#idk if my account still exists lmao but i had fun there
i guess the theme for today is “cartoons i was hyperfixating on in my deviantart days”
5, 10, 12??? <3
5. Do you do research for your fics?
yes and no?
when it comes to fic im pretty lazy. plenty of things i could research but just don’t feel like researching, with most of my fics. other things i do look up, sometimes right away and then i get completely sidetracked and forget about the actual writing, sometimes later. the list varies.
for it’s hidden in heartbeats, exhales and in the hope of open hands i researched how long it takes to get over a break-up but also what kind of fake plants to use plus the names of different composers so i could name the building after someone dead and relevant but not notoriously racist.
for warm water there’s a lot i could’ve researched but didn’t, like if skyr exists in the us, how detroit street naming works, or how baseball or football or basketball games work, and things i did research that i might end up scrapping like how to make che dau trang and whether one would store coconut cream in the fridge or in the cupboard and things that are completely irrelevant to what i wrote like whether the boiling a frog metaphor is true to nature (it’s not. apparently a frog is also gonna jump out of a pot of water if you build up the heat) and the meaning of the name aria.
in conclusion i just wing it, do whatever i want, especially with fic, with the exception of things that i feel actually need their proper research otherwise im doing a bad / irresponsible job as writer
10. Which fanfiction trope have you written the most often?
uhhhh well since ive only written 7 fics and half of them are like, 2k of PWP i guess it’s.....that? porn without plot? but i could see myself slipping further into angst in future fics bc that is a vague common thread in the fics that have actual plot beyond “now eat her pussy”
12. Does your first fic still exist?
my first gg fic is still up in all its bouncey glory, but the first fic i ever wrote??? i dont think so. i have no idea what it is, either.
...... ok i just researched my old account on a dutch fanfiction website and it still exists, but i deleted all works. so i actually don’t remember what kind of fics i wrote when i was 13 lol. i think there was definitely some draco malfoy x OFC action there at some point
thank you!!!!!!!! fic writing asks!!!!!
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— interview with sunoo's biggest simp !
tagged by: @skyaura-koo
why did you choose your url?
— :: im the biggest simp for golcha's 99z line. two of my main biases are in 99z or googoojeu, which is jibeom and joochan lmao. googoojeu seemed like a nice username at the time, so honestly, why not?
any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them?
— :: fun fact, this account used to be my side blog. i deleted my main blog, which i don't remember what the name was, for personal reasons. i do have two side blogs, @enggeopang and @peachyysunoo. they exist because i forget my passwords half of the time lmao
how long have you been on tumblr?
— :: i created this account a year ago (april of 2020) after deleting my main blog which i had managed since 2017. i still miss that account to this day :(( nevertheless, i've been using this account for a year now!
do you have a queue tag?
— :: nope 🙇🏻♀️
why did you start your blog in the first place?
— :: i originally wanted my blog to be related to art stuff but then i fell into the fanfic hole so here i am! i've always wanted to start writing but i always had this irrational fear that what if my works were not good enough, so i always postponed on posting them. but i started posting after enha got their first win! it was like a push so i took the opportunity. i did start writing on wattpad, but i unpublished all my books there and that account is a wasteland at the moment.
why did you choose your icon/pfp?
— :: i think it's self-explanatory.... i'm a sunoo simp🙇🏻♀️
why did you choose your header?
— :: to get that aesthetic feel to it ig totally not because i don't have any other picture, totally no
what's your post with the most notes?
— :: i rarely check my notifications or posts, but the last time i checked it was my sunghoon timestamp where he placed a sticky note on reader's locker because he wanted to confess,,, cheesy
how many mutuals do you have?
— :: i,,, i think i haven't stated that im bad at keeping track of things whoops. but at the moment i think i have 8 or 9? i've interacted with most of them🙇🏻♀️
how many followers do you have?
— :: 82🙇🏻♀️ thanks for following me, it means a lot
how many people do you follow?
— :: 195🙇🏻♀️ most of them are mcyt artists because i like watching minecraft youtubers 😖 most of them are inactive blogs too that i don't have the heart to unfollow
have you ever made a shitpost?
— :: oh tons!!! i rarely post shitposts now, but i used to do it a lot on my old blog hskshskshssj
how often do you use tumblr each day?
— :: i don't keep track on things and time,,, but idk probably thirty to an hour a day? when i get inspirations or story ideas, i write them down on my notebooks or paper and transfer them here when i have the time yuh
did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?
— :: disclaimer, it wasn't me who started it, i was just defending my favorite blog (through asks and being anonymous lmao). this happened a year ago too and im pretty sure i won that fight🤷🏻♀️
how do you feel about 'you need to share this posts'?
— :: i really don't mind if they're important posts. posts that spreads awareness of certain topics, posts that shines a light on topics that need to be discussed. but if they're just normal posts or trolls, see you on the other side then.
do you like tag games?
— :: very much yes!!! but im scared of tagging people hahahsjshsksh rip
do you like ask games?
— :: same as tag games too! very much yes!!!
which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
— :: @skyaura-koo peachy peach peach🙇🏻♀️
do you have a crush on a mutual?
— :: (platonically of course) @arteqmiss tin my fellow arsonist🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️
tagging: @enhykkul @bloom-bloom-pow @jaydurian @ifvjay @miedei @youreverydayzebra sorry for the random tags🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️
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What were your favorite things to draw when you were a lil kid?
I knew I wasn’t an artist the moment I started experimenting with pens and markers, and the only image I liked to keep - and was capable of - drawing on repeat was your usual kid’s portrait of a house with a sun and clouds lmao. I never learned how to draw anything else.
Do you think there is something with or around you, like a spirit, angel, ghost or something else? How does this make you feel?
Imagine you’re a stranger looking at yourself. What things would immediately catch your eye?
Probably the way I’m scowling at stranger-me staring at me-me.
When did you feel the most confident in your life?
Not sure when I’ve felt the most confident, but I typically feel so whenever I get something I’ve been desiring and working hard for, like getting a job offer or being accepted to my dream college or passing a really difficult exam.
Do you think love is needed to have good sex?
For some people, no. For me, loving one another is an absolute must. < Yes, hits the nail on the head for me.
Do you think, or want to, die in the city you currently live in?
I don’t think it would matter where I die, as long as it’s not from a terrible freak accident.
What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered?
That time I went to Singapore and a sex toy shop was casually blatantly standing in the middle of Orchard Road for families to stroll pass. It’s not objectively strange, of course, but it was definitely a big culture shock. Putting up sex shops in the Philippines is basically a game of who can find the best spot to hide them in.
Favourite soft drink?
I never drink soda, so I don’t have a favorite.
What do you like to put gravy on?
Fried chicken or steak.
Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking?
Yes, in Palawan.
What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of?
I come from a line of datus from both precolonial and colonial Philippines. The most exciting part about it is that it technically makes me a princess, or at least our local version of princesses haha. I’m also distantly related to one of the three women who sewed the first Philippine flag.
Who depends on you the most?
Kimi and Cooper, surely.
Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who?
See two questions above. Coming from my datu ancestors, my relatives also continue to serve in the local government of our family’s province until today. Not that I’m particularly proud of them or show this off whenever I want because they are all very vocal Duterte supporters and regularly engage with him and his family, so *barf*
Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who?
If it ever comes down to it, I’d offer one of mine to my dad, Angela, and either of her parents.
What is the main quality you think makes a great parent?
They recognize when they’re wrong and know to acknowledge it and apologize.
What three things do you think of most of each day?
Tasks I have to do for work for the day, tasks I have to do for the rest of the week, and financial concerns.
Does/did your high school have pop machines?
No, of course not. Are there schools that are ok with selling soda? :/
Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery?
Not that I know of, but then again these things are shared in secret so there’s always that chance of possibly knowing someone who won the lotto at some point.
Have you ever slept in a water bed?
Never slept but I’ve played on one.
How often do you use Flickr?
I haven’t visited that site since I was like 11. Not even sure it still exists.
Who is the last child that you took a photo with?
I think my cousin Toffe, but it was most likely a family photo that the two of us happened to be in. I don’t have a lot of photos with my younger cousins and kids in general.
How often do you wear hats?
Never. I always think about getting a bucket hat of my own but I just never go through with it.
Would you ever get a nature tattoo?
I never even entertained the thought before. But considering Hayley’s albums and songs have like a million references to flowers, it sounds like a good idea now :)
Is anyone in your family sick at the moment?
My paternal great-grandma was recently confined in a hospital but she’s been discharged. I have a grand-aunt who suffered a mild stroke a couple of weeks ago and is currently recovering.
Where do your siblings work, if anywhere?
They are both still studying. If I had to guess, my sister would probably end up in the film, media, or advertising industry, if not a freelance artist.
Where is your favorite place to buy groceries?
If I had the money for it I’d get my groceries at Marketplace, but I’m content with getting ours from SM or Robinsons for now.
Who do you generally talk to the most?
Probably my immediate family and my team at work.
Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname?
Not anymore. I use nicknames on my friends more frequently on Facebook Messenger.
Whose birthday is coming up?
One of my cousins’ birthday is on March 31.
Have you ever ordered from an informercial?
When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin?
Around a month ago when I was embroidering. I usually accidentally prick myself from time to time.
Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success?
Nah, not really my idea of fun. I’m a little weak at problem/riddle-solving :(
How many followers do you have on Instagram?
I literally never use my Instagram except to lurk and look for influencers to potentially tap for work. The account was initially my one-photo-a-day-in-2020 dump, but I stopped in April last year and now we’re in 2021 it doesn’t even serve a purpose anymore lmao. But for some reason Bea asked for my account and still followed me (and is the only person following me), which I’m sure she already regrets.
What’s the most recent music video you watched? Thoughts?
Continued the next day. Jessi’s What Type of X. Killed it as always.
Have you ever recorded a cover of a song?
What makeup products are your go-tos?
Are you going to school this year?
No, not anymore. I did that for the very last time in 2020, and I don’t see the point in going back for an MA because I feel like I’m already covered.
What is your favorite water activity?
I’ve only ever tried kayaking, but that was a very pleasant memory.
What are your favorite video games?
I’m not a super passionate video game fan who’s always up-to-date, but I do have a soft spot for games I bonded on with my family when I was a kid, like Grand Theft Auto (very inappropriate for a kid to be playing, I know lol), Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Mario Kart, and Smash Bros.
Do you like jello?
I never got over the texture, so no.
When was the last time you gave someone "the finger?"
Not sure when exactly but it happened recently, maybe a week or two ago. I suddenly thought about my ex and flung both fingers around just for myself lol.
Have you ever held a snake?
Yes, I got the chance to hold and take a photo with one on my trip to Bali. I was the only willing one in the family.
Most unique place you’ve ever been to?
Baker’s Hill in Palawan is what I would imagine seeing if I ever took drugs and had a trip of some sort. Most random place ever.
If you were a superhero, what color would your cape be?
Continued from...I don’t even know anymore. Just know it’s been nearly a week since I first started this, lmao. Idk maybe gold.
Have you ever slept out on your porch all night?
We don’t have a porch. We do have a rooftop and I’ve fallen asleep there a couple of times. I only do so when the climate is cold, though.
Do you like horror movies?
Sure, but I haven’t watched any in years. Just have never been in the mood for it for a long while now.
What’s your favorite Coke product?
Blech, I hate soda.
Watergun or water-balloon war?
Water gun. I’ve never been hit by a water balloon but I imagine it hurts?? so I wouldn’t want to experience it if I never had to.
Do you know anyone that’s afraid of elevators?
I know my sister and grandma are claustrophobic but they’re not ~deathly~ afraid of elevators.
Is there anything in your room that belongs to a boyfriend, or a friend of the opposite sex?
I don’t think any of my guy friends have lent me stuff that I got to take home, so no.
Who’s your favorite Beatle?
I was never a fan. I remember pretending to be, back when liking The Beatles made you look all cool and hippy and trendy... but I honest to god just couldn’t get into their music.
Have you ever texted an ex whilst drunk? How’d that go?
Yeah just once, super super way back when I was still thought remaining friends with her was the way to go. It was fine, I didn’t message anything horrific and we were both chill about it the next morning.
Do you have to stand on your tip-toes to kiss your boyfriend?
I don’t have a partner anymore but yeah, I used to. I think? Maybe? I barely remember anymore. I definitely did have to tilt my head up quite a bit, though.
Have you ever been tackle-hugged?
I can’t remember if I’ve received one. I’m usually the one who gives them.
Have you ever rejected someone’s kiss before?
I don’t think I’ve been in this situation before.
Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before?
Just for like the first half hour of waking up, especially if it was a nightmare or a triggering dream. The more I wake up the more the dream fades away, and the sillier it feels that I was affected by it.
Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way?
No. Sugarcoating mental illness doesn’t sit well with me at all. I know I’ve learned to be gentle and understanding towards other people because of the emotional abuse I’ve received in my own relationships, and I absolutely hate that it’s because of mental illness. I shouldn’t have had to learn to be kind because I was treated shittily first.
What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line?
I sometimes think it’s silly when fandoms fight and defend their favorites as if they know them personally, but I’m heavily into my fair share of celebrities and I honestly don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or doing anything stupid like stalking your favorites, you do you.
If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph?
Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others?
Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited?
No, because I am not even creative in the first place and can’t make any form of art to save my life.
When is the last time you did something sexual?
Who is the last person you showered with, if anyone?
My ex but that would’ve been ages ago. It was super rare that we absolutely had to shower together.
What do you think when you see roadkill on the side of the road?
Sad and kinda disgusted if the guts are out, but also relieved that they don’t have to suffer in pain anymore.
Have you ever had an ex that just didn’t understand that it was over?
Yeah, me. Luckily I came to my senses a few months ago and have felt better and been better ever since.
Are your fingernails currently short or long?
They’re unequal lengths because I’ve been either biting or picking at them over the last few weeks, but for the most part they are long enough to need to be clipped.
Would you rather have big or small dogs?
What is your favorite sports drink?
I don’t drink any of them, so none.
What was the last compliment you gave a guy?
I told my dad the dinner he made tasted excellent.
Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock?
I don’t think my jaw has ever made a sound before, hahaha.
Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids “the talk”?
No, but I think it’s also relevant to note that I live in a very conservative country where sexual intercourse is never discussed, especially within families; and that it’s virtually unheard of to hear of people until my generation to have been given the talk. I had to find out all by myself, and I remember being very confused when we were being taught the reproductive system in fifth grade because they only taught about the organs and their functions, and never anything deeper than that.
Luckily the last conservative generation was Gen X, and younger generations have been a lot more open-minded. And if I had to guess, I’m fairly certain Millennial parents would be more willing to give their kids the talk.
Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something?
I mean, my 20s, thanks to Covid.
Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up?
If you were married, and your spouse’s parents became ill, would you let them move into your home?
Have you screamed in a pillow before?
What do you like more, acoustic or electric?
Did you actually have a cookie jar?
What’s worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you?
Disappointment is more gut-wrenching. I feel more hopeless and helpless when someone feels that way about me.
What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?
Definitely my nails. Lip-biting isn’t a habit of mine and I only ever bite my tongue accidentally.
Do you think that knowing when and how you’re going to die would ruin your life?
No. I would find that comforting, actually.
Do you have a favorite bromance? From TV or a movie.
J-Man and Channy’s from Friends.
Do you find flea markets and thrift stores enjoyable?
What color is your wallet?
Pink, but I def have to buy a new one soon as I’m still using the one my ex gave me...
Have you ever been somebody's photography subject?
No, and I would hate to be. I don’t like being in front of the camera.
Nicki Minaj fan?
I like a lot of songs by her but I’m by no means a fan.
Have you ever seen the Niagara Falls?
Nope but I would love to.
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Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.
It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)
They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.
I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.
I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.
I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!
People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???
I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.
But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.
Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)
So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)
Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.
I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.
Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.
However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking
(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)
So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.
Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.
mtmte liveblog issue 36
time travel arccccccccccccc yessssssssss
I have been waiting SO LONG to reread this arc hhhhh yessss
starting off strong with the sexy roller cover. nice
I love the disconnect of ‘orion pax: outlaw’ compared to the last time we saw him in shadowplay where he was orion pax: supercop
he’s still punching people for JUSTICE or whatever so I guess not much has changed
oh my god this is the issue with the many many two-page spreads...the first time I read this issue I didn't realize that was a thing and GOD I was SO fucking confused. there's already a lot going on in this issue/arc but this made things so much worse hvbhjkdfbsk. I powered thru and still managed to understand most of the arc despite reading half this issue out of order (essentially) bc the website I read it on split the pages up and I couldn't tell they were supposed to be doubled (and also I'm dumb so I didn't figure it out)
anyways, the actual issue...windcharger is out here using his powers to rip a dudes arms clean off. wow!
and there's skids getting punched in the face. Ls
and glitch! a totally minor character of course...
