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heymacy · 3 years

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MACCCCCCY. it’s 5am and i just finished TD, and i should go to sleep but i need to scream at you for a second.

first of all, the “break up” between ian and mandy on the roof was probably one of my favorite moments in this fic. like it’s up there with “you look like you need a lobotomy” and “you, stupid.” i love love love the dynamic between ian and mickey and mandy. it’s so sweet. i love SIBLINGS OMG.

the whole hotel room scene was... como se dice... chefs kiss?? idk just butterflies the whole time i was reading it.

ian is so silly, but i love it because i too can have someone look at me and tell me they like me but still be like.... u sure??? lol.

it’s so amazing to read a teenage fic where mickey isn’t self loathing with so much internalized homophobic. it’s so so sweet just to read a fic about mickey being a sappy teenager who accepts that he’s gay and openly kisses the boy he likes in front of his family.

also the *talk* *kiss* and repeat really got me. ughhh

CAITLIN 🥰💘

okay funny story about the breakup scene - my wife hasn’t read a word of TD, doesn’t even really know what it’s about, but i had to ask her opinion on the dialogue because i was concerned the “and my dad just died, so” line was too dark for the context of the scene 😅 so i gave them a very brief summary and read that part out loud and they snort-laughed and said it was funny so i kept it in 😂 (they also said “fuck terry, he can rot. good job killing him off” ahsjsjflglk)

also, i originally didn’t have the Milkoviches staying at the hotel, the entire hearing-the-song-for-the-first-time situation and sleepover scene was originally slated to take place in the Milkovich basement/Mickey’s room, but around chapter 4 or 5 i was going over my outline and i was like...you know what? let’s have them stay there. let’s have a lil ✨sleepover✨ ya know? it’ll be fun! and it was 😭 so i’m really happy with that decision 🥺

ALSO OKAY YES SAME 😭 i can always tell when people like other people, but i could NEVER tell when people liked me. ian, i get it. i do. like, for example, my wife sent me flowers 3 times in the first 5 weeks we were talking, before we started officially “dating”, ordered food to my house (pizza, Chinese takeout, gyros) multiple times even though she lived 2000 miles away, talked to me on facetime for 4 hours a day, texted me every second of every other moment, made me a bracelet and mailed it to me in a package with candy and a poem they wrote me and burned me a CD and i was STILL like....idk if she likes me 🥺 like BITCH. BIIIIIITCH. UR DUMB. YOU’RE SO SO DUMB 😅

and re: the lighter side of teenage mickey, i always wondered to myself what would have happened if he 1) had an actual support system in his life, and 2) if he had people who knew about his sexuality and still supported him unconditionally. like, how would that have changed things? how different would things have been? mickey’s story, in canon and TD, is about finding your freedom and embracing vulnerability, and i just think it’s such an important story to tell 😭

i dunno. 😏 maybe 😌 hopefully 🥰 HE’S A DORK, YOUR HONOR

#caitlin ilysm and i love that you loved the chapter and i read your fic again last night before bed and it made me smile like an idiot #answered #sweetcresta #TD asks

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justrednow · 4 years

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American Idiot (movie)

LaNow I love the musical and I love both albums featured. I’m hoping that’s the plot of the movie that I believe is being produced. But also like, I’d be down for some bat shit crazy stuff a la Pink Floyd: The Wall. But you know what’d I’d be really down for.

No one asked for this. I’m aware.

American Idiot: So, we open on good ol’ perfect Jingletown and meet the perfect town and all its hidden horror. We get to see a good amount of repetitive time pass. Seeing the struggles of the working class of America. Theres a focus on the younger generation being strung along in their parents problems.

As the song comes ot an end, or vamps under Idk, we meet our boy Johnny. Who in my opinion should be far more like the average vague age youth. He doesn’t know who he is and we meet his ex-underground rock band dad who is kinda an asshole. but he loves his wife, and probably loves his sons. We also meet Johnny’s brother who is just back from rehab. The pair make up everything Johnny doesn’t want to be.

Jesus of Suburbia I-III: Johnny meets up with his friends at the 7/11 and lament about life while drinking stolen beer. Johnny talks about how much he wants to run away and find his true origins in the nitty gritty of a big city and wants to know true pain. Will complains about being a part of a military family and his parents divorice, and how none of them will ever fight for their country. Tunny reveals that he brought his family bible to burn, but is reluctant to do so. He too is struggling to know who he is, but says nothing. The group is chased out of the back lot by the manager of the 7/11.

