#i'm sure two towers + return of the king are better so i want to watch those but there's just so little character exposition in fellowship

[whumpofalltime]

friends, enemies, lurkers, we've made it to the

Whump Of All Time Finals!

What's the whumpiest whump of all time? Help us decide!

Find links and propaganda under the cut. Quarterfinalist and later match-ups are untagged, so your votes and reblogs matter! Make sure you click through to the main blog to find the run-off poll to crown third place, as well!

ROTK:

(spider attack, rescue)

"The Lord of The Rings, when Frodo gets bitten by a giant spider and left for dead by Sam at the end of The Two Towers, and then when Sam finds him in The Return of the King being held prisoner and whipped by an orc."

The Young Blood Chronicles (Save Rock and Roll's music videos, Fall Out Boy):

(link)

"Everyone gets bloodied, bruised, beaten up, tortured, rescued, limbs are amputated - it's brutal. Alone Together is particularly strong."

sorry for being late, but you want YBC propaganda? then you're getting YBC propaganda. I know you're a FOB fan, but I will be writing this for the benefit of those who don't know what YBC is, for better propaganda purposes! and yeah this is gonna be LONG. sorry.

So! The Youngblood Chronicles (shortened to YBC) is a series of 11 music videos made by the band Fall Out Boy, for their album Save Rock And Roll (you know this album, it's the one with My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark on it). The whole thing is quite short, less than fifty minutes long (even shorter if you don't count the uncut version's credits!!), and every single music video has some element of whump in it. This propaganda is gonna break down each individual music vid, and at i'll also talk a little bit about the irl context the album was written in, and why even THAT can be a little bit whumpy if you're insane like me!

(note: i'm going in the original release order over the uncut order, hence why i'm starting with MSKWYDITD instead of The Phoenix)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark: Arguably the least whump-y out of all of them, but man, seeing all of Fall Out Boy's discography and memorabilia be burnt while people are dancing around the destruction? Man, when you know the real life stuff (the reception the band had in 2009, leading to them to take a three year hiatus)... and at the end, you see four guys bound in the back of a van!! And that van is getting burnt!! Burn everything you love and burn the... ashes.

The Phoenix: NOW here's the first of MANY whump tastes you'll get. Patrick Stump, the singer/cutie of the band, gets kidnapped, tied to a chair, has his hand CHOPPED OFF and mailed to his bandmate/best friend Pete Wentz, then gets tied down and utterly tortured by women who are laughing at his misery the entire time, getting prodded and stabbed by tools for... well, you'll see. By the end of the video, Pete and the other two members of FOB (Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley) have been kidnapped by these mysterious women too, with Pete specifically getting kidnapped by the blonde woman he was in bed with when Patrick's hand got delivered to him. If you enjoy cute boys getting tied down, covered in blood, and writhing around like worms while getting tortured... well you'll enjoy all of YBC but specifically you'll enjoy this!! I did :D! The war is won, before it's begun, release the doves, surrender love...

Young Volcanoes: Good news, FOB has been reunited! Bad news, by the women who dismembered Patrick! And now all the band members are tied to chairs, hooked up to IVs full of god knows what types of drugs, and blindfolded (all except Patrick). They are then forced to drink, snort hard drugs, and are force fed Patrick's organs! Yep, all four of them are forced to eat their lead singer's guts, and are so fucking drugged up they don't even realize what's happening (and now you know what the women were doing to him in the last mv, and you even get a nice little shot of the hack job of stitching him back up)!! Patrick hallucinates everyone having fun, but of course, at the end, all of them are knocked out because of the drugs. Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?

Alone Together: This is the song the OG propaganda mentioned, and for good reason. All four of them are shipped off into little personalized torture rooms, and, well, tortured! Pete is able to break out and even steals the hook from the girl who was torturing him, but little does he know that'll be his own undoing... also, in general, this song has some whumpy elements, specifically the line "my heart is like a stallion/they love it more when it's broke-in"... but notice how easy it is to hear "broke-in" as "broken"! At the end of the video, Pete is at least able to find Patrick (Joe and Andy have NOT been having a good time, either!! But sadly, they aren't found by Pete, but Pete DOES find Big Sean), and is even able to attach the hook to the stump (ha!) where his hand used to be. But something is clearly wrong with Patrick now. His eyes are yellow, and as the song ends, we hold on him, sneering and twitching. This is the road to ruin - and we're started at the end...

The Mighty Fall: First off if you say this is the worst song off of SRAR I will hunt you for sport. OKAY ANYWAYS, chronologically this comes after MSKWYDITD, and yeah, the four guys are the members of FOB. Pete is able to free himself with Patrick's new hook hand, and is able to get the other three out while Pete is hacking up a lung from the fire they just barely escaped. But they're not done getting their shit rocked yet. A gang of children show up (the leader being the kid Patrick waved at right before he was kidnapped back in the Phoenix MV), and proceed to separate them and beat the living shit out of them. The leader kid who's chasing Patrick plays something on a boombox... which triggers Patrick to go yellow-eyed again (from here on out i'll call it "going Youngblood" or "Youngblood self"). It was confirmed in the commentary track that ANY music would cause him to go Youngblood. And knowing Patrick IRL fucking loves to create/compose music... yeah! Take something he loves and turn it into something that drives him insane!! I'm normal!! And also the irl parallel you could draw to his solo career doing the same thing to him (on a less uh Dramatic level but you know)!!! Ouch!!!! Big Sean is able to save Patrick, but at the cost of his own life (and a killer rap verse... HELL YEAH I'M A DICK GIRL, ADDICTED TO YOU). Oh, how the mighty fall in love...

Just One Yesterday: The last vestiges of comfort you're gonna get for a WHILE. The four are separated, getting even more beaten up, Pete vomits up a snake, Andy gets his shit rocked by a homeless guy, Joe has to use white sheets as a makeshift tourniquet bc his leg got fucked up in The Mighty Fall MV, and Patrick is picked up by a kind stranger (hi Foxes! you have a very pretty voice! PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!). And finally, finally we get a hope spot. Fall Out Boy is reunited (the part where Andy just grabs onto Patrick's arm, in disbelief they're both alive... augh!!! AUGH!!!!), and for a moment, it seems they've been delivered to a hospital... before Foxes' eyes go completely black, looking at Patrick... and turns on the radio. She's able to trigger the Youngblood. And now Patrick is gone. The other three scramble into the hospital, Patrick not far behind, determined to kill them to stop the noise in his head. If Heaven's grief brings Hell's reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday...

Where Did The Party Go: Patrick, now fully consumed by the Youngblood brainwashing, is now stalking his bandmates in a hospital. Patrick is seeing visions of the hospital as an abandoned party, Andy has to painfully disinfect the wounds he's gotten, Pete is able to call for the police, and Joe... oh, poor Joe. He barricades himself into a room, but not well enough. Patrick finds him, and kills him, slitting his throat with the hook hand, showing no remorse at all... until Andy and Pete find them. The Youngblood wears off, and Patrick looks to what he's done, and is horrified at what he's done to his friend. And, bad news for him, the police are here, ready to arrest the murderer. All Andy and Pete can do is watch as tears roll down Patrick's eyes. And for the extra IRL context, this was the first song written for the album that made Pete and Patrick realize they had to get FOB back together... so lets match that with a music video where the member who helped get the band together in the first place dies. By the hands of the kid he found. Let's fade away together, one dream at a time...

Death Valley: Joe gets... uh, a little comfort? I mean, he thinks he's getting sent to heaven but goes to hell, buuuuut I think doing drugs in rock and roll hell with Tommy Lee is actually a pretty sweet deal, better than the deal the other three got! Pete and Andy are being interrogated while Patrick is in a jail cell. We find out that the cult that kidnapped them, Silence the Noise, is lead by Pete's girlfriend from WAAAAY back in the Phoenix MV, Courtney Love. And at the end of the MV... Patrick is bailed out of jail by Silence the Noise. They have him again. And this time, they're not gonna let him walk out until he's fully under their control. 'Cause tonight it's just fire alarms and losing you...

Rat a Tat: Silence the Noise has Patrick, and they utterly brainwash him, A Clockwork Orange style, with electroshock stimulation to keep him from looking away or closing his eyes, until there is nothing left. Patrick Stump does not exist anymore. Only the Youngblood, pliant under the control of Silence the Noise, tasked to destroy what he once loved; music. Andy dies at the hands of the cult, and now Pete has to protect a briefcase, the thing that got them into this mess, and keep it away from Silence the Noise, all while his best friend hunts him down. Are you ready for another bad poem?

Miss Missing You: THE WHUMPIEST OF THE WHUMP. What if we were best friends but you've been driven insane and I know the only way to stop you is to kill you and it was my fault you got into this mess and I was the one who gave you the weapon that will be my own undoing. What if we both died at the same time. What if we died, both of us failing the mission we had before us. What if that was a reference to one of their first music videos. What if this song was originally written for Patrick's solo album but he realized it was more of a Fall Out Boy song so it was scrapped until now. What if there's a legit argument to be made that half the lyrics for this song was written by Patrick. What if we were both boys. Grips walls, yeha i'm normal. If you don't watch ANY other music vid, watch Miss Missing You. Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Save Rock And Roll: And our final track gives us a final bit of comfort. Patrick is able to overcome the Youngblood, and gets into heaven, where all of FOB is finally, finally reunited. God (aka Elton John) gives them new instruments and brings them back to earth, so they can do what they love; play music together. Which just so happens to release people from the control of Silence the Noise! But, because we can't have nice things, a cult within Silence the Noise got a hold of the briefcase, and summoned a spirit that starts to kill everyone. FOB stands together, and blasts the evil spirit, the blood coming up to the gates of heaven and covering Elton John in it. And... that's how it ends. No true resolution. Just Elton John covered in blood, as the song fades out. Oh, no! Wherever I go, go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!

UH. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH. but i really wanted to express just how much WHUMP they manage to fit into less than fifty minutes, all backed by an amazing album colored by the three years they were apart. colored by how they grew, colored by how bad the hiatus was for Patrick specifically, colored by how Confessions of a Pariah got Pete to reach out to help him, and this album came out of it, Fall Out Boy came back out of it, and now here we are, ten years later, with the title track being performed every night for their concert, with all the band singing the final lines together, and the line you are what you love, not who loves you hitting every single night.

SORRY. LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY. thanks for letting me rant.

#final round #tournament poll

[jq37]

Seeing you describe your opinion on Wish (the movie itself) as "def do have oh boy" just has me curious now. What is it?

OK, so I let this sit in my inbox for a while because I planned to see Wish and I figured that it would be more fair to wait until I had a full picture of what the movie was before I started talking about it and...yeahhhhhhh having seen it my opinion has not changed. It's just intensified. 

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW (lol, this got past 7k words)

And, fair warning, it's pretty critical so if you don't want to read something critical about this movie then this is your exit.

tl;dr: I think the movie Wish fails at basically everything it sets out to do and it's an absolutely awful 100th Anniversary movie for Disney. 

When I say it fails at everything, I mean EVERYTHING*. I'm going to break this into sections for organizational purposes. 

*The one thing I'll give it a slight pass on is the art style which I don't love but also wasn't like make or break for me. I would have preferred true 2D or a better implementation of the blended 2D/3D style, but if the movie was otherwise of the quality of something like Spiderverse or Puss in Boots, the animation wouldn't have bothered me. Like, I watched S1 of The Dragon Prince with no problem. I can forgive janky animation--and it wasn't even super janky. Just odd. What I can't forgive is literally everything else about the movie. 

Characters

How is this movie so full of characters and yet devoid of characters that matter? There are a million characters in this movie and basically only two of them matter: The King and Asha. But neither of them are compelling in any meaningful way.

There's a lot of to do about the last batch of Disney protags being very same-y in a quirky, all fluff and no substance way and I don't really buy into that. I don't think that Raps, Anna, Moana, and Mirabel are palate swapped carbon copies of each other. They have unique backgrounds and struggles and motivations. I feel like they're all quirky, sure. But they all also have an identity BEYOND being quirky. 

I do NOT get that with Asha. I don't feel like I have a good idea of what makes her tick at all. Like, she's kind. She wants her grandpa to get his wish. She wants to be the King's apprentice so she can help people. The queen (we'll get to her) exposits to us that she cares about people. But being kind isn't in itself an entire personality. The way Mulan is kind (defying the law to spare her father the ravages of war in his old age) isn't the same way as the way Cinderella is kind (making clothes for her mouse friends and protecting them from the cat). Asha just has a generalized want to help people, which is an admirable trait, but doesn't give us much to latch onto. It's so telling to me that in a movie called "Wish" our main character's wish is just, "To have more than just this" And yes, Disney princesses wanting "more" is literally their whole thing, but it's always more specific than that. Mirabel wants to prove herself to her family. Rapunzel wants to experience life beyond her tower. Even Snow White--the Disney princess with the flimsiest story--wants to find her true love. That's a concrete motivation! Asha doesn't feel real to me as a character. It feels like the thing that drives her is that the plot needs to happen and that's it. 

The other important character in the movie is King Magnifico who was supposed to be a return to form for Disney in introducing another classic villain but he just fails at that so hard. The idea that he could stand toe to toe with any of the OGs like Lady Tremaine or Scar or even the latest villains like Dr. Facillier or Mother Gothel is laughable. He just doesn't have any gravitas. And his characterization is so odd. You can tell that they were trying to give him a "reasonable man doing unreasonable things for a good reason” backstory (both because of some images in the film and some stuff in interviews I read) but then they just...don't actually give the backstory? Like, they imply that the backstory exists but I don't remember them going into it at all. Which like, he doesn't NEED a tragic backstory. He can just be doing what he's doing because he's evil. Ursula didn't need a reason to want to rule the seas. She's just a boss bitch and she wants power. I don't need to dissect that any further. BUT if you tell me there’s a reason your villain is doing something, I need to see that reason. I don't understand why they would include that in the movie, just to do nothing with it. 

Beyond that, he's written in such a weird way. Like, despite the "maybe he has a point" angle they seem to want to go with, he's very obviously a self-absorbed ruler--like he'll say things like, "Yeah, I am super handsome" to his wife--which immediately dumps him into the camp villain category. But he's doing the controlling things he does in the movie of his own accord to get people to stick to the status quo he set up. Fine. That's a fine thing for a camp villain to be doing. But then, at a certain point in the movie, he just uses a forbidden magic evil book (which he has for some reason) that just fills him with evil, green magic and makes him 100% unhinged all of a sudden. And that's just...boring? Like, anything interesting you might have been able to do before that point about power and control and how sometimes you make a wrong choice with good intentions is just gone at that point. It sucks because there were a lot of right answers here. You could just make him evil because he's evil. That works. You could have him be seriously convinced that what he's doing is right and be willing to do whatever he needs to do to keep things that way. That works. You could say that he started out trying to be morally upright and then slid into enjoying the praise and control just a bit too much--and I think maybe that's what they were going for. But it does not come across that way. He just seems like a dick to the point where you're kinda questioning how he's pulling any of this off. Asha asks him one question and he flies off the handle. How does everyone not know he's an asshole if it takes so little to fluster him?

So I don't like our main hero or villain. But there are still SO MANY CHARACTERS in this movie. 

You've got Asha's SEVEN FRIENDS. Yes, SEVEN. they're based off of the seven dwarves, which is cute enough but do you know what happens when you give the hero seven sidekick characters? None of them get developed at all and you have to treat them like a unit. Only two of them matter at all--Dahlia (her best friend and the one who actually does more than just make dumb jokes or, worse, nothing at all) and Simon (the one who betrays them--more on that later). There is no story reason for them to have shoved in this many sidekicks. Especially since she also has…

Her animal sidekick, Valentino. Who is a very cute goat until he gets sprinkled with stardust and boom. He can talk. Which immediately made me like him less. Flounder he aint. The whole joke with him is that he's a baby goat with a rich, deep, baritone voice. That's it. Almost every joke he makes is either about that or his butt. Boo. 

Then, there's the Queen--Queen Amaya--who is such a NOTHING character. There's no effort made to build up her relationship with the king so that her flipping on him later has an emotional impact. I have no idea what she cares about or desires. When she shows up, she's basically acting like the king's secretary, which is weird. I don't think that's what a queen does. There's a moment during a later song when she joins the "revolution" and it just has zero impact because again, it's like, I don't know who you are in any significant way! She seems nice, and I would love to live somewhere ruled by someone boring and benign, but that makes for an awful movie character. 

I almost wrote "lastly, there's the star" because I totally forgot about Asha's mom and grandpa. They're in this movie too but even though Asha's whole motivation at the start of the movie is getting her grandpa's wish granted, we never get a good idea of what their relationship is. They have like, one quick scene at the top which tells us nothing, then they're in a crowd scene later, then Asha has dinner with them later the same day and that's it. And, again, we get nothing significant. Compared to something like Mulan where you have a good idea of what Mulan's relationship is with every member of her family by the time the military order comes in or Encanto where between the musical number at the top and the first group scene, you get an entire picture, this is really weak. Again, so weak that I completely forgot that they were even in this movie. 

And NOW lastly, there's the star. Who is like, cute enough but he really makes me annoyed because I've seen the original concepts and they would have been so much more interesting! That's the case for the queen too, so I'll talk about both of them together here. 

I am sorry to inform you if you didn't already know but the queen was originally supposed to be evil too.

She was supposed to be a part of an evil power couple with Magnifico and how dope would that have been? We've never gotten that from Disney before. Imagine! Disney Villain Song Duet! A Hot couples costume for next Halloween! An actual relationship that's developed in this movie! But nope. They unflavor-blasted her into the paper thin, placeholder of a character we have in the movie. 

And the Star went through a couple of concepts. One, was the spirit of her dead grandpa, taking a younger form, which isn't my fave one but it at least would give her a relationship with this person who is supposedly an important person in her life, something we don't have in the movie right now. My favorite alternate concept is that originally, the Star was supposed to be her celestial love interest. And listen, anyone who's followed me for long enough knows that I am a big advocate for platonic relationships and FRONTING platonic relationships. I don't think that a story needs a romantic relationship to be compelling and I think forcing one in almost always makes it worse. But there is NO central relationship in this movie to carry it. Asha has too many friends for any one of them to make a serious impact so it's not a friendship story. Her mom and grandpa are nothing characters, so it's not a family story. She interacts with the star a lot, but that's basically just her talking to herself because the start doesn’t talk. So nothing is really there to latch onto. If they'd decided to go with the romance angle, it would have forced them to focus on at least ONE relationship and it would have been a nice way to throwback to classic Disney movies from the past. Much better than just sticking her with SEVEN WHOLE USELESS FRIENDS. Literally, all they provide is backup vocals in the fight song. Special Dishonorable Mention to Gabo. Man I hate that dude. 

So, to recap this section, Asha's personality is only sketched out in the loosest possible way, King Magnifico is entirely half-baked, and there are so many side characters that no one can form meaningful relationships with each other. And it's really a shame because (1) they very easily could have pared down the cast and (2) very recently Disney put out Encanto which handles a large cast beautifully. There are a ton of Madrigals but I can tell you what the deal of each and every one is. This could have been done well and they fumbled so hard. 

Concept

OK, so next up is the general plot and concept. This story takes place in the city of Rosas which is ruled by King Magnifco. It is supposedly a paradise, but much like a YA dystopian novel, it has a twist: When you turn 18, Magnifico takes your wish away from you and puts in in his wish room with the promise that it might be granted at one of the monthly wish granting ceremonies. Once your wish is taken from you, you are "unburdened" and you're "free" from having to pursue it. You don't even remember what it was. 

There's a kernel of something interesting there. A ruler making his subjects docile, placid zombies that won't challenge him by taking away their ambition? That's interesting. People willingly giving away a part of their heart to dull the pain of trying and failing? Interesting. Someone doing this with no ill intent, but rather genuinely thinking that this half-existence is better than the heartbreak of the alternative? Interesting!

But the actual implementation of this idea? Ughhhhhh. 

So first off, just logistically, Magnifico grants one wish a month more or less (Asha says once a month and in his villain song, he said he granted 14 wishes "last year"). So like, realistically, most of these people have to know their wishes will never be granted, right? Because of like...how math works? Asha acts like it's a big shock when she learns that most wishes won't be granted but like girl...math. 

Secondly, there are two moments that are meant to imply that having your wish taken away turns you into a shell of yourself. Asha's friend (who betrays her) Simon is said to be all sleepy and more boring since he turned 18 and had his wish taken. And then, later in the movie, we see two new residents have their wishes taken, and they look a little disturbed after it happens. But, here's the thing. NO ONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE ACTS LIKE THAT. Asha's mom and grandpa act like normal people. So do all the other characters. It’s not consistent enough to establish that this is what’s on the line. Does taking your wish away make you a robot or not?

And does everyone just have one wish? I know I could fill a full sheet of paper, front and back, with things that matter very dearly to me. If you took away my wish to write for TV someday, that would still leave my wishes to travel the world and get a comic book adaptation of one of my novels and a whole lot of other things! Does taking your main wish away make you lose your ability to form new wishes? Logistically, how does any of this work? And you can't just say, "It's a metaphor. Don't think too hard about it," because there's a scene where the citizens start asking these questions. Like, "What happens if we have a new wish than from when we initially made it?" As if having unnamed side characters ask the questions first will alleviate the need to answer them. It's not lamp shading at that point. You're just being lazy. 

Also, this is more a me thinking about the implications too hard than an actual plot problem but if he's taking the wishes at 18 I feel like a lot of peoples' greatest desire at that stage in their life is, "I want a romantic partner." And if the central conceit of this premise is that once your wish is taken, you stop wanting to pursue it then the city of Rosas is gonna have a population Collapse problem very soon. 

The characters--especially Asha--get so emotional about wishes. It's like they're giving a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic speech every time they talk about it (except MLP has MUCH better writing). It's bizarre to see Asha's mom get her wish back and be like, "Oh my wish. My precious wish!" when she doesn't act any differently than a normal person before or after she has it back (Sidenote: She says this and she's holding the wish ball but we never see what that wish is and that's maddening. Why do I know what the dream of every patron in the Snuggly Duckling is, but they didn't show that? Ridic.) It almost is like, being in contact with a wish ball is a quasi-religious experience that drives the characters’ actions (Asha and the King are both totally enraptured while singing together in the Wish Room), but because we, the audience, are very much not in contact with the wish balls, we're not getting ANY of that. 

