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#idk what i did to deserve all of this traction but i am emotional
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✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
🍷 Do you drink and write?
🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?
🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?
💖 What made you start writing?
💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?
💲 Would you ever open commissions?
🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?
📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?
💥 How do you feel about criticism?
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
sorry about all of them dszjhgaier you don't have to answer all of 'em!
KDJFKSDJFKDJ WHY LMAO
decided to single-handedly complete this ask game 😭
💖🏆🦅 have been answered here!
i'd link the "send me more asks" thing but i think all the questions have now been answered ksjdflsdkjf
✨ give you and your writing a compliment. go on now. you know you deserve it 😉
ehhhhhh i can write emotions well?? mostly with angst i think, like the chaotic thoughts and physical sensations that happen during angsty scenes IDK I'M NOT GOOD AT AFFIRMING MYSELF ;-;
🎶 do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?
depends on my focus level! for a while i had @chaotic-on-main generate a fluff playlist for me as i was writing the cuter parts of matcha. sometimes if i'm angsty i'll listen to music. a recent listen has been this:
🛠 what tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
i used zenwriter for a while! but now i've just moved onto using google docs because adhd makes it so that i can't get myself to write if i dedicate my night to writing, but i can get myself to start writing if i'm doing it while gaming 👁️👄👁️
⛔ do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
SO MANY MY GOD i have a canonverse one for aot that was the first thing i wrote, but i scrapped it because i was eh about the story and characterization. i published some excerpts but the actual fic is just kinda sitting in my folder all lonely
🙋‍♀️ do any irl people know you write fanfic?
some do! i've kinda realized that fanfic is like the Thing™ that i do. what do i do on weekends when i'm letting off steam? i write. it's like the one area where i dont rly feel like an imposter if that makes sense??? anyways i say i like writing and if they ask i will say fanfiction lol. there are definitely some irls i'm more willing to share to than others though
🍦 what's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
hmmm including unpublished? honestly probably still matcha because it's like a modern au and isn't surrounded by death and angst like most of my fics are skdjfksjdf
🍷 do you drink and write?
hmmm i dont think i've written after drinking, but definitely after smoking!
🍆 do you write the spicy stuffs? if so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?
OH YOU BET, although reminder of the fun fact that i did NOT intend to publish smut at ALL when i first revived this blog and now look where i am dkflsdkjf i have a bunch of short drabbles that have gained traction because we're all horny with short attention spans djjksjfks if we're strictly talking about oneshots, i think it would be this one if we're including longer drabbles, i'd say this one
🌞 do you have a preferred time of day to write?
ehhh, writing at night is most convenient? i'll do it whenever the writing juices hit tho. i do like writing late into the night (like 12am-3am) because i can focus the best, but i can't stay up that late most nights u.u
💌 how do you feel about comments and feedback?
i love comments! feedback less so. do not provide unless i ask. any improvements in writing style will come from me. providing unsolicited feedback is one of the fastest way to getting blocked. i'm already disengaging from conversations regarding word count or use of y/n, so this entire topic makes me all skdfjkdsjf even if it doesn't directly involve my writing
💲 would you ever open commissions?
ehhhh if people are ever willing to pay? i feel like fanfic is just so available everywhere that people aren't really willing to pay for it? i've opened up tips a few years ago and nothing happened so i'm just eh about it
🎨 how do you feel about fan art of your stories?
I WOULD LOVE IT but do not expect it lol
🤗 what advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
write to your heart's content and if anyone shames you for being cringey, having a mary sue oc/reader, writing ooc or whatever, i would gladly unkindly tell them to fuck off for you 💕 but honestly, just write! you'll form your own style and process and it's the most organic way to begin writing. it'll teach you to write and pour your soul into it for YOU and not because you're trying to live up to anyone's expectations
😬 which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?
OH MY GOD i wrote a mini-fic for WoW and it's literally in a folder in my google docs titled "things we can forget that exist"
📚 would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
eh. publishing it means opening it up for critique and having tangible expectations. so probably not.
⌛ how long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
depends on the adhd gremlin. can range from 1-2 hours all the way up to like 3 weeks or a few months for the oneshots i keep forgetting about ksdjfksdjf
🤯 what's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc)?
hmm...maybe action? i love writing battle scenes, but idk if they're written well enough for someone that's freshly reading to know what the fuck is going on lol
💔 is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?
anything on my angst list makes me want to cry or resulted from me crying LMAO there is a hurt/comfort one that i wrote on a topic i struggle with a lot and will occasionally summon the feels when i reread it but it ends happy sooooo
💥 how do you feel about criticism?
refer back to what i said about getting feedback. do not provide unless i ask. if i know you, i'll ask you to stop. if i do not know you, then you will be blocked.
