#i'm sick of him going somewhere like literally every week

[yumeka-sxf]

I try to stay away from negative topics, but after hearing talk on social media yesterday and seeing this post from @such-a-downer, I just had to give my two cents about the complaints regarding yesterday's chapter being "another short mission" and that Endo is somehow being "lazy" or whatever.

I honestly don't understand this mentality of criticizing manga-ka, or any artists really, because they aren't delivering by whatever standards you personally think are appropriate. To me, it just seems like entitlement because Endo has no obligation to cater to any specific fan's wants. This is his story to tell the way he wants, and his characters to develop at the pace he deems fit. This isn't a business contract where we're paying him to deliver content we want every two weeks without fail. If I'm consuming the fruits of someone's creative labor for free, I certainly feel no right to complain if sometimes their content isn't what I wanted or expected. I'm fine with that because 1) I know it's what they (the creator) wanted/needed at the time, and 2) even if a particular chapter wasn't my cup of tea, I know other fellow fans out there somewhere are enjoying the heck out of it, and that's cool!

We also have to remember that SxF is basically a one-man show. If Endo is busy or sick or whatever, it's not like he can have someone fill in for him to write and draw the series. That's what a hiatus is for, that's what making a short chapter instead of a longer one is for...that's how artists should be treated so they don't get burned out and stressed. Plus, art shouldn't be rushed. Any artist knows that there are times when you have trouble coming up with ideas and maybe need a little extra time to develop a more complex section of the story. To immediately jump to conclusions that he's lazy or doesn't know what he's doing is ridiculous. Maybe he didn't feel good for a few days, maybe he's been busy with other SxF events, maybe he just needed more time to get a particular future arc developed, or maybe he just has basic IRL obligations to take care of like we all do...you don't know what's going on in his life, so don't make assumptions.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it's literally impossible to please every fan. One of the comments I read for example, someone was ready to drop the series because we haven't seen much of Yor in "a while." All I could think of was "didn't she just have a pretty big role only four chapters ago when they went to the ski resort?" Plus she was the star of chapter 91, which was less than ten chapters ago. So according to this person's standards, four chapters without seeing a particular character is "too long"? What if it was only three chapters, would that be acceptable? It's not right to push our own personal standards of a series' pacing as the "correct" way: some people want to see more of character X while someone else wants to see more of subplot Y, so should both complain that the manga-ka isn't doing right whenever they focus on something else? I'm not saying you shouldn't make criticisms of a manga-ka's work, but the criticisms should come from within the narrative itself, not superficial things like chapters focusing on subplots/characters you don't want to see or not having enough "plot-advancing" content when it's not a plot-focused series.

People who have read SxF up to this point should know the general flow of the chapters: mostly slice-of-life episodic, with more plot-heavy, intense arcs once in a while, like the cruise arc and bus arc. It's an ensemble series that spends most of its chapters focused on at least one of the Forgers, but occasionally other characters here and there. That's how the series has been for years and will likely continue to be. So if you keep complaining because you only like the dramatic story arcs and not the "nothing happens" episodic chapters, then maybe the series just isn't for you. It's totally fine if that's the case, but don't act like Endo is doing something wrong because he's not providing the particular thing you want in his story.

To summarize, Endo has no obligation to cater to particular fans' standards, just as we have no obligation to keep reading his work if we don't like it. But being a fan to me means respecting the creator's pace and vision even if it's not always what I personally want. I can find something to enjoy in every chapter because I'm a fan of SxF, not a fan of one particular aspect of it. But I also will not complain every time my tastes aren't being catered to and will simply occupy myself with other things while I wait. What's the big hurry, after all? I'm in no rush for SxF to wrap up its plot and I'm glad Endo isn't rushing either.

And that's all I'm gonna say about this topic, lol. On a happier note, I'm going to finally see Code White on Thursday! 😁 More to come later~

#spy x family #sxf #spy family #spyxfamily #sxf manga #sxf manga spoilers #sxf spoilers

[instarsandcrime]

Tuned Out

Oh gosh it's been uh. Almost a month since I've written something??? Well, I hope you enjoy this one! I loved the idea of a sick L/uc/ifer spiraling, and being broken out of it by A/la/stor's radio show because I'm weak to the idea-- though it can be interpreted as both platonic and Ra//di//o//A//pple.

And here's a quick heads-up: Though this is still the usual fluffy fic, the spiral paragraph itself is a bit rough. So I'm going to put a trigger warning below and in the summary when I add this fic to the list. If intrusive thoughts and vague thoughts of self-harm are too much, please skip the italicized second paragraph. You can still read the fic without needing to include this part, so don't feel ANY pressure to do so if you aren't/will never be ready. Please, pleeeassseee take care of yourselves!

Otherwise, enjoy!

TW: Intrusive thoughts, vague thoughts of self-harm

---

Burning. His skin felt like it was burning him alive. That was the only sensation Lucifer could feel. His tired eyes stared up at the canopy of his bed, face glowing softly with fever. Its flush spread gold across the embedded pearls above, making them sparkle like stars. He sighed, crackling sparks floating from his lips as thoughts poked and prodded at his overheated mind.

Fuck. He really was pathetic, wasn’t he? Can’t move, can’t get up, can’t get a glass of water, eat dinner, call Charlie– call. Charlie? Oh, poor Charlie. She must be so disappointed in him. He chuckled weakly, What would she even say to him that she hasn’t already thought? He could imagine it. He really could. ‘Seriously, Lucifer?! I literally meant nothing to you for years and now suddenly you waltz into my life? And instead of actually spending time with me, you’re calling from a room that could’ve gone to someone who truly needed it, ordering me to wait on you hand and foot like I’m your butler? Like our entire relationship meant nothing? You threw me away, and now you’re going to do it again?! You know what? You deserve this! You deserve to rot in your bed! Get as starving and sick as you want! At least now the inside will match the outside! You’re terrible! I hate you! No. No, you know what? I wish you got your second shot at Heaven. I wish you had at least a week of laughter, fun, and fucking fireworks so they could tear off your wings andyoucanFallalloveragai–’

A burst of static pierced the air, shattering the constricting spiral just before it could break him again– and replaced it with a new form of dread.

“Why hello there all you wayward sinners! Welcome once again to tonight’s show with your host: The Radio Demon!”

“Uuugh!” Lucifer groaned dramatically, snatching one of his many pillows to press over his head. 

Right. The stupid fucking radio. From under the shadows, the sickly demon couldn't help but glare daggers at the piece of junk resting on his nightstand. Alastor had requested those old, outdated mortal inventions for every hotel room– specifically from the 1920’s era because apparently he preferred style and substance. Whatever that meant. 

Regardless. He insisted that it was needed for announcements, communication, and entertainment. In other words– somewhere, somehow, Alastor was currently studying him and him alone with invisible eyes. Surgically scanning him at the seams for the slightest rip. The slightest tear. As if his prey wasn't the most powerful being here. Dramatic bastard.

“And how are you doing this fine evening, Your Majesty?” The radio sung.

“Go away.” The lump of fluff grumbled.

"Of course not! It is my duty as your hotelier to take note of every little detail of my building, no matter how tiny and insignificant. And I am ever-so-glad I have! It is quite the rare sight to watch our King of Hell lose face to a simple case of the sniffles. Truly a headline for the ages!"

An angry red blush painted over the king’s golden cheeks, immediately pushing himself upright. Towering wings puffed, pillows and blankets tossed about the bed as he went. "Now see here! Sinners get sick. Overlords get sick. Hell, Charlie and Lilith can get sick! Me? I’m just rehhh…Snff! Ugh, resti'g…"

"Resting. Of course. I suppose I will believe you for convenience’s sake--"

"Hhheh…! Het'shiew!"

"--oh! Bless you."

"Het'shhhiew!"

"Bless y--"

"Hep'shhhh! 'Etshhh! 'Tshhh! 'Tshhh-'tshh-'tch! ...HhhhehhHH...! HEH'TSSHHHIEW!"

"My goodness, bless! You sound absolutely miserable. Shall I fetch you a glass of water? Or another blanket, perhaps?"

"Nhhh– no." Lucifer protested between hitching breaths, conjuring a handkerchief with the flick of the wrist, "N-no thahhh...hhhah! Hhhh...”

He finally lowered the cloth when the tickle finally fizzled out, heaving a sigh of relief. “Ndo thadk you. Snff!" He took a deep breath before letting loose a mucky blow into the fabric, "It's fine. I'm fine."

A pause. "Ah."

"What? What is it now?"

"Oh nothing, nothing! I’ll let you get back to your rest. But before I go, could I mention one more thing?”

“Absolutely not.”

“It’s just. Well, I had my first impressions, but I assumed that the King of Hell wouldn't be so cowardly."

"Cowardly?!" Lucifer repeated incredulously, spitting a plume of smoke.

"I see your hearing is as sharp as your wit."

"I'll show you cowardly you…y-you…hhh-!" The demon’s nose twitched desperately, and he cursed between hitching gasps as it tried again and again to just get. The damned itch. Out.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't quite catch that."

"You…you self-important…hehhh…p-pompous…!" 

"How flattering of you to notice my worth! And would you believe it? You're absolutely right! I am the fundraiser for this humble project, after all. The guide for these poor, misguided souls. Ones such as yourself."

"Oh, please! We both know you’re...you're no behhh...better than…hhhH–!" Lucifer's handkerchief raised to his face.

"Trying to use your infamous silver tongue through a sneeze? My word! Charlie had told me you were stubborn. But this?"

"Eshhh! Et'SCHHH! HEH'ETSCHH'HHHIEW!" He quickly twisted his head away to let loose a breath of flame, barely singeing the well-abused cloth.

"Poor, poor Lucifer Morningstar.” Alastor teased, his voice as soft and careful as a snake in the grass. The smattering of footsteps echoed across the floorboards, circling the bed. “Always choosing your own heavenly guilt over the needs of everyone else."

"HEH'ESCHH'HHHIU! Hehh! Hhh…hghh…"

"Which is a shame, considering the ill resident who requires attention. Trapped in their own feverish mind. Alone while their partner is away. Unable to move or think or even ask for help properly. But I’m sure you wouldn’t know how it feels for them, considering how indestructible you are."

"...There is?" Lucifer finally croaked, cringing to himself at another gurgling nose blow.

"Of course! While you were hiding in your room with your wings tucked between your legs, I'm afraid you've missed someone very important. Someone close to you."

Lucifer froze. He didn't mean.

"Mmm. Let's see." As the radio host thought stubby knobs spun on their own, playing flickers of songs diluted by time. "Rosy cheeks. Blonde hair. Red eyes that sparkle so damn brightly one could go blind."

Oh no.

"Puffy bow tie. Black fingernails."

Did. Did he get his little girl sick? Please, please don't let that be the case.

"The most spell-binding singing voice."

He thought back to breakfast. How Charlie had eaten less than normal. How she sniffled once or twice at the table. Wait, did her face look pale? Maybe the light didn’t catch it?

A knot formed in the pit of his stomach.

"Wh-where is she-- they, um! That. Resident right now?"

