#idk kind of depressing

[atopvisenyashill]

Thoughts on the Alysanne is Maegor's daughter AU? I feel like it has some interesting potential, and it vastly recontextualizes different parts of Jaehaehae (I do not like him sjsjsjs) and Alysanne's relationship (such as Jaehaehae's treatment of their daughters) but I wanna hear what you think about it!

I’ve touched on this a bit before but since you actually want to hear my thoughts, allow me to present to you my Jaehaerys Is The Goddamn Worst, And Alysanne Annoys Me Too: An Essay lmao but my answer is basically “yeah all of what you just said.”

I think it makes Alysanne much more palatable (to me) as a character because as she stands, she just fixates on forcing her daughters through these fucked up marriages at too young an age bc it traumatized her to be married and pregnant at 15 too but she’d never admit that being a willing participant in her own kidnapping by her brother-husband was the single worst thing that ever happened to her, and because Alysanne doesn’t want to admit it (and Jaehaerys would never see it as wrong or a mistake) F&B really shies away from delving into the fact that Alysanne is as deranged of a mother as Cersei is. So as she stands, she’s very flat to me because she’s presented very flatly and inconsistently. She’s so in love with Jaehaerys, she’s maritally raped by Jaehaerys, she’s a loving and doting mother, she forces her daughters into marriages when they’re the same too young age she was, she accuses her teenage girls of being scheming whores then gets angry when her husband accuses their teenage girls of being scheming whores, and worst of all we are just told “Maegelle tells them to make up so they do” so we don’t know why Alysanne gets over all of this. What is the point of riding a dragon when you never use that dragon to protect your daughters from unwanted teen marriages? We’re just not given a good enough justification for why her behavior is so weird and frustrating towards her daughters.

Make her Maegor’s daughter though…most of her behavior as an adult makes more sense. Like a worse version of Rhaenyra’s childhood almost - a father desperate for a son, but lowkey obsessed with his daughter, who makes all his hang ups about his parents the problems of every woman around him, except Maegor is out here blood sacrificing and torturing and starting wars and forcing babies on wives he discards quickly and brutally. Then here comes Jaehaerys on a white horse green dragon to save her from the horror her life has become, and he loves her so much he runs away with her even though Alyssa says they shouldn’t marry because people won’t like it. And they have beautiful children, and a beautiful marriage, and build a beautiful kingdom.

Then her pregnancies start getting dangerous. Gaemon, then Valerion, die. Alysanne thinks of the shriveled up mutants she called brothers, if Maegor’s taint has passed to her. Her perfect husband ignores her no, and forces Gael on her. Alysanne remembers that he said nothing to Rogar when Alyssa died, merely wept. Then her daughters start to die. Daella, Alyssa, Viserra, all within a few years. Then Jaehaerys makes Saera watch as he murders her boyfriend, calls her a whore, and says Alysanne cannot follow Saera to Lys. Alysanne thinks of Maegor torturing the Harroways over Alys’ presumed infidelity. Jaehaerys says he’s sorry, and her daughter badgers her into forgiving him, and she remembers how she helped Jaehaerys badger Alyssa into forgiving Rogar. Not two years later, Jaehaerys passes over Rhaenys. Alysanne thinks of how she was never enough for her father, how she felt so superior to Rhaena banished to Dragonstone and resented by Aerea, yet there she is dragging Gael away from court because she can’t stand to be with Jaehaerys. How her father was surrounded by dead women and dead babies and how Jaehaerys is surrounded by his own dead daughters, but surely she did the right thing, surely Maegor was worse, surely the realm is better off? Is he right to pass over Rhaenys? Is she enabling a man just as monstrous as her father? She will never decide, because Maegelle will guilt her about keeping Gael isolated at Dragonstone, and Alysanne will do as she’s told, just like Rhaena, and Alyssa, and Jeyne, Elinor, Ceryse, Alys, and Tyanna, just like every one of her daughters.

I do get why Alysanne is Alyssa & Aenys’ and not Maegor’s. The weird Targ babies, the line not descending from Visenya, Jaehaerys and Alysanne being held up as the perfect Targaryen couple specifically because they are brother and sister and dragon riders. I do even think canon Alysanne is likely traumatized by her time as a hostage on Dragonstone, and the ensuing war, and the trauma bond that caused with Jaehaerys, and it makes her idolize Jaehaerys, and then he isolates her at Dragonstone so he can swiftly and safely marry, groom, and knock her up. It’s not like,,,, a fun time, and it’s enough to make anyone crazy and weird about their daughters, but I think having her father be Maegor makes Alysanne herself much deeper because it gives her, as the most beloved Targaryen queen, a blood tie to the most hated Targaryen king, and a marriage to the most beloved Targaryen king. It fits better with a lot of the themes of the main series (again, imo) - forcing the spotlight on the outsiders to see how the affect the story from behind the scenes. The fall of Aegon’s sons, and The Long Reign, not told from the PoV or to serve the PoV of any of the kings or princes, but of the queen that tied them all together.

