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lizkreates · 11 months

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Black Coffee & Donuts ☕ 🍩

~A Trigun fan comic~

(Image description under cut)

[ID: PAGE 1 Panel 1: Wolfwood and Vash sit at a bar counter just as they’re finishing breakfast. Wolfwood annoyed, is hunched over grasping his coffee mug as he pushes Vash’s face away, who is playfully waving a chocolate sprinkle around. Dialogue: Vash: “Try a donut? Come on, they have sprinkles on the today!” Wolfwood: “Forget it, Spikey!”

Panel 2: Close-up of Vash’s hands breaking the donut into a smaller piece, crumbs flying in the air.

PAGE 2: Panel 1: Vash, drawn in chibi style, reaches over and gently places the donut piece on Wolfwood’s empty plate, utensils resting on the side. Wolfwood, holding his hot black coffee, looks over his glasses annoyed. Dialogue: Vash: “Just a piece?”

Panel 2: Close-up of Vash with pleading eyes and an innocent smile asking “Do it for me?”

Panel 3: Dialogue: Wolfwood: “Okay, but only if you try black coffee.” Vash: “You got yourself a deal!” Wolfwood and Vash toast their coffee mugs in agreement.

PAGE 3 Panel 1: Wolfwood, eyes closed, begrudgingly puts the donut piece in his mouth and eats it. Dialogue: I don’t get what’s so great about this.

Panel 2: Wolfwood looks over to Vash, who is cartoonishly dumping the entire cup of hot coffee in his mouth. He snaps at him “What are you doing?!”

Panel 3: Vash yells, “HOT HOT HOT!!!” Steam rises out of his mouth, and tears stream down his face as he waves his mouth with both hands in an attempt to cool it down. Wolfwood shouts, “You idiot! You’re not supposed to drink it all at once.”

Panel 4: Wolfwood calms down, now concerned if Vash burned himself, and asks “Are you okay?” Vash leans over and chugs a pitcher of water and answers “Mm-mm.” (Which is uh-huh mumbled.)

PAGE 4: Panel 1: Close-up of Wolfwood’s lower face, as he takes off his glasses, no longer concealing part of himself. “Sorry, I should have warned you.”

Panel 2: Wolfwood looks down remorsefully and cradles his coffee mug with both hands. “You need to respect it. Nurse it slowly, let it cool down. Savor the bitter taste.”

Panel 3: Close-up of Wolfwood’s eye in surprise. “It sounds just like you,” Vash observes.

PAGE 5: Panel 1: Wolfwood lights up and laughs, “Ha it sure is!” Panel 2: Vash lightly blushes and smiles softly looking at Wolfwood’s contagious grin. He got him to smile, a win.

PAGE 6: Panel 1: A view from behind, we see Vash and Wolfwood from the back as they continue their banter. Vash sits like a gay, legs everywhere, and Wolfwood straight like a proper Catholic boy. Vash asks “How’s the donut?” Wolfwood responds, “It’s sickeningly sweet…actually it reminds me of you.” Vash blushes, “Aw, Wolfwood! You called me sweet~” Wolfwood denies it, “N-no I didn’t…!” Kuroneko, a black cat, sleeps at the foot of Wolfwood’s bar stool. End ID.]

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tanpopomugishu · 2 months

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So, yeah, I kinda made something.

I totally have @mrghostrat 's wonderful streamers au living in my head rent free for quite a while now... (@mrghostrat If you happen to see this post. Hi!!! I'm a big fan!) EDIT : Added the last page 😁

This is not based on any chapter of ATWS, and I have no idea where this sits on the timeline of the story 😂.

I just thought it would be cute to see Crowley sulking because of a bad streaming day or something and crash Aziraphale's stream for a cuddle.

Hope you enjoy this!

#good omens fanart #good omens #i'm down so bad #i made a fic of a fic #But this au is really good!!#sorry for some bad grammar #english is not my first language #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #ineffable idiots #my art #good omens au #streamersau #mycomic

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 2 months

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Elon you’re a dumbass

Misa On Wheels

#Elon #elon musk #elon twitter #american sign language #closed captions #Elon should know better #elon is an idiot #Misa On Wheels (Facebook)

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gingermaple · 3 months

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what if.... grian was a sphynx?

