#idk i dont even know how it looks at this point it might be a dump

[solarpunkani]

"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

#out of queue #ani rambles #punks and posers #i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like #idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs' #or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like #maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague #so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into? #there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else #granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis #outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about #but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off #thats how movements die imo #i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing #i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets #which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows. #might delete later

[moonlume]

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism. #sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art... #i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this. #but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again. #its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years. #im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again... #but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it. #anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human. #i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever #and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it #aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit- #are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash #and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know! #so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust- #they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people. #you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not #plenty on the left too. #at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights? #and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will #if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this. #i just think the term is useless now. #i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point #anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people. #its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should #also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident #or at the very least a culty friendgroup

[lokh]

were cramps always this bad. why doesnt everyone who has cramps get paid a million dollars to stay home every time they have cramps

#is it possible its worse becos i nerfed my uterus and everything. huh #again assuming these are period cramps and not. smth worse #period mention #i dont think its appendicitis. i guess well find out if i wind up dead! #ok i just looked it up. its entirely possible t is doing this to me #not t generally but. the fact of the current dose #im alternating 1 and 2 pumps and maybe thats whats got me in this situation #some ppl say they still get monthly cramps even if they dont bleed #that literally has not happened to me in 2 years. so it must be the dose change #there was a solid 2 weeks or maybe up to a month where i was just on one tho. idk how long cos it was a blur #the point is i might still be coming back from that. so ill stay my course for now #but if this happens again next month im putting the dose back up. god #save #god my family doesnt know that i havent had cramps in like 2 years. so they probably genuinely think #im just dying LOL #i THINK its 2 years. it could be 1. uhhh

[ragingtwilight]

i wanna draw and stream on twitch

- person who knows nothing about streaming on twitch

#fr tho i rly wanna draw and share tunes or watch random vids on the side lol #i also know nothing about youtube streaming ausgehdh #rn i have instrumentals going on quietly in the background #and a video with mainly just voices in the corner so i can focus better on drawing instead of watching #i am lining that OC sketch i showed >:3 #maybe ill look up a how-to thingy for twitch #if i stream with music itll either be from youtube or spotify but i dont have spotify premium so therell be ads agshdkbd #no voice or face #might do voice at a later point tho but idk #i havent even streamed my screen yet lol #grrr #(if anyone has tips for streaming drawing i ask that u gimme 👁👁)

[voidimp]

trying to find any information on anything is so fucking impossible these days

#i just want. web hosting that also has file hosting where i dont have to like have the files Displayed On The Site #i dont even know like. what thats called #but nothing ever seems to specify one way or the other?? #like i feel like thered be some sort of phrasing that id see & be like oh maybe thats what im looking for #but no. it just doesnt seem to be mentioned #& so many sites are like. oh were designed to work with wordpress!! like cool but i dont CARE about that #i want to build my site from scratch actually. #i want to be able to host images that i can use elsewhere on the internet without necessarily having them on an Actual Page of my website #ik godaddy does this. bc i used to use them waaaaay back in like 2007 or so lmfao #but ive heard some Not So Great things abt them so ive been trying to look into other options #(but honestly i might just use them bc id probably hear Not So Great things about Everyone) #(it seems to just be standard business practice at this point) #idk. theres a site called dreamhost i might try but idk if they have the features i want #ig if anyone has any input on any of this lmk #either abt godaddy or dreamhost or if u know of any good alternatives #i dont even need anything super complex just like. custom domain name. file hosting. security that doesnt suck #this is probably all standard i just hate how hard it is to actually find the info #& i dont want to sign up for 10579348 free trials to find out #this is all in the tags bc. the post applies to so much more than just this lmao #this is just my Current Issue

[myownprivatcidaho]

ok ive held off on saying this for months now but he smiles at me like this

#especially that last frame when i was telling him i liked him. god i KNEW it was gonna Haunt me and god fucking dammit it DOES #i try not to think ab it and then at the WORST times of the day the image just comes to my mind #quite rudely and inconveniently i might add #like for a good couple MONTHS after i told him i was able to like. block out the imagery #everytime i remembered that convo id focus on the sidewalk or the wall behind him but not HIM #cause i knew it would HURT. and then. im not even sure how or when but its like something Broke #and i cant unsee it whenever i remeber The Conversation i cant forget it i cant refocus. its THERE #and god. i just dont know what to do man #nd idk how to describe the feeling. i feel so warm. and held #kinda drugged. #and like he doesnt make a POINT of it a lot of it is stuff i Catch him doing #god. #it drives me NUTS cause im over here like What Does It Mean Whag Does It All Mean #and the one time i gather the courage to try and actually Discuss this with him hes like no <3 :3 #DO YALL SEE MY MOTHERFUCKING DILEMMA. #that one crush situation lol #anyways. all that to say back in the fall inwas saying he looks at me like im made of gold and it feels like i have wings i MEANT it ...

