#i.....can't believe........i thought i was so unloved in the world that i wanted to be dead so badly.........

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Listen, don’t tell canon Sukuna hold your back from delulu. But what if .. what if he lost someone?

Someone that was killed and whose weakness was they loved him? Like his s/o murdered in retaliation for his actions?

The shame and the guilt that he felt and that was the first and last time Sukuna let love distract him. I imagine a more naive Sukuna… during his youth and maybe not as established as a national menace.

I mean his s/o would be accepting of his actions and views but they found home in his heart because they loved him for him and not his power uwu

oh my god, anon your brain is so wrinkled and beautiful. (┬┬﹏┬┬)

Sukuna would have been convinced he was unlovable if not for you. If not for your soft words and gentle touches. His childhood friend who saw past the feral boys snarls and found the soft puppy there underneath.

You never clipped his claws or filed down his fangs. No, quite the contrary, you sharpened them. You stood tall next to him as he eviscerated his abusers, and firmly behind him as he took what the world owed him. Due payment for the pain he was forced to endure.

You showed him a different kind of strength. One that couldn't be built through training and fighting. You showed an emotional strength he wished he had. The ability to not only understand, but to harness and control your emotions. A strength he coveted.

He thought he would keep you by his side forever. His Queen, His Darling, His Lover. His Love. In your arms was the only place he found peace. The only place where he could ever feel truly safe. Your arms were his home.

Maybe he shouldn't have shown you off so proudly. Maybe he should have never left home that day. Or maybe he never should have dragged you into any of this shit in the first place.

He when he thinks back on the event now he remembers it in flashes and feelings. Feelings he desperately wanted to run away from. He remembered the stiffening feeling of your blood on his hands as he tried to stop your bleeding. He remembered cursing the bastards for not even having the decency to make it quick.

He remembered how your eyes glossed over. He could still feel your icy hand on his cheek. Could still hear your whisper.

"Don't stop fighting my Love."

He remembered you going limp in his arms. Still feel his hands shake the way they did as he tried desperately to bring you back, please. please just come back you cant leave him like this. He remembered the clap of thunder that shook the palace when he realized you weren't coming back.

Or maybe that was his scream.

He hadn't felt much since then. The cold hard steel of indifference being far more favorable to him than the sharp poison of an open heart. Love was a fucking joke anyway. He couldn't believe he was so naive. So foolish as to let himself be dragged around by his cock, it was pathetic. Love was pathetic. Love was an inherent risk that he would never take again.

Still. Sometimes late at night, when the rain pours down and he's forced to remember if was your favorite kind of weather, he can't deny the now foreign feeling in his heart. When he closes his eyes its your perfectly sweet smile that visits him at night. and for just a second, he feels himself crumbling again.

And then he snaps out of it. He doesn't have time for love. He has to get back to fighting.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #ryomen sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader angst #sukuna angst #hurt no comfort #angst #whats up nonny? #sukuna ryomen

[winterrrnight]

red carpets without you

PAIRING: drew starkey x gn!reader

SUMMARY: you and drew have been dating for quite some time now, but have not brought your relationship for the public to see yet. Drew has the outer banks season 3 premiere to attend, so he goes without you. He misses you a lot at the premiere, but is completely satisfied with everything when he comes back home and gets to sleep in your arms.

WARNINGS: small mentions of cyber bullying and anxiety

EDITH SPEAKS: one of the biggest things I want to bring light on is how fans at times make their faves relationships uncomfortable. Please don't interfere with their personal lives, it's no matter to you. It's their life and they choose how to live it, and if they wish to be public about it or not. Please don't make their partners feel unloved and unwanted, the world is already a very harsh place, and that doesn't make it any better. Don't make assumptions on their relationships without any proper proof. Spread love and only love 💌🌷

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It is the evening of the Outer Banks season 3 premiere, and your boyfriend Drew is definitely going to be one of the main attractions of the event. He has been gone since early afternoon to prepare for the premiere and get ready, and you have been with him long enough to know that premieres can take a lot of time and he will be coming extremely late at night.

You and Drew have been reluctant to publicise your relationship. The thought of being recognised scares you, and even though Drew does have many supportive fans who will love you, the haters are always present around. You're afraid they will get to your head and make you believe made up stories about your relationship, ruining everything you have with Drew.

Today was one of the moments where you actually wished you could've gone with him. You absolutely adore the entire Outer Banks cast, and it would be nothing short of a spectacular night with them. Sometimes you do like to fantasize about you and Drew being public, you're in the most beautiful outfit and both of you are walking down the red carpet together, your hands intertwined. But you are quick to come back to reality when your mind shows you a scenario of you finding horrifying comments regarding you on a picture of you both, saying how you aren't the one for him and he's better off with someone else.

You remind yourself that the best place you can be at the moment is actually where you are right now: your couch, with a massive bowl of popcorn with you as you start watching the live stream of the premiere. You see all of the cast members walk in, looking beautiful as ever. You watch their interviews with utter love. They really are some of the best people.

Suddenly the cameras are directed towards Drew. He's wearing a dark blue suit, and you can't help but gape at how gorgeous he looks in that color. The fit of the suit is just perfect and he's getting his pictures clicked, his grace coming so effortlessly.

As Drew walks ahead on the carpet he's stopped by an interviewer. "Hello Drew, how are you feeling today?" The interviewer asks him.

"I'm good, super excited for everyone to see season 3," he says in the mic, smiling.

"What is Rafe like in the season? What will we get to see of him?"

"My lips are sealed for any information," he chuckles, "but he has done some... things." The interviewer laughs at his reply.

"Well Drew, is there anything you would like to say to your loved ones and your fans?"

"Thank you for all your constant support," he says, a big smile now on his face. "It makes me so happy to think how much everyone has been loving the show. Nothing is more fulfilling than watching your own hard work reaping you the big results."

At that moment, the interviewer ends his small talk with Drew and he walks on ahead on the carpet. The Twinkie is on the red carpet and watching Drew pose with it makes you giggle, as he goes inside it and looks out the window and gives a cheeky smile. The livestream goes on to show the interactions of the rest of the cast members with the interviewers and among themselves.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

You suddenly wake up from your nap on your couch which you hadn't realised you had started taking. It takes a few seconds for you to realise what's happening; the popcorn bowl is now empty and is lying on your carpet upturned, and the live stream has ended. You check the time on your phone to see it's nearing 1.30 am at night. You had initially thought of staying up until Drew comes home, but your sleepy mind has different plans for you. Giving in, you decide to head in to your bedroom to go to sleep.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

The gentle sounds of shoes being placed on the ground and the rustle of clothes wakes you up from your sleep. You open your eyes groggily and turn around in bed to see Drew's back towards you, as he is getting into comfortable clothes for the night.

"Hey bubs, you're home?" You ask gently. Drew turns around and you can visibly see the tiredness in his eyes.

"Oh, love, yeah I just came home," He walks up to you and bends down at your level. "I didn't expect you to wake up. Go back to sleep," he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"No it's okay, how was it?" You ask, your eyes not fully open from the heavy sleep lying on them.

"It was really amazing. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow okay?" He gets up from the floor and disappears in the washroom. After a few minutes he comes back out, and lies in the bed next to you.

You wrap your arms around his neck and gently pull his head onto your chest. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you start to play with his hair with sleepy motions of your hands, as you both drift off to sleep.

Drew had missed you a lot on the premiere - a lot more than he thought he would. There were so many moments where he wished he was answering the interviewer's question with you on his side. Your presence calms his nerves down whenever he feels a bit anxious, and such massive premieres, especially for a show as famous as Outer Banks, tend to make him slightly nervous.

But he knows you both aren't ready to come out to the whole world. Not yet. The world can be harsh, and even the strongest soldiers fall on their faces from its adversities. What you have is something made for just the two of you, and even though at times it feels like it shouldn't be this way, you know that this is actually the best you can have. And you are completely satisfied with it.

Why wouldn't you be? Drew is yours, and you are his. And that's all that matters.

#obx #drew starkey fluff #fluff #drew starkey oneshot #drew starkey imagine #rafe cameron #outer banks #drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey fic #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey one shot #john b #jj maybank #rudy pankow #chase stokes #madelyn cline #sarah cameron #jonathan davis #pope heyward #kiara carrera #madison bailey #written by edith! 🪄

[astrronomemes]

THINGS MY EXES SAID: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from Things My Exes Said. change & alter as needed.

"My mother doesn't know your name. And she never will."

"Am I still allowed to say I love you?"

"Your tongue is the only good thing that comes out of your mouth."

