#idk if this is a gender thing or a social thing but it just feels like.

[milfygerard]

but fr outside of my contracted madness i absolutely refuse to give joe alwyn gold rush like how is that song at all related to their relationship the lyrics clearly spell out a relationship that either never existed or only existed in implication and fantasies and maybe-maybe nots and its so bitter and yet desperately soft in the bridge where it almost projects a sense of envy, of wanting to be them as much as you want them. It continues an interesting oft ignored lyrical trend of taylor wanting just as much to be her lover as to have them, envying their easy charisma (you were flush with the currency of cool/i was always turning out my pockets) or quiet dignity (your integrity makes me seem small) dating back to her earliest songs (the kind of flawless i wish i could be). Theres a projected self hatred and yearning to be better that twists itself into both romantic and sexual lust for her partners thats so fascinating and speaks to how all of her songs regardless of who theyre about are also an act of self reflection on who she is and who she wishes to be.

#barry.txt #taylor swift #putting this in the tags as a form of self protection but make no mistake this is a gay thing to do especially in gold rush #which through simple context clues is Obviously About A Woman or maybe even women in general #whivh is a totally seperate post on how taylor constructs and uses gender identity in her music #her girlhood and femininity are earnest but also so carefully constructed and so high effort and kind of desperate #shes a deeply self concious and obsessive person who never looks comfortable in anything ever unless shes #onstage or like. by herself in loose jeans and a tshirt #i think thats one of the things that subconsciously irritate ppl when it comes to her shes constantly and clearly putting in effort #to appear As The Celebrity Taylor Swift and struggles not to self censor or overperform in interviews (when she gives them) #especially present in pre 1989 interviews where the interviewers really didnt have to respect her or worry abt how they frame her #if they didnt want to. Like the fearless era rolling stone interview where she almost has a meltdown over her mom buying eggnog instead of #milk. That whole interview is strange looking back not just bc of the weird misogyny but also because of what it does share #taylor is....weird. She has a strange and desperate vibe and always reacts slightly too much and uses slang poorly #shes media trained and has learned how to socialize but you can feel her discomfort whenever she doesnt have a guitar in her hand #idk these tags have once again gotten so unweildy. i just find it interesting that she finally feels some level of comfortable #in sharing that construction w us in songs like mirrorball and mastermind and imo gold rush #and scene #should i write this up and put it in the swiftieism zine #i should write something and put it in the swiftieism zine

[kneworder]

angry at the oscars barbie nominations but in an annoyinger way (i think nominating ryan reynolds makes sense but the best picture and best supporting actress noms are ridiculous)

#sorry but the more i think about it the more i really dislike the movie #ken was funny! he was silly and campy! i really did not care for the rest of the movie! #i just think the more you examine its take on feminism the more it falls apart! #it's inherently about a product! it's inherently personifying a product and making you feel sympathy for and relate to a product! #they are generating hype and engendering sympathy for something they are trying to sell you! #regurgitating second wave feminism without nuance doesn't make it groundbreaking it makes it like. fine i guess? #verilybitchie has a great video that put a lot of my feelings about it into words #idk it did not resonate with me at all and also made me kind of annoyed with how it contributed to the ongoing trend #of gendering things that aren't gendered and focusing on a segregation of gendered perspectives #tired of i'm just a girl! tired of girl dinner! tired of men are always thinking about the roman empire! #sure there are experiences more common to and relevant to women but i get so uncomfy with those kinds of generalizations #even when they're just jokes because after they get repeated enough they stop sounding like ones #just like. when you try to examine it in terms of any kind of intersectionality it falls apart #and i know it's not that serious but like come on. they literally do not once touch on any kind of intersectionality. #you can't be like 'it's a groundbreaking feminist movie!' because they said 'women struggle with misogyny' in 2023 #like i know it's barbie but i don't understand why there's this impulse to say that that's something that's never been said before #just because the president is black doesn't mean you've acknowledged like. racism at all. #just because you have two fat barbies with like four lines doesn't mean you've said anything meaningful about body image #and when you take an openly lesbian actress and give her short hair and make her strange and then have all the other characters #essentially socially exile her and still think she's weird after the resolution!!! #i would say that's like!! implicitly a pretty weird way to write gay people! #i don't want to rain on anyone's parade! it's silly! it's not that serious! i just also think it's not that good! #it's fine! it's fun! but i DO think ken is the best part of the barbie movie and for that i apologize

[citrine-elephant]

there is nothing strictly heterosexual about the way leon looks at other men, i swear

