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#i.e. without me actually going up to him and making conversation which will NOT be happening
heathleaves · 5 months
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I can’t stop thinking about Verna’s deals and her collateral - with Roderick it is straightforward, his bloodline ends with him which would imply he does love/will love his descendants… but never enough to overshadow his greed, only Lenore’s death at the end truly shakes him.
But Madeline - at first I thought the twins shared their price, their collateral, but Madeline never wanted kids. True, she might never had any because of the deal but she also mentions being against it in general - she wanted to be immortal on her own merit not fulfilling a woman’s role of childbearing and achieving immortality in this more traditional “prolonging the species” kind of way. And while she did everything to protect their family and the Usher legacy - and slayed while doing so! - I don’t know if she actually loved any of her brother’s children as individuals. She protected them, but also didn’t hesitate to threaten death if any of them threatened the collective and/or the company. While Roderick was also ruthless in these moments and encouraged the hunt for perceived traitors, I think there was genuine grief and loss during the last funeral - and this is the scene when I think it clicked for me that Madeline did not love the dead Ushers - the way she was sitting in front of the final coffins. It was a beautiful pose, the actress slayed. Madeline looked bored. And probably planning next moves with the company/the board. She had tried to protect them because they were Ushers, but they were nowhere close important enough for her to be her collateral - for her to feel the loss, personally.
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What, then? At first I thought the whole cost was on Roderick’s side and the twins were a package deal, but then Verna’s insistence that they both confirm would sound off. And she stressed the part about them both going out together which, I think, is the whole crux of the matter.
Madeline’s collateral is her ambition and dream of achieving immortality, rather than a person she loved - the only one she truly loved is her brother, and she was prepared to kill him in order to prolong her own life - so that she could achieve her goal.
This is where the price of her deal comes in - she received all the means in order to complete it, all the money (that she chose in her conversation with Verna) and no consequences for her actions - but she is made to die together with her brother before she achieves her digital immortality, as we know her AI failed due to an example with Lenore.
It was rather skillfully arranged in the narrative because I think we had the key to that answer before we fully formed the question - i.e. Verna’s talk with Arthur Pym about the collaterals before the full scene of her deal with the Ushers, and both of those happening at the end of the series, so for the majority of it the viewers can solidify in their minds a pre-existing idea of the deal’s only price are the Usher children dying, only to have the inkling of doubt during Verna’s conversation with Pym and then the final picture happening in the bar.
Which is what makes me wonder about the third Madeline that Verna could see - the past we know, the present we know, but the alternate? Would she have achieved her dream through her own means, even without the money she said she wanted in her solo conversation with Verna in the bar? It does seem to tie-in with the theme of the poem Verna recites to Madeline - The City in the Sea. The poem’s main theme is a ruin brought on by riches, as Death presides over the once opulent city. This obviously refers to the fall of the house of Usher, and the fact that death conquers all.
But I wonder if it doesn’t also mean, more personally for Madeline, that she gave up her dream of achieving immortality, and exchanged it for money - that Verna’s personal message to Madeline is “You would’ve been magnificent, but money and riches are not the way to overcome death.”
Both Usher twins were obsessed with Egyptians, but Madeline understood you couldn’t take your treasures to the afterlife - I don’t know if Roderick understood it as well and only wanted the symbols of status, but Madeline wanted the money as a means to achieve her true ambition.
Perhaps her immortality would’ve been fame, if we go back to the conversation with Verna in the bar when she asked Madeline what was more important to her - money or fame.
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shutupineedtothink · 6 months
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More Moiraine & Lan (and the Bond) thoughts, because I really just can’t help myself.
Just thinking about how we know every Aes Sedai and Warder share the Bond, but we don’t see any other AS/Warder teams using it as a form of communication NEARLY as much as Moiraine and Lan do.
Like these mofos are having full conversations with head tilts and tiny eyebrow raises and 3 seconds of eye contact from the jump. Sometimes not even looking at each other. And it’s extra great if you’re a show only like me because you only realize it when you go back later after all the stuff with the Bond is explained in 1x04/1x05. Like I remember thinking when I was first watching the pilot ‘wow, these two are really in sync, clearly they’ve known each other a long time,’ but it’s so much more than that obviously.
Now, one easy explanation for this is that we’re just seeing them the most, they’re main characters, and s1 especially does a lot of work hyping up the Bond and how important it is so that we get the full impact of them being cut off later. Makes sense.
But… idk like even Alanna and Ihvon and Maksim, who are actually in a romantic relationship, don’t seem to prefer the Bond as a way to communicate. We even see them have their little diplomatic discussion before Ihvon goes to follow Tomas. It’s an actual conversation. Maksim even prefers the Bond masked, so I guess in that way they kind of have to talk to each other.
Verin and Tomas are pretty quiet in general, but still it’s not emphasized that they use the Bond to communicate that much. Perhaps this is also highlighted by Tomas’s advice to Lan that the Bond isn’t the only common language they share with their Aes Sedai.
Except for Moiraine and Lan, it’s like AT LEAST 80%. It’s the primary way they communicate. Because 1. they’re both so naturally reserved on the outside (but feel very deeply on the inside), and 2. I imagine it comes in handy to be extra good at it when you’re on the road searching for the Dragon Reborn and you don’t want everyone around you to know what you’re about.
Then there’s Stepin’s comment from s1 to Kerene, “Can you imagine their dinners?” Which is funny but also very telling. To all the other Aes Sedai and Warders, Moiraine and Lan seem pretty cold and distant, to everyone else and each other. But again, that’s by design to protect their mission. They’re just having conversations no one else can see, even other Bonded pairs. It’s like most AS and their Warders use the Bond as insurance, a fail safe even, to understand and communicate with each other, with normal human communication (i.e. TALKING) as the primary method. But for Moiraine and Lan it’s the other way around.
My POINT BEING, that this adds weight to their storyline in S2. Like they are REALLY struggling because on top of everything else, this fundamental piece of their relationship and communication is just gone. And it opens a door for Moiraine to push Lan away, when she NEVER would have been able to before, practically or emotionally. And he reels from her attacks because he’s just not as good at understanding her without the Bond, when he would have seen right through that shit before, just from feeling alone. So Tomas can say to him, you need to really listen, but 20 years of shared emotional mind reading is not that easy to bypass. You don’t learn normal person communication skills overnight. Certainly not when there’s this gaping hole in your head/heart where another person you probably knew better than yourself should be but isn’t.
Anyway, I think it just adds even more credence to why they’re both so lost throughout most of S2, especially Lan. And what makes them so badass with the Bond but so absolutely uncoordinated without it. And why every other Aes Sedai/Warder thinks they’re fuckin weird. And why we love them, because who doesn’t want to be so fundamentally understood like that? Who doesn’t want their own secret language with someone that no one else really gets, but that person gets you on a level so real it can’t be replaced? That’s what we’re all reaching for, and that’s what they have with each other. For better or worse.
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Ooh how about top 5 Emily moments for each PC (i.e. top moonshine moment, top fia moment, etc etc) because we know Emily is incredible and can do no wrong!
Real and true. I’ll do like 2 moments for each naddpod pc and then it’ll be like 10 moments lol. Full disclosure: this is long as hell.
Moonshine:
“You can be quick with kindness, too” and then grabbing Bev and jumping off into the Astral Sea. That whole thing, where she was trying to understand Thiala despite knowing she likely couldn’t be reasoned with. An absolute peak of Moonshine. Holy shit.
Not to be the guy who brings up “how long do half elves live” at every opportunity. But it needs to be said. Because it’s also Moonshine grappling with how her lifespan is going to work. Emily was never going to take 18 levels in druid, she didn’t want timeless body for Moonshine. But she got it. And then there’s this poignant moment where she’s grappling with everything that will mean to the only other person she knows has or will experience it. Moonshine doesn’t fear death. But she doesn’t want to live in a world without her family and friends. And that’s why it matters. Plus the hardshine of it all.
Fuck it, third one. The conversation with Deadeye. She saves him. She’s the catalyst that stops him from continuing a spiral he’d been part of for possibly 100 years. And he stopped her from going down a similar path, which was Brennan’s plan when he made the character. The Cybin siblings are something that can be so personal.
Fia:
“Maybe I don’t want to be her sister, okay!” Fia was closed off to the other third mates in a lot of ways. She was never hiding anything deliberately, she just kept a lot of feelings close to her chest. She hadn’t had friends in years. Blurting this out to Hank and Zirk was her last wall crumbling and a moment of true trust. Plus like the beauty of girlhood friends falling in love wlw wish fulfillment.
“You were my fucking dream for so fucking long. But these people are my reality. And it is by your actions that one of them has died, and you tried to kill more of them. And I will miss you so much. But I, I cannot support this. Mr. Henry. Kill Her.” Truly an Emily moment of all time. The beauty. The cold hearted commitment. The sobs from both her AND Caldwell.
Tarragon:
Only gonna do one here because she’s in so few episodes. The atonement to help redeem Moxora at the end of Cerenysus. “She may have rotted but she’ll make good soil”. Devastating.
Billie:
Also gonna do one here because of the shortness of her time. Her insane antics in the Grimdung/Beeto cave fight. Trying to convince Grimmy that she was worth more than his allegiance to the cause. Being completely wrong about his thought process. And the interactions with Hank and Zirk during that fight. Too fun.
Onyx:
Pretending to be Porker Harris for the entire Merry Metal Mayhem two shot. Insane choice. She was dressed as him dead I think actually. And tried to convince Sonic that she was him. The triplets are too good.