#anti jaehaerys i targaryen #f&b critical #fire and blood critical #asks #thesadboy #like he kind of does this with aenys & maegor by focusing on alyssa and rhaena and the wives and visenya. #but the Moment jaehaerys enters the scene he completely dominates it. the same way daemon and aemond do actually. #but this is not. it should not!! be their story. that’s not how the main series is told anyway!! #if f&b isn’t told by a dornish maester than it should have been written by a septa!!! #nuns wrote books!!!!! #rich noblewomen wrote novels and poetry!!!!!!! #GEORGE DO YOU READ WOMEN. I AM NO LONGER ASKING POLITELY. #i went to look for her mother and apparently this was just a mistake elio made and i’m even more depressed. i can’t believe i’m saying this #but elio damn your mind. #i bet he saw that and went ‘wait which one is her fucjing mother’ and george was like what in the goddamn hell are you talking about. #idk who would be her mother in this au. if we want to keep her within 3 ish years of jaehaerys it Has to be alys or ceryse. ceryse hightowe #is the hilarious and obvious choice. but don’t count out alys harroway second wife here either. #then there’s rhaena as her mother which with the canon timeline makes him 12 years older and isn’t THAT horrible let’s stop here actually.

[ink-the-artist]

random question, do you think it's possible for someone who has lost their creativity to regain it? ..asking for a friend..

im not sure what your situation is, but i believe everyone has creative potential just from being a human being and you cant just permanently lose your creativity. i struggle with losing creativity at times, usually its when I go into a depressive period. I usually just keep making art through it, ill look through old ideas I wrote down or work on commissions just stuff that doesnt require a ton of creativity but keeps me working on art. even if I dont feel good doing it just doing the work of making art helps me to eventually want to make art again

#i dont rly have any advice for this sorry #but this kind of sounds like burnout #idk if what I do will work for you or not all i can really do is share how i deal w it #i go in and out of depressive episodes kind of like bipolar but without manic episodes #i just feel like total shit for some weeks or months and then feel normal again and its independent of enviornmental stuff or triggers #i cant rly do anything about it except try to lessen the depression w meds and such

[isbergillustration]

Everything is So Much

#acrylic painting #painting #colour pencil #illustration #artists on tumblr #my art #idk what these guys and their affinity for depressing primary colour worlds are but i kind of like painting them #this is about a concrete thing and that concrete thing is me having a headache and being annoyed about it

[800db-cloud]

i think he used to be a jock.

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #the noise #peppinoise #<- KIND OF. A LITTLE BIT. IF YOU SQUINT #era.png #mf did football AND martial arts. COME ON. IM JUST SAYING‼️ #the bright eyed young man to depressed middle aged loser pipeline #idk if this is obvious but yeah this is meant to be my interp of what pep was like when he was younger #he was a jock. source: just TRUST me on this

[podcast-hemocytoblast]

I think something that often gets overlooked about the Lonely is that it isn’t just the fear of being rejected, abandoned, and unloved.

It is that, but it’s also the heavy sense of dread that settles in your bones when you realize that whatever danger you’re in, you have to deal with it on your own. It’s the realization that no one is around to hear you scream and that no one is coming to save you. It’s the feeling of calling emergency services (911, 119, etc.) and asking the operator when help is coming, only to be told that no one is coming, because they’re all tied up on other calls right now, so it may be another hour or so before anyone gets to you. It’s the visceral terror you feel when you finally realize that the help you need is never going to come, or if it does, they won’t be there until it’s already too late for you. It’s realizing that you’ll never see your loved ones again, and wondering if anyone will ever find your body, if anyone is going to care that you’re gone, if anyone is ever going to find out what happened to you, if anyone is even going to realize that you’re dead.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma lonely #the lonely tma #the lonely #cw death #cw isolation #cw depressive thoughts #ask to tag #i feel like the lonely gets sort of watered down a lot and tends to be portrayed as depressing or tragic but not really horrific #and it’s not necessarily bad but i just think there tends to be a lot of missed potential in depictions/descriptions of the lonely #maybe it’s just bc i’m schizoid af so i don’t really think of isolation the same way that other people do #in the sense that a lot of the things other people find unpleasant/scary about being alone….just sound kind of nice to me tbh #idk.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

people who dislike saiki kusuo i need to pick and prod at ur brain. whats going on in there?

