I don’t know that I’m good enough or pretty enough or whatever. I feel very lost re: my career right now.
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smallcowplant · 5 years
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Hi! Hi! I have a bit of a history challenge question/request for advice? :) I'm wondering if you have any ideas rn of how you're going to dress your sims for the colonial/western era (thats the era im on, for me theyre just one era together though)? Idk the difference between colonial/western clothes and industrial clothes? Any advice? Appreciated even if not! :)
Hey dude!
At this point, I'm honestly not too fussed about getting cc together for gen6 + gen7 bc I literally just realized that I accidentally deleted most (if not all) the cc I had downloaded for gen5.....I take file folders of cc out of my mods folder periodically to free up space in my game for other saves....rip. I'm currently just going thru the motions of not wanting to redownload everything.....while also losing all desire to open the game at all!! Lol!!
HOWEVER
I don't want to be a total loser and I'm gonna answer your question! Kinda!
*Disclaimer: Ya' girl is not about total....or even partial tbh....historical accuracy when it comes to my HC! I love history and historical fashion, but I mix-and-match cc from all over the web nine times out of ten!*
EDIT: THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH AND DOES NOT ANSWER UR QUESTION LOL I'M SORRY
When I think colonial, I think puritanical New England/Quakers, with their bonnets, heavy shift dresses, boots and a penchant for detestable behavior! Tricornes and waistcoats also seemed to be very popular among men.
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It's a bit hard to find cc for any gen that is set in colonial America, bc these restrictive fashions were defined by LOTS of layers! Petticoats, aprons, and lots of chest coverage (bc god forbid anyone knew u had collarbones, u filthy harlot!!) Lots of historical cc, while gorgeous (I love you cc creators thank u for blessing me w/ur creations) favor rococo/southern belle-esque aesthetics (obviously, bc they're much more aesthetically pleasing than layers of gravy-colored fabric)
!! Which u can kind of get away with bc these styles actually WERE seen and worn in colonial America
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Really, what it boiled down to was where you lived and how much money you had. (And mostly, who your dad was.) If you have, say, a wealthy family (of garbage people), their daughter might be bedecked in gorgeous frocks and day-dresses like those seen above. If you have a poorer family (of different, but ultimately probably still garbage people), you'd probably wear dull colored dresses and drooping bonnets (and hope that a bunch of your peers wouldn't rat u out to the nearest church as a witch to get some sweet sweet validation and attention in general)
@historicalsimslife, @javitrulovesims, @budgie2budgie have some beautiful pieces that I think you could definitely work into semi-colonial looks!
I would link directly to some of my faves of theirs, but I'm on mobile! (Also, if you just scroll through sssvitlans 'historical' tag, you'll find some good stuff too!)
When it comes to western cc, there's sadly not a TON of strictly cowboy-driven creators out there! There are some, don't get me wrong! If you go through sssvitlans 'western' tag, there's some real winners that I downloaded without a second thought!!
Before I get into some of my inspo for cc hunting, please know that a lot of our perception of cowboys/the wild west comes from Hollywood and spaghetti westerns! And even though young Clint Eastwood is an entire snack and a half
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he is NOT what most cowpokes looked like (not gonna get into how many cowboys were decidedly not white or straight but for the record, most of them were neither white nor straight lol)
Here's some Looks that I'm all about and that I used as CC-hunting inspo
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Think neckerchief's, leather, vests, and trousers. Oh, and suits. Clothes in the Wild West were not mass-produced---if you needed new duds you had to make your way to a tailor. That's why you might see historical photography/films show their cowboys in suit coats/vests/dress pants....it wasn't for the fashion! It was because they were buying everything second-hand! The fancier the clothes, the harder to sell (if your main source of consumers is a bunch of guys who work long hot days out in the desert)....thus, the resell prices were cheaper
As for women! If she's out in the West, she's going for comfort and the basics---I mean, as much as she can with the restrictive fashions and general cultural/gendered norms of the day
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Think muted colors, long skirts, belts, buttoned or high-necked blouses! There can be some overlap here with early Victorian looks, but keep it simple!
As for the industrial age, I honestly just consider that gen of the HC to be ripe for overlapping all the beautiful Victorian/Edwardian CC that the likes of @historicalsimslife and @retro-pixels have blessed us with! Corseted gowns, high necklines and beautiful hats!
I mainly look for inspo in the films I watch and the books/articles I read! Pinterest is a great tool to inspire some creative thought when it comes to CC-hunting. You might find the perfect blouse/trousers in a completely modern CC post. It just takes a little bit of a journey!
