#i'm suffering and been crying the whole morning 😔 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eoieopda · 9 months

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I should know better than to start my Sunday mornings by reading your fics by now. Why do I still do it? Cause I like to make myself suffer. 🥰

Let me start by just saying- *clears throat* AaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why are you making menace OC suffer so much? Why is my poor baby always being thrown headfirst into an emotional turmoil? Why would you write an entire part about her feeling like cellophane and then casually dropping that scene w Jin remembering how 14 y/o him forgot to pick her up from dance practice? If you think my rant has anything to do w my insecurity of being unwanted, no it doesnt.

Why is Jin being a dumbwit by throwing parties to make them get together while simultaneously messing w Jimin by casually telling him that he's lucky he's not swallowing his teeth for fooling around w someone's sister? Why didn't Jimin tell her that her brother made him blow her off one year ago? I have so many question🫥

And if I remember correctly, I think pt.3 ended w Jin finding Jimin in front of oc's house? What happened to that?

I'm sorry for bombarding you w so many questions 😭 You did so good😭💕 You're so fucking good at writing angst! You make the wait sooo worth it and if you ever saw me crying, no you didn't. Ok maybe a little! 🥹

oh, wow, thank you so much! 😭💕 it’s early where i am, so my brain is bad at determining what’s rhetorical and what isn’t (lol). here’s why i did what i did:

because (surprise!) i’m the menace 😌 lmao. no but really, i wanted to make it super clear why this very specific letdown would’ve been so devastating + why that experience with jimin as kids wound up with mc putting him on a pedestal to fall from later. mc’s never really seen him clearly, just angel (then) and demon (now).

this comes up at the beginning of pt. iv, but jimin would’ve talked it through if mc hadn’t left that voicemail 😔 poor buddy heard his deepest insecurity weaponized by the last person he’d ever expect/want to hear it from 🥲

the conversation with seokjin happens right after jimin leaves mc’s house and goes home! that’s why seokjin asks if jimin has anything he wants to tell him, criticizes him for taking what seokjin thinks is two years to make a move, etc. meanwhile, jimin is 👁️👄👁️ because he 1) got caught, 2) did not wait two years to get with seokjin’s sister, and 3) this whole thing wouldn’t have happened if he’d known seokjin was rooting for them. ✨ everybody in this fic needs therapy ✨

#jade speaks #borabitsch #re: menace #pjm

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softxsuki · 2 years

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hi, ok to start this off. im going to mention suicide in this ask-i know your okay with topics of suicide for fics if its comfort based, i just hope this isnt too explict.

so long-story short, everyday has been exausthing for me. extremely tiring, sometimes it even tires me to breathe. i feel like a puppet being forced to be on stage. i wish i could stay in bed the whole day but i have chores to do, errands to run. i wish i could, but i cant just shut myself out from the whole world.

im constantly told how i need to 'try harder' 'do better' 'youre being so lazy' im trying my best, but im not sure its enough.

i always wish i couldved died in my sleep and it irritates me when i wake up in the morning. im not even trying that hard to hide what im going through, i dont really express my emotions like other people. i tend to be a little more closed off than others but no one actually noticed.

im scared of dying-terrified, but right now. i feel like thats the only option i have to escape this endless cycle. its like my heart is telling me not to but my mind and body wants it, my mind and body want to rest.

kuroo is one of my first and favorite comfort character. could i make an urgent request where gn!reader is silently crying in their room, thinking about how tired they are and how suicide is running through their mind. and kuroo walks in on reader like this, where it ends up with reader opening up and telling him about all the shit weve been through and how suicide is something reader is very close to doing. how kuroo comforts us through it?

i dont want to dump this all on you because i know it can be a lot of pressure for you. you dont have to write this fic but if you plan to, you can take your time with it. im aware your a human being too, i know you have a life outside of social media and i dont want to interfere with that. but thank you so so much in advance. i hope you have a lovevly day<3

Kuroo Comforts Reader Who's Having Suicidal-Thoughts

Pairing: Kuroo x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal-thoughts, feelings of wanting to give up, please don't read if these topics will be triggering to you rather than comforting!