#this is half joking but not really #i think you just cant read and thats okay<3 #'hes a dick to everyone' LITERALLY TELL ME HOW #cuz the entire manga is about him pushing everyone away because he doesnt think hes supposed to have friends #which he thinks because of past experiences that have literally only proved him right #and they show him kindness and make him realize its fucking okay and he deserves to have friends #so please explain why him self sabotaging and pushing people away by being like at most mildly rude (ONLY WHEN PROVOKED MIGHT I ADD)- #makes him an asshole ??? #anyone who thinks like this i feel like youre those people on twitter who r like 'u should never vent to ur friends or be there for them' #LIKE THATS U RN😭😭 #idk how to explain it but i think its exactly the same #depressed guy has a tough time showing affection and u go 'well he doesnt deserve his friends actually' #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[achingly-shy]

spotify wrapped 2023: #51 + teen wolf for anon

"or were you all in a dream amelie, amelie? i don't know" amelie — gracie abrams

#allison argent #teen wolf #tw: flashing gif #geo.gif #allisonargentedit #teenwolfedit #twedit #photopeablr #femaledaily #usernoe #useramyba #tuserko #i know this took me over three months to get to but i swear i had the idea since december #like i saw the ask looked at the song and went oh this will be an allison edit for sure #thank you for sending it in anon!!! #i've just been suuuuper busy #and also depressed #i still kind of hate how this turned out though...and idk if anyone else can see the vision #but here it is! #also teen wolf is such a poorly-lighted show like damn not even a bit of moonlight for those wolves?? skjfs

[zensations35]

It's pretty depressing to be so excited about something enough to actively want to make content on a daily basis just to have my feed clogged with posts trashing not just the thing I am enjoying but the people who enjoy it as well.

Like ofc it's fine to not be on the train. I've had my feed flooded with fandoms I'm not into. I spent months seeing OFMD and genshin, BSD, etc and while it took extra time to scroll I knew why people were excited.

But to trash the creators and people behind the blogs here in a community you love and respect seems just unnecessarily rude.

Some of us see shows and books as outlets for personal trauma and yeah it may be cringe but everyone is cringe with something.

You're allowed to have opinions about the show or content. But as soon as you start disrespecting the people here just making art, saying what amounts to "its OK to like bad things but you're bad for liking it" is just not the vibe.

#i really do wish we had a better hash slash system for yall #because i understand not wanting to see some content #but please be kind to people #there are plenty of ways to express opinions of a fandom that dont involve drama in our community #i hate that just simply writing fics and reblogging art has people mad?? #and its all people saying they dont like the art style not anything ethical #so idk yall im at a loss #i just want to enjoy things without upsetting people and my anxiety and depression are spiraling #sigh #might delete later

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[lottieurl]

#the other polls annoys me so much #the tags are extremely depressing #people being like oh ive only read 8 :( ive only read 19 :(( #and listing what i can only call excuses?? #insane #if you've read one singular book this year and loved it thats fucking great love it for you tell me abt it #as someone who personally does love those kinds of statistics #and loves to check on my storygraph and loves the numbers and sets up goals #this attitude in that post is just bleak imo #plus i hate how the first option is 0-9 #like girl there is a huge difference between not reading and reading roughly 3 books a month?? #especially when the books might be shit the length of dostoyevsky lol #idk i keep seeing that poll and it seems to make everyone who havent read 25 books since january feel bad #so #lets focus on how many you really enjoyed

[science-lings]

"A Magician never reveals her secrets!" is the rule but Trucy's family has always been completely made up of other magicians. They've taught her all she knows, cards and throwing knives and sawing people in half and how to smile no matter what. So she may call Phoenix 'daddy' pretty much immediately but when she starts really thinking about him as her family is when she starts to teach him some magic.

She can tell that he's already a bit of a performer as well, his false smiles are practiced and perfected, he appreciates some theatrics, he knows the security that comes with an act. He's her father now, so she teaches him some sleight of hand and how to throw knives so he stops coming back from work all bruised from a card game gone wrong.

Just... the Wrights being a completely in-sync duo who above all, are performers, acting out the life they want others to think that they have. They have smiling iron masks that can only be seen through by each other and they're all each other has.

Phoenix didn't adopt Apollo when he figured out his parentage, no, he figured it was too late when Trucy started making him her magical assistant.