[shenzuns]

characters that never cry breaking down is always SO harrowing bc no!!!! u never cry!!!! whatever’s made u cry must be Really something

#𝟶𝟶𝟶. 𝙳𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺 𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚁 ，𝙳𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺 𝙽𝙾𝚅𝙴𝙻. — ( out. ) #UGH ITS SUCH #A TASTY ANGST TROPE #looking at sy and jia.ng ch.eng specifically bc #man........ MAN!!!! #granted sy is a lot different from jc esp emotionally but like #ough.... they only cry at the most extreme situations (and sy from pain if its That Bad) #sy can endure a lot physically but jc can endure a Lot More i think so jc would never cry from physical pain #whereas sy MIGHT if it was just that bad #but emotional pain is a different ballpark #yeah they are my scrimblos that never cry until the very worst happens to them at which point #its just heartbreaking to see them reach that point #NONE OF THIS ACCOUNTS FOR #HAPPY TEARS BTW #i think sy could be brought there. idk about jc i dont think he'd want to be that vulnerable #also theres a lot of other things like how sy isnt even very conscious of his own response to things #but ya to keep this without going overboard u know

[orcelito]

Me currently out of work and not looking for a job rn bc grief shit But knowing my tax return should hit in the next week (which will let me last like 3 months comfortably) and I'll have half of two life insurance payouts bc of my dad dying Probably within the next month or two (Maybe more, depending) so like I got money on the way, I Do, but I didn't work as much as I was expecting for my last paycheck so I'll be cutting it a little close for rent and such until the payouts hit so I'm like. :] cutting it close here man :] give me my money please :]

#speculation nation #ultimately theres no real risk bc i know if i need to i can ask my sister for help #which rly is a blessing. and im grateful for the security. #but i hate depending on other people. so im not gonna lean on that unless it's Really necessary. #i should be able to get by. ive got enough money to last the next rent and bills stuff #and it's been two weeks since i did taxes so it Should be hitting in the next week or so. hopefully. #unless there's a delay it Should be hitting in the next week. crossing fingers. #idk when i'll be looking for a job. depending on how much i get from life insurance i might not Need to for some time. #i dont wanna be too dependent on life insurance money. but if my time is better spent sorting out estate stuff #and rearranging my apartment to make room for all the furniture i'll be getting from my dad #well. no point in getting a job yet if i dont Need to and all #i dont know. there r a lot of uncertainties. only thing i know is half a year's salary from my dad's life insurance. #they give a year of his salary to the family. split between two. even that alone would be Pretty fucking helpful. #but he also had private life insurance. also split between two. i dont know how much that will be. #but good chance i'll be coming into some Serious money soon. at least for me. #the cost of it (my dad's life) is nowhere near worth it. #for a time there b4 it took a turn for the worst i was wondering whether i could donate my kidney to him. or if i even Should. #that was my dad and i shouldve gotten more time with him. i Shouldve. #but he's gone now. it's already done. and theres no point in wishing to change the past. #he'd want me to be pragmatic. he'd want me to use the money to finish school. and that's gonna be my primary goal with it. #gonna finish school. get a good job. make him proud. #done with the funeral. his ashes are downstairs. lots more legal stuff to do. still have the estate to close. #not gonna inherit money from him directly probably considering how much debt we've found #(debt we dont have to pay ourselves but that creditors can reach for his assets over) #lots of uncertainties still. lots of Bullshit. im here for another week or so. just to try to help out. #and then i go back. i start working to get my apartment in order. i start trying to heal. #and i hope that the Fucking money kicks in soon. bc i do Not have as much money as id prefer to have.

[be-good-to-bugs]

im switching bedrooms tomorrow im so excited!!!

#the bin #ill have drawers to hold my stuff #unfortunately i wont have a surface to use my sewing machine on yet. i wanna sew stuff very badly now that i have fabric n stuff #i will probably just move the living room table into my room for a time so i can start sewing some stuff #i do need to get an iron. i keep forgetting that all my sewing stuff besides the machine is all still in ohio #i got new fabric and scissors and stuff but my iron and ironing board and pins and a ton of fabric and stuff i dont have #i hope i get my stuff back. i dont even know what kind of state its in at this point. my sister was living in the room and totally trashed #it so im worried a lot of my stuff might be ruined. and if not because of that then it could of gotten moldy too. idk #i wish i had the money to go taake a trip there but alas. my sisters new car costs way more for gas so #i think im gonna start pushing her to figure out how much we would need for the trip and how long so i can save up that amount #i really need to go there and get all my stuff. i try not to think about it but it stresses me out so fucking much #it sucks that i didnt get time to move properly. just got thrown into moving with very little notice #part of me regrets it a lot but i didnt really have another choice. well. i hope good things will come eventually. #well. ill probably try to saw something soon. i wanna try making a skirt. i hate elastic so im gonna make it a tie skirt #i have one i really like so im just gonna make a lattern from it. idk if the fabric i have will look pretty for it tho

[todayisafridaynight]

YIPPEEEEEE I'M SOSOSOSO EXCITED FOR THE FIC I'm glad it sounds like you've had a pretty good day, it's well-deserved! :] I love Barbie aesthetically... I love Meta Knight...

OH BUT YEAH this was actually my third time watching The Deer King but it is JUST as good as the first... As I've Said I really love Tsutsumi's character and his little daughter and how their relationship progresses [Top Ten Most Doting Fathers Every Other Scene Makes Me Violently Clutch Whatever I Can Get My Hands On], BUT ASIDE FROM THAT the cast as a whole is very enjoyable!

Although it's a novel adaptation, it's also really intuitive to understand the setting and lore thanks to its decision to put personal conflicts in the foreground while the politics and major themes develop in the background, on top of some pretty well-utilized exposition and the movie's strong visual storytelling/direction/editing.

Visually It's Stunning, there isn't a single frame that's not SEAMLESS, but what stands out to me consistently throughout every scene is definitely how much weight there is to every movement [like The Physics Are Off The Charts, but it's also exaggerated to emphasize things in the way only animation can], and how strong the character "acting" is.

