#idk i know teen wolf is a lot and a lot happens to ppl all the time! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rogersstevie · 3 years

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i wanna preface this by saying im a fan of bucky but christ bucky is the manic pixie dream 2015 wattpad self insert protagonist type character of the mcu cap fandom and i 100% think its bc hes a hot white cis man who's enough of a blank slate for ppl to both obsessively over analyze every little moment he's in and to fill in all the blanks with whatever they want. im not bashing anyone or saying its necessarily wrong to have a blank slate but i wish ppl would just. calm down abt him a bit lmao

(also as a continuation of the bucky anon i just wanna say that this is like something ive noticed over years of being in the stevebucky fandom with how many ppl esp in fic and stuff just make steve play second fiddle in his own relationship and either dumb him down and mischaracterize him so bucky can be the Smartest Best Special Boy or make him an all forgiving saint with no needs or desires so he can be bucky's crutch)

oh my god that last bit about mischaracterizing steve and bucky being a saint sdfks YEAH it happens a lot, i think especially when there's some sort of steve/bucky/peggy love triangle in the mix

but yeah it did get frustrating at a point bc it was understandable post catws when ppl were writing fics and all they really had to draw from was catfa and the flashback in catws to draw from, and post catws bucky wasn't gonna be exactly like that version of himself, even if he was getting his memories back. but post cacw it's like, okay bucky HAS a personality - and fandom has been saying for years that he doesn't, like you are right that he's just enough of a blank slate to take some liberties, but he DOES have a personality in cw, the problem is more that bc it wasn't actually a captain america movie, steve himself didn't get as much focus so bucky especially didn't get as much as he might have if we'd gotten an ACTUAL cap 3 - so it's like. come on y'all can write him as a real person, you don't have to write him as being more in love with steve, you don't have to write him as a perfect angel who's So Good for loving steve despite whenever steve fucks up, which like, again, in fic are often kinda like, would steve be dumb in that way bc i don't think he would! obvs there are different ways to be smart but steve IS smart

i think part of it also has to do with sebastian and that's another thing that does kinda bug me. like let me be clear i do like sebastian and he is a fantastic actor, but he's one of those ones where ppl just yell about how he's the best actor and i don't think it's actually that he's performing better than most of the actors around him in the mcu, it's just that the character he's playing has all the trauma - as if the other characters don't, we just don't see much of it onscreen lmao - so ppl think that makes him more talented than everyone else (kinda think it was the same thing with dylan o'brien on teen wolf he'd shed a tear and ppl would yell about how he's the best actor in the world and fandom used that to push the main character of color to the side and forget about him in favor of the white sidekick ANYWAY that's bugged me forever though i can acknowledge my fave teen wolf ship is half dylan o'brien's character)

but yeah i think it's gotten somewhat worse since endgame bc fandom really loves the narrative that steve is terrible and selfish and bucky is an angel now, even though......y'all like bucky bc you were fans of the captain america trilogy so how can you buy into the idea that steve would do anything he did endgame. but like so many of those supposed fix it fics? would have steve going back to peggy for a WHILE and coming back to be with bucky - i skimmed one bc i was wary of the summary or tags or both and it was like steve came back as an old man and was like "yeah i spent my life with peggy and now i wanna start over and do it with you, you guys can just de-age me like you did with scott in the time machine :)" (as if that wasn't an accident would they even have been able to figure out how to do it on purpose??) that one was horrible - it's like, at that point, if you think steve sucks and bucky is a baby angel with no spine, why do you even want them to end up together? why on earth WOULD bucky be with steve after these kinds of actions? i don't get it

another thing, like i know sebastian outright said he played it like steve and bucky had had a conversation about going back in time - i think he said the directors told him they did like it's not onscreen! come on! i know you don't have to see everything onscreen but...actors/directors saying it doesn't make it canon - so like yeah obvs watching it, it looks like bucky knows about steve's plan before it's revealed to the audience - and hello, endgame steve straight up lied to everyone else about coming back after he returns the stones like how do y'all think it would be okay for him to ONLY tell bucky and not sam, his other best friend - but like idk, my thing is, just bc they said steve and bucky had a conversation, does not mean it's true, you could just make the argument that bucky knew what steve wanted enough to know what he would do - though let's be clear, the endgame ending is NOT what steve ever wanted in mcu canon lmao - it doesn't mean this conversation actually happened because why else would they re-exchange the "don't do anything stupid till i get back" thing if they both knew steve wasn't going to come back unless it was just for show, which still, like, they're the only ones who knew what they said to each other before bucky shipped out in catfa? anyway this bit probs wasn't relevant to anything you said but it BUGS me

anyway yeah i love bucky but you're exactly right about how fandom interprets him and his relationship with steve it's all just Annoying

#Anonymous #ask #bucky barnes #steve x bucky #mcu #anti endgame #as always #anyway endgame steve is not steve in any way whatsoever #and steve deserves a lot better from fandom across all sides tbh

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bathyssal · 4 years

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fanfic authors tag game

tagged by the absolutely lovely @scheherezhad <3

AO3 Name: cuteashale

Fandom: i’ve been reading the witcher and eruri fics bc i can never escape them lmao. i have been writing little bits of everything thanks to my dear bestie prompting me like crazy, which i love. some zelink, little bits of sterek, some damen/laurent. all good stuff

Number of fics: i just did the math and i have ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY WORKS (130) ON AO3, i’m -- they are under both cuteashale and this one which i am slightly quieter abt bc i do not exactly want my personal self linked back to that ao3. i know it’s weird but that’s just how i feel man.

Fic you spent the most time on: i probably did the most RESEARCH on this dagnab fic bc i wanted the dress i wrote about to be HISTORICALLY ACCURATE for reasons i still don’t fully understand. i also spent lots of time on this one bc i wanted it to be sweet and canon compliant and PERFECT since it was for a collection

Fic you spent the least amount of time on: i can bust drabbles out pretty quickly -- and so we know, i agree with sche here on drabbles being 100-300 words. please for the love of god do not call my over 1k fic a drabble or i WILL lose my mind

Longest fic: my fics are not usually very long. i’m more of a ‘show, don’t tell’ type of writer so i think my fics are pretty succinct and to the point. i don’t know that i’ve written anything that’s even hit 5k. i DO however have rps that are upwards of 100k dfkjh which my darling @peachofwork can attest to! we don’t know when to shut up!

that being said this is my one and only multi-chaptered fic, which still only reached abt 3k lol. and this is my longest oneshot

Shortest fic: throwing it WAY BACK to a lil sterek smut.

Most hits: another sterek fic! i was very active in the teen wolf fandom back in the day fdkjhg. people were VERY thirsty for girl stiles fics and i was very eager to quench their thirst. honestly no other hits compare to that one fkjgdh w o w

Most kudos: this is absolutely bananas but it’s a danny phantom fic??? i went through a dp...phase?? out of body experience? about 5 years ago and wrote some very self indulgent smut that i am frankly a lil embarrassed by now.

Most comment threads: what the duck, another sterek dfgjkh.

