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#i'm still working on that fic from earlier can u believe it
mostsaneptvfan · 8 months
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FIRST TIME REQUESTING! So I have no clue if you're okay with what I'm ganna ask?
May I ask for a angst to fluff. (Only if you're okay with both in the request! unless you want it to be full angst) Like where reader/ y/n is near death (again only if your okay with it) wiith Dazai and Chuuya. (If you wish to add another one that's your choice!) It can be either a headcanon or short fic. Whichever one your more confterble with!
(Ps I love your smau au!)
Have a nice day/night/afternoon (it's 3:10 a.m for me 💀) but anyways if you can't accept my request I understand! But take care of yourself. ♡
A/n- OMG YOU DONT KNOW HOW FAST I GOT UP AND STARTED WRITING TYSM FOR THE REQ OMG AND IM GLAD YOU LIKE THE SMAU😭🫶
Close call
Dazai x reader and chuuya x reader (separate)
Genre-angst and fluff
Warnings- heavy topics, torture, blood, mori…
Songs to listen-skyfall adele,I bet on losing dogs mitski,francis forever mitski
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Osamu Dazai
You were sent on a mission by yourself by Fukuzawa to gather information on a rival organization. You knew the risks of this but you were willing to risk it To give the Ada any type of advantage. Before your mission dazai told you to be more cautious about everyone and everything, he had a pitiful feeling in his stomach..the same feeling when he lost his dear friend, which left him wondering if his past finally catching up to him?
Ever since you left the feeling only got worse and worse, he couldn’t take it anymore it was eating him alive he felt a sense of guilt, and for the first time in year, he felt fear..? Something might have happens to you..days without contact or even texts all his texts were delivered you never left him on delivered. He couldn't take it anymore and decided he will look for you himself.
Meanwhile, you haven't texted Dazai due to leaving your work phone at the ADA in order to not cause any suspicion between you and your new boss however you couldn't stay like this forever he saw you rummaging through classified files which ended up with you having to reveal your identity causing you to fight. What surprised you was the ambush from behind which ended up with u getting stabbed in the chest and losing conscious.
Once he got there he was late...your body on the ground bleeding profusely, he couldn't believe it he failed you. The person he vowed to serve and protect you only to fail you. His heart aches at seeing you so motionless so still. He couldn't even form a word he couldn't even stand on his feet. “You're not gone [name] right..” his voice filled with sorrow and disbelief. If only he came earlier..he could've prevented this he wouldn’t have lost you.
He ran to your body and held it..for the first time in years he couldn’t mask his emotions how could he..you were special to him the only one keeping on this ground, but now that your gone he has no will to live no reason to be here. “[name] I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, you didn’t deserve this awful fate my love..I’m sorry”. You were still conscious you heard everything how u you wish you can tell him “everything’s going to be okay” but honestly not even you knew if your going to make it”
Dazai held u so close running towards the nearest hospital he could find without any second thought begging every doctor to treat you before it was to late. He didn’t leave your side the whole time you were unconscious, atsushi brought Dazai food and made sure to give him company and any ounce of hope he had.
It was almost a month since that event you haven’t woken up not even once…this left Dazai terrified he only thought of the worst outcome. Though before u hit one month of being unconscious you woke up, every emotion hitting you but the one hitting you the most was shock and fear. You couldn't believe you were alive, and you also wondered who brought you to the hospital but soon realization and memories hit you. Dazai found you laying unconscious, you couldn't help but have guilt. Your poor husband finding you unconscious and unresponsive was a horror to think about.
You were so deep in thought you didn't notice Dazai practically tugging you into a hug crying his eyes out on your shoulder. [name] my love I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you, I'm sorry I failed you I was so scared, I was so scared of you leaving me like everyone” he said between broken sobs. “Dazai dear I'm sorry for being so careless I really should've seen it coming” you say through your tears.
To say the least, dazai is happy you're alive and that's all that matters to him.
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Nakahara Chuuya
You and Gin were sent on a mission personally requested by Mori, which was odd since usually, he would have you take missions with Chuuya since he had his suspicions here and there. You always found your boss “odd” he always figured out things even he was told which was a scary thought.
On the mission, you were told to play a fair person and your objective was to woe the victim over and that's when Gin strikes. Though it was easier said than done, during the night you felt like something was coming for you or that you were being watched but you pushed your thoughts away for the sake of the mission. You found something quite odd about your victim he looks like a former mafia member though you've never seen him, you feel like his name was mentioned somewhere.
Fortunately, before the night ended you got the victim to think that you were an innocent person trying to get help from him for your company on how to grow it etc. But he knew you were from the mafia he had his eyes on you ever since you stepped in, he knew Mori would send an executive to assassinate him during this party. You had a feeling that your facade was seen through like clear glass, which made the gut feeling start to tell you “leave” or “go home” but you knew being in the mafia your life was always on risk.
Chuuya on the other hand was sweating and shaking something was telling him to watch over you that night, he had a feeling Mori had some plan since usually he would send him with you and no one else. So while you and Gin were on your way to the party he followed you guys but decided to stay hidden until he felt he was needed.
You were unexpectedly brought a handkerchief to your mouth making you pass out. Otherwise, Gin was concerned about what could have happened to you, you weren't giving her any sign to strike..unless the struck first which had her panicking since she also didn't see the host anywhere. She Knew something was wrong, so through her headset she let everyone know “Code red, our executive is missing”. Just hearing this made Chuuya jump and head to the party area before he knew it, he was frantically searching for you everywhere in the area but had no luck he couldn't find you and this made him more frustrated he couldn't believe he took his eyes off you for a bit and you were MISSING.
It was days maybe 3 days since the incident they had you tied to a chair with handcuffs tied to both hands making it impossible to use your ability. You were so beat up all these days tortured just for some information you didn't have. “Now where is that supply box” he spoke, another hit towards your ribs but you stayed silent. “OH SO WE ARE GONNA PLAY THE SILENT GAME ARE WE?!” he says but before you were hit again the doors of the area were crushed open before you knew it Gin ran to you and untied you, and carried you to the truck where they already had a medical professional on board.
Meanwhile, chuuya made sure this man was dead and he made sure that he paid for what he did to you. Chuuya had rage in him, the state he found you in made me sick and sad, how could this asshole do this to you. After his job was chuuya got back to the truck where the doctor talked to him. “Sir they will be unconscious for a few days maybe a few hours if lucky but they had a few broken ribs and a few bruises to the head”. He couldn't believe what he heard, he felt the rage he had earlier come back to him, but he kept his composer just nodded to the doctor.
He was now facing you he felt his heart shatter to 100 pieces the pain and guilt he felt was eating him alive. “If only I got there earlier” or “I should've taken the mission but compared to other missions this was one of the least dangerous. He knelt near your bed while holding your hand slowly letting the tears down.
After 3 days you finally open your eyes looking around the unfamiliar room it looked nothing like the mafia hospital room which relieved you, you didn't have to deal with mori and his annoying overbearing antics, how u hated him and wanted someone to take his spot.
While lost in thought u turn to see flowers and a note on the bedside, you grabbed them smiling to yourself already knowing who it was. As you looked at the flowers you open the note slightly smiling as you read. “My dearest [name] I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you as I vowed to you I will, so after you feel better let me take you out to eat, sincerely yours Chuuya Nakahara” but before you finished you saw the end “ps I’ll visit you later I'm on a mission right now”. You never knew how you got lucky with such a man but honestly, it did take you guys a while to be where you are at right now.
Later…
You were sitting down reading a book when you heard the hospital door bust open, at first you thought it was an enemy attack but you were relieved to see Chuuya at the door with a little box at hand. “My love” you heard Chuuya speak “I got you this,” he says as he gives you the box. You were shocked, to be honest, you weren't expecting anything so when u recognized the jewelry box you began to cheer up. “Thank you dear you didn't have to,” you say smiling at him while opening the box, to your surprise there was a gorgeous necklace that you'd been wanting for a while but couldn't get your hands on it, so it was surprising to see Chuuya get ahold of such an item.
You felt your eyes start to tear up as you pulled Chuuya into a tight hug and whispered “Thank you my love I couldn't ask for someone more amazing than you”. Chuuya was surprised by your sudden action but didn't complain at all. “My love I'm sorry for not being there on time,” Chuuya said his voice cracking “If maybe I was there earlier this could've been avoided”. “Chuuya it's ok, I'm fine I'm here with you look on the bright side at least we got him” you say softly.
Chuuya knew you were right, he was just happy you were alive and with him still.
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everlastlady · 9 months
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Hello 👋 thanks for the follow so I've been reading lots of amazing Striker fics and stumbled upon yours will it be okay if I request a Striker x Target Reader ( Female)
Summary: Striker fails once again to assassin Stolas and takes a swing in a bar, gets a call from a different royal business it can be your oc or a random name that they're target is the Reader but Striker seems to be interested in this one because the reader doesn't tolerate or fall for Striker's actions. Like a cat and mouse game between them until the reader develops feelings for him and actually let's Striker take her in but Striker on the other hand does something else turns behinds the royals back and goes on the run saving the reader. In the end he's alone until he stumbles with her again but makes him smile instead of fighting he smile because it's been long enough that he had to run away from many places they both hold hands and hug.
Hope it's not too long and you can always decline. Keep up the good work and thank you ❤️
It's not to long but I believe I made this story long because I had to much fun writing it. So I hope you enjoy it, I'm going write a part 2 because that's how much I enjoyed writing it so this was a long write because the original is 5109 words.
Characters: Striker, Rosemary (oc), & Damien (oc)
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Striker X Reader Part One: Runaways
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“ Thanks, Doc. “ Striker said as he watched Rosemary finish patching him up. “ No problem. But you need to be careful. For a highly trained assassin you sure do get roughed up. “ Rosemary said, while letting out a soft chuckle. Striker stared at the stitches then let out a low hiss. “ Those little vermin are good but not as good as me. “ Striker said, smirking. Rosemary set her chart down and walked over as she stared at Striker. Striker looked at her and Rosemary raised her hand and flicked him in the forehead. “ Ow! What the fuck was that for. “ Striker said, covering his face and mumbling. “ That is what will happen if you pop those stitches again. Anyway, in time to pay up I need to close up and leave. “ Rosemary smiled as her plant-like tail swung. '' Fine here you go. “ Striker handed the plant demon woman the money and got off the bed. “ Don’t worry I won’t pop them. I’ll try to take it easy. “ Striker said, while watching Rosemary count the money. '' For someone who helps assassins and criminals like me. You sure have no worries when it comes to relationships so are you going to tell me who this special someone is. “ Striker said, as he had seen Rosemary’s phone and saw an unknown number send a green and blue heart emoji. Rosemary grabbed her phone with her tail and placed the phone in her purse. “ None of your business. But yes my work is dangerous but I can still balance what my partner calls a work life balance. Anyway now shoo I’m already going to be late for the date they had planned and remember don’t pop those stitches or I’m going to pop your head. “ Rosemary shoved Striker outside the door and closed it. Striker stood there for a moment and looked at the door. He let out a chuckle. “ Have fun darlin’. “ Striker walked towards the pole where Bombproof was and got on top of his horse. “ I’ll get a drink and find some hotel to kick back in. “ Striker hit Bombproof with his tail as the two rode to the saloon called the Broken Jaw, a place for criminals, assassins, hitmen, and just the worst of the worst. Striker got off of Bombproof. “ I’ll be quick buddy. “ Striker pets Bombproof on the nose and walked inside of the bar. He didn’t care if people stared at him. Striker had a reputation around this bar and it was you can look but if you touch, you are getting shot and Striker had a pretty big head count here.
“ Damien, how are you and can I get my usual ? “ Striker said, as he sat down and grunted a bit, still feeling tired and beaten up from earlier. The sleep demon nodded his head and made Striker his drink as he let out a yawn. “ You look pretty fucked up what happened? “ Damien asked while he took the money from Striker. “ I don’t really wanna go into details. But at least I won’t have to deal with the blue blood and those vermin for a while. “ Striker took a sip from his drink while Damien chuckled. Striker’s phone started to ring as he grabbed his tail. “ Hello? Listen I can’t take a job right now, I’m pretty beat up right now and my doctor recommended I- wait you’ll pay me how much? Well why didn’t you say so. Alright just send me the picture of the target and I’ll kill them for you and deliver their head. “ Striker placed his phone back in his pocket as Damien looked at Striker. “ Sounds like a good job. “ Damien said, while cleaning the glass. “ Good? No, this man is offering more than that screeching bitch. This money could help me finish rebuilding the ranch and maybe even take a vacation. “ Striker chuckled and took a sip from his drink. “ I know the doc will kill me if I pop my stitches but she’ll get paid a lot and I’ll give you a big tip too Damien. “ Striker grinned. “ That would be nice you’re the only one who tips me, I used to have another guy but you shot him. “ Damien said, while pouring Striker another drink. “ He should have kept my mother’s name out of his mouth. “ Striker mumbled and sipped on the drink. “ But here you go. I should go and rest up, I’ll need to prepare since I’ll be killing this target. “ Striker felt his phone buzz and looked at the picture, he smirked and showed Damien the picture. “ This is the target? Ha! I might as well just track them today and shoot them dead in the face.
Striker laughed to himself as he handed Damien some money. His lavender claws reached out and grabbed the money. “ Have a nice night Striker. “ Damien smiled. As Striker got up and left, he glanced at the picture of you. You were his target, he assumed that he could easily use his charms on you and then kill you since the client named Devon wanted your head. He literally wanted your head. “ Maybe I could use the money to get some new weapons, let’s head home buddy, we gotta rest up because we have a big job tomorrow. “ Striker jumped back on Bombproof as he rode off with Bombproof towards a hotel. “ This one doesn’t look too bad, let’s go find somewhere to put ya. “ Striker ended up putting Bombproof somewhere nice and cozy. Striker stepped into the hotel and looked around. It was your average hotel, nothing too fancy or run down. He was sure that he would get a goodnight sleep. He walked up to the front desk and signed some papers so that he could have a room. He paid for his room and grabbed the key. He tilted his hat at the desk clerk and walked away. Striker heads to his hotel room and unlocked the door. He walked inside and looked around the room and laughed. “ Great! No piss stains or puke stains in the carpet. “ Striker walked over to the bed and looked at the bed. “ Hopefully no bed bugs. Alright time to shower, clean my weapons, and rest. I wonder what blade (Y/N) would like against their neck. “ Striker chuckled and walked away to take a shower but was careful because he did not want Rosemary to flick him in the head. Those long black nails made him shiver. After finishing up his shower. Striker dried off and changed into a pair of gray sweatpants and sat down on the bed. While he looked at the different blades he had. “ This one is pretty. “ Striker smirked and decided to go with a simple hunting blade. He put away his weapon and reached over - he switched off the light and as soon as his head hit the pillow he fell asleep. The next morning, Striker was up and went to go get breakfast. He wanted to have enough energy when he got you. Striker stepped into the diner and sat down, he picked up the menu and scanned through it. “ Hello, there my name is (Y/N) . What can I get you? “ Striker’s eyes widened and he set down the menu, his eyes looked up and he saw you. He did his best to contain his excitement. “ I’ll take a black coffee and maybe if you ~ “ He shot you a wink. “ A coffee it is. “ You said, with a blank expression and walked away. Striker sat there like a goldfish with his mouth open.