If u want like....a Wild West inspired CC lookbook....I could do that! I've actually been considering it for a bit lol
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adamsvanrhijn · 5 years
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ok to clarify some posts from a few days ago:
i do not think that anyone needs to justify Why they want a character to be something, where “something” is like, an identity trait. like, i don’t need a reason for wanting combeferre to be the era-equivalent of a gay man (this phrasing is reductive but y’all know what i mean). i can just want that and that’s fine. whether my reasoning is “because i am a lesbian and like to write fanfic about gay people” or “because i think him and enjolras having unresolved sexual tension is incredibly hot” or “because he just gives off a gay vibe idk” it wouldn’t like, matter, at all. 
again. anyone reading/writing this post is well within their rights to think that combeferre is gay, or that enjolras and cosette are long lost siblings, or that grantaire has four serious and expensive medical conditions that the amis must raise money for, is both salty and bisexual, and that he was a soldier in the war of 1812 and an insurgent in soviet russia and has deep and accurate knowledge of the israeli-palestinian conflict and that this is why he is opposed to devoting any energy to political action whatsoever or whatever the fuck is trendy nowadays. i don’t care why you want that, or necessarily understand why, but like, want all you want. i’m not taking that away or telling you that you cannot want that.
but when i CREATE FANWORK, and include my desires and realize them as headcanons and/or plot elements in my fanwork, i feel that it needs to be a justifiable choice within the work for the work to be good. my instinct is to say that a fic where grantaire was all of the above things would not work very well or be very good because it doesn’t make any sense. like, for one thing, france has socialized healthcare and one of the best cancer treatment systems in the world, so why would the amis need to raise money for his leukaemia where his symptoms are exactly the same as in jodi picoult’s 2004 drama novel my sister’s keeper, ET CETERA.
anyway, to be less bitchy:
if Combeferre canonically was said to be looking at women and judging them on their aesthetic value and desiring to include them in his collection [of mistresses] then it would take a lot more work and in-story character work for me to believably write him as a gay man. if he had had that canonical characterization, i would maybe want to write about combeferre using heterosexual posturing as a mask for his deepest, most intimately emotional but also sexual love, which is for his best friend enjolras*, or at least like, reference his past as a person who interacted with women in a manner implying sexual contact.
Combeferre is not those things, canonically; but he does have some other opinions on women that he gets a whole monologue about, so in some cases it could be appropriate for me to look at how he would relate to women. on a different note, being a man who loved other men and had sex with them in this particular time period was a whole clusterfuck of an experience that i’m not doing justice if i don’t take it seriously and try to write him as a person in the les misérables time period rather than just take what people expect a gay man to look like and throw those character traits at him willy-nilly.
i also have to use my knowledge of human beings and the brick to write a combeferre that is believably a man who loves and has sex with other men. this means incorporating this where relevant into dialogue and exposition and potentially plot elements, and looking at his choices in the context of the story, and seeing how they line up with his choices in the brick (because fanfic!) and where they’re congruent, where they need work, and then just, to have a believable story at all, looking at the time and place and environment of my story and how complex it is! like, examining, where i need to describe things that would not be obvious to a modern audience, and where i need to flesh out character traits or perhaps use another character to highlight something that the pov character won’t, where i need to learn more about the average medical school sexy possibly-republican-but-you-don’t-know-yet-because-that’s-not-a-first-date-question dissection partner’s knowledge of light polarization circa 1829 in victor hugo’s fictionalization of paris, france
anyway i meant for this post to be like two paragraphs max. wish i could overshoot like this with fanfic. so, to recap, you can totally think that enjolras bleaches and dyes his naturally dark hair blonde and doesn’t own a clothing item in a color other than red, or that enjolras wants to be tied up upside-down with lace ribbons by grantaire who is wearing a chastity belt, or that courfeyrac is a flamboyant gay man with a glitter-covered apartment who doesn’t know what a clitoris is, for whatever reasons you have that i probably won’t understand, but for the love of god if you’re gonna write fic about those things either own that it’s self-indulgent and potentially out of character, or make me believe that the characters are behaving in these ways for reasons that align with their reasoning and motives in canon, because otherwise they’re.... not... recognizably the characters from canon and possibly your piece just isn’t very well written.
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coolspacequips · 6 years
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I am too tired to think of actual scenarios and details but imagine Kinkade, Shiro, and Lance have been together and living together for a while and they decide to take the next step: adopting a pet! What do each of them want: cat, dog, bird, snake?? Do they get more than 1? How many places do they look at, do they run into problems? Do they fall in love with something unexpected? What do they name it!
hey anon ok here we go with attempt 2 with answering this question!! i wrote a long ass response to this ask and then accidentally navigated away from the page somehow (typing too frantically? no conclusive science on this) and lost the whole thing :’)
but im bringing the same enthusiasm and mostly remember what i said so here we go again! (came back to say.... this got even longer idk why i am just rambling abt pet meta this is ridiculous)
so, we all know that i want shance to be married with a cat, but moving into ot3 territory things are getting a little bit more complicated. 
pet discussions probably open up as a joke, with lance complaining about wanting a little buddy to play with around the house, and the others agreeing that they could use someone to keep their energy up and their laps warm whenever hes away. but whenever lance sighs and moans for a pet, it tends to be a different animal depending on the situation. 
so what do they actually want?