"You always seemed like you were about to break every time I touched you."

"I've been thinking, and I don't think I love you."

"I hope you suffer. I hope you die."

"I'll probably reminisce on what we could have been for a lifetime."

"I should have looked at the stars. I should have listened to the songs. I should have loved you better."

"I burned all the poetry I made about you."

"You deserve someone better."

"The world doesn't deserve you."

"I regret not sleeping in the same bed as you that night. I regret so many things."

"I'm trying to be your friend, but you're making it really hard."

"There isn't anything inside of you that I can believe in."

"I was tripping, and I thought I loved you."

"I have no way to save you."

"If you weren't sad all the time, maybe we would have worked out."

"I think I'm gonna love you for a long time."

"I'm yours for as long as you'll want me."

"I told you that I couldn't love you."

"I'll always have feelings for you, but that doesn't mean we would ever work out."

"You're just a sad little boy."

"I thought we would get married."

"I haven't loved you for a long time."

"You're the wrong type of fucked up for me."

"I just can't do this anymore."

"Do we have to do this again?"

"I promise this is for the best. You'll be much happier this way."

"I wish you the best, but please never talk to me again."

"I won't ever unlove you, but I love you in a different way now."

"You're more fun when you're drunk, anyway."

#rp meme #roleplay meme #rp starters #roleplay starters #dialogue prompts #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #rp memes #roleplay memes #sentence memes #sentence prompts #sentence starters

[seventhcallisto]

Prologue.

—His Cologne.

It's said there is nothing truly perfect in this world. Yet the thought of two people coming together and finally tying the bond is considered so. It took you by surprise. Truly, was that really the most perfect thing?

When two (or more) people get together. And their bonds glow. It's perfect, and they live happily ever after. The end. But it is never really the end. You grew up with two of the most proclaimed and promising soulmates. Childhood friends from a run-down neighborhood. Being mischievous and biding time skipping school. Tied by time. Yeah, pretty perfect.

But as they grew, they dabbled in things they still have yet to tell you. (You have a clue) And began getting into terrible relationships. When they finally reconnected, they noticed the marks on their wrists glowed a beautiful violet. For a while they were content, quietly living for months. During that time you were conceived. After a while they met their third and final soulmate. mere months passed, they were worse together than they were apart.

Three young souls were burdened by the world of men and women who tore their innocent hearts and made them ruthless and savage. You'd wake up most days to screaming and yelling. Fighting and crying. Makeup breakfast and all three of them pretending to sweep it under the rug. Like clockwork. You wondered if it was just your soulmate parents. Or maybe it was an occurrence for other people. You didn't know. Sometimes, when they fought, and you'd cover your ears and pretend they didn't. You wished they had never met.

But the thought made you feel terrible. How could you wish something like that? How could you wish to tear people apart from each other; or their destined person? It turned your stomach. You cried yourself to sleep most nights they fought, not because they were fighting. But because you wished they had met different people, had different soulmates, or even.. didn't have a soul bond at all. Even going as far as to curse whoever made the marks. Truly why would God-knows-what put three mentally unstable and unwilling people together when they can't even cope around each other? You didn't get it, you would never get it.

It was a hot June day, you stepped into the house after school. Tired from the walk in the heat. You step into the hallway and then. You think. Yeah. It was then you were determined to never want a soul bond. You overhear your father. He who was the last one to be welcomed in the bond. He's hushed on the phone. His sobs pull your heart apart, he confides in your aunt. He cries through his words. He tells her 'i feels unloved, unwanted' 'i feel like a third wheel' and he doesn't know what to do about it. You hear your aunt on the other line, you can hear her worried voice and tone. He said he tried for years to fit in, but he'll never feel as close as his other partners who grew up with each other.

He doesn't even know if your two biological parents even genuinely love him. He doesn't know if he can find it in himself to even love you. The child he raised alongside his partners. His supposed soulmates. You, the kid of those two people- remind him everyday, that he's an outsider. That you'll never truly be his kid, but the kid of two people he desperately wants to love him back the way he wants. You don't eavesdrop anymore. You don't eat dinner that night. You don't even wail like you should. You're numb. Your head meets your pillow as you drift into thoughtless summer.

You don't believe in soul marks, you don't believe in the fact someone can love someone because a bodily detail told them so. No. You don't. You don't want a soulmate and you don't want a mark.

Your eighteenth birthday rolls around. Still no soulmate marks. 'You're a late bloomer,' everyone tells you. You could care less. You're ecstatic at not having one. Your birthday party ends in your parents fighting. Something you're used to by then. you're moving out sooner than a month later. Biding farewell to your run-down neighborhood and childhood friends, some of whom have their soul partners hanging off their arms. Every glance you make at their soul bonds makes you queasy. Deep down your gut, still twists at the thought of it somehow appearing. A sudden bloom of a mark catching you off guard. You shake those thoughts away.

Your new apartment is centered in the city, even though you aren't a big fan. Anything to get away is fine with you. It's small, homily, with good lighting and a small balcony that you spend most nights reading by. Your bedroom is not even two steps away from the kitchen. You can't complain though. It's mostly modern for the price you're renting it at.

You're more than settled when it's three and a half years later. You've just earned a promotion at your job. Your passion for graphic design really blossomed into what you wish it would. You find yourself becoming satisfied with the way your life is. Maybe a pet would make it better?

You've thought about it most days. You slip into the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You don't mind your reflection. You know what you're gonna see when you look up. It's warm enough to wear spring clothing. A long dreadful winter has passed once again. You spit the remaining toothpaste and wash it down with some mouthwash. You know every nook and cranny of your small apartment. Finding your dresser and pulling clothing out.

Before you shimmy it on. You're looking in your reflection. Your heart drops. A single mark on your left shoulder. A mark in the shape of a rose. You're out of breath as you scrub and scrub. All you leave behind is a red mark. You cry silently to yourself all day. The city lights glimmer and shine upon your tears on the balcony. Your pants ride up your calves. You haven't gotten dressed since earlier that day, a loose hoodie and a plain pair of grey sweats you threw on frantically to cover up. of course, on your day off, you get this terrible news.

It was so rare that someone wouldn't have a soul mark. Deep down, you prayed you would be a part of those rare people. How silly of you to hope you'd be spared from this. You're mindlessly scratching your ankle, tracing a pattern. For some reason, your head drops down to look at what you're doing. A gasp gets caught in your throat.

There on the curve of your left ankle that's propped up on the chair with you: is another mark. The infinity symbol with two dots on each side. You pull away like it burned you, foot slamming onto the concrete beneath you. You're rushing into the apartment like you can run away from it. Slamming your sliding door behind you. You're striping off your clothes frantically, only left in your undergarments. Not soon after you stand bare in front of your mirror. Tears welling up in your eyes.

There are four more symbols you can spot immediately. 3. in the center valley of your breasts, it mimics a tattoo. it's the arrow of a bow. 4. Another on the front of your right hip is a seventeen percent full waxing cresent moon. The rest is filled in with black to simulate the shadow. 5. flushed on the front view of your left hip, four distinct fingerprints, they connect like constellations, short bursts of lines. It's curved to mimic where a hand would press flat.

6. On your stomach, right below your belly button. A tiny figure of a man lays on his palms, he's no bigger than an inch. He's etched out like a sketch. His features are small but extremely detailed. His torso is bare, showing off his lean muscles, his hair fluffy, and it pools around to caress his blurred face. His left leg is tucked under his extended right that drips off like it's plunged into a body of water that creates ripples. Across his lap is a blanket. 7... seven? You take a sharp breath. It's brand new. It wasn't there a second ago. How'd you miss it?

The seventh mark is on your left thigh, it's a twisted branch that flowers hang from, there's no color but if there was; red would be the color of every pedal, it almost covers the whole front of your thigh. You pray that's it. You pray there's no more. You turn around to check the rest of your body, oh no. Just your luck. When you pull your hair over, you catch sight of the 8th soul mark. A dragon, how silly. But it's just a dragon, wings spread wide and it crawls up the length of your neck. Barely out of view, hidden by your hair or clothes when you wear some, an inch and a half at most. Next, 9th. A butterfly thats missing a corner of its wing, Nestled on your left shoulder hanging to a flower. 10th. An outline of a tiger ready to strike right between your shoulder blades.

11th. Your collarbone, new and appearing before your eyes. An acurate black hole swirls right where your collarbone would be/is. 12. A shooting star, its on your right wrist. 13. A goldfish on your left wrist, swimming in a circle. 13...