MANNNNN I SO adore the panel of all the lost lighters appearing in a cloud of purple smoke, all posing epically....SO fucking good, peak sci-fi coolness vibes, A++
as usual jro killing it w/the titles, ‘elegant chaos’ is such a great name for a time travel arc
also reading the tfwiki has shown me that many of jros titles are song or album titles, to which I say - that's epic and I love it. with jro doing it, I feel like it straddles the line between referencing music and the very fanfic-esque ‘title things after music’ vibe. I love it
oh god I forgot they use bs cybertronian time units in this sometimes lmao...I mean of course they do but still like, what the fuck is a cycle. is that a day. I feel like these words all have no meaning/the meanings change drastically depending on continuity. I cant keep up and also I'm lazy and don't care enough to try
I love rodimus did u know
poor riptide looks so confused lmao
IS....IS REWIND PIGGYBACKING TAILGATE...THATS SO FUCKING CUTE....I cant fully tell bc of the page layout but ooomg so precious. minibot buddies
whirl saying ‘chuff’ just reminded me how british jro is hvbhakjhdsfbs sometimes it just Jumps Out in mtmte and I'm like Oh God Britain Is Real
I really like the mtmte approach to time travel and paradoxes and whatnot. its just complex enough to be interesting but not too convoluted that it bogs down the story. perfect sci-fi fun!
mannnn chromedome talking abt brainstorm :( I'm sad abt those two hhhhh
and I love how at this point, nobody in the cast ACTUALLY knows brainstorm well enough to know what he’s really doing - including chromedome, who’s ostensibly his closest friend, somebody he’s known for a while - and even the readers don't really know what he’s up to...I like the mystery tbh
cant believe rewind wrote orion pax’s biography, omg. completely forgot abt that detail
cd saying ‘I love it when he talks history’ about rewind....hhhh I love cdrw so muuuuch
godddd the line rodimus says abt whirl - how they need people like whirl around who are ‘happy to get in the way’ of danger and death - that shit haunts me man like...rodimus is basically saying that he’s bringing whirl along to potentially die in place of someone like orion pax (nevermind the fact that whirl dying would ALSO fuck up the timeline)...like, how deep does it go?? is he saying that bc he knows whirl has been trying to get himself killed for a while now, or just bc whirl likes violence? mannn I cant...the character intricacies...man
anyways...I love rodimus he’s such an interesting character. you have that fucked up moment and then in the next panel he’s saying ‘if you want to call it a time phone, I wont stop you’ about the quantum walkie-talkie. he has the RANGE
oh and then rodimus casually volunteering chromedome to do mnemosurgery on anyone who might accidentally find out about them time traveling, which is again fucked up on multiple levels. the raaaaange
vjaksbhdhfusajbfdjk that panel of the lost light squad just standing there like idiots reminds me of that post where someone said abt that panel ‘these characters have a collective 3 brain cells’ or something hvbjadkfnksfdl
rodimus IMMEDIATELY breaking his own rules by trying to reassure pax that they're good guys by pointing at his autobot badge, even tho the autobots DONT EVEN EXIST YET at this point...my boy PLEASE go purchase some brain cells from the store
and the fact that rodimus introduced himself to pax w/his real name...shouldn't he go by an alias or st??? that seems like a good time travel rule since optimus and rodimus definitely know each other later
and like, did they not anticipate that some of the people in the past would recognize some of the lost lighters hgbajkhdjfnjksf like cd and whirl get Instantly recognized...great job guys
they are all SO bad at this hvbahskjdhfbasjkf I cantttt luckily for them the orion crew is handing them easy alibis
‘the dugout’ is that a baseball reference????
also I love the scenery here, the bg looks like rock but there's metal piping and stuff running thru it, its so cool...really adds to the whole ‘cybertron biomes are made of metal’ thing
‘ancient history’ rodimus are you KIDDING ME-
cyclonus time travels to the past and IMMEDIATELY finds a window to stare broodingly out of. icon
tailgate thinking orion pax is SUPER COOL continues here from shadowplay and I love it...tailgate is so cute
and the tg saying ‘don't you think that's awesome, cyclonus?’ hhhhh so cute
one reason I love this arc so much is that this is the arc where the gay Really amps up
TRAILBREAKER.... oh man ;_;
are you telling me that this outlaw base they're in has ONE bed for all of these people. what the hell vhbaksjhfnsal
cant believe rung sampled roller’s steroid juice box
also cant believe robot steroids exist. except yes I can and I love it
oooh roller’s a 0/1%er? I forgot abt that
cant believe orion pax just grabs some random phone that belongs to these weird new people and answers it. WHO does that
goddddd megatron and orion’s conversation....destroy me
HHHHHH like...the HISTORY....the regret...the missed opportunities...its all so palpable....goddddddd
and of COURSE, the whole thing is steeped in tragedy...the ideological differences that will become the foundation for a 4 million year long war...megatron, who believes that you need to burn things down and start again to really make change stick, and then orion, who says ‘reform is the answer, not revolution’....AUGHHH the intricacies. mannnn
‘you sound lost’ 😭😭😭
‘its tragic.’ yeah, that about sums up their relationship, especially at this stage and in this continuity
anyways. [cries about old man megatron talking to young naïve orion pax] goodbye
AUGHHH and then we jump to rodimus ONCE AGAIN breaking his own rules and trying to save trailbreaker...IT HURTS MAN...god I love rodimus, I feel like him being broken up about crewmembers like trailbreaker dying is one part regular sadness over people he knows dying for tragic reasons, and one part personal guilt at someone under his command dying, even if he’s not involved/at fault. I love the dichotomy of this emotional reaction that comes only partially from empathy/emotion, but also comes from a kinda self-centered need for success as measured by people under your command staying alive. and taking into account rodimus’s life it totally makes sense that he’d act like that...GAH I love it. the complexity of it all!
orion pax saying ‘you should read [megatron]. it’s powerful stuff’ I'm screaming, so many LAYERSSSSS
I fucking love time travel AHHHHHHHHH like the opportunity for interactions like these....chefs kiss
‘hey, best friend! miss you!’ rodimus is such a shit hvbdajkfksjhfd
‘very sus’ rodimus ahead of his time w/the among us lingo
oooh and then they realize that the senate is trying to kill the sparks...gotta save the babies!
tailgate scolding cyclonus for bluntly stating that you'd wanna be subtle when killing newborns...hhhvbhsdfhhhhhh I love them sm
ooooh and rewind has an interesting suggestion - that the senate is actually trying to irradiate the sparks into being outliers...rewind is so smart I love him
and the fact that he’s using history from his database...love it
rodimus sending cyclonus and whirl out like pokemon
ROLLER NOOOO DONT GO OUT THERE
also wow this is literally the 5th (I think) double page spread in this issue...the confusion I felt the first time I read this...lmao
and now this is literally one of my favorite issues so I'm glad I know what's going on lmao
oh man rodimus telling cd not to erase trailbreakers memory even tho that could jeopardize the entire timeline... :(
oh man I didn't even notice but roller getting debris blasted into his face like that makes the whole ‘roller is tarn’ theory even more legit considering tarn’s face scars....
‘tighter the better’ hhh don't say that orion. but also, that’s the companion phrase to megatron saying ‘the deeper the better’ hvbhasjkhdfbaksjlf
I do love the semi-campy action hero antics that orion pax gets up to. its just so fun, even when the stakes are high and things are serious
‘this is the greatest thing I have ever seen’ tg ily
THE REVEAL THAT THE SPARKS WENT TO NYON...so rodimus just saved himself, basically...time travel is so trippy
GODDDD ND THEN TRAILBREAKER...HVHHHHHh 😭😭😭 THATS SO CRUEL MAN
oh man that last panel of trailbreaker holding up roller’s juice box...iirc the first time I read this I thought that was roller (cause of the juice box I guess? idk I'm an idiot) so I was like oh ok he must've come back or something. very much related but I didn't really think about tarn being a particular pre-established character and totally didn't read the whole ‘roller is tarn’ thing that was going on
which in my defense ruth also didn't pick up on any of that while reading this and eventually like 2 issues before the reveal I had to prompt her like ‘you should maybe be wondering WHO tarn is’ vhbahjksdfbaksjdf
so! issue 37! this issue is a solid favorite of mine, id say definitely top 5 or even 3. I'm super biased bc I fucking LOVE time travel, it’s seriously one of my favorite tropes ever, and this issue hits all the time travel beats I love. characters traveling to the past and interacting with people they know! conversations that have multiple meanings bc of TIME TRAVEL! trying to save someone who meets a terrible fate in your future! fun time travel action! the time traveling characters being generally terrible at hiding the fact that they're time travelers! ITS SO GOOD.
and I love the clever way everything is tied together here - where we get a nice continuation of shadowplay, with this taking place shortly after that with a lot of the same cast, and time travel classics like the good ole ‘if we hadn't travelled back in time and done what we did, the future we came from wouldn't have existed at all,’ in the flavor of ‘rodimus saving his baby self’ and ‘rodimus NOT saving trailbreaker’ and ‘everyone forgot about roller :(’
ok but like, did the lost lighters just go ‘oh well, guess rollers gone now.’ like they DID realize that the outlaw crew would have no idea what happened to him if they got their memories erased, right?? did the lost lighters figure that since roller never reappeared after this time period, that was how history was ‘supposed’ to go and they shouldn't mess with it? am I overthinking it? as usual: yes, probably. I love overthinking about comics, in case that wasn't obvious
basically...I love this issue soooo much. so so good and a bunch of fun tropes that I love. I mean the whole arc is like that for me since I love time travel so much. so I cant wait to (re)read more!!
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1. What is one thing you will never do again?
Watch The Hours. Film itself is great, but is way too triggering.
2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?
I’d take happiness easily. It’s not bad for the most part to make mistakes and I’d rather be too clumsy than be altogether miserable.
3. What happened the last time you cried?
It was the day of what would’ve been our anniversary and at that moment I was alone in my car at a parking lot (waiting for the office to open) on a gloomy day. I just had to cry and let my feelings out for like 5 minutes to accept everything but I was immediately fine afterwards, haha. Grief can be funny.
4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?
My first job interview. It was my first adult thing ever. They never got back to me - very professional of them - but I was still grateful for the experience nonetheless.
5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?
That I was in a whole ass relationship for technically 6 1/2 years. They probably have an inkling by now, but only about me being in a relationship. I’m sure they would be very surprised if they ever found out how long it had actually gone for.
6. What’s your worst habit?
I pick at my toenails when I’m nervous or stressed. I tend to do this when I’m doing a work task that I particularly dread, and sometimes I’ll end up being fixated on the habit for like 10 minutes straight and not get anything done.
7. What superpower would you have for one day?
Time travel, just to take quick trips to multiple decades and see how life was like during those times.
8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on?
Matty from 13 Going on 30 would be one of them. Albert Finney’s character in Two for the Road is also charming as fuck.
9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?
If money wasn’t an issue, probably somewhere cozy in like Switzerland or Canada.
10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve?
Not necessarily a pet peeve but I get extremely uncomfortable when someone hands me a gift then they insult the gift while in front of me, saying it’s not a great gift or that I probably don’t need it, etc. Filipinos also have this habit of saying something along the lines of, “You earn way more than me so you’d probably think this gift sucks” like how do you want me to react :(((((( I love receiving gifts and the idea of being thought about already means a lot to me, so it just makes me wince a little bit when I hear statements like the above.
11. Who knows you the best?
Gabie, probably. I’ve changed a lot since then, though.
12. What after school activities did you do in high school?
Clubs were mandatory extracurricular activities in my high school; in my time, I joined the table tennis and yearbook clubs.
13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive?
Idk, we didn’t have those in school. I probably would have been honored to get a journalism-themed one though; something like Most Likely To Write for NYT or Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer or something like that. Obviously that’s changed now and I’ve long let go of journalism as a passion.
14. What’s the last book you really loved?
I haven’t read in a long, long while.
15. What was the greatest television show of all time?
I don’t watch a lot of TV so I’m not the most credible decision-making body for this lol, but out of all the shows I’ve watched the best one would easily be Breaking Bad.
16. What’s been your favorite age so far?
16. Life was insanely easygoing back then and everything fell into place for me at the time.
17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Know when it’s enough. Be kind to yourself.
18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it?
19. Apologize or ask permission?
I don’t understand the relationship between the two.
20. Unlimited love or money?
I would love to never have to worry about finances ever again.
21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?
Take a week-long leave for work, spend all my money, bond with my dogs, throw a party for my closest friends, and honestly, make my peace with her.
22. What’s your most listened to song?
Spotify doesn’t show that feature, but I bet it’s from Paramore or Hayley anyway. It would be impossible to know my most-listened to song of all time, like if we took into account my Spotify, iTunes, etc.
23. Beach vacation or European vacation?
I need a beach vacation badly, but a European vacation would be a new and different experience. I’d take the latter.
24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at?
Playing the piano.
25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?
Depends on how much I won lmao. I’d probably retire this early if the money was big enough since I’m pretty stingy anyway. But generally, I would like to pay off whatever bills my parents are currently paying for, get back the car that we had to sell because of the pandemic, and maybe go for a solo vacation or five heheh.
26. What celebrity would you trade lives with?
Kylie Jenner, for a day. Just so I can briefly have a taste of how being that rich is like.
27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?
28. What story do your friends still give you crap about?
Staying with Gab despite the red flags that glared for four whole years is one of them. Angela will also never let go of that one time I tried some kind of fruit juice in high school and I described it as ‘packs a punch.’ It’s understood as a super Westernized idiom where I live and literally no one uses it in a casual sentence, so it was a hit with her and now we use ‘packs a punch’ whenever we want to describe something awesome or surprising.
29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around?
Mayonnaise and I will die on this mayonnaise-coated hill.
30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?
Ideally? At this point? Like 20. I would love for that to be the case on the first Friday we can consider the Philippines COVID-free.
31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far?
Sorry for yet another incoming Paramore reference but they literally have a lyric that goes, “22 is like, the worst idea that I have ever had.” Before turning 22 I used to think it was a weird line, like how could 22 possibly be unenjoyable? Now I’m 22 in a pandemic going through a rough breakup and I can’t even see my friends nor work in my first workplace ever.
32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker?
If they wanted only cats as pets. I can deal with a dog and a cat, I guess; but cats were never fond of me so I feel like I’d struggle with this situation lol.
33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Mr. Peanutbutterrrrrrr. Has a lot of love to give, doesn’t always use it on the right people. Also lives on pleasing others.
34. Do you believe in karma?
Just to a tiny extent, in how I would want people’s awful actions to come bite them in the ass one day. It’s not a philosophy that controls my life and the things I do whatsoever.
35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?
My absolute favorite was Hi-5, with the original cast. As I got older my interests shifted to Spongebob and The Fairly OddParents.
36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person?
I don’t think it’s weird, but I don’t hear thighs too often when people list down their favorite physical traits. It’s certainly one of mine.
37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem?
A Friends-themed one, obviously. This reminds me of the Jeopardy night I had with some friends a few nights ago! That was so much fun, and Andi makes really great and fun questions hahaha.
38. What is something you’re superstitious about?
I don’t think I am about anything.
39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had?
Maybe that night my grandpa went into a drunk rampage. I was 9, right in his line of sight, frozen and scared shitless, and I didn’t know who he was going to strike next.
40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?
I never really think about this. If someone’s a non-politician then there must be a reason they aren’t, lol.
41. What cheesey song do you have memorized?
Little Things by One Direction is very cheesy and it’s one of my least favorite songs of theirs, but I still have it memorized out of habit.
42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible?
My great-grandpa died all the way back in the 70s, even before some of my aunts and uncles could meet him. It would be cool to spend time with him.
43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news?
Yeah, absolutely. I have the stomach for it lol, so I always monitor what’s happening locally and globally. Skipping the news from time to time is fine because I get how anxiety-inducing and depressing some events can be, but there’s a huge difference between ignoring the news for your mental health and being indifferent altogether. I’d immediately judge anyone who’s the latter, and would assume you are incredibly privileged.
44. What is the best present you could ever receive?
My money refunded -____________- I had food delivered to my director, Bea’s house as a surprise earlier today, but apparently I ran into a scammer driver and the fucker drove away with the meal I had bought for Bea. I reported the driver and the situation, and thankfully the customer service rep of the food delivery app quickly responded and said they’d return the full amount I paid for; but I still haven’t received it.
45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life?
No. Mobile data exists for a reason.
46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day?
Check out my voice.
47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom?
I’d love to surprise Angela with an overseas trip that would last for like a month. Traveling is one thing we have yet to do as best friends.
48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you?
Nothing particular, but it makes me happy when people call me strong and when they validate the shit I’ve gone through over the years.
49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view?
I would take the giant house. When it comes to my own place, I would want to have a lot of space to roam around.
50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has?
Nothing is coming to mind.
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You could get a lot of dabihawks fans to read something with endeavor that's not going to be the issue. This-- "save someone they all care very much about but who they all know might be beyond saving?" this mindset is going to be the problem. Dabi has done many crimes he needs to face up to but viewing him as a "person beyond saving" is completely ignoring the fact that he is also a victim striking back at abusive systems.
okay, here we go:
let me preface this with one very important fact about this story idea: if i’m writing from the perspectives of endeavor, rei, and hawks, the writing is going to be extremely biased. i have my opinions that are not colored by the fact that touya/dabi is a real person with a real personal connection to me, but hawks and rei and enji do not have that luxury!
my original post was lamenting (jokingly) that endeavor content has a very small target audience, and throwing dabihawks in there makes it even smaller, but this is the real crux of it: fandom tends to dislike unreliable narration, or fails to recognize it at all, leading to hateful comments and accusations of, like, abuse apologism etc etc. -- which is fine, i’m an adult and i can handle a few vitriolic people on the internet, it’s just like... a thing i have to accept going in, you know?
(i should note that a lot of my wording in the tags was already colored by the mindset of rei, enji, and hawks’ perspectives, and not necessarily mine)
ANYWAY, let’s get into the meat of this, i.e. the characters and themes, which is what we’re all here for:
[ID: Anonymous said: Dabi is asking to be saved but not from himself. He is asking to be save by society's glorification of heroes. What he wants is for his past abuser and hero society to be held as accountable for their actions as he is. Dabi is not the villain in Touya's story, Endeavor is, as is anyone who supports Endeavor over him. He wants Endeavors crimes to be treated as seriously as his own as any non-heroes crimes. /END ID]
i respectfully disagree! i don’t think dabi wants to be saved at all. i think he wants hero worshipping torn down, i think he wants everyone to see exactly how awful their “number one hero” really was, and with the context of the last few manga chapters, i think he also wants to be recognized as a force to be reckoned with. he’s almost the “you want a villain? fine, i’ll show you one” trope, except it’s “you think i can’t be a hero? fine, i’ll be the scariest villain you’ve ever goddamn seen” which is just.... delicious, narratively
the only reason i use the word “save” is, again, because of enji and rei and hawks. idk if you happen to have read my endeavor time loop fic, but i summed it up pretty neatly with a conversation between rei and enji here:
(“He’s done… some very, very terrible things. Things he’ll have to answer for. But… Enji, he’s still our son. As long as he’s alive, our son’s still out there.” // “You think we can save him,” Enji says. He’s not sure he believes it. He wants to, he desperately wants to, but he’s not sure he does. // “Maybe,” she shrugs. “Maybe not. But we’re his parents. We have no choice but to try.”)
in the context of this other story that only exists in my head so far, they know they might not be able to get through to touya. they know they might not be able to convince him to stop killing and stop all this destruction etc etc, and they know that if it comes down to having to kill him -- if, to borrow the words of the love of my life captain america a.k.a. sam wilson, he’s not the kind you save but the kind you have to stop -- then that’s their responsibility too. as his parents. as the people who sent him down this path in the first place.
and then, you know, hawks shows up. because he’s a stubborn bastard and i love him
[ID: Anonymous said: The core of your story will have fan and interest if instead of this: "save someone they all care very much about but who they all know might be beyond saving?". You ask yourself "what does it mean to atone and how can you try to atone when you have done such irreversible damage. As well as what actions to we absolve and what actions do we demand retribution. Also how is forgiveness different from atonement who do we forgive and how does it look."