starting w lance naturally, i feel like hes a much more traditional pet type of guy. wants a cat to snuggle and play with, or a dog to run and swim with, something soft that he can get his hands on and smother in smooches. something thatll do well in a family home! whatever they get though, he would shower it with love and attention
shiro strikes me as more of a traditional pet guy, too, and we already know that he likes cats. if he had more time, i feel like he would like smaller pets, like a bunny or a bird, something he can keep nearby and speak softly too while just enjoying how cute and pretty it is. but the level of poop from both of those animals requires a lot of upkeep, and they need more specific care, and birds can get loud, which kinkade is not the hugest fan of, anyway
kinkade is the odd one out here, though. i mean, of course he likes your traditional house pet just as much as the next guy, and animals actually Love him for reasons beyond his comprehension, but he actually likes reptiles. we know hes a reflective guy, one who seems to value having control, and idk i think he would find a lot of comfort in the routine of caring for a high maintenance pet like that! he likes reptiles because theyre stoic but full of so much personality, and he just enjoys kind of watching them do their own thing in their habitat, showing his care by keeping their temp and humidity under control, decorating their tanks to a ridiculous degree to make them as comfortable and immersive as he can for them. he spoils them a little with treats, and you might even catch him murmuring softly to them while he feeds and cleans and handles them.
he knows its a weird sort of pet, though, so he doesnt speak up about it when they really start to consider their pet options. naturally, they eventually settle on a cat that they love to pieces. lance loves to play with it, it makes kinkade smile and laugh, it pulls shiro out of his thoughts when he gets lost in them, and they all spoil it!!
lance remembers way back at the garrison, though, that kinkade had a ‘secret’ tank that he kept in his dorm for a while before getting caught, in the earlier days. it was a whole schoolyard scandal, just another layer of kinkade mystery. he brings this up one day, and it all comes out that actually, kinkade just has a soft spot for those scaly little guys, and both lance and shiro want to know why he didnt just tell them that before! 
really, kinkade still has trouble opening up, even to them, even after all this time. he just kept it to himself, he couldnt really say why, not wanting to derail the conversation when they probably wouldnt want some gross reptile anyway. but they are on board!! if this is a modern au, they probably get something not TOO difficult, like a bearded lizard or a pretty cornsnake, maybe a turtle if the commitment is real, but omg can you imagine them giving him a cool little alien reptile that becomes his bff??? please!
but yeah they decide they want to learn more about this special interest of kinkades, and get together with him to research different breeds and the stuff that theyre gonna need to take care of their new reptile! shiro is actually, surprisingly, a little more twitchy about them, a cross between being uneasy with them and being wary because theyre small and delicate once kinkade has gently coaxed the little thing into his hand. he warms up to them, though. lance is v enthusiastic to touch it and feed it, even though he puts on a big production of bravado when he has to put his hand close to its mouth and it snatches whatever he has out, jerking his hand back and then putting it on his hip with a big laugh like he meant to do it
theres a bit of an adjustment period as their cat is Fascinated with their new housemate, but they quickly condition her not to stress the lil thing out
also if its a modern au i just decided that they land on getting a turtle and name it atlas, because its carrying the world on its back, and because theyre nerds, and atlas.
so thats it lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk!!
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drpupper · 3 years
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to any of you who think Hose Ears and Mitt Skis are 'hoe scaring music.' uh idk ima dump some music i like/used to like just like find it on slsk or something. putting a break to save anyone scrollin by
ryoji ikeda - dataplex, supercomplex, quite enjoyed his 2021 release colors as well. minimal digital noise. very calculated in his approach. dataplex in particular builds very nicely throughout the album its like a 20 minute cough syrup trip
literally anything otomo yoshihide has ever touched. but specifically anode. def music to listen to in a quiet room with headphones on as most of the high frequency electronics are hard to pick up on if ur in a noisy spot...
jim o'rourke - havent delved too much into his noise works spare a couple of the steam room sessions which id reccommend as a series... mainly like him for his production and pop works from his late 90s-early aughts period. i say pop vaguely. anyways this is a number he did with yoshihide's new jazz ensemble. quite gorgeous
uh. idk other than that i always enjoy going to see what mark kozelek has put in his recent musical diary sorta albums hes doing with sun kil moon lately... his earlier works with red house painters are nice if ur into grungy sorta sadboy shit played at like. quarter speed.
uh every coil release ever. especially ...And the Ambulance Died In His Arms. best live album ever (sorry alive 2007 ily but. i have to say it)
brian eno, frippertronics, vangelis, steve reich, steve roach, eluvium, jefre-candu ledesma, the list could go on.................xd
at a point i was really into like.bauhaus and joy division and shit too... nothing Quite sounds like batcave stuff. still like some of the noodly new wavey inspired guitar stuff (think like. early xtc, early devo, wire)
was in jazz band for a few years and have been playing piano for like half my life so like. i have a very strong appreciation for like. technical jazz piano. herbie, monk, even some of the freaky shit like cecil taylor, sun ra. also if you can sit through a listening of songs of the key of life by stevie wonder without cracking a smile at least a couple times... idk man would we even get along. i mean if i made u listen to trout mask replica and u didnt smile id Know ur not human because that shits hilarious. beefheart fucks and i dont think enough pretentious dorks really know why.