#art #mcyt #hermitcraft #grian #goodtimeswithscar #gtws #im so so insanely proud of this :DDD #get creature gunned idiot (affectionate)#his design is inspired by various birds of prey + a serval because he isnt lion coded to me #his love language is asking silly joke riddles

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somehow-a-human · 22 days

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Deciphering the Angelic Language

DO NOT ASK NEIL ABOUT FAN THEORY

Oh boy, I'm finally tackling a post on this! I haven't seen a ton of discussion about this or progress and I think that's because it's very complicated. I've done a bit of work on it and I'm hoping by sharing here we'll be able to combine our brainpower and make some more progress!

SO! Let's get into it shall we?

Let's start with what we've been told about the Angelic Language:

An SFX team member said that the pillars in heaven "don't translate into words" (so maybe it translates into something like hex? ASCII?)

A speaker at Ineffablecon confirmed that the language "contains meaning and can be decoded"

According to the Chapter 6 VFX Breakdown video, "The creative team broke down the symbols into an alphabet of about 140 runes"

I'm going to start with that last bullet point. An alphabet of about 140 runes, which math-wise narrows down what type of alphabet we might be looking at. Specifically, I think it might point to Consonant/Vowel Pairs, which gives you 126 characters, then add in numbers and punctuation, you've got about 140. That's my best guess anyway.

The next thing i did was look at the Heaven CCTV footage of Gabriel FRAME BY FRAME to analyze the runes on the screen in these scenes. I think this is the best place to start for a number of reasons, first of all, being that the CCTV footage seems to only use a subset of the runes that don't include and modifications like extra dots or ticks. I consider them base runes.

Secondly, the runes cycle through a lot of changes here so it's a great place to look for patterns, and find patterns I did.

I found 4 sets of runes that cycle sequentially through a repeating pattern. Okay I'm going to do my very best to explain this.

The above we will call set A

The above we will call set B

The above we will call set C

The above we will call set D

The runes on the CCTV will *almost* always follow the sequence of their set, and when they reach the end of the set, they're marked with one of the following first two sequences below which I'm referring to as "indicator runes" after which they either repeat the same set or a different set.

The only time the runes change in the middle of a sequence is when they're denoted by the third row indicator runes before the change occurs.

So there does at least seem to be some pattern to the runes, at least when it comes to the ones used in the CCTV footage. These however are only about half of the total number of runes, the other half are derived from these initial ones, and have additional tick marks and dots added to them to add some sort of meaning and differentiation.

These screen grabs are from the Chapter 6 VFX Breakdown video, and during the lead in to these animations I think I can also say that the language is probably read right to left, as that's the direction the runes scroll in on the screen.

These scenes are also shown with a certain glowing overlay, so I'm wondering if when we can figure the language out, if there is an interesting message here to be read as well.

Anyway! If you have any other info or this has sparked any ideas about the language for you please let me know! I will continue to play with it and update when I have anything of note! :)

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rayb15h0p · 9 months

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[ID: Three images, stacked vertically. Image 1 is an Elon Musk Tweet, from October 4, 2022: "Buying Twitter is an accelerant to creating X, the everything app". Beneath it, the Image 2 is a close-up of a dictionary listing defining the word "accererant as 'noun: a substance used to aid the spread of fire." The word "fire" is highlighted. The definition continue with an example "stolent accelerants could be used as firebombs" and further continues the definition as "adjective (technical): accelerating or causing acceleration. 'accelerant factors for carcinoma'". Image 3 contains two panels from K.C. Green's Gunshow comic #648, better known as the "This is Fine" dog meme, in the first panel the MC is flailing their arms surrounded by everything that is on fire screaming "OHMYGOD EVERYTHINGS ON FIRE" and the second panel where they continue screaming "WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM, their face distorted, their eyes bulging, their cute little bowler hat suspended in midair on the precipice of not quite ever falling off. Juxtaposed over these two panels at a 50% opacity overlay is the (at the time of posting) new Twitter/X homepage teaser, which displayed a truly massive overcompensation of an X-logo surrounded by edgy font reading "what's happening what"s happening what's happening what's happening" all down the image. The image of the logo and "what's happening" provides a , /end ID]

#twitter #x #elon musk #elon twitter #accelerant #grammar #english language #know the difference between how to use an adjective and a noun #fuck elon musk #elon is an idiot

