Cress - Part 1
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
Okay, so I wrote this a while ago in a flurry of inspiration, got stuck, and... then didn't do anything with it. But I'm actually really proud of it, so I'm going to throw up what I've got, because I feel like I've fallen into the habit of not posting stuff, and that's just sad.
This was inspired by a fic I read over on Ao3, The Telling of Fortunes, which... absolutely did not go in the direction I was expecting (still an excellent fic), and inspired me to take the premise and run off in the direction I thought it would go.
Calliope gifts Dream another child, and this changes things.
It has been nearly seventy years since Dream was imprisoned, and over fifty since anything last changed. He has become used to the monotony of his imprisonment, even as the very nature of his existence makes ignoring the passage of time impossible. So mired in his unchanging circumstances is he that he doesn’t notice, at first, when something does change.
“Oneiros,” three voices call, in unsettling harmony, “harken to us.”
Dream raises his head sharply, and if he could breathe in this prison, his breath would have caught. The Fates stand arrayed about his prison. The Mother stands before him, between him and his guards, who are muttering amongst themselves. He cannot see the other two without turning his head, each of them equidistant from the other. In any other circumstance, being so surrounded would be unsettling, but as it is, he feels only relief at their presence.
That is not to say he expects a rescue. The Fates do not interfere so. And yet, here are ones he would not call enemy, and if Alex Burgess tries to shoot them… Well. He will not find what is left behind so easy to sweep away as he did Jessamy’s corpse.
He returns his attention to the Mother and inclines his head the barest inch. He will not give his captors any more than he must, but the Fates demand respect, even now. Even here. The Mother bows her head in return, which is a shock. Her eyes close, and for a moment, Dream could almost say she looked grieved.
“We are come on behest of another,” the Crone says, and Dream turns his head towards her to show he is listen.
“Calliope,” the Maiden adds, and this time, Dream turns more fully, to stare directly at her, eyes widening. He opens his mouth, but stops before he can shape the name. He will not give his captors that. Not for any boon or blessing in existence. The Maiden smiles in knowing gratitude, but Dream does not think he is imagining the way it doesn’t fully reach her eyes.
“Why?” he asks. Mouths, for there is no air inside his glass prison. At least, none that he can make use of, bound in his vessel as he is. His guards have moved from their post, are circling the moat that keeps mortal magics from interfering with the arcane sigils, excited by his movements as they cannot see the cause.
“A gift,” the Crone tells him.
“A burden,” the Maiden counters.
“A duty,” the Mother corrects them both. And that is the word he is more familiar with, one he feels down to his bones and beyond, into the dreamstuff that he makes and is made of, so it is to her he turns for an answer. And it is from her that he receives one.
The Mother flips back her shawl, and reveals that the Fates did not come alone. In her arms there is a babe, swaddled in cream silk, and as it is exposed to the air without the shelter of the Mother’s mantle, it yawns and begins to squirm.
Dream’s mouth drops open. Not to form words, for he has none. He does not understand. This can only be Calliope’s child, and yet, the Maiden called it a gift. Calliope has gifted him a child before, but has since sworn never again, so this cannot be as it appears to be. He tears his eyes away from the infant to meet the Mother’s gaze. “Why?” he asks again.
“Because she bid it,” the Mother tells him, simple and unconditional.
“Calliope cannot care for the babe as she is now,” the Crone states, unsympathetic.
“We cannot change her fate, but the child’s is within our power to alter,” the Maiden adds with just a hint of playful mischief.
As if Dream isn’t deeply alarmed by the notion of a Calliope subject to a fate that even the triple goddess will not interfere with. “What fate?” he asks. Mouths. The Maiden smiles at him, knowing and amused.
“She called for you, when we bid her name it,” she tells him, like she is imparting a scandalous secret.
“We bid her choose another,” the Crone snaps, fierce and angry, but when Dream turns to stare at her, he sees the pain beneath. “She refused.”
“There was no other she would trust,” the Mother mourns.