Anonymous said: So you can have characters question things like "Why am I forgiving this person but not this other person, and am what I asking of a person even fair" Why can Hawks forgive Endeavor but feel conflicted about his parents. How does Rei feel about Endeavor vs Dabi. Is that fair and should they consider the families of the people Dabi hurt. How do they treat Dabi's feelings about how Hawks killed Twice compared to the families of the criminals Dabi killed. Things like that. /END ID]
catch me SCREAMING over this because YES! EXACTLY! this is exactly what i find so fascinating about this concept! you have endeavor who’s said “i’m not looking for forgiveness, only atonement” and that was before the touya reveal, so by now he’s more than aware of the irreversible damage he’s done. he knew he couldn’t ask for forgiveness from natsuo and he knows he can’t ask for forgiveness from touya. then you parallel that with rei, and how shouto’s chosen to forgive her, and how she (maybe, partially) has chosen to forgive enji, and THEN you have hawks, who forgave endeavor from the word “go” even though he’s shut his own parents out for all the damage they did, and then you have all three of them wanting so badly to be able to forgive dabi/touya for all the terrible things he’s done, and..... hhhhh it makes me INSANE, DUDE
(quick note: i personally believe dabi didn’t... actually care about twice. i know it’s up for interpretation, and that’s mine. on the flipside i think hawks feels very, very, very guilty over what he did, even if it was necessary, and in fact, a moment of him admitting that to rei is the only rock solid scene of this fic that i have in my head so far.)
[ID: Anonymous said: it's about . . . loving someone and wanting what's best for them#but not knowing how to reconcile that with the person you love not WANTING what's best for themselves bc theyre too deep in self destruction--No it's not, at least that's not the only way to handle the pairing it's also about wanting to be there for some one while actively doing the things that are hurting them while thinking you are doing what is best for them and ignoring their wishes because you think you know what is best. /END ID]
i would argue it’s both, actually! i’ve never read dabihawks content so idk the fandom consensus, but to me, the interesting thing about this relationship is that it’s incredibly toxic from both sides. hawks wants to get through to him somehow and talk him down (we’ve seen this mindset when he tried to talk twice down), and dabi does not want to be talked down and, in fact, would see the attempt itself as another act of betrayal. which again, makes me INSANE and is another reason i’m so fascinated by these dynamics
anyway! i think that kind of..... sums it up. this was fun to dig into even if i had to do it twice because tumblr is a fucking nightmare and deletes things i spent half an hour writing lmao
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hi, A/3 volunteer back again! i hope i can answer your questions properly, but i’m on mobile so sorry if i get a bit confused. it’s also going to be quite long but i hope you can figure out which questions i’m replying to. let me know if you need any more clarification!
1 - as tag wranglers, we don’t moderate content via deletion, etc - we just move fics into the correct tags, and it’s typically on a fandom basis (for example, i might solely wrangle for something like the supernatural fandom only). i’ve never come across ‘problematic’ tags since most of the time, it’s just sorting tags into like... more general tags? so example - someone tags a fic with ‘kinda fluffy kinda angsty’. we would then kind of make it so that tag redirects to ‘fluff with angst’, even though it still appears as the original tag on the fic. does that make sense? i’m also a little unsure of the other questions you had here - which is totally my fault, i’m in the middle of writing an essay for uni that needs to be in in like... 12 hours and my brain is frazzled - but if you were asking about a situation where if i was concerned that a single user had a collection of fics that were all entirely based upon something illegal and reported their entire account to mods, would it be deleted - i’m not sure. tag wranglers are kind of like low-level moderators, and we’re not what would typically be thought of as moderators since we simply reorganise content versus actually removing it. since the reporting process is typically through the site itself and is handled by an entirely separate team, i cant speak for how they think or what their process is.
2 - it’s up to our judgement as to if we want to report it, but again, the tags we wrangle are VERY general. tags like ‘dead dove don’t eat’ and stuff that are typically full of polarising content arent something i’ve come across, because i think they make up a minority of most fandoms when put against tags like ‘fluff’ and ‘angst’ and even stuff like ‘chocolate’, lmao. i’m not certain what happens when a report is processed and the fic is found to be removable - what i do know though is that with fics that are seen as breaking specific laws (i.e depictions of CSA, slander, etc) mods are often a lot more hard-handed for several reasons (reputation both within the community and in terms of the fact they could very much get in legal trouble). again though, i’m a low-level moderator and don’t see that side of the process. however, if i report something and it’s not taken down, i’m not implicated in any way. it’s been a while since i’ve been on the site and reported anything so i’m not entirely certain if reporting is 100% anonymous or if you have to supply details like email, but i think if you DO supply things, it’s to ensure you aren’t mass-reporting someone (bc i think that counts as targeted harassment). email is also possible to fake, so i think you can make the process anonymous if you want to. as for how often i personally report fic - not often. i’m a CSA victim (which is why this topic is touchy for me tbh), and i don’t like to go through the process because i find it arduous - you have to give an explanation as to why you’re reporting the fic, and i find it triggering at times. i’ve also never been in a position where i have found a fic while actively volunteering that i feel has been necessary to report, so i can’t speak for that either. all of that being said - i’ve heard of and seen on one occasion fics and entire accounts be deleted for harassment/slander - in particular, i’ve heard multiple times that accounts dedicated to purposely like... making fun of? or like technically harassing? kpop boy group members have been taken down because even though their content is ‘technically’ fanfiction, it’s obviously just there to incite hatred against a specific person. so, imo, if mods are quick on taking down accounts obviously run by 14 year olds in fandom drama writing numerous fics where boyband member A calls boyband member B stupid and tells him nobody likes him, i think they’re very likely just as serious about taking down more serious content. that’s just my opinion and my personal experience though, and it’s distinct from my volunteering.
overall, on the whole topic of CSA on the website - it’s really tough even just as a basic content moderator. there’s lots of reasons as to why people post it, and though people are very obviously welcome and encouraged to think critically about everything, it’s a fact that the topic is really really difficult to manoeuvre (culture, who is posting it, when was it posted, why it’s being posted aka vent fics, etc). as i said, i’m a CSA victim myself, so i understand the frustration, but it’s too nuanced and difficult a topic to be able to say ‘ban it all’. however, i do think the site is doing their best to crack down on stuff that is very obviously on there for one specific reason, and i also think generally, they’re changing things so people are able and sometimes encouraged to anonymise themselves by not giving any profile info and to protect themselves by turning off comments completely, etc. i find that you can make it really easy to curate your posting experience so that essentially, you can post but nobody can really interact.
3 - i like tag wrangling! i got into it because i saw a position on the front page of the site and decided to go for it. it wasn’t very taxing to get into and you don’t have to put much work in - a couple of hours a week is enough, and they’re understanding about work/uni/etc. it’s easy to meet other people through volunteering, and they ensure everyone is over 18. i don’t read through fic myself - just through tags, and then i sort them into their proper places. if something is tagged wrong, we don’t get in touch with the author, we just do our best to reorganise the tag so it redirects into the correct place - again, for instance, if someone writes a fantasy AU that they tag with ‘high fantasy prince/princess AU’ and that tag doesn’t exist, we would sort it into the main tag for a royalty AU or something like that. re: monetisation of fics: technically, monetised content is not allowed on A/3 - if someone is advertising their patreon or kofi in their authors notes or profile, you’re supposed to report it just as a general user. i think it’s because it puts the site at risk of being sued or something? but as a low level mod, i don’t HAVE to report these things unless i see them while i’m tag wrangling (aka i see a tag like ‘my patreon is XYZ!!!!! send me money!!!!!!’) and i personally don’t report monetised fics because ... i don’t find it a prominent issue, lmao. people are also learning to avoid it by being like this is my tumblr or this is my twitter, and when you click on their social media they link their patreon or whatever There instead. also, idk who decided the colour scheme! i think it was just like a generally agreed upon thing with the site designers. i also think there’s been convo for a few years about dark modes and stuff on the site, but i’m pretty sure the site has to get a few more things out of the way before they’ll prioritise that (i know they’re trying to work on a better moderating system for things like spam and harassment atm bc the spam filter absolutely sucks dick lol). i’ll totally drop a mention like WOW, wouldnt it be AMAZING if we could have this SPECIFIC COLOUR SCHEME, tho <3
thank you so much for responding!!! this is really cool to know, i've never even seen a post by an a*3 worker before so you're a total unicorn right now
heh uni-corn because you're in uni. sorry i'm tired too
good luck on your paper!
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SPN 2X2 Everybody Loves a Clown
Ok the new previously on with rock music? and it’s different every time? that fucking SLAPS
AND IT’S PUT TOGETHER SO WELL IT’S LIKE AN FMV
also I’m technically an hour late, but till I go by the rule that If i don’t go to sleep it’s not tomorrow so Happy Birthday Dean!!
oh no please not a fucking clown episode I’m begging you
aaaaand the kid sees clowns that aren’t there that’s...great
OH NO WHY IS IT FOLLOWING HER HOME
Really does set in the “don’t go anywhere, hunker down and nothing will kill you”
more poignant for corona than I ever thought
oh fUCK It’S IN HER BACKYARD
NO DON’T GO TOWARDS IT
WHY ARE YOU LETTING IT IN THE HOUSE
oh is this a hunter’s funeral for john? the burning of the body and all that?
I appreciate the attention to detail in having them still keep the scars from episode one of this season
“did he say anything” “no” I am begging you both to communicate for christ’s sake
one week later
ah is this the mechanic montage? to get the impala back in shape
Sam: Dean you had an out of body experience, are you ok?
Dean: *aggressively works on his car*
the idea of hyper fixating on the only thing you can fix(car) vs the things you can’t(demon, can’t kill it, etc) yeah ok that fits
the ROADHOUSE?? ROADHOUSEEEEE???
god please oh please don’t kill the female characters I’ve heard they’re cool
Dean: tries to say something vaguely patronizing about rifle technique
Jo: PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE
oh i love her already
ELLEN!! damn she’s fun
how does....Ellen know Dean and John were close
What the hell happened when Sam left I need to know
Dean is really just gonna be...standoffish...to literally any woman in authority
This guy(mullet guy? Ash?) just knows...so much shit?
I love the roadhouse oh my god home base makes me happy
and Ash just knows really fancy shit, calculates to the hour how long it was gonna take?? YE E MORE WORLD TIME
Dean please stop hitting on jo it feels weird for some reason
ah so it feels weird for him too ok
hahahaha she just lays out his entire schtick and calls it stupid
and Sam’s scared of clowns AHAHAHA
so we have Dean scared of flying and Sam with clowns, that’s perfect
“what dad would have wanted us to do” -Sam Ah so sam does end up being more sympathetic
“don’t be afraid of clowns” clowns are objectively terrifying sir what are you talking about
oh that FUCKING SHOT WHEN THE CLOWN SMILES AND THE MUSIC GOT ME OH MY GOD
Dean’s reaction to when Sam said something vaguely dirty/more like him is priceless
And Dean gets himself in trouble with two circus performers, one blind and one short? idk
Sam just likes watching his brother suffer
freakshow to asylum is a...weird take to have
Sam saying he doesn’t want to go to school feels....just
ah and Dean checks up on that statement
What the hell is the “Dad would have wanted”
and Dean “I don’t have a problem with that?” god please communicate a little better
Sam gets scared by a skeleton
“we’re writing a book about ghosts” there has to be a better option here Dean
i mean maybe, that’s not terrible it’s just kinda a weird excuse
maybe he got the sense that it wouldn’t go to well
The kid just...takes the clown in
god that’s creepy
hey...you guys...if you wanna know why Ellen and John had a thing or not....you can ask
Dean: I’ll repress my feelings and maybe they’ll go away
Sam: no that’s not how this works
nice lighting in the scene they finally decide to yell it out
Dean’s got a point, picking until dead or dying to make it right is too little too late
ah...like John...underlying issues? perhaps?
at least they’re....talking and smiling....with each other.
ah the blind guy, he was weirdly clairvoyant about things
plus the fact that he’s the most likely to have brass knives either as a enemies close or a “force my foes to talk to me” thing is pretty nifty too
HELLA cool lighting shot of Dean in the fun house that makes me happy
OH brass organ pipes THAT’S A NICE TOUCH I LIKE THAT
THE TRICK WITH THE SMOKE TO SEE THE SPECTER? THAT’S ALSO COOL
lmao no one has mentioned Jess in...so long I just realized
Jo and Dean are sweet, the “wrong place wrong time,” Dean not going so hard, fuck it they’re fun whatever they are right now
ASH IS BACK!
he’s an MIT guy that’s so fun
and He’s protective of his keyboard and laptop :)
and “Ash give us a call”
Ellen: Hey if you need a place to stay
ISDAFHSPFI SUPPORT STRUCTURE! FINALLY!! YAYAYAYAY
that early seasons Sam haircut makes him look so young fdfahsofish
“I’m not ok, It’s too little too late” DFAIPSHFS SAM
“I’m not ok and neither are you” hurts me why must you hurt me
AH HERE’S THE SCENE WHERE DEAN JUST TRIES TO KILL THE CARS
and in true Dean Winchester fashion, he’s angry, refuses to let himself cry, and stares vaguely till the emotions go away
boy oh BOY wrap up time:
1. Ok Ellen, Jo, Ash and the Roadhouse, giving bits to the hunter world, adding incredibly compelling characters, holy fuck I AM HERE FOR IT. Like obviously I knew the Roadhouse was a Thing, but I didn’t expect how much I’d love it in concept as well as practice. I love Ellen and Jo, and that they’re gonna come back, I love Ash, just SO GOOD all around
2. the clown lore? The mystery was much better done this time around, there were cool lore elements(and misdirection) AND there were interesting ways to solve the problems(the brass pipes, the smoke, etc). The mystery aspect of this show is really coming into it I’m so excited.
3. Ok so obviously Sam and Dean are grieving in the not grieving ways they’re prone, but I think I can now kinda put something together. Just because we understand John’s motives, that doesn’t excuse his actions. And his actions are that he was a bad father, and it’s a bit too little too late. Especially taking into account the later seasons and how much it seems to have fucked up Dean specifically. I think we understand where he comes from, but he’s not supposed to be the Hero, nor is he, at all. One good action does not redeem a man. Which is funny, because this would generally make him a hero-type in a lot of similar media(notably pirates of the Caribbean, which is what I’m quoting) I feel like everything before and after that moment undo it. Let’s stick with grey for now, that seems safe.
4. I’m very excited to see where these characters go. Although it’s also funny to me that I forgot Jess existed because damn did they not mention her at all
aight till next week and the end of the semester
hi babe ! its snowing so much here today i’ve been cold all day :( but i got some chai latte and made snow angels so i’m feeling a bit better,.. <3
i wish there was a way to trade objects or send them away!! ik it would spiral into hacking, scamming and would probably defeat the purpose of the game by making it much easier but still :( it would be nice to help out friends with some objects.. :(
actually the most annoying thing about mobile is the camera. it sometimes glitches especially during battle and i find myself stuck facing a mountain bc the camera. so i see why people might complain. also sadly NO :( i wish!! i have an old laptop i thought of using but idk if it can handle it. i think i wanna try it out though. do you use a laptop or pc?
that’s true. i wish we could like... unable easy mode and just chill LMAO hsjshdhdk. but combat does get more fun the more you progress, i’ve started to really enjoy it. now i get why you started to like dragonspine.... i think.... i’m still iffy about that place... 🤔 fuck the cold.
dude. they’re sooo good. i love how they just.. angrily reassure each other constantly. kageyama’s just ARGH *literally smacks sense into hinata’s head* and hinata’s just EEE *takes the compliments and spikes like a mf*
i actually didn’t know much about voltron when i first started watching. i only knew about shiro because an acquaintance had posted about his gay announcement but i never checked it out. i actually got into it in a funny way... i was on yt one day and i saw a video titled ‘are keith and lance gay?’ and i was like who the fuck are keith and lance? then because i’m such a gay person myself i decided to check it out and i saw keith and was like... wow that’s a cute boy... then i saw their dynamic and said WOAH. and well... i just started watching and got hooked and i thought everything was neat and fun so i watched up until season 3 without engaging in any fan activities so i had no idea what people were saying...,, then i did and i was greeted with the shit storm. and the rest is history. but i can imagine it must’ve been so fun... the excitement of not knowing where the story will go and getting new content and being in the fandom while it was alive despite everything.... ahhh how did you find out about the show?
dude YEAH!!! do you feel like university affects the way you handle your fandoms? we talked a bit about hobbies and stuff but what about fandoms?
(MAKES A SECOND REROLL ACCOUNT JUST FOR THIS.... 🥺 omgggg imagine how cute that would be wait omg i’m actually like ahhhh.. we could go on dates at liyue... or watch the sunset at cape oath.... or have picnics at any mountain top... 😳 YEAH PLS that would be so nice... help is anyway nice to have and you’re such a op now you’d just murder the villains in a second... 😳 oo. although i checked earlier and my server is in america for some reason? i really hope they do the cross-server thing life would be SO good. i’d ask you on a date in a heartbeat. 😳 which characters would we use on this co-op date?)