Befriending KT. Getting her plane seat upgraded while sitting in the bad seats. Asking for her opinion on everything. So dumb. So incredible.
Callie:
Fucking. Crown of Dreams. Right at the end. She finally isn’t confused or a nannerfly. And she takes a turn to Lay on Hands Sol (who was 2 death save failures in the hole and it really felt like Caldwell’s skin of his teeth luck had finally run out) and then casts compelled duel on Ultrus to save Glen. Gets me every time. God what an episode.
Little strange, but when they’re fighting the Bronzebeards and that guy who was controlling people with the worms in the woods on the way to Irondeep. She like climbs up something, Fey Steps, attacks or casts a spell, then asks Hardwon to catch her. And Hardwon “nods like he’s seen this kind of bullshit before”. Just a very fun moment.
So sorry for going off like that. Hope people enjoy reading this insane list lmao
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Buck & Eddie: The Legal Guardianship, Icebergs and Reverse Uno Cards
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Icebergs are large blocks of ice that were previously attached to glaciers.  They’re found in oceans and their actual sizes can’t be determined just by looking at the part that’s seen above the surface because sometimes it’s smaller than the larger portion that’s below the surface.  Therefore, when the captain of a ship sees an iceberg, they must change the direction in which the ship is traveling or risk crashing into it which could cause the ship to sink, i.e., ‘The Titanic’.
Eddie’s will can be equated to the bottom of an iceberg because it’s always lying below the surface. It’s huge and if it’s ever enacted it will be life changing for both Buck and Chris because it would mean Eddie has died, Buck will become Chris’ legal guardian/dad and Chris will have lost another parent.
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Why am I comparing Eddie’s will to an iceberg?  It’s being compared because it’s relevant to the conversation Buck and Natalia had at his loft in 6x17 “Love is in the Air”.  Let me explain.
Eddie’s will has only been mentioned once in CANON and that was when he revealed it to Buck in 4x14 “Survivors” one year after he made the change. Neither of them told their significant others about it and they haven’t been shown talking to their families about it either.  Eddie didn’t tell AF about it while they were dating and Buck didn’t tell TK while they were dating.  
Therefore, the question is, why didn’t they tell them?  If Buck and Eddie are just platonic bros like the show keeps trying to make the GA believe, it wouldn’t be an issue, right?  No, it wouldn’t be so the idea of them just being platonic bros, best friends and/or work partners can’t be the reason.
Here's the issue I found with Buck and Natalia’s conversation in 6x17.
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Buck only told Natalia about his past relationships after they bumped into LD at the bar and after TK appeared on his TV discussing her tell all book about the 118.  He told her he would explain everything over dinner and after he did, he said he knew it was a lot and she agreed but then she said she guessed she could be a lot too.
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She was willing to continue doing whatever it was they were trying to do until the next interruption happened.  Please note, Buck didn’t have to tell Natalia about the sperm donation but he chose to after Kameron showed up at his loft unannounced.
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The part some viewers may have missed is Natalia prepared to leave BEFORE he told her about his sperm donation.  Why is this important?
It’s important because she said she could deal with his past and at the time she may have meant it but the issue was his past wouldn’t stop returning and that made her feel some type of way about it.  It appears Natalia became overwhelmed when Kameron started complaining about the baby being on the way and how Connor was freaking out.  It’s possible their conversation made her uncomfortable and she decided to leave, which she had every right to do and she may have been trying to excuse herself without making a scene but it was clear she didn’t like what she was hearing.
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The interesting part is even though she stood up from the table before Kameron said she needed a place to stay, it probably means she already thought the situation was awkward and she couldn’t figure out why a pregnant woman would come to Buck instead of going to her friends or family to tell them about her problems.  Then when he finally told her about the sperm donation, she said it was a lot and she needed a minute to think.  She grabbed her purse, thanked him for dinner and told him to take care of himself the same way TK did at the end of 5x18 “Starting Over” followed by her leaving.
It was their second date and he didn’t have to tell her anything but he decided to reveal the sperm donation on his own without her asking. That was very mature of Buck because he didn’t have to mention it especially since Kameron didn’t say anything about the baby being biologically his but the caveat is Buck still didn’t tell her everything.
If the fact that his past constantly returning was a lot for her to handle and the sperm donation sent her out the door, how is she going to handle it when she finds out about the legal guardianship? It’s a VERY LARGE DETAIL of his life that he didn’t mention, it’s been below the surface for more than two years and if it’s ever enacted, both his life and the life of whomever he chooses to be in a romantic relationship with will change forever.
So why didn’t he tell her about it?
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The answer is because THE WILL means more to both Eddie and Buck than the show is willing to allow them to admit.  If they ever talk about it, they’ll have to admit what it means and it appears they aren’t ready to let Buck and Eddie go there yet. Let’s be real, their jobs as firefighters are dangerous and they could die while they’re on a call which means if Eddie has NO INTENTION of changing his will, they’re significant others should be made aware before things get too serious so they can make an informed decision.  They don’t have to mention it during the second date but it’s a conversation worth having and they’ll have to decide when to say something.
If the speculation for 6x18 “Pay it Forward” regarding one of them (Eddie) being lost and almost dying again is true, then maybe they’ll finally be forced to talk about it and deal with it.
The point is Eddie never mentioned it to AF while they dated, Buck didn’t mention it to TK while they dated and he didn’t mention it to Natalia either which means there has to be a reason.  The legal guardianship continues to be this huge life altering decision that figuratively resembles the bottom of an iceberg and it remains below the surface but neither of them are talking about it.
It appears the show is using the legal guardianship like it’s a Reverse Uno Card they could drop into an episode at any moment because those cards change the direction of the game the same way Eddie’s will can CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF BUCK AND EDDIE’S RELATIONSHIP.
Will Buck and Eddie be ready to confront everything they’ve avoided talking about for the last 5 years in 6x18? Only the showrunner(s), writers and producers know the answer to that question.
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gayofthefae · 3 months
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Thinking about how crazy together is so meaningful because it isn't some romantic promise. It isn't just that, without context, "mad for each other" type "we'll go crazy together hypothetically".
It isn't hypothetical. The conversation that led them to that point is "I am scared I'm genuinely losing my mind because I become so immersed in my visions of monsters that I lose reality" "I am also scared that I'm losing my mind because I see people that aren't really there" "Hey, on the upside, maybe we can room together at Pennhurst Asylum"
Like that was the conversation. It was earnestly "our real life experiences and symptoms are making us actually worry about our sanity, let's promise not to tell anybody" and then Mike, loving in the way that he does, says "but it's some comfort knowing that, like everything, we're doing this together too"
And now I'm thinking about "I have no idea what's gonna happen next, but I think it'll be better if we work together. If we're a team. Friends. Best friends" and my other post about how if you look into it's kind of a version of "I want to jump into the abyss with you, I'll be less scared". It's also logistic, of course "us fighting won't help anything" but they had also already stopped fighting. So now I'm thinking about how, really, that's just a rephrasing of "Hey, well if we're both going crazy, at least we'll go crazy together, right?"
It's easy to isolate that line and think of it how it's used in other shows, more of a "hypothetically, we'll go crazy together", but in this, he was saying "this real thing that's happening is made better by you being here with me. I think we're gonna be okay."
And I sometimes read fanfics of it where it's more cavalier, but I feel like we need to remember that "craziness" was very stigmatized, just look at how they all treat Joyce's history with mental illness is season 1 - basically equating anxiety and depression as "only a matter of time before she fell into full delusion and hallucination". I don't think that they'll necessarily repeat it because it wasn't "let's go crazy together" it was "we are going crazy together". Without the real-time stakes to it, it doesn't mean the same thing so a callback would still be romantic but used in a different context, it would be different. It didn't mean "crazy together" like "let's take this supernatural risk together" or "hey, wanna do something crazy?"/"that was crazy of us!" They're using it as the stigmatized word that it is. They're using it with the weight that it holds.
It's closer, to me, to "Maybe I'm crazy! Maybe I'm out of my mind, but God help me, I will keep these lights up until the day I die if I think there is a chance that Will is still out there." - which makes sense with all the season 1 parallels between Mike and Joyce i.e. her seeing the lights vs him hearing the radio and everyone else is like "it's ok sweetie, we know you miss him"
I think the best subtext I can translate is what I already said: a lighthearted "Hey, well, at least maybe we can bunk together at Pennhurst."
edit: a better way to put it is I feel like it's this as opposed to how people usually treat as more of a "you die, I die"(-Dustin to Steve, s3)
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laurelsofhighever · 6 months
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Hey, just saw your fic with Maric x Serving Girl Alistair's Mother. I read your author's notes on Ao3, and were you hinting at conflicting information on Alistair's mother's identity? Or is my tired brain misinterpreting? I'm all for writing whatever you want, go nuts, no problem with the fic. But this peaked my interest, because I've never heard of anything disputing Fiona, given 'The Calling' novel. Does it have to do with there being no acknowledgement in DAI if you have Alistair and Fiona at Skyhold at the same time? Any information or clarification you provide would be appreciated. I always loved Maric.
Hi Nonny! This has consumed my entire evening and I hope you’re prepared for the splurge about to be unleashed. Thank you for the ask! The disclaimer at the top of the fic is there because historically the subject of Alistair’s mother has been a… charged subject, for reasons that I won’t get into now because it’s not really relevant to your ask and I don’t have a horse in that specific race.