Fave fic you wrote: idk if i’m in the minority here but i? actually?? love all of my fics? i’m one of those ppl that rereads their owns fics bc i enjoy them! i could pick out a few that i’m especially fond of but i truly love them all! if i didn’t love them i wouldn’t write them!

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i have this....very involved and only semi-fleshed out assassin au that i just LOVE playing in. there’s a lot of details to iron out and idk if it will ever be completed and/or posted in its entirety but it’s SO MUCH FUN!

i’m also working on a frostmaster fic that, if i manage to finish it, might be the longest thing i’ve written?? and that would be very exciting. i’m just bad at plotting.

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: to build off of that i will share a smidge of that fic for u

A soft poke right in the middle of his forehead pulls him out of his thoughts. “Uh, hey, hello there,” says the Grandmaster, suddenly in front of him. Loki smothers the reflex to jump.

“Grandmaster,” he says, smiling. “What a pleasure. I thought you busy this evening.”

“Who, me? Too busy for—for dinner with my, my people?” He straightens, hands spread wide, and a little cheer goes up around the table. “Too, too busy for you?” His hands return to his sides, with one reaching out again to tweak Loki’s chin.

i’m also working on a capri fic that lets damen deal with some of his long buried emotions abt things that happened at the very beginning of the series but emotions are HARD and i am little baby.

i’m gonna tag my dearest @peachofwork, @victorianho, @archadianskies and @heartlessfujoshi bc those are ppl i see posting fic lately! if you are my follower and you are also posting fic and wanna do this then PLS DO and tag me bc i wanna see your responses!!

#txt #////#///#//#/#me.txt #writer tag

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transparentheartz · 2 years

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day 10!! good morning!! thank you for wishing me happy birthday, you're so sweet<33 i did get it in eventually but was like 4 hours late for my other portfolio but its fine!!

i feel the same about my job, it just tedious and boring ish but money is money i guess

astroworld is like a nightmare come true for me, honestly i don't even like to think about the families bc it's so so horrible, i feel sick when i do. oo a wedding, that should be fun, maybe? i didn't get tickets for olivia in the end, the venue has a capacity of 5000 and there was 30,000 ppl in the queue ahead of me so that was never going to happen.

aw no i'm really sorry to hear that, i can't imagine how horrible that year must have been for you, to have to go in everyday. was online school a bit better? school really isn't the nicest place at all, my sister is kinda struggling atm, but homeschooling isn't really a thing here as much. i spent the majority of my classes with my head in a boolk and tried to get through it but i got in trouble with teachers constantly for reading even tho i never bothered anyone.

yeah i think when you don't do what you're "supposed" to be in school and just stay quiet they call you the "quiet smart one" i don't like it. i used to consider myself quite shy but i think honestly i'm just really content to be alone, i don't feel a lot of need to talk to people or friends all the time, it can be so draining. making friends in college is really fucking hard

i read such a good tomlinshaw harry potter au a while ago, it was super long and just so so good, idk if you read tomlinshaw, i used to hate having nick in fics but idk it just works

that's not too bad pain wise then, the healing process is tends to be a bit more painful for me anyways. it's the best thing when you can look at something like that and just be so happy with it, like it makes you smile. do you've any tattoos or just the piercings?

omg eight sisters wow, the chaos, bc i have two and they're noisy noisy, well we are noisy i suppose. and you're the youngest too!! are you close in age? or do you have a sister you get along with the best?

your car would crush mine, ahaha, nah i had to google yours too, i know nothing about cars, not a thing. i really like it! that's so lovely your grandad gave it to you! i've always wanted a big jeep or car, like if you know teen wolf, stiles' jeep, idk why

yeah she's insanely good, some other artist i listened to recced her songs on their insta story so i gave her a listen. she's pretty cool tbh. i love 2 songs from bea miller but i've never heard that one but i do know gracie abrams, she's great. loote tho, i don't know, i'll try look them up!

trumpet that's mad! such a random instrument. i play the guitar, badly and haven't gotten lessons in years but it's good fun

i'm so sorry to hear you hate college. were you made go or did you want to try it? the fear of failing and the lack of motivation is kind of ironic in a painfully horrible way, i really hope it gets better for you.

yeah i'm in college rn, we have to declare as we apply to college. i'm doing english with creative writing. took me ages to pick, but i was told to do what would make me happy, not what would garrantee a good job but make me miserable, so i do. some modules are better than others but it's a lot of writing

i love that your best friend came to see you!! it must be so nice to see her, especially if she lives in a different state. how'd you guys meet?

hope you have a great day!! really love talking with you!

- your ss <33

hii!

well, at least you go it done, very proud of you!

aw that sucks, hopefully you'll get to go to her show another time she goes on tour. or you get to go to all the other people concerts you wanted to see.

yeah school just isnt for me. i've never really liked it. i'm super shy and hate talking to new people and adults (Its amazing that i got the job at barnes and nobles lol). I would say my favorite years were middle school. I did like online better, the first year wasnt the best only bc the program i used and the one math teacher i had. but the next two years were good, i used a different program and really liked it.

I hated when they called me smart because i was quiet, i struggled so much in school. especially with math. and people always wanted me on their team when we did projects cause they felt like i knew everything since i didn't talk a lot.

I made two friends my first semester of college but we didn't stay in contact soo oh well. then i made another but then covid happen and we never saw each other again but i do have her on snapchat (I hardly use it though)

I don't read tomlinshaw, everything i've read has been larry with a past or side tomlinshaw/harry&nick. my friend read a fic where it had the original ending and an alternate ending, where louis ended up with nick and she said she actually liked that ending better lol. i don't care for nick, in fics or irl, i just never paid attention to him the way others do in the fandom. if he's in a fic then ok, if hes not then ok.

i don't have any tattoos, i want some but am so picky and scared i'll end up hating it.

it was very chaotic growing up with so many sisters. It's confusing and a lot of explaining but i would say i'm closest with my sister who is three years older than me. i'll explain more to you when ss is over cause its a lot to type on here. we are close in age, im the youngest at 20 and the oldest is 35.

i love teen wolf, i looove stiles. the question is though, stalia or stydia ?

my favorite songs by bea miller are burning bridges, that bitch, and hallelujah. i only listen to that one song by gracie abrams. and the song i mentioned before is my favorite song by loote.

trumpet was assigned to me by my teacher lol. we never played tho we just sat around the class and took notes.

for college, it was either get a job or go to college. bc my anxiety was so bad i didn't want to get a job so i went to college. i did take a semester off but i came back this semester bc i was literally doing nothing but sitting around. i only have one semester left so i might as well finish to get my associates degree.

i have always been very unmotivated in school but had a fear of failing lol, its not been fun to live with.

english w creative writing sounds fun. are you going to become a teacher or a author? or something entirely different?

we met in eight grade (the year before high school starts), she was transferred to my class a few weeks into the school year and we jsut clicked immediately. then in high school she moved around a lot but we always managed to stay friends and in contact. she only lives the next state over so i still see her a lot.

hope you have/had a great day too, i love talking to you <3

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cool-kids-dont-dance · 6 years

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Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

I was tagged by @asapethan. She’s the sweetest 💕

I tag @alexishiser, @highqualitydolans, @cookie-nigel-dolan, @broncodolan, @graysonsbitch, @ohmydolantwins, @juicydolan, @obsidiandolans, @california-grethan, @idyllicallydolan, @mardolan, @coconutethan, @dolantreehisser, @roadtripdolan @duh-olantwins, @milkymilkdolans @e-the-god, @sugar-dolan @xxohmydolantwinsxx @grethanss and everyone else who hasn’t done it (if you’ve already been tagged comment your blog so i can read it!)

