#id like to feel loved

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[autumn-may]

Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience

#The boy and the heron #how do you live #studio ghibli #ghibli #in all honesty that movie was legitimately so fantastic and im like changed as a person #Story wise as well! It hits really hard if you know a bit about miyazaki and his legacy. Its a very personal movie i think #And you can feel it in every aspect #The eng dub voice actors were really good as well and the animation was beautiful as always #Also really loved the tone!!! The story really relied a bit on the use of negative space in both sound and pacing and i enjoyed that alot #in conclusion go read a article about miyazaki and his son and then go watch the movie it’s probably going to be one of my favorites #image id in alt

[ducktollers]

best friends

#valentines day #love puppy #love kitten #webkinz #digital art #id in alt text #my art #ik i said i would do raccoons again but i remembered ive been meaning to draw webkinz love puppy idk #this was mostly an excuse to experiment w brushes and textures. experiment failed i still hate them #my battle w procreate is ongoing 🔪 #idk i feel like i should keep a tradition of valentines day drawings #HOPEFULLY now that school is done. maybe ill finally have the mental bandwidth to draw in october #which is way better than february 😑

[weaselmcdiesel]

Hiking with the matesprit

(this was hugely inspired by @/erysium and their gorgeous natural scenes! particularly, this post)

#my art #art #homestuck #fan art #karkat #karkat vantas #nepeta #nepeta leijon #wow. ive. never done a piece like this. at all. wow. #also i feel like it's incredibly easier to color alternia since all the colors are nonsense #i imagine if i had to paint a real life place itd be harder and also wouldnt look as good #this is once again in an au where alternia is cool n fashionable and karkat goes outside #this is my application to work for the hiveswap team <im lying #also i wish there were more resources on the flora of alteria. like serious id love to know what their nature looks like #ofc it's not explicitly katnep but 2 me it is. they r dating always #fun fact if you invert the colors on this the forest turns lovely and green #also karkats about to totally skewer his hand on that tree yeah

[thimbleb3rries]

This show gives me so much to think about omggggg

Kuro Neko....... 😃cat walker.....

I drew him with his hair loose for two of the doodles because it gave me trouble when it was tied back shhhhh

Also??? The weird little stray pieces of hair that just kinda float around where his hair parts??? I had to simplify them, I couldn't figure them out 😭

#i know messing with his hairstyle alters the symbolism just a tad but 😃 #it was a lot more fun to draw it this way #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanart #ml kuro neko #cat walker #chat noir #adrien agreste #i love him so much #i honestly just love drawing the cats of the show #they are all so fun #I have a lot more art i want to do! #with like. meaning and feelings and stuff #but id have to use my brain for that 🧍 #my art <3

[lucabyte]

I don't know how everyone isn't also always constantly thinking about how burial rites seem to be potentially one of the few things Siffrin instinctively remembers about their culture. But rest assured. I am in fact always thinking about it.

Textless version where they're just hanging out. It's fine!

#love how i said id slow down on fanart. and then didnt. anyway. the bg is supposed to be a ocean shore but its vague intentionally. #ALSO SORRY FOR DRAWING EVERYONE FACING AWAY FROM THE CAMERA ALL THE TIME? WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT IN MY ISAT STUFF. HELLO? HELLO??? WHY??? #in stars and time #isat fanart #isat #isat spoilers #isat siffrin #isat loop #siffrin #sifloop #lucabyteart #hi again sifloop tag. read this as you will. go nuts. i know you people are here for the crumbs. #if you want other thoughts re: what they do/do not remember on instinct. i wonder what their culture's bonding ceremony equiv is. #since they dont seem to have any answers to that. perhaps since not directly asked during that conversation. hm. feels like a cute fic idea #not that ill be executing on that. #ill be damned if i bare my ass on ao3. i can barely write about my ocs without feeling like im naked on stage. i salute your kind's bravery #also sorry if the dialogue here is hard to parse what order its in. its a zigzag of some kind im not fighting my absolutely ass typesetting #samdontlook

[positivelyadhd]

i have been reading through the diary I kept from ages 14-17 and realising how helpful it can be to keep a record of how you're feeling at different moments.

not only is it helpful to write down and process how your feeling and give yourself time to truly think about it, it's nice to have something to look back on. to not just remember how you felt about a certain situation but to actually have yourself from that time tell you.

and also, from an adhd perspective, it's really lovely to have reminders of things I'd almost entirely forgotten. it's easy to think that your life right now isn't interesting, but in 5 years time? to know what songs you were listening to or book you were reading or even that Thing that you were so worried about but now you can't even remember the details. it's nice to have a physical reminder that time passes and things really can get better.