However, if you look into canon, there is indeed a bunch of conflicting information about the identity of Alistair’s mother – or rather, there’s a bunch of information that conflicts with the Word of God confirmation from David Gaider that Fiona is Alistair’s mother. Which… is also not exactly true. In an interview from 2014 when asked specifically about it, he said (after a long, weary sigh), “I never actually meant for it to be a thing … I thought the book was fairly obvious and then people were asking and I just never confirmed it … it comes up in the game and I will leave it at that” (timestamp starting 35:28 if you want to check it out yourself). Thing is, it doesn’t come up in the game, either in DA:O or in DA:I – which may be the game he’s referring to, since the interview is mostly to hype its release. It isn’t clear.
We do come close to getting in-game evidence for Fiona: in DA:I, the Inquisitor can ask her about her past, and if you read between the lines there is wistfulness there, and she’s sorry he dies, but her comments about it being “too late” to know him could just as easily be taken as being about her time as a Grey Warden if you haven’t read The Calling (TC) – she never comes out and directly says it, and we never witness a conversation between them, even if he’s a Warden presumably curious about how she became immune to the Calling (I have thoughts about this, but we’ll get to that later). In the DA:O end slides, it says someone orders an investigation into Alistair’s parentage that comes back “inconclusive” – but even without the dubious canon of the end slides (given that some, like Cullen’s, got heavily retconned in later games) this is a shaky piece of evidence at best that Alistair’s mother was anyone other than a servant. An inquest is politically motivated, after all, and would have been more concerned with his connection to Maric than the identity of his mother.
So where does this leave us? Well, we could go in circles debating what should count as canon or not, which isn’t entirely useful because people can draw lines in the sand wherever they like to make the points they want. We could argue that BioWare is really good at retconning and muddling its own lore and that the simplest explanation – that the devs made a mistake in some of the details and no one caught it – is the most likely, and that caring about it more than Gaider obviously does (with his well-known dislike of Alistair as a character) is kind of a waste of time.
Unfortunately, you’ve asked me about it, so what we’re actually going to do is go through every relevant piece of Dragon Age media, assume it is all canon, and weigh the evidence in the text to try and offer some clarification. Where things contradict, I will give more weight to the version that targets the broadest possible audience, i.e. the games > the books and novels. Where things contradict within the games, I’ll be considering which source of information is more authentic and direct within the game’s context, i.e. Alistair should know more about his history than a tavernkeep who’s listening to rumours.
Having said this, let’s start with TC, where all of our problems begin. In the last scene of this book, Fiona introduces Maric to a baby she says is theirs, and asks him to find it a home where it can be free of the stigmas of being the child of an elven mage. Fair enough. However, as conspiracy-brained as this is going to sound, there is no direct evidence to confirm that this baby is Alistair, and one or two things that suggest it isn’t. I’m not so shallow in my literary analysis that I count the fact that the baby is never named as one of those pieces of evidence. That would just be petty. Far more compelling is:
Timing: TC is set after Queen Rowan’s death. There’s some quibble about dates in World of Thedas and whether it was supposed to be set in 9:10 or 9:14 bur really that’s a numbers game and it’s beside the point, because it’s built into the plot that Maric decides to go with the Grey Wardens specifically because he’s feeling depressed and reckless through grief for Rowan. This is important because, as gets mentioned quite a few times in DA:O, Alistair was hidden in Redcliffe because Rowan was still alive. This is a conflict of information, and as already stated, games > novels.
There’s no amulet: Giving Alistair his mother’s amulet is a pretty significant moment in DA:O. It’s all he has of hers, and it’s something that ties them together narratively. If this was all meant to wrap up neatly, then the least Gaider could have done would have been to mention Fiona taking off her Andrastian amulet and gifting it to Alistair to be something of hers he can keep even when she’s not with him anymore. The fact that this doesn’t happen makes this scene emotionally empty when we know he got an amulet from a person whom he considered to be his mother. If not Fiona, then where did it come from?
'“He’s human,” [Maric] exclaimed out loud': if there’s one thing a lot of DA fans can agree on, it’s that “human/elf hybrids are totally human” is bullshit. It’s not how genetics works, it has some yikes implications considering how heavily the devs took inspiration from oppressed minorities to create the elves, and it’s not a plot point that’s ever used in an interesting way (we will get to Michel de Chevin in a moment). It’s also not true. In DA2 there is an entire series of quests about a character named Feynriel, who was born to a Dalish mother and a human father, and who is visibly part-elven. He has points on his ears! He has facial proportions halfway between the humans and elves in the game! He’s rejected by both sides of his family because of it! Now, there is also Michel de Chevin, who in The Masked Empire (TME) is revealed to have an elven mother, but this is never mentioned when he appears in DA:I, and is kind of a non-issue in the novel as well. This is the most nebulous piece of evidence by far, as it relies by default on picking which bits of material are canon, which I've already said we’re not doing here, and to be honest the physical differences between elves and humans are only really noticeable in DA2 where there was an effort made to make them look deliberately nonhuman.
Except for the timeline of the book, the evidence in TC is circumstantial. We get to more definite evidence in Until We Sleep (UWS), the third volume in The Silent Grove comics storyline, where Alistair gets to meet and talk with a dream version of his father, Maric. When Alistair asks his father to come home, Maric says, “I had a life. The people I love are all here – Cailan, your mother, Loghain… none of them are in the real world any longer, are they?” (A+ parenting there btw). Since this series takes place before DA:I, Fiona is definitely still alive, so Maric can’t be talking about her. Also, it’s interesting to note that this too is written by David Gaider, so it’s not a case of writers being at cross-purposes or not getting any intra-office memos. There are continuity mistakes in these comics, but these are mostly confined to the fact that neither Alistair nor Isabella match their in-game appearances – and remember, the games have more weight than the comics. Having said that, it does conflict with the "official" story.
With all this said, let’s come to the other beginning of all our problems, most people’s proper introduction to Alistair’s character, DA:O. In this game, it is a significant plot point that Alistair is the son of a servant from Redcliffe: it is explicitly stated in Alistair’s codex entry, and furthermore, it is something that multiple characters assert is true, including Loghain and Alistair himself.
First, Loghain. If you spare him at the Landsmeet, he joins your party and has dialogue options that talk about Alistair and why he was kept at Redcliffe. According to him, Maric nearly acknowledged Alistair, but “had more than his honour to think of”, namely the effect it would have had on Rowan and Cailan (implied: how that would have affected political stability in a Ferelden still recovering from the Orlesian Occupation). He points out that Alistair "would have been a continual reminder to Rowan of Maric’s infidelity”, which as mentioned above, means that she would have still been alive when Alistair was born.
As for Alistair, yes he was a baby at the time so doesn’t really have an objective viewpoint, and it’s not confirmed whether the person he considers his mother died in childbirth or just in his early years – the codex entry says “when he was young”, he says “when I was born”. Nevertheless, it’s clear he’s asked questions about her because he knows roughly who she was and what she did, and also at some point learnt the name and rough location of the person his entire companion quest (and Fade dream) revolves around.
Let’s talk about Goldana.
Really, she is the biggest wrench in the certainty that Fiona is Alistair’s mother, because there’s no way to square away that fact with her existence, and by extension the existence of the servant in Redcliffe who was her (and Alistair’s) mother. But what if she’s just an exceptional liar, thinking she could make a quick sovereign out of the king’s bastard by playing along? It’s possible. However:
When you take Alistair to meet her, she’s the one who brings up Maric (“I said the babe was the king’s, and they told me he was dead, and gave me a coin to shut my mouth”) – Alistair until that point has only mentioned his mother and that she worked in Redcliffe Castle. If she was hedging her bets, wouldn’t it make more sense for her to accuse him of being Eamon’s bastard?
If she were talking nonsense, why would “they” bribe her with hush money? It would be very easy for someone as powerful as Arl Eamon to dismiss or debunk such claims, and he shouldn’t care what a random servant’s kid has to say – unless there’s a kernel of truth in it that he doesn’t want anyone looking at more closely
On that same note, why would “they” tell her the baby was dead if it wasn’t, if it was just some random’s kid? Either there’s an entirely separate baby that Goldana believes for some mysterious reason was fathered by the king, which Alistair – actually fathered by the king – replaced at just the right age that nobody noticed, or they’re the same baby. One of these options is far more plausible than the other
If she’s that good at lying, why is she still just a washerwoman living in a hovel and asking three copper per load? She should be running Denerim!
Facetiousness aside, Goldana’s story confirms that at the very least there was a serving girl in Redcliffe Castle who had a baby at roughly the same time that Alistair was born, and that for whatever reason, she was connected enough to Maric that multiple people in the castle suspected he was the father (and resented Alistair because of it). If this was an entirely separate baby, then it makes Maric an absolute shit of a person to have taken one son and used him to replace one that had just died in childbirth. Either that or a complete idiot for sending his actual son to a place where he’s rumoured to have a son and deciding that’s a secure hiding place – because you can’t tell me Eamon wasn’t aware of what was going on under his own roof. Even the fact that Alistair himself knows and was aware of it from a young age suggests that it wasn’t a very well-kept secret.
So where does all this leave us? From here, things get a little more suppositional, a little more Doylist, and a lot more subjective. To start with, taking into account all of the above evidence, if Fiona is Alistair’s mother, then his arrival at Redcliffe relies on a – I would say – plot-breaking  set of contrivances.
1: Fiona, somehow cured of the darkspawn taint enough to have a child, arrives in Denerim with Alistair, who isn’t old enough to be weaned yet, asking for somewhere to put him that won’t draw attention. She does this after walking pretty much all the way across Thedas even though, as mentioned in TC, the Wardens already have procedures in place for fostering children born to their ranks, presumably ones that don’t involve so much steady exercise.