Last:

1. Drink - Coke

2. Phone call - Mum

3. Text message - With my friends group chat complaining about how much we have to study for our next exam LMAOO

4. Song you listened to - These Days by Rudimental ft. Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen

5. Time you cried - Last week

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice? - no

7. Kissed someone and you regretted it - yes

8. Been cheated on - no

9. Lost someone special - yes

10. Been depressed - yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - oh yeah

favorite colors:

12. Blue

13. Grey

14. Light Pink

In the last year have you:

15. Made new friends - yeeh

16. Fallen out of love - no

17. Laughed until you cried - yesss

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yeah

19. Met someone who changed you - oh yes

20. Found out who your friends are - yeah

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - nope

General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - i know all of them

23. Do you have any pets - nope

24. Do you want to change your name - I’ve thought about it but nah

25. What did you do for your last birthday - I had a nice dinner with my bestie

26. What time did you wake up today - 8:30am. i fall asleep ops!

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - being on tumblr, what question is that?

28. What is something you can’t wait for - This Thursday because I’m flying to Manchester to visit a friend

29. What are you listening to right now - All These Years by Camila Cabello

30. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - yes

31. Something that’s getting on your nerves - ppl who interrupt me when I’m talking

32. Most visited website - tumblr obviously

33. Hair color - brown

34. Long or short hair - short

35. Do you have a crush on someone - oh yess

36. What do you like about yourself - I’m very organized

37. Want any piercings - Nope

38. Blood type - I think 0+ but I really don’t know LOL

39. Nicknames - I don’t have

40. Relationship status - single

41. Zodiac - scorpion

42. Pronouns - she/her

43. Favorite TV show - teen wolf always and forever.

44. Tattoos - i have one. Probably this year I’ll get some more.

45. Right or left handed - LEFT Handed

47. Ever had surgery - nope

48. Piercings - I only have my earlobe pierced but idk if that counts

49. Sport - None

50. Vacation - I like to go to nice and warm places.

51. Trainers - I don’t really know the meaning of this question but all my trainers are nike

More general:

52. Eating - i’m not eating anything rn.

53. Drinking - Water. Stay hydrated ppl

54. I am about to watch - TV probably

55. Waiting for - Summer plzz

56. Want - I wanna go to live with one of my best friends ASAP

57. Get married - probably yes, but I’m not getting married by the church.

58. Career - I wanna be a Film Producer

Which is better:

59. Hugs or kisses - Both

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - Taller

62. Older or younger - Older but i really don’t care. Age is just a number.

63. Nice arms or stomach - arms

64. Hookup or relationship - hook up

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger - yes

67. Drank hard liquor - heck yeah

68. Lost glasses - no

69. Turned someone down - I don’t think so

70. Sex on first date - nope

71. Broken someones heart - i hope not?

72. Had your heart broken - nope

73. Been arrested - no

74. Cried when someone died - oh yeah

75. Fallen for a friend - maybe..

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself - not really

77. Miracle - nope

78. Love at first sight - nope

79. Santa Claus - Nope

80. Kiss on a first date- I really didn’t have an official date, it just happened lol

81. Angels - yes

Other:

82. Best friend name: Ana

83. Eye color - brown

84. Favorite movie - I like a lot of them

85. Favorite actor - probably Dave Franco

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hoechloin · 7 years

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obligatory teen wolf final episode post

hold on boys, it’s going to get long and fake deep.

wowza teen wolf is finally doing it. ending. some may say too soon, to which i say “what? have u watched the last 3 seasons” but anyway it’s still #emotional. i started watching in 2012, and i think i caught up when 2.07 was airing? idk but ive been w/ this show for 5+ years and i rly am thankful for it!!! bc of this show i made this blog -- i wanted to... blog... about gay werewolves and cry with people and see what they thought of the eps and say dumb shit like “jeff davis is a gift!!!” HAHAHA simple naive times

so if it wasn’t for tw i wouldn’t have made this tumblr and that is not a nice thought bc i have made wonderful friends on here & ive even had the pleasure to meet a good few of them at conventions (i went to 4 cons omg each one broke me - in the financial sense, and the emotional sense) and like. some of these ppl i met i went on holiday with. 8 of us went to menorca 3 yrs ago, how amazing, all united through teen wolf. what’s even cooler though is that the 2nd convention i went to is where i met my bff and since then we have done so many things togeth. we’ve been to budapest, visited each other at uni, she came to my graduation(!), we’ve traipsed around london/york/manchester/oxford and like? there’s 300 miles between us. i wldn’t have known she existed if we didn’t both happen to watch a show about werewolves? IT’S INSANE.

teen wolf has given me a lot tbh, lifelong friends, my boys dylan & tyler, my boys stiles & derek, something to rewatch a million times whenever i need a pick me up (not the later season though lbr). im lucky ive had the chance to meet like 20 cast members, and had the opportunity to stand next to hoechlin on 3 diff occasions (wtf) and of course the ~fandom~ -- people i follow have always been so lovely (i know this isn’t the case for everyone but ive had it lucky) and esp the sterek fandom. y’all are amazin & so creative from the gifs and the art to the 500 word drabbles and 100k+ fic. seriously. the fic. it’s heaven. LOVE U ALL

i am almost certain there will never be another show that i will be as invested or involved in, and there will never be another show that has actually impacted my life as much as this lil mtv show did. true, im glad it’s ending, but im also a lil sad it’s ending. it’s been a ride my guys.

goodbye teen wolf! u will always be in my heart xoxo

#THE BITE REALLY WAS A GIFT #final episode

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ackleholics · 6 years

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bitch i demand you answer all 60.

u r a MENACE

1. selfie

alrdy done

2. what would you name your future kids?

lmao im never gonna have kids rip. but i do have two smol sons and they are magnus and alec

3. do you miss anyone?

yep :/

4. what are you looking forward to?

alrdy done

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

def. harry, matt, isaiah. Hamish and andy. my friends sometimes (not u nat ur a butthead)

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

definitely. if i miss them i pretty much never get over it. if it’s someone im mad at that i normally forget em p quickly so LOL

7. what was your life like last year?

the same cept i was Less Woke™

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

no? that’s a thing?

9. who did you last see in person?

mum

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

yep i sure damn hope so

11. are you listening to music right now?

nope. only rlly listen to it when im writing. otherwise it distracts me

12. what is something you want right now?

my pACKAGE TO QARRIVE ALREADY JFC

13. how do you feel right now?