🤭 do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
i think i use "pls i need him so bad" a lot LMAO because anything i produce quickly is motivated by me desperately needing the affection of levi ackerman and his cock
🥰 how do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
i love questions! i love it when people are screaming in the comments over cliffhangers! or even some that DM me with reactions and i'm just like 🤭 the entire time
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sketcheydyslexic · 3 years
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ey honeycomb 💛💛 sorry to hear about ya bad week but i hope this message will cheer ya up just a little. anyways i will forever say this, the school system just sucks the life right outta ya and i am immensely proud of ya for standing up fo yaself and being so strong. kinda just wanna 🔫🔫👋🔪🔪🗡️🗡️🗡️🤛🤛 the person following ya and maybe even the school. how dare they bother ya 😤 i wanna visit yah just tah give yah a biggggg hug and reassure yah face tah face (with covid rules of course!!)
also your dream is amazing!! i rarely dream of the papyri and i just wanna show them sum love (mmaybe even gasp hold their hands °//////°) also i just saw your drawing of killer sans in a suit and when i said i didn't simp for him yet i didn't mean make me simp for him instantly!!! he looked so handsome and everytime i look at ya drawing (WHICH IS AMAZING BTW I LOVE HOW YA BLEND THE COLOR, SHADE, THE LIGHTING, AND THE DETAILS IN THE SKULL AND BONES 💘💘💘💌💌 THE BLUSH THO) i am reminded of my dream 😳😳 i also wanna try shifting but rn i really wanna experience a lucid dream, i've only had one lucid dream and i instantly lost control and it became a nightmare and the way i wake up from it was moving myself irl (i've actually been doing this since i was a kid) and personally it wakes me up
ya don't hafta stress yaself out on posting and in putting out content, ya doing enough sweetheart. i also understand the struggle in drawing the papyri, i actually recently drew some skulls of classic sans, papyrus and gaster in my sketchbook. i wanted to figure out how their skulls would be different from the other au variants. i wanted them all to have different skull shapes but still maintaining the og skull. i struggle with the sans' skulls cuz idk if i who i wanna give the more rounded skull, who to give a more softer round, ect. side profiles tho!! they really hard, both humans and skeletons are hard for me to draw side profiled. and i understand not knowing where the face proportions go with the papyri i just wing it most of the time :p
my mc is actually my self insert but they don't really look like me so i just call them mc 🤷 but they have my personality and weirdness (which i am proud of :)) the story about finding out that ya have high tolerance for alcohol is hilarious, honestly it's always the my wine aunts who want me tah drink and i'm here wanting tah be responsible (and record sum blackmail material but shhh)
i'm sure ya still look godsend even with a hairstyle ya ain't satisfied with. but i do agree, hair us hair, it'll still grow even if someone messed it up. that's kinda how life is y'know. i actually let my older sister cut my hair and she's all nervous saying it'll probably look bad and all i say is "then i have a reason to finally get a pixie cut again :D" my father's wants me tah grow out my hair again but i really don't wanna deal with long hair problems in a stressful year so hahaha pixie cut here i come. besides if it's already done hair extensions pretty pricey ;)
ya inside joke with ya younger bro is honestly adorable <3 my own baby bro (he's actually a teenager but he's still my baby brobro) is planning on growing his hair out, he's already pretty long on the front part and it's so shaggy that he has tah tie it down and i dub it as "teen bun!!" but usually when it's down i mess it up as much as possible. and i don't mind ya rambling about ya kitty cat, i encourage it honestly!!! like what's their name? and if ya show me a pic i'd 100% use baby talk tah them. am glad kitty cat saved yah life cuz we wouldn't be talking tah each other right now or telling each other our days and just ramble tah each other if it weren't for them :) tell em i said thank ya and give em a peck on the forehead if possible
i honestly wanna live alone atleast once in my life cuz it's tradition tah live in a house with atleast 3 generations (we only had 2) and taken into account that we have a small house (2 bed room and we were mostly 6) i had tah share most of my space with others so i've always wanted tah have a bedroom with my own touch tah them. i bid ya luck on having ya own house hun and live without people hurting yah. ya don't deserve it sweets
NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR RAMBLING HUN!!! i love it and even if it's considered whining i will still gladly take it cuz it cane from ya and when it comes from yah it's appreciated and treasured by me!!!! honestly i feel like i sometimes ramble a bit too much but then i remember it's ya who am talking tah and yah always are considerate with me. how za bout we make it a rule tah tell each other if we're being overwhelmed with our musings. it doesn't mean it's bad, we're both just considering each others feelings and moods and if it makes ya more comfortable we can chat each other personally (but we are in different time zones and i struggle with responding messages, i hope yah don't mind)
nothing particularly note worthy has happened tah me except i have tah take a blood test for my health (i have a specific kind of goiter, it's not lethal and i'm coping pretty well if i do say so myself :D), i was supposed tah have a monthly check up done but the city where the hospital is located is on strict lockdown and the doctor doesn't offer online check ups. but the doc did advice having a blood test by the last week of this month. i kinda get woozy when i get my blood taken, i think it's pretty cool on how they just take blood but i do have a slight fear of receiving/expecting pain gets me lightheaded and i tense up so i usually don't look when they insert the needle. i kinda just chill until it's finished.