“We warned her; the fate that awaited in your arms would not be kind,” the Crone adds bitterly, eyes roving pointedly over the cage in which Dream is trapped. His eyes are drawn to the babe again, now mewling for attention and being fussed over by the Mother. Truly, if the child was given into his keeping at this moment, it would surely perish. That, indeed, would be the kinder fate. For if it is not mortal enough to suffocate, it will live as he does; without. Only it will not be aware enough to know that it can, and so it will struggle, and struggle endlessly, for a breath that will not come.
“She said that even the fate that awaits the child of Calliope and Oneiros would be a better one than awaited the child of Calliope and a mortal,” the Maiden says, wistful with sorrow. The words stab clear through Dream’s heart, and he raises a hand to his chest to press against the ache. There’s a clamouring somewhere beyond the sphere, beyond the Fate’s presence, but Dream ignores it, closing his eyes against it.
“She knew not of what she spoke,” the Crone complains.
“She knew enough, sister-self” the Mother chides. Dream feels a chill. What could possibly hold such power over Calliope to threaten her child that she believes giving it unto Dream would be the better fate? “Well, o Lord of Dreams?” the Mother prompts, and Dream opens his eyes to meet her gaze as she lifts it from the babe in her arms to raise her eyebrows at him. “Will you take her?”
Dream thinks furiously, frantically. He cannot say yes, and condemn an innocent child – Calliope’s child – to this cage with him, and yet, he cannot say no, and return her to a fate that even the Mother deems may be worse.
“We need an answer, o Lord of Dreams,” the Maiden demands. Dream drops his eyes, unable to settle his thoughts, but knowing he cannot take either of the paths laid before him.
“O Lord of Dreams,” the Crone echoes mockingly, sourly. “The choice is yours.”
Dream’s eyes snap up. “Mine,” he echoes silently, deliberately, holding the Crone’s gaze. Just the hint of a smile begins to lift one corner of his mouth.
Nose almost pressed to the glass, Alex Burgess rears backwards. “What?” he demands. “What was that? Did you hear-?” he asks of his lover. Paul shakes his head, eyes beginning to widen, a look of horror beginning to dawn.
“Alex… what if he can’t speak?” he asks slowly, and then reaches out to his lover with sharp, jerky movements, shaking the other man. “Dear God, there’s no air in there. We have to- we have to do something-” Alex shakes his head, and the two continue to babble desperately at each other.
Dream ignores it all.
“You would take her, then?” the Maiden asks, intensely.
Dream tips his head, not a yes, but not a no. “My choice,” he mouths.
There is a long silence. At least, silence among the Fates and Dream, for beyond them there is a cacophony of mortal chaos, but it does not touch them. “Yes,” the Crone says finally, intense and waiting.
“I accept this burden,” Dream mouths. The Mother closes her eyes on a shaky sigh, the Maiden makes a small sound that could be sorrow or relief, and the Crone snarls wordlessly. The Mother begins to step forwards, and Dream holds up a hand to stop her. She halts. So do the mortals. “I did not say I would take it,” he reminds her. Her eyes widen.
“What is he saying?!” Alex Burgess demands in a panic. “What is he looking at?!”
“Calliope already refused all others,” the Maiden says, stepping around the cage to come to her sister-self’s side. “Apollo, Zeus, all the gods, all the pantheons.”
“Not a god,” Morpheus agrees. The child is part mortal, after all, if not quite half any more; not with Dream’s claim upon her.
“One of the Endless, then?” the Crone challenges, also closing the distance so that the three are arrayed as one. “I did not think you trusted your children unto Death’s embrace.”
Dream flinches. But then, cruelty is the province of the Crone, so he takes the blow with as much grace as he can muster in his present situation, and lets the barb slide. “No,” he agrees. Not a one of his siblings is fit to raise a child, not even Death, though if he had to pick one of them, she would be his first choice.
“Then to one of your subjects?” the Maiden wonders.
“A child cannot live on dreams alone, sister-self,” the Crone snaps.
“No,” Dream agrees.
“Then where?” the Mother asks patiently.
“Where else is left?” Dream challenges.