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mblue-art · 3 months

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BAD SANSUARY // [21] comfort for owl-bones's event !

comforting my anxious ass in his own way (starting with an affectionate head flick)

edit: adding this screenshot as reference- it's from a yt video; like i said in the tags, i checked multiple sources to make sure i got it right. but still, feel free to correct me if i'm still wrong 🙏

#badsansuary #dust!sans #murder!sans #self insert #mblue art #before talking me out of my thoughts; his reminders a reassurance #(yk those anime characters that go 'baaaka.' that's what dust is supposed to say but in korean because.)#(i like the hc where the skeles can speak their creators' languages)#(no i dont know korean but i looked up and checked if 'pabo' means fool/stupid/idiot and the common results seem to confirm it)#(pls correct me if im wrong tho!! 🙏)

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ask--invaderzim · 2 months

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How to speak Irken? I've tried writing it and even looking up ASL (American Sign Language) for Irken, but I forgot it all! <=(

#invader zim #zim #dib membrane #i took liberty with what characters to use to asnwer that but next time please specify who youre asking </3 #[ ask: dib ]#[ ask: zim ]#iz fanart #ask characters #character ask #zade #GET PUSHED IDIOT !!!!! (at zim)#if thats a genuine question tho i dont think you can speak irken out loud? as far as i know it's only a written language. like a cipher #grimnlucky

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1495-gauge · 20 days

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there's that fucked up three-eyed thing that lives in the woods. whose turn is it to chase it off again??

#submas #submas art #so long story short i cant fucking draw people. i can draw all sorts of beasties but alas the human Face has always eluded me unless im #drawing direct from reference #which simply means. i guess come up with ideas where i get to draw a lot of pokemon and maybe some dude From A Distance #anyway i really like all the like. one of them has to go a little fucking nuts in the woods. aus #submas microwave au #you see a subway boss from far away and his eyes shine like medallions just like his hat pin #in the naked twilight of a snowy night where everything glows and nothing is truly dark #and maybe he's got a mega concussion and amnesia #get adopted by creatures. idiot #submas ingo #i just feel like in an age and era where 'unusual/strange human' = dog thats going to maul my face #that this would. not go well yk #ft his little clown shoes. theyre so funny to me. little as in honkin big #loud booming calls in a language known only to it. even the zoroark seem to shun it #taking a mockery of its shape and trying to chase it down #though some in turn embrace it #seen especially commonly with ghost pokemon #perhaps its a ghost itself?#whatever it is. its not allowed in camp

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eddheadweirdo · 6 months

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SOUKOKU SEASON 5 ANALYSIS

"Dazai never directly says what he wants. He always gets someone else to say it for him." -Kunikida

Very rarely do we ever see Dazai express genuineness to someone he cares about, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Chuuya. The only time Dazai is genuine with Chuuya (excludding post corruption) was when he postponed the end of the world in order to know if Chuuya wanted to know if he was human or not. So, when Dazai learns about Chuuya's vampirism, it's not out of character for Dazai to show him genuine feelings, since Chuuya wouldn't be conscious.

Except... He knew Chuuya was never a vampire.

So what do these scenes mean?

The genuineness of Dszai's speeches aren't tactically necessary, because he didn't HAVE to act like he cared just to convince Fyodor. Fyodor would have been as convinced if Dazai was also pretendung to see Chuuya as a tool. (Infact, Fyodor might have been more convinced that Dazai was protecting his partner by PRETENDING not to care).

But none of these speeches were for Fyodor. These speeches were too geniune.

Dazai didn't need to have actual flashbacks on their youth just to convince Fyodor. He didn't even have to mention that he and Chuuya, at times, bonded. These lines were unnecessary for their escape.

And then comes the biggest kicker. "Come back to me."

. . .

It's been established that Dazai didn't need to say these things in order for their plan to go well. It also wouldn't make sense that Dazai was saying these things in order to tease Chuuya (He literally reminisced on flashbacks, which Chuuya couldn't know about). The only other option is that he was being sincere.

The issue is, that Dazai never directly says what he wants. "Anything I want gets lost in the end." (Paraphrase)

But based on his actions and speeches, it seems like what Dazai is saying, is that he misses Chuuya.