i care fo yah and treasure ya luv. how was your day honeybee? 💛💛
love 💛🍯 anon <3
[here yah go
Thank you, one of these days I will learn not to push the big red button when I get excited x.x
howdy, dearest --anon! thank you so much, i really appreciate it. 🔫 give me affection, i crave the comfort of a nice caring hug. careful though, i'll find out your favorite food/sweets and randomly make them for you to brighten your day. my love language is to bake and give my loved ones baked good that are their favorites, i don't know when this started or why but if it happens, it means you are a dear friend to my heart.
i rarely dream, so when i had that dream i was almost convinced to start cult worshipping him so he will take me away, im stable enough to know better though ;P gasp- unprotected, premarital hand holding?! oh my. while i was drawing him, i kept having to stop and whisper 'DAMN' "oh dang he /fine/ fine'' 'lord have mercy-' he is just so fine >//^\\<
OADHOhdaljOUHOH oh my, thank you so much!! It means so much to know that the little details like that are noticed too ^clutches perls^ my little heart is so happy. i drew a horror papyrus and added a lot of detail to the nicks and cracks in his bones but i don't think anyone noticed u^u or maybe i haven't even posted it yet?? its the one of him thats part of the matchup series. im going to redo mutt, and add dust next i think. ah yes, everytime you see him, that special moment will haunt you. not that that is a bad thing 👀👀 i've never experienced either :o i really want to though! its really cool that you can, it sucks that it turned into a nightmare though, nightmares suck when they aren't a skeleton. then i succ. (that was a crude joke right so it is decided i ill try not to make horn dog jokes outside of the dms)
thank you hun, i really appreciate it ;) i've been hard at work today, to post a few chapters and finish the last raffle wins. i am about to hit the next 100 follower goal, and i'm trying to think of what to do this time. i don't know if ill do a raffle this time or not, i kind of want to do something new. i just draw them, lol, i don't know what i'm doing but i'm doing it, and it's been working! i'm doing a few gaster doodles that i might post later, but my twitter isn't gaining any traction at all so i don't bother posting on there as much as i do on here, i even started a tiktok. i love the idea of them all having their own little differences in appearance but still looking similar. i get so frustrated with side profiles, they are so difficult, and for what?! i'm just going to stick to drawing skeletons.
for me, i like using the text replacer extensions to replace y/n with my name. it hits different different. I love drawing self inserts with my mc, they make me so happy.i love the personally i'm seeing so far, andi bet your weirdness is even better ;) <3 me and my wine aunt do a lot together, we got our noses pierced together, and we are going to get matching tattoos eventually. right now we are still deciding on what we want to get. wine aunt are the ones who have all your secrets on back log LMAO half the time you're like "o.o when did i tell you THAT??"
awwww, you flatter me, love. its okay, i just kinda am a little off put of spending so much time and so much money on something that looks like i did it myself in a walmart bathroom 💀💀 i wish i could pull of a short hair cut, but i think my face is to chubby for it. maybe one day ill try it out. i bet she will do a great job and you will rock the best haircut in your area! my dad keeps telling me to go blond but i dont like the way blond looks on me at all, i'm naturally a darker haired person. Bhaha i imagine you just; "no break it, its fine. no, break it, break it, its fine :D"
i love him, he is a meanie but we bully each other affectionately. his hair is so fluffy and i cant help but ruffle it up everytime i can. he looks like ethan (crankgameplays) and it gave me flash backs to when youtubers had their floofs colored. yay! i love gushing about her, her legal name is Panda, but ive always called her 'baby' so i guess her name is baby. here is a picture of my sweet pea;
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Look at those cute little toe beans 🥺💕💕 she's my emotional service animal, she's very good at her job. she loves to be babied, so she loved the gifted ear scratches and forehead kisses. im really happy you dont think im pathetic for a cat saving me, it just proves how kind you are <3
i would lose my mind if i had to live with a lot of people like that 0o0 i need alone time or else it can get painful for me mentaly and even physically. i hope you get to have your own space one day, you deserve a place to call your own personal safe place.
awe, you are the best, im so happy to have you in my life now. im so used to people getting irritated at me for talking about myself i dont really know if i'm going to far when opening up now.that would make me a lot less worried, for you to be honest with me if i am going a little to far ;) that would be nice, i feel a little bad for the followers that good these long posts about my day when they dont care for that kind of content. of course love, you have your life to attend to each day and i have mine, i've never been one to think much of getting a response back 15 hours later, im happy to get one back at all.
oh my, that sounds scary- i hope you will be okay :'0 im no stranger to heath issues, im sorry you have that kind of stress. im proud of you for being strong through this. im terrified of needles, its kind of weird because i have piercings and am just fine with those... i guess its were they are that doesn't bother me as much. the idea of a needle or splinter make me choke up, i was a sobbing mess when i had to get my last shot, even if it was a pain medicine to help with my broken ankle i was saying i didn't want it. i felt bad for breaking down like that, im not a little kid, but boy do i have a fear of needles.