You're a wreck. You counted 13. Thirteen marks. Soul marks. Soulmates. You have thirteen. What kind of sick joke could this be on you. When you finished counting you threw a fit for the first time in your life. Even when you were a kid, you were never fussy. How the tables turn. Hyperventilating and kicking anything closest to you. You acted out to gain any sense of control. By the time you were done screaming at the world, towards the sky, and whoever above. You fell into a heap on the floor. Tears streamed. And streamed. And streamed.. until you couldn't cry.

You got dressed, made yourself comfortable, all silently. Then went to bed.

Your neighbors weren't very happy. Actually- they're nice people, almost called the cops though at your outburst. 'I'm fine, really. I thought I saw a roach,' you joked. Not a roach, but the feeling of thirteen marks on you made you feel uncomfortable with yourself as if there really was one. The week following was the lowest in your life. You did enough research to kill an interviewer. Soulmates dont really have divorce. But you can remove a soul mark, If you do, it will hurt. Forever, actually. You'll always feel empty. And lonely without your soulmate, under the wiki is a soulmates therapy helpline. Slapped into your face in bold red letters.

God. Your head hurts. Last week made you feel like you were on a roller coaster. You're all out of excuses that allow you not to attend anything. You need time to think about what you're gonna do, how you're gonna avoid this. No way are you gonna bunker down with thirteen people, and somehow find a middle ground and live happily ever after. You don't usually run away from your problems.. but maybe this time, you can get away with it.

Your name is called, and you blink back into reality. "Yes?" You respond, glancing up at your boss. "We're gonna go grab some dinner. Do you wanna come?" She smiles, Eunha is on the older side. Her smile lines are beautiful, and her clothing always fits perfectly. "Sure, let me grab my bag." You smile politely. Food has surely gotta get your mind off this. Even for a moment.

The restaurant is bustling with life. Everyone from every office has a table, smacking of lips and laughter rings out. Clinks of glass surround you. You find yourself in the center of it all. Yet you can't help but feel farthest away. Your fingers pull at a loose thread on your blouse. To avoid suspicion, you converse as much as your mind will let you. Drink as much as you can, and eat as much as you can stomach. All the while drowning in your own thoughts.

"Hey, is that your soul mark?" Taejun points out directly at the goldfish poking just under the cuff of your blouse. The hue shines brightly, almost as if a black light is on it. He's always been nosy. Yet your stomach sinks, and your smile falls away. He notices, of course. "Sorry. Touchy subject -" You're cutting him off. "I gotta go to the - the restroom," you pull away abruptly, grabbing your purse. Pushing your cuff down. You smooth your hand over it a couple of times ferociously.

You hope that glowing hue isn't what you think it is. You excuse yourself past people, moving towards the exit of the establishment. Just your luck, you bump into someone, their drink spills all over your left arm. "Sorry -" You go to apologize just as they do. Your wrist catches the corner of your eyes. The goldfish swims animated. It's so bright in such a dimly lit area. You can't hide the shine it creates. An orange glow casts off your face and the man you bump into.

Your eyes pull up like magnets to the man. His face is hidden behind a black mask, and an equally black hoodie is pulled over his head. Dark hair pools around his circular glasses. Your breath catches in your throat. He doesn't move an inch. His eyes search yours. His words are lodged in his throat. "I.." he speaks first.

"Wonwoo!" Dokyeom calls for his friend, his soul mark glows vibrantly, and he feels a connective pull to the brunette man. Wonwoos eyes pull from yours, glancing to his younger member.

You take the opportunity. It takes every ounce of strength to pull yourself away from the gorgeous man. You feel like Cinderella, God - why are you pulling away? You're pushing against people and finally make it out the door. "Wait!" A voice calls. A hand grips your own. The same left wrist, it glows brighter than before. The marks are connected despite you wishing they weren't.

"No!" You cry out, like it'll stop glowing. It's blinding. You feel like you can't breathe. The man from before pulls you back from the door. His eyes are squinted from how bright the connection is. People gasp and bump into each other, flash-banged by a sudden- unsee before soul flash. You wiggle out of his gasp.

Then you run, and you run. And you don't stop until you've made it all the way home. A drive that would take 10 minutes at most through the city. You block out every street lamp, every step of stairs you take, every person you bump into. You block it all out. You're running away again.

And you feel deep down that this time... it wasn't the best idea.

#seventeen x reader #say the name seventeen #seventeen #seventeen x y/n #seventeen ot13 #svt ot13 #ot13 x reader #prolouge #kpop x reader #x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen wonwoo #seventeen dokyeom #soulmates #idol au #non idol au #polyamory #polyamourous #soulmate marks #callistos navigation

[pinkeoni]

El's Superhero/Monster Dichotomy

El's monster conflict starts in season one, when she blames herself for the gate opening and for Will's disappearance.

This conflict seems to be "resolved" when she kills the actual monster, the demogorgon, making herself a hero and not a monster. This is even suggested earlier by Mike, who innocently tells El that she isn't the monster because she saved him.

Although this "resolve" is actually quite tragic. She proves herself to be a hero which does offer a conclusion to this conflict within this season, but she sacrifices everything for this.

This conflict comes back in full for El in season four. She no longer has her powers, and she's in a new environment where she's alienated and bullied. On top of everything, her boyfriend can't even say "I love you" to her. It's not a stretch to say that she feels monstrous.

This is only reaffirmed for El after her incident with Angela. Now, obviously this wasn't a good thing for her to do, but El also completely disregards all of the pain that Angela made her feel, perceiving herself as this violent monster who attacks innocent girls unprovoked. We know this is what she's thinking when she says as much to the cops.

I don’t think El wanted to kill Angela, which is why she says “I don’t know,” but she’s unsure because she’s unable to trust her own judgement. At this point she sees herself as a killing machine, so she must have wanted to kill Angela, even if that goes against her true reasoning.

Now, of course we the audience know that El isn't the monster, and everyone close to her knows this as well. But what matters isn't how others perceive her, it matters how El perceives herself.

Her argument with Mike doesn't absolve any of her feelings either, which is of no fault to either Mike nor El. El was too in her head and it wasn't something anyone could talk her out of, and she also wasn't aware of Mike's own internal conflict which was informing all of his responses. Mike can't say "I love you" to El because of his own issues, but to El, he can't say "I love you" because she is an unlovable monster.

Mike really means well when he says "You're a superhero," but it makes things much worse in El's mind. Instead, it creates an unreasonable expectation—

El believes that if she can't save the world, then she must be a monster. She doesn't allow herself to be neither— a human being.

NINA doesn't do much to alleviate El's dichotomous thinking, if anything it only encourages it. She only shifts the monster label on to someone else, that being Papa, and since she wasn't responsible for the massacre like she, and even the audience was led to initially believe, she's able to cleanly reclaim her superhero status. She was the one who defeated the perpetrator, in a moment that visually echoes the end of season one. She's the hero again!

She marches into her battle with Henry with a new sense of high confidence. And she loses.

This isn't El's fault, but she blames herself for Max's condition anyway. Will points out that Max wouldn't even be alive if not for El, but it doesn't matter for her.

To El, getting her powers back doesn't make her a superhero. And if she's not a superhero, well, then she must be the one who destroyed the world.

The resolve of El's conflict wasn't to get her powers back, she just believed that it would fix her problems. But the core conflict is still there— her black and white way of thinking.

So what does this mean moving forward?

Ironically, I think that El can actually learn something from Henry:

I don't think that El's arc in the coming season is going to be about becoming the hero again, but rather unlearning this train of thought. The world isn't made of monsters and superheroes, the world is made up of human beings who all make choices, her being one of them. She isn't responsible for the decisions of others, and it isn't her responsibility to take care of the mess that others create. She's a brave girl who decided to use her powers to try and save her friends, and her failure doesn't make her guilty for the fallout.

I wouldn't be surprised if El pushes herself to be the superhero who saves the world once again, although, the show has already revealed to us what happens when she does— it destroys her.

#stranger things #stranger things analysis #my analysis #el hopper #eleven stranger things #henry creel #mike wheeler #jane hopper #will byers #ive had this thought for a while but i finally found a way to articulate it #excited avout this one #byler #<- target audience #stranger things theory #my theory

[tw1stedthicket]

You know what fucking sucks? Religion, particularly Christianity and its many forms, instills in you from birth that you are inherently unworthy, flawed to the point of unlovability, and your natural state is one of sinfulness and offensiveness to God and all that is good. You are systematically taught all your life that your worth comes in your redemption, and in the way you can let shame mold you into someone more subservient, obedient, and loyal to "God's path" or "God's ways". Your worthiness (all your self-worth, that is) is contingent on how much you can make up for the badness inside you, and become a vessel for light and God's power and whatnot. In the Mormon Church, I distinctly remember a leader very beloved by myself and many others, made his personal branding all about healing from your brokenness and how our lives can be meaningfully spent stumbling and stumbling and stumbling our way toward God again, and despite losing our way or even crawling on our hands and knees in despair or frustration, we are redeemed in our consistent "trying" for the right path and to be the right person/saint/disciple.