Tired, Depressed™, chill, the usual

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

probs my cousin at my bday or smth i dunno

15. personality description

Depressed™

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

im p blunt most of the time. things i keep secret r secrets ppl tell me to keep or if im crushing.

17. opinion on insecurities.

depends. im insecure about like, a few things, but a lot of things i’m just liek eh whatever about. like if ppl judge u for who u r then that’s they’re business and u can’t do anything about it so

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

nah

19. have you ever been to New York?

nope. would totes go to meet matt tho :P

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

errrrrr. pink’s song maybe?

21. age and birthday?

19 and if u kno my bday u kno it good for u

22. description of crush.

don’t currently have one. my last one was… well, it didn’t work out ill just say that XD

23. fear(s)

im p scared of ppl u look up to turning out to be homophobes/assholes ngl

24. height

5″10′ish

25. role model

hmm. i don’t rlly think i have one specifically. for themes, Slut Jensen. for writing…. there are a lot of fanfic writers i adore. for graphics, @galaxystiel @stardustsam @hallowedbecastiel etc etc.

26. idol(s)

is there a difference between this and role models? is it more like celebrities? i guess Tahmoh Penikett, Andy samberg, Misha Collins, Tyler Hoechlin, Dylan O'Brien, Lee Majdoub, Josh Hutcherson, Colin O'donoghue…. idk there’s a lot

27. things i hate

homophobes, acephobes, ppl who think asexuals shouldn’t be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, general shitty ppl.

28. i’ll love you if…

u like shows i like. u have similar opinions or have ones that enhance/better my own.

29. favourite film(s)

spirited away. eagle eye. thor ragnarok

30. favourite tv show(s)

supernatural shadowhunters b99 lucifer designated survivor DGHDA idk there’s a lot

31. 3 random facts

alrdy done

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

both. depends. on tumblr mainly girls cause i like, don’t know any guys. wait no i have 1 guy friend on tumblr. for gaming it’s guys and girls

33. something you want to learn

ASL or AUSLAN. Jscript/other codes.

34. most embarrassing moment

GOD SO MANY.

35. favourite subject

does sleeping count?

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

become a successful author, find someone that makes me happy and will be my life partner, meet matt/harry/isiah/jensen/jared/misha/TAHMOH etc etc

37. favourite actor/actress

tAHMOH FRIGGIN PENIKETT

38. favourite comedian(s)

hamish and andy. bo burnham. Conan obrien.

39. favourite sport(s)

NONE LMAO. video gaming there

40. favourite memory

oooo this is a lot of pressure. um idk there’s a few. i can’t think of any super recent. i got to stare at tahmoh once from a distance and that was p awesome

41. relationship status

sadly, single

42. favourite book(s)

books? pfft. i only know fanfiction

43. favourite song ever

EVER? holy shit um. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ

44. age you get mistaken for

i normally get mistaken for younger than older.

45. how you found out about your idol

tahmoh penikett, through supernatural, tho i saw him first on castle i think? or around the same time. and then i watched doll house for him

46. what my last text message says

im gonna make pozza first

47. turn ons

none lmfao????? i don’t like..... 0.o how does an ace answer this

but er if i had to give an answer i like ppls eyes. i appreciate honesty and genuity. i like when ppl are themselves.

48. turn offs

lying, cheating, homophobia, casual racism etc etc

49. where i want to be right now

a billionaire in some quiet suburb in a cozy apartment with ridiculously fast unlimited wifi.

50. favourite picture of your idol

51. starsign

aries yeh?

52. something i’m talented at

pfft im an untalented dirt bag. im moderately good at coding i guess

53. 5 things that make me happy

sleeping. writing. reading. TV (most of the time) and my friends (on occasion :P)

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

that im gonna be mailed anthrax

55. tumblr friends

The BatSquad ofc (also check my updates tab)

56. favourite food(s)

cHICKEN!!!!! PIZZA!!!! NACHOS!!!!! NANDOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

57. favourite animal(s)

owls, foxes, cats, dogs, tigers, lions, snakes, literally all of them p much

58. description of my best friend

i can’t pick just one fuck off.

59. why i joined tumblr

for tyler hoechlin and teen wolf and sterek

60. ask me anything you want

Galaxystiel: hey im an asshole right? for making u do all of these questions in one go.

Me: Yep

*totally a conversation that happened*

these are actually nice you fucking nerd- ASK GAME

#galaxystiel #ask game

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amandapandapple · 7 years

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as fucking predicted by everyone ever, teen wolf used sterek to hype up the ending, and everything was shit and so blah and boring. I’m sick of seeing the same shit with these shows. especially when they really use the ship to hype the show when everyone fucking knows nothing’s gonna come of it. sterek never got their hug like they should have, stiles and lydia are a thing I guess??? (I don’t watch the show anymore so idk what’s going on there but they’re all I’m seeing) like fuck teen wolf piece of shit and fuck any show that uses queer ships to advertise their show but wouldn’t actually be caught dead making them happen or at least trying to make it happen. I understand how networks and higher big heads are, but I don’t think that’s an excuse for a lot of network shows. I see networks have shows with queer couples, and yet other shows where it won’t happen but queerbaiting is the only thing that keeps ppl watching their show. fuck them

#I’m mad #sterek deserves better #teen wolf is trash #sterek #teen wolf #text post

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i-sveikata · 7 years

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Gabby liveblogs the new teen wolf ep

i mean technically it’s not liveblogging since I’m in australia and the delay obvs but here we go guys prepare for death:

-lololololololo the fuck they always gotta start it at the school cause they cant afford another set anymore

-whut scott is the assistant coach???!!!!!

-omg hayden left?????? why do they literally just remove all of their female characters with nonsense explanations??? hello kira???? havent seen her in a while. do females not exist in beacon hills?? apparently even being a love interest isn’t a good enough reason to keep the gals around anymore dear god.

-’you want my whistle? who gave you a whistle???’ omfg coach finstock is the best

-the fuck was that supposed to be a wolf on the field or a coyote??? or malia???? legit can’t even tell, oh nvmind scott and liam followed it into the woods found a pack of dead wolves with weird bugs that are crawling out of their eyes, naturally.

-malia heading out to paris and not wanting to help anyone with the problem is goals. but you know there are other ways to write female characters without making their only interest being climbing dick you know, we can have depth.

-liam and scott bonding, lol, they cute and feels, scotty all worried he’s losing control, making him repeat the werewolf mantra dear god this is dorky. giving it instrumental impressive music wont change that friends.

-lol, ‘i got ducktape’ this is me.

-oh goody more mental asylum stuff and weird frozen mummified rock shit, is this a throwback to pompeii or what?

-yeah touch the petrified ashy human corpse thing, that’s a great idea obvs like what is even happening right now.

-of course some dude exploded out of it, why are we even surprised people? oh that’s right we’re not. wait who the fuck is that? no wait, i can guess, it’s another mediocre white guy.

-’i like latin’ liam you dork, oh poor kid ‘this has been a really hard year for me’ ‘if you want to talk about your girlfriend guidance hours are posted’ damn girl that’s brutal.