old chicago house and detroit techno shit. nothin hits quite like it, sounds like its from fuckin 2040 but its actually from like. 87. frankie knuckles your love banger of a fuckin lifetime. disco as a whole fucks hard.
damo suzuki era CAN fucks hard. just listen to this and u will understand
god i gotta raid my old hard drive from like. 2013 sometime and get some of this stuff back. havent been Into music in a bit so i apologize if my taste is a bit all over the place. just piecing this stuff together via vague memories... could prolly post my old rym page but id prefer if ud dm if ud wanna see it cuz 2017 wow Deaf Grapes cringeee (theyre actually good tho)
anyways ily if u read this. uh. dont think im one of those assholes whos gonna think theyre superior for not listening to pop music im just weird
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Indie & Rio
Indie: are you done w him yet cos i have a question like Rio: Sorry Rio: Fire away Indie: serious how do i make it that good Indie: without meshing mckenna Rio: Honestly? You just find out with experience, what you do and don't like, then you have to ask for that Rio: then you ask them what they like and if they know you can do it Rio: most lads your age haven't got a clue but are easily pleased so Indie: 😒💔😒💔 Indie: not what I was hoping youd hit me w Indie: I dont have experience & he does Rio: Soz, if this was Cosmo I'd give you some weird ass tips involving household items but I ain't gonna do you like that Rio: You can get experience with yourself Indie: thats such a ma answer 😂 Rio: It's true tho babe 😂 Rio: Why, didn't you like it? Indie: i was shook i still am Rio: 'Course you were Rio: It's a big deal Indie: not too any other heads in these endz just this bitch here being cringe bout it Rio: Nah, people always lie about that shit Rio: whether it's under or over hyping Indie: we got both cos im amp and hes not bothered is that just how its destined or Rio: How you know that for sure? Indie: 👀 & 👂 Rio: There's so many answers that ain't that still though Rio: 'less I'm missing something Rio: he could be playing it cool 'cos he's as hyped, for example Rio: or just fucking hungover 'cos you know, ain't we all a bit Indie: nah cos last night isnt the only Rio: What you mean? Indie: since i gave him everything now he dont want it Indie: thats how it goes Indie: talking at new ones and bout his olds and how they be like im not there Rio: What a prick Rio: That's not on Indie: cos he dont wanna roll w no tourist which is how i am to this Rio: Nah, don't get it twisted, he don't wanna roll, period Rio: playing a numbers game like a typical teenage boy who's spent too much time alone in his room 🎮👌🍆 Rio: this isn't anything you did or didn't do, fuck that noise Indie: yeah cos i made the chase sick but then couldnt come through how he needed beyond that Indie: just school me and then Rio: Babe Rio: If he don't fuck with loyalty then he don't, that's on him not you Rio: doesn't mean you weren't good and even if you weren't, fuck getting better for a wasteman who ain't trying for you how you need it Indie: its what drew reckons too it aint just me chatting Indie: help me step my game up thats how you do Indie: he was with his previous for time i can make me stay for me too like Rio: What does he know, like Rio: I mean I can show you some things, yeah, but you gotta feel it and feel yourself, you know Indie: hes a lad & he knows the game, how they think & do idk he was on it with what he was saying i felt it Rio: You wanna get on a lad like your Dad Rio: they ain't all the same Indie: cos you landed mckenna & you outta that madness Indie: theyre the same for me Rio: I ain't saying a lot of 'em aren't shit, but like Rio: what about lads like your mates, they're all alright Rio: it ain't one extreme or the other Indie: to roll with if i was trying to link em theyd doing it exactly Indie: rudeboys my age want they want & get it how they do Rio: alright but idc 'bout them Rio: what do YOU want, Inds? Indie: I want him to feel for me how i do for him Indie: like he can do anything to me and wants to Rio: You reckon boys your age get it how they do Rio: so do like them Rio: how'd a fuckboy get your attention? Indie: it aint gonna go that way Indie: he scares me Indie: theres no power in it for me Rio: What scares you about it? Indie: im fallin all the time Indie: its deep and its heavy and its a total madness Rio: Oh baby Rio: If I had the answer to that shit, I'd be selling it for the 💸 and good of us all Indie: he makes me feel owned not like 💍 but 🤡 Indie: i cant do for him anything Indie: boys dont play me i play them 'cept now Rio: That is scary, no avoiding it Rio: Best you can do is front the bad bitch still, even when you ain't feeling it Indie: id let him put a baby in me when were olders and living that and he cant turn from edie for me Indie: what is that gonna be Indie: im just like my ma arent I Rio: Don't say it like a bad thing, your Ma was awesome Indie: nah Rio: She was though Indie: your ma can front it cos she got love for her Indie: if she was she'd be here Rio: nah, she don't get to be reduced to just how she died when her life was more than that Indie: she let him run her & i was never trying to be that but this is me younger and letting a boy play me Rio: You aren't that Rio: and I won't let that play out like that Indie: im over having my own back innit i wanted him to carry Rio: ain't a crime Rio: you got so many of us though, even if a boy does you dirty Rio: you ain't alone Indie: i feel it today Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Do you want to go somewhere with me Rio: I can get rid of Buster but I can't hang with Drew all day getting high, that's all Indie: idc bout mckenna but I want Drew to go Indie: theres a vibe Rio: We'll get rid of him Rio: or duck out home, he can sit here himself if he likes Indie: do you feel it or am i that faded on this 🚬 Rio: Nah, I do Rio: sure we didn't help, sorry again Indie: it's chill Indie: i would if i could Rio: gimme a sec to get decent and we'll bounce Indie: has he hated mckenna proper since the start or is it just since you two started riding each other? Rio: idk what else his reasoning would be tbh Rio: say what you like, he ain't that bad Indie: but he aint your hot half bro Indie: makes no sense Indie: you two can link up if you want Rio: you'd have to ask him, babe, but i wouldn't bother Rio: taking the moral highground on this one, i guess, idc Indie: is caleb home? he needs to cook for me cos mckenna is lax at providing Indie: that breakfast was dred Rio: i'll bell ahead and see if not we'll swing by the restaurant init Rio: did he try and make you eat something healthy? 