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#idk its just easier for me to write loads & loads
sleepy-night-child · 3 months
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A year of iced coffees ~2023
Uhh, I mean writing!
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(^Picture of me rising from the grave after my internship ended)
Phew, this year was by far my busiest yet! (I say this every year, but each year I just keep getting busier😵‍💫 With the exception of this year actually!) I had my full-time, 9–5 internship and a long-ass commute, and I was positively dying all nine months that it lasted lmao. But then summer break came around and I LIIIIIVEEED!!!! Honestly, to me it felt like 2023 only started in July. I decided to postpone my second internship to next year, so I don’t overwork myself aaand I have time to write before I enter the big scary corporate world!
And write I did!🤩❤️💞
Idk how I managed, but I finished Feather Light draft 2 last April (this was still during my internship so 🤯🤯🤯), and I was sooo proud of myself! During summer I really got to writing lots, and I was able to finish Black Feather draft 2 at the end of October, yippiiieee!🥳🥳 Then it was time for some edits, and I finished both drafts in December. And now Feather is already in the beta phase!! I’m sooo excited about this!🤩🤩🤩
But before I get ahead of myself, let’s talk about all the plotties I wrote in 2023! Last year I left at 29 December, so I’ll just continue from the next date I wrote😇
01/01–04/01 – Night Mare (7.9K)
Starting 2023 strong by finishing a chapter on the first day of the new year! Slay! This plottie gave me so much life omg! We got a look into Nerezza’s (Nene’s) past, Nene being terrified of it, and Nova giving Nene’s past a huge “fuck you, nothing can make me stop loving Nene!” I just never get tired of this plottie no matter how many times I read it. Every time I read it, I make dying-whale noises as I turn into a puddle in front of my screen😃👌
04/01–06/01 – Lantern Festival (4.3K)
A tiny plottie but such a lovely one! If I melted into a puddle last plottie, then I turned into a pink cloud here!😉 (spoiler: they kiss!)
07/01–09/03 – War (21K)
Watch me work on a 21K plottie for two months just to think, “no, I’m not happy with this”, and rewrite it🤡
12/03–08/04 – Immortalized (8.7K)
Luuuckily I was able to salvage and edit some of the chapters I’d already written in the previously-named War plottie, so I only had to delete some things and add an additional 8.7K words🥹 I still don’t know if I’m completely happy with it, because, tbh, I didn’t know wtf I was doing here lmao, but I’m just gonna wait and see what my betas have to say about it.
08/04 – Epilogue (185 words)
Mwhahaha, tiny epilogue!! But it doesn’t need to be much more than this bc it’s just there to set the mood for Black Feather😈
10/04 – Prologue (952 words)
Oh yeah, it’s time to start Black Feather draft 2 already😎 It’s a soft of continuation of Feather Light’s epilogue, but it’s another mood setter💞
11/04–27/04 – Sacrificial Lamb (4.2K)
Now this is where things get a little murky. Unlike Feather Light, I had very little from draft 1 I actually could/wanted to use here, so draft 2 took some puzzling and writing things out of order. It was basically a first draft again. But I knew where I wanted to go with this story, so this draft passed a lot easier than I expected. With the exception of this plottie. I left it incomplete until later when I had “inspiration again”🤡 In the end, I think it landed quite neatly on its feet though😊 And this plottie of course contains the introduction of Nebula (Nebs), and, especially in later plotties, you can see I had a lot of fun writing her🤣
28/04–11/06 – The Return (17K)
Nene and Nebs have to find the stolen baby princess in the city of demons and return her to the queen and king of the country. Features: peak comedy (if I do say so myself) and Loads of Feels. Idk if it’s perfect yet, but I love it to bits. Have a lil snippet!
Nerezza blanched. “You keep that thing away from me!” From Nebula’s throat, a maniacal laugh erupted as she started chasing Nerezza who hid behind the horses. “Nebula, I swear to all that is good on this Earth, if you come any nearer—” she threatened, but Nebula only started laughing harder. “I can’t believe the Angel of the Dead is afraid of diapers!” “Dirty diapers,” she corrected, peaking over Destry’s back. “Still, it’s hilarious. The fearless Nerezza, defeated by a baby’s byproduct. Imagine if the world knew.”
[a snapshot moments before tears😈]
17/06–15/07 – Shattered Soul I (4.2K)
A new character enters the story here, and aaaahh!! I wish I could say more about them, but they’re in Big Spoiler Territory!
16/07–25/07 – Shattered Soul III (8.4K)
Like I said, I had to write some things out of order and turn this draft into a puzzle, so I actually wrote part 3 before 2 lol. This part takes a dive into the past of the newly-introduced character, and, *sigh*, I am so soft for them, and I love love love their backstory!
26/07–29/07 – Shattered Soul II (3.4K)
Part 2 of the plottie, wahooo! Also in the past, but from someone else's perspective😈
30/07–01/08 – Sacrificial Lamb (3.5K)
I figured out how to finish the first plottie, y’all😎
01/08–22/08 – Sickening Love (18K)
Love this plottie. We get a twist on Hanahaki disease. Certain feelings are laid bare. And we get such delicious interactions between Nene and Nebs😈 10/10 recommend. Fun fact: one of this plottie’s chapters I wrote in a little lunch-restaurant thingie – it was the first time I dared eat someplace by myself🥹 – and I was on FIRE!
24/08–17/09 – Shattered Soul II (16.3K)
You thought this plottie was finished?! Sike! It was very much not! We’re back in present times again, though, and we get more insights into Nene’s and Kaan’s relationship my beloved, and Nene may or may not hold a sick monologue before half the population of Heaven. I’m not the best at monologues, but this time it only took me a little while to get into the spirit, and I’m actually super proud of how it turned out☺️
25/09–26/10 – Redemption (18.5K)
Raiden’s introduction!!! He’s so baby and I love him so much😫❤️ His personality is literally “with his head in the clouds”, and I adore it. We also get my absolute favorite Hedwig moments (poor dude gets gutted lmao), and peace is (finally) settling back into the story💞
27/10–30/10 – Gate to Hell (5.3K)
‘tis a short plottie again, but it’s the very last one🥹 But honestly, I don’t believe it needs to be much longer. It contains loads of feelings, a few tears too, and the beginning of a peace-making between two characters I love very much.
31/10 – Epilogue (1.8K)
Ahh, the end already. I refuse to change a single word in this epilogue (aside from some grammar or spelling mistakes🤪), because to me this is absolute perfection, and it’s what the characters have been working to all along. If any of my betas don’t like it, it’s a Them Problem. I mean it, I’m not changing my ending😌
Writing wise, this was actually it😳 Of course I did some tweaking here and there during editing, but the story stayed essentially the same. Now I just have to wait for six months until my betas are finished and I can cross the last t’s and dot the last i’s(🤩 but actually 🫠) But that doesn’t mean I’ll live in a black hole till July, nay nay. Now I can fiiinally start my next baby WIP, You Can Always Learn to Fly🥹🥰💞 The idea for this WIP actually started back in 2015 already (if my calculations are correct)😳 But back then I never got the idea to maybe write it down and turn it into a book. Maybe it’s for the best too that I wrote Feather first. Fly would never have become the story I want it to be now, and the story it is now is the one that is perfect to me (I had too many alternative versions anyway😵‍💫🤪). It has a solid ending that, thanks to the passing back and forth of some ideas with my bestie, also turned it into the motivation of the plot of my other story, The Starhunters🤩 If nothing comes in between, I miiight just start Fly next week😳🤩This may not be a great idea bc the weeks afterward are gonna be a bit busy. But who knows how long I’m going to be waiting for the “right moment” otherwise. Continuing something is easier than starting it, so I might as well help my future self out a little😇😌
In last year’s wrap-up, I said that I needed to stop getting WIP ideas every year bc I’m getting them faster than I can write. SO GUESS WHO GOT A NEW WIP IDEA RECENTLY!😀🤡
I’m planning on going back to my roots and writing another Death Angel story! Only, unlike Feather, this angel will be the Angel of Death instead of the Angel of the Dead – there’s a fine distinction lol. There are just certain tropes and plot ideas I could never explore in Feather, bc a Certain Someone had to go and get her powers sealed🤨😑 So, what will the other side of Feather’s coin be about?
A boy, who lost his parents at a young age, hates his life at the orphanage he lives in. The caretakers are mean and make his life hell. The other kids… are probably not very nice either (idk, I haven’t given them much thought yet). He just wishes for someone to love him unconditionally, the way he remembers his parents loving him. He thinks this as he makes his way through town. And suddenly! A mysterious shop appears before him. (Or maybe he already knows about this shop’s existence, and one day snaps and decides to enter.) It is a shop where one goes to buy dreams and wishes and other things of the mystique. The shop owner? The Angel of Death. He asks she fulfill his wish. She agrees. But for the price that he works in her shop. Now how is he ever going to get unconditional love if he spends all his time working there?! The answer might be closer than she it seems���
It's gonna be great. I can feel it!
I actually have less to share than last year… How about some fun facts about my 2023?
My mom started search dog training with our dog, and she (our dog (but obviously also my mom)) really loves it! She gets so excited when it’s almost time to go to training🥰 And she’s really good at it too, bc she’s already helped find a couple of missing cats and dogs! Here’s the funny thing about it: usually when think of search dogs, you think of Bloodhounds or German Shepherds (or another kind of Shepherd dog). But really any dog with a good nose can be a search dog. Our dog is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, so we got a tiny badass dog searching for missing pets!🤭🤩
Speaking of dogs. We’re going to adopt another puppy soon soon soon!! This is actually more 2024 news lol, but ofc we already know about it in 2023. She’s coming home with us on January 2nd, and my excitement is BIG!🤩🤩❤️❤️
I also went on a sort-of-but-not-entirely date – let’s call it a meeting – and figured out I have 0 interest in being in a relationship now or in the (near) future lmaooo🤡🫠🤦‍♀️
I got my hair cut in another style than I had for the last couple of years and found out my hair is quite curly/wavy instead of just poofy lol.
I finally told my family I write bc I never knew how to break the news to them. (How was I supposed to tell them I’m writing a story about romance when it’s literally the furthest thing from my mind irl?!😱 In my defense, I’m writing my perfect version of it that is probably completely unrealistic irl. I often don’t understand the way it’s written in other books, so I decided to write the romantic story that I actually can understand😎👌) Anyway, my family thought it was amazing that I’m writing a book and I worried about nothing lol!🤣🤦‍♀️
I started working on a drawing with my friend and this may be one of the best ideas we’ve ever had together!! The amount of love I have for this drawing is out of this world (pun intended)🥰💜💙 Maybe you’ll get to see it one day. Maybe not lol🤪
This is actually pretty much everything I wanted to share with you all. Even though I’m not as active anymore as I used to be, I still love the writeblr community and I’m rooting for everyone on here🥳💞 You guys are seriously amazing, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise!!! I’ll see you next year🥰
Love you!❤️
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kthyg · 1 year
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ghoul. — (addition)
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[THIRD INSTALMENT OF GHOUL SERIES : ADDITION]
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"Appeal for a rejection."
or
You were added into Yoongi’s Q Squad and Jimin badly hated it.
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pairing : yoongi x reader x jimin (a particle of yoonmin interaction)
rating : M
genre : tokyo ghoul au, soulmate au
disclaimer : this story is a work of fiction. descriptions of the BTS members in this story do not reflect nor portray them in real life. everything in this story only fits in imagination and does not apply outside of imagination.
warning : the action of cutting flesh, blood.
word count : 2.4k+
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masterpost | masterlist | navigation
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note from winter 💌 :
THIS ISNT A DRILL ; RARE SIGHT OF JIMIN BLUSHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye
honestly, idk if i hate or love yoongi in this. i just 🧍 i be writing him down but boy im giggling and shii while doing so. am i in love with him or what 🫤
yeah…
i realised too, after starting ghoul series, im starting to write in a faster pace 📝 dk if it’s a good or bad thing but rejoice while it lasts.
yoongi and jimin interaction with oc is the weirdest thing in this chapter idk idc why i wrote it down
💌 what is winter listening to? : rewind by twice.
📝 if you want to know more about this au, you can refer to this post! any other question you can refer to me <3
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dedication : my thirst for yoonmin
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            Another day of drowning oneself in work. Another day as an Investigator of Special Case. Another dull day in the life of Min Yoongi, but maybe today was about to be a day worth the extra effort he put into waking up, getting ready, walking down the same path to KCCG, and working.
             As per usual, Yoongi turned on his PC and made his way to the small pantry at the corner of his room to brew himself a cup of coffee. He remembered how the very corner of his office was just an empty space, but you had proposed to Jungkook to establish a personal pantry at each investigator’s office.