-interesting that all the youngins are getting a senior registration and applying to colleges scenes talking about their futures at school but for the veteran characters we barely got a sentence about it.

-’you can see me right’ omg lol corey are you having some visibility issues.

-who wants to guess this new college guidance lady is probably not human- lol the music just changed and went all sinister like bruh we already got this, literally every new character we meet ends up being evil like cmon.

-who the fuck is this nolan kid- yet another mediocre white boy!!!!!- are they going for the olympics in white boys what is this shit- oh god she wants to talk about the animal attack on the field.

-lol him being like ‘that was no animal’ jesus fucking christ honestly am i in deja vu land are we just repeating tired drama from the first season now.

-liam how do you not know what a scarab is????? have you not seen the mummy what kind of kid are you??

-haha that girl screaming ‘why does this keep happening to our school’ when all the rats show up is the real shit.

-mediocre other mummy white boy appears in the classroom, stares a bit and tries to look interesting and then leaves. wow lifechanging moment.

-naturally liam and mason end up in the pipes again, because where else would teen wolf film things that happen.

-lydia making a bestiary yeah girl. Her mama isn’t being very smart saying no to that- who’s guess is it she dies almost immediately??? yeah girl leave that paperwork in mamas desk.

-scott trying out his weird electrocution kink with his mum, i am uncomfortable, but also teaching her the ways of electrocution is vaguely sweet.

-mama mccall gonna cover all the werewolf shit when scott is gone i love it. family bonding stuff yeaaaaaahh. oh shit she electrocuted him whilst hugging. family fun times.

-’i held the button, didn’t I?’ ‘you held the buttton’ BEST

-rat king ew is that what they said. gross. lol malia making liam smell the gross dead rat.

-REROUTED. malia is determined to get on a plane to get that french dick apparently.

-how the fuck did mummy white guy end up in the sheriff station???? do the deputies no longer exist?? wheres papa stilinski???

-parrish on the creepy white dude, all is well apparently.

-liam and mason bringing mama mccall a nice dead rat. bring her dinner you sick bastards.

-the fuck??? hallways in flames, parrish meeting another possible hellhound??? what is trying to be said here, fucked if i know.

-weird white guy has some kind of blood kink, sniffing all the injured people in the hospital because of reasons.

-idiot dudes punched liam in the face and he lost his shit. some mantra kid. use the werewolf force. freaky white mummy guy looming in the hallway behind him, cue demon suspense music while he chases for liam now in a closing elevator.

-ANDDDDDD the door closes before mummy white dude can get to him. shocker. i am on the edge of my seat with surprise and anguish obvs

-lydia showing up to get scott? i thought in the last ep stiles said hed be driving down to campus with lydia together???? does that mean she did and came back for some reason?? or stiles miraculously teleported there on his own. wow i love continuity. good thing im watching teen wolf huh.

-all the lights go out, because its lydia this is teen wolf and EVERYTHING MUST BE DARK AND HARD TO SEE AT ALL TIMES.

-phones ringing are always the most suspenseful thing to happen to me as well, love hearing that dialtone and having a wind machine suddenly blowing hair out of my face before appearing back in... wow you guessed it- the school!!!

-ohhhhhh spideyweb time. love it. gotta touched those creepy webs because otherwise what else could lydias banshee powers possibly do. lots of screaming. love that. was that gunfire? idk here this is stupid.

-ah yes, lydia miraculously finds the perfect bit of web to touch because of unexplainable reasons.’ YOU LET IT OUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RIDE WITH THE HUNT FOREVER’ k thanks im hanging up the web now byeeeeeee.

-how does nobody lock the fucking school doors at this point. parrish and mummy white dude just walked straight in.

-’what are you?’ ‘you know what i am im the same as you’ lololololololololl this is gonna be some weird hellhound pissing contest.

-’something you let out, something that needs to be stopped’ oh goody something new an differernt for us. so innovative.

-ah yes, the pissing contest begins. or fire contest i guess? idk?/ and oh hey the guidance counsellor lady was not as she seemed!!! wow, i never would have seen that coming in my life. thanks

-hey guys when you take away the fire, it’s just two shirtless dudes homoerotically wrestling with each other.

-oh well time for parrish to sleep it off,

-’if the wild hunt couldn’t keep you nothing can’ this is literally sounds like the fucked up adage ‘if i cant have you no one can’ and i am uncomfortable.

-oh boy white mummy guy isn’t after liam- i could never have guess that would happen.

-’it must be stopped nothing else matters’ wow, no, because here I was thinking just let the monster run free and kill people and pile up bodies and stuff. isnt that what teen wolf is about.

-OMG SCOTT GOT INTO THE JEEP AND FOUND A ‘BE GENTLE’ LETTER FROM STILES THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EP I SWEAR

-what the fuck lydia, popping your ass up in the middle of the headlights like some kind of ghost haunting, ‘we cantt leave’ bruh you need to chill.

-of course they need some scene with mason giving liam a pep talk like hes the most important character in this show, yeah id totally believe that. hey heres an idea instead of making it about comforting him for losing his girlfriend, how bout you dont write his girlfriend out, there i fixed it.

-malia’s flight no longer delayed!!! haha that squeal of excitement, omg she yelled ‘Oui Oui’ i gotchu girl leave this hellhole while you can.

-opp and heres scott and lydia out to ruin her fun. ofc.

-”no, no nonononono no, its just rats and wolves- and maybe a little bug problem’ see shes got the spirit. let her get french dick in peace. but also, how the fuck are they gonna explain her and scott hooking up in the future because idk what a fucking ride.

-goes to the window instead because her friends are trying to cockblock her- shes DETERMINED PPL U CANT STOP THE DICK.

-lol scott steps aside and then lydia moves into malias way MY GOD before scott pulls her back out, fuckin i cannot.

-two seconds of disappointed looks but cmon guys lets not pretend that malias an independent person who can make decisions outside of the group- aaaannnnnn shes back. wow. quelle surprise.

-but hey at least she hit scott in the face with her bag, get it girl.

-injured white mummy hellhound staggering through the woods then shift to lydia, malia and scott in the car ‘we opened a door to another world and something came out with us’ THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT FOR SEASON 3? 4? THE ONE WITH THE NOGITSUNE CMON PPL.

-of course guidance counsellor college lady is gonna kill white mummy hellhound boy. i support her.

-’what kind of price a big price?” ‘big’ wow, A+ dialogue here, someone give them an emmy for this shit.

-oh no guidance counsellor lady in trouble. bu t of course when push comes to shove, shoot white mummy hellhound boy in the head. but white guy actually died for once???? props. lets see how long hell stay dead before theres a reason that makes no sense to bring him back. cough cough theo.

-two seconds later cause apparently thats enough time for her to escape without the Gang sans stiles noticing. even though two of them have increased hearing and sense of smell?!!!??!! because it wouldnt be teen wolf otherwise.

-lydia ‘i thought you couldnt kill a hellhound’ WHEN WAS THAT EVER SAID??? I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER THAT BEING STATED???