😂 Indie: safe Indie: shouldve known not to trust a posh boy innit Indie: sneaky greens up in everything like Rio: gotta get those vitamins babe Rio: how cute Indie: youre so whipped for him i cant be listening to none of your words 😂 Rio: Shh 😜 Indie: tell yourself Indie: but nah cos its well too late Indie: 👀 & 👂 man Rio: Erm you keep them 👀 down, I know that door was closed Indie: you two are so amp for each other you aint always keepin it behind em Rio: I know, but it's hard 😩😂 Rio: Honestly, the fact only you and Drew know has me worried for this fam and their senses, like Indie: 😉😉 hes hard is how you mean Indie: standard Indie: might be a tourist still but i aint bait Rio: Don't be nasty 😏 Indie: tell him Indie: that boy so horny for you its a pure madness Rio: you been knew i'm peng gurl come on Indie: making me shook about myself Indie: its rude Rio: 💔 Rio: you ain't gotta be like me Indie: gurl please im not gonna seckle for less than Indie: youre goals Indie: 🔥🔥🔥 Rio: you're a babe Rio: need you about, only one Indie, like Rio: Mum enough for you? Indie: 😂 Indie: does that make mckenna my new daddy 😉 Rio: Watch it 😉 Indie: ✌ thats a yeah if i heard one ever Indie: ill get his take on my 🍒💔 Indie: but not over food like Rio: It's a gonna be a bit weird for us all if we both call him that but not trying to give you incentive biatch 😜 Rio: probably not in front of my actual da either, unless you want his input too Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: I aint trying to call nobody that Rio: Fair Rio: Can whack it out when you wanna throw subtle shade Indie: innit Indie: marko can dash me fore that word comes outta my mouth Rio: Deffo, you don't need to be on that hype Indie: he called me baby the other day boy please im grown Indie: stop playing Rio: 😂 Rio: See, boy got no clue Indie: him on that shelta and me on my 🍀 aint no wonder we got crossed wires bitch Rio: Sometimes it's better when you ain't know what they 🗣 Rio: Done that, or pretended I ain't fluent like 👋 Indie: innit tho Indie: me on your fams hype like im from there too sometimes Rio: Multilingual and ready to mingle 💃 Indie: bit late to switch that with him but Rio: You know, babe Rio: how you think I got stuck with him 🙄 nightmare, like Indie: fix my face? i gotta be fresh for all the 📷 imma lure this boy back w Indie: a bitch knows how to take a nude least Rio: 'Course Rio: but you best not be putting your face in no nudes Rio: you need denialabilty for so many reasons, main one being its technically CP Indie: no shit my face is for all the snaps to show what a sick time im having Indie: not missing him at all Indie: the nudes are for when he remembers hes missing me Rio: That's allowed then Rio: 👍 Rio: Proceed Indie: i gotta say if tho cos hes still giving me the most air ever Indie: 💔💔💔 Rio: You're gonna fake it so hard you'll actually get there, trust Indie: last nite was so bangin til she fucked it up for me Rio: I know, babe Indie: do you reckon he wouldve Indie: with her Rio: Nah Rio: I mean, idk the lad and he sounds like a bit of a twat but Rio: sure he ain't gonna do you like that Indie: shes got ways tho Rio: She just ain't afraid of anything Rio: it works in her favour sometimes, other times it don't Indie: im not scared of no thing either Rio: 'Course Rio: but you know Rio: Edie not in a good way Indie: yeah Indie: on the subject drew wont go Indie: aint about leaving him here around all our shit but not trying to stay Indie: reckons he needs to chat at you Rio: Right Rio: I'm coming 🙄 ffs man Indie: is mckenna coming home w us? Rio: Up to you, babe Indie: it aint vexing or hyping me either way Indie: if he wants to be schooled for what proper food is Rio: 😂 he's swearing down it was Nance's fault but idk Rio: either way, we got a date so I gotta kick Drew to the curb Indie: standard she does eat how a 🐰 do Indie: he aint done me dirty fore so daddy can have another shot at winning me Rio: I'll let him know, in roughly those words 😏 Indie: tell the boy he gotta get in my snaps 👌 Indie: make me 👑💖 Rio: Gurl, it's literally still a sore subject but we will brawl s2g 😂 Indie: jam mama Indie: not trying to co-ord these bruises Rio: 😘 Rio: Stay 'way from him fr then you get me 👀 Indie: he's just a peng piece of staging Indie: not trying to ride it Rio: s'all 💕 up in here Rio: will be when we've 👋 anyway Indie: i wanna get done again now im 🍒 popped but he can chill on it Indie: not my speed Indie: and I'm too 😍😍😍 Rio: You a fool Rio: but I love ya Indie: you've been chatting at the old man for long Indie: come through w you Indie: ✌✌ Rio: 🙄 no need to tell me, he's in a chatting mood Rio: aight Rio: coming
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curly-q-reviews · 5 years
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ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19
Cold War (original title Zimna wojna), 2018 (dir. Pawel Pawlikowski)
Nominated for: Best Foreign Language Film, Best Director, Best Cinematography
TW SUICIDE MENTION
SPOILER WARNING IM GONNA GIVE AWAY THE ENDING IN THIS REVIEW DONT READ THIS SHIT IF U WANNA WATCH THIS MOVIE OK BYE LOVE U
well shit the oscars is only a week away!!!  and ive only seen like half of the movies i wanted to see!!!  how does this keep happening to me!!!!!!!!!!!