#resident evil #imagine if a line was added along the lines of #'chris is hot and all but ada' #i saw that one image of leon looking at patrick from infinite darkness and #look i'll still headcanon leon as being extremely bad at socializing either due to neurodivergency or him suffering massive trauma #as a fresh adult #flirting with mfers and not understanding why cuz he's no good with social cues #unintentionally #but i know long time fans gotta think the same thing #leon kennedy is hot as fuck and every gender across the board wants to bang him right #if my guy was a lil bi it'd be dope yknow idk #he can still be loyal to ada and casually admit men are hot yknow #yknow im just saying #dedicates his life to one woman doesn't mean he can't have a lil crush on christopher redfield #the fans have valid reasons to smack their lil dolls of leon and chris together to make em kiss #but i mean if anyone's got a strong theory of being gay it is chris hell yeah #chris = gay 100 #leon = 'straight' but someone didn't measure properly cuz that line is a bit fucked up #which is to say maybe bi cuz it feels like he's mostly into women but got a way he looks at guys sometimes yknow... yknow #i need to go take a nap man

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man

#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting #i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man #but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything #but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn #and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her #and i like she/her but it hurts rn #bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing #but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose #and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her #when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is #but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her #thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her #and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it #anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body #or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over #… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great #back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs) #and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience #but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is #anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes #for 2 years ago #sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol #gn y’all

[chaoticgouda]

#nonbinary #(saved this bc the first tweet op posted felt mean and made me uncomfortable) #but I still wanted to vent about this because what is restraint and boundaries online amirite #so here we go again: #I feel uncomfortable being called my irl name everywhere except at work and I feel like that’s bc the worksona i crafted #is so irontight that I’m fine being a Lady there but it low-key rankles me anywhere else #idk if that’s a gender thing or just a case of apathy and extreme alienation from myself though #I’d rather die than ever talk to my co-workers about other pronouns or anything though bc the gossip would spread throughout work within- #the hour. and it’s not like people would be really awkward about it (I hope) because I think I’m generally liked by my coworkers. but I’d #hate to be pitied or misunderstood. and it’s not like i have dysphoria or anything so I don’t personally feel justified in calling myself #trans. I’m just alienated from womanhood. but that could also be because i don’t have an interest in most socially-expected ‘woman things’ #and bc I’m not mentally well or het. and that inherently separates you from the expected Girl Experience. #this is really rambly and nonsensical okay I guess if I really thought about it I’d love to be called Krill by everyone because it has less #baggage and feels more like me. but i’m not necessarily upset at being called my RL name. I don’t have dysphoria I just have mild ick. #like I’d prefer being considered a They and not being expected to be any gender at all. but it doesn’t kill me inside y’know #it’s fine. #if you read through this weird personal ramble then thanks ig?

[saltycharacters]

Being multigender really is just struggling to not let people pick one of your genders over another yknow

#like i gotta prove that im a man with all my might because nobody irl thinks im one #but if i insist too much then they forget im also a woman #and being both a gnc woman and gender conforming man makes it really difficult #because one theres always gonna be things about me people will consider inherently feminine no matter what #my figure. my voice. etc #so at best theyll consider me andorgynous or a feminine man whos also a woman #its complicated. i dont get much dysphoria but most of what i do get is social #and just. frustration that so few people will actually see me the way i want to be seen #like im nonbinary yes but i dont go by they/them and both binary genders equally apply to me #yes im a man and yes im a woman no i dont fluctuate between them im both 100% of the time #yes i consider myself masculine and no i do not relate to femininity #no i dont want to quote on quote try harder to be masculine. i just am i like how i look and i feel masculine and thats good enough #i have adhd and doing the bare minimum to manage my health each day is hard enough #do i look like i want to do anything else #idk why i went on a ramble but anyway. wish i could magically make people see me and my gender the way i want to be seen

[tunnels-end]

sorry. guess I'm blogging trans drama now. But I still don't know what a baeddel is and at this point I really just don't super care

#my impressions from the vague things i've heard is like. vocal neoradfem transfem movement #that's kinda annoying and jerkfacey but fundamentally right in a lot of their assessments but fundamentally wrong in others #and got mocked into obscurity #and like. who cares? do they have any serious institutional or social power to weaponize? #does this matter at all outside of niche tumblr drama? #idk i can think of like 10 other kinda problematic angry movements that 'we' at least are sympathetic to #and aren't nearly this hostile towards. even though they result in much more tangible harms #idk. just kinda feels like a mix of the 'angry women aren't fulfilling their role' deal that got classic radfem seen as #a serious threat to whiteness-gender with the pressure in some contexts for trans women to be inoffensively feminine and 'fit in.' #... which brings me to i feel like The Left™️. particularly in social media contexts. very much has a problem with an economy of #who is worth critically allying with and who is worth driving off #in the popularity economy of social media. you don't need to consciously hold bigoted beliefs to create discriminatory outcomes #you just need to subconsciously make a discriminatory judgement when something makes you uncomfortable #which you totally do! yes! i mean you! literally nobody in this society is above it! that's just how culture works! #it doesn't even have to be much. when hundreds of thousands of people are. even little bits add up #so you get this weird self-reinforcing filter where even if everyone is consciously against oppressive systems. and is correct in their #assessments and analysis. and is critically engaging #a status quo forms manifests in what actually reaches you. which then of proceeds to further reinforce itself since that impacts #what even exists in the first place *to* filter. #and in a lot of ways. reflects 'ambient' culture's biases.