Jesus of Suburbia IV-V: Back in Will’s empty house Heather is waiting, revealing how she’s been trying to get Will’s attention. She is once again ignored when Johnny tells the group how he scored tickets to a concert in the “big city”. This is his plan to run away and never look back, he encourages the others to come with him. Heather gives Will a positive pregnancy test, in an attempt to break up with him. instead he elects to stay home, in protest of his own broken home.

Tunny and Johnny refuse to change their plan, unable to understand how Will can have a light at the end of the tunnel. They argue as the two get on the bus to leave. Johnny tells Tunny he forgot to tell his mom that he was leaving.

Holiday: In the big city the pair burst into their new life. They come alive at the concert and bond with a group of anti-war protesters. Whatsername catches the eye of Johnny, but he chickens out of talking with her. They join the protesters march on a government building after the concert, watching as one of the protesters leads with a speech on the steps. He is everything Johnny wants to be. After the police arrive and the peaceful protest is broken up the pair are invited back to the home, an abandon building, of a group of protesters.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams: Johnny tells the group his and Tunny’s story, capturing the attention of Whatsername who appears to have a similar story. Johnny gains confidence as he finds that these are his people. The Big City is somehow everything Johnny thought it would be, dark and gritty. Whatsername introduces herself to Johnny but he misses her name. Sparks are flying folks.

Tunny begins to feel left out of the party, realizing this is not what he wanted.

Favorite Son: Tunny turns on the old TV in the place. He finds an old VHS playing of an 80s propaganda cartoon. He falls victim to the glamorous lifestyle of Favorite Son. He is drawn to the effortless power in the military life style, loving the danger and reward. He falls in love with the idea of being a hero for his people. Johnny joins him when everyone else has gone away.

Are We The Waiting: Tunny explains to Johnny his dreams of a better world. He thinks about Will, who is still at home trying to enjoy his future fatherhood. Heather, who is still trying to gather the courage to leave Will as she wants what’s best for her child but isn’t in love with him. Johnny, who is stuck in his new dream.

Tunny, the next morning, enlists in the Army and finds that he will be shipped out within the week.

St. Jimmy: Johnny, angry at Tunny, meets a new best friend who has come to visit the squatter city. St. Jimmy is the hard core punk god Johnny has been waiting for. He is a drug dealer with everything. Johnny shoots up for the first time with another group. St. jimmy openly welcomes him to his new lifestyle of getting everything you want. Almost everyone loves him, they worship him.

Little Girl: St. Jimmy tries to target Whatsername, as she tries to convice Johnny not to fall into the hands of drugs.

Give Me Novacaine: Back in Jingletown Will tries to cope with Heathers decision to leave him and to keep their soon to be born child. In Johnny’s home his mother cries as she learns that he has run away. His father seems to be happy about it and tries to convince her it was just his time to fly the coop. Seeing this isn’t helping, he vows to find their son.

Tunny is finally getting a piece of the action, he gets a huge piece in his thigh and is carried off of the field.

Johnny has been recieving letters from his friends and burns them, quickly stopped by Whatsername who shows him another way of life.

She’s a Rebel/ Last of The American Girls: Whatsername tells Johnny her true story and how she plots to lead a riot against discrimination against the poor. She brings him to homeless shelters where she volunteers and to protest concerts. Johnny eagerly writes to his friends about his new love. Will gets a good laugh over it. St. Jimmy, who is more or less real, has begun to feel ignored and starts spilling lies about Whatsername that Johnny dismisses.

Last Night On Earth: Johnny has never been in love until now. His father finds the ticket packages and gets on the next bus. Whatsername promises Johnny their relationship is more than just lust. Heather has her baby and Will chases her down to the hospital, begging to be allowed to see her. Heather reveals that she broke up with him because of his unhealthy habits to her nurse, Johnny’s mother. Heather promises she will never let anyone hurt her child and from outside the door Will promises the same.

Johnny writes his first letter back home.

To Much To Soon: Finally back home, Will finally confronts Heather on her judgment of the past he left behind for her. Heather challenges how Will copes with stress and how it will effect their child's life. Heather decides if he is going to keep chasing her, she’s running away for good. She takes the baby with her.

Before Lobotomy I/ Extrodinary Girl: Tunny is left alone during his recovery, finally receiving the letters his friends have sent him. The other injured soldiers in infirmary cry for their families left behind and why they join the fight to begin with. Tunny gets a new perspective on the war. He meets his nurse, the first person to provide him any comfort during this time and tends to his wounds. He quickly falls in love with her and has dreams about being Favorite Son saving the distressed princess from the evil bad guys. She tries to pull him out of the fantasy as it becomes more dangerous and the two bond over war trauma. They share a heat of the moment kiss

Before Lobotomy II: Tunny is sent home due to having his leg amputated. He takes his nurse with him, as they have fallen in love. He wishes his war buddies luck, and says farewell to the ones dying.