ok well no use crying over spilled milk im just gonna have to go on a massive movie-watching spree this week and try and consume as many films as possible, and in the meantime lets talk about the movie i saw last night.  this is probably the first year ive seen more than one movie in the foreign language film oscar category, mainly just because the foreign language films are typically harder to find unless a local movie theater happens to be playing them as part of an oscars season special event or something.  but now that two of our nominees this year have american distributors it makes watching them a lot easier. 
going into Cold War i had absolutely no idea what it was about except that its set in Poland during the, well, Cold War.  the trailers for this movie didnt really reveal much about the plot or characters, which honestly i kinda prefer with trailers.  sometimes they just give away waaaayyy too much and then whats the point of going to see the movie??  i did know beforehand that its a romance so i at least had that expectation.
and well yeah its a romance all right!!  its a very romeo and juliet star-crossed lovers kinda situation where a student who gets accepted into a state-run polish music academy becomes close with one of the instructors and they fall in love, however life circumstances keep pulling them away from each other over and over again.  the movie spans over a timeline of about a decade and a half, and in this time the two of them find other lovers, get married, travel from country to country, but always end up managing to find each other before theyre separated again by circumstances that usually involve the polish communist state.  so basically communism is a total cock block. 
acting in this movie is overall very solid with not really a weak link in the bunch, except for maybe tomasz kot who played wiktor cause he just felt a lil stiff to me.  however joanna kulig steals the fuckin show for me as zula, shes utterly captivating on screen and really takes advantage of all of the close-up shots of her face throughout this film.  it also helps that shes given a fantastic character to play in zula, shes a spitfire and strong-willed and will not take any mans bullshit but near the end of the film you do get to see her struggle as well.  the shit she has to put up with gets very harrowing at times and u do feel for her
and wiktor goes through his fair share of shitty situations as well, i mean damn he ends up in jail when he goes back to poland for zula and they mangle his hands so badly he’ll never be able to play piano again which was his livelihood.  its pretty tragic how these two people are just like little puppets for the communist state to toss around and play with to their hearts content until theyre both almost destroyed.  and really the whole underlying backdrop of communist poland is really what elevates this story from being just another romeo and juliet clone to something a little more profound. 
ill come back to the story in a bit cause there are a few things i took issue with but i wanna take a moment to praise the music in this film cause holy SHIT its so good.  im honestly really surprised it didnt get any music-related noms cause the music was probably my favorite part of Cold War.  the beginning is full of polish folk music with a full womens choir that sounds just delightful, and then we transition into classic jazz when our lovers end up in paris together in the early 1950′s, and then some american classic rock n’ roll music is thrown into the mix in a few scenes, and then at the end we have a performace thats like a weird polish version of mariachi music??  such a wide and complex musical palette that ebbs and flows with the story, and we also get to see performers doing their thing which is just the icing on the cake. 
so the movie sounds fantastic, and i mean i gotta say it looks fantastic too!  like Roma, Cold War is shot in black and white, which definitely fits the time period its set in and fits especially well with the jazz scenes.  we get a lot of close-up shots of peoples faces, but theyre balanced out well with wide shots that tend to put the focal points in the bottom third of the screen which i thought was an interesting touch.  gave it a very art house feel.  from what i could tell there were mostly still shots except for a few dance scenes, which kept the movie very grounded and kinda added a sense of realism.