[reenaria]

currently having a queer identity crisis on this accursed holiday

#but actually. i’ve realized that like. 95% or more of my attraction to men has been comphet #i thought it wasn’t because i’ve been more or less identifying as bi since i was 11 #so like. i figured if i didn’t like men at all i would’ve figured it out sooner? #it wasn’t until a couple years ago that i resolved to stop dating straight & masculine guys because i feel like i’m performing for them #and my current partner of 2.5 years is amab and socially perceived as a man but he’s bi and sees himself as ‘void of gender’ #which is also the way i see him but not the way most people see him #he does get mistaken for a woman a fair ammount though. which brings us both a lot of joy lol #but anyway. my crisis is that i’ve been feeling more and more detached from the bi label because i feel like it implies attraction to men #and i’ve known for a little while now that i’m almost exclusively attracted to femininity and androgyny #and primarily attracted to women in general #like if i weren’t with my partner i would 100% be out there dating women and maybe? identifying as a lesbian #but i feel like i have no claim to that label especially with my current partner who is not a woman and is much more androgynous than fem #idk. do i keep calling myself bi? it feels like i’ve slipped away from it #i’ve been using queer a lot more lately because umbrella terms are the only thing that seem to make sense to me anymore #i know labels can be super complicated and unhelpful in some cases but i also want to know where my place is in the community ya know? #i feel so confused without a solid label and it’s causing me a lot more stress than it should #(also my partner is such a blessing and said he’d be supportive if i ever felt i needed to leave him to be with women) #(like he said ‘i’d be sad for a while but i’d still be your best friend) and i was just 🥺 #this may be even longer than my last tag novel lmao i just hate the idea of putting this stuff in the body of the post #anyway if any pals/mutuals read all that and have any insight or advice i’d be curious to hear #reena.txt

[theygender]

I recently started playing stardew valley again and downloaded some mods to make my game better. One mod I downloaded makes it so that you get letters from your parents more often and lets you choose your family style to include single parents, gay parents, etc. I thought it would be nice bc my mom in real life is a lesbian so I downloaded it. Then it asked me to pick the names my parents would sign off with. In real life my mother is remarried and I call my stepmother by her first name, but it wouldn't feel right for me to put her actual name in there bc this isn't a 1:1 recreation of my life. I also didn't want to put in a parent name that I hadn't used in real life though. My original second parent, my mom's first partner, died when I was a kid. When they were still alive, I had called my parents Mom and Mimi. So I put Mimi in as the second parent's name. Yesterday I got a letter from Mimi for the first time, telling me a story from when they were young. I almost cried

#rambling #dont mind me just. getting wistful about some pixels #i wish i could talk to them #i wish i could find out what pronouns they want me to use #they were transitioning but this was so many years ago so they still used the pronouns for their asab and idk if thats what they would want #but ill never get to ask them #do they see me? do they know im trans too? are they proud of me? #do they know im studying social work like they were? that ill be graduating from the same school? do they see me? are they proud of me? #they were cremated and their family wouldnt let us keep their ashes. we made a memorial at the house they built but we no longer live there #the college ill be graduating from has their name in the sidewalk with all the other graduates from the year i was born #my name will be there with theirs some day #which name am i putting there? the one i was born with? the one they chose? the one thats named after them? #or will it be a chosen name that matches my gender better #how would they feel about me changing my name? im sure they would want me to be happy but its the only thing that ties me to them #the only thing i have to prove that they ever existed as a part of my life. will i ever change it? #i want to get a tattoo of the memorial that we had when i was young. it was a plaque on their favorite tree stump #i want to prove that theyre a part of me beyond just my name. that theyre with me no matter what #but i dont know what name should go on the tattoo. my mom put their legal name on the plaque. but is that what they would want? #i can never ask them

[tyrannuspitch]

i'm reading this historical novel with a third gender character and like. i don't know how to feel about it. because obviously gender is personal and contextual and they will be operating within their own society's rules. but i feel like the author is keeping things so just-within-the-rules that it almost becomes like... a weird reluctance to engage with actual queerness? only with alternative norms? almost like. inventing new ways to be cis and then doing cisnormativity with them lmao