“ H-How… “ He was at a loss for words. How did you not fall for his charm? His targets always fell for his charm but now things were different. Even if he assumed that you were dating or married. His targets always fell for him. You walked over with the coffee and set it down. “ Anything else I can get you? “ You said. “ And don’t say another pick up line, I don’t have time to deal with creeps like you. “ You said, with a soft glare. Striker stared at you and for the first time he was speechless but he should order food. “ Eggs and bacon. “ He said, with a defeated sigh. “ Good. I’ll be back with your meal. “ You gave him a smile and walked off. Striker was captured but your smile. He looked down at the table. He pulled out his phone and glanced at the picture of you. The client who asked him to kill you didn’t say why they wanted you dead. His clients usually didn’t tell him. Why they wanted someone dead and he didn’t care because money was money but he didn’t kill kids that was his one golden rule and he had his reasons. “ Here’s your food hon. “ You set the plate down and Striker tried his best to put his phone away. You raised an eyebrow and shook your head walking away. Wasn’t your business since you usually dealt with weird people. Striker watched you walk away and started poking his food. “ Shit… now I need a new plan. “ And he wasn’t going to cause a scene at this diner. He sat there eating his food and drinking the black coffee. He probably needed a new tactic, maybe he should impress you or compliment you. Striker finished his coffee and food. He watched you walk over with the bill, he took a deep breath and smiled. “ I’m sorry. I was acting like a creep earlier darlin’, I just ain’t ever seen a pretty demon like you in a long time. “ He said, trying to sound sincere. “ It’s not a problem but if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work. “ You said, and turned around but Striker grabbed your hand and placed something in it. “ Here you go, just for you and your wonderful service. “ Striker had given you $40. You looked at him and smiled. “ Thanks, I guess that you aren’t so bad. “ You said, while slipping the money into your pocket.
“ Glad you don’t think of me as a bad man, darlin’ because I’m more than a bad man, I’m a dangerous man. “ Striker said, while smirking and shooting you finger guns. You let out a laugh which made Striker blush, hearing you laugh made him feel all warm inside. “ Hey, I get off work in an hour. Do you want to hangout? I'm kinda new in Hell and have been wanting to hangout with some people. “ You said, smiling at Striker. “ Oh, you’re one of those sinners, interesting I don’t meet much of ya, but sure we can hangout right after you finish up work. “ He said. “ Good, I’m giving you a chance so don’t try anything funny. “ You said, in a stern voice and shot him a wink then walked off. Striker sat there as he felt his heart race. He had never felt this way about someone. He was usually the one making others blush and flustered. But here was dumbfounded on how you could make him feel this way. He was so excited to hangout with you that he forgot that he was supposed to kill you. Striker got up and waited outside. He lit a cigarette and started to smoke. He watched the door open and watched you walk out. “ Howdy. “ Striker said, with a small nod. “ Howdy. “ You said, mimicking his accent. Striker chuckled and shook his head. “ So (Y/N), I hope that I ain’t crossing a line but how did you end up in Hell? It’s always interesting to learn how sinners like you end up in this fucked up place? “ Striker walked with you towards his horse as you explained how you ended up in Hell. “ Wow, that is an interesting tale, do you miss the human world? “ He asked, while helping you on his horse. You snort and laugh. “ No, I like Hell better than the human world but I do miss some of my friends and family. One of my friends who also ended up here told me, I had a nice funeral. That my parents hadn’t changed anything in my room. “ You gave a sorrowful smile. Striker smiled and nodded. “ Family is a nice thing to have, I miss mine but I’ve been doing good on my own. “ Striker also had a sorrowful smile. “ Hold on tight. “ Striker smacked Bombproof’s bum with his tail and the two of you rode off. You held onto Striker as you were impressed by his horse and how he could stay on. Striker had brought you to a beautiful area in the Wrath ring of Hell. The both of you watching the lava flow like a river. “ I come here a lot. It’s beautiful at night. The glow is nice and warm. “ He said and lit another cigarette.
“ Do you want a cigarette? “ He said, looking at you but you shook your head. “ No, I don’t smoke. “ You said, and looked at the lava flowing. Striker nodded as he finished smoking and flicked the cigarette into the lava. “ Do you drink? “ Striker asked. “ Not really. “ You said, while picking up a rock and tossing it into the lava. “ Here, take a sip of this. I brewed it myself. “He handed you his flask. You took and opened it as you took a sip. The liquor was strong but had a smooth taste and it reminded you of your favorite fruit. You took a couple of more sips as Striker let out a chuckle. “ Don’t drink it all too quickly darlin’. “ Striker said. You hand him back the flask and he takes a sip. “ I’ll make sure to bring you a bottle next time we hangout. “ Striker said, as he looked at you. Like he was hoping for you to agree to hangout with him next time. He surely was forgetting that he needed to kill you. “ Sure, you haven’t been acting like a creep and I’m starting to enjoy your company. You also haven’t killed me yet. “ You said, with a smirk. Striker was confused for a second then he remembered but he was still confused for a bit. “ How did you know? “ Striker said. “ You don’t think I know when some rich asshole I used to date is trying to kill me. He always tries to find ways to kill me and I always escape. It’s why I’m saving up enough money so I can get out of this place. Move somewhere far where they can’t find me. “ You said, looking down. “ Their upset because I dumped them. I caught them cheating on me and they kept promising me that they wouldn’t but they kept breaking it. To the point they just told me to deal with it because I’ll always be their special pet, like what the fuck. “ You said. As you clench your fist. Striker wasn’t one to dabble in his client's business or listen to his targets. But hearing now why your ex wanted you dead. Made Striker shake his head, how petty and childish. Striker never really dated but if he was getting cheated on. He would be upset if someone broke up with him. He wouldn’t kill them. “ I’m sorry that he’s making your life a shitty place. And I’m sorry that I’m helping with that. I don’t really ask questions when someone pays me to take someone out. “ Striker said. “ Don’t worry, I understand if I had the same job as you. I’d do the same. But thanks for not killing me or is it too late to say that? “ You glanced up at him.
Striker looked at you and took off his hat, as he held to his chest. He would think for a second was he willing to give up money to have a friendship with you. But this feeling didn’t feel like friendship. He stared off as he placed his hat on your head and walked off. You stood there confused and looked at his horse Bombproof who seemed to also have the same confused look. Striker hadn’t returned for hours and you were laying on Bombproof while gossiping about people from your workplace. Bombproof seemed to understand and would let out little sounds. You both heard footsteps and saw that Striker had returned. You and Bombproof looked up as Striker sat down next to you. “ Let’s run away. “ He said. You sat up confused and looked at Striker. “ What? “ You said., “ Let’s run away, far from here." Striker said.
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astraystayyh · 3 months
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Eek more questions hehe I really like this new set
Really curious for #1, #7, #8, #10, #13, #21, #24, #28, #34, and #35!!
These were really good questions hehe
-💫
What inspired you to start writing fanfiction?
it was i think my 3rd month of being a stay? and I really loved reading ff on here even tho I had no idea how this app worked LMAO I've already told her but @rachalixie's hurt/comfort drabbles were my fav thing to read, she was one the first ppl I followed on here, and so, tmi, I was feeling so anxious and I wrote a channie helping u through an anxiety attack drabble (that I never posted AJSNJSB) and I was like hold on! this is fun! i can write what I want??? and post it for people to read...... like I was already writing some poems for a couple of years now but they were just for me yk, so i got super ambitious and i posted a long ass OT8 saying ily for the first time as my first fic akssjnjb i was so nervous like actually shaking and refreshing the notif bar every two seconds, i still rem the very first two comments i got, i think that's when it hit me that people actually READ stuff I wrote.
short answer, i've always loved writing and then stayblr -mainly anny inspired me to start writing too hehe
10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process?
wahhhh probably coming up with lines i'm proud of?? i also loveee weaving parallels into my fics and for everything to come full circle, I love the symbolic aspects of fic writing in a way, thinking of mundane things and giving them an important significance for the characters!!! someone commented underneath Orange that they cannot believe they're crying over oranges and that rlly made me giggle!! that's the point HEHEH
13. What's the most challenging aspect of writing fanfiction for you?
for me it's descriptions ;;;; especially when it comes to sceneries or clothes or omg PLACES like decor and all,, I can't envision these things in my mind so I always worry I'm not describing them well in my fics,,, also the little transition scenes where nothing MAJOR happens but that are still pivotal to the right flow of the story ;;; yeah these mess with my head the most
21. Have you ever used fanfiction as a way to explore your own emotions or personal experiences?
hiii heyyy ofc i did ZJKNJD i think a lot of authors will relate but art cannot be completely separate from the artist, every work u read of mine has a little (or big) piece of me in it, that's why it's so vulnerable for writers to share their works on this scary place because u are perceived and judged for them and u hope that someone will find solace in ur struggles or relate to ur worries,,, and this is really helping me mend back my rp with love!!!
24. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start writing fanfiction?
JUST DO IT!!!! seriously go for it, you'll 100% cringe at ur earlier works later on but u will also improve and learn and discover things about urself that u would've never known otherwise!!! be self-indulgent and write things for urself and there will be always someone who will appreciate them
34. Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share?
im trying to think of smtg i never mentioned before mmmm.... oh I think that trying to include bits and quirks of the member u are writing about is always so fun and makes the story more enjoyable for the reader!! ofc we don't know what these idols are like irl BUT there are some aspects of their personalities that we know of (like their interests or small habits) and it's always fun to incorporate into ur story, also helps with the characterization hehe
35. What do you enjoy most about being a fic writer?
THE FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!! nothing beats the feedback for me it's literally what makes the entire thinking, writing and editing process worth it!! the feedback is what keeps me going and fuels my motivation, it is so so important for writers I can't stress this enough,,, I'm so so grateful and lucky to have such sweet readers who leave me the most THOUGHTFUL feedback, like with just one rb u could erase SEAS OF DOUBTS in the writer's mind. i always say this but the only way for me to know if my fic is good is by reading u guys' opinions,,, so yeah the feedback is my fuel ;;;;
7. How do you handle writer's block or moments of creative stagnation? 8. Do you have any rituals or habits that help you get into the zone? 28. What's the most ambitious or challenging fic you've ever written
i answered these here and here <33
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heeracha · 2 years
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hii i love ur smau sm!! i just wanted to ask if u have any tips for new writers on tumblr like me,, i just posted my first enha imagine earlier and there were no likes/reblogs so i started to lose confidence if i should continue writing and stuff : ( anyways i love u and thank u in advance <3
hi honey !! thank you sm <3 omg,,, i suck at these but i will try to give you tips (and for others too sjdjsjs)
1. i'm pretty sure everyone does this, read. not just fics here, but also books. yk what i mean right? like,,, books yk, harry potter, percy jackson series, rainbow rowell books. oh, try reading classics, too. c.s. lewis books (soecifically, yes. narnia.), sonnets of elizabeth barret browning, etc. oh, lang leav. yes. how can i forget her? reading improves not only your writing, your comprehension, too. your vocabulary would widen. also, don't stick with only one author. read varieties of books from different authors, compare their writing styles, and then you'd find your own style. one you're confident with.
2. don't force yourself to write, okay? if you don't have a motivation, but you have the idea, don't force it. if you really don't want to write as of the moment, then dont. i swear, you wont be satisfied with your work. it will come to you naturally, okay? <3
3. if you're going to write a long fic like 5k beyond words or series, write down the flow of the story. like what happens,,, like this.
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yes, it's wob. i dont mean to shove a promo down your throat, this is just rlly an example. 😭 it's not impossible that you would get random ideas for the fic in the most random times, if you feel the urge to write that part only, go ahead. when you get to that part, you can always rewrite it, that is if you want to rewrite it. but seriously, you don't have to write it in order. like, you're still in part three, but you want to write part seven, go ahead. write part seven, put it aside until you get to that part, reread it if ever there are some parts that dont make sense, edit it. yk? tbh most of my fics are like,,,, endings first 😭
4. proofread 😭 i swear, do it. i don't do it and i regret it most of the times because there are some little details that i forgot to put, and yknow, i really believe that even the smallest details can make a big change in the whole story. so, proofread it before posting, really.