and i for you, dearest <3. my day was nice, i made cinnamon rolls and finished up editing the last raffle win, plus i did a lot of little house chores today, go the house looking nice and clean. over all it was a nice day, i hope you also had a nice day my dear <3
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severusdefender · 5 years
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With a Bunch of AUs Combined, I am CAPTAIN PLANET-W8, wrong fandom
(Askbox is too small so I guess it’s time to show my AU spewing username I guess lol 0///0 hi…)
AUs & HCs: NotaMarauder!Remus (Possible Future Snupin) + Jily Didn’t Date-Marry Drunk1NiteStand to make Harry + DiffDads Lily&Petunia + Resurrected FaeLily AU
A Post Idea So Long that it’s almost like a Fic Outline: An AU where Remus was never a Marauder could actually is super interesting, because it has a spiraling implications on canon. Remus, Severus and Lily is like the sweet trifecta of book & magic nerds. Also like, being friends with Remus would drive Sev to research Werewolf remedies and care? Also be Concerned about his friend’s life.
But like, I’m not sure that Lily and Sev would do the exact same thing that the CanonMarauders do (learn to be Animagi and leave the Shrieking Shack w/ Remus even when he’s not supposed to). Maybe Severus trying to make Wolfsbane more accessible/cheaper? Or better yet, both him and Lily approach this like ethical scientists.
But on the other hand as a frequent consumer of Werewolf fiction I don’t really like how traditional and human-centric the version of Werewolves that JKR used in her ‘verse? Like, what is a werewolf like when they’re emotionally stable, feel secure, healthy? Why would they be hostile to humans in general? Why generalized feral hostility? Is it actually ingrained or a result of underlying mishandling of socialization/emotional-social support? Because obviously, Canon!James who turned into a freaking Stag didn’t get eaten so there must be something to the state of Lycanthropy. Is it a possibly segue into being a Skinwalker? Lost or suppressed information?
Would Lupin theoretically be able to keep his mind and not attack his friends or have the choice overall with better, calmer support?
Back to the AU, something that would keep Lily from drifting out of her friendship with Severus could be Remus? I’m remembering that whole, Remus Morality post thing you referenced a while back. And intense loyalty seems like a thing Remus could bring to the table? I’m not sure how else not being a Marauder would affect his personality though. Thoughts?
But since Sirius doesn’t have a Werewolf to Prank Severus with anymore I wonder what would happen then? Would it be more James or Sirius or Peter trying to snoop into where the three go during the full moon nearly every month? How would that spiral? Sev and Lily trying to close ranks around Remus, whom they don’t quite know if Dumbledore is willing to back that horse for too long compared to those with “higher” status like, James & Sirius?
Maybe a part of Sev’s radicalization that drove a spike between his and Remus’ friendship could be Severus trying to court Remus to the Dark Lord’s party? Because they were recruiting both poor and marginalized populations after all, also I *think* Remus is a pureblood technically? I forget. And Remus would’ve gotten so PISSED because he knows that would be condoning/supporting all the bad things people say about Lily, one of his only other very close friends, plus a bunch of other bad things that DEs are doing. 
The friendship split between Lily and Severus would be longer, more protracted and hurtful, not just one big blowup and a final death knell slip of the tongue. But Lily and Remus trying to reel their friend back in on top of all their other baggage (they are destined, by social constructs and WW societal standards, for mediocrity, struggle and poverty after all) and Failing. And that hurts.
And when they all graduate, Lily shortly after joins the Order, or is invited because I guess they want skilled people, and Lily Was Exceptional. But she brings along Remus, who James, Sirius & Peter (and an 4th OC or something if we need to replace, but not really tbh) may distrust him because of the thing that happened when they followed? If James /actually/ changed (that Felix Felicis-enhanced talking thing) though he might be not be shitty about it though, but I can’t really imagine Sirius letting it go what with his terrible maladaptive coping mechanisms and all. Remus might get outed among the Order, maybe, idk. That could sow distrust of him, and why they don’t tell when they shove Lily and James into a cottage with their Bastard child together in hiding.
Then it goes like that from canon, Peter is made Secret Keeper, with Sirius as the obvious decoy keeper. Severus tries to curry favor from his grunt position as a DE and accidentally spells the death knell for his estranged friend Lily, is flipped when he finallyyyy realized he’d done super-fucked up and goes to Dumbledore.
Then James & Lily get attacked by Voldie & DEs, James takes a couple DEs down before dying via AK, Lily had been researching a bunch of dark/new magic things to protect herself and her kid (who she deliberated on and eventually decided to keep). She takes a bunch of DEs down, and gives Voldemort a run for his money, but lets down her guard when Peter shows up because up until this point, despite the bad blood in school, she’s known him as a comrade in the Order.
Peter basically cripples her in a surprise attack, and then Voldemort comes up to gloat, monologue and eventually finish the job. Lily spits in his face while dying.
The underlying new ritual/shield/magic-whatever Lily cooked up while in hiding goes on not quite as planned because it overlaps with Voldemort’s accidental-Horcrux making that basically ghostifies him. But Lily still dies the first time. 