Anyway, to recap this section: the central premise of how wishes work and how taking them affects people is not treated consistently or explained well, which makes the stakes feel very undefined and sloppy. 

Pacing

This has to be its own section, because it's the thing that baffled me most when I watched this movie. So, here's the setup. Asha is going to interview for the internship with the king. She wants to help people and she has the secondary motive of wanting to try and get her 100-year-old grandpa's wish granted because he's not getting any younger. 

Here is the entire sequence: Asha is led into the interview by Queen Amaya. Asha is awkward but makes a good enough first impression that Magnifico is moved to show her the wish room (for some reason). They sing a duet about the wishes where they’re both dazzled by the Wish balls. During the song, Asha finds her Grandpa's wish and after the song, she asks him to grant it. He looks at the wish and says while she has good intentions, it's too dangerous to grant--as are most wishes. She asks why not give them back then and he immediately flies off the handle and starts ranting about how HE decides which wishes get granted and what everyone deserves! 

Their first meeting and him showing his true colors happens in the SAME SCENE. It's like 7-10 minutes and they just RUSH through all of that. And it's like, why? Did they really need to get to that dumbass star song (we'll get to that) faster? 

I know that he isn't a twist villain so we don't need to keep the fact that he’s the bad guy under wraps. And, the way the story is structured, she needs to learn what he's doing before she can rebel against him. But it's not gonna be a big, impactful moment if you're rushing from beat to beat like this is an essay that's due in twenty minutes and you started five minutes ago. 

And it really makes you wonder, if Asha can blow the whole lid off this conspiracy within ten minutes of meeting this guy, why is this not happening more often? Between how obviously smarmy the King is, how paltry the wish granting system is, and how easily Asha was able to start asking questions and get him to blow his top (something that happens again later when the citizens start asking question–it literally drives him into his villain song) I don't believe that this wouldn't have happened earlier (Sidenote: Finding out that it HAD happened earlier and that Asha is the latest in a line of failed apprentices who questioned him? More interesting premise). 

So to recap: I have no idea why this movie is paced like this but it's not doing it any favors. 

Humor

Humor is very subjective so you can take this with a huge grain of salt but I think this is a deeply unfunny movie. 

The jokes fall into about three main categories:

(1) Quirky Humor: This is like Asha babbling and tripping over her words. The scene in the trailer where she's like, "Is my face drooping?" is a good example. It's not really a joke but it's clearly an attempt at humor that I don't think meets the mark. It's also in the songs with, for instance, the animals or the King saying slang that doesn't match how they talk or you'd expect them to talk at all and it just feels deeply incongruent, not funny. 

(2) Referential Humor: This is probably what bothered me the most because it was just so so very eye-roll inducing. And listen, I love a good reference. Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time. I don’t begrudge them for putting a few references in their 100th Anniversary movie. But ugh. There is a scene after the king's gone crazy where he's destroying wish bubbles for power and he's like, looking at the wishes and making a quip before he crushes them. And for the second one he goes, "Oh you want a nanny for your kids? Definitely  POPPING this one!" And he might as well have looked at the camera and said, "Get it? Get it?" and it took 6 months off my lifespan. (Sidenote: He he does a direct ref with the first two wish bubbles--Peter Pan and Mary Poppins–and then he just makes a general ref to the concept of true love with the last one and it's like, come on at least rule of threes this if you're gonna do it. Commit to your awful bit!)

(3) Kiddie Humor: This is where things get especially subjective because maybe a little kid would find this stuff really funny and they are a part of the target audience so that's valid. But it doesn't add much substance to the movie. This is like the goat being like, "I found a secret passage with my butt" or leading a chicken choir or singing the line, "So that's where all the balls of gas come from" while sticking his butt in the air--a lot of these have to do with the goat and his butt now that I think about it. 

I think I only laughed at one thing in the movie that was meant to be at least partially funny--when the Queen interrupts the fight song and everyone is like "Oh shit, we're busted!" before she starts singing along. 

So to recap: Sometimes a movie has a weak story but it's super funny and that makes up for it. This is not one of those movies.

Music

This is the one thing I already knew before I watched this movie: The music in this movie is bad. 

Like, fullstop, no qualifications bad. Not bad for a Disney movie. Not bad for this story. Just bad.

I was a little confused by the choice to pick a pop artist instead of someone who specializes in musical theater style music for this project, but a more pop-y musical doesn't automatically mean a worse musical. Sure, maybe it's a weird choice to pay homage to the past 100 years of Disney movies, but it could be good. I love Six the Musical.

But that's the problem. The songs aren't just unfitting. They're not just un-Disney. They're fully BAD. They feel so half-baked and God, I've never been so assaulted by slant rhymes in my life. Like, this bothers me to the point where I have to go through the entire tracklist. I can't just make a blanket statement, I have to show you what I mean:

1) Welcome to Rosas: This whole song sounds like someone listened to “Where you Are” from Moana (the "consider the coconut" song), “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, and “The Family Madrigal” from Encanto and was like, "I could do that". And then they couldn't. It's not really catchy and it's pretty repetitive. Super forgettable. 

Worst Line: Honestly, this song is too boring to have a worst line. 

2) At All Costs: This is the duet that Asha and Magnifico sing. Before I saw the movie, I thought it was going to be Asha singing about a wish and Magnifico singing to his wife to set up the eventual rift between them but that was before I realized that this movie doesn't believe in relationship building. Some of the movie's worst musical sins are on display here. Turns of phrases that seem like they were written by AI and bizarre syntax. 

Like what does, "You pull me in, like some kind of wind" mean? That's not what wind does. Why would anyone ever say, "Felt this? No, I haven't" instead of "I haven't felt this?" That's so awkward. 

Worst Line: "Leave you here, I don't wanna. I wanna [promise as one does]." My feelings about this line could be a whole other essay, but I've been writing this for 2 hours already so I have to move on. 

3) This Wish: This is the big "I Want" song and it fails on several levels. It fails in comparison to all the songs it’s standing in the shadow of--like the last “I Want” song we got is, I believe, “Waiting on a Miracle” and man! How can you not feel for Mirabel after watching her go through everything she goes through at the start of the movie and it getting topped with her being excluded from the family portrait? You see all the build up (including the implied build up from before the movie started) and you see why it's all bubbled up to the point where she has no choice but to sing about it! With Asha, there isn't a whole lifetime of angst that's bubbling up to make her sing this song. Everything that's happened to her has happened over the hour of like eight hours tops. She meets the king, finds out about the king, realizes the whole system is bad, and then gets into an argument with her family who's drunk the Kool-Aid and doesn't wanna hear what she has to say (which makes no impact on us because we have no idea what their relationship is). That's it. It doesn't feel like the movie has earned the song.

And then with “Waiting for a Miracle” the music itself is plaintive and soaring. Like, I just paused writing to listen to it and I couldn't help but sing along and pour a little of my actual IRL "I Want" energy into it. It's a song that feels very real. “This Wish” isn't any of that. And it's not the actresses' fault! She's pouring her whole heart into it and she consistently does all movie. But the song is just, bland. Like I said, "I want to have more than this" is too weak a hook to hang your whole song on–especially when it’s the song that’s supposed to be the thesis of your whole movie.  

Worst Line: "So I look up at the stars to guide me/And throw caution to every warning sign." That's not a thing people say and also it doesn't mean anything. If anything, it sounds like she's saying that she's being extra cautious at the warning signs! You can't just throw words together haphazardly and expect them to retain their meaning!

4) I'm a Star: This is, imo, the worst song on the whole track. A friend of mine described it as sounding like a song from a preschool science show and that's exactly it, but there's more to it than that. 

First of all, a big part of the reason this song exists is to set up the fact that humans are made of stardust because that's a plot point in the climax. But there didn't need to be a song about that. That would be like if Frozen 2 had a song about how water has memory. But like, OK. If the song was a bop, it wouldn't matter that it was superfluous. Haus of Holbein in Six does NOT need to be there, but I enjoy it! I do NOT enjoy this song however. 

This is something I alluded to earlier, but this soundtrack in general and this song specifically sounds like it's trying to do LMM's schtick but poorly. And I know some people don't like his whole style of music (I personally like it) but love him or hate him, his style without his skill? Awful. The presentation of fun facts in the middle of a fun song makes me think of his "Look it Up" in “Shiny” or "That's true" in “A Winter's Ball”. And there's a part where a turtle (we'll get to the talking animals) sings "See we're all just little nebulae in a nursery/From supernovas now we've grown into our history/We're taking whys right out of mystery, closure/Now we're taking in all the star exposure" And it really sounds like someone doing their best to emulate Lin's flow in things like Mirabel's aside to Mariano in “The Family Madrigal” or any number of songs I could name from Hamilton. But it just falls so flat here. It sounds so preschool and cheesy. And not preschool in a fun way. Backyardigans would never. 

Also, this song is sung by a bunch of talking animals (the Star gives them the ability to talk) and I find them so obnoxious. They say stuff like, "Did we just blow your mind?" with the "boom" sound effect and I hate it. Maybe kids will like them, I dunno. I refuse to get into it further. 

Worst Line: This song completely misuses the word allegory, which I hate, and it rhymes it with "excitatory" which I hate more (and I am saying this as someone who has made peace with the fact that Schwartz rhymes "nasty" with "flabbergasty" in Disenchanted) but there is only one line in this song that can be considered the true worst line because it's my least favorite line in the whole movie. A dumbass, stoner-sounding deer named Bambi (boo) sings, "Ooh, I'm a star! Watch out world, here I are"

They rhyme the word star--not a hard word to rhyme at all--with HERE I ARE. 

I firmly believe someone should go to jail for that. 

5) This is The Thanks I Get?!: This is the much anticipated and extremely disappointing villain song. There's just no gravitas and it's not clever enough to be very fun. It's just kinda bopping along which is eh, kind of fun at best, but like everything else in this movie, doesn't leave an impact. A musical number doesn't have to be obviously sinister like “Be Prepared” or, the holy (unholy?) grail, “Hellfire”, to be impactful. “Mother Knows Best” is bright and filled with false cheer but it still works because we can see the manipulation that Gothel is doing and she spins Raps around in mental circles to keep her docile. This is just an egotistical rant--and not even in a fun, Gaston kind of way! (Sidenote: Gaston is a good example of a villain who is preening and pompous and kind fo campy, but who you see why he’s beloved AND he can be menacing when the scene calls for it). 

Also, it's so full of weird slang that Magnifico doesn't use at any other point in the movie. "Peep the name", "Ungrateful much", "Mmm, are you sure you're not the prob?" It's like he suddenly got possessed by Urban Dictionary. It's bizarre. 

It also comes weirdly late in the movie, which isn't a complaint, just an observation. 

Worst Line: I think "peep the name" is my least fave but, because I already said that, the opening lines of this song are, "I can't help it if mirrors love my face. It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space" and that's such a weird thing to say. I got these genes from outer space? He wasn't even there for the star song so what the hell does he mean by that?

6) Knowing What I Know Now: I feel like this is the song that had the most potential. But for all its build, it never builds to anything. It starts and ends so abruptly (which is the case for multiple songs on this list). We don't really get to know any of the characters well except for Asha so them joining the revolution has no impact. The Queen turning on Magnifico really doesn't have much impact. 

(There's a line in this song where a character sings, "I was sweet but now I'm something else" which is so funny because we literally know nothing about her except that she surprises people when she's in a room which, lmao, me too. Fully forgot you were in this movie, girl). 

Worst Line: "The good in him, I've watched it melt". There's technically nothing wrong with this line but I hate it because melting with regard to emotion is never, "Oh, his goodness is melting". It just hits the ear so wrong. You can watch the good in him disappear or fade or vanish. Not melt. Hearts melt. 

There's also a reprise and a credits song but I have talked about the music for too long as is so to sum up, there is not a single song on this list that I will ever purposefully listen to for enjoyment ever again and there are a few lines that I feel calls for someone being forced to go to whatever the musical version of the Hague is to explain themselves. 

MISC

This is just a section for things that annoyed me that didn't fit anywhere else. 

There's a moment where Asha sees Star which is a star that has fallen to earth and is shaped like a star and she's not able to put together than he's a star until she looks up at a ball of yarn that's tangled in the trees and sees that the yarn is shaped like a star...which again, Star is ALSO shaped like a star! Baffling. 

Gabo at one point makes a comment to the effect of, "Wishing on a Star? Grow up Asha, this isn't a fairy tale." And it's like, dude shut up. Your king is a sorcerer. This movie isn't funny enough to pull off that kind of wink to the audience. 

The actual funniest part of the movie is when a talking mouse (not a thing that usually exists in this world) runs onto the Queen's shoulder during a big speech in front of a crowd and not only does no one notice, but she has no stronger reaction than if a messenger was telling her that her dinner was ready. And not in an underreaction for the purposes of a joke way. Like, in a they forgot to write in a reaction for her way. It's so unintentionally hilarious. 

They specifically set this in the real world–off the coast of the Iberan Peninsula–but I didn’t get any of that influence in any significant way here. It could have been any generic island town. Rosas sounds like a Spanish name and “Welcome to Rosas” there is some dancing that looks like traditional Spanish dancing. But on a whole, it feels pretty bland. When I think about studying abroad in Spain, one of the big things I think about are all the moments with food–patatas con bravas, pan con tomatae, paella, and so so much coffee. The only food I remember from this movie are the novelty cookies Dahlia is always baking. Which is wild to me because their last big musical was Encanto and you could feel the cultural influences in every scene and it was seamless. This wouldn’t even bother me if that hadn’t made a point to set it in a specific part of the real world and call it out. 

A lot of the dialogue is super expository in a way that both makes me think the writers think we’re stupid and that they realized at certain points that they forgot to establish things but instead of fixing the script they just shoved in a line. Like, to the first point, there’s a part where Magnifico crushes a wish and it’s very clear that he’s getting a high from it. But instead of letting the moment stand he’s like, “Oh yes. Who knew crushing wishes would feel so good? I must continue to crush wishes so I keep feeling this good feeling,” and it’s like…why did you need to say all of that? Old Power Rangers episodes have their villains monologue less than that!

This movie opens on a storybook–just like Snow White–and it has a voice over of Asha narrating the history of Rosas as the pages flip. Not a bad idea–until you push into the scene and realize she’s telling all of this to…her grandpa? Who is 100 years old and lived through all of this? What? Why not have that scene be a kid flashback and the story is being told to her? Or have her be doing the little kid thing of telling a story to an adult? Either way, that would help establish their relationship which is ostensibly very important to this movie. Or, wild thought, just have her be telling this story to kids! Like Mirabel explaining all the Madrigal gifts in Encanto! Like, if you’re gonna take cues from that movie, at least go all the way so your movie makes sense. 

It’s very unclear how Star’s magic works. It seems like he mostly just gives wildlife the ability to talk. I thought he was just granting wishes but he never does that to any of the humans. And I find it hard to believe that the wish of every animal (and mushroom)  in this movie is just to be able to talk.

Easy Fixes

And all of this is compounded by the fact that this isn’t just any random movie or even any random Disney movie. It’s the *100th ANNIVERSARY*. You only get one of those and this is what they wasted it on. My hopes were really high here! I was expecting a lot of love and care to be put into this one, but it just fell absolutely flat. It feels so rote, so by the numbers, so lacking in care. It feels like the shell of an outline of a movie that relies on the fact that we know what a movie of this sort should be and can fill in the blanks. 

And the worst part? The absolute worst part?

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY EASY MOVIE TO FIX. 

Like, I’m serious. If you watch this movie, you will be able to, off the cuff, name tons of things that would have solved problems without breaking a sweat. 

For instance, just cutting her friend group down from seven to two would have helped immensely. If she, Dahlia, and Simon have a Three Musketeers relationship, then when he betrays her to the king, it actually means something now! 

For a bigger but still obvious change, why not have Asha have an existing relationship with Magnifico? So then this story can be about her losing faith in this relationship she’s had for a long time after she’s seen behind the curtain and become jaded over time and not a 7 minute “Don’t Meet Your Heroes” speedrun.

And making it clear what taking a Wish from a person means–and following through with that portrayal all movie–would all be a game changer. Show that Magnifico’s magical wish granting still leaves the people hollow. Show that Asha is a vibrant, bright person amongst a sea of robotic adults. Show me some worldbuilding! 

Also, just hire a musical theater person to do the music. Seriously I can’t believe I have to say this? How is there not a single good song in this movie? There are DCOMs with more bangers than this. Almost every song in High School Musical is a bop. How are you getting outshone by High School Musical?

And these are just changes that preserve the bulk of the story as is. This movie could have been even better if they’d change the direction to go with some of their scrapped ideas!

This is just a movie that absolutely baffles me. I wouldn’t think it would be possible for a movie with this high of a profile to be this bad. You would think that even accidentally they’d have to get SOMETHING right. But they really don’t. I can’t recommend this movie, even for a fun-bad watch. It’s like eating unsalted saltines while you have dry mouth. Just watch a better movie. And here are three movies I think are more in the spirit of Disney’s 100th anniversary than Wish:

(1) The Princess and the Frog does literally everything that this movie is trying to do but better. You’ve got a movie that used a 2D style in the 3D era. You have integration of cultural elements–in this case New Orleans in the 20s. You have a classic princess story with the classic trappings: romance, villain, fairy godmother. You have a rocking villain song. Hell, you even have a wishing star motif! 

(2) Encanto is the latest Disney movie of the modern era to have that classic Disney magic, imo. It sidesteps a lot of the classic Disney tropes–no princess, no serious romance (Delores and Mariano end up together but it’s very much a side thing), no villain beyond generational trauma–but it still feels musical and magical and full of character and life. It shows that you can keep the big emotions that we expect from Disney even with more modern sensibilities. 

(3) Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time so I’m biased, but I still firmly believe that it stands as a better movie in general and tribute to Disney specifically than Wish. THIS is how you do an homage. The whole plot is a loving roast of all the quirks of classic Disney movies, but it’s also a sincere story that stands on its own. It has references to old movies, but they’re integrated very naturally. And it’s funny enough to get away with things like a character mid-musical number being like, “What the hell is happening? Why is everybody singing?” without it feeling like lazy, “Well that just happened” humor. And the music is so good! 

(A quick note on the music btw: Most of the songs in Enchanted are musical theater style songs but there’s one song near the end called “So Close” which is like a pop ballad. And it totally makes sense why they’d depart from the musical theater style in that moment in context but, even if it was jarring and totally unfitting for the movie, it’s still objectively a strong song. Out of context, it would be a great, sad, romantic song. And if the music in Wish was all like that–good but unfitting–this would confuse me less than it does.)

Anyway, I would shell out a LOT of money for a making of documentary for this movie in the style of the Frozen 2 one because as writer and a fan of a lot of Disney’s past stuff, it is completely beyond my comprehension who a team of accomplished people get together to create the 100th Anniversary project with their vast resources and produce this. It just doesn't feel like a movie with any serious care put into it. Which is separate from quality, btw. I don’t like the movie Raya very much but I think it’s obvious a lot of care went into it and I respect this. Wish feels like a movie that was made to fill some kind of contractual obligation and it makes me sad because I really wanted to like it. 

#disney's wish #asks #jamiebluewind #sorry this got so long I just find this movie so fundamentally flawed #idk what the current tag etiquette is for stuff like this so I'm gonna cover my bases #disney criticism #disney critical #wish criticism #wish critical #if you liked the movie this isn't an attack and I'm glad you had a good time

[seas-storyarchive]

altruist radio - au

Alastor dies for his friends, in true altruist fashion

nullifying his deal - the way to break it is forming bonds of friendship

he wakes up in heaven

and is given .. saint hood??

turns out, in the time it took for him to die and then wake up, many angels that popped up in heaven post 1930s, vouched that he killed their abusers- be they their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, the occasional mother, aunt, what have you that was an abuser

the higher ups, over sera, grant alastor saint hood

he is saint alastor, protector of the weak

he is given a radio tower in heaven

Emily comes down to hell with a special radio

"Hello everyone! Welcome to the another day of havens new favorite radio sssshow: Ssstrawberry Roach."

"That's pentious!"

"Strawberry Roach?"

"Vagina, shh."

"With our beloved mc, the king of roachessss himsssself, ssssaint alasssstor!"

The room goes quiet, as husk spits out his drink, niffty bounces about in her seat, and emily turns up the radio

"Thank you, Pentious, my fine fellow." Alastor smiled. "So, as some of our heavenly listeners know - I've been meaning to try this new fangled asmr."

"Yesss. Quite the thing to try. Do you have anything to -" *sounds of papers going wubwub, and then they go again* -"ah, so I see you do."

*wubwubs the papers a few more times*

"Is he-"

"Vagina, I swear to our saintlah friend, I will get violent!" *just in time for the wubbing to be over*

"now that my fascination with that paper noise is over, I want to do something our heavenly and other viewers will like"

*the sounds of paper being torn is heard, first in half, then into quarters, then into eigths - with each tear, husk and nifftys chains broke*

"Whatever do you intend to- agh!"

"For our views listening in, I just gave my co-host a paper shower"

"you are too kind"

"Well, I'll help you clean this up, but first.. ah! Let's play one for our friends at the happy hazbin hotel. This one is for you, dear friends. I hope you all are well"

the tracks of some old jazz were playing

everyone was crying - husk was hugging angel, charlie was hugging a sobbing niffty, vaggie was trying not to cry

"and, we're back."

"truly a lovely ssssong, friend."

"thanks, chum. now, let's have a word from our guests- let's start with your names"

"I'm molly, and I want to thank you for havin' me here. And I'd like tah say something to my brothers, if I may."

"Of course, my dear. The airways are yours"

"Anthony and Arackniss, I swear if you two don't get your heads out of your-"

"I don't mean to interrupt, young lady, but the audience.."