"Oh, performing the usual suffering patient routine. Lying in bed. Being miserable. Quite adament about sleeping the bug off. Reminds me of the ol’ picture books that star wealthy socialites and their sickly Victorian children. The ones who die due to their parents' neglect and mistreatment."

"I could help her." The fallen angel mumbled anxiously as he pushed himself upright. "I could help her right– …now..." 

The second he dared to stand he nearly fainted, stumbling dizzily to grab the bedpost for support. From beneath a small string of black tentacles sprouted from the ground, nudging him back into place and under the covers as The Radio Demon tutted disapprovingly. 

"I wouldn’t do that if I were you. If you can't partake in the complex act of resting, then what good are you to our dear, sweet Charlie?"

"Shut. Up." Lucifer hissed, "I am a grown adult--"

"--debatable--"

"--and I choose what to do with my free time! And it's my jo-- koff koff! j-job to help my daughter when she needs it!" A shaky finger waved at all six radios. Or were there seven?

"To be quite honest Sire, I would prefer to do my tasks without your meddling. Actually, I would prefer not to perceive your existence at all, thank you very much. Unless..."

"Unless?"

"Unless you'd rather call her yourself. But I know you won't." A mocking tone laced with static, “You c̴̨̮͊o̶̗̤̿ẇ̷̙á̴̼̖ȑ̶͉̕d̶̙͚͗̕.”

“I– wh–” Lucifer laughed in sheer disbelief, snatching up his phone. “Y-you’re– you’re joking, right? I’m not some– some godforsaken hermit!"

"Then by all means, prove it."

"I am!"

“I’m waiting."

"Oh, I’ll do it! I’ll do such a good call. It’ll be the– snff! goodest caller you’ve ever seen.” The King of Hell pouted like a child as he moved his claws.

“Ugh. Lord knows how he’ll act if he gets worse.” The radio mumbled quietly.

“Whassat?”

“My apologies, Your Majesty! I forgot that your company as of late are less of the civilized and more the rubber duck variety.”

"Of all the– if you weren't stuck to Charlie like a parasite I would take the sharpest end of my tail and shove it up your--"

Click!

"Dad?" A voice croaked.

"Charlie!" Lucifer's venom turned saccharine sweet, flipping on a dime. "Hey! Hi! H-how are ya, sweetie?"

"Mmrgh...what time is it?"

"It's. Um. Evening…time? Look, that doesn't matter right now. Are you feeling alright, kiddo?"

"Am I feeling alright?" His patient echoed sleepily.

"Yeah! I uh. IIIII just wanted to check in. See if you were okay." 

"Oh. Um, I'm okay." A bit of rustling and a pause. "Are you okay?"

"Snff! Me?"

"Yes, you! You looked so tired at breakfast this morning, a-and you didn’t eat anything which never happens! And you were kinda glowing? It kinda seemed bad but I didn’t want to ask because maybe it was a personal thing and– wait, your voice is…are you crying?!" Rustling turned into the shuffle of pacing slippers.

"What? No! Nonononono! I just--" Lucifer froze, feeling another itch start to build, handkerchief nowhere to be found under the sea of fabric. "Jhhh-just excuse mbe for– snff! For a seggond. Keebp t-talki’g…!"

He quickly pressed his hand against the speaker, stifling into his shoulder until the scratchy wool felt damp. "Hh'ntt! Hh’ngk! Hhh’TCH! ‘TCH! Hhhhh...HT'CHNXT'hiew! Guhh..."

"Sure. A-anyway, you called me pretty early in the morning and after all that and this. Soooo…is there anything I can do to help?"

Desperate claws scrambled to craft a new handkerchief and wipe his streaming face. "N-no! No, no-- snff! absolutely not! Worry about yourself Char-Char, I'm fi--....f-fihh...!"

Hang up, pinch your nose shut, do anything but--

"HET'SHHH'HIEW!" Lucifer doubled over.

–sneeze.

"Oh geez, that sounded terrible!” Charlie gasped, “Is that why you've been in your room all day? Are you sick?"

A sudden, very obvious realization hit him. Silently the fallen king sunk into his mattress, wishing he could be swallowed by his comforter. His cheeks burned. The familiar description. The taunting. 

“Can I. Call you back, Stardust?” 

“What? Whoa, whoa, wait, we’re not finished here–” With a final monotone beep, the call ended.

"You.” Lucifer clenched his fangs.

“Yes?” Alastor hummed non-chalantly. “YOU.”

“Gracious! No need to shout. Even The Devil Himself should know that a sickly patient musn’t raise his voice, lest it get worse than it already is!”

“Watch your back, bellhop. Next time I see you, no ring of Hell will compare to what I-- koff! I’ll–" The threat died with a wheeze, breaking into another ill-timed fit.

"And that's all for tonight, folks!" The radio suddenly hopped back to life, "Tomorrow's show may be a little dicey schedule wise, as our guest star is feeling quite unwell. Will he finally exit his literal and proverbial cave of sorrows for once in his miserable life? Or, much like his saintly past, will pride once again be his downfall--"

"Dad! Are you– eep!"

Charlie's entrance was suddenly interrupted when a black fist rained down on the damned noise box, breaking in a fit of bouncing springs and wooden splinters. The room stilled until a meek, nervous chuckle finally broke the spell.

"Charlie, dear?"

"Y…yeah?"

"Um. Could. Could I trouble you for a glass of water?"

#snz #snz fic #ha//zb//in//ho//tel// #lu/ci/fer #a/la/stor #char/lie

[starpirateee]

www.tumblr.com/sleepless-in-starbucks/744084849385766912/guy-whos-stuck-in-a-timeloop-for-so-long-he-stops UHHHH this is so Ted coded to me. do what you want with it :3

Oh wow, yeah, that is an awesome prompt, I'm so behind that! hope you like what I did with it :)

Every day was the same. Ted realised that some weeks in, when history literally started to repeat itself. People started having the same conversations with him, and he started picking up on the ways to respond that didn’t end in a spiral of confusion.

He was dead. He thought he’d figured out that much.

Over the last days, his mind had started piecing itself together, and he came to realise what was happening, bit by gruelling bit. In the morning, he awoke in pain. Sometimes in his neck, most of the time in his chest. The worst of them kept him pinned for a while before he could force himself to work through them. That was the first thing he wondered about. Where the pain had come from, and how he could go about stopping it.

The day the flashes started was the day he truly realised that he may be dead. That this was no more than a sick, twisted purgatory, designed around what used to be his day-to-day.

The flashes came much without warning, and they were the only thing that was different about the endless repeat of the day. The environment around him was strangely pristine, but the flashes showed him the mess swept under the carpet. Death. Rebirth. A knife, dripping in blood.

Every time, he was just trying to get by, to ignore everything that was the same. Maybe he was trying to get lunch, or taking a break on a bench somewhere. Every time, the world would flicker like a dodgy bulb in a subway station, and he was once again faced with the blood, the death, the unexplainable pain.

Eventually, even that became something he got used to. 

After that, he stopped trying to fight the loop. If every day was going to be some flavour of the same thing, then he was just going to roll with it. It always took less effort to resist than to fight, after all, and this pristine nothing world where nobody ever experienced anything new wasn’t… So bad, all things considered.

“Are you fucking crazy? You’ve been saying that for a week now, what the hell’s going on?”

“A week? What're you talking about?”

Ted became an expert on hiding his fear, Those few weeks of being trapped in this endless hell began melting into days he’d long since lost the energy to care about. He stopped counting after about four and a half weeks. His mind lost the capacity to keep track at some point, and he never bothered to try and get it back. Every day he counted felt more like another line scraped into the wall of a prison cell. A pointless count for an exit that would never come.

Death row felt a lot different when the only conclusion was that he’d died a long time ago.

It got to the point where the only thing that changed at all was the colour of Ted’s ensemble. Blue shirt. Grey trousers. Brown trousers. Olive shirt. A collection of vaguely hideous ties, one after the other and then over again.

He kept track of things that way. No matter where he crashed or fell asleep at the end of the day, he always woke up to the shrill tones of his alarm, in his bed, with more of the same awaiting him. The only memories he could keep track of were associated with what he wore. That shirt was the one he got drunk in when he realised he was trapped. Those shoes were the ones that he’d ran from a swarm of angry wasps in, after he’d kicked their tree enough times to piss them off. 

Those tiny changes were the only ones that mattered anymore. Needless to say, he was scared, at least for a while. Even after he stopped trying to escape. Knowing that every day was going to start at exactly the same time, with the same pain like he’d been killed the night before… It was nothing short of daunting.

That’s why he’d hid it. He went about his day like it was the most normal thing in the world. He tried to keep on his mind on the inconsistencies, though they were getting fewer and fewer by the day. One day, he became convinced that there wasn't anything to take note of, that there was no difference in the world.

That didn't make sense to him. Finding the inconsistencies became something of a hobby, and he found some kind of enjoyment in it. Whatever had done this to him had started... Working him out, to say the least. Figuring out that he was looking for something out of the ordinary.

Soon enough, there was only one thing left.

Every day, when he tried to go about his business, there was one man who seemed to be in a different place every time he noticed him. A homeless man, someone he'd normally expect to be in the same place at the same time. But, sometimes, he wasn't there at all, and that confused him more than anything could describe. If everything was supposed to be the same, then why was this strange homeless dude the exception?

No matter what the answer was, he became the only inconsistency in this neverending loop. And that made Ted all the more curious. The next time he managed to catch him, he stopped and made it incredibly obvious that he wasn't going to move until he got some answers. For extra effect, because ‘dramatic bastard’ should've been written on his résumé, he leaned back against the closest wall and folded his arms.

"Hey. You."

The man looked up blearily, and when he realised who was waiting for him- who that voice belonged to- his eyes went wide. "It's you..."

Ted raised an eyebrow. He wasn't quite sure whether he looked like he meant business, but he sure felt like it. "Listen, I've got a question, man." His eyes darted over the stranger. There was a huge part of him saying this guy was just like all the others, he was stuck in the same loop, and this question wouldn't make any fucking sense. But at this point, he couldn't care less what he said, who was listening, or what this random guy would think of him.

After all, it wasn't like any of it actually mattered in the long run. He'd only forget by the time the day reset anyway... "You know something, don't you? About what's going on here?"

He was fully expecting the homeless man to ask for clarification, or to straight up ignore him, but instead, he leaned forwards and seemed to stare into his soul through his body. His eyes glittered with an almost golden hue as the early morning light flooded into the opening of the alleyway they were conversing in. Ted almost felt like shivering. Something wasn't right here...

"You're different," he muttered, in a kind of voice that made Ted believe he hadn't said a word to anyone in years. "You're different, and I think you know it."

"Nah, I'm just like anyone else." But saying that had given him pause for thought. What if he was the same as everyone else? what if they were all experiencing exactly the same thing, but they'd all learned the script by now? His eyes narrowed as he forced himself not to think of that. "What about you, eh? You're not-"

"D'you think I don't know? That I can't... recognise it? You are different. Not like them. You're stuck."

Ted froze. His eyes went wide. For a moment, the world scratched like a broken record, and everything seemed to stop. He knew. This guy knew what was happening to him. Why? And why him?

"... I-I don't know what you're talking about."