Cue Sirius getting falsely accused and Azkaban’d, Harry going to the Dursleys because supposed Blood Wards (which actually would be fine with just Harry himself and what he considers home I guess, maybe). Remus gets cut out of the picture because of his financial and career instability, also Werewolfism and other dumb prejudice, so he’s out of the loop and isn’t told about Sev being a flipped spy either. 
Cue a few years later, turns out that Lily’s biodad is actually a Fae of some kind that she had minor contact with him through postcards and letters during her life. But eventually, he pitched in on some magical doohickery for the magical design stuff she did while in hiding in Godric’s Hollow. Then everything kicks off again a mostly Amnesiac FaeLily crawls out of her grave and gets a burning treewand branch of a Groot-Arm.
Somehow this culminates FaeLily accidentally getting the band back together and yoinking Harry. Then cue shenanigans and reconciliation and character development/interactions and possibly romantic Snupin and maybe an earned happy ending somewhere because my heart is soft and I’m a total weenie and this post got way longer than I thought it’d be lol. Overall thoughts? Impressions? Anything I missed while stringing these half-baked ideas together? X3
Thanks for reading and responding to so many of my posts. Your takes and posts are always a delight to read! <3333
Part2 of the AU Multi-fecta Thing I Sent Earlier
Some stuff I forgot:
-Tempted to name this Sweet Insane Combo of an AU: 2 Gryffindors and a Slytherin Walk into a Traincar
-Maybe add some shades of the Cons of Cokeworth AU idea (yes I sent that too, I’m literally a neverending fountain of AUs and theories for literally every fandom I get into, it’s a gift). –Lily constantly worries over money (Petunia’s biodad’s the gambler?) and is bitter over the way society is structured, leading her to grow into an excellent, Hard-working Con & Swindler-of-those-that-deserve-it (like how she’s been fleecing James, Sirius, Peter and others for all 7 of her Hogwarts years while trying to maintain good PR without being known as a money grubber or a thief bc Anonymity is Key)
-TBH i feel like she’d just cook up a plan to live with her 2 friends after school because “it’s cheaper” and she figures that they could’ve kept up the Werewolf research stuff easier by being housemates, but hilariously and sadly forgetting to tell said 2 friends about her plans before starting to work her ass off to scrape up as much money as possible. –“We all know Rems would guilt himself into living like a fucking hobo, and Cokeworth is a place where dreams go to die, so of course we’re getting a fucking house.”
-Yanno, then the AU-version of the Friendship split and Voldemort faction gains even more traction with the 1st WW Civil War going on.
-Trawling through the wiki again, Remus’ parents basically isolated him a pretty unhealthy amount I feel (like they probably thought they were doing the right thing at the time, which solved an immediate problem, but ends up compounding into a long-term host of issues)? Which I don’t think did Lupin’s socialization and emotional stabilitygrowth sloshing down into his Werewolf form any favors perhaps?
-So basically Remus refused to move back in with his dad (because he didn’t want to burden his dad I guess), despite him being alive, so Remus living in poverty-plus probably in and out of homelessess as well as the medical and security complications of being a werewolf without access to necessary resources? Also okay I forgot that Remus was a Halfblood too, whoops
-There’s an Irony in that Severus is the most human (species-wise) between the 3 AU Friends, what with Werewolf!Remus and Post-Resurrection Fae!Lily
-There’d be a whole mystery as to the intentions of Lily’s mysterious Fae Parent father(?), which may or may not be good intentions, they just don’t really know atm
…Okay I think that’s it… Whew, thoughts?
X'3
Nice to finally meet you @markala5 
ok wow this is a lot. first of all i love it and it feels whole so i don’t know what i can say. it’s the found family trope subverted a little because things fall apart but they get back together when lily is resurrected. and voldemort and his death eaters get to be the big bad. plus dumbledore as the leader of the order who is starting to realise that harry needs to end voldemort and his horcruxes but lily can’t imagine letting her child do that because she’s grown to love him after forgetting him so instead of the golden trio, it’s lily, severus and remus finding the horcruxes but harry needs to die and the three of them are frantically researching a solution but it needs to happen. they send him off in a manner similar to canon except they’re alive and later they see harry’s body and he’s so small and it’s so heartbreaking until he runs from the death eaters. 
this au has so much potential
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namimikan · 2 years
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been thinking about the Traitorous Three and wondering which meeting is the most meaningful tbh?
Tousen? Komamura and Hisagi. I really like how it's done, for most part, even though I hate that Tousen turns into a fly. I am actually probably the most sold on these three characters interactions, because I am genuinely moved by this plight, and conflict of ideals. Like, it is shocking, but then, it's also: the more you find out about SS's past, the more Tousen is right. He's wrong too, because I think he's turned hypocrite by FKT arc, but still.