When It’s Time: Johnny writes a letter to Whatsername about his feelings for her and how he doesn’t know what he’d do without her. She showed him what pain can look like. For once he isn’t lost.

St. Jimmy rips up the letter and burns it when Johnny’s back is turned.

Know Your Enemy: St. Jimmy tries to coax Johnny into doing harsher drugs, the only thing stopping Johnny from following him is Whatsername. So Jimmy convinces Johnny that she’s been manipulating him into believeing her stories and that he needs the drugs to cope with his own pain. Whatsername tries to get Johnny’s attention and is confronted with Johnny minimizing her pain in exchange for his own.

21 Guns: Whatsername finally takes the needles and pills from Johnny and shares her full story of being abused and being a victim of the streets. She begs him to listen to her and know that he doesn’t have to keep fighting. Johnny tries to listen to her but St. Jimmy lingers.

Will finally gives into Heathers wishes and steals beer from a store. While drinking he realizes this is what she was talking about. He pours it all out. He finds out Tunny is home and commits to helping him.

Johnny’s father searches the city, he can’t stop thinking how pointless this is.

Johnny tries too convince Whatsername he feels her pain, which is why he needs St. Jimmy. Frustrated she shows him how ridiculous he is, he left a caring family and friend behind to seek out pain.

Letterbomb: Finally done with Johnny’s shit, though she might still love him, Whatsername shows Johnny what fire looks like. She cries for the real heroes that fought for real change, not try hards just looking for a new outlet of self pity. She reveals that St. Jimmy was never real. She lets Johnny know that he isn’t the Jesus of Suburbia. If it isn’t obvious, Whatsername is the jesus of suburbia. Johnny helplessly watches as the love of his life leaves. Whatsername destroys all the pills before hopping the next bus out of the city.

When September Ends: Johnny’s father finds Johnny crying on the steps of a church. Father reveals how proud of Johnny he is. He tells Johnny about how angry he was when he was and how he just needed to find himself, which is what he assumes Johnny is doing.

Tunny finds out many of his war buddies haven’t made it back home and never will. He cries to his nurse who promises nothing bad will happen to them.

Will thinks over how he let everyone he had slip away from him.

Johnnys mother calls her husband only to find out that Johnny will not be coming home just yet. Father heads back to Jingletown.

Johnny thinks over how much he hated being anything like his father and now realizes that is truly who he wanted to be. he is shocked to think that his father ever loved him and wishes he would have shown it better.

Homecoming I: Johnny packs his bag and prepares to go back home as he is the only one left. Its been a while since he and his fathers talk. He is unsure of where to go next. St. Jimmy has been in and out of his life anytime he thinks about everything that he’s learned. St. Jimmy tries one final time to convince Johnny to stay in the city. There is nothing in Jingle Town for him. Johnny appears to try and commit suicide but instead the bullet kills St. Jimmy in a rather comic way. Johnny truly has nothing left now.

Homecoming II: Johnny reveals what the world could have for him, working a desk job with a boring wife. He hates what he sees and tries to convince himself that there is more to life than this image.

Homecoming III: Tunny is living a dull life at home, trying to get a job but struggling due to his amputation. He wishes to be released as the nurse has got a new job and works to support them.

Will is still crying to himself and finally decides he’s had enough

Homecoming IV: Heather is back in town to visit her parents with her new fiance and the baby. She meets up with Will, flaunting how rad her new man is. Will fails to see how he failed in comparison. Heather gives the baby to Will, loving her new life more. She wanted what was best for her baby and she could never provide that.

Homecoming V: At the 7/11 Johnny hops off the bus and finds that his friends are waiting for him. He drops his bags and runs into their arms. They share the stories of their adventures and how they never realized what they had here in Jingletown was what the needed, real cliche. Johnny reunites with his family and forgives his father. Tunny gets a job with his girlfriend in the hospital as a receptionist and a speaker. He has found his purpose. Johnny helps Will set up his house for the baby, admitting that he misses the people in the city.

Whatsername: Johnny works as a music teacher in the school fifteen years down the line. While in a school recital he thinks he sees Whatsername in the crowd, but it’s someone else. When he gets back to his new house he pulls out his old guitar case and looks through all the memorabilia of his big adventure all those years ago. The thing he misses the most is Whatsername, the girl who he couldn’t even remember her name.

anyways no one asked for that and I’m sorry but that was fun and I will probably do it again with a musical few people like.