-scott, picking up the bullet casing which apparently killed an unkillable hellhound but hes just so good its not an issue. oh hey, is that a fleur de lis?

-’argent’ ooooooooohhh more suspense. dont think i can take it.

-’the sound of someone who’s never lifted a hand against a human being’ you can says shes a hunter lydia, her trunk was full of murdery shit we get it.

-also whats with teen wolfs repetitive need to make girls have an emotional distressing response to something before they go all ‘i kill you, ill kill everyone, ill kill myself idgaf’ and their expression goes all Tough Girl. like cmon. u realise girls dont all react the same way to the same things right?

-but hey props to guidance lady for not dying, though i mean she’s a girl and shes not white so lets assume her chances arent strong for future eps.

-lol all three of them sitting on scotts bed together. is it just me or should they all just make out, im just saying.

-’can we say we forgot?’ omg lydia PHRASING, u literally forgot stiles barely a few eps ago, dont crush him already.

-’we almost lost him last time’ i just love how the girls have all the emotional lines and scott just gets to sit there a nod like stiles hasnt been his best friend for years and years. but apparently connection on teen wolf means only if you want to fuck each other since scott magically forgot stiles without much effort and the entire season was about lydia getting him back even though they literally werent even dating and theyd given no indication shed even liked him when he was taken. but suddenly shes magically interested in him and the connection with scott, his best fucking friend for life somehow wasnt strong enough and I AM SALTY.

-malia- ’if this turns out to be somthing big and we don’t call him-’ ‘he would kill us’ hey look Scott got to say something accurate about his best friend, yay!

-’you guys didn’t hear his voice, he was really excited to be there’ aww scott, but seriously you asshole writers are still telling me their connection wasn’t enough for scott to bring him back? for shame.

-’lets just play the voicemail’ lol here comes the swelling emotional music.

-but seriously fuck you guys, heres stiles telling scott to leave beacon hills behind him and that its not his responsibility and not to worry about it and take stiles’ jeep (which we know he loves more than anything) and drive, and the instrumentals are getting really emotional showing stiles at the fbi and youre still trying to tell me that scott wouldnt have remembered his best friend without lydia???? fuck off.

-omg the nerd stopped at the fbi seal and straightened his tie i fucking love it.

-seriously whats with this music??? like stiles just won the damn noble peace prize or something just for showing up. its no wonder ppl think scott isnt the main when the writers give stiles all these storylines and attention, like this is not subtle ppl.

-stiles constantly interrupting the fbi dude in the middle of the presentation gives me life omg.

-’one recent manhunt had our crisis response team chasing down a bizarrely feral unsub in the wilderness of north carolina-”

-OFMG LOL ITS DEREK

-STILES SPAT WATER EVERYWHERE THIS IS GREAT

-are they literally trying to sell that this is current??? like that is clearly season 1 footage of derek what the fuck is happening right now. why cant he just have a vacation for fun, why do the writers have to ruin everything for him but nope, mass hunting derek time ofc,

-the way stiles put his hand over his mouth as if that would cover up the fact that he literally spat water everywhere. smooth stilinski.

-omg the presenter dude look down at the list of names seeing Mieczyslaw Stilinski and legit being like ‘uh... young man’ thats awesome.

-’just got a little excited’ honestly what the fuck teen wolf. you baiting sterek fans or what?

-stiles trying to find out what they’re after him for- ‘Murder’ but what type of murder. “Mass murder’

-suspenseful music AGAIN jesus fucking c h r i s t.

-OMG now they’re just zooming in on dereks tattoo, increasing the music. dude we fucking get it, thats derek hale and you, the writers, fucking hate him. chill.

#teen wolf season 6b #spoilers #semi live blogging #i have a lot of feelings apparently #this is one hundred per cent sass lets be real here #lololol what a laugh really #teen wolf spoilers #6b spoilers

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tophbiefong · 7 years

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❤ Shoutout to my hunnis @beliamyblakes& @bellxmyblakes for tagging me ❤

Rules: you must answer these 83 statements and tag 20 people

Under the cut bc its pretty long soz

Last… 1. drink? lemon lime sparkling water (that sounds so boujee but its actually not) 2. phone call? my mom 3. text message? I sent my bosses a meme lmaoo 4. song you listened to? I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys (I just recently bought a ‘BSB Greatest Hits’ cd and its all I’ve been listening to) 5. time you cried? a couple hrs ago for absolutely no reason Have you ever… 6. dated someone twice? lmao nah 7. kissed someone and regretted it? hells yah 8. been cheated on? nope 9. lost someone special? yes 10. been depressed? 4 sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve got a puking-phobia so I’ve figured out how to get hella fucked up and not puke favourite colors: 12. blue 13. grey 14. pink in the last year, have you… 15. made new friends? so so many, and I’m so happy about it!! 16. fallen out of love? nah 17. laughed until you cried? aw hell yeuh 18. found out someone was talking about you? idk for sure but probably 19. met someone who changed you? oui 20. found out who your friends are? I’ve known that shit since a week after I graduated high school 21. kissed somone on your facebook list? ew yes (~regret~) 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? almost all of them, except distant family members who’ve added me 23. do you have any pets? two dogs 24. do you want to change your name? I will forever wish my first name was my middle name bc Brooke is gross (both the name and the person ayyyeee) 25. what did you do for your last birthday? went to a boujee restaurant wit my fam and had my first legal drink (it was a mojitio and I hated it bc mint is gross) 26. what time did you wake up? 9:21 am bc my ma was calling me askin about oranges 27. what were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping, which literally never happens 28. name something you can’t wait for: moving to van with Danni ( @beliamyblakes its gonna happen i s2g) 29. when was the last time you saw your mom? literally 2 seconds ago 30. what are you listening to right now? Supernatural on the tv 31. have you ever talked to a person named Tom? ew yes, my mom works with a douchey guy names Tom and I hate him sm 32. something that is getting on your nerves? being an adult 33. most visited website? probably netlfix or youtube 34. hair colour? dirty blonde wit a red streak (I didn’t copy a fictional character wtf r u talkign abt ??) 35. long or short hair? I love my long hair, but I recently cut it all off for the summer 36. do you have a crush on someone? no one irl but bob morley 4ever n always 37. what do you like about yourself? lmao nothing ?? i suck ?? 38. piercings: 6 on my ears and my nose 39. blood type: does anyone actually know this ???? 40. nickname: B, kate calls me Brooketh, my mom calls me Ethel 41. relationship status: single (BUT SOMEONE PLS TAKE ME) 42. zodiac: Leo 43. pronouns: she/her 44. favourite tv show: the 100, b99, this is us, the office, parks and rec, bob’s burgers, gravity falls is a new one, teen wolf (even tho it pisses me off so fuckin much) 45. tattoos: the ‘I solemnly swear’ HP quote on my right foot, and I want like 12 more 46. right or left handed: right 47. surgery: I had my appendix taken out when I was 6 48. sport: I used to swim competitively, and I wish I still did 49. vacation: I’ve literally never gone on vacation, but I go up my grandparents cottage a lot in the summer 50. pair of trainers: blue nikes if we’re talking actual running shoes, but I prefer flip flops in the summer and uggs in the winter 51. eating: nothing rn 52. drinking: lemon lime sparkling water still 53. im about to: start working on a special sth 4 my bbs 👀👀👀 54. waiting for?: someone to love me 55. want?: the motivation to actually do the shit I say I’m gonna do 56. get married?: yes, but imma be single forever so it doesn’t matter 57. career?: IDFK 58. hugs or kisses?: both, but kisses more 59. lips or eyes?: eyes (mine are blue, but i love brown eyes so much) 60. shorter or taller?: taller 61. older or younger?: older, bc ppl my age are idiots 62. nice arms or nice stomach?: for me ? stomach 63. hook up or relationship?: relationship 64. troublemaker or hesitant?: hesitant, I worry waaaay too much & am therefore v cautious 65. kissed a stranger: nah 66. drank hard liquor: oui oui 67. lost glasses/contact lenses: nah bc im v cautious 68. turned someone down: yes (and deeply regretted it after) 69. sex on the first date: no thx 70. broken someones heart: i really don’t know 71. had your heart broken: yes 72. been arrested: IM V CAUTIOUS 73. cried when someone died: yes ?? obviously ?? 74. fallen for a friend: yes do you believe in… magic 75. yourself? lmao no 76. miracles? not really 77. love at first sight? maybe 78. santa claus? nah 79. kiss on the first date? If the date was good and I like the person 80. angels? nope 81. current best friend’s name? Alexandra, Danni, and Kate 82. eye colour: blue 83. favourite movie: The Little Mermaid