And then you deconstruct. However that comes about for you. The world opens up more, and you harbor more genuine feelings for others. You comprehend the limits of conditional love and perhaps glimpse at something more unconditional and free in the people who do accept you, and you feel real relief in their patience with you, that now there is so much more out here, and, and, and wow who knew that there could be so much joy in owning your choices and not having to be right and there is so much you were wrong about!! And...

There is so much you were wrong about.

And you see the gate open for you-- stretched wide with newfound possibilities, but surrounding it is so many fences. You have built up conditions around yourself and others your whole life. You still have maligned ways of understanding for some things, because embedded in you is patterns and ways of being from years, and even in your truest expression of who you are, you will find that you have been touched by what you were taught. And you were terribly wrong not in thought or opinion only but in your judgment. Your controlling. Your policing. Your defensiveness. Your need to be right. Your need to correct, to fix, to "save", to convert, even when you thought you were this vessel for light and the highest expression of love was in showing others "the right way to be" under the guise of sharing this love on a mission or unrelenting invitations or even your "example" -- you were enforcing the harshest punishment on others what you received from God: that others were not enough, and broken, and flawed.

And it feels like it was true that you are inherently sinful. That you shouldn't trust yourself. That your intuition is wrong. You are a cruel and uncaring person, and you could be domineering and unempathetic and disingenous even outside of it all, even when belief no longer burdens you, and you are in need of redemption. To fix yourself...to be worthy again.

It's hard to know and feel my way through what I need to do to make things right in a way that is not self-martyrdom, like falling before a cross and admitting your sins and expecting there to be a divine judgment received that may absolve you. The truth is, is people may not forgive you. Or if they do, they might not want you in their life again, or as closely as it was before. But you can't let shame be what motivates you or tempers you into the shape of someone contrite and pure because forgiveness is only as free as your sincere apology is, unconditionally, and...recognition that you had a choice, you are responsible for it even if not responsible for the driving factor behind it in your religious indoctrination, but you have to recognize you are *NOT* inherently flawed and unworthy. It's hard to believe that you are worthy either way of having friends, having trust, having connection, having authenticity. If you are also from a dysfunctional/abusive home, your boundaries and shame are even more blurred.

I wish I had more answers, but I think the truth is in what religion perverted: love can be the solid motivator for your change. My friendships helped me get out, the ones who chose to be patient with me. It's hard for me to not view their patience as generosity, like God's, when I was inherently undeserving of it, but I try to accept that what was more likely is that they had boundaries, and maybe that's more realistic and important than any notion of perfect, 'unconditional' love. I doubt they came to me with everything, all their thoughts or fullest self. I believe they more than likely said and did certain things to assauge me or learned what was off the table and what wasn't to talk about or do. But they also saw that I was lovable despite my flaws in a non-black and white way - holding space for contradictions like that as if it didn't mean damnation. Even the friends I have grown apart with have never treated me like I wasn't enough. That's not a concept to them. They may have drawn stricter boundaries for themselves, but they were kinder than any God I knew to always treat me with respect even in their distance, and in that way, it holds me more accountable because it acknowledges that I am capable of being a good person. An open-minded, nonjudgmental, caring, accepting person, even if imperfectly. But it's up to me and my choices. Maybe it's not about redemption, but trust. I know my deconstruction is going to probably be lifelong. I know I have so much to learn and experience. But I am grateful for the patience and love of people who saw me not through the lens of religion because they were the ones who helped me get out and get free and be the best version of myself. I hope I can rid myself of my shame and rather understand that the most important work in redemption is not about fashioning myself into an un-boundaried, unassuming, self-sacrificing, or overbearing "light" for a deity that cares only about my loyalty, with a kindness that is about changing people more than getting to just be human with them and accept them, with bludgeoning myself with amorphous and nebulous values of goodness and righteousness that have me putting on a mask to diffuse what is actually authentic about connection; that it is more so my duty and my privilege to get to *earn* the *trust* of other people through being the kind of person that I know I have had within me, perhaps not always embodied, but within me, all along -- not inherently bad, but worthy of love and friendship.

#exchristian #exmormon #exmo #exvangelical #ex evangelical #religious deconstruction #deconstruction #vent #ventposting

[loveneversleepss]

Straykids as Yandere/Tsundere fics! 18+

a/n: difference between yandere & tsundere. Yandere believes their person of interest can do no wrong, are obsessive and a stalker. Tsundere is cold and doesn't reveal their feelings easily, defensive and comes off as a bully.

warnings: contains cursing, mentions of kidnapping & killing, obsession, stalking, trauma, manipulation, depression, suicide, stockholm & lima syndrome, being forced, switch povs, smut, weapons, bad endings.

Chan: both. "There's not a thing in the world, i wouldn't do for you."

I've always felt like I was alone. That there was no one like me. I thought no one understood. Until you, you were exactly like me.

Read here.

Changbin: Yandere. "Nothing else matters. You will be mine."

There is nothing you could ever do that i wouldn't forgive you for. Watching you from afar. Where you go, I will follow.

coming soon..

Lee know: Tsundere. "I've always felt empty. Until there was you."

Life was boring, dull, cold and dark. Everyday felt the same. Until a particular girl saved me. She saw something in me.

Read here..

Hyunjin: Yandere. "Your lips were made for mine. We belong together."

I think you are the most perfect girl i've ever laid my eyes on. The perfect portrait. I want you to be mine. You were made for me.

Read here

Han jisung: Yandere. "If i can't have you, no one can."

Do you really think he can make you happy? I am the only one for you. I can't wait to give you the life you deserve. We deserve.

coming soon..

Felix: Yandere. "When I think of you, I have another reason to live."

How could it come to this? The one girl who has never once shown a frown, is giving up on life. I will help you, make you happy.

Read here

Seungmin: Both. "life without you, has no meaning."

I will do anything for you. I will never make you feel unloved. I will always be here for you. Even if you don't care.

Read here

Jeongin: Tsundere. "You can't have her. She belongs to me."

My lifelong dream girl. You will always be mine. No other man can have you. You are mine. You will be mine. You belong to me.

coming soon..

a/n: hii everyone. i got inspired by one of my fav tv shows, you from netflix. ive decided i got bored with my other fic so imma start a new type of fics. i will probably stick to this but it might take a while to finish all lol. comment for taglist!

#stray kids #stray kids stay #stray kids imagines #stray kids series #straykids hard hours #stray kids smut #skz scenarios #straykids smut #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz smut #skz #lee felix #hyunjin #lee felix smut #felix smut #lee yongbok smut #leeknow smut #skz hyunjin #han jisung #jeongin #hyunjin smut #seungmin #bang chan #jeongin smut

[baldurs-gate-official]

Ok I just need to vent for a sec because I finished my Romanced/non-ascended Astarion run and gosh

As someone who suffers from severe PTSD... this means a lot to me. I've seen so many characters in media with PTSD where the condition isn't taken seriously/written poorly, or the only 'happy ending' they get is death.

But this... This is nice. The life I've lived is abnormal. I don't talk about it much because most people either wouldn't believe it, or might feel bad just for hearing it. I've survived torture, starvation, attempted murder, and I'm only just coming out of a lifetime of that. I was trapped for ages. Years. So many years. It's made it hard to trust people, or feel genuinely cared for. And being able to play a character on the other side of that, as someone confronted with a person traumatized and tasting freedom for the first time... and being able to help them, despite the difficulties, and get them to a place of safety and happiness is... I don't even know what word to use. It makes me feel hopeful, in a way. Seen. Understood a little.

And his reaction to freedom and safety! While it's not exactly like my own, it's so close. And I've never seen that feeling represented before. Safety is terrifying! Trusting people is terrifying! It feels impossible to believe anyone would genuinely stick with you while you work it all out.

When you go through a life of trauma, there's no such thing as safety. You get so used to the danger that going without it is the most terrifying thing in the world. Your brain and body can't comprehend that there isn't a threat. Before I escaped my situation, I knew there was always danger. I was always prepared for it, I was used to it, and knew how to tell when and how I needed to react. Being scared is familiar. It's a crutch, almost. The fear keeps you alert and alive. But... when the source of that fear is gone, you're left with this horrible feeling that the danger hasn't passed - you just can't see where it's coming from or what shape it'll take.