2: Instead of using his kingly resources to track down a woman in Denerim who has recently given birth and telling her to take on an extra kid, Maric decides to send the baby to the other end of the country, to the house of an unmarried nobleman who will definitely not stir any gossip if he shows up on his own doorstep with an infant he wants someone to care for. Where did the baby come from? Don’t ask. Are you happy that everyone will think this kid is your bastard? I’m sure it’s a decision that won’t have any negative consequences for me in the future. But you are going to tell everyone he’s your bastard to keep up the ruse, right? No, now stop asking questions.
2: Luckily, there’s a woman in Eamon’s household who has recently given birth, or is at least close to it, and they can substitute? add? this baby to that baby without having to pay her off, because she’s an employee. The bait ‘n’ switch is timed so perfectly that no one notices that there are in fact two babies, or that the baby is suddenly several months older than it was before (truly, a medical miracle). Unless they’re exactly the same age, in which case what are the odds.
3: Somehow, despite all the secrecy, this woman’s other child knows that the baby is the king’s and won’t shut up about it, to the point where someone has to pay her off and send her packing. But that’s all unnecessary, because the woman – and her original baby I guess? – both die and leave no witnesses.
4: Rowan still manages to be mad about this and everyone is worried for her reputation despite having been dead for two years.
It’s a level of convolution that does not exist with the alternative, which has been pretty common since forever in the real world: powerful man sees pretty woman, decides he’ll have that, doesn’t want to face the consequences, makes everyone miserable in the process. Alistair’s mother being an ordinary person caught up in the orbit of someone she can’t resist is so much more narratively coherent, if significantly less romantic.
And this is where we get into the biggest problem that I have with Fiona-as-Alistair’s-mother: it has no payoff. These are fictional people, structure is important for narrative, and while I’m not saying that every little thing has to have purpose or direction, a pretty significant amount of Alistair’s character arc in DA:O is wiped away if his mother isn’t who he thinks it is. His story is about social class and identity and whether legacy is even worth it: Fiona’s identity means nothing to him, and that’s not something that ever changes. In DA:I she looks a bit sad when she mentions him, but there’s no work ever done to explore that, or to explore how Alistair might feel if his mother is actually alive but abandoned him, and how awkward that makes things for him if he’s king. OR to have him hear that she’s now immune to the taint and be just a little bit curious about how that came about. There’s no conversation, no status quo shift. Instead, the devs rely on the fans who know this metatextual fact to do the emotional heavy lifting for them and extrapolate the consequences they don’t want to deal with themselves.
It is lazy writing.
In some cases I also think it becomes a prop that invalidates the point of his character arc – and even breaks the worldbuilding a little, turning what was originally a struggle to forge an identity separate from people’s expectations, into a straight case of nepotism. The two most egregious examples?
Is he able to use templar abilities without lyrium because anyone with enough training and discipline can do it, and the lyrium is just the Chantry’s way of keeping its army leashed and loyal? Nope, it’s because he’s special because his mummy was a mage and it gave him special latent mage powers. That’s far more interesting than examining the ramifications of a religious order using addiction and brainwashing to make sure its soldiers will commit atrocities without question.
Is he a Warden because of his strength of will and determination to survive, chosen from the ranks of the other potential recruits because he had a spark of something that Duncan knew would be valuable in the fight against the darkspawn? Nope, it’s because his mummy was a Grey Warden and gave him special taint immunity powers, and also she was best friends with the current Warden-Commander so he was picked even though there were better fighters among the potentials competing that day. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that all Wardens secretly have Warden blood already because that would be ridiculous, it’s just Alistair who needed that extra leg-up because otherwise he’d be useless at everything.
I promised myself I would rein in the sarcasm but from a storytelling perspective it really annoys me that this shift turns him from an ordinary person into the specialest boy in the world, because it denies him his agency and takes the teeth out of his achievements. I’m not even going to get into how it lets BioWare off the hook for representation, insisting he is half-elven and taking a gold star when he’s never identifiable in-world as a member of an oppressed minority, and it never has any bearing on how he views the world or how it views him. It feels like it’s giving the devs far more credit than they deserve, especially when the effort they put into this (minimal as it was) could have gone into giving Zevran more to say on this. exact. subject. He’s right there, and he is perfect for exploring this aspect of the worldbuilding when he isn't being overlooked.
This is getting a little ranty now so I’ll wrap it up with thanks for your patience, Nonny, if you’ve made it this far. What’s the conclusion? At the end of the day, people can make up their own minds with their own reasoning, all I’ve attempted to do here is lay out the various threads untangled from the snarl that is BioWare’s incomparable ability to fuck up their own lore. Personally, I think Alistair’s mother being an ordinary servant makes his journey and the themes of his character arc more compelling wherever he ends up, and I like that this means his parentage is a facet of his identity rather than the only interesting thing about him. I also think the weight of evidence in DA:O, the game where he’s first introduced, is greater than in a tacked-on scene at the end of a tie-in novel written by a guy who seemed to just think it was a good idea at the time. But hey, I’m not the authority.
However, if there’s one solid takeaway from this then here it is: don’t give BioWare more credit than they deserve, don’t do their work for them, and especially don’t assume they’re leading us down a merry path with super-secret truths for enlightened minds only when the simpler explanation is that no one stopped (in this instance) David Gaider getting carried away.
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viviennevermillion · 1 year
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Falling in love with Trey Clover
reposting bc I’m deleting my archived sideblogs
contains: trey clover x gn!reader
warnings: none
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Okay so first off Trey is a good boy. He cares so much and he’ll always be there for you
You guys meet at the Unbirthday Party, at which you are a guest
Trey proudly offers you some of the food he made. Try it, his food is great!
You guys have some casual conversations and Trey notices how much he enjoys talking to you. You actually end up talking pretty much for the entire afternoon.
Conversations just flow so naturally with him. He’s also the type of person you can talk about anything with. Trey has no problem conversing about stuff like philosophy or the universe every once in a while. He’s actually a pretty deep person sometimes and easily finds something interesting in most topics you might bring to the table. And if not, he’s at least trying.
You follow eachother on Magicam afterwards. He likes your posts and often comments on them in your dm’s if he finds something interesting. For example if you post a picture of yourself doing one of your hobbies, he might tell you a story about a time where he did the activity as well.
Trey falls in love rarely but when he does, he falls quickly and hard. Probably already has some butterflies in his stomach at that point. He won’t dare think of anything romantic yet, but he can’t help to keep remembering your conversations at the Unbirthday Party whenever he sees you. Or smiling at his phone when you upload something to Magicam.
Whenever he sees you, you guys will make small talk and he’s just very sweet to you.
Will try to win you over a bit with his puns and jokes (he makes lots of dad jokes too)
After a while he’s head over heels for you without you even suspecting anything yet
But Cater notices
Oh,,,,,like it or not, Cater Diamond is your wingman now.
He’ll constantly poke Trey and be like “hey man, go and make a move already”. He also teases him to no end.
Trey will wait for “the perfect opportunity to approach you” i.e. the time when Cater gets too annoying to handle and he notices how irrational his excuses not to make a move are getting
He finally approaches you in your Magicam dm’s, talking about something you posted  and actually holding the conversation and trying to really get to know eachother
This is the first of many days you two end up texting until late at night, talking about all kinds of things
It continues like this for a couple of days
At this point you already have some inside jokes together and bonded over things you have in common.
Cater is still teasing Trey every damn day
Which honestly is his own fault because when Trey is in love he’s essentially a simp
“You tell no one about this”, he warns his friend; not wanting anyone to see him lose his otherwise calm demeanor because of a crush
Next time Trey meets you in the NRC hallways, he’ll approach you with one of your inside jokes to break the ice and later invites you over to Heartslabyul Dorm to bake together
He sees it as a date but then he notices you probably have no idea he meant it as a date
At first things are a bit awkward when it’s just the two of you but conversation comes quickly once you start baking.
He’ll tell you about his family and his home and honestly he makes you feel at home the more time you spend around him.
Baking with him is actually a lot of fun. You fool around a lot and make a lot of jokes.
Afterwards you two eat the dessert you bake and Trey makes you tea. He shows interest in your hobbies and passions and is probably informed about them at this point. He compliments your achievements and offers to help you with school work in case you need any help.
Will hug you goodbye when you part
“Compliment their appearance”, Cater will offhandedly tell him the next day.
So Trey will pull the “Your eyes look like a grape” card again in your Magicam dm’s. 2 hours later you get a message “Okay so Cater told me this isn’t a compliment, I was trying to say you’re pretty, I actually like grapes a lot, I’m sorry”
Go easy on him, he’s confused and he’s trying really hard
At this point you have a slight idea that he likes you
He’ll ask you out on a date properly later. And who would have guessed: You like him back.
Trey sets up a nice dinner table in the Heartslabyul garden (with the help Cater) and cooks some food for you
It’s actually pretty romantic besides the occasional awkwardness on his side because forgive him, he doesn’t know how to do romance as we’ve seen in Ghost Marriage
Will confess to you at the end of your date. He’s so relieved when you say you like him back. He’ll ask you if he can kiss you.
Gives you a soft peck on the lips. It’s short but full of love. He’ll smile at you and look into your eyes, caressing your cheek with his thumb
He’ll tell you he loves you right then and there. He doesn’t expect you to say it back but he just wants you to know. Gives you another kiss after that, this time a longer but slow one. Poor boy really has been waiting for this for a while now.
You two remain in eachothers embrace for a while after that, enjoying the atmosphere of the garden being lit up by the LED lights Trey hung up for your date and the fireflies being around. Cater, Deuce and Ace in the bushes are having the time of their lives.