"Right, right sorry." Molly took a breath. "Just, get better, you mugs. Mom an' i are waitin' for ya both."

"M- Molls.." Angel wiped his eyes. "I.. I'll try Molls, I'll make sure Arc does too."

"we love and miss you and.." she sobbed openly into the radio

"oh, my dear. here, let'sss get you-"

*the line ended and after a few moments, alastor's voice returns*

"not to worry, everyone. molly is just taking a minute to breath. but, Anthony, know that I have faith in you, and your spirit. you will be here with your loved ones, someday."

*alastor clears his throat*

"now, for our next guest. what is your name, my fine fellow?"

"my name's mike. I uh.. I heard from you that my brother's new name is Husker?"

"well, his name is Husk, I call him husker"

"mm. well, in any case, hey big bro. I know you can hear me, so get your tail up here before i go down there and drag you up here!"

"I- I'm trying, mike.. I- i promise, little brother." Husk wiped his eyes at the same time the other voice sniffed

*after a few more moments of tears and cries on the radio*

"and, now we open up the lines. from on high, to down below. delightful little friends, you know what to do."

Emily called the radio station, it rang once, twice-

"hello? you've reached strawberry roach. king roach on the line."

"Alastor? Can you hear me?"

*silence*

"Charlotte? is that you? my word, how are you? is everyone alright?"

"we're fine, Al. We just.."

"we miss you, smiles. But from what we heard, you and Pentious are doin' tha lords work up dhere."

"why.." *there was a pause* "i feel touched by your words."

"so, saint, hm?" husk asked, grinning

"um.. yes. oh! did you all like my asmr-thing?"

"it was great, mister alastor sir!"

"niffty! oh dear, how are you?"

"I'm okay. I just miss you."

"I miss you as well, little flea." *laughter* "say.. Pentious, remember that idea you had yesterday?"

"that we broadcassst a ssshow live from hell? why, alasssstor, whatever for?"

"to give our heavenly audience a taste of the other side - and to show our old hellish friends that radio isn't dead."

"ah.. perfect!"

"you guys are coming!?"

"yes, dear charlotte! Next week, Pentious and I are coming home!"

#altruist radio au #saint alastor #lol #saint alastor au #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #33

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[AO3] [wattpad]

*CW coerced/forced polyamory mentioned ~POV Mori~ After the meetings I headed back to the guest tower; I needed a break or I was going to snap. I'd change into something more comfortable while I was at it. There were servants running in and out of the castle to prepare for the festival, and a familiar blond watching them from the shade of the guest Tower. I was surprised to see him out here. "Alibaba." I called to him, "Good morning," even though it was lunch time. A short deviation should be fine.

He turned to my voice. "Mori, it's you. Uh, yeah, good morning." The bags under his eyes could be worse. "Do you know what's going on?"

I explained about the celebration for the citizens paired with my Announcement. Then I asked, "Where's Aladdin?" Morgiana was probably training, but it was weird to see Alibaba without Aladdin tagging along.

"Well..." Alibaba trailed off while looking back at the crowd.

As if on cue, Aladdin ran into the courtyard from the Palace Gates. "Alibaba! There's so much food!" Then he saw me. "Miss Mori!"

"Hi Aladdin."

Aladdin's eyes sparkled while he looked at my chest and my adrenaline spiked. The young boy dropped his staff when he got close, and jumped at me with out-stretched hands. "It's good to see you!"

I grabbed his wrists before he could make contact and glared down at him. "Never touch people without their explicit permission." There was no way in hell I was going to let him grope me like he did to all those people in the original.

Aladdin whimpered even though I wasn't squeezing him. As soon as I let go of his wrists, he ran behind a frozen Alibaba for protection. "You were so nice before! Why now??" It was written in the Character Encyclopedia that Aladdin can sense when someone will be nice to him and let him do whatever he wants, but that wasn't women being nice.

I continued my lecture a little calmer, but no less pissed, "The only reason you've gotten away with this disgusting behavior so far is that you target those that you think are too meek to stop you or will think you're just a kid who doesn't know any better." His silence meant complacency, not necessarily understanding. I adjusted my glasses. "Aladdin. If you keep this up you will hurt people. They might not say anything but they will become terrified of others touching them. Is that what you want to do to someone?”

He and Alibaba shook their heads 'no.'

I wasn't going to accept it without making sure he knew what the problem was. "What are you going to do in the future?"

Aladdin stared up at me with tear filled eyes and when I didn't soften, he looked down and finally answered. "I'm not going to touch anyone without asking them first."

"And if they don't explicitly say 'yes?'"

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Then I won't touch them!”

I looked over at his King's candidate next. "I know you're currently an emotional mess, Alibaba, but promise me you'll stop taking him to the red light district. That's no place for a child."

Alibaba just nodded with a terrified expression.

I sighed. 'You'd think I cut his hands off with how they're acting.' Aladdin was in the wrong but I was definitely taking my anger out in him.

I really needed alone time. They were standing between me and the door to the guest tower. Whenever I started walking closer they flinched. My only option was to return to where the others were. Luckily, Ja'far led me to a quiet studying room to rest.

I collapsed onto a plush lounge. Seeing those two reminded me that I still hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Aladdin about the future or Alma Toran. Now was definitely not the time for that. I needed to stop thinking in general with how my head was buzzing or I'd have a meltdown or breakdown or both. 'And there's more after this?' Meditation would help a little. I was at least able to block out some of the sounds drifting in from the hallway. The more I was able to get the world to quiet around me, the more obvious the waves became. They weren't as high as when they spiked last week, but something about them reminded me of that night. I still hadn't figured out what happened that night to affect the waves like that. --- ~POV Sinbad~ The Announcement to the citizens went exactly as planned. The people cheered as King Sinbad introduced his Beautiful Prophet. After mingling at the start of the feast, he could relax and have some fun too. This day was to officially bring Mori into his circle, and yet they had been unable to share a moment alone since sharing morning greetings. Mori was walking towards the steps down into the rest of the festival. Sinbad rose from his chair to catch up with her.

"Following after her already, Sin?" Hinahoho called attention to his actions.

The giant wasn't the only one waiting for the King's answer. Their expectations put a bad taste in his mouth. Sinbad laughed off the comment. "Is there a reason I shouldn't spend time with the guest of honor?" He crossed his arms.

The oldest General laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I'll believe that's the reason until you return with her clinging to your arm instead of some call girl."

Sinbad smiled as he waved away the comment. His old friend had inadvertently given him the perfect idea on how to quell the rumors. Delicious wine. Delicious food. Beautiful women. His country had all in spades. It was time for Sinbad to prove he still deserved the nickname 'The Womanizer of the Seven Seas.' --- ~POV Mori~ Walking around a carnival back home rarely overwhelmed me because they make me feel like an anonymous observer. It's a type of stimulation I can disassociate to while walking around and recharging. However, since Sinbad had introduced me to the citizens, I was being recognized. I had wanted to wander to get some alone time, and clear my thoughts, but this wasn't too bad. They were at least understanding that I wanted to stay in the shade. 'I can deal with this.'

One thing that the series made abundantly clear was that Sinbad took good care of his people. Those under him were fulfilled and happy. I know it was a festival so people were bound to be cheerful -and this was the party country- but this was different than reading about it. The same care that Sinbad gave his people was gifted forward to anyone who visited Sindria. I had felt it that day I went shopping with Pisti, and I was feeling it again now. Sinbad's will on the waves had a contagious affect on the people here. I liked it as much as it made me understand why all of the magi turned against Sin in one way, shape, or form.

Excited eyes sparkled when their owner finally got their turn to ask me a question. "Lady Prophet, is it true that you're going to marry our King?"

I would have been surprised if I hadn't been asked this exact question several dozen times already since my walk began. I explained that was wrong and left. My stomach tightened. 'I should probably avoid Sinbad a bit longer.'

I saw more of my OC's, gave them prophecies like I did for Kain and Behr the other week, and guessed their pasts with the 100% accuracy one would expect of their creator. It added credibility to my ability to read Fate, and raised the people's view of me. It wasn't the alone time I had wanted, but it was a huge mood booster.

The Sun was getting close to setting when I finally noticed how hungry I was getting again. I could have gotten something from one of the street venders, but I remembered the fish at the King's table, and wanted more of that. And Ja'far had made sure there was sulfate free alcohol for me in the form of mead (honey wine). I hadn't had any earlier, and I definitely was in the mood now.

Climbing the steps back up to the platform proved just how sore my legs were getting from all the walking. I've had joint and hip problems since I was a teen, so I was used to this. After resting while eating I could walk around some more before needing to call it quits. Not like I could leave early as the guest of honor.

"OH MY!!" A woman's voice cooed, and was accompanied by the giggling of half a dozen other similar voices. The sight that greeted me when I reached the top of the steps dealt far more damage than any amount of joint pain. I had forgotten that while I was out, there was a certain man that was bound to embody hedonism for the evening.

((CW is for next paragraph)) The familiar feelings of disgust, jealousy, and guilt twisted in my stomach. It was a stark reminder of what I already knew. Sinbad flirted with me but in no way was that exclusive to me. And even if he was romantically interested in someone, I seriously doubted he would be monogamous (certainly not sexually). A flirt can only be entertained by the novelty of any relationship for so long before it stops being enough for them -my own ex-fiancé made sure I'd learn that the hard way. I was coerced into polyamory by him for our last 10 months together. I learned that I actually enjoy poly. As long as my partner only flirts with me and with people I'm also with in front of me then I don't care who they flirt with when I'm not around. But I couldn't keep up with having multiple relationships -ever since I was little I've only ever preferred having a few close friends etc. I ended up ignoring my friends to have the emotional energy to give my partners and failed anyway from being spread too thin. Unless I'm living in a polycule, it isn't worth it for me. Ever since seeing myself in this dress this morning I kept ending up thinking about my past. 'I need to ignore Sinbad.'

The King's waves tried to guide me towards him, but I was not going to let that corner of the platform make my mood worse. The praise I had been soaking up for the past few hours kept me grounded. Sinbad might be the King of this country but many of its people were mine. I refused to make eye contact with anyone in that gaggle of indulgence. Instead, I b-lined for the table and the food on it. The fish was delicious, and the mead made it tastier.

All of the Generals were still there. Drakon's wife, and Hina's children were also on the platform. As I filled my plate and cup, I exchanged pleasantries, but mostly I just listened to their merry making. It was hard to ignore Skarrkan and Yam's flirting? fighting? flirting (I was right the first time) because of how loud they were. The best part was that I couldn't hear much past them. When I finished eating I decided to stay a while longer to enjoy the mood at the table. I wasn't really a part of their family yet, but it felt really nice to be able to watch them all have fun.

I noticed Ja'far walking around the table. He came to stand next to me. "How are you enjoying the celebration, Mx. Prophet?" He smiled while he emphasized my role. Maybe he accepted me more than I thought.

I smiled up at him. "I'm not the type that parties very often, but I am enjoying myself." I raised my now empty cup. "Thank you again for accommodating me."

"Of course. I only wish we knew about your allergies sooner." Ja'far was ever the gracious host. He reminded me of my younger sibling the way he strived to make everyone feel at ease and welcome at events like this.

I gave a look out to the festival, "I was having too much fun," before looking back at him. "There aren't many benches or places to rest, so my legs are a bit tired from walking so much."

"Oh." Ja'far raised one hand to his chin and looked out to the city. "I know we have some accommodations, but I guess we've grown passed what we prepared for."

I nodded. "It's one of the reasons I chose to come back here to eat. That way I could sit down to rest for a while before heading back out."

"If that's the case," Sinbad's voice somehow cut over everyone else's, "you should come sit with me." The entire table went silent when they noticed their King's words. The Womanizer of the Seven Seas was showing me his most charming smile while both his arms were around the waists of the women sitting on each of his legs.

'Is he seriously asking me to join his harem for the evening?'

Masrur commented from the peanut gallery, "Womanizer of the Seven Seas."

Ja'far spoke with the disgust I was feeling, "Just ignore him."

That's what I had been trying to do this whole time but, "If I don't respond to him at all, he's just going to keep bothering me until I do." I spoke quietly so only the General would hear.

"You may be right."

I gave my answer to the King. "I'll pass. There doesn't seem to be any room for me over there anyway."

Sinbad laughed. "What are you talking about?" He guided both women off of his lap, and held out a hand towards me. "You know I'll always make a spot for my Beautiful Prophet." Those dark feelings from earlier started to boil.

Ja'far made a comment about his King's drunken behavior. I could feel all of the eyes on us; I wouldn't be surprised if some were preparing popcorn.

Sinbad narrowed his eyes and softened his smile. "Aren't you the one that's always saying how much you like 'playing' with me?"

Fine. This was fine. If Sinbad wanted to play that game, I'd play. I could twist his words and play with those women instead. They were all wearing the same clothes and jewelry like a uniform, so they were call girls who would flirt with anyone. 'They're just doing their jobs. This is between me and Sinbad.' The waves were following my lead; I would punish Sin directly. --- ~POV Sinbad~ The buzz Sinbad had going from all the wine he had was nothing compared the pleasure he was going to receive from all of the women surrounding him. Their giggles and praise were a song he had missed for too long while he was in Balbadd. Still, it was a shame he hadn't been able to have fun with his Beautiful Prophet since the party started.

As if the to answer his desires the waves rose and brought Mori with them. His pulse quickened at the sight of her in anticipation of that feeling only she gave him. Yes, what could be better than having his Beautiful Prophet on his lap swooning along side these lovely ladies?

His waves directed Mori towards her King, but she went to the table instead. That was fine; the women on his lap and around him were more than desperate for his attention. Still, the way Mori seemed to refuse to look at him while she chatted with the others only fueled his desire for her more. Mori smiled up at Ja'far while they talked. Was she going to flirt with everyone except him? Not only was Sinbad prime real estate for flirting right now, Mori said he was her favorite. She flirted with him regularly.

Luckily, Mori's words gave him the answer. "...I could sit down to rest for a while before heading back out." She must have just been distracted by conversation while resting.

Meaning it was up to the Womanizer of the Seven Seas to remind her. "If you're looking for a place to rest, you should sit with me." Some of the women around him bemoaned the idea, and some were interested in meeting the Prophet.

Mori exchanged some words with Ja'far before answering. "I'll pass. There doesn't seem to be any room for me over there anyway."

That was an easy enough problem to solve. Sinbad disappointed the women sitting on him by guiding them off of his lap. They were nothing compared to the bigger prize Mori would be when she finally joined him. "What are you talking about?" He beckoned Mori with one hand. "You know I'll always make a spot for my Beautiful Prophet." She didn't respond, but the waves encouraged him to give another push. "Aren't you the one that's always saying how much you like 'playing' with me?"

Mori finally stood up and started making her way towards him. "You're right. I do enjoy having you as a playmate." Her smile was different than the one she normally showed him. Something about it and the way she walked was more provocative.

He had waited all day for this. 'Finally.'

She came right up to her King. The red stone hanging on the chain between her breasts swayed when she stopped. With her chest closer to his eye level, he finally got confirmation of something that caught his eye during the meetings: Mori had a freckle on the inside of her left breast. ((It's actually a scar))

She reached for his outstretched hand and stopped. "Do I have permission to touch you, my King?" Every fiber of his being told him she was talking about more than touching his hand.

"Of course."

She took his hand in her own and intertwined their fingers. "Thank you for your explicit consent." She stepped closer until her legs pressed against his and caused the fabric of his robes to pull. She was taking her sweet time which only raised his expectations. Mori's voice was dark and sweet in a way that demanded his attention. "Now, there's something about this game I apparently need to make clear."

Sinbad squeezed her hand lightly while gazing into her eyes. "Oh? And what's that?" Had his Beautiful Prophet ever looked this hungry for him?

Instead of answering, Mori started leaning over him and he felt the finger tips of her free hand traced his clavicle and slide over his shoulder as they found their way into the hair at the base of his neck. Sinbad's heartbeat quicken at Mori's sudden boldness. Sinbad lifted his free hand, but before he could pull her onto his lap, Mori stopped him. "Uh-uh. I didn't say you could touch me." Why not? -Her breath was on his right cheek. The whisper that followed caused a chill to run along his spine. "There's nothing I'd love more than to play with you and wind you up for the rest of the evening." He'd love that too. "But knowing that it will be one of the ladies here to reap the benefits of my hard work, well, that's just not fair." Mori's quiet voice made the inside of his skull tingle, and his thoughts fuzzy. "I'm actually exceptionally greedy that way, my King."

Sinbad's chest swelled with the feeling that only Mori gave him on top of the lust she was igniting. "Why wouldn't you be the one to reap the benefits?"

Mori let out a quiet sigh that rose his libido higher. Her left hand combed through his hair making his scalp tingle on the outside just as much as it already was on the inside. "You're too drunk to remember, I guess." The disappointment in her voice caused his chest to tighten. What did he forget?

The waves showed Mori leaving. How could he make her stay? "Do I have permission to touch you?" What if he played by her rules?

"Not this time." Mori's left hand pulled a lock of his hair over his shoulder and to her lips as she stood up straight. "I only came over to add a new rule to the game." The nails of Sinbad's free hand pressed into his palm. "I don't care who else you play with, but when you play with me, I expect your undivided attention." She let his hair fall. Her expression was far too calm and collected compared how his own heart was racing.

Mori's actions and words fueled a desire he had never had before. She let go of his hand, and he gave no resistance. He had lost all strength due to his sudden realization.

"Showing me such a cute expression isn't enough to make me stay, my King." What expression was he making? "Heeheehee," Mori's giggle was proof that she knew what she was doing to him. Her next words only rubbed in why she was leaving. "I can see that there are still a few ladies waiting for their turn at your attention," she looked at the women surrounding him, "So I'll have to play with you another time." Mori left her King's side. Sinbad let Mori go, but only because he couldn't think of how to make her stay. "I look forward to it."

"It's my turn next!" "Me too! Me too!"

Each of Sinbad's legs were occupied just like he wanted. 'But I...' His hands went to their waists on reflex. This didn't make sense to him -Mori was still right there. '...I don't need their attention...' Mori was leaving down the steps. '...If I have you...' Describing the desire in words shook him to his core. Maybe he was just too drunk. Never before had he wanted to leave behind the guaranteed pleasure of multiple partners, just to keep one person by his side.

((This last scene is one I've been looking forward to writing and drawing only a few months into writing this fic. I couldn't decide which moment to draw. I didn't want to regret not drawing more of it so I turned it into a full comic :D That isn't the only reason this took so long though ;-; 

I hit autistic burnout. Got sick twice (bedridden for multiple days both times). We found signs that someone tried to break into our house through my bedroom window. It has been rough. We've done a lot of work on the yard so that this rundown house looks less like a target. We still have more to do, but now the smog from Canada has put that on hold because it is not safe to be outside.

I am putting my health and safety first which is why this took so long. I haven't gotten so bad to faint which is really good. I have gotten close a few times though. Lyly has been helping me a lot when I have an episode, so I'm not going through this alone :3 I've also scheduled with work for time off here and there for the next few months so I'll be able to rest more regularly!))

#magi prophet fanfic #king sinbad #sinbad magi #magi sinbad #sinbadxoc #magi fanart #magi fanfiction #sinbad x oc #I busted my ass on this one

[goodqueenaly]

Is it not selfish for Arianne to pursue her sibling rivalry with Quentyn by marrying Dorne, thus commiting Dorne to him and enddanger her kingdom?Cuz we know Quentyn never pursued a sibling rivalry with her. Meanwhile she got confirmed as heir of Dorne, what she always wanted. Her pursuit of being Queen is irrational, because she never expected it, but she still wants to be Queen and Acts a bit like Cassandra Baratheon (Borros daughter,Arianne is of course still more moral).I think this will be her moral event horizon?

Number one, I wouldn't blame Arianne for Doran's parental failures. Doran was the one who, by politically isolating Arianne from both Quentyn and his long-term plots and by letting Quentyn in on the latter, encouraged Arianne to see her own position as uncertain and her brother as a dangerous rival. Nor did Doran entirely, or even I would argue meaningfully, change this dynamic following "The Princess in the Tower". Confirming Arianne as the heir apparent to Dorne is all well and good, but what is the substantive difference from the artificial rivalry Doran created if he, Doran, anticipates that Quentyn will return to Westeros as Queen Daenerys' king consort? Now the conflict in Arianne's mind is not "I will be the wife of a nobody and Quentyn will be Prince of Dorne, to whom I have to kneel", it's "I will be Princess of Dorne and Quentyn will be King Consort of Westeros, to whom I have to kneel" - a different context for the same story. Even if a single conversation could repair the better part of two decades of Doran's mistake as a father here - and I'm not sure that it could - Doran has himself only ensured that that artificial rivalry would continue by simply shifting Arianne and Quentyn up the dynastic scale while leaving them in the places he created.

Number two, I would caution against falling in the trap of reader presentism - believing that characters in universe have the same working knowledge as readers. We may know (and do know) that Quentyn was not an ambitious rival to Arianne - but Arianne doesn't. Indeed, as Arianne herself admits (to herself) in "Arianne I" TWOW, "if truth be told, she scarcely knew him [i.e. Quentyn]". In Arianne's mind, Quentyn is still “her distant brother” - a plain-looking, unimpressive boy and a silly figure to imagine sitting by the side of a queen or riding a dragon. This is not a person Arianne wants to kneel to, any more than she did when she believed Quentyn would be named Prince of Dorne over her; not for nothing does Arianne come to a very specific (albeit incorrect) conclusion about why Khal Drogo killed Daenerys' brother in Vaes Dothrak. The tragedy of this story is that knowledge we readers have, that both characters are acting out of their beliefs about the other: Quentyn is so afraid of returning home empty-handed to (among others) his "scornful" sister that he goes forward with his doomed draconic plot, while Arianne is so worried about "King Quentyn" that she will (I think) look to marriage with Aegon as a means of escape (a choice that, I think, will end up poorly for Arianne when King's Landing explodes).