It's numbing. But a weird numbness. You flip between that and deep periods of, 'Oh fuck oh god, all of that really happened and now I have to pick up the pieces and live with it'.

Seeing someone else going through that, and being able to say the things I wish someone would tell me (and not even realize I needed to hear it until after) feels so good in the most aching way possible.

And the Cazador scene! There's one part at the start that hits so hard:

That last line is everything I wish I could say to my own parents. I was punished for everything. Anything I did was an excuse to hurt me, even something as simple as showing an emotion or reacting to the pain. But when I escaped it all, and my father tried to pull me back, he tried to frame it like he'd done it all for my own good. That I was the one at fault, and failed despite his best efforts to 'help' me.

I wish I had the courage to yell those words at him, instead of trying to keep peace and make myself meek. "Fuck you and fuck everything you've ever done to me". I feel that in my soul. I want to scream it at him until my lungs hurt and I can't breathe.

And his ending... He can't stay in the sun anymore. It hurts him. It'll affect him for the rest of his life. But he has someone who cares for him, who will stay with him despite that, who doesn't view it as a hindrance. I can't even describe how that makes me feel. I have wounds from what was done to me that will never truly heal, and until now I've always thought of it as a flaw that would make me unlovable. As odd as it is... Him not being able to go in the sun makes it an even happier ending for me? Yes, it hurts and it sucks. But... He's not alone. Part of him believes you'll leave him now that he's confined to the shadows. Proving him wrong feels like a final affirmation that, yes, you're really staying with him. It's real, and he won't be alone. Everything will be okay, despite the pain.

Anyways thanks for coming to my traumadump. I really wish Larian would give us more opportunities to hug Astarion.

#BG3 #baldur's gate 3 #Astarion #traumadump #CW PTSD and Abuse #Also #And I have some incredible friends and social workers helping me get through it #I'll be ok. This is the best I've ever been #if you have questions I don't mind answering #it feels good to talk about tbh. and if I can keep people from worrying I will #q

[acetone4veins]

Mean Girls + Quotes Part 2

Find part 1 here

More quotes that remind me of mean girls characters and their various relationships :)

Regina

"i became bitter and untouchable. i craved affection but even the mere thought of someone caring made my stomach turn."

unknown

"i have survived everything but i fear that i cannot survive myself."

Cynthia Chapman

"was i raised without love? or was i born unlovable?"

unknown

"am i lonely because no one cares, or am i lonely because i'm not strong enough to let anyone get close enough to care?"

Rob Hill Sr.

"of course i look angry all the time. my entire life i've been fighting a war. i am soaked in pain and sadness. the irony however, is that i'm not actually angry, i'm trying to learn how to be happy. and that in itself is a war."

unknown

Cady

"i thought - i want to go home. i want to be in a place that feels like home. where that was, i did not know."

Katie Kitamura

"i understood myself only after i destroyed myself. and only in the process of fixing myself did i know who i really was."

Sade Andria Zabala

“do you ever wonder where you took a wrong turn? where your life became the exact opposite of what you wanted it to be?”

unknown

"i have always tried to make a home for myself, but i have not felt at home in myself."

Jeanette Winterson

Janis

"of course i'm angry. do you have any idea how many times someone should have helped me?"

unknown

"hurt an artist and you'll see masterpieces of what you've done."

unknown

"i don't feel guilt at being unsociable, though i may sometimes regret it because my loneliness is painful."

Susan Sontag

Gretchen

"what a sick little head, your love always turns into obsession."

unknown

"i don't think people love me. they love versions of me i have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. the easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love."

unknown

“i only know how to exist when i’m wanted.”

Mary Lambert

"i don't want to beg. i know you can feel it, my longing, the aching, my need for love. i don't want to beg. but oh god - oh god, please. please. love me. love me."

unknown

"for once i need to choose myself, or else i'm going to lose myself."

Veronika Jensen

Karen

“i believe in some blending of hope and sunshine sweetening the worst lots. i believe that this life is not all; neither the beginning nor the end. i believe while i tremble; i trust while i weep.”

Charlotte Brontë

Regina and Janis

"longing, how soft a word for such a ravenous feeling. how we hunger in silence."

Pavana

"dig your teeth into me. come on, i dare you. take a bite. open me up; raw and candy floss pink on the inside. make it hurt. i figure, you're going to hurt me one way or another. might as well be with your mouth."

Ashe Vernon

"i don't know what to do without you, i don't know where to put my hands."

unknown

"you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love."

Franz Kafka

"i love you and i always will and i am sorry. what a useless word."

Ernest Hemingway

Regina and Cady

"i love you. i love you unconditionally. i loved you even in my ignorance. i loved you when i didn't even know. i just love you."

unknown

"and on some days, i wish our paths had never crossed because you don't know how heartbreaking it is to know that someone like you exists in this world and i cannot have you."

unknown

“i must have you exclusively, fiercely, possessively.”

Henry Miller

"i still haven't figured out how to sit across from you, and not be madly in love with everything you do."

William C. Hannan

“fuck my pride. fuck everything. i’m so desperately hungry for you.”

Henry Miller

Gretchen and Karen

"the way our fingers intertwine feels so natural and right; as if our hands hold memories of meeting in a thousand other lifetimes."

John Mark Green

"when i think of life, i think of you. when i think of love, i think of you. safe to say that i really like thinking about life with you."

unknown

"come on, dance with me. the earth is spinning. we can't just stand on it."

Dino Ahmetovic

Regina and Gretchen

"i suffer in my loving, and you know it."

Willa Cather

"i loved you to the point of ruin. i loved you until my lungs were filled with ash."

Tina Tran

#managed to make this shorter than part 1 #mean girls #mean girls 2024 #mean girls musical #regina george #cady heron #janis imi'ike #janis sarkisian #janis ian #regina x janis #renee rapp #cadina #rejanis #reneé rapp #fetchen #regina x cady #karen x gretchen #gretchen wieners #karen shetty #karen smith #regina x gretchen

[carefulfears]

so ... demons coming right after elegy, in the middle of the cancer arc is a crazy choice and i know it means something. please share all your big brain thoughts on mulder & demons?

well...it's kind of like...in elegy, they're being haunted by the future (omens of scully's impending death), in demons, they're haunted by the past (visions from before samantha disappeared). both are highly metaphorical, and both are intrusive, even though he sought out the second. the first is too much. the second isn't enough. and after elegy it's becoming clear that...nothing will be enough. she is so close to death that she can see it. she can't...hide it from him, anymore. she's been dying for a long time. and she doesn't make him face it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just get over it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just accept it, stop avoiding it. she goes to all of her appointments alone. she bleeds alone. even in elegy when they almost argue over it, she tells him that she is fine, and then she goes outside and cries in her car.

but she's not fine, she's so close to death that she can see it, and he knows that. he's so eternally aware. mulder's fatal flaw is that he can see the world, he understands every underlying system, he knows people and how they think. and when he says "i refuse to believe that," he knows that doesn't make it go away. in elegy, he tells her that he's afraid, and she tells him that she's fine. it is a system established long before this particular death sentence.

in the script notes for the last scene of never again, it is remarked that: “if it were ever going to happen, it would be now. as they maintain the silence.”

the way i see it, never again is when they knew. they are not escaping each other. they are dying together. you are coming down with me. (hand in unlovable hand). and then, in the very next episode, comes a diagnosis. they are dying together. and they are dying now. silence is maintained.

so what does she do, after her diagnosis? she buys a journal, and she writes. she writes him letter after letter after letter. begging forgiveness. begging grace. begging courage.

the page that he found, that he read, this is what it said:

“mulder, i feel you close, though i know that you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful- more than i could ever express. i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this.”

i need to know you’re out there. a few months later, in demons, a gun to his chin on the floor of his childhood home, does she feel that he’ll be “out there”? she finds out she doesn’t have much longer to live, maybe weeks, in the next episode, and she doesn’t tell him. she maintains silence.

there’s so much discourse over the choices that mulder makes in demons…it was selfish, it was stupid, it was confusing…i see people ask all the time why he would willingly do something that causes everyone to kill themselves. the answer, of course, is that mulder wants to kill himself. that’s not new, we all watched pusher. (scully watched too). in redux it’s revealed that the “gethsemane” of the episode directly following demons is not scully’s inevitable and closely impending death, it’s mulder alone in his apartment with a gun.

i’m really uninterested in attempting to moralize these decisions…what’s “selfish” at the end of the world? i think demons makes people uncomfortable. to watch a dying woman care for her reckless partner. i also think that’s…the point.

demons is desperate. there’s an obvious desperation in mulder, of course, but also in scully.

throughout season four, we’re watching scully die. she’s getting smaller. she’s getting weaker. she’s getting sicker. but as it progresses, scully is realizing that mulder is dying too. and it all culminates in demons. and what can she do but be afraid? what can she do but get down on the ground and hold him? what can she do but write about what she fears will happen to him? she won’t be there.

nothing will ever be enough after elegy. and there’s nothing that he can do that’s enough. he can’t save her (so he thinks). and…he can’t solve the quest before she dies. he can’t give her the answers that she’s dying for. demons to me is such a last ditch effort. such a hail mary. she deserved to know the capital t Truth, before she’s gone. and i think they both know that maybe, when she is gone, it will never be found.