OVERALL. MAGNIFIQUE. I do Highly Recommend checking it out if you were interested :] Tsutsumi's character isn't the type to talk much but y'know... proud of him...

DON'T BE EXCITED YOU'RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT but if i release it any time soon.. i hope you find some enjoyment from it.. but omg meta knight :)

THREE TIMES WATCHING well now i have to watch it if you've watched it three times: it MUST be worth its salt then.. 👁️👁️

#snap chats #i made him small so he couldnt take up The Whole Page... i coulda just posted my whole B&N haul but thats not the point of the ask ANYWAY #will have to give Deer King a watch when i get the time.. and after WMA2... turns out all my writing time took up all my B&N time.. #oh but speaking of :) yeah i had a good day all things considered #i love the aesthetic of barbie too so im glad the movie was good.... def a fun watch even if it felt very In Your Face sometimes #but i mean it's for kids and if you wanna get a message across You Better Get It Across yk. #also sometimes you just gotta grab people by the shoulders and shake them with your message. i mean. #they basically did that in the movie too to resolve their conflict LMAO BUT YEAH OVERALL FUN MOVIE ENJOYED IT PLENTY #META KNIGHT SO SILLAY THO when i was growing up my sis and i LOVED kirby air ride and i remember in free-trial you could play as him #im p sure you could also play as him in Races but cmon... city trial was the selling point of that game... love him 5ever.. #but nooo while i was at B&N i accidentally bought a new manga and a new bookmark 😷 #i did try looking for After The Rain since i know THAT one has an english translation but alas... i just saw After The Bitch ☠️☠️ #i forget the whole title dont even ask me i just saw After The Bitch and snorted and continued looking down the aisle for anythin else #the manga i did get's called Our Dining Table. i didnt MEAN to buy it #i dont usually read manga that star young adults I Like That Middle-Aged Flavor. like Dont Call Me Daddy but yk #i was just skimming it and by the time store was about to close i ended up on chapter 2 so i figured Might As Well #it was cute SOOOO why not. i could always learn a thing or two from manga and how they panel/pace things anyhow #i also got a new bookmark since i always like to get bookmarks when i get a new book :) cause IDK its the hoarder genes in me ig #the bookmark i got this time was this like. purple string charm with a butterfly pendant Very Pretty #almost as pretty as this other butterfly bookmark i have of a purple emperor #THAT one has a gold bar- thought one of the panels on its wings is missing.... still a good bookmark tho ive had it forever LMAO #butterflies always make me think of my sister- i feel like i mentioned that before but i also cant remember doing so.. #fucked up that butterflies were for my sis and bees were for me The Fuck You Tryna Say Dad 😭 IM NOT A BEE 😭😭 #bees are cooler than me... but they also die really easily so.... I Repeat Fuck You Mean Old Man... #jk i know what he means.. he means i was an asshole ☠️ weird-naming-conventions-aside NO WAIT I REMEMBERED A STUPID THING #i saw this weird-as-hell bee i saw on my walk yesterday.... tried looking up what it was but couldnt find anything.. #in any case. its funny i think of my sis with butterflies since owls Also remind me of her since she LOVED owls growing up #i DEF know i mentioned that when i was talking about rings i owned... WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME #for the longest time i had this old-as-hell butterfly ring with like. Movable Wings since the wings were attached with springs #but one of the springs disconnected years ago so it's just kinda had one and a half wings BUT I FIXED IT RECENTLY

[arolesbianism]

Once again fucking me up that even the shortest of the staliens are too tall for my liking. You can't tell me Dancer and Layer bndori are around the same height that's so fucked up

#rat rambles #oc posting #and god. dont get me started on how fucked itd be for me to be in a room with him #Im like 5'1 Id probably have to look up at him Id kill him #like tbh dancer and busy are more fucked to me height wise because theyre actual normal humam heights #like helmet being 10'2 is scary and all but thats like a fake height thats not real #5'8 and 5'9 are tho so I can actually visualise it easily and I hate it </3 #like even within eternal gales itself just them standing next to sier alone sucks so bad #fun fact there was a period really early on in eternal gales creation where I was contemplating making staliens smaller than humans #and it was 100% because of busy and dancer lol theyve always been lil guys 2 me #but after helmet and some of the others started more solidly existing I pretty quickly switched to them being stupid tall instead #and tbh for the best tiny helmet sounds way more cursed to me than tall dancer #also even tho Ive nerfed mase's height he still feels too tall to me sometimes lol #I just dont think hes truly earned his second tallest human character spot although tbf if it wasnt him itd be aris and that sucks #tbh I might swap aris and snek's heights at some point if I ever actually feel assed enough to do it #its just weird to me envisioning aris as the taller of the two even if its only by a lil bit #although I could just buff snek to like 5'8 or 5'9 and leave aris be #idk it doesnt matter that much so I probably wont bother with it but ynever know

[scribbles-ink]

im just thinking what if mike schmidt is the son of the movie's equivalent of henry emily. i had this thought on the way home from the movie at like. 10 pm so at the time it was incoherrent, but im going to expand on it here.

point 1- garrett played a similar role to charlie emily, in that despite being watched over they were both killed by william afton.

p2- in the flashbacks, its very obvious that the entire family is in a place away from society. they're literally in a forest. it wouldn't make sense for william of all people to be there if he wasn't close to the family.