Number three, I wouldn't blame Arianne for plots that were in the works long before she became involved in them. By Doran's own admission, he has "worked at the downfall of Tywin Lannister since the day they told [him] of Elia and her children" (which is to say, when Arianne would have been about seven), and the evidence we have supports that assertion. When Arianne was still a child, Doran agreed to her betrothal with the would-be King Viserys III Targaryen, with the agreement that Viserys would marry Arianne "[i]n return for Dorne's help overthrowing the Usurper"; in other words, even at this early stage Doran was planning a major military uprising against the established regime in King's Landing in the name of the Targaryens. Nor has this desire become any less true over the years, with Doran actively trying to uphold the Arianne-Viserys secret betrothal (by keeping her deliberately unmarried and attempting to send her to Tyrosh) and, when that obviously became impossible following Viserys' death, dispatching Quentyn to fulfill that same contract with Viserys' sister. Indeed, even now, Arianne is on Doran's own mission to scope out the would-be Prince Aegon, and it is Doran to whom Arianne would send the code word of "dragon" should there be war. In other words, it's not that Doran has no interest in involving Dorne in armed conflict and that Arianne will "endanger her kingdom" by declaring war; Doran himself has been prepared for war against the Baratheon-Lannister regime for the better part of two decades.

(All of this is without saying, moreover, that Arianne has as of yet not evinced a particular desire to be queen. I'm not making a super big deal about this, since I do agree she will see queenship via marriage to Aegon as a way out of her "King Quentyn" problem, but I thought it was worth noting.)

No one has to like any character, including Arianne. No one has to think of any character as a saint or even simply justified in their actions, including Arianne. Every reader has the right to apply their own personal moral code to any given character, including Arianne, and decide whether that character satisfies that code. However, I personally think these specific grounds to criticize her are without merit.

#asoiaf meta #arianne martell #doran martell

[butterflyintochains]

Bubble Playoff Boredom

In which Elias is in Edmonton for the 2020 Bubble playoffs, and his girlfriend is bored out of her mind.

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Elias left yesterday for the return to play in Edmonton. He's been so bored over lockdown without being able to skate or play hockey, so she's glad he can get back to what he does best. Joanna, however, always had something to do. Studying, student union zoom meetings, the odd online chess tournament. They both have just moved into their first home together, a lovely condo roughly in between Rogers Arena and UBC, so have been constantly working on getting the place ship shape for their needs. Now, she's the one left at loose ends. Potentially two months without him, and unable to just hop in the car to visit her friends and family are going to fucking suck. Ever an early bird, Joanna is up at eight, and gets ready for her day. She eats her breakfast, and looks around the condo for anything that needs to be done. She hones in on the bookcase, and decides to rearrange it. Putting her university and non-fiction books on the bottom shelves, all arranged by author, and their novels closer to the top. She keeps the middle shelf for trinkets and pictures, as well as Elias' various hockey mementos. ''Much better.''

That takes her until just before lunch, she didn't know quite how many books she had until now. Next, she makes herself some lunch, and watches something on Netflix. Elias said he'd call her every night, so she has a bunch of time to kill. ''Right, what next?'' She says to herself. Eyeing up her knitting baskets, Joanna sorts through her projects, and places the finished ones in a separate basket. Her needles and crochet hooks are in a box in her desk drawer upstairs. Her unfinished projects are put in another basket, and she sorts her wools out, arranging them neatly into colours and types. She spends the rest of the day getting some of her projects finished, Elias' gloves for winter don't take long, neither do hers. A hat for her friend Jonathan is a quick finish as well, and goes in a special gift bag for him with Chelsea's scarf. Those take her until dinner. She eats, watches some tv, and goes to get ready for bed.

Finally, she gets her facetime with her boyfriend. She almost wants to cry at seeing him again. ''Hi, sweetheart, how are you?'' She asks, relaxing into her pillows. ''Bored senseless, alskling, you?'' Joanna sips her water. ''About the same, what did you do today? Surely there's something you guys can do, right?''

Elias says. ''Well; Brock, Thatch, Quinn, and I got a Mario Kart event going between ourselves. Finished that book you told me to read.'' She gave him her Dark Tower books by Stephen King for the bubble. ''Really? Did you like it?''

Elias nods, earnest as always. ''Yeah, I did. I'll crack open the next one tomorrow after training.'' He asks her, blue eyes sleepy. ''Now, what did you get up to today?''

Joanna says. ''Well, I sorted our bookcase out finally, and got my knitting stuff in order. My desk is a disaster, so that's tomorrow sorted.'' She pauses and sighs. ''I miss having you here, Lias, this place just doesn't feel like home without you.''

Elias sighs as well, running his free hand through his silver blond hair. ''I know, Anna, I know. Believe me, I'm no happier about this than you are. Just, try and sleep for me, okay?''

Joanna nods, swallowing past a tightening in her throat. ''Yeah, you too. I love you.''

Elias says. ''I love you too.'' They hang up, Joanna lies down, and almost forces herself to get some sleep.

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A couple of days pass, and the Canucks have begun their qualifying campaign against Minnesota with a 3-0 loss. Joanna notices the day after that they need some groceries. So, she makes herself a list on her phone. Essential stores are open now, so she'll be fine. Her first time out of the condo since Elias left for Alberta. She grabs her purse, and jumps in her car. She drives down to the store, and heads inside, it is unfairly hot today. The store is all but empty, only staff and a few other shoppers milling about. She swings by the produce section for more fruits and veggies, then grabs some chicken breast and smoked salmon. Next, the dairy aisle for more milk and yoghurt. In the hygiene section, she bumps into her best friend. ''Tessa, oh my God, you are a sight for sore eyes.''

Theresa laughs behind her tiger print mask. ''Bored at home alone, Anna?'' They chat while six feet apart, the two little girls who lived in each other's pockets for two decades. ''God, yeah, with Elias out of town, I'm just counting the days until he's home. Cup or no Cup.''

Theresa says, eyes crinkling with a hidden smile. ''Nate and I had a little wager on, twenty bucks to me if you got bored before qualifying, twenty bucks to him if it happened after. Looks like I won.'' Joanna adds some pads and moisturizer to her cart, along with some of her favourite lip balm. ''Looks like you did.''

Theresa says. ''Anyway, I should get going, I love you, bestie.'' Joanna says, being a touchy person during a pandemic isn't fun. ''Love you too, Tessa.''

Joanna swings by the bakery section for some bread and some of their favourite cookies. Then, she grabs some ice cream. She picks up some cleaning products, and goes to a self checkout.

Once home, she chucks her mask in the laundry, and washes her hands before putting everything away. Then, she finds a knitting pattern for a cute teddy bear, and begins working on it.

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The team go into August 6th having tied the series, and shutout the Wild 3-0, with Elias getting his first ever playoff goal! Joanna watches from home, having to dry her eyes all night. Her boyfriend's first playoff goal, and it was beautiful, and she couldn't see it in person. She quickly readies herself for bed, putting laundry on her to-do list for tomorrow, and jumps on facetime with Elias, who looks radiant. To add to the unfairness, his beard is coming in! Fuck you, Covid. Joanna groans. ''Hey, beautiful, did you see it?'' Elias asks, sounding justly proud of himself.

Joanna laughs, and says. ''Oh, I saw it, darling. I continue to be so proud of you, you know? Here's to many more.'' Elias chuckles, the same way he does when she tells him a joke. ''Your lips to God's ear, alskling.'' He takes a minute to scan her face, he knows her too well by now, when the calm sea hides a tsunami. ''Anna, are you okay? You look like you've been crying.''

Joanna purses her lips. ''Yeah, I'm just happy for you, love, that's all.'' He cocks an eyebrow. ''Anna, please, just tell me. It's okay, Quinn's asleep, it's just us.''

Joanna confesses, because he always knows how to unravel her. ''I'm just... pissed off. You scored, and it was amazing. But, here I am, stuck watching you from home. I pictured you finding me in the stands and blowing me a kiss after your first playoff goal.'' She pauses to collect herself. ''I know it's for safety, and people are dying, but, that's what I pictured.''

Elias sighs, and looks emotional himself. ''I know you did, so did I. Tell you what? That's my celly for my next goal, I'll find a camera, and kiss your rose pendant you gave me.''

Joanna beams at him, what stars aligned to give him to her? ''Sounds good to me.'' They say their goodnights, and hang up.

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That gameday would come against the defending champions - St Louis. Game one of the best of seven. Joanna finishes a deep clean of the house brought about my nerves, but she doesn't miss the start of the game. Bo and Perron score in the first to hold things level at one goal apiece. Early in the second period, however, Elias hammers it to the back of the net, beating out Binnington with grace. He finds a camera close to the net, fishes the rose pendant out from his jersey, and presses a kiss to it for her. Elias mouths to the camera. ''I love you.''

Joanna, barely fighting tears, says. ''I love you too.'' Her phone rings, her dad. ''Hi, daddy, what's up?'' She sniffles.

Her dad asks. ''Was that for you, princess? That celly? Your mom thinks it was.'' Her parents got her the rose necklace for her fifteenth birthday, and she's only ever removed it to give it to Elias before he left for Alberta.

Joanna gleefully says. ''Yeah, dad, it was. I know we're still so young, dad, but he's it for me.'' She watches as Schwartz levels it up again. Her dad chuckles down the line. ''I think so too, princess.'' They talk for a bit, and hang up.

Troy, Bo, and JT lead the team to the win. As Joanna is readying for bed, she gets a text from Elias.

Beloved: Grab your laptop, I have an idea.

She smirks to herself, and replies.

Joanna Rose: Okay. 💓

They facetime each other to sleep that night. Talking about the game, his goal celebration, and the series to come.

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The series trundles along nicely, it's tied by the 18th. Joanna decides to go for an early morning run that day, and showers once she's home. Things are a bit more bearable now that they have the routines down, but coming home to an empty condo is still depressing. Her younger siblings are locked down with her parents at the manor, her older siblings have their partners. Her friends are all living with their partners by now too. She finishes eating breakfast, and works on her teddy bear again. All it needs now is the finishing touches. She sews on some buttons for eyes and a nose, and knits a little bowtie from soft pink wool. Her niece's knitted duck plushie was a hit, Rose never sleeps without it according to Edward and Cassandra. But, this one will be staying here. She may be 21, but she is terribly touch starved.

After lunch, she plays some chess online against some other players, her elo is up to 1200 now, it was a bit higher when she was competing as a teenager. She was even competing against the boys, and winning most of her matches. None of her boys have ever beaten her, and only Elias came close, mostly because he kissed her mid-move to confuse her. And, there it is again, that ache in her heart. That ache that feels so good but so bad all at once. She breathes it in, and lets it go on the exhale, he'll be home soon enough, Cup or no Cup.

After dinner, she fills up the bird feeders she's hung on their balcony. Loading them with seeds, nuts, and dried berries for the little songbirds that come around here. She also fills the hummingbird feeder with fructose water. Joanna heads inside to fetch her book, and reads the evening away.

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The Canucks take a 5-2 series lead over the Blues with a beautiful 4-3 win on the 19th. And, win the series two days later in a beatdown 6-2 game, knocking the defending champions out. Now, they face Vegas. The day before that series begins, Joanna comes onto her period. Always later in the month, so she runs to the store to stock up. Something she could usually ask Elias to do, but he's not here. Her back is killing her by the time she gets home. So, after washing up and binning her mask, she crashes on the couch with some cookies, tea, and Downton Abbey - always a comfort show for her. Life must have been similar for her family back then, an old money family needing to adapt to an evolving world. She's always wondered what her great-grandparents and their parents must have been experiencing. But, she'd say they've adapted pretty well.

She has her laptop facetime in bed with Elias that night. He looks so excited to have won the St Louis series, and a bit tired from training today as well. ''How are you guys holding up?'' She asks him.

Elias yawns. ''I think we're okay, Rouss has been getting extra physio, so has Motter. but, We're doing good, so far. How are you? It'll be that time of the month, won't it?''

Joanna smiles, placing a hand on her lower abdomen to calm a cramp down. ''Yeah, it started literally today.''

Elias tells her. ''The boys miss you too, Quinn and Brock especially.'' Joanna sniffles, hoping it's just her hormones acting up. ''I miss them too, it's so weird not having the gang together.''

Elias hums. ''I know, and we won't be able to have them over until at least next year too, with the way things are looking.'' Joanna gives her boyfriend a tired smile. ''At least we'll be back together.'' Elias nods, and yawns again. ''At least there's that, yeah. I love you, I'll see you soon.''

Joanna says, resting her head. ''I love you too, see you soon.'' They fall asleep on facetime again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UBC sends Joanna some materials for junior year of her degree the day after the Canucks get shutout 5-0 by Vegas. The files get saved to her laptop, and the books go on the lower shelves of their bookcase. Still no real news on how semester is going to work yet, the dean and the board are working closely with the provincial government to evaluate things, and should be issuing an email to the student body in a couple of days. She's just fine to study from home, it's union meetings she's worried about. Online meetings sometimes give people excuses not to attend. The orcas right the ship the following day, winning 5-2 with yet another goal from Elias. The next day, Joanna is up early for some yoga before breakfast, and heads out to the store quickly. She spends the afternoon reading over her course materials, classes will be online until after christmas it appears.

Joanna watches some tennis highlights while she makes herself some spaghetti for dinner. Tennis is also back behind closed doors, and the sound of it is amazing, the ball is so much louder with the empty stadium. She's played to very few people on various ocassions, mostly in high school, and the sound is so familiar. She eats while watching tennis, and goes to bed at ten like she always does. She and Elias fall asleep together over zoom again, not knowing when they'll be back in the same bed together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vegas win two in a row to take the series lead over the coming days, Marc-Andre Fleury standing on his head in game four. Joanna spends the day of the 31st of August baking, muffins and cookies are in the oven, and she tidies up after setting a timer. There should be enough there for at least a week. She also goes over some notes for a Student Union meeting for the 9th of September, their first of the new year.

While she's cleaning up the living room, the timer dings, and she takes her muffins and cookies out of the oven to cool off. Everything is baked all the way through. She gets a call from her friend Genevieve. ''Hi, Genna, how are you?''

Genevieve says. ''Hi, Anna. I'm good, Natalia is bored out of her mind, we both are. She misses her soccer, and I miss my lacrosse. How are you, it's been what? Three weeks since Elias left?'' Joanna smiles sadly, her heart aching at hearing about her friends having each other through this. Genna and Nat are a sports couple UBC relies on for results. ''Yeah, it's been rough. This condo just doesn't feel like home without him, can I confess something to you?''

Genevieve says. ''Always, go ahead.''

Joanna fiddles with he hem of her dress. ''I don't care about that Cup, I just want my boyfriend home however he gets here.'' Genevieve says, an athlete herself. ''I know, I've felt that for you, girlie, his place is with you, Cup or no Cup.''

Her boys fight like orcas should the following day. Beating Vegas 2-1 with goals from both Brock and Elias. Then, do it all over again to level the series a dominant 4-0 shutout from Thatcher with the offense firing on all cylinders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's the following day, while she's cracking on with the first load of coursework for junior year, that the news reaches her that the boys will need to isolate for ten days upon return home whenever that is. She rolls her eyes, and accepts the news, it's for the best. At least Elias will be back in BC. They'll also need to return two negative Covid tests. She'll need to return one for Elias to return home. She takes her deep breath again, and gets back on with her work. She'd love to see her boyfriend lift that cup, she knows better than anyone does how much that weighs on this city. How 1994 and 2011 plague this team. But, the selfish part of her just wants him home now. Road trips are bearable, but this has been uniquely painful.

Joanna stops for a lunch hour, which she takes on the balcony, and goes to get back on with her work until four pm. She makes herself a small fish curry, something her friend on the union, Rajeev, turned her on to ages ago. It's since become one of her favourite dinners, she's tweaked his recipe to add salmon instead of haddock.

That night, in bed, she jumps on zoom as usual, and gets cozy. Elias looks just exhausted from it all, she's pretty tired herself right now. ''Hi, sweetheart, how are you holding up?'' She asks him.

Elias slowly blinks a few times, like a cat would, if only to keep himself awake. ''Hanging in there, how are you doing, beautiful?'' Joanna yawns, twirling the end of her braid around her finger. ''Getting back to university work, but looking forward to having you home.''

Elias also yawns, running a hand through his hair. ''I'm looking forward to being home, Quinn's a great room-mate, wouldn't trade him for anyone. But, that is our bed you're sleeping alone in, know what I mean?'' Joanna nods, putting her head down, she knows exactly what he means. ''Yeah, I do.'' The conversation trails off from there, until both fall into sleep together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game seven is a washout, the Canucks are eliminated 3-0 in a shutout from Robin Lehner. Ending their run in the second round, a good showing all things considered, and no one in the bubble got sick, which is nothing short of a miracle. So, the Canucks must clear out the following day, and fly home to BC. Then, the ten day isolation begins. Joanna receives a text from Elias on day five of BC isolation while she's working.

Beloved: Took my test today, all clear!

She smiles, clicking her pen a few times, and replies.

Joanna Rose: Great! Do you know when I should take my test?

He must be texting management, because his answer takes a few moments to come through.

Beloved: Day nine, same as us.

She nods, and makes a note on a pink post-it.

Joanna Rose: Cool, I guess I'll see you soon! 🌹

He replies quickly.

Beloved: See you soon! 💙

Five more days! Five! And, she can have her boyfriend back from hockey for a while. Still no news on next season, by rights it should start in october, next month, but she can't see that happening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day nine comes, and she takes her Covid test after dinner. The sting in her nose and throat is the most uncomfortable thing she's probably ever felt. This must be what taking a pregnancy test feels like, she thinks as she washes her hands. The test is done, and thankfully negative. She bins it, and texts Elias.

Joanna Rose: Took my test, negative!

Elias texts her back.

Beloved: Also negative!

She's so excited to hear that news, one more day then.

Joanna Rose: When are you being released?

Elias takes a moment to answer her this time, probably just checking with Benning.

Beloved: Tomorrow evening, just after dinner.

That's gonna be an agonizingly long day. She replies.

Joanna Rose: Cool, I'll be up. See you tomorrow!

He replies, seeming excited too.

Beloved: See you tomorrow!

Finally, she's getting him back, these past few weeks have sucked being here in their home without him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She's up early to tidy the condo the next day, there isn't much to do, but she wants the place to look neat for Elias returning home. Once that's done, which takes her through a lunch break, she gets on with some homework while listening to some music. That takes her until dinner, the hours feeling like years all of a sudden. She eats a quick bowl of pasta with some fruit juice, then, she waits. Half-watching something on Netflix until she hears the familiar sound of a car outside, and footsteps on the stairs. The door clicks open and closed, Joanna springs up, and bolts through to the foyer to greet him. Elias laughs behind his team mask, and says. ''Hang on, I just need to wash up.''

He washes his hands, and chucks his mask in the laundry. Then, at long last, he can sweep her into his arms for real. He holds her close, and breathes her in, he's home, at long last, he's home. Joanna also inhales his scent, savouring the feel of him in her arms again. Her friends can never understand how this feels, her family can't either. This feeling is all theirs. ''I've missed you so fucking much, alskling.'' Elias says.

Joanna sniffles, overcome by it all. ''I've missed you too, darling.'' Finally, they kiss, brought back together after far too long apart. This is the best feeling on earth, it must be.

Joanna gets the kettle on, and makes them tea with her cookies. And, finally back together in their home, they talk late into the night like they always do.

#vancouver canucks #hockey rpf #elias pettersson x oc

[lemony-snickers]

it is so clear to me where my love of & appreciation for fanfiction comes from. this desperation for the story to never end. keep going, don't leave me behind, you know?

i still feel it when i finish a book i particularly love, the yawning open in my chest, that aching emptiness of what now, what am i supposed to do now?

i think the first time i really felt it was when i first finished the return of the king. it was summer and i was on vacation with my mother's side of the family. i stayed up until dawn broke over the lake where next to our cabin, alerting me to my missteps (we had so many fucking activities to do that day and i was bone-tired and dragging ass through every one of them) as tears tracked their way over my cheeks and i read voraciously through all the appendices and family trees, eyes scanning the words in desperation.

i didn't want the story to be over. i missed my friends already, the companions i had cultivated and loved through years as i read first the hobbit in grade school and then the fellowship of the ring and half of the two towers in quick succession thereafter. then i took a break, stumbled over a part of the tale i found too dull to pursue only to pick the book up two years later and crack its spine open and think how could i have possibly put this down? there is nothing dull about any of this.

and i remember then, how i wanted to weave a new story. keep it going on & on forever & ever, never let it go. clutch it selfishly between my fingers in a vice-like grip.

i didn't want to surrender to the fact that all the love i felt for that world and those characters had reached its end.

it's the same now as it was then, has been the same all those years in between. my mind just continues on, painting those old worlds with a new (perhaps less adept) brush.

don't leave me behind. just one more chapter, please.

i don't know how people let a thing like that go. i don't know how so much of the world simply closes a book and puts it on a shelf and thinks, yes that is enough.

i will never have enough of the worlds i truly adore and admire. never enough of the characters who bleed onto the page and into my own veins, whose dialogue whispers between my own lips like i am compelled by enchantment to put voice to their words.

(have i ever told you that i often read aloud the dialogue of characters in different voices? softly, of course, so my co-worker or my spouse doesn't overhear me from the next room. but that is how alive they feel to me. how real and necessary and loved they can be.)

and anyway i don't really know what the point of all this is. perhaps there isn't a point at all, just a rambling tumbling jumbly thought. i had some tangential thoughts about kakashi (ha, when don't i) & his relationship with icha icha, how he might view those books and those characters as it relates to my own headcanons for him, but i'm not sure it's even necessary to add them here.

because the larger point is just that i am so grateful there are others who don't want the magic to be over. others who understand that terrible empty feeling when you close a book and lose friends & lives you'll never get to live. so grateful they also create new stories & weave new tales so i can lose myself again in the magic of it. find my old friends and make new memories with them.

the older i get, the more i crave that sense of possibility from my childhood, you know? the one that truly thought one day i would walk into the deep, dark woods around my childhood home and find something inexplicably wonderful. or something dark and twisted.

something better than the dull grey world i was born into.

and maybe there isn't any magic waiting for me in the woods. maybe this dull grey existence is all i will ever be granted. but there is still so much magic to be found between the pages of a new book. so much wonder & love in the act of carrying the story forward after it ends. taking it gently in your hands, holding it delicately out to others as if to say, i made this for you (and for me) so we wouldn't feel like we've been left behind.

and whatever anyone thinks of fanfiction or fanart and the people who create it, i think there is something truly good & beautiful in that.