KOSMO!!! BEST PART OF VOLTRON???? kosmo... come back to us please.. please. ok maybe second best part after keith in the bom suit..... god keith in purple just sits so right <3333 sooo right <3333 I VOTE FOR KEITH BECAUSE HE’S HALF-GALRA SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM THE FUTURE *LOVE-SICK SMILE* yeah... hahaha fucking fools. ‘rewrite where lance was looking for keith to confess to him bc they were going back to space’ CRIESSSSSSSSSSSS... CLUNAAAA... 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 hi.. 🥺 now i’m just gonna think about this all night and clutch my heart. thank you for that. btw how would you feel about a voltron movie ?
(i love how our topics just jump from genshin to voltron to genshin to voltron again lmao)
lots of kisses from your m.a. <3333
(okay this ended up being very long bc i combined your second ask too and talked a lot so i hope it’s okay i put it under a read more fkdsjhfks)
omg snow!!! is it all pretty and fluffy 🥺🥺 also ‘chai latte’ and ‘snow angels’ in the same sentence when you said you were cold made me fhfksfjs but i’m happy you’re feeling better! muwah 🥰
yeah same!! i said that to my brother when i first started playing i was like ‘i wish you could trade characters’ and he just gave me a deadpan look and was like.. why would they allow that FHDSFKHD sigh but it would be fun!
ah yikes no! sometimes the camera fucks up even on pc so I can’t imagine what it’s like on mobile in the pivotal moments fhdkfjsd. and i use a laptop! i don’t have a pc ahaha. ahhh i hope you somehow manage to find a laptop/pc to try it out thoo
AHAHAH come on m.a. give dragonspine another shot 🤪🤪 but yeah the challenge is fun sometimes! tho i tried to do a domain like 3 times today and kept failing so... it’s also not fun. (i also tried to find some vids about how to build my characters and got overwhelemd fkhsdfks i feel like i’m going about it all in the wrong way ahhhhhhhhhhhh)
FSHDFKJSDHFKSDHJF THAT DESCRIPTION OF KAGEHINA YES 💯💯💯💯 the accuracy omg.. they’re such chaotic idiots i love them!!!!
!!! what a story that is ahah omg it’s like fate... icb you got that vid recommended to you lolol iconic... and i found out about it from my dash!! someone reblogged a screenshot and i was like “legend of korra?” FHSKFJHSKF so basically i thought it was a korra comic or something bc the art style was so similar fhskdfjd. and then i went searching and gave it a shot! and fell down the rabbit hole..
ooo wdym by handle my fandoms? i do know that last year when uni got overwhelming i locked my twitter and made a priv to vent and just. didn’t really go on social media if that’s what you meant FHSKJSDHKF but yeahhhhhhh uni fkn sucks. sucks out all the motivation i have for anything... i type so many words for lectures that i don’t have the energy to write fic :// FJKDSHKSDHFKSHF don’t meant to get so negative but yeahh lol. hbu?
(all those options got my heart going doki doki 😩 who needs real life dating when you can date in the gorgeous atmosphere that is genshin? AHAH. and oh? america??? maybe they just did that as default hm. as for which characters.... i don’t know that we have any that make up the popular ships fhdskjfj (xingqiu/chongyun, zhongli/childe, beidou/ningguang).. tho i see xiao/aether and xiao/venti on the rise so when the time comes ... AHAH you can be the venti to my xiao <3 LOL)
!!!!!!!!! okay i’ll list that down as the fic idea.. but no promises once again sdjfhksdf but i’m also very 👀👀👀 at the concept so! will def keep it in the back burner.
hm. i honestly don’t know if i would even pay any attention to it hfksdhfjds like voltron left such a sour taste in my mouth i don’t even know that i could consume any canon content ever again. but it’ll also depend on what the plot would be? lol. would you be okay with it?
(lmaooo we be balancing many convos at once look at us 🤪)
ALSO!!! i’m watching spirited away rn and omg. i love haku sm. i love no face too!!! (at least in the beginning when he (?????) was helping sen <33) all the characters are really good as well tho and ofc the art and music!! i really wanna draw something for it now...... and it makes me very excited to watch howl’s moving castle!!
‘I saw the person my younger self had been enraptured by. I saw someone who took my breath away. And when I blinked, I saw the present you. A soul which, slowly but surely, I’d started to fall in love with.’
UMMMMMMMM CLUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explain yourself right now.........., what is this goddamn beauty you hide ? why is that so beautiful..,,, i take it the last klance fic is a multiverse fic???? literally everything good in one????? i saw hints of royal au as well? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you do us so good i literally love you sm just reading those small snippets just Ahhhhhh..... i love them they sound amazing i just wanna exist in them yk... 😭😭😭😭😭😭
FHDSKJFHDSFKJ IF YOU THINK THAT IS GOOD JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE LAST SECTION!!!!!!!!! but at the same time i’m surprised by myself too... me @ past me you ain’t bad! shdfkds I legit have no recollection or writing the snippet you sent but i’m glad you like it 😩😩 and thank you for being so kind always ilysm too 😭❣💓💖💫💞💘❣💖
oh and to answer your question (oops almost forgot) yes it’s a multiverse fic!! that’s why i thought it’d be good for the last one ehehe. just shoved in everything i loved and made klance in love in them!!
hope you’re treating yourself!! loveeeeeee your c.r. <3
8, 9, 10, & 18 if you're still interested in answering those questions~
8. Favorite dialogue in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)
So idk at this point if I’m responding with stuff from the fic as it stands or the (very limited amount of) new scenes from the rewrite so. I’ll go with the new stuff!
“What story did you give Miss Hurley?” She starts to pull out the coffee pot. Anything to distract herself.
“Kid brother,” he says, and Jo almost laughs.
“She believe you?”
“Don’t think so.”
It’s not that I think the dialogue is particularly special for like, the actual words (lmao) but the tension underneath, like they both clearly have so much other shit to say but they’re just gritting their teeth through bad small talk until one of them cracks. I also have a special place in my heart for Joe’s “Made it through France with a compass” / “Pretty sure I can handle a bus” earlier in the scene tbh, because wounded snarkiness.
9. What scene was the hardest to write for you and why?
Ok so I’m pivoting back to what’s actually published, and the actual reunion part of the epilogue was pretty hard. I got very stuck for a while at what Jo’s response should be to Toye’s whole “you don’t want this” thing. Nothing sounded right. When it finally hit me that the only thing she would ever say would be “like hell,” (Jo<3) it got a lot easier.
10. What scene was the most fun to write for you and why?
I’m going to jump to yet another thing, the fix-it, for this since that’s the only thing I’ve published in the past year (and it’s all the same characters so. it’s fine), but I honestly had so much fun writing the scene with Jo sick in Haguenau? Because it was a fix-it, it was already so different from what I’d written before, but like, just adjacent enough so that I felt comfortable. And I’d never written anything with Jo so out-of-it before, with kind of a Toye POV. And like, semi-accidental love confession? Sign me up.
18. What writers have inspired you with their use of language? What are some of your favorite quotes?
Ok so I have a literally goldfish memory for writers and quotes but lately/always: Leila Chatti, Ada Limón, Lisel Mueller.
I also have a few quotes copied in a brainstorm document for my Lieb/OC thing which are as follows & have been bouncing around in my head for the last few months:
“If there / is something you need / to tell me, God, you must / tell it to me / yourself.” — Leila Chatti, from “Annunciation”
“like my father’s hand on mine / in this still and inscrutable dark.” — Leila Chatti from “When I Tell My Father I Might Begin to Pray Again”
“Do you know what a ghost looks like? / It looks like blood” — Valzhyna Mort, from “Cenotaph”
“How you always can describe the wound / but never how it made you feel.” —Yves Olade, from “Belovéd”
“She decides God is no good, but he must exist, / he must exist so she can hold him accountable.” — Ada Limón, from “The Echo Sounder”
"Say, It doesn't matter. Say, That would be / enough. Say you'd still want this: us alive, / right here, feeling lucky.” — Ada Limón, from “The Conditional”
“In our hands we hold the shadow of our hands.” — Yannis Ritsos from “Absence”
“to love life, to love it even / when you have no stomach for it” — Ellen Bass from “The Thing Is”
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4, 5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 23, 27, 28, 31, 33, 34, 47, 48, 52, 53, 54, 55, 59 for the get to know me thing
4. what are you looking forward to?
getting single room!! Easter, when i can rest and this week will finally end. finishing the art i’m working on. getting enough sleep. next training. getting back home and hugging my cat. doing laundry so i can empty the laundry bag.
wow this answer is O L D bgnblfngl but i’ll leave it. currently i can’t wait to get it over with writing the master cause dammit i wanna do other things ‘-’ (okay that’s one too now, problem with answering asks very slowly) mostly i think i wanna jump back to discord and organize the tourney i was planning for months. and go back to trainings/ drawing. and play some games, watch some things.
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?
always? i had a person like that, but we don’t talk anymore so
though i think crytus is pretty good at it
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?
may happened when i was a kid, but i don’t remember it happening during recent years, might’ve teared up but that’s the closest to it. generally it’s not easy for me to cry
10. are you good at hiding your feelings?
yeah pretty much, if i intend to do it, thx to incurable resting bitch face disease. usually i don’t hide them at all, yet still people read them correctly only around 55% of time
11. are you listening to music right now?
yeah!! except for studying and sleeping, i usually have music playing all the time from the spotify playlist, on which i added each artists i ever liked. i’m cleaning my room now so the music is mandatory. rn this one is playing: Defmatch - Foodwatershelter.
12. what is something you want right now?
answering asks :3 having free time to consume some media 😫 drincc something tastey
13. how do you feel right now?
sleeby, kinda frustrated cause impedance is really heavy topic, and slightly angry at myself that i can’t work faster
the thing i fear the most is war. it’s just so horrible you know? every second of it, you never know when something awful happens to you or your close ones. it’s just a stream of people’s suffering, death, tortures, wounds, rape, illness, losing everything you had with only hell awaiting you. those who decide to start wars, who profit off it, who enjoy partaking in it are worst scums and i will never forgive them even after death.
from more mundane things i just fear harm, like in overall. im always extra careful to like, handle dangerous things with care, like bread cutter or knives.
and i’m scared of conflicts and confrontations. i somehow always wiggle my way out of this to just not face it.
27. things i hate
being in physical pain, feeling of injustice, being used, certain textures, many foods too much to list, snobbish talk, and many more but that’s what i could think of now
28. i’ll love you if…
i start to platonically love people when we have a lot of fun and good time together share similar humor, but we also support each other through tough times.
it can turn into romantic love when something happens and i go oop 😳😳😳and start questioning my feelings. but idk what Exactly makes it snowball into full blown thing.
31. 3 random facts
in middle school once i made an updo that i liked and thought it looks cute. the same day, as i was talking with a classmate (wouldn’t call her friend, we weren’t close, but i tried to be friends), one guy from our class came to me. he asked “do you have a boyfriend?” i said no but i started panicking and was looking at that classmate for help hgjghjdkgh then he asked “do you want to have?” and i also looked at her for help and answered no. and i was High Panicking and went away to Process while alone. i passed my other classmate and she said “you look like death” (i suppose i was really pale??? idk what she meant) and i answered “thanks 😐👍“this was the only time anyone ever asked me out irl. and i’m convinced it was a prank. because he was one of popular guys, and i was the class weirdo, fat, ugly, with acne, poor hygiene, dressing in grandma-like clothes, and acting Really Weird and unapproachable.i never again made this updo and it’s a shame cause it really was cute and now i have no idea how to make it 😔
the oldest memory i have is from when i was a toddler and how mom was changing my diapers. i remember how i laid on the washing machine, how bright was the ceiling light, and my thought process. it was “ah here we go again. now this will happen. now this.”. like i didn’t know words yet but i know i had vibes of recognition. my parents tell me that i remember it cause it must’ve been the day when i fell off and hit my head lol
when i was idk 3? 4? we were visiting someone. i have no idea who. maybe my grandma in a house she stayed at. anyways i was old enough to have autonomy of where i’m going at least for moments, but not old enough to remember much stuff from that time. and i thought that these ebony stairs look mad comfy to roll down on.so i did. and i don’t remember much except saying that it was really fun and i wanna do it again. i was sure for years that it was a dream but parents said i did really roll down the stairs once, in a location that matches the vibe of that memoryalso speaking about falling down the stairs, i fell also in elementary school cause i missed a step and did a penguin slide to the very bottom. nothing happened except a glass juice fell out of my backpack, shattered and janitor told me to clean that up.
33. something you want to learn
everything!! i wish to know and be able to do everything.
how to play every game, every instrument, read every book, learn all the science subjects. how to craft anything. that’s my life goal, that’s why i hold dearly onto life.
34. most embarrassing moment
it’s hard to say cause i had many embarassing moments but i can’t really pick one,, that was the Most. so let’s just go with this one.
This was a summer camp. everyday there were parties, and i didn’t know anyone there but they all were like, mostly very preppy and jocky. during two days there were pool parties. it was fun, there was dj with bangers, we played with inflated ball in big group, i played by myself or just chilled around, and also danced in water while others danced on land.
but the thing is.
one, i tied my hair in what i thought was just normal messy ponytail. but there is a reason why i never normally do it. it looked completely awful, as if i was a bog person who just woke up. like, imagine how you look when you don’t wash ur hair and additionally mess it around? it was worse than that. two, i forgot i had mascara, and it left me with panda eyes, adding more witch vibe to my look.three, the one-piece swimsuit i brought with me was,,, too short. i moved a Lot, and had to constantly fix it, tie it tigher, overall mess. i might possibly flashed my boobs few times to other ppl while jumping after the ball
on top of that, i’m just like, overall unattractive, very overweight and with least desirable body type ever. which is like, fine by me normally. but gkjdjglkdj combining it with “witch who just woke up” look and getting too nakey sometimes, it was DISASTER GJKLGDSLGJDGK i was surrounded by gorgeous people and i looked like that 🙊🙊🙊
everyone tried to stay away from me. and also before there was one dude who was like, orbitting around me before, going to same events and standing nearby and all, but after the Pool Look tm i’ve never seen him again AJHSFHGAJFSHAS
47. turn ons
that’s not something i want to share lmao. let’s just say, under certain specific conditions, women.
48. turn offs
eeeeee lots and lots of things, humans in general??
52. something i’m talented at
i think understanding stuff?? i have all grades good not bc of particularly good memory but bc i Get it
also i can emphatize with literally anyone’s situation and always try to understand where the other person is coming from
53. 5 things that make me happy
being validated and appreciated
getting Really into some piece of media
messing around with friends
54. something thats worrying me at the moment
how much things i have to catch up to, that i won’t manage them all. also my health, both psychical and physical, they’re spiralling both fast downward and idk what’s wrong or what to do D:
55. tumblr friends
eeeek i won’t tag them so they won’t have to read thru the ask
you’re my closest friend, but also my friends are: acespacecadet, mochiphantophive, korimi4, rose-tea-blend, bloodandhedonism, s-fellows-art
do people who i’m friends with elsewhere, but know n follow their tumblrs, count too? then it’s aria, tiki, tino, shine, elly, lunar, teacup, yim, laby, beck
59. why i joined tumblr
i was unaware of things like fandoms, ships etc existing outside my thoughts and random unaffiliated singular ppl, but after starting naruto i felt really strongly about sasusaku. and i when i searched for them while screaming cause this was really embarrassing, i found sasusaku-is-canon tumblr (or maybe without dashes??). i browsed thru it all. but also wanted to like or coment under certain things. so i made an account for that.
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anybody else experience this
so for context, for a very long time i haven’t had any kind of social media. if you wanted to talk to me you could either call me or email me and that was it. i wrote a lot of stories and poems during that time period and i didn’t show them to anybody. i got a couple of them published in little zines here and there but that was about it.
the concept of having to market myself as a writer is something that causes me genuine physical revulsion. i don’t think i have it in me to go through all that, literally all i care about is the writing. which is fine, possibly even a noble way for a writer to exist, whatever.
now that i have a tumblr and i am (ostensibly) putting my writing out there for people to see, though, i feel like i’m running into several issues that i didn’t anticipate, namely -
a. i wish more people were reading my novel & commenting on it, viscerally so. it kills me a little when i put a ton of work into a chapter and it gets like, idk, ten likes and maybe one person puts something in a comment or in the tags in a reblog. not to say that i don’t value those people who are reading my stuff, because i do consistently see the same people week after week in my notes on those posts and that does make me pretty profoundly happy...i just wish there were more.
b. i feel disgusting even expressing that sentiment because it feels to me like begging. like i may delete this post later it feels so pathetic.
c. i see no way to reasonably get more people interested in my novel without resorting to behavior i also find equally disgusting and pathetic.
so i’m stuck lmao. is it even reasonable for me to feel that way? i don’t know. i know i do put a decent amount of effort into Down the Rabbit Hole, at least to the best of my abilities, but effort doesn’t equal visibility, nor does it equal worthiness; maybe it’s just garbage but i don’t have the perspective to see that.
i think part of the issue is that it’s difficult to see just how many people i really am reaching - i’ve got almost 200 followers on here, and each chapter tends to get around ten likes and maybe a couple of reblogs - but how many people in total are reading it? how many people don’t have tumblr accounts and are following along invisibly? how many people read it and enjoy it but never interact in any way? i probably am never going to know the answer.
maybe there are better sites than tumblr i could have used for this but they each have their own issues. plus tumblr is fun, at least; i’m engaging with it a lot more this time around than i did the last time i had an account here, which was a really long time ago.
i think this is really just a logical conclusion to the decision i made when i got my degree and i looked at the state of publishing in the modern era and i said to my self ‘fuck that lmao i’m just going to write and not care about any of that shit.’ well, this is the conclusion - even if your writing is very good, if you don’t market it you aren’t going to reach a lot of people.
which brings me again to the question i’m struggling with - is it reasonable for me to want more attention? or have i made my bed and do i now need to go ahead and sleep in it?
i don’t know. writing Down the Rabbit Hole makes me happy in and of itself, but it’s a different kind of happy than seeing people fangirl over it. is it selfish of me to want that? or, more accurately, to want more of that? how much is enough? or now that i’ve started putting my writing out there (to an infinitesimal degree, to be fair), will any amount i get ever be enough? and is it even reasonable for me to express that desire, or will it seem too bald, too much like i’m begging for people to throw me a half-hearted anonymous ask out of pity or something like that?
these are questions that bother me, and i don’t have good answers to them.
on the bright side though, Down the Rabbit Hole is still probably the best experience I’ve had as a writer in a long time. I’ve never been this inspired or consistently productive with a story before, and I love that feeling. the question though, really, is going to be whether i post anything else on here after i’m done with it or if i go back to not posting anything anywhere. and that’s another question i don’t know the answer to.