The line "come back to me" no longer means "come to your senses", but "be apart of my life again."

The sad look he directs at the cieling when thinking about their youth no longer means that he's upset that Chuuya will die, but that he misses what they had.

Other lines like:

"We used to do this all the time." (Helicopter scene) Dazai once more looking back on their past.

"I've spent the past 7 years thinking of ways to kill Chuuya." (He says to Sigma) This line in particular is peculiar because Dazai figured out his weakness ages ago (poison). This just proves that he thinks about Chuuya.

Everything he says is geniune, yes, but has a second meaning to it aswell. Which, again, I highly believe is him saying that he misses Chuuya.

So what is Chuuya's reaction to this? Well, nothing. He treats Dazai the exact same way. Which completely makes sense.

He may be able to figure out Dazai's motives. But when it comes to what Dazai thinks about Chuuya, Chuuya couldn't be more oblivious. This is seen in the 15 arc, where Dazai was manipulating Chuuya to be his dog in the Port Mafia. Later in the dungeon scene when they're 22, Chuuya fell right into Dazai's manipulative trap.

Chuuya's great at picking up ques from Dazai when it comes to fighting an enemy. When Dazai's attention is directed at him, however, he's just as easy to misinterpret Dazai's intentions.

#soukoku #hope this theory makes sense #not exactly a unrequited theory #more like a they both care for each other but their love languages are so vastly different that they don't realuze it #what im saying is that they're idiots #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs

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roseofthomas · 1 year

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cc can’t just write in that thomas helped james when he learned farsi and not give me a scene where two lovesick idiots sit down to learn the language their crush speaks, totally oblivious to each others feelings about literal siblings

#james not even questioning why thomas speaks farsi well enough to teach #thomas helping james learn the language of his pretend wife that he will divorce eventually and not questioning it #idiots (affectionate)#thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #the last hours #chain of thorns #thomastair #herondaisy #jordelia #james herondale #cordelia carstairs

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1655stuff · 8 months

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Carlos Sainz Kicking Lewis Hamilton

A short but necessary comp

#carlos sainz #lewis hamilton #carlewis #4455 #5544 #f1 #ferrari #mercedes #why is violence his love language #on today’s episode of: Carlos resorts to violence #idiots (affectionate)#carlos sainz jr #55 #44

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nevermorekisses · 2 years

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Yuu thinking they're fighting to the death: "You two have got to calm down!!!"

Ace: "ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER?!?!?"

Leech!y/n and Floyd with multiple bite and scratch marks, covered in dirt from wrestling on the ground:

Floyd still pulling y/n's hair: "??? what do ya mean???"

Leech!y/n with their teeth sunk into Floyd's arm: "thish is fambily bonding tiwme!"

Grim: "FAMILY BONDING-"

Jade appearing out of no where: "Fufufu you started without me~?"

Trey: "Oh no-"

All three of them play fighting while Coach Vargas is cheering in the background:

Ace and Grim, screaming:

Trey frantically calling Azul: "hello, yes, they're doing it again-"

Yuu:

#Leech!y/n #floyd and jade leech #leech twins #floyd leech #jade leech #ace trappola #grim matchstick #yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland incorrect quotes #Trey Clover #twst #azul ashengrotto #yuu is scared and doesn't know what to do-#trey's been through this before #Azul's cussing up a storm in all the languages he knows in his head on his way to get his idiots

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cerise-on-top · 30 days

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what do you think kate, aleria and farah’s fav pet names to call their s/o’s, or even if they like pet names! i absolutely loooovvvvvvveeeee your stuff by the way, love! <3 you are feeding the lesbians in the cod fandom

Hey there! Thank you! I'm glad to hear that I can make something for the women lovers in the CoD fandom! That was my intention all along!

Pet Names That Valeria, Farah and Laswell Use

Valeria: I don’t think she’d use too many pet names as she does believe they’re somewhat embarrassing. Will absolutely not use any in public, but might use some when she’s drunk and alone at home with you. When she’s drunk she usually speaks some Spanglish, so chances are, unless you know both languages, you won’t fully understand her. And even then, her pet names are very few and far in between. They’re also nothing too special. Something along the lines of cariño/a or querido/a. Really, it’s nothing too fancy as Valeria isn’t usually one to show her affections through words. However, you can call her jefa and she’ll go wild internally. Naturally, she’s the boss among the two of you, but it’s nice to hear that anyway. Also the implication of you being family is nice.