#American Idiot #movie #musical #broadway #green day

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latvianvillain · 3 years

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idk what happened or why i was so tired & depressed. I guess there are a lot of reasons though, realistically. Somehow I did manage to gain some small amount more of energy & willpower... It could be seasonal with a bunch of other reasonings playing into it.. I have heard other people express being needlessly tired & depressed lately. & my skin is so fucking dry it makes me miserable because I just itch & feel like I can’t touch anything because my skin is so cracked & rough. & no matter how much lotion, it doesn’t seem to do anything. & my lips consistently burn. i’ve chewed a whole layer or two or skin off to a noticeable point it craters inward. & despite pursuing ideals, my energy drains so quickly that by evening I’m too exhausted to do anything physical or thoughtful, & because I can’t do those things, I succumb to boredom & worthlessness that I figure sleep is all there is... Maybe it’s worth it to mention sometimes I only nap for a few hours when I sleep, other times I sleep to three to five in the morning. so maybe it’s normal I’m getting tired when I do & nothing to worry about? doing any amount of thing is better than being incapable of doing anything at all.

I have about a hundred dollars even after quitting my job. It’s funny because at first I only had seven. Without a job & the knowing that I’ll receive a paycheck next week, I lose the desire to spend money. I become nervous to want or pursue things. for weeks I have wanted a new wig, but I’ve been too indecisive. & I know I don’t need one because I have twenty & I don’t play with them or use them as much as I would like to anyway. I wanted to rearrange my drawers so I could discard clothes I no longer want, but just moving around I got too cocky & wore myself into exhaustion & made the whole concept too hard on me... & then that made me nervous. because I’m still too tired to be wholly capable of things I used to do so easily.

I am on the fence about mental illness. Sometimes I think that by telling myself something is wrong with me, I make it worse & I am acting in a way I suspect a person with the illness would act... But other times nothing happens & I am ready to scream & full of violent ideation & overwhelming with hate & malice to the point that it is frightening to me. & you can wonder if this is just a product of being raised & treated improperly, but also I have moments where I am like wow I am really schizophrenic. Sometimes I feel like if my parents & relatives died I would be free, & sometimes I consider that a lobotomy done properly would save me. Sometimes I say that suicide is the only option because of how horrible & detached I feel. This isn’t normal. people don’t feel like this, people don’t talk like this or about this. & there’s nothing to say about it either. no one cares about the comic I read or about how stressed out I am to just leave the house. No one cares that the cold caress of the wind makes me relive my adoption over & over even though I’m a month early. No one cares that I am scared I will kill myself or that if I were in the position to I would potentially... Going to a place for psychological help would do nothing, it never does. I am not the only one who feels that way either. Who pursues help & is met with nothing but a person with a lot of money & a degree telling you to grow the fuck up & stop acting like a bitch or a child. saying that everyone has it bad & you need to get over it. when weirdly you see certain forms of media coddling others for feeling less than what you do. what’s the point?

Most of the time I am too angry to talk to people. people will never care about my feelings or fascinations because they [my fascinations] are stupid & unrelatable. the people who claim to care about me are selfish & i am also, so it’s a vicious cycle. people want you to exist empty headed & move around in ways that compliment or entertain them. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore. & I thought about calling suicide hotline. But it’s the same thing. There’s nothing they can do. they can’t change or fix anything. Listening or pretending to understand won’t reshape who I am at my core or quell any trauma I received.

& I posted to my secondary vent blog about how tired I was lately & how honestly it scared me because I didn’t want to be so tired & despondent & that it was frustrating, but there’s nothing I can do besides sleep because maybe I really do need the rest. & someone messaged me telling me they loved me & not to kill myself? idk, if the person who message this find this blog as well, feel good about yourself for doing the right thing & just stop reading this post. It’s nice to reach out & care for another person you feel like may be suffering. Even I try to do it sometimes even though I know I am useless & redundant. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that maybe if you are so insignificant to every person you physically see in life, that there can be individuals keeping tabs on you & enjoying you as the character you play for them. It’s what I always wanted. But although suicidal ideation may have been read from the post, it wasn’t really what I was saying. & I did reread it to double check. So then the message just made me angry. How could a random stranger who doesn’t even follow that blog or any blog of mine have the nerve to try to say anything of attempted substance to me? they don’t fucking care. because if they did, they would be following me to keep the tabs on me. & sure, you can keep tabs without being a physical manifestation unto someone. I do that also. but the fucking nerve. don’t fucking degrade me further while i am already down by pretending i have any value in life when you don’t know who i am at all & just happened upon me in one moment & didn’t even care enough to keep an eye around... Don’t you fucking use my suffering & self loathing as a way for you to feel better about yourself. die.

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