Ichimaru? Rangiku, Kira, to a lesser extent, Ichigo. It's... passable, I guess, but I don't really think Kira and Rangiku get to have NEARLY enough emotional traction than is actually deserved. Ichimaru makes a comment about Kira looking well, and he no longer has to worry, to some extent. And then he's all 'don't cry Rangiku' when he's dying. But it's just. I think the wasted potential in Ichimaru, how his doublecrossing of Aizen really isn't that well built up or even interestingly done, it's just kind of? I don't care. I just don't. The possibility that sustained these three could have been worked on, if it had had just a bit more focus, than the implied connection, I guess, but it's just -- SO weak and tenuous, that I'm left wondering why would anyone mourn him at all.
Aizen? Momo, mostly, Toushirou, a bit, Shinji, a lot. This one is probably the strongest, even though I don't feel like these three actually interact, but it's certainly really palpable, and a lot of that is due to Momo suffering and struggling to accept Aizen's truth, that it's really a shame that Aizen and Momo don't have a conversation, but I love how you can feel both Toushirou and Shinji's rage at Aizen.
I mean, I do wonder if Shinji/Aizen is meant to parallel Gin/Kira, in the sense that, S/A did not really "create a bond" with each other (otherwise Shinji might have been able to tell that Aizen wasn't following him during the TBTP arc), whereas I imagine Gin did? He cares for Kira, somewhat? Not as much as he cares for Rangiku, sure, but after Rangiku, he cares for Kira the most?
It's just. IDK. It's hard for me to like Ichimaru after he revealed that he was always trying to betray Aizen, rather than work along side each other because they're chaotic beings.
But then again, maybe Aizen/Shinji foils Aizen/Gin, with the three of them not once trusting each other and keeping them at arms length.
Anyway, it's probably Tousen, just because I wanted more AIzen/Hina interaction, and because Aizen's motivations remain forever vague, I'm left wondering what could of been. Whereas Ichimaru, I'm just like: that's it? really? you could have chosen literally ANYTHING ELSE BUT THAT.
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cantskank · 4 years
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today i was going through it a bit, emotions-wise
so first of all:  (fuck your fucking attitude/how could you be so fucking rude?/you look at me like when girls are jealous)
i didn’t get any sleep last night (like i stayed up literally all night, then had my remote classroom discussion period where i didn’t contribute a single thing, then had my meeting with my advisor, then passed out for like 3 hours, then had “lunch” at 3:00).  i was already like physically a wreck.
so early early morning i saw a post from someone i follow on my actual tumblr basically about not using queer? or tagging it as the q slur or whatever.  and it’s an entirely moot point because this person doesn’t follow me and (prolly) never will but it just really threw me.  it seems like it’s not for sketchy reasons- p sure they identify as an nb lesbian so nothing like terfy going on, i think it’s from like family related trauma which is totally understandable!  like i really wanna have a lot of compassion for people who feel that way for that reason (and no compassion for terfy reasons). 
i think for asexuals in particular there is a lot of stake in how acceptable the term queer is.  like, i quite literally cannot fit in the “lgbt community.”  i can probably fit in the lgbt+, lgbtq, lgbtq+ communities; there’s probably room for me there; and i definitely fit in the lgbtqia+ community (assuming they don’t have the a for some ally fuckery) BUUUT queer is definitely a term that has always felt comfortable to me, even before i knew i was aro ace (but knew something was off with me, sexuality-wise.  not that i vocally used queer before id’ing as aro ace but it was always a viable option for me and if i had been asked prior to learning about aspec orientations i might have said “queer in some way”).  and i think a lot of aspec people feel the same way.  as aspec people, excluding any allo orientations or gender minority, just as people who by some variety feel an absence of attraction (as laid out by society as a whole as “normal” attraction(s)) we are not, by definition, part of the lgbt community.  but i think there’s very little issue calling ourselves queer based on being aspec.  and terfs and exclusionists know this, and that is literally the reason they insist on queer being a slur.
also in defense of queer as a term: it is literally reclaimed!!  meaning, the act of calling oneself queer is done in order to take back the term from the people who wanted it to hurt you with it.  “queer is a slur” yes that is literally why it has been chosen to represent the community!  “queer as a term has been weaponized against me so personally and intimately that i cannot associate with it” is maybe closer to what people want to say, since “queer is a slur” is like yes?  that’s why people use it?
and like the thing is it’s been used, literally the first time i heard “queer is a slur don’t use it” was in my last year of university (~2017)- the same university where the organization for lgbtq+/queer students was literally “queer (name of university)”.  i first learned about queer as a reclaimed term in 2011!  and there was an acknowledgement of “yes this was/has been a slur, but it’s reclaimed” but absolutely not “this was a slur and it’s still a slur so always fucking tag for it since apparently reclaiming a word only goes so far as the people who care to reclaim it, everyone else gets to insist it is still a slur and has a negative power over people.”  okay that’s probably not fair but it just feels like backwards progress.  and i did just look it up and i did only go to wikipedia but wikipedia says it’s been used in a reclaimed sense since the late 80s (i would have guessed sometime in the 90s but i knew it wasn’t a new thing).  how! can! this! still! be! a! contentious! issue!