             Honestly, that might be the best proposition you had come up with because Yoongi himself wouldn’t want to cramp himself in a pantry that was not even as big as his office and not every floor has a pantry. The thought of interacting with another creature irked him.
             Plus, KCCG was an edifice.
             Yoongi walked back to his desk which he didn’t even bother to clean up. It was messy because it was scattered in its place. His desk was pretty much similar to yours: filled with paperwork even though neither the two of you were a bureau investigator.
             Settling himself comfortably on his seat with a cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hand, his free hand reached for the computer mouse and dragged it until the cursor on the screen reached the destination, the mail.
             First thing first before Yoongi started his work, he would always check his emails.
             Once the screen loaded, his emails never failed to impress him. He received more than five hundred emails every day, but of course, to make his life much easier, KCCG included a priority function when sending emails within the organisation.
             Hence, immediately he clicked on the ‘High Priority’ folder with the striking bold red exclamation mark.  
             “Addition to Q Squad.” the title read. That unconsciously made his brow lift.
             From Chief Director of Division 1, Kim Namjoon. Of course, his soulmate.
             Skipping all the formal opening and greeting, the email read as below:
             Leader : Investigator of Special Class, Min Yoongi.
             Existing Members : Associate Investigator of Special Class, Kim Seokjin, First Class Investigator(s), Lalisa, Kim Jisoo.
             New Addition : Associate Investigator of Special Class, Jeon (Y/N) Kishou.
             Yoongi scoffed boringly but a muscle was quick to twitch hence a smirk found its way to tug on the corner of his lips.
             The clock had just hit 7:30 A.M. and the email had a carbon copy sent to one of his favourite soulmates. Yoongi leaned in his leather chair comfortably. Sipping his coffee with a little too much excitement in his veins.
             The extra effort was worth it surely.
             One,
             Two,
             Three.
             The door was slammed open, and it was the very person he was expecting for.
             Jimin.
             “Oh, Jimin,” his eyes widened a bit, as he gasped as if not expecting his soulmate. “To what do I owe the pleasure of having you here first thing in the morning?”
             “Appeal.” Jimin said coolly.
             “Appeal what exactly?” Yoongi feigned cluelessness.
             “You’ve read the email, Min Yoongi.” The fire behind Jimin’s eyes made the older excited. Jimin gave him a frosty look as he enunciated. “Appeal. For. Rejection.”
             Yoongi frowned foolishly followed by a shrug. “I have no reason to reject (Y/N) to be in my team.” He has.
             “Oh, you sure do,” Jimin started to saunter around the room. “Reason number one being you can’t even be anywhere with her presence for more than 30 minutes before you quickly find an excuse to leave. Two, you hate her, she hates you. Three, you guys avoid each other.”
             Jimin strode towards Yoongi’s desk, hands on it. With his voice thick with mockery, he announced the last reason. “Lastly, you can’t handle her.”
             Yoongi looked unimpressed.
             Or at least he tried to look unimpressed.
             Taking a sip of his coffee, he groaned when the rich flavour reached the back of his throat. He propped an arm on the desk and rested his chin on it.
             Aloofly, he spoke. “One, 30 minutes is the time I allocated for every meeting except for our soulmates. Two, I have never verbally told anyone and her I hate her, nor have I ever heard her verbally announcing her hatred towards me to anyone or me. Three, we don’t. I just met her three days ago.”
             Yoongi then propped his other arm on the table as well and connected his fingers. “Lastly, it’s you who can’t handle her.” With a mocking smile. “Or else why would she be handed over to someone else aka me, hmm?”
             “Don’t blame others for your incompetency.” The smile was gone, and every trace of excitement vanished and was replaced with his cold, deadly stare.
             “You don’t know anything, Yoongi.” Jimin narrowed his eyes at him. “Don’t run your mouth about something you have zero knowledge of.”
             “That’s why I’m saying things only I, and I only, have knowledge of.”
             “You’re infuriating.” He groaned.
             “I know that.” Yoongi acknowledged with a shrug. He raised from his seat and made his way, again, to the pantry to make himself another cup of coffee. With a very dismissive tone, he told Jimin. “Now, will you excuse yourself? I need to welcome my new team member.”
             “Fuck you.” Jimin chided.
             Yoongi was quick to retort. “I’d rather fuck your arse.”
             “You–”
             The door was pushed open. Jimin’s remark was cut off. His face was heating up and Yoongi resumed making his coffee without care.
             The second person Yoongi has been expecting.
             “Good…” Your greeting was stuck on the tip of your tongue when you saw Jimin in your new mentor’s office. He looked like he didn’t expect you to be here too. But what could be done? Namjoon sent you an email this morning informing your new placement in another squad. Specifically speaking, Yoongi’s squad: Q Squad.
             “Good morning, (Y/N).” Yoongi greeted you which was, by the way, extremely out of character. He even looked your way.
             You immediately bowed and redo your greeting. “Good morning, Investigator Min.”
             Your new mentor then raised his eyebrow at your former mentor. “Well, Jimin, what are you waiting for? This is your cue to leave.”
             Jimin’s right eye twitched uncontrollably but a smirk found its way to his plump lips. With a controlled voice, he managed out a “As you wish, Min.” and spread the paperwork on Yoongi’s desk into an even messier mess which the older stared at in horror.
             Petty and childish…
             As he passed by you, you expressed your valediction with a bow. “Have a good day, Investigator Pa–”
             Jimin grabbed you by the forearm and dragged you out with him.
             Before getting dragged out of the office completely, you saw your mentor’s horrified expression was replaced with his casual smirk.
             Why does he have to be so unreadable?
             “Investigator Park–!” You tried to pull back your arms. Although you knew it was a futile effort, it didn’t hurt to try.
             Jimin halted, resulting you to bump into his hard chest instead of his back as he had spun very quickly. His hands snaked around your waist, holding you close to him. Realising your face and his face might be in close proximity, you tried to at least pull back your head to create some distance.
             “Say my name.”
             You frowned and accidentally met his eyes. Quickly turning away to break the eye contact, you tried to wiggle your way out of his arms. “What–”
             His hand found its way to your neck, putting on light pressure. You knew he hated it when you avoid eye contact. He and Jungkook were like that. Face hard with a low voice and hint of annoyance, Jimin repeated. “Say. My. Name.”
             Your eyes flickered at his voice, but your mouth was quick to comply. “J–Jimin…”
             “Good girl.” His thumb found its way to your lips. He smudged your lipstick and dragged it a little out of place. Your hands were frozen. Jimin then brought his thumb and smudge the lipstick stain on his own lips. “Now, let’s meet Namjoon to switch you back into my team.”
             “Switch who back into your team?” Namjoon
             Eyes widening, you pushed Jimin away to get out of this compromising position. “Director Kim, Jeon.” You immediately bowed and greeted them.
             “I want (Y/N) back in my team again.” Jimin declared with all seriousness.
             “No.” Director Kim declined curtly.
             That seemed to twitch a muscle in Jimin’s jaw, but he kept his cool and continued. “And why is that?”
             “Hmm, let’s see,” Namjoon feigned pondering. “Experimenting?”
             “Stop this crap and switch her back into my team, Namjoon.”
             “Is that an order, Jimin?” He glared down at the younger. His voice was deep with authority. “Do I take order from you?”
             “Hyung.” Jungkook’s voice finally joined the conversation. He was referring to Namjoon.
             The higher Director didn’t need to turn around to catch what Jungkook was intending to say. “I have a reason for this sudden change. It was not done for fun. It was done with careful observation and procedure.”
             “Pray tell me the reason.”
             “Your latest training session with the Associate Investigator of Special Class, (Y/N).”
             Your body went rigid.
             “What’s wrong with it?”
             “I received complaints from Investigator Mingyu, Special Class, and Investigator Xu Minghao, First Class, that stated the same thing in which you had disturbed their scheduled training session with (Y/N),” he let out a heavy sigh before adding, “I know Jungkook was involved as well. Temporary restraining order has been put on him by me to refrain him from engaging with (Y/N) in any activity unless in public view.”
             He continued. “You, however, were not given any restraining order because Jungkook insisted on taking the full blame, but I would hate it to let an accomplice get away freely,” Namjoon turned his gaze towards you. “That’s why I decided to remove (Y/N) from your team.”
             He returned his gaze to Jimin. He could see the younger was burning with anger, it was detectable although Jimin was as great as Jungkook in using the art of concealment. They were soulmates, after all.
             “Fret not,” Namjoon reassured. “You can do an appeal to request (Y/N) back into your team when Min Yoongi fucked up.”
             Jimin was powerless in this situation. He knew. No matter how shit arsehole Min Yoongi was, he was not one to fuck up anything. Q Squad is the leading counter-ghoul squad in KCCG. Min Yoongi was known for his excellent skills individually and collectively. Each week, his team report was always the most impressive followed by Jimin’s team.
             “Investigator (Y/N), you may return back to Yoongi’s quarter and proceed with your first team mission in your new team.” Namjoon dismissed you with a smile. His dimple poked through his cheeks. Your heart fluttered against your will. “I expect a good result by the end of the week.”
             “Yes, I won’t disappoint you, Director Kim.” Bowing your way out, you walked back to Yoongi’s office. Along the way, you fought the strong urge to turn around because you felt the stares. For one, you knew it has to be Jimin’s.
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             Knocking on the door, you called out his name before coming in, headfirst. “Investigator Min?”
             He has already started with his pile of paperwork. The room reeked of coffee from the amount of coffee he had consumed, and it was just 2 hours into the day. You stepped into the room and walked towards his desk.
             “Oh, (Y/N),” Yoongi finally looked up from his paperwork and at you, but confusion was quick to wear itself on his face.
            Shamelessly, he asked. “You just finished making up with Jimin?”
             “Wha– No!” A blush crept up to your cheeks as you realised why he asked that.
             Jimin smudged your lips a little while ago.
             Flustered, you quickly looked for the handkerchief in your coat. You remembered you had placed it inside one of the pockets this morning. Excusing yourself as you continued rummaging in your coat for the piece of fabric.
              When you finally felt the soft fabric of your handkerchief on your fingertips, before you could even grab it out of your pocket, a piece of soft cloth reached over to your lips, wiping off your lipstick.
             “Took you so long to even find a handkerchief,” Yoongi said aloofly.
             “I–I apologise,” your eyes looked at anything but his pale face.
             Min Yoongi was a beautiful man. His porcelain skin was soft, his eyes dark almost to the colour of black, and his dark raven hair that looked soft and fluffy. He was like a doll.
             A killer doll.
             When encountering the ghouls, Yoongi was nothing per the delicate description, especially with all the blood on his hands and some that splattered on his face.
             His duality was insane.
             “Give me your hand.” Yoongi called on you.
             A look of confusion was clear on your face, but he ignored it as he showed his palm, signalling you to put your hand on his. You obliged without any question.
             Yoongi took out something from his pocket and in a blink of an eye, blood was drawn from one of your fingers. The pain finally registered in your brain as you shrieked and tried to pull back your hand.
             He wasn’t letting you.
             The pain was not very intense but maybe it would leave a deep wound cut. Instead of putting pressure or even bothering to be concerned, Yoongi brought your bloody finger to your lips. He dabbed your blood from your finger to your lips.
             “That’s more natural, isn’t it?” Sadism shone in his eyes.
             You were unable to do anything.
             Yet again.
             As if you were under a spell, you were frozen against your will.
             Once Yoongi finished his little game, he released your hand carelessly. The handkerchief in your pocket was immediately retrieved and you put it over your bloody finger along with some pressure to stop further spill of blood.
             Only now you realised he had cut your finger with his folding knife.
             Yoongi brought the sharp metal to his mouth. Lips parting apart, he placed the knife on the pad of his tongue as he let the blood – your blood – transfer to his tongue. The wet muscle continued to glide on the knife until it was clean of your blood.
             “Welcome to Q Squad. Get ready for mission in 4th ward.”
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All rights reserved © 2022 kthyg. Do not copy, translate, modify or repost without permission. Feedback is always appreciated! It keeps me motivated and helps me to improve myself. Send me an ask <3
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bots-and-cons · 2 years
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Idk if there already is an 🦿anon but if not here i am
We need some dark shit with no happy ending. I was thinking like bots are visiting earth and find out their charge died from cancer but before passing they made a little goodbye video for bots especially their guardian.
I thought it would look better as a scenario but if its easier for you the please do hcs
For the bots i really wanted to read our grumpy medic, OP and wheeljack
Youre an amazing writer idk how are you doing this
Keep up the amazing work❤
I sort of did this for Jackie a while back, you can find that post here, so I won't be writing it again. I tried to give this a darker ending, and not a kind of hopeful one like I usually would. Also thank you very much and hello leg anon :D
~Optimus Prime~
You had been diagnosed a few months after the autobots had left earth and you really wanted to tell Optimus, but you had no way of doing so. You had been given approximately a year to live, and you held out hope for seeing him until your very last moments.