#they’re DYING. #he does this drastic stupid thing because maybe then they’ll know about samantha. and they can go in peace. #i also think about ‘closure’ and how that’s 3 years after this and scully is there doing EVERYTHING doing all of the work and it was still #so hard. nearly unsurvivable. #and i think about what if she had died. and what if somehow he kept going. and he ended up there alone. #and she’s thinking that too. he will be alone. he will have no one. he will not be ‘out there’ and if by some miracle he is #he will be facing it by himself. he will be facing the Truth and the loss and the grief alone. #that one shot of ‘demons’ where he just falls to the floor and she slowly kneels beside him and drapes herself over him and holds him #that’s this entire era to me. that’s what it culminates at. because they’re still not saying it but they’re seeing it. #and what is there to do? she’s so sorry. #and she’s so scared #asks #demons #Lol I wrote this and the tags months ago before leaving tumblr ✌️

[riddlerosehearts]

vil/idia valentine's day headcanons 💜💙

(as usual this post ended up more detailed and lengthy than i originally planned it to be, but i hope someone will enjoy it because i love this silly little ship of mine.)

idia has never liked valentine's day. it always seemed so pointless and frivolous, and there's so many people out talking and holding hands and kissing. probably all judging him for being alone. the only reason he cares at all about it is because many of the games he plays have limited-time valentine's events, so he usually just stays in his room all day playing through them.

and sure, idia loves a good romance anime, and he has more than a few favorite ships he thinks should totally be canon, but that's all just fiction. it's an escape from a reality where true love doesn't exist.

or so he used to believe. he never thought he'd find someone he really wanted to be with, or that they'd want him in return. not until, somehow, vil became that person. all the dating sims in the world couldn't have prepared him for this.

he knows he can't just hide out in his room on valentine's day when he has someone so important to spend it with now. but how can he give vil the happiness he deserves?

he could build a high-end custom laptop from scratch for him, or buy him a bouquet of his favorite flowers and take him to the fanciest restaurant in all of twisted wonderland, even though the latter idea utterly terrifies him. he could use his tech skills and his family's money to give vil the world, but if he knows his boyfriend at all, he knows that he probably doesn't want anything that extravagant.

(and besides, if the vil schoenheit tried to go out in public with his partner on valentine's day they would just get swarmed by paparazzi and idia is sure he'd roll a 1 and fail the stealth check required to avoid them. yeah, that's a quest path he will not be choosing anytime soon.)

idia knows it would be best to get vil something simple, but still thoughtful enough to make him feel special. and in the shoujo manga he likes, people always give handmade chocolate as a gift. but his cooking skill is stuck at level 1, and even if he could grind it up to 100, vil wouldn't want a box of chocolates loaded with sugar and calories. it can't just be some normie thing either--it has to stand out from the flowers and candies and love letters he gets swamped with by his fans.

remembering how vil has praised his gear designs for ortho before, he decides to buy some purple and gold beads and string them together to make a necklace. in the middle he places a small heart-shaped bead, adding an LED light inside that makes it pop with a subtle glow.

he also makes a handmade card that with a design that lights up at the press of a button. i imagine he'd put a pixel heart inside of it similarly to this zelda themed pop-out card i found:

they're both very simple projects for idia, but he feels certain that vil will love them.

and as for vil, he thinks valentine's day is a lovely holiday. it's an opportunity for people to celebrate the beauty of love, and to relax and take better care of themselves. even if you're single, you can still pamper yourself and celebrate with a friend. vil always tries to take the day off from any obligations if he can, though sometimes there are things he just can't slack off on.

this year, though, he absolutely will not be doing any photoshoots or interviews. this year he has a boyfriend, and yes he knows that idia hates the holiday but in his mind that's even more of a reason why he needs to be there for him. he won't allow idia to spend even one more second feeling lonely and unloved on valentine's day.

he initially has no idea what he should get idia, and ends up getting laughed at by cater who catches him googling "valentine's gifts for gamers" on his phone. look, just because he's acted in a few romance films and is considered a teen heartthrob by countless people who don't even know him, doesn't mean he automatically knows everything about dating.

cater and idia are friends, though, and cater knows enough about what he likes to be able to help vil pick a couple things out.

the first thing vil settles on is a lego building set that depicts a bouquet of roses. it would be fun for the two of them to build them together, and he wouldn't have to worry about idia inevitably forgetting to water them.

he also gets a card that's even dorkier than the one idia made for him--i'm specifically picturing this:

he tucks a note inside of it, with a short list of just a few of idia's best qualities. he hopes it can remind idia of why he likes him and wants to be with him and not someone else.

and lastly, he purchases a pack of bath bombs made to look like colorful D20 dice--relaxing, good for the skin, and aesthetically in line with idia's interests.

when valentine's day comes, they exchange gifts in vil's dorm room at pomefiore, where they've planned to spend the day. vil thinks the things idia has made for him are beautiful and he tells him as much.

but when idia recieves his gifts, he starts mumbling something about how a weirdo shut-in otaku like him doesn't deserve to be seen as a viable love interest and how vil must have had a confusion status debuff on him this whole time.

vil: "excuse me? you're not insulting my SSR boyfriend, are you? you don't think that i would try to max out the affection points for your route if i wasn't sure you were the perfect option for me?"

idia, who just knows the tips of his hair are turning pink: "s-sorry... i ran into a glitch that triggered the wrong dialogue. what i meant to say was, of course you picked a genius like me to be your player 2 instead of some lame normie who you'd have zero percent compatibility with! how could anyone but me match up to your top-tier stats?"

vil just smiles and rolls his eyes.

idia then reveals that he actually did get vil something sweet, but originally felt too nervous to give it to him.

it's a pack of candy flavored lip glosses. vil laughs and insists that they'll have to kiss enough times to taste test each flavor. idia's whole head of hair turns pink.

they spend the whole day together, doing things like watching an old romcom that vil adores or playing a co-op game that idia picked for them, and of course putting the lego rose bouquet together.

they also eat a nice meal together in a private place that vil set up for them in pomefiore--and all the other students know they'll incur their dorm leader's wrath if they dare to bother him on his date.

#twisted wonderland #idia shroud #vil schoenheit #vildia #idiavil #vilidia #vil x idia #btw i do think valentine's day would actually have a different name and origin in twisted wonderland than in our world #but i don't have a solid headcanon about what it should be instead so i'm just leaving it as valentine's day #also. i think the next day idia is going to lowkey panic about how he lost soooo much time to finish up vday events in his games #but it's okay. holiday events in games always go a bit past the actual day #he'll just have to dedicate extra time to them over the next couple days and i think he'll consider it worth the tradeoff #anyway i love these two so much it's embarrassing #people need to ship them more simply because of how FUNNY it is to imagine vil flirting like a gamer

[why-what-no]

Morpheus Having An Insecure Partner Would Include

Pairing: Morpheus x Insecure!Reader

Warnings: Bad Self-Esteem

Notes: I think this might be me calling myself out with my own writing

Requested by: @athelleen

It's not really hard to be insecure when you're in a relationship with Morpheus, the literal King of Dreams. 

It's not his fault of course, you know how much he loves you. But it's hard not to worry when you're with a king who has history with many other powerful attractive people 

He's absolutely gorgeous, no one can deny that. And sometimes you can't believe why such a beautiful person would want to be with you. 

The dark thoughts start to creep in. Worrying that they aren't good enough to be with him, that any of his previous lovers or any other people would be a better partner for the Ruler of the Dreaming 

Sometimes you'd mention that. Not being honest enough to worry him, just testing the waters. 

But he'd just chuckle indulgently and tell you that the only person he could possible want to be with it you. That you're perfect. 

That would calm your worries for a few days until the darkness returned to your mind and you started worrying all over again. 