#lemony snippets #tw long post #tbh this should be under like a “rambles” tag but i don't have one so this is the best we've got a;ldkjfasdf

[theteapotofdoom]

If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Oh, anon you have NO IDEA how happy this ask makes me, because there's probably nothing I love more on this earth than talking about the things I like!!! Nothing brings me more serotonin than sharing my favourite stories with other people!!! Let's go!!!

It's also a hard question because I just ... like things very easily. I have my favourites for sure, but there are A LOT of stories that I love and that made me who I am today. I also tend to hyper-fixate a lot so I will be completely obsessed with a piece of media for a few months and then it will go dormant for a year and then it comes back and so on ...

So with this list, I'm trying to narrow it down to the big ones, the stories that I return to the most and that had a real impact on me. It's also very hard for me to mix all the media together because I don't necessarily expect the same thing from an anime as from a movie so it's hard for me to compare them. But I'll do my best!

The list is under the cut because I'm gonna ramble a lot about all things and it's gonna be a really long post.

EDIT: Okay so I've been struggling with this list for weeks now because every few days I think of new things that I like and that I want to add to this list ... so to keep it as a top 10 and not a top 100, I've decided to not include any movie in this list, except for franchises (when the story is a continuation told through at least two or three movies). Basically, with this ranking, I focused on long-form stories.

My reasoning is that since I already have a really hard time ranking my favourite movies without including other types of media, it's easier to separate them and make another top ten of my favourite movies later down the line if anyone is interested. (Also not to sound like an insane person, but I feel like I have a completely different set of criteria for liking a stand-alone movie than for liking any other type of media so it's better this way)

1 - The Lord Of The Rings (movie trilogy) - Yes, I said no movies, but this trilogy is a mini-series to me. This one is just so deeply personal to me. I first watched the trilogy on DVD (extended edition) when I was 9 and it just blew my tiny mind and shaped my creativity for so many years. I read the books when I was a little older and I cherish them dearly, but the movies are so much more personal to me. I mean, what can I say that hasn't been said already? Everyone adores this trilogy. Just like many people all over the world, I consider these three movies comfort movies. I've watched them a thousand times and I will watch them I thousand more. No matter where I'm at in my life, I can just put on The Fellowship Of The Rings, The Two Towers or The Return Of The King and I will cry and laugh as if I'm watching them for the first time. Like ... my best friend and I were so obsessed with these movies as kids that we started calling each other Merry and Pippin and we still use the nicknames TO THIS DAY as adults. She is still saved on my phone as Merry and I'm still saved on her phone as Pippin. And it's not just the movies, it's the making of, the behind-the-scenes, the cast, just ... the pure love and optimism and dedication that went into this project ... the sheer honesty of the story ... no dark subversion, no sarcastic wink at the camera ... just love. If you haven't watched these movies yet, treat yourself! Get your hands on the extended edition, and watch it as mini mini-series rather than a proper trilogy of movies. You'll love it!

2 - Fullmetal Alchemist (manga)/Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (anime) - I'm kind of cheating here by lumping the manga and the anime together but this is a short list so I'm doing the best I can! Again, what can I say that hasn't already been said about FMA? Everyone knows it's great, everyone knows it's the best anime of all time, everyone says it ... AND YET I still feel like it's super underrated. It's not, but I can't help but feel like it is. In my humble opinion, Fullmetal Alchemist is not just the best manga/anime of all time, it's simply the best story of all time. I'm still more emotionally attached to the LOTR trilogy, but FMA is just perfect in my eyes. The themes, the characters, the story ... I had never been so satisfied by a story before and I haven't been since. Every character arc is masterfully handled, and the story doesn't shy away from insanely dark and realistic topics while still maintaining a sense of hope and optimism. The magic system is one of the best I've ever seen. The story is so layered that every time I rewatch it (which is a lot) I notice new details. The world is incredibly rich but the plot always knows how to stay focused on the things that matter and we are never lost. Every single day I'm closer and closer to starting a YouTube channel just to talk about FMA nonstop. Long live Arakawa our queen!

3 - Les Misérables (book and musical) - Okay we're getting a little more specific here. I don't know if this one is surprising or not because if you've been following me for a really long time (like ... six or seven years) then you MUST remember when I was a Les Mis blog. I wasn't creating content or anything, but I was so deeply obsessed with Les Misérabled back then, it was the only thing blogged about for two or three years I'd say. Although I don't talk about it as much these days I still love this story so deeply. I will still cry if I think about Jean Valjean for a little too long, I will go feral if I see Enjoltaire art on my dash, and I will still re-read part of the book and listen to the songs. Basically what happened is: for my 18th birthday, my parents took me to London to see the show on West End, and much like the LOTR trilogy ten years before that, it ROCKED MY WORLD AND BLEW MY MIND! I bought the live recording of the show, did a deep dive into the fandom on Tumblr and I was hooked. I even watched the 2012 movie but we don't talk about it because it wasn't great (except for George Blagden doing THE MOST of all times with the little screen time he was given and carrying the Enjoltaire ship on his back like a king). After that, I read the book and it made me love the story even more. The novel is so rich and deep and such a delight at every turn, I adore it as much as the musical. It probably sounds obvious to a lot of people since Victor Hugo is literally one of the most famous writers in the whole world but like ... the character writing in Les Misérables is beyond anything I've ever seen. I can only ever dream of writing characters as good as these.

4 - My Hero Academia (manga) - Here were are ladies and gentlemen ... the one that everyone was waiting for! I think it's fair to say that MHA is the story that most people associate this blog with. I'm specifically talking about the manga here because although I still have a lot of fondness and affection for the anime (especially the early seasons) I can't help but feel like Studio Bones dropped the ball a few times these past few years (with the way they rearranged the MVA arc, the censorship of some of the most impactful scenes, and the whole Blue Sky debacle). Besides, I wholeheartedly believe that Horikoshi is currently the most talented manga artist in the industry and his illustrations always have ten times more impact than what we get in the anime. Once again, what can I say about MHA that I haven't said already? This blog is just one big essay about MHA and Shigaraki at this point. And yet, my relationship with MHA is a lot more complicated than with the other entries on this list. I don't think that MHA is a perfect story, FAR from it. I think that there are a lot of missed opportunities and wasted developments, and it also suffers from a lot of classic shonen tropes when it comes to some of its female characters. But when it hits? It really really REALLY fucking hits. When MHA is at its worst it's just kind of mid, but when it's at its best, it's just transcendant! The MVA arc, the AFO/All Might fight, the Deku retrieval arc ... it has so many iconic moments that I will think about for years. And of course, the man, the myth, the legend: Shigaraki Motherfucking Tomura. Best fucking character of all time, a success in every single way, a tragic figure, a threatening villain, a likeable antihero to root for, a chaotic gremlin and a sexy babygirl ... the man can do it all. No matter how MHA ends, I will always be grateful for Shigaraki (and for many other great characters like Deku, All Might, Iida, Toga, Ochako and so on). MHA was also the first fandom I ever created content for and it deadass changed the trajectory of my life. So yeah :)

5 - LOST (tv show) - I feel like almost everyone on Tumblr has a special attachment to an early 2000's live-action TV show with hundreds of episodes ... LOST is mine! As I'm writing this list, I'm realising that I have a similar relationship with LOST than with MHA: I don't think that LOST is a perfect show, it dropped the ball a few times and I understand a lot of the criticism against it ... but when LOST hits IT REALLY FUCKING HITS so I will always defend it. And just like MHA, LOST has a lot of detractors who never properly watched the show and throw a lot of bad-faith criticisms at it. Like I said, I fully admit that the show has problems, but some of the complaints I hear sometimes are just ... straight up not true and very easy to debunk. This show can be messy at times, but if you get into it, it will literally stay with you forever. The plot has issues but the character writing is pretty fucking stellar 99% of the time, I can definitely nitpick about some things, but it's honestly absurd how compelling everyone in the cast is. Pretty much everyone in the main cast (of like ... 15 people!) can be your favourite character and I wouldn't be surprised. At its core, LOST is just a very human show. The story of a group of strangers forced to live together on an island after a plane crash, forming relationships, overcoming their past traumas, and slowly being wrapped in a plot that's bigger than all of them. I go crazy if I think about it for too long. One day I will make a video essay about LOST and you will all see.

6 - Les Légendaires (comics) - Are you all ready for some niche content??? Honestly, I don't even know how to properly get into this one because I highly doubt that anyone reading this even knows what Les Légendaires is (except if you're French). Les Légendaires is kind of a funny story because pretty much unknown all around the world, but it is absolutely HUGE in France, probably one of the popular young adult comic series of all time. The series has been ongoing for 20 years and has sold millions of copies. Like, I cannot stress it enough, it's an absolute juggernaut with many spin-offs and sequels and a large fanbase. From age 11 to 16 I was OBSESSED with it. It's your classical fantasy story with a group of adventurers going on many different quests and forming bonds and relationships and fighting evil, but it's so perfectly executed, that it's kind of insane. The author is very open about taking inspiration from many stories (mostly mangas and animes) that he grew up with, so it's a wonderful mix of many different styles and genres of fantasy. The five main characters all start as classical fantasy tropes, but every single one of them is developed and challenged throughout the story. Everyone gets just enough focus and attention to be a main character in its own right. Just like with LOST, every single one could be your favourite character and I wouldn't be surprised! The series also did a wonderful job growing up with its audience, the first four volumes are more whimsical and child-friendly, but the series gets darker and more mature through the years (all the way up to the "Cycle d'Anathos" arc which is SO BRUTAL but also one of favourite story arc in a comics/manga ever, it's a masterclass). I kind of grew out of it now (mostly because the main story is over and we are now in spin-offs and sequels territory) but I still casually keep up with the evolution of the story from afar. Looking back on it, it definitely has a lot of flaws that I ignored when I was a teen, but I cannot understate the impact that it had on me growing up. I'm still very fond of it!

7 - Critical Role Campaign 2 (D&D podcast) - Honestly, I didn't think I would bring up CR in this list, but as kept thinking about the stories that had a real lasting impact on me ... The Mighty Nein saga just kept popping up in my head again and again. So here they are :) Critical Role was such a surprise for me, something that I never expected to impact me the way it did. I had heard of it, I knew what it was and that it was popular ... but when I watched the first episode of campaign 2 on a whim one afternoon (mistaking it for the first episode of campaign one, but the best mistake of my life honestly) I was just IMMEDIATELY sold and into it. I fell hard and fast for this group of chaotic friends. It's hard to compare CR2 to the other entries on this list because it's a story but also it's a D&D game with a lot of improv and impulsive player decisions, so it feels weird to compare it with like ... a fully produced anime or TV show. It's hours and hours of content, and I don't adore all of it, to be honest. But the characters? GOD the characters!!! The dynamics!!! The relationships! The developments!!! The appeal of this very very very long format is that you truly get to see the main characters evolving in a way that feels more organic than anything I've ever seen. I will think about the relationship between Caleb and Beau FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE and it's only one facet of everything that this campaign has in store. I've tried getting into Campaign 1 but it just doesn't hit the same for me (although I do love the animated series!!). Campaign 3 is also great, probably my second favourite so far, but the characters of campaign 2 all hit perfectly for me. CR2 had a HUGE impact on the way I think about characters whenever I'm writing these days and I will always be grateful for that.

8 - A Series Of Unfortunate Events (book series) - This book series will always have a special place in my heart, even if I don't talk about it as much these days. When I was a child, A Bad Begining was the first novel that I read on my own from beginning to end. No one else in my family was reading it, it was something that was my own special interest. To this day I still remember how engrossed I was in the mystery behind these books, with the secrets behind Lemony Snicket, Beatrice, VFD, The Great Unknown, and the Bombinating Beast ... it was just so thrilling to follow the Baudelaires in each new adventure while slowing realising that there was an even bigger mystery behind everything happening to them. I honestly believe that these books don't get enough credit as mystery novels for kids, each volume is its own stand-alone story with its own setting and colourful characters, while also giving the reader a new piece of the bigger puzzle. The tone was also so unique, it was funny and thrilling, but also creepy, unsettling and profoundly sad most of the time. Even beyond the terrible things that happened to the Baudelaires, there was also a deep feeling of nostalgia and melancholy in the narration and it made the reading experience unique. And of course, the playful writing style is so memorable! A full page with just the word "never", the deep black pages when it's dark all around, and sentences written twice when we're told that Klaus is so tired that he just read the same sentence twice. I loved these books as a kid and I still love them as an adult, their creativity of style and unique world-building inspire me to this day.

9 - Undertale (video game) - You know, even with all the crazy memes and fandom drama and AUs that came with it ... Undertale is such a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful story. I vividly remember every single thing I felt when I experienced it for the first time (I'm kind of cheating here because I didn't play the game first, I watched the Jacksepticeye let's play in almost one sitting, cried my eyes out, and went to buy the game and play it after that). It's such a unique yet universal story, so charming, so clever and so moving. The way it uses the most basic game mechanics as a narrative tool is honestly inspiring. It's the story that confirmed to me that, narratively, choosing kindness and compassion over violence will (almost) always be much more satisfying and compelling to me as a resolution. Like ... that scene at the end of the neutral ending when you defeat Flowey and you're given the choice to kill him or spare him? When Flowey practically begs you to kill him because he simply doesn't understand how you could possibly not do it? When you are given this choice at least five times in a row because Flowey DESPERATELY needs you to confirm his idea that in this world it's "kill or be killed"? When he just says "I don't understand" again and again when you keep sparing him? That shit is engraved in me forever. This is part of my identity. And I'm not even gonna get into the absolute masterclass that is the final fight of the Good Ending when you get to save Asriel and your friends because I will cry. Love that funky little game. Love my best boy Papyrus.

10 - Night In The Woods (video game) / Bojack Horseman (TV show) - YES I KNOW I'M CHEATING! But listen, I told myself that I would only do a top-ten and I deadass could not choose between the two, so here we are. I also figured that it would be a good duo to end on because NITW and BH actually have a lot of similarities. Depressed cartoon animals desperately trying to become better people while also hurting all their close friends ... yeah. Beyond that, NITW and BH are also very different stories with different tones, different mediums and different themes of course. NITW is a 9 hours indie game and BH is a six-season Netflix show (with therefore a lot more time to explore the issues it chooses to deal with). But both of these stories have had an incredible impact on me. And another thing that they have in common is that ... well, it's still hard for me to properly explain why they mean so much to me. I mean, it's kind of obvious in a way! These are stories about trauma, grief, depression, addiction, loneliness, growing up, moving on ... things everyone deals with at some point in their life. These two stories are acclaimed and beloved by a lot of people and I'm just one of them. As I said, I can't properly explain in what way I relate to these stories, but it's here and it's with me forever.

HERE WE ARE WE DID IT! God, there were so many other things I wanted to talk about ... Shinsekai Yori, Watchmen, Mystic River, Sherlock Holmes (the novels thank you very much), all of the Hercule Poirot stories ... and of course all the many movies that I wanted to talk about.

If you read this post all the way through, you are braver than the Marines, but also: what are your favorite stories? Feel free to share your preferences as well! :D

#time to tag all these fandoms!!!! #the lord of the rings #fullmetal alchemist #les misérables #my hero academia #lost #les légendaires #critical role #a series of unfortunate events #undertale #night in the woods #bojack horseman #i'm only doing one tag per fandom or i will go crazy

[charsawdeath]

"Think twice before you speak to my boyfriend like that" - FizzarOzzie (my-dark-lord)

Think twice before you speak to my boyfriend like that" - FizzarOzzie (my-dark-lord)

-

Ozzie confronts Blitzo aside and has a lil chat

Fizz isn't aware of anything, he's playing with his babies

-

(Imagine if you will, the two reconcile and become friends again slowly, now that you have that in there, BF Ozzie just wants to make sure Blitzo knows where he stands after all the damage he caused his Fizzy-Pop)

Chapter Text

"Thanks for the'a invite, Fizz!" I say as the door is answered.

"We're try'n the whole friends thing again so, why not?" He asks in that rough way he now spoke since the accident, no hint of malice to be heard.

I think privately to myself about living with a Sin and how it must be hard, sure Fizzarolli had robotic limbs but still-

Things would be hard to get to without them surely?

He got them refurbished, taken in for upgrades!

How did he do things then? All up to Ozzie alone? That didn't sound like Fizzarolli!

My question on this matter is answered however as he steps aside and lets me in.

He's holding open a door HIS size I now realize. This one cut out of the bigger one. He's standing on a doormat for an Imp. A larger one beneath it.

Around me I see different size items from couches to chairs to books, to pillows, hell, as I'm being led in further, Fizz shows me where the toilet is. A toilet OUR SIZE!

But my mystified wonder comes to a halt as soon as the Sin himself steps into the living room of the home and stands back a bit, watching his partner leading me along the main part of their house.

"There's my handsome Rooster~" He announces and prances over towards the Embodiment of Lust.

He's absolutely MINUSCULE compared to the Sinner, could easily be crushed in a hand yet-

He's scooped up carefully into those huge fluffy blue arms of his and tenderly clucked at, purred to, and peppered with kisses until the Imp in his arms points me out with a spark in his eyes.

"You remember Blitzo, right Daddy?"

I kinda wished I could fall into a hole right about now as his partner looks in my direction and all six eyes turn cold and hard!

I gulp and smile lightly, hand up to wave hello.

"The babies are done with their bath, Mommy~" He returns instead, turning back to Fizzarolli still in his arms.

'Babies?'

I knew Fizz was intersex but..

He couldn't have actually WANTED kids, right?

"Thanks, Ozzie~" Fizz chitters happily before getting off his partner's large shoulders and calls over his shoulder, "I'll bring them out!" Then hurries to another room, leaving me with King Asmodeus alone in the living room.

I speak up first, trying to sound genuinely happy, "Sooooo, you and Fizz have babies, hu? Congratulations!"

But my tail curls between my legs as I back up, the large Sinner towering over me with a single menacing step forward.

"Think twice before you speak to my boyfriend like that!"

I need not ask what he meant-

All these years apart and it was finally being seen through together after a major change of lifestyles!

I dare never say anything like that again, I really did miss my old best friend!

"You have my word, Ozz-"

"And it's Asmodeus to you, little limp dick Imp!" He hisses before leaning back upwards, towering over me in another way just as Fizz comes back with a pile of fly/dogs following him excitedly.

"You caught us during bathtime~" Fizz explains, smiling as three of the five dogs spin around him, one in his arms and the last coming up to me like he could take me out, barking and growling like crazy.

"That one is Boner~"

I deadpan.

Reaaaaaaaally?

"These three are Bondage, Cuffs, and Lube~"

I can't even!

"And that one's name is, let me guess, Sex, Cum, Thrust, Musk-"

"Queef!"

Queeeeeef?

"A rescue from Pride Ring~"

He holds of the dog/fly and baby talks it, snout to its own, "Ya he's very attached, very sensitive~"

He turns the dog so's I can see him better and I flinch.

It looked like it had been shot in the fucking head!

"Ya, his old owner basically tried to kill him cause he was 'too annoying', well I don't think he is, right Ozzie?"

The dog had half a face! It twitched and shook like a leaf! Its eye was HUGE with fear as it looked my why but softened when Fizz cradled him close and kissed his remaining ear.

"Fizz-Bubble was the first person this little guy ever neared and so we got him then and there~" Asmodeus purrs, leaning down and getting swamped by the rest of the dog/flies.

"You always were good at attracting people who needed someone, Fizz!" I confide and he side eyes me.

I see him smile slightly but gain no thanks or response.

Instead he holds up Queef and says proudly, "Blitzo, these are mine and Ozzie's babies~"

#queef #Valentino's dog #written #my work #ao3 #fizzmodeus #fizzozzie #helluva boss fizzarolli #helluva boss asmodeus #helluva boss blitzo #hinted blitzo/Fizz #helluva boss #prompt

[korkiekenobiconfirmed]

HoF/QoS Rewrite

I've had this idea stewing for a little while, but I've been thinking about how HoF and QoS could've been combined into one (albeit longer) book, removing a lot of filler and greatly improving the pacing of the series. Just to make it easy, throughout the post I'm calling the combined book "book 3.5"

Aelin & Rowan

Aelin’s arc in this combined book is essentially her HoF storyline. She goes to Wendlyn, works on her powers, becomes close with Rowan, and finally accepts her title and responsibilities as queen

She returns at the end of book 3.5 to play a role in recruiting Lysandra (I'll get into that in Lys' section)

Dorian

Dorian, still without control over his powers, accidentally reveals his magic to his father at the end of CoM, only days after Aelin leaves for Wendlyn. His father collars him in the final pages of CoM, like the ending of HoF, but at this point we (the readers) know next to nothing about the Valg, so the cliffhanger of the King putting this mysterious black collar on Dorian leaves us confused and looking for answers

He spends the majority of book 3.5 possessed, like in QoS, and we slowly learn about the Valg from Dorian’s firsthand experiences while Aelin’s simultaneously learning about them with Rowan over in Wendlyn. The interlap between Aelin’s slow information gathering and Dorian’s possession drives the readers nuts bc they kind of know what’s going on but neither Dorian, trapped in his own mind, nor Aelin really has the full story

Ultimately, Dorian’s able to break away from the Valg because of Chaol, not Manon or Aelin, as Chaol pleads to his friend “I know you’re in there”

You know, the classic trope that gets you every single time. It’s not like their relationship can get gayer than it already was anyways… (I'm kidding. Kind of.)