When Optimus returned to earth after over two and half years on Cybertron, he was contacted by Fowler, who gave him a memory stick, telling Optimus you had asked him to give it to him. Optimus of course wondered why you couldn’t just give it to him yourself, but the reason was about to become very clear to him.
He tried to call you, but the number apparently was not in use anymore, which he just explained away with you changing your number.
When he couldn’t contact you, he decided to see what was on the memory stick. He plugged it into the old base computer, and a window popped up with a loading icon.
You appeared on screen, and the video started playing.
“Hey Optimus!” you said with a bit of a forcefully chipper demeanor. “I wonder if you’ll ever actually see this, or if you’ll come back before… Well I guess I should explain why I’m making this first” your smile started to fade as you continued talking to the camera. “I was diagnosed with MBC. That stands for metastatic breast cancer and to be totally honest, I’m going to die from it and probably quite soon”
Optimus paused the video. He was well aware this wasn’t a joke, you wouldn’t do that, you weren’t that kind of person, but he also couldn’t see how this could be real. He decided to continue the video.
“I decided to film this for you, and maybe for myself too, to make sense of this whole dying thing. It doesn’t feel real, I mean I can feel my body basically decaying, but it’s like I still haven’t accepted what that means. I wanted to tell you I miss you and I hope to see you before I’m gone. I also want to be honest with you, I hated you for a while after my diagnosis, because you weren’t here and I felt so damn alone” you turned away from the camera a bit and wiped your eyes. 
Optimus was filled with grief and confusion. He was also angry at himself, for not leaving you a way to contact him. There was a small pause before you continued.
“Anyway I’ve come to terms with that I guess, I just still don’t understand how this whole thing can have such bad timing. If I was going to die anyway, I’d rather it had been with you and the rest of the team here” you started having a hard time with keeping yourself together.
“There are so many things I wanted to tell you, but now that I’m actually doing this, not a single one comes to mind. I guess it’s just time for me to say goodbye” you waved at the camera and the video stopped on you with a small smile on your face and eyes closed with some tears brimming in your eyes.
That was the last Optimus saw of you. You were dead now and he would never see you again.
Optimus hadn’t even noticed how weak the whole situation had made him feel, before he was suddenly on his knees on the floor, holding onto the edge of the computer screen. He felt weak and his spark felt like it was about to explode out of his chest. Above all he felt empty, he felt like a part of him had been ripped away, someone he had held so dear, his friend, was gone and there was nothing that could change that.
~Ratchet~
You didn’t really know how to start the video. You didn’t really feel like explaining the whole thing to someone again. So you were just going to make it short and to the point.
“Hey Ratch. I’m just gonna keep this short. I’m dying and I don’t have much time left, so I just wanted to tell you some things. First of all, you’ll always be dear to me, no matter where I end up or what happens to me. Second of all, I know you’re gonna feel guilty about not being here with me in my last moments, but you shouldn’t. No one knows when shit like this is gonna happen so, there’s no reason for you to feel bad about it. I mean yeah, dying sucks, but there’s nothing I can do about it. So, goodbye Ratchet, take care of yourself”
The video ended and the screen went black. Ratchet was left feeling all kinds of things, but mostly he felt broken, like a piece of him had broken into a million smaller pieces that were impossible to pick up and put back together again. He had lost friends before, but it  was due to war, there had been a reason for their deaths. For you, it was some illness that you had no chance of winning against, you had nothing to fight against, no war to win. 
There was no one else around while Ratchet watched the video, so there was no one to see him completely break down over it. The tears were streaming down his face and he was sobbing, trying to keep his voice down, covering his mouth with his hand, so nobody would hear him. He didn’t want anyone seeing him like this, he didn’t want their pity or to hear how sorry they were about his loss. That wouldn’t bring you back.
Sure you had been friends with the other team members too, but your relationship with Ratchet had been different, you were like family to each other. Your memory would live on with him, long after you were gone and he would always remember you.
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romcnroy · 9 months
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GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.
name: rue
pronouns: she/they
preference of communication: discord, probably, but you can reach me via ims too. just fair warning that i can sometimes be flaky about getting back to people ooc. it's nothing personal, i'm just ✨like that✨
most active muse:  roman and wylan (@wylanvansunshinc.)
experience/how many years:  idk, i starting rping on neopets when i was like 11, so 18 years? ooft. i've only been rping on tumblr for a year and a half or so, though.
best experience:  idk, my favourite thing right now is little one on one or very small group servers to throw our muses together, i think that's a great way to develop things between them, and that in turn makes it easier for me to reply to threads here because i feel like i've got a solid basis of stuff to go on. that's always been fun when i've done it.
rp pet peeves:  unbalanced plotting - both in the sense of actually plotting and also the carrying of the plot when it gets to writing, having to do all of the timeskips when sometimes it makes more sense for the other person to do it. i once unfollowed someone because i sent a long message about various plot ideas and all they came back with was 'or we can do something else' lmao. yeah, that's the first thing that comes to mind.
plots or memes:  i love memes but sometimes i feel pressure (from myself, nobody else) to give loads of context instead of just letting it be its only little contained thing. that being said, plotted threads are usually easier for me to keep up with, just because i have an idea of where we're going with it.
long or short replies:  i usually lean towards longer replies, but occasionally i post one-liner starters as a bouncing off point, with the expectation that it will likely develop into longer replies (at least on my end) if it gets picked up.
are you like your muses:  politically, absolutely not. however, we're both ace and have both established ourselves as the joker. i love talking about my feelings as much as roman does <3
tagging: i think everyone i'm moots with has been tagged already but if you haven't and you want to do this, feel free to tag me!
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rooftop--runner · 1 year
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Since some time has passed and since I actually have time to make this post, I’m just gonna list some of the thoughts I’ve had as I went through the game so far because I have way to many thoughts. Then I’ll probably just post as I go along with the game after this.
Spoilers for Sonic Frontiers under the cut for the majority of the first island (since that’s how far I’ve gotten). I’ll be rambling a LOT:
Just from opening up the game the main menu looks so pretty…
Sonic’s voice is way deeper, which I’m not used to, but I think the voice acting as a whole so far from every character sounds better than it has so I I don’t mind the deeper voice at all
In the first cutscene of the open zone they’re actually showing little mannerisms and fidgeting that Sonic does and I’m LOVING the attention to the little details
The writing and dialogue already seems better than it has been
They mapped the homing attack to its own button and not just the jump button, which makes sense because of the combat system, but it’s just weird because I’m not used to it. NOT BAD just interesting (I think it’s the first time they did that since unleashed)
I feel like Sonic is a lot easier to control then usual in terms of play forming, and the double jump is actually USEFUL for once (idk if anyone else feels that way, I just don’t like the double jump of most of the games, I prefer the little boost forward in the air)
I really like that they let you practice certain moves and combos in the loading screens. It’s a nice little touch!
I seriously can’t stop myself from exploring every square inch of the map
They were not lying when they said the full boost is FAST
I honestly thought I would end up thinking the combat is boring but I’m having fun with it! (I’m just not the type of person that likes fighting games and stuff like that)
I love the fact that there’s a day and night cycle, and the sunrise and sunset looks so PRETTY, especially when it reflects off the water OUGH. I when it’s nighttime you can hear the crickets and bugs and stuff in the background I love stuff like that
Of course the day and night cycle means there’s ANOTHER Sonic game where Sonic doesn’t sleep (except for when he literally gets KNOCKED OUT by the titan, oof)
Speaking of the titan I just like the way they made you try to fight it (unsuccessfully) for the first time. I thought that part was pretty cool (and surprisingly cinematic)
OH so the corruption thing in Sonic’s arm comes from when he freed Amy from that capsule! So he’s essentially going to be hurting himself more and more in order to free his friends :( (even though he said he felt like he got a little boost from it, which could lead to a new super form?)
The koco that Amy’s helping is non-binary??
Why do the kocos have bombs?? Why did two of them just die??? (even Sonic and Amy were disturbed by that)
Although I do think there is something weird going on with the kocos, it is pretty cute how they gather around you while your in the options or after you die
OBSESSED with the dance Sonic does after the getting the chaos emeralds from the kocos
I saw the screenshot being passed around but after seeing it for myself I can’t believe Sonic and Sage really are the same height lol
SONIC MENTIONED TANGLE! THAT MEANS THE IDW COMICS ARE CANON TO THE GAMES
I like the added detail of the nighttime only puzzles (it kind of reminds me of unleashed)
After watching the cutscene of Sonic and Amy talking about the chaos emeralds I think the chaos emeralds were absolutely made by the ancients
They brought back those quick time event launcher things from unleashed!
I like Big’s voice in this game! Also was not expecting the pretty much lofi music when you go fishing??
The fact that they put so much effort into the fishing is amazing to me. And the supper intense closeup shot of Sonic they always showed in the trailers was just for when you catch a fish???
Overall, loving this game so far, way more than I thought I would initially
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ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post
but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp
also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol
(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapping" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)
(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)
this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp
but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol
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and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)
everything in my queue is 4 post per 24 hours
ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this 4 new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol
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tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)
#me - me posting something
#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post
#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao
#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them
#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)
↳ #animal art
↳ #background art
↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type
↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)
#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use
#art tips
#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice
#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice
#[insert fandom here]
#[insert fandom here] analysis
(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags)
● #studio ghibli (i dont usually tag the specific movies, because im usually looking for the general things between all its movies, because of how strong its artistic overlaps are)
● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)
● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)
● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)
● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)
● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")
● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)
● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)
#me
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toystoryfan · 9 months
Note
8, 9, 21 for the wip ask game!
Okay I'm so sorry for how late this is,,, but I had bad wifi and couldn't load my asks and then. Well. Totally forgot (that's on me). Idk if you know RWBY but that's what I've written recently (atm) so I will be just talking about my old ST stuff (one is a rwby au)
8. What is the last scene you’ve written?
It was definitely for a RWBY fic (birthday/Halloween party scene). For ST it was byler but as a rwby ship (NnD... and if you know. then I'm sorry.) Writing is so. Difficult. I edit instead its so much easier to finish things,,,
9. What is your favorite dialogue you’ve written so far?
Personally, I dislike most of the things I write. And I don't remember half the things I write. But I do enjoy banter a lot,,, so here take this:
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is it my fav dialogue? probably not. but I do enjoy it.
21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic. 
I'm so bad with songs! Like the things I listen to are like. Taylor Swift??? Also my playlist is just. Edit songs I have on my phone. Bc I edit. A majority of which is TS. Um. Let's see. In no particular order:
Will amnesia fic: 1. All in Due Time (Joshua Bassett), 2. You Are Enough (Sleeping At Last), 3. The Very First Night (Taylor Swift)
Byler as NnD (rwby au) fic: 1. Back to December (Taylor Swift), 2. One Love (Marianas Trench), 3. Begin Again (Purity Ring) [honestly I like the worldbuilding of this au but writing it is a pain bc there's so much worldbuilding to explain oops. but these songs are just. NnD songs].
yeah anyways that's all I got I'm sorry
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somasean · 2 years
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Set Nite - Set It Off x Fortnite
content: crack fic, bad grammar, no punctuation, an english teacher's worst nightmare, fortnite, guns, death, if you die in the game you die in real life, carziger
an: we're entering the "i don't have motivation to write seriously but need to write or i'll go crazy" phase. hang on, they get rough here on out. one part because i'm nice like that but this is separated into 3 on AO3 and watty if you want the authentic experience.