#i think part of whats makes it so special to me is that (like it is for a lot of people) those ages where so *much* #and i was so stuck in my head and socially anxious and i feel like those years of school rly shaped who i am now ect #but id kind of forgotten? its become a blur emotions over time and its nice to see it clearer #but also how i changed? and to read into it and see what i did or didn't write #im also a big fan of the inner child and doing things for your younger self and its a lovely gift to have her speaking to me directly #also if you want to journal i highly recommend doing it in a normal notebook rather than a pre planned one #it gives you the freedom for it to be whatever you want with none of the pressure #recovery #tips

[nordidia]

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

#i love him so muhc ghghgh #and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm #if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine #im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down #tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row #theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh.. #but yeah i promise im still here #and i want to draw him when i can #but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now #i hope u understand #sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh #my art #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #nordidia art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #id in alt text #also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but #i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank #and it stuck like that #so its really rough on my hands #sadly

[pastelhooman]

[WVW Exchange Event 2023!]

"The kisses on your lash, your ears, on the nose that keeps scrunching. The kisses on your hand, on your cheeks, and the exchanging soft words waiting for the break of day."

----- ID under break -----

A total of 6 pages of comics, starting with a close up shots of vash kissing sleeping wolfwood's nose, eyes, lashes, and he furrows them a bit. an overhead shot of the two of them in a motel room, on the bed with vash leaning over wolfwood from the left, laying soft kisses on him. their legs tangled. their normal outfits are thrown haphazardly on the floor, instead donning comfortable clothes. on the outside, the very first ray of lights are yet to shine.

"what a face you're making pfft" - vash says as he grabs both of wolfwood's cheeks, squeezing them a bit. wolfwood mumbles, "There's something that keeps landing on my face, it tickles." he grabs the hand that is on his right cheek. "Well you're letting it happens anyways right?" Vash muses, bringing the hand up to kiss on its knuckles. "Good morning Wolfwood. It's almost dawn"

"… Isn't it way too soon?" - wolfwood asks, but keeps to himself the prayers he's sending to god because the the boy on top of him was such a sight to behold. Vash flops down onto him, leaving the hand hanging and lace his own hand into Wolfwood's hair, peppering kisses to the side of his face. "Yep" - he answers - "But you woke up on your own tho" - facetiously. He giggles, saying that it was a joke after a beat of silence. A sigh, "don't make me upside you first thing in the morning." Wolfwood closes his eyes, hand combing through golden strands. "Heh, how merciful~" "We have a meet up with Milly and Meryl today, remember?" Vash reminds him, which does raise some vague memory. wolfwood hums, the other hand reaching around vash's torso, hugging him. " So, the sooner we arrive, the less likely she'll chew through my head." - Vash adds. "riiiight. And you were SO urgent in waking me up." in wolfwood's hold, both of them slowly turn to the right, towards the edge of the bed.

Well, you were just soooo cute, I couldn't help it! didn't thinkk you'll actually wakE UAA-!"

the bed creaks under the sudden shift in weight as wolfwood tosses vash over and under him, arms firmly hugging him, one at his back and one at his head, hungrily dives down to kiss. "!! Wolf-! Wait-!" Vash yelps, leg instinctively curls around the other's man hip to hang on, trying his damnest to grip on his shirt as HE is now half airborne, barely has any contact with the bed on his upper body. However, wolfwood seems to have another idea as he keeps deepening the kiss, pointedly holding Vash close, hands spread guarding the back of his head as both of them are sliding off the soft fabric.

"THUD!" a resounding fall, possibly enough to wake the room downstairs, followed shortly by laboured breaths amist wet smacks of lips. Heaves and huffs of air exchanging between the two bodies when the need to breath made itself necessary. They press close, cradling each other, and are lost to their own world. After a while they had to part. Metal arm shifts through black locks, caressing down to his nape and they hold eye contacts there, with lidded eyes, strands of saliva thins then breaks.