This is also more in character for both of them, as his relationship with Dorian has been a driving force for much of Chaol's life

Aedion & Chaol

Aedion follows his HoF arc more closely. He comes to Rifthold on the King’s orders, working with Murtagh,  Ren and the other rebels from the city rather than the north

Chaol was supposed to leave for Anielle because of the bargain he struck with his father in CoM, but when Dorian is collared and possessed, Chaol decides that's his last straw with the King. He abandons his post early but instead of going to Anielle, he starts sniffing around in Rifthold to find answers about the black collar/Valg. This gets him caught by the rebels but Aedion recognizes him as the captain of the kingsguard and gives him a chance to explain. Chaol’s wary of revealing too much, but he tells Aedion that Aelin’s alive to gain his trust

They spend the rest of the book collaborating (similar to HoF), but with their combined wit (two heads are better than one) they figure out the clock towers and decide to bring one down while Aelin’s still in Wendlyn. By the time Aelin returns, expecting a magical dead-zone, magic has been brought back and the Rifthold clocktower was destroyed

This gives Chaol and Aedion much more importance/weight in the story. Throughout a lot of SJM's books, characters that aren't the main main characters (Aelin & Rowan, Rhys & Feyre) can often fall by the wayside in terms of propping up SJM's favorites, and I want to give other characters more agency.

Manon

This one’s hard because I thought the witches’ HoF storyline was very well paced

Basically HoF happens the same for her but instead of training in the Ferian Gap and being sent to Morath at the end of the book, the witches receive their Wyverns and training in the mountains around Morath. This way, Manon meets Elide earlier but the witches’ story remains largely unchanged

She helps Elide escape Morath about halfway through her character development and the book, meaning she’s taken a big step on the way to humanity but at this point, she’s not quite sure why. She felt a connection to Elide and her witch ancestry, but is still cold-hearted enough that her rescue of Elide is an unexpected move for the reader. Manon then moves back a step — confused why she helped this girl, she calls it a moment of weakness and once again resolves to be the stone-cold witch her grandmother expects (Obviously this resolution doesn’t last long)

Her character in 3.5 will see slightly less development  she did in HoF/QoS, and she’ll need some time in EoS to fully separate from her grandmother and become the character she was by the end of the series. Considering how late she came into the main group in EoS and how little narrative purpose she served once she did crash land on their ship (beyond being Dorian's newest hookup), we can make that sacrifice.

Elide

Elide’s time in Morath is documented in the first half or so of book 3.5 and she still gets the Wyrdkey from Kaltain with the instructions “Get this to Celaena Sardothein in Rifthold.” She and the Wyrdkey are dropped in Oakwald by Manon, like she was in QoS, and despite her disability she uses her wit to escape both the Ilken (hunting her to bring her back to Perrington) and Adarlanian soldiers.

No, Lorcan is not involved. This gives Elide more agency and a better chance to show off her own ability to survive without another Sexy Brooding Fae Man protecting her. Maybe she pulls a Mulan and pretends to be a guy for safety, though.

Taking Lorcan out of the story also removes a POV character, which helps cut down page count/filler. Lorcan can still exist in the story as Maeve's commander, but he's not nearly as important/prevalent.

Once in Rifthold, Elide finds out Celaena was an assassin who’d been captured, taken to Endovier, and has been presumed dead for years. Knowing Kaltain couldn’t have been that incorrect in her information, she decides to hang around, find work, and look into the Wyrdkey she’s in possession of. Her research ends up bringing her to Aedion, Chaol, and the rebels, as well as Aelin who has recently returned.

Lysandra

Aelin still needs the amulet of Orynth from Arobynn Hamel, who’d stolen it from her all those years ago. Aelin has a history with Lysandra and knows Lys once loved Wesley, who Hamel killed. Aelin, freshly back from Wendlyn, enlists Lysandra to kill Hamel and steal the amulet for her (which she does, like a bad bitch, in QoS).

By the end of book 3.5 Aelin now has the three Wyrdkeys — The Amulet of Orynth, the one from Kaltain/Elide, and the one from Elena’s tomb. The next book (EoS) is spent pretty much canonically as they run around with the wyrdkeys trying to find out how to put Erawan back in his cage.

The end of book 3.5 features Chaol facing off against Dorian. Possessing all three Wyrdkeys, Aelin plans on using them to kill the king but Valg!Dorian still stands in their way. Chaol does the whole “I’ll let you kill me before I kill you” speech á la stevebucky and Dorian almost does kill him, realizing what he’s doing at the last second. He expels the Valg from his body and unleashes his powers in a blast that kills the King, levels the castle, and paralyzes Chaol (similar to what actually happened). This leaves everyone set up perfectly for the next books while condensing two long-ish books into one. 

#sjm #throne of glass #heir of fire #queen of shadows #anti sjm

[oldmanaemon]

"So they call you, Talrie?" Inquired the smirking hulk that was the blue mage leading the band of brooding misfits. "They said you'd be taller!" Cried out another blue mage. This one was surely a halfling as Talrie could barely see him behind the two other towering mages.

"Talrie of Toma. Green mage extraordinaire at your service. I'm not sure I've ever been considered tall even by halfling standards" he paused if only to be sure the hidden blue mage could hear him well.

"Hey! That's rude. You don't make those jokes. Only we can joke about, Ettu." Said the other large orc blue mage. "He's sensitive about his height!"

"I'm not!" He yelled out behind them, "I'm just curious what this herb mage is doing so far from Toma. You short a screw or something?"

"I'm here for a greymanes horn. Not any greymanes horn but that of the glittering king of Sola" before he could even finish the mages cackled in amusement

"The glittering king? Of Sola? You guys sure this isn't a dancer mage disguised as a herb? Break out the moves, kid! We see through your lies-"

"I'm serious. There's a wild rift in Toma and only a glittering percursor core could have any chance of collapsing it. I'll give anything for your assistance. A mere herb mage such as I lacks for the strength and wisdom of a blue blooded mage. I'd sooner be lunch than victorious against a greymane let alone the king of Sola." He hoped he didn't overdo the praise. Blue mages were one half water and the other half ego. You'll never find one in a desert or too far from where people will witness and praise their accomplishments. No mage loved self indulgence more. To be blue and selfless was to be a dead blue blood.

"Ah, here's another herb stroking our ego. We've broken in more greymanes than you've smoked your own herbs, kid. We don't need your praise. What you offering? It better be worth it or we'll throw you over the city walls" The blue mage ring leader wore a large blue hood but Talrie could make out a massive scar over his snub nose. He towered over even the other large mage and had two or three badges on his coat. He was an old orc blue mage that had seen wars, crisis and the ruin of this city. Talrie found the last of the old order of Meridia and now he was hoping he ate his words. He had to offer something equally insane than trying to flatter an old guard of beastomancy. They took compliments as personal attacks on their art. Lucky me.

"I'm offering a wild core in return." Talrie didn't even know any wild magic but he could probably concoct a phial of rift magic and merge it with a chaos core and hope it doesn't open a portal to the seven hells in Meridia

"A wild core?" The old mage looked unamused. He turned to his blue mage band and whispered a few words to them. Talrie could only make out the words, frolicking and fibbermeister. Deception was never Talrie's strong suit. He was alot better at flattery and it would've worked if the fates hadn't decided to fuck him completely over by throwing the last living relic of old blue magic at him.

"Two wild cores and we have a deal!" Yelled Ettu now hovering over the other two mages. "I've always wanted to try wild magic without losing a limb or two. You drive a very good bargain, kid!"

"You're letting him off too easy. Why not six cores? He insulted us with his spectacle and even dared to offer a single bauble. We should let Egdrigal turn feral and feast on his bones"

"Please don't-"

"We're kidding. We're are kidding right, Ores?" The halfling mage asked as he floated around the two others mockingly. "Ores wouldn't know what to do with that much wild magic anyway. I'll keep one and the other I'll sell to the last black mage of Old Aller. She'll burn half of Oterr in excitement I'm sure."

"We have a deal, Green mage Talrie of Toma. I, Egdrigal of Oterr will give you my word as a blue blood, you will have your glittering horn by moons turn." Well that was easy

"Thank you, sir Egdrigal of Oterr. I am forever in your debt."

Egdrigal seemed pleased with himself as he looked at the older orc and back to the floating halfling. But before the old orc could reprimand him, a halfling boy came running towards them. Talrie recognized him. It was the same boy that welcomed him to Meridia and asked for medici. It had been months but his little blue turban and dirty hair was no easy bit of detail to miss even in a crowd.

"Uncle Ettu, this is the kind mage that helped us. Kind mage sir, you saved my dad. He's feeling so much better, sir. You saved him!"

"I'm glad to hear that, Kire"

"You remembered my name! Thank you kind mage sir! See uncle, not all green mages are bad. This ones the best of them!"

As the boy spoke to them, Talrie could see Ores' guard come down. The old orc had a soft spot for urchins it seemed. They sealed the deal thanks to an old kindness and they all left together towards the old city for supplies.

Talrie could hear both halflings singing an old tune quietly between them as they walked, "Old dragon slumbers, an old dragon snores. But then came the blue blood, then came the blue blood then there were no more. You'd sooner float, you'd sooner fly, before you see a blue mage bleed, before you see a blue mage die. Mages might come in red, they might come in black, but tell me does a green mage bleed red?"

#mywriting #green mage mummery

[bacchilles]

god i really wish i could get more into lord of the rings but something about it just fundamentally has never clicked with me

#3 1/2 hours of content in fellowship and i still finished it knowing Nothing about frodo #like his entire character development is like 'oh he's related to bilbo and he's a nice hobbit who has spirit <3' like ??? #i'm sure two towers + return of the king are better so i want to watch those but there's just so little character exposition in fellowship #the most we get is some backstory about aragorn + boromir but even that is limited?? it's so much worldbuilding and little else #maybe it's too early for me to say that idk but I've also tried to read two towers like 4 times and i've never gotten beyond chapter 3 #lotr

[churchyardgrim]

I, STRAHD: THE WAR AGAINST AZALIN by P.N. Elrod

[intro post]

OH GLORY OF GLORIES, SOMEONE COMPETENT 

going from the embarrassment that was Tower of Doom directly to this is a hell of an experience lemme tell you, one i can only describe as overwhelming relief

what makes matters even better is that, well, you remember that bit i complained about in King of the Dead? where they just kinda glossed over Azalin's whole half-century of cohabitation with everyone's favorite dracula? buckle up kiddies bc this whole book is about that

it's beautiful, it had me howling with laughter in a goddamn subaru dealership while my winter tires were getting changed over, everyone needs to read this immediately

so we open with Strahd being the most dramatic motherfucker in the grocery store, literally flinging himself off a mountain while howling his rage at the sky itself, bc Whoops, Tatyana's Dead Again

and then a week later he gets up off the ground like “ok i’m normal now”, and the book goes on to explain how he's gotten used to Barovia's still relatively new position in the mists. people do not leave. sometimes people enter! no one, not even the travelers, understand how this is done, and it pisses Strahd off. he is rattling the bars of his cage to be let out.

he has also made his famous deal with the Vistani, the only people who do have any degree of mobility between Barovia and the rest of the world; they enjoy a measure of safety from him and his agents, and in return act as his spies and limited servitors. he is also warned via a card reading that a powerful opposing figure approaches, and brings inevitable war

in any other story, this would be Our Designated Hero, Who Will Surely Triumph

i think by now you all can guess that this is not the case

and of course, a few years later, Strahd gets wind of Someone New harassing his nobles and making off with a rare magical book, to which he responds "excuse me, no, only i'm allowed to do that" and tracks the interloper to an abandoned manner house in the south of the country

it's at this point that i'd like to thank the author for the glorious image of Strahd getting just fuckign bug-zapped out of the air by the wards around this place so hard he hits a tree and straight up falls out of bat form. istg for all the work the game modules do to make Strahd into the ultimate big bad of the setting, unkillable and invincible, the man sure does spend a lot of time in these novels just getting the shit kicked out of him. it's beautiful and i want every minute of it framed on my wall. i wanna shove him in a locker and steal his lunch money.

anyway, as if the title of the goddamn book didn't give this away, this is where our buddy and pal Azalin Rex enters the scene! recently landed in Barovia, annoyed by literally everything but especially how he can't seem to memorize whatever spell's in that book he stole, damn thing must be broken i swear, and caked in so many illusions that it takes Strahd ten minutes to figure out there's Something going on under all that instagram contouring.

these two hit it off, well… less like a house on fire and more like a house being crushed by a glacier; icy and immovable and probably very worrisome to the neighbors down the street. they're instant bitchy exes, strangers to kismesises speedrun, they hate each other so much because they are so, so similar

Azalin is a king without a kingdom, prickly and a lil bit insecure and unsure of where he's landed and who this weird goth is and whether or not he should apply fireball directly to the problem yet. Strahd is 500% on edge, knowing full well that this is the fated necromancer he was warned about, and is in the process of sussing out exactly how worried he should be. the answer: very!

correctly surmising that this guy can turn him inside-out if he wanted to, and that Azalin is also a fellow Royal Personality and thus might feel motivated to cover his insecurities by yoinking rule of Barovia out from under Strahd's dainty lil goth boy boots, Strahd thinks very fast and manages to trap his new houseguest in a nonaggression pact of hospitality. Azalin is his guest, however unwillingly, and there are rules a guest and a host must observe with each other dammit.

and thus did two undead bastards become study buddies. neither of them like being stuck here, and Azalin doesn't have the distraction of hunting down the reincarnations of a girl he knew in high school. he's a better wizard than Strahd is at this point, too, of which Strahd is keenly aware, and between the two of them they're confident they can blow this popsicle stand within six months

they're there for forty years

to summarize a lot of slow-moving plot, Strahd does his new roomie the favor of restoring that old manner house he'd found him in into a proper wizard's lab, and by the time the renovations are finished Strahd wants Azalin out of he got damn house so fuckign badly, i love it

Azalin knows Strahd's nature well enough, but has managed to keep his own a secret in addition to his fun new curse of being unable to learn any new magic from this point forward. this manifests in the infuriating habit of having Strahd do a lot of the magical gruntwork with testing new escape spells, and good god it's like they're tenured professors arguing over whose turn it is to supervise the interns, it's delightful

eventually they make their first proper attempt, something something summer solstice, combining a translocation with a summoning, it's not important. what is important is it blows up spectacularly and is genuinely one of the funniest points in the book i shit you not

Strahd barely avoids getting atomized, employing the age-old tactic of Hiding Behind Something While The Fireworks Go Off, and when he finally picks himself back up and stops being crosseyed, he just looks at Azalin's desiccated husk of a body splatted across a wall and says "well fuck, that killed him extra dead didn't it"

and then when Azzie starts moving again Strahd briefly remembers what having a functioning lower intestine feels like bc "oh shit oh fuck he was like that the whole time, abort, ABORT, HE'S A FUCKMOTHERING LICH" and then just. plays dead.

he lies down on the goddamn floor and prays Azalin didn't notice that he saw him with his pants i mean illusions off.

i swear to you, dear reader, i had to put the book down and try to remember how to breathe for a solid twenty minutes

anyway Strahd's fakeout somehow works, and they immediately start bickering over whose fault this shitshow was, which provides more than enough cover for Strahd to Fuckign Book It and go triple his own magical defenses, and also have a delightful lil panic attack

i maintain that P.N. Elrod is butch as all hell, by virtue of no one but butches understand masculinity well enough to satirize it this beautifully. she manages to convey Strahd's "i'm not panicking, you're panicking" with this delightfully wry tone that i can't get enough of, and i fully intend to track down her other non-Ravenloft vampire novels once my brain loosens its vicegrip on this setting, bc by god i need more of her voice in my life

we're about halfway through now, and it's at this point that things start Happening in the wider world. namely, that there is suddenly a wider world for things to be Happening in. for about two hundred years at this point, Barovia has been totally isolated by the mists, and most ppl have just gotten used to this, barring a pair of geriatric wizards who keep trying to give spacetime what-for.

but now! all of a sudden! there's another country just. attached to the southwest end of Barovia like a malignant growth.

what's a local vampire lord to do? apparently commandeer a few of the refugees fleeing said new country to go show him where the fuck they came from, is what.

tragically Strahd still can't physically leave the bounds of his own country, mists or no mists, but he can mindcontrol a dude to go back in and have a look around for him. long story short, this new place is Forlorn and it is uhhhhh largely empty! just a bunch of weird magical mutants, and some hermits who aren't too jazzed about said weird magical mutants, and who all move into Barovia within a few months of the two nations sharing a border. 

this provides our two best buddies plenty of new study material, as do the next seven or so new countries that appear periodically like weird geographic parasites grafting themselves onto Barovia's decreasingly misty borders. Azalin can actually leave Barovia, which he's extremely smug about for the twelve minutes before Forlorn physically flings him back over the line in a pinwheel of stuffy robes and flailing knobbly legs, and boy i hope Strahd got a good knee-slapping laugh out of that bc god knows i sure did

the appearances of new lands culminates in Azalin's disappearance from Strahd's radar, and the emergence of his largest neighbor yet: Darkon. using his favorite remote-viewing magical scrying drone trick, Strahd starts sniffing around and is immediately yanked by the collar on a flash tour of the place, ending in the throne room of Castle Avernus, because if anyone knows how to cultivate an impression, it's Azalin Fucking Rex

yes after forty years of bumming around Strahd's backyard, Azalin has a shiny new gilded cage of his very own! congrats buddy, ur still stuck here like the rest of us. but at least ur not rubbing shoulders with that guy anymore.

unfortunately for Azalin's dramatic sense, Strahd is a) not physically there to intimidate, and b) an expert in the art of Not Being Impressed With Your Shit, so the dramatic tension lasts about five minutes before they're back to jabbing at each others' insecurities in the best long-distance shouting match i've ever seen

seriously they should televise this shit, sell tickets, they'd make a fortune

so far the titular War Against Azalin is less of a war and more of an Ongoing Domestic Dispute With Azalin, but the instant their bargain of hospitality is no longer required, that's when that forty year cold war goes real fucken hot

it's a bit of an anticlimax really. you'd think, being undead archmages, these two would fight like wizards and just hurl lightning and rocks and Spell Of Fuck You at each other over the borders, but instead they just… chuck some zombies at some dudes in armor and call it a day

military commander habits die hard i suppose

Strahd's in a bit of a genuine pickle actually, his noble caste have had two hundred years to get lazy and indolent, and he has to do a whole "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" montage to get them into fighting shape. but Azalin keeps handicapping himself by executing half his most effective lieutenants bc they don't agree with his pizza topping preferences or whatever, so Strahd gets to feel smug about being able to actually retain the loyalty of his people on his own

granted, it's not hard to be more charismatic than a bog mummy that got lost on a tour through the beef jerky factory, but still

we end on a narrow battle victory for Strahd, leaving Azalin to spend a few years rebuilding his forces out of corpses and whatever new talent he can scrape up, and having set the stage very effectively for the hundreds of years of conflict between Barovia and Darkon to come. the resentful roommates have become the viciously estranged exes, and nowhere in the dread domains will know peace ever again. 

tragically they will never really come to physical blows in the spectacular wizard fight way i really want them to, bc neither of them can leave their respective houses here, but u know what i think i can live with the kind of needlessly convoluted machinations guys like that come up with in order to fight proxy wars via soldiers and agents and all the tools of statecraft at their disposal. 

it's just. god i love this book. i love watching bitchy old men be bitchy at each other, i love how deep the world feels despite experiencing it through the viewpoints of two guys who have to share Ebeneezer Scrooge's allotment of goodwill, i love the tiny sprinklings of vampire horniness and lich avarice, i love it i love it i love it

absolutely track this book down if you can, or listen to the audiobook as it'll likely be a lot cheaper. if you need me i’ll be rereading Vampire of the Mists for old time’s sake, and also wallpapering my house in pdfs of the Ravenloft Gazetteers bc did u know there’s fuckign travelogues published for these places? with sneaky metaplot about Azalin and his many many kids i mean clones? holy shit yall.

#church's ravenloft reviews #longest yea boi ever #guys im just #i love this setting so fuckign much #i love this AUTHOR so fuckign much #someone hold me im emotional

[janetbrown711]

"its fine, really! I'm used to it...” “what you meant you’re used to it??” but yax

After careful and long hours of research, Yakko came to the conclusion that he at least admired Max.

He had only seen Max in person once, but there was just something magnetic about the far-away prince that intrigued and fascinated Yakko. So much so, that for the next month or so, Yakko dove headfirst into studying all he could about Max and his country. He tried to share the fascinating history and details with his younger siblings, but they clearly weren't as into it as he was. That didn't deter him though, he was determined to learn absolutely everything he possibly could- even going into Angelina's old private study for books.

It was weird not having her around to stop any of it. Was this what pure joy and excitement with no downsides was like? If so, Yakko really liked it.

Either way, he was ecstatic when his mother told him she was officially making plans to take him to Disneyland to see Max (and diplomatic stuff, but they both knew that wasn't the main reason). Upon hearing the news, he then hurried and changed his studies entirely into conversations and how to have them.

Upon his and Max's first encounter, Yakko realized he was terrible at conversations, but now Yakko swore he'd be better than good- he'd be a conversation master. He studied examples both fictional and non about advice and how royals interact with each other and conversations one was supposed to hold and he complied his notes into a handy notebook that could fit into his pocket in case he got into a tough spot mid conversation. After all- he'd probably be there for hours and hours- that's a long time to be entertaining.

So he poured himself into his studies for a week or so (time was really alluding his grasp as of late) and before he knew it, it was time for him to go. However, not before a weird reaction from Wakko he wasn't expecting... seriously, if anything, Yakko expected Wakko to be happy for him because that meant he wouldn't have to hear about Disneyland for awhile, but instead he got really accusatory. But his parents assured him that it was nothing and his mother went to comfort him while he prepared for his journey.

"That's a big notebook," Dot said, lurking by his door as he flipped through his notes for what must've been the millionth time this week.

"I have a lot to remember," Yakko said, putting it in his pocket.

"Why do you care so much?" Dot asked. Yakko blinked.

"I just... do? He's the first friend I've had... ever," He said, making her move so he could head out the room.

"But I thought me and Wakko-..." Dot didn't finish her sentence. Yakko stopped.