The stranger's lips curled into something vaguely reminiscent of a smile. "I can see it on you... And I think you know what I mean."

He did. He just didn't want to admit it. Vague as this man was being, what he was saying did make sense to some degree. He scoffed, trying to act like that hadn't struck a chord and made his heart start racing. "You must be crazy if you think I'm gonna buy that..."

"You'll see."

The next day, just to throw Ted right off the accusatory path, the homeless man was in exactly the same place. 

Maybe he had been imagining seeing him at different times in different places. Why would he be? Clearly he was just like anyone else, and Ted truly was alone in this reality.

The way they'd talked yesterday almost gave him the sense to see otherwise. It seemed at the time like he knew things nobody else did, that he could give him answers to the multitude of questions racing around his head. 

But evidently, Ted was the crazy one here.

"Hello again.."

That voice- his voice- drew him back to the present. He stopped in his tracks and turned his gaze towards where the voice had come from.

"Wh- again? But I- you're-" he didn't know how to explain the fact that he couldn't feel anything other than relief upon finding out he wasn't the only one. So he cut himself short so to not sound like an idiot.

"I told you, didn't I? I'd recognise it anywhere... You don't look the same as you did last time."

And it was true. His appearance was the only thing he could control, so he did. Even then, it was only some things. A constant repeat of the same day meant that his hair didn't grow, that he never needed to shave... There wasn't a lot that was actually in his control, but god did he take what he could, when he could.

He blinked, trying desperately not to stare at the homeless man. "How the hell d'you know that?"

"This is your loop," he shrugged, as if it was a perfectly normal thing to say. "But, you've never been the only one stuck."

"What, you too, huh? You're stuck here in this endless fuck up too?" For some reason, he took an interest to that. In some twisted way, it was kind of relieving to find someone else. But apparently, this was his loop, so logic would determine that it was his fault. He'd never thought about that before...

"Yes. Maybe... Well, I could be."

"You... Could be?"

"You could go. I could take your place."

"I'm not following. What the hell are you saying?"

"I'm saying you could go live again. Don't you want that?"

The homeless man shifted, pulled himself into standing, and looked Ted in the eye. They were exactly the same height, down to the last inch. Looking at him this way, Ted came to realise that they could almost pass for the same person, if someone didn't bother looking too hard. Besides the obvious difference in eye colour, there wasn't a lot between them at all.

He ran a hand through his hair. He had come to pretty much get used to the repetition of everything, and besides, it had been a long time since he last saw a... Wednesday? Thursday? What day was it even supposed to be right now? "I dunno..."

His attention was turned when the man grabbed his arm, looking at him with desperation shining in his eyes. "Listen, I don't wanna go back... I can't. You gotta say yes, man- you gotta!" 

"Huh? Why?"

There wasn't a coherent answer to that question. Ted stared into those golden depths for what felt like a long time, and when his expression didn't falter in the slightest, he sighed. "I don't even know how you'd do that... I tried to get out for, like, two weeks straight, and I couldn't do shit."

"You can't escape by yourself. He'd notice."

"He? Who?"

"... That doesn't matter. You have a chance now, you could get away. Take it."

"What, and you're just gonna take my place?"

This apparently most obvious of questions earned him an enthusiastic nod, but no further clarification on how he was going to go about that. He sized him up again, wondering just how they'd managed to go about their lives as two completely different people who looked that similar. 

There had to be a good ten years or more between them, and yet, it almost felt like he was looking in a mirror. The stranger's age showed in a far more obvious way: thick silver streaks peppered his long hair, and despite the unnatural golden shine in his eyes, they were slightly dim, to the point that Ted could clearly imagine what they looked like when he was his age.

"Sure," he resigned eventually, deciding he didn't have the energy to fight, or to question what the hell the golden eyed man was talking about. "If you can actually do that, then what the hell? Might as well make it interesting, huh?"

The grip on his arm was loosened. Instead, the stranger offered his hand out. Ted hesitated for a fraction of a second, and then took his hand to seal the deal. He was still highly sceptical, but he supposed this had gotten strange when this man recognised him for a second time. Nobody had gone that far yet, so for him to call him out for looking different... That was practically unheard of. He'd been so used to this place having a script that an indication of anything else threw him.

Did he know to trust the golden eyed stranger? Could he trust that it wouldn't just land him in exactly the same position the next time he woke up? At this point, did it even matter whether he did or not?

He decided to put this to the test. That night, he scribbled the first thing he could think of onto a post it note, and left it on the mirror in his bathroom. If the timeline did reset, then that note would be gone. That's how this worked, right? 

Part of him refused to believe it would work. He was sceptical, maybe a little broken too. Everything had been the same for so long, he physically couldn't comprehend a world where the days moved on, when the linear frame of time was stretched out in front of him again. All things considered, this hadn't been so bad! At least it wasn't 2004...

Chance made Ted fortunate that night. When he woke up the next morning, the first thing he did was check the bathroom for his post it note. Immediately, he noticed it wasn't on the mirror, and his first thought was that whichever deal he made the previous afternoon hadn't followed through, that he'd simply been enticed by the unnatural colour in the stranger's eyes. Then, he noticed a flash of yellow in the corner of his vision, and he slowly turned towards it. Sure enough, on the ground by the sink, was the note he'd left himself yesterday.

Funny, he swore he'd written on a green note yesterday...

He was probably just imagining things.

He gathered up the note, crushing it in his fist, and dropped it into the bin as he made his way to the kitchen. If he'd have bothered to pay attention, he would've noticed that his note had been green, and that the yellow note left in his bathroom wasn't even written in his hand. But Ted had never noticed details before, and today was not the day he was going to start.

Right now, his mind was occupied with more important things, like the fact that it was now Friday, and after several weeks of exactly the same Thursday, that was a refreshing thing to think about. His phone finally displayed a different date. That pain in his chest awas nothing more than a memory. He could actually feel the way things had moved on.

His first thought wasn't that of relief, nor was it delight. The first thing he felt when he realised that he had moved on with the world was dread.

Nobody he knew was even aware of the situation he'd been trapped in for weeks on end. They had lived the previous day once, spoken to him once. He'd gone over and over exactly the same conversations more times than he cared to count, and knew every word by heart. 

Before he'd made that deal, he hadn't thought about what being forced back into normality would do to him. He hadn't thought about the nervous tension that would refuse to subside from his shoulders, or the way his thoughts would race to the same tune as his heart, or the fact that he would feel so out of place, even in his own apartment.

That feeling only worsened on the way to the office. It was like someone had planted a brick against his chest, and he was just supposed to continue on with his day without acknowledging that there was a brick on his chest. Every breath felt like it was going to induce another brick, and it was too warm of a day to excuse that shiver that racked his senses and made his hands shake uncontrollably. 

He shoved them in his pockets and bit his lip. Not today. Not on the day the things were finally starting to get a little more normal. Not on the first Friday in two and a half months...

"God, Ted, what happened to you? You look like you're gonna have a breakdown..."

Paul's voice was way too familiar. In part, that was a good thing. He'd known Paul for ages, that hadn't changed in his time away. But for such a long time, the first thing he'd said had been something so completely different. Ted hated this already, and he'd only actually been in the office for fifteen minutes...

There had been a point where he'd perfected this. He'd known exactly what to say at any given moment, but now? Now it was just him and the broken memory of what he'd done to himself, and how far detached he was from reality. 

He faltered. Jesus, how pathetic did he look right now? It was just a question! It didn't even need a long answer! 

Paul's brow furrowed. How long had it been since he'd said anything? Why hadn't he said anything? It couldn't be that hard! 

"No, I'm- I'm fine, Paul."

Oh yeah. Paul was gonna believe that, wasn't he?

"This about yesterday?"

"Yesterday?" There had been endless yesterdays. Which yesterday was he talking about? Of course, there had only been one for him, but which one? Which one was the real yesterday?

"Mhm, you came in telling Bill you'd had the strangest conversation with some guy near your apartment block, and then you didn't say anything else..."

Huh. 

That actually had been yesterday... 

This, he could work with. 

It was a little easier to remember than something that happened right at the beginnning of the loop, that was for sure. A little of the tension relieved itself from his chest, and he heaved an audible sigh that he was sure was noticeable.

"Yeah, no, that guy was weird as fuck... Dunno, I see him all the time, but he managed to pull me yesterday." It had sunk in deep. Not a word of what he'd said had made sense, but he'd be damned before he tried to explain that to Paul of all people. Normal Paul Matthews didn't know the meaning of 'off the cuff'...

"What was so bad about it? I mean, you look like you're on the verge of a panic attack."

"Don't worry about it," he answered brusquely, and momentarily, Paul stopped in his tracks. Ted pressed his lips together and refused to elaborate further. There was no need to elaborate on something that made that little sense anyway. He didn't have to tell Paul anything, but especially not about the homeless man he'd spoken to who'd apparently taken his place in that strange loop.

It was exactly the same all day. Ted stopped bordering on a panic attack at some point when the conversations became less and less predictable, and just started having one. The longer the day went on, the worse he felt. 

He'd been right. He'd been absolutely right. Returning to reality had been the worst of it. He knew he should've never made that deal! Who cared if tomorrow never came? He certainly didn't! The predictability was great, knowing the next step was one of the perks!

Those closest to his office in the middle of the day would swear they heard him break down into a fit of sobs directly behind the door. None of them would be able to say for certain whether or not that was the case, but one of them had dared to get close enough, and heard the poor bastard muttering to himself through gasps of breath.

"I wanna go back. I- fuck- I can't take this shit anymore!"

He knew better than anyone that there was no going back. Not for him. Not anymore.

#ted spankoffski #starkid #hatchetfield #void offering #star mail #tw death mention #tw injury #tw blood #nova's tags → #the idea of everything being the same but only slightly to the left is thrilling #we're shaking things around a bit and it is wild in here #hi mr spankoffski enjoy your time in the Cube :) #im sorry this was vaguely inspired by neverwhere. i am normal about neverwhere (lie) #and this goes to everyone‚‚‚ please send me cool prompts i swear i will collect them like rocks

[evilwickedme]

"you're worth it." and/or "you need sleep for jayroy maybe?

(i can't remember if you actually like that ship so if you don't feel free to pick your own)

I absolutely LOVE JayRoy and have written multiple fics for them anyway it's one am let's see what comes out

on ao3

unglued, thanks to you

It's been a long couple of days.

Everyone Roy knows is out of the state right now, for so many different and yet equally good reasons, so he hasn't had anyone available to babysit in days. Then Lian caught this bug that's been going around, and she's spent the last three days throwing up anything she's eaten, while Roy desperately tries to keep her hydrated, staying up all night with her as she shivers. His heart aches for his little girl, but he can't do anything about it except wait for it to pass. As if that stress wasn't enough, he hasn't had a steady job in a couple of months, and last he checked he was almost out of money for rent, let alone groceries or medicine or a paid sitter. And he can't even take any job offers he's getting, because he can't just leave Lian behind while half his family is MIA, some of them literally. Hell, he'd have joined them in the search if it weren't for... Everything else.