5. as long as you're happy with how your work is, you're more than just good to post your work. but ofc pls likes comments and rbs wont hurt pls dont just like, also leave comment and rb it with feedbacks, we love hearing from you. also, if you have anyone you rlly trust to read your work and critique for you, go ahead. but it's also totally fine if you're more than satisfied <3
6. regarding with what you said, you got no likes or reblogs, here's the thing, it happened to me too when i first posted here. and the thing is, it's bcs your blog is probably new. you havent liked, rb or posted anything yet. and tumblr is making sure that u're not a bot, so im pretty sure that's what happened to you. it probably didnt appear in the tags, that's all. speaking of, tags are important too! make sure you use the proper tags so people can see it <3 dont lose confidence honey !! i'm pretty sure your work is great. <3 ily
this is short, i think. i'm sorry i suck at giving advices but these are the main points that come to mind 😭 ily honey <3 and to everyone who wants yo start off, go ahead. everyone is here for you. readers and writers. love you my loves <3
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good morning (or day), lovie!! hope you read it in the morning bc well... the 3 hours difference. truly, you shouldnt be worried about receiving my messages earlier but rather about receiving them later.. i usually answer you before going to sleep. actually, you shouldnt be worried at all yk. 'just say yes even tho you dont know him' i know him!! i learnt whos he bc of your fics!! actually, it reminds me of my cat. her name was busya which is a short name of the word means 'the bead'. but yeah, this kitty looks like that guy hdjfsk 'i felt like i was the main character' lol its amusing how THAT labour made you feel. but valid. anything you feel is ok. when i do this kind of work, i just feel irritated. (there was a big story about men being disappointment) hope you got some rest after that! and hope you still like the way you performed. i know you did your best. 'ITS SO FUNNY YOU CALL CATS WITH KISKIS' we just want some kisses from these cute monsters are we wrong for this? 'you can be my muning mingming kitty kitty cat cat' my honour, catmom!! my star hour! meow meow!! thank u!! in russian we say 'kwa or kwak' for the frogs' sounds. it's more like your variant and i think the truth is somewhere in between? for me frogs sound more like 'kwoa' or even 'qua'. but ribbit?? wtf guys?? 'WE CAN CALL IT WFAL' it sounds so ridiculous TT no really but i cant send too long messages and its title is pretty long yk. 'i love how passionate you are to vocabulary and language' no but really!! i actually curse a lot in real life. i've always been that 'smart kid' whos now burnt out and an a-marks-only student (idk how they call it). so people expect me to speak like a noble lady? its such a great number of such expressive words. why hate them for just being bad (i'm not trying to convince you cursing isn't ugly. you can think of it whatever you do. i just got carried away again TT). in general, words are only instruments to communicate with, so their meaning only depends on how a speaking person sees them. anyway, do you want me to stop cursing in the messages? 'I HOPE YOURE NOT SENDING ME MESSAGES IN EARLY-LATE HOURS' it's 5:01 in where i live. and now yk you're +3 h for me so... 'when he dies im like, u deserved it tho' god bless your nerves and god bless him. happy for you, though. and hes sexy. 'this is him he likes literature i think you’d like him' nah i dont like literature that much (sometimes i hate it) and he's not my type. but i'm happy for your luckiness! 'I WILL KEEP LEVELING HIM UP BECAUSE I LOVE HIM' omg puppy boys TT puppy boys are cute. good luck for you both!! alhaitham poor boy... hope he'll improve and will be good for you. oh i love diluc too!! i dont know him but 1) his face doesnt annoy me (im judgemental if you remember) 2) i love how people headcanon him. so hope he behaves good for you. good luck to bad luck (HAH am i funy mom) bennet. it's good you like hanging out with him, i believe your words. waiting for the girls!! 'you wanna talk about it?' not really, just wanted to share my feelings. 'i dont care about what people think about what i read' nah i'm not judging. as long as it doesnt concern me idc what you write or read. just said what i feel abt it all. i watched helluva boss in 2 days and i'm satisfied. it's good. got my approval. hell theme is still somewhat fresh and it also gives so many ways to interpret it. 'youre talking about that fic i reblogged right?' YEAH dhdjdj big brains get the hints. WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED if i said i also sent that author an ask about sugar daddy daemon after reading the other hcs about sugar daddy aegon, aemond and jace... yeah im better with my fever but still exhausted and my nose is stuffy TT every time i dont feel well the first thing to happen is my nose being stuffed *lots of angry emojis but also crying bc it hurts*. hope you do better!! how are the classes? how do you feel? whats the weather like? do you plan anything for today/sunday? love you! take care <з
hello my muning <3 T_T. i had your message on my browser but i kept doing different things LOL
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LOOK AT THIS FLOOF
hope you read it in the morning bc well... the 3 hours difference. truly, you shouldnt be worried about receiving my messages earlier but rather about receiving them later..
T_T i did not read this in the morning. I saw it in the morning but again i kept getting distracted. I DID MAKE A COVER THOUGH AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF I SOUND SO GOOD BUT IDK I WANT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU BUT JUST WITH YOU
ok i found a solution im going to answer your ask privately for this one (: nvm theres not an option to answer privately because ur on anon T_T anyway its fine
i usually answer you before going to sleep. actually, you shouldnt be worried at all yk.
ok i wont be worried then i trust u
'just say yes even tho you dont know him' i know him!! i learnt whos he bc of your fics!! actually, it reminds me of my cat. her name was busya which is a short name of the word means 'the bead'. but yeah, this kitty looks like that guy hdjfsk
i figured you knew him cos of my fics but not really since that's all u know HAHHAH i mean unless you read a bunch of them then sequentially got an idea of what his character is, at least how i perceive him. BUSYA T_T so cute kitty a pretty black cat <3 im luv
'i felt like i was the main character' lol its amusing how THAT labour made you feel. but valid. anything you feel is ok. when i do this kind of work, i just feel irritated. (there was a big story about men being disappointment) hope you got some rest after that! and hope you still like the way you performed. i know you did your best.
i didnt perform at all lolol i hope i can next time we set up. some of my classmates got to perform. the labor made me feel like the main character because we were setting up the stage! and it was in the middle (ok not middle but you feel me) of the cafeteria and the performace was peak lunch time so we were setting up and everyone was looking (well i mean not AT me but at what we were doing collectively as a class) but still i felt like the main character cos im always hot when i go to school <3 🤩😌💅
lol everyones different if you feel irritated doing manual labor then that means manual labor is just not for you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ idk i think i get it from my dad i feel kind of like a sense of purpose when i build things kinda. i mean it was tiring but fun HAHAHHAH OH OMG I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE BEST PART WE GOT 2 FREE MEALS HAHAHHAHHAHAH SLLLAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY i ate so much and then bought myself a donut
NOM NOM I LOVE FOOD
'ITS SO FUNNY YOU CALL CATS WITH KISKIS' we just want some kisses from these cute monsters are we wrong for this?
not at all. i now think russian is the superior language because of this 😔✊ english could never (although its ironic i think its superior because kiskis sound like kiss kiss which is english AHAHHAHAH)
'you can be my muning mingming kitty kitty cat cat' my honour, catmom!! my star hour! meow meow!! thank u!!
MEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
omg look at this cat i found on pinterest
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T_T WHY MY BABY BUILT LIKE THAT GIGA CHAD? IM - CRYING WHYYYYY ITS SO FUNNY BUT ALSO I FEEL BADDDDDDD T_T
in russian we say 'kwa or kwak' for the frogs' sounds. it's more like your variant and i think the truth is somewhere in between? for me frogs sound more like 'kwoa' or even 'qua'. but ribbit?? wtf guys??
T_T CRYING KWA KWAK KWOA QUA ARE ALL SO CUTE FOR LITTLE WIBBIT FRAWGS T_T
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yeah ribbit is like ?????????? but nah russian fr superior for this too. since russian frog sounds and filipino frogs sounds are similar, maybe that means russians are secretly filipino and filipinos are secretly russian
'WE CAN CALL IT WFAL' it sounds so ridiculous TT no really but i cant send too long messages and its title is pretty long yk.
HAHAHAH THE TITLE IS LONG BLAME IT ON FALL OUT BOY I GOT NAMING THINGS LONG FROM THEM AHHHAHHAAH i love making obnoxiously long titles HAHAHAH
'i love how passionate you are to vocabulary and language' no but really!! i actually curse a lot in real life. i've always been that 'smart kid' whos now burnt out and an a-marks-only student (idk how they call it). so people expect me to speak like a noble lady? its such a great number of such expressive words. why hate them for just being bad (i'm not trying to convince you cursing isn't ugly. you can think of it whatever you do. i just got carried away again TT). in general, words are only instruments to communicate with, so their meaning only depends on how a speaking person sees them. anyway, do you want me to stop cursing in the messages?
honestly i dont think youve ever cursed in any of our messages yet so the fact ur telling me you curse a lot irl is pretty wow to me AHAHH. its funny how youre advocating for curse words HAHAHH i mean its pretty obvious to me that youre a smart person, but as a fellow smart person, i know that that doesnt mean youre like this soft spoken noble person LOL in fact it would make more sense if its opposite.
anyway i believe in the power of words and we manifest what we speak so i think its only natural to assume that if you speak a lot of curses you are manifesting that and i dont want that. also The words of a man's mouth are deep waters. i dont want my waters to be murky and gross ew. 👎 L
'I HOPE YOURE NOT SENDING ME MESSAGES IN EARLY-LATE HOURS' it's 5:01 in where i live. and now yk you're +3 h for me so...
T_T sleep better T_T
'when he dies im like, u deserved it tho' god bless your nerves and god bless him. happy for you, though. and hes sexy.
HAHAHH T_T justice for zhongli T_T
'this is him he likes literature i think you’d like him' nah i dont like literature that much (sometimes i hate it) and he's not my type. but i'm happy for your luckiness!
i audibly gasped when you said he wasnt your type. T_T also you hate literature? ?????? SCAMMER DOES THAT MEAN YOU JUST LOVE ME???? in that case T_T im luv u
'I WILL KEEP LEVELING HIM UP BECAUSE I LOVE HIM' omg puppy boys TT puppy boys are cute. good luck for you both!!
so true im luv him T_T
alhaitham poor boy... hope he'll improve and will be good for you.
me too. his dialogue is giving know it all so if he keeps dying on me im going to put him on my hitlist HAHAHH
oh i love diluc too!! i dont know him but 1) his face doesnt annoy me (im judgemental if you remember) 2) i love how people headcanon him. so hope he behaves good for you.
i cry for diluc im luv him i havent played his plotline yet so T_T but he's so emo if i got it right and HAHAAHAH HIS FACE DOESNT ANNOY YOU DANG AHHAHAHAHH SLAY DILUC THE PRETTIES BOY EVAH HAHAAHHA
good luck to bad luck (HAH am i funy mom) bennet. it's good you like hanging out with him, i believe your words.
i love bennet T_T i dont play him as much as i used to know because i have diluc now but i still love him <3 you are .000001 funny HAHAHHA ok ok like 1/2 funny HAHAH
waiting for the girls!!
ok i literally oppened genshin for this AHAAH
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ok this is lisa. she used to be my fave i kinda grew out of her but im starting to fall in love with her again she op <3 also her general character is such a vibe AHHAAH
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this is xiangling. i remember using her for the first and her level was pretty low compared to my other characters but she sLAYED regardless and i have no idea to play this game anyway so my characters are all weak (according to my brothers who play 'optimally') so yeah theres that but i love her cos she shooq me with her debut in my account
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this is jean she is the general of the mondstat ting thing i havent played in so long i forgot NVM KNIGHTS OF FAVONIUS and she a boss shes one of my strongest characters /: cos everytime i wish on the banner thing to get characters i keep getting her (so i secretly hate her) but i love her she heals me and carries me and im so sorry i dont hate you my love im just T_T i dont value you because i have you T_T im so sorry jean m love
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I KEEP FORGETTING TO TALK ABOUT THE CAT I STOOD THER TO SHOW YOU THE CAT IN GAME LOOK AT THE KITTY HAHAH i focused more on the cat then showing the character HAHAAHH i have to keep adjusting the camera because the dialogue option keeps appearing and ///: its annoying.
anyway this is yelan she's also op because like xiangling i played her though she was low level and she still ate more so now that ive been able to level her up a bit
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anyway since i told you about the dialogue thing whatever its there now but its not even for that cat you cant talk to this cat T_T this is sayu she sleepy 24/7 and i love her for that she is my child idk i just like her cos shes such a mood and a child lol AHHAHAHAHAH she is my child i love her shes also a REALLY strong child and so adorable when she runs. i wanted another character thats a child, her name is klee, but i didnt get her so when i got sayu i was so happy
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this is amber. i used to hate her T_T idk cos she was weak but then she got annoying ???? but now i love her cos i realized she was weak cos i was weak im so sorry baby hAHAAHAHHAH
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this is xinyan, my bro says people hate her cos shes like a useless character in all senses but i love her cos shes a musician <3 like me HAHAHAH shes pretty weak tho so i dont use her much HAHAHAHHAHAH
lastly noelle my first beloved
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i love how it took me so long to do this its morning in the game again HAHHHAHAAHh anyway i dont use noelle anymore because i have zhongli and his shield is way better than hers but she was the first person that protected me (tbh i didnt even know it AHHHAHHA i was just using her cos she was pretty man fr i have no idea how to play this game im just going with vibes and aesthetics AHAHHA) and yeah and shes a real mvp for that.
'you wanna talk about it?' not really, just wanted to share my feelings.
ok then <3
'i dont care about what people think about what i read' nah i'm not judging. as long as it doesnt concern me idc what you write or read. just said what i feel abt it all.
HAHHAHHHAHHAHAH ok
i watched helluva boss in 2 days and i'm satisfied. it's good. got my approval. hell theme is still somewhat fresh and it also gives so many ways to interpret it.
hell theme is fresh AHAHHAH babes maybe its fresh to you but works like dante's inferno exists AHHHAHAHHA (im not tryna be a know it all it's genuinely just funny to me HAHHHA)
'youre talking about that fic i reblogged right?' YEAH dhdjdj big brains get the hints. WOULD YOU BE SURPRISED if i said i also sent that author an ask about sugar daddy daemon after reading the other hcs about sugar daddy aegon, aemond and jace...
THEY HAVE OTHER SUGAR DADDIES AHSF:ASHFFH:ASFHAHF OMWWWWW HAHHHAAH. im not surprised at all. you seem to be the type to send asks. idk theres something about the idea of sending an ask that makes me anxious so yeah i rarely send asks but i have been sending more as of late because of my beautiful lovelies
yeah im better with my fever but still exhausted and my nose is stuffy TT every time i dont feel well the first thing to happen is my nose being stuffed *lots of angry emojis but also crying bc it hurts*.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 i hope you feel better completely baby T_T i know how annoying it is to have a stuffy nose cos when that happens to me it takes so long to go away and im allergic to dust so T_T RIP
hope you do better!! how are the classes? how do you feel? whats the weather like? do you plan anything for today/sunday? love you! take care <з
i feel kinda sleep rn HASHFAS ITS 10 pm now Hhlashfdlasfh ahfalsfsa the weather is cold but ur russian so you probably would slap me and say YOU THINK THAT COLD HAHHAHHHA but yeah. i have assignments i will do tomorrow i have to watch a movie /: and im too lazy to do it but ill do it tomorrow rip. thats my plans on sunday so yeah
i love you <3
i was planning to write for wafl today but im too lazy. cant it just aslha/sf write itself T_T SO LAME FOR THAT
xxx
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vampireloverz · 2 years
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Hey, Kotallo anon from earlier, I was in the middle of typing when my fucking page froze >:? idk if it sent the message tho, so I'm sorry if you're seeing this twice!! Also sorry for the ramble xx THAT KOTALLO BABES I'M LITERALLY SCREAMING !!!! I haven't finished the game yet, but having finished his sidequest and made him my malewife part of the Aloy Gang, I can safely say.... kdjflkwfwjfkajdcijsdlkmsdifjlksdmflkdjflk!!!!!! Like he's just so!!!! 👀 The way that he's emotionally going through it/believes that his people won't respect him, because of his injury, but the fact that he's still determined to fight on, against Regalla (and more broadly the Zeniths)?? The honour on this guy!! and the fact that when we first meet up with him he's all "ALoy! Don't get in my way! I can't believe I have to work with this outlander >:(" but by the end of it he's like ".... Bestie I'm literally moving into your clubhouse :3"!!!! The fucking positive growth!! and the way that - when he's actually in the clubhouse - he's running battle simulations?? he's so... strategically minded 🥺🥴 (1/2)
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GEJXBDKXHDJX YEA!!! ( ; ; ) he’s honestly written so well it makes me crazy! like they couldve made him this meathead jerk but hes so. sensitive and well spoken… almost like. soft? poetic even…. im going to smother him !!!!!!
AND PLS!! BE H WORD WITH ME!!!! HES SO BIG IT MAKES ME INSANE OTL AND HIS VOICE ;;;;;;;;;
omg im so glad u like him ( ; ; ) if ur interested i could tell u more abt my fic and the reader in it :3c
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off-sensive · 3 years
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the best (worst) part about writing erasermic brainrot is that more ideas keep consuming my brain cells, leaving me no choice but to put them down or else i explode from sheer frustration
anyway in tonight’s brainrot, hizashi disappears after a raid goes bad with his agency (he’s 19 and just started working as a sidekick) and no knows what happened to him. aizawa’s devastated, no doubt; after 5 years of nothing, everyone but him is sure he’s kidnapped, dead or defected somehow. then, someone with long blonde hair and green eyes suddenly shows up in musutafu...... there’s just something about him that’s familiar but oh-so wrong.....
i thought about taking aspects of queen bee and that snake lady from soul eater, merging it together with some spice... then it all devolved from there. do not perceive me
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I'm sending Alphys the fastest i can
First impression
I was kind of caught off guard by how she seemed "genre savvy" compared to the other Undertale characters? Like, everyone else saw themselves as the hero of their own stories (Papyrus and Undyne) or at least prioritized their own perspective on what course of action you should take (Toriel and, to an extent, Sans). But one of Alphys's first lines is this:
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From her perspective, I couldn't think of why she would see Asgore and the other monsters as the "bad guys." It was interesting that she was the first monster in the game to definitively empathize with us. I couldn't help wondering what her angle was, since she obviously wanted us to trust her. (Though after the quiz show I quickly trusted her more, all the way through Hotland, to the point where I didn't believe Mettaton saying that she manipulated the puzzles and stuff lol)
Impression now
Best character love of my life. She is so flawed and so perfect. I would listen to her ramble about anime I dont care about for hours
Seriously though I think she is so smart and talented and has such interesting connections with all of the Undertale cast!! I don't know how to boil that down to one impression lol
Favorite moment
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There are so many perfect Alphys moments, but any time she gets confident like this is just so hilarious and amazing to me. At this point she had Undyne have been dating for less than a day and it's still so obvious that Alphys really is the less shy one out of the two lol
Idea for a story
I have written most of my Alphys fic ideas at this point... OH!! ok so technically I have already started it but it's an Alphys/Alphyne Megamind AU :D (With Alphys as Megamind, Mettaton as Minion, Papyrus as Metro Man, and Undyne as Roxanne. Who Hal is is a spoiler ;) Of course the roles aren't exactly like in the movie but that's the base of it)
Unpopular opinion
Probably every opinion I have about her?? Idk man. It's not even an opinion but she's confirmed to work faster than Gaster by one of the Gaster followers.
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Also she IS confident, just not in the traditional ways. She's very confident that her opinions about Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 are right. She's confident enough to flirt with Undyne (shown earlier). There's just a lot of her personality that isn't often portrayed in fanworks because she has so much depth and it takes a lot of effort to accurately present her nuances. The contradicting parts of her are what make her feel so real and wonderful though.
Favorite relationship
I really really love her friendship with Mettaton!!! So important to me. They are besties <3 I can't stop thinking about how when he left his family for the first time, she was the only friend and the closest thing to family he had.
Favorite headcanon
How can I have a favorite. There are so many good ones. I do really love the headcanon that she was the one to boost up Sans's powers for the no mercy run. I also like to think she freelances in tech repair on the surface, and also makes youtube videos of crazy science stuff featuring her friends (ex. her and Undyne doing mythbusters-level nonsense)
Oh yeah and the headcanon that she has dated/crushed on nearly every main character in the game. U get it girl
(p.s. all images have alt text)
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peakyblindersxx · 3 years
Text
whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)
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gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted
a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)
love, abi xxx
read part one two three four five | my masterlist
tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03
prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.
warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up
Obviously, it wasn't the last time.
Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.
Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.
That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.
So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.
"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"
"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."
Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.
But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.
"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."
Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.
You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.
For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.
John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.
***
You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.
His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.
John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.
"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.
"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."
You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.
As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.
John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.
The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.
"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.
"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.
The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.
"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."
"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.
John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"
"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"
"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.
Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."
"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.
"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."
"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"
"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.
"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."
"No it wasn't, Ada-"
Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.
"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."
"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."
"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.
You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.
John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.
"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"
"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.
"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.
"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.
"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.
"Why didn't you?"
You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.
"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.
You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.
"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."
"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.
"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"
"We weren't thinking."
"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."
She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.
"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."
"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"
"We're done here, John."
He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."
The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.
"John, it should've never happened."
"But it did."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."
"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"
"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."
"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."
You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.
"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.
"I'd drive you home but obviously-"
"Obviously."
John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.
Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.
Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.
"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.
He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."
"Just how he is." You shrugged.
"Does he love you or sommet?"
"Fuck knows… does it matter?"
"Of course it does. Do you love him?"
"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.
Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."
He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.
"Iz… I don't know what to do next."
It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.
"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."
***
John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.
"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.
Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.
He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.
He should've never approached you that night.
He should never approach you again.
He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.
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Text
One more time
Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.
Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst
Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3
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Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS
you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?
you pick up your phone and slide the green button.
"what do you want, alex?"
"___, you picked up!"
he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.
"i did, now what do you want?"
alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.
"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."
you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.
"no."
you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.
"i don't want to see you right now."
alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.
"i understand, you need time."
there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.
"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."
"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"
"fine."
"good-"
you ended the call.
"-bye..."
alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.
it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.
~
you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.
"hi ___."
"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.
"great, thank you."
~
he looks over as he's folding a shirt.
"what are you looking at?"
you say without looking away from your laptop.
his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.
"nothing, you seem busy."
alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.
"otherwise you would've said something about me."
alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.
you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.
don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-
"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."
god damn it, why did you do that?
he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.
a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.
you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.
~
after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.
"you done?"
you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.
"yeah, i think so."
"good, you know the way out."
you turn back to your computer.
"___, wait. can i ask you something?"
you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.
"what do you want?"
alex took a quick breath.
"can we talk sometime?"
you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.
"why the hell would i?"
"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."
he set a step forward.
"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."
"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"
"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."
alex stands his ground, making you livid.
"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"
you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.
"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"
if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.
"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."
alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.
"oh, so now it's my fault?"
you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.
"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"
you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.
"i never said that, ___!"
alex yelled to match your energy.
you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.
"out. now."
alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.
"goodbye, ___."
alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.
"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.
your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.
~
it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.
you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.
your thoughts were somewhere else, though.
you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.
but that didn't happen anymore.
you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'
"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"
after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.
why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.
yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.
~
the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.
you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.
'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('
an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.
you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.
you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.
after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.
'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '
~
alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.
he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.
"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.
"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.
"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.
alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.
'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'
'don't come back.'
you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.
'wdym?'
'you know damn well why'
you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.
'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'
you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.
'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'
~
you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.
but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'
after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.
'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'
you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.
after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.
"hi alex."
"hey ___, it's been a while."
you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.
'yeah, you can say that."
the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?
"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"
"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."
alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.
"what's so funny?" alex asked.
you rolled your eyes and smile.
"you, dumbass."
he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.
"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"
he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.
"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."
after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.
~
you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?
as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.
"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."
he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.
"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."
the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.
after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.
"okay-"
"so-"
you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.
"you first."
alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.
"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."
alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.
"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"
you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.
"that's my ex-girlfriend."
alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.
"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."
you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.
"you got that right."
alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.
"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."
~
"so she set you up?"
"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."
you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.
"are you sure that's all?"
alex flinched slightly.
"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."
you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.
"alright, then.-"
you grab your bag and stand up.
"-i think we're done here."
alex stays seated and looks up at you.
"yeah, i think so."
you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.
"goodbye, alex."
"wait!"
alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.
"are you still mad at me?"
those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.
"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."
alex scratches the back of his neck.
"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."
"that's enough for me."
alex smile at you, not trying to pry.
"goodbye, ___."
"goodbye, alex."
~
you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.
you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.
after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.
you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.
it goes once.
it goes twice.
"___?"
'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"
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ty for reading <3
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taglist: @adoring-ghost @sakisaralazy @for-memories-sacrifice @ialexabsuniverse @shiyanchan @bioluminescentfrog @esylwen
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elmaxlys · 2 years
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4 for kuniper plz if u write them? 🥺
It's my first time writing both of them so I hope I'm not too off base 🙈 I hope you like it!
4- things you said over the phone
“You hang up first.”
He heard Kuon giggle on the other side. “No, you hang up first!” Her tone was light and slightly teasing, her laughter still echoing in the cold air.
“No, Kuon. Youhang up first.” He couldn't help but frown. This whole conversation sounded suspiciously alike to a conversation from that romantic movie Yuri and Rika had watched earlier, dragging him with them to do so. Wait, could this mean that Kuon thought that- He put out his cigarette in the ashtray the Honjo family had left there for him. His ears were burning.
Just as Kuon was about to talk again, he interrupted. “Kuon,” he said, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in a cute way.”
Silence on the other side. Yuuka could almost see her face redden too. Nobody was around, everyone safely in the warmth of the house, but in times like these he missed his mask. Everything is much less embarrassing when nobody can see your face. An easy way to win the contest with Rika. He shook his head lightly, focusing on the matter at hand.
“I've had to change phones recently.”
“Oh,” Kuon replied in a tiny voice.
“I still don't get how it works.”
“I see..”
And to think they had such a nice and sweet conversation going on just a few minutes earlier... He really had ruined the mood.
“Mhm. My previous one wouldn't turn on anymore. I thought it was a me problem but turned out it really was broken. Rika's losing patience, trying to explain this new one to me. So, hmm... I'm really going to need you to hang up first.”
“Of course, I understand.”
“Bye.”
After she returned his words and did hang up, Yuuka sighed deeply, cursing technology yet again. He resisted the need to light another cigarette and headed back inside.
“You said what?” Rika exclaimed. “Oh my god, Yuu-chan. You really need to work on your flirting skills, you are making me lose years of my life, here. And I keep showing you how to hang up, are you kidding me?”
Yuuka had his head buried in his hands. “I wasn't flirting.”
“Yeah, I mean, clearly you weren't. But I think she was.”
“What? No way.”
Rika stared at him like he couldn't believe his ears. And indeed, he couldn't. Kuon had, actually, been flirting for a while. He knew that for a fact. “I thought teaching you how to use a phone was hard but you're really setting the bar higher every day.”
“Oh geez I'm sorry I suck at using a phone! It's not like I do it on purpose!”
“Right. I'm sorry I got mad.” Rika sighed, raising in hands apologetically. “Here, let me show you again-”
And, as he did so, hiding his own phone from Yuuka with his thigh, he typed a text discretely.
“I'm so sorry my brother is that oblivious.”
“It's okay,” said the answer he got, “I like him that way ❤”
——
send me a ship and one of these and i’ll write a mini fic
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marichat-verse · 3 years
Text
Mist Memories
Leo Valdez x reader for his birthday ahhhh (even though it's angsty) with a platonic/developing jason x reader cameo at the end (lmao im sorry i couldn't help myself 😭)
Based on this picture I found in pinterest + also [kinda] based on traitor by olivia rodrigo and omg i really recommend u guys listen to this edit because it reminds me so much of this fic that's been stuck in my head for MONTHS also kind of a run away with me prologue lol
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Your POV
I nervously made my way across the forest until I reached a limestone cliff. I knocked on the iron door, not really expecting to get an answer.
My boyfriend has been shutting himself in Bunker 9 for the past few weeks. I stood there counting up to seven before knocking again. I knocked again two more times, until he answered in the middle of my last knock.
He removed his goggles and winced as sunlight hit his eyes. He'd grown thinner and paler, making the dark circles in his eyes more pronounced.
"Oh, Leo..." I reached out to brush a few strands of hair away from his face, but he moved away.
"What are you doing here?" He said in a monotone voice.
I moved to walk inside the Bunker, brushing off his hesitation to let me in. "I'm your partner, remember? And I'm really concerned because you're shutting yourself out lately. You know everyone's starting to worry about you. Percy asked me to check on you because you missed pegasus riding with him. Oh, and I'm pretty sure Jason's coming back from Camp Jupiter soon. I was hoping you and Annabeth could be with Piper while Percy and I hung out with Jason because it's been a little awkward since their breakup. Plus Piper wanted to tell you something—"
"Please," he said forcefully causing me to stop and look at him. "Just... Get out."
Normally, he'd shut himself from the world for a few days to work on an important project or because he was feeling really sad and he needed space. But this was getting out of hand. He had never locked me out of his life when I offered to help him. He was never this mean when he asked for space. I was not having this attitude of his.
"Okay, Leo. I tried to play nice. What is so important that you blow off all your friends for nearly a month that you can't even tell your partner, or maybe say hi to your best friend who's coming back from the other side of the country?"
He didn't say anything. He pursed his lips and avoided eye contact. I scanned he room for any signs.
It was messier than usual with all the crumpled paper scattered on the floor, especially on his desk. He could have been drawing up new plans. Something in my gut told me that something wasn't right. There were no new unfinished projects, indicating that he wasn't starting a new invention. Harley's helicopter lay on his bench in the same state it was weeks ago. Huh, not even his siblings could enter the Bunker.
I turned and Leo was already changing Festus' oil. I took this moment of distraction to pick up a few pieces of crumpled paper on the floor and on his desk. I had to process the words a bit longer—too long that Leo took notice. Damn dyslexia.
I heard footsteps speed up behind me, but it was too late. I read enough and got the gist of what he had been trying to do these past few weeks.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled at me. Small embers started to erupt between his curls.
I laughed dryly. "So this is what you've been up to?"
His fists tightened, further crumpling the paper in his hands. His eyes flashed with anger, despair and confusion.
I sighed and focused my eyes on his desk, not daring to look at him any longer. Under some pieces of paper were old photographs of him and Piper from Wilderness School. Yup, those definitely were the mist memories she had with Jason. I read the latest draft he'd been writing:
Dear Piper,
Remember the mist memories from boarding school with Jason? They were real, but they were with me.
I miss you. I miss when it was just us. I miss the night on the roof.
Yours truly,
Leo Valdez
I tried to keep my voice from cracking. "How long?"
I heard him sigh. "Three weeks."
I balled my fists. Tears started to fall and smudge the ink. I wiped them away as fast as they came.
"How?"
"In a dream," his tone softened now. "Hera came to me in a dream and told me to check an old drawer in Bunker 9. I found the photos and the memories came rushing back."
"How long were you dating back then?"
"Two weeks."
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
Silence; then a deep breath.
"No."
I shook my head in disbelief. "Why?"
"Because I knew you'd get upset like—"
"I meant why would you throw away months of our relationship for a couple of weeks of your relationship with her? And without even bothering to tell me? Gods damn it, Leo. We've been together since you've first arrived at camp. And what about those promises you made when we were sailing to Greece? You've been keeping these feelings away from me and you've been lying to me, making me believe that there's still something between us and—"
"Oh, calm down," he said with an annoyed expression and tone, which only infuriated me more, "it's not like I did anything were her yet! I didn't kiss her or tell her how I truly felt for her! She just got out of a relationship with Jason around the same time I had that dream. I had to figure out how to talk to her about it. I've been alone in this Bunker for three. Fucking. Weeks. I didn't cheat on you."
"Oh, and that makes everything better?" I countered. "Being in a relationship isn't about not cheating, Leo. It's about being honest and communicating with each other."
"Oh, like you've been communicating with me? After the war, you take go back to Manhattan for school, and you take a job. I haven't seen you much during the holidays because work has been keeping you in the city. And you won't tell me what you even do for a living!"
I took in a deep breath. "I told you I needed to have a life outside of camp! I needed to know first that I could handle myself in the mortal world as a normal human being. I needed this demigod part of my life to be separate as much as possible! I've been in two wars, Leo. I needed time to myself, too. And I was about to tell you guys in a few more days. But I guess now, I'm glad I've kept you out of that part of my life. At least I have an escape from all of this. And now, especially from you."
I took another deep breath and walked to the door, about to let myself out. I turned back again, both our tear-stained eyes meeting each other.
"If it makes you feel any better," I said softly, "I would've hated the idea of us breaking up. But if you really love her, if you really feel like you have this special connection to her and she makes you happy, then I won't get in your way. You could at least have had the decency to talk to me so we could have left on a good note."
He looked at me with wide eyes, clearly regretting his actions. I sighed and looked around the Bunker, possibly for the last time. Lots of memories were definitely created in this room; all just as grand and meaningful as the inventions they made here. But just like some of Hephaestus' contraptions, some of them were flawed and dumped in his scrapyard, no matter how much potential it could have had.
"Goodbye, Leo."
I sat on a rock on the beach that gave me a beautiful view of Long Island Sound. To my left, the sun started to set, casting an orange filter on everything. My heart broke, remembering how everything glowed orange in the Bunker. Leo always left the fires burning when he was working. The sunlight twinkling against the sea reminded me of how small bits of flame peaked through his hair earlier. I remembered how mad he was at me. Or maybe he was mostly mad at himself.
"Hey."
I jumped when someone sat—or rather, landed—beside me. I turned and smiled, seeing one of my good friends back at camp.
"Hey, you're back," I said weakly. "How long have you been here?"
He smiled at me, although he could maybe sense that something was wrong. "Half an hour, maybe? I saw Annabeth making plans to expand camp to have a city. She made me do an aerial inspection and I told her I'll get back to her tonight. That's when I saw you."
"Mhmm," I mumbled, not really knowing what to say. It was silent for a few minutes before I spoke up again, knowing he was just waiting for me to open up.
"I broke up with Leo."
His head quickly turned to me. I guess he wasn't expecting it to be that bad. "What?"
"Oh yeah," I laughed dryly. "Turns out the mist memories Piper had in Wilderness School with you? They were real. But not with you."
His eyes widened. "Oh... With Leo."
"He locked himself in the Bunker for weeks trying to write a letter. It was heartbreaking. Like, truly heartbreaking. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her and how much he missed them. Then he said how much he missed that night with her under the stars and... It hurt. Like hell."
"Oh," he said. "I guess Piper didn't tell me everything then."
"She knew all along?"
He shook his head. "Maybe not everything, but she told me she's been confused about her feelings lately and she'd been having visions or dreams of possible old memories that were messing with her head."
"I'm sorry about you and Piper," I said.
"Don't be," he said. "I understand her. It did hurt, though. But I think I can get over it some day. We're still awkward around each other, but at least we left on a good note."
I scoffed. "Leo couldn't even give me a good ending to our relationship."
"Hey," he said as he put a hand on my shoulder. "You're a great person, y/n. You've done so much, especially for him. It's his loss that he was stupid enough to let go of you."
"I know that."
"Do you really?"
"I do!" I said. "I'm a great person and I know that. But that doesn't mean what he did doesn't hurt me."
"I know," he said. "You'll find someone who'll treat you like the queen that you are. You're a great person, and I'm not just saying this to cheer you up. I truly think you're amazing."
I smiled at him. "Thanks, Jason. And you'll find someone great, too. Maybe not as great as me but, then again, who is?"
We both let out a laugh. The conch sounded in the distance, signaling dinner. I moved to stand up before hearing Jason speak up again.
"Hey, do you maybe want to just grab a couple of plates and eat out here?"
I smiled. "Yeah. That sounds good. I don't really want everyone else hounding me about the breakup right now."
I don't know how long it was going to take me to get over Leo. We really did gave something special. It was cruel how the universe gave me something so good, to make me have hope that something was finally going right, then have it yanked away from my arms just as suddenly as it came.
He never cheated on me, but that didn't mean he didn't betray every promise we made to each other. I should have known it was too good to be true. Life has always played cruel jokes on me.
Then again, who's to say that things won't turn out for the better, right?
•••
Tagging: @drvrslcense @bubblybubbubs @dreamerball @quteez @aesthetxcimagines @chasingpj @beingleft @wadewilsonsgreatestfriend
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dressing-pafe · 2 years
Note
can i request barber!mukuro x fem!reader where the reader has a crush on mukuro and asks her for a haircut. due to a miscommunication mukuro shears all her long hair off leaving the reader with a crewcut, but thankfully you like it and get a date with her to top it off!
rookie's thoughts <3
(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ This reminds me of my Mikan Tsumiki fic where the reader and Mikan shaved their hair off together!!! Also I v recently got a short haircut, definitely not short as a crew cut, but pretty short-
warnings b4 u start <33
╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭ Scissors, clippers, other hair cutting tools?
character(z) <333
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Barber!Mukuro Ikusaba
anything to add? <3333
(ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ fem!reader, "pride" color palette recommended, barber shop AU
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The overhead bells chimed peppily as you swung the door open to your friend's barber shop.
"Mukuro! Is the shop still open? I need a favor!" You called, stepping into the empty place.
As you looked around, you spotted a familiar purple-grey bob and a splattered apron from behind the back door. She quickly put her clippers down at the sight of you, rushing over to your side.
"Hey, I didn't hear you come in. What do you need?" She asked, voice the same monotone as always, despite her semi-frazzled expression.
"It's not big, but I need a haircut! I got gum in my hair and tried to cut it off, but I think I messed up somewhere." You explained, running your fingers through your choppy hair. "I think I want it a little shorter. I trust you to make my hair look good, just work your magic!"
She nodded, smiling awkwardly. "I'll try my best. Ah, and you want it how short?"
"I dunno, pretty short, I guess? Just do what you think looks good! I trust you more than myself on this!"
She nodded, taking your hand in hers delicately, leading you to a chair. Clipping the hairdressing gown around your neck, she got to work, brushing and cutting at your hair.
You didn't pay much attention to your hair, distracted by how pretty she looked while she was doing it. Her tongue peeped out from her mouth in concentration, gentle hand stroking at your neck every now and then as she brushed off a severed lock of hair. Her eyes were trained on the blade of her scissors, slicing off the hair professionally.
You only noticed how short your hair had gotten, when you heard the loud buzz near your ear, scaring you into looking back at the source of the noise.
"Ah!" Your eyes widened at the clippers. "A clipper? Why would- holy crap!"
"Is there a problem?" Mukuro inquired, voice shooting up in the slightest.
"Well..." you gave a nervous laugh. "By short, I meant maybe about your length. Maybe I should've been more clear..."
She turned off the clipper, eyes shooting wide momentarily. "Sorry, I just assumed... you don't have to pay for it, this is my fault. I didn't ask you about the exact length."
"No! No, it's okay! I like it, really! Keep doing what you were going to do, if I do this, I might as well finish it!" You exclaimed, not wanting her to feel bad.
"You don't mind? If we stop here, I could probably put some extensions in until it grows out." She asked, her surprise seemingly breaking her monotone.
"Really, just keep going, I'm sure I'll like it. Plus, it's only hair, it'll grow back!" You reassured her with a grin.
She stared at you in the mirror for a second, before nodding. "Alright."
You heard the same loud buzzing near your ear, watching the small bits of hair falling over the long ones that were already on the ground. Again, you watched Mukuro work, accidentally making eye contact a couple times.
"And... there. Uhm... what do you think?" She muttered, setting down her tools in the pockets of her apron.
You turned your head to the side, pressing your hands to the side of your head, feeling how short your hair was and how much lighter your head felt. "I... love it! Wow, I can't believe I didn't do this earlier, it's so pretty."
"I'm glad you like it. To be honest, I was a little worried." She admitted, undoing the gown around your body and helping you out of the chair.
"It's really nice, I've got to tip you extra!" You exclaimed, reaching for your wallet, when she stopped you.
"No, you can't pay. I messed up, and even if you like it, it's not what you asked for, therefore, you aren't paying." She insisted, pushing your wallet back into your pocket. "No negotiations."
You sighed, taking your hands off of your pocket. "Fine. Then... how about I pay you with coffee?"
"Wh-what?" Her face heated up, the question catching her off guard. "A cafe? You mean... like a date?"
"It doesn't have to be!" You exclaimed, just as flustered as her at the mention of a date. "Unless- unless you want it to be...?"
She turned around, scurrying to the back room, calling back to you. "I-I'll get changed and meet you at the place across the street!"
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All Dream Portals
Danganronpa Portal
36 notes · View notes
Note
first, Happy valentines day :DDD
second, sorry it's been so long since i last checked up on you i guess it was on January??? Im not sure but i believe it's been a month and im sorry but here i am to check up on you :DDDDDDD
OKAAAAAAAAAY LET'S GET TO BUSINESS!!! How was your week ??? How is your day ??? Did you eat well ???? Are you hydrated ???? How are you feeling lately ???? Are you being comfortable or is there something bothering you ???? If you are then i hope you always keep up happy ^^ if there is something that's bothering you i just wanted to let you know that you are not apone and there alot of poeple around here that will always support you and stand by your side
Have a great day <333
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:D happy valentines day!
also dw about not checking in :P real life is hard and sometimes internet life takes a backburner (??? is that even the term? this is my first language and i still get confused) because of that. besides,, being mutuals is like. :3 we are all vibing. <3 <3 <3
not much has happened this week seeing as it's only monday hsdkghksg but it has been okay i think. I walked down to the woods near where i live to do some drawings for a uni project earlier then came home and made soup and cleaned the floors. and now i'm doing more project work, but will stop in half an hour probably. (day ends either at 3pm or 4pm i make the rules).
the soup was very good! even tho i cooked it a bit too long. i should probably drink some water now that you mention it.
and it's been a good day where i've been productive, which hasn't been the norm recently cause my adhd kicks my ass hard.
ALSO! :D i have written a lot for a big big one-shot i'm planning to post?? when it's done i guess lol. tho it's getting very long so maybe i'll post it in chapters and that'll work out cause more people will find it that way.
i'm back into bnha again so it's of course a dadmight fic, and i've finally gotten to! write a time travel au!! with this! which has been something i've wanted to do for years but have somehow never managed for any of the fandoms i'm in.
i don't know if i told u i took up knitting?? but sdhgkjsgkshA HSHSHSDHHSDHHS AAAAA MY ADHD KICKED MY ASS AND I'M LIKE,,,, so CLOSE to finishing one half of a pair of fingerless mittens, but i just can't touch it cause funky brain chemicals go nooooo you can't have this one thing
i hope you're having a good day/week!!! are you still into oh my memory is shit at names?? uhh tokyo revengers? i think that was it. i hope your favourite character is having a great time! and not suffering too much in the way that blorbos from shows tend to.
wait wait,, here is a snippet from the last scene i wrote for the dadmight time travel au:
“Who’s Tenko?” Toshinori asks, at the same time that Midoriya asks, “How do you adopt a child?”
Toshinori gapes. “I- Young Midoriya? What. You’re only twenty.”
“Twenty six, actually,” Midoriya says, placing a pile of heavy books down on the coffee shop table. “Is twenty not old enough?”
“I think you should focus on your studies,” Toshinori says.
“This is important,” Midoriya says seriously. “It’s not just a whim.”
Toshinori looks at Midoriya for a good while. He sighs.
“I’m not exactly a great resource for finding out about adoption, seeing as I’ve never done it, but I’ll help however I can.”
Midoriya beams.
What follows is a quick google search on Midoriya’s laptop.
The boy takes one look at the screen and slumps in defeat. “Oh, twenty really isn’t old enough,” he says.
“I thought you said you were twenty six,” Toshinori says, reading over his shoulder.
“Not in the eyes of the law.”
Toshinori’s not sure he wants to know what that’s about. He’s not sure he’ll ever understand the things that make their way out of Midoriya’s mouth.
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maysbanks · 4 years
Text
are you bored yet. (jj maybank)
hey everyone ! basically this is my first time writing for jj, or anyone from obx in general. this is a side acc from my main acc that i made purely bc this fic idea came to me when watching obx and after listening to the wallows on repeat for weeks. idk i just thought the song was kinda fitting for jj, and im a sucker for soft ! jj with a friends to lovers arc, so here this is. it's quite a long one btw, the words just kept flowing so i apologise in advance. also i have a few more fic ideas based off some songs so if you like this and are interested in more pls let me know ! im probably gonna be writing a lot more for this boy bc i adore him. anyways i hope u enjoy !
warnings: features swearing, mention of sex, underage drinking, drug use and violence.
summary: based lightly off the song 'are you bored yet?' by the wallows ft clairo, reader and jj delve deeper into their relationship, taking the steps further into becoming something more than best friends. however worries and doubts begin to plague their minds, as they fear their relationship of becoming just a memory.
( gif isn't mine! please let me know if it's yours so i can credit you. )
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"What are you doing later?" You looked towards Kie who'd directed the question towards you, her eyes squinting from the sun that was grinning down at your forms from where you were both seated on the sand.
"Dunno," you shrugged your shoulders. "Probably hanging out with J or something."
Kiara scoffed, a mocking look taking over the features of her face as her head turned towards yours, your eyebrows raising at the sly smirk on her lips. "What?" You questioned, narrowing your eyes when all she did was laugh. You shifted in your place, body moving from laying on your back to on your stomach, figuring it was about time to switch positions for your tan anyway. "Seriously Kie, what're you laughing about?"
She shifted along with you, only laying on her right side so she could face you head on, her hand propping her head up from the ground. She was still grinning. "JJ," she said simply. You raised your eyebrows at her once more, seemingly not understanding what she was trying to get at. "What's going on with you two?" Kie pushed on when you didn't respond, her own eyebrows inching further up her forehead.
In the distance you could hear the boys' screams, their commotion coming from the water you had passed on entering. You could hear JJ taunting John B from where you lay, Pope laughing along, and the splashes that you could only assume were also coming from them. You never spared them a glance, though from the corner of your eye could see their figures and indeed the loud splashes of water were coming from them, and you were certain JJ was holding John B underneath the water.
"Nothing's going on," you said in response to Kie's question, rolling your eyes playfully at her exclaim of 'oh c'mon!'. "What? It's the truth. Nothing is going on, not really."
Kie furrowed her brows. "What do you mean by 'not really'? Did something happen between you two?" She prodded.
You shrugged, because in all honesty you couldn't say much of anything about your relationship with JJ. You were just as unsure about it all as Kie and more than likely the rest of the gang were (because if Kie had picked up on it than surely Pope and John B had too, and you were kind of freaking about it.) and had no idea what to say in her line of questioning. Of course you wanted to talk about it, you and the Pogues never kept secrets from each other - but was it really a secret when they technically knew about it anyway, and was it really a secret when you and JJ hadn't even spoken about keeping it a secret too? Your mind raced, and you figured it was easier to just shrug it off for the time being. Kie would no doubt ask again, and you hoped you had the answers by the next time she (or someone else) would.
"He's my best friend," you'd decided on saying. From the corner of your eye, you could see the guys approaching. "We've been close since we were like, ten. We've always been the same."
Except now the two of you held hands under the table and kissed in the safety of your rooms, among other things. That part of your relationship was fairly new though, and so you decided against saying anything until you could work out exactly what was going on between you and JJ - because you had no clue, and weren't even sure that JJ knew himself. It just sort of happened, the line being crossed over from friends to lovers in the blink of an eye. One minute you'd never dare to give in to the temptation of JJ Maybank's heavenly sinful lips, and the next the pair of you were sharing a bed almost every night.
Nothing much had changed though, in regards to your friendship. JJ and you had always been close, always intimate in your touches. Always beside each other, rarely without the other. You were an unstoppable duo from the minute you met. Just somehow, along the line, over the years, your friendship had turned into more. Each touch became longer, each glance would linger, and something had shifted. It was inevitable, you supposed. Nobody was ever really that close with someone without feelings getting involved at some point.
The guys were a lot closer now, and Kie spared them a glance before looking back towards you. "Friends don't look at each other the way you two do." Was all she said before the sun that was earlier shining down on you was blocked by the trio of tall guys that smiled at the pair of you. Kie sat up, smiling as Pope took a seat beside her on her towel. "Have fun out there?"
"Oh, tons," came the voice that belonged to the person you were talking about not a minute ago. JJ smirked down at you, blonde hair dripping wet on his forehead and golden tanned chest on full show. You admired the view behind your sunglasses and sent a grin in his direction when he seemed to notice. "You checking me out there, babe?"
You laughed as he did a little shimmy, rolling your eyes as you looked at him over the rim of your glasses. "What would you do if I was, Maybank?" You played along, smirking when you heard John B let out a gag from somewhere beside you. JJ smiled back, and squatting down in front of your form he'd grabbed hold of your feet, laughing when you squealed. Tugging so that you were laying on your back rather than your front, his sea blue eyes gazed down your body, unknowingly leaving a trail of fire in its wake. The feeling you shared with JJ was unlike any other, nothing or nobody could come close to topping it. It was unexplainable, the feeling of absolute longing for him to just be there forever. You couldn't ever imagine a life without him in it, and that thought both scared and excited you.
JJ stared down at you, tongue peeking from his mouth to wet his pink lips as he looked. You felt hot all over and you knew it wasn't because of the sun. "Things only you could imagine sweetheart," he taunted from above you, knowing fine well that what you could imagine he'd probably already done to you. You smirked back, feeling a thrill shoot through you because the pair of you knew this and the remaining three of your group had no idea, or so you believed. This new relationship, this unspoken thing between the two of you was simply yours, and somewhere in the future you feared you'd both come to regret it, whatever it was, but in the moments of the present you knew neither of you could find it in yourselves to actually care.
And so you both smiled at each other like the world around you didn't exist, and for a couple of seconds you could pretend it didn't, JJ moving so he was seated behind you with your body seated between his legs and your back against his chest. Sat there, surrounded by your friends though almost oblivious to their presence as JJ's hands rested on your skin, his breath on your neck. You leaned into him, and smiled when he placed a discreet kiss to your shoulder.
Locking eyes with him, you grinned. The burst of happiness and content when he grinned back was almost unbearable, and in that moment you knew you never wanted whatever it was that you two shared to end.
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It was a few days later when JJ showed up at your window, his face bloody and bruised, his form weak as he pulled himself into your bedroom. You didn't need to ask twice about who'd caused the damage, your body and mind going into autopilot as you hurried from your bed and grabbed hold of him, JJ grunting as he fell into you, his hand clutching desperately at his side.
"Shit, JJ," you'd cursed as you helped him land on your bed, hands instantly grabbing at his face and assessing the damage that had been left by his father. There was cuts along his brow line, his eye was bruised and already swollen shut, his bottom lip bust open and oozing blood. Your thumbs swiped along his cheeks, being careful of the injuries, and you felt tears pricking at your eyes at the sight of him. You blinked them away as quickly as you could, he didn't need to see you being so upset in that moment. And besides, you had bigger issues like getting him cleaned up like you had done too many times before. "Stay here, okay. I'm gonna go get the first aid kit."
JJ only grunted, and you pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving the room to get the kit, your mind reeling. It was no secret about JJ's father and his years of abuse towards his own son, and you'd seen him beaten so badly so many times before, but it never got any easier. Each time it happened JJ would wound up at your house, and each time you would clean him up, making sure his wounds were tended to and making him as comfortable as possible as he slept next to you, most nights with his head resting on your chest as you soothed him to sleep with whispers of reassurance that you were there and that you loved him. He would fall asleep with tears staining his cheeks and you would cry yourself to sleep afterwards too, wishing that could just take away all his pain, wishing that you could do more, wishing that JJ had a better life than what he was given, because there was no-one that deserved it more.
You sniffed and forced your tears away, trying to focus on the task at hand. It didn't take long to locate the first aid kit and within a minute you were back in your bedroom, where JJ lay, staring up at your ceiling with his chest moving up and down in a motion that proved he was trying to hold his own tears in. Your heart broke at the sight, and you bit down on your wobbling lip as you moved towards him. His eyes met yours when you were close enough, stood in front of him on your bed. You smiled softly.
"Hey, honey," you soothed as he slowly sat up, grimacing at the obvious pain from his side as he did so. Despite his pain, he smirked back at you.
"Hi, baby."
Stepping closer, effectively between his legs, you smiled as his hands wound around and grabbed at your legs, almost as if he was grounding himself, focusing all his attention onto you. You took a moment to take him in as you pressed the wet rag you'd also grabbed on his face, beginning to clean the cut on his eyebrow. It wasn't too deep, thank god, you thought. You feared for the day where one cut might be too deep and one blow too strong, and the thought of JJ, strong and hot headed and impulsive and passionate, might not being able to drag himself out of the house of hell and getting to anyone for help, to you, to John B, to Pope or Kie, scared the shit out of you to put it simply. JJ was so strong, but there was only so much he could take, and you dreaded the day when that would come. You could only hope it never, and in the meantime do your best to prevent it. You let out a shaky breath as you continued to clean the blood from his face, gently dabbing at his torn lip as he hissed. "I'm sorry hon," you murmured, feeling your gut twist at the sight of him in pain.
"I'm okay," he breathed out, only it was shaky and you both knew it to be a lie. You said nothing though, not wanting to start an argument that night. You'd had countless in situations like these, where you'd tell him he needs to get away from his dad and he'd tell you its not that easy and that nothing fucking is on this island, and you'd try and tell him you understand that but you hate seeing him like that, beaten to a pulp, sometimes barely even able to move, and that you were scared to lose him. He'd tell you that you were too good for him, you deserved better, you deserved more, and you'd cry and tell him to shut up, that he was your best friend and all you ever needed and you'd always be there for him, and he would shake his head and deny it all with tears streaming down both your faces until you collapsed into each other and fell asleep with your limbs intertwined whatever mood you'd gone to sleep in. There was something about that night that told you not to argue, not to push him, just clean him up and hold him and let him know that he wasn't alone in this world. His eyes met yours once more. "I'm okay." He repeated, as if you hadn't heard him the first time.
All you could do was nod, and wiping the last bit of blood from his face, you quickly went over the cuts with disinfectant, JJ's grip tightening on the backs of your legs as you continued to tend to every last bit of him. Finishing on his face, you placed a kiss on each and every cut, bruise or scrape that was etched into his skin. He let out a shaky breath, one hand moving up and landing on your back, rubbing up and down as his forehead rested on your shoulder. Running your own hands through his blonde locks, you pressed your nose to the top of his head as you held him close to you. It wasn't long before you felt the tears soak through the material of your shirt (which was technically JJ's shirt, but that didn't matter much.) and his body started to shake against your own, chest heaving and hands shaking.
"I hate him," you heard him mutter. You closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around him tighter, one hand clutching the back of his neck as the other rubbed soothing patterns onto his back. JJ shook against you, hands clutching onto the sides of your shirt as his lips brushed against the side of your neck as he let out a sob. "I just - I fucking hate him! Why does he do this, why does he -? Why, why, why?"
He was muttering the word over and over again, all sense of himself lost as he sobbed into your neck. In that moment, you felt so useless, so powerless, and you knew that JJ did too. You wished you could take away all his pain, make him see that he was so loved, that you loved him entirely and surely, but all you could do in that moment was hold him tight and screw your eyes shut as you cried along with him.
"He doesn't deserve you, J," you whispered into his hair. "He doesn't deserve you one bit. You're the best son, okay. You're the best friend, the best goddamned person on this island, on this planet! You're so loved, you hear me? You're so loved, babyboy. We all love you, I love you okay. I love you more than anything."
You'd said the words a million times before, but somehow in that moment, wrapped up in each other, JJ sobbing into your chest and you holding him like a person would a child, his ear resting against your heart where he could hear every little beat, his own matching the rhythm soon after - in that moment, _you both knew it meant more. That the friendly shared 'love you's' from so many times before were different to the ones now, and yet still neither of you spoke about it. You focused on JJ, giving him the comfort he so desperately needed. And JJ focused on you, focused on your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing and the soothing words you were whispering to him, and you had no clue as to what he was thinking; that he loved you, so fucking much. JJ Maybank didn't know what to do with that, to love someone so completely and honestly like he loved you, beyond the point of friendship and into the unknown territory of _in-love _absolutely _terrified him. But he knew it to be true, he was in love with you.
And as you forced him to take his shirt off so you could inspect the bruises surrounding his stomach and chest, laying a gentle kiss onto each and every one of them as he started at you with pure adoration in his eyes, he thought about your relationship - fears of you getting bored of him, wanting more than the island life and more than him, fears of you leaving him for something or someone simply more. Realising that he was no good like he'd always said, always suspected. But then you gazed at him with a certain glint in your eyes that he knew was reflecting in his own, and you were pressing your lips to his in a soft caress that dimmed all thoughts from his head and the question of 'are you bored yet?' fell flat on his lips as you ate them, chewed it up and spat it straight back out.
That conversation could come later, he supposed.
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JJ's jaw clenched as he took in the sight of you, skin glowing in the late night sun that was slowly fading in the moons advance. The kegger had begun only an hour or so before, and yet the beach was filled with people already - varying of Pogues, Tourons and Kooks.
Among them all was you, red cup placed in your hands as you laughed at something the guy in front of you was saying, a small smile on the boys lips as he watched you. JJ felt something twist in his gut, suddenly feeling nauseous as he was stood a bit away from you, taking in the sight with malice in his blue eyes. He didn't know the guy that much was for sure, which could only mean one thing; he was definitely a Touron. That also probably meant that he was one of the few people at the party that didn't know JJ or anything of his reputation for being a bit too hot headed. JJ couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
"Dude," John B slapped a hand on his shoulder, effectively snapping his trance at the pair across the beach. JJ turned towards his best friend, a smirk on John B's lips as their eyes met. "You're gonna poke holes into that guys head the way you're glaring at him man."
JJ rolled his eyes, his head once again moving to look back towards your figure. You didn't look mad at the attention the guy was giving you, and that sent a trail of fury in JJ's veins. "Who is that guy, man?" He asked instead of replying to John B's playful taunts. John B seemed to take note of that and simply shook his head. Fucking clueless, he thought.
"Dunno," John B replied as he took a swig of the beer in his hands. "Some Touron, probably." He glanced at his best friends face and noticed the glare darken in JJ's eyes. He suddenly shifted, blocking his view of you and the guy, ignoring JJ's grunt of displeasure at his move. "Don't start anything, J. Alright?"
JJ scoffed. "Me?" He chuckled darkly. "Nah man, you know I'd never start anything," he patted John B's chest twice. "I'm not the fighting type." JJ knew that John B could make out the sarcastic drawl to his words, and looking away from the brunette's eyes JJ was glancing back at you. His features shifted dramatically as he saw the guy take a step closer to your body, and despite the somewhat uncomfortable smile on your face you never seemed to object to the move. JJ felt the anger in his veins grow. "Fuck this!"
John B stopped him before he could take another step, shoving his chest so that he stumbled backwards. "Don't even think about it," JB warned. From afar, Pope seemed to take notice of the two and began to walk towards the seething blonde and his brunette best friend. "Pope, man tell him," John B practically pleaded as the most level headed of the group arrived at their side. It didn't take long for Pope to realise what the source of JJ's anger was, spotting you and the guy, completely oblivious to what was going on. "What are you planning on doing, huh?"
"He's all over her," JJ simply said - as if that was enough of an excuse for his anger. Pope and John B shared a glance. "I'm just gonna go over there and see if she's alright, alright?"
"Why do you care if he's all over her?" Pope raised his eyebrows. "You're not her boyfriend."
That faltered JJ's stance, and for a split second he looked away from you - still laughing, both hands gripping the cup in your hands, bikini clad top on full show for unwelcome eyes to wander. He clenched his jaw tighter, teeth clashing in his mouth, as he thought about Pope's words. Was it technically true; wasn't he your boyfriend? He didn't know - neither of you did. You hadn't spoken about anything, the changes in your relationship coming almost naturally so that neither of you cared to at first.
First, there was the no Pogue-on-Pogue macking rule. Second, there was something so deliciously thrilling about keeping your relationship from everyone else - no room for drama or prying eyes, or so he thought. But the unknown was beginning to scare him, and all he wanted was answers.
It was as if putting a label on what you both were would potentially put an end to everything, all the kissing, cuddling, secret touches, lingering looks, whispered endearments. The pair of you were too young for this shit, JJ thought. Thinking so hard about what you are or weren't. And god forbid you'd both come to regret it all; JJ couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't.
"I'm not gonna do anything," he said simply, and shoved his way past his friends before they could do anything else. He approached you, your eyes immediately catching his and a large grin overtaking the features of your face as he came closer. The guy seemed to notice your shift in attention and he turned too, eyes widening a bit at the sight of the blonde stood in front of him. JJ tried to smile naturally, his too sharp teeth secretly grinding together. "Hey," he chirped as if he was talking to an old friend. "How're you doing, man? I'm JJ."
You hid a laugh behind your hand, having no clue as to what JJ was trying to achieve but finding the obviously fake enthusiasm rather hilarious in that moment. Over his shoulder, you noticed John B and Pope watching with careful eyes, and everything seemed to click in your mind. _JJ was obviously planning on starting something. _You decided to get yourself and your somewhat boyfriend slash best friend out of the situation before anything could happen, the poor Touron didn't have a clue that you were kinda taken, to a fist throwing first ask questions later, tall blonde named JJ Maybank after all.
"It was nice talking to you, dude," you told the guy, his face dropping at the word dude. God, had he seriously wasted all that time flirting with you? You grabbed JJ's hand, only for him to tug it out of yours and place it around your shoulders, blue eyes sending daggers to the nervous boy on front of you. "We're gonna go now, I think."
And with that, you led the way away from him, not missing the way JJ's eyes swooped over the guy in an almost warning manner before smirking at him. Your hand reached up and fingers intertwined with those of JJ's that were sat rather comfortably near your breast. JJ's fingers squeezed yours in response, his arm tugging you closer before he leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to the top of your head.
Once you were a good distance away from the party and its occupants on the beach, you turned in his arm, hand letting go of his to wrap both your arms around his waist. He kept the same arm around your shoulder and placed his other on your bare back between the high waist line of your shorts and the knot of your bikini, long fingers spacing out and rubbing soothing patterns into the skin.
You sighed as you looked at him. "What was that about?" You questioned, a small smile tugging on your lips regardless of the seriousness in your question as you demanded answers.
"That guy was all over you," JJ grunted, his eyes leaving yours to glare at the space where you stood a minute before talking to the said guy. "He was practically drooling all over you. I saved you, y'know. You should be thanking me, babe."
You laughed, and rolling your eyes you reached up to touch his face, thumb smoothing over the still darkened skin under his eye from the confrontation of his dad earlier that week. Leaning up on your toes, aware that nobody could see the action from the distance you and JJ were stood from the kegger, you pressed a kiss to the bruised skin, JJ's eyes closing at the feel of your lips against his skin, a soft exhale leaving his chest.
"Were you jealous, baby?" You teased gently, chuckling at his scoff in response to your accusation. "Relax, J. You don't have to be. I've only got eyes for you."
That seemed to catch his attention. JJ pulled away from you a bit, blue eyes suddenly serious and pink lips forming a tight line. For a second you worried you'd said something wrong, suddenly afraid that he would pull back completely and distance himself from you like you feared one day he would - it was only a matter of time before he realised what you had was a mistake, you worried. That he'd get bored of you and realise there was so many other people he could have. The thought alone made you sick, and you forced the intruding thoughts to the back of your head as JJ's eyes trailed over your face.
"What's wrong?" You couldn't take it anymore. The silence was deafening, even with the music and chatter of the teenagers behind you lingering in the night air. JJ seemed to get hold of his bearings at that moment, shaking his head and leaving a hand from your body to run through his hair. You watched him all the while, lip between your teeth. "J, what's wrong baby?"
JJ wished he had an answer, but he simply didn't. He had no idea what was wrong, no way of telling you the thoughts that were running through his mind. JJ had never been good with words, or emotions, or anything much like that at all. And so he just shook his head, sighing deeply as his hands caressed your face. You welcomed the touch, head leaning into his hold as he smiled down at you. You knew there was something he wanted to say to you; you had known him for so long, felt like all your life, and you could see right through his lies. However you never said a thing, once again. In that moment, it felt enough to just be by his side.
"Can we go?" He muttered quietly, despite no-one being around you. You smiled softly, eyes staring into each others there on the beach. "Just wanna go to sleep with you," he murmured that time, leaning down and kissing the side of your lips, not completely which had you grumbling quietly.
"Course, baby," you whispered as you looked at him, feeling nothing but adoration and love for the boy in front of you. "Let's go."
And so after kissing him under the moonlight, feet sunken in the damp sand as the sea splashed around you, the kegger still going strong in the distance, JJ took your hands and led the way back to the Chateau, where despite both your similar thoughts you crawled into bed in the spare bedroom and fell asleep together, your head resting on his chest with his cheek pressed against your head, arms wrapped around forms and legs intertwined.
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It was hot, blistering heat panning down on your form as you lay on the hammock outside the Chateau, eyes closed with one arm resting over them in a fleeting attempt to block the sun out. Despite the unbearable temperature of the day, JJ lay in between your legs, perfectly muscular arms wrapped around your waist as his head rested on your stomach that was covered only by one of his infamous cut-off sleeve shirts, only a bikini underneath it keeping you modest.
One of your hands played with the hair on the back of his neck, twirling the strands in between your fingers and repeating the process over and over again, JJ letting out a low him as you did so.
It was just the two of you, the quiet and peacefulness welcome on the hot day as you cuddled as close as you could and as much as you wanted, nothing off limits away from the prying eyes of your best friends. Both Kie and Pope were working, John B having traded your company for that of Sarah Cameron's for the day, and so that only left the pair of you to do anything and everything you pleased. JJ had let out a joyous whoop when you'd discovered the fact, and you'd only managed to get out of bed half an hour before as he took full advantage of having the Chateau to yourselves for the morning. The original plan was to go surfing, but as soon as you'd stepped out of the house the both of you seemed to come to a silent mutual agreement that lounging around in the sun on the porch was a much more welcoming idea instead.
And so that's what the pair of you had done; there was barely a word uttered between you both as you lay there, JJ's skin slightly sticky and damp on your own due to the heat, but neither of you seemed to mind as you simply closed your eyes and basked in the quiet, content with doing nothing with your favourite person.
JJ's hands had moved so that he was caressing your side, your skin revealed with the low cut of his shirt as his thumb rubbed patterns into your skin. In its wake it left goosebumps, JJ's touch never failing to make you shiver even in all the years you had known him. He knew what effect he had on you too, he smirked as you shivered, his other hand squeezing the flesh of your hip.
You trailed your own hands down from his hair and onto the exposed flesh of his back as he lay shirtless, and you could feel the muscles under your palms clench as you let out a small giggle. JJ chuckled along, although he'd had no idea as to what it was you were laughing at in the first place. The sound of your laugh just made him happy, he supposed.
"What're you laughing at?" He murmured quietly, chin propping on your stomach and his eyes squinting up at you. He'd moved a hand down to your thigh, now kneading the flesh there as his other remained on your side and wrote unknown words into the skin there. You grinned down at him lazily, the sun and his charming aura making you feel high. Then again, you probably were high; the blunt you'd both shared a couple of minutes earlier taking its toll.
"Nothing," you hummed. "Just really, really fucking happy right now s'all."
JJ laughed, laying a kiss onto your stomach and loving the way you giggled at the action. He pressed more there, letting out dramatic sounds of various 'mwah's' as he trailed them up further until his lips were on the skin on your collarbone, continuing his assault onto your neck. JJ's tongue darted out, and your giggles had soon turned into breathy moans of approval as he sucked on the skin, his sharpened teeth sinking into the flesh not long after. You gripped the back of his neck, fingernails digging into his hairline as your sounds of pleasure rippled through the air surrounding you without a care in the world. In that moment you couldn't care less if anyone had caught you - all that mattered was JJ, all that ever mattered was JJ. He sucked gently on your flesh, adding to the bruises that already littered your chest, stomach, thighs, anywhere he could get his mouth earlier. You both knew questions would be asked from the others, in the high temperatures of the Outer Banks your skin was almost always revealed. But again, neither of you cared.
Not when JJ's mouth left your skin with a satisfying pop, his eyes taking in the sight of the freshly bruised flesh, a content smile on his lips. He leaned down and peppered a kiss to the lovebite, soothing his tongue over it afterwards. You let out a sigh, suddenly breathless under his heated gaze.
JJ shuffled his body up and closer, one leg in between yours as his right hand came up and held your face tenderly in his palm, the rough skin of his thumb swiping along your brow as he grinned cheekily down at you. "You're fucking beautiful y'know that?"
Your cheeks blazed, an almost embarrassed laugh leaving your mouth and you shook your head at his words. JJ looked offended suddenly, his brows furrowing as he nodded furiously. "Um, yes you are. Don't you dare say that you're not because you're, fucking, beautiful, okay," between each word he left lingering kisses to your lips with his own, and you knew it was probably the weed in his system that had spurred him to such a romantic confrontation, but you welcomed it regardless, giggling against his lips as one leg hooked around his waist. "Fucking god, you keep doing that and we won't be moving from this hammock all day."
"I'm not complaining about that," you replied and pressed your lips harder to his. JJ let out a groan, his body impulsively pushing down further onto yours, his hips directly on yours, chests pressed close together, his arm holding him up enough near your head so he didn't suffocate you completely, his other kneading the soft flesh of your bikini bottom clad ass. Your own hands caressed the skin of his abdomen, fingers sprawled and feeling his abs tense underneath the tips. You pulled away only slightly, taking in the sight of his flushed face, his eyes bright and yearning, flashing with something you couldn't quite place and his lips swollen and so very red. "Thank you, by the way." You whispered as you reached up and pushed the hair from his face. "You're pretty beautiful yourself, hon."
JJ seemed to understand what you were getting at then, his chest heaving with a chuckle as he shook his head at you. He leaned down and placed a kiss to your nose, returning his head to snuggle into your neck as you were once again wrapped around each other. "Thanks, I know," he joked (possibly) as his hands resumed their pattern of soothing shapes on your ribs. You hummed a random tune, the calming atmosphere returning around the pair of you on the porch. It was quiet for a few more minutes, your eyes closing involuntarily and almost falling asleep right then and there before JJ spoke up again. "You're my best friend, y'know."
The words were so quiet you almost missed them, but with the silence surrounding you, you'd heard them loud and clear. Your eyes opened and you glanced down at the boy laying atop of you, his face hidden in the skin of your neck.
"I would hope so," you laughed slightly, having no clue as to where JJ was planning on going with the fact. "You're my best friend too. I'd be lost without you and the guys."
"No," JJ shook his head. He shifted in his place, eyes connecting with yours as you sent him a questioning look, quirking your eyebrow. JJ sighed deeply, sucking his lower chapped lip into his mouth for a second before releasing it and allowing your finger to trace the outline of it. "You don't get it. You're like, my best friend. I know it sounds stupid and I'm probably a selfish fucker for saying it, but I'd put you above everyone else. You are above everyone else. And like, I don't know how else to explain it but you mean the fucking world to me. Without you, I'd be nothing. If I lost you, I'd fucking die."
His voice broke at the end, and it damn near broke your heart as you hushed him gently, arms circling around his head and holding it close to your chest. You kissed his forehead, hearing him sniffle before he raised his head and met your eyes, the sea blue crystallised by unshed tears.
"I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I just - I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm scared honestly, shit fucking feared of losing you, or you realising that I'm just a no good low life and you could do better, and honestly you could and I don't even know what the fuck you're doing with me," JJ chuckled darkly and you shook your head, feeling tears prick at your own eyes at his words. "And I don't even know if you want to be with me, or if what we're doing is some mistake you're gonna regret, but you're my best friend."
The earnest in his voice made your heart clench in your chest. You'd seen JJ cry numerous times, seen his facade break and his world around him to crash, seen the emotions pour out of him with so much force whether they be happy, sad, fucking hysterical or ecstatic; and you'd loved him through it all. The realisation of just how much you loved him, that went beyond friendship and into pure, earnest and genuine love for the boy in front of you, made your head swirl and butterflies in your stomach to clash heavily against your ribcage. Something warm spread throughout you, and you welcomed the feeling with open arms. You loved JJ Maybank, purely and honestly, with every fibre in your being.
"J," you murmured carefully, gripping his damp cheeks and forcing him to look at you. His face was unreadable, but you could see in his eyes what he was feeling in that moment. "You're fucking crazy, alright? Everything about you is so damned chaotic and I love every bit of it. I love every bit of you, so much. Do you know how scared I was that you would take all this back? Regret it all, leave me for someone better. I was scared shitless, because I cannot lose you. You're my best friend, and all I wanna do is spend all my time with you."
"I've never felt like this before," you whispered as JJ's gaze softened, hands gripping your hips and squeezing gently. You traced the worry in his brows, easing it away, traced the bottoms of his eyes, the slope of his nose and the outline of his lips. He breathed against your fingertips, the soft exhale making the hairs on your arms raise. "I love you, J. And if you think you're ever gonna get rid of me, you're terribly fucking mistaken."
JJ chuckled at that, blonde head falling on your chest as he breathed in and out, seemingly catching his breath at your confession. "Thank god," he breathed, cheeky gaze raising to catch yours as he grinned, suddenly surging forward and catching your lips with his own in a deep and passionate embrace that had you feeling dizzy at the pure feel of it all. "I was scared you were gonna tell me to fuck off, thought you were using me for my body for a minute there, babe."
You full on laughed, breaking away from his eager lips to let it out, your hands clutching his cheeks and your legs squashing his body atop yours from where they were wrapped around his waist. "You're such a fucker, J." He kissed along your jaw in response, biting down softly. "God, that weed must have been some new level shit."
"Nah," JJ shook his head and grinned. "You just drive me crazy, babygirl." His hands wandered from your ribs higher till his fingertips just slipped under the material of your bikini top. He pressed a further series of tender kisses to your chest, trailing them down and then back up to meet your lips once more. He gazed lovingly at you, looking golden in the sunlight. "I love you too, by the way. Just so y'know."
You grinned softly, catching his bottom lip with your teeth when he began to pull away, pulling a delicious groan from him. "I know," you echoed back to him, lips raising on their own accord to match JJ's almost shy smile at your declaration. "Hey, can we stay home today? Wanna watch the sunset with you later."
JJ snorted, laying one last lingering kiss to your lips before snuggling back into your neck, his eyelashes brushing against your delicate skin. "Whatever you want baby," he chuckled, breath warm. "Whatever you want."
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Yours and JJ's (now established, thankfully) relationship only progessed from there; it was in the little things, spending every moment you could get with each other, always touching in some kind of way whether it to be hands curled around one another's, fingers dancing on skin, shoulders and arms brushing, legs squished beside each other. It was all new, and it was all so exciting, and any worries that the two of you may had shared earlier vanished and in their wake came new thoughts of the future, of which you'd spend together.
If the gang had noticed the change, they hadn't mentioned it. Though you already knew Kie suspected something a long time ago, and probably Pope and John B too, due to JJ's little episode at the kegger that time. But you and JJ rejoiced in the unknown, relationship growing stronger each day all the while. You weren't trying to hide it - god forbid, you'd both been waiting so long for it, but you hadn't officially announced you were boyfriend and girlfriend either. There wasn't anything to say, you thought. The relationship came naturally, years of close friendship gradually turning into something more for the pair of you, and you'd both agreed it would be way funnier for the gang to come to their own conclusions and confront you about it themselves. However long that would take them.
The Pogues had driven the HMS Pogue out to the marsh, planning on drinking, swimming and simply hanging out for the day. Sarah had joined you on that particular day, body pressed close to John B's as the group lounged around on the boat, you and JJ wrapped around each other as usual.
His muscular arm was wrapped around your shoulders as you sprawled out close together, your legs thrown over his as your body angled towards his own, head resting on his shoulder. Your hands held the one thrown over you, absentmindedly playing with his ring adorned fingers. His other gripped your knee laying over his, thumb rubbing gentle patterns into the tanned skin there.
Nobody had mentioned your closeness - it was nothing new, the pair of you had always been so close, always touching even before becoming a couple. But Sarah wasn't as close with you as the others, and though she was aware of how close you and JJ were, she wasn't as up to date with everything like everyone else. You'd had no idea that she always just assumed the pair of you were dating, until that day.
"So, you guys are like, a couple right?" She'd asked out of the blue, eyes directed onto you and JJ. Kie suddenly sat up straight, sunglasses raising to rest atop her head rather than on her nose, Pope beside her seemingly taking as much interest, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he listened.
From beside Sarah, John B laughed and shook his head. "Everyone thinks that," he grinned, looking to you and JJ who shared a knowing glance. Sarah looked at him in confusion. "They can't help it though, their sexual tension is through the roof."
Sarah looked even more confused. "Wait, so you guys aren't together?"
JJ cleared his throat, arm tightening around your shoulders. You squeezed his hand as you stared up at him, smiling softly at his uncertain gaze. Once he'd met your eyes, the uncertainty faded away and in its place came a cheeky kind of look, mischievous and so attractive that you had to hold yourself back from kissing him right then and there. You knew it was time to come clean; and you thought it would scare you, your relationship suddenly becoming so real, but the thought only made your insides twist and churn with nothing but excitement.
You looked back at Sarah, who's gaze was still on the pair of you, as well as everyone elses. You noted the almost giddy expression on Kie's face, the barely suppressed curiosity on Pope's, and the suddenly confused one of John B's. You almost laughed, but held it in to say, "Actually, yeah. JJ and I are together."
JJ squeezed you gently as the reactions from your friends began. Kie grinned smugly, Sarah smiled at the two of you, John B raised his eyebrows so high they almost got lost beneath his hat, and Pope slapped his knees before he lurched backwards with his arms raised above his head.
"I knew it, man," Pope shook his head, though a smile was growing on his handsome features. "I knew something's been up with you two."
You laughed as Kie scoffed, "You knew? I had it figured out from the very beginning, I could tell something had changed." She eyed you. "And I was specifically told that nothing was going on, you big fat liar!"
"I'm sorry," you chuckled. "In my defence, when you asked me about it then I actually didn't know if we were like, together together. We hadn't spoken about it yet."
JJ grinned and pulled your body closer, leaning down and pressing a sloppy kiss to the top of your head as your face was mushed into his bare chest. "Yeah, and who can blame her for wanting to keep my Sex God body all to herself?" He asked rhetorically, laughing when you slapped him on the chest with a playful eye roll.
"Wait, so are you a couple now?" John B questioned, puzzled. He looked between the pair of you, your arms wrapped around his waist, one of his still around your shoulder and hand resting between your boobs. The other brushed hair from your face, JJ's gaze loving and soft as he looked down at you before looking back towards his best friend. John B scrunched his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"We didn't tell anyone man," JJ shrugged carelessly. His fingers had began to play with your hair. "Figured it would be funnier for you guys to find out yourselves," he grinned. "So congratulations, you guys now know. Your reward is the knowledge that we fuck now!"
The gang groaned at his ludicrous words, and you slapped his chest with more force than you had before, just slightly as you scoffed and attempted to raise your head and move position to get a good look at him, but all JJ did was grab your hand and pull it upwards to his lips, kissing each of your knuckles instead.
You rolled as your eyes as you turned back to your friends. "We're sorry about not telling you," you said almost sheepishly. "We only really figured out what this was between us a few days ago, and by that time we just kinda forgot to mention it. This whole thing just kinda happened, we didn't know if it would last or become serious."
"And it has become serious now?" Pope voiced everyone's thoughts, glancing between the two of you. "Like, you're together as a couple. You love each other?"
You and JJ shared a look, the pair of you smiling softly as your hand raised and brushed the blonde strands of hair that fell over his brow, his own reaching up and holding the side of your jaw, his thumb swiping along your cheek lovingly. The others shared glances, unknown to you and JJ as you seemed to be lost inside your own little world for a moment.
When you came to again, you never turned from his eyes, watching the sea blue irises light up at your words; "Yeah, I love him, the fucker."
You heard a collective round of replies, but the feel of JJ's lips on yours for a second forced your attention on him and only him, your hands on his cheeks as you held him there for a full minute before pulling away, leaving a couple more little pecks on his lips. He whispered, "I love you." before he turned his attention to your friends, your smile so bright.
"I thought she'd get bored of me," he revealed unexpectedly. The Pogues (plus Sarah) all looked to him with various expressions of confusion, your own face matching theirs for a moment. JJ felt a smile tug on his lips as your hands massaged his scalp, nails scraping gently against the skin beneath. "But of course she couldn't, I mean I'm the fucking best am I not?"
The gang rolled their eyes as his normal cheeky expression returned, though they all smiled at the pair of you cuddled close together on the seats of the HMS Pogue, realising it was the happiest they'd ever seen the both of you. John B let out a sigh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Well, it's about time anyway."
And just like that, everything went back to normal. You knew they'd have more questions in the future, prepared to answer any and every one of them when they came. But your little group swayed their attention elsewhere sat out on their little boat, laughing and joking at the next topic of conversation, bright eyes and giddy smiles on every face as you drank, swam and sunbathed out there on the marsh. JJ was only looking at you though, skin golden and blue eyes shining. You loved him, you thought. How could he ever think you'd get bored of him, with his charm and quick witted words, sarcastic drawl and tendency to get into trouble, his obsession with weed and putting others before himself always, his beautiful mind and ridiculously good looks to match. He was yours, all yours. And you loved him. JJ grinned. "Are you bored yet?" He asked, just once, loving the sound of your giggle as you shook your head at his antics. "No? Good, because I'm never gonna get bored of you."
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slimepuparibaba · 3 years
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ChiLumi | Hidden Meaning
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Okay, so, basically, this takes place in between the Archon missions and before Golden House.
I'm gonna leave bullet points just cuz it's easier that way and I'm so bad at writing. I might make a fic of it later though if enough people want me to XD
There might be some additional parts to this too cuz I wanna put in detail how the Golden House fight went down, how Childe's story mission worked, and every other ChiLumi headcanon after that so yeah.
They may be a bit OOC but this is how I imagine it playing out
So we're clear, Childe has used his charms to woo over many to gain information for the Fatui. He sees Lumine slightly falling for him so he decides to use this to his advantage no one tell the boy he is in love yet, he refuses to believe it
Childe invites Lumine out to run some errands around Liyue. His excuse? The group is running out of food and needs to cook up some more stuff for their future adventures.
His conditions? Everyone else must stay behind, including Paimon. Paimon says no to this, obviously, since she hasn't left Lumine's side.
Lumine, however, says yes.
Most of the team is heavily against this outing, but Kaeya, Barbara, Chongyun, and Xiangling seem to be on Lumine's side, letting her go and convince the rest to let Childe and Lumine do as they please. (Side note: Kaeya and Barbara are huge playing factors in this entire ChiLumi saga)
Childe and Lumine start wandering around Liyue and stop by the beach, where Lumine starts picking up some starconches behind Childe's back
She hands it over and says it's a gift for him. When he asks why, she says she wants to try and convince Childe to join them on their adventure.
Lumine isn't dumb; she knew Childe did this to try and squeeze info out of her, hence why she accepted. However, she decided that she wants to try and convince Childe to leave the Fatui and switch sides.
Childe isn't convinced, obviously, and says that he is her enemy--she can't expect him to switch sides that easily, could she? Especially not when he's made it clear that he, Tartaglia, the 11th Harbinger, wants to conquer the world!
Lumine, however, begs to differ
"How about we make a deal?" She asks. "I'll take you sightseeing around Liyue Harbor while we run errands. I want you to take a good look this time and see the people of Liyue not as people you collect debt from, not as people you need to defeat, nor as people you need to conquer. I want you to see the as people with families and lives, living their days out peacefully... as your average human being, like you or me. If you can do that, at least consider leaving the Fatui, okay?"
Childe scoffs, saying that he'll only take the deal because he knows it won't work. Lumine shoves the starconch into his hands and pulls him along, smiling sweetly. His heart slightly flutters but this stupid idiot thinks the world is black and white and he can't be in love with the enemy so he ignores it.
Lumine starts heading to some stalls and buying some food, sharing it with Childe. He states that he's already done this before, but she wants him to experience it from a different point of view. She leads him to Wanmin Restaraunt and the two feast.
Childe doesn't know why, but for some reason, the food tastes a bit better than when he tasted it the first time he came to Liyue. He looks to Lumine, who's enjoying every bite, and softly smiles.
After paying, she continues dragging him everywhere. To drink tea, to hear stories, or to even watch kids fly kites (and even convince him to fly a kite with her)
Then, they get to the middle of Yujing Terrace
Childe was having a great time so far and was almost forgetting that he was supposed to be dragging out information from her, but when they got to the scene where the Exuvia was supposed to be, where the crime scene had taken place days earlier, he remembered that he was a Fatui. What was he doing, having fun without getting his job done? He needed to get that Gnosis, after all, from Rex Lapis' corpse.
Lumine leads him to one of the altars and says that even if the Rite of Decension is no more, she still wants to make a wish with him. Childe is amused that she would do such a thing and agrees.
She lights the incense stick and lights the altar, making her wish. Childe starts to question her.
"Y'know... I would like to know what you wished for, Oujo-chan. Convince me that the Tsaritsa is wrong about this whole thing... that the world shouldn't be our enemy and that there's still hope."
Childe was expecting Lumine to turn him down, but she answered with her wish.
"...I want to be reunited with someone special to me. We were always attached to the hip whenever we traveled together, and even if we parted ways, I knew where to meet him. I knew where to go. But I lost him... and I'm so scared. I wake up in the middle of the night because I keep seeing nightmares where he walks away from me and I can never reach him."
She has a sad look in her eyes as she keeps continuing.
"If anything, I just want to see him again and know he's safe... and, along the way, maybe gather up more friends. I want to have the people of Teyvat united and happy together... if I can gather more people together, I'd like that... we can go hunt for treasure, solve puzzles, discover ruins, fight ruins... all while trying to find our own goals, we can come together, as a family."
Childe smiled at her answer, and when Lumine asked what he wished for, he hesitantly answered. He began to murmur, searching for the right words, but all he could come up with was the answer he knew all around him expected from him.
"...to become stronger and... conquer the world...?"
He sounded unsure, because he was. Lumine didn't pick up on that and just laughed, saying that sounded so like him. But, truth was, he was conflicted on his wish.
In truth, he wanted a resolve like Lumine.
He wished someone would tell him that he doesn't need to constantly fight and bring chaos.
He wished someone would treat him as a friend, or even as family, unlike the Fatui, who either despised him with their entire being or feared him, whether out of respect or their sheer will to survive in the Fatui.
He wished someone would tell him it's okay to feel vulnerable--that the world was okay, and that he can live as a person. Not as a Harbinger, not as a Fatui...
He wished someone would tell him that he can protect those he loves without constantly destroying others who are loved by their own families.
He looked to Lumine, who started gazing at the stars above and realized one thing and one thing only:
He wished that Lumine would tell him that he isn't alone anymore.
The next day, when Lumine woke up, Childe handed her a bouquet of Windwheel Asters.
When Lumine asked why, Childe brushed it off as telling her to get stronger for their upcoming battle.
Deep inside, though, those weren't Childe's true intentions. In fact, what he meant to say was this:
"When that fateful day comes, beat me... make me change sides. Become so strong that I have no choice but to listen to you."
"Prove to me that I'm a monster worth saving."
my heart aches for these two, because childe in this entire storyline is literally trying to convince himself that he can't switch sides and he's already gone too far deep to be saved
honey plz lumine is trying to show u that you're just like anyone else. you don't need to conquer the world to protect those you love oh my gOD
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