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heyy xy its been a while again idk how long i wanted to send smth earlier but my brain wouldnt let me so:// im kinda Going Through It rn tho& surprise its abt my romanticality again but this time it has nothing to do w a crush. its ,, i was wondering how romantic attraction felt so i did a question thread on twitter but the answers ,, were all stuff ive felt ?? &i think maybe ive been thinking of romantic attraction wrong this whole time but ?? how do i know ?? -H (it is. frustrating)
its like ,, i love the idea of cuddling& holding hands& hugging& yes that could be platonic but ,, ive never kissed anyone but i think it could be smth i enjoy& maybe even smth i want but it wasnt ever anything i thought abt until now ,, recently ive kinda been wanting to date someone nonromantically ?? but how do i tell if the way i want it is romantically or not ?? romantic attraction is just a thing u feel right u dont get to decide whether or not its romantic attraction it just is right?? -H
&i have gotten my own version of crushes but its always ,, i just rly want to be their friend or in extreme cases just ,, like me the way i like them, like liking me best ig ?? but maybe i have wanted to date them& just didnt realize it ?? when i get crushes i think of them a lot& want to be around them& i get butterflies& all the things ppl say they get with romantic attraction. but then ill ask myself if its romantic& i just feel like No. It's not ??? -H
romantic attraction always just felt so ,, other ?? so even now that i realize what i want is what ppl who feel romantic attraction want it just doesnt feel right ?? ive never kissed anyone& ive never dated& maybe if i did those things id know ?? &sometimes ill wish i had a partner but like in a queerplatonic way i think ?? i just want to do traditionally romantic stuff but ,, without it being romantic ?? but thats not how it works is it ?? -H
like if u feel& want all the things that comes with romantic attraction then that means u experience them romantically ?? maybe ?? i cant wrap my head around wanting all those things but not romantically ?? bc romantic attraction is defined as wanting things like dating& kissing& cuddling - not some other alien feeling i thought so ?? maybe im greyromantic or lithromatic or bellusromantic but ?? how do i know ?? -H
maybe im just too young to completely know how i feel ?? maybe if i dated someone or kissed them id know ?? &i kinda rly want to do those things just to know how id feel bc im tired of not knowing im already confused abt my gender identity if i dont know my romanticality what do i know ?? -H
lmao so im over my crisis nvm -H
i dont remember exactly what i was saying but theres a difference between wanting those things& like ,, wanting them from a person yknow maybe i want to be kissed but only theoretically bc who do i want to kiss me then ?? any strong feelings usually fade when i get to know the person so. also apparently romantic attraction is Not just wanting those things apparently theres supposed to be a feeling that comes with it idk -H
help i found u on tiktok while looking through aroace tiktoks skjdjk i saw u& i was like xy ?!?!! u exist in places outside of tumblr ?!?!??! unbelievable -H
i saw ur undertale hcs tiktok& i highkey panicked bc ive been hyperfixating on undertale for like ,, a month now, so it was my 2 favorite things : aspec hcs& undertale. personally i see papyrus as aroace bc of his whole speech after ur date with him& its like ,, a v v important hc to me bc hes the only character ive ever felt i had representation in sjdhfks idk hes like my comfort character now -H
aahhh but yea ive been hyperfixating on undertale so badly but :/ we lost our switch :/ so i couldnt play :/// i had to resort to watching playthroughs on yt. i have watched dan& phils playthrough 3 times& i am going on a 4th. luckily we did find our switch !! &i cant wait until i get papyrus' phone number so i can go through every room& call him& then befriend undyne& go through all the rooms& call him again to see if the responses have changed -H
I’m So Sorry it took me literally like 2 months to answer these, I promise i wasn’t ignoring you, I just have Stupid Brain!!
Imma be honest with you, romantic attraction is so confusing, and I can’t say I understand it myself. Also, that’s totally how it works. You can do romantically-coded actions with a queerplatonic partner and not have it be romantic at all. Sure, kissing and dating and cuddling are romantically-coded, but that doesn’t mean you have to be in a romantic relationship to do them; doing those things in a queerplatonic sense and not having any romantic emotions in it is totally valid. You can want all these things and still not have/experience romantic attraction. Take all the time you need to figure it out, though. I may tell everyone I’m grayro, but for sure that does not mean that I have it all figured out. I just say that because it’s the closest to whatever confusing feelings I’ve had lol. It takes time to work these things out, just do what feels right for you. You don’t need to force yourself into a romantic situation just to try and see if you’re aro. Honestly, to me? Nothing you’ve described seems inherently romantic. That all seems like it’s queerplatonic or just platonic.
Lol, yes I exist in places outside of tumblr on occasion. Tbh, since we all know I have no time-management skills, tiktok is a little bit why I’ve been so absent around here lately lol. I was focusing a lot on building my account and content there, but I really miss everyone over here and i miss writing my fanfics so I am Back and I’m gonna try and split my time better, now! Undertale is such a valid thing to fixate on, and Paps is such a valid comfort character. Aroace Paps is so valid, I only said grayroace Paps because 1) brain said “make him you” lol and 2) sometimes I think Papyrus/Mettaton can be cute if done right. And yeah, it’s so fun going through the rooms and just calling them lol
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BnHA Chapter 291: The Endeavor Pamphlet
Previously on BnHA: Dabi showed up atop Gigantomachia’s back and was all “you’ll never guess who I really am!” and the readers humored him and were all “who?” and he was all “TODOROKI TOUYA” and we were all “WOW └(・。・)┘ OH MY GOSH I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED”, except for Shouto and Enji who were GENUINELY SHOCKED. Anyway so Touya was all “and guess what I’m doing right now!” and before anyone could even try, he was all, “STREAMING MY EMMY-NOMINATED MINISERIES ‘HELLO, I’M EVIL BUT ALSO TRAGIC AND SEXY, NOW LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY DAD WHO SUCKS’’, THAT’S WHAT.” And everyone was all “oh my god” and Touya was all “ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ♪” for basically the rest of the chapter, and that’s pretty much it! Oh, wait, except for the part where he also doused himself in bleach in a fit of pure theatrics, which is actually pretty much the main takeaway from the entire chapter really because it was just wild af. ANYWAYS.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi introduces Baby Touya, the world’s most enchantingly sweet character, and is immediately all, “I sure can’t wait to tell you guys all about how his fucking jaw burnt off.” Thankfully he doesn’t (YET), and we cut back to the present pretty quickly, where Dabi explains how he took all of his brain cells that should have been used to stop him from pouring bleach over his head, and instead put them all toward his big brain plot of releasing an elaborate video detailing Endeavor’s various abuses and crimes, and even throwing Hawks under the bus as well because WHY NOT. He then leaps off of Gigantomachia’s back (like I said, no brain cells) all set to blast them with a Prominence Burn, only to be stopped by none other than THE LEGEND HIMSELF, MOTHERFUCKING BEST, PRETTIEST, NICEST, MOST OUTSTANDING MOTHERFUCKING JEANIST. Who’s no doubt outraged by the crime against hair he witnessed only moments earlier. GO GETTIM JEANY BOI.
so I haven’t had time to answer any of them because this has been the stupidest week, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I received no fewer than nine asks about Dabi’s hair. which, in a week filled with election memes and tumblr’s most cursed fandom briefly rising back up from the dead, is a pretty impressive feat for him if you ask me. like, I know I was making fun of it basically nonstop, but it sure did generate a lot of discussion so maybe I should rethink my opinions on Dabi’s PR strategies now, idk
anyway. it’s Saturday. time to catch up on this shit. let’s see how fucked the Todorokis are
OH NO HE’S CUTE
HOLY SHIT THIS IS TOO MUCH TO FUCKING PROCESS. I’M JUST TRYING TO ENJOY MY DAY HORIKOSHI, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO TRAUMATIZE THIS POOR CHILD RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD
“thanks for being all right” the fuck
who allowed this child to be so cute. I’m serious. who signed off on this
how could a child this adorable possibly want to murder his equally adorable baby brother. please, your honor. there must be some mistake here
guess how prepared I am to read all about Touya’s tragic past. mm. that’s right. zero ready. none ready
anyway. TWO THOUSAND DEGREES LOLOLOL. NO TRACE OF A CORPSE HOW CONVENIENT. A PIECE OF HIS LOWER JAW BONE FFFFMSGHKLSh. LOVELY. LOVELY
listen you guys. I just want to take a moment to appreciate that Horikoshi Kouhei did one of two things here. either (1) he planned it out FROM THE VERY START that Touya would be born with red hair Because Fire Powers, but would then have his hair turn white due to trauma, thus making the Dabi/Touya connection very slightly less obvious, although Let’s Be Real Who Are We Kidding. OR, (2) the anime got it wrong and gave him red hair, and rather than allowing this plot hole to continue to exist, Horikoshi took it upon himself to concoct this elaborate storyline and pretend it was never a plot hole at all! in which case I sure hope someone at Bones is sending him a VERY nice Christmas card this year. got this man sweeping up all your messes for you. you’re just lucky he has some sort of wild compulsion to address these things
FATHER AND SON. how sweet. :| still zero percent ready for any of this btw
STOP BEING CUTE
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW. HE IS THE SINGLE CUTEST CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, and do you even know how many other baby characters I’m betraying in order to say that?! baby Kacchan, baby Deku, baby Ochako, baby Shouto, Eri, baby Hawks. I’M LOOKING YOU DEAD IN THE EYE RIGHT NOW AND TELLING YOU THAT BABY TOUYA IS CUTER THAN ALL OF THOSE PLEBS. AND YOU’RE LOOKING BACK AT ME RIGHT NOW ALL “YEAH IT SURE IS A PITY ABOUT HIS JAW MELTING OFF THOUGH.” THAT’S IT, I QUIT THE SERIES
and Enji’s smiling at him. he’s so proud of him. but then Touya won’t be able to do it, and Enji’s gonna stop training him, and Touya’s gonna feel like a failure and keep pushing himself in order to try and win his dad’s affections back, because that’s all kids fucking want, all they want is just love, that’s fucking it, you couldn’t just give him that?? and then he’s gonna immolate himself fflkdlskfh THERE YOU SEE HORIKOSHI, I KNOW THE WHOLE STORY ALREADY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE “SHOW THEM THE DEAD DOG” THING YET AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT
OH SNAP THERE GOES THE TWIN THEORY. R.I.P.
BABY FUYUMI. PRETTY CUTE. NOT AS CUTE AS TOUYA THOUGH. HEY LOOK, NO REASON TO GET MAD AT ME I’M JUST STATING A FACT HERE
YEAH THIS IS GONNA GO REAL WELL OH BOY
I keep pressing the emergency stop button but this industrial tragedy machine just keeps on chugging along anyway, I’m pretty sure this thing is not up to code
:| I am so sorry sweet boy, Horikoshi is only getting started with you
FUCKING HELL WITH THIS NARRATION
but he wasn’t actually a child to you, he was just a little puppet child for you to live vicariously through!! and then you went and did the same fucking thing with Shouto afterwards and never learned your lesson until just six months ago!! fucking hell, Enji
so now he’s all “Touya is dead, that’s an unforgivable lie” fflkdhflk motherfucker does he look dead to you. if you really think that, tumblr and twitter have got a little over five years’ worth of archived theory posts to show you
oh shit Touya’s countering with “it’s an unforgivable truth”, which, damn. I actually think Horikoshi’s dialogue is one of his weaker points as a writer a lot of the time, but that comeback was snappy as fuck
actually guys, now that I’ve seen how ridiculously fucking cute baby!Touya was, I can almost understand why Shouto and Enji never put the pieces together before lol. any passing similarities would have easily been dismissed on account of he’d need to be at least 10x more adorable in order to get the full resemblance
OH MY GOD
NOW YOU SLEEP??? SO YOU POINT BLANK REFUSED TO PASS OUT WHILE YOU WERE BUSY MAIMING ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, BUT NOW THAT THERE’S AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE YOUR REACTION TO THE “YOUR LIEUTENANT WAS SECRETLY RELATED TO ONE OF YOUR WORST ENEMIES THE WHOLE TIME” BOMBSHELL, YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO GET YOUR FORTY WINKS. I SEE
I’M SURPRISED YOU DIDN’T ALREADY HAVE YOUR ANCESTRY.COM RESULTS PRINTOUT READY TO FOLD INTO A PAPER AIRPLANE AND ZOOM ON DOWN TO HIM
gotta say, so far The Endeavor Pamphlet is just about as spicy as I could have hoped
(ETA: Natsuo’s face as he watches his beloved dead brother come back to life only to literally and metaphorically set everything on fire in one fell swoop is :/. why must you do this to me Natsu. can’t you see I’m trying to throw a Welcome Back Jeanist party here.)
HAVE YOU READ THIS?! TODOROKI ENJI ABUSED HIS OWN HEIR, AND DABI WROTE IT DOWN RIGHT THERE
WELL HE’S NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT
btw I neglected to mention this last week, but yes I do recognize and appreciate that this is Can’t Ya See-kun himself whom Horikoshi has chosen to be the face of this existential crisis which the general public is about to experience. rip CYS-kun
excuse me. putting aside the implications of Dabi sharing this context-less murder video of Hawks with the entire world for a moment, I just have to pause for a sec here, because when exactly did he get a chance to edit this all in?? complete with voiceover that seamlessly ties in with the prerecorded footage of him with DNA test results sans shirt?? you’re telling me this motherfucker, with all the smoke that was in the room thanks to his own quirk, somehow got a PERFECT SHOT of the PRECISE MOMENT when Hawks drove his feather knife into Jin’s back, using his MAGIC CAMERA THAT HE I GUESS HAD THE ENTIRE TIME IN THE POUCH RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BLEACH BOTTLE, and then immediately somehow got this very next shot as well FROM AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE
ALL THE WHILE IMMEDIATELY RUNNING THROUGH SCRIPT REVISIONS IN HIS HEAD, WHICH HE THEN PROCEEDED TO RECORD... WHERE, EXACTLY?? WITH SKEPTIC, WHILST RIDING ON MACHIA’S BACK??
AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???
and this after I just wrote that whole long paragraph positively GLOWING about this man’s ability to plug up a plot hole. jfc. just scratch out every damn word I said lol. just forget all of it
are you fucking kidding me, the footage was from the cameras Skeptic planted on Hawks??
that’s... actually... okay you know what, it still doesn’t make any sense in the slightest, but the determination to address it nonetheless... just, dammit... I feel like I’m constantly at war with myself over whether or not I want to shake this man’s hand or slap him lmao. whatever, then!!
anyway, since Shouto and Enji can’t actually see the damage that Touya is dealing to the hero industry even as they speak, Touya is taking it upon himself to give them the highlights
I think it’s a testament to how much Endeavor cares about Hawks that he managed to zero in on that comment even amidst all the craziness of his eldest son returning from the dead to announce how he’s been carefully plotting their destruction for years and years. like, he heard “Hawks” and his face immediately went like that. you think he’s worried that Dabi did something to him? because he’d be right to worry lol
so the Endeavor Pamphlet narration is now explaining all about how Hawks totally killed the Number 3 Hero Best Jeanist as well! yep... he sure did... totally...
