#i've learned so much from the lesbians i know and the lesbians ill never meet. abt myself! about history! about feeling!

[sunflowersand-bees]

Thoughts on Robin’s characterization and how it differs in S3 versus S4?

ooh. oohohohoh. oh my. never really thought about this before. but now i have to. oooh. this might not be quite what youre looking for but ill try my best. it's prob less on her characterization per say and just my opinions on her in general.

robin in season 3. i loved her. she was great. she was new and she was gay canon lgbt lesbianism. she was badass as hell and so smart. but it felt like a lot of her character was reduced to her being gay, at least immediately after the fact, not canon-wise but fanon wise. i'm so glad that she wasn't just someone to further steve's character development, she was her own person, not a rebound or failed rebound for steve. she helped him grow and learn new things about himself. she was great. and she just fit right in with the group.

of course there's going to be a big difference between s3 robin and s4 robin because we're only just meeting her in s3.

s4 robin. she was wonderful. we love robin in every season so that's a given. i was unsure about the crush situation. especially once vickie wasn't actually a part of the s4 plot at all. we know nothing abt this girl. if we learn more, that's cool, but i don't know. it feels like robin x vickie was created for byler parallels. it probably wasn't but idk. i absolutely loved robin's whole feminism rant to the psychologist dude. it's one of my favorite scenes. she's just so freaking smart. and i forget that sometimes and i love it when the writers remind me that 'oh hey, these children are supposed to have lives beside the monsters' and that the real world exists. i can't wait until/if people find out that she's a lesbian. i really hope she has a coming out scene to at least dustin because he keeps shipping romantic stobin and we're not here for that. but i digress. i thought the whole robin seeing vickie and her bf kiss scene was impactful. and her afterwards, "i really don't care, i would if it was any time but rn but because the world's ending we have more important things." because i just think that's so true. and it relates to all kinds of characters thinking and mentioning that their romantic troubles are stupid when there's more important stuff going on. like mike. and nancy i think? i cant really remember who the other one was. i kinda felt like the vickie and robin scene at the end was forced. like i felt like robin had moved on past vickie because it wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. but i also thought that steve had moved on from nancy so i guess i'm wrong on a lot of things. i'm glad that robin had a pretty significant role in the plot, as she did before, but i feel like her romance just exists because "oh we gotta give everyone a love interest" and while it's nice to have a lesbian with a girlfriend, vickie doesn't have any personality right now. if she was more developed, i'd like that storyline, but it just feels forced.

thank you so much for the ask. i don't really know how many time's i've derailed, but it's almost 12 am give me a break.

#ask #asks #robin buckley #i have thoughts on this girl #i love her #shes one of my fav characters #like it's mike will dustin and robin #my favs

[beabaseball]

Every now and then i have a shift that is busy and exhausting and whatever but here and there within them are moments where I really feel like I've actually helped someone. Like, people having genuine medical problems I can actually help with and discomfort I can fix with pillows that make people so relieved and grateful, or people coming in seriously ill who we can comfort and keep grounded and make feel like regardless of outcome they were genuinely cared for for a while.

We get a lot of queer kids and het kids and just like occasionally literal 9 year olds for suicidal or violent urges, and a lot of times there's like three of them at once going on, but tonight the sitter was a lesbian who didn't really get the they/them pronouns perfect but connected with the whole "liking girls" thing, and our desk tech is nonbinary with a they/them kid, and occasionally i came in and told a story about a presumably cis peri guy who used to lecture me and I could not focus at all because his voice was 100% at all times as if he were simultaneously pinching his nose and breathing helium. Mom brought in mcdonalds. Kid was bouncing around with late night second wind when I left.

And I get so angry

Everyone is always so tired and worked to the bone, and they're working 10 days in a row for 12 hour shifts, they're working with a cold they've had for 5 weeks, they're never seeing their spouses because of opposite scheduling, they're having surgeries and having to find their own replacements or will get penalized for not working the day after. They're going to try and limit the amount of trash bags used. Because trash bags are too expensive.

There's no support. There was no support after a horrible series of night shifts where patients died or were transported out on narrow margins of time. The one time there was support after, it was literally just the hospital chaplain showing up for 30 mins at the end of each shift change saying he was around to talk if we wanted. At shift change!! One nurse is pregnant and I just gave her instructions how to apply for WIC, which she didn't know about! I have been trying for weeks to learn how to transfer and while visiting a completely different hospital was finally told to try talking to employee health! Half of what we need to learn should be typed up in an information packet and handed out and it simply isn't and I don't know who to complain to about that! Everyone I meet slowly becomes meaner, and more tired, and I can't even blame them because in my attempt to not become mean I instead develope fear.

If I could just work shorter shifts, just 8 hours, or 6 hours, I feel like I could work much more often. I feel like for a six hour shift I could work several times a week even! Right now I'm per diem because I just couldn't do it more than once or twice week without wiping out and now that I'm still recovering from covid, even once a week feels like maybe I want to quit instead actually!!

But for the first 6 hours of the shift I'm usually okay actually

And if I could do so much more and be so much more capable with shorter shifts, what would all these people who can power through ten 12 hour shifts trying to be kind be capable of with any kind of support?

#medical #emergency room #im so tired #ok to reblog #beatext

[patchesproblem]

hey its the brick cocaine anon again no pressure whatsoever to respond. I'm just a beta male and can't interact publicly on twt Your mini Einstein/Tesla historical facts thread inspired me to add that Einsteins irl wife was also serbian(Mileva Marić) and that she was also a scientist much like Tesla himself I KNOW ITS A FAR FETCHED REACH but its a silly coincidence to me how in every universe (irl lame beta male Einstein + cute anime lesbian Einstein) Einstein has a thing for. serbian scientists specifically Its meant to be anyway sorry for atism

I want it to be known that I'm going to refer to you as the brick cocaine anon now. I'm sorry for it being your new name, but it's law now /lh/j/nm

FUN FACT!!! Writing this after AFTER the fact but Frederica Nikola Tesla shares MORE SIMILARITIES WITH MILEVA THAN TESLA HIMSELF

SO I started looking into her more and I've learned some very interesting things! I'm shoving this in after the fact before posting this and I can't be bothered to rewrite the next few paragraphs so sorry about that.

Welcome to history lessons with Tes! I'm your host, a mentally ill person who likes history and gets way too invested in dumbass things.

IRL Deadmen / Dead woman under the cut / similarities between Mileva and HI3 Tesla.

So this got me looking into her more out of curiosity, and I've learned a few interesting things.

So when writing Einstein, Planck, Karl, Schrodinger, and Edison they based their relationships off of how they actually viewed each other in real life.

Emma Planck = Max Planck

Karl Gustav = Carl Jung

etc. etc.

HOWEVER.. Tesla's a huge exception to this. Yes she was inspired partly by Nikola Tesla, however she actually takes way more inspiration from Mileva Marić than Tesla himself. Tesla was actually a very.. Interesting man.

Actually for the most part the main things they really took from irl dead man Tesla was his engineering skills, relationship with Edison, and the fact he felt humiliated and insulted by humanity, though that's a HEAVY stretch. I only bring that up since she's often clowned on for her experimentation, which will come up later because she shares that trait with Mileva.

I spoke about this on twitter, however the real Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein actually did not care for each other. Tesla was a hater and was critical of EVERYONE. While Einstein had met with the others on multiple occasions, there's zero recording of Einstein and Tesla ever meeting. They didn't care about each others existence At All. It's possible they met due to the short distance between them, however again it was never recorded. I doubt they'd go out of their way to meet each other either honestly.

So in HI3 Tesla and Einstein met through Emma Planck, this is paralleled with Mileva and Einstein meeting through their schooling as well.

The two met and became Extremely Close Extremely Fast. She'd often study with him in private since he didn't particularly like attending lectures. They were inseparable as well. And well we know how Tesla and Einstein in HI3 are. In their letters there's a constant theme between them missing each other and them working better together.

Mileva excelled in experimental work, similar to Tesla. Einstein was also the only one to get his degree. Mileva never got hers just like Tesla. Even their ages line up (Mileva being 20 and Einstein being 17).

However, their similarities really end there for both HI3 Tesla and Einstein. The rest of the story is just. Depressing and fucked up, similarly to how every woman in history was treated. She got fucked over by him and was erased from history while he took the credit for her work. It's sad, honestly...

TLDR; Frederica Nikola Tesla shares more in common with Einsteins wife than Nikola Tesla himself. This is more than likely because they're HEAVILY implied to be in love (VN lines, as well as lines from IN GAME)

Idk I just find this interesting honestly.. It's funny how they took more inspiration from Einsteins first wife than the man she's named after. Especially with how they refuse to confirm them in game and prefer to make continue the implication that she's dating the child she raised since he was 8 lmao..

#honkai impact 3rd #frederica nikola tesla #lieserl albert einstein #patches rambles #literally researching into this was Actually Insane #It's legitimately so surprising to me how many similarities Tesla and Mileva share.. #It's not a coincidence honestly

[vaspider]

So I'm currently single, but let me tell you about all the cool moments I've had in t4t relationships of all stripes.

My first significant relationship was with a trans man. I hadn't figured out my gender yet, and he came out while we were dating. He was the first out trans person I knew, and he helped me figure out my own gender. We've both looked at each other as role models over the years, and we're still friends.

My longest relationship was with a transfem, who is currently a nonbinary lesbian (at the time they were identifying as a pansexual trans woman). We had so much fun together. We went to prom, twice. We played DnD together, and still do. We went on picnics on the golf course, we danced in the rain. They told me about their transition path, and I told them about my dreams for mine. They introduced me to The Adventure Zone, and The Promised Neverland. They're the only trans person my parents liked (I think cause they were on HRT, and so they "passed"). We went to soda shops. We had late night dates. We never fucked, but got close. We only broke up once they figured out they were a lesbian, and now they have a partner (who might also be nonbinary? He's a he/him lesbian, but I don't know the details) and an apartment and 2 cats and they're thriving.

I lost my virginity to a grindr hook up who was a trans man. It was really nice to do that with a guy who "got it", yk? He respected my boundaries about where I want pleasure, and I respected his, and we generally had a good time. We never spoke again, but I'm glad I had the experience with him. It was also really nice to 1) see top surgery results for the first time in real life, and 2) meet more trans poc. I grew up in a very very white place, so I had met maybe one black trans man before him.

I made friends with a guy from the tgcj discord, and he came down from 3 states away to spend a week with me. We weren't dating, but we hung out, we made breakfast together, we fucked. It was really nice, just hanging out with this guy from online. He was real handsome too.

My most recent relationship was with a trans man. We lived together for a good chunk of it too. I think that was one of the downfalls of the relationship, we both had different untreated mental illnesses that clashed with our living styles, and we shared a bedroom, so we didn't ever really have space apart. While the end was pretty rough, the beginning and middle were a good time. He helped me with surgical recovery, and I helped him start his top surgery journey. We dyed our hair together, we called each other loving slurs, we slept in the same bed almost every night. We learned that twin beds do not fit 2 men, but 2 twin beds pushed together make a king. We laughed, we cried. We both learned about what a healthier relationship can look like.

I've dated a lot of trans people over the years. And while it doesn't always work out, it's still beautiful.

That's all really fucking awesome and I thank you for sharing it with me!

[carli-in-the-morning]

HIHIHI

Sorry for not posting much recently, mans been busy (I got a job!!! :D), BUT THIS ISNT ABOUT THAT

THIS IS ABOUT WELCOME TO CELIBACY CLUB

(WARNING: this is going to be a long, emotional post, but I beg of you, if you have the mental space for it, please read what I have to say)

For those of you who likely do not know, Welcome to Celibacy Club is a short film that is currently getting funds raised for it. Now, you might be saying, "Carleigh, that's cool and all, but why should I care?" And I wouldn't blame you for saying that because you don't know the most important thing about it. This short film is going to be about an asexual main character who learns how to be confident in her asexuality.

Why is that important? BECAUSE IT LIKE DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST IN MODERN MEDIA!!!! I'm serious!!! I literally wrote an essay on this exact topic for my senior year AP Composition class, the need for asexual representation in media. You know how many characters I can think of off the top of my head that are asexual? Like 5. Only 5. There's some character in like Shadow Hunters or Teen Wolf or smth, Lilith from The Owl House, the protagonist of Loveless by Alice Oseman, Issac from Heartstopper, and some like alien queen or something from a series that my creative writing teacher is obsessed with. That's it, that's all I've got. That's abysmal compared to the millions of characters who are straight in modern media, hell, that's abysmal compared to the amount of lesbian characters and gay characters in modern media. That's not me trying to diminish the importance of lesbian and gay characters because they are important, but for fucks sake, asexuality only just recently became officially recognized as something that doesn't belong in the DSM. To those of you who don't know, the DSM is basically the bible of mental illnesses and disorders.

Even more so, let me tell you two quick little personal stories.

First story is about me and my most recent ex boyfriend. We were, and still are, extremely close best friends who talk to each other about anything and everything. We broke up in March of 2020 because of the pandemic and parted ways for a year or so before we became chill again. Since we have been chill, he confessed to me that, had I not been asexual, he would have "Wifed [me] up immediately."

Story number two is one night my parents and I were driving home from basically my town wide GSA meeting. Naturally, being cishet parents with an aggressively queer kid, they decided it was safe to ask me questions about my queerness given the tone of the rest of the night. They were asking me all sorts of things, but only about my asexuality. They wanted to know if I had any sort of libido, if I had any interest in getting myself off, etc etc etc. Any time I would answer their questions, it'd then be IMMEDIATELY followed up with something along the lines of "Wow, that's so strange, I could never imagine living like that...like I love living with having had sex, I wouldn't want you missing out on that."

What do these stories have to do with anything? I'm glad you asked, I have never in my life felt more uncomfortable than in of these instances. I mean it. And the fucking miserable part of it is that I can think of oodles and oodles more of them because the unfortunate truth is that I have had to accept that my life, as an asexual person, places me in a fucking display case to be gawked at by allosexuals. I am always going to be made to feel uncomfortable by the allosexuals in my life because they just don't get it and they refuse to accept they dont get it and move the fuck on.

When I am the one genuinely asking what the appeal is in liking boobs or ass or a dick or anything sexual, the responses I am given are so "Uh....duh, they're boobs, how could you not like them?" But if I were ever to tell them "Uh....duh, it's sex, why would you ever like it?" They would just not fucking accept that as a valid answer to give. I get fucking interrogated by the allosexuals in my life relentlessly anytime my asexuality comes into conversation. And any time I'm the one to bring it up? I'm given eye rolls.

Now, what the hell does this have to do with Welcome to Celibacy Club? That's a fantastic question. I genuinely believe with my whole heart that Welcome to Celibacy Club has the power to help change the problems that I have faced being asexual. Maybe not for me, it might already be too late for that, but definitely for all of the younger asexual people out there in the world. Welcome to Celibacy Club will provide some long needed positive and proud asexual representation in media that will be able to show the baby asexuals out there that they are not alone. Even more than that, it has the power to show the allosexuals who interrogate, poke, and prod us that we are not here to gawk at. Welcome to Celibacy Club has the power to shatter the display case us asexuals get placed in and allow us to breathe and be recognized as the human beings we are.

But it can't do that alone.

As of writing this, Sunday August 28th 4:50 AM EST, Welcome to Celibacy Club is just under halfway to its funding goal and it has only two more weeks to get the money it needs to tell its story.

So I am asking, begging, you Tumblr; please, fund this short film. For all the asexuals who have been made to feel so alone because of feelings we can't control, fund this short film. Let our story be told with a happy ending for once.

Below you'll find the link to the Indiegogo donation page they have. Please, give anything you can comfortably spare. Pennies, dimes, dollars, anything.

TLDR; Welcome to Celibacy Club is the chance to tell a positive story about asexuality, but it doesnt have a lot more time for funds to be collected. Please donate to the production of this short film.

#asexual #asexuality #asexual representation #asexuality in media #asexual character #asexual characters #asexual story #asexual spectrum #asexuality is valid #asexuality is beautiful #asexual love #asexual storytelling #asexual media #asexual inclusion #asexual inclusive #asexual inclusivity #asexual pride #asexual problems #asexual positivity #asexual flag #asexual film #asexual films #asexual stories #donate #fundrasier #fundraising #short flim #short films #movies #movie writing

[swampgoth]

trying to focus on stuff but im thinking about how much i love lesbians. thank you all. goodnight

#lays on the ground.im thinking abt women being in lvoe and how beautiful it is #getting married and raising children together.TWO moms TWO wifes #butches and femmes. gnc lesbians of all kinds .... .. lesbians whose gender IS lesbian. lesbian as a gender identity is so revolutionary #he/him lesbians are incredible. trans lesbians i love you to the ends of the earth. lesbians of colour u are irreplacable #i've learned so much from the lesbians i know and the lesbians ill never meet. abt myself! about history! about feeling! #about gender and expression and LOVE #true love! real love. stories about old lesbians whove lived together for 50 years make me CRYY #knowing that love like that exists in the world. that love is SUPPOSED to feel like home is life changing #youre all so important and im proud to share a community with you #to my lesbian mutuals. i love you i hope you get to kiss a woman soon #i miss pride i think. and since june is coming up soon im kinda coping with the fact that i wont go to the parade again this year #by getting emotional nd posting on tumblr dot fuck

[sapphos-darlings]

Hey! I have a big question here. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a while, so I'm searching for sources or sites with accurate tips or information. I've read the Masterdoc, but I have seen many people say it's not reliable. Are there any other sources where I can find more signs/tips/etc to "find out" my orientations? (speficically to find out if i'm really a lesbian or not). Thanks!

Hi, Lavender here!

Ah, the questioning phase. Perhaps calling it a questioning ‘phase’ isn’t that accurate though, it makes it sound so temporary and unimportant, when we are actually constantly learning and growing throughout our lives, and no part of your life, no matter how temporary, isn’t so unimportant that you can just wave it off.

People are right though. I don’t know what masterdoc you’re referring to, but it is unreliable. Sexual orientation is not a horoscope, a personality type or an illness that you can diagnose.

The only source for the question “what is my sexual orientation?” is you. There is no personality test, online quiz, master document or any other shortcut like that. The only question that you need answering is “who am I attracted to?” and honestly, you only find that out by living your life, having experiences and pondering on your own wishes and hopes.

I can totally understand that not having all the answers and struggling with something that feels very important and urgent is frustrating, but there really isn’t a test you can take on these things.

Other people’s experiences and whether you relate to them or not are honestly pretty unimportant at this stage. Of course it’s wonderful to find things you share, but you don’t need anyone else to tell you who you are attracted to or what you want. Those are things that come from within you, and are not handed to you from anyone else. No one else is an authority on you.

That said, I could share some experiences. Again, I will mention men on this post! This is your warning. (Good heavens, a second time within a week).

For me my orientation has been very steady for 15 years since I started thinking about it, but I have friends who have struggled more and had several questioning phases down the line too.

For me, I was in middle-school when crushes started actually turning serious for me and other kids around me. There were flirty texts, hanging out together, attempts at dating, and also suddenly new sensations in the form of hormonal teenage sexual desire. During that time, I fell for my best friend, which I realized because I wanted to hold her hand, spend time alone with her, felt so special and wonderful when I got confirmation of being her best friend in return, and hugs from her caused me to feel so warm. She didn’t return my feelings, but I did come to a conclusion that it was that crush thing everyone was raving about, and I get those on girls.

I was surrounded by straight girls, and everyone was talking about boys. It felt like all the time, and I just didn’t get it. It was dawning on me that the girls around me felt something when they looked at guys: Men were handsome and made them giddy, they wanted to lean against them and kiss them and be seen and held in return. During late night biking trips we did, there were giggly conversations about sex and what we might like about it. All theoretical, all very jokey, but also very curious, and together our friend group was building an idea about what it might be and what they liked.

I never felt anything like that. I look at a man and see a human sure, but he’s just about as interesting to me as a house plant. The idea of having him touch me, or thinking about a man - no matter how cool and fun and hot - in a sexual situation with me feels unnatural and makes me recoil.

So, lesbian. Fairly simple, when I had crushes on girls and my sexual desire focused on women, and a thought of a man makes me turn completely cold.

Then again, I have many bisexual friends. Most of them are women and prefer other women, but they have still had crushes and fantasies about men and some have had actual boyfriends. A friend of mine sort of checked her bisexuality some years ago because she’s been interested in pretty much only women, but then suddenly had a very fiery even if brief thing with a man. It’s just she doesn’t meet many men, and ever fewer are actually interesting and make her interested. She is interested in men rarely, but she has that potential. So, bi.

Another friend of mine likes women and very feminine men. I call her jokingly “a very bad bisexual” because she basically wants women or men who look like women. She also has severe trust issues regarding men, so she leans heavily into her attraction to women. She is basically 98% homosexual and doesn’t act on that remaining 2%, but men are still a part of her sexual attraction and fantasies, and she’s open to the possibility of some absolutely singular and wonderful man coming into her life one day when she’s ready for it. So, still bi.

Basically we know our sexual orientations by simply meeting people and letting our sexual and romantic desire do its thing. We have had crushes, girlfriends, some boyfriends, talked about our feelings with each other, kept diaries, and so on.

Honestly, in the end sexual orientation is very simple. It’s very important, personal, exciting and affects many things, so it does feel confusing and overwhelming at times especially when you haven’t explored it much yet, but you are what you are. You have the experience that you have, you are the person you are, and just getting an accurate label doesn’t change anything fundamentally.

It is also very possible that you simply haven’t felt anything serious yet. Love and desire are things you sort of know when they happen. Again, time is what you need.

You have your whole life to figure this out, and anyway, it’s the loving and desiring part that’s fun and wonderful about your sexuality, not labelling it.

#reply #questioning women #Lavender

[cowboyjen68]

(1/4) hi jen, i've had this crush on my friend for basically as long as ive known her and for years i was very quiet about it until just recently when we went out on a date. it wasn't until after that date when i realized just how heavily i had been repressing my lesbian self to the point where i felt like i didn't even deserve romantic love or anything like that. we didnt kiss but it was such a big moment for me that every time i think about that i start to cry... anyway shes moving away

“(2/4) for college this week and i really dont know how to handle myself! i feel a little heartbroken for getting that first taste of what i could have, what is possible, and immediately losing it. this distance isn’t permanent since ill be going to the same college in the fall and shell be home for summer and ill try to visit her during the semester if i can. and im going to try my best to talk to her often and remind her that im interested but these next few months

(¾) feel impossible to get through. im really afraid that whatever we have won’t last until we see each other again because of the distance and the chance of her meeting someone else while shes gone and i feel bad about feeling like this but i just do… idk im just trying to stay calm and focus on the things i need to get done before summer. ive been wondering if i should tell her all of this but i dont want to overwhelm her and (4/4) the idea of being honest about this kinda stuff still scares me. i dont know what to do :( thank you for reading sorry this ended up being so long“

You don’t have to apologize to me for long posts.I am the queen of long winded writing. 

Even if you are wrong and it is not “love” you clearly have a connection with her and that IS worth vocalizing to her. IF she consented to a date with you there must be feelings on her side too. S what she if going to college? You have been friends for a long time and that won’t change. She deserved to know. 

Lesbians do this think.We over think and try to guess what the other women is thinking. We study clues, go over conversations in our head and rework every touch and body movement to see what they might mean. The constant “does she or doesn’t she” struggle in our brain. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Most of us do it. The fact his there is only one person who can answer the question. That is HER. 

And shake the idea that every relationship has to be permanent or all in or nothing. It is really okay, especially when you are young and figuring things out, but really at any age to explore and try things with women you are attracted to. Kissing her or even becoming intimate does not need to turn into a life long commitment. Having a discussion about what you both feel can help you both decide what works. This does also not get you out of heartbreak. If you really connect but both decide to date other women while she is in college it does not mean you will immediately be “ok” with it. But you also can’t tie each other to goal posts that you don’t want or can sustain.

I can tell you from experience, I kissed a woman.. and because she was drunk and I was not I didn’t not feel right about going farther. We were friends from college and absolutely connected and kissing her was amazing. We also both knew that long term or even a short term relationship was not viable. I did not keep in contact with her. She moved to her new job the next day and I never saw her again . I regret 1. not telling her sooner that I wanted to kiss her and 2. not telling her that I would like very much to be intimate with her and I would take the time to stay in contact with her.   Live and learn. 

So learn from my dummy 23 year old chicken shit self. Tell her sooner than later and don’t deny yourself and her a chance to talk about and explore what might make you both happy. 

And let me speak to you and your lesbian self.You feel heartbreak for your friend leaving because the connection you feel for her is wonderful and something unique to being a woman who can have chemistry with another woman. Being a lesbian empowers you to see and feel and connect with women in a way that brings more beauty into our world. 

#dating #lesbian #friendship

[relentlessministries]

Day Zero

I would venture to say you have no idea how your actions and words have infiltrated and impacted my life .  How your hatred continues to deliver slight yet direct blows with an attempt to utterly destroy me.  How your infectious plague has trickled down to sabotage every aspect of who I am, who I am yet to be and those lives which are directly and indirectly trussed to mine.  

You- homophobia are a disease. You infiltrate the minds of individuals and symptomatically cloud their view so their eyes can’t see humans as they are despite all other attributes but solely on the grounds of who they love. You take the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year. Congratulations - You are an epidemic. You destroy families. You create homelessness and increase desperation leading to suicide after suicide after suicide and oh homicide. The greatest symptom of your debilitating affect is hate which grows unrestrained to convince one to murder another of our own kind merely for the minute factor that they love differently than you.  

Like the most aggressive form of cancer you are the cells that multiply out of control in the minds of so many.  Although I don’t know that there will ever be a cure for you, I know that my speaking out brings light into your terrifying darkness and a sword that will pierce hearts and open minds. The reality is my speaking is all but a mere effort to save my own life because It's time, I’ve had enough.

I've been lead to believe you've stolen my dignity and self respect. My integrity and professionalism, tenacity and ability to share with the world something good are tainted and greatly discolored by your rampant blows.  It has all been shattered by your darkness. You have crippled me and pushed me in to hiding.  I've become a person who's disability forces them to not leave the safety of my 4 bedroom walls. My anxiety and depression and post traumatic stress disorder, created by the assault you’ve had on my life holds me hostage in my car in moments when I’m supposed to be serving my patients and families. It holds me in the aisle at the grocery store because I know there’s someone infected with you on the other side who previously audibly accosted me in public.  

My joy has been diminished, my reflection in the mirror resembles a weak and weary soul who is desperate for freedom of oppression.  Perhaps it’s because you have taken from me literally everything and anything that I possess of any worth.  Through it all I am forced to realize what I have left.  Most of which is forever unrecoverable.  The patient experiences, the longevity necessary to build my career, the relentless attempts to leap forward and build again a life with hopes of building a meaningful legacy.

It's 2020, times have changed and our society is vastly attempting to eradicate you.  Yes I am aware, "we have come so far!," and I have heard countless comments about, "marriage is legal, you have your rights, what more do you need?," etc. I'm not convinced, I continue to survive your attacks and others need to abolish the blinders from their eyes and then encourage others to do the same so as to understand and trust that just as sexism, ageism, and racism to name a few are still globally viral, you homophobia and your horrific affects thereof continue to kill and destroy many.  How you might ask?  

Lets start with the time that you violently through the judge and our legal system took my children away from me for three months because you were convinced that my being gay must be a mental illness or life crisis.  The moment when I learned they were told I abandoned them and didn’t want them anymore because my sin was more important and my desire was to sleep with a woman.  When you diminished Who I am as a person, a mother down to only my sexual orientation.

That time that you walked into the trauma bay and recognized me from church and your loved one was barren on the table and I actively performing CPR on them.  I was literally the heart beating for him, I alone was circulating life through his lifeless body.  You refused to see me at all, only my sexual orientation.  Although I, one of the most trained trauma nurses in that room you began to scream in front of my peers for me to be removed from him and told me to step away and surrender my position and life saving efforts to a nurse who graduated just weeks prior with no experience.  

How about the time you took me in to your office and with cowardliness hid behind vague words and use of irrelevant rationales to inform me that my being a lesbian did not fit the culture of your practice, your values and beliefs system and therefore I was no longer welcomed to work next to you.  Interesting though the day prior, before you heard the news that I was married to a woman, you told me that I was one of the best nurses you'd hired with the most beautiful bedside manner you'd witnessed in years.

Or the latest attempted terminal blow when you suddenly ripped me from the bedside of the the most frail of patients, the dying.  Tragically eradicating and severing ties between myself as a hospice nurse from several patients and their grieving weary loved ones without an opportunity for closure.  You severed a bond and forced me to abandon my patients.  THEY WERE DYING and suddenly all the times I've cried with them, prayed with them, sang to and with them, bathed them and dressed them, listened to their greatest joys, deepest desires and fears have become tainted by your dark hostility.   Your a coward and quietly ashamed of your bias and You've covered yourself with deception claiming my nursing skills or abilities or boundaries were lacking or flawed thus directly deepening your diseased affects on my self view.  It became apparent that at any moment anything can be taken from me NOT because of my sexual orientation but due to your hate.  

Time and time again I've experienced this but now it has spread through me and into the lives of others.  You've raped me and have USED ME to spread your vile disease resulting in heightened doubt and fear.  I have  questioned to my very core who I am and who I once was down to my professional being. I've become desperately symptomatic of fear and one surviving your hold and retreat deeper into my self because I CANNOT allow myself to continue the vulnerability. I refrain to connecting with anyone because I must prevent bringing additional pain and suffering, undue harm especially to my patients who have invited me in to journey with them through one of the most intimate times of their lives, dying.  I've come to believe your lies that I had no business being there or being a part of this ministry, this profession any more.  

I will admit you have crippled me in so many ways. I am coming to understand why I suffer immensely at times with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Why I'm living with post Traumatic stress disorder.  I've bought in.  I now see what others see when they look at me.  I believed your projection of who I am is in fact who I am. I have allowed you’re sick and disgusting view of me to shape me into this disabled body because I'm unable to get outside of my mind and the fear of facing another human who embodies you restrains me inside my own living hell. I am shattered and broken but make no mistake, I am still alive. 

Let me explain something to you. At the end of the day you can’t change my DNA. I'm not sure you heard or understood what I said, your efforts have failed because YOU CANNOT change my DNA.  You see my DNA and who I am is not in anyway just that I am a woman, an Italian, a lesbian. Its not merely that I have green eyes and sun-kissed skin tones. My very DNA structured my dignity. It carries my tenacity, my vulnerability, my personality which in case you missed the memo can outshine even the darkest of nights. My life experiences have groomed me into a survivor, a fierce survivor.  I will take every single integral microscopic cell that embodies who I am and with all that I am that is woven into my very DNA And I will defeat you.  I will grow stronger and brighter and I will be in this world what I am called to be because no matter how much you hate me and no matter how much you think you can destroy my life you can’t have it because it doesn’t belong to you!

You see I’m educated. I know how this works and I’ve seen life and death. I have experienced life and death. I am one of the best nurses you will ever meet and when given the chance I will show you a love and compassion that you quite possibly have never experienced before.  What’s more is that I’ve held the hand of more than one individual who’s attempted to take or did take their life because the darkness was too heavy and the light although you could not completely diminish it was no longer enough.   I refuse to fall victim to this.  

Homophobia - like cancer when all other treatments have been exhausted and they are no longer responding appropriately we take the frail human body down to the cellular level to the brink of death.  You’ve already done this for me. At that point stem cells are planted and those particles of DNA that are woven in us from the moment of conception take hold of them and start to grow something new.  Cells that were already created and a part of my DNA and you have no control or power over. Today is my stem cell transplant, it’s Day ZERO, and I will make every single effort to allow every particle of me to become who I am first and foremost above and around you regardless of your desire to put me in the grave.

So I want it back. I am taking my life back. Not the life that I am surviving right now but the one I was created to thrive in. The one where I am out in the community and serving and loving and showing Christ - like compassion and forgiveness and so much more. Yes you heard me right I am a lesbian who loves Jesus and I know that you homophobia would like the world to believe that this is a counter diction but it’s not. And you no longer have a place in my life and how I move forward living it. I will walk with my head high and no longer feel like I am a disgusting person or somehow a disgrace on this earth because of who I chose to marry and love.

Homophobia like one of the most infectious diseases known on earth is rampant and it’s time that we start exterminating it for the sake of all especially those who we love. I’m going to promise you this no one was born with a genetic condition of hatred. Its time we start vaccinating against it and raising up our children to love and embrace our fellow human beings despite their differences, despite their sexual orientation.  

Nevertheless, it’s in my DNA to tell you that I’m going to chose to love you, to forgive you and to have a greater hope for change in your hearts, your minds and your actions. If for nothing more but because my soul deserves peace.

Today is my Day Zero.

Relentlessly Yours,

Mrs. Tennille Marie Dobbs

#ellendegeneres #taylorswift #finally211

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[queercapwriting]

So here's a prompt if it tickles your fancy: Sanvers having a conflict about race. Or privilege, rather? Being in a relationship with a white person can be pretty hard? Because of privileges and (usually, hopefully unintentional and not ill-willed) cluelessness about what it's like to move through the world when you're not white. I've never seen it dealt with in fic and it'd be cool to read.

Alex always readily agreed – nods her head, says things like yeah and J’onn’s right and James has a point – whenever someone explicitly comments on racism. She’s always supportive, always a little too ready to nod her head in agreement, but she’s also always a bit… clueless.

And it feels a bit more like Alex is agreeing because she’s always so ready to defend her friends, rather than because she necessarily… gets it.

Because she got the part where Maggie said she grew up non-straight in Blue Springs, Nebraska. She got it and she’ll recognize homophobia and she’ll stiffen and she’ll be ready to punch someone into last Tuesday.

But she didn’t quite get the part where Maggie said she grew up non-white in Blue Springs, Nebraska.

Because Maggie will get up extra early some days for court to defend brown kids whose cases have crossed her desk, and Alex doesn’t understand.

“But I thought you said he did have a gun in his glove compartment.”

“He did, Al, but it was his father’s car and it was licensed to his father and that’s not even the point, the point is that they never should have been in his glove compartment to begin with, they never should have forced him out of his car to begin with, hell, they never should have pulled him over to begin with.”

And Alex will sigh and nod and go quiet and make Maggie coffee and Maggie will seethe because she hates having to explain things like this in her own home, but at least Alex is asking (instead of accusing her of caring about work more than their relationship), which is more than she can say for the other white girls she’s dated.

Because some nights, Alex will come over and Maggie is positively tearing into the punching bag in her living room, Nas blasting throughout the house, and Alex doesn’t say anything, but she looks confused when Maggie huffs out between jabs and crosses and uppercuts how much zero tolerance policies in schools just seek out and punish Black girls, and Maggie doesn’t want her to look confused, like she’s hearing this for the first time, Maggie wants her to get it, intuitively, and she doesn’t, so Maggie punches harder.

Because some afternoons, Alex will come to the precinct and ask why Maggie’s captain talks to her so differently than he talks to the other women in the precinct, do they have a difficulty history together, and Maggie swallows the answer about his white ass and just kind of shrugs until Alex lets it go, but it eats into Maggie’s stomach all afternoon and only Alex’s smile, ironically, fixes it. Somewhat.

And one evening, when they’re out in a club and James and Maggie sort of huddle in a corner together and Alex can’t figure out why, Maggie’s grateful when James is the one to say all these white folks, Alex, it could be a Klan meeting up in here and Maggie looks down at her feet because she doesn’t want to see Alex’s face fall, doesn’t want to see Alex’s eyes flood with tears, because she’d picked the venue, and it was a gay spot and wasn’t that good enough and she’d failed and Maggie feels badly because Maggie loves her and doesn’t want her to feel guilty, doesn’t want her to spiral, but damn does she not want to be the one to have to pick up those pieces right now.

It’s that night that Maggie first really says anything about it, that night when Maggie decides that she’s not going to treat Alex like the other white girls she’s dated: allowing them to ignore their privilege, to ignore the ways they steamroll over Maggie, ignore the ways their lack of getting it makes her constantly feel crazy in her own home.

She’s not going to let Alex not learn, because she loves her, she loves her, she loves her, and she’s starting to trust, somehow, that Alex loves her enough back to put in the work on herself that Maggie needs her to put in.

“Babe,” Maggie begins, gently, softly, her hands on Alex’s hips after Alex slinks off her jacket and opens the fridge for some water.

“Are you mad at me?” Alex asks immediately, because they hadn’t spoken about it at the club, they’d just danced, danced, Maggie being extra watchful and Alex not noticing the filthy looks and raised eyebrows they got from white girls who think they own oppression because they’re lesbians.

Maggie sighs and rests her forehead on Alex’s shoulder. “No. No, Ally, I’m not mad, but I… I need that to not be the point.”

Alex turns and furrows her brow and waits, and Maggie’s heart flutters because Alex is not going to yell, and Alex is not going to blame her, and Alex is not going to reject her, and Alex is not going to tell her that she’s making things up and not everything is about race, not, not, not, right?

“There are ways I move in the world that… that you don’t. You could stroll into that club, or hell, anywhere, with Kara, and two beautiful white women? God, Alex, you have all the privilege in the world. All of it. And I… I have a lot of it, too. I can pass sometimes, and I hate it, I hate that, but I… listen, Al, I… I’m not going to teach you about your white flipping privilege. I don’t want to have to, babe. I want to come home and know that the woman I love is going to understand without me having to explain to her, I want the woman I love to get it. That doesn’t mean you can’t mess up and it doesn’t mean you can’t ask me things, but just… you gotta stop treating racism like it only exists in big bad individual people and hella obvious, okay?”

Alex fidgets and sighs, and Maggie’s heart hammers.

“So you’re saying you love me.”

Maggie can’t help the radiant smile that pushes it’s way onto her face, because Alex is ridiculous, and Alex is right.

“And you’re saying you want me to start being less of a ‘post-racial’ jackass.”

Maggie arches an eyebrow and tilts her head. “I’m impressed you know that word, Danvers.”

“I’ve been trying, Sawyer. Because I love you too. And I’m gonna figure out how to love you better. I promise.”

#sanvers #sanvers minific #sanvers fan fic #sanvers angst #sanvers fan fiction