And eventually, it got really hard to act like everything was okay. So, you started to stay away from the Dreaming more and more. Just to avoid the insecurities that you feel when being there. 

But Morpheus loves you, and once he realized that he wasn't seeing you often enough, he immediately goes to find you. 

He asked if you are avoiding him because you don't loving him anymore, with an expression like a kicked puppy. 

But when you vehemently denied that, telling him that of course you love him, he demand an explanation for you leaving. 

When you're finally honest with him about your insecurities, his heart breaks a little for you. Angry with himself that he didn't notice

He was just so wrapped up in his love for you. He didn't even consider that you would think you were unlovable. Not when you were the most lovable person in the world to him. 

He held you tight, pressing kisses to your face. Vowing to be more verbal about his love and attentive towards you in the future. 

To make sure that you never doubted his love again.

Taglist: @stygianoir @minetticatinwonderland @fangirlmary @absbdbshhs @kiki13522

#the sandman #the sandman x reader #the sandman headcanons #morpheus #morpheus x reader #morpheus headcanons #dream of the endless x reader #dream of the endless #dream of the endless headcanons #the sandman dream #the sandman dream headcanons #the sandman dream x reader #the sandman morpheus headcanons #the sandman morpheus x reader #the sandman morpheus #dream x reader #dream headcanons #dream

[autistichalsin]

A penny for your thoughts on how Halsin’s drow captivity went down?

Oh, man.

The short version is much worse than Halsin pretends, that's for sure. There's just too many implications... "I feared for my life, and wanted my freedom back" gives the truth away. Namely: whatever sexual things happened there, even if Halsin claims they weren't so bad and he "enjoyed" them, were without consent. By definition, a prisoner can't consent to sex- there is a reason many countries consider ALL sex between prisoner and guard to be sexual abuse/rape. Because the power dynamics are simply never going to allow meaningful consent to be given from the prisoner. And that assumes Halsin even did give what he thinks was consent. (He probably thinks he consented to some of the acts, and the others were just "the Drow matriarch being a Drow matriarch.") And then there's the way he notes he saw the "pelts" of other surface elves like himself decorating the house he was in.

I don't think Halsin has, in any way, processed that he was raped, for a few reasons. One is his size. He notes that many don't think he could ever be hurt because of his size, and sometimes he seems to have internalized it. Another is his gender. Far too many think it's not really rape if a woman does it to a man. Another is his physiological response. Sadly, it is far from rare for victims of rape to experience arousal or orgasms during their assaults, which is both humiliating and isolating, and can lead to a victim mistakenly believing they were complicit in their own assaults- and thus that they can't be "real" assaults because they "wanted" it. This would only be made worse by Halsin's attitude towards sex, because sadly, many believe that someone who enjoys sex freely with many partners doesn't have the right/ability to revoke consent.

So- in terms of that part of his captivity, the cards are just firmly stacked against Halsin being able to process what happened to him. He can understand that there was a threat to his life, that he was terrified and imprisoned, but not that his sexual agency was taken away from him. Even after all this time, he can't use the word "rape".

As for the rest of it? Drow are sadistic, especially to surface elves, and you can bet that forced 'gratitude' was part of it- and, IMO, there was at least a small amount of Stockholm Syndrome judging from the way Halsin talks about the matriarch and patriarch. And especially given that Halsin is male, he was probably frequently threatened with death and worse. The instant the matriarch grew bored with him, he would be killed- and that, IMO, is where Halsin "doing what he needed to survive, and some things that were less than necessary" came from. He had to keep himself interesting to her, and given how others react to his appearance, he probably knew sex was the best 'asset' he had to keep himself unique and worth keeping around. And if he did experience arousal/climax... well, see above. He tells himself that's a sign he was a consenting party, not a prisoner doing anything he could to avoid dying. He doesn't see his own duress as a factor negating his consent here.

As for the parts of it besides rape and imprisonment... yeah. He probably was hurt, a lot. Again. Sadistic Drow. And there was probably a lot of psychological torment as well.

Like... he was there for THREE YEARS and no one from the surface came to rescue him? The Drow absolutely would have used that to try and fuck with his head, telling him that he was unwanted and unloved. (Maybe he believed it, maybe not, but as the years went by he had to start wondering.)

And I don't think words can describe how traumatic it would have been for Halsin to see the bodies of other surface elves used as decorations. The gruesomeness of it, the awareness that he would probably be next... yeah. That would definitely haunt him for a while.

All of this compounded by the fact that he was young. He calls himself a foolhardy young Druid, intent on seeing the world. He was probably either just an adult by elf standards, or maybe not even a full adult yet.

It's actually kind of strange that, specifically, the writers made Halsin a sex slave of the Drow- because aside from not dealing with his rape on any level, they only barely hinted at what he would actually be dealing with (the hints to other elves being made into decorations for him to see) and then backed away from the full implications. Surface elves were almost never kept as slaves by the Drow, they were usually either killed on sight or kept for a special date to be an offering, and in the meantime tortured to the point of WISHING they'd been killed on sight instead.

Even if Halsin got the one in a million Drow nobles who didn't hate surface elves THAT much, there still would have been a lot of torture and manipulation. Drow torture and maim their slaves for any perceived slight, or even just for fun. And even if Halsin's captors didn't do THAT either, and even if one could accept him deciding it was actually nbd after 250-ish years, it should still affect him somehow, but it doesn't seem to. Which just shows again how poorly thought out that entire scene was.

They said something with absolutely horrific implications- not just repeated sexual assault, but all but certain torture- and then backed away from showing the full consequences, which is just disappointing, IMO. Even if they wanted Halsin "healed" (and no, I don't believe that, because nothing about Halsin's writing says "healed" as much as it does "someone who has been in crisis mode for so much of their life that effective healing is impossible, what we are seeing is him burying his traumas to survive") they should have said how it USED to hurt him... but they didn't do that either.

#halsin #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #rape tw

[heavenlythea]

you are love and you are loved

out of all of the possibilities, all of the potential scenarios it was you who came into existence. all that is, great I AM, the God itself chose to experience life through you specifically. you chose to experience life through you. instead of being nothing, you chose to experience filling your lungs with fresh air and hear beautiful melodies and smell lovely flowers and have thoughts and feelings and friends and feel love. instead of just being love, you chose to experience feeling loved.

your whole existence is an act of love. you did not throw yourself into an alien world filled with strangers and circumstances that are always against you. you gave yourself the whole world. you gave yourself an infinite amount of realities with which you can fill your life. and all of those realities are not just yours, they are you. you are all of the people and opportunities and love and flowers and melodies.

and since you (the God) love yourself so unconditionally, you are allowing yourself to experience absolutely anything from great love to great pain and your world is responding to you to deepen your experience. just how you can feel that the world is always against you, you can feel that the world is always supporting you no matter what because at the end of the day, it's not the world, it's you and what you're choosing to experience.

now, i know that it's not easy to relax yourself into love. it's not easy to expect support from the same sources that used to throw punches at you. but that is okay. it's okay to be scared. it's okay to feel uncertain. by embracing where you're at, you can ignite real love and strength within yourself. but it's okay to be scared first.

i do believe that embracing the law of assumption goes to a certain extent hand in hand with self-development, but the law goes much further. self-development is about getting rid of limitations so that it's easier for you to see that you are loveable. but unconditional love is about embracing that you are loveable even with your limitations. actually, that's what you came here to experience, you are supposed to have limitations, if you weren't you wouldn't be a human being.

you can receive love and support of your whole reality even when you're scared. you can receive love and support of your whole reality even if you don't think you deserve it. you can receive the love and support of all of existence simply because you exist. your existence is proof of that. if you wouldn't be worthy of unconditional love, you couldn't exist. the idea of someone unworthy of love and support simply doesn't exist.

allowing love into your life even just a little bit makes you better naturally. it makes you lighter. it makes you closer to your I AMness. and it's a point that you have to eventually arrive at anyway. you can't keep on "getting better" to deserve your own love in the form of your dreams. you're running like a hamster in a wheel for something you deserve without the effort. that is acting out of fear, not out of unconditional love.

you will always have imperfections. you will always make mistakes. you will always get scared every once in a while. that's why true love is unconditional because it loves regardless of any conditions or circumstances. being perfect is not the goal because then you're still just conditioning the love.

all of your role models, idols, celebrities, CEOs, presidents, models from photos on ig and pinterest, or whatever are still imperfect. they get scared, they have things they're ashamed of, they may feel unloveable or unworthy sometimes, they did or went through some really bad things, but they don't let it stop them from living life the way they want to. and you don't have to either.