Wolfwood pushes up on his arms, looking smugly down at his now disheveled partner: "Now this is how it's done, Needlenoggin." he remarks. Vash tries to wrangle his thoughts back in order, but strings of Wolfwood's name and a wonderous question keeps filling his mind, of whether he should risk it all and have fun for a bit more. Regardless, snapping out of his trance, Vash sourly asks, with a wry smile and an aching head: "But did you really need to roll off the bed?" "Wrong side, whoops" - Wolfwood anwers unseriously, laughing as he finds the situation quite amusing.

----- End of ID -----

#sorry if the ID is weird it happens everytime i tried to ID my comics it turned into psuedo-fics- #the cap is the prompt btw #the exchange is basically secret santa except it was in may lol #it was incredibly fun to work on this!! #and originally i drafted this to be like 4 pages and it got longer and l o n g e r and i was like oh no #all is good i made the deadline dont worry #yeah only some ten minutes left before it was overdue lol #oh and the event was last month i just procrastinated and didnt post it on anywhere except fb mb #half the reason was because i do NOT know how to ID and half way through it was feeling like writing a fic and that took. time #didn't help that i started writing when i was very sleepy and basically forgot about it for weeks #wElL aNyWAys #hope you enjoy this <3 #i really really love the prompts that i was given there were 3 in total but i only did one #they were all superb #vashwood #woodvash #wvw #vwv #wv #vw #trimax #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun manga #vash the stampede #vash trimax #wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #wolfwood trimax #wvw exchange event 2023

[ba1laur]

happy bday to this thing. i redrew it cuz i was unsatisfied

#and unsatisfied i remain #such is my life #im still in awe at the love received on that piece i never saw it coming. thx every one :) #but i feel like i didnt quite capture what i was going for. #so for this occasion i gave it a go again #paleo #smilodon fatalis #goo goo gaa gaa kitty #many thanks 2 my friend bly for helping out w the id #one year later... i still cant draw skeletons everyone clap and smile #paleo tag #art tag

[voltaical-art]

some obligatory "i finally finished the game" Avernus trio doodles

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tav #wyll ravengard #karlach cliffgate #bg3 spoilers #voltaical ocs #bishop #karlach was like wyll does NOT smoke #wasnt sure how id feel about this ending i firmly believe bishop wants to stop adventuring as soon as possible #but honestly the three of them are so happy together 😭😭😭 i couldnt have it any other way #wylls whole breakdown while karlach was dying KILLED MEEEEE #i love him so much

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

Fishing, Grian thinks, is possibly the best way to get a mending book.

Best way to get anything, really. Is it a bit inefficient? Does it take a while? Yes! That's what drives him crazy. But it's also what makes it worth it.

He could trade with villagers, sure, but where's the satisfaction in that? It's just instant gratification, that is. When it's him and the sea, sitting on his dock and smelling the salty air and listening to the water and the waves and the whispers, that's real happiness. Carving enchants into a fishing rod, something peaceful and soothing, instead of armor or weapons.

It's a give and take with the ocean, like the tides almost. He gives his time and his dedication and the sea gives him something in return. Sometimes he gives more. Once he gave a mending book to the sea just in case. A worthy offering. When the book sank he felt contentment on the breeze. So maybe it worked. You wouldn't know it for the lack of mending he's caught.

Maybe it's less about the mending and more the experience. Getting in touch with the sea. Feeling its wild moods on the salt on his tongue or the water soaking into his boots. Staring at the fish as they stare up at him. Feeling bits of kelp and sea grass tug at his legs. It's nice in a weird way. You give your time and love to something and it gives something in return.

Gem gets it, Gem's a smart one. She's building her whole base around the sea, and sometimes Grian spots her at night in her lighthouse just staring out at the open ocean. The sea loves her too. When she surfaces after exiting her boat or her storage room, she's smiling. And if he spots her he smiles back, and they both get it.

The others don't. The others think Grian's just gone crazy and maybe he has sort of, but that's also not really it. Sometimes he doesn't want to catch a mending book because it's his excuse to be with the sea and he loves the sea. What'll he do when he gets it? Gem is lucky, she doesn't need any excuses. That's probably why no one thinks she's gone crazy even though there's giant flying fish around her lighthouse and a strange darkness in her eyes sometimes.