so i think thats all the good shit i have to say and i wanna touch on the ending for the last part of this review, cause to be frank, this movie ended so abruptly it gave me whiplash.  i was going into this film expecting it to be like 2 hours long but the run time clocks in at just under an hour and thirty minutes.  usually this isnt a bad thing at all especially for quieter movies like this that take their time, but in this case it couldve used AT LEAST another ten to twenty minutes.  so wiktor is let out of prison early because his commie friend pulled some strings (probably due to zulas insistence) and we find out that zula has married this commie state official and had a kid with him.  and she now works as a performer (probably working for the state like she did when she was with the music academy) singing weird polish mariachi music.  shes clearly drunk off her ass when she sees that wiktor is out, runs to the bathroom to puke, and then he finds her in there and they decide to run away together again.  but its implied that this time its more of an uuhhh permanent escape.  like, PERMANENT permanent.  like no-longer-living permanent.  and this is the point of the movie where im like “oh god really theyre gonna keep THIS part of the romeo and juliet story they really think thats a good idea”
and then the next scene we see them going to an abandoned run-down church that was shown in the beginning of the movie, and they both have what looks like a shit ton of pills out in front of them.  they say wedding vows, then each take half of the giant pile of pills, and then go to watch the sunset.  and then thats where the movie ends.  it just like cuts to credits and thats it. 
idk man it just doesnt have the amount of emotional gravitas that i feel like a scene like that should have.  and it escalates so quickly too, like one minute theyre in a bathroom and the next theyre on a bus and the next theyre at the church with the pills in front of them.  its hard to explain how abrupt it all felt watching it, u have to see it for urself to get what i mean.  the pacing was just really off in the last third of this film, and with the severity of the act theyre committing u’d think the director would wanna spend more time on it.
so other than that i’d say if u like foreign films and good period pieces this is one to check out, i’d give it like a 7/10.  if anything go see it just to listen to the music cause good god its so gorgeous im gettin my hands on this soundtrack. 
OK Y’ALL i got lots of reviewing to do in the next few days so u’ll be seeing a log of long-ass posts from me soon!  i think The Favorite is on amazon video now so ill watch that for sure sometime this week, and then god knows what else i’ll watch i’ll just have to play it by ear.  have a relaxing fun and fresh sunday y’all try not to let the idea of having to go to school/work tomorrow fill u with too much existential dread  ;)
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joonbugged · 7 years
Text
getting to know me *:・゚✧
hey @rapmonphile tagged me in my first tag game!!! i thoroughly appreciate her so follow her for quality content (esp joon)
your last …
1. drink: tropicana pink lemonade bc i go hard
2. phone call: my mom. she was mad at me for being injured?? thanks mom
3. text message: to an old friend who i just put puzzle pieces together and realized hes a kpop fan!! we’ve been reconnecting and its gr8
4. song you listened to: as if its your last by blackpink (my queens)
5. time you cried: @btsatschool admins made me hecka emo like 2 weeks ago
have you ever …
6. dated someone twice: nope
7. kissed someone and regretted it: yes but never immediately ya know
8. been cheated on: yes
9. lost someone special: yes
10. been depressed: for! the! past! 5! years! of! my! life! im ok though, if anyone can relate pls keep fighting its worth it
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: funny story. yes ive gotten drunk. like shitfaced. but i never throw up!
list 3 favorite colors
12-14. shit... usually I just say green but since you asked for 3: mint green, maroon, and any silver or gold shit thats also holographic
in the last year, have you …
15. made new friends: yes!!!
16. fallen out of love: not sure if it was love to begin with
17. laughed until you cried: absolutely
18. found out someone was talking about you: ive had my suspicions but they’ve never actually been confirmed. at least not when it comes to negative stuff
19. met someone who changed you: idk if this counts bc i havent actually met them but bang! tan! so! nyeon! dan!
20. found out who your friends are: see i always think im having this moment but then the people in question always pull shit that changes my mind back to being like “ok yeah i guess youre a real friend”
21. kissed someone on your facebook list: two of em
random questions
22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i wont add someone unless i know them personally, save for a few ldr that im very VERY close to. so i know them all
23. do you have any pets: THREE CATS THEY ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE
24. do you want to change your name: all the time.
25. what did you do for your last birthday: i had to do college shit!! (it was on june 9th btw) and i got my period!!! so it was f a n t a s t i c
26. what time did you wake up: 9:30 ish
27. what were you doing at midnight last night: talking with my friendos from here
28. name something you can’t wait for: idk... im gonna be in a couple shows soon but i can wait for them all to happen really. lame answer but i cant think of anything atm
29. when was the last time you saw your mom: monday morning
30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: just one??? i guess i was just more secure with myself and knew who i truly was. bc i have a bad habit of acting differently to please different people and not being confident in myself and that needs to g o
31. what are you listening to right now: the sounds of me typing this lmao. and my roomie watching netflix. its so quiet i can hear the noise from her headphones
32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hello?? my lifelong best friend is a thomas
33. something that is getting on your nerves: im trying to hang with some of my pals this week and they keep not responding to me
34. most visited website: tumblr and youtube
35-37. apparently these questions are lost to the void
38. hair color: brown with leftover maroon and dark brown dyes in it
39. long or short hair: im growing it out so its short atm
40. do you have a crush on someone: y e s too many people
41. what do you like about yourself: i can do makeup real well and i have cute tiddies (when they in my bra)
42. piercings: just one on both earlobes. im considering a nose ring
43. blood type: a positive?? but i still dont understand why thats important to know in terms of kpop idols. do i need to donate blood to them?
