#i'm tryna be organized and have a schedule | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

craycraybluejay · 1 year

Text

Confession: I don't understand people's regret stories ab tryna get with celebrities and actually managing to do so. I'd kill for a shot at being fucked like a whore in the back of a tourbus 🤷‍♂️ even when I was under the age line I thought ab it a lot but never had the money or friends to go to concerts and whatnot. Obv I don't go around telling ppl that if they got hurt or whatnot but idk I'm jealous of a lot of the things people are real hurt over.

Other examples include; having loving and healthy parents who die, being friends w/ people who have messed up secrets, finding a sugar daddy/mommy who only asks for feet pics or outings, not having ppl act insanely possessive over ur body the moment u might make a decision u'll regret (y do people want to be looked down on and even sometimes dehumanized like that I will never understand), having the opportunity to earn money from an early age (child labor blah blah personally I think older teens should be paid the same wage as others and I don't think u need to be 18 to flip burgers or help someone schedule or organize files but that's just my unpopular opinion)..

I guess diff lives rly do make diff worldviews and needs but some stuff is just so wild to me when it's so normal to other people. I'm filled with so much fucking envy over what could've been. I want to shake every single one of them and tell them deadpan that they are so fucking lucky. I'm not the type of person who goes around comparing traumas so I'm not going to ever do that to someone. But idk I'm just so jealous so often and it's like a back-of-my-mind sort of thing that only comes to the surface occasionally. I'll be chilling with someone and then it slaps me in the face how big our wealth gap is. How many more opportunities they have. How deeply and violently I envy them for the things that somewhat messed them up but would have saved me. Envy envy envy. And even I envy some portions of past and future for their zest, for my little snippets of luck. I envy when I had a fucking stranglehold over that friendship. I envy when I ran my silly little crime ring and felt on top of the world-- I was so little and still defiantly full of life and that life I ENVY so much. The future if it exists holds prestige and hedonism-- if I can pull some bullshit luck out of my ass and cash in favours smart-- play the game, play the game, play the game. I envy that future which may never come. I envy the present where people live lavishly off exploiting other people like me-- where others have love and money and opportunity and I have nothing. I am filled with both envy and powerful vitriol for those above. Envy for their luck coming out on top and pure hatred for their full exploitation of their position and apathy to other people who could use their help. Envy is uglier, less pure than anger. Anger evokes change and growth-- calls you to action-- which can be good. Envy simply churns in your gut urging you to climb on others like they did you-- and if you can't, pull them down in the trenches with you just so that they hurt the way you hurt-- so they lose everything. Because if you can't have it, why should they? What makes Them more deserving of it than You? If I am not given life I will take it by the throat and force it to fucking kneel-- and if even then it only gives and gives to others I will crush it beneath my heel. I don't take these things lightly. And though it may be unsightly.. I will do fucking anything to make you feel the way I feel.

#ranty venty rant #vent post #waxing poetic #poetic #venting #vent #personal vent #personal #envy #jealousy #anger #spite #unpopular opinion #tw everything #you are coming down with me #hand in unlovable hand #tw repeating words #tw repetition

3 notes · View notes

hearteyes-for-killmonger · 4 years

Text

Part 4

Sunday was a day off, but Erik was wired to get up early and jog around the HBCU campus in his sleeveless white tee and Omega sweats on his way to the campus gym. He ain't say shit to his passed out roommate like he typically would about what he'd done.

"You know....," she paused eyes zoned into his. He ain't know what the fuck she was talking about and stared right the fuck back thinking she better mind her business if she meant who was he fuckin.. "Erik," she laughed, "Stop playing.. you know what I'm talking about..."

"Sup Pete," he called to a nigga from his physics class.

"Hey..," Pete grunted tryna squat a barbell and Erik had to pause and watch. He hadn't seen him there before and judging by his build, he was brand new to weights. The more they talked, Erik started to coach him, recommending a starting weight and talking him through reps. He learned that Pete had been turned down by some girl and was tryna make gains, convinced no girl wanted a boney nigga. Erik couldn't dispute that he got way more bitches with a six pack than without.

Instead of disputing, Erik passed down an old routine he'd started when he himself was a beginner watching Pete type it into a note on his phone before starting his own workout. Even more than performing on the yard, he liked working out. The gym was his second home. If being a chemical engineer didn't work out, he'd be a personal trainer.