♤♤♤♤
"hey guys lets do some squad rounds on fortnite for our new youtube video" cody asked his bandmates one night while they were all watching a movie 
"uh yah sure but how much is it you know that we cant play $40 four times for a game when maxx keeps getting chiplote every single day for all three meals breakfast lunch and dinner" zach said and hit maxx in the arm playfully
dan rolled his eyes and hit the both of them "no u idiots its free for pc and ps4 so we can all play it but they have skins and dances and pick axes we can buy to spice up the game but idk if its worth it since weve never played it before"
everyone nodded and went to different rooms maxx went to codys room to play on his desktop while cody played on his ps4 and dan and zach went to zachs room and zach played on desktop and dan played on ps4
they all opened up discord and made accounts codys was "codychaos"
maxx's was "chiplote4lyfe"
dans was "cactusfucker"
and zachs was "hpkilledmydad"
they all made accounts and went through and they set up screen recordings and their two cameras and they said their into "whats up guys we're set it off and as you might notice by now we're in different rooms im here with zach" zach waved at the camera after dan said his name "and cody and maxx are in the other room" cody and maxx both waved at the camera when heard dan say that
"and today we're going to be playing one of the most popular games which is weird for us because we've never recorded a game play so we're probably going to suck hella balls but whatev ok if u judge us ur wrong and stinky anyway lets get into it i am cactusfucker, zach's hpkilledmydad, cody is codychaos and maxx is chiplote4lyfe"
they all selected the squads option and went into the game they were greeted with the game lobby when suddenly 
****BAM****
(its in first person now so i can make this easier on myself ok its also maxx bc fuck u)
i looked around and saw that i was in the fortnite game lobby but everything looked a lot more real i looked around and didnt see my room or my ps4 or the guys "uh hello what's going on where is everyone" i asked
nobody answered so i asked again but louder "guys????? wehre r u??? coddy???? zach?? dan????????? where are you guys and where are we i mscard" i pretty much screamed 
someoen in a tomato man suit ran up to me and hit me in the head with a pickaxe "shut ur fuck up dont be a nut askin where ur bfs are u ugly a** b****" and they ran off to hit someone else in the face with their ace i just looked at them like 'wtf' and ran around the lobby looking for the guys when i finally found dan
"omg dan youre the basic black guy haah wtf how weird is that they really dont like u or either the fbi man watching u thru ur cam deiced to do u wrong" dan rolled his eyes and punched me in the face which should have hutr but didnt which was weird but its whayever were in a game loading lobby so of coufse nothing hurts right now
"shut up ur the basic white guy with blonde hair u look ugly as f**k shaking my smh maxx they really did u dirty" dan laughed and then looked sad "hey where are the others have you seen them im worried?????" he asked and i shook my head.
"nno i havent im sorry i tried calling for you guys but some tamota guy called me a fat a** b**** :(" dan gasped and covered his mouth and then looked around like he was pissed off
"did u see his name were gonna kill him bc nobody calls u that on my watch wait until the other guys hear that theyll help for sure we all got ur back buddy" dan pat me on the back and i smiled and nodded "hey lets go and find the others before the match starts"
we ran off and looked at everyones names until we saw zachs i tackled him and we laughed "dude youre the basic asian guy who looks kinda like you wtf this is so weird also where are we???" zach just shrugged and pushed me off of him and helped me up and looked between dan and us 
"i dont know all i rememeber is us doing our intro and then a flash of light and here we are i hope this is like a bad dream or something becasuse how the f**k would we get out of here if it isnt besides we've never played this be fore" zaach said and shook his head "hey have you guys seen cody im worried about him" dan and i said no at the same time and we all laughed 
"hey lets go find him before the match starts" dan said "good idea" zach said and ran off in a direction and motioned for us to follow him we did and found someone that had codys name but didnt look like him at all really well it kind of did but in a girl skin 
"uh cody?????" i asked as dan and zach tried their best not to laugh in the backgrund cody just rolled his or her ??? eyes and smacked me with his pickaxe which should have hurt but it just bounced off my head and made a "plink" sound 
"duh you dumbasses dont laguh at my ugly skin you f**kers dont look at any better smh where are we i hope we arent stuck here forever" cody said and looked at the ground all sad "hey we'll get out of this alive i promise you ok?" i put my hand on his shoulder and smiled cody nodded at me and walked towards dan and zach still laughing
just as he was about to say something i timer that said "round starting in 10" showed up and started counting down til 1 "oh shit uh okay well we need a plan and that's not to die let's hpe we live and if not i love u guys"
"ha that's gay" dan said and smacked cody on the back while zach punched cody lightly in the shoudler "i guess u guys were okay" zach said before we knew it the timer had reached its end
maxx's pov
once the timer hit zero the guys and i were placed onto a bus i didnt know where we were but dan was sitting next to me and cody and zach were sitting next to us "uh does anyone know the controls for this????" I asked confused and started looking around
the guys shurgged when all of a sudden zach said "oh! i got it! think map for the map, that's pretty simple" we all nodded and thought map when all of a sudden a large holographic map appeared in front of each of us "where should we land?" i asked
"uh tilted would get us killed but we dont want to go somewhere like wailing woods because we might not get good loot" cody said he had a point if this is gonna be a fight to death where we might actually die in real life we had to make sure we would win
"i always see this guy called jackspeidcy go to tomato town and he usually does well when he isnt being lagged out" zach said and placed a marker on the map "btw just touch the place you wanna go to on the map and it puts a marker" 
we all nodded and tapped the spot marked "tomato town" hopefully we wouldnt die!!! a sign appeared over the map that said we had 30 seconds to get off the bus or else we would be forced off and a little bus icon appeared on the map as well and moved as the bus was moving "uh i guess this is really it huh?? we're gonna be doing this for real" i said nervously and everyone nodded
the door next to us opened and a bunch of people started jumping out at the start but about half of the bus jumped out as we passed over tilted towers which was a good thing we werent going there!!
it didnt take long before we reached where we should drop we all stood up and went to the doors and watched as the ground buzzed by us realy quickly i could feel myself starting to get nervous i didnt want to jump i was scared of heights but cody grabbed my hand and smiled at me "it'll be ok maxxy we've got this let's go" he said and nodded at zach and dan as we jumped out and headed towards the marker that we placed
it took a few seconds for us to get there until i realized that i didnt know how to get out my gilder and i started to freak out when all of a sudden cody pressed a button on the side of my belt and my glider opened up i smiled at him and mouthed a thank you to him
we landed in the middle of tomato town annd looked around "what do we do?" i asked confused
"look for supplies, anything purple is really good, blue is great, green will do and grey is okay enough but wont hold up. chests make a sound and golden weapons are the best. btw, bandages and med kits are good, slurps are like shields, big slurps heal a lot but it takes a while and to get supplies to build just pull out your axe and start hitting things" zach said and pulled out his axe pick and started to hit the roof of the building we were on
we all took our pick out and coppied zach
"ok so there's four buldings and nobody is here yet, so dan and zach will i take this building, cody and i can take that building right next to" i said and jumped off the roof onto a car everyone nodded "ok, let's go"
cody followed me as i ran into the building the first thing we were met with were two med kits and a shot gun "you take the upstairs, i'll stay down here" i said and picked up the medkit
i searched all downstairs and picked up the guns and bandages and ammo that i saw. i ended up with medkits, a blue shotgun, a green pump and a slurp which i ended up taking right there. cody came running downstairs when he was done "ok lets go" he said and held up a golden shotty
all of us ran out the door and made our way towards the circle zach saw someone a couple hundred yards away through his scope and motioned for us to all go behind a tree "hey i know we cant kill but this is still q video game right? its not like id we kill anyone here they'll be dead in real life ok i know u r all scared i am two butt we gotta do this if we wanna stay alive" we all stuck our hands in the middle and said "hee-yah" we split up into too groups one group killing the people and two watching to make sure we were okie
i was with cody senpai and i keot looking at his gun thinking of what would happen after this or if it was just a dream or if we were actually here or not idk "im svared codey" i said crying he befan crying to "i love yoy sew much" he want to say something bht dan's gun went off really loudly behind us
"guys run and buikd theyre right behind us!!!!" we all ran meanwhile zach looked behind us and shit them and cody builded for us we got into the middle of the circle and we looked into the timer it said that helf of the people were dead already oh btw zach had killed the group chasing us so we were good
"ok lets set up here and heal and reload" i said everyone agreeded cody and dan healed and zach and i looted "hey guys a chest" zach went down and cody cane up with me "you can jave it" i pointed and leaned against rhe window
"hey i want you tk know that i l~" cody said but was interrupted when a loud bang sounded throughout the house
i jumped and sceramed because the bagn was so loud it like right under teh stairs in the living room or whatever oh yeah did i ever tell you we had taken up hold in a house idk if i did im too gay to remeber ot care xD but yah it wsa like right downstairs and i jumped and fell right into codys arms i blushed super hard and gelt my little maxx get hard i looked up at cody and he looked down at me
i almost went to kiss him but then i remebered the bang and was like ":o!!!!! dun!!!! zak!!!" i pushed myself away from cody and ran down the stiars he followed me too we reached the bottom of the steps and stumbled into the living room "wut happened who got hurt!!!!" cody shouted and ran towards zach an dan they looked at him confused
"huh?????"
cody smakced them upside the head and i scanned around tehr room looking for someone "the bagnw e just heard"
zach looked shocked and then finally understoon "oh that!! dan got scared here and thought he saw a rat but it was just my shoe and he almost fucking shot my foot off" dan blushed n cried
we all sighed and shock our herds and hugged him "its ok there wasnt much in the chest but we do have some flughs if you want to them were all stocked up on shields and health though there's like 7 other people left though so that means us and either 3 groups or two 2 groups and one single or 3 singles idk we may want to tstart moving the cicrcle is closing in again remeber to watch ur backs, dan you biuled for us and cody you shoot zach and i are gonna runn you follow ok"
they all nodded and we snucked out sid of the house and ran towards the circle we didnt see anyone which was weird maybe they were hiding or something?? they would have shot us if the saw us idk idk the circle was closing in on us but there was still a bit of room until the circle wasa actually gone we had like one more cycle before it clsoed into the tiny one and then the end of game happened
we had just made it into the circle when another loud bang happened i glared back at dan like to be like "wtf dude?" but he was hurt and bleeding "omg! nu~" i cried and ran over to him zach had him carried over his shoulder and there were bullets almost hitting our feet "zach you get him to safety cody you biuld and i'll shoot!!!!" i screamed they ndoded and listened cody built us a metal towers right in the middle of the circle and i shot through the hole with my golden scope (use code dickguzzler for 6969 free V-bucks no scam)
i got a "elimited saladass69" on my screen that must be they person who shot dan oh well the named sounded kind familier but whatver i ran over to dan and cried over him he was loosing a lot of blood somehow saladass69 had manged to take off his shilend with one shot and hit him in the chest right nrxt to his heart i hitnk im not a doctor i dont know atanomy geeze
he was bleeding out like crazy zach had his head in his lap and cody tried to wrap bandages around him but it wasnt working he wsa just bleeding irght through him we couldnt do anything we were running out of medkits "guys theres only two people plus us and the storm is closing in we need to pick him up and go! maybe if we win this beofre he u know *udders* he might mayke it cum on" cody picked dan up and zach and i toore down the shelter we built and ran into the circle it was the final cirle until the storm closed forever
we were running but we were slow like really slow i could feel the storm piniching me boot i blushed and felt baby maxx get hard again omg no we were just a few feet from the circle when dan stumbled and took dpwn zach with him cody and i came to a halt "come on get up!! we'll help u u need to hury~" i said as tears ran down my face zach shookeded his head yes and tried to stand but he couldnt cody adn i went to help them up but we got zapped and burned
"go on without me there's a few mintues left and i think the other two may be right there over that hill i have full shield and more medkits incase we get low just go!!!!"
codydrug me away from them he cried too we had a fired in aour eyes and loked everywehre for the other two people i saw one of them and charged and just started shooting wildly i hit someone and heard codekey start shooting two i killed my person it said "elimited jackieboy" i started to cry more because that name really sounded familier now it was weiras i shot codys person at the sam e time as him and got an "assited kill on ryanrossfucker"
everything slowed down and the "battler royale #1" thing popped up "we did it !!!! i screamed at kissed cody ididnt even care there was another flahs i was pulled out of the gameand we were back in real life i was kissing coyd and little maxxx was as hard a plank i blushed and puleld awy
we heard a screma and ran into zachs room dan was dead he was bleeding like everything that had hapned in the game zach had a couple of burns that looked like electial sotrm burns i grabbed his pho ne and called 911
while w waited for the cops we sat in the licing room and checked the cam footage and it was just us starring at the screen adn saying the stuff we were saying but on dans i ouldnt look i sobbed and cried into codys shirt he held me close zach luked over n saw n said "ha gay" then started crying when he saw random bullet holes show up in dans body and elecetial storm burns show up on his i cried
the cops and emt and everyone else that is sent when u call 911 kocked on the door cody got up on shkay legs and opened it for them they looked shoked that it was us "ugh! our friend just died and we got burne dand now theres fan!!!!!!!! nu!! i jsut wanna cri n bang senpai daddy cody~!" i cried and blushed sezily and ran upstairs into my room i heard the officers n stuff talking to cody n zach n they tok pics and came up into zachs room i walked out ubt bumped into code key i blushed 
"is tru what u said down ehre?" he asked shy liked i blushed "yah" he blushed we kissed n heard a bunch of "aw"s i looked over to see everyone with their phone out and taking pics
"carziger 4 lyfe!!!!!~" one of the emts shouted and the other officers squeealed n spun around "ok! what abt dun?"" i felt something tap my shoulder n looked over it was his ghost!!! he gave us at humbd up we all walked to zachs room and the cops took pics and did they stuff they took his body away and we all cried
we turned on the news a couple hours later and saw on the news it was a trending story it said "about hundred die mysteriously after or while playing hot game called fornite, including popular irish youtuber jacksepticeye, old emo dude now twitch streamer brendon urie, and popular racist perdiepie. more at 6 the remaining people will be hunted down and taken to court to find out what happened"
not long after that the fbi kicked in and smadhsed through our windows and kidnapped us they took us to a court and all of the families of the hundred that had died were there they were crying we were all crynig too i pulled up my laptop to write about this and start a book about it we walked into court and had camerws and phones and microphones and stuff all in our face "hey heres a million dolalrs and abook deal" someone said "wow ok" zach said and we took a moment to write out book it sold out right awy and we bacome famous bak to court anyway
the judge freaked out n took a pic and tehre was a super long invesgationg is wht i want ot say but really they all watched the tapes n saw we had nothing to do with it but fornite had to pay everyone in a million free v-buvks no scam and they shut down but they also went into a new cahpters and we want to play but we have been socared that we are neer gonig to touch that game again also teh video didnt get uploaded and we had to say that dan left anyway
cody and i r like hella fricking every day and people still ahte us and thretend us for killing pewdiepie and jcak an brendon but we dont csre bc we all know the truth n were also billionianres and have kill jeff bezos because we can also everyone has to be gay in our new world (we're the president of the world now bc everyone loves us) and if they arent they arent sent into the moon ok goodbye this hads been my book about how we got sicked into fortnite or as i like to call it setnite anyway goodbye be gay do crimes
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the-random-phan · 3 years
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Danny had to leave movie night to fight a ghost, and it was a mistake leaving Sam with a sleeping Tucker and a marker.