(i mean we all know why it’s so popular now, it’s all terfs.  and again, there are legitimate reasons to not like the term but i think the main reason it has any traction is because of terfs and that is just fucking depressing.)
so like, there’s a lot in terms of how acceptable and valid my identity is that gets tied up in this question, and to see someone i really look up to reject it really threw me.  i was going to throw something in here about how i had a revelation that my moon in my 4th house meant i rely a lot on community acceptance and validation for my emotional state (and my internal acceptance of my own feelings- so like i can only validate my feelings if i feel a sense of community acceptance/consensus/belonging).  then i checked my chart and i misremembered.  my moon is actually in my 8th house (in gemini) which is still watery community vibes but 8th house is a lot more interpersonal i feel.  still sourcing a lot of validation from others, lots of emotional interdependency i guess.  and i just checked the cafeastrology blurb, and i do agree with it and don’t think my interpretation is too much of a stretch.  and to me it explains my interest in partnership/a qpr down the line, as well as my emphasis on emotional intimacy and a bit of platonic jealousy.
anyway, so i was kinda emotionally thrown by that.  then in dear prudence’s livestream today, the first q was about disliking the term queer.  danny and grace are both trans so i was like nervous the “real” queer/lgbt people were going to kinda dismiss queer as a term but it was good!  they did really emphasize how common that viewpoint is amongst terfs (a reference to “conservative lesbians” as well)  also sidenote they are both beautiful humans.
anyway clearly i have lots of feelings about this but i want to get to bed so here’s a lightning round of the rest of the reasons i’ve been feeling vaguely shitty and mostly just overwhelmingly negative:
still stuck inside (duh)
also team pinata privated their videos because of online harassment, dissociadid is also taking a break and i’m just like really worried for both of them.  like again, not feeling stably good and that is hard to see.
haven’t really been keeping in touch with people which means i’m feeling very isolated as well as very guilty for not reaching out to them, and also like “this is why you don’t have any friends.  you deserve all the blame for having basically no one in your life, a thing which has become abundantly clear when you’re stuck at home and like people aren’t reaching out to you.”
someone who i have been in contact with (basically all my contact with) is my mom, which i feel like isn’t very healthy.  and she’s probably doing it to check in on me which is really nice.  but right now i’m struggling with questions about kinda who i am and what i want to do (like with my life) and i think i struggle with these questions 1 because i’m in fucking the middle of nowhere and hate my living situation and hate my life (this is really probably the biggest part of it, i feel completely hopeless and should probably be seeing a therapist because i would feel very unsurprised if i’m severely depressed) but also somewhat 2 i’ve always tried to live up to my parents’ (and let’s face it, mostly my mom’s since dad was not v available) expectations and would do literally anything to make them “not mad at me” which is a very juvenile turn of phrase that i think shows how like entrenched this is for me.  i am just really used to ignoring my own signals in favor of their approval?  so like i probably don’t fully know what i want.  and being in grad school (which like i’m a year and a half in, this is not a new situation so idk why it’s hitting now) is the 1st time i haven’t been dependent on them??  which is a big like “thing” for me.  i always felt i couldn’t be super confrontational with them because i was always supposed to be grateful for everything they did??  so like you can’t complain about how i’m talking to you because i’m taking the time out of my day to give you a ride.  or you can’t talk to me with “tone” because we’re feeding you and you should be grateful.  and like i was always trying to be less dependent on them for that, but if i did i wasn’t “accepting help”, i was “always trying to do everything on your own”, i was “pushing them away”.  anyway, in university they were paying my tuition, in my year off i was living at home.  and i’m super privileged to have that, and i’m unbelievably thankful.  but, now i’m truly on my own and i’m trying to figure out what that means.  and it’s hard when i’m constantly talking to people who bring me back there.  also i worry i am “too okay” with talking to them now because they’re like actually nicer now?  so like i’m ignoring my own valid feelings from the past which i didn’t feel like i had the space to acknowledge as valid because i was always trying to “be good” and “make it up to them” for like disagreeing with them?  and now that they don’t have a hold on me in terms of like living with them- now that i have options- they are nice so i don’t reexamine the conciliatory ways i behaved towards them when i was younger?  idk.  it’s tough.
also had a meeting with my supervisor today re: my crappy paper that we’re trying to make less crappy.  it went like mostly fine- like she didn’t tear me to pieces.  last time i met with her was about a proposal and she started the meeting with “i’m questioning how much you want to be here” which is just like really hard to hear.  so i didn’t hear that this time, which is good (great).  some of the stuff when she was explaining seemed like aimed toward a super basic level and it’s like is that how slow she thinks i am??  like.  i know i’m probably not smart enough to be successful at the thing i’m going for which is fucking terrifying.  a year and a half in, i feel just way too dumb and idk what to do except just keep trying??  idk we’ll see.  then she just sent an e-mail about like compiling the literature and i slack way too much on that and idk like we both kinda know that?  so i’m a paranoid freak and i always read so much into everything but getting that was like “i’m trying to remind you that you’re behind on this and a failure!!  but not addressing it because you’ve cried a couple times and so i don’t want to give feedback that might be hurtful.”  like lol.  i am good if you give me super harsh feedback.  probably it’s better.  i don’t deserve to really be handled super gently like that.  it’s okay if you want to be more no nonsense about it, i can handle it.  at least with that i know you’re mad at me??  as opposed to being nice?  then i can’t tell if you’re genuine or if you’re trying a more passive-aggressive approach.  i’m a bit dead inside, i can deal if you want to get your disappointment in my failures off your chest.