you are love and you are loved. the love of all of existence is your own love. your existence is proof of it 🤍

#heavenlythea #law of assumption

[boldlyvoid]

So recently I’m going through a breakup. My boyfriend had told me he doesn’t know why but he kinda just “fell out of love with me” and it’s actually heartbreaking. I was wondering if you could write something about Eddie comforting reader over a similar situation.

first off bestie, i am so sorry you're going through this, I'm here if you need anyone and i hope you enjoy this

cw: breakups, jealousy, unhealthy relationships

Eddie received a call full of sniffles and sobs that left his own heart broken, his best friend in the whole world finally broke up with her boyfriend. he says "finally" cause he never liked the guy, something always felt off, and while she's devastated, he's hopeful. which makes him feel bad, so he overcompensates with taking care of her more than normal. even though she never heard his internal thoughts, she'd never know he was glad he was gone...

he shows up at her place with all her favourite snacks and drinks, both alcoholic and not, a joint in his pocket and his arms open wide, waiting for a hug from his favourite person.

she tells him everything he said before he dumped her. he said he hasn't cheated, that's not what this was about, he just found himself falling out of love with her and he didn't want to drag her along anymore. she started to notice when he didn't sleep over anymore, he didn't want to talk on the phone after work. dates were few and far between until they stopped altogether last month. there were clues everywhere that it was coming, she just didn't want to believe it.

she physically shakes while she sobs in his arms, done explaining and just wanting to cry.

"Can I ask something?" Eddie is speaking before he even thinks it over.

"y-yeah," she sniffles

"This is kinda weird, but humour me... okay?"

she sits up with a sniffle, wiping her nose and eyes, "what?"

"Imagine if we lived in a world where you are told your soulmate's full name when you turn 25, you can marry anyone, it doesn't have to be your soulmate... but you get a name in a few years and you know that they're actually the perfect person for you, would that change how hurt you feel right now?"

"um," she tilts her head to the side while she genuinely thinks about it. "I mean, if I found out it was his name... and he didn't love me anymore, yeah?" she's still so sad, genuinely feeling like he was the one for her.

Eddie knew he wasn't.

"but what if it's not his name, there's a 7 billion to 1 chance that it's his name, it's probably not going to be his name," he explains further. "like, what if you got my name? or Gareth?" he throws in another name just to take the pressure off, not ready to get turned down by her with how much he loves her.

"I mean, yeah, I'm still going to be sad?" she looks at him like he's an idiot. "my heart is broken, I gave him everything for years, Edward. he saw me for everything I am and said Nah, I'm good. do you know how much that fucking hurts? I won't just magically be fine because I know someone will love me eventually. I feel unloveable RIGHT NOW?? I don't care about the future."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," he feels like an absolute idiot. "but you're not... you're not unlovable right now. or back when he was pretending to still love you... I've loved you the whole time."

"Thats different," she doesn't believe him. "we're best friends."

"Because he was your boyfriend the whole time," he admits in a whisper. "that first time we hung out, it's cause I asked you out... I didn't know you had a boyfriend. You told me that day, like 10 minutes in, and I had to just accept we'd be friends and I mean, luckily you became my best friend, but my intention was always to date you."

her eyes go wide, "oh my god... he said you loved me and I didn't believe him, I thought he was just jealous for no reason."

"he was jealous of me?" Eddie can't believe it either.

she nods, "I told him not to be but... I really had no idea, Eddie? I thought you were just sweet on everyone?"

he shakes his head with a small smile building on his face, "nope. just you. it's always been just you."

"don't get me wrong, it still hurts but..." she can't help but smile back a bit, "maybe when it hurts a little less we could go on a real date?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he teases, pulling her back in close to his chest where she finally settles. no longer crying, her chest hurts still, yes, but the butterflies in her stomach make up for it.

maybe she did care a bit about the future, especially if that future was with him.

#ask #eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson smut #stranger things #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #stranger things season 4

[risnabeaute]

🫧💗✨ Self- Love Needed! 🫧💗✨

hi beautes! 👋🏻♡ ̆̈ I want to share my opinion about self love this time, because yesterday I was feel lost and confused about myself. Having a great concern for your own happiness and well-being is a sign of self-love. Taking care of your needs and not compromising your wellbeing in order to appease others are key components of self-love. Not settling for less than what you deserve is a sign of self-love. Since we all have different ways of taking care of ourselves, self-love can mean different things to different people. Determining what self-love means to you personally is crucial to your mental well-being.

For the enchantment of self-love is something you make for yourself, not something that is thrust upon you, let me ask you to do this. Settle into a calm and serene area, prepare a cup of your favorite tea or coffee, and disconnect from all potential sources of distraction. This will assist you in taking the time and care that you need for yourself. You've already taken a step toward self-love by grounding yourself in this way and giving your all to whatever comes next.

I was really sad yesterday because I feel im not loved, im not worthy of anything and everything getting worst. But I relized I have to manage and controlling myself before myself controlling me, yes that sounds so pity to me but its real. To begin with its not necessary for pursuing radical individualism in order to love myself. It also means letting people love us even when we don't feel worthy of love. Because we tend to punish ourselves severely for not being perfect at loving ourselves, handling our emotions, understanding ourselves, praising ourselves, and feeling confident about ourselves, even when we do our best to do so. We will come to understand that we are never fighting this struggle alone if we allow people in. Then I Ask for assistance what I feel.

Yes, it might be challenging to love who you are. It takes severe consideration and focused action, especially because it's quite simple to give back into feelings of self-love that are accompanied by anxiety, bitterness and and even hatred. In light of this, loving yourself calls for a great deal of courage and strength because it necessitates being honest with oneself and taking a close look at your identity and values. Accepting your flaws, errors, and all of your incorrect turns and poor judgments requires you to embrace everything about you, without exception. This is what it means to love yourself.

You have a generally favorable self-perception when you love who you are. This does not imply that you always have a favorable self-image. That's not easy at all! Accepting yourself for who you are right now, flaws and all, is the definition of self-love. It entails prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being and accepting your feelings for who you are. And then I slowly love my self, and this 3 ways what I do when I feel unloved:

1. DO NOT LOCKED YOURSELF!!

"My advice to you is please don't ever sit in your room and lock yourself away because you don't think you're good enough" -Catherine Tate

When I was upset at teenage I always locked myself in my bedroom then I cried loud, I felt empty, unloved, angry and unworthy at all. And it really sucks, Please, go outside and see beautifull world! There is one thousand reason to smile, to be grateful for what you have, it is not by compring yourself to others but believed that everyone is so beautifull, learn how to love, look for what makes you happy. Go to coffeshop and read book it really make myself better and You so.

2. Belive in Yourself!

Darling, You glow differently, trust me. The key that opens the ignition and starts the car is similar to the belief we have in ourselves. Honestly, without it, we can't get very far. Thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that aren't in line with our objectives prevent us from moving forward, no matter how hard we try. Consequently, we either fail to accomplish our goals or we intentionally harm ourselves along the way, sometimes in ways that are evident to us and sometimes completely hidden from us. When I belived myself I feel lived, I feel everything happens for reason and I have a purpose to do. So do you are love.

3. Celebrate Yourself!

The act of appreciating who you are right now—rather than who you hope to become or who you view yourself as—is known as self-celebration. It's about standing in your own strength right now, supporting and believing in yourself. And for any cause, at any time, wherever, you can celebrate who you are. This isn't egoistic.

You know what, I used to think that Im not worth it all to celebrate every accomplishment in my life, I think others have more bigger than mine. I relise its all wrong. I have to celebrate mine too.

For example, my birthday was last month, and many people think it's ridiculous that I still celebrate in my life. Do you truly mean it when you say "it's just another day" or "presents aren't important" or "I'd rather forget it's my birthday"? No matter how strongly you believe their truth, it's your birthday, and let's be honest, everyone wants to feel recognized, even if only in modest ways. My birthday has always been a major deal for me, since I can remember, and I look for every reason to celebrate it during the entire month, as well as inviting my beloved best buddies. So there is a picture of mine when I celebrate myself. Lets celebrate ourself!!!!, xo -Risnabeautes

happiest girls are the prettiest

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ🎀⸝⸝🍓✩‧₊˚˃̵ᴗ˂̵𓍢ִ໋🌷֒✧ ༘ ⋆｡♡✧˚ ʚɞ˚ ༘��� ♡ ⋆｡

#inspiration #self love #self care #self improvement #life qoute #be yourself #do your best #self ship #love quotes #friendship #be happy #love yourself #mental health #woman