He's worried about his family, and he's worried about Lian, and he's just tired. He's so, so tired. Still, he can't help it - when Jason calls, he picks up.

"Hey," he says.

Jason must pick up on the exhaustion in his voice, because instead of hello he opens with, "Jesus Christ, when's the last time you slept?"

Roy takes offense to that. Considering the circumstances, he's been getting plenty of sleep. "I'll have you know I got to take a two hour nap just this afternoon," he says indignantly.

"Uh-huh," Jason says, "and last night?"

"Why are you calling, Jason?" Roy says tiredly.

"I'm in Star right now," Jason answers, letting the matter drop. "Connecting flight got canceled so I pivoted. Can I crash at yours?"

Roy hesitates. "It's not that you're not welcome," Roy says, searching for the right words. "I just - " it's just awful right now, and Roy's a mess, and the apartment's a mess, and Jason probably doesn't want to deal with a sick first grader anyway. "Listen, the place is kind of a mess right now, you'd probably be better off just finding a hotel to stay at. Use Bruce's money to stay at somewhere fancy. You'd sleep better, trust me."

Jason hums to himself, like he does sometimes when he's thinking. "How's Lian, Roy?"

Roy closes his eyes. "She's down for a nap right now," he says, then admits, "but she's been sick all week."

"And hasn't Oliver been able to help? Or any of your goddamn brood?"

Like Jason has any room to talk, with all these Bats flying around nowadays. When Roy was a kid, it was just Bruce and Dick, and eventually Babs. Now every time Roy blinks, there's a new kid wearing the bat on their chest. "They're all out of town at the moment."

Jason just sighs. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes," he says, then hangs up.

Motherfucker.

Well, Jason knows what he's getting himself into.

~~~

True to his word, a quarter of an hour later Roy hears Jason's spare keys unlock his front door. "In here," he calls out from the kitchen, where he's washing some long overdue dishes. Once it was clear that Jason would be staying with them no matter what, Roy did the minor service of taking all the disgusting shit off the couch.

"Hey," Jason says, dropping his bag, which clattered conspicuously. "I thought you said Lian was napping?"

"She's out like a light, actually," Roy says. "I'm hoping she'll actually sleep through the night tonight. Would make for a nice change."

Jason stays silent for a while, and the back of Roy's head prickles, but he keeps washing the dishes until, suddenly, Jason's hand is on his arm, startling him into stillness.

"C'mon," Jason says. "I can do this."

"They're my dishes," Roy objects.

"You need sleep," Jason says. "Your kid's sick, I get it. But I can keep an eye on her for a few hours. Go, get some rest. If only so I don't have to look at those fucking bags under your eyes. You look terrible."

"Jay," Roy sighs.

"I'll fucking carry you to bed if I have to," Jason threatens mildly.

Roy looks at him, then looks back at the running water, then shoots a longing look at the door to his bedroom. He really does want - need, desperately need - some rest. And Lian likes Jason. And Roy really, really doesn't want to be doing the dishes right now.

"Okay," he says. Then, after a pause, "Thank you, Jaybird."

"Anytime," Jason says gruffly. He hipchecks Roy, who relents, raising his hands in surrender and walking to his bedroom. "Seeya in six hours."

"Four," Roy counters.

"Eight," Jason corrects.

Roy rolls his eyes before closing his door. He sets his alarm for three hours, and falls asleep as soon as he closes his eyes.

~~~

Roy opens his eyes suddenly, momentarily disoriented. There's sunlight coming through the window - he's still in his jeans - he crashed last night - Jason came over last night - didn't he set an alarm?

Honestly, Roy wouldn't put it past Jay to sneak into his room and turn the alarm off, but maybe he just slept through it. Either way, it's too late now.

He feels so heavy, but still he forces himself to get up. He needs to check up on Lian, maybe clean up a little if she's still out, make some food out of whatever's still left in the pantry.

He's going over his to-do list in his mind as he steps out into the living room, and he does a double take.

The place is spotless. All the dishes are gone, the dirty clothes are in the laundry hamper by the laundry machine that stands close to the kitchen because there's no room for it in this tiny apartment else, and assorted electronics are piled up on the now clear surface of the little table they sometimes use to eat. The floor has been swept, too, with the dust bunnies Roy has become resigned to live with all cleared out.

There's no sign of Lian, but Jason is humming in the kitchen, so Roy joins him, leaning against the wall as he watches Jay slice vegetables that were definitely not in Roy's kitchen last night.

"You let me sleep in," Roy accuses.

Jason snorts. "Yeah, obviously. You needed the sleep, man. You probably haven't looked in the mirror in four days, but you looked miserable, trust me." He glances up at Roy, then back down to the cucumber under his knife. "You look, uh, much better now. Could probably use a shower."

"Fuck you," Roy says amicably. "Where's this come from?"

"I had some groceries delivered this morning," Jason answers casually. "I put the order in after I finished the dishes, then started cleaning up while I stayed up. Lian woke up eventually, so I made sure she got some fluids and gave her the meds on the counter - I'm assuming those were her meds, she was a little out of it and couldn't confirm it for me, but she seemed better after, so I figured, yeah."

"Yeah, those were the right meds," Roy says. "Thanks, again."

"Anytime," Jason says. He's now slicing a large red tomato. The juices spurt a little onto Jason's hand, who grimaces for a second before continuing.

"No, seriously," Roy says earnestly. "You were just looking for a place to crash. You didn't need to do any of this. I just - cleaning this place up must have taken you all night."

"Well," Jason says. "Consider it payback for all the times you saved my ass. And for letting me crash here."

Roy's heart pounds in his chest, and he looks around the kitchen. "Can I help?"

Jason waves at him dismissively. "I'm almost done here anyway," he says. "Go, wash up, or check on your daughter, or just sit down for five goddamn minutes."

Roy huffed, unable to stop himself from laughing. And then he did just that. Took a brisk shower, then checked up on Lian - sleeping again, and her bucket was empty, which was good - and then he rejoined Jason, just in time for him to hand him a plate, full to the brim with a cheese omelette, buttered toast, and a chopped salad.

"This looks amazing, Jaybird," Roy says honestly, and he could swear he sees Jason's ears turn a little red.

"Eat your damn breakfast," is all he says.

Roy puts the plate down on the table and takes Jason's hand. His eyes snap up to his face, and he looks - confused.

Roy rubs a thumb over Jason's palm. The texture is complicated, scarred and calloused, but he likes it. It's not unlike his own. "Thanks," Roy says again.

"You don't need to keep saying it," Jason says.

"Yeah, I do," Roy says. "And I'll keep saying it til you take me seriously."

"Yeah, well," Jason says. "You're worth it."

#whomp this took me about an hour and I'm actually pretty happy with this #heavily inspired by that one poisonivory fic. the 'you're tired. I'm here to let you be tired' one #jayroy #this my fic #dc fic #batfam #arrowfam #lian harper #roy and lian #roy harper #jason todd #jt #dc #gail speaks #callsign-crow #ask

[oniikabuto]

general hcs ☆ south park

-- sfw --

characters: the main 4

a/n: it's literally midnight. i need to be up at 5am tomorrow. i'm writing about south park on tumblr.

synopsis: just headcanons of sp kids! their little quirks and habits and stuff

oh also aged up

...

— ⛧ e. cartman

has all of the really good snacks in his pantry

had a phase where he really wanted to be a garbage truck driver as a kid

listens to ariana grande and lady gaga

sings his heart out in the shower

refuses to admit it if you ever overheard him

weirdly sharp canines it makes him look like an evil little rodent

allergic to picking up after himself. there's literally a trail of shoes all the way up to his bedroom

never takes stuff out of his pockets before his mom washes his clothes but then gets pissed when his earbuds and stuff go through the wash

smells like baby soap

bites his pencils and they look horrendous

one time kenny asked to borrow a pencil and he threw it back almost immediately after feeling the bumpy chewed-up wood

thinks that menstrual products shouldn't be free because "can't they just hold it in??"

kyle will fight him about it

loves chocolate milk to death

— ⛧ k. mccormick

gappy teeth

but it looks cute on him

likes cds even though he doesn't have a cd player

always packs his lunch in the morning and karen's

there's little holes on the insides of his pockets and he has a habit of sticking his fingers through them and wiggling them without realizing

which make the holes bigger

keeps a porn magazine in his school backpack and leafs through it on the bus or in the library as if he's casually reading the news

sex jokes just SLIP out. he doesn't even think before he makes a sex joke.

his backpack is a mess and he uses the little pockets to store trash and edible wrappers and crumbs

has a disposable somewhere that he hits in the middle of class

kyle gives him a disapproving look when he stumbles into class high as balls

street smart but doesn't know how to do long division

favorite food is chicken nuggets with ranch

loves ranch (i fucking love ranch fight me)

will let you paint his nails

probably listens to tiktok music like mitski and radiohead and shit

also the smiths

— ⛧ k. broflovski

4.0 gpa all the way until that one A- in pe. junior year that dropped it to a 3.9

cried about it and sulked for weeks

stan almost left him because he got so sick of it (rockin that 2.9)

"dude it's not that big of a deal"

"MY LIFE IS OVER STAN YOU DONT GET IT"

keeps really organized notes- not just for him, but for the sake of his friends who take shitty notes

he has freckles idc if they said he's a daywalker HE HAS FRECKLES.

has a 10-step hair care routine every night

spends longer in the bathroom doing his hair care thing than his mother

spends 30 minutes every day watching tv with ike no matter what

gets violently competetive over kahoot

listens to the cure and elliot smith

keeps a different notebook for each class

— ⛧ s. marsh

always has at least one earbud in

sometimes when there's a lot on his mind, he gets very easily distracted

will step in the shower with his socks still on by accident

has a little crush on kyle (sorry style brainrot....)

used to read a lot as a kid, not really much anymore

unconciously messes with little papers or napkins in his pcokets and tears them to bits

gets like no sleep ever because he can't ever get off his phone or whatever he's doing long enough to try and get some sleep

still gets nauseous whenever he's near someone he has a crush on

terrible at articulating himself through text

if you want to show him a video or post, you would have to show him irl because he won't see the tag.

smoked weed once and decided it was overrated, but will sometimes get high if kenny asks or something.

loves vanilla flavored things even though it's basic

constantly has random change and wads of cash in his backpack because he's too lazy to stuff his things back into his wallet

#south park #south park hcs #south park headcanon #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #eric cartman #kyle broflovski

[brightside-of-the-upsidedown]

Baby, I Got Sick This Morning

Chapter 9: You're My Medicine (Open Up and Let Me In)

Rating: Explicit

Ships: Harringroveson, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

Word Count: 50,890

Status: On Going

Chapter Summary: An explanation, an understanding, accidental art, and Steve gets a lot closer with Billy. Literally. They bone ❤

Chapter Notes: I wasn't sure I would make this scheduled update but the muse was on my side! If my health gets worse, I might update every 3 weeks, but otherwise I will keep to the 2 week schedule. Thank you all so much for being here and coming by every chapter ❤

Your comments and kudos mean everything to me, so thank you so much. I write a lot but I don't always post much, due to health and straying attention. But knowing you're all here and love this story as much as I do makes posting worth it.