Farah: Unlike Valeria, Farah is all for sweet pet names. Loves calling your romantic things that show you just how much she cares about you. She can go either way as well, either calling you something adorable in Arabic or English, she’s fluent in both languages after all. Calls you “my love”, “my moon” or “my heart”. It’s important to note that she usually puts “my” in front of your pet names since it’s important to her that you are hers. However, in Arabic she’ll call you something along the lines of habibi/habibti, rohi or ya amar. Maybe I should mention that she’d also love nothing more than to be sweet with you in Arabic, so her saying things to you in that language aren’t restricted to just pet names. She’ll compare you to the most beautiful things in existence. Farah can be quite eloquent in Arabic, actually, so it’ll always be sweet.

Laswell: Oh, she can probably go any way. Laswell knows so many languages, there’s a good chance she knows yours as well. So she likely wouldn’t be above calling you a pet name in your own language. Besides, if she doesn’t know your language then she’ll simply learn it, she really wants to indulge in the joy of speaking your native tongue with you. So she’ll definitely learn some sweet things she can call you in your language. However, if we go by English alone, then she won’t be too fancy on that one. She could be, don’t get me wrong, but she usually chooses to stick with something that will convey that she loves you, but won’t go overboard. You can expect something along the lines of “my love”, “sweetheart”, “sweetie” and, if she’s feeling especially daring that day, “cutie” from her.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #if you want some sweet and embarrassing nicknames then Farah would be your best bet #if you want something more classic then you better ask Laswell #if you want none at all then you should go for Valeria #also I do believe that Farah would hope that you don't know too much Arabic so that she can be cringe and in love with you #without you understanding every single word she says. plus she can tease you more easily like that as well #however she'd be very romantic in Arabic #Valeria would likely tease you in Spanish. but lovingly so. calls you a dumb idiot moron affectionately while patting your head #she shows her affection through lovingly insulting you in a fun way #Laswell might sometimes be a bit mischievous and say something to you in a language you don't understand #however she's usually just reciting the grocery list or calling you cute #nothing that she says is really malicious she just wants to tease you a bit

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dilly-oh · 2 months

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Crush

“Kakashi, for fuck’s sake, it’s your turn,” Asuma growled around his cigarette, holding out the report as they stood in the hallway outside the mission office. “It was your turn the last ten turns. You ain’t squirrelin’ outta this shit again.”

“I need to go water my plants,” Kakashi said, slithering away from the others as he tried to make a quick getaway. Genma stepped to the side, blocking his path.

“Come on, man. That cute Chunin with the ponytail is at the desk. You know, the one you have a crush on?”

Kakashi froze in the act of levering the nearby window open, snapping around to give Genma a look of pure outrage.

“Excuse me?”

“You. Chunin. Crush,” Genma repeated slowly.

“What am I, fucking five?” Kakashi narrowed his visible eye. “I’m a grown-ass man who kills people for a living. I’m feared throughout all the nations as Sharingan Kakashi. I’m a fucking legend. I don’t get crushes.” He paused. “And even if I did have one on him, how would you even know?” Genma shrugged.

“Cuz you’re always walking into walls and shit whenever you’re near him.”

“I do NOT-” Kakashi began, then promptly kicked over the wastebin next to the door, scattering trash all over the floor. Literally everyone in the mission room snapped around and stared at him accusingly.

Even the Chunin. Who was, admittedly, very cute.

“You’d better clean that up,” he said, his tone that of a disapproving teacher about to mete out punishment to an unruly student.

Okay he wasn’t that cute.

…Godammit yes he was.

Kakashi hurriedly shoved all the trash back into the bin, slapped Asuma in the face with the report, and bolted out the window.

---

It kept happening.

Kakashi was just minding his own business, buying groceries at the local market (because even trained killers needed to eat) when he saw the Chunin fondling some melons, and suddenly the pyramid of eggplants he’d been perusing had collapsed, a wave of them tumbling down and rolling all over the floor in a vegetable tsunami. The store manager started shouting and Kakashi decided he’d just order takeout as he slipped out the back exit.