OH MY GOD WE’RE CUTTING TO HIM AHHHHH
Hawks, that is. lol. not Jeanist. NO, JUST MY POOR HALF-DEAD WINGLESS BABY SON
NOOOOO HIS LITTLE WING STUMPS. BUT SOMEHOW HIS FACIAL HAIR IS STILL INTACT. OH TO BE AN ANIME PRETTY BOY BEING SET ON FIRE. “HEY, TAKE IT EASY, WATCH THE FACE”
EXCUSE ME WHAT
interesting! we suspected as much, I think, with the clues that Ending dropped, and the little flashback right after the name reveal. still not clear how Dabi found out about it though!
looooool okay here we go, breaking out the heavy-handed holier-than-thou shit now
you know, I do find it interesting how trying to model themselves after All Might’s noble Symbol of Peace image has kind of ended up being the heroes’ undoing here. like, I could write a whole essay on this, but what it basically boils down to is that they were all trying too hard to be perfect. All Might went out there and did his thing and was amazing, and so the powers-that-be built an entire system centered around this seemingly-infallible person, and they acted like the system was infallible as well. and so most of the population ended up becoming complacent over the years, and meanwhile the people who were unfortunate enough to fall through the cracks understandably wound up disillusioned and perceiving the heroes as these false idols
anyway, but I think one positive takeaway from this is that the new up-and-coming generation of heroes represent a breakaway from that system. like, imo what we’re witnessing is the downfall of the Perfect Hero, and the rise of the imperfect hero. and this new generation doesn’t shy away from their failures or pretend like they never happened. they pretty much can’t pretend, because their failures are all right out there in the open for everyone to see. Bakugou Katsuki, just to name one example off the top of my very biased head, has had his own personal character journey basically play out right in front of the media’s eyes. his humiliation at the sports festival, his kidnapping by the League, and all of the fallout afterward. this isn’t someone who can ever go out there and convince the world that he’s perfect. but what he can do, instead, is show the world that he’s trying. that he’s trying with everything he has to do his best, to be the best. rather than this untouchable godlike image, it’s instead the image of someone painfully human who is nonetheless striving with everything he’s got to keep moving forward, flaws and all, and work his way to the top
and ultimately I think that’s going to be a much more positive image to send out to the world when all’s said and done. because rather than merely inspiring awe, heroes like that inspire people to take action themselves. or at least that’s what I hope! and not just Bakugou, but the others as well. we’ve got Shouto, whose own personal trauma is being aired in front of the whole nation even as I sit here ranting. we’ve got Deku, who cries at the drop of a hat, and who fought to become a hero despite being quirkless (and I think it’s only a matter of time before that eventually becomes public knowledge as well). tl;dr because I’m getting way too long-winded here, but these kids have effectively been humanized in a way that the old generation never was, and I think that’ll go a long way towards building trust between them and the people they’ll someday be protecting, and inspiring the next generation in hopefully a much healthier way
anyway so where were we. ...oh yes, Dabi was explaining that heroes only protect themselves, and is presumably building up to his grand conclusion of “therefore you should all just let the villains take over and burn down the world”
omfg. YOU GUYS
DOES CAN’T YA SEE-KUN’S SHARK FRIEND ACTUALLY CALL HIM “CAN’T YA SEE-KUN.” HE HAS A NAME YOU KNOW!! UNLESS HE LEGALLY GOT HIS NAME CHANGED TO CAN’T YA SEE-KUN. OH MY GOD
ALSO, IS THAT CAN’T YA SEE-KUN CRYING IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT THERE OMG. GIVE THIS CHILD A HUG. EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND HUG HIM
BAKUGOU IS BARELY HANGING ON THERE LOL. GOTTA STAY CONSCIOUS... SO MUCH TEA BEING SPILLED... FOCUS... CONCENTRATE
IIDA’S ANGLING HIS HEAD IN A WEIRD WAY, LIKE DUDE. LOOKING SUSPICIOUSLY SNUGGLY THERE. MMM THESE IIDABAKU CRUMBS
HADOU IS ALL “WHAT EVEN IS ACTUALLY GOING ON” LMAO
LASTLY, POOR SHOUTO OMFG. WHEN YOU’RE ALL FINISHED HUGGING CYS-KUN THIS CHILD NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION!!
so now Dabi’s leaping off of this ninety-foot-tall gargoyle man like that’s a normal, smart thing to do. unless he can fly too now? saw his dad doing it back at Fukuoka and was all “hmm”
OH MY GOD SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT WORD SHOUTO IS USING TO ADDRESS ENJI, THESE TRANSLATIONS LOVE TO MESS WITH MY HEAD
ENJI GET MOVING DO YOU NOT SEE THOSE TEARS!!! SNAP OUT OF IT YOU BIG TREE
OH KACCHAN YOU WOKE UP A LITTLE MORE THERE, HUH
lol he and Deku both look so determined but they’re basically sitting ducks. their “oh shit” faces do look remarkably like their “TIME TO SWING INTO ACTION” faces but don’t be fooled, they have one good arm and about six pints of blood left between the two of them. looks like this one’s all on you Shouto
-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --
BAH GOD... WHAT’S GOING ON HERE... THAT’S BEST JEANIST’S MUSIC
y’all. can’t even talk right now, my brain has completely shut down lol. just. ...
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𑁍 MARK LEE┊ 𝒔𝒊𝒙𝒕𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒔, 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 / one ˎˊ˗
𑁍 summary : the one where mark lee time travels back and forth throughout the past and future with his crush, (y/n) ˎˊ˗
𑁍 pairing : mark lee x older!reader (by like three years lmao) ˎˊ˗
𑁍 word count : 6.7k ˎˊ˗
𑁍 genre : fluff, comedy (i hope??), minimal angst, time travel!au ˎˊ˗
𑁍 warnings : swearing, unrequited love (i know that shit hurts omg), my humour is ass, mark gives me slight second hand embarrassment in this, bad writing??, i gave up like halfway through this lol, first time writing a fic like this pls have mercy, it’s almost 2:30 am i'm too tired to proof read fuck ˎˊ˗
𑁍 a/n : first chapter of my first ever fic on here hehe - idk when the next chapter might come tbh but hopefully i’ll continue this series for my own enjoyment! in the meantime, uni still kicks my ass >:(( but anyway, enjoy and i hope that at least someone will find joy with this! ˎˊ˗
[ 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬 : 𝗗𝗔𝗬 𝟬 ]
when your pastor dad’s best friend was the biggest nerd in high school and became an eccentric scientist
O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are!
If he could write like that, maybe Mark wouldn't need to be here in this boring literature class of his. Don't get him wrong, he liked writing, and he liked the way he could express his emotions through a pen and paper. But for the twenty-one-year-old boy who could barely sit still in one place without his mind wandering off into four different dimensions, it was hard to be interested in whatever the professor was rambling on about. Maybe Professor Jung was telling the story of how she met Dylan Thomas' widow's sister's friend's cousin, and how much of an artistic impact it had on her. She had told the story a good three times in the past two months - Mark kept count.
Yeah, writing was fun and all, but literature class specifically was boring and dull to him. "Oh but Mark, why take this course then?" one might ask. But one should also know that it was a necessary course if Mark wanted to earn his oh-so-coveted diploma.
Curse him for majoring in creative writing. His dad always did wonder why writers even bother writing when the bible exists.
But maybe one day, an hour and a half of John Keats would produce him some ideas for a romantic poem that he could write and gift off to his love of seven years... and counting.
(Y/N), the shiniest of all pearls and the most beautiful of all Mona Lisa's, the older woman and her beauty often left Mark stunned and helplessly in love. He first met her when he was fourteen, when she had been introduced as his seventeen-year-old tutor. She was so pretty back then, and still was now. In fact, it was as if she didn't age at all!
Someone who resembled a goddess like (Y/N) deserved only the most romantic of all romantic poems, and Mark Lee made it a mission to be the one to write it for her. He was so helplessly in love with her that he was able to channel his feelings for her into five different written forms: poems, song lyrics, an 'A for effort?' drawing of her, letters, and anonymous blog posts about how "unrequited love hurts".
Sure, those blog posts were anonymous, but as good as Mark thought he was at hiding his feelings for her, everybody in town and their ancestors' spirits knew about the big crush Mark had on her. But no one bothered to tell (Y/N) about her not-so-secret admirer and nobody bothered to let Mark know that his mysterious crush wasn’t as well-kept to himself as he thought it was.
But it was cute. Not the part where Mark slowly died on the inside as each day passed without his feelings being returned (that was pretty sad, everybody acknowledged), but the part where the adoration in his eyes were so clear for (Y/N). Legend went that he held stars in his eyes whenever his gaze rested on the older woman - like, actual stars from the galaxy. Or so the first-hand accounts go.
Mark Lee was a talented and hardworking boy, that much was a shared sentiment by everybody in town. He excelled at all subjects, mowed the lawn twice just because he thought he missed a spot, gave it his all at church every Sunday by rapping and dancing in the name of Jesus Christ until he was reduced to sweat and threatening to rip his dress shirt off - he was a jack of all trades. There were even rumours that whenever it was time for a 'Make a Wish' patient to... make a wish in heaven, he would dress up as Spiderman and visit them in the hospital to make their final dreams come true. So maybe that's why it was so endearing, his one-sided love for his noona. If there was one person who could jump over that hurdle of "just friends" and out of the friend zone, it had to be Mark, the boy who's always gave it his all in everything ever since he moved here from Canada when he was twelve. It was one thing to have this crush that you desperately wanted to be returned, but it was another to have the whole town cheering for you - it said a lot about Mark's character.
Which is why! There was no other perfect test subject for Scientist Kim, the local eccentric scientist who was obsessed with creating his "next big invention". He also happened to be the best friend of the town's pastor (weird combination, everybody knows), courtesy of their high school days and a misunderstanding over a carton of milk. The town's pastor also oh-so-coincidentally happened to be Mark's father, who had lived in Korea for all his life until he moved to Canada so his wife could give birth to baby Mark. He ended up moving back to his hometown, however, thus creating a new relationship between his best friend and son.
Now Scientist Kim - who liked to go by "Cabbage" as a homage to his idol, Charles Babbage - didn’t really care about Mark's painful one-sided love, but he knew the boy could never say no to his father's best friend from high school, so there was no one better to try out his experiments and inventions than Mark. Like, there was literally no one else at all - the whole town swore Cabbage was out of his mind and were still waiting for the day the newspaper would come out with a headline that he's been charged with involuntary manslaughter. Everybody would be disappointed, but not surprised. But such an incident hadn’t happened yet, so for now, Cabbage was still freely working hard everyday to successfully complete and unveil the invention that would propel him to "the front page of every science magazine and a Nobel Prize in Physics".
And it just so happened to be today, October 30th 2020, when Mark received a phone call from his dad's best friend in the middle of class. He was glad he kept his phone on vibrate, but god, was it distracting. To answer or not to? Why now of all times? Right, he forgot that some people don't have anything else to do with their lives other than... creating things that usually end up on fire by the end of it. You know, now that he thought back on it, the last time Mark willingly participated in Cabbage's experiment which involved some tinfoil, antennas, and laser beam machining, it left Mark's right shoe on fire - thank God he had brought a fire extinguisher over to Cabbage’s house with him.
Just that memory alone convinced Mark to ignore the call, nearly forgetting about it once it had stopped ringing if not for the fact he received another call just seconds later. "What is this, an infatuation?" Mark grumbled to himself, before glancing up at the front to see if Professor Jung was distracted enough for him to take this call without her noticing. It didn't help that he sat three rows away from the front. But she still seemed to be rambling on about how much she loved Dylan Thomas' works, and that was a sign for him to accept the call. He kept his voice to a hushed whisper, however, "Hello-"
"Mark! You have to come over!" There was no way Professor Jung did not hear that screech that came from his phone. He glanced up nervously, noticing his classmate's startled gazes on him. But his eyes wandered over to the front, and judging by how Professor Jung was now going on about Dylan Thomas' "attractive appearance", it seemed he was in the safe for now.
"Cabbage, I'm in class, so could you keep it down?" Mark hissed quietly into the phone.
"Right, right, sorry!" While he was still loud even after lowering his voice down, it was more than quiet enough for Professor Jung not to notice, thankfully. "Mark, I've just completed my latest invention. But this isn't just any invention, it's the invention of both my - and everybody's dreams!"
Mark would be mildly curious if not for the fact that Cabbage said that about every invention of his, but he figured that his dad was going to urge him to go anyway, even if Mark didn’t want to. "But he's my best friend, Mark!" Jeez, because how could he possibly say no to the power of friendship?
"Mark? Boy? You still there?" Cabbage’s voice pulled Mark out of his thoughts, and the boy could do nothing but sigh. This was just going to be like every other time - he’d be introduced to some machine that supposedly did one thing, said machine would catch on fire the next minute, and it would all result in Mark going home an hour later.
"Fine, I'll be there. After class in like, half an hour." Mark reassured the scientist, and he swore, he could hear something catching on fire in the background.
"Great!" He then heard rushed footsteps and... a fire extinguisher? "See you then!" And the call ended.
He just couldn’t wait.
When visitors would come to the humble town of Uicheon (의천), located just thirty minutes away by car from the bustling capital city, Seoul, the first thing they would notice was how much the town gave off Suburban American vibes, like walking through a town where the main characters of some random Disney high school movie lived. All single detached houses, varying in style from Country French to Cape Cod with recent contemporary and modern upgrades to those houses by residents who wanted to "spice it up".
Uicheon was a town seen by others where most of the population was upper-middle class. There was nothing wrong with that at all, and actually, the residents of Uicheon were both happy and welcoming of anybody and anyone who stepped foot into town or even took an interest in moving, no matter of their social or economic status.
If anything, the residents of Uicheon - the ones who've lived in the town for longer than ten years at least - were often worried that those who did show interest of moving in inevitably get... scared off. By one particular daunting house.
It was a beautiful town. No seriously, Uicheon had been mentioned on multiple "Top 5 beautiful towns just outside of Seoul that you should visit!" lists published on the internet. And in the beautiful small town where all the houses provide comfort and beauty, surrounded by flowers on nearly every available patch of grass like something straight out of a magazine, there stood a modern house - the only completely modern house in the town - its exterior all... black. Even the big windows were tinted black, and it was obvious that the house stuck out like a sore thumb. Sometimes, the local kids told stories of how the house was abandoned, and was home to a ghost with a vengeful spirit inside who wanted to steal your teeth. The residents of Uicheon had gotten used to the house's presence already, but it didn’t stop the mutual sentiment of "...really?" amongst them.
And currently, Mark stood in front of its black front doors, ringing the black doorbell and covering his ears as trumpets echoed from inside the house, playing to the tune of the guitar solo of Gun N' Roses' 'Sweet Child O' Mine.' Only seconds later, did the door swing open, revealing a robot, half of Mark's height. "SCANNING FACE... HELLO M-A-R-K, MARK." It greeted, well, robotically.
"Hey, Edison," Mark greeted the robot nonchalantly, walking in and shutting the door behind him, "where's Cabbage?" He asked as he took off his shoes and placed it on the nearby shoe rack.
"LOCATING THE DOCTOR..." Edison's eyes turned yellow, colour blinking repeatedly until it turned into a green light and stayed like that. "DOCTOR LOCATED - HE IS IN HIS LABORATORY DOWNSTAIRS."
Because was it really surprising that the house belonged to a guy who invented things for a living and went by the name of a vegetable in a bizarre way to honour his idol?
"Got it, I'll go meet up with him then." Mark informed, heading down the hall until he reached the black spiral staircase that led both to the third floor and bottom floor. It was really nice up there on the third floor though; Mark had been there before and it even came with a movie room! Too bad Cabbage rarely used it because he "doesn't have time for action sequences". So Mark, being the loyal lab assistant/test subject he was, headed down instead to the bottom floor, where he was greeted by a hallway that was lined up with pictures of old men on the walls. "My inspirations!" Cabbage would say. Among them were the likes of Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison (who he named his robot after, clearly), Nikola Tesla... you got the drift.
Regardless, Mark never stayed in the hall longer than he needed to - he wasn’t sure if portraits of old men who were dead by now staring at him was exactly his kind of vibe.
At the very end of the hall, all that awaited him was a grey metallic door that had some vapour seeping through the narrow space at the bottom of it. "Shit, I didn't bring a fire extinguisher today..." Mark cursed, grabbing onto the straps of his backpacks and readjusting it on his shoulders. "It's okay, Mark. He hasn't killed you before, so he can't kill you today...?" He wasn’t sure what the logic behind that thought was but you couldn’t blame him for trying to... reassure himself for whatever was about to come beyond those doors. It was funny to him; he had been the lab rat of many of Cabbage's crazy experiments and inventions, yet he kept coming back and every time he did, the jitters were always there.
Maybe it wasn’t because he was scared of death. Because he wasn’t - his father always drilled the idea into his head that God would welcome him with open arms when the time came. At the very least, if Mark died - most likely because of one of these experiments and inventions - he'd be bringing Cabbage with him. But hey, that was beyond the point.
If not the fear of death, then what? Maybe, just maybe... one of these days, one of Cabbage's revolutionary inventions would actually be successful. That for all of the craziness that's going on inside the mad scientist's head, it would finally pay off.
If only he knew when.
Mark reached for the handle and twisted it, pulling the door open and nearly coughing when a whole cloud of mist and vapour rushed at him. "Jeez, Cabbage, what are you doing this time?" Mark coughed into his arm as he took a step into the laboratory. He actually couldn't see the scientist at first, waving his hand around in hopes that he'd be able to swat away the mist and vapour. The space around him eventually did clear, though, revealing...
Instead of the usual grand machine that looked like it was taped together, Mark was greeted with... a clear space. The scientist was over at his desk just up a set of stairs that led to a second floor within the big room. "Cabbage!" Mark called after him, waving his hands to get his attention.
Whatever the scientist was busy doing, it was important enough to leave Mark ignored for a good five seconds. It left him pouting, though the scientist eventually did glance over at the boy, his eyes widening behind his circular glasses. "Mark, boy, there you are!" Cabbage sprang out of his seat, quickly rushing down to the boy he had called over. He held some sort of watch in his hands, like it was the most precious thing in the world. Jeez, since when did Cabbage wear Rolex? "Took you long enough! I was bouncing in my seat waiting for you to come over! But in the meantime, I was able to complete another one after confirming my calculations for the twenty-seventh time..."
One thing that nobody wanted to do was sit through Cabbage's rambling, prompting Mark to speak up. "Whoa, calm down, Cabbage. What's going on? Where's your invention?"
"Oh Mark, you're looking at it." Cabbage held out the watch and Mark raised an eyebrow.
"That small thing?" Mark narrowed his eyes at the watch in the scientist's hand. "Are you sure? Last time I came in for one of your creations, it was twice my size and almost killed me." But knowing the kind of person Cabbage was, Mark wouldn't be too surprised if this little watch managed to wreck havoc as well. How ironic it would be, for something so small to cause so much chaos.
Cabbage shook his head, meeting Mark's gaze with oddly serious eyes. "Mark, the creation I hold in my hand can - and will - change the world. If left in the wrong hands, everything could collapse. Society will crumble, the universe will be left in a never-ending stream of terror, reality will no longer exist, the concept of time will-"
"Okay, okay," Mark was left, once again, trying to calm down the frantic scientist, "Cabbage, deep breaths. Tell me, what did you create?" It couldn't be that bad that it left the older man going on some admittedly fear-inducing rant.
"A time travel machine."
One Mississippi, two Mississippi...
"Alright, I'll see you next time then, Cabbage." And almost immediately, Mark turned on his heel, prepared to just dip out of there.
"Wait, no, Mark!" The scientist called after the boy, grabbing a hold of his sleeve, "Please, hear me out!"
"Time travel, Cabbage!" Mark whirled around, disbelief painted in his features. "Do you even hear yourself right now? That's impossible! This is impossible! Listen, I'm fine with being your test subject but even I have to put my foot down somewhere when things get a bit too crazy!"