44. nickname: if you wanna be hip call me mitch
45. relationship status: single. desperately seeking a fwb
46. zodiac: gemini ass
47. pronouns: she/her
48. favorite tv show: the walking dead and the 100
49. tattoos: cant get any bc of theatre. wanna get a small semicolon on my finger
50. right or left handed: right
51. surgery: never major surgeries. i once has to get an inflamed salivary gland removed and ive had my run in with stitches. but nothing major
52. piercing: yep this is a repeat
53. favorite sport: dancing, swimming, and biking
55. favorite vacation: my trip to nebraska last year
56. favorite pair of trainers: what are trainers
57. eating: about to go get dinner. if this is a question about fave foods then i guess my moms spaghetti (no irony here)
58. drinking: currently nothing. i would sell my firstborn for sunny D tho
59. i’m about to: get changed for a partayyyy
61. waiting for: my other roomie to wake up from her nap so we can eat
62. want: MY ANKLES TO CHILL WITH THE PAIN THEYRE GIVING ME
63. get married: im a hopeless romantic so you better believe my ho ass is tying the knot one of these days
64. career: got my sights set on being an actress. i currently make pizza.
which is better
65. hugs or kisses: kisses
66. lips or eyes: eyes
67. shorter or taller: if its a s/o i prefer them to be taller
68. older or younger: older if s/os
70. nice arms or nice stomach: im a sucker for a cute ass tummy
71. sensitive or loud: i agree how do these relate but i like it when people are sensitive. not when they like cant handle anything but more like when theyre in tune with their own emotions and thoughts and try not to be a toughie
72. hook up or relationship: relationship
73. troublemaker or hesitant: my fam would wanna say troublemaker but im hesitant af
have you ever …
74. kissed a stranger: i wish
75. drank hard liquor: yeeeeeah
76. lost glasses/contact lenses: im not a fuckin genie of course i have
77. turned someone down: yes
78. sex on the first date: heck no
79. broken someone’s heart: yes!
80. had your heart broken: yes!!
81. been arrested: no
82. cried when someone died: yes
83. fallen for a friend: yes esp with my gay ass
do you believe in …
84. yourself: i wanna laugh and be like heh no, but i really do
85. miracles: sorta
86. love at first sight: i believe in lust at first sight
87. santa claus: nope but i used to be hardcore as a kid
88. kiss on the first date: yeah. i support cheek pecks but lips are game if it went real well
89. angels: not guardian angels no
other
90. best friend’s name:  tom, katie
91. eye color: poop brown
92. favorite movie: warm bodies
tagging
heres one for the babes: @disastermanjoon @btsatschool (B) @myhomeistuan @eomma-eagle @bunnybubkook @minswaggy-dt @teaacuptaee
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blackrupee · 7 years
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Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me
hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)
nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so
but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?
also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.
i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?
its so fucking frustrating
but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 
everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo
with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 
second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good
back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.
tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more
tldr; bitch. same.
tldr; bitch. same.
tldr; he’s a liar
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tschizofw · 7 years
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Hi, I recently started dating a girl who has psychosis. She hasn't been diagnosed long and isn't sure what I can do to help her when she has panic attacks. Her delusions are usually hearing whispering (Which she thinks is me), thinking that I'm dating her as a joke/someone asked me to date her to get back at her and that there are cameras everywhere. Any suggestions on how I can help her through these periods? Thanks in advance!
hi! ok so i have two partners and one im sure how he feels but the other im exactly like your gf. i can tell you the difference is that my bf is always saying he that loves me and how much and all and we talk every day and we talk about our future together and its very reassuring so i have no paranoia there. but with my partner theyre a little more withdrawn and we dont talk nearly as much as we used to before we started dating. i have no idea what changed. i felt no paranoia with our friendship or when they told me they had a crush on me and we were in that waiting period for my bf to say itd be ok (since i was with him first). but for some reason right when we started dating i instantly they became distant and i felt like it was a set-up and that their friends got them to stage this whole thing and that theyre collecting receipts (for what? idk i dont do shit lmao) and gonna eventually expose me (again, for what? IDK LMAO) and even though ive asked them multiple times and theyve assured that it wasnt like that (ok theyre one of the nicest people i know like they dont have a single mean bone in their body,,we're polar opposites lmfao anyway,,) i still couldnt shake it and i still cant!! so just like constantly tell your gf how much you love her and initiate conversations and sound excited when you talk to her and talk about your future together if you see one with her and if yall are the touchy type of couple then hold her during her panic attacks if that helps her and like let her rest like do everything for her like get her food and beverages and whatnot. just be like so reassuring and constantly tell her you love her but dont just say it you have to show it as well you knowanyway thats my piece. good luck with your gf!followers, mod rat, any advice??
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wdfa · 7 years
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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME
warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.
im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.
last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me! 
i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed. 
in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES
first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!! 
and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!
i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.
it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.
all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!
what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!
ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.
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