At the laundromat, he caught sight of the Chunin folding his tighty-whiteys and somehow mismeasured the appropriate amount of laundry soap, resulting in the washing machine foaming itself to death like a rabid dog. Kakashi had to put it down with a Chidori and then escape through a window amidst the ensuing chaos.

He knocked down an entire shelf at the library when he saw the other man bending over to reach a low book. He quickly teleported out of there before the man could turn around and see him standing ankle-deep in porn.

Late one night, he was leaping along the rooftops and spotted the Chunin at an outdoor restaurant, seated at a table with friends, head thrown back in raucous laughter. Kakashi sailed through the air, eyes glued to the sight, so he didn’t see the billboard until it was too late.

It couldn’t go on like this.

---

“Okay you might have a point,” Kakashi said. Genma gave a snort.

“Of course I do.”

“I don’t even know his name-”

“Iruka.”

“Iruka? Oh GOD, even his name is fucking adorable.” Kakashi covered his face with his hands and took a deep, calming breath. “…Who else knows?”

“Everyone, Kakashi,” Genma said flatly. “Everyone knows. Even the Hokage knows.”

“Alright then.” Kakashi straightened with a determined air. “It seems pretty obvious what I need to do.” Genma stared at him for a long moment, chewing on his senbon.

“…Actually talk to the man and have a heartful confession about your true feelings?”

“Fuck no. Avoid him for the rest of my life.”

“Oh thank God I thought you were gonna say ‘kill him’.”

“Maybe I should start avoiding you, too.” Kakashi narrowed his eyes. “My plan will work, just you wait. I’m not called a genius for nothing.”

---

“Kakashi, meet your new mission partner,” the Sandaime said, standing in the doorway of his office and patting Iruka proudly on the shoulder.

Kakashi nearly spit out his tea. Through his mask.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” he choked out. This mission debriefing had gone to shit, and he’d been sitting there all of five seconds. The Sandaime frowned at him, wrinkles deepening with displeasure.

“I will not have you looking down on young Iruka here simply because he’s a Chunin,” he said firmly, taking a seat at his desk. “What he lacks in experience he more than makes up with sheer determination. He will be a great asset for this two-man mission and I hand-picked him for exactly that reason.”

“Understood,” Kakashi said, switching to mission mode in the vain attempt it would help distract from the overwhelming presence of the other man. It didn’t. Iruka took a seat right next to him, their thighs so close Kakashi could almost feel his body heat. He pushed his chair away a few inches for some breathing room and knocked over a potted plant.

“You two will be travelling deep into the Forest of Death,” the Hokage explained. Kakashi hid a wince. The Forest of Death has worsened over the years, rotting from the inside like a fruit gone bad. It had devolved into a festering jungle filled with mutated beasts that would messily devour their bodies and environmental hazards that would devour their chakra. But as long as they were careful-

Iruka crossed his legs and Kakashi bumped a pile of papers off the Hokage’s desk.

Yeah, they were in trouble.

“Your mission consists of two parts,” the Hokage went on. “The first is to reach these coordinates.” He handed the pair a scrap of paper with a set of numbers scribbled on it. “The second part is in this.” He held out a small, innocuous scroll. “It contains special instructions, only to be read once you’ve reached the site. Not before. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Kakashi said with grim resignation as he accepted the scroll and tucked it safely away. He just needed to get through this mission as fast as humanly possible, then he could go back to smothering his emotions under a metaphorical pillow. It would just be a few hours. He could DO this.

“I’m looking forward to working with you,” Iruka said, giving him a dazzling smile.

Kakashi spilled his cup of tea all over his lap.

…It was going to be a long mission.

---

The trek through the Forest of Death lived up to its name. It was a long, arduous journey through the dark, twisted woods, fraught with danger at every turn. Kakashi was on edge, painfully aware that, with one misstep, nearly everything in the jungle, plant and animal included, was capable of killing him at a moment’s notice.

That is, if Iruka didn’t kill him first.

Kakashi fell on an anthill and suffered a dozen venomous stings when the man decided to adjust his ponytail.

He walked into a tree and was nearly strangled by sentient vines when Iruka wiped his mouth after taking a drink from his canteen.

Kakashi tripped onto a patch of brambles which started actively draining his blood when Iruka raised an arm to wipe his brow and his shirt rode up.