Drawing of Tucker under the cut
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sweetalnazar · 3 years
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I think it’s absolutely hilarious that I can churn out like 3k words no sweat but struggle to read anything over 1k
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mingoyeob-archive · 3 years
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Can you please do:
53: "We're stuck in the middle of a storm and all you want to do is play in the rain,"
41: "Dance with me,"
61: "If you keep looking at me like that I won't be able to handle myself,"
45: "Take.It.Off"
With Jungkook and reader.💜
Loads of love✨
under the oak tree drabble game ⚔️🌳 to make up for my delayed release of part 3 of under the oak tree i’ve decided to do a drabble game! send me a number + any of the characters from under the oak tree and i’ll write you a drabble :)
thank you so much for sending in a request 💜 💜 I love that you sent in multiple prompts cause it allowed me to really develop the story! I kinda went crazy with it tho, can you call 2.5k a drabble? idk but I hope you enjoy!
53: "We're stuck in the middle of a storm and all you want to do is play in the rain," + 41: "Dance with me," + 61: "If you keep looking at me like that I won't be able to handle myself," + 45: "Take.It.Off" - jjk x reader - word count: 2.5k
Your body swayed back and forth in your seat as the carriage wheeled over bumpy roads and rocky dirt paths. It had you gripping tightly to the underside of the leather seat to prevent yourself from falling to the hard cabin floor. Your gaze stayed trained out the window, watching the trees go by and the rain pouring down creating puddles along the roads. The small drops on the glass had your eyes zeroing on them, watching as they raced back and forth towards the edge of the carriage door. Oh how I tire of this dreadful weather you mused, a frown settling on your face at the thought.  Jungkook grunting as if to catch your attention was the only thing that had your head turning away, meeting dark brown pools that filled steely eyes.
“Are you upset with me?”
Any other day his question would have had you scrambling to pacify his concern, but today, your foul mood had you holding your tongue. Of course you were upset, he was taking you to the one place you hated the most - home. Well, what used to be your home, Uwhen felt more like your home now than that place ever did.
You fixed him with a blank stare. “Yes.” you say, voice monotonous and lacking any obvious emotion.
Your blunt response had Jungkook's eyes slowly widening as he registered just how bad he had fucked up. He never would’ve guessed you’d be this upset, he was doing this for you after all. When Jungkook first got the invitation to attend one of your fathers council meetings to oversee the trades occurring with other kingdoms he was completely set on denying the request; he was never one to meddle into things that didn’t directly affect his people. But one of his own advisors, Seokjin, had reminded him that as the new Duke it technically was one of his responsibilities to be there. Plus, according to him, a good opportunity to get you out of the castle.
“If I was her, I’d want to get out of here as soon as possible!” He had said comically, laughing at his own terrible joke loud and squeaky like. Jungkook frowned at the memory.
Had you said something to him about wanting to leave? he had wondered. Even though you hadn’t (you barely even knew the man), Jungkook’s worries continued to spiral out of control and he hastily had sent your father confirmation that he would be there and that he was taking you with him. He hesitated with his response trying to find the right words to make sure he didn’t make the situation worse. “I’m sorry I assumed you would be ha-”
Bang!
Jungkook's apology was interrupted by the loud sound of something cracking, the two of you launching off your seats as the carriage immediately leaned over on its side. The crash had you two falling out of your seats onto creaking wood, bodies crumpling onto one another and limbs draped everywhere. You had let out an oof at the fall, but Jungkook had seemed unfazed and if anything more pissed off than dazed. It took you a minute to gather your bearings, trying to determine which way was up and which way was down, but as soon as you did you realized you were staring directly into Jungkook's eyes, body sprawled across his chest.
It seemed like he had made an effort to try and catch you during the fall and somehow his arm had found its way around your waist, huge hand unintentionally landing directly on your ass. Your face heated up immediately. “Jungkook, your hand.” he just quirked an eyebrow, oblivious to what you were referring to which only served to make you more annoyed. "Take.It.Off"
He looked confused for a second before finally registering where his mischievous hand had strayed. Despite how he was internally freaking out, his hands had calmly retracted and instead moved to your shoulders to lift you back into your seat as if you were as light as a feather, catching you off guard. You could only sit there surprised at the action, watching as Jungkook’s giant figure struggled to stand up in the cabin, neck bending to duck out of the cabin when he opened the door.
“What the hell happened out here?!”
“I’m sorry my Lord, but it seems one of our wheels got stuck in a hole and broke its bearing.” The coachmen muttered embarrassed, cringing at the obvious anger that showed across Jungkook’s face. The driver's words had you sticking your own head out of the door, flinching as the ice cold rain immediately started drenching you.
“Well how long will it take you to fix it?!” Jungkook questioned irate.
The man avoided Jungkook's fiery gaze, rubbing at his neck, “Considering the craftsman isn’t until the next town, I’m not quite sure. We’d have to walk the rest of the way unfortunately and that could take the rest of the day and probably into the night, sir.”
Jungkook let out a groan, obviously upset with the coachmens words. He threw his hands up, turning in his spot to kick at the edge of the broken down carriage only to just notice that you had stepped out into the rain yourself. Immediately he walked over, boots stumping in the mud. “Get back in the carriage Y/N.”
You scoffed, “No way, you heard the man. We’ll have to walk and you’re not leaving me out here by myself to wait for you to return with a damn wheel.” You glared up at him, neck straining to look up and meet his gaze confidently. “Besides I think I can handle a little rain by now.”
“Rain has nothing to do with it. I didn’t plan on leaving you, I’m staying here. He can walk to the town by himself,” The driver let out a sound of alarm at his statement to which Jungkook paid no mind to. “He can send word to your father to get another carriage to escort us the rest of the way.”
“Jungkook, staying here would be the worst thing to do and getting my father involved would just be a nuisance and you don’t want to make him upset, do you? We can just stop at an inn and stay till the morning.” You were obviously trying to stop Jungkook from continuing the journey to your father. But he didn’t know that of course and he actually began to mull over the idea. The two of you stood in the rain for a moment glaring at each other, waiting for one of you to give up. When he realized that he wasn’t going to win, he let out a grunt, spinning on his heel to trudge down the path. The driver stared back and forth between the two of you, confused about what just happened. You just smiled at your plan actually working and followed behind him, satisfied with your accomplishment.
For a while the three of you walked, completely soaked from the relentless downpour with clothes clinging to your bodies. Thankfully it began calming down as you continued on the road, but the mood surrounding everyone was still tense. You could tell Jungkook was still upset as he had never stopped glowering at the forest ahead, eyebrows furrowed and jaw tense. His bristly mood had you sighing, perhaps it was time for you to try and break the ice.
“Jungkook.” you called from behind his towering figure, stopping in your tracks. He didn’t immediately respond, but after realizing you had halted he turned to look over his shoulder, offering you a grunt in question.
“Dance with me.” you say with a smile, beaming despite his obvious annoyance.
He merely arched a brow, finally facing you to stare at you blankly. Jungkook crossed his arms, “What?” he said.
You giggled, “I said dance with me!” you did a small spin in your spot, lips tilting up at the corners as you extended a hand in his direction. He just looked at it, face void of emotion.
“We're stuck in the middle of a storm and all you want to do is play in the rain.”
He sounded dreadfully confused, but that didn’t deter you from your mission. “Yes! In my opinion, mud makes for an excellent dance floor.” your voice dripped with excitement and when he didn’t show any sign of taking your hand you just took it upon yourself to take his hand from his folded arms and pulled him forward (it barely moved him but you get the jist).
Jungkook sighed and tried to stand his ground as you pulled relentlessly on his arms. The sound of your feet splashing in the mud made him cringe but regretfully he started moving to the beat you seemed to have made up in your head. You two spun in circles and moved back and forth down the path, making up your own dance as you went. The coachmen watched amused from the sidelines, clapping along to the two of you to mimic the sound of music. You knew Jungkook was trying to look like he was still upset, but you could tell it was an act and that he was starting to warm up to the idea as you went along. His arms started to loosen and his back started to untense, shoulders relaxing to make it easier for you to pull him along. He was even biting back a smile at the sound of your cute sounds and the hums you were letting out in tune to the drivers rhythm. At that moment Jungkook thought you looked absolutely enchanting.
Despite the hair stuck to your face, the bottom of your dress covered completely in mud and lingering scent of mildewy smelling soaked wet cotton, the drops of water stuck to your long lashes and the flush in your cheeks trumped all of those things. He had never seen you smile so hard or look so comfortable in his arms. Besides the accidental fall back at the carriage, this was the first time you had been this close to him since your wedding night and he could feel the heat radiating from your body, your hearts beating to the same rhythm. He truly felt like you were his.
So he watched as you continued to spin, laughs full of glee escaping past your lips. You even had the nerve to stick your tongue out in an effort to catch raindrops, showing off the long expanse of your throat and jutting collarbones. The sight had something stirring in him. And you must’ve noticed the change in his face because you stopped in your step, smile calming and eyes softening. You could tell he was deep in thought, so you didn’t feel the need to speak just yet. Instead, you just looked at him, eyes gazing up at him and swimming with admiration. Your shining irises peeking up below your lashes had your stare coming off as almost sultry and he felt his pulse quickening. When you picked up on the shift in his mood you decided to speak up. “Is something the matter, Jungkook?” you questioned, looking up with wide eyes. You looked so innocent. He knew it was wrong, but he wanted so bad to corrupt you.
Jungkook pulled you so close you had to strain your neck to stare up at him just before he dipped his head down, lips so close to touching. "If you keep looking at me like that I won't be able to handle myself."
Your breath caught in your throat and your face was full of surprise as you just stared at him speechless. It was almost as if you two were having some type of heated conversation with the way his dark eyes connected to yours. The tension was undeniable. But you two seemed to have forgotten that you guys weren’t the only ones out there on that dirt road, and the sound of the driver clearing his throat had you two stepping apart.
“Are you guys um...ready to keep heading towards the inn?” he mumbled, obviously uncomfortable. The two of you couldn’t answer fast enough.
“Yes!”
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Breakfast in the Bed || Mike Wheeler x Reader
Day 3 of Fictober
Pairings: Mike Wheeler x [gn]Reader, Elmax
Fandom: Stranger Things (2016-)
Requested: Could you write a Mike x Reader fic where Mike and the rest of the party surprise the reader with breakfast in bed on their birthday and the reader accidentally confesses that she likes Mike? Or something like that, idk. Thanks!
A//n: Holy fuck, im so sorry this took a million years, but thank you loads for being so incredibly patient. It gets so hard sometimes, but know that I appreciate your guys' understanding and patience with me and I've always had every intention of getting it done cause I want to keep my promise to you guys 💞 i thought this was a cute request, and for a while I had this idea stuck in my head that made it kinda hard to write but then when I started writing, it took a different direction in a different tone but i think it helped. Its more of a funny chaotic kind of fluff rather than an typical "you like me?" cliche fluff. Either way I hope you like it and thanks again for being so patient and requesting!