From this point the two of you are inseperable.
Trey is a very considerate boyfriend. He’ll pay attention to all of your needs and will always be prepared when you need him. He loves seeing you happy and being the reason why you smile. He’ll bring you lots of presents at the beginning; mostly flowers and sweets; nothing too expensive
He usually doesn’t post selfies on his Magicam, pictures with you are the only exception. He just is so proud you’re with him.
When Trey is in love he idealizes the hell out of you; sometimes you have to remind him that you’re not perfect because for him you definitely are.
He’ll send you heart emojis in your favorite color because he associates it with you and ever since he’s with you he started loving the color too
A lot of things you love, Trey loves too now. He’s a man capable of appreciating the little things in life and things that remind him of you just make him happy yk?
PDA is at a normal amount but everyone can see you two are a couple based on the way he looks at you and how you make him smile every time you talk to him.
He likes to hug you from behind or from the side and places kisses on your cheek simultaneously.
Sends you random pictures of flowers or beautiful things he finds and tells him they remind him of you.
He’s the big spoon and he loves holding you in his arms.
Cooking dinner together is sort of becoming a ritual for you two. Trey just loves spoiling you and creating stuff together with you. He’ll be so proud of the cakes or muffins you two have baked after they’re done. Will stare at the finished product with a smile and then wrap his arms around you and kiss your forehead.
He tells you “I love you” often but he also sometimes just sends you a long text about how much you mean to him.
Whenever he’s stressed, he knows he can unwind around you.
He’ll even be humming you to sleep even though he can’t sing if you ask him to.
Will proudly introduce you to his family and they all welcome you with open arms. They immediately see how much Trey loves you.
He’ll take you for walks in nature often or even goes travelling with you over the holidays; taking lots of pictures together as memories.
Totally also has you as his phone background.
You two will often hang out with Ace, Deuce, Cater and Riddle and you two are kinda inofficially the dorm parents.
Sometimes he’ll ask you to dance when you two are in his room listening to music
He’ll listen to whatever you want to listen to
He rests his head on your shoulder and closes his eyes, having trouble to believe how lucky he is.
Trey can totally imagine a future with you even after only dating you for a couple of months and losing you would be his worst fear.
He has no problem giving you space but personally he wouldn’t mind having you around whenever. Even if you’d practically be living with him, he wouldn’t get tired of you. For Trey all his happiness is ten times better when he can share it with you.
He’s a problem-solver at heart. He’s very rational and sometimes maybe a bit too much. He’s not that good at giving emotional support but he will offer you neutral and rational advice. He just wants you to get better when you’re sad.
At some point he will tell you “y/n you mean the world to me” and Trey means it.
Please love him with all his sarcastic jokes where no one can tell he’s being sarcastic and his teeth brushing obsession. He’s a sweet guy who will love you with all his heart.
Tells you to always take care of your dental hygiene.
He also has no problem making time in his schedule for you. He will always take care of his vice dorm leader duties and help when someone needs him but apart from that when it’s just the two of you the world stops for him.
Trey also absolutely is the family type of guy. Be it a kid, a dog, a lizard or a cactus in a pot; he’ll love taking care of a living being with you.
You’re always there for eachother, holding eachother close when times are tough and one of you or both of you need comfort.
He loves you so much
Take good care of him
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thestobingirlie · 7 months
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hi! i’m the anon who asked about your opinion on stancy and nancy’s selfishness a few days ago. thanks so much for your reply! i saw the tags your reblogged to that ask, and i actually wanted to add one something to the discussion.
i hope this doesn’t come across as trying to counter your answer. that’s not at all what i want to do. i actually completely agree that if nancy worked on some of here tendencies, stancy could be a pretty decent ship, and i also like the parallel of her presence wanting stve to be a beter person, and the opposite happening. i also agree that nancy’s relationships with other people have a lot of unexplored potential and that many of her issues are due to the writing.
i think the part where my opinion differs is because without the narrative supporting nancy, i have a hard time seeing stancy without steve’s anger, at least initially, about the way he was treated in their relationship. he knows nancy was using him, to an extent, when she called thier relationshp bullshit. she said they both murdered barb. steve may or may not know about the cheating, but he does know she got together with jonathan within a few days of their fight/break up, which would have raised some questions. and for me, i think this anger is as important as nancy’s grief over barb was, in that i can’t see stancy without it, in fandom or canon.
i guess robin is another example, although hostility, instead of anger, may be a better word. robin and nancy know each other as steve’s friend and steve’s ex. robn holds grudges; she was pissed at steve for eating a bagel wrong. it doesn’t make sense for her to follow around the girl who dumped him with starry eyes. i can’t really buy any of robin and nancy’s s4 friendship, because, for me, robin’s hostility should have been central to it. yes, nancy is a traumatized teen, but she's not the only traumatized teen the group.
again, i hope this doesn’t come across as me trying to counter your answer. i love your more positive takes on stancy, and i honestly think that having more positive views of characters can lead to a much better fandom experience.
i wanted to send this in more for discussion. i thought it was interesting how focusing on slightly different aspects of a character or their relationships (i.e. the potential for nancy and steve to grow vs focusing on steve's anger) could result in very different ideas on how we want their storyline to go. if you have any thoughts on this, i’d love to hear them!
thanks in advance :)
hey anon, that’s actually a really good point!!
i think when it comes to steve’s reaction to the break up at large (i’ll get into the cheating in a second), i can more forgive it than the way nancy’s actions are treated elsewhere because steve is just so totally in love with her. he can accept that he’s not the one she wants because he just wants her to be happy. which is why he steps aside. his love for nancy overrides any resentment he may feel.
i do however think as he gains distance from the relationship, he would kinda think… maybe i deserve better than that. maybe nancy shouldn’t have stuck by me if she thought we killed barb. maybe she should’ve just waited for jonathan. but i think with time and the two of them growing as people, this is totally something they can have a conversation about, and look back on more maturely etc.
but the cheating is slightly different. even if you only recognise it as more emotional cheating than physical, it’s still a major issue of steve’s. especially if the person cheating is someone he wants a long, serious relationship with. i don’t think steve would go nuclear like he did in s1, he’s grown a lot emotionally since then, and he cares a lot more for nancy, so i just don’t think he’d want to do that to her. but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t affect him. at what point, and who he found out from would depend on how deeply he was wounded. i do think it’d probably make him take a step back, and reevaluate the relationship. and i think if it wasn’t nancy that told him, that could really have a bad impact on stancy. i kinda waver on whether i think nancy telling him in s2 vs s4 would be better. in s2 it’s a lot more raw, but at least he would know immediately. and in s4, he’s healed more from the relationship, but it’s been kept from him for so long.
but regardless (if it was one of better reveal options), i do ultimately think it’s something they could come back from. they’re young, and they’ve both made mistakes, and i think if nancy totally admitted she fucked up with the cheating, their relationship could recover. though i do think if we allowed steve to truly feel betrayed and angry, stancy wouldn’t be getting together anytime soon. at least until steve’s gotten over his mommy and daddy’s issues lmao.
and i think you’re totally right about robin too. it would make so much sense for her to hold a little grudge against nancy. for a couple reasons: 1. stancy shit. 2. nancy not knowing her at starcourt despite being in the same grade. 3. the barb shit (if we go by the books, which i wish we did!!!! makes them so much more interesting). i just think friction between robin and nancy could elicit so much growth for nancy. less so for robin i suppose, because i think a lot of her friendship with steve did that kind of work, but it would still have impact!
and don’t worry! i do really love discussions like these! focusing on characters in a more positive light is really enjoyable, but it can still be fun to pick apart the more fucked up things they’ve done. and i’m a hater at heart so ❤️ lmao
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theeeveetamer · 1 year
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Mitri Appreciation (Birthday Edition)!
Strap in everyone, we're talking about Three Hopes!
One of my favorite things about Three Hopes is how it brings Dimitri’s care and consideration for the people of Duscur to the forefront of his character. This was something that got really overlooked in Three Houses, mostly because the entire Duscur storyline got really overlooked in the writing of Three Houses, but I think it was always intended to be part of Dimitri's overall character
Now, there's the obvious stuff he does for the people of Duscur in Hopes, like actively working to return the land to the Duscur people, punishing the people responsible for the tragedy, and improving relations between the people of Faerghus and the people of Duscur. That's not all I'm going to talk about here, though, because there's a lot more and some of it is much more subtle
Throughout Azure Gleam, we can also see Duscur NPCs around the camp, and slowly over the course of the game the Faerghus and Duscur characters grow to trust each other more and more. This is at least in part due to Dimitri's concentrated efforts to try and repair the relationship between Faerghus and Duscur. For a more direct example of Dimitri doing this, Dimitri also has a conversation with Ingrid to try and clear up her misunderstandings and encourage her to get more comfortable around their Duscur allies.
At no point does Dimitri deem the people of Duscur as not trustworthy, not worthy of respect, or not integral to the army. To my memory, there is never any conversation about whether or not they deserve to be there, and he carefully considers how best to integrate Faerghus and Duscur soldiers to minimize complications.