"Max is just... different. I can't explain it- I'm trying to understand, but he's really just... different. A good different," He tried his best to explain, but he knew it fell short.

"Oh... you must really like him?" Dot asked.

"I guess, yeah," Yakko blushed. "He's just- the coolest person I've ever met, and now that Grandma's gone and I'm free to just- hang out with people, yeah," He scratched the back of his neck, aware of the fact he needed to get going. When Dot didn't respond to that, he pursed his lips.

"Welp- I gotta get going," He gave a quick wave, not waiting for her to return it before getting going- he wanted to spend as much time as possible in Disneyland.

Hurriedly, he rushed down the halls all the way down the grand stairs and out the main doors to the carriage, where his mother was waiting for him.

"Getting something?" Lena teased, as the coachman opened the door for them.

"Just a few notes," Yakko said, following his mother as she entered. She chuckled.

"You don't need to be so nervous, dear. From what I've seen, Max already likes you very much," Lena said soothingly as the carriage started to move.

"I just... I want this to be perfect," Yakko sighed, and leaned against the window of the carriage.

Lena snorted. "You and I have a lot in common," She said, fiddling with the fingers of her gloves.

"The last time I was out of this castle before the incident was- well... the wedding... but before that? I don't think I've ever been out..." The queen looked back as her home grew further and further away. "Outside of parties and suitors I've never really dealt in diplomatic situations. God knows my mother never prepared me for half of the things- I just..." She took a deep breath.

"I want this to go perfectly too... but Scratchnsniff says perfection is an impossible goal and we should aim for something more obtainable," She reminded herself. Yakko glanced at her briefly, before returning to the window.

He wasn't sure what he thought of Scratchnsniff. Dot and his parents all seemed to like him, but he still hadn't opened up to him, even though it had been over a month now. They'd be doing... okay sometimes, but the moment the doctor tried talking about Angelina, Yakko refused to give him the satisfaction. He knew he was there to help but- yeah... That wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"We got a long ride, huh?" Lena chuckled, more nervously this time.

"Yeah..." was all he said. He had a lot on his mind, and he could tell his mother did too. Hopefully, by the time they actually arrived, they'd be able to make sense of everything and enjoy their time in Disneyland- though they'd have to wait and see.

.o0o.

The ride wasn't terrible, but it was rather long and tiresome, so it was easy to say that when they finally arrived they were both relieved.

Both Yakko and Lena were surprised at just how different Disneyland was from Warnerstock just from the windows. Everything was brighter, orderly to the point of confusion (to them anyway), and boy oh boy was it big. The castle itself was the biggest example of this, as it seemed to have countless towers and was impossible to take in all at once. Then again, the royal family was quite large and Disney was known for it's welcoming nature and having guests often, so it didn't really surprise them. It was just a lot to take in at once.

However, they didn't have to take that all in for long, as they were guided inside by a few guards and were taken to the throne room, where the three kings were sitting- a duck on the left, a mouse in the middle, and a very tall dog on the right.

"Angelina? Wow, it really is you! How have ya been?" The Mouse immediately stood upon seeing them enter.

"Mickey! Oh it's been years hasn't it?" Lena chuckled and went and hugged him, which the mouse gladly returned, leaving Yakko and the others very confused.

"Do... you... know him?" Yakko raised an eyebrow.

Lena cleared her throat and stepped back. "Right- yes, I forgot to tell you, Michael here was a suitor of mine back in the day," She explained. "Obviously, it didn't work out, as both of our hearts belonged to another, but it wasn't a completely terrible three days."

"Oh please, I'm Mickey to friends," Mickey said. Lena nodded.

"Right, yes, Mickey," Lena corrected.

"Oh," Yakko nodded slowly.

"You must be Yakko then. It's a pleasure to have you as a guest," Mickey smiled and shook Yakko's hand. The dog king's head perked up.

"It's a pleasure to be here," Yakko replied, hoping his nervousness wasn't showing.

"Prince Yakko?" The dog king stood and walked over. "It's a pleasure to meet you, h'yuk," He laughed as he shook Yakko's hand. "Max has told me about you."

"Oh, you must be Goofy, pleasure to meet you," His nervousness increased tenfold. He couldn't believe he didn't put that together upon seeing him immediately.

"Daaaaaaaaad," Max entered the room, looking at the ground with his face red as a tomato.

"Hiya Max! I was just introducing myself to your friend here," Goofy grinned, still shaking Yakko's hand.

"This is why I don't tell you things," Max muttered to himself. "Can we go?" He asked, grabbing Yakko's arm, freeing him from the handshake.

Mickey nodded. "Of course, we got our own business to deal with, you two have fun," He said, and with that, Max practically dragged Yakko out of the room.

"I am so sorry you had to deal with that," He sighed as the guards closed the door behind them and Max let go of his arm.

"Deal with what?" Yakko tilted his head slightly.

"My Dad- he just- he doesn't know when to stop no matter how many times I talk to him," Max shook his head. "C'mon, I know a good spot to hang out. Watch out for running triplets."

"Running triplets?" Yakko raised an eyebrow.

"Huey, Dewey and Louie like running around without warning- as do Morty and Ferdie and if Daisy's over then so do April, May and June- just keep an ear out for them," Max explained, checking both ways before crossing a hallway.

"Right, right," Yakko nodded, not really understanding how they'd ever be allowed to do that. Then again, not having a tyrannical grandmother around probably let them have a lot more freedom and fun.

The pair went down a few halls, always checking both ways as they went, before they reached a room that Max let him into to reveal that it led to a fairly small room with a few chairs, but outside of that was a large balcony it was clear the dog prince frequented.

"Nice place," Yakko admired the room as Max opened the glass doors for him.

"I come here a lot to clear my head," Max said, closing the door behind him. "And to get away from my family."

Max must've really not liked them, huh...

"Yeah... I could really use a place like this," Yakko admired the craftsmanship of the columns holding up the railing.

"Watch this," Max winked, picking up a stone from a pile of rocks, and throwing it down into the giant pond in the garden bellow, causing a massive splash and ripple.

"Cool," Yakko said.

"It's nothing really," Max blushed again and went to where the rail met the wall and sat on it. "Wanna sit?" He patted the spot next to him.

"Oh- I uh-..." Yakko peered over the edge cautiously. It wasn't too far a fall, but still. It was easy to say it was far enough down to make even the most un-acrophobic person a little nervous.

"Oh, are you afraid of heights? I'm sorry, I-"

"No no no, I can handle it," Yakko swallowed his fear and sat next to him, glad that it was wide enough for him to feel supported. Still, he wrapped his tail around the edge loosely as a precaution.

"So... what do you think?" Max asked. "Of Disneyland, I mean."

"I think it's really... different. Very organized, very..." Yakko thought to himself. "Very homogeneous and large, yeah."

Max snorted. "Homogeneous?"

"It means similar or 'the same'," Yakko cursed himself internally. Max laughed with a little 'hyuk' in there that made Yakko relax, though a familiar fluttering in his stomach returned.

"You're really smart, aren't you?" Max asked.

"Yeah... my grandmother's pride alright," Yakko looked at the garden.

Great, barely five minutes into the conversation and he already broke his number one rule he wrote to himself: Don't bring up Grandma.

"I don't think it's your grandma's fault you're smart. If that was true, then I'd be a lot more wacky like Dad," Max did his best to reassure, which despite all odds did kinda work.

"You keep bringing up how much you don't like your family," Yakko commented. "Why?"

"Why? You've barely even met them- they are just beyond crazy and drive me up the wall with how embarrassing and tiresome they can be," Max crossed his arms.

"I mean- my sibs can be a little crazy at times but I still like them," Yakko said.

"You don't know them," Max sighed, looking out to the garden too. Yakko decided it was probably best he drop the subject for now.

However, after that was a long stretch of silence, and Yakko started to panic as it got longer and longer and he couldn't think of a thing to say. Thankfully though, he remembered the notebook sitting in his pocket and he slowly and carefully took it out and looked for a good conversation starter.

"What is your favorite type of weather?" He asked, quickly slipping it back into his pocket. Max immediately burst into laughter.

"Where'd you think of a question like that?" He asked.

"If you don't like it I can ask a different one," Yakko turned bright red as he flusteredly turned over, pulling out the notebook and flipping through it.

"Do you have a notebook of conversation starters?" Max caught a glimpse.

"Whaaaat? Me??? Pssshhhh," Yakko adamantly denied, but he sighed, knowing he had been caught.

"Yeah... I figured since I majorly screwed up talking like a normal person last time I'd take some notes so the conversation would be far less depressing and not so... trauma centered," He admitted, showing him the notebook.

"Wait- you think you're screwing up?" Max seemed baffled, which confused the Warnerstockian Prince.

"I mean- yeah..? No matter what I do I always end up thinking about the same stupid topic and I dunno... you seem so much more normal than me," Yakko admitted, looking away.

"I feel like I've just been a bumbling dork this whole time," Max admitted too. "You've been really smart and interesting this whole time, with your fancy words and observations about stuff and... yeah," He scratched his neck.

"You think I'm interesting?" Yakko looked at him.

"Yeah man," Max looked at him, though only briefly. "You're... cool."

That made the fluttering increase tenfold.

"You're really cool too," Yakko smiled. Max nodded his head in acknowledgement, looking out to the garden once more.

"You know... I promised I'd give you some sporting pointers when you came by. Perhaps I should 'make good' on that promise," Max said, gesturing to the pile of rocks and other such objects clearly designated for throwing into the pond.

"Okay," Yakko agreed to it, putting the notes back in his pocket, following Max as he went over to the pile.

"The trick is that it's all in the wrist, and if you keep your eyes focused on where you wanna throw it, it does a lot to help it actually go there," Max said, as he picked up a rock and threw it with all his might, and it crashed far into the pond.

"In the wrist, huh?" Yakko nodded and acted like that made sense. He then picked up a rock, and threw it with all his might. However, his might was rather pathetic, and all he managed to do was to crack the tiling around the pond and it shattered into pieces, as Yakko felt the blood drain from his face.

"Max, I-i'm so so so so so so sorry, I-i-" Yakko sputtered out apologies but Max just started laughing and laughing.

"It's okay Yakko. We're royalty, remember? My dad'll just have someone fix it, it's totally cool," He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "But hey, other than that, that wasn't half bad."

"She'd totally kill me if I did that at home though," Yakko cursed himself.

"She? Who, your mom? Cuz from what I've heard she's a big sap," Max said, confused.

"Not mom, my grandma," Yakko sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Your grandma's dead, Yakko. She can't punish you for that. You can break all the tiles you want here, it's cool," Max said, now deeply concerned for his new friend.

"Right- you're absolutely right. I'm sorry," Yakko took a deep breath.

"It's cool... I get that it must be hard moving on from that," Max's hand lingered on Yakko's shoulder a minute before he put it down.

"Yeah..." Yakko sighed as he realized he broke the rule yet again.

"I know you probably don't want to, but if you ever need or want to talk about it, I'm more than happy to listen," Max offered. Yakko smiled a little.

"Thanks... that means a lot more than you probably know," He said. Max smiled too.

"You're a lot cooler than you give yourself credit for, you know?" Max said. "You may not be the best at sports, but you are really good at talking, which is more than I can say."

"You sell yourself short," Yakko disagreed.

"Maybe we both do," Max shrugged, returning to the ledge.

"Yeah... maybe," Yakko said, sitting next to him once more.

As they began to chat more about much lighter and happier topics, a warm spring breeze began to rush by and Yakko began to just... notice things about Max. The way his fluffy and wild hair flowed in the wind, the way his eyes sparkled when he talked about one of his passions, his cute laugh that he always seemed to try and suppress, the way he stuck his hands in his pockets, his smile, the compassion and comradery in his eyes...

Yakko could gaze into those eyes for an eternity.

"It's getting pretty late... isn't it?" Max began to notice the sky beginning to turn a rosey shade of pink as the sun began to set.

"Yeah... I guess that means we have to get going soon, huh?" Yakko tried to play it casually, but he knew he'd miss Max dearly. Max's side glances told him he felt the same.

"Maybe you can write to me? A-and maybe... Maybe I'll convince dad or Uncle Mickey to take me to Warnerstock?" Max scratched the back of his neck, clearly trying to play it cool.

"I'd love that," Yakko smiled, before pondering if using the word "love" was inappropriate. It wasn't like he- well... liked him, or anything... right..?

"Okay," Max smiled back.

They stayed smiling at each other much longer than was normal, though neither really minded.

"Maxy? Yakko?" The voice of Goofy called for them outside the room outside the balcony.

"I need to go," Yakko said. "But... I will write, I promise."

"I believe you," Max nodded. "Though... don't be surprised if my letters are short and my handwriting attrocious- I'm not the best when it comes to any of that stuff," He said, getting down from the rail, offering his hand to "help" Yakko down.

Yakko took it.

"I'm sure it won't be any worse than Wakko's," He said.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Max chuckled as Yakko got off, still holding his hand.

However, they instantly let go when Goofy entered the room.

"There ya are- you're mom's looking for you. It's gettin' late," Goofy said, opening the glass door.

"Right, yes.. thanks, dad," Max pursed his lips and looked away.

"I'll write, I promise," Yakko said.

"Y-yeah, okay," Max nodded and smiled. "I'll... see you soon."

"See you soon," Yakko nodded, before forcing himself to walk away (a task that was a lot harder than he expected it to be). Goofy then guided him back to the throne room, where his mother was talking with Mickey and Donald (Yakko figured that was who he was), but she stopped when he entered.

"There you are," She smiled as he returned to her side. "Have fun?"

"Yep," He nodded briefly, hoping she didn't expect him to get into detail here and now.

"It's been great catching up, Angelina," Mickey told her.

"I couldn't agree more. And it's been a pleasure meeting you two, Goofy, Donald," She nodded at both of them. "I'm afraid I must get going, but I'd love to meet up again sometime- or possibly take Max off your hands for an afternoon," Lena teased Yakko, causing him to turn red.

"I'm sure he'd love that," Goofy smiled.

"Have a safe trip," Donald said in the scratchiest, most garbled voice Yakko ever heard in his life. It was so incomprehensible he had to actively bury his shock and confusion as to not offend him.

"Thank you," Lena nodded at the three of them. "It's been a pleasure, truly."

"Yeah.. see you," Yakko felt like he had to say goodbye too, but having not just spent the past several hours with them, it felt awkward. Mickey chuckled.

"See you," He said.

With that, Lena and Yakko made their way out of the castle and back into their carriage and began on their way back home.

"So... how was your day?" Lena asked once the carriage began to move.

"It was nice. Max is... cool," Despite his research, cool was still the best word to describe him.

"That's good, he seems like a very nice kid," She nodded in approval. "I wouldn't mind having him over sometime in the future."

"That'd be great," Yakko agreed with enthusiasm that made her laugh.

"Okay, I'll arrange a date," She chuckled.

"What about your day? How was all those meetings?" Yakko asked, not just out of politeness but a genuine curiosity.

"I half expected Mickey not to remember me, so it was a pleasant surprise. And Goofy and Donald are quite the lovely characters too, very strong personalities. I can see why their kingdom works so well," She said with a nod.

"But I know you really don't want to hear about all that. Please, tell me more about Max," Lena said.

Yakko told her all that happened, not glossing over a single detail. She listened with intent, and couldn't help but laugh here and there.

"It sounds like you're rather fond of Max, no?" She said.

"What do you mean?" Yakko blinked. His mother chuckled to herself.

"Oh nothing, I'm sure you'll figure it out on your own in due time," She said.

"Okay..?" Yakko raised an eyebrow, not sure where she was getting at. However, it was clear she wasn't going to be giving any more hints so Yakko dropped it.

Whatever it was, she clearly had perfect faith he'd figure it out sooner or later, so perhaps it was best he focus on other things- like what he was going to write in his letter to Max. There would be so many topics to choose from, and this time he'd have all the time in the world to think of a perfect response. Honestly, he should've started writing letters sooner. It just made so much sense- Yakko could think of the perfect response before sending it away and he could read over Max's responses over and over again. Maybe he could even find a box to store them in. That sounded really nice...

Yakko thought back to his mother's words, and decided it was true.

Yakko was rather fond of his dear friend, Max.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 The End

#yax #angelina 1 lives au #animaniacs #yakko warner #max goof #queen angelina ii #mickey mouse #my fics #goofy goof #long post #oblivious bisexuals #i love them your honor #otp #this took forever i'm so sorry- #also sorry how long it is #i'm tired lol #gay disasters #not me not using the quote at all- #jfdkaslfdlas #the quote is in spirit #i'm sorry anon-

[cryptiql]

cherry starbursts

pairing: bakugou/reader (male reader in mind but is gender neutral)

warnings: none, i think?? lots of cussing though, courtesy of lord explosion murder

words: 3.6k

a/n: yuzuya's audios giving me so much brainrot...gonna be thinking about this all week. also the way this started out as god tier writing but gradually turned into shit at the end 🏃 nonetheless, i hope i did this gremlin man justice </3

a contemplative hum tickles your throat as you observe the paragraph laid out before you, the pads of your fingers tingling as you trail them across the pages. on the occasions where you've found your nose nestled deep within them, a muted scent of pears and sawdust would invade your senses, and the urge to rest your head in the plains of your chemistry textbook would become overwhelming. however, the threat of being cuffed over the head by a rolled up magazine makes you think twice about slacking off, so you begrudgingly slump back into your seat with a resigned huff. the clock in your dorm is no doubt ticking away like always; the second hand rounding at great speeds while the minute and hour hands crawl by at a sluggish pace; but you aren't there to hear it.

instead, you reside in bakugou's room, basking in the unencumbered atmosphere created solely by his diligent efforts to keep his space clean and organized. it's just the way he is, you have to remind yourself. not because you stubbed your toe on his dumbbells last week and he felt sufficiently guilty as to make sure nothing was in your path the next time you visited. that would be silly. all that considered, bakugou's room isn't much different from your own—save for the few comfort objects brought from home that give off a hospitable air—but the lack of stimulus it holds is apparent. anything that could disturb your tranquil study date has either been stored away or placed beyond your reach.

damn him, the bastard! he's completely oblivious, you silently muse, bracing your elbows on the desk to plant your face in the palms of your hands. you chastise yourself at the same moment for forgetting your headphones, but in your defense, bakugou screaming for you to hurry up had prompted a hasty departure. if he had the patience to wait two more minutes. . .

rather than finishing the thought, you pull the textbook closer, hoping that somehow the enlarged print will stick to your brain like a temporary tattoo. you only need this information long enough to pass the exam, but once it's over, you swear you'll never mention anything chemistry related unless it's the bond between you and your neighbor. the idle scratching of pencil led against paper erupts from his side of the room, lessening the static in your head by a fraction, but it doesn't last. he mutters something unintelligible under his breath as you spin in your chair to look at him in desperation.

he remains ignorant for the next minute or so, only glancing up at you briefly before returning to his notes. your nostrils flare as you reach down to untangle your laces and pull off your shoe. you chickened out last time this happened, but being ignored has successfully fed the flames of your frustration, and you simply will not stand for it any longer. you blame your sleep-addled mentality for the lack of better aim, but it stokes your pride when bakugou flinches as your shoe hurdles past his shoulder.

"the hell was that for, dumbass!?" he growls, his eyes narrowing into slits. you respond with a high pitched whine; one that would be considered overexaggerated in his opinion, but in yours, was perfectly reasonable when being held against your will to study a subject that has no business being this tedious. "sukiii, i'm booored."

the blonde makes a 'tch' sound, positioning his arm in a warning manner before throwing his pencil at you, which you manage to catch easily. you revel in the deflated expression he wears, twirling the pencil between your fingers and kicking a leg over one arm of the chair. all this, while never breaking eye contact, was sure to break through to him. you're hopeful, what with the way katsuki's gaze—gradually failing to hide his infatuation—travels over your build from head to toe. whether because you giggle at his reaction or decide to kick your feet like a giddy child, he snaps out of his trance with an all too familiar scowl and shuts his own textbook with unnecessary force. his demanding stare is fixated on you as he tosses it haphazardly to the edge of the bed.

"give me back my pencil, idiot." he completely ignores your previous statement and jumps straight into business, as always. "give me back my shoe first, hot stuff." you challenge, smirking in a way that you very well know gets him hot under the collar. the teasing endearment will either put the odds in your favor; earning you your shoe as desired, and perhaps the lovely little blush that often dusts his face whenever you flirt with him; or seal your fate in hell where the everlasting flames may burn similarly, if not just as hotter than bakugou's explosions. it has taken years of practice to uphold your smug attitude in the face of his unyielding rage; nose wrinkled and canines grinding. even now, he is the image of perfection—a powerful god emblazoned in brimstone and baneful inferno—and you, a mere lover of art. after a moment, bakugou's resolve seems to falter. his piecing glare relents only slightly to give way for a pensive expression as he sighs, gently rubbing along the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. he throws you your shoe while standing from the bed, and as you slip it on, he shuffles over to his clothes drawer to pull out his own pair of sneakers. this prompts you to raise a brow inquisitively, but your silent question is left unanswered up until bakugou claps a hand on your shoulder and grumbles.