p3- the books and the game mirror eachother, so there is a chance that schmidt could be another fake name, one william recognized because, again, he was a family friend.

p4-what happens when your kid goes missing? idk probaly witness protection or an urge to seperate yourself from the incident, both reasons for the name change.

p5-(kinds joke reason) abby rhymes with charlie and looks similar to her (brown hair, brown eyes)

p6-i argue that abby also took on the role of the puppet/charlie at the end of the movie. she didn't necessarily give them life, not like what was done in the game, she shoeed them how they died. she reminded the children of the life they had before, and of who really took it. by doing that, in a way, she gave them that life back. she gave them their real personality back, one not influenced by william. she cut them from his influence, she gave them the gift (the picture) and it gave them life (their memories)

p7- in the movie, mike says his father 'couldnt deal with it' and left after his mother died. yk what that sounds similar to? book henry emily killing himself in despair. maybe mike's dad is alive maybe he's dead, we dont know. but it is similar enough, an act of completely removing himself from the equation.

p8-book henry has a sister named jen, yk what name that sounds like? jane. who was mike and abby's aunt, and we dont know which parent she was related to.

p9-'but wouldn't mike know about the pizzaria if william was a family friend?' honestly, probably. but theres also a high chance that he wouldnt. if the family lived in nebraska, (which im pretty sure they did) they wouldn't have a need to go to utah, not even for a friend's restaurant. sure, he might know that his dad's friend had a restaurant, but not that it had animatronics or anything. the family probaly moved to utah after garrett's disappearance and after freddy's closed down.

p10-'wouldn't mike know vanessa? theyre similar in age' if they didnt live in the same state, probaly not. william in the movie was a, suprise suprise, shitty father, even foregoing the stabbing of his kid. i doubt hed care enough to take her with him on like. a short out of state trip.

p11(edit)- in the books aunt jane was killed by evil charlie to get to charlie, yk what that sounds like? the animatronics killing aunt jen to get to charlie

p12(edit)-the words at the end of the movie say 'come find me' and the music playong at the end is the puppets song so i think garrett is the puppet which is. again. an emily thing

p13(edit)- mikes dad looks like a mechanic shown in the training videos [cough henry emily cough]

if i think of anything else ill add it but anywys this is why i think the schmidts in the movie are the emilys equivalent. also check out the notes on this post because theres a lot of replies n reblogs that support my theory

#scribbles' post #scribbles' theories #thats a new tag #fnaf theory #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #abby schmidt #garret schmidt #heniry emily #charlotte emily #charlie emily

[julilovesyou444]

my first ~ tom kaulitz

background ~ love confession that leads to something else, all from Tom’s point of view.

warnings ~ no proofreading, mentions of drinking, mentions of smoking, smut, p in v, praise, oral fem receiving, breeding ig? idk tbh but it’s naughty sooooo🙉🙈 be prepared LMAO

a/n ~ heres a small blurb, writers block is going insane rn. also someone called my writing “corny” or something… like if you don’t like it, then DONT READ‼️what do u want me to say? sorry??? nah. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING ANYTHING LIKE THIS BESIDES HEAD SO PLS BE NICE IDK WHAT IM DOING. I learned everything from here and wattpad so don’t blame me😓 thanks for the love too

~

I was sitting on some raggedy couch, girls practically throwing themselves at me. we had finished a concert about an hour ago, and i insisted that we partied to celebrate. I had no idea I’d be so miserable. I slowly sipped my drink, looking around. girls were saying all kinds of things to me, touching me, but they were all so incoherent. I didn’t care about them right now. I couldn’t focus on them while I was looking for her.

my eyes continued their search throughout the crowded room until they found what they were looking for. there she was. standing off to the side, drink in her hand, smile on her face. bill and I had met her right before we started our band. she had always been so close with bill. i had been so jealous of that. i wanted to be as close to her as she was with bill, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let myself. the feelings she made me feel were so unfamiliar, and they scared me. I hated not being in control, and whenever I was around her, I lost complete control over myself and my thoughts.

she looked so beautiful, tonight. of course I would never tell her that. it wasnt my place. we didn’t talk to each other like that. even though I wish we did, at least sometimes. I adored how her clothes hugged tightly to her figure and how confident she acted without being cocky. bill had invited her on tour with us. I was reluctant, I didn’t know how I would feel with her being with us all the time. but I didn’t want to be the only one to object, so I accepted.

it was always fun with her, she knew how to electrify a room and light it up instantly. i avoided time alone with her. I hoped she didn’t think I was doing it because I didn’t like her. i just got… nervous.

I watched her from the couch until her eyes connected to mine. I thought she would look away, but she didn’t. She brought her cup to her mouth and took a slow sip, her eyes never leaving mine. the lights from the party flashed in her eyes, making them sparkle as if diamonds were encrusted in them. I could stare into them all day. I couldn’t read the look on her face. I couldn’t tell how she was feeling about this; about me.

Some random girl shoved my shoulder, causing me to look over.

“Can you stop being so boring? I think i might get another drink…”, she complained and slurred , clearly drunk. I rolled my eyes and sat her on the couch, getting up as I did so. My back was turned to the party and I tried to get this hammered girl to calm down. Eventually, I was able to get her to just chill out on the couch. I turned around, wanting to see if she was still watching me. To my disappointment, she was gone. I looked around. I looked around the party some more, and again, and again.

“where the fuck did she run off to?”, i muttered to myself, slowly turning myself in a circle, trying to locate her possible location. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her.