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: In which Kuroo finds you crying in your room and comforts you after you open up to him about your suicidal-thoughts and everything you've been dealing with.

[A/N: Hey thank you so much for trusting me with your urgent request <3 I tried to write it as quickly as I could for you! I won't say too much, as I think Kuroo does his best to comfort you in this oneshot. Hopefully his words reach you and provide you with some comfort! I'm here if you ever need to talk to anyone about anything <3 ]

***I really need to change this picture. This man is laughing during these serious moments 😭😔

When would it end? The endless cycle of having no motivation to do anything except stay in bed and just sleep as the world continues to move around you.

Silent tears make their way down your face as horrible thoughts fill your head, tempting you to just go ahead and end your suffering yourself. You were terrified, but it was beginning to feel like the only way out of that endless cycle of nothingness.

You felt truly alone there in your room, as hot tears rolled down your face. You look around your room remembering the days when things were different; when you didn’t feel tired all the time and didn’t have to drag yourself out of bed each morning to do something as simple as feed yourself. Where did it all go wrong?

You couldn’t even remember when you first started feeling this way–it’s as if you just woke up one morning and this uncontrollable exhaustion took over your life.

Would anyone even care if I just left this world?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on your window.

“Psst, what’re you doing? Open up before I fall,” you hear a hushed voice whisper from outside your window, making you jump at the sudden noise.

“Tetsurou?” You croak out, your voice slightly raspy from not talking in a while, “What’re you doing?”

You quickly open the window and let the raven-haired boy into your room, while hiding your face from him, not wanting him to see your puffy face from all the tears you had cried.

“What am I doing? What have you been doing? I’ve called you a million times and you didn’t answer. I got worried so I came over.”

There was your answer for you. He was worried. Kuroo would care if you suddenly left. The thought made more tears pool in your eyes as you cried again for the millionth time that day.

“Hey hey, are you crying? I’m sorry Y/N, did I say something wrong?”

“No,” you sob even harder, profusely wiping your eyes, but the tears just wouldn’t stop, “I just forgot that there was someone out there that could worry about me.”

“Huh? Of course I worry about you. I thought something happened to you, I even forgot to use the front door and climbed the side of your house like a mad man,” he blurts.

It was then that you noticed the Volleyball uniform still on his body that was drenched in sweat along with the fresh beads of sweat that were rolling down his face.

“I’m sorry,” you cry again, knowing he ran straight from Volleyball practice to check up on you.

“Y/N it’s okay, really. I’m just glad you’re not hurt or anything, but clearly something’s wrong. What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that right?”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down as Kuroo takes a seat on the floor in front of you with crossed legs, not wanting to dirty your bed with his sweat as he patiently waits for you to explain. It takes a while for you to open up about how you had been feeling everyday for who knows how long. You were usually closed off, never really verbal about your emotions to anyone, but you knew that you needed to tell someone–at least him. So, you gather your nerves and let it all spill.

“I’ve just been feeling so tired, Kuroo. Physically and mentally, I’m exhausted every single day of my life and I’m tired of it. It wears me out just breathing–why does living have to be so exhausting? All I want to do is stay in bed and let the world continue as I just rest, but I can’t. I have to get up and drag myself to run some errands or do chores around the house,” you explain, looking at the patterns on your ceiling, not prepared to see how he was reacting yet.

But Kuroo was still seated in the same position, listening intently to every word you had to say, though it pained him to hear what you had been going through all on your own without him knowing.

“And I-” you swallow, getting ready to drop the bombshell that had been weighing heavily on your shoulders for the past few days, “Sometimes I just feel like the only way out of this is just dying. I just want to be at peace, I don’t think I can keep moving forward, Tetsurou. But then at the same time, I’m so scared of death. I don’t want to die, but what if it's my only way out? My heart is screaming at me to stay and keep fighting, but my mind and body just want to rest and be at peace already. I’m. so. tired.”

Fresh tears pour out of your eyes and you roughly rub them away, irritated that you kept on crying when you didn’t want to.

Kuroo just looks at you with sad eyes, hating that you were going through all this alone, but relieved that at least he was there with you now before you had the chance to take matters into your own hands. He was incredibly concerned for you, but as your eyes slowly moved to him, he plasters a small smile on his face. He didn’t want you to think that he was just pitying you when it was a lot deeper than that.

“I had no idea,” he finally lets out, “But thank you for trusting me enough to tell me now.”

He shifts slightly as you nod your head in acknowledgment, worried that your words would scare him off at any moment, but then he speaks again.

“Y’know sometimes our brain and body don’t want the right things or the same things that our hearts want,” he pauses for a moment to read your expression, but you’re just quietly listening to him from your bed, “Not to be one of those guys that relate everything to their passion, but it’s just like with Volleyball. Near the end of a match we’re physically and mentally burned out to the point where our bodies want to give up and rest; however, our hearts…my heart pushes me beyond my limits with the desire and need to win that game no matter how physically and mentally exhausted I am.”

The analogy makes perfect sense to you, and almost feels a little scary how much you’re able to relate to that sensation without even playing Volleyball.

“Sometimes life can be a pain, but the good news is that there’s only so far we can fall before we reach rock bottom, and from there, the only way left to go is up.” he points up while looking up and you follow his lead, finding your head moving on it’s own as you follow the direction his finger is pointing in, looking up at your ceiling.

“Life will never give you more than what you can handle even if it feels like you’ve already gone beyond what you’re capable of handling. You may be on the very brink, where you feel so exhausted and all you want to do now is give up, but your heart–your driving force–is keeping you here. That’s how you know you’re still fighting, so keep fighting, please,” a bit of emotion finally laces through his voice, which shocks you slightly as Kuroo wasn’t the type to let his emotions get the best of him.

He clears his throat quickly and wipes his eyes slightly before continuing to speak once again.

“You know you’re not alone through this. I’m right here with you, you just have to take baby steps. Take one day at a time, doing small things until you’re able to motivate yourself again–which will happen!”

“Can that actually happen?” You ask hopefully.

“Of course and I’ll be here to help you get to that point one day again. If you’re too tired to leave the house for something, I’ll get it for you. If you can’t make your bed or clean up, I’ll tidy up for you. If you can’t find it in you to cook for yourself, I’ll get you some food. And from there we can try doing these things together until doing them on your own doesn’t feel so exhausting anymore. You’ll make it through this rough patch in your life, I swear. So, don’t let your brain and body dictate what happens in your life; as long as your heart is yelling for you to keep going, you keep going,” he looks up at you with teary eyes though a big smile is on his face as he looks at you with eyes full of care, “Just don’t give up on yourself. I’m rooting for you, so you should be too, but for now I’ll be cheering you on ten-fold, to make up for all those thoughts trying to take you away–I won’t let them take you.”

“Okay,” you say with tears in your eyes, not even caring that you were crying again for the hundredth time that day, Kuroo was willing to help and that in itself was enough to make you hopeful–it was a nice change from the constant negative words that were usually thrown at you from the people around you.

“Thank you Tetsurou,” you whisper to him.

Kuroo finally gets to his feet and brings you into his warm arms. You didn’t even care if he was covered in sweat, it just felt nice to be cared for like that.

“Anytime, just remember that you’re never alone, not as long as I have a say in it. I’ll be here everyday for you. Baby steps,” he whispers into the crook of your neck as you feel drops of water drip onto your shoulder.

“Baby steps,” you repeat, holding him tighter in your arms, allowing him to spill some of his own emotions while it was your turn now to comfort him.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 1/31/2022

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