"c'mon, i'm fucking starving. there's a seven eleven nearby that's got spicy ramen."

and just like that, all thoughts pertaining to the test have been pulverized to dust by katsuki's unrelenting fists. the promise of food after hours of relentless mental abuse has you brushing off the sudden change of inclination in seconds, meanwhile the hothead to your right mulls over it during your trek through the empty hallways, stuffing his arms into the holes of his jacket. he had been able to overlook your constant fidgeting and intermittent noises of vexation, but too soon it became obvious that you weren't getting anywhere with the session. he would have simply offered to help if not for his own inability to concentrate, which had made itself known within the last half hour when he caught himself staring at you between taking notes. so what if he found your pouting cute? just maybe, he had started to fall in love with the way your brows furrowed at the instance of a misunderstood question; the absentminded tugging of your earlobe; the way your eyes looked without seeing, as if the smallest things held the greatest importance. sure, the tapping of your nails against a desk was a bit much, but he could always put a stop to your fretting by lacing your fingers together and kissing the back of your hand. just maybe, your bashful reactions made him want to hold you closer; to see you lounging across his lap—a throne befitting for a king—with your rose hued cheeks nestled in the crook of his neck.

not that you needed to know any of that. no fucking way would he endow another reason for you to tease him when the list was already so long.

curfew isn't for another hour, but bakugou would rather not waste time dawdling, so he uses this as reasoning for hooking your arm with his and practically hauling you out the exit. he mutters something about you being "too fucking slow" and "leaving you behind if you don't keep up", but the fact that he's dragging you along at all shows that he would have no problem resorting to desperate matters. the right amount of groveling and or compromising might mean a piggyback ride to the store, but regardless of how tempting the idea is, you decide not to further burden your friend with carrying you.

the towering shape of heights alliance becomes more and more like a speck of dust as your journey continues, the weight of your thoughts heavy on your already weary mind. you eye katsuki's side profile, noting the distinct lack of malice upon his handsome features, and smile softly to yourself. friend. it was the first word that occurred to you, albeit the least desirable and in no way comparable to the term that caused your heart to flutter within the confinements of your ribcage.

you aren't together. you don't know if you'll ever be, but when the the milieu; brimming with chaotic screams, booming laughter and disorderly merriment belonging to that of your closest friends; is whisked from the narrative, katsuki looks at you differently. whatever fragments of disdain and spite tend to crumble within the first few seconds and are replaced by an emotion that was unheard of ever having manifested in the depths of his vermillion hues. it holds a semblance to adoration, perhaps even respect, and for as long as you can recall, that is all you've wanted to see from him: to be regarded like no other.

sure, it's not like how you dreamed—he isn't very affectionate in public, though you doubt he would be even if you were together, and it always stings when he shrugs your affections off with a deriding comment—but that's just it. it's not a dream. after every scornful remark; after the day has passed and the dwindling moon takes its place in the evening sky, breaking through the curtains of his dorm; he'll kiss your hand, your blooming cheeks, your lips, all to atone for it. where no one else can see, he treats you like a divine being, and part of you wishes to think that it's because he's selfish. a bit of possessiveness has lead to many nights of a shared bed, ruffled sheets and smothering cuddles, but who are you to complain? everything he gives you is more real than any well-constructed reverie.

he may not be yours, and you may not be his, but no one else will suffice for either of you, and that is the unspoken truth.

the minimal bitterness in the autumn breeze makes for a refreshing atmosphere with the only discontent being the hunger that claws at your stomach. bakugou has never been merciful towards anyone, let alone the self-acclaimed nuisance who interrupts his studying with half-baked plans of adventure, but you're ever so grateful for the rare times where he is.

you know you won't have to wait long now that the smell of milk bread and takoyaki trickles into the air, much like the faint pitter patter of raindrops on the concrete. the shower is horribly ill-timed, but you hardly mind, especially when the droplets cling to bakugou's eyelashes like crystalline gemstones; glimmering faintly with every blink as they catch the suns rays. it settles below the horizon, only a sliver of golden yellow to be seen dancing in the tree boughs above, and the fuck if the way it illuminates your not-boyfriend's visage isn't absolutely breathtaking. the glimpse of honeyed skin and kissable lips—pulled into a pensive pout—draws you in deeper, and deeper, and oh god i've been caught—

"you got a staring problem, dumbass?" he grumbles, a roseal color dusting his ears that he swears is from the cold.

even his offensive nicknames are laced with an abnormal tenderness, and knowing that you're the only one with the privilege to hear it causes your chest to swell with delight. you nibble your bottom lip, hoping that it will somehow hide the fleet of giggles bubbling in your throat, but it does no such thing. "yeah, it's weird. whenever i see something beautiful, i just feel compelled to stare at it."

you don't need to look at him to know you've struck a nerve, but you do anyways, and his face grows redder under the intensity of your teasing leer. he sputters, curses falling from past his lips like a waterfall, and rips his arm from your grasp to cradle it as if you've burned him. any sane person would have backed down the second mini explosions began flaring up from his palms, however, you are perhaps the exact opposite, as to be expected when surrounding yourself with the infamous bakusquad, who (excluding bakugou) procured one braincell to share amongst themselves. years of having to put up with and, by extension, learn how to effectively handle bakugou's fits have proven to be time well spent.

you remain none the wiser to the concerned stares of others as he spouts a line of insults; incomprehensible from behind his curled fist pressed tightly to his mouth.

"you-you can't just say that kinda shit out loud, dumbass!" and although he may seem mad, he's already dragging you down the street. you test your luck by huddling closer and resting your chin on his shoulder, your steady pace never faltering.

"is the katsuki bakugou stumbling over his words from a little compliment?" it almost feels like you've won, but then the blonde proceeds to cover your face with his still damp hand. the little shit had timed it perfectly so that your open mouth would taste the saltiness of his sweat—quite the contrary to its sugary caramel aroma—and if you weren't so preoccupied by the resonance of his cackling laugh, you might have spent the rest of the trip gagging and complaining about the whole ordeal. he hardly seems bothered, wiping your saliva on his trousers and going forth with that customary lumbering strut, which always has you torn between fawning, chortling or questioning if he has fucking weights down his pants.

nonetheless, you can't help but murmur how cute he looks as you swing your free arm in tune with your steps.

by the time you've arrived at the shop, the sun has long since disappeared; welcoming hues of purple, navy blue and hints of orange to dapple the heavens, along with the foretelling of stars. you can't begin to describe how lucky you are to be living in a city with such beautiful scenery, even when the thin clouds of smog from factories often hinder your view of it. the fluorescent lights from the 'open' sign flash sporadically, casting a cobalt glow to dance across your dazed expression. katsuki watches with intent, chuckling at how easily distracted you can get as he tugs you inside by the cloth of your shirt.

the person behind the cash register spares a customary greeting before returning to their magazine, and bakugou makes a beeline for the intended isle, something akin to excitement radiating from him. he wears it much differently, and it resembles is go-to callous guise in almost every way, but you're able to detect the slight shift in demeanor as if its the easiest thing in the world. you hardly register that he's removed himself from you until the distance grows too large to ignore, and you shuffle over to the place beside him with a newfound adrenaline. the crisp air of the corner store heightens your senses as you tap your foot to the pop song playing overhead.

the only other sound is of katsuki examining the ramen and deciding what level of spice he should get, encouraging you to ponder what sort of hellish nightmare he has planned for the rest of the group. it was just last week when he dared kaminari to try some of the noodles, and the poor boy had spent ten minutes weeping in snot-nosed agony that you would have to be insane to put something that hot in your mouth. bakugou had laughed at his misery and carried on eating with vigor, mocking the others for their weak taste buds.

after a beat of silence, you decide to test your luck again by poking is shoulder, as well as batting your eyelashes at him and cocking your head to the side.

"can we get some candy?"

bakugou waves his hand dismissively, which is all the conformation you need before rounding the corner to peruse the variety of sweets on display. you immediately spot the marked parcels of sour gumdrops and assorted licorice and giggle to yourself as you pick them out, unaware of the gentle smile the blonde wears in regards to your child-like glee.

"yeah, just don't eat it all in one sitting. you go through that shit way too fast—it's unhealthy."

you won't bother commenting on his strict, motherly advisement, because you know it's in his best interest. he's grumbled about "stuffing your body with all that garbage" on numerous occasions, and while the hypocrisy might have annoyed you at one point ("and i assume gouging yourself on spicy ramen is completely different?") you realized rationing your candy would benefit both your health and your wallet. you nod, despite knowing he can't see, and idly feel for your back pocket, wondering just how much katsuki plans to stock up. money isn't exactly an issue, so you suppose it doesn't matter, but the amount of packets he normally brings back is downright criminal.

"don't be shy," he eventually says, "i'm buying. you're responsible enough not to buy out the whole store, right?"

your confusion overwhelms the urge to roll your eyes at his sarcasm, but there also lies a hint of elation that he would offer to buy.

"i figured i'd be paying as compensation for messing with you." you stand on the tips of your toes to poke your head over the isle, feeling very tempted to ruffle his hair whilst he gathers the packages of ramen into his basket.

"nah, you can pay me back in some other way." his eyes flick upwards to meet your devilish smirk, and he turns away with an affronted noise, blood rushing to his cheeks.

"oh? i can't wait to see what you have in mind~."

and there go the sparks. they last but a few moments before katsuki composes himself, presumably because he realizes making a scene won't help the situation, but he still throws a glare at you from a distance as he beckons you closer. it seems like he's gotten all he needs, so you hastily grab whatever sweets are left on your mental list and rush back to the counter. a comfortable silence sits between you both as your items are checked out, and in that time, you observe the significant difference between pre-late-night-shopping-run bakugou and food-deprived-study-date bakugou. his shoulders are more relaxed, as is his facial appearance, and you'll be damned if you ever forget the way he smiles when he catches you looking from his peripheral vision.

it's soft and unguarded and leaves you struggling for breath as he waits for the cashier to turn away, then promptly laces your fingers together. what? katsuki takes the bag and pulls you effortlessly; like a ragdoll; a mere toy at his disposal; out into the brisk evening. his thumb brushes the back of your hand, making you jump in surprise at the suddenness of it, and he titters freely. what? the streetlamps glint brightly, flickering at random intervals as you travel onward at a leisurely pace. the roads closest to U.A. aren't as packed as the ones deeper into the city, and thus you are the only two souls to be found, save for the few cars that speed by under the faint luminescence of nearing traffic lights. katsuki squeezes your palm, then slithers his hand out of your hold to replace it at your waist, methodically caressing the skin there in a way that has your knees buckling. you sputter witlessly, attempting to catch the thoughts that flee from your mind like birds to the wind. the blonde is nothing less than ecstatic to be the reason for your flustered state, and he takes full advantage of it by leaning in and hovering his mouth just inches from your own.

"i'll take my payment now." and oh lord, you think. he doesn't have to ask me twice. your lips collide with his, molding together like melted toffee; just as sweet and addictive. you've shared kisses before; ones that left you bruised and scrambling for a coverup the next day; ones that felt like fire but were tinged with honey that soothed your throat; fleeting ones that were never enough. you were sure that your need for affection would never truly be satiated unless it was from the boy you held most dear, and with the moon as your sole witness, katsuki was happy to oblige.

"starbursts. . ." he huffs after pulling away, massaging your hip to subdue your dissatisfied hum. "you taste like cherry starbursts."

he doesn't seem to mind by the way he leans in for another kiss, and another, and another, until you're a jittery mess in his arms. you press against his chest, a wistful sigh escaping you when you part once more.

"not that i'm complaining, but where's this coming from? you're usually not so touchy." the last bit of your utterance trails off as bakugou presses his lips to your forehead and keeps them there. moments pass, and when he finally pulls away, its to hide his blush by walking ahead of you. "i should be able to kiss my partner whenever i please, shouldn't i?" he doesn't even give you a chance to catch up, because his words have you rooted to the spot. what urges your feet to move is the haughty smirk he tosses over his shoulder, and even then, the race has only begun; your demands for him to stop echoing down the street as you chase him.

cheeky bastard.

#💥.katsuki #bakugou x male reader #katsuki bakugou x male reader #bakugou x gn!reader #male reader insert #mha x male reader #gn reader #mha x gn!reader #boku no hero x reader #bakugou x you

[darkacademicfrom2021]

The Dark Team (part 5 S2)

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Warnings: abductions, kidnapping, forced unconsciousness, electroshocks (non explicit).

A/N: Listen. Listen. The chronologies... we already knew those were weird in this story and we accepted that. Now, we have to also accept the whole multiverse thingy being even more weird, because, yes, I'm mentioning OSCORP. Let's deal with it like mature people *screams into abyss of no return*.

“Your dirty little secret? Oh, come on. You gotta be kidding!”, exclaimed Steve, slamming the table. He immediately looked at you, “I’m sorry”.

He said sorry because it was three in the morning, Narfi was sound asleep and you all kept bickering about the coded message. You had peeped in your room several times, only to find, the first two times, Loki and your son reading in silence, each his own book, both neatly tucked under the same weighted blanket and Narfi's head resting on his father's shoulder. The third time, Narfi was asleep and Loki kept reading. The fourth, Narfi was all alone in the king-sized bed and Loki wasn't there. But he hadn't joined the meeting either.

Nobody could figure out what the dirty little secret was, and they all thought it was something Tony did. Like, you know, selling weapons.

“It’s okay, Steve. Listen, this is getting nowhere. And Loki should be here by now, where did you send him?”.

“I didn’t send him, he just… he said he needed to do something that had something to do with… could he have mentioned an old tutor?”, said Bucky, and you furrowed your brows.

“Is he in Asgard, now?”.

“I guess”.

You took your phone out, and tried to call him again, but he didn’t answer. There wasn't any phone signal in Asgard. Why would he go in there without saying anything?

“Look, all I’m saying is, the message was through JARVIS, and you’re the one with the most filthy secrets in here”, said Thor.

“Are you serious?”, spat Tony, pointing at Bucky. “This one was a hydra assassin”, pointing at Natasha “this one is an assassin”, pointing at Thor “we have no idea what’s going on with your thousand and half long life”, and finally pointing at you “there are no records whatsoever of anything you’ve done before my internship. So, no. I’m not the only one with the dirty secrets here. And, by the way, they’re dirty but public”.

“Yes. The billions you’ve won by selling weapons are very well known”.

“Shut your mouth”.

“Listen, this will get us nowhere. We could be in danger if we don't do something about this so if anyone is under any little suspicion of what a dirty secret they could be cultivating, this is the time to say it", you mediated, still calling Loki and getting directly to the voicemail.

"What could we possibly be having, Y/n?", asked Bruce tiredly.

"Any weird and innovative lab experiment? Something that could be used as a weapon? A disease? A cure? A mutation? Anything?", and you stopped on your words immediately. "Oh, no". As you opened your eyes widely, about to run to Narfi's room, Loki picked up the phone and you put it on speaker, pausing your fear. "Love! Where are you?".

Silence. Silence in the whole room, and a flickering light kind of sound. And then the unmistakable sound of a bad microphone on the other line, white noises, whispers to which you couldn't figure out the words.

"It's easy, really", said a rusty voice from the other side of the line. Everyone put on their best panic faces. You could feel your heartbeat on your throat. Not again. Not goddamn again, someone kidnapped one of you. This wasn't the kind of mission you wanted to join to get back on your feet. "You give us what we want, Mr. Stark, and we give you the man".

You looked at Tony and he huffed in frustration. He opened his mouth to speak, but on the background of the call you could hear Loki's unimpressed voice,

"The God. I'm not a man".

"Loki, are you okay? Can you hear me? Where are you?", you tried.

"I'm okay. These idiots think that they can…", he began saying, but a buzzing noise cut him off, along with a muffled screaming and something you figured was an electroshock took him out of the conversation.

"What do you want?", asked Stark. "Who are you?".

"We want money, Mr. Stark. A lot of it, to found our project", explained the voice. "And the other thing we need for the project. We could do with this one, but I'm sure you could give us a better sample".

"What is he talking about, Tony?".

"You think you can be more specific, dear?", asked Tony, losing his patience.

"Imagine a supersoldier, a superior being like that, but with ice powers, Mr. Stark. A man that's a mortal weapon itself", explained the kidnapper. "This one is particularly alright. But we will need a lot of him".

"What are you saying?".

"The frost giant. We want his blood".

They cut the conversation and Bucky grabbed your shoulder as you began to panic.

"Y/n, before jumping to this mission you should leave Narfi with someone strong enough to protect him", intervened Thor. You looked at him and sighed.

"Fine. Loki can't hear a word of this, alright?".

"Let it in my hands. I'll also ask Heimdall", he assured you and you squeezed his hand.

"Thank you", you told him, and traced the call. You did it in a few minutes and walked to Narfi’s room, to tell him where he would go. You wondered how you’d keep him calm. Usually Loki is the one that brought calmness to the situations, and this time around you had to be the one to keep calm and manage it all. You also wondered if he was capable of escaping on his own or if the kidnappers knew who they were dealing with and got him too restrained to run. Electroshocks. Loki’s weakness (anyone’s, really), so you guessed they knew better.

You knocked on Narfi’s door and he let you in with a flick of his wrist. Purple lights around the door made it disappear and he shifted his expressions from panic to disappointment really quickly.

“I’m so sorry, I…”, he began, but you walked hurriedly to him.

“Don’t worry about it, Narfi. Listen”, you said, and kneeled in front of him to reach his own height. You grabbed his tiny hand, and he paid close attention. “Daddy’s in trouble, and uncle Buck and I are going to help him come back home, alright? He’s fine, you don’t need to worry”, you explained the best you could.

“Can I come with, please, please? Daddy taught me things that could be useful, please?”.

“Don’t you wanna go with grandma, better?”, you smiled at him, hoping he’d accept and you wouldn’t have to take him against his wishes, “come on, darling, she wants to teach you some new tricks”.

Narfi smiled at those words and you sighed in relief.

“How long are you gonna take?”.

“I’m not sure. Couple of days at most”.

“Is daddy on a mission?”.

“Yeah”.

“Is he winning?”.

“I’m sure he is”.

“Is he cutting people with his new dagger?”.

“What do you mean new dag… wait, no, he’s not… hurting anyone, alright? Just… pack your things”.

“I hope he someday teaches me to throw knives like him”.

“Pack your toothbrush!”, you said from the door, and whispered to yourself, “dear Lord, I’m not letting Loki train at his sight again”.

As you left his room for him to get ready, you hurried your steps to meet the team. You tripped and fell over with someone’s leg. When you got up, hurting from the hit, you realized you tripped over Steve’s unconscious body. Looking around, the whole team seemed to have passed out completely.

“JARVIS!”, you called, your voice less calm than you would’ve liked to.

“Yes, Mx. Y/n?”.

“‘Yes, Mx. Y/n?’ What the hell happened here? Take their vitals!”, you rushed to Tony’s side and took his pulse. He seemed asleep. Just in case, you covered your nose and mouth with your sleeve.

“According to my database, they all seem to be in perfect condition. There might be some sort of a substance in the air. Should I alert Mr. Laufeyson as he comes back?”.

“Oh, God”, you realized.

Narfi.

You ran up to his room, knocking everything on your way to him. But as you didn’t even need to open an invisible door, you realized he wasn’t there. The room was completely empty.

Half an hour passed, and in the middle you ran all the way around the Tower, trying to unsuccessfully find your son hiding somewhere. But no, you were sure. You had already some theory of what could’ve happened to him and where he could be. And you didn’t like that idea at all. Oh, no. You much rather the Allfather keeping him forever than the alternative.

You poured a bit of the chemical mix you managed to prepare despite your trembling hands on the room’s vaporizer, and everyone began slowly recovering consciousness. Tony coughed up a blue liquid, and looked at it without much clue of what happened.

“Amitriptyline”, you told him, and he furrowed his brows. “In this dosage can make saliva blue, besides urine”, you explained what he hadn’t asked.

“But what for? I’m not depressed”.

“It’s for blocking whatever you’ve been given to get passed out. I know their tricks”, you vaguely explained, but, in all honesty, you really did not want to explain why you knew antidepressants blocked the effects of that substance.

“Their? What just happened?”.

“Where is my brother?!”, beamed Thor, ready to guilt him on it.

“This is not on Loki”, you said, taking a notepad out of your pocket and scribbling down some things while Bucky, Steve, Sam, Tony and Natasha got up and approached you cautiously. Thor began looking up, still trying to figure out if there was any of his brother’s magic involved. “They took Narfi. We have to act quickly, alright?”.

“Oh God, you’re not serious”, said Bucky, lowering his voice.

“They said… they said they wanted Loki’s blood”, recalled Natasha. “Loki’s blood, his heir. Not his actual blood”, she realized. You nodded.

“They want to mix human DNA with Jötun DNA and do that weird icy supersoldier mix, that terrible idea. That’s why they wanted Loki, to get his pure Jötun cells, and then get Narfi, to see how the chromosome pairs work. They want to experiment with my child”, you blurted out with your heart on your chest. “This, this right now, is an important mission. So we all better do this right now”.

“Wait, so what’s your plan of approach? Go to whatever place you think they are and go get them?”, said Steve. “I know you’re stressed and you have every right to be, but think. We need a plan”.

“We don’t need a plan, we need action, right now”, you said, unrecognizable words coming out of your mouth.

“Y/n”, mediated Tony. “Listen. We’ll figure it out. Rest of the team, to my office. You stay here and do not move even a hair, you hear me? You’re in no condition to get on board with this. Let us do this and you can help from a distance”.

“No way. There is no way you’re leaving me out of rescuing my own son”.

“Exactly because it’s your kid we’re talking about. Listen, a surgeon can’t operate on their own child. No, no. Don’t argue with me. Close your mouth. Barnes, make sure they don’t do anything stupid, wouldn’t you?”.

And with that, he left.

You and Bucky stayed in silence for about ten seconds, fidgeting with the notepad you had in between your fingers, ready to tear it to pieces out of anxiousness. After that, you said,

“Rescuing my child is not doing something stupid, right?”.

He shrugged and huffed out.

“I guess not. What’s your plan?”.

“Where would you go if you were a kidnapper with a very important child to perform very illegal experiments?”.

“I… don’t know”.

“I do”.

“What?”.

“Remember when you asked what my major was?”.

“Yes...?”.

“I… well, before the stark internship I worked in a very… odd place, it made experiments. Genetic experiments. The famous OSCORP, you know the place. They were the ones doing all the spider shit and Peter got bit by a spider in there. I worked there, and there was something that… never added up. The experiments grew worse and worse, more immoral, more dangerous. I couldn’t take them anymore and I left without leaving a trace of me in the public eye. Or so I thought”.

“You think your kid might be in OSCORP?”.

“I’m afraid so”.

“No more waiting then, let’s get the motorbike”.

“Shouldn’t we alert the team?”.

“What, so they can go by themselves, without you, without a plan and without your knowledge about that place? Besides, Loki is already in there, right?”.

“You’re the voice of reason, sometimes, Barnes”, you said, tossing him a pair of keys and his jacket. And with that, you two headed to OSCORP without warning.

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