That’s when my eyes landed on a set of stairs that led upstairs. I walked over, randoms saying hi to me as i did. music was blaring and the room had cans and solo cups lining the floor. it reeked of bad weed and alcohol. I made my way to the top of the stairs. I came at a stop when I got to the upstairs. it was still loud, but definitely not as loud as it was downstairs. there was a single long hallway, lined with tall doors, and at the end of the hallway was a big bay window that faced the back of the house. no lights were turned on, but the moon shone brightly and dimly lit up the corridor. I saw her, sitting down on the little cushions by the window, gazing out. she didn’t know I was here with her. the moonlight danced on her skin, illuminating her so perfectly.

I walked slowly over to her. As soon as I came in her eyesight, I noticed she was a bit startled, but relaxed when she saw it was just me.

she gazed back up at the night sky, the millions of stars reflecting onto her pupils. she looked so ethereal with the moon light dancing on her skin.

“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”, she softly asked, as she interrupted my thoughts. she looked over at me with the sweetest smile.

I wasn’t even looking at the moon, just at her.

“Very…”, I mumbled.

She smiled at me and looked back towards the window.

“What are you doing up here? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”, she said. I scoffed.

“I usually enjoy these parties, but tonight, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it I guess.”

“Really? You had so many girls all over you… I would’ve thought that you’d be in heaven.”, she laughed. I smiled and shook my head a little.

“I don’t know what’s going on with me… I just didn’t want them like I usually would’ve.”, i shrugged.

“Is anything bothering you?”, she asked, looking genuine.

“the tom I know would never not be enjoying the fact that so many girls were all over them.”, she added.

“I don’t know… it’s just that, I’ve been dealing with some shit and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“maybe if you tell me, I can help. I know we aren’t like best friends or anything but you know I’m always here for you, right?”, she asked, looking up at me and placing her hand on my arm.

“yea, yea, I know… I think it’ll feel good to finally tell someone. I know a lot of the times I get perceived as a guy who only likes girls for things like sex and their bodies, and to be honest, it’s somewhat true. there’s just this one girl, this one girl, that I like way way way more than that, and I don’t know what to do or how to tell her.”, I vented.

“does she like you back?”

“that’s the thing… I don’t know.”

“oh, c’mon Tom, everyone likes you, im sure she does too.”, she tried to reassure me.

“you think?”

“positive. uh… sorry if this is invasive or something, but who is this girl? just curious…”, she said quickly. I cocked my head and smiled at her curiosity.

“Why do you wanna know?”, i asked.

“Um… nevermind, forget it. I don’t know why I wanted to know…”, she looked away from me.

“well i can tell you something about her…”, I started. I decided it was now or never. I had a feeling that my feelings were mutual.

“Hm?”, she said, looking back to me. I leaned down and let my mouth hover by her ear.

“she’s standing right in front of me.”, i said, just above a whisper. I could feel her tense up. I looked at her face. her eyes her wider and her mouth, slightly agape.

“what?”, was all she said. I stood up straight.

“You heard me.”, i said.

“you can’t just say that and not say anything else.”, she protested.

I shrugged.

“… are you being serious?”, she asked in a hushed tone. I looked over at her and was met with her big eyes.

“dead serious.”

“So you actually-”

“Like you? Mhm, yep, surprised me a bit too.”

She didn’t say anything and just stood there silent for a moment, processing everything I just told her.

“how does that make you feel, hm?”, I asked.

she didn’t say anything for a moment, but I watched her previous face turn into one of confidence.

“good, tom. it makes me feel good to know you feel the same way I feel about you.”

i smirked.

“you already knew that though, didn’t you?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“pfft. Of course I did.”

~

I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind us. as soon as I turned around, she was all over me. she pulled me by my neck down to kiss her, and i let her. her hands moved to the sides of my jaw, pulling me in as if I could get any closer. I pressed my hands on the small of her back, bringing her body flush against mine. my hands found a comfortable position on her hips. we kissed so much, I felt I was floating. her hands roamed my body as we did, feeling my skin where-ever she could. I used my hands to back her up against the counter. I moved them to be under her thighs, and she quickly got the memo. I hoisted her up so she was sitting on the edge of the counter. this way, it was easier to get to other places i wanted to explore.

I pulled back admired her for a second. sitting on the counter, just waiting for me to come back. I couldn’t stay away for long.

I moved my lips to her neck, leaving little soft and short kisses all over. I began to lightly suck, and as time went on, I starting going harder. she gave me the exact reaction I wanted, her little gasps and panting motivating me to do more.

I traveled from her neck, to her collarbone, then to a little lower. my hands found the bottom hem of her shirt. I looked up at her.

“can I?”

she quickly nodded and that was all I needed to see. I took her shirt off.

I felt my breath get caught in my throat. she was wearing a small lacy black bra.

“holy…”, I breathed out.

i snaked my hands around her torso and unclasped it, never breaking eye contact.

“you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”, i said huskily.

“thank you.”, she said, blushing. she looked away from my eyes as I peeled the bra off of her.

“hey, don’t be shy now. I’ve always thought you were beautiful, always wanted to tell you that. I’m glad I can now.”, i said, reassuring her. she looked back at me and smiled. I kissed her, much softer and gentler than I had been. my hands made their way to her boobs, massaging them slightly. I felt her breathing pick up a little. I kept kissing her, but I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss at her reaction. i played with her nipples between my two fingers, simply trying to get a reaction out of her. I successfully did just that, little noises escaping her throat as I continued. I pulled away.