Despite Mark's reasonable concerns, Cabbage really didn't feel like letting his lab assistant slip away from the tip of his fingers, especially now of all times. "Come on, Mark! Twenty-seven times! I checked my calculations twenty-seven times! Don't let my hard work go down the drain!"
"Then do it yourself! Time travel yourself!" Mark exclaimed.
"I can't! I need you to go so I can stay behind and collect all the data while making sure you don't get stuck in the future or something!" Cabbage explained.
Unfortunately, Mark's face still showed utter disbelief. "You know, this really doesn't help your case, Cabbage!"
"Fine! We'll do this the fair way then!" Cabbage shouted, holding his fist out.
"Are you serious? Rock, paper, scissors?!" Mark cried out, covering his eyes. If there was one thing he couldn't say no to, it was rock, paper, scissors. Why? Maybe because he boasts a seven-hundred-fifty-two win record, with a mere twenty-one losses in the game. As you could probably assume, Mark was the undisputed rock, paper, scissors king in Uicheon, and only two kinds of people would dare challenge him in the game when it came to bets. Those who were bold and those who were desperate.
"I mean it, Mark! If you win, you can walk right out that door and never look back. I won't force this onto you. But if I win..." If Cabbage won, "you have to at least give this experiment a thought."
"Wait, that's it?" Mark uncovered his eyes, surprise in his voice. But hey, it wasn't a bad deal at all - in fact, the opposite. If Mark won - which he was pretty much guaranteed to - he could leave. If he didn't, he could pretend he thought it over and just say no in the end. "Well shit, say no more, Cabbage." And out Mark's fist went. “On shoot?”
"On shoot." The scientist confirmed, the two men placing their fists behind their backs.
"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"
Rock for Mark, and... rock for Cabbage.
"You got lucky." Mark rolled his shoulders back. "But this is it." And back their fists went behind them.
"Rock, paper, scissors... shoot!!"
Scissors for Mark, and... rock for Cabbage.
"I won..." Cabbage glanced down at his fist, mouth left agape, "I-I won! Against you!"
Yikes, better make that record seven-hundred-fifty-two wins to twenty-two losses now.
"I-I..." Mark was still in disbelief, for a totally different reason now, however. "I... I lost?" Under such circumstances too... but seriously! Time travel was a bit too much! "H-Hey, that doesn't mean I'm going to be going through with this! Remember, you said if you won, you'd let me think about it!" Mark reminded.
"Yeah, but only because I didn't think I'd actually win!" Cabbage snorted, shaking his head as he tucked the watch safely in the pocket of his white lab coat. "But I am a man of my word, so I'll give you some time to think about it. How about until the end of the day?" He suggested.
"That's a bit too soon, don't you think?" Mark frowned, not really liking the idea of being forced into a decision so quickly.
"Sorry, is that loser talk?" God, that damn Cabbage always knew how to get under Mark's skin.
"Fine, by the end of the day. But don't be surprised if my answer doesn't change." Mark warned. "Now if that's it, I'll be going." Mark huffed, turning around and heading to the door once more. This time, the scientist let him go, but not without some parting words.
"See you soon, Mark."
(Y/N) doesn't know where her life went wrong.
Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration and a dramatic one as well, but it didn't change the fact that instead of living out in the city and pursuing her dream as a world renown film director, she was stuck in her small hometown, working full-time at a film-rental store.
What was even the point of this store anyway? Everything was online nowadays anyway - who did the owner think he was, trying to compete with Netflix?
"One Mississippi, two Mississippi..." (Y/N) mumbled to herself from behind the counter, staring dully at the analog clock hung just above the front doors. An analog clock - what year was this again?
"(Y/N)," the voice of the store's owner, Mr. Yoon, was a less than welcoming disruption to her daily "clock-watching" (as she termed it herself), but at least it was a good way to remind her that the day was almost over, "did the kids all go home already?"
(Y/N) nodded, reaching below into the counter for a piece of paper with names and times. "Yup, Jungwoo and Sungchan just finished their shifts half an hour ago." She pointed to their names on the paper, "Signed out here."
"Great. You're in charge of closing up for today then, I have business in the city." Mr. Yoon informed, proudly readjusting his grip on the handles of his briefcase.
"Godspeed, Mr. Yoon." (Y/N) nodded, watching as the man left with a nod. And as the doors closed behind him, the female found herself alone in the store. All alone... which actually wasn't even that uncommon.
(Y/N); twenty-four years old, graduated from a local college two years ago with a degree in Film Studies with hopes of eventually entering the field of film-making and directing. She had high hopes, especially when she graduated. "To the city and A-list I go!" She could remember cheering that day in her car, diploma in hand and graduation gown still on.
But somebody must have forgotten to tell her that the university you went to mattered - and just how competitive the job market was for... pretty much every job.
Now this wasn't to say the college she attended was bad or anything, it just wasn't... one of the SKY universities. And before she knew it, when it came time for job hunting, the positions were constantly being filled out by "better candidates" and after a certain amount of "we regret to inform you"s, (Y/N) decided to go back home.
Home, in the beautiful yet small town of Uicheon. All she wanted was to make it big, live in a nice condo in Seoul and shop at luxury brands. Yet now, she found herself wearing what was possibly a ten-year-old uniform from the back storage with a name tag that was always tilted at a forty-five degree angle no matter how many times she tried to fix it.
But don't get her wrong! She hadn't given up yet - she absolutely would not! Her films might not be playing in theatres or at the Busan International Film Festival, but she still enjoyed writing up ideas and getting some of her co-workers to act out some scenes for her while she filmed eagerly with her trusty camcorder.
The Sony HDR-CX675; this bad boy cost her a good two months of saving up but God, was it worth it. Jungwoo in a wig and Sungchan throwing pens like they were daggers had never looked so good in HD until (Y/N) had gotten her hands on that beloved camcorder of hers.
"Should I film the clock or something?" She sighed, eyes wandering back over to the analog clock. At least she only had an hour left before the store closed, and she usually spent most of that time cleaning up anyway.
And so that hour began, dreadfully long until with only ten minutes to spare, the front door had opened, prompting (Y/N) to rush back to the counter from the storage room, though not without grumbling to herself quietly about what asshole comes into a store ten minutes before they close.
But it wasn't just anybody who came in - it was Mark, the boy who always complimented her hair no matter how lazy she had been to brush it that day. Still, flattery always earned some brownie points in (Y/N)’s books. So she wasn't hesitant at all when she had greeted Mark. "Hey, it's nice to see you here! Renting a movie?" She asked, resting her arms on the counter top.
"Yeah, looking for some Christian-friendly Halloween movie. For the kids at church this Sunday, since Halloween is tomorrow." Mark chuckled shaking his head.
"Let me see what I can find," (Y/N) grinned as she slipped away from the counter and to one of the shelves, "I'll be honest though, you're probably better off showing the kids some cartoon from Netflix or something."
As if Mark was going to tell her that he insisted to his dad on renting a movie, for he wanted to see and talk to the girl of his dreams who currently had her back turned to him. "Well you know us, terrible with technology." Instead, that was all he could muster up.
"I'll bet." She snickered jokingly, turning back to him with a movie now in her hand, "Toy Story of Terror sound good to you?"
"Better than showing them Scream." Mark shrugged before heading back to the counter with her. "I'll pay with debit."
"Mhm," (Y/N) nodded, taking his card and swiping it for him through the machine, "you know the usual, watch within thirty days and return it after those thirty days." She reminded him with a yawn. God forbid Mr. Yoon ever see that.
"Busy day?" Mark offered a small sympathetic smile as he took his card back as well as the movie. "I kind of get it. Cabbage called me in for one of his inventions today."
"Today?" She asked, watching as the boy across from her nodded. "What was it this time?" Everybody in town felt bad for Mark since he was the one always testing out Cabbage's inventions, but at the same time, at least it wasn't them?
"Gosh, you wouldn't believe me if I said it." He shook his head with a heavy sigh. "A time travel machine - or like, a time travel watch, I guess."
"Time travel?" The gasp from the female was expected; anybody would be surprised. "I always knew Cabbage was ambitious but definitely not to the extent of time travel!"
"Yeah, needless to say, I said no. Or like, I told him I would think about it, you know?" Mark frowned. "I just can't believe... time travel of all things."
"I'll be honest," there was a smile spreading on (Y/N)’s face, to the slight surprise of Mark, "the idea of time travel sounds so cool though. I'd love to try it out." When Mark had brought up what had happened at Cabbage's house, he didn't think (Y/N) would actually be... interested in the scientist's invention. Definitely not when it was so absurd. But she looked so cute, the way she stood up straighter and her attentive eyes as he talked about it. Gosh, he wished he could tell her that it wasn't worth the time. But her interest was clear, that much he couldn't ignore.
"Then... why don't you try it in my place?" Mark suggested hesitantly. He didn't want (Y/N) and her pretty little self anywhere near those dangerous creations, for concern of her safety. But she really seemed to be interested in this, and this... it was the least he could do.
"Alone? No thanks." She giggled softly, to the relief of the boy who had suggested it in the first place. "Maybe if someone else was with me though. Like a time travel duo!" Hold up - someone else?
"This is your chance, Mark!" His inner voice practically screamed at him. Anything for (Y/N), right? "But it's so dangerous!" His other inner voice tried deterring him from going through with what he was about to suggest. But for (Y/N)! "Then," Mark felt his heartbeat quicken, excitement and hope visible in his eyes, "you wouldn't mind if we did it together, would you?"
If his friends Johnny and Donghyuck were here, they'd definitely be cheering and slapping him on the back. It felt like he was asking her out, something he always dreamed of doing but never really having the guts to do so. Rejection was a scary thought, but as he watched the wide smile that spread onto (Y/N)’s face, he knew he had something to look forward to, even if through... this.
"Of course! it'll be fun!" Score! "Too bad only one person can go though, I assume." She frowned.
And for a second, Mark's hopes had shattered once again. But then he remembered something back at Cabbage's house, and maybe, just maybe, it wasn't over yet. "Actually, I think Cabbage mentioned making two watches." After confirming his calculations twenty-seven times. "Why don't we go together?"
"Seriously? You wouldn't mind?" Oh, what Mark wouldn't given just to see that wide smile on (Y/N)’s face every single second of the day.
And with a smile of his own, he nodded. "Of course not, noona."
Love has always been a motivation for man, ever since the beginning of humans. And as time continued on and advanced, a variety of factors had been added to that list of motivation, such as money and power. But one constant above all was always going to be love - something that had always been interpersonal.
So that was why Cabbage wasn't too particularly surprised to see Mark come back to his house later in the evening, this time, with a female companion. And judging by the look of awe on her face, it didn't take much for the scientist to connect the dots. "Mark, you came back!" Cabbage smiled down at the boy from the second floor of his basement lab. "With a friend this time?"
"Right," Mark cleared his throat, gesturing to the scientist, "(Y/N), this is Cabbage as you already know, and Cabbage, this is (Y/N), my friend."
"Hi! It's great to be here! Like, really great." (Y/N) was still enamoured by the many... things going on in the lab, though Mark couldn't blame her.
"Anyway Mark, have you given my invention a thought?" Cabbage inquired, standing up from his seat by his computer and leaning against the railing. "I assume that's why you're here, after all."
Mark nodded. "I have." He confirmed, biting down on his lip. "And I'll do it."
"You will?" The scientist's eyes widened, grin spreading on his face. "That's great!"
"But," Mark began, gaze falling over onto (Y/N) for a short second before back onto the scientist, "with conditions."
"Conditions?" Cabbage raised an eyebrow, pleasantly intrigued.
"Conditions!" (Y/N) suddenly spoke up with a grin, earning a look from the two. "Sorry, it just felt kind of intense so I wanted to ease tensions a bit." She coughed, glancing back and forth between the two. "Please, continue." She urged.
"A-Anyway yes, conditions." Mark cleared his throat before turning to the scientist once more. "I want (Y/N) to come with me. You have two watches, don't you?"
"I do." Cabbage nodded, fishing his hand into the pocket of his lab coat and bringing out two identical watches. "So far, they're the only two I have so I need to make sure that your friend will be extra careful with this."
"She will." Mark reassured without any hesitation. "I know she will, because she's (Y/N)." A man who was claiming everybody's hearts left and right - except for (Y/N)’s though, unfortunately.
Cabbage looked as if he was pondering on the thought for a bit before eventually nodding and making his way down the stairs. "Well, if Mark is vouching for you, I guess it should be okay." Cabbage nodded before gesturing for the two to follow him to the back of the lab, where large screen rested on the wall and multiple smaller monitors on both it's sides, resting on a glass desk. Below it were multiple keyboards, a few touch pads here and there with clearly different functions. It was like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. "This is where I'll be monitoring and communicating with you two while you're in whatever time period you land in." He explained, gesturing to his set up.
"What about the watches?" (Y/N) asked.
"I'm just getting to that." Cabbage nodded, reaching for the two watches once again. "Gather around, you two." He motioned for them to come closer. "It looks like a regular analog watch at first, but if you tap the clock face," he did what he had just said, the other two watching in awe as a small digital hologram had appeared in the air, just above the clock face, "it has information such as your battery life on the right hand corner, the date and time you're in, the option to video call me, and the option to switch time periods." He pointed out each detail on the hologram. "Now the problem with the switching time periods is that once you arrive somewhere, you're stuck there for, at a minimum, twenty-four hours before the voltage and particle energies recharge and allow you to travel elsewhere."
"Wait, so you're staying we might be stuck in a different time for a whole day?" Mark asked, a bit of alarm evident in his voice.
"Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find out the proper calculations to make the recharging process quicker but for the meantime... yes." The scientist sighed. "But hey, at least it's not twenty-five hours...?"
"Cabbage!" Mark groaned, running his hand down his face.
"I mean, twenty-four hours doesn't sound that bad." (Y/N) hummed. "I'd love to explore a different time period, really get to know what it was like!"
"See, at least someone's optimistic." Cabbage sent a not-so-subtle look over at Mark. "But anyway, I actually have a quest for you two."
"Ooh, a quest! I feel like I'm in a video game." (Y/N) giggled, and if it weren't for the fact that she was totally digging this right now, Mark would have just straight up left out of fear for his own safety.
"Exactly!" Cabbage nodded eagerly. "Since you two will be going to different time periods, I want you to bring back a memento of some sort from each time period."
"Anything specific?" Mark asked, wanting to make sure he was going into this with full details.
"Yes, for the purpose of analytic purposes due to their high amount of energy." Cabbage turned to the two, a suddenly serious look on his face. "A meaningful item to at least one person you encounter."
The two waited for him to say more, but nope, all he did was stare back at them. Mark ended up being the first to speak up. "Hm, I think you're missing the part where you, oh I don't know, tell us what you mean by ‘meaningful item’??"
"That will vary from person to person, Mark boy." Cabbage sighed, giving an empathetic pat on the boy's shoulder. "One person's 'meaningful item' might be a necklace that their mother gifted them, or maybe a letter from a lover for a soldier - everything in life is a variable anyway."
"Wait, then how do we know something is a meaningful item?" (Y/N) asked.
"That's where this last function of the watches come in," Cabbage turned his attention back to the watches, "this icon," he pointed to one of the icons on the hologram screen that resembled a heart, "will allow you to scan a person once you've talked to them. This only works one person at a time though, and it does drain a lot of energy from the watch battery. It'll allow you to see particles coming from objects, like sparkles. The more vivid, bigger and brighter the particles, chances are that's your person's meaningful item. So be careful with who you choose to use it on - once you scan that person, you'll have to find their meaningful item before you can use it again. Not to mention that the longer it takes for you to find the meaningful item, the more energy it drains." He warned.
"Talk about ominous, gosh." Mark sighed, shaking his head. "I can't believe I'm doing this."
"It'll be exciting though, Mark." (Y/N) glanced over at the boy beside her, a grin spreading on her face. "We're in this together, after all!"
"Noona..." A shade of red coated Mark's cheeks as he stared down at her, eyes sparkling with adoration.
"Ahem, and me too." Cabbage interrupted, "Just, I'll be back here handling everything."
"Yes, of course, because where would we be without you, Cabbage?" Mark sighed, feeling a bit salty over the scientist's interruption during his and (Y/N)’s "moment".
"Love you too, Mark." Cabbage blew a kiss his way before handing a watch to Mark and (Y/N) each. "Are you two ready?"
"Wait, we're doing this so soon?" Mark's eyes widened, staring down at the watch in his hands with a bit of fear.
"Better sooner than later." Cabbage shrugged, helping attach the watch onto Mark's wrist and then to (Y/N)’s. "You guys will be fine, don't worry. I'm here, after all!"
"So reassuring, Cabbage." Mark grumbled, about to protest over the quick timing and suddenness of all of this if not for the sudden feeling of warmth in one of his hands. He glanced down at said hand, eyes lingering on the smaller hand that had clasped his own. And as his eyes wandered up to the hand's owner, he swore she was going to be the death of him.
"It'll be okay, Mark." (Y/N) squeezed his hand softly with a reassuring smile. "We're in this together." She repeated.
"Right..." Mark trailed off before taking a deep breath and nodding. "Together." He then glanced over at the scientist. "We're ready, Cabbage."
With an excited smile, the older man nodded before turning to his set up and taking a seat down in the chair. The sounds of his quick tapping against the keyboard keys had Mark worrying with every passing second, but as (Y/N) held his hand, he figured this wouldn't be a terrible way to die. "Adios, you two!" Cabbage called out before hitting one last button. Click!
And as a bright and large flash of light illuminated within the lab, Mark knew it had begun, especially with the way his limbs practically burned and his consciousness struggling to stay intact.
The things he'd do for love, huh?
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Shout out to that time in the preboot universe, when Lilith showed up to Donna’s wedding to the red-headed man she’d once prophesied Donna would marry and who would die horribly and thus is the reason Donna broke up with Roy originally, thinking the prophecy was about him, (its a long story, just go with it).....