Also, Dimitri never treats Faerghus's relationship with Duscur as though they should be anything but equals. Let's be clear here: Dimitri realistically does have all of the power over them. Were he to renege on his promises to them, there's realistically nothing they could do to stop him. Faerghus is bigger, stronger, and it would actually be much easier for him to tell Duscur to get bent, considering half the civil war problem he's facing happens because he and his father before him tried having good relations with an independent Duscur. He could use that to exert pressure on them at any time (e.g. demand more troops, more supplies, get them to make concessions in negotiations, etc.), but he never even entertains the idea of using it. He never views their relationship as transactional (i.e. "help me win my war and maybe I'll give you independence"). He never views Duscur reparations as something he is magnanimously bestowing upon them. He genuinely believes that a great injustice has been done and it needs to be set right. There is no threat that they won't get their land back if they don't fight for Faerghus in the war, for example. They fight on the side of Faerghus because they genuinely believe in Dimitri and they genuinely believe he will deliver on his promises. It just demonstrates Dimitri's integrity and his respect for the people of Duscur.
Another point to demonstrate his respect; he's also extremely respectful of their language and culture. Dimitri and Dedue's B support and Dedue's C support with Petra both reveal that he is fluent in the language, at least fluent enough to be able to draft letters to their leadership without any assistance from Dedue. Which I have to assume would be "very fluent". Additionally, when he communicates with the members of Duscur's leadership he does so in their native tongue, rather than expecting them to speak his native tongue. He became fluent in an entire second language, rather than arrogantly expect them to learn his language.
Not only that, he dedicated a lot of time to ensuring Dedue could become fluent in the language of Fodlan as well! Petra notes that Dedue is almost indistinguishable from a native speaker, and Dedue credits that to Dimitri. Not only did Dimitri teach him the language, he was always there with Dedue to correct him, help him be understood by those around him, and presumably shut up anyone who would mock him for speaking strangely. And Dimitri did not balk at the idea of learning Dedue's language, or treat Dedue as if it was expected of him to learn the language of Fodlan for them to be able to communicate. Dimitri quite literally did everything in his power to make Dedue feel welcome, including learning Dedue's language to ensure they could communicate properly.
And you know, this isn't exactly assumed behavior in this universe. This is in stark contrast to Petra's treatment at the hands of the imperial nobility and royalty. She was literally left to fend for herself entirely, and mocked mercilessly when she even tried. As far as I'm aware, there is no Fodlan character who fluently speaks her native tongue, nor are there any who are interested in trying to learn.
I think all of this paints a really clear picture of the kind of character Dimitri is supposed to be. He is someone who acknowledges injustice and tries to set it right on the terms of the people who have been wronged. He is someone who will go out of his way to ensure people feel comfortable and safe. Honestly, I'd play an entire spinoff that's just Dimitri trying to navigate restoring Duscur without some pesky continental war threatening to conquer Faerghus the whole time. Who knows, they might even finally let us have snow in that game!
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laas-yahnir · 1 month
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not to be an optimist with a bit of a short temper (og Katara spoke to me) but. I Saw A Post and now I'm just really wishing people would cool it on ripping the live action Avatar to shreds before it's even out
if they can handle whatever they've decided to do instead of having Sokka be blatantly sexist well, it'll still be a good story, just that message will be tweaked -- and you'll still have the original if you want to watch him repeatedly complain about getting beaten by a bunch of girls, that's not going anywhere
(as for the show's general approach to sexism, frankly, I think there's a lot to be said for Katara not having to prove herself to men by Doing Things Men Do, but I think that'll be a conversation for when the show is actually out and I can see what "gender stuff" they've changed) (the original is great for what it is, but also I think with being as big of a fan of She-Ra as I am, I think there's a way you can approach real-world identity politics, for lack of a less loaded phrase, without baking the phobias and isms into your universe) (I'm digressing a little. anyway)
and there are ways to adapt the time crunch of Sozin's Comet so that it becomes a major factor later in the story, i.e. not in the first season -- mastering the elements is what Aang has to do as the Avatar already, Sozin's Comet and Ozai's intent to use it is just elevated incentive, and there are ways to work with and around that without compromising on Aang's emotional journey through mastering the elements and the Avatar State
and the whole leaving out the politics of Ba Sing Se thing is straight up fake. please don't believe every unsourced thing you read.
and maybe just?? please don't treat showrunners with automatic vitriol and bad faith just because it's another adaptation in a sea of reboots and remakes and it may not pan out well
believe me, I sat my ass down for the very first episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender nineteen years ago (almost EXACTLY nineteen years ago, holy shit), then five years later found myself in that theater as close to opening day for The Last Airbender as I could get, dying of "what the fuck is this" just like everyone else my age -- which I do think is exactly why I'm not blanching at someone making a considered assessment like "how much of Sokka's character and arc fundamentally changes if we take out (or change or whatever) his belief that men and women are fundamentally suited to different lines of work" and deciding "not much", because that's a very different decision than deciding he's NOT THE COMIC RELIEF CHARACTER
(and I'm willing to at least WATCH before I make a judgment about the kinds of implications that lessening of emphasis on sexism has for Katara's arc) (but I will digress even more if we circle back to that too comprehensively)
whether or not I think it's as excellent a show as the original remains to be seen, but like... I'm willing to watch and find out, and I wish this wasn't such a THING in fandom where we automatically assume every person who tries to adapt Our Media is taking a hatchet to it
there are still creative and conscientious minds in the capitalist hellscape of reboots and remakes; I'm willing to wait and see whether I can count the people behind this show among them
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why I love omfd's editing so much (episode 4)
One of the things that made me fall in love with this series so much aside from Stede Bonnet was the editing. Seriously, the way this show creates so many symbolism and helps to explore the different themes on this show is out of this world. So I, your friendly hyperfixated nerd who knows a thing or two about film analysis, will be making breakdowns of sequences where the editing shines on its own.
I will begin analysing the way the editing explores the themes of marriage, heteronormative pressure, and the resulting discomfort in episode 4. This will be broken down into parts because it's a lot of screenshots, so lets plunge right in.
Part 1: “So I have to marry a complete stranger?” "Well, yes."
Oh, arranged marriages.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that in this heteronormative society we sadly live in, our life path is already marked for us even before we come to this world and we are bullied into conformity. I love how, through editing, this show condenses the societal trash around marriage in a sequence with a couple of takes and the magic of editing. Let's go bit by bit.
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The sequence opens with this shot of Mary and who I assume is her mum. They are sitting side by side and, we as audience, go in when the conversation is well underway and the mum has already broken the news to poor Mary that she will have to marry a guy named Stede.
“So I have to marry a complete stranger?” Mary asks.
“Well, yes.” The mum replies, “He’s not some derelict…He has money.”
Here the “camera” moves, panning to the right so that Mary is out of frame and we see Stede enter on the right. 
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It’s clear that Stede is not in the same room as Mary and her mum, but look how the editing aligned the shots so that it looks like Stede is sitting beside Mary’s mum. 
Now, without any visual cuts or breaks, Stede speaks and what he says follows their same line of conversation:
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“I just…I thought that when I did marry…it could be for love.” 
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When Stede speaks, he looks to the left, which is where we see Mary’s mum sitting through the editing. Thus, up to this point, he is talking with Mary’s mum visually speaking because they are the only ones on frame.
After Stede speaks though, the camera moves again on the take of the right, panning left this time to take Stede out of frame to introduce dad Bonnet for the first time and letting us know Stede was actually speaking with him inside a carriage.
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The editing then leaves both Mary’s mum and dad Bonnet in the frame and, because of this, despite we knowing they are in different places and are technically speaking to other people, they are visually speaking with each other. Like Stede before him, dad Bonnet is aligned at the same level as Mary’s mum so that it looks like both are now sitting next to each other, talking about why this marriage will take place. 
Then the camera moves again on both sides of the screen so that dad and mum merge and disappear in the centre to leave both Stede and Mary, each looking despondently the other way before sighing in resignation.
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It’s pretty clear the editing was establishing a parallel here to show how Stede and Mary were forced to marry by the figures who hold the true power over their lives, i.e. mum and dad. HOWEVER, what I think is also being expressed here goes beyond this parallelism.
Like I tried to show before, one could argue that the four of them are actually the same and only conversation as the exchange of dialogue is never broken and follows the same line of argument. This is conveyed through the interchangeability of characters the editing creates: Mary and Stede had the same ideas and expectations of marriage and, even though Mary is moved out of frame as soon as she finishes asking her question, what Stede says at the moment in which, if we had stayed only with Mary and her mum would have been Mary’s turn to talk, is an expression of an alternative form of marriage that Mary was also expecting to get. Mary and Stede represent the same symbolic figure: the sacrificial lamb.
What blew my brains during my last rewatch, though, was that, despite the obvious fact that mum and dad are also representing the same symbolic figure of the heteronormative society, the last shot we have with two people visually sitting next to each other having a conversation during this sequence is them, the people who want to get married and, who will get married, albeit indirectly through Mary and Stede. 
No, I'm not saying dad Bonnet and Mary's mum had a torrid, romantic affair; rather, they are the ones who will get something out of this marriage. The heteronormative establishment that perpetuates itself through the repetition of this endless cycle of people marrying for other reasons that are not love. This is also the last time we will see two characters kinda agreeing with something and sitting together, visually speaking, while doing so. This marriage was never conceived with the interest of either Mary or Stede in mind, but to the advantage of these two:
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The editing here is also telling us Mary is as much a victim as Stede is of this heteronormative clusterfuck of bad decisions and emotional deaths. Stede is not the only one who is uncomfortable in a married state, but I will talk more about that in the next part. 
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barebonesblonde · 1 month
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The Lame Brain Manipulation Game
I recently got a message from a new woman friend -- who's a long-time mutual friend of someone I've known since I was in my 20's -- regarding that last post I made about my recent debacle with the Cracker (i.e. the very odd person I was very briefly almost romantically entangled with -- or perhaps "ensnared" is the more appropriate term).