“you like that?”

her eyes were screwed shut as she fastly nodded. I looked at her body as I kept playing with it. she was so hot. so so hot. I was so turned on, just at the sight of her.

“I wanna take care of you. Can I do that?”, I asked, my hands tracing up and down her thighs.

“please.”, she said. i smirked. her desperation made me want to pleasure her all the much more.

“I don’t do this that much, but for you, I will. you’re special.”

she opened her eyes and watched as i moved down to my knees. I used to hands to ride her skirt up, and then placed them on her knees to slowly open her legs. I loved teasing her. she was wearing light pink underwear, heavily contrasting the bra I had just taken off. There was already a little wet spot on them.

“Awwww, you’re already so excited, princess.”, i cooed, my fingers lightly brushing over the spot. she breathed in quickly at the contact. she lifted her hips and let me take her underwear off. I stuck them in my back pocket and refocused myself on the sight in front of me. I feverishly left kisses on her inner thighs while mumbling praises to her.

“so…so… pretty.”, I murmured.

I kept getting closer and closer to the place she needed me to touch her most. I could tell she was getting needy.

I ran my fingers down her slit, collecting all of the wetness that had formed. i stuck them in my mouth and watched as her mouth fell open due to my actions. i put my head back in between her legs and started licking her clit. my hands were gripping her thighs, keeping them all the way apart. she gasped and threw her head back as I kept going. I used one of my hands to put one of my fingers in her. I looked up and saw her eyebrows knit together and her nose scrunched up. her mouth was slack and so many pretty noises were leaving. her one hand gripped the edge of the counter while the other one tangled itself in my hair. after a good couple minutes, I decided to switch it up and moved my tongue down to her hole and my fingers rubbed her sweet spot. this did things for her, and I could tell how much pleasure she was receiving. she started repeating my name, over and over again. I started to pick up the pace, and her moans grew louder. I was thankful for how loud it was outside, but I also wouldn’t have cared if people could hear us.

I felt her legs tighten around my head, and then begin to shake. her chest was heaving, up and down, uo and down. she kept telling me she was close, but it was hard to hear her because she was so out of breath. I kept the pace I had, fucking her with my tongue, as she rode out her high. as she came, I made sure to lock up every last bit. she managed to open her eyes and watch me as i did.

“you’re so hot.”, she panted out, catching her breath. I stood up, now wanting to get a little pleasure for myself. I took her off the counter and spun her around so her backside was against me. I lowered my head to her ear.

“you were so good for me, love. I love seeing you come undone, can we do that a second time?”, I asked, my lips pressed to her ear.

“mhm.”, she nodded, making eye contact with me in the mirror. with that, I bent her over the counter and unzipped my pants. I pushed her entire skirt up all the way so I could get a look at her entire ass. she was bent over, waiting for me. if I was able to take a picture, I would’ve. she looked so incredibly good. I didn’t think she knew how much I had dreamed for this moment.

I ran my tip through her fold, teasing her a bit. she was already wet from her previous climax, so I didn’t need to prepare her too much. I pushed myself into her, but not the whole thing. I watched her face in the mirror. she gripped onto the counter top, and her jaw was slack once again. I let her get comfortable before pushing myself in further, all the way until i bottomed out. she moaned, letting her head fall. I waited a moment for her to get used to my size before I began to steadily move. her head was still down, facing the counter. I used my hand to grip her chin and move her face back up. I started to move a little faster.

“I want you to watch yourself.”, i said. she started to watch all the faces I was making her do in the mirror, and I was going crazy over it. my eyes kept darting between her face and then down, to see myself pound into her.

“mmm, you’re taking me so well, baby. you’re being so good for me, right now.”, I groaned out. during the whole thing, she was a moaning mess. I loved it. I loved how vocal she was about how good I was making her feel.

my arm wrapped itself around her and found her clit again, rubbing figure eights on it. I watched the pure ecstasy spread across her. I kept going all the way in, and almost all the way out before pushing my length back into her at such a fast pace, I knew she would be a mess in minutes. I knew I would be too.

And I was right. after only a small amount of time, she was having trouble keeping her head up.

“Tom! im- im so close again-“, she cried out as I didn’t let myself slow down.

“I know baby, I am too-“

I let my other hand massage her ass, slapping it a couple times too.

I wasn’t lying when I told her I was close. I had been for a while too, but I was holding out for her. I felt the knot in my stomach keep growing and growing, but I could feel it starting to become undone.

“Tom- im, im coming-“, she panted out. her boobs bounced every single time I went in and out.

“me too”, my eyes screwed shut as reached my climax. I felt her reach hers right before me, her legs shaking and a string of moans in the air. that pushed me over the edge, and I felt the knot become completely undone. I groaned as I released into her, my seed dripping out of her hole. I rode out my high for a little, but eventually stopped moving. she was catching her breath.

I pulled over and quickly cleaned myself before zipping my pants back up. I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned her up too as she resteadied herself. i insisted on helping her get dressed again, despite her saying she could do it on her own. I put her bra and shirt back on. we kept giggling as I did. high off of life. I had wanted to keep the panties i pocketed, but she begged for them back. they were her favorite pair. she put them back on and then readjusted her skirt and hair in the mirror. I leaned against the wall, observing as she did.

“I didn’t think i would ever tell you I liked you.”, I admitted.

“why not?”, she asked, still fixing her hair.