.....and so then here’s Lilith just popping up at the Wedding of Doom she forewarned against, after being out of touch for ages, but she’s flying solo with no plus one and thus no sign of her caveman boyfriend Gnaark (its a long story, just go with it) and when all the other Titans were like hey wtf where’s Gnaark she was just like oh something terrible happened there but I don’t want to get into it now, its a wedding, cheers, because Lilith just does that, when she’s done talking she’s done talking lmao.....
....and then this winged angel named Azrael started popping up all the time and the other Titans are like wtf Lilith, is this dude stalking you, and she just casually waves them off and is like oh yeah, he’s been doing that for ages, he wants me to be his ‘mate’ or whatever, its this whole thing. Don’t worry about it though, its no big deal.’ Because again, Lilith’s just like that.
And then when Azrael keeps showing up Lilith starts glowing every time he’s near and turning into a combustion engine about to blow, and her teammates are like Lil, once again we are just here begging you to call this a big deal, this dude seems to be turning you into a human glowstick, but Lilith is just like omg stop being so dramatic, that has nothing to do with him even, I’ve been having those little ‘heat attacks’ for like years, and the Titans are like WTF LIL, WHY DID YOU NOT MENTION THIS BEFORE, and she’s just like ‘I forgot to okay, god, get off my ass already’ and she stormed off and dramatically quit the team with a huff and a “AND IM NEVER COMING BACK except for when I totally will cuz I already foresee this apocalypse we’re gonna have to prevent in like two years, so nobody take my room okay, thanks bye, and NO DICK, I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE UPCOMING APOCALYPSE JEEZ I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW, I’LL GET TO IT WHEN I GET TO IT'’.....because I mean....Lilith. *shrugs*
And then she came back and joined the team during the Terror of Trigon storyline and she was all dramatic and prophesizing left and right except lol it wasn’t really Lil as she was possessed by a bajillion Azarath spirits who were like, hey we’re gonna hijack you to cleanse Raven of evil, sorry not sorry, but don’t worry, we’ll tidy up after ourselves before we leave’....
And then she got depossessed and Azrael starting popping up again and she starting doing her human glowstick thing again except this time with actual fire actually burning shit all around her, and Lilith’s like “okay, fine, I’m willing to concede now that this MIGHT be an issue,” and everyone’s like GEE YOU THINK???
And her ‘heat attacks’ were now big and noticeable enough that they eventually got the attention of Lilith’s birth mother, cuz Lilith had been adopted and found that out and started searching for her birth parents and answers about her powers and where she came from when she was like, thirteen (its a long story, just go with it), and so Lilith’s flame on moments finally caught her birth mother’s attention and she showed up and was like surprise, oh hey and also I’m the Greek Titan of the sun, who escaped from Tartarus awhile back and came up with this whole plan to get back at Zeus and the rest of those turds by making a secret weapon baby - that’s you hon, so proud of you - and yeah your dad was just this rich dude who had a company I wanted to take over, I just kinda incinerated him once I had you and didn’t need him anymore, sorry but its not a big loss he was kinda dull, you wouldn’t have liked him anyway, but also, then this random nurse kidnapped you and derailed my master plan of using a toddler Titan to topple the Olympians, but now I’ve found you and we can get right back to that, and that’s what you missed on Glee!’
Cue the rest of the Titans being like......ummm, we have some questions and also some concerns, but Lilith’s just like huh, so what you’re saying is I’m a divine celestial being? Huh, yeah that tracks. Okay, I believe you! But also I don’t like your plan and I think you kinda suck so I’m gonna like....not do that and instead help the gods defeat you again sorry not sorry but I mean yeah, I’m just not feeling it here, I don’t think this mother/daughter thing is gonna work out on account of the you sucking part.
So then that happened and then Zeus was like, hey we’re down a demigod, how would you like to be a goddess? And Lilith’s like yeah, that sounds good, I’m not busy right now. And the rest of the Titans are like umm, Lilith? The team? We do occasionally save the world and protect people and stuff? And she’s just like oh relax, you’ll be fine without me and I’ll be back in time to help out with that alien invasion in a couple years....and Dick’s like wait what, but Lilith’s already gone and getting her demigoddess on. Because, y’know. Its Lilith. She has her priorities figured out.
And then post-Crisis she eventually rejoins the team as the masked and mysterious figure Omen, who wouldn’t reveal her secret identity, because like, she’s Lilith, and she decided hey I’m just not gonna let the team know that its me and just like, idk see what happens. No particular reason.
Except then she’s abducted by this villain named Haze and she has to use her powers to summon the original Titans to free her, at which point her identity is revealed and she’s like yeah, surprise, it was me the whole time, and the Fab Five are all like WHAT THE HELL LILITH, and she’s like WHAT, I WAS BORED, LET ME HAVE HOBBIES.....and also at this time she and the Titans found out oh btw, turns out that whole backstory about you being the daughter of that Titan was a lie, we’re not really sure how that works but just FYI, you’re actually just the illegitimate daughter of this super rich tycoon, and also FYI, Haze is actually your half brother who hates you because of something to do with the dad you didn’t even know existed, soooooo....that’s a thing....
And then she goes back to the Titans for awhile, still as Omen but with everyone now knowing its her under the cloak and mask, the jig is up, Lilith’s like ugh, lame, now what am I supposed to do for fun. But then it also turned out that for some reason that was never actually made clear, now she also had telekinetic and illusion casting powers and she was like ooooh now these I can have fun with. Coincidentally, like, half the team decided now would be a good time to take a sabbatical and focus on their own cities.
And THEN she was kidnapped by Vandal Savage, who wanted to make her use her powers to divine the perfect lineup of bad guys to take down the Titans once and for all, and Lilith’s like ‘well shit, you got me, guess I gotta do what you want,’ except of course she purposely chooses villains she foresees the Titans beating, which they do of course, and then they beat Savage, and Lilith is just like, dude, I know I’m the only precog here, but how did you not see this coming, like seriously, what on earth made you think there was gonna be any other way this was gonna go? OMG you’re so stupid, what happened to all the smart villains, ugh even being kidnapped is boring now, lame.
And then she died, and like, never actually came back except as a spirit in one story and a Black Lantern in that Blackest Night event, and that sucked. But oh well.
Anyway, the point is I miss THAT Lilith, the unpredictable, whimsical, always dragging chaos in her wake and not giving a shit because look its not her fault Destiny is like totally obsessed with her....
She was just a guaranteed source of WTF and she did it all with unnecessary flair and drama and she was one hundred percent a primary reason Dick Grayson was destined to have gray hairs by the time he was thirty, but oh well, that was just the price of being friends and teammates with her, because Lilith was just...*sighs* she was just so Lilith.
That’s really the only way to sum her up. A dozen writers took her in a dozen different directions cuz they couldn’t decide what to do with her so she ended up doing everything and being extremely extra about it which really tied it all together and just made it a universal truth that when it comes to Lilith, don’t just expect the unexpected, like....just accept that with her anything is possible and plausible and the most random shit will end up connected to her and you just gotta roll with it, because that’s just how it goes with her.
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song lyrics here.
Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Well considering I still live with my mother, I'd be quite the hypocrite if otherwise.
Are you a generous person? I personally think so.
Do you have a close relationship with your family? With my mom, extremely.
Do you think there is life on other planets? Well, define "life," I suppose. Bacteria, stuff like that that science defines as life, yes. Complex life, I don't know.
Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Fuck yeah.
Are you sexually attracted to any inanimate objects? ???? No.
Would you watch a porno with your partner? UH NO I'm personally not at all interested in porn, and I feel it'd be awkward anyway?
Have you ever stolen from your work? No.
How much does intelligence turn you on? I guess like your average person that finds intelligence attractive.
Do you ask someone out or wait for them to ask you? History shows it varies.
Do you own any sex toys? No.
Do you talk about your sex life with either of your parents? Well I don't have one now, but historically, I very timidly have with my mom about something. Generally though, I don't. I keep that very private.
Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? No.
How often do you use Facebook at work? I'm unemployed.
Do you enjoy television or movies better? That's hard, but maybe movies. I don't really watch either, but movies, when they have a good plot, are usually more enjoyable.
Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Sure thing. I personally want to donate my organs and have the rest cremated, though.
Are you a romantic person? Yeah.
Would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? It would seriously depend on the depth of their relationship, where they're hanging out, how long... that kind of stuff. I am very serious about letting your partner have friends, including w/ the gender they're interested in, so I try to be open-minded here.
Are you careful with your money? It's hard to even say with how seldom I have any.
Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Absolutely.
Do you like soccer? No.
Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Depends. I'd say I USUALLY prefer uhhh... single dates?
How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never.
Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other? Uh, no.
Do you meditate? No.
Have you ever been fired from a job? No.
Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? The soul.
Do you cook fancy meals for dates? I don't cook. You don't want me to.
Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid? Fuck no.
Do you believe in an afterlife? Probably.
Do you litter? NO.
Would you have sex with someone hot who you hated? nO?????????????
Do you have a career plan? Kinda, but who knows when the fuck that's coming true.
Do you mostly cook your own meals? Well, I mostly microwave stuff. I never use the stove or oven.
Could you live with someone who was really messy? To a certain degree, no.
Do you believe in fate or destiny? No.
Have you ever had sex with someone you worked with? No.
Would you date someone just for the sex? Nope.
Have you ever had a one night stand? No.
Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you’ve had? No.
Are sex and intimacy the same thing? "Sex is just one example of intimacy. There’s other ways to be intimate, including ones that don’t involve being sexual at all." <<<< Exactly this.
Have you ever played strip poker? No.
How often do you get angry? "I’m someone who gets irritated, moody, upset, and frustrated often, but not angry." <<<< Also this.
Do you consider yourself an emotional person? VERY MUCH SO.
Is work important to you? Considering how harshly I shit on myself for not having a job, most certainly.
Have you had cosmetic surgery? No.
On a first date do you pay or do they? In every experience but with Sara, they did. I only paid on Sara's and my first date out of trickery lmao.
Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? No.
Could you date someone who does drugs? Nope. Medical marijuana is fine, though.
Have you ever been to a sex shop? No.
Have you ever had a threesome? Nah.
Do you enjoy discussing politics? Noooo.
Would you do a striptease for your partner? WHOA I would feel WAY too awkward gd.
Would you date someone who doesn’t have a car? Yeah.
Is it wrong to watch porn if you’re in a relationship? That depends on the people in it. Some mind, some don't. Idk how I'd feel it if was my partner.
Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Hi, it's 2020. Women don't need to be "taken care of."
Would you tie up a partner if they asked you to do so? Yeah.
Have you ever had sex in a public place? No.
Would you date someone twice your age? No.
Should a child caught masturbating be punished? It'd be weird at a certain age, but no. It's normal to explore sexuality and what you like, and perhaps even more importantly, it's way better for you to let your sexual urges out privately versus... you know. Being forceful on others.
Do you tell your friends you love them? Of course!! Maybe it's just how I was brought up, but I've always gotten kinda confused when (particularly good) friends don't. Love is platonic just as much as it is romantic, and you should let people know!
Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I mean, I guess?
What about hangman? It's more fun than the former.
Did you play hopscotch when you were younger? Yeah.
Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I remember at least one.
Do you have a yahoo account? It exists, but I haven't touched it in an eternity. I don't even remember the password.
Are you a violent person? Definitely not.
Do your siblings dye their hair? Not really. They occasionally get highlights, though.
Do you still have any of your exes’ stuff? Besides gifted stuff, no. I think.
Who can you best relate to in the last book you read? That I finished, Clay. Because he's dumb and hungry.
Are you indecisive? Unbelievably.
Do you collect anything? What? Meerkat and Silent Hill stuff.
What are you listening to? An Emzotic video. I'm like,,, hooked on her stuff. I've been on a MASSIVE animals video binge lately, and she's a FUCKING MOOD.
What was the last compliment someone gave you? Idr.
What are your pets’ names? Roman and Venus. Gah, I need more bbz.
What did your first best friend look like? Last I've seen a picture of her, she was a somewhat bigger person with long, curly brown hair, and she's always been very tan.
Did you have a role model growing up? Steve Irwin.
If you could learn how to play one instrument, what would it be? Guitar.
Is your best friend dating anyone? Do you like them? No.
Do you want to move? Very badly, and we probably are soon.
Do you have a big family? My extended family is giant.
Do you want more or less siblings? I'm happy with what I have.
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Great contentment in all I do. Surrounded by love, changing the world in even tiny ways, etc.
What is the trait you most deplore (dislike) in yourself? I realized it semi-recently and honestly don't want to share it. Only my old therapist knows, I think. Besides that one, the fact I'm very impulsive with words when I'm upset, probably.
What is your greatest extravagance? I'm really creative and passionate.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Probably the glorification of virginity. I would know. It was a MASSIVE DEAL for most of my teenage years.
On what occasion do you lie? When it's a thing where I feel it's just better to not be honest. Now I honor honesty a lot, so I avoid it as much as possible, but no, I don't believe it's always the best policy.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? My weight.
Which living person do you most despise? I don't know about one specific person. The traumatized part of me says Jason's friend that encouraged him to break up with me, but I know I rightfully shouldn't even dislike him, save for the fact he was pretty arrogant.
What or who is the greatest love of your life? I don't know.
When and where were you the happiest? Well, it depends. If you mean in a specific moment of most intense happiness, lots of times with Jason. An extended period of happiness, early into recovery when I lived with Colleen.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Recovering from the breakup.
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A house cat. Seems like a pretty good life.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? At least from my experiences, harsh rejection when you try your best to please that person.
What do you value most in your friends? As far as a sweeping characteristic they all share, the will to listen and just be there for me in times I really need companionship.
Who are your favorite writers? I don't really have favorites.
Who is your hero of fiction? Hm, I dunno.
Which historical figure do you most identify with? Uhhhh I also don't really know. I'm not enough of a history buff for this.
Who are your heroes in real life? I answer this enough.
What are your favorite names? Alessandra and Severin.
Do you like watching reruns? No.
What do you think is worth waiting for? Deep relationships.
Should parenting classes be mandatory for new parents? No.
What is the number one thing people are always asking you for help with? English/writing.
What movie did you love the original but hated the sequel to? I remember the Ghost Rider sequel was nothing compared to the original. It was okay, but.
Are you more talk and less action or vice versa? More talk.
Have you ever given someone a handmade present? Yeah, especially as a kid.
What type of person angers you the most? Probably those who can't put their pride aside for anything.
What do you think should be a wonder of the world that currently isn’t? I don't even know what they all are to get a proper grasp on the question.
What comforts you on bad days? My mom and Sara, sleep, YouTube, sometimes regrettably food, etc.
Do you treat yourself and your body with respect? Not very well.
Something you eat that other people would find gross. *shrugs* Nothing that's too weird.
Have you ever broken the law and didn’t get caught, if so how? Yeah, and obviously by not screaming it to the world, but also because none are massive.
Something you fear might change you. The aftermath of heartbreak. It still affects me today and makes me see less hope in love.
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you? Volatility.
Have you ever resented someone, if so what for? "Stealing" Jason, and the other person for accusing me something of so fucking selfish and vile I don't even like saying it, especially when she was my damn therapist that I loved and trusted.
How old do you think is too old to have a baby? "Old enough that getting pregnant would cause significant harm to you or the baby." <<<<
How have you changed over the last five years? I've definitely become wiser and more open-minded.
Have you ever painted a house? Nope.
Have you ever had a surprise party (that was an actual surprise)? No.
What makes you feel miserable? Eating badly (particularly too much sugar makes me feel shitty), doing nothing/extended boredom.
What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn? Don't have a clue.
What’s been the hardest loss you’ve had to take? Jason. A loss without actual death is, wow, awful. I mean death is too, but holy shit it hurts when that person chooses to leave you.
Do you like sunny days or rainy days more? Depends on the temperature and my mood.
Who is your favorite movie director and what’s your favorite movie from them? Tim Burton, of course. Alice In Wonderland.
What is the furthest you’ve ever got a paper airplane to fly? Not very far. Nothing impressive.
Do you like the person you are becoming? It depends on the context. Honestly, by this point, not really.
What’s the highest you’ve ever jumped into the water from? Not high at all.
What inspires your ideas? More than anything, music. Just a single lyric, sometimes one word, spawns a sometimes very complex concept.
Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself? No.
Have you ever bolstered your resume to get a job you really wanted? No. I have a really, really hard time lying for a job.
Have you ever had an internship, if not what would be your dream intern job? No.
Do you prefer chicken, beef, or seafood? Chicken.
Have you ever had a health scare? Yes.
What do or did you hate the most about dating or the dating process? Opening up again.
What do you frown upon when it comes to raising kids? Spanking.
Have you ever been professionally photographed? Yeah.
Do you influence people more than they influence you? I very much doubt that.
If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, what would you ask? If he regrets me.
Do you buy anything organic, if so, what is it? I don't think so?
What was the name of the first album you ever bought and who was it by? I believe it was You're Awful, I Love You by Ludo.
Do you have any prejudices you’ve admitted to yourself? No.
Who is the very first friend you ever remember making and how old were you? Brianna; I was two.
What makes you lose sleep? Stress. Anxiety. PTSD.
Do you floss or use a toothpick when food gets stuck in your teeth? I floss.
Have you ever made out in a bathroom? Pretty sure that's a negative.
Ever physically fought with member of the opposite sex? YIKES no. Well, besides playfighting.
Ever walked in on your friends having sex? No.
Ever kissed a friend’s crush? No.
Has anyone ever called cops on you? No.
Do you swallow gum when you’re finished? Noooo that's so uncomf.
Ever tackled someone to the ground? Not in a way that was a harsh fall. More like a crumbling to the floor.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Hm. Maybe in the school library, but I doubt that, really. I don't think I ever actually fell asleep.
Did the last person you kiss have piercings? No.
Did your parents spoil you as a child? No.
Have you ever had alcohol poisoning? No.
Ever thrown up in public? Yes.
Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yes.
What bothers you more, when people lie or when people complain? Depends on the severity. I think lying is more hurtful, though.
How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? Three.
Who took your profile picture on Facebook? Me.
Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? More towards the left.
Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No.
Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of? Yeah. I'd consider their reasonings, of course, but it's my decision.
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