The issue was when he left the gym, thoughts and issues returned. He still felt a little thrown. He'd stroked a bitch yesterday and left her very visibly confused and disoriented which, honestly... wasn't the big deal. That was a typical Saturday for him. But it wasn't just any girl, it was a delta soror. Engine RED. She seemed upset...

He seemed to be misjudging her a lot and he hoped it ain't fuck with their ability to coexist. He ain't need the drama of her badmouthing him to other women. She knew a lot of fine ones, she had influence.

"I shoulda just rabbit-fucked her," he grumbled on his walk back. "Shoulda broke her shit up and let that be it."

At least she couldn't say he had a little dick or a weak stroke, she just.. wasn't feeling it.

"Hey, boo!"

Erik turned to see a chocolate doll jogging his way. Her first response was to reach up to hug him around his neck, grinning up at him like she'd won a free cruise.

"Luna.." He wrapped his hands around her waist.

"Why you ain't call me? I missed you," she pouted. "Where you been?"

"Around.. Been caught up with studying and practices, you know how shit go."

"Oh. Yeah..," she fake smiled as he stared. "...That's okay. Hey, you wanna tell me something?"

"Tell you what," he asked suddenly defensive.

"I promise you I dont.."

"ERIK," she squealed. "Boy stop I'm serious!"

"Look I gotta go. I'll catch you later."

She was still smiling for no reason when he walked away, it was weird. He wanted no parts and that was what he told his boy Geo when he saw him at the caf. Geo laughed, finding it hilarious.

"Yo chill," Erik muttered drinking his coke. He put his arm out for his boy to stop but Geo was on a roll talking shit about Luna. They had a class together so he knew all about her.

"That's what happens when you fuck them weird girls! Harry Potter ass bitch. Lord of the Rings ass bitch. They get attached and think you their weird lil friend," he whispered, twiddling his fingers before sputtering, making Erik roll his eyes to keep his composure.

"Aye! We like Harry Potter round here," Erik retorted. It was funny but he ain't wanna laugh though Geo already knew he was dying inside.

"Next thing you know..," Geo swallowed tryna collect himself from tearing up. "She whispering shit in latin.. and doing weird shit with her hands," he coughed imitating a girl they'd seen the other day, playing with her own fingers in her own world. Erik spit his drink tryna keep a straight face but failed as he pointed at Geo who was in tears.

"Fuck you, she nice," Erik laughed wiping his mouth on the back of his arm.

In organic chem, Erik's hand moved fast across his paper. He was scheduled to tutor a guy directly after class on what they'd learned all the way up to chemical reactions and then he had to do his often work. It was only after all of that that he had time to think about his current relationship with Brit. Were they friends now? Regular fuckbuddies?

"Oooh, fuck yew, she nice," Geo mocked in a small wimpy voice. "I like Harry Pott-" he couldn't even finish without laughing with his head down and Erik squeezed his shoulder trying not to fall from laughing with him. He was wrong for that. He ain't even like Luna he was just fuckin on her for something to do. Ain't nobody he knew really fuck with Luna like that. She was weird as hell!

"You evil," Erik teased putting it all on Geo as he walked away with tears in his own eyes.

"Stop fuckin Color Purple ass bitches, Erik," Geo yelled still laughing. "You and me must neva paht," he sang doing the hand thing. Erik was done.

It was Monday when he saw Luna again in passing and she looked highly upset, looking away where she'd usually go overboard to make eye contact. When he asked her what was the problem it turned out yesterday had been her birthday which was why she was being so weird. She'd told him multiple times over the past week but he'd been so caught up with Greek shit and the fact that.. he didn't really care.. that he'd forgot. It explained her mood though. "Oh damn my bad shorty.. Happy Birthday," he granted before moving on. He didn't even know how old she was.

Wednesday was when he saw Brit again. He was hanging with his nigga Josh who'd pledged kappa and a few folks from Josh's criminal justice class at the picnic tables. They were cool. That was when the pretty brown skin girl he'd been making eyes at at the table looked off and Erik followed her gaze.

"BRITT-ANYYYY, GIIIRLL," she cheered, dancing in her seat and Erik's eyes widened seeing Brit approach, giggling in cahoots with the girl as she danced up to the table. This was a little awkward. Erik hesitated, thinking of making an excuse to walk away. He could be literally anywhere else so it was no big deal to just leave. Making eye contact, she nodded at him as if there was no bitterness or bad feeling.