Summary: Steve is dying, but what hurts the most is watching how it's affecting his family, his friends, everyone around him.

Nothing seems to be helping - not his community rallying around him, not magic itself, and not the devoted attention of Eddie Munson. Eddie is a rock and a hurricane in Steve's life. Steve might also be a little bit in love with him.

Then, one day when all other options run out, Eddie introduces him to one Billy Hargrove, and Steve's already-screwed-up life might be taking a turn. But is it for the better or for the more dangerous?

Notes: not all of Steve's chronic issues will be healed. He will always have some disabilities because I ain't about about that 'cure all' shit. They're just saving his life here.

As for the magical pregnancy: it will be in the sequel, so you'll be able to read this as a stand alone if it's a squick for you. I gotchu buddies ❤

Tags: Terminal Illnesses, Chronic Illness, Fantasy, What If Stranger Things Was More Like Buffy The Vampire Slayer?, Magic Shit, Mentioned Malpractice, Magic Practice, Magical Healing Cock, Future Magical Pregnancy? It's all complicated and Fairy Tale Rumplestiltskin bullshit, Magical Creatures, Demodogs are Hellhounds, Steve is bad sick from an injury, head injuries, Head Injury, Past Torture, Past Relationship(s), past Stancy, Tinnitus, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chrissy lived and is living her best life somewhere, mention of cults, Steve's having a bad time but it improves, Steve Needs a Hug, he's gonna get one and more, Billy Hargrove is Bad at Feelings, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Steve with long hair, I'm running out of ideas for tags so I'll add more later, please suggest tags if you like, slow updates but please comment it helps so much

#harle hums #harringroveson #metalsandwich #steve harrington #harringrove #eddie munson #billy hargrove #steddie #stranger things

[miera-mountains]

I've been thinking a lot about Harry and running in Disco Elysium and I wanted to compile all of my screenshots in a long post somewhere. It's a game mechanic being justified by the story but if you are willing to take it a bit seriously (have fun with me!) it does give you some insights on the characters I believe.

I find it very funny that Kim understands really quickly how important it is for Harry to be running around and will use it to calm him down. Like that one time where he has to drag him out and take him on a walk after he tries to put his gun in his mouth or after Harry gets sad during the pleasure wheel scene.

It's also worth mentioning how Jean and Kim differ on this topic, I'm always thinking about the contrast between the two lines below. Kim is also genuinely impressed by his endurance.

The whole running thing is used as a metaphor a lot, but I will leave the analysis to smarter people. You also have all the parallels between Harry and Idiot Doom Spiral (both addicts with memory issues). IDS only remember losing his life because he got locked out of his house after a run. It's hard not to project some sort of metaphor on his story. The game tells you that they both used running as a way to control their mental health but all the running around did not save them though...

Also, on a pure physical level, isn't it interesting how good Harry is at endurance running?

While Jean and Harry himself will comment on the way you have "let yourself go" physically, I have a really hard time believing that Harry wasn't still training regularly in his 40's. Or maybe the insane amount of Jamrock shuffling that his work required was already equivalent to to a training harsh enough to make him capable of running for hours while being extremely sick.

The distance covered is not anything crazy according to that one "30km" line (I reach it around day 3 personally), but I think it gets interesting when you take into account that even in your condition you literally outrun Kim! A guy who is not currently dying, who prefers running for his training, and who seems to be the type of person who would train at least semi-regularly. That was so shocking to me the first time I played the game lmao.

Maybe I'm overinterpreting how badly he is doing physically and I shouldn't be so impressed but to me, Harry's body is shutting down. Some skills say that he's weeks/days away from dying, he shows serious signs of liver damage, he's addicted to drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. All things considered, he's running extremely well!

It seems to me that at his peak Harry must have been genuinely great, and I mean above the level expected of a gym teacher. During the balcony scene, you can say that you are running a lot because you want to train for a charity run. It seems that he says this out of nowhere/as a joke but it doesn't seem far-fetch at all to assume that Harry used to do some races or at least wanted to. You will always start the game with high running capabilities which is not the case at all for every other physical activitiy. (I see fanon Harry often associated with heavy lifting which is not wrong at all but I think people should start drawing him with a hydration vests more, he's a runner before anything else in my heart lol)

Anyways, I've been collecting all sorts of lines about running because I love them all.

#sorry for the bad english #i'm in a “going crazy and running a lot" phase of my life so this is all very important and relevant to me lol #everybody is doing deep political analysis post of de and I'm doing whatever this is lmao... #post made for one person (me) lol #disco elysium

[zuzsenpai]

This is another personal post with TW mental illness. I'm sorry there have been so many recently. I really have nowhere else to put these things. Feel free to ignore.

I don't think my depression has ever been this bad before, in the almost 13 years I've had it. For maybe the past two months it's been steadily growing to a point of intensity that I can't ignore. The absolutely awful feelings won't go away. I can't stop thinking about how miserable I feel.

I can barely take care of myself. I eat takeout every day. There's garbage everywhere at my house. I can't get shit done at work and at some point people are going to notice. I have multiple really REALLY urgent doctor's appointments/calls I HAVE to make (one of which is to my psychiatrist who apparently I'm blocked from messaging on the healthcare app), yet I can't seem to pick up the phone. I am mentally incapable somehow. There's a wall there.

I have been told to exercise and meditate and I physically and mentally cannot. Again, there is a wall.

I have a video game I wanted to play, I try to play it, and I feel completely unattached to it (even though I have loved it in the past). I joined a really exclusive roleplay community for that game and proceeded to be too overwhelmed to make the character application and now the mods are asking me what I want to do. I haven't written fanfiction in two months because of severe burnout, and I miss it so desperately that it's making me realize I might have been using it as a bandaid/distraction. But my brain is so fried that I feel too overwhelmed to write again. People are leaving me nice comments on my fics and I can't even bring myself to read them let alone respond to them. My memory is so bad that I can't remember a lot of what happens in any of my fave series' and I feel like creating good fan content for those things is impossible at this point.

I'm ignoring online friends in my favorite server. I promised multiple IRL friends I would watch animes they like and I am feeling guilty that I mentally cannot do that. I'm dreading the two anime cons I have coming up in March because I don't think I'm going to feel comfortable in my cosplay this year. I have a close friend (who is also my coworker) who keeps trying to get me to do things with her and her husband and I keep turning them down because I'm worried I'll get overwhelmed by social anxiety and general awkwardness. Just the thought of having awkward social interactions is terrifying me and pushing me down harder than it ever has.

I had a boyfriend between October 2022 and December 2023, but I felt like it was a huge chore every time I had to see him and I developed zero feelings for him. I felt repulsed by the thought of us being romantic. We ghosted each other in December and now I feel like shit about it because he may have been the only chance I'll ever have at a relationship... but I also am in such a bad state that it's probably good things are over. Why don't I feel relieved?

I'm having physical tics in my abdomen and jaw that are getting worse and worse to the point of pain and people noticing. I can't talk to literally anyone without sounding upset, negative, angry. I had my best friends from out of state over a few weekends ago and I was so sick the whole time, I felt like I was letting them down. I've been repeating awkward interactions with friends and coworkers over and over in my head to the point where I think about it at night.

I haven't put my Christmas decorations away because I fucking CAN'T.

This week has been particularly bad. Yesterday I was working from home because of snow. When the snow stopped I rushed to my parents' house because I needed to be somewhere with people I know. But I was so negative in how I spoke with them, and it's making me feel even worse. I used to be really talkative and intelligent when having conversations with my family, but depression has taken that away from me pretty badly over the years, to the point where I can barely talk without thinking about how absolutely dreadful I am at conversation.

But today might be the worst of it (unrelated to Valentine's Day, though it certainly isn't helping). It pained me emotionally and physically to get out of bed, and I wanted to take a mental health day. Literally fell back asleep for an hour before I had to get up and DREAMT about taking a mental health day. But being alone at home is actually so much worse than being at work where there are at least people I am comfortable with. So I went in. I have been absolutely bombarded with depressed feelings all day though. I get up to walk down the hall to the bathroom and somehow that feels worse than sitting and staring at my computer without accomplishing anything. I'm sitting here crying at work, completely destroying the four months of tally marks I had for 'days without crying at work'. I didn't break my record, sadly.

I have a therapist. I have an appointment with her today actually. Maybe I'll just read all of this to her. I don't know where it's going to lead or what she's going to tell me to do, but all I want is to walk down the hall to the bathroom and have at least average, neutral emotions instead of carrying a chest full of raging depression. I want to be able to say something happy to someone so that they don't dump me as a friend for being toxically negative. I want to live, and I have things to live for. But damn if this depression isn't making it extremely difficult to enjoy those things.

#personal post for ts; #personal post #zuzu note; #mental illness tw #depression tw

[waters-and-the-wilde]

no okay we can get some mileage out of 'interested parties witnessing the Dark Matters broadcast'

Alessandra Strong. spends two years thinking Juno walked to his death in the desert 'cause he never did manage to reach her in Long Way Home. and then there's this fuck-off Dark Matters press conference airing on every channel everywhere.

and her wife's in the other room having Noped halfway through the speech on account of having Seen Some Shit and deciding it wasn't worth the number it would do on her ptsd, but comes running back in bc all she can hear is alessandra yelling at the monitor JUNO???? JUNO STEEL. JUNO STEEL WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL. HOW. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MANAGE THIS. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.

her wife: 'the fuck. is that that lady? oh no this is gonna do a number on your ptsd. your weird presumed-dead sort-of not-ex is a space pirate? omg is he seriously about to do a bit cause the director kinda looks like she thinks he's OH HUH THE SCREEN JUST WENT BLACK. welp. jfc not this fucker again. honey listen to me. you're not helping him. whatever's going on you're not helping him. you literally lost part of your hand last time you did that. you were gone for a week and you straight-up did not come home in one piece. that was an extremely bad time for both of us.'

alessandra: 'I FUCKING KNOW OKAY. doesn't matter. he's gonna die there, he's not gonna do it, those people are his friends. did you see his face he looked like he was gonna be sick. he’s never gonna - shit. they’re gonna take him out.’

her wife (who is maybe uh suuuuuper disillusioned with the solar authority after being stuck as a pow in the outer rim for years bc they couldn't get their shit sorted): 'hey. hey. nah come on they wouldn't have cut the cameras if they thought they had this one under control. good for him tbh? i mean. fuck dark matters, right? that speech was some bullshit. that's off the fucking deep end. shit. i'm invested now. we'll keep an eye out for how they spin this okay? hey maybe he'll turn up again in two years somewhere even weirder.'

alessandra: 'you're not funny'

her wife, who is funny: 'yes i am'

alessandra ‘my wife isn't nice but she's pretty and smart and tough and funny’ strong: 'yeah. yeah you are'

#hi i miss my wife #i wanna meet her wife #i still cherish a lil headcanon where she's like #'can't stand the concept of juno steel. but if i ever meet that guy he was hung up on? gonna buy him flowers.' #the penumbra podcast #juno steel #alessandra strong #tpp #you know i'm not clear if nureyev cut just the lights or all the power? #got the impression it was the latter but if it was just the lights and the audio gets out? #man that'd be something else #ptsd mention

[hangon-silvergirl]

Writer's Game

Rules: post the first sentence of your last ten fics. If you haven’t written ten fics, share as many first-sentences as you have.