#so the character was raised a boy but (their words) 'has a woman's body' #they seem to always choose male presentation/roles when they have the choice #but they didn't decide to be raised that way. it was just Their Destiny. #and it's not clear that maleness means much to them besides familiarity and social power #and uh. they're attracted to men and they always identify that as a female feeling #and like the direction we're going in seems to be romance 'reconciling' them with their femaleness :// #(this being a character who has been correctively raped as well.) #(and the men who are attracted to them are never ever treated as queer and only feel attraction once they 'know') #and it's just like. idk. it's a plausible situation but it also feels... unimaginative. limited. ? #like we're heading for a modern feminist 'women can do anything men can and STILL BE WOMEN! :)' thing #and like EVERY part of their identity is justified by being an outside force and not a choice #bleh #this character is inuit. they've also been interacting with norsemen. #one of the norsemen made one derogatory reference once to m/m sex and other than that it's been radio silence #the MC's male presentation has almost always been backed up by 'the gods wanted this' or 'it's just safer' or similar #there was some joy in breaking the rules in the middle of the book but it seems to have faded away #idk. it's interesting but it doesn't feel like the character is actually being treated as a) third gender or b) male #just as a Spirited Woman #the author's note and the blurb both use she/her exclusively. :/ #oh AND bc there are norse characters we've also been talking about loki as genderweird and guess what #he/him exclusively except when in a female 'diguise'. :(

[jankwritten]

hm.

#maybe it's time i put some actualy thought into the possibility that i'm autistic #because the more i read about it #the more it becomes very clear that every facet of my mental disorders could. very easily stem from autism in some way shape or form #my anxiety #my social anxiety specifically #my thing about specific noises and foods as sensory related issues #the way that burnout affects me and also the way that I can't verbalise how things are specifically in my brain #a lot of my other attributes like my gender/sexuality also align with more autistic behaviors but that's obviously not a telltale sign #aroace nonbinary people are not all automatically autistic #i always go in circles with myself about this because my brother has an autism diagnosis #or at least he has been tested and been given a 'very likely' kind of answer #but my mom has ADHD #(her dad and her brother are also suspected to be on the spectrum but they've never been tested) #but every time I bring up the possibility of me being autistic with ANYONE outside of my friends it immediatley gets shut down #idk how to feel about it anymore #but me being autistic would explain so much? but also i don't want people to just think that i'm using that label because it's #like 'hip' nowadays or whatever the fuck in online spaces for people to self diagnose autism and shit like that #i'm just really tired of fighting with myself 24/7 about this #so. #it's a label i want to be able to use because it makes SENSE and it explains so much about me? #but i don't know for sure and i don't know if i ever will #tonight's one of those nights man #i am once again oversharing on the internet #the depths of the blog #not pjo #not omgcp #not fandom

[lunar-fey]

💕 What's your favorite thing about FFVII or surrounding games?

i think cloud is so funny. i really need to play ffvii fully one of these days (perhaps the remake when its done) and i'm not entirely sure the pace or extent to which they reveal this in main game, but going into crisis core with my only knowledge of cloud being "he's the really special cool protagonist guy who has like a soul bond with sephiroth and Has To Defeat Him as like a metaphor for personal demons or like the horrors of what capitalism can create or something" and then finding out he's literally just some guy with every mental illness ever. instantly he became one of my favorite protagonists of anything ever. they really did that! AND he's a drug addict <3

special interest asks

#the fey answers #redsixwing #i mean not willingly right? but addiction is a topic that is near and dear to me #i lived in what many call the heroin capital of the us. at least here idk if other people call us that #but he's just some mentally ill military guy AND hes addicted to drugs? he could be my nextdoor neighbor #also special shoutout to whatever the FUCK was going on with dirge of cerberus they didn't need #to make vincent valentine (goth guy of all time + gender of all time) also be the wife guy of all time. but they did. and it fucks severely #thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble i need to get social interaction in to my brain :) #also you didn't ask this one but i need to say it now in case no one does. my favorite line ff7 adjacent is that edgy ass omega poem thing #i used to have it memorized and wrote it at the bottom of notebook pages and stuff like in late middle early high school #sorry if i went on too much. i WILL do it again :) #doc in particular was very formative for me and no one ever talks about it #which is fair it was not enjoyable gameplay wise #but also i have never enjoyed a shooter #ALSO if you read this far: i noticed you didn't rb the post idk if its bc you aren't autistic or don't want to answer asks #but exchanges are important i suppose i can't send you a thing from this meme but if you want to just send me hcs/facts/whatever #feel free :)