There is another moment of silence. Not of incomprehension, but of disbelief. True, if this were even a single century ago, Dream would not have indulged even the fantasy of such an idea for more than the heartbeat it would take to dismiss it. But he has no good choices left, and this, at least, will spare the child the burden of his failure.
Hopefully.
“A mortal?” the Crone demands, incredulous.
“What do you even know of the mortal realm?” the Maiden asks, half-laughing.
“Will you bid us leave her with mortal authorities? Abandon her on the steps of a temple? Return her to her blood?” the Mother challenges him right back, gentle but cutting.
“No,” Dream denies. “There is but one mortal I know beyond the Dreaming.” He will not say the name, not while his captors watch, desperately trying to read his lips, to get his attention, to demand his subservience. They will not have any of it; not one thing of his will they pry from him.
“Robert Gadling,” the Maiden concludes, and Dream inclines his head.
“You think he will help you? After how you treated him at your last meeting?” the Crone prods, scornful.
There is truth to her words. Dream knows it. He was cruel without cause, and Hob would have every right to refuse to aid him now. But for all his flaws, Hob is not a cruel man, and Dream does not think he would leave a child to suffer for Dream’s mistakes. Besides, it is the only avenue he can see that has even the slightest chance of ending without bringing ruin to an innocent life.
“I can but hope.”
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(slightly long and personal post, which was initially meant to be me explaining/apologizing for the delay in responding to my comments on ao3, but turned into... this... instead. It's under the cut for anyone who wants to read :)
recently (and by 'recently' i mean it's been over a year) it's been very very hard for me to summon the motivation to do... anything. Even the things I used to love, such as reading, writing, engaging in fandom, baking, playing the sims, occasionally watching a show or a movie... it's all been so unbearably hard. There were some real-life situations that contributed to this, most of which are thankfully in the past now, but the state of nothingness that I've found myself in has yet to fully fade away. I'm doing better (i read a book! an entire book! i can't remember the last time i did that!!) but there are still days where it just feels hard.
And It's like... I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the process of getting through the tunnel is so dark and painful and lonely.
This entire post was inspired by me feeling guilty about not responding to my ao3 comments. i used to love responding to my ao3 comments. but now, whenever i even think about opening the website for any reason, i just feel... anxious. I can't even open the website to read the comments on there- I read them in my email instead because that feels less daunting.
I'm still writing, although some days (most days) it's harder than it used to be, a constant uphill battle where it used to be the easiest thing in the world for me to do. But I'm not writing nearly as much as I used to, which means I'm not posting as much as I used to or would like to. And it feels awful. For me, writing was always my *thing*. it was coming home. it was my favorite thing about myself. and not having that (or atleast, not having it in the way that I used to) has been really hard, and it's felt like a piece of me is literally gone. Like I'm missing some fundamental aspect of who I am as a person. Some days (most days) i feel like a shell of who I used to be.
And, to reiterate, I am getting better. It's just happening very slowly. And while I can look at the overall picture and say 'yeah... things are good', there are still the in-between moments of silence and darkness where I just don't know what to do with myself.
This is all very dramatic, but really, I just wanted to get my thoughts down (and also apologize, in the most melodramatic way possible, for not responding to my comments).
I spent a good chunk of the past year pretending I was okay, and refusing to even acknowledge that I was depressed because that felt like such a big, self-important word. But admitting it and accepting it is what led to me being able to work on getting through it. And now I'm doing better. So. Just wanted to share. If you happen to be feeling the same way, you're not alone :)
(also i will respond to my ao3 comments eventually. i promise i will. and thank you for leaving them. I read them all and I love them <3)
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wip wfriday
i am incapable of consuming media without inserting my blorbos into it. this is the product of that. to preserve my dignity i will be staying silent on what i have binged three seasons of in the past two days that has brought this idea to life.
(~900 words under the cut, jack/nico, fantasy au? kind of? but not a lot of fantasy in this scene and by not a lot i mean there are only vague references to it)
“I am from the North,” Jack argues.
“You are not from my north,” Nico roars. “You know nothing of my people. You come and ask for help without knowing what you’re asking for.”