Fictober Day 1: "you did this?"
[Not Really] Warnings: fluff, a Zathura reference. Elmax being adorable girlfriends
Key: f/b = favorite breakfast/fav.food
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"Are you sure about this, man?"
"Shh!" Mike hisses, trying desperately to keep the tray in his hands balanced. "You'll wake Y/n!"
Lucas looks at his friend completely dumbfounded like the rest of the group, aside from El who clung to Max's arm with a perplexed expression and a party hat on her head.
"Dude," Lucas deadpans. "That's the whole point."
"You know what I mean," Mike huffs.
With some convincing from your head of house and some careful planning the night before, the party now found themselves in your doorway with your favorite breakfast. You were still out cold, head buried in your pillow and your limbs tangled messily in your sheets.
"Are you sure we even should be doing this?" Max asks in a whisper. "You know how Y/n feels about sleeping. And, ya know, I'd want to sleep in on my birthday."
"I'm sure it'll be fine," Dustin eases with a smile, and a cheery tune. "It's us! And food. In bed!"
He steps out from behind Mike and enters your bedroom, and everyone watches wearily as he tiptoes to your bedside. You still hadn't moved, aside from the steady rise and fall of your body. Max's words played over in Mike's head and the more it did he couldn't help but realize she was probably right. He tried calling out to Dustin but it was too late. By the time the grinning boy had reached out to touch your shoulder it looked more as if he were poking a sleeping bear.
You groaned but never moved, and Dustin tried again.
"Dustin?" Will whispers uneasily. "Maybe, Max is right. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"Y/n~" Dustin sings in a low volume, and he begins shaking you more. "Y/n, wake up~! We've got a surprise for you~!"
You shift in your bed but again, show no signs of consciousness. Dustin looks over his shoulder at his friends, a bright smile overtaking his face.
"Guys, it's fine! Look," He turns back to you, shaking your shoulder again and missing the winces from your friends. "Y/n-"
Dustin stumbles back when your palm meets his face with a rough smack.
"Go away!" You exclaim, eyes screwed shut to block out all the invasive light that stung your vision.
You didn't quite know who all was there, all you did know was that people were in your bedroom and trying to wake you up.
"Why," you seethed, your voice low and gravelly from lack of use. "am I awake at,"
You roll over to look at the flickering red lights of your alarm clock, your eyelids fighting hard to stay open.
"six-thirty in the morning?"
Through your blurry vision you can make out all of the party standing in your room, looks of displacement written all over their faces. It's quiet for a moment as they struggle for words, until El breaks the silence with a party blower.
Max winces from her side, and sends a small smile to the brunette and in a small voice says to her. "Yeah, maybe not now, okay El?"
El winces, taking the party blower out of her hand and gives you a wide toothy smile. You didn't mind so much as you just wanted to give into what your body was telling you do; bury yourself under the covers and slip back into sleep.
You groan again, doing just that. You let your body fall back into the small nest you had unintentionally made for yourself but you knew the comfort was going to be short lived. And it was.
"Come on, Y/n," Lucas said, stepping into your bedroom, gesturing past Dustin who was still rubbing his nose, and over to Mike who timidly held the tray of f/b. "We made you breakfast."
They were met with silence. And no, they were not being ignored but you in fact were drifting back off.
"You can eat it in bed," Lucas added with a hopeful grin.
Your head picked up when you registered what your friend said. Your eyelids still felt they were made of magnets wanting to snap together but it was a little easier to fight it.
You were kinda hungry... And you wanted to spend today with your friends anyway.
You plastered on a sleepy smile, and turned to look at your friends through your half-lidded eyes as if you hadn't just scolded them.
"For me?" You asked in an exaggerated, sickly sweet voice that asked them to move on from it.
They all laughed nervously - again, apart from El who just seemed happy you were happy now.
"Yup," Lucas said. "We thought you deserved something special for your birthday, so we all decided to surprise you."
His voice was a bit uneasy, but your brain was still too foggy to comprehend it. So you just pulled yourself up into a sitting position against your pillows, readjusting your sleepshirt and pajama bottoms since they had shifted an uncomfortable amount throughout the night.
You smiled up at them all, feeling kinda guilty.
"Thank you guys," you said, with a genuine smile. "This is actually really nice. Here, you can come in,"
Mike seemed the most relieved out of all of them, and anxiously he stepped forward and headed for your bedside with the tray table full of food and drink. Max and El walked hand in hand to stand at the end of you bed, Max taking a seat on the end of the mattress to face you while El began playing with ends of her hair. Lucas and Dustin were further along the side of the bed to make room for Mike who carried the tray.
You bit the inside of you cheek a little, rubbing the sleep away from your eyes as you yawned.
"Sorry I hit you, Dustin," you say meekly, beginning to feel a bit silly about the whole thing.
He shrugs it off with a smile. "Eh, no worries. We'll be laughing about it later. Right, guys?"
He pat Mike's back in a playful - and forceful - manner, unintentionally throwing the balance off the tray. Not a single item stayed on the wooden tray, but was now splayed out all over your sheets and soaking through your shirt and pajama bottoms. You jumped back at the unwelcomed and highly uncomfortable sensation, gaping down at the mess you were now buried in. Slowly you look up to meet eyes with the party, particularly Dustin and Mike.
They looked as if they had crapped their pants.
Dustin's jaw hangs open for a moment, his entire body completely frozen. His right hand is wrenched up to point at Mike, who stares at the tray with glazed eyes, and his face completely crimson.
"It was all his idea!" Dustin squeaks.
Your fiery gaze meets Mike's terrified one, and his mouth parts as he begins sputtering. He was trying to summon an apology, or even an "it was an accident" but all he managed was a nervous, uncomfortable smile.
Your heart would have fluttered at his state had it not been for the meal that had just been dumped on you. You yank the sheets off of you, drops of what hadn't yet soaked completely in flew through the air and hit some of your friends and Mike backs away. He drops the tray from his hands when you climb out of bed with a look that could kill, wet chunks of food falling off of you and landing on the floor with slap.
"You did this?"
Sure, your best friend and long time crush had looped all your friends into coming over and surprising you for your birthday. But he also was the reason you not only lost a long morning of sleeping in, but were now wearing your breakfast and didn't have a warm bed to go back into when they left.
You're eyes narrowed at him. "You did this."
"I'm sorry!" He shouts, running out into the hallway.
"YOU'RE LUCKY I LIKE YOU WHEELER, OR YOU'D BE DEAD! NOW GET BACK HERE, AND CLEAN THIS UP!" You shout, running out right after him.
The remainder of the party stands awkwardly at your bedside where you left them.
Dustin laughs nervously. "That went well,"
Will gestured over his shoulder towards the hall, a thoughtful look on his face.
"Wait," he laughs. "Did Y/n finally just admit what I think Y/n just admitted?"
Max grimaced as she wiped away the remainder of food that had clung to her face, and flicked it away disgusted that she had been hit.
"Yup," Max says, popping the 'p'. "Didn't think I'd see the day, either."
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gubesboo · 3 years
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That should be me
HEY!! ITS MEEE! I posted quite some time ago that maybe I should post a fic so HERE IT IS FINALLY MY FIRST FIC! I’m in nursing school so it can be difficult to write also I read all of these amazing stories and think I could never so hopefully you enjoy this!
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings: uhhh cursing, suggestive sexual language, mutual pining, fluff (cause I’m a fluff whor3), maybeeee angst? idk I think that’s it other than pretty bad writing!
Italicized = readers thoughts 
Bolded= spencer’s thoughts
Word count: 3.5k
Y/N POV 
Working at the BAU is not what you were expecting. Long hours, early mornings, sleepless nights. Don’t kid yourself, you loved your job, but at times it can seem that the bad outweighs the good. Only one thing could lighten you up on your darkest days and it was him. Doctor Spencer Reid. Spencer was everything that you hope for in a potential partner. He’s patient, caring, intelligent, also did I mention insanely attractive. Over the years of working there you and Spencer had become best friends, even rivaling Derek Morgan as his, and Penelope Garcia as yours. See being best friends is great, although completely platonic, the late night movie marathons, weekly coffee meets, along with working right beside him on your darkest days, you have come to love the brown mop of curly hair and hazel eyes that is Spencer Reid. Well, the problem that now is… BEING in love with Spencer Reid.
The bullpen having it’s normal hustle and bustle left you with your thoughts. You didn’t even recognize the man of the hour as he called out to you.
 “Y/N…? Y/N... Y/N!!”.
 “Oh.. sorry Spence, what’s up?”, you blushed a little, embarrassed that this man could have the power to zoned you out any minute of the day.
“Are you okay? You seem a little out of it.” Spencer so worriedly responded.
It’s the little things like this that could someone so easily make anyone fall in love. Spencer Reid could read you like a book, which is not something out of the ordinary for him. These microscopic gestures is something he knows that you take close to heart. 
“What? OH! Yeah I’m fine Spencer this paperwork is seriously getting to me now.” 
He let out a little laugh at your response. “Yeah I can see that, that’s why I offered you a fill on your cup of coffee.” 
Yeah you know what else you can fill. You thought in your head for the quickest second but just as quickly you could feel the heat rising in your face. With this you were quick to stand up to take the attention off of you. “You know what yeah Spence that would a-actually be great! I’m just gonna...uh… go see Penny real quick, I forgot I was meeting her to give her back her… s-sweatshirt she left at my place!”.
Oh god are you screwed. Dammit Y/N get it the FUCK together. “Oh ha.. You know, that might be helpful” you reply trying to act aloof. Spencer just smiles hesitantly parting your ways as he walks towards the break room for coffee, and you go to Garcia’s to give her the ‘sweater’. 
Spencer looked at you quizzically causing you to quickly turn to head that way. Just before you walked out of the bullpen you heard Spencer say “Uh.. Y/N.. do you want your bag?”. 
Barging through the door of Penelope’s headquarters, she turns around at you wide eyed like you have just escaped a wild tiger. 
“Y/N are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 
Great. “Penny I am LOSING it here.”
She looks at you worried like you actually have tossed your head off of your shoulder. “Oh this is about boy wonder now isn’t it” she so dubiously recognized. 
“Yes Penny I have no idea what I’m doing here, I can’t focus on my work, I’m embarrassing myself left and right, and to make matters worse this whole thing is completely one sided!”. 
Penelope looks at you sadly, she wants more than anything for you and Dr. 187 to get together but the stress of seeing you in this state almost breaks her heart. “Y/N, have you tried talking to him about it, we see the way he acts with you. Always going out of his way to make sure you are safe and happy, he doesn’t do that with just anyone…” 
You had to give it to her, Penelope always puts on the bravest face for you, that’s why you love her so much. “It’s not just me Penny, what about JJ… or Emily even, he does the same for them… look I’m just trying to be realistic. Someone like Spencer would never go for someone like me. He IS a genius, and I can barely make it through one day where my mind doesn’t get sidetracked.”
Penelope had had enough with your self doubt, she knew you were one of the most talented on the team. “Y/N ENOUGH! First of all, JJ and Emily never stay with Spencer and binge watch Doctor Who til’ the break of dawn. We all notice the longing stares on the jet between him and you, the maybe a tad too long hugs before you guys leave… it’s obvious he’s into you. You know Spencer has a thing for germs yet he shook your hand on your first day here. Let that sink in for a second Y/N. Secondly, you are one of the smartest and talented people on this team. Remember last week when you guys were in Dallas, and YOU pieced together the unsub had a partner.. Y/N there would’ve been so many other victims if it weren’t for you, you have no idea how much everyone respects and values your accomplishments on the team, INCLUDING Spencer.”
Tears had welled up in your eyes, you never knew how much you needed these words of endearment. Sometimes it can be hard to believe this when you are always in your head about what you could've done better or simple mistakes that could've been avoided, sending you into a downward spiral. “Thanks Pen”, you smiled subtly. “I think I’m gonna go to lunch, do you want anything?” 
“No Y/N I’m good. Please go talk to Spencer, I have faith that it will really end happily for you” Garcia replied kindly.
 “You know what I will, also one more thing…” She turned back in her chair cautiously at what you might say next.
“Yeah?” 
“Um.. if anyone comes in here asking what I was doing, can you say I returned a sweater to you?”
 “Oh Y/N” Garcia said, releasing a school girl giggle, “You have SO got it bad”. 
You laughed out of her office, timid of what the rest of the day had left to offer.