tagging: @starboybellamy @clarkegryphus @bellammy @the-princess-and-the-king @griffinnblake @as-inevitable-as-morning and anyone else who feels like it

#b quiet #have fun reading about my trashy life #tag games

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fertile-delirium-blog · 7 years

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You know, everything I ever worked towards, care about, love or have been lucky to come across or been given an opportunity to, I’ve always gotten to a point where I fuck everything up realise where I went wrong or what I keep getting told I do or am and honestly everyone I ever believed enough to let in and be a bit of the real me or all of the real me, since I was little, I been trying to run from this sadness that I later found out is developed or called depression that I realise, I’ve never understood it, I never thought id have mental illness and I ran, I denied for so long.. people telling me I need help, I had a system that worked, a system that never allowed me to be verbally honest with anyone enough to actually get to know me , without the fear and what ifs that I now know is anxiety, funny I never really, really knew what it was but turns out the two together destroy my life, ever since high school, ive wanted to continually improve myself no matter what anyone said and the same time I maintained an image where I made myself make everyone view me the opposite of what I felt I was, when im angry, im actually upset, I made myself seem like I was okay enough n making it on my own so people wouldn’t view me as weak or a being who needed sympathy or attention or some street kid goimg nowhere when really, for too long all I wanted was to find where I belong n do what in my heart I felt n feel like will come back, be music that expresses things I can’t say or feels weird coming out of this mouth that isnt mine, dont feel right. Communication.. something ive never had real, experience with.. was mainly mute other than my outward image for my protection and other peoples shit for so many years before I met her, she made me want to talk, opened up n be the me I feel I am on the inside, but, how easy did I really think it was gonna be? …a lot easier than it was/is.. I’ve always been a lone wolf.. why did I think I could have a family life like that when… I convinced myself with this act I was over shit I wasn’t, that was my fuck up this is all before I fell in love and its funny… it’s a boy cries wolf story, she loved me.. I loved her but something in me didn’t let me properly love her the way I should’ve but if I knew then what I know, my god things would be different and this is what I was afraid of.. completely giving in to her that… I wouldn’t care about myself as much just wanted to make her n kids happy, that’s what made me happy that’s the reason for my being as the opportunity to do so after terrible things n times had us far away for a long time and realised that they the family I chose to have n m sorry I let you all down I’m sorry my bpd, bipolar depressive states is what im trying to focus on to gwt better, since I actually believed everyone but 18 years of unsaid, undealt with and put away in the black box f nothing, isn’t easy to unfold , realise grow, accept, change, love, heal myself and be what was wanted or needed to best of my ability, truth is with her, this focus on making my life a certain way disappeared, never thought it would happen.. i want to do n cater n help n just be n do or try to what it s she wanted if me, I tried I fucked up in the beginning, but still pay to this day.. sigh the balance of who I on the inside is out of whack n has changed.. I don’t think anyone ever did I thought I showed n expressed enough to understand, I guess, if im too sick to love I shouldn’t get on the way of where she wants to go n do, its a shame really, right girl wrong time, don’t care if we were meant to be or not the universe chose you that I loved that much I wanted to make a life, thins I did out of spite, jealousy, anger, major depressive states too much drugs or too long on drugs wasn’t really me, the me I thought you knew n loved was that you made me happy, only person to do that that’s not my siblings.. then there are your beautiful kids I’ve let down too many times.. idk what made me think I deserved you 3.. maybe the fact that I was hoping we all changed n we were happy, we were, that’s not fantasy, we had some great, great times ill never let go of wanted my career I chased for since I was a kid n ended up getting n wanted to have the normal family as well but I chose them in the end n always will but I gotta keep away for her, for them.. every time I get into this stupid certain major depressive state.. I do things to make it harder on myself but you know what the problem is.. the real me is hidden in a cube within and I can see everything.. and that’s not the real me. That’s something dark attached to me that wants to keep me hidden away.. so how do I defeat this other person I’m watching from the inside take over a beautiful physical being I don’t feel is mine and causing such pain for both her, I and my ex gf and her kids and tearing everything that’s mine (the inside) and hers(outside) causing such hate n was for each other n causes such distress for those who actually love me.. I would like you, any of you to hold my hand throughout me getting better.. but I also know I’ve had my times with help n no help n I run away.. I know how hard it is for anyone to love me.. or be there for me I want all to be happy n move on with their lives get And do things the deserve.. I don’t wanna hold anyone back jus because they care.. I’ve been alone since I was little.. may as well stay alone to the end.. cant bear to love.. there’s only her I will never have kids, it’ll always be them, don’t want to cause pain because I’m hard to love because I’m sad with myself n wanna make you happy same time.. god how did I get here.. I got nothing n no one.. at all n all I had before her was a dream I made into reality then set bar higher only to fall that fucking hard to be half the reason I hate myself and before that tried to be an accepted part of my family n moved on to my dream knowing my family will never know.. what ive felt, how low I sank at the age of 8, understand or acce ppl t me enough.. the most truth I can give them is that I want to die cos im not good enough for this world.. items are not feelings, being raped and beaten for 5 yrs of my childhood n being too scared to tell anyone due to death threats then once it comes into the open is apologetic and sad for then my mum gets angry at me cos she cant accept it sober,.. I do blame him.. but I also know that its my fault ive let him win and affect me as a person n how I grow for so long and being told o can do something bout it going to yoir mum n her telling me its no use they wont find anything too late to be then told 5 yrs later that, I can still do something about it.. and I havent.. all these little bits and pieces make sense from the moment of my mums impregnation to now that maybe, just maybe I was never supposed to have been born.. I don’t belong on this world, I was an unwanted mistake that had no friends got bullied, raped, beaten as a child to getting away from that man that is your brothers dad also and my brother ended up being my best friend mid teens to not even know what a friend is other than knowing not to let anyone know the bad I been through and alone.. always have been alone no one sees the me that stands behind this beautiful, sad but always fake smiling so i don’t seem so broken shell of mine.. no one can hear me but the people in my head and none of them want to let me out.. guess I don’t deserve anything else but being alone trying to fight people I can only hear.. if I used to see any of them..when I did see silhouetted bodies before I had too many drugs and certain.. things went away.. im sorry I blocked you out.. oh silhouetted bodies I miss you.. as scary as it would be sometimes.. you always helped me be strong enough for the next step, if it is you that torments me today.. why? And if it isn’t.. is it just mental illness?. Or is it so much more than that..