#i love the wrights #i love when they're codependent and weird together #they're ride or die for each other and forced to be a little manipulative to keep each other safe #magic is trucy's love language and lifelong hyperfixation #trucy really told phoenix that she'd make his depression disappear and it worked #they would be so good in an escape room or a mystery-solving kind of game #they love each other so much #the father-daughter duo of all time really #phoenix wright #trucy wright #ace attorney #apollo justice #idk i need a tag for the wright family so uh for now... #wright family

[alsojnpie]

hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that. #there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

[bl00dw1tch]

Watching someone play afop and im so. Oh my god. Oh my GOD. It's literally just a fucking showcase of all the Exact type of shit that has been happening to indigenous people and people of color have been dealing with for Centuries at the hands of white supremacy and imperialism. Like its literally just Showing all that Shit from the perspective of a Na'vi in universe. So it "demonizes" the RDA accordingly. And uet so many fucking reviewers are joshing on it and calling it Boring and Slow and Uninspired and that it makes human's 'cartoonishly evil' LIKE YOU PEOPLE HAVENT LOOKED AT A SINGLE FUCKING CURRENT EVENT IN YOUR LIVES. Oh my god im so mad at all these fucking reviewers now. The fucking AUDACITY to look at something this fucking Honest about the cruelty humans are capable of, while living during the fucking day and age with all this Knowledge we have at our fingertips -- the fucking audacity to look at this game and what the character goes through and not being able to muster up ANY other fucking emotion besides "ubisoft never was great at story anyway so idc lol" fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Like actually. You can't even fucking ATTEMPT to connect to this story emotionally? Not even a fucking Smidge? Jesus fucking christ people need everything to be spoon fed to them these days. God forbid a piece of media actually ask you to meet it in the middle for once.

#horse.txt #vent // #im mad lol. the farther i get into the story the more mad i get #oh oh the humans putting the Na'vi in cages is a bit extreme? a bit unrealistic?? #what the fuck has been going on US borders for the past two decades then. #oh oh the pollution of the land and the water to hurt resistance efforts and native populations is so cartoonishly evil!! #HUMANS WOULD NEEEEVER DO SOMETHING SO DIABOLICAL 😱😱😱 #get fucking real. i am so tired of people looking down on Avatar when it's one of the first pieces of mainstream media that ive Ever seen #cover these topics in a fictional lense with So candidly. and nobody wants to fucking take it seriously because it makes them Uncomfortable #to see humans be the fucking badguys #iTS NOT EVEN ABOUT /ALL/ HUMANS THE REAL VILLIAN IS THE FUCKING RDA! ITS CAPITALISM!!!!! #THATS THE FUCKING POINT!!! but noooo people are so fucking sensitive they cant see it as anything but 'misanthropic' #like all of the humans in the resistance arent RIGHT FUCKING THERE for one. and for two ACKNOWLEDGING HUMANITIES FLAWS ISNT MISANTHROPIC #humans have flaws!!! we are capable of great cruelty just as much as we are great kindness!!! #if simply acknowledging and exploring that fact in stories is 'misanthropic' and depresses you then thats on YOU. #grow some thicker skin or something dude idk lol

[zebratimw]

#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shang qinghua #how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg #I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg #how nice it would be to not exist #everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate #time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times #I haven't felt real in most of those years either #Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times #tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias #I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it #but at the same time I really want to do more too #I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person #and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig #I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg #priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore #idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things #like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing? #Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything #I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me #I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha #ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so #chug chug going along #I also have to make wushi before I die. haha #god my life is so empty #what am I even doing #I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this? #so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much #I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more

[sadiecoocoo]

Remember in Teen Titans (the good one) when Raven sort of died and then came back and bb was rlly freaked out cuz she was acting different? Remember when she responded to that with “don’t worry, blue is still my favorite color, and you’re still not funny.” And remember in that one episode where bb and cyborg went into Raven’s mind scape meditation thingy and Raven revealed that pink was her favorite color and that she thought bb was funny?

I think that she said the wrong things one purpose then, because she knew that bb would understand that she was sort of saving face since that information was sort of something only they shared (with the exception of cyborg but he’s the third wheel bestie so yknow)

#teen titans #teen titans 2003 #one of the best shows #I wish starfire got a season abt her tho #Terra showed up outta nowhere #but it was good for the team’s character development #and it also sort of gave bb two seasons abt him #which like #bb’s my blorbo so that’s a win #anyway #bbrae #one of my favorite straight ship #tho I do headcannon bb to be kind of fruity sometimes #maybe he’s bi or pan idk #or maybe he does it just for funsies #honestly k couldn’t watch the last season of young justice cuz I couldn’t stand bb literally being depressed #it physically hurt me to watch that #headcannons #yippee

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz #ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and #then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc. #Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific #cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or #etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as #you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on #accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have #as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence #of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate #versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a #neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest #ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling #and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for #documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like #sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I #can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If #I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my #ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ?? #Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be #accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor #focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it #were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan #that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is #some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my #kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means #i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m #in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in #one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability #& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER