#idk i feel like ive been overthinking and judging people too much
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My personal experience trying to figure out my sexuality and gender:
*had never thought about it*
*starts thinking way too much ab female best friend*
- Mmm... I think I MIGHT not be straight
- Yeah I don't think I am
- Then what am I?
- Idk I'll just go with the vibe
- But what if I'm a lesbian?
- I think I like women
- But I've also liked men before
- Then I can't be a lesbian
- Maybe I'm bi
- But I don't feel like I am
- I gess I'm not
*Starts watching and reading A BUNCH of LGBTQIA+ content*
- WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OPTIONS????
*Starts to question not only sexuality but also gender*
- Maybe I AM a lesbian and I was just forcing myself to like men
- Yeah that could be it
*Starts liking a girl a lot and thinking about her all the time*
*Forgets about men*
- YESS I THINK I'M A LESBIAN
- I'm not completely sure I'm a woman tho
- I kinda like the term demifluid
- Is that me tho?
- I could be a non-binary lesbian
- Well idk
*Starting to get comfortable with the term lesbian (gender is still unknown)*
*Starts liking a dude*
- Well shit.
- I wouldn't like to see his penis tho
- Maybe a biromantic lesbian?
- Yeah maybe
- But I kinda like masculine bodies
- Maybe I just reject the idea of men because I'm resentful with them
- But I still don't like penises at all
- Do I even like pussy?
- What if I'm ace?
- I like masturbating and often find ppl hot tho
- Am I even non-binary or am I just forcing myself to abandon the term woman because I cut my hair short?
- Idk, but I think bi-lesbian is just fine for now
- I'm starting to feel that my name doesn't really fit my identity
- But again, am I non-binary or is it just an internalized idea that I can't be a woman if my hair is short?
*Looks for more options*
*Can't find anything*
- I'm starting to like this boy a little bit too much
*Starts overthinking why on earth would he pay so much attention to me*
- I WAS F*CKING FINE WITH MY OWN BODY AND IDWNTITY AND HE HAD TO RUIN IT
*Starts getting very uncomfortable with their own body and experiences dismorphia for about a week (I know dismorphia is a long-term week that can't be cured just like that, but I really can't find a better word to describe how I felt)*
*Stops liking that boy with such intensity, dismorphia stops and self steem starts to go up again*
- Wtf is going on with me
*Afraid to tell my psychologist about any of this since I feel she'd judge me if I did*
- I think I would like to change my name
- But WHAT NAME CAN I CHOOSE???
- I'd like smth gender-neutral
- Or smth a little more femenine?
- Gender neutral
- Or...
- I really like the name Ive or Ivy
- But it feels kinda weird to think about myself with that name
- I feel that people would treat me differently...?
- Also Ive isn't a valid option since I live in Latin America and
1. I don't want to get bullied for choosing a name in english
2. I'm pretty sure many would pronounce it wrongly
- I DON'T F*CKING LIKE NAMES IN SPANISH. ENGLISH IS SO MUCH BETTER.
- WHY COULDN'T I LIVE ON A PLACE WITH ENGLISH AS IT FIRST LANGUAGE?????
- I wanna move to a english-speaking country
- But I'm too young
- Ok names in spanish
- ...
- I don't have anything (if you can think of something please help)
- Fuck.
- Ok so... Am I even nonbinary? Demifluid? Woman? Man? (I don’t think so but I’m not sure of anything at this point) Agender? Something else?
- I think non-binary and woman are the ones closer to what I am, but maybe I’m wrong honestly
And this is where I am now. I’ve watched a million different videos and read different websites and posts on tumblr that talk about sexual orientation, romantic orientation, gender identity, gender expression and so many more things. I’m so confused and have been for so long that it’s overwhelming. I keep changing my perception about stuff depending on the day and that is SO STRESSING. I have thought that I might be abrosexual but I’m not really sure it fits me. I’ve also thought I might be genderfluid but, as I said before, it is kinda hard for me to see myself as someone that either is or feels atracted to men.
I know that I’m closer to figure myself out than what I was at the start though, and that helps me keep going. This is what I’ve got till now:
Gender: Unknown (nonbinary is the one I feel more related to in a kind of way)
Gender expression: More masculine/androgynous (but that might also be because I don’t like how more “femenine” clothes look on me or I just don’t feel comfortable in them)
Sexual orientation: Lesbian(?
Romantic orientation: Biromantic(?
Idk, If anyone can give me any kind of help to deal with this, I’ll take it.
Also, I hope this can help someone who is in a similar situation, and if you are one of those people, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I am here to talk with you if you need to.
Update: I REALLY am into this boy and he's got me SO confused.
I think I might actually be bi... just with a bunch of internalized biphobia and fear of men (which i gotta get over)
#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqi#lgbtqia#lgbtqa#lgbtqia+#lgbti#lgbtiq#help#confused#figuring myself out#figuring stuff out#i need help figuring this out#queer#questioning#unlabeled
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I am curious but im so 50/50 on him because of what will happen in the future. If he asks me out I want to say yes but do I wanna say yes because I’m curious or do I want spite him in thinking I would say no? I wonder if they’ve spoken about me. Its still so weird for me to understand that im being seen for what feels like the first time ever. Ive been so social this year and I just want to delete my media because im so embarrassed being alive and real and having feelings. Will I subconsciously fool myself in thinking I could make him jealous. his homeboy seems nice and im just overthinking like crazy. im honestly such an idiot and want a distraction but i just wish it could have been any other person than his homeboy to be interested in me. why me? he probably doesn’t like me all that much anyway so I shouldn’t even be too worried about that but what it he does or later decides to do so? I was so used to him not wanting to speak to me at all but we’d text often, i was only there when he wanted it. So it further made me think that I could be cared less about in that way, i was nothing more than just pity. right? And I found myself liking him and being attached to that even knowing all this info. And now his main homie seems interested in me it just takes me aback because I feel like im not seen at all or im just something to be judged at or looked at in only one type of way. Im scared to say yes because ive never experienced any romances ever and that whole ordeal just made me feel so iffy about relationships and all that stuff because im so innocent and inexperienced. Ik im not completely stupid because even then the people who have experienced doesn’t make them experts/wise(idk what word imtrying to use for this but I get what I mean and I hope u do too) but its the fact they’ve gone through stuff is what makes me envious, whether it be good or bad, because in my eyes i see that as growth. I feel like I haven’t gone through anything major up until this year?? and I just feel like its never going to be enough and I will never be enough. Im so scared and not ready and its just much easier to feel sorry for yourself and hate yourself because of how many years ive been doing it that its only gone worse. Despite it all I like having a sense of humor about it because its like “ur so pathetic lol”………… its funny too because I’ll just rant and rant in my notes app and the min I stop the feelings just go away and im back to doing my same routine for that last 6 weeks……. I hope he doesn’t go through with it I rlly rather him not tell me anything but I just don’t want to say no to him. He been loosing weight too and im certain im one of his motivations and that would just be so crushing to be told no. (i mean it would take him on a revenge journey just like him but I really dont want that) tbh him loosing the weight has inspired me too because how quickly hes doing it and it makes me want to be competitive in a way. Idk if its me feeling bitter because hes doing it so healthy and ive been choosing self destructive options but hey atleast im hearing and seeing (just on the scale tbh) results. (I love to see it physically :( but i just cant) i just wish it wasnt him tbh. and Im not saying I wish it was the guy I originally liked but i want the attention of somebody who wasn’t connected to highschool or him. Something completely new because i just think it would make it less weird for me and I honestly shouldn’t have to be overthinking this much right? i wish the normie guy could have picked me he would of solved all my problems, as shitty as it sounds but i would of love molding him to my liking and changing him for the better, he for sure would of dropped me but ig its for the better because I never stood a chance compared to all those other girls in his following. why cant the people i want want me? im so fucking naive jfc
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tw // injuries
stop how do i continue with this aaaaaa whumpy mood where
#venting time#im sad for no reason other than the fact that i read angst#and saw a tweet saying#and i quote#wired angst: i love you and i have to destroy you for the sake of the world trope#and the brain started thinking and it didn't stop thinking and now im Too Sad To Write Whump#ALSO just have been randomly sad in general#idk i feel like ive been overthinking and judging people too much#n i recently learned abt physiognomy and ive been trying to rid that concept from my mind#maybe i can write a prompt abt that later#neways idk im just Sad maybr ill write prompt 4 since jm in the right mood for it
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My first vent!
Hi, ive been needing a healthy way to vent out my frustrations and i feel a public diary helps because i hate the feeling of screaming for help and none is received. Please dont judge me on my spelling though, i really hate " 's" because they take too much time.
I tend to overthink when im asleep and i had thought about a friend i had recently lost. Lately ive been thinking "were they really a friend?" there were times they did care for me like a friend and were protective of me, but other times they made me feel like i was a bad person for my flaws. They also would take their emotions out on me and their other friends. They cant take criticism either (me being a blunt person especially when i call someone out, it doesnt mix well) she doesnt like to hear the hurtful truth Even if its for her own good. Though one unforgiving thing about her is that she got upset and talked shit about me to her friends because i was suicidal cause i lost my literal boyfriend because of his moms racial discrimination and because i did something that caused our relationship to be unsecreted (if thats even a word) she told me she literally was upset because she was jealous and that hes a boy. Shes kinda sexist and thinks boys are evil for some reason. She was jealous i had more trust in a boy (one who treated me way better than she did; plus not long before this she literally had out of no where blocked me but i forgot why its been a year or 2 since.) she made the arguement ive known her longer but that was untrue cause i met her near the end of 8th grade from my old art blog. While the boy i met during the beginning my second semester of 8th grade. Idk what she told that friend of hers but what she said made them think i was a bad person. And as well as when i met them they just outright said i havent changed and im confused what she even meant cause she barely knew anything about me (or at least anything good about me). this is sad coming from me because i do this too, but she never understands how the shit she does effects the people that care about her. Hints why her ex girlfriend no longer wants to be in a relationship because she messed it up being all needy and wanting attention from her 24/7 despite her girlfriend juggling a job and college. Shes too busy but she tried to reach out
But on The other hand this ex friend of mines was incredibly lazy and did nothing but sleep and procrastinate. I called her out on it especially after she had hurt her own girlfriend by blocking her to try to get her attention, which is detrimental especially since she has bad anxiety. She is pretty selfish, and her ex girlfriend is a close friend of mines, sisterly in fact. So i stood up for her as i do with all my friends. Ever since that day, my ex friend would be petty and bring it up and stuff. One day i just had enough after a bad argument and her friend blocking me after saying "i didnt change at all" when in the argument she was telling me i wasnt doing things i did do? I have people who was aware of the situation back me up. So i just had enough and cut both of them out my life especially that ex friend whos the main story in this post cause ever since that dumb incident where she hurt her own girlfriend, she changed up on me and was all.. Two-faced and i couldnt stand it.
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hot take:
i don’t understand how you can just not like haikyuu
idk i’ve just been seeing a lot of haikyuu slander recently, and i mean i understand that not everyone’s going to like the same things as i do, but almost every time i see someone complain about it they complain about the plot??
it confuses me because i don’t understand how haikyuu’s writing is not anything but flawless? ive watched my fair share of anime and i’m going to be honest: haikyuu in terms of balance, story development, character development, pacing, symbolism, foreshadowing, etc like even down to the pesky, nitty gritty details it is one of, if not, the best i’ve seen in not just anime but media in general
yeah of course when i first watched the show at age 13 i was all “ooh hot boys” and “ball go woosh” which i still sort of am, let’s be honest but it wasn’t until i grew up and started taking higher level/college english courses, as well as rewatching the show many times, that i truly realized just how amazing the show is and was able to appreciate it in the way that i do now. and even when i was just watching it for the cool scenes and the characters, not really thinking about the literary details, i still enjoyed it so very much.
call me biased, because i may be, but i just think people who don’t like or can’t appreciate haikyuu are those who don’t see it beyond surface level. everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, i understand and respect that, but i feel like if people really took the time to analyze the show they’d love it. or at least not be able to say it’s poorly done, you know? maybe i just am overthinking the whole thing 🧍♀️
also just so we’re clear i don’t want this to come off as “if you don’t like haikyuu you’re just uneducated and your opinion is invalid” because not everyone is able to get a proper education in stuff such as literature, and in turn not everyone watches a show for it’s deeper meanings and what not. i’m just pointing out that in my experience, it took a lot of rewatching and deep comprehension of specific scenes in order to be swept away by the show, and that i think a lot of people write the show off as “bad” because they personally neglected many of those elements, therefore becoming too quick to judge.
#rev remarks#haikyuu!!#ok i know i sound so dumb here#bc it ain’t that serious ma#but i feel like if haikyuu was a book/movie instead of a manga/anime it would be taugh in lit classes#it’s just the way furudate was able to take something as simple as volleyball#and make it so powerful and about so much more than just volleyball#but still my point is that i think the only reason people don’t like it#is because they don’t understand it#3 am thoughts with a thot
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just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by. repost & tag away!
TAGGED BY - @flamecrest, ty baby I’ve been wanting some aesthetic memes to get back into Robin feel and imagery!! I didn’t even have to hunt them down this is perfect!
TAGGING - lmao idk who else is still here for fea or how multimuses would want tagged?? Take it if you want it, I love reading these.
EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:
I. Useful – Is this an emotion? Uncertain, but dear gods let her feel it. Let her do something, be something, find a place for all these skills in her hands and thoughts in her head. She was destined to do something for someone, she knows it.
II. Empty – There are spaces in her head and her heart that are missing. That are blurry, that at times even feel scratched out and overwritten. Others reach into their chest and pour emotions from their hearts on their sleeves at times when she feels nothing. No shame, remorse, butterflies, excitement when others cry or titter. She thinks she should, sometimes, but she doesn’t. It can’t be normal.
III. Fear (Paranoia?) – Death lurks in every battlefield, behind every tree. Danger is along each and every path. This is war and it is her duty and desire to keep everyone safe. She must plan down to every detail and consider every possibility, or the fear of losing any precious life may just consume her.
IV. Rage – Harm those she loves, threaten her plans, violate her values, insult her insecurities, and be prepared to bruise and bleed - likely in vital fluids, possibly in humiliation. Survival is not ensured.
V. Silly – At least, let it not be said that she doesn’t have a sense of humor. A cunning mind can let loose some steam with playful banter, pranks, and reckless abandon possibly a bit uncouth for someone of her position.
GREETINGS:
I. Any standard hello, but she will use your name. It is important. You are valid. She knows you.
II. The flicker of a gaze over the page of a book, begging pardon for just a moment before she can offer you her full attention ( or... uh... continues to ignore you.)
III. A cry of warning as she rushes to your side.
IV. She doesn’t greet you, she’s too busy talking to herself. Please save her from her own mind.
V. Right to business with a directive, request, accusation, question.
COLORS:
I. khaki #D2C5B5
II. matte gold #D5C990
III. leather belt brown #5F5855
IV. grimleal grape (plum) #6E6672
V. charcoal gray #444650
SCENTS:
I. earth - soot, metals, minerals, oils, dirt. She is a nomad and she carries the land she traverses and fights upon with her.
II. campfire smoke - they are frequent and the scent is permanently held between the stitches of her cloak
III. incense - rituals require it, a secondary type of smoke which leaves its enchantment upon her
IV. ink - her hands are stained with it, even when it’s invisible.
V. perfume - whether musk and camphor from lotions and baths of her own purchase, or a more soft, romantic floral from gifted bottles.
CLOTHING:
I: tactician’s cloak. Of unknown origin, but it appears to be a uniform and handed down. Enchanted for safety and for temperature control.
II: boots. Leather. Practical. She added the calf-guards herself.
III: leather waist cinch and belts. For added protection and storage.
IV: gauntlets. Important protection for melee fighting.
OBJECTS:
I: invisible ink. Used for secret plans... and secret letters.
II: self-portrait. A gift from Libra which keeps her believing in herself and reminds her of her bond with another, as well as the beauty in the world.
III: black pearl hairpin. another object of mystery she was already carrying on her when her memory begins. It must be something good, though, for she feels happy when she holds it.
IV: bandages. Every army mom needs them.
V: weapon. Tome, sword, her personal runic sword, a poison or potion perhaps, possibly a dagger. Something for protection at all times.
VICES / BAD HABITS:
I. competitive. Distractably so. She will latch on to a task, hyperfocus and not stop until she’s the best or is absolutely miserable. May do absolutely absurd things at her own expense in the name of proving a point.
II. stubborn. Her overthinking mind means you have to be equally as loud and convincing to overcome her sensibilities and get her to change behavior or see something a new way.
III. blunt. Sugarcoating is very rare. If she has an issue with you, she will confront you and she may or may not have tact about it. Unrelenting in making her opinion known, especially if she thinks you’re being stupid or putting something at risk.
IV. hypocrite. A million possibilities in a million different contexts means she’ll often contradict herself, though arguably it is because some thoughts and values are circumstantial. Will definitely hold double standards when it comes to her loved ones vs everyone else vs possibly herself.
V. bloodlust. Fell blood makes her enjoy when she has to be violent more than she probably should. Sometimes it’s hard to stop.
BODY LANGUAGE:
I. judging you. eyes squinted in contemplation. crossed arms. hips shifted slightly askew. you can basically hear the flickering of thoughts in her head, the scrawling of mental notes. You have no idea if she’s admiring you or finding you wanting.
II. carrying something. Usually stacks of tomes and maps, often bags of armory or baskets of supplies. Never too much to handle on her own, but never so little she’d refuse help.
III. slumped over the tactics table. Head in her arms, cheek probably smeared with her last lettering. She stayed up too late again ...zzzzzzzz
IV. fighting stance. Ready to spar. Ready to kill. Ready to tip the scales.
V. At ease. Gentle touches, reassuring proximity, relaxed shoulders, soft smiles, tucks of twintails behind her ear. She is around people she cares for and trusts.
AESTHETICS:
I. a desk completely covered in parchment, quills, inkwells, and tomes, illuminated by the glow of a nearly-spent candle
II. the clang of steel swords, the crackling residue of magic burning in one’s nose, the shift of leather against chainmail
III. gray clouds releasing a crack of lightning, the ground aflame as thunder follows
IV. a sky of darkness giving way to the warm tones of a cloudless new dawn, witnessed by the ever-watchful gaze of a six-eyed glyph
V. a dusty old library with fingerprints left upon carefully selected books
SONGS:
I. "Keeps Gettin’ Better” - Christina Aguilera
II. “Brave” - Sara Bareilles
III. “Limitless” - Jennifer Lopez
IV. “It’s the Fear” - Within Temptation
V. “I’m Never Gonna Let You Down” - Colbie Caillat
#( I study whatever I can get my hands on || musing )#( We're not pawns of some scripted fate || aesthetic )
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answer them all coward
take two after closing the tab when i was almost done w every question im gonna fucking lose my shit
angel; do you have a nickname?
people call me nicknames but i hate any variation of taylor
awe; how old are you?
16
baby; favorite color?
lilac
bloop; spirit animal?
kitten
blossom; favorite book/movie/song?
Fahrenheit 451 im1 shes so man matchbox 20
blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?
my lamby who i still sleep w everynight bc i am baby
breeze; most precious childhood memory?
getting told i can keep my cats
bright; mermaids or fairies?
fairies all the way
bubbles; do you have a best friend?
not so sure i do
buttercup; showers or baths?
shower
butterfly; dream destination?
anywhere outside of the us
buttons; are you religious or spiritual?
no but i wish i was
calm; favorite scent?
vanilla
candlelight; what did you dream about last night?
some fuckshit on the beach
charming; have you ever been in love?
yes
cozy; eye/hair color?
blue/brown
cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?
time is fake
cupcake; favorite flower/plant?
hibiscus
cute; what did you get on your last birthday?
money like a lot
cutie pie; most precious item you own?
my kitten lucifer but saying i own him sounds weird
cutsie; what makes you happy?
jillie
daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.
i cant remember
daydream; how do you want to be remembered?
i want to be remembered as nice? kind? please .
daylight; favorite album of all time?
kindly now by keaten henson
dear; zodiac sign?
scorpio
delightful; concerts or museums?
concerts but i love museums
dimples; have you ever written a letter?
yes but i didnt send it
dobby; dream job?
something that has to do w art
doll; how do you like to dress?
i like to dress in a cute button up and jeans but that doesnt happen
dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?
no but i wish so bad
dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?
yes i want many tattoos and on my 18th im going w my dad to get one
drizzle; do you believe in aliens?
fuck yeah
euphoric; talk about someone you love.
i love my sister so much she is my literal will to live she is so fukcing funny and happy and just UGHHH shoutout to kaylleee
fairy; do you have a pet?
yes i have two cats, boots and lucifer, and a dog named finn
fluffy; ocean or mountain?
ocean is where its at
forever; where do you feel time stop?
the park near me at night
froglet; are you a good plant owner?
sadly not
garden; how many languages do you know?
one bc im weak
gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?
not tagging them but like . cmon . yk
giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?
that warm cozy library aesthetic ? i love that
glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?
i love them bc it gives me the opportunity to talk to ppl who are too scared to talk to me (please dont be scared of me)
glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself
my eyes my hair my sense of humor my friends my socks
heart; silk or lace?
silk
honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?
coffee w almond milk
hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?
people watching bc i like to give everyone a story in my head
hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?
melatonin LMAO
jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?
rainy and cold
jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?
sleep my life away
joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?
loud laugh baeby
kinky; do you blush easily?
i dont think so
kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?
that friends to lovers mutual pining takes a little bit to realize what they want is right in front of them i love that
kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?
1am-8am
ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?
keaten henson
love; what is your favorite season and why?
fall bc the weather and the holidays and my job ITS ALL TOO GOOD
lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?
i have never had a macaron but i love oreo iceceram
magic; what are five flaws you have?
i overthink AND underthink at the same time like what a dumbass bitch, i doubt myself, i am not so bright, i am too loud around ppl im comfortable with and i am selfish sometimes
moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?
i like all of them it depends on my mood
munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?
i dont really look?
paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?
minecraft and sweatpants
pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?
on minecraft or on here or just like . sitting
precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?
dont judge a book by its cover is so fucking cliche but like . you gotta learn it
pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?
cook baeby
prince; how would you describe your handwriting?
lazy oops
princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?
i played the flute when i was like 10
prinky; how do you relieve stress?
scream
pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?
strawberry/sweet pepper
rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?
“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”
roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?
my sister being born
smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?
the loss of all my friends bc im fucking stupid. thats the one.
shine; art or music?
both
shimmer; do animals tend to like you?
they do
smitten; do you collect anything?
i collect disney pins
smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?
one? two?
snuggle; what is your favourite candy?
kitkats
snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?
i do but i dont know what kind and idk where it is
sparkle; do you wear jewelry?
i wear earrings and a necklace sometimes
spooky; sunrise or sunset?
sunset
sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?
with head phones but too loud so you can probably hear it without
starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?
hannah montana baeby
soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.
my bed. it has so many blankets and its quiet bc of the AC and it has my favorite things
soothe; digital or vinyl?
digital
squeezed; who do you miss right now?
my best friend francesca like a lot
sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?
loyalty
sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?
practical?
sweet; do you find it easy to open up?
no i dont think ive ever completely opened up if im being honest
sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?
i do! i want two kids!
thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?
this is gonna sound so fucking dumb but i really look up to jenna mourey/jenna marbles
toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?
idk man im quite basic
tootsie; what kind of friend are you?
im very loyal but i tend to hold a grudge so like . thats an issue
treasure; what was something that made you smile today?
tina made me laugh shoutout to tina
velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?
night owl
whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?
invisibility baeby
whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?
home home
whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?
no but i like doing it
wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?
messy oops
wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?
i like my town but i dont think i wanna lvie here
wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?
yes i have
#cheers i did it after almost losing my mind#if anyone reads any of this i am sorry and you get a gold star#driftingbarnes
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Hey, can u plz help me type myself? Thanks. I'm pretty ambiverted. I feel like I alternate btwn the real world and my head a lot. I can't stay in only one of them for too long, though. I love doing things and going out and having fun, but I never fully am able to just let loose and live in the moment. I def prefer analyzing and thinking about situations than actually being faced w them. I have a general tendency to overanalyze everything, and I jump to insane conclusions pretty quickly. (1)
When I meet new ppl, I have a tendency to make immediate, rlly harsh judgements about them. But usually, the next day, I realize that I was just overthinking it and I start to really like them. My opinions can change SO quickly. Another thing that changes really quickly with me is my ideas. When Im having a convo w someone, I go through abt 8462 different topics because my mind just switches from idea to idea at an incredibly quick pace, especially when i'm having a sudden burst of energy. (2)A big weakness of mine is that Im really disorganized. Ive always been this way. I'll start the school year off with a nicely organized binder, and by the second week, all my papers are being shoved in my bag and crumpled up. I dont take any interest in organizing things, I feel that it's not the most important skill to have. Another thing is that, as people-oriented as I am, Im oddly quite bad with people? This is rly weird and idk why Im like this, but I understand exactly (3)
how I make others feel with what I say, I'm very aware of people's perceptions of me, and I understand how to manipulate people, but when I make attempts to actually do it, I can't. I'm really good with emotions and I understand them on an incredibly deep level, but I'm bad at working with them/changing them outside of my head. I've always loved things that spoke to my emotions - most of my favourite songs and movies are my favourite songs and movies bc they speak to me on a (4)
personal level. I can relate to them. When I watch sad movies, I looove getting super involved in them and experiencing emotions to the full depth I can get to. But I also have this huuuuge fear of crying in front of ppl, so if someone is there watching it with me, stopping me from being able to cry, I get extremely annoyed. Oh also - one of the most annoying traits in people for me is when they're superficial/aren't touched deeply by things that are extremely moving. People who only (5)
watch movies for the action scenes and nothing more. Who don't reflect on the lines or see them as having a deeper meaning than the exact words that were spoken. That's just a big pet peeve of mine. Anyways, I think that's it? If you need me to provide you with any more information, PLEASE let me know. Tysm!!! I love your blog. (6)
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Hi anon,
1st part: prefer analysis to the moment, jump to conclusions a lot - possibly intuitive
2nd: judge people quickly, very quick to change opinions - probably not Ni or Si which are usually slower to change opinions. This all sounds very high Ne to me.
3rd: disorganization - also high Ne. Probably dom Ne.
4th: I can’t tell - this could be either a low Fe thing or a high Fi thing in that someone with Fe tends to be better at understanding manipulation, but the low position makes it hard for you to implement, or it could be that your high Fi makes you very people-oriented but bad at bringing this skill outside of the personal.
5th/6th: this seems much more Fi - being irritated by people you perceive as superficial. A high Fe user might do this but almost definitely not a low one, but a younger high Fi user would be quite likely to have this reaction.
Conclusion: ENFP.
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I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY
COMING RIGHT UP
♡ cute asks ♡
angel; do you have a nickname?
G!
awe; how old are you?
21
baby; favorite color?
purple
bloop; spirit animal?
i know what youre trying to do bug
blossom; favorite book/movie/song?
my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out
blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?
lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.
breeze; most precious childhood memory?
maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia
bright; mermaids or fairies?
fairies
bubbles; do you have a best friend?
YEAH
buttercup; showers or baths?
showers
butterfly; dream destination?
maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?
buttons; are you religious or spiritual?
yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM
calm; favorite scent?
this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!
candlelight; what did you dream about last night?
i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing
charming; have you ever been in love?
yes... overrated
cozy; eye/hair color?
red hair green eyes
cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?
the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped
cupcake; favorite flower/plant?
i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you
cute; what did you get on your last birthday?
i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read
cutie pie; most precious item you own?
any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol
cutsie; what makes you happy?
people saying small nice things
daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.
just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think...
daydream; how do you want to be remembered?
i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite
daylight; favorite album of all time?
idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that
dear; zodiac sign?
sagittarius
delightful; concerts or museums?
?????? N/A unfortunately
dimples; have you ever written a letter?
yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil
dobby; dream job?
writer of , books or screenplays or something
doll; how do you like to dress?
behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing
dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?
my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.
dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?
no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...
drizzle; do you believe in aliens?
yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently
euphoric; talk about someone you love.
the demigirl reading this
fairy; do you have a pet?
no :(
fluffy; ocean or mountain?
mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean
forever; where do you feel time stop?
i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing
froglet; are you a good plant owner?
i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.
garden; how many languages do you know?
one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french
gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?
i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it
giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?
homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy
glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?
yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!
glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself
ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE
heart; silk or lace?
silk
honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?
coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.
hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?
BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that.
hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?
Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on
jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?
that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere
jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?
i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do.
joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?
i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me
kinky; do you blush easily?
no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush
kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?
SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...
kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?
i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever
ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?
fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit
love; what is your favorite season and why?
autumn, because pretty, haloween
lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?
i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good
magic; what are five flaws you have?
overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly
moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?
they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn
munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?
emotional labour, similar energy level
paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?
I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food
pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?
doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself
precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?
you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week
pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?
cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy
prince; how would you describe your handwriting?
oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.
princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?
yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me
prinky; how do you relieve stress?
doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself
pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?
LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...
rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?
i have not read a book
roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?
realizing im trans
smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?
ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing
shine; art or music?
MUSIC
shimmer; do animals tend to like you?
yes
smitten; do you collect anything?
bonsais??
smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?
one
snuggle; what is your favourite candy?
chocolate, any,
snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?
phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food
sparkle; do you wear jewelry?
occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet
spooky; sunrise or sunset?
sunset, that is the beautifulest
sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?
with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me...
starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?
save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv
soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.
my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED
soothe; digital or vinyl?
digital? what is this about?
squeezed; who do you miss right now?
my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...
sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?
loyal, honest
sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?
practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything
sweet; do you find it easy to open up?
NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.
sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?
yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest
thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?
i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that
toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?
the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.
tootsie; what kind of friend are you?
i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff
treasure; what was something that made you smile today?
another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.
velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?
niGHT OWL
whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?
shapeshifting
whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?
home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.
whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?
no
wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?
tidy
wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?
yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3
wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?
yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time
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Reflection
hey journal,
i cant tell if im feeling jealous or competitive or just overthinking or what but honestly, i feel...
hurt.
by david.
i had a lot of hope for him and i thought i knew him. i knew he struggled with depression and i really cared deeply for him. i thought i knew him.
i trusted him. i thought he was a genuinely good person with people’s best interests at heart. and idk if it was just bc of that night after senior banquet when i saw him engaging in more vulgar conversation or what but...idk.
i thought he would stand up in those kinds of situations. am i just being too quick to judge? should i confront him about it? he isnt as “perfect” as i thought. i think joyce and him are both not in the best places mentally and feeding each other’s negativity. i cant bear to see them both tonight. i wouldnt be going to celebrate joyce and have a good time with her. a part of me just doesnt want to see either of them.
i am genuinely happy theyre both doing well. i am.
is it the fact they get along so well is what bothers me? i dont think so?
i think ive calmed down a bit.
im listening to “Give Me Faith” and it’s definitely calmed me down a lot.
i just.
sigh.
when i first met david, he was much more intentional and willing to fight for the voiceless and doing what is right. and i think in part bc of his own mental state and valuing people like austin so much and not being able to fight his own insecurities but giving into them instead, hes become who he is now. and it’s not who i once really highly admired. i was proud of him for reaching out to joyce and making sure she was okay and i am grateful that he takes such good care of her. josh and austin are concerned for her too. and i am glad she has people in her life that she feels like she can trust and rely on.
and i guess a part of me wanted that too but i feel like i dont have that anymore. especially since the seniors are leaving. and it’ll be incredibly hard without them but at least i’ll have yaeji. and hopefully cecilia and joyce choe too. people who i think do genuinely love and care for me and who i can be honest with and look to for guidance.
i just really dont want to be alone again. ive felt alone for so long and finally made active efforts to make a family and trust the people around me and it turned out so great! i had people to whom i could comfortably and confidently rely on and who i knew cared for me, genuinely. even if it was just towards the end.
and im really sad to see them go.
but at least, i do love joy, seoyeon, and unsun. i think especially for joy and seoyeon, they can get left out a lot and im really grateful for unsun for listening to me that one time at retreat and praying and caring for me.
thank you.
i think im also just hurt by david bc ive been trying to be more trusting and transparent wth him more recently but he didnt receive it well and in the end, i just ended up feeling hurt.
so here i am now.
but anyway,
thank you for listening to me God and helping me calm down.
it means a lot to me.
thank you.
jess oh
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fuck, sometimes the feeling of wanting to talk to someone so badly just to tell them im feeling down is so shitty and full of myself. but fuck it really kills because i cant get it out os i guess heres my rant
I’vebeen feeling so happy lately and it was the best period of my life. I was back to learning and I actually enjoyed all the calculations and science bullshit. Now its my finals and somehow everything is just near the end point and I can’t seem to fucking be myself or even get the happiness. How does that happen? One moment you’re on fucking cloud and next you’re so below oyu feel like i=you’re in hell.
Whats worse is twhen you dont have to someone to share this with. DOnt get me wrong, ive tried countless times sharing what I feel and whenever I have a shitty to my friends but trust me they dont like it. I think ive bombarded their life so much so its better I just leave them alone now. ahahhaha my fucking souless puny human mind cant take emotions well. fuck that. I always used to think people thats depressed or sad was shitty and just wasnt strong enough to face reality. Yeah thats me right now. What happened exactly ?
firstly, this is the one ive been trying to let go mostly for this year. I have friends, of course we laugh we talk we dont fucking share tho. In my understanding, friends are those who have your backs, willing to listen to you talk about that bitch or this bitch or that dude this dude. Theyre even the ones you go to the malls with, eat with but not my friends. So , ive known them for almost 8 years now and we hang out, we have a groupchat with only the 4 of us. After graduating it was all different. Actually, before graduation it was already shitty because that wasnt a fucking friendship. im sure they thought so too. its all bull shit. so after grad, 1 left us so it was only me and these other 2. by leaving, i mean that person already left to continue studying. so me and these 2 other people, had a whole 5 moths or so we couldve done anything. yeah i went on a trip with one of them. lmao that was a shitty trip. that person wasnt exactly into the backpackers lifestyle. ok just talking about the person like this makes me feel so bad. but its oaky, noone will read. let this be my own diary.
me and the other 2 was never fully ‘attached’ im not sure how we were even friends. to be honest i dont think any of my friends are real, i make them laugh because of my stupidity. thats pretty much it. im the kid in class who would alwasy annoy and disrupt the class sessions making half the class giggle and the other half hate my guts. i went to a pretty small school so most of the ones in class i was ‘friends’ with. serious, what the hell does the word friend truly mean !??!. anyways me and these 2 girls. i already knew i was being left behind somehow because they were actually related so fuck that bus. i should just not get too near with them so when they dump my sorry ass behind 3 km ahead i would feel it as much. wow the fuck was i thinking, actually letting one of them in my life. Do my problems not matter ? ive tried going on blahtherapy but honestly that website rarely gives me a good lsitener. i mean like, i keep getting people judging my problems saying its not serious. WELL IT IS FOR ME. HOW COME SOMETIMES I CANT FUKING SLEEP BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING AFRAID THE PERSON I ACCIDENTALLY CURSED AT HATES MY FUCKING GUTS. WHY AM I SO AFRAID OF MAKING NEW FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE IM SCARED THEYLL JUST LEAVE ME TO ROT IN A LONELINESS PIT OF DOOM
OK back to the 2 people story. so one of them was kind of and kind of not. im scared to say the person isnt my friend. but in all fucking honestly the person has never done anything for me. idk maybe. this is why i need another opinion. this whole matter could just easily be resolved if someone said im way overthinking and the friends would have actually been bothered to call me if i was nowhere to be seen or late to an event. but now. only when i have arrived would they remembered about my existance. i recently deactivated my twitter account fot this shit. i cant stop typing i want to type everyhthing. its flowing inside of me but frankly right now i hvae no idea what to be mad at.who to be mad at and even how to be ,ad at.
the earliest iw as ever like this, the socially deprived potato i am right now, was when i was in primary 3 and my violent way of playing got me in trouble because i accidentally hit my best friends ear with my jacket sleeves which had metal buttons at the end. i immediately regretted it and felt fucking guilty because my best friends ear got red and best friend started to cry. i have freidns here and there but i dont have that 1 special person you know ? the one you trust with all your secrets and problems. i have this one person but this persons life is so fantastic, i cant manage to keep up. so our conversations are usually plain. this person was the only one that asks if im okay. you know those little status hitns when youre upset. i hate those, when theyre too obvious or when theyre clearly made just for attention. ok now i fell bad because i feel like that was me. well i posted one up not long ago. I POSTED A FREAKING MEME. it was funny but this one person actually asked if i was okay. sucking psot on. i cried telling her what happened to me. sometimes each week is a punch to my head. i ahte this feeling of envy. hatred. i need advice on how to let it blow past me. the whole friend thing. do i need to really find someone ? or am i fine just by myself ? if its like that then who do i share my secrets with ? let me be compeletely real, im religious but when i pray i feel nothing which is shity. i try to really feel it. but to no avail i feel so sinful its terrible but i cant help it. i dont know how im every going to end this if i just keep going. so this is where it finishes. this was jsut to rant about my ‘friends’ problem. its bad for me. iget that this seems like a minor problem or not even a prboelm at all. but i feel it. it hurts. and fuck i want more than anything to make it go away so i can be happy again
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[INFJ] (Gay) ENTP-INFJ Success Story
First post, only doing so to add a glimmer of hope/inspiration/affirmation to the whole INFJ-ENTP thing. And our relationship is rather stereotypical, and stereotypically awesome. I am a gay male INFJ. He is gay male ENTP. Ive read that female/male dynamics are way different -- probably due to the social/gender role thing. So, being 2 guys, in similar situations socially/psychologically, is really a blessing. I'm a clinical psychologist in training (INFJ stereotype); he's a lawyer in training (ENTP stereotype). He's extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, sociable, and curious. I'm extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, not AS sociable, but just as curious and open, Im just slower on the "draw" and I dont take social initiative. I dont brag --- we only recognize each other's quickness, simply because we keep up with each other very well -- no matter the topic/lack of topic. We simply dont get this level of engagement outside of deep academic reads, complex historical, musical, cultural, political, legal topics, etc. He absorbs his knowledge and experiential wisdom from the external world, and brings it in to himself, then will ask me my view. I absorb my knowledge through my internal world, and express it out, and he will naturally soundboard, recapture what I say, reframe it, and boom -- new idea/talking point. Seamless conversational nonsense, of depth and quality I've only experienced within my own mind when im alone (stupid narcissist self-centeredness INFJ thing to say, I know). We both ask each other "what" we are "getting" from an experience, as if to try to understand "our other self" better, as if this helps us understand our own selves, which is probably what the "growth" thing is -- where we both see ourselves, through each other, in varying vantage points, so there really isnt any "issue" that both of our minds cant somehow work to something positive. Since the second we met, our chemistry was such that each date that begins as just a broad "lets see a show/hang out/go eat"-- turns into 5AM on a worknight, and we have to split and go home. Today, the same follows. No matter what happens, our days/nights blur into a continuum of "what day/time is it? I have work tomorrow I guess I should go!" We are at a position now where we just naturally plan stuff to do, and if it works out cool, if not, then another time. We aren't clingy -- we are independent, weird, do our own thing, and still come together and its like we're back home (at least, mentally/emotionally). Yes, his "Thinking"-centrism is evident, in that when I have an "Emotional-Apocalypse" moment, he struggles to think of what to say, and even tells me he wish could reach down deep for some inspirational woo-woo. Personally, its enough for me that he cares this much to help mirror and support me, despite his having no clue what to do. Yes, my emotional clinginess has been evident, as just a few days without him and I became a 12-year old middle school girl, and had a break down. He reassured me, and now I'm ok! We've both been open about this sort of "blindness" we have (where my emotions consume and destroy my logic; and his logic is keeping him, he thinks, from finding the "right" thing to say. He overthinks in his presentation, as his perception/vision is so broad and complex, he often worries of talking too much, writing too much, etc -- especially about himself. Similarly, I would overthink, but I think my more "Judging" quality helps narrow down and refine. He/we are idea generators; but typically I'm a bit more "practical" and "on it". As an ENTP, he's prone to boredom, and is constantly looking to engage. As an INFJ, I'm not bored too often, because I readily engage with the right person/environment. Because I'm a slow-to-open/weirdo, he has plenty to pick at. And since we/I am always trying to grow, try new things, learn new knowledge, theres always SOMETHING to discover between us -- it just happens in natural conversation stream. ENTPs do love debate -- supposedly, INFJs are delicate little flowers about this. I am not, and I personally hate when people cannot "debate" without getting feelings hurt or whatever. INFJs supposedly dont love debate because we take it personally? Yes, I used to. I grew out of this when I realized its not personal. Simple as that. So now, we can make fun of each other, call each other names, poke and prod at each others funny ideas and embarassments, and its totally for fun, openness, laughs, and acceptance. No feelings hurt. If anything, feelings/bond made stronger. Also it does help we are actually interested and passionate about 99% of the same things -- we can flip to any music, movie, etc and both of us will be completely into it-- either because we love it, or we just love taking in a new experience just for the sake of it. So yeah we're gay, and that probably makes us minorities among minorities, and neither of us fit gender roles too well (both of us just nerdy sorta weird guys, not into a scene), so I dont know how this applies to the general population... but if its any encouragement -- the dynamic is real, is palpable, and almost scary at how quickly it hits -- dizzying. But, after the initial shock, the realization of what it is sets in... and its the coolest feeling in the world. Not a high. Not intoxication. But--- more, me. And he becomes more "him". And for two people to offer judgment free, supportive space for each other to be the weird unique freaks we truly are, and often have hidden in various layers of our personality/personas, is my definition of love. So, when you find that person... maybe their type is the match for you, maybe not -- but in my case, it was straight out of the "textbook" match. So, its real. Of course, when he gets bored of me, all Ive asked is that he tells me, and we will go from there :) I'm a cautious optimist, or maybe a hopeful cynic --- but I've a good feeling/intuition (eyeroll) about this. Even if it doesnt stay intimate or romantic or whatever the label (dont care about labels) -- THIS feeling, THIS dynamic, the ENTP-INFJ thing, is real. So, to anyone wondering of an ideal match --- Idk much, but I do know Ive only felt this same feeling with 3 people in my life across multiple states, cities, schools, clubs, etc. -- and then, to add the romantic/intimate thing to it.... holy crap. Mountain moving. http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92063&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr
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pus was coming out of my eyelid 4 nights ago, i can’t seem to see (literally) properly because 1/3 of my right vision is blurry but i am so thankful for i have seen (metaphorically) the clearest of people and the situations that i should remove myself from (despite the semi-blindness)
**the pus is not from the allergy lol this was entirely on me cause i couldn’t stop scratching my eyes because of the itch so i cut my eyelid and it bled + weep - also this confirms that i can NEVER keep long nails**
"thank you” for leaving me the better half of the time just hanging - while i desperately figure out where i went wrong. (it obviously have to be my fault, right?) and when i tried to reach out, you see no reason to actually respond. i thought of the worst (terminal disease) and blamed myself for not being understanding enough, but i quickly snapped out of it because i could not possibly understand WHAT I DON’T KNOW. maybe i could have handled the situation better, but i have lost every sense to what/who i’m fighting for.
i am crap at admitting when i’m wrong, i admit that it’s the ego. (”who are you to say i’m at fault” y’know?) guilt usually resonates in me longer than it should have, but i’ll get there. i’m not heartless, it is known that i have too much feelings, and i spend way too much overthinking.
i found a note which i wrote in 2014, and it dawned on me further that the problem then didn’t go away, we simply brushed it off. clearly, i have found the answer to all of my questions and that you have made your choice; not that there was any ultimatum in the first place.
(i wrote this june 1st 2014)
How do you go about feeling after you lost a friend? What do you do when you waited three years to celebrate your birthdays together just to let it pass in a blink with a one-sentenced wish. Do you dwell on it because it didnt happen the way you hoping it would turn out or you move on cause youre supposed to be 24, and birthdays mean nothing anymore.
Who do you talk to now, when the only person that suppose to get you make you feel lost, because its better to be silent now. Who do you confide when the only person you think wouldnt judge you, starts to tell you all the things you dont want to hear. Whos going to laugh at your jokes, your bitchings. Whos going to complete your sentence, whos going to be your mind just cause.
I remember talking about the wedding a few years back, how i promised to hold your hand cause both of us know you need it. How we would slam every detail prior the wedding cause its easier (And more fun) that way. How we imagined your escape plan with the groom. If that fail, how frothing would be inevitable. Now i find myself trying to find the right words to say because maybe you dont want me to get you anymore.
We have our awkward moments but never this. We literally survived distances, thousand of miles for years, but this is the worst. I want to reach out, but I feel like its better not to. Sometimes it drives me crazy that im not talking to you every minute of the day like how we used to, it disgusts me that I am actually numb to the change. A change which I didnt ask for.
But ive come to learn that in life we lose people along the way, but that doesnt mean we love them any lesser. I try to find little pieces of you in the people that are in my life now, but itll never be the same. We will never fall right back into our little bubble. Tonight i feel the most affected idk why but i know when i wake up tomorrow i will be okay. Just like how i know you are.
I rlly want the best for you even if i havent been the best. Im melodramatic like this and might continue to reminisce once in a while, but Ive accepted that weve grown apart. The feeling sucks, but its okay.
I love you, and whatever happens from now, thanks for accepting my lunch date 7 years back after soccer practice and all the in betweens.
i am upset, and honestly angry. total opposite to the tone of the note above, but you need to know that there is just so much that i can/will do.
/////
honestly i think i edit this post more than 10 times, because everything i thought i felt at the/an exact moment just change the next. should i be more open to what you’re going through (which i know nothing about) or do i deserve to actually feel a bit hurt with the whole situation.
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[INFJ] (Gay) ENTP-INFJ Success Story
First post, only doing so to add a glimmer of hope/inspiration/affirmation to the whole INFJ-ENTP thing. And our relationship is rather stereotypical, and stereotypically awesome. I am a gay male INFJ. He is gay male ENTP. Ive read that female/male dynamics are way different -- probably due to the social/gender role thing. So, being 2 guys, in similar situations socially/psychologically, is really a blessing. I'm a clinical psychologist in training (INFJ stereotype); he's a lawyer in training (ENTP stereotype). He's extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, sociable, and curious. I'm extremely quick, smart, intensely mental, sensual, not AS sociable, but just as curious and open, Im just slower on the "draw" and I dont take social initiative. I dont brag --- we only recognize each other's quickness, simply because we keep up with each other very well -- no matter the topic/lack of topic. We simply dont get this level of engagement outside of deep academic reads, complex historical, musical, cultural, political, legal topics, etc. He absorbs his knowledge and experiential wisdom from the external world, and brings it in to himself, then will ask me my view. I absorb my knowledge through my internal world, and express it out, and he will naturally soundboard, recapture what I say, reframe it, and boom -- new idea/talking point. Seamless conversational nonsense, of depth and quality I've only experienced within my own mind when im alone (stupid narcissist self-centeredness INFJ thing to say, I know). We both ask each other "what" we are "getting" from an experience, as if to try to understand "our other self" better, as if this helps us understand our own selves, which is probably what the "growth" thing is -- where we both see ourselves, through each other, in varying vantage points, so there really isnt any "issue" that both of our minds cant somehow work to something positive. Since the second we met, our chemistry was such that each date that begins as just a broad "lets see a show/hang out/go eat"-- turns into 5AM on a worknight, and we have to split and go home. Today, the same follows. No matter what happens, our days/nights blur into a continuum of "what day/time is it? I have work tomorrow I guess I should go!" We are at a position now where we just naturally plan stuff to do, and if it works out cool, if not, then another time. We aren't clingy -- we are independent, weird, do our own thing, and still come together and its like we're back home (at least, mentally/emotionally). Yes, his "Thinking"-centrism is evident, in that when I have an "Emotional-Apocalypse" moment, he struggles to think of what to say, and even tells me he wish could reach down deep for some inspirational woo-woo. Personally, its enough for me that he cares this much to help mirror and support me, despite his having no clue what to do. Yes, my emotional clinginess has been evident, as just a few days without him and I became a 12-year old middle school girl, and had a break down. He reassured me, and now I'm ok! We've both been open about this sort of "blindness" we have (where my emotions consume and destroy my logic; and his logic is keeping him, he thinks, from finding the "right" thing to say. He overthinks in his presentation, as his perception/vision is so broad and complex, he often worries of talking too much, writing too much, etc -- especially about himself. Similarly, I would overthink, but I think my more "Judging" quality helps narrow down and refine. He/we are idea generators; but typically I'm a bit more "practical" and "on it". As an ENTP, he's prone to boredom, and is constantly looking to engage. As an INFJ, I'm not bored too often, because I readily engage with the right person/environment. Because I'm a slow-to-open/weirdo, he has plenty to pick at. And since we/I am always trying to grow, try new things, learn new knowledge, theres always SOMETHING to discover between us -- it just happens in natural conversation stream. ENTPs do love debate -- supposedly, INFJs are delicate little flowers about this. I am not, and I personally hate when people cannot "debate" without getting feelings hurt or whatever. INFJs supposedly dont love debate because we take it personally? Yes, I used to. I grew out of this when I realized its not personal. Simple as that. So now, we can make fun of each other, call each other names, poke and prod at each others funny ideas and embarassments, and its totally for fun, openness, laughs, and acceptance. No feelings hurt. If anything, feelings/bond made stronger. Also it does help we are actually interested and passionate about 99% of the same things -- we can flip to any music, movie, etc and both of us will be completely into it-- either because we love it, or we just love taking in a new experience just for the sake of it. So yeah we're gay, and that probably makes us minorities among minorities, and neither of us fit gender roles too well (both of us just nerdy sorta weird guys, not into a scene), so I dont know how this applies to the general population... but if its any encouragement -- the dynamic is real, is palpable, and almost scary at how quickly it hits -- dizzying. But, after the initial shock, the realization of what it is sets in... and its the coolest feeling in the world. Not a high. Not intoxication. But--- more, me. And he becomes more "him". And for two people to offer judgment free, supportive space for each other to be the weird unique freaks we truly are, and often have hidden in various layers of our personality/personas, is my definition of love. So, when you find that person... maybe their type is the match for you, maybe not -- but in my case, it was straight out of the "textbook" match. So, its real. Of course, when he gets bored of me, all Ive asked is that he tells me, and we will go from there :) I'm a cautious optimist, or maybe a hopeful cynic --- but I've a good feeling/intuition (eyeroll) about this. Even if it doesnt stay intimate or romantic or whatever the label (dont care about labels) -- THIS feeling, THIS dynamic, the ENTP-INFJ thing, is real. So, to anyone wondering of an ideal match --- Idk much, but I do know Ive only felt this same feeling with 3 people in my life across multiple states, cities, schools, clubs, etc. -- and then, to add the romantic/intimate thing to it.... holy crap. Mountain moving. https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92063&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr
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