Sometimes Grian puts his hand into the water and he feels the slightest movement against his fingers and he smiles.

#hermitcraft #hc10 #hc s10 #grian #this is a weird one but i wanted to write ocean madness with a nice vibe #its like when i was little and when my familyd go to the beach id pretend that me and the ocean were in love #writing this made me feel like that #like when the waves came up it was reaching out for me #so this was a fun little thing

[ispyspookymansion]

no non lesbian button sorry! you can vote here!

#i feel like a lot of dykes (me included) ided as ace and felt comfort in that when it was really a lot of internalized homophibja #and the combo hypersexualization of lesbianism (male gaze porn) and discouraging of sexuality (gal pals/predatory stereotypes) #kora.txt #ACE LESBIANS I LOVE YOU!!! i just am not you anymore ^_^

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."

What the fuck were the House writers on

#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #this quote is attempted murder #i cant live like this #This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective #“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it” #because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life #as long as he was doing good and helping people #but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted #because in the end it didnt make any difference #brb sobbing #thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life #house md #house #greg house #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #hate crimes md #hatecrimes md #wilson #housemd

[pineappical]

would calling this something like "the sun to his earth" be a little bit too cliche? maybe...

#ted lasso #ted lasso fanart #tedependent #trent crimm #ted x trent #I JUST GAHH!! GAAAHH!!! I HAVE MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THEM!!!!! #pn.art #YEAH IM NOT IMMUNE TO THE SUN/MOON WHATEVER THEHELL :/ #since i probably wont be able to draw what i have in mind rn id just say it now. i have this thought about stars on the ceiling and how ted #and trent grew up with different fathers. how ted had a loving dad who he wished he told him more how much he meant to ted #and trent's father being more strict. wanting him to be something else. a stronger man. someone who played football. and how glow in the #dark stars is just a core part to many kids' childhoods and how ted probably had them and trent didnt #IDK.. IDK IM THINKING ABOUT IT... im making zero sense and this is a thought that goes nowhere but i just love the imagery of it all SNIFFS #something something ted and trent being two people who didnt want to be like their fathers but in very different ways but also so similar #enough that theyll definitely buy their own kids glow in the dark stars if they asked #IM LOSING MY MIND RN. HELLO. ANYWAYS.... #EDIT: WHY DOES TUMBLR LOVE REMOVING TH E FINAL LETTER IN SOME OF THESE TAGS

[arielluva]

if only things had been different for you

id under cut

[ID] a digital painting of dahlia hawthorne and iris from ace attorney. their backs are facing each other, with dahlia on the far left of the picture, and iris on the far right. their hair is blowing towards each other, and connecting in the middle. dahlia is looking over her shoulder, with a neutral, but cold, expression. a single tear is falling from her eye, and her loose hair is blowing into her face. her right eye is not visible. white glowing butterflies are flying around her, and she has a noose around her neck. iris is facing sister bikini, who is off screen. iris is also crying, but bikini is wiping away her tears. iris's loose hair is blowing behind her, and out of her face. above dahlia and iris are two drawings of dusky bridge. above dahlia, the bridge shows the silhouettes of valerie hawthorne pointing a gun at terry fawles, who was holding a young dahlia hostage. no details can be seen on the figures. above iris, dusky bridge is on fire. underneath dahlia, there are red dahlias that are dripping blood, and under iris there are some irises. in the center of the picture, dahlia and iris as children are standing side by side. their hair is black and medium length. they have bangs and both twins have a braid going down the side of their head, dahlia's on the right side of her head, and iris' on the left. they are both wearing white dresses, white knee-high socks, and black mary jane shoes. both of their dresses are dirty, with dahlia's being slightly dirtier. [end ID]

#my art #ace attorney #dahlia hawthorne #iris ace attorney #iris hawthorne #it is done.... *collapses* #surprisingly only took me about 4 hours total to finish and not like a week #yippee for random middle of the night motivation!! #also this bad boy can hold so much symbolism #feel free to ask me about the symbolism in this drawing bc id love to talk about it!! especially since i put more than i usually do #felt like i was returning to my symbolism roots from 2020 by drawing flowers... i dont think ive painted a flower since like. 2021 #cw bright colors #<- just in case bc of dahlias highly saturated hair lol #2023