I was tagged by @1lostsoul0fishbowl 😊

I have been sick as shit this week, and I am doing this on mobile, so no promises that any of the content will read like sense.

getting away with something: Eddie and Chrissy burst out of the courthouse doors and into the late afternoon sunshine, hand-in-hand, breathless and beaming.

what's the point in waiting?: Chrissy looks both startled and pleased, so Eddie's calling it a win, and even if, yeah, the literal dumbest question in the world just came out of his mouth.

contagious like a yawn: Clasping Chrissy's hand tightly in (a very clammy) one of his, Eddie tugs her along behind him with giddy enthusiasm through The Hideout's unlit, labyrinthian backstage hallways.

I'm Yours (No Refunds): Look, in terms of the actual, literal (notable!) series of events that led to the state of now, yeah, Eddie Munson knows how he got here.

the buzz: Eddie’s shift had ended at midnight, and he had come home with every intention of going to sleep at a reasonable-ish time. 

just something you wished for & you almost missed (with @majicmarker): Chrissy Cunningham wants to find somewhere to study.

Marigold: It’s only 10 in the morning, but the air is already thick and heavy with dry, stagnant heat.

Tequila Sunrise: Eddie does a double-take when he sees her, and he’s only been in the club for a hot minute; in fact he’s barely gotten past the coat check.

the scandal of it all: Chrissy is the center of everyone’s attention today, but at the same time she’s never felt so inconsequential.

wow, look at you now: Mid-March on a Friday after Hellfire finds Eddie Munson chain-smoking in the driver’s seat of his van, in a dark corner of the high school parking lot, waiting for Chrissy Cunningham to finish cheering for the basketball team’s championship game.

I'll tag, with no pressure ever (and if you've already been tagged/played, ignore my feverish self): @pearlypairings, @majicmarker, @lokinightfury, @a-strange-inkling, @carry-the-sky, @khaleesa, and @bratanimus.

#dash games #hellcheer #hellcheer fanfic #my stories

[ahiddenpath]

Life Chatter

Talkin' about life beneath the cut.

It feels like there's a lot going on? I'm not sure where to start.

Heath

My husband had a minor health scare, and when we called our primary... Ah, turns out they were bought sometime since we last went, and we are no longer patients. But don't worry, we can see you in late April for your chest pains!

He went to an urgent care place, where they found that he has high blood pressure. They put him on a month of medication until he can see his new primary. We have a million doctor's appointment in March, both of us to start a new primary relationship somewhere else (it's rated a lot better than the old place anyway, to be honest), and some additional specialized appointments for my husband. About a week later, he is already in the high end of a healthy blood pressure, so please don't worry.

To be frank, we haven't properly cared for our health since before the pandemic. I mentioned to my husband, "I got blood work like... Before the pandemic? Three years ago?" And he was gently like, "Love, that was five years ago."

I always thought I understood what we lost to the pandemic, more or less. But the way time has smeared, five years becoming three in my head, all that lost medical care because I thought going to where sick people congregated was worse than not going, and then losing the habit of seeking annual care...

It's definitely past time to reclaim those habits. Routine preventative care, diet, and exercise. Honestly, we're not guaranteed timely medical care at all in the USA (we'll see you in two months for your chest pain), let alone affordable care. The onus is on me to have healthy habits and lose the weight I gained since the pandemic.

So, that's what I've been doing for the last week and a half. Eating healthier food and exercising. I want to say that I'm energized and feeling great, but uhhh.

I'm fucking exhausted. I have been passing out on my sofa at 9 PM.

Work

We moved our lab at work. It's wonderful, because I was a lab hobo for a year who um. When we hired more people than we had benches, we changed to, "No one has their own bench, it's hot seating." Except everyone who worked there before me had their stuff set up; that was their bench, and if I was working there when they entered, they looked at me like, "Wtf are you doing." It was extremely othering, having to apologize for doing your work in someone else's spot, knowing you could be asked to move any time.

I have my own bench, at least for now. The issue is that our lab is on the fifth floor on the opposite end of our huge ass, rectangular building. Our office sitting area is on floor two on the other end of the rectangle. I've been clocking 8,000 to 10,500 steps per day, and up to 78 minutes of elevated heart activity (ie, exercise minutes), just from... Existing at work. It was probably a bad time to combine this with exercise and calorie reduction, lmao! I didn't realize how much more exercise I would get at work.

On one hand, I get paid to be healthier at work. Cool. On the other, I do wonder- How would I get through my day if I were pregnant or injured? Those days when you feel a little off, but not actually ill, are going to be a lot harder now.

In happy news, I got my rewards letter for 2023, and um. My bonus? It's literally 8x my annual bonus at my last company. I would have had to work for 8 years and be awarded 8 times to get this money that I am receiving after 1 year here (well- I guess it's always 1.25 years, since you receive benefits at the end of Q1 the following year, but for some reason, every company I've worked at has done the same).

So like... Work hard, be paid hard is certainly better than work hard, be paid poorly/okay-ly. I do see that. But I am kind of laughing at how it comes at a time when work suddenly has a forced exercise element, lol! And a colleague the other day turned to me and said, "You know, fifteen years ago, I never would have dreamed of companies hiring beyond their space. Like, people not having a desk or a bench, or your sitting area being so far from your work area. What are we doing? What are we accepting, as workers?"

And I was like, "YEAH FUNNY STUFF, HUH."

Creating

I read a book for the first time in ages. I currently have four more book requests in at my local library. I've been trying to get back into reading, which was so vital for me all my life.

To be honest, as more pressures rise against fandom creators as people and AI steal their work and profit from it, I feel less inclined to share my work online. I have still been working on it, so if my mood shifts, the content will be there. But I'd say the pace of my work has decreased a lot.

The last thing I ever want to do is guilt anyone. But the risks of sharing our work online are greater than they've ever been, and the response to it from readers/viewers is lower than it's ever been, at least in my experience. I would really suggest that readers/viewers be as encouraging as possible if the content they are receiving is meaningful to them. I feel like so many of us are one more blow away from reducing/abandoning our online presence.

Mental Health

So I've been struggling lately with thinking- is this it? Is this my life? Work and be tired all the time? And I have the benefit of working and being tired all the time, but not having financial stress. It must be infinitely worse if you aren't making enough money on top of all that, which is true for a lot of Americans. Although if I were to have a kid, that financial stress would be born with the child...

Taking better care of myself does make me feel more like... Hm, a little more hopeful? Like I am planning for a tomorrow instead of watching the years ooze on? But it's also difficult and tiring, and energy was already low.

I am trying to plan some fun upcoming stuff with my husband. Little day outings and weekend getaway type things. The issue I think is that... Doing stuff truly seems worse since the pandemic? Paying so much more for so much less, going there and everything being so crowded that you can't get service or see anything, etc. I need to figure out ways to receive positive stimulation and have fun, without setting off my sensory issues or hemorrhaging money. Again, though, putting time and energy into that is not easy.

That's where I am now! I hope you're all hanging in there and maybe feeling a bit better as winter wanes and spring approaches. I love you and I'm hoping for the best for you <3

#hidden's life

[erstwhilesparrow]

double life fic recs

organized by session! (i.e., fics under session 4 will have spoilers up to and including session 4, fics under session 5 will have spoilers for session 5, etc.)

session 1:

these old ghosts; Thunderbirds_and_Lightning - Team Rancher Pacific Rim AU. Brutally sad, but also features: a terrific action sequence, gorgeous prose, unspeakable grief about Flower Husbands, and incredible jaeger and kaiju names.

the right thing; sparxwrites - Cleo and Scott talk the night after the first session. Short and tender and sort of a character study for all of Divorce Quartet despite the other two not being there. Joe Hills, despite also not being there, is a significant presence, which I think really elevates the whole experience.

session 2:

all is fair in love and war but i can't fight with you anymore; wizardlover - Scarian angst with a happy ending. Scar isn't stupid and also he should be allowed to go apeshit. The author is correct on both counts about this. Works out to be very sweet. (Psst. This author does great Scarian just in general -- it is worth checking out the other works in the series this fic is in!)

Detail of the Fire; canarydarity - Team Rancher hurt/comfort, patching each other up after the fire. This one feels a little like walking slowly through an art gallery -- lingering on beautiful / stately / lonely images. Inspired by a Richard Siken poem and does fun things with excerpts from the poem.

those were kinder times; SurrealSupernaturalist - Team Rancher Actually-Ranchers-Not-In-A-Death-Game AU! They escape to a farm and go on a healing arc that is nearly 10k words long. Incredibly sweet, domestic, and warm, plus angst about Jimmy as Omen of Misfortune.

session 3:

[When BigB returned from his rendezvous with Grian,]; orangeocelotmartyn - Ren and Bigb go red and figure out that this isn't going to work. They eat golden apples about it. Very good for Bigb and Ren talking about their relationship! Parting ways basically amicably! Realizing the soulmate thing is bullshit and they can and will pursue what they want!

under my skin?; Sixteenthdays - The soulbound pairs discover that their partnerships are literally, physically changing them. Features snapshot scenes from every soulbound pair as they attempt to cope with this change to varying degrees of success. A total delight all around.

you're the fool, i'm just as well; honeyblock - Pearl gets sick. Scott attempts to soldier through the effects this is having on him to deal with her. Contains: really fun / creative / piercing turns of phrase, Scott and Pearl doing that thing where it feels like they almost understand each other and then everything falls apart again, soulbonds being upsetting.

to catch a secret soulmate; wormcity - The entire server gets looped in on an attempt to find Bigb's secret soulmate. Bets are made, shenanigans are had, the sitcom energy is through the roof. Incredible character voices, and also just generally really fucking funny.

rainy day; whatcaniwriteinthis - It's a rainy day on the Double Life server, and people are waiting it out, or finding ways to occupy themselves, or reflecting on the game so far. The narration style is lots of fun, and it perfectly captures the vibes of hanging out somewhere during a torrential downpour in the late afternoon.

session 4:

[Once a week, the double life players each get one phone call to someone in the outside world.]; dmwrites - The Double Life players make off-world phone calls after session four. They gossip, or pass along life updates, or share blueprints for death machines. Hilarious, and also makes me so goddamn sad about ZombieCleo.

Soulmate-Things With Other People; savannah_owl - During the Homewreckers's pool party, people sneak off in pairs to, shall we say, hang out without their soulmates. There are good times had all around. Features relationships from Third Life, Hermitcraft, and Last Life. (savannah_owl also just has a bunch of really good Double Life fic? Worth taking a look!)

session 5:

hit the ground running; jelliegiggle, rosycheeked - Scar and Grian have a talk at Bigb's grave. Bigb is not, of course, physically there, but it is very much a fic where someone's absence is distinct and palpable. Really really good Desertduo Being Sad And Complicated And Intertwined.

session 6:

[The room is a dim basement room.]; theminecraftbee - Pearl and Scott have a bad time. Superhero AU, featuring a clandestine meeting between two people who hate each other and have no one else who will ever know them the same way. Months after reading it, I'm still obsessed with this one.

and by resilient i mean which holds; TheYesterdayShow - Martyn and Cleo have a bad time. Canon divergent: Cleo and Martyn survive to the end, and wind up talking about what they were supposed to mean to each other and what happens next. Absolutely brilliant characterization for both of them.

sugar, we're going down swinging; BananasofThorns - Etho and Joel have a-- Wait. [checks notes] Okay, honestly, they seem like they're having a fine time. Canon divergence where after outliving every other pair, Boat Boys fight to the bloody death. It's incredibly pretty and perfectly paced.