“Then tell me the price I must pay!” Jack steps forward. “Tell me this truth that you’ve been so afraid of saying since I brought my men up this mountain. I’m not green enough to think that you’ve been transparent.”
Nico’s expression fills with agony as he turns away, pacing. “The Brotherhood acts on a collective purpose. If one is brave or stupid enough to ask for our swords to be turned against their enemies, then they must give back to even the scales.”
Jack rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. “I know all of this. I’ve heard stories since I was a boy. Just tell me what’s required. Is it blood? Is it my blood? Why are you so—” Jack wants to accuse him of being evasive, but there’s a flash of fear in Nico’s eyes that makes Jack hesitate.
Nico stops, facing away. He bows his head. “The Brotherhood has rules, Jack,” he says. “If those within are bound to your cause, you must be bound to ours.”
Jack throws his hands up, irritation bubbling in his throat. “That’s it?”
“What—” Nico turns, confusion marring his handsome face. “What do you mean ‘that’s it?’ Do you not understand?”
“I understand perfectly well. I serve with the Brotherhood as the price. So be it. What I don’t understand is why you are so adamantly against me doing just that. Have I not proven myself thrice-over? Does the Commander of the Brotherhood not deem me worthy to be among his ranks?” Jack storms over, pushing at Nico’s shoulder, fingers inadvertently sinking into the soft furs on his cloak. Nico goes nowhere, sturdy as the mountain they reside in, his expression unreadable once more. “
“The Brotherhood has rules, Jack!” Nico repeats, more desperate this time.
“Then tell me!” Jack grits. “Let me decide what price is too steep to pay.”
Nico makes this frustrated noise and shakes his head. “I cannot— The Oath is sacred—”
“Do you see anyone here taking an oath? No? Good. Neither do I.” Jack walks away so he can stand at the edge of the council’s table, leaning against it and crossing his arms, expectant. He isn’t sure what he’d do if he remained close to Nico, and he doubts the consequences would be worth it. “Tell me what I’m getting myself into, and if I’ll have to run from this mountain with my people at dawn because I’m supposed to burn them all as an offering to your gods.” He takes a moment to calm himself down before adding, “Not as a son of the Valkyrie, not as a person of my House, but as the man whose life you’ve saved and the man who has saved your life in return. As an ally, as a friend, I’m asking for your honesty.”
Nico is quiet for a long moment, standing tall, the glint of the Commander’s brooch flickering gold in the torchlight. His hair falls over his forehead and his unkempt scruff covers the wound on his cheek, the angles of his face softened from their usual severity as he looks at Jack with those kind eyes. The wrinkles at the corners speak not of his age but of his humor, of his smile, of the dip in his cheek when Jack says something to make him laugh. He’s never bothered to ask, but he’s certain Nico can’t be much older than Jack himself. Perhaps born in the Dark Winter like Quinn, just before Jack’s birth coincided with the start of the Seven-Year Summer.
Jack’s seen him many ways in their shared time, but never has he seen Nico be conflicted like this. He’s always been a man who knows his path and his purpose, steady and strong in the decisions he makes, as a Commander should be. He looks to fight with himself now, opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally settles on the words he wishes to speak.
“The Brotherhood requires that you give yourself to us wholly. You may have no brothers but the ones who fight beside you. You may sire no children.”
“I don’t need to have children, if that’s the price—”
“You must renounce your family and your House. You cannot see them for the rest of your days.” Nico starts taking slow, measured paces forward as he speaks. “You no longer serve under your banner and you must discard your sigil. You’ll take up the Silver Eagle as your own, like you never knew any other.” He lands just in front of Jack, the tips of their boots nearly touching. Jack tilts his chin up to meet Nico’s eyes.
“Nico—”
“You can have no love, Jack,” he murmurs, reaching to cup Jack’s cheeks in his warm, calloused palms. “There can be no intersection of duty and love where you may be forced to choose a direction other than that of the Brotherhood. Duty must prevail. To our brothers, to our banner, to our purpose.”
Jack raises a brow. “Good thing I’m not your brother then.”
Nico kisses the smile right off of Jack’s face.
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