And that was only in the first hour.

Iruka himself was an ideal companion. He followed Kakashi’s lead without question, trusting his judgement and experience with nothing but polite obedience, even attempting to start up a conversation once or twice. After Kakashi bit his tongue trying to reply, he took to ignoring the other man, who quickly caught on and fell into a sullen silence.

I can’t take much more of this, Kakashi thought to himself darkly as he slogged through the mud hours later. Every inch of his body ached, multiple wounds stinging and burning. Or maybe that was just the leeches. Konoha’s about to have a Missing-Nin if we don’t get there soon-

“I think…I think we’ve arrived,” Iruka cut in, checking his compass and studying his map. “Yes, these should be the correct coordinates. We’re here.”

Thank fuck. The nightmare was nearly over. Kakashi slipped the scroll out of his pocket and unrolled it. The orders contained within were rather short and simple. A single sentence. Four words, actually.

Ask him out already.

Kakashi stared at the message for a full ten seconds, then promptly set it alight with a Katon.

"What the fuck!” Iruka cried.

“Meant for my eyes only.” Kakashi stamped on the ashes, grinding them into the dirt. “I was to burn it after reading to leave no evidence.”

“Oh, well, I guess that means it’s my turn to read this one,” Iruka said, pulling out a second scroll from his pack. Kakashi hurriedly snatched it away and ripped it open, scanning the contents.

Pussy.

Kakashi burned that one, too.

“Seriously, what the fuck!” Iruka cried louder.

“Mission’s done, we’re heading home,” Kakashi stated, then turned and took a step.

And promptly sank up to his thigh in the suddenly soupy ground.

…Oh fuck.

“Don’t move!” Iruka shouted in warning. “It’s quicksand.”

“No shit,” Kakashi snapped out, then quickly shut up as he sank to his waist. He went perfectly still, arms out to keep himself afloat in case he sank further. “Calm down, I’m fine.” He closed his eyes, concentrating as he released a flare of chakra to push him free of the mire. The quicksand quickly gobbled up. “…Okay, maybe panic a little, I’m not fine.” The quicksand seemed to have developed a taste, and was now steadily devouring his chakra with a voracious appetite. “Okay, panic a lot. It’s draining my chakra.”

“Damn, hold on.” Iruka started rifling through his pack and pulled out a coil of rope. “Here, we’ll use this to get you out- actually wait, I think you’re close enough for me to reach out and grab you. Quick, give me your hand-”

Iruka stuck out his hand. Kakashi’s stomach did a little flip.

“Fuck no, I’m not touching you. Throw the rope.”

“What is your problem with me?” Iruka demanded. “I hardly know you and you already hate me.”

“I do not hate you,” Kakashi ground out through gritted teeth. “Throw the damn rope.”

“Not until you tell me what your deal is.”

“There is no deal.”

“Bullshit! You’ve been cold and distant this entire time. You’ve barely spoken a single word to me in hours. The fuck did I DO?”

“Nothing. Throw. The ROPE.”

“Tell me why you’re being such an asshole to me!”

“Because I fucking LIKE you, okay?!” Kakashi finally exploded. The background noise of the forest fell silent at the sudden outburst. Iruka just stared at him.

“…What?”

Kakashi tried to stem the flow of words, but they all came spewing out in a rush like verbal diarrhea.

“I keep walking into walls and knocking over shit and it’s all because of YOU and your dumb FACE and perky ponytail and that fucking dorky way you tuck in your pants-”

“What’s wrong with the way I tuck in my pants-”

“-because I have a stupid fucking CRUSH on you!!”

“God, what are you, five?!” Iruka shouted back. “Why can’t you just say you wanna fuck me like an adult?”

Kakashi gaped at him, flabbergasted.

“ExCUSE me?”

“Admit it. You want me.” Iruka crossed his arms, looking him up and down. “I don’t really get why, though. I’m always yelling at you in the mission room. You got some sort of humiliation kink?”

“Okay, you know what, you can just leave me here-”

“Don’t act like you’re not a pervert,” Iruka snorted. “I’ve seen the kind of shit you read.”

“That’s not the same!! It’s a book, not real life!” Kakashi argued. “Just because I read it doesn’t mean- I would never- look, my dad taught me to be a gentleman, alright?!”