#sparrowsong #double life #double life smp #fic recs tag #made myself a rule that i can't repeat authors but like. so many people on this list are good and have other excellent works #barely restraining myself from going 'please please please go read these people's fics they're so good' #also those session 6 fics especially are like. yeah. this was a crucial influence on how i write these characters. #tell me if any links are broken etc.

[flip-flop-lover-will-byers]

I said I'll give prompts and I'm giving prompts. This is how I cope I'm just throwing out ideas, feel free to do whatever with them-

1) Heartstopper AU with artist-jock Will (aka letterman jacket!Will) who is neither in the closet nor out of it. One day paired up in a class with Mike Wheeler, the loser drama kid. The only cool thing about Mike is his leather jacket. He is also the straightest kid to ever straight. Or is he?

2) Divorce lawyer!Will as a meta homewrecker joke. Bonus points if you come up with an absolutely buckwild story of how he came to be a freaking divorce lawyer. Mike Wheeler, reluctant client.

3) Mermaid AU. Sorry, but I am coming out as an absolute sucker for mermaid AUs. Those things slap. Did you know the Byler tag already has like 3-4 mermaid AUs? Which is a lot. But I'm greedy. Mermaid AUs are where you go WILD. Write some totally sick shit with evolution, biology, magic, culture, worldbuilding, philosophy, DRAMA.....

Mermaid+soulmates AU. Will is sceptical of this human who claims to be his soulmate. Mermaids don't have soulmates, nor does Will want one. Mike knows Will is his soulmate- it's not unheard of for humans to have monsters as soulmates. A man though...he's never heard of men being soulmates. Dive deep into that question of what makes a monster. Who gets to decide where humanity begins and where it ends? What makes a soulmate? Can fate and free will coexist?

4) Amateur detective!Mike detecting a little too hard and finding the missing man-of-mystery!Will. Was Will running from the UD? The Lab? Lonnie? Mike is then pulled into shit he did not sign up for.

5) Millenial!Mike Wheeler has heard many stories about the kid who disappeared from the woods nearby 15 years ago. He's also heard his new house is haunted. He doesn't think much of it, until one day a man comes out of his walls.

6) Famous artist!Will and fanboy!Mike. Will doesn't know Mike's a fanboy. Mike is both a tumblrina and a Y/N fanfic writer.

7) Famous Author!Mike and fanfic author!Will. Mike comments on Will's every fic and they start chatting. Mike writes a romance novel (heterosexual!) for the first time, and the main characters are saying some suspiciously familiar stuff. Will messages coolpaladinboi69 "hey...did you read Wheeler's new book" and pulls out the receipts from their previous chats. A very on the nose joke on Mike's projection.

8) 12 year old Mike Wheeler discovers a very friendly ghost lurking inside his new house. Nobody else can see him, maybe because they don't want to. Will is so nice though, and so helpful. But wait- is he really dead? Or is his body trapped? Somewhere dark and cold...

9) Will is the guy hired to remodel Mlvn's white picket fence home. Mike is having ThoughtsTM. ANOTHER one for those meta homewrecker jokes. We got a literal homewrecker on our hands, but wait- oh that looks much better, thank you.

10) Mike Wheeler knows that something is wrong with quiet classmate Will Byers. He shows up with bruises, holding his pencil oddly while drawing. They've never had a single conversation, but one day after witnessing a terrifying scene between him and his father, Mike begs Will to let him help. Will refuses, he only has to get through a few more months, and then he's 18, and free. Two weeks later, Lonnie's car goes up in flames, taking Lonnie with it. Will is miraculously unharmed. The police names it a freak accident, but Mike suspects otherwise. He's not gonna sell Will out tho. The Chief is going to call services to take Will to his closest relatives, but before he can Will has blurted out another name. It's just a few months, surely he can spend them at his best friend Mike Wheeler's place? Somebody's gotta explore Will's Lonnie trauma pls

Bonus points if-

- Mike is as pathetic as possible. He needs to be a complete loser. Not a single cool thing about him. Not. One. He is miles below Will's league and everyone is aware of it, except Will himself.

- Lucas-Will bromeos.

- Unwitting chick magnet!Will.

- Mike and Max and their mutual disdain.

- El making at least one fruit joke. El cheering Will on as he homewrecks.

- Dustin being StraightTM and all the queerness going straight over his head. Poor kid has no clue.

#byler #will byers #gay mike wheeler #fanfic prompt

[jupitercomet]

Okay, bugs, sorry, I know I'm getting hella annoying, but I literally can't stop thinking about wyws Rafe 😤 and finance bro Top 🥰☺️ and all asks about wyws.

So I am sorry, but here I go again.

I can hardly believe how I'd argue with a finance bro every day of the week, but then you swoop in with Topper that for some reason reminds me of "I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever, I wanna transport you to somewhere the culture's clever, Confess my truth in swooping sloping cursive letters" (no, because imagine finance bro Topper who is fully aware how annoying he is to his friends and how they are exasperated at his crypto talk so he just want to brainwash you into staying with him, wanting to use his big boy NFT money to just take you around the world /I'm sick at the thought of NFT money/, confessing that he does, in fact, love you) and make me like him??? And find him adorable???? Truly an accomplishment, bugs!

And what you said about him trying to understand his birth chart and your compatibility? I can imagine him doing research on his own, trying to learn what all personal planets mean and what the fuck does it mean that his Venus is Leo? But he is so determined to understand the things you're interested in! And I can see how confused he is when he starts spending more time over and you put your crystals on the window sill when there's a new moon and full moon? And what do you mean you're charging them that way? But then, after a while, he starts checking the moon cycles and reminding you because he knows how sad you get when you forget.

The first time you give him a crystal for his car, he's positively giddy. And when you explain to him that the tiger eye is for protection, so he's safe while he drives? Melting into a puddle on the floor.

And I 100% agree with that anon is that finance bro and their bad ethics and economics are literally everything wrong the world. But gosh, do I also love my smitten finance bro Top.

And I don't mean to go dark Kirby on you, bugs, but do it. Spiral. Create a bearable finance bro.

Hair tie Rafe. 🥰 I'm willing to give him +2 points for having his blood flow cut by the perfect hair tie. So now he's at only -20 pt. (Topper has all the + points.)

no literally do not be sorry, I love how invested we're becoming in these haha

like I couldn't care less about finance shit but I just imagine Topper talking about it, not because he thinks it's cool or whatever, but because it's genuinely fascinating to him and then suddenly it's kinda endearing??

AND NOT HIM REMINDING YOU 😭 please he'd get so into your hobbies because you're the only person who listens to him and so he wants to be the same for you and he'll listen to you talk for hours and is just heart eyes the entire time and he treasures everything you give him and has a designated place in his room for it all and doesn't let any of the other guys touch it and—

ok I have to stop before I explode - but I can say that I have been swayed and a Topper spin-off is in the works. I don't know when it's coming but it is 😤!!

#finance bro topper #acatwriteshere #what's up doc

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

WOOZI LIKES SEX SONGS??? WAIT WHEN WAS THIS AND HOW DID I MISS IT...and you're right he's so good at writing self confident songs wtf genius god of music woozi

OH... IT'S OKAY!! YOU'RE NOT A FRAUD YOU'RE JUST...AN IMAGINER.... WE DO NOT JUDGE AROUND HERE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE AWESOME

omg okay choose the venue brie 🙄🙄🙄

UR RIGHJT 20s SLANG IS SO FUNNY...giggle juice reminds me of that meme that goes 'the bob got me crunk' IDK IF YOU'VE SEEN IT BUT THAT'S GIGGLE JUICE

OH MY GOD I DIDN'T KNOW GALLAGHER GIRLS IS A BOOK WHOOPS...it sounds so interesting tho??? i'm a sucker for spy books tbh...and who's zachary goode??? tell me more!! ALSO TELL ME ABOUT THE OC NICK. WHAT'S HE LIKE

ALSO WHERE CAN I WATCH DOCTOR WHO AND SUPERNATURAL??? IF THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HYPERFIXATE ON THOSE SHOWS, THEN THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

you like requests that are different?? whoops...sorry i just gave you something really generic...but i will keep that in mind!! i will think about asks that will lead to a relationship because that's actually the best ending hands down

I POSTED MY BEST FRIEND ON MY STORY (a guy) AND HE LEFT ME ON DELIVERED LMAOOOOOO WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? (i might block him, thank you btw...) (treat you better plays in the background)

why is it fair for your friends to be mad at you??? not to pry but like can't you choose who you want to be friends with ?😭 don't get sick thinking about it wtf you deserve better

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR GOING OFF ABOUT HTINGS THAT YOU LIKE??? I'LL GLADLY LISTEN <3

-🫨 anon

I keep a watchful eye of his spotify playlist…. Nasty by Arianna grande PLUS HE LIKES BRUNO MARS AND JUSTIN BIEBER and he used to really like fine by me by chris brown (he was jamming to it in a very old video) and while i digress the majority of these are kinda baby sex songs THEY ARE STILL SEX SONGS

AN IMAGINER 🥹

This is kinda lame but i’ve always kinda adored a forest venue kinda like in twilight i guess 😭 Imagine it.. a wedding, in the snow... bridesmaids in like sage and blush colors IT SEEMS MAGICAL

I LOOKED UP THE MEME AND I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THATS THE GIGGLE JUICE!!!!!!!

I DONT THINK ITS A SUPER POPULAR BOOK SERIES MOST PEOPLE I KNOW DON'T KNOW THE SERIES

Zachary Goode is one of the boys that goes to Blackthorne Academy and HE IS LITERALLY SO HOT the first time they meet HE OUT SPIES HER which is CRAZY if you read the first book because she is the best spy at Gallagher academy. i don't remember too much about him but he is a huge flirt and in the second book (when we meet him) he is just so respectful of her and obsessed with her.... He's perfect PERFECT.

YOU CAN WATCH DOCTOR WHO ON I BELIEVE HBO MAX they took it off netflix a few years ago... like what the fuck... AND YOU CAN WATCH SUPERNATURAL ON NETFLIX STILL. I miss that show, they're doing a con right now somewhere in... england I think I saw and I'm so jealous...