“I think I was too nervous… you know I feel like your the first real crush I’ve ever had.”

“awww, im your first???”, she joked around.

“yes, you’re my first.”, I rolled my eyes playfully. I crossed my arms across my chest.

she turned around and hugged me, placing her head on my chest. she was smiling so big at my confession. I loved her smile. I loved everything about her.

“it’s okay tom, you were mine too.”, she said.

“Wait what?”, I hugged her back with a confused look on my face.

“I’ve liked you since I was like nine, silly. that’s why I was always so close with bill and not as much as you, I was always too like scared to be around you because I had a crush on you.”, she confessed.

“Really??? How did I not know this??”, I asked, shocked.

“I don’t know, you’re just really oblivious, I guess.”, she teased.

I laughed and looked down at her.

finally, i got what I had wanted.

her.

#tokio hotel #tokio hotel fanfic #tokio hotel fluff #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel imagine #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz fanfic #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz angst #tokio x reader #tokio hotel tom kaulitz

[snvffsoda]

some silly/random headcanons i have for Strade, Ren, and Lawrence!!

i know a lot of people like to think he kidnaps people from the same bar, using the kind of pick up lines, but that wouldn’t be an efficient way to keep the bodies coming, and he knows that, how long until someone catches him dragging an unconscious/unsuspecting person in his car? And makes a call to the police? Strade doesn't take chances, not with the cops, he may be insane, but he's still extremely smart at what he does, he would go out to clubs, late-night parties, concerts, crowded busy areas, anywhere he could slip in and find someone and leave toghther with less caring eyes on him.

has cut his finger while using his power tools and made Ren suck the blood from his finger before, not because he wanted comfort or anything he just wanted to see Ren's sheepish look while he did (Ren enjoyed it too for the blood, albeit nervously)

Strade is a confident, charismatic man, but i still think no matter how hard he tries to hide his sadistic psychotic tendencies, they bleed through him with the way he talks to people, you always get this underlying feeling of unease when he speaks which is why he prefers alcohol to be involved to get his victims, it'd be harder to notice Strade’s eyes staring just a little too long for comfort when you're 4 shots in

always keeps eye contact, almost to an uncomfortable amount, it feels like he doesn't even blink half the time his stare feels like his eyes are always threatening to pierce your skull open and see what's inside from his gaze alone.

Strade is strong, but he's no amazing fighter, if you're fast enough, and have the intent to win, or to kill him i dont think his brute force and heavy swings will do much plus i think he uses a lot of street fighting tactics ie; slamming, grabbing you and pinning you, using weapons instead of just his fist to his own detriment (and that’s what i think got him killed)

really good at texting, he's very descriptive when he texts almost like you're really speaking to him on the phone or in person, he doesn't use a lot of slang or emoticons, Doesn't abbreviate his words like ‘idk’ ‘wyd’ so on, and lots of Periods. Commas, exclamation points! might reply to something funny he sees with a ‘LOL’ in all caps or ‘😂’ but that's it.

really really wants to learn guitar efficiently, but his claws always cut and get caught on the strings when he tries to play so whenever he does try to play he plays with a pick, he doesn't play the best because of it, it was one of the first things he bought with Strade’s money after he died since Strade didn’t want him to get one because it was ‘too noisy’

avid gamer and discord user to an unhealthy amount, and will spam you with messages when you dont hop on the game he's spam inviting you to play with him

sleeps on Strade’s old shirts and pants and coats, anything to where he can get his scent again in his room will sometimes cry himself to sleep thinking about him when laying on them, muttering to himself how sorry he is for letting him die

he remembers and still can understand basic Japanese formalities and such, he's since tried to relearn his native language online, and he did horribly because he forgot almost everything

sassy, when he's stressed, or angry, he can and will be sarcastic and make sly remarks regarding the situation to you, roll his eyes, cross his arms, mutter to himself, just more on the pouty side when it comes to handling his stress

has a collection of old chew toys, he's torn and bitten through with his fangs when his more animalistic tendencies kick in when he's in heat or just needs to keep his mouth busy

has been sent to psychiatric mental hospitals many times before when he was an adolescent by his family he never made friends or spoke much when he was, he did well, and never caused trouble

he’s fallen asleep while in the bath and somehow hasn't drowned himself hundreds of times he can't help it, it reminds him of the river,,

smoking weed helps him sleep through the day, it keeps him in a deep sleep since he's a light sleeper, so he isn't startled awake by his neighbors stomping about during the day

enjoys horror movies like ‘Jacobs Ladder’ and ‘The Jacket’ movies where the protagonist feels as though they are already dead or trapped in their mind, he relates to that feeling when he watches those films

would definitely be the type to go nonverbal when he is high, resorting to nods and shaking his head to get his point across if he's with you and comfortable around you

hates sweet tea and store-bought tea in general, he hates the way they taste and the texture they leave on his tongue, he prefers making tea himself with his plants and the ingredients he grows

#this my first time ever writing headcanons like this for these characters #and writing headcanons in general #thank you all who voted!! #im sure it's not perfect but please lmk how you feel about them!! #your thoughts and opinions help me explore these characters even more so thank you for reading through through these <3 #snvffsoda #:3 #btd headcanons #btd #btd strade #btd ren #btd lawrence #tpof #btd2 #btd2 headcannons