SPENCER POV
Ok that was odd, I hope Y/N is okay. Was it something I said? Oh God what if Morgan spilled the beans on how I feel about her. She’s my best friend, no what Morgan would never do that...well...would he? Just my luck Morgan was in the break room filling up his mug, walking in he gave me the slightest smirk. 
“Well pretty boy how is it going with Y/N? Ask her out yet?” he said, taking a sip of his coffee giving him the side eye. 
“What!? No.. Morgan you know she doesn’t feel the same about me, she’s never demonstrated anything that could elude to being more than friends. I know it will never happen.” sadly stated, Spencer began filling up the two mugs. 
“Oh and you have?”  Morgan said chuckling at Spencer’s reply, it was obvious that not even the genius had shown any type of actions that would sway Y/N into thinking he wanted to be more than friends. Spencer of course recognizes this but the simple things must account for something right? The subtle cuddles on the couch, constantly getting her refills on coffee, late night hangouts when Y/N was having a crying breakdown. He doesn’t just do that for anybody, she has to know this right? Maybe it wasn’t too obvious. 
“Look Morgan, I’m trying alright? You haven’t told her anything have you, she’s been dodgy around me lately.” Spencer crouched into himself, thinking how he could mess up something that hasn’t even started yet? 
“Come on Spencer, I mess with you a lot, but not when it comes to ya girl man. Look if you think something is bothering her just ask her about it, I think you guys are close enough as friends to where you can ask her about something like that right? And if she does know about your feelings then you have your answer, if not, lay it on her Reid. You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t shoot.”
Listening to these words almost encouraged Spencer but the weight of the fact that he might be rejected by the one girl he has opened up his heart to is too much to handle. It is easier to sit on the sidelines and wait for the opportunity to erupt then seize it himself. 
“Yeah Morgan you’re probably right. I’ll ask Y/N about it at lunch. Thanks Morgan I’ll keep you updated.” 
Morgan chuckled to himself “Well hopefully you don’t have to tell me, you can show me when you get back.” 
With that, Spencer walked out of the breakroom with his and Y/N’s coffee right as she walked back into the bullpen looking slightly disheveled. “Hey Y/N! Lunch?” Spencer smiled at Y/N. 
“Ummm… Yeah! Sandwiches?” Y/N replied, Spencer realized she usually had sandwiches when she was stressed. Carb loading seemed to make everything better. He mentally noted this to ask about later. 
“Sounds perfect.” 
With that Spencer and Y/N walked out of the office timidly, overwhelmed with their inner battle tension fighting at them.
LUNCH- Y/N POV
Walking into their go to sandwich shop down the street had a warm and inviting atmosphere. Almost like a hug from your grandma, it never gets old. The smell of freshly baked bread spread through the room and even calmed the nervousness that had surrounded Y/N and Spencer. The girl at the register you’ve come to know as Jessica, noticed her most loyal customers and greeted them with a warm smile.
“Y/N! Spencer! Welcome back you guys! Are we having our usual today?”
Almost embarrassed by the amount of times that they come in that the waitress knows their order. They nod in agreement. A BLT with mayo for Y/N and a ham and turkey club for Spencer. 
“Don’t you know it Jessica” you replied, giving her a wink and handing her a 20. “Keep the change” you smiled.
“I’ll have it out to you guys soon!” She replied before going to the counter to assemble the lunch.
Spencer has seemed on edge since he asked you to lunch. Oh no had he caught on? Did he hear me and Penelope.. No he couldn’t have. Just breathe. It’s okay. You noticed Spencer about to say something when you were pulled out of your thoughts by an unfamiliar voice.
“Hi...Y/N?” you turned around to reveal a rather handsome man. What some would consider tall, dark and handsome. His black hair sat wavy on his head. He was cute you had to admit, just the perfect balance of toned without it being overbearing. 
“Uh, Hi. I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across rude but...Do I know you?”. There was something about him that was right at the tip of your tongue. He did look familiar but you couldn’t place the face with a name. 
“Oh right. Hi um Chase! From Easton Heights? We went to high school together.”
“OH MY GOD! Yes! Chase! We had Biology together right? Wow look at you! You look amazing, how are you?” Wow he has definitely aged well.
Spencer shifted uncomfortably. Maybe it was in his head but he could definitely see a connection between the two of them. 
“Oh sorry Chase this is my friend Spencer, we work together.” Ugh friends, even saying the word left a sad tone on your tongue. So much hope and wanting in the word, that the one you hope would notice was completely blind to the idea.
Chase extended his hand for a handshake but was matched with Spencer’s typical skepticism, waving back at him instead of returning the endeavor.
“Don’t mind him, it's a germ thing.” you said to Chase seeming almost offended by Spencer’s action but nodded in an almost condolence type of way.
This brought you back to your first day with the team. After exchanging handshakes with Hotch, JJ, Rossi, Emily, Morgan and a bone crushing hug from Penelope (you knew at that second this woman was going to be your rock), last up was the genius himself. To his surprise along with everyone else's he extended his hand to meet yours to introduce himself. Everyone around gave skeptic looks to the other, but to be honest, it was hard to notice everyone else when looking into Spencer’s eyes. From that moment on, you were hook line and sinker to the pipe cleaner with eyes. 
You reminisce about this moment along with Penelope’s words from earlier when you are pulled out of your thoughts by Jessica calling from the counter.
“Y/N, Spencer! Your sandwiches are up!” Jessica shouted from the counter.
Spencer went to grab the sandwiches from the counter while you and Chase continued the small talk. What he walked back in on made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.
“Look Y/N I don’t mean to be forward but you obviously look great. I-I mean you’ve always looked great, I’m just saying adulting looks a-amazing on you. Anyways is there any way you are free tonight? Maybe we could meet up at this great Italian place in the city? Catch up a little?” Chase offered.
You had to hand it to him, he knew how to play his cards. As much as you wanted to hold out for Spencer, it was a stagnant relationship. No pull or tug anywhere as much as you wanted to, you didn’t want to set yourself up for heartbreak if you didn’t have to. You looked over at him. His face seemed unbothered by Chase’s actions. If he cared about you in more than a friend's way this would have bothered him right? If it did, he didn’t show it so you know what? Fuck it. Maybe it is self sabotage but, maybe this would be good for you.
“Uh, you know what? Yeah that would be nice. Maybe we can meet up around 7:30? Today is paperwork day at the office so I should be off at 5, gives me enough time to go home and change. Unless a case comes in of course.” You said handing him a card with your name and number on it, usually for business, but why waste time writing it down anywhere else right?
“Great I’ll see you then. It was nice meeting you Spencer.” Chase said with a warm smile before making his way out of the shop leaving you and Spencer in a limbo.
Well… THAT just happened. You thought to yourself as you walked out of the shop. Spencer seemed awfully quiet the walk back to the office only nodding and responding to your thoughts when absolutely necessary. Not even so much as the facts that you found completely endearing. You tried to brush it off as the midday lag, the sleep deprivation finally catching up to him, but that didn’t seem like the whole story. But at this point, you were tired of trying to read Spencer. Bigger and better things were waiting for you besides the man walking next to you. Or at least you hope there were.
THAT NIGHT- SPENCER POV
After an afternoon full of methodical paperwork, coffee, and self deprecation. Spencer goes home to his empty apartment, something that seems so full of light when Y/N is there.
If he had to admit it, this is something that Spencer had nightmares about. He knows it’s no one's fault but himself but he was right there. At lunch he was finally going to grow some balls and tell Y/N just how much he liked, probably loved her. But Chase happened. What if you fall in love with him, leaving Spencer in the dust. There is no way there could be time for a best friend AND a boyfriend. Especially not when Spencer wants to fill both rolls. He wants to be the one whose arms you wake up in. Who tries and horribly fails to make dinner for. To possibly get married and have kids with. 
He ponders this while staring at you contact information on his phone, finger hovering over the call button. It is now or never. Spencer thinks. 
“Fuck it.” Spencer says before grabbing his keys and coat, heading out the door.
YOUR APARTMENT- Y/N POV
Walking though your door and shedding your coat, you walk into your barren apartment thinking about the day you had. The rest of the work day had trudged along unbearably slow. You couldn't help but feel guilty accepting the date in front of Spencer. Sure, you guys were friends but on the way back and the rest of the day in the bullpen, Spencer had been avoiding you. When you looked over your eyes would meet, Spencer would clench his jaw and look immediately back down. He stopped the coffee refills, which was fine, but at some point he walked in on you pouring coffee just to do a straight 180 to walk out the door.
Ultimately feeling blue you decide to pick up your phone and text Chase to cancel the date. Not that you want to, but your head just wasn’t in the right place to go out. Even through the guilt of saying yes to Chase to get over Spencer, you thought this would be good for you, but it has only resulted in disappointment. Spencer should be happy for you! But it is obvious that this has affected him negatively. But why? Unless… no it can’t be. 
A knock at the door pulled you out of your thoughts. Checking your phone it read 6:17 p.m. 
“Huh?” you thought out loud. 
Looking through the peephole you notice Spencer at the doorstep. Albeit sweaty like he ran a marathon, curls sticking out each and every way, you answer the door.
“Spencer? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” 
Bending down to put his hands on his knees he holds up a finger to catch his breath. Finally waiting for a beat he straightens up. 
“Don’t go.” He puts simply.
“What? Spencer.. What are you talking about? The date?” you say heart hammering against your ribs. This is actually happening right?
“Yes the date Y/N. Don’t play dumb. I can’t sit here and know you're going out with him Y/N. I… I love you. And I know it has taken me way too long to admit it but I thought about the future you could have with him, and to be honest that should be me there in that image, not him. I’m sorry if this is bad timing or if I’m too late, but I don’t care. I had to come here and tell you before I lost my nerve. I love you Y/N.”
You sat there mouth gaping open, staring him in the eyes. It felt like you just jumped into a freezing lake. Body frozen and heart hammering in your ears. Apparently this is the wrong move because Spencer noticed this reaction and turned to walk out the front door. 
“SPENCER WAIT!” you called out to him. It was now or never too.
“I cancelled the date.” 
“What?”
“Spencer, I cancelled the date. After I saw how you were acting, I.. don’t know… I felt guilty? Maybe it's because I’m trying to get you out of my mind. And I felt guilty for using Chase because Spencer, I am hopelessly in love with you. I mean unfathomably so. I just didn’t know you felt the same that’s why I never said anything. And I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought of the future with you in it Spence. I love you Spencer.” you say walking over to him grabbing his hands, intertwining fingers. 
You never even noticed the tears in your eyes while you stared into his. The world seemed to melt around you as he leaned in locking his lips with yours. Salty tears mixed with the taste of him and everything felt right. It felt safe and normal. 
You pulled away both of you smiling ear to ear as you wiped away the tears on his cheek. Leaning back in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.
“So what you’re saying is you have no plans for the evening?” Spencer so cheekily replied. 
“Only with you.” You grin back with a soft chuckle pulling him to your couch for a long overdue Doctor Who marathon filled with cuddles and soft kisses. 
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thechildofstark · 3 years
Text
The Problem With Civil War
Civil War was supposed to be a Captain America movie. It was not a Captain America movie.
However.......
The problem with it being a Cap film is that Steve (+ his team) are supposed to be the ultimate good guys. In all the previous Hero Title films (Iron Man Trilogy, Thor Trilogy, Etc.) the guy whose name is on the poster is the guy the audience is supposed to root for. However, because of CA:CW’s marketing and story arc, it was very much a Steve & Tony / Steve vs. Tony film, while trying to simultaneously portray Tony as a secondary character.
This post isn't about Team Cap or Team Iron Man.
The catalyst for the story of Civil War is...........interesting. (in the comics, its different. and a whole lot easier to understand the reasoning of both sides of the argument. but that's a post for another time.)
Tagging/registering/tracking every mutant/mutate/superhero/powered person is objectively a very bad idea. but so is running amok with no supervision in other countries and destroying property whilst literally wearing the American flag.
There are big problems on both sides.
The issue I find most people have with Tony is that they find him an entitled sellout who only cares about himself and that he committed war crimes, and the problems I find most people have with Steve is that he defended a baby Nazi and went on an violent international rampage in direct violation of the UN because his dead terrorist ex-boyfriend may or may not have murdered a whole bunch of people.
Ooof.
The main reason I think people get very annoyed/attached a specific side is because they are still projecting the characterisation from the earlier movies.
Iron Man 1 and The First Avenger? I love them. No notes.
Obviously yes there are issues in-universe but these are flawed characters with complicated issues and stories and so on, and I like them that way.
If I wanted a Nice Unproblematic Superhero I’d rewatch the Christopher Reeves Superman films. That is not why I am here today.
But by the time we get to Civil War, Tony and Steve have become caricatures of the ideals that they represented, so that the studio can make a movie.