ALSO SHUSH. THAT WAS A PERFECT AMAZING IDEA AND YOU HAVE A PERFECT SEXY BRAIN I LOVE IT

HE LEFT YOU ON DELIVERED?! THATS SO ANNOYING you should be able to post your best friend in peace... I am very excited about this update by the way... I would live and die for every tiny detail about your love life so whenever you want to tell someone about it :))) it could be me :))) ^.^

ALRIGHT ILL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE TLDR this started when my friends moved to mornings. The two people I am closest to at work are my friends Sophia and Rachel and they are both directors at my store while I am just a manager. So ALREADY I'm jealous because they get to go to all these director's meetings together, and then they both move to mornings and not only does that suck because they get to see each other all the time and I see them maybe twice a week BUT THEY LEFT ME WITH ALL THE GUY MANAGERS So one of the guy managers I have spoken of before is Ben. And he is the one that I now work with the most. I used to be kinda close with him while he was dating one of the other managers but we kinda waned out of friendship after something happened on one of my leading shifts (it was not deep.)

We will remember Ben as the Capricorn I work with who broke up with his girlfriend because of a conversation he had with our boss about how she is not the kind of girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with (as she had been going to parties a lot???) and then he broke up with her at work right after her shift and as he started his and then he had sexual relations with a FRESHLY 18-year-old girl that he had been doing one-on-ones with for work while he was still sleeping with his now ex-girlfriend and she found out because she went through his watch text messages at work

DRAMA RIGHT AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, brie he is a terrible person

mhm. So. he is a pretty good friend to have. He is very funny, and is easy to make fun of and he's actually pretty supportive. Working with him all of the time I have gotten closer to him. I used to go to the gym with him and my other coworker Blake but when all the aforementioned stuff happened I stopped. Anyways we all started seeing each other at the gym again and THEN my coworkers Nam and Blake moved to the same apartment 'neighborhood' as me. I joked with them that I would be at their apartment all the time cause we live so close

I've always been kinda friends with Nam since we both like anime and we're the same age, but we aren't actually that close. Anyways Blake was having his birthday party at Nam's apartment and I got myself invited because I am annoying :) And the people there are Daniel, Blake, Nam, and Ben. Somehow, that turned into this group of people hanging out EVERY tuesday. I left my sweatshirt and Nam's apartment on Blake's birthday and so everytime Nam saw me he would loudly be like WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO GET YOUR SWEATSHIRT (as if we had fucked and I like it there... humiliating) so I start getting invited to hang out with the group which has extended to adding Minnie, Cassidy, my friend Justin, my coworker Aaron and his friend Kellen.

This is a WEIRD group of people and my friend Rachel does get jealous pretty easily. They both HEAVILY judge me for my friendship with Ben (fair) and they really judged me when I told them about the hangout so I didn't show up like two weeks in a row but for some reason they always text me and call me if I don't show up so I've started going anyways

Rachel doesn't react to my bereals if Ben is in them

So Rachel had taken over the schedule and on the very few times that I got to see her I would joke that she purposely moved herself to mornings cause she doesn't want to work with me. Anyways I am mean when I joke. I know this. I tell people this because I'm really insecure about it because I'm so "nice" all the time no one believes me and then I hurt someone's feelings and I want to cry. So anyways she started crying because of these jokes and she said she felt like I was mad at her.

I wasn't but I also was a little because also we were supposed to hang out with some other friends Emilee, and Chelsea and my friend Dawn and Emilee said she couldn't hangout that day and they planned to hang out then anyways without even trying to find a different day that would work. That's shitty. And then she said that she just really wanted to hammer down a day because she had been trying to plan this since august but like that was just bullshit it was the ONE day Emilee couldn't hang out she just didn't try hard enough and didn't even care that she was leaving Emilee out of it.

SO I was really stressed cause I didn't know how to tell them I thought that was really shitty. And also during ALL of this I am really really depressed. I don't want to talk to anyone, every single shift I worked I would cry because it was so hard and then I ran out of my anxiety meds so I was having panic attacks every single shift.

Anyways Rachel tells me I'm mean, she cries, I cry and then try to ice them out because I don't want to cry and make it all about myself. I have a cute breakdown.

It's really confusing to have this weird group of friends who really want to hang out with me and then Rachel and Sophia who want to hang out with me but also know that Rachel is mad at me. And it's really stressful to remember that if I talk about the people I am hanging out with the most and who seem to want to talk to me the most then my other friends will be mad at me. But if I don't hang out with that weird group of friends I will be so lonely because the only other person that I want to talk to all the time is busy and I am definitely smothering them cause I'm so fucking annoying

So, also I have no one to talk to about work. Rachel and Sophia don't work with the people I work with. I complain about everything if I can and also when I complain about things that Ben do they immediately get him in trouble for it by dragging our store operator into things when they aren't that serious and I am already dogging on him for it so now it's like if I complain about ben it gets back to him and one of these days he is going to be mad at me for it

I always say I can't complain about things because there are always consequences so I stopped complaining about things at work and Rachel and Sophia get mad at me for not talking about work things because we basically don't talk like at all.

However case and point, I told them ages ago that I wanted to learn interviews and they pretended to be excited about it and I mentioned it to them more than once and then a month later they are training James. Not me. So I ask Rachel oh is James learning interviews as if I didn't want to immediately start sobbing upon seeing it. And she immediately said some shit about brittni (our bosses wife) wanting to make sure I wasn't too stressed with school. I ASKED TO LEARN INTERVIEWS. WHY WOULD I ASK IF I WOULD BE TOO STRESSED ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF SCHOOL.

so I complain about it in passing to Blake and my boss over hears that I am upset about something but I don't tell him because I am being a baby right. Well my boss follows up with blake and blake tells him the truth and then my boss thinks that I am upset at him over it. Which I'm not. my boss didn't know I wanted to do interviews. So after our cute little "you should have asked me" chat I cried and then because of that I think rachel got in trouble because I immediately got scheduled to learn interviews.

I DONT WANT TO DO IT NOW. I complained and now everyone things I'm a fucking cry baby. which I am.

and i just. am so greatful for the friends I have but I'm miserable everyday and people are mad at me cause I don't talk about my feelings anymore and I don't even know what they think I just can;t do anything without upsetting anyone.

I don't know. I just really need a therapist but no one will get back to me so I'm just stuck with a dumb psychiatrist who things higher doses of sedative medicine will cure my anxiety and thus minimalize my depression. Whatever. I just hate being a cry baby and being so mad at myself for being a cry baby and then having people tell me how nice and great I am, like I'm not you know what i mean? AND YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN narcissist. Oh boohoo a bunch of people want your attention and want to hang out with you that's so hard. And then on top of that I have to reject a 32-year-old anime coworker who hasn't even asked me out yet.

AND THAT IS WHY IT IS FAIR THEY ARE MAD AT ME and why I should choose not to be friends with my weird group of friends and why I am stressed about it every day sigh

ALSO PRY AWAY again I am such a baby narcissist I love talking about myself sigh

#You can ignore the extremely long deep dive of my social life I think I went overboard but I literally can't tell a story and make it #genuinely brief #a story about going downstairs to get mail can be a ten minute story would you believe #i am. Crazy #IN A GOOD WAY #since you'll see this when you wake up I HOPE YOU SLEPT WELL #also you know those people who like... get tired of people and you know that one day they will get tired of you #sigh. #i just want to talk to them all the time every day but I don't think they feel the same anymore and it hurts.

[a-swiss-and-a-spaniard]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for thinking of me @yoellglia ! I had fun reading your answers and even more so trying to answer myself :)

1. How many works do you have on A03?

Jeez, should I consider both of my accounts? Let's do it, why not.

I have 12 fics in total. 7 for Tennis RPF and 5 for the DC Universe.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

37,211 words combined. Ngl, I thought it would be less than that as there are only two multi-chaptered fics and the rest are one-shots. Hopefully, I'll add some more words in the upcoming months :)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I only write Tennis RPF. I've been toying with a few ideas for the Good Omens fandom, but I haven't opened a new doc yet. And I used to write for the DC Universe, but I haven't done that in ages.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(I’m gonna keep this Tennis RPF only bc this blog is tennis themed)

Waking in the Night Light: Fedal share their first kiss in a parking lot.

A New Target: Fedal have sex in the locker room.

Moonlight in Paris: Rafa goes to Roger's hotel room.

Strawberry & Dulce de Leche: Roger and Rafa get ice cream.

Somewhere or Other: Fedal phone call.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes yes yes! At least I try to. Although more often than not I get the notification, reply in my head, then forget to actually write back, and I'm too embarrassed to answer if more than a week has gone by… so apologies for that. That doesn't mean I don’t appreciate every single comment I have ever gotten, they always make my day in fact.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Mmh… perhaps Moonlight in Paris. It's not angst per se but it does have an overall sense of uncertainty.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Strawberry & Dulce de Leche, definitely. Rafa's joy at the possibility of Roger going to his birthday party is everything.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully. I’m glad I haven't unlocked that side of fandom yet.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, but I consider myself a newbie at it (smut writers, pls teach me your ways).

Generally speaking, I prefer it when smut has a little plot. It doesn't have to be anything complicated or serious, I just need a bit of a story behind what's happening for it to feel more organic. I also like it when the focus is on the emotional aspect of it, though descriptive can be nice as well. And I don't mind wordy smut as longs as it doesn't mess with the flow.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, and I'm not a big fan of those tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Story time! Yes 💀 Although it wasn't the whole thing, just a fragment. The fic in question was None but the Lonely Heart for the DCEU. And I only found out bc a lovely person left a comment on my fic, letting me know what had happened and the link to the other fic. I checked and the writer had indeed literally copied and pasted one of my scenes, they'd just changed the names of the characters. So I reached out to the AO3 team and they took care of everything.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Stef and I had an idea for a Fedal fic, but who knows if we'll ever get to actually write it lol

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

I don't think I have one, really. I would say my main ones/the ones I keep coming back to are Fedal (Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal) and Superbat (Superman/Batman). Though right now I've been reading almost exclusively Ineffable Husbands (Aziraphale/Crowley), so it mostly depends on my hyperfixation at the time

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof, that might be a Superbat (long) fic set post BvS, where resurrected Clark has lost his powers (and the sun seems to actually make him sick now), so Bruce helps him to get back on his feet and of course they fall in love in the process. I have the whole thing outlined, sheets of dialogues and a couple of scenes already fleshed out, but I took a break from the fandom bc it was draining me out. Idk, maybe one day I'll get back to it. I mean, never say never and all that, but it's looking highly improbable right now

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at setting the tone of scenes, be it fluffy, angsty, whatever.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to write in long, long sentences. Seriously, you should see my drafts, sometimes a whole paragraph can be a single sentence. I don't know if it's due to my Spanish hard-wired brain or what, but I’m working on breaking things up a bit more.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I love it! But you need to make sure readers will still get the message through context, so I think it's best to stick to single words and/or common phrases. Unless, of course, you want to leave your character (and thus your readers) feeling confused.

I do it often when I’m writing Rafa and it's part of the reason I love writing him so much.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DC Universe

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Tough question… can I say an unpublished one? I have this sort of introspection/character study of Domi, his struggles coming back on tour after the wrist injury and dealing with all the ups and downs. There's not a story to it per se, like I'm not trying to get him from A to B. It's just a dive into his mind, where it gets kinda dark real quick, and it's unlike what I usually go for in tennis fics (fluff), so I've been enjoying the challenge of getting out of my comfort zone there

#fic writing #tag game #about me