Iruka studied him for a long moment, then tossed him the rope. Kakashi sighed in relief and grabbed it.

“…So we’re not gonna screw after I pull you out?” Iruka asked teasingly. “Not even get a bit handsy? Make out a little?”

“Of course not!” Kakashi squeaked out. “What kind of guy do you think I am?!”

Iruka broke into a huge grin.

“Oh my God, you’re adorable.”

Kakashi let go of the rope.

“Hey!” Iruka hurriedly reeled in the rope, then tossed it out again. It slapped Kakashi square between the eyes, but he didn’t even flinch. “Kakashi. Please take the rope. I don’t wanna have to file the paperwork. There’s, like, ten different forms.” He still didn’t move. “Please.” He just glared. “…Take the rope or I start taking my clothes off.”

Kakashi seized the rope in a death grip and didn’t let go until he was back on solid ground, chakra-depleted but alive. His legs were a bit shaky as he stood, and he was covered in thick, viscous mud from feet to armpits, not to mention the squelching noises every time he took a step.

“Okay, honestly, I’m a little insulted you grabbed on so fast,” Iruka said. “Are you sure you have a crush on me?”

“Will you stop talking about-” Kakashi went to pick up his canteen and accidently punted it into the quicksand. “MotherFUCK-”

“Yeah, okay, I see it now.”

“Look,” Kakashi said wearily, almost dragging a hand down his face before remembering it was coated in mud, “I just want to forget this whole mission ever happened, alright?” Iruka gave him a mischievous smirk.

“You sure you don’t wanna just bone?”

“Bone? BONNNNE?!” Kakashi repeated incredulously. “In a monster-infested jungle?”

“But I brought protection,” Iruka said, then held up a kunai. Kakashi refused to laugh, even though it was funny.

“Forget it,” he snapped. “A mosquito will probably fly up my dick and make it rot off.”

“Don’t worry, I’d suck it out.”

“Okay we are LEAVING-”

“Wanna hold hands while we walk?”

“Correction, I am LEAVING-”

"I’m serious, actually,” Iruka said, holding out his hand invitingly. Kakashi froze, staring at the proffered appendage like it was a bear-trap ready to spring. His stomach did another flip. “Come on, please? I don’t bite.”

Kakashi knew Iruka was just teasing, poking at the embarrassed Jounin with a stick to get a laugh.

Fine. Two could play at that game.

He reached out and took Iruka’s hand, their fingers twining together like old friends.

“…Unless you ask me nicely.”

Kakashi tried to yank his hand away but Iruka refused to let go, so he just reeled him in like a prize catch. Their chests bumped together, and he caught a whiff of the other man, a deep, woodsy scent that sent a shiver down his spine. He froze again as Iruka looked up at him, studying him with those big brown eyes that were not nearly as innocent as they looked.

“You know,” Iruka purred, leaning in even closer, “if you asked me right now…I might say yes.”

Kakashi gulped, throat suddenly dry. He wavered for a moment, uncertainty twisting his guts, then gathered his courage and barged forward.

“Umino Iruka,” he said tremulously, “would…you like…to go out with me sometime?”

Iruka gave him a blank stare.

“…Yeah that’s totally what I meant.”

“Oh my GOD-” Kakshi started to walk away.

“I’m kidding.” Iruka pulled him back, laughing. “Honestly, I’ve had worse first dates.” He looked at Kakashi and cocked his head appraisingly, a gentle smile chasing away the devilish one. “You’re very sweet. It’s refreshing, really. I’m so used to dudes just jumping straight to sex. It’s nice to meet a guy who actually wants to get to know me.”

Kakashi’s cheeks burned beneath his mask. Because it was true. He did want to get to know Iruka, and now he had the prime opportunity. Everything had already been laid bare, all the embarrassing bits hung out to dry. It’s not like it could get any worse.

“Now, let’s get you outta those muddy clothes.”

On second thought, maybe it could.

-End-

Written for @kakairu-rocks KakaIru Valentine's Week 2024, Day 3 Prompts: Crushes and Idiots in Love.

#kakairu #umino iruka #hatake kakashi #naruto #fanfic #kakairu.rocks #kakairu valentine's week 2024 #crushes #idiots in love #although its more like idiot (singular) in love #kakashi sucks at feelings #rated teen for language

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