Morally, Steve is  in the right. Legally, Tony is in the right.
Ethically? I don't fucking know, they both suck equally in that regard.
Okay to be fair, Tony does try to help Steve like.........so often in the film. Because Steve is the Protagonist and he is Right even though half his actions don't actually fit with his previous characterisation/character arcs/basic human logic.
CA:CW was supposed to be a movie about Steve Rogers. But it failed in the single regard that the story wasn't about him. Even other Hero Title movie, the main character either does something, or has something done to them, and then they react to the situations and there are gratuitous explosions and a life lesson and probably a kiss near the end. But this film had the kiss nearer to the middle ew Sharon why and while plenty of shit got blown up, plenty of civilians and local law enforcement also got mashed by/because of the title character.
That is not how the lead in a superhero movie is supposed to behave.
And the film also continues down the general path of giving Tony shittier and shittier character arcs. The war he behaves in his own movies vs the avengers films? it’s a complete values dissonance. It is literally not the same character. Probably the closest to consistency we get is Iron Man 3/Age of Ultron but even then the differences are pretty startling. At the beginning, Tony was, idk, a realistic if fictional person. But the time we get to CA:CW all we have is an avatar for the writers to manipulate, damn character consistency, damn reasonable behavior and logic and everything that the audience has been told about him in the past.
Same with Steve. Heck, same with everyone in the entire damn movie. Barely anyone acts or reacts in a way that either A) previous behavior would suggest, or B) an actual human person would act or react.
Yes. I know. It’s fiction. I can suspend my disbelief.
But like........damn they fucked Clint and Natasha over.
The creators were trying to recreate a well known and well liked comic book story arc, capitalize on the growing divide in parts of the fandom over preferred characters/character ideologies, and do so without using the expanded universe and added context which made the original comic book arc so fucking good.
They tried to split the Avengers in half, only to realize that they had split the Avengers in half, and then when Infinity War came along, they basically had to write a plot where both sides did their thing without sharing a single second of screen time together, because the whole -
S: you tried to kill my best friend 
T: he killed my mother       
S: actually he was brain washed                                         
T: but you knew and didn't tell me for years                          
S: well I was worried you would react badly                          
T: I wouldn't have                                                                      
S: you literally tried to kill him                                                         
T: yeah I'm sure you be totally fine if you saw your parents being violently murdered and the guy was right there and your teammate lied about it and you were very sleep deprived to boot
                                                           - drama would start up again.
ANYWAY
the point is, I used to really like both these characters - I still like the comic book versions tho - but then they got way fucked over. I'm extra salty about Steve, because this was supposed to be his movie but loads of the screen time was given over to other shit and he literally commits so much crime and murder and has absolutely zero moral or emotional consistency. especially when it comes to Bucky and Wanda vs. everyone else.
Also with Tony, there is so much of an issue with Telling vs Showing vs other characters in-universe opinions of him I genuinely don't even know what the creators want me to feel about him anymore.
uuuuururhrhrhrhrhrhrhghfjjhdhjf.
tl;dr -
I saw this movie like six years ago and the way I feel about it has changed a lot over time. I used to be team iron man, could you tell?    But the basics of it is this should have been an Avengers movie if it had to exist at all, there are so many cool Captain America stories worthy of being put to film, and this really wasn't the most perfect option. Civil War has so many problems, and I can even begin to try and list them here.
But I'm making this post because I just followed a really cool blog who happens to hate on Tony a bunch (I don't really mind consciously) but that annoyed me out of habit, so I started examining why I liked him as a character, and it mainly boiled down to A) some of the comics are cool, and B) CA:CW said I had to pick a side and Steve did so much dumb shit I just went with the easy option.
the blog doesn't seem to be a huge fan of Steve either.
my current stance is that they both got fucked over and if you want some solid positive Marvel content go read Runaways, or the Hawkeye comics.
The Hawkeye comics are the best.
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shinjaeha · 3 years
Text
itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)
itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.
they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.
teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.
the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!
i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;
i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.
another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...
but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.
the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again?????  PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.
the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.
so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.
anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.
#wait have i talked about the ost and how they use music and silence in this bc it's brilliant!! perfection!!#i told sunset about you#itsay#bkpp#text#oh and not to mention the chinese lyrics being translated to thai STUNNING#nothing else can compare to how this series makes me feel i could write essays upon essays of my thoughts and it wouldn't be enough#it's the headiness of the two of them that has taken my apart in every way#this has felt like the longest week ever and this next week is going to feel even LONGER until the day i get a new ep once again#i think i prob have more things i want to say but i can't think of anything else off the top of my head i just needed to rant somewhere#normally i would just leave my thoughts and feelings in the tags but this is just too much the way the both of them overwhelm us all#you KNOW i'm gonna rewatch this again bc i can't help myself i really can't#i have a couple feelings on how the end could go and it absolutely worries everything inside of me bc there's A LOT of foreshadowing#going around and it's just got me feeling :///#climax next week (i'm pretty sure it'll be next week) is gonna feel like a volcanic explosion after all this waiting#i can't wait till we get the other teaser and i know what's happening in the next ep preview one too#we're getting the infamous neck kiss in ep 4 and it's gonna scrape out my insides just you fucking watch#i will sob until there is nothing left of me#didn't billkin describe the neck kiss as just the sauce???????? fuck i'm not ready I'M NOT READY#the way this is the only thing i want to talk about for days months years decades#the feel of it def reminds me of cmbyn and yeah i totally see it#it's the authenticity of it somehow
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zwowow · 3 years
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this might be very triggering so its fine if u dont do it, but kells self harming secretly and em finding out and kells thinks he’s gonna be mad but em is comforting instead
sorry for the ask, im the same anon that went thru a break up and it aint going well
tw: self harm 
I’m sorry my love, break ups are rough and it really sounds like ur goin thru it. sorry this took a while! but hopefully you’ve had time to heal a bit between sending this ask nd now. 
psa to all I’ve never self harmed, so i’m just hoping this captures the idk headspace? alright :/ 
He started when he was a teenager. That’s how long he’s been doing this shit. It’s fucking shameful that he hasn’t grown out of it in over a decade, but it’s also one of the only things that’s consistently soothed him. When weed isn’t enough to calm him, or shake him from a spiral of self-loathing, he always comes back to this. Not because it makes him feel better, but because it makes him feel something. 
He can focus on the pain and only the physical pain. His emotions, the real world shit he has to deal with, can fall to the side for a moment and he can revel in the hurt. The hurt that he has control over. 
That’s a part of it, too. Control. So much of the existential pain he feels is beyond what he himself can change. Everyone gets to have an opinion on him, and regardless if it’s good or bad, he has to know it and internalize it. He has no choice. Time moves on and he can’t control what his past self has done, but the regret eats him alive. His head spins when he thinks about all of the shit that’s wrong in his life that he no longer has the power to change. 
But the harm he does himself? Knowingly and methodically? It’s all controlled. He’s got it all under control. 
Or at least he did. Recently, he’s had the itch to hurt more and more frequently. There’s so much going on in his life that he’s no longer in control of even the one thing that makes him feel grounded. The old scars and fresh wounds are getting harder to hide. Even on his inked skin, raised bumps and sensitive bruises are easy to find when his boyfriend spends all of his time roaming his hands gently over his body. 
But Em can’t find out. Colson refuses to let him. He’d think Colson is pathetic (he is). He’d be disgusted by him (he should be). He’d hate him (but he couldn’t hate him more than Colson hates himself). 
He tries not to hurt himself around Em because of this, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Sometimes he needs it. 
Colson sneaks out of bed one night at Em’s place while his boyfriend is sleeping. On his way out, he grabs his small bag that has just a few of the items he uses to hurt himself. His fingers shake around the bag and his breath quickens in his chest. 
Ain’t it funny that the shame he feels from doing this just makes him want to do it more? 
When he makes it to a bathroom far enough away from Em’s room that he doubts he would make the effort to find him all the way down here, he lays the bag on the counter and opens it up. 
This hadn’t started with the razor blades and lighters he keeps in the bag. He’s worked himself here from pulling out his leg hair and scratching his own arms raw just to feel the sting. The older and more well known he got, the more out of control he felt, and from there he made the jump from nervous ticks to genuine self harm. 
He used to starve himself, too. He thinks back to only a couple of years ago and picks up the lighter. He could go days without eating, even while on tour. There were times where he’d pass out after shows from the hunger, but he’d write it off to others as exhaustion. That had been one of the most pleasing ways to hurt himself. The gentle build up to physical depletion to match what he felt emotionally was fulfilling in a way he couldn’t possibly explain to anyone. 
And that’s why he stopped. Em started to catch on. He started to ask questions no one had asked before. He was obsessed with feeding Colson and keeping him healthy. 
Colson started eating regularly because Em would’ve hated to know his not eating wasn’t just absent-minded forgetting. He would’ve been so disappointed to find out it was deliberate starvation. Colson didn’t want to disappoint Em. 
He still doesn’t. Colson puts the lighter on the counter and takes out one of his blades, too. Em would hate to see this. He wouldn’t understand. 
Inhaling shakily through his nose, Colson looks between his two options for tonight. He leaves the blade on the counter and picks up the lighter. Em is sure to notice if he has a fresh cut. A burn is easier to hide. 
He flicks the lighter to life and is deciding where to hold it on his body when he hears the first knock. 
“Kells.” Shit. He loosens his grip on the lighter and the flame goes out. 
What is Em doing out of bed, and what the fuck is he doing down here?
“Kells,” Em tries again, “You good?” 
“I’m fine.” He lies. 
“Are you fucking smoking in there?” Outside, Em’s voice grows suspicious. He heard the lighter go on and now he thinks Colson is smoking weed in his bathroom. That would be easier to explain. 
After too long of a pause he says, “No.” 
Em doesn’t give a warning before he throws open the bathroom door. Colson wants to knock his head into the mirror for not thinking to lock it. He dives for the blade on the counter, but Em is staring right at it. 
“What the fuck?” Em looks between Colson and the counter multiple times. It’s a stupid overdramatic response, but he wants to slit his fucking wrists from that look. 
Em’s brow furrows. Colson feels sick to his stomach. Em is pissed at him. He’s disgusted by him. He doesn’t know whether to throw him out or call a mental hospital. He hates him. He must be so angry. 
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I was trying to hide it. I shouldn’t have done it here. I know it’s fucking sick. I know it’s fucking crazy to cut and burn myself, I know but I...” Excuses and apologies trip over each other running off of his tongue. 
“You’re cutting yourself?” Em interrupts him. His intense gaze sweeps over Colson. He’s not disgusted or angry like he’d thought. He’s shocked, confused, and even a bit hurt. 
“I... yeah.”
“Why?” A loaded question like that shoots Colson right through the chest. Why? He can hardly answer the question to himself, how is he supposed to explain it to Em?
Em said it himself, he was just clownin’ when talking about cutting himself, how fucked up does someone have to be to actually do that? Colson doesn’t want to explain to Em how fucked up he is.
When he doesn’t answer, Em looks back down at the blade and then at the lighter still in his hand. Kells sees the thousands of things he wants to say and the million questions he wants to ask in his eyes. Finally his eyes set, and Kells braces himself for the next thing to come out of Em’s mouth. 
“Don’t do that shit tonight, yeah? Just come back to bed.” The response shocks Colson even more silent than he’d been. Does he still want to know why, or is he just dropping it? 
As if reading his mind, Em shrugs, “You can tell me why when you’re ready. Tonight, I just want to cuddle your ass.” He holds out his hand to Colson and laces their fingers together tightly when he grabs on. Em tugs him gently out of the bathroom and down the hall back to his room. Colson leaves the lighter and the blade on the counter. 
When they’re back in bed, Em holds him differently than he has before, His arm feels weighted, it presses Colson gently down into the bed, unable to move from the hold. Em holds him from behind protectively and breathes into Colson’s neck. It’s so close it’s almost claustrophobic, but Colson wouldn’t pull away from it even if he could. The urge to hurt himself is immediately replaced by the need to burrow in closer to Em’s grounding touch. 
He falls asleep easily, letting the last of his shame and fear at Em’s reaction leave his body without a fight. 
In the morning, he goes to clean his stuff up in the bathroom, or to throw it away, but not to use it. When he gets there, the bag, the razor, and the lighter are nowhere to be found. Instead of being anxious at the loss, he feels a bit calmed by it. 
This isn’t the end. He won’t be able to stop hurting himself just because Em got rid of a few of his blades and one of his many designated lighters, but it is a start. 
Em knows now, he’s looking out for it. And if the way he always acts toward him, from the making sure Colson is eating to the cuddle last night is any indication, he’ll be there when Colson needs it. He’ll take care of him. 
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