also my just severe difficulty with no order or routine.  i’ve been wondering for like over a year now whether i have like executive function disorder??  it could also just be the being in quarantine where everyone has trouble focusing.  i do relate to a lot of the things i see about it.  i really should just be going to a therapist.  probably once i’m off my parents’ health insurance (okay i’m dependent on them in that way, though i can also opt for the school’s insurance) so they don’t know/wouldn’t be on the hook for them (and feel entitled in some ways to know about that.  i really really really don’t want to tell them.  like, anything)
wow this is a fucked up amount of text.  goodnight.
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dfenestrate · 5 years
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hello all! here’s a quick reflection post on this blog in 2018 and more! 
STATS
max milestone reached for followers: 500
max milestone reached for notes: 9000
MY TOP 5 POSTS
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1. x 9452 notes; lol i definitely cracked myself up a lot while making this. also this post is a rare example of moments when i know how to caption
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2. x 4012 notes; another one that cracked me up a lot. i just love him, man. and it’s hard not to notice such strange parallels when you’re watching all his shows on constant repeat for “self care” 
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3. x 3541 notes; so i see a trend with posts that make me laugh a lot. these three are pure idiots and that’s all i can say 
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4. x 2710 notes; the COLORS in this one. hoooo boy im in lOVE (although my eyes at night aren’t) 
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5. x 2534 notes; this one was my first bold text/type of set like this. really REALLy liked making it haha
MY TOP 5 POSTS I LOVED THE MOST 
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1. x 246 notes THIS ONE! THIS ONE IS ART! IM SO SURPRISED I MADE THIS! there was a LOT OF layering and collaging and OH MY!
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2. x 4 notes (dudes wtf?) THIS ONE????? I LOVE THE WHOLE OLD PIC THEME BC IT’S MY CHILDREN THE GUARDIANS AND THAT’S THEIR BRAND AND THEY WERE TREATED IN A WAY THEY DIDNT DESERVE IN IN FINITY WAR AND NOW IM EMOTIONAL AGAIN
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3. x 71 notes this one was v funny and it was the first time i played with saturation and one prominent color. idk kinda wished it got around more
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4. x 69 notes guys? this one is REALLY pretty
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5.  x 32 notes i worked VERY VERY hard to fix THE COLORS of this damn MOVIE and i understand it was made that way for a certain reason but still it was a NIGHTMARE and this came out VERY NICELY plz give it more LOVE
POSTS THAT DESERVED BETTER; or, in other words, posts that didn’t get the traction that i had wished that they would get 
1. literally all of the ones mentioned in the “posts that i loved” section
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2. x x x x x literally all of my 5sos posts :( although, i do understand that at the time i was posting them, i was p new in the new face of the 5sos tumblr fandom lol rip. hopefully next year i’ll be able to interact more with my fellow 5sosfam (rip ill cringe that was v 2013) 
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3. x x x x x literally all of my gotg posts :( this i do not understand :( although i am felling a little of an exaggeration of what i should fell but lol gotg are my ultimates so fight me
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4. x x the few pvris posts :( again, same thing with the 5sos fandom, only i think the pvris fandom is quite small on tumblr? so that kinda made it hard to find people to tag for the gifs :( 
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4a. x this gifset was of a collab pvris did with tonight alive and it was v pretty :(
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5. x x x my few fantastic beasts gifs lol rip i think i just giffed them too late in relation to the waves of gifs created from the trailer for fantastic beasts 2
CONCLUSION
overall, i think it was a fairly good year. at least, it was a fairly good first half in terms of productivity and whatnot with a vacant second half of the year. i’m terribly sorry for that. college and mental health were my priorities and unfortunately tumblr fell short of being integrating in my routine. i’m working on it now, and hopefully we’ll see some results soon! 
in terms of gifs/edits, i improved A LOT given the fact that i started end of last year. as you saw above, i had a lot of good ones i’m proud of. with that come gifs that i’m not too happy with, mainly because of the amount of time i spent on them (too much) ( x x x x x ) and their end result. i have a PLETHORA of gif ideas (even some from last year) that i have to get to. some of them are certain time commitments, and that has definitely waned my enthusiasm to make them. 
never fear however, for 2019 is a new year! i hope to come back with a bang with better gifs, MUCH BETTER CAPTIONS, and hopefully a lot more interacting with y’all. thank you for an amazing first “official” year of making gifs (i’ve been on this site with this blog for over 4 years and have just started contributing to this mess)
once again, happy new year! 
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