Was I killed or kill myself too early in past life I went straight through to this one??.. from the moment I was born I was not meant to exist.. im sorry to the people who love and care for me… none of you will see me again.. ill save you all the energy, the stress and the pain I’ve previously caused due to my own mind and my feelings but know if you could hear me.. not this voice of mine verbally.. but if you or i could translate it or if you could hear my inside voice I promise that all would be understandable.. no confusion, no bullshit, no actions I didnt make but she or they did.. they just want to break me.. all but one laugh at me, mock me, talk to me and then to her on the outside as a fucking game or to make us continually clash and that ruins me, my ex gf, and well because of all that I distanced from kids when asked.. and have gotten so far it breaks my god damn heart.. gonna be like my brother, like my sister.. cant be apart of their life, cant watch them grow but silently love all 3 of them silently from afar.. I don’t want anyone to love me and I don’t want to love anymore than I already do as long these people and depression n whatever else they say I got continues to win this fight.. hopefully at the moment.. they make m e want to die. For silence, no more memories, feelings and they make it known that this is not my body.. I a excluded from all beings.. even the one I reside in.. no support. Don’t want friends, don’t want family.. I just wish I could’ve gotten better for the ones I love and who love me.. im sorry .. I dont want a life anymore. I really realize .. I was not meant to.. I hope that everyone I love will hate me, already does,or will and can forget me.. I did have some real, real hapy good times with you mum, lola, jaiden, mia, rachele, LJh and TRh.. sorry Ive said and done some fucked up things and I hope if you do remember or think of me it wont always be bad because I had and was a genuine happy and fun girl at times. Especially with you guys. And im sorry if you guys dont know which ones are real and fake..im sorry .. I wanna get better but realising I was never meant to be here,n if I was it was to be alone n silent I was right tho.. im not here to have a life for me or make one for myself nd hurt people in process. I love in times of darkness and undenying voices… I dont need your care.. I dont want you to feel sorry I just hope when you think back on me maybe.. youll see the peaks of the inside me get let put due to the help from my outside n i ts something we don’t n wont talk bout..I wont make anyone put up with me just because they are or I am loved. Not anymore.. I love you all.. hope everyone gets what the want and deserve. And to the parents of whos kids I love as my own then just fucking distanced due to how I am not thinking boit if or how itd affect them.. im sorry fo all the wrong ive done by them but know how happy and grateful I am for you guys bringing them into this world.. we all know im shit at doing what im supposed to and moat times I was shit to them.. I dlnt k know if i t was noticeable but I did try.. but thank you for letting be apart of that and being “snips”.. and giving me a chance to love them and treat them like my own I wish I did better with all of you, their family, my family im sorry whatever this thing is im just sorry I ruined some good things and hurt people I love n who love me.. never again.

I love you all.. I feel like I didnt get to say it all.. but, o can’t keep crying.. I been typing for 2 hrs… I will be making another account and this will be my lalst post as mariah elrington. To the world and the people I love… im sorry. I hope ypu forgive me and see the good person I always tried to be I will love yo and appreciate you all forever.. im sorry that since I came to world I was doomed to be nothing but a problem but I swear.. I swear on everything… I always try to be better but fall harder.. doing this on my own and voices, my thoughts and the opinion of those who love me see the opposite to what im doing or how I am.. its really hard.. ive never done it this mentally tough before.. well on drugs trippin on non real stuff but this.. this is real life and for once, I dont have anyone to talk to even on a vague level.. not even a pen and paper.. this, this is all so o guess thank you tumblr idk how worst id be without you ..I love you all… this is the fkn truth.. I never meant for it any of it to be als bad as they are between my two families I love. I hope you can get it right, now without me, the problem, the burden,.the dralin and be happy I meam that from thr deep.side of my heart, I really hope I haven’t fucked it enough you wont recover.. but I may be a bit over my head.. they won’t care.. I mean they will for a short time,, but will be happy not long after no Im not saying im gonna kill myself, we all know I can’t. But none of you will see or hear from me again.. because I love you. And I love you alll im deeply sorry I couldn’t express or show it enough for that you guys to believe that a whole lot or know the extent of how much with how ive been but ti my blood family and made family… I love you all so much its because of you gus im doing this for you other wise ill never leave y'all alone cos I need y'all but can’t and won’t hurt anyone but myself anymore.. almost 3 hrs writing.. I still got more to say but gonna leave it there.. god damn it,I love you and I do hope my whole family have a good life n im sorry I ruined the parts of it that I did but be worry free I dont want anyone trying to reach out to me after this. Wil be ignored or unseen..

I love my families and im sorry I couldn’t get it right to be good enough well enough to not negatively affect you.

Have a great life, drink, party, love do the things you want and think o f me as okay if it helps just please,if you love me dont ever get worried.. dont ever assume anything just be be fucking happy, experience, travel, grow Chase dreams.. trust, they are possible no matter situation, lonliness or head space,long as you believe youre gonna.make i t real and do what you gptta to make it gappen, if some like me not even suppose to be alive can do it, you strong, smart beautiful family of mine I believe in you.. to all of you every age. and each everyone of you deserve it. The good fun or happy life with its obvious small obstacles that isn’t as stressful or hard t fix asits been as of late..

I am sorry. I love nd appreciate you all. And you will all always be in my mind And my hearts im sorry im too mental im sorry for all ive done.

I love you all.

Goodbye forever.. all 7 of you ill love always. Pls keep the good bout me in your hearts if you can’t forget. I miss you all like crazy wish I could see you all again to give a goodbye hug.. but a visioned one is gonna have to do. Know that’s the last thing youd recieve from me if that were the case.

Goodbye my precious family I loved dearly but took for granted and couldnt get better.. im sorry I put you all through so much. I really am I wish all of you could see how much love I got for each and everyone of you cos I know I didnt do that good of a job to make sure it was known but I hope it is not.. love you please be happy for me too, if its worth anything to any of you, cos idk how long it'll take to feel it again.

Goodbye fams.

-Mariah Elrington

#personal #this time for real

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