[starfelina]

messalina asteroid (545)

tw : contains mentions of s*x

messalina asteroid in general can indicate:

sex appeal , manipulating others through s*x , seducing others. it can also indicate a high libido (iykyk, sometimes a bit too high)

messalina in aries

messalina in the sign of aries is a wild & free messalina. these people will most likely have a high libido. they are definitely not afraid to use their body & the way they look to tempt others (or to even destroy others tbh, they can sometimes seek revenge like scorpio). their blood is pumping so they might be open to try new things sexually. they can manipulate others through sex to get what they want. they tend to have a pretty face & an athletic body.

messalina in taurus

messalina in taurus people can use their sexuality for material gains. that doesn't mean that they're prostit*tes though. they are the kind of person who will use their body for their benefit, like you have me yes but buy me this and that and give me all the comfort.kind of sugar baby vibes. they can have a high s*x drive but only if they feel like it. this placement can also indicate a seductive voice that these people can use to sexually tempt others. they can also be really good at giving oral.

messalina in gemini

messalina in gemini people are smart when using their sexuality to tempt others. they don't only know how to use their body, but they also know how to communicate seductively as well. they can be good at dirty talking to the point that it drives their victims crazy. gemini rules the hands, so these natives may have very attractive hands. they can use their hands to seduce others or to please themselves (hand jobs & massages for example). they can manipulate others through s*x to learn things from them.

messalina in cancer

messalina in cancer people are really sweet & seductive at the same time.  they sexually tempt others by being cute. they can use puppy eyes or pretend to be a damsel in distress to achieve that. dont let the puppy eyes fool you! they are sirens deep inside & they can manipulate you in order to get you to their side or to protect them in general. they can be submissive but do not underestimate their s*x drive! they can be quite kinky. also, as cancer rules over the breasts...they can use them to seduce others.

messalina in leo

messalina in leo natives are confident & proud about their bodies and their sex appeal and they show it. they can use their confidence and "queen behavior" to tempt others sexually. they present themselves as a prize to their sexual partners. honestly, I think that cleopatra had this placement. she used to make a whole theatrical show of presenting herself as aphrodite to get her partner in the mood. messalina leo people can be fiery and have an intense sexual drive. also, leo rules the back so these natives may have a really beautiful back. the use their powers in seduction to get people obsessed with them, like to see them as gods.

messalina in virgo

messalina in virgo natives can give off a pure vibe. this is definitely not the most sexually seductive placement at first, neither are they  obsessed with the idea of having *it* unless other placements indicate the opposite. (if that happens they might have a virginity kink if that exists idk? like taking or letting others take their v card.) HOWEVER, they shouldn't be underestimated. one really good thing about them physically is that they tend to have an attractive abdomen? yes. so they look extra good with clothes that show skin in that area + they can use that to tempt others for their benefit. the mainly seek material benefit when manipulating others through s*x.

messalina in libra

people with messalina in libra use their charm to lure others. they are usually very charming and attractive. they can be quite kinky. like their fellow venusians, libras can use their body & sex appeal in exchange of material things & princess treatment. the "key" of their whole appearance can be their really attractive butt that tempts others & messalina in libra people use it as their advantage.

messalina in scorpio

now, messalina is already a really erotic asteroid but messalina in scorpio is something else. these people ooze sex appeal. they have a really high libido, one of the highest if not the highest. they are also very kinky. however they are really smart too. they can use their sexuality not just to seduce others but with a intention to destroy them and take revenge. this is a very femme fatale placement imo. they are also very mysterious and that makes people more and more haunted by them. scorpio rules the sexual organs, so these people can use sex at its finest to seduce others and get what they want. now this is not true for everyone,  but if other placements contribute too, some people with this placement can be nymphomaniacs.

messalina in saggitarius

messalina in saggitarius natives  have an immense sex appeal & a high libido. they seduce others with their knowledge & physically they have really beautiful bodies, they tend to look athletic + they have a very beautiful waist & nice thighs that seduces others even more, like they make people fantasize just by looking at their pretty waist. they also tend to have an exotic type of beauty. they can manipulate others with s*x but they are not that manipulative compared to other messalina placements imo. just don't get them mad at you.

messalina in capricorn

people with messalina in capricorn can use their sexual power to gain success & even fame. they have a REALLY high libido (& they're very freaky too but they don't show it lmao). they won't have s*x with everyone, they have extremy high standards. but when they want to seduce someone.. well, they can be really good at that. they can use their beautiful smile, as capricorn rules teeth & people can find their legs really attractive perhaps? yes. they will use that too to sexually turn somebody & get what they want from them.

messalina in aquarius

a person with this placement is very unique and free spirited. they have unique ideas about sex & the sexual nature of people, unique way of luring people, they just like to be themselves. they have other-worldly kind of beauty and sex appeal, like they're not real. they can be open to try new things sexually. their most attractive body part is the ankles so they can use that to seduce people. not THAT manipulative, however they can use their sexual power to do that, if they want.

messalina in pisces

messalina in pisces people have a dreamy yet siren like appearance. they can use that + the fact that they most likely have really attractive feet (ik sounds weird rn but it's true) & people are going to seduced by them for that and they be asking for more. they might be good at giving foot jobs ? idk. they will also activate their "vulnerable mode" on purpose to get what they want. the can be master manipulators and drive others crazy through their sexual power even if they look cute and subtle. dont let them fool you.

xoxo, feliné

#astrology #asteroid #astrology observations #vedic astrology #astro community #astro posts #dark astrology #sex astrology #sextrology #asteroidmessalina #messalina #astrologymessalina #messalina545