She pointed out that people like him are very masterful at being manipulative, and that I shouldn't feel responsible or bad about myself for being taken in, however briefly, by his wiles. Which of course is true. Except here's the thing; I thought I was too smart for that sort of thing. And I wasn't. Yes, yes -- the man was a literal genius, it is true. But, I'm no slouch myself, intellectually. A MASSIVE underachiever, yes, but in the ol' brain meats department, I'm certainly not lacking. Which is how we connected in the first place.
That's what I get for thinking I'm so goddamned smart...
So the question becomes, how and why did I get sucked in? Was it loneliness? AM I lonely for a relationship? I've always been quite content to be alone, and am almost always restless, discontented, and unsatisfied in romantic relationships (largely because of the sort of people I tend to attract, which as we've discussed tend to be variations on a theme, the theme being untreated mentally ill, deeply disturbed personality disordered abuser types like my mother); so I'm not really certain if that's the answer. I am leaning more towards boredom, and yes, a need for connection, as well...which blinded me from some of the red flags that came up. And they did indeed come up.
Fortunately, I am not emotionally hurt by this debacle, which tells me my so called "emotional connection" I was so convinced I had was just as much of a confection as he was. Which is interesting. I didn't shed a single tear, or feel even a twinge of loss, which rather surprised me. What I DID feel was mortified, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself.
When will I learn?
Why did I even bother? You'd think that after 8 years of being happily single, with the exception of a nice, fun poly situation that was undemanding and pleasant until things fizzled out without explanation (THAT actually smarted a bit), and a sexual encounter that was predictably unsatisfying, then an assault, which was my last experience before this whole debacle, that I would understand certain things about myself -- or rather ONE very basic thing;
I do not do well in traditional relationships. My radar, when it comes to men in particular, is completely and irrevocably broken.
Ok, that's two things.
I really, really need to stop myself when I am attracted to a guy, for ANY reason. My former housemate Clara yesterday told me, that when it comes to me, I need to do the exact opposite of what my instincts tell me to do. I'm not sure this is accurate, but I get what she's saying. I think I need to do the opposite of what my ATTRACTIONS lead me towards. Because my INSTINCTS, once I met this guy in person, told me to run, after about the first twenty minutes. But I ignored them, because it just didn't make sense, after the months of amazing conversations we'd had.
But, my instincts turned out to be right.
And, if I look back, there were flags even early on in the conversations I overlooked, because let's face it, I'm far from perfect myself, and we all need to make compromises, right?
The problem with people like me, who were raised by seriously fucked up mothers with serious unmedicated, untreated mental illness like bipolar and schizoaffective disorder, and personality disorders like NPD, ASPD, BPD, etc, we learn to NOT trust our gut feelings, because we are gaslit constantly, in the actual, true sense of the word, all the time. The upside is that when the Cracker tried to pull that with me, I was able to spot it, and I called him on it, which made him lose his cool (always a sure sign that you've got them). It's impossible to gaslight me, because I can see it from a mile off.
But as for the other stuff, the learning to trust my gut instincts...well, clearly I still have a long, long way to go with that. Although, to be fair, this time it took me a lot less time, a lot less investment than the last go-round. The last time, I moved in with the guy and lost 3 years of my life and ended up in the hospital.
So, I guess you can call this progress.
I also just really think I need to accept that I cannot do relationships. And this, I will admit, makes me a bit sad, on some level. Because I would like to think that even someone like me could find someone that makes sense. Who would treat me well, and not use the things I've opened up about like a weapon against me, or try to manipulate me, or to gaslight me, or all the rest of it. But, with my shitty health being what it is, I simply can't risk it anymore. It's literally too bloody dangerous for me to take that chance, now.
Choose the wrong person, and it could actually harm me. I learned that the hard way in my last serious relationship. And I just can't take that chance, I can't allow myself to be put in that situation, anymore. Because I just don't seem to have the proper tools to be able to navigate a healthy relationship. Which is kind of seriously fucked up. But, it's not entirely on me. I was raised by a wildly sick, abusive, fucked up mother. I've been fighting against the damage she did to me my entire life, and really, I've made a lot of progress.
But ultimately, I simply don't know how to choose a good mate. And I don't think I'll live long enough to get where I'm at the point to ever learn how to do so. Realistically, at my age, it just doesn't seem feasible at this stage. And I have to be OK with that.
I think I am OK with that. I've always been autonomous, independent, and even a bit of a loner, and maybe that is partially what's informing my choices, too. Maybe, deep down, I don't WANT to be in a traditional relationship...?
Wherever the true answer lies, I need to start to learn to trust my gut, really truly trust it, even when it's inconvenient, even when I don't want to, even when the rest of me is screaming against it. Because it is never wrong. It's the desires that are wrong, the intellectualizing and the need for connection that leads me to wrong choices, not my deep down gut instincts.
And THAT'S the truth.
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monards · 4 months
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hi snuggle muffin
so you said Alicia is mysterious right now but like..how?? i played the game and this bitch is just kinda open. like,, dead gf, mean, somehow has gray hair. everything kinda checks out so like maybe explain a little more???? also,, what is she to bureaucracy?? bc she seems to not like him very much. oh and, what happened with beargrass and his family? since they were like. rude gazillionares or whatever
hiiii electtra; ilysm fooor this ask because i love the chance to be a little annoyying about my favorite mean women (even though you just made me go through hell with your other one.)
youre absolutely right about her being open, but the thing is that it feels more like the false-openness. Like, realistically,, the player really only knows most this stuff from context clues!! Techincally, she never techincally admitted to having a dead gf, but beaford literally just made a wlw and dried lilys joke and alicia freezed up like a fish out of water. So. You sorta realize.
Also, we really only know tidbits of her motives and stuff, but thats it. theyre only small bits. She has a board in the office about a hotel incident from three years ago; is it just a random story? Is it something she was apart of? Did dried lily girl die in it? What about it ??? ALICIIA PLEASE!!!!!! Plus, her motives to bringing Beaford back on the surface ARE what she says it is. Repay for making Alicia go through that shit because he got possessed by some demon. But also; he's probably one of the first examples of the supernatural ACTUALLY being the supernatural in her experince. And what do we know she is?? Skepticle of the super natural. So seeing a whole ass demon possess this really pathetic college drop out is defiently something Alicia finds horribly important considering shes searching for some proof to the super natural. Because really guys.. do you think Alicia Wilkershire went to her highschool guidance counselor sayng she wanted to be an ordained minister and excorist? Yeah, no. That is NOT how it works!!!!!
Alsoooo, i think her and beaford have both a really complicated and a really simple relationship simultaneously. Because on one hand; they are what they are on the surface. Beaford works for Alicia to pay back for the shit he pulled with that demon possession thing. On the other hand; there's WAY more than that.
Alicia is not a very warm and kind person, by like, any means. She's over six feet tall, spicaze herself described her as mean, and she literally repeteadly kicks at beaford WHILE HES DOWN even after the demon stopped possessing him actively. But shes seen being at least a lot kinder with beaford. She watched that one anime with him not even a month into knowing him (even if she bemoans it, actively) and even went far enough to find a reedeeming quality in it (I.E the fashion) !!!!! She lets him poke fun at him (even though, to be fair, she absolutely decks him everytime he does.) And to be frank; this is not stuff that Alicia do with just any person. We can tell shes awkward with most clients; but even when first meeting beaford, she was way more casual and comofortably speaking then she does with Naomi (who she has to lean back on Beaford to talk to !!!!)
Obviously this doesnt take away fromt he fact Alicia IS still a bit (very) mean to beaford. But it's just. Way different from how she treats others. Which is why I'm very convinced its because Beaford reminds her of dried lily girl; especially consdering the aspect of how they have VERY similar speech traits and personailities in regards to Alicia (Poking fun at her, seeing her differently than others do, etc..) especially consdering the conversation we see in the knife ending where Alicia is (presumably) speaking to dried lily in the after life.
Also. I'm pretty sure its canon that Beaford just up and left without saying anything. His family is obviously very rigid in the fact that theyre all doctors and expect the same from Beaford. Plus considering his shock at seeing the photo of him and sister still in his sisters room-- I can really only presume his home life wasn't really the best. So him just up and leaving isnt too shocking/unwarranted
Anyways I really lvoe these two and i'll probably make a post later about them. Thank you Electra. Your sins have been forgiven.
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shrinkthisviolet · 2 months
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18, 22, 29?
18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?
I have a bunch of favorites, but this is definitely up there (from this fic):
“Well, how convenient for you, then, that I have it,” he sneered. “Wouldn’t want you kissing the aberration by accident, now would we?”
You ever write a line and go “yep, that’s the epitome of that character”? Yeah 💞
22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?
Not often 😂 I do have a list of things I need to happen in a fic, but how it ends is pretty much a mystery to me until I've finished it. Especially since there are times when I think it'll end but it just keeps going
29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)
Here’s an alternate version of a scene in this fic! As with all of their telepathy conversations, Jesse = bold and italics, Morgan = italics:
What he really wants is domination of yet another Earth. Barry’s speed will just give him the advantage, and it’s his MO: stealing the powers of the local heroes, so he has no competition. Or recruiting them. Both of which he’s done on my Earth. The only metas left with their own freedom, if you could even call it that, are too afraid to fight back. That’s your Earth’s fate if you don’t stop my dad from doing this.
What makes you think I can? That he’ll listen to me? As much as Harry had warmed up to her in the past few weeks, Morgan doubted he’d give up on his plan just because she asked nicely. Knowing her had probably only strengthened his resolve to save Jesse…not that she could blame him.
Right now, with things as they are…if you can’t, then no one can.
And…well. No pressure, Morgan supposed.
I initially had the dream be that Jesse is so desperate for help that she projects herself across Earths. There are...a few reasons I reworked this for the posted fic:
a) I didn't want to make the telepathy connection too powerful. It's one thing if Morgan is haunted by Zolomon threatening her (with Jesse’s life, no less) and some of that leaks over to Jesse...it's quite another if Jesse is able to literally project herself into Morgan's dreams. I couldn't really find a way to justify that. Especially since it never happens again in the AU…even when both of them are similarly desperate.
b) Jesse finding out about the secret Morgan's keeping from the Team (“Jay” actually being Hunter Zolomon aka Zoom) raises the tension early. This sets the stage for them being at odds...and them both disliking each other is gonna be critical later when they're put in a metaphorical "get-along" shirt (i.e. they have to be roommates when Jesse runs away from STAR Labs without telling anyone, like an idiot)
c) isn’t it so much more impactful for Morgan to find out about Harry stealing Barry’s speed for Zoom…from Zoom himself? I certainly think so. Especially since Zoom gets to twist the knife about Jesse, without revealing his full motives. Morgan’s still not entirely sure what he wants, which makes him even more terrifying to her
fanfic ask game!
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los-ninos-tortugas · 5 months
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Shooting this off real quick before I get back to schoolwork but it’s kinda fun to think of hypothetical scenarios where instead of Donnie, one of the other brothers ends up on Voyager. Donnie gets the Voyager treatment because to me it makes the most sense (i.e. I am constantly rotating him in my brain) but I still can’t stop myself from going through the what-if’s.
Raph is very interesting in this scenario because 1) if he starts out in the same place I put Donnie (i.e. random desert planet) then there is the chance that Voyager crew might find him while he’s Savage Raph and it would probably take a decent amount of convincing for him to come back to himself. But from there on you have Raph, a gentle giant getting used to life on a ship where probably for the first time in his life he feels a little too big. He would still find Voyager to be incredibly cool though, although more in the way that he’s a fan of Jupiter Jim and sci-fi than actually being super interested in the tech itself like Donnie is. I think Raph would probably idolize Janeway quite a bit in a way that, at first, might make it hard to form a genuine connection, but I think that as time goes on (and as perhaps the gravity of both his and Voyager’s predicament dawns on him) he’ll start to see and appreciate Janeway for who she really is. I also think Raph would make a somewhat unexpected connection with B’Elanna. I feel like these two would click very well on an emotional level you know? I feel like they would just get each other, because they're both characters who struggle with processing their emotions and so everything just kinda gets filtered into anger/aggression. I also think that it would be interesting if they got to explore their feelings on being diaspora together? Because they're both characters who have been severely disconnected from their culture/heritage in some way (B'Elanna with her rejection of everything Klingon in the face of her father's abandonment. And Raph with having his Hamato heritage kept from him by his father) and I always felt like B'Elanna never really got super healthy or satisfying way to explore the Klingon side of herself in the show so maybe getting to talk it through with someone who has literally no preconceived notions about her heritage, and Raph getting to talk through his probably very complicated feelings about the things his father hid from him could be something interesting for them to do together.
Then there's Leo (don't look out the window. don't look out the window. it's fine it's fine. you're in space and it's cool. you're not there.) He would definitely find Voyager to be very impressive, and I think very much like Raph he would idolize Janeway when he first meets her, though I think he would break out of that idolization a lot faster than Raph, and especially once he actually hears the story of how Voyager got stranded in the Delta quadrant. It would be incredibly conflicting for him to say the least, I think, to find out that there's something about Janeway that so closely mirrors probably the one thing he's most ashamed of. At least it would to his mind, and Janeway certainly has a guilt complex about the likes of which are usually given to Leo in most fanfics, but I still think he would see her as the kind of leader he would want to be, and he'd probably not so subtly try to probe her for advice, which I think would eventually lead them down the rabbit whole a very meaningful conversation about the choices/mistakes they've made. It would be really cathartic for them both. In the same vein of unexpected friendships/some misplaced idolization, I just know that Leo would be following Tom around like a duckling. A starship pilot who's funny, likes corny sci-fi and cartoons, and is the ship's secondary medic? It's like this guy was made for Leo to like him. Tom has the sort of "rebel without a cause" flair that Leo wishes he had. But at the same time Tom is sort of... rudderless? Before he and B'Elanna get married (and even a little bit after but less so) Tom struggles a lot with who he is vs. what his duties on Voyager need him to be (and if you know Tom's full backstory you know why this is). And now there's this kid around who just thinks he is like the coolest guy ever. And either Tom is gonna get the most annoying ego boost out of it or he's gonna think about this persona he's been projecting for the past 4.5 years for more than .02 seconds for once and have a whole ass identity crisis about it (and then Leo gets to have an identity crisis about it cuz, "wait? carefree attitude fake? he cares about everything so much all the goddamn time? oh no not again I have recognized myself in the other FUCK).
Mikey is straight chillin. (I'm sorry even in meta theory Mikey is hard for me to write I'm trying I swear T-T) Okay well, actually now that I've thought about it for a minute I realize that he probably super wouldn't be, because unlike with the rest of the boys, who kind of are surrendered to the fact that they have to wait for Voyager to find a scientific way to get them home, Mikey would probably feel a lot of (self imposed) pressure to get himself home and probably get continually frustrated the longer he can't do it on his own. It'd probably be straight up enraging for him if it got to a point where the Doctor medically forbids Mikey from attempting to make himself a portal home because he keeps injuring himself in the process. But still, ever the eternal optimist he'll still find ways to enjoy his time on Voyager even if he is frustrated about his circumstances. You just know that he's always down in the kitchen with Neelix cooking up alien recipes and loving it (and not for nothing, the crew does appreciate having someone who can accurately remake recipes from earth). I honestly think Neelix and Mikey would get along super well, and have a sort of laid back mentor & mentee relationship. I think more than anything Mikey would really enjoy the exploration aspect of Voyager, both for "whoa cool alien planets" but also I think it really gels with his own belief in finding the good in everything. Voyager is in a tough situation but the crew isn't giving up who they are in the process of getting home, and I think that's something Mikey would really admire.
hmm okay that's all I can think of on this right now.
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daswarschonkaputt · 2 years
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What was Kinn thinking here? Was he upset at himself, joking, turned on?
"First time anal sex without—” to Kinn’s still looking at him like he’s fragile,
ahh, my favourite part of the sex scene: they actually talk to each other before getting down and dirty.
“First time anal sex without—” Porsche winces, just a bit. “Without?” “Drugs.”
it's interesting to me that you've pulled out this bit of their interaction, because to me, this is the bit where i think it's most obvious what kinn is thinking. but that might just be from my position of author omniscience.
kinn is a bit blindsided by this, i'll be honest. i've mentioned before, but kinn has absolutely no reason not to believe that porsche has experience with men. unlike canon, porsche went into the compound fully aware of kinn's proclivities -- he kind of had to be, as he was being kinn's fake boyfriend. so, porsche has shown no negative reaction whatsoever to kinn on account of kinn being a man.
they've never talked about it before. kinn thinks porsche is, at the very least, bisexual, and fairly experienced. and porsche himself has taken steps to try and prevent kinn from finding out about his inexperience, because he didn't want to feel like it was being used against him.
Kinn’s thumb stills where it’s stroking his cheek. When he speaks, his voice is just a little too light to be believed. “You’ve had a lot of sex under the influence, then?” This is—worse, almost, than if Kinn just laughed at him. “No.” Kinn’s face is unreadable.
here, kinn is clarifying with porsche if what he thinks he's reading from the conversation is correct. he's asking if porsche has made a habit of hooking up with men under the influence of drugs, essentially -- he doesn't expect porsche to say yes, but he still doesn't really like it when porsche says no.
this is because it retroactively makes kinn and porsche's first time That Much worse, almost. because it wasn't just kinn and porsche's first time sleeping together -- it was porsche's first time with a man full-stop. and that adds to the already sticky power differential in a very bad way.
Well. He’s already humiliated himself enough at this point. Might as well go all the way. “I liked it,” Porsche says. “If I didn’t, I might have had an easier time figuring out what I wanted to do with it. I—the drugs, I wouldn’t, again, but—everything else. I liked it.”
porsche has been so hesitant to admit this for so long, because he was scared that kinn would use his enjoyment of it against him. he was scared that enjoying it would somehow invalidate his feelings of hurt and violation at kinn's hands. he was scared that by admitting it he was sacrificing his right to be upset by it. he was scared that admitting he liked it might make kinn think it was okay to do it to him again.
and this moment, where he says that he liked it -- this is the moment that he realises that the pattern of behaviour that led to the diamond auction, the pattern of behaviour that made it worse -- i.e. kinn's inability to respect porsche's boundaries or consent, the casual way he exerts power over porsche in their interactions -- that pattern of behaviour is no longer a concern for porsche. he trusts kinn. he doesn't think kinn will use his enjoyment against him.
and i think kinn is very aware of what porsche is surrendering, or risking, by admitting this. he's aware that this is a huge vulnerability from porsche. which is why --
Kinn’s still looking at him like he’s fragile, which is—sweet, but not really what Porsche is after right now.
the last thing i wanted to mention is that this scene is a thematic reversal of their confrontation at the end of chapter three. at the end of chapter three, porsche rejects kinn's attempts to talk about their problems, and it's only after he's initiated a sexual encounter that he lets kinn talk to him about it. here, porsche uses his words before they have sex, and then forces the escalation into sex. growth.
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