"Sup Erik," she smiled and there was no change from how she'd been acting from jump. Had he gotten her wrong again?

"Sup RED," he grinned looking her red delicious ass up and down as she stood with her hand on her hip in a red cut out blouse with white pants. She wore that same signature red lipstick and then he noticed... her hair was in a ponytail today.

"Oh did I mess your hair up," he blurted watching the flash in her eyes as well as the neck whip of Josh who looked very interested. "I know when I'm practicing, I play too much," Erik added making the sexual wording seem like an accident...

"Oh for a minute..," Josh scoffed, smirking as he looked between the two. "Hm.. nevermind."

"Yeah, keep your mind out the gutter," Brit scolded. Erik was thoroughly entertained. He remained on good behavior for the next 20 minutes and then it was time to head to class.

"Hey Erik," Brit called to his back as he was already 8 feet away. He turned back. "We should hang more often."

The meaning wasn't lost on him though no one else thought anything of it. Looked like he hadn't fucked it up afterall.

"Good fuckin wit you," he smirked causing her to smile at their shared secret.

"You two need to use better word choices," one of the guys smirked. That was Erik's cue to go to class before he said some more shit.

Most importantly, he thought he'd fucked things up with her but no. She was cool.. legitimately cool. In fact, he could see them kickin it just because they genuinely got along. It only took 20 minutes of going back and forth at the picnic table to realize they had a similar sense of humor. That was something they shared.. other than having lips of fire.

Speaking of, he wanted those again. When he reached his dorm room. He decided to kick his roommate out and he called Brit.

"Hey. Come to my room, you know where it is?"

"No and I'm not going over there. You can come here, you know where I am," she said hanging up. He stared at the phone like it was possessed. The girl had lost her mind talking like he didn't just make her toes curl last week. She'd been touched by an angel.

He could see he'd have to do some reminding.

"Tuh. No we won't." He had his bag of tricks and none of them were for kids. "You want me to fuck you, fuck you then nah it's finna sound like National Geographic on here."

"Matterfact," he muttered, hastily going through his belongings. He assembled a kit. A 'don't you ever on your life' kit consisting of items specifically chosen to carry out his plan, shoved down in a drawstring bag. He showered briefly before throwing on new briefs with the same outfit and he was out the door headed to her building. He texted when he arrived for her to escort him up.

"Sup," he nodded to her roommate whose name he'd already forgotten. There was another girl in there as well and he wondered why there were so many people.

"You don't mind them hearing you," he asked looking out the bedroom before Brit came and shut the door.

"Nah, they cool. Besides, we'll keep it down," she eyed sternly.

"I want it like last time actually, that shit was good," she smiles.

"What?"

"Like last time... do it like that."

He was twice as confused. Her entire speech last time was about why he shouldn't fuck like that and suddenly she was telling him he should.

"Am I having a stroke...?" She was playing too many games.

"No, but I'm ready for you to stroke me, nice and slow. Do it like last week.."

"But you said-"

"Forget what I said last week, I changed my mind. I'm a woman, it's what we do," she said heading to her bed to take off her clothes. This time he watched as she pulled her blouse over her head. He still helped with the hooks of her bra.

"Did you know you was gone get dick today," he questioned.

"Pfft.. No. Why?"

Her panties matched her bra. That was rare in the women he fucked. He just shook his head. "Nothing.. lay down."

Laying her back with his hand, he had a full view of her like before. He opened his bag up and her eyes started to question immediately.

"What's that," she asked quickly.

"A bag."

"But what's IN it?"

"Your orgasm. Want it?"

"Not like that," she frowned. "Uh uh. I don't know what you reaching for but we got everything we need between us. Just do what you did last time."

Damn, he couldn't experiment?

Thinking about it, he figured it would make sense.. her wanting to experience sex the way she had her first time. Maybe she needed to know if her cumming like that was a fluke. Yeah. It made more and more sense the more he thought of it. He'd humor her... it was only her second time afterall.

"Aight, it's a rematch then," he nodded approaching the bed. He opened the bag again, but this time she didn't comment and he pulled out his condom, setting the bag on her nightstand.

#erik killmonger x oc #black panther killmonger #killmonger #